BUSINESS: The Ultimate Resource

April 2003 Upgrade #7

ACTIONLIST
Understanding Nonverbal Communication
Getting Started
Nonverbal communication is usually a subconscious use of the body to telegraph meaning, whether the person is on the giving or receiving end of the message. Since nonverbal communication, or body language, is so natural to our selfexpression, its interpretation offers a key to greater human understanding and relationship building. Its deconstruction needs to be approached with respect, however. Misinterpretation, especially in dealing with an international audience, can have damaging consequences. This actionlist provides a rough guide to some of the main nonverbal messages we all convey.

FAQs
Is it true that the quality of your handshake conveys something about your character? What is the optimum kind? Handshakes do tend to contribute to first impressions, so you should be aware of how different styles are generally interpreted. The two-handed handshake is designed to convey trustworthiness or deep caring, but can send the opposite message if sincerity is lacking. The wet fish or limp handshake is thought to convey weakness and a lack of confidence, while the bone-crusher conveys aggression. The fingertip handshake is interpreted as fearful and wishy-washy. A firm handshake, palm to palm, followed by a decisive release is probably the safest bet. I am a woman working in a male-dominated industry, and feel offended when my boss puts a protective arm across my shoulder. How can I stop him doing this? This gesture conveys superiority, but its only successful if you do not touch your boss back. This is called nonreciprocal touch, and it probably stems from an era when people were owned by their employers. There are several ways to deal with the situation, depending largely on how well you know your boss and the context of the encounter. You can ask him, privately and tactfully, not to put his hands on you. You can slip out from under his arm discreetly, and use the occasion to insert a comment verbally. How can I tell when someone isnt telling the truth? A number of gestures are classic indicators of lying, most having to do with hiding the mouth with a hand. Other forms include a tug on the nose or running a finger along

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the inside of a collar. Eye contact is another sign, if a previously normal eye-contact pattern shifts suddenly to a darting or averted gaze. Likewise, if the pace of blinking picks up appreciably, there may be more than a speck of dust involved!

Making It Happen
Researchers into nonverbal communication agree that between 55 and 65% of all communication is done nonverbally. It is also generally accepted that the verbal part of the communication is used to convey information, while the nonverbal part is used to convey values, feelings, and attitudes. The value of studying body language is clear. Very briefly, these are the major components of nonverbal communication:

gestures facial expressions congruence props territory

Gestures The six most universal human emotionshappiness, anger, sadness, envy, fear, and lovecan be seen on the face of anyone in the world. People smile when they feel happy, scowl when they get mad, and allow their faces to drop when theyre sad. Some other common universal gestures include a shrug, meaning I dont know; a nod, meaning yes, and a side-to-side head shake, meaning no. Gestures that you may think of as universal can convey different messages in difficult cultures, particularly the thumbs up, the forefinger/thumb circle, and the V sign. Although well-established in our culture as signs for OK and victory respectively, they have vulgar or disrespectful alternative meanings in other cultures! Many gestures are used in clusters. In any meeting youre likely to observe someone gesturing unconsciously with the hands (signaling that the person is evaluating whats being said by balancing the chin on one thumb with the middle finger running along the bottom lip and their index finger pointing up the cheek), limbs (one arm may be clamped against the front of the body by the other elbow), even the entire body (leaning backward signals distance from whats being said). This cluster of nonverbal gestures clearly indicates that the listener is reserving judgment. If you suspect that someone is unconsciously expressing his or her opinions or reservations through a cluster of gestures, invite the person to share those thoughts. The meeting and the resulting decision will be the better for it. Facial Expressions Most nonverbal facial signals are conveyed by the eyes. Good eye contact is an effective way of building rapport: not only can you read the other persons disposition, you can also subtly convey messages to reinforce what youre saying. Remember, though, that too much eye contact can feel intrusive or inappropriately
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intimate. People who dont welcome exposure all the way down to soul level often break or block eye contact using techniques such as staring briefly into the middle distance or performing a long fluttery blink that effectively lowers the curtain. In a business setting, confine your gaze to the other persons eyes and forehead; stay away from the more intimate glance to the persons lips or upper body. Holding eye contact too long may be considered hostile, so try to limit it to around two-thirds of the conversation. If you reduce it below one-third, you may be perceived as timid or shifty. Eyebrows provide dramatic emphasis. Drawn together, they indicate a question, doubt, or concern. Raising both eyebrows up toward the hairline indicates surprise or amazement, while lifting one eyebrow can indicate cynicism or suspicion. Congruence In order for nonverbal communication to work for you, all the nonverbal channels of communication need to reinforce the message youre trying to convey. If you notice side-to-side head-shaking while someone is saying, I agree wholeheartedly with this decision, youre witnessing a good example of incongruence; the persons words and body language are contradictory. People come across as inauthentic when one or more of their channels of communication are expressing opposite things. Props Many people use props to reinforce their messages, the most common being extensions of the hand such as fingers, pen, pointer, or even a cigarette. Using a prop extends the space taken up by the body, and the person is perceived as more confident and powerful. It extends that persons psychic territory and sends a message distinctly different from standing with hands folded at the waist or propped on the hips. Adjusting a tie, fussing with the hair, or tugging at a cuff is representative of preening. People often use these behaviors to endear themselves to others, although these gestures can instead be perceived as nervousness. Clenching coffee cups or wine glasses close to the body allows them to be used as defense mechanisms. They effectively close off the more vulnerable parts of the body. The way people in a group sit can convey powerful messages about the pecking order. Taking the chair at the head of the table automatically puts someone in the controlling position. Leaning back with arms behind the head and one leg crossed horizontally across the other conveys feelings of superiority. A closed or crunched body position can mean disapproval, defensiveness, or a lack of interest. Territory People travel through the world with a conceptual egg-shaped zone of personal space around their bodies, and feel invaded if others trespass into it. They often protect their territory by placing a desk between them and others, standing behind a chair or counter, or clasping an object like a purse or briefcase to them as if it were a shield. It is interesting to watch people in groups. If you see two or three men talking, you might notice them shifting their weight from one foot to the other. This is part of a ritual of creating territorial boundaries. They might also make themselves taller by

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rocking forward onto the balls of their feet to indicate power and confidence. When women are in groups theyre much more likely to mirror each others nonverbal behavior in an attempt to build rapport. The essential element in bodywatching is observing people in context. Youll be surprised at how much it reveals.

Common Mistakes
You Overinterpret When you first become aware of the power of body language, its easy to go overboard and see silent messages everywhere. Remember to take account of the contextthe setting and situationand try not to jump to conclusions. False interpretations can cause serious misunderstandings. You Try to Bluff Dont assume you can bluff by deliberately altering your body language. Unless youre an experienced actor youll have trouble overcoming your bodys innate tendency to tell the truth. Youll send mixed messages, signs that your methods of communication arent congruent. This is called leakage, and it will be very obvious to other people. You Rush In with an Accusation Based on Someones Body Language Falsely accusing someone of some unconscious response or motivation on the basis of your own erroneous observations is embarrassing, to say the least. At worst it can cause serious damage. Always verify your interpretation of someones body language with other evidence before you speak, and then be tactful. You might say something like, I get the feeling youre uncomfortable with this course of action. Would you like to add something to the discussion? This is likely to elicit the real message, generate fruitful discussion, and result in shared commitment to any final decision.

For More Information

Books: Berne, Eric. Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. Reissue. New York: Ballantine Books, 1996. Morris, Desmond. The Naked Ape: A Zoologists Study of the Human Animal. New York: Dell, 1999. Ribbens, Geoff, and Richard Thompson. Understanding Body Language. Hauppauge, NY: Barrons Educational Series, 2001. Web Site: The nonverbal dictionary of gestures, signs, and body language: www.members.aol.com/nonverbal2/diction1.htm

Bloomsbury Publishing Plc 2003