Relationship Advice For Women From The Experts at LoveRomanceRelationship.

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Relationship Advice For Women By Experts in the fields of Love, Romance and Relationships.

What To Do When Rejection Rears Its Ugly Head

upside the head. (Her words.) This was the third night in a row that I got such an email from her. And, lo and behold, the other two times he texted and called her later that night or first thing the next morning. This guy has been in touch with her every day since they connected online. He has always done what he says he is going to do. On several occasions he has gone way out of his way to see her. For goodness sake, he asked her if they could both take their profiles down! In the world of online dating, thats equivalent to asking her to date him exclusively!

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/what-to-dowhen-rejection-rears-its-ugly-head-2/

by Bobbi Palmer In the past couple weeks Ive had two spectacular clients realize theyre falling in love with the men they are dating. Im thrilled for them because each of their guys is one of The Good Guys. They are confident, smart and emotionally generous, and they are seriously looking for life partners. These two men, like my husband, knew very early on that they made a great match. These two, like my husband, instigated the move to a committed relationship. (Do you see a pattern here?) Along with the thrill of meeting a loving man with whom they feel safe, both these gals one age 57 and the other 45 seem to be coupling this wonderful discovery with angst. When Jean emailed me last night freaking out because her man hadnt called, I finally had to give her a virtual smack

Banish Youthful Fears from Adult Dating

Jean was exhausting herself and on her way to creating the very situation she feared: that dreaded rejection. I get it because I lived it for about 30 years before I got married at 47. But I finally learned to keep things in perspective and grab my grownup girl in times like these. I told Jean to grab her 18 year old and tell her that she is not needed in this situation. She should take her toys and go home. Here is the email I got from Jean this morning:

Thanks, i needed that (insert imaginary slap in the face here). I AM acting like an 18yo. WTF? The guy texted me at 630 this a.m. just to say hi. When will I learn? BTW, there is a special place in heaven for you. paralyzed or exhausted by the fear of rejection, this is for you:

We can choose not to be that woman. We can be responsible and take some control of our emotions and, therefore, our lives.

Heres Part of What I told Jean About Dating: Soin honor of Jean and all you who seem to be
You arent crazy, but youre acting like an 18 year old. You are going down the rabbit hole, and its very dangerous. Remember your goal and the reality of this situation. This is exactly how we ruin potentially great relationships. Take a deep breath and grab that grownup girl. Remember her? The one who up until a month ago was just fine without a man in her life?

Remember when you were a child and the doctor gave you a shotand you screamed your bloody head off? You probably started to cry before the needle even touched your arm and, even though it only hurt for a second, continued to cry for minutes after. Now seriouslydid it really hurt that much? Of course not.

So next time you find yourself moving into that place the Ill never find anyone, I thought he might be the one, I liked him so much, Ill be alone the rest of my life place stop! Switch off your young girl and reach for your grownup intelligent, experienced, highly competent woman. Ask yourself: Is it true that Im being rejected, or could I be making it up? (Is the needle even coming at me?) Is this really such a big deal in relation to my life? (Does it really hurt that much?) Then, give your pain the brief audience it deserves and move the heck on. Oh, and one more thing: that shot was good for you in the long run. I can make the same case for that relationship gone bad or the one that never got off the ground. Every one of these gives you practice and more experience with knowing yourself and what you want and dont want in a man and a relationship. Like that shot, it hurts for only one split second. And when the real pain goes away, you are better for the experience. PS: I love you, Jean! You are an amazing woman, and congratulations for the work youve done to get you to this place in your life! From Sarah: Bobbi is absolutely adorable! You will SO identify with her and her story personally, and her FREE Man-O-Meter test is really helpful. Just go here to take the test and get Bobbis great free stuff and advice about dating - how to get the man and relationship you want shell teach you how to DateLike A Grownup->>

Fast forward 30, 40, or 50 years and think about how horrible you feel when a man you like doesnt show interest, doesnt show up or drops you like a hot potato. Ouch! That feels crappy. But I ask you: Does it really hurt that much? Heres what I say about that: Girlfriend, you have slain way worse dragons in your life than a man not returning your interest. You have overcome enormous challenges in your life that dwarf the experience of being rejected by a man, especially one you barely know. De-dramatize the dating. I honestly think we girls like the drama and, sadly, some of us learn to be a victim. It starts with the shot as a child when that mean man is coming at us with a needle. It continues through our teenage years when a stupid boy doesnt like us or our mean girlfriends exclude us. We feel such pain. It haunts us as we move into our adulthood and, try as we might, the man-thing isnt working. (I felt a ton of sadness and cried many tears in my 20s and 30s. I just didnt tell anyone.) This angst and feeling of helplessness can seem endless for some of us. Its kinda what some of us girls do.

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We all have two conflicting and powerful urges, the desire to attach to another person (I call this the urge to merge) as well as the urge to be our own individual, unique selves, separate from others and free to follow our own inner promptings. Think of babies who as they become toddlers, express this dual urge. They definitely want to be close to their mothers and fathers and when separated will show some signs of distress. At the same time, they enjoy their newfound development such as crawling, walking and speaking, and they also will defy and resist your requests to do what they want you to do. This is all normal and psart of their process of healthy development. Adults also demonstrate this in developing relationships. In the beginning of relationships, the need to be individuals seems to go away for a while. It is all about the we and not about the I. I cannot stand to be away from you. I cant stop thinking about you. Eventually that can turn into, I have given up seeing my friends since being with you. I need my space! This is normal as well. In some couples, these are all natural stages that partners go through as they strike a balance between their urge to merge and their urge to be their own unique selves. It is not always that smooth or easy. Some people reach a level of togetherness and stay stuck in their need for space. They seem unable to tolerate any more closeness or a step up in commitment. This is what I have seen in the history of these commitment phobic people. The commitment phobic person grew up in a home where their primary caretaker or caretakers did not allow for his own unique self expression. And this is often an extreme. Possibly, there was a mother who was very needy and needed her little boy to be what SHE needed him to be.
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Why Some Men (And Women) Cant Commit

men-and-women-cant-commit/

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/why-some-

You have been waiting for him to pop the question and no matter how long you wait, there is always a reason that he will propose later. Or maybe he says, Let me do it on my time; dont push me. The only problem is you have been dating or living with each other for years and you wonder if his time will always be later. So then, you express your frustration and he uses that as an excuse why he cannot ask you until you become less controlling. If this or a similar story is happening to you or someone you know, this article may shed some light on what I see as the most common factor that contributes to this pursuer/distancer dance. My disclaimer is that there may be other reasons and I dont want to oversimplify complex human behavior and motivation. However, after almost 30 years of sitting in my therapy office chair, I have seen one major theme that can lead to this commitment problem. Having this understanding, the more committed partner can begin to feel less crazy, confused and inadequate.

This boy learns as he grows up to subordinate his needs to those of his mother and that when he does that, he gets some reward from her. As time goes on, he expresses less and less of his true self and as the famous British psychologist Donald Winnicott says, he develops a false self. He learns to do and be what others want him to be. However deeper down, he is angry and distrustful. His urge to individuate and be his own person has not totally disappeared; it is just submerged under his habits to make himself feel accepted and loved through pleasing others. As he gets involved with a new woman, these submerged tendencies remain at bay and he experiences the excitement of a new person that can accept him, love him and let him know how attractive and wonderful he is. However, as the relationship continues and the need to be more committed increases, his submerged fear, anger and distrust (especially of women in this example) starts to appear. Yet, it does not appear in a straightforward honest way. It may appear in a host of complaints he has about you or in his emotional and/or physical withdrawal. Then you are left with a feeling of What did I do? or What is wrong with ME? In this example, there is nothing you can do to change him. Losing more weight, having more sex, being less negative about his lack of commitmentnone of that will get him to commit to you. There is only two ways this should go- either he gets help and faces his earlier issues of feeling smothered by his mothers needs or you have to get the heck out of that relationship. If he is willing to get help and face his conflicts, it could be worth the wait. I have seen men (and women) make strides and increase their capacity for commitment. If he is unwilling to go see a therapist, I do not see any hope. As long as he does not get help, he will see you as a threat to his selfhood and his urge to be his own individual will far outduel his urge to merge. Merging to him means the dissolution of his self and he will not go for that. This article explains what I see as the major reason people have a hard time committing and as I said before, that is not always the reason or the only reason. However, often it is.

If this story resembles something you or someone you know has experienced, there are qualified therapists such as myself who can help. With help, people can often tolerate the dual urges discussed and be able to merge and make a commitment and at the same time live their own lives expressing who they are.

The best of relationships are those that allow both the fulfilling experience of merging and the fulfilling experience of expression of ones true self. From Sarah: Todd Creager is an accomplished Speaker, Therapist, Consultant and Author. At his website: The Todd Creager Center for Successful Relationships, you can find out more about how to have a successful relationship.

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Dating at Work

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/dating-atwork/

to do anything because its the office, youll be like No problem, we can be friends. But its time to be honest and direct and really go for what you want. Stop playing guessing games and see if what you felt under the office party mistletoe can translate into a real life connection, even if that person works in a different branch from you. You never know where something might lead, so speak your truth. From The Editors: David Wygant is the real deal hes SO helpful because hes a man and because he coaches men and so he knows how men think, how they work, how they operate and what they want. He can help you over come your shyness quickly, and help you shift your mindset so you can totally transform your dating life with his free newsletters right here->

Oh they can be just so wonderful. You meet by the water cooler and you have a quick make-out session, just like you did in high school. You sneak a lunch together; nobody knows. You get all hot and sweaty during lunch and when you come back people think its just the humidity, or maybe the air conditioning broke in the office. But what if that somebody works in another branch, and you met them at a Christmas party? What do you do then? Lets say, for instance, you met a guy through work, but youre in Montreal and hes in New York City. How do you get this relationship rolling? First off, never use the office messenger system, and never exchange e-mails back and forth within the office: if one person gets offended, you might be saying bye-bye to your job when the human resources department catches wind of the situation! The best thing to do is to start chatting and texting with him, and simply tell him, Hey look, I really think we had some chemistry at that office Christmas party. Are you comfortable pursuing this?

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Why not begasp100% honest? Instead of playing a guessing game and wondering if he likes you, if hes into you, and whether or not you should pursue something, why dont you just say Hey look, I know you work at a different branch, but Id like to get to know you a little bit better Who knows, maybe one of us will be transferred one day, so we can spend more time together! It doesnt even matter exactly what you say; say anything. Just be honest, folks. If youre attracted to someone, just tell him/her, Hey look, Im attracted to you. Simple as that. And if they say, I dont want

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How To Read The Signals Hes Giving

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/how-toread-the-signals-hes-giving/

Hey, its Mike . . . A friend of mine sent over a link to an article someone had written recently.

It wasnt really meant to be offensive, but the title just made me cringe: B*tch, Are You Crazy?

Dont confront Dont confront Because that might break the connection with your friend. Or your lover or whoever. I dont want to dive into all the scientific reasons for this, but it has to do with women being the primary bonding force in groups. Women understand the value of love as connection in our lives. The connections and loving relationships you have also give you a feeling of grounding and security.

It was all about how women are creating situations that dont exist in their heads, based on clues they are over-interpreting. The signals he is giving off. Well, I think we can all agree that most women do this at least once in a while. (Though, I dont think women are crazy, nor do I really like the use of the B word when referring to them. I know its become popular, but it doesnt feel very respectful. Just my 2 cents.) So when it comes to this over-interpretation, heres the part that makes most women scratch their head: Most guys are NOT sending off signals the way you might think. Before you think Im off my rocker here and send me an angry email, please allow me to explain. Women are very used to communicating with other women. Women experience the wondrous and subtle parts of friendship and love through conversation and communication. Women have a very particular communication style, and its much more sophisticated and elegant than how men typically communicate. You see, from early in their lives, girls grow up learning how to talk to other girls with a very specific purpose: To STAY CONNECTED . . . In fact, that could be the chant you would hear if you could tune into that vibration in the back of your mind. Stay connected Stay connected Theres also a more subtle chant going on in there, too. Its saying:

As a result, women communicate more indirectly to avoid threatening the connection. They will feel out a situation to avoid any kind of misunderstandings that could threaten that connection. Men, however, are brought up in a completely different way. Were brought up to Independent. Loners. be competitive.

Its a frustrating and isolating part of being a guy, but its part of our development that prepares us to give women that shell of loving protection and security she desires from us. We guys dont get the same communication and connection training that women do. In fact, relatively speaking, were kind of stunted in that area compared to women. So were pretty straighforward and plain-spoken when it comes to communications with women. In other words, when a guy says something, theres very rarely any hidden meaning in it. He typically says what he means. Oh, sure, we dont want to hurt your feelings just the same. But we rely much less on the non-verbal signals and implications that women often use in their communication. What does this mean to you? Well, very simply, its just that theres not as much interpretation needed to figure out what a man is thinking or feeling. Ive had many girlfriends in the past who found it simply shocking that there wasnt more going on behind what men are saying.
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Once, when my friend said he wasnt sure if he could make it to an event, his girlfriend kept him on the phone an additional 15 minutes, convinced that he was being reluctant to commit to the date, mind you because there was something else going on. He eventually did convince her that it wasnt related to his feelings for HER it was because of a simple scheduling conflict. Hey, it seemed simple to him, but he didnt realize to her that this could be seen as a signal of distance between them. There is another side to this that I want to validate for you and that is that if your gut is telling you something is up, you can generally trust that feeling. Very often, the feminine subconscious will pick up on the parts where his words dont match his body language, and spot troubles in advance. The trick is in knowing when youre overinterpreting because you need there to be something more, or because you sense there is something more to be uncovered. You simply need a healthy balance of attention on the relationship. Balance out your time in your relationship with time outside it so that you dont fall into the trap of letting your connection with your man preoccupy your thinking. Talk to you soon Mike Fiore For an incredible assortment of full texting scripts and great romantic texting ideas to try with a man, youll really want to check Michael out (I immediately downloaded Text The Romance Back and loved it so much thats why Im recommending it here) Go here to discover how you can nearly instantly create way more romance with a man just by texting->

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Relationship Column: I Feel Like A Big Baby

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/ relationship-column-i-feel-like-a-big-baby/

Did you see Household Saints? Love that movie. Lily Taylor plays a girl whos either crazy or a saint. When her parents come to visit her at the looney bin, she tells them that every night, she plays pinocle with God the Father, God the Son, and Saint Teresa of Avila. God the Father cheats! she says. But Saint Teresa and I pretend not to notice. I believe in Gods love and I know firsthand the peace that it brings. But Im still not entirely sure He wouldnt cheat at pinocle with a twinkle in his eye, or set us up for some wild goose chase that wastes years of our lives. Because once you get outside of Time, that kind of thing probably looks like a real knee-slapper, however annoying it might be on this plane. Hey remember that time I let you meet a really great guy, and then had him fall in love with someone else!?! You shoulda seen the look on your face!!! And you cant convince me God doesnt have a sense of humor. I once prayed for months to get back an old boyfriend- Please let David move from Ohio and live with me.

was done with a twinkle in the eye. Someone to say, Lookee there at that horse runnin across the television screen to. See? Im kvetching. I could have left all this unsaid and just stayed with Muriel on the floor of the dressing room, crying in the crumpled up wedding dress she was trying on for no reason. The old boyfriend stayed in Ohio. Strangely, though we got a new roommate named David, also from Ohio. See? Another real knee-slapper, that. I havent even left this plane, and I already see the humor in it. Good one, Lord. Good one! What a kidder. My faith and my ongoing conversation with God really does play a huge part in the way I experience the world and my relationships. Once I prayed, God whats the deal here with this man? I thought you wanted me to be with him? And I get back, clear as a bell I do. But you know, Lisa he has free will after all. Felt like it came with a kind of cosmic shrug, not uncaring but certainly non-plussed. I bring that up because Im feeling puzzled about my relationship with God, not with this man. I feel like maybe Im making a mess of everything. I feel like Im a big baby and I should just deal with it and shut up already. I feel like I must be missing some incredibly obvious point. I feel like its all going to be okay in the end, and so I should just deal with the part where its not okay and stop saying, Are we there yet? Yet I feel sometimes like Im in exile. And that makes me feel confused. Because if I know I am not separate from God, shouldnt I always feel safe and happy? Its this time thing that really sucks. Im alone on the mountain, and sometimes it would feel really good to have someone else there to play cards with. I wouldnt even care if he cheats as long as it
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Okay. This is long enough. I know Im going to write you more later, because my brain is teeming with all this stuff. My assumption is that the more I understand the way all this feels to me, the better

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Single Woman After 40: Your Biggest Dating Mistake And The Biggest Asset You Dont Know You Have
Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/singleasset-you-dont-know-you-have/ woman-after-40-your-biggest-dating-mistake-and-the-biggest-

By Lubov Skurina Whats different in your dating landscape at 40 from 20 years ago? Everything. But many women still follow the good old strategy according to which all they need to do is to look good, play the dating game, and meet as many new people as possible. Sooner or later theyll find a partner good enough to settle for. Common sense, right? Wrong. Back then, in your 20s, you were exploring. You didnt know what to expect; you didnt know what you needed (or what you thought you needed wasnt it at all, as you later discovered). Your main dating strategy was trial and error, and your deepest desire was that all men fall in love with you at first sight. Over the years, failed relationships left their marks on your mindset. You may have gotten hurt; you may have become disappointed; you may have lost faith that you will ever find the one and settled with a notion that you are destined to be alone.

You became comfortable, convinced yourself that you are not the marrying kind, that you are selfsufficient and dont need anybody. In an attempt to protect you from pain your mind created various false beliefs and excuses, such as all the good ones are taken, I dont want to give up my freedom, I dont have time for a relationship right now, I dont see anyone who would match my standards, and so on. Camp 2 You are actively dating trying to find the one, but every time something goes wrong. You seem to be attracting the same man in a different body over and over again. You give a lot and get very little in return. Every time you get hurt, your suspicion that it will never work becomes stronger. You are secretly thinking about giving up and joining Camp 1. The reality is: finding your ideal partner takes strategy. There are things you need to do, certain hurdles you need to go through in order to create love in your life (given that you werent successful at that before). You know it took strategy and persistence to build a career or a business. Why do you assume that a great relationship will just happen by itself? The strategy to attract your ideal relationship is not a cat-andmouse dating game that everyone says you should play. Socializing more is not a strategy either. In order to change your old relationship patterns you need to make a change deep within yourself, to shift your core beliefs and align yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually with the reality of having an entirely different person in your life different from the kind you were attracting in the past. You should also prepare yourself for being with that person. You now have something extremely valuable, something you did not have in your 20s:
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Today, Your Dating Mentality Is Likely In One Of Two Camps:

Camp 1

experiential understanding of yourself, your needs, and, most importantly, of the fact that you create your own reality. There is something within you that attracts your negative relationship experiences. It may be fear of intimacy created by past traumas; or lack of selfworth that is tracing its roots to your childhood; there are various inner issues that could be standing in your way.

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Unless you become aware of these blocks and consciously dissolve them, you will be stuck in a vicious circle of negative relationship patterns, no matter how many pounds you lose or how many new people you meet. You now have the level of awareness that makes this transformation possible. The biggest mistake you can make in your pursuit of an ideal relationship is to ignore the need for transformation and to rely on pure luck. The good news is that you dont need to give up who you are in order to find a soulmate. On the contrary, letting go of your limiting past conditioning will help you bring out your authentic self and attract a partner who is uniquely right and perfect for you. Soulmate love is your birthright. Take your life experience and willingness to change, and with some guidance you will be able to create the amazing love life that you have always dreamed of. Lubov Skurina From Sarah: Lubov is an amazing, transformative relationship coach; founder of My Time to Be Loved, creator of Soulmate Attraction System. She specializes in helping single women around the globe attract their ideal life partner by transforming their core beliefs and reclaiming their authentic ability to give and receive love. You can read all the wonderful things her clients say about her and how shes helped them when you visit her site and be SURE to pick up Lubovs free ebook 4 Steps to Soulmate Attraction its a complete step-by-step guide to attracting your ideal life partner and thats her specialty. Just go here to get your free book and discover and enhance your approach to dating>> Talk to a man in the way that works! Make him fall for you quickly Turn your love life around...now... Email: No Spam | Cancel at any time

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Dating Advice Here Comes The Judge

advice-here-comes-the-judge/

Source: http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/dating-

by Debi Berndt This is a story Ive heard many times. It is a good reminder of how to be judge-free of lifes events: A young farmer and his wife gave birth to a son in a small village. The villagers around him proclaimed, What good luck! You have a son to help you in the fields. The farmer replied, It could be good or it could be bad. About 15 years later, one of his horses ran away. The villagers shared their sympathy, Oh what bad luck! Your horse ran away, now you do not have a strong horse to help you with your work on the farm. The farmer replied, It could be good or it could be bad. The farmer went on and managed without his horse until one day the horse returned with five other wild horses. What good luck! Now you have six horses! the villagers exclaimed. The farmer again gave his reply, It could be good or it could be bad. The farmers son broke his leg as he helped to tame the wild horses. The villagers once again gave

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their opinion, What bad luck! Now your son cannot help you.

We do not have control over the choices others make or the some of the events that occur in our lives, but we do have the ability choose how we react to them. Interestingly enough, the more we react in a peaceful way, the less those upsetting situations seem to happen to us. Get into a habit of looking at everything as if you chose it for your highest good. What freedom to not have to worry about controlling everything out there when you can just go inside and create the world you want to experience.

The farmer replied with a smile, It could be good or it could be bad. Later that month, a war broke out and the soldiers went from home to home collecting young men to join their effort. Since the farmers son was injured, he could not go. The villagers again said to the farmer, What good luck! Your son is safe and does not have to risk his life at war. The farmer simply replied, It could be good or it could be bad. Throughout life, our minds attempt to measure up what is occurring around us. But, these judgments are limited by only our past experiences. At any time, we cannot predict what the future holds. Sometimes the so-called bad luck we experience turns out to be a wonderful turn of events. We just never know. A great example of this is in my dating experience. Being single for many years, I encountered many disappointments. However, it was how I labeled the situation that determined my state of mind. If I immediately viewed the situation as the helpless victim and no one loved me, I would get depressed and feel terrible. I felt empowered when I realized that I had a choice as to whether I wanted to have a pity party or if I just said next! I am not condoning ignoring real pain, but be sure to identify that the cause of the upset lies within our own perception. As my self-esteem improved, it was easier to believe that I deserved a mutual, loving relationship. I got to the point when I let go of those who did not feel the same way because I knew it wasnt the relationship for me. I still got rejected from time to time, but the sting wasnt there when I stopped taking it personally. Thank goodness that the others did not work out, because I ultimately attracted the relationship I really wanted. What good luck!

From LRR: Debi Berndt is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Dating Expert, Author, Speaker, Coach and the creator of Attract Love Today a self-hypnosis system to attract true love. Berndt is a regular guest on Denvers Channel 7 News and a contributor to Denvers Lifestyles magazines. Berndt has been interviewed on radio stations internationally and spoken at conferences across the United States promoting the power of the subconscious and benefits of self-hypnosis. Berndts online store is the fastest growing provider of self-hypnosis products on the web. Visit her CreativeLove dating advice site>>

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