Running head: CLOUD AND TOWNSEND CRITIQUE

A Critique of a Theoretical Model: Boundaries in Marriage by: Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend Surprize Stephenson Liberty University

CLOUD AND TOWNSEND CRITIQUE A Critique of a Theoretical Model: Boundaries in Marriage by: Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (1999) took to paper and wrote a book entitled Boundaries in a Marriage focused on fostering healthy relationships between married couples.

Cloud and Townsend offer a theoretical model aimed at helping married couples strengthen their relationships and making it all they desire for it to be. This paper will present the reader with a tight examination of the proposed approach as well as offer some of the apparent strengths and weaknesses of the model. Summary Cloud and Townsend (1999) begins their model with answering the question What is a boundary, anyway? and how to set them. A boundary, according to Cloud and Townsend (1999), marks the separation of a beginning and an ending of something. It is their idea that boundaries define who owns and who is responsible for something, as well as creates freedom from those things that we have not created nor are we responsible for (Cloud and Townsend, (1999). As we grow and become responsible for the decisions they make or the behaviors they exhibit then a change can begin. There are three points that encompass boundaries and they are freedom, responsibility and love (Cloud and Townsend, 1999). From the beginning God made His people free and liable for that freedom, and He required that they love Him as well as others. Cloud and Townsend (1999) believe that only when one loves God and others that they are freed of old things such as sin and hurt; which in turn increases responsibility of growth. As a person grows and learns to accept responsibility then they are more loving. Boundaries are a safety net for those who live in them keeping harmful and hurtful things from entering. Lastly, many may think that boundaries are about controlling others, but in reality they are self-control. Self-control is about creating the boundary with what you control; we cannot control other people. When one

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sets boundaries on their selves it allows them to monitor what and how they are handled and treat by others; they are deflecting hurt and pain enabling them to love freely (Cloud and Townsend, (1999). Cloud and Townsend (1999) present many examples of boundaries those being language (allows someone to know the dos and donts about you), honesty, consequences (the effect of what has been done), emotional and physical distance, other people (to be a crutch at strengthening your voice), and time (p. 29-34). There are laws of these boundaries to marriage and they are ten principles in which Cloud and Townsend (1999) believe that couples should build their marriage on. If a couple adheres to these law their marriage will be successful, but if the turn away the consequences may prove to be severe. The laws are as follows; sowing and reaping, responsibility, power, respect, motivation, evaluation, proactivity, envy, activity and exposure in that order (Cloud and Townsend, 1999p. 37-58). As one contemplates implementing boundaries the authors suggest one perform a self-evaluation and set boundaries with ones self (Cloud and Townsend, (1999). It is said that in order to create good boundaries conducive to a successful marriage one must have certain Godly values within themselves. Cloud and Townsend (1999) express that there are six values that are from the scripture that will help develop good boundaries. Cloud and Townsend (1999) believe that your values make sure that certain bad things are not present in the marriage and that certain good things are (p. 107). These values are love of God, love of your spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion and forgiveness, and holiness; which are the values that God requires of us. As the model comes to a close the authors present various types of conflict that may arise in a marriage; intruders, sin of one spouse, immaturity or brokenness of one person, hurt feelings

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caused by no one, conflicting, desires versus relationship needs, known versus, unknown (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p. 171-190). Cloud and Townsend (1999) offer ways to resolve these conflicts whether your spouse is in support of boundaries or not. Strengths Cloud and Townsend (1999) have presented an easy to implement model that has many strengths. This models focus is to foster healthy relationships and to conquer unhealthy practices in a marriage. Requiring responsibility and accountability is vital to helping a relationship; many times partners pass blame around and around never reaching a solution. This is a very strong aspect of this model, because society as a whole has a hard time accepting their wrong. This model shows that conflict is normal; its how you handle the conflict that becomes the problem. Cloud and Townsend (1999) help couples gather a true sense of self and in turn create loving, respectful relationships. Lastly, Cloud and Townsend (1999) give wings to the weak spouse who has no clue just how to express their feelings; offering various ways they can handle the situation and gain strength. Weaknesses Overall a good theoretical model for building healthy relationships; Cloud and Townsend (1999) express that this model is not meant to change or punish yours spouse. However, when one begins to set boundaries in the marriages and impose consequences for the crossing of those boundaries it will create a change in the spouse. It is expressed many times throughout the book that change will happen; this is an absolute contradiction. To make a unhealthy relationship healthy things will have to change. Another area that could be seen as a problem is that most people see setting boundaries on others as selfish; God desires His people to reject self to protect others. This model focuses on recognizing yourself and what you want and dont want and then

CLOUD AND TOWNSEND CRITIQUE suggests you act accordingly. It can be said that if you only act based on your desires and dislikes how can you freely love others. Personal Reflection and Application This model presented by Cloud and Townsend (1999) is one that can help many marriages stand the test of time. I have watched many of my friends marriages fail due to

spouses not understanding who they are and allowing this to dictate how they allow situations to be handled. I wish that I had the knowledge that this book presented me when my friends were suffering unnecessarily; I would have been able to teach them how to set boundaries and equally give and take. I will apply these lessons to my own marriage to increase its successfulness. The conflicts that my husband and I face that have turned really ugly can now be viewed as simple differences of us two people. I hope to sit down with my husband and share this book with him, so that we may be better lovers of God and ourselves and to learn how to set and accept boundaries. God desires that His people live healthy prosperous lives and this model helps to achieve that.

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References Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House.

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THEORY CRITIQUE GRADING RUBRIC

COUN 507- Theology and Spirituality in Counseling Please include the following topics for each section of your theory critique Points Content Comments: Earned: Concise Summary of Theory (40 points) At least one page of typed text Summary demonstrates a solid understanding of the material presented Summary presents the core ideas of each Christian theory of counseling Summary is sufficiently thorough (covers the essential concepts of the theory) but also concise (tightly worded and eliminates peripheral ideas)

Evaluation of Strengths and Weakness (25 points) One page This section demonstrates critical thinking in the analysis and critique of the material. This section identifies the strengths/weaknesses of the theory (from your perspective) and provides your rationale for your critique. With what do you agree and disagree? This section does not merely add more information about the theory, but provides critique. This section comments on the efficacy of the theorydoes the theory provide a comprehensive theory of counseling?

CLOUD AND TOWNSEND CRITIQUE Personal Reflection and Application (20 points) One page This section provides personal example(s) of how you personally relate to the content of the theory This section provides clear connections between the life episode and the core concepts (not peripheral ideas in the theory) This section describes what you may use from the theory in your own counseling Writing 10Points Paper is written in an organized manner, following graduate level writing expectations Paper is free from mechanical errors APA 5 Points
The paper follows current APA guidelines for format and includes a title page as well as a reference page; each page utilizes a running head and page number. All pages double spaced, per APA. Citations and reference listings follow APA guidelines.

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