A JOLLY OLLY XMAS – By Conor

Outside the window of the Olly and Graham history room the
snow is falling thick and fast. Thanks to the decorations that
Bell has lovingly strewn around the classroom, it is clear
that Christmas is just around the corner. A festive air hangs
over the classroom, and everyone is eagerly discussing their
Christmas plans, to the backdrop of tinkling xylophone
versions of Christmas classics.
Olly: eyes shining “...And probably about FOURTEEN train sets
like, and an Xbox 4 Million and about a ZILLION GAMES...”
Lance: “Dude, you’re getting an Xbox? I’M getting an Xbox...!”
Bell: “That is truly fascinating, young sirs, for I myself
shall be indulging in the pleasures of this magical gamebox
come wintertide.”
As this light hearted banter continues, the camera zooms in on
Graham, sitting alone at his desk. He is listening in on this
conversation in the classic Grinch pose. With every line he
turns to stare confusedly into the camera before returning to
his eavesdropping.
Graham: “They laugh without snazzlers, they dance without
frazzlers, they joke and they sing without rizzlers or
razzlers! Their perfumpturous shnarfling has left me
melectrious with fury! TO HECK WITH...CHRISTMAS!”
In his ire he practically spits out the last word.
Unfortunately he has gotten so impassioned that the rest of
the class has caught on to his monologue.
Olly: “You...you don’t like Xmas like?”
Graham: “It’s not that I...wait, what did you just say ...
forget it, I just don’t get the appeal in having to spring out
all my hard earned money on buying presents for everyone
else.”
Fran: “That’s not how it works!”
Mullan: “Yeah dude, you’re an embarrassment to Santa!”
Olly: “It IS the season of Goodwill like Graham, ‘Tis the
season to be Olly and all that like, all I want is for you to
be nice to be until New Years.”
Everyone in the room: “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”
Graham: “But...I...hmmmm...Will I have to get presents for any
of you?”
Everyone in the room shakes their heads etc.
Graham: “Olly...You got a deal.”

The Dinner Hall – Lunchtime

Everyone is gathered round a table, overflowing with heaping
helpings of Christmas dinner. In the background, Bell is
dressed in a Santa suit, and goes around doling out sweets to
the younger students. No mention is made of this. What’s
worse; Lynch, dressed in what is clearly meant to be a
seductive Elf outfit, stands at the doorway coyly trying to
attract Bell’s attention. No mention is made of this either.
Olly: the only one with an empty plate “You goin’ to eat that
turkey like Graham mate?”
Graham: Long pause as he stares at Olly “Yes Olly, I was
planning on getting around to that.”
Automatically every head at the table snaps around to stare at
Graham accusingly. Graham is incredulous.
Mullan: “Wow, you just hate the baby Jesus, don’t you?”
Graham: “W...What!?”
Conor: “If there’s one thing I know about the baby Jesus, it’s
that he packs a mean grudge man. You don’t wanna be breaking a
promise to that dude. Sure, it’s just a turkey dinner now, but
soon he’ll be all up in your temple...”
Graham: “This is about my promise to Olly?! Surely that didn’t
mean he could just...”
Not one expression at the table changes, they all share the
same “I’m so disappointed in you” look. In a classic example
of defeatism, Graham hands his plate to Olly with a sigh. He
buries his head in his hands while everyone else resumes
dinner.
The Next Day, History
Bell has swapped his Santa suit for a giant Snowflake costume.
Unfortunately, there was clearly an error in communications,
as he is dressed as the chocolate bar, not the weather
feature.
Bell: “And what, pray tell, was the myth perpetrated by the
army generals at the beginning of the Great War to entice
higher enlistment rates? There shall be a special holiday
surprise for the first right answer!”
The promise of a reward (and more importantly, public
recognition of his brilliance) spurs Graham to actually
participate in class; a rare occurrence. His hand shoots up.
Bell: “Yes, young Mr Ham?”
Graham: “I think you’ll find, sir, that they promised the war
would be over by Christmas”
Bell: “Ooooooh, a swing and a miss, any other takers? Mr
Vander?”
Olly: as always, standing up to answer “It’ll be all over by
Xmas like!”
Bell: “Well ding-dong me, you have it! You win the special
Holiday surprise...2 weeks in Italy!”
Graham is literally incapable of processing what has just
happened.
Graham: “That’s what I said!”
Bell: “Now now, no-one enjoys a sore loser...they like
winners...like Olly here.
He pats Olly affectionately on the head. Graham’s head, by
comparison, is just about to asplode.
Graham: to Olly “You really think you’ve won here, don’t you?
You’re such an...such a...”
He tails off as he sees the disapproving faces of everyone
tutting him once again.
Graham: “Oh COME ON!”

Later: Outside
Everyone has gathered outside for a very special occasion: the
passing over of the gifts. Fran hands a small package to
Projector, who has accumulated a small fortune of presents.
Fran: “Here you go, I hope you like it!”
It’s a little box containing little bottles of ink, in all
sorts of fun colours. In return, Projector turns to the
nearest wall and begins to Project:
Projector: “Thanks for all the gifts...you guys is the best
friends a projector could ask for :)”
A little snippet of heart-warming music plays. Then there is a
pause.
Mullan: “That’s it?”
Lance: “Dude, we all spent a fortune on that projecting
stuff!”
Conor: “The least we were expecting was SOMETHING in
return...I think it would be best if you leave now.”
Everyone murmurs their agreement. Projector looks at them for
a second, bewildered. Then, he slowly changes his :) to a :(
and makes his way back to Bell’s room, to a very sad, minor
chord filled rendition of Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Conor and Mullan: interrupting “Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!”
In the interval they have exchanged gifts with each other.
Mullan is now holding one of those Fisher Price “My First
Guitar” toys, while Conor holds aloft a shiny badge in the
shape of a star, with SHERIFF branded across it. They run off
to play with them, making lightsaber sounds, and other noises
that are entirely inappropriate for the toys in question.
Olly steps up to the plate with a flourish. He has prepared a
gift and a card for everyone, and begins to spread them
around. Even Graham, who has been sulking on the peripheral of
this little scene, is included. Everyone opens theirs, and
there is an assortment of “Awwww, Olly that’s so thoughtful”
etc.
Olly: handing Graham his gifts “I know you didn’t exactly
stick to your promise, but I still love you man, like.”
He smiles happily as Graham reluctantly opens his offerings.
Inside the packaging is a picture of Olly and Graham. Olly is
beaming like beaming was going out of fashion, while Graham is
clearly unaware there is even a photo being taken. For some
reason, Olly has taken it upon himself to sign this photo.
Grumbling some insincere thanks, Graham moves onto his card.
As he opens it, an incredibly loud jingle blares into his
face. In his shock he drops it to the ground and recoils. From
the ground comes this:
Card: In Olly’s voice “# Have a Jolly Olly Xmas! A Jolly Olly
Xmas! Deck the Halls with Boughs of Olly! Falalalala, la la la
laaaa! Have a JOLLY...OLLY...XMAAAAAAS! #”
For a long moment there is silence. Olly ecstatically awaits
Graham’s reaction to this awesome gift, while Graham visibly
trembles with rage. Graham finally looks up, ready to speak.
Olly opens his arms, anticipating the hug he feels sure is
bound to follow.
Graham: “That’s it. That’s the last straw. Look Olly, it’s all
a joke. There aren’t any elves, there aren’t magical flying
reindeer, and there’s DEFINITELY NO SANTA CLAUS.” He begins to
rip the singing card to pieces “And it’s CHRIStmas...FLIPPIN’
... CHRIStmas!” He throws all the shredded pieces of card to
the ground.
Olly looks like he is about to say something, but then he
turns and runs, sobbing all the way. For a second, just a
second, it looks like Graham may feel a pang of remorse.
Everyone is standing watching this scene unfold in silence.
Graham turns to face them.
Graham: “It’s...better he finds out now, right?”
Fran: “You’ve killed his Christmas spirit! You...MONSTER!”
Graham: “But...but...but...but...but...but...”
Debbie: “You better get my Olly his Christmas Spirit back
Mister! Or there’ll be TROUBLE!”
She points her finger threateningly into Graham’s face.
Miller Manor, later
Olly enters, fighting against the blizzard billowing outside.
His usual zest for snow is nowhere to be seen. He closes the
door, and sighs.
Mrs Miller: “Hello Olly love! Look what I’ve got for you!”
She produces a huge cake, which has been iced with a big
picture of Olly’s face. Her face falls when he fails to react
to this.
Mrs Miller: “Don’t...don’t you want your special cake? You
always love...you.”
Olly: “No, I think I’m just going to go to bed like.”
At this point, Mr Miller bursts through the door in a homemade
Santa suit.
Mr Miller: “HO HO HOOOOO! MERRRRRRY XMAS!”
Neither Miller parent can understand why this makes Olly burst
into tears and bail up the stairs.
Olly’s Bedroom
He bails into the room in his distress and flops into the bed.
He displaces an envelope which flitters to the ground. Still
sobbing, but his interest piqued, he picks it up. It has
Graham’s handwriting. A little more intrigued he tears open it
open. He pulls out a little scrap of paper, also covered in
writing. He gasps in shock and delight, and the camera zooms
in to reveal it is a set of directions.
Outside Graham’s house
Olly has followed the directions, and they have led him to
Graham’s house. Snow begins to fall, and Graham appears.
Graham: “Sorry about the whole... you know... Xmas thing and
all...”
Olly: “It’s alright like man...”
Graham: “Nah I want to make it up to you...here...”
He reveals a little remote control in his hand with a big red
button on it.
Graham: “Hit that.”
He hands it to Olly, who does. Suddenly the whole place lights
up, and Christmas carols fill the air. On the front of his
house, Graham has put huge letters displaying “Have a Jolly
Olly Xmas!” in dazzling colours, The whole scene is set off by
flashing Santas/reindeers/bells/stars etc around the rest of
the house and garden. Olly, delighted beyond human reckoning,
falls to his knees, his eyes shining with joy. Cut to black.
“Have a Jolly Olly Xmas Graham like!”
Tag: Fade back in on the same scene. Suddenly, lights begin to
blow and decorations come crashing to the ground everywhere as
Graham rushes around in a futile effort to restore order to
the situation.