TRANSCRIPTS OF ADYASHANTIS TEACHINGS

Experiencing the Absence of Self Up until you see beyond it, everything is dominated by ones self, is it not? I want to be awakened. I want to be enlightened. I want to have some spiritual liberation. Which is really no different than, I want an ice cream cone. I want to be loved. I want to be agreed with. I want to be disagreed with. I like or I dont like

You see how the fiction of self always keeps itself center of ones consciousness. And spiritual awakening is seeing through the fiction of that, that there isnt actually a self in the center of ones consciousness. Thats what this term that I usethat a lot of people dont like, it frightens thememptiness means empty of self. Full of reality, absolutely full of the divine, but empty of self.

Of course self wants it both ways. It wants to have the divine but make sure Im here to experience it. And if you experience it then it wants to make sure its there to try to maintain that experience.

But anybody in this room who had even a glimpse of an awakening to real reality, one of the hallmarks is the absence of self. Thats the beauty of it. But most human beings, most of us, are so deeply in a trance state that its even hard to consider what you would be, that you could be, something other than a self.

Think of yourself as something other than a self. If you really want to confuse yourself, just try, what could I be other than a self? Whether its an enlightened self, or a little human ordinary self, or a super self, or a good self or a bad self. You see what I mean? A self thats in heaven or hell or enlightened or unenlightenedall of that is just more self-seeking. Were so encultured into this
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that its almost impossible for most peoples minds to actually think of themselves what they could be, the reality of them in any other terms other than a self. Thats how complete the fiction has become.

So I come here, I just come to help each person, anybody who wantsanybody who doesnt want, thats finebut anybody who wants, to actually look into the nature of their experience here and now. And the first thing you might see, you might begin to seeeven though your mind doesnt understand it, even though its bafflingyou might see there isnt actually self-nature in any of this experience.

You might see it. You might see it like you see a teacup or orange or microphone. Youre like, I see it, theres really not Confusion is confusion. Clarity is clarity. Happiness is happiness. Sadness is sadness. Consciousness is consciousness. And there isnt a self to which all thats pertaining. You might see it.

Its also possible you might go beyond just seeing it because to see it isnt quite the same as to realize it, is it? Its in the same way that to see an orange is not the same thing as eating an orange. So you can have it pointed out to you, Yes, theres an orange. You go, Oh, Ive never seen one, lovely.

But to see it, to see the absence of self, is one thing, to experience it is quite something else. But to see it opens the doorway to the experience. It opens a doorway.

It is ironic, is it not, that the thing that terrifies ones self the mostwhich is the absence of self as a very terrifying notion to a lot of peopleis actually the exact same thing which gives rise to liberation, the liberation from self.

Enlightenment is Not An Altered State Enlightenment is simply not perceiving through ego. Its not seeing life, or anythingself, others, your tennis shoes, your dog, your cat, your livelihood, anything. Its just not seeing the world, not seeing everything through the distortion called the egoic state of consciousness. That is why its been likened to the natural state.

Natural meaning its not an alternative lens, distorting lens; its just perception without a lens, without a distortion. Ultimately thats what enlightenment is. Its perception without distortion. Whether its perceiving the nature of what you think is yourself, which there isnt one. Whether it is perceiving a thought, whether it is perceiving a feeling, whether it is perceiving a situation, whether its perceiving your relationshipit is simply perceiving not through the lens of ego. Thats what enlightenment is.

And its useful to at least have some basis of understanding in this because an awakeningor in Zen what they call satori experience, seeing beyond the veil itself, seeing without the veil of egomay be the true perception, the natural perception, the undistorted perception. But what most people want to do is they think enlightenment is like an unending satori experience, an unending enlightenment experience and an unending awakening experiencean unending experience.

But its not an unending experience at all. It has nothing to do with an unending experience. That misunderstanding will get you to do more tail chasing than you ever dreamed possible. In the end enlightenment has very little to do with enlightenment experiences. It is simply not perceiving through the lens of ego. Thats what it is.

And theres no doubt, its pretty good not perceiving through the lens of ego. Its happiness. Its peace. Its the end of your search. Not that you find anything, except sanity. Not that you attain anything, except seeing things as they actually are. And thats what nirvana is, seeing things as they actually are.

So when you see things as they naturally are, you see everything is One. And the nature of anything and everything is not nearly as substantial as you thought. Its Nature, its emptiness. The nature of anything is nothingness. The nature of anything and everything is that its all insubstantial.

And so this view, though, these arent some altered states of consciousness, you see. From the enlightened perspective, everything else is an altered state of consciousness. Does that make sense?

Ego is if you want to have altered states of consciousness, most people are already in one of the more wild altered states of consciousness. Its called egoic state of consciousness. Its a wildly altered state of consciousness. It gets you to perceive things that arent there. It gets you to see enemies where there arent any. It gets you to see dualities where there arent any. It gets you to have things like a self-image when there isnt a self there to begin with. It gets you to have certain thoughts about yourself when in actuality the only thing that could be called a self at all is simply the thought you have about it.

So if you want altered state of consciousness Id stick with ego. Its about as advanced as you are going to get. It is existence, you know, doing its damndest, its best job at altering consciousness.

And yet in spirituality somehow, spirituality got associated with altered states of consciousness. You can alter your state of consciousness. Lots of the types of
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spirituality the people practice, theyll alter your state of consciousness. You can chant Gods name for four or five hours, youll notice your consciousness starts to alter, change. Youll feel different, things will look different. All sorts of things you can do to alter your state of consciousness.

But the funny thing is, enlightenment has nothing to do with any of that. Enlightenment is the unaltered state of consciousness. Consciousness needs no alteration to see that everything is One. Since everything IS One you dont need the altered state of consciousness to perceive that everything is One. You need the altered state of consciousness to perceive that everything is actually more than One, like two or three or four or five or ten or a thousand.

So in these momentsin Zen they call them satoris, we often call them awakening in the awakening, the valuable thing about the awakening is how much of the egoic consciousness falls away in the awakening. In the end, the next week or the next month, thats all thats going to matter. Because the experience, the sense of Aha! which you get upon the awakening to your true nature, Aha! I thought I was back but that that I thought I was was just an imagination. What a relief, thats a great Aha! but youre not going to have an Aha! forever, are you?

A week later your Aha! is going to be quite gone. You ever notice that? You have the biggest revelation in the worldOh, my God!and then a week later, yeah, well, you know. So its not the quality of the Aha! sustaining because it wont sustain itself, which is great cause that means you can always have another one.

The significant thing about those moments though, those satoris or awakening to your true nature, is how much of the egoic consciousness falls away. Thats

because thats what youre going to live with. Thats whats going to be with you the next week, the next month, the next year, maybe the next lifetime.

And as to point of orientation or the what to focus on, since egoic state of consciousness, dualityseeing things as duality, through the lens of dualityits actually something that must be constantly maintained. The egoic state of consciousness actually takes a great amount of energy and a great amount of effort. Since its not true, it has to keep building this falseness constantly. Otherwise, it will end. Because what is not true ends as soon as its not being fueled. And so illusion or the egoic state of consciousness must constantly be fuelled like a fire, or like a coal stove which you must keep shovelling fuel into it.

So the useful spiritual disciplines are simply ways of not putting more energy into egoic consciousness. Thats basically what theyre doing. Stop fuelling it. Stop fuelling it and it cant sustain itself.

GOOD KARMA & BAD KARMA I think I will take this question first. Ill talk about this question for a bit and then well see if the questioner still has a question about it.

Q. What of karma? Is it cause and effect? Does it ripen? This lifetime? Next lifetime?

A. What of karma? Is there karma? - Depends on your point of view.

So I give you a warning. The answer to this question Put your mind on hold, put it in neutral, otherwise itll go crazy. Justyou know park that babyput it in neutral, idle the engine, just relax for a few minutes.
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It is one of those seemingly small little questions that sort of like a worm hole right into something immense. And so thats how I want to play with this question for a moment.

As I said, is there karma, cause-and-effect? From one standpoint yes. It all depends on your point of view. From one point of view certainly. If you doubt that there is cause-and-effect, go outside and drop a large stone on your toe and when you go...ouch. Youll see..cause- stone falling on toe.effect - ouch. Cause-andeffect. Argue with it to your own peril. From that point of view there is cause-andeffect. Anybody that cant see that is blind as bat.

From another point of view however, cause-and-effect is a game that appears to be happening, but in reality has no real substance to it. That the truth is of course much deeper than cause than effect. But the heart of this question is really the last part. Does it ripen? As if ripening means something. Does it ripen, means does it pay off? Does it get better? Do I get to be enlightened when it ripens, when it all pays off? The last two words.this lifetime? Next lifetime?

My answer isit doesnt really matter. Because, here we are on this ridecalled life. Thisdance of appearances, one after the other, after the other. Dance of experiences, one after the other. Life experiences coming and going, living and dying. And here us being togetherright here, right now is part of that dance. It is part of the coming and the going. And whether it pays off or not is of no actual value. It doesnt actually matter. In fact the more you think it matters, the more you stuck. You are stuck in the wheel of cause-and-effect or as the Buddha so aptly named it the wheel of samsara.

The wheel of the coming and the going. And on the wheel of coming and going, the coming and going of this lifetime, into the next, into the next, the next moment
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into the next. That wheel to tap consciousness trapped on that wheel on that cycle is itself suffering.

Dont get me wrong, theres a lot of good things to be had in it. But if your consciousness is trapped in it, one thing is for sure suffering will ensueas sure as night follows day and day follows night, and so the great illusion iswill this cyclewhich haswhich is its ownits own movement. Your life is the cycle of this life of this movement of this wheelits your lifethats your life. Your life isnt your own, it belongs to life. It belongs to the cycles of life, right? You think you make decisions, but you dont. And when you make decisions, you think you made them, but you didnt and always are waiting for some dramatic end all moment within the cycle and yet there isnt an end all moment because the cycle is cyclic. When you get to some end all moment it cycles back. You come into total, you come into the great enlightenment and you think you are enlightened and sooner or later it will be stripped away and you will be more unconscious than you ever dreamed you ever could be.

If it took you theoretically ten thousand lives to get to here then when the cycle decides to repeat you wont be one step ahead of hereyoull be back ten thousand lifetimes ago. Youll be back at the beginning when the universe blows to hell or heaven..- depends on your point of view. Fizzles out, itll blow back into existence from the beginning as if nothing has ever happened. So as I said this question is a verya worm hole into an immense view. An immense view that if you get it nodding your head, but if you realize that in your direct experience is what brings freedom, nothing else really does bring freedom. Thats why I am always encouraging everyone to abandon yourself to yourself. Because, it cant be otherwise. However, you are in any given momentis not your decision. You are the way you are at any given moment because it cannot be otherwise, and even if

you fight back, the fighting cannot be otherwise. And if you stop fighting it couldnt have been otherwise and if you continue, it couldnt have been otherwise.

So why not stop in the midst of your experience no matter what it is. Since it cant be otherwise an immense suffering is generated from the mere thought that it could be otherwise. But since its not yours, it cant. It is as it is. And it cant be otherwise and all the wanting it to be otherwise wont affect it one little bit. But wanting to be otherwise is the way it was supposed to be for you. If thats what you experience it. Did make sense? Not even that can be otherwise. May be itll all change in the next moment. May be it wont. So the suffering mind is always waiting for change. Is it not? Always waiting for change, always waiting for becoming and it goes for the lifetime thing its waiting for the next lifetime or karma to improve or for one to be purified or start making the right damn decisions as if you could make the wrong decision. Rightness and wrongness this is all a point of view too. If lifes living you whats the right and wrong of it?

Dont worry, I wont leave you here (audience laughs). Although you may stay here.

And it doesnt even matter if you believe this because you live it any way. And your whole life has been proof that it has been so. Things have happened on their time, not yours. Have you noticed? How many of those new years resolutions have you still follow through on? That you wanted to do them, remember? You wanted to do them, it was your choice, it was your decision. You wanted to. You are the ruler of your universe, you control your experience, right? You are the controller, you decide what you want, when you want, you decide whats going to happen right, right, right.? And if thats so why cant you turn your mind off

like a light switch when you want? And if thats so why do you follow through on
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some decisions and not on others, if they are the decisions that you want? And where did you get your ideas of what you wanted anyway? Where did they come from? They arise in the brain and the brain takes credit for them. Life puts them there. Life will decide if we act on them or not. This is the worst possible news for ego. There is no worse news for ego. Because it basically saysego...you are checkmated, you are screwed. You dont get what you want unless life decides you get what you want. Which in that case, it just happen to work out that way. You are not the master of this body mind, thats why it keeps not obeying you. If youve ever noticed. Except occasionally, one out of ten times it obeys and the ego sayssee II did that. I did that. The other ten resolutions that didnt work out, I didnt really want those any waybut that one its proof. Theres all the proof that you ever need that Im in control. We will forget about the other ten.

So even if you run into a stretch of good karma, you sail smooth for a while, may be a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, ten lifetimesmay be you just sail smooth may be mystical experiences with every other breath. But everything is cyclic. So it will end and it will start at the beginning. Your entire progress, evolution ends where evolution began. And it begins again and it ends right back where it began and it will keep going. And this is worst news. This is catastrophically bad news. This is the wheel of samsara. Its repeating, its repeating. If you get to the top of the wheel, if you are at the top of the heap - its just momentary. So it would appear that we are all in big trouble. It would appear that way. But of course like anything, it is always darkest before the dawn and only those who allowed themselves to go into the truth regardless of where it takes them, even if it takes them into seeing the thing that they least wanted to see. And only those that will go, wherever the truth takes good or bad - see what they want to see or they dont want to seeonly those who will go that far, who have that integrity, to follow it, come what may, no matter whatfind themselves eventually in
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seemingly irredeemable position and unescapable positiona position that lets them know that everything happens in a cyclic manner.

Human beings are great examples. It is said that, we come in as children and we go out as children. We come in helpless and we go out helpless. And just at the point of complete checkmate, where it seems no escapebecause there is no escape. When there is no longer anything in youthat is trying to progress. It is holding on to the wheel of samsara thinking it has something in it for youIts not a bad wheel by the way, its all your point of view. But its just a moment when you give up waiting for it all to pay off, because you know it wont, because its nothing but ceaseless motion building up only to tear down, building up only to tear down, building up only to tear down. Just like everything else in life, even our bodies build up only to tear down, breathe in only to breathe out, contract the heart only to un-contract it. So it goes. It is the motion of life. Go against it, you go against it to your own peril.

So just that moment, when there is an absolute acceptance of things as they are, whats discovered is right in the midst of this cycle of becoming.of the great adventure of you. Will you get enlightened? Will you make it? Is your karma good enough? Are you spiritually talented? Have you had enough lifetimes to make it this time around? Right? In the moment of all that nonsense as if any of it mattered? You stop you dont get off the wheel,you stop fighting the wheel and at the precise instant you stop fighting the wheel you find yourself in the absolute center of everything and where its motionless. Where there is no becoming, there is no question of becoming. There is no waiting to become anything. There is no waiting for an experience, because that's on the wheel and as soon as you abandon yourself to the wheel, the still point presents itself. And that's what they call getting off the wheel but that's misleading this thing - you got off the wheel. Who wants to get off the wheel of samsara? It's life. You actually want
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to get away from the life? Life's a pretty cool thing. I mean it's a pretty disaster at times. But it also has a lot to offer. You actually want to sweep it away with one swoop of the old cosmic hand and sit there on outer space and emptiness and just sit there with a dumb look on your nonexistent face drooling in looking glassyeye? (audience laughs)

There's only one thing better than just going in circles endlessly and that's going in circles endlessly knowing it just doesn't matter anymore. Up or down; top or bottom; left or right; in and out; good karma or bad karma; advanced unadvanced; it none of it matters. You have abandoned yourself to what isand that instant you are simultaneously in the dream and out of it. Or, as Jesus said "in the world but not of it."

In your character,playing the characters karmic destiny which it will not and cannot avoid and playing it from a state of inner stillness the place where knowing it's all justa cosmic joke in the best sense of the world. It's all for your benefit, for your enjoyment. And it only makes sense from the center. It only makes real sense from the centre of things. Of course when you get to the centre, there's really no centre. The centre is everywhere you happen to be.

So I have said beforethat ultimately we must become free of freedom. We must become enlightened from our own enlightenment. Because, when we think weve achieved the great enlightenment we very well may still be on this wheel, which is on the best that wheel has to offer you know. But when you are near the rain thats falling on the highest mountain top, the only place is to go down and so you will. And so if we grasp that freedom well be back on the wheel again. Freedom and un-freedom are intimatelyfreedom and bondage are intimately linked. But when are freed from that freedomthere is no effort to escape anything. Be abandoned as yourselves. As soon as you abandon yourself to this right here
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now...you are free. As long as your try to escape this right here now.you are bound to the wheel of samsara. And any reprieve is temporary. But as soon as the abandonment has been fooled .you have to be sort of foolish, and then you are out of the wheel of samsara. Out of the wheel, off the wheelboom! Like that. But if you grab being off the wheel your grabbing is more samsaric nonsense.

So as soon as you are off the wheel in the snap of a finger. If you really see clearly youll see that to be off the wheel is the same as abandoning yourself to be on it. As paradoxical as that sounds...its just the way it is. To be off the wheel is exactly the same as totally abandoning yourself to it. No wonder people wake up about the time they stopped fighting themselves. And no wonder people stay awake about the time they abandoned the effort to stay awake. Its all paradoxical isnt it? It seems backwardsand upside down, but its only because were so used to living backwards and upside down. So Im always sort of putting out hints about this without stating it explicitly because when I state it explicitly like thisinevitably somebodys mind is going to get stuck on. But, what the hell thats your problem. (audience laughs.). Until its not. But just relax. Thats another way of saying it. Be what you are. Dont resist. Dont try to get there. All, because all those movements are the wheel of samsara movements. Its all they are. But if thats whats happening, abandon yourself to it. And as soon as you abandon yourself to it, you are free of it.

Have any of your ever had a moment of deep, deep grief? The different time that I understood this is in a contextnot in a big context.certainly like Im talking about, but the little piece.the tiniest piece was many, many years ago when I was in a moment of very profound grief. And I thought I was grieving because I was kind of crying and felt rotten and didnt want to be around anybody. So I thought well Im.you knowImobviously experiencing my griefI feel absolutely awful and I was feeling it infor days and then one moment.actually
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I was walking in a shopping mall. I just had dinner in one of those mall dinersyou know. That wont get you off the wheel. Nothing will (audience laughs). I just had dinner in one of these mall diners, and then I was with few people you know trying tonot blubber all over the place, because I had such a deep grief as Im walking away from dinner down the hall, Id just said to myself. Thats it, Im just going to grieve. And as soon as I was totally willing to grieve, this immense smile inside just saidwho would be? The grief didnt necessarily just disappear, but the grief was suffused with the joy, with that real deep, deep joy. That confused me. I didnt care it felt goodI had deep grief and deep joy and only because of abandoning myself to what was. And so whatever gets you thereto that abandonment, whether it is simply opening to yourself to the beauty of the presence, whether its experiencing exactly what you experience. Whether its experiencing profound wisdom of no escape at allonly then are you in the world but not of it. In your character as its as life is living it and moving it through its destinylike right now, this character its just unfolding its destiny right now, its talking to you. Thats its destiny right now. I dont know what its destiny will be the next minute. But, Id sure as helldont care anymore. Because, Im not looking for anything through it, in it. Its entertainment and it is profound entertainment. But I know, if I got both my feetthen you are in the wheel of samsara. But if you are in it and realize you are not of it, the stillness and the lightness is the joy. And so you have to beat samsara by surrendering to it.

Oh this could have all been put much easier.

Like my teacher did. Samsara? Samsara is Nirvana.

Thats a quick question.

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Stephan Bodian in conversation/interviews with Adyashanti

Stephen: What's the relationship, do you suppose, between all those years of sitting zazen and this kensho experience? Did they prime the pump of awakening? Were they steps leading to awakening? You now seem to be dismissing the concept of "stages of the path," yet there appears to be some causal relationship between your Zen meditation practice and your awakening.

Adya: I'm deeply grateful for my Zen practice. It ultimately led me to fail well. I failed at being a Buddhist, I failed at being a perfect exemplar of the ten precepts, and certainly I failed at meditation, failed at all my efforts to bust down the "gateless gate" to awakening that Zen speaks of. And the fact that I actually got to the point where I failed - and I failed completely - was useful. Zen provided a place for me to fail, and I needed that. In fact, I'd say my process wasn't so much a letting go as an utter failure. Zen did a good job of letting me fall on my face.

Stephan: What would have been a success - awakening?

Adya: Well, failure was the success - awakening happened through failure. In that sense I have a great respect for the lineage. What was transmitted was bigger than all the carriers, it was even bigger than the lineage, much bigger than Zen, much bigger than Buddhism.

Stephen: What was that?

Adya: I'd say a certain spark, an aliveness. Stephen: How has your own enlightenment changed the way you function in the world: your relationships, your family life, your everyday behaviour? Does being enlightened mean that you never get angry or reactive or make big mistakes?
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Adya: There's no such thing as never getting angry. Enlightenment can and does use all the available emotions. Otherwise, we would have to discount Jesus for getting pissed off in the temple and kicking over the table. The idea that enlightenment means sitting around with a beatific smile on our faces is just an illusion. At a human level, enlightenment means that you are no longer divided within yourself, and that you no longer experience a division between yourself and others. Without any inner division, you stop experiencing most of the usual forms of reactivity.

Stephen: Could you say a little more what you mean by no "inner division"?

Adya: Most human beings spend their lives battling with opposing inner forces: what they think they should do versus what they are doing; how they feel about themselves versus how they are; whether they think they're right and worthy or wrong and unworthy. The separate self is just the conglomeration of these opposing forces. When the self drops away, inner division drops away with it. Now, I can't say that I never make a mistake, because in this human world being enlightened doesn't mean we become experts at everything. What does happen, though, is that personal motivations disappear. Only when enlightenment occurs do we realize that virtually everything we did, from getting out of bed to going to work to being in a relationship to pursuing our pleasures and interests, was motivated by personal concern. In the absence of a separate self, there's no personal motivation to do anything. Life just moves us. When personal motivation no longer drives us, then what's left is our true nature, which naturally expresses itself on the human dimension as love or compassion. Not a compassion that we cultivate or practice because we're supposed to, but a compassion that arises spontaneously from our undivided state. If we undertake being a good, compassionate person as a personal identity, it just gets in the way of awakening.

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Stephen: In traditional Buddhism, at least as I practiced it, there's a taboo against talking openly about enlightenment, as we're doing now. It seems to be based on the fear that the ego will co-opt the experience and become inflated. In your dharma talks you speak in great detail about awakening, including your own, and in your public dialogues you encourage others to do the same. Why is that?

Adya: When I was sitting with my teacher, Arvis, we'd all go into the kitchen after the meditation and dharma talk and have some fruit and tea, and we'd talk openly about our lives. For the most part we didn't focus on our spiritual experiences, but they were a part of the mix. Then these same people would do retreats at the Zen Center of Los Angeles and have big awakenings, and the folks in L.A. began to wonder what was happening in this little old lady's living room up north. Arvis's view was simple: The only thing I'm doing that they're not, she said, is that we sit around casually and talk, and what's happening on the inside for people isn't kept secret or hidden. This way, people get beyond the sense that they're the only ones who are having this or that experience. They come out of their shell, which actually makes them more available to a deeper spiritual process. The tradition of talking about certain experiences only in private with your teacher keeps enlightenment a secret activity reserved for special people. I can understand the drawbacks of being more open, of course. Some people may blab on about how enlightened they are, and become more egotistical. But when everything remains open to inquiry, then even the ego's tendency to claim enlightenment for itself becomes obvious in the penetrating light of public discourse. In the long run, both ways have their strengths and weaknesses, but I've found that having students ask their questions in public breaks down the isolation that many spiritual people feel the sense that nobody else could possibly understand what they're going through, or that they're so rotten at their practice, or that nobody could be struggling like they are. And when people have breakthroughs and talk about them in public,

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awakening loses its mystique. Everyone else can see that it's not just special people who have deep awakenings, it's their neighbor or their best friend.

Stephen: Would you claim that you are enlightened?

Adya: Well, no, not with a straight face. I would say enlightenment is enlightened and awakeness is awake. It's not an experience; it's a fact.

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