WHEN THEY MET AGAIN

Written by Alve Aranton

ALLISON

Allison had been staring at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror for more than thirty seconds. Or longer than thirty seconds, she wasnt sure herself. She had just realized she has been looking intently with her own image when it came to a blur and she had to blink without any second thoughts. The white envelope holding the high school class reunion invitation was still gripped tight on her right hand. She opened it once again, as if she hadnt been looking at it since it was delivered at her doorstep an hour ago. The metallic brown cursive letters engraved on the cream-colored crosswise paper screamed maturity, thinking everybody had grown up, assuming high school had happened 2 decades ago. But high school was not old enough as their grandparents ages. It felt new. It felt like, in Allisons head, just two days ago when the invite came in mail for her. High school was as fresh as she had remembered it. Her hideous orthodontia. Her baggy clothes and mother jeans. Her sneakers with sharpie drawings on them. Her hair pulled into a ponytail everyday of the week. Sam. Her Sam. Her Sam that she had long vowed to forget and never utter again. But I was never the same ever since, she affirmed to herself. She had thought life in high school was worse but she was lucky enough to get out of it soon. Shes 23. She had just graduated from NYU. Publishing houses and magazines had been on a marathon to phone her up for a job suited perfectly for her. And now that she already has, writing for a magazine, she has asked herself too many times, Couldnt life get any better?. Well it sure was. She was already living in her new Manhattan apartment she had bought for herself. Fully-furnished like a modern castle for a modern-day princess in the 20th century. It was nothing too big actually, but it was more than enough for her. Tall glass windows enclosing her bare, white carnation flowers dipped in bottle vases, a Steinway piano on the middle of the room, coffee-table books hidden below actual coffee tables. The smell of coffee and tea surrounding her. Thats what her life is now. Or is it? She found herself walking to her room and flopped head-first on her cold, white bed. Clearly, she was not ready for this. Who was she going to see again after she would have decided to go? For starters, theres Jenny she had went to since kindergarten. Her best friend, actually, whom she had lost contact a year ago. Allison tried reconnecting, but she plainly had no idea what happened to the girl. Same as Freddie, who lived beside her back then and actually hung-out with her and Jenny at Macs Diner after class. And who wouldnt forget Amber. Amber who had perfectly glossy blonde hair and who wore cheerleading uniform as a fashion statement. And Sam. Sam who had been everyones first love- her first love. She hated herself for thinking it was even love, because between the two of them, it was only her who felt it. All Allison could ever think about was how this reunion could go wrong. It is going to be one replica- a tiny diorama of what has been. She could or she could not go, its her choice. But something deep inside her gut said she wanted to even if she had played it hard to deny every single bit of it. She lied down, stared at the ceiling and put her arms over her forehead. She let out a deep sigh and stood up like someone dragged her to. Allison looked over at the invitation and thought about how pretentiouslooking it all was. She read it all over- Saturday, 8pm. 1

This reunion was lucky enough she didnt have anything planned out first
SAM

Everybody loved Sam. He had already entered the room, underdressed, and everyone still remembered him. In a red plaid shirt, blue jeans, topsiderscasual as he had worn them, girls always gave a second glance. Hopeful enough to be given a second look, hopeful to have their numbers asked. But Sam had ignored them, thats what he always does. The reunion had just started but he was already waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wasnt even sure why he had allowed himself to go to this party. He could be hanging out with his new dog or he could be watching reruns of his games the last season. He sat by a stool near the counter, grabbing himself a beer and looked at the place the reunion committee had got. It was posh, dark, with a pool table on the center. Gray-colored couches illuminated upon with yellow subdued lights. Girls in the room had dressed up fine. It probably took them weeks to look something like they hadnt tried to look the way they are now. He smirked at the thought of it. He was waiting for some guys from his football team in high school. Or he was just waiting for someone else to arrive. He was about to take a sip from his bottle of beer when somebody called his attention. Hey dude! Sam! How ya doin? Bryce was shouting from across the room, his hand raised for him. He was a lot different now than he was. His button-down shirt tucked neatly in his khaki pants. Bryce came in closer. Dude, remember Sallie? He pointed over a redhead girl dressed in black and sky-high heels, sipping wine from her glass. Sam unearthed the girl from his memory and recalled they went to homeroom together. Sam nodded to Bryce in agreement as if her were interested. Yeah. Homeroom. Shes hitting on you? Sam laughed, teasing. No dude. Thats the problem. Shes the one whos hitting on you. I came to her when I entered and she actually remembered we were this close and asked for your number. I said I didnt have it. So she just went away. Poof! Bryce shook his head in disbelief and had himself a glass of whisky. Hah. Sucks for you. Get over it. So, looking classy, huh? Sam asked. He couldnt believe his good friend had to look like a guy selling flat irons on infomercials. But in a good way. The last time he had recalled, he was always wrapped in a letterman jacket and wore black-rimmed spectacles. Been working for a firm man. I dont know, sometimes the job just gets to you and Im beating my brains out but it all pays good. Hey, hey, hey youre the one whos big now. Bryce actually took a step back and eyed Sam from head to toe. I mean, come on. Youre a quarterback. For the Jets! Bryces eyes grew bigger and his voice was becoming louder, Sam had stopped him before Bryce gets worse. Keep it low man. Im just lucky, I guess. Sam laughed, keeping everything cool. He didnt want any attention. Lucky? Come on. We all know you were gonna make it big. Bryce had been acting like the biggest fan in the universe of football but Sam was glad hes got this dudes back. An hour had already passed and Sam and Bryce were pretty exhausted with all the conversations they have had. Both had met up with the other boys from the team as well but nothing entirely big had come up with their banters. He was not good with small talk. 2

He figured hed might as well leave and sleep on his bed. He was trying to weigh between boredom and the bottles of beer he had taken that had made him tipsy at this time of night. He fished for his car keys, making it sound, so he could signal Bryce and the others. He was just about to go when Amber shoved herself in front of him. Hi Amber. Nice to see you. He greeted her with disinterest when Amber laughed hoarsely. She was still blonde. Still the girl with the figure. Relax Sam. Im not gonna torment you. Just stopped by to say hi. Now she was actually serious and Sam was thankful she had to say those things before he could say them out loud. Okay, good. Can I go? Im running a little late, Ive got things to, uh, do. Sam excused himself while Amber had raised her hand for a wave. She was probably drunk. Good escape, Sam, he thought. He also thought she was going to chase him, but the night seems good she didnt. Sam was walking slowly now, just meters away from the door when someone familiar had entered. Everyone seemed to have looked at her too. She was dressed in a simple white lace dress. Her hair was put aside on her shoulder into waves. She was looking around for someone. Perhaps someone she could go with, someone she could talk to for the rest of the party. She appeared unsure, regretting why she had come to in the first place. When she turned to looked at her right side, she was staring back into Sams eyes. Sam knew who she was. Sam knew it was Allison.

ALLISON

The very first person she had laid eyes on was Sam. And it was nothing like Allison had expected. But it was probably what she had hoped for. This must be absolutely wrong, right? She asked herself. Then why does it feel like it was the exact opposite of it all? Her blue eyes were holding on to his green eyes. Holding on for a minute or two until her feet had moved and walked into a different direction. She was a coward, she admitted that to herself. If she hadnt been so buried in the past, she couldve just walked up to him and said hi. Like a normal human being. But she ran away. She escaped to the nearest part of the counter and stood by herself. While Sam stood, inanimate. Until he had finally left and disappeared in front of her eyes. He was still Sam. She knew the moment she saw him again that she was longing for him. Longing to talk to him again. Longing to see his smirk forming on his face. Longing to be held by his hand again. She was a lot disappointed than herself right now than the moment she had entered in this room. She didnt know what to do but the first instinct was, to find a stool, sit on it and grab a glass of sparkling wine. So she did. She took another gulp until nothing was left, until two noisy people had shouted something inaudible in her ears. She hurled, almost throwing the wine out of her mouth when she opened her eyes and saw Jenny and Freddie laughing boisterously on either of her side.

What. Goodness. You scared the hell out of me! I havent seen you for ages and now youre going to scream at my face like nothing had happened? Jenny and Freddie were still laughing, thinking what Allison said was a piece of tiny joke. give. Allison gave in and gave each one of them the tightest hug she could ever Where the hell were you?! She snarled at Jenny. Jenny had grown her hair. Had her skin painted into a tan. Her black dress was hugging her body in all the right places, and there was Allison, still the good ol plain jane. Went to India. Im sorry I hadnt spoken. Or called. Phones are not allowed. Ive been immersing myself with meditation and all that. For what? Still, Allison could not believe it. Freddie was by Jennys side and smiling. I needed to find myself. Thats what Elizabeth Gilbert did. Jenny said it like it was the easiest suggestion she could take. Allison had no said in that. Allison pointed to Freddie, who as drinking his glass of vodka. She knew he didnt want to be asked about anything, but Allison just had to. Im married. What? When? God. How old are you? We were living beside each others houses and now, youre married? I didnt even know who she is. This was too much news Allison could take in, but she was happy for him anyway. Allison came into an embrace. She was obliged to do that. Him. Let me correct you with that. Youre-? Gay. Jenny cut in. Ally, come on. It was pretty obvious. Allison stared at the two of them and gave out a big sigh for the night. Im sorry guys. Im just really overwhelmed right now. What with all the news, seeing the two of you again. She sighed again and found her way to relax. Youre the one whos got something to share. Jenny pointed her out. Youre the big feature and design editor for Vanity Fair. And Ive never seen you so look so stunning. And jaded. You saw him didnt you? Freddie sensed there was something going on with her. Allison nodded slowly. They still remember. She still remembers. Who? Sam? Jenny asked for confirmation. Freddie and Allison fell silent and it was the sound that Jennys question was answered. I saw him Ally. And he. is. gorgeous! You couldve just talked to the guy! Youre in Vanity Fair, hes on Jets. Hes on Jets? I didnt know that. Shame on you writer. Freddie was mocking her, that actually made her laugh. Heard he just got on the team. And he looks better than ever.

Allison could not agree more. He was still beautiful, the kind of beautiful sculptors and wax artists couldnt even dare to make. How could Allison not hear about that? But that was good for her too, at least. You should talk to him. Freddie said. No. Never. Besides, he just left. Ill probably never see him again. Maybe hes living in Europe or whatever. I dont know. Im not going to. Allison Grant. Where have you been? The Jets are from New York my friend. That means hes playing this season and when hes playing this season, hes living in New York too because he is going to trainings and shaping his biceps and hes near you. Jenny told Allison with utmost confidence like she knows about everything. Freddie agreed, nodding. Even Allison had agreed. She was losing her mind for this, just meeting Sam once again. Shes just being stupid, thats all. Come on, lets just forget about high school and Amber whos drunk over there okay? Tonight were reunited and were gonna have fun! Freddie and Jenny dragged Allison to the dance floor and she just let the two of them bring her there. They were right, nobody could ruin the night. And Sam? Allison kept Sam at the back of her head and danced for the first time in years.

SAM

He couldnt get her off his mind. When he saw Allison again, the moment was like one of those movies people see. Where the two characters, after having been away from each other for years, are stuck in the middle of drowning in each others eyes while everything and everyone around them had stopped moving and turning. It was just the two of them, clearly wanting to speak to each other but without having the courage to. Until one has left and the other stayed firm on its ground, waiting for another sporadic turn of events to be able to see each others paths again. Will I see Allison again? That was the question that has been racing on in his mind tonight. The answer could be yes. She could be somewhere living in an upper class apartment in SoHo. Or he could catch her sipping a cup of coffee in Starbucks with her red lipstick tainting its cup. However, the answer could be no. Perhaps shes living in France or in the Eastern part of London like the way she had always wantedwriting poetry, wrapping herself up in oversized toffee-colored sweaters in the rainy weather. Or she couldve left for an early flight tomorrow morning and never see her again for the next 5 years. But Sam was holding on to the possibilities. That he could, see and hold and kiss her again. If it were that easy to gain her trust. But will she even give it to him, after everything? He made himself a cup of coffee and nestled in the gray couch too big for a person living alone in a spacious apartment. Sam scoured for his old yearbook hidden under the glass coffee-table in front of him and turned to the page where he knew exactly where to see Allisons face again. The yearbook was already covered with tiny specks of dust but he paid no attention to them at all. Instead, he was sweeping them off carefully like they were glitters that have fallen from its canister. Carefully, he turned the pages 5

and eventually found Allisons. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail, her smile so wide her braces were gleaming. She was in a sweater the color of cream. It read: Allison C. Grant, future writer and traveler. Sam smiled at the thought of her, not knowing the reason why. Maybe he misses her or maybe he has the reason to miss her because he wants to say sorry. Is sorry even enough? He rummaged for his phone buried deep in the sofa and dialled up Rob. Robs his friend he met two summers ago over a friends party. He is a fact checker for The New York Times and he knows exactly what to do with verifying whereabouts of people. After the second ring, Rob had picked up. Hello? his voice was groggy, he was probably woken up from his sleep. Hey Rob, its Sam. Sorry to have wake you up. Hey man. I was just sleeping but hey, whyd make the call so late? Anything I can be of good to you? The sound of him sitting up for bed was loud enough Sam could hear the blankets rustle. Uh yeah if its okay, Id like to find someone. Just some address or where shes working at, I dont know but, can you? Whos she? Rob gave a sigh and Sam laughed. Allison Grant. There was dead silence, Sam grew with unease. God. This is where I hate being a fact checker. Counting on you. Thanks man! Rob put the phone down and Sam smiled filled with so much hope even he couldnt believe it himself.

ALLISON

Jenny slept in Allisons apartment. Shell probably stay over a week or two until she finds her own place while Freddie had left and ensured to go back to the penthouse his husband had rented temporarily. Its already 4am and Allison was already awake. The sky was blueblack when she looked out her windows and the city lights were still as bright as it did the night before. The sound of the clock was rhythmic as the beating of her heart and took no notice of Jennys loud snoring in the bed. She must have been so tired perhaps her sleep was dreamless. Allison went to the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of hot chocolate. She felt peculiarly cold that she went and grabbed a furry white afghan in the living room and cocooned herself in it. She stayed there, speaking to herself with her mind as the silence of the dawn. Then she went back to the idea of why, of all the things she could feel, seeing Sam made her angry and miserable but happy and hopeful all the same time. Why then? This was the answer; a new boy came to town in sixth grade. When he came to enter history class one day, sixth graders started talking. Girls were giggling and boys were trying to be this new boys friends, while Allison looked at him and wished for every wishbone in her moms Chicken Curry for him to look at her too. Allison thought her wishes became real when he looked at her back the next week before this boys arrival. It was in the room for Science class when he had entered earlier than he usually does. He sat two chairs before her and he turned 6

back for a second then looked into her eyes. She realized his eyes were green. She thought hed say hi but he didnt. And Allison didnt even know his name yet until he was called up by Mrs. Daugherty for sleeping during classes. His name was Sam- Sam Oakley- and she never dared to forget his name ever again. They sort of grew up together because she was lucky Sam didnt transfer to any schools then. So every year, in high school, Allison had witnessed Sam turn into a dashing young man. He got taller, more robust. But his green eyes were still the same- they were the same beautiful eyes Allison tried avoiding in sixth grade. He was the kind of guy you wake up for but never was once aware of how late you slept at night dreaming about him. He just never knows because he fails to. Allison and Sam never spoke to each other once. She just spent most of the time thinking the shared glances meant something more than looking at each other by chance. Until she accidentally and forgetfully left the blue moleskin journal she routinely writes with every night on her stool at Chemistry. Recalling the memory made Allison cringe. If one could think it was just a simple mishap, then it was all a big mistake. And all at once she was written all over everyones conversation the next day because Amber had published her journal for everyone to see, passing from one person to the next until it came to Sam. It was just then that she remembered too late that Amber had also been in her Chemistry class, and there was no doubt she was the source of scandalizing her private, written thoughts. She had poured herself over that moleskin journal her grandmother had bought for her 10th birthday and it was the most important thing she could ever own. Jenny and Freddie tried to make Allison okay by hoarding the biggest burger in town and what looks like a tray of fries that they had called the Island of Fries. She appreciated them, for trying to make an effort in making her feel a little less embarrassed, a little less unhappy. But she didnt. Because she was extremely humiliated she didnt want to go to school anymore and when it occurred to her all over again that Amber had spilled her journal for everyone elses entertainment- she wanted to barf, or hide in her basement and get lost until shes found 20 years right after. Except she couldnt do anything. She was defenseless. She had to go to school if she wants to finish for college. She had to face everyone otherwise, shell get to be talked about even more. It lasted for months until she got used to being called Anne Frank with the braces. She even found her journal lying in the sink on the school bathroom. She didnt want to take it but she could not risk someone else reading it again. It still hurt, but she did her best to pass those words into the other ear. A week after, she had decided to walk other peoples dogs for an extra amount of money she could earn to buy herself plenty of books from this new bookshop beside the cafe blocks away from her house. The sun was startlingly bright that day she squinted everytime she walked a step with Mrs. Sanders golden retriever Bruce. Suddenly, her shoelaces untangled loosely that she was clasping Bruces leash tightly on her arm when eventually, Bruce went barking as loud as it normally did and ran straight, almost five blocks away from her. She ran, panting and was able to find him then. She was almost running out of breath when Bruce was sitting on a lawn. The house was wooden and yellow and it was like it was taken cared of by a Stepford Housewife. There was a swing hanging near the door with throw pillows, an afghan and pots of flowers sitting by the wooden floor. She called for Bruce, thankful she had finally seen him when the screen door opened and there, appeared before her, was Sam. Sam was obviously surprised too, looking at her intently with every step he made before he came closer to Bruce. Nice pet. Yours? He sat on all fours and started petting Bruce on the face. Allison remembered being so nervous at that time she wanted to disappear. 7

But she had the courage to talk to him. She ignored her journal. She ignored the thought of everyone else in school. She ignored her certain liking for Sam. Uh, no. Decided I could walk dogs for extra bucks. She wished her voice was louder but thankfully Sam heard her. Allison decided to fetch Bruce now from Sams hold so she could get away easily. Sorry he ran into your house. I didnt know. One second I was tying my shoelace and then poof, he just ran away. Sam stood up and put his hands on his pockets. No its okay. Really. He smiled at her and nodded in confirmation. Allison tagged Bruces leash, setting both of them to leave when Sam called back her attention. Uh, Allison? He was walking closer to her. You know my name? Allison wondered, surprised. How could I not? Sam looked like he was taken aback by her question. Yeah. How could you not, my journal was leaked right? Sorry. I should better go now. She replied sarcastically but it looked like Sam wasnt convinced at all. Hey hey hey. We went to a few classes together okay. Leave it at that. He was catching up and followed Allison by the moment she tried walking away. Sam was holding her arm and she couldnt get away from the grip. Sorry. That was what only Sam could say to her. Ive spent almost half of my life being sorry for myself when my journal came out so you dont need to say that. She realized she was being harsh rather than appearing strong. Sam looked disheartened. I know. It probably hurts- She interrupted him. More than you could ever- But Sam cut her back. Do you want to grab some ice cream? They looked at each other for a second until Sam smiled for her. That night, Allison started writing again. And Allison never thought what would follow after. Sam would take her home after classes and he would take her out for dinner. Theyd go to their hiding places and drive around town in Sams car while their windows are rolled down, the music blasting some old Beatles songs. He would kiss her and Allison would kiss him back. He was her first kiss that she thought was going to be the last. Allison couldnt be more happier. Couldnt get more sad. Shed wait for him all the time because hed ignored her in the hallways. She tried to take peeks of him when shed get her books on the locker, but he was there, not beside her. She knew she was being loved in secret and it was the kind of secret that doesnt deserve to be kept. She wasnt some secret a boy has too keep. Sam would wake her up in phone calls in the middle of the night and hed try to make it look like everything was fine. Like one knock on the door and he thought, he was making her happy. Theyve had fights here and then but Sam was good at bringing her back up again. Allison was that fragile, bent. Then everything didnt go so well between the two theyve managed to be apart even when the distance, the intervals that grew between them stung Allison. She wondered if it stung Sam too. 8

Still Sam pulls her back, Allison gives in. Theyd get back, they dont. Theyd speak again and wont. It was a cyclic method that Allison knew was going to end. However she tried to hold them both together. Allison still remembers vividly Sam asked her to prom. It was the false kind of happiness she had felt but she was rooting for something, hoping, that that was going to make her happy in the end. She had on the most beautiful dress, put on some make-up and waited. Waited for Sam to come but never arrived. She didnt cry because her tears were inside them. She went into bed, slipped off her dress and put herself to sleep. Allison and Sam was never the same ever since. They never spoke to each other again no matter how much she wanted and it still tingles how they never said goodbye after graduation. It was like reading an unfinished book or leaving a cup of coffee in the table that had turned cold. Allison had been thinking long and hard. Looking back from the past made her sleepy. So she lied down on the couch big enough for her and closed her eyes instead. She heard Jenny snore loudly even more and laughed at the sound of it. Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep again, and hoped Sam wouldnt visit her in dreams.

SAM

Hey man, thought I could wake you up just like what you did last night. So, this Allison Grant is a feature and design editor for Vanity Fair. The publication here in New York is in 4 Times Square, 7 th floor. Called her secretary up this morning and says shell be at her office by 10 am. Didnt make an effort to ask on where she lives or someone would think Im a stalker. But its up for you to find out big boy. Oh and also, do you always fact check girls youre interested with? Hah! Call me when you need me. Bye! Beep. Out of all the people, Rob could just be the noisiest he had on his answering machine. Rob was funny enough Sam couldnt bring himself to laugh or even thank him back because he was too bleary. But the information Rob had given him was inevitably painting a smile on Sams mouth. What he had on before was some tiny bit of hope. Now it was something tangible, already becoming real. But the reality is frightening. He just cant see her from out of the blue like he was some cousin she hadnt seen in years. There is a fat chance she wouldnt want to see his face anyway. So why would Sam bother to? The answer was simple; because he wants to see her, notwithstanding the hate she could give or the prospects of banging the door right on his face. He wouldnt want to care. It is only 8 am and he put on his gray sweater to keep himself warm. He went back to his bed, pulled a blue moleskin journal in his drawer and started reading it. It was Allisons. He wondered if Allison still remembered it or she had any idea Sam was the one who kept it. Allisons journal looked flat and worn-out. The edges of its papers turned ivory and the ink written on it seemed to blot and erase the longer you stare at it. Her handwriting were cursive, slanted and messy- every single letter, every word clutched all the sadness and euphoria she must have felt.
I miss Sam. It had been days since we hadnt seen each other. He hadnt even talked to me at school and wouldnt even dare to look my way in the hallways. Why would he

keep me as a secret? Id like to think Im some buried treasure no one has to know except for one lucky man who found it. I felt that I was found by him but I keep on losing him instead. It doesnt make sense. I hope it does sooner.

Sam was holding his breath when he was reading it. Why had he been such a coward, thinking more of himself than Allison? She was selfless, he wasnt. He had seen her love him more than he did. He turned to pervious pages from earlier entries and read some more.
Is it right to fall in love in sixth grade? Because maybe I am. Thankfully, Mrs. Daugherty called him up from sleep. Hes names Sam. Sam Oakley. Sam Oakley with the green eyes and beautiful hair. He looked at me today.

He smirked thinking of Allison admiring his green eyes. He was trying to remember her when they would drive around town and hed look at him like seeing him for the first time. Her smile was the most courageous thing he ever saw from all the cowardice surrounding him. Shed talk about everything and never wanting to stop. Shed ask why cars are designed the way they are. Shed question why boys like sports than most girls do. Shed contradict him. She was good for him. But he wasnt. Shed dream about becoming a writer and writing about him in every single work shed make. Shed dream for him too, of playing ball and making it big. But why did he do what he had done? He was 18? But so was she. He was young? But so was she. He wanted to be like everybody else? He wasnt what he is now? What he did was a mistake? Yes. Sam got up from bed, clasped the journal and figured he could give it back to her if shed allow herself to. Hed like to think theres more time but theres isnt more, really. So he slipped off his clothes, took a hot shower and decided he could go.

ALLISON

Ms. Ally? Sarah, who was Allisons secretary sounded nervous. Her voice was tiny and shaky, although she thought it was probably her normal voice Allison had just lately recognized. She couldnt see her from the glass doors of her office but she didnt mind seeing her anyway. Yes, Sarah? Someones looking for you. He said he wants to take a little from your time. Sarahs voice was still shaking. Whos he? Is it Amos? Because I desperately need the back issues on file. He has to do them right away- Uh, no its not Amos. He said his names Sam. Sam Oakley from high school? Sarah doesnt sound too nervous now. And it looks like Allison was the one turning pale and uneasy. Sam? Why would he come over? Why did he always make things hard for her? Hes always too late. 10

Uh, Sam? Asking Sarah about Sam sounded repetitive. Yes. I can cancel it if you want but he seems eager. Sarahs voice was almost disappearing. Allison was holding the phone tight. Tell him he can see me in 5 minutes. And just like that, Allison hung up and did not wait for Sarahs confirmation. She clearly did not know what to do with herself or Sam or what shed look like or what shell be like. This was the kind of jumpiness she had felt from her first job interview and her first time riding a roller coaster in Florida. What have I done? She told herself. You dont want to see him, Allison, you dont. She repeated, over and over inside her head. Convincing herself. Five minutes was too short, or so she thinks. She was pretending to fix her cluttered pens, folders and pieces of papers piled on her desk. The room was cold but she was beginning to perspire. She turned halfway, almost tipping herself over. And there was Sam nearly entering her glass doors with Sarah. When he was coming in closer, the moment was becoming slower. Like her heartbeat was going to stop at any minute or was going to explode right in front of him. She gulped. Sarah opened the doors for Sam. And there he was, standing on Allisons holy ground. It was the way she had looked at him in sixth grade all over again. Those were the green eyes she tried forgetting. His hair, disheveled but never a mess. His blue button-down shirt. His hands on his pockets. Hi. That was the first thing Sam had said, his eyes were lowering down. Allison had been thinking too hard on what to respond it almost took her another minute to think of what to say to him. Why are you here? Her words sounded like a whisper she could barely hear them herself. Sam moved a little closer, cautious. Look- Allison was raising her hand now, trying to stop what he was going to say to her. She reminded herself never to ask him for explanations. -if youre here to make small talk and ask me for coffee like weve been good friends then Ive got no time, okay? Sorry, I had no plans on ruining someones day, at all. Sam raised his hands too in defense. Allison saw him smile. How could he smile at a time like this? Im just going to give back something. He held her moleskin journal she had already forgotten. Allison couldnt believe he kept it. She looked at it, doubtful if she ever wanted it back. You kept it? Yeah. The last time we hung out back then I sneaked it off when we were on your room. Thought I could give it back to its rightful owner. Oh and dont worry, I didnt put it out for everyone else to read. How funny. She mumbled to herself and rolled her eyes at him. Sam was enjoying it. Sadist. Hey, Im just kidding, okay? When I saw you at the reunion we didnt have any chance to talk and it occurred to me the journals been with me for years. He paused, taking a look at his office and said, Nice place. Youve finally got what you wanted. His smile was so tempting she wanted to smile at him too. She was glad he remembered what she had always wanted. Sam was still holding out the journal for her reach. In shaking hands she reached for it and held it lightly on her hand. She felt his hand brush on hers but she ignored it anyway. She gulped again and turned her back to return to her desk.

11

Allison just nodded, her eyes watery almost coming to tears. She sniffed, lunged for breath and gave into an exhale. He was right there in front of her, she was having a hard time breathing. You know, Im sorry. It was a perfectly bad start. You think I can make it up for coffee? Im pretty sure you came a long way here so. She had never asked out a guy for coffee before. Except for work or for guys like Freddie. She didnt know what she was getting into. It was dangerous. But she liked the danger of it all. Sam smiled genuinely for her and had never looked so relieved when he entered. Never thought youd ask that but who am I to refuse, right? Allison and Sam shared a smile. Allison was sure not one of them looked away, until her phone rang and off she went to answer it.

SAM

Sam and Allison were walking their way to Gregorys Coffee. The silence was its most uncomfortable and when Sam was trying to walk beside her, to slow things down, Allison would rush. She wouldnt even look at him in the eye. He wanted to hold her hand tight- to stop whatever it was that they were doing. But he was the one who was catching up, trying to reach for her. Obviously, she was trying to avoid him. They sat on and the smell of Allisons coffee while Allison had a table for two by the window. People were brimming at this day coffee could downright enter everyones nostrils. Sam paid for however she tried insisting. Sam had a Night Vision Espresso herself a Toddy Iced Coffee.

It took a while for them to open up to each other. Although Sam was desperate for talk, the nerves were getting into him. Her blue eyes kept avoiding his green eyes. She kept on looking down on her coffee that Sam could already look at the ceiling to save themselves. They had accidentally looked at each other in the eye when Allison looked away and fidgeted for her phone in her purse. Sam found himself smiling again when her phone was actually sitting on the glass table. She was so beautiful that way she doesnt need to change. Its on the table. Sam was still smiling, pointing it out. But Allison looked at him, startled. Table? Youre phone. Its on the table Allison. You keep searching for it in the purse its just right there. He wanted to laugh at her but the girl was zoned out. She sighed heavily, looking embarrassed. Thanks. Why are you doing this? Doing what? Sam was trying to make a fun out of her when Allison was dying to give this all up. Coming back. Pretending office. I just dont get it. like nothing happened. Coffee. Coming into my

You were the one who invited me for coffee, apparently. Ugh. Forget about that. This conversation is going nowhere. She slumped back on her chair. Sam was enjoying this. This is not bad for a start. 12

Why are you acting so stubborn about all this? Sam had no intention on asking it harshly. It sounded like a tease. He smiled again. Huh. Look whos asking. She rolled her eyes in front of him. Look whos stubborn. Stop repeating a word from what I said. She crossed her arms, trying to cover herself. And they fell silent, Sam was still mocking her. Another minute had passed but the silence that had between them was already growing secure. Like it was okay just to be this silent to each other. Heard youre playing for the Jets this season. How does it feel? Allison was trying to make conversation. Sam thought this was progress. I didnt know you were interested in what I do now. Im trying to make this conversation as fluid as possible okay. Keep up, Sam. Sam was laughing hard now and he was surprised Allison had uttered his name again. Okay maam. Im keeping up. Sam raised his hands, taunting her again. No seriously. Yeah Im playing this season. Ive got a big deal since Pittsburgh. Figured I can make the cut. Luckily I did. Im pretty excited actually. Allison looked at him intently, Sam sensed he needed to ask her some questions too. Hows Vanity Fair going? We know youve always wanted to become a writer. Allison fell silent, stirring her cold coffee and looked at him. Sam wasnt good with small talk but what with Allison in front of him, hed give anything, talk about anything. Tried out for Vogue but Im too scared of Anna. Wintour? He asked. I didnt know guys who play football know editors for fashion magazines. Blame it on my mother. And it cropped up to Sam that Allison never met his mother. He didnt even bring her home to meet his parents. The silence grew awkward again. Yeah mothers. She mumbled, smiling slightly. When Allison lowered her eyes, she raised her left brow and stared right back at Sam. Sam looked at her too. And before they know it, they were laughing. Sam had no idea who brought it up, it was some rare connection he couldnt explain. Before Sam could say anything more, Allison was stealing glances at her watch and stood up to leave. They walked their way out the door and separated into opposite directions. Bye, Sam. Thanks for the, uh, coffee and all that. Allison smiled at him, and Sam nodded at her. Allison was already walking away when Sam came rushing for her, taking up giant leaps just to catch her. Hey, hey. Sam was catching his breath while Allison was walking a lot faster, farther from him. When Sam arrived at her proximity, Allison turned to look at him, astonished by his actions. Do you think uh- He was gasping for air and scratching his head. It was clear to him Allison was preventing herself from laughing. He did not care. He mustered up all the courage he can get and asked, Do you think we can go to dinner at 8? I can pick you up. Sams voice was fading away, Allison was looking blank. And looking from her reaction, Sam was already close to giving up. It took a while to hear Allisons answer, prolonging Sams agony. 13

He was praying it did not appear to Allison how nervous he was when her lips motioned, Youre so persistent, you know that? She smirked at him and turned her back, moving to walk away again. It looked like his hopes just went downhill. But before he knew it, Allison turned herself to Sam again, bearing the answer he wanted so badly to hear. Pick me up at 7:30. Sam got what he wanted.

ALLISON

He did what?! Jenny exclaimed as Allison was speaking with her through the phone. Her voice was as loud as a megaphone Allison had to pull herself away from the speakers. She could already sense the smile forming on Jennys face from the tone of giddiness in her voice. Still, Allison could not believe how easy she gave in to Sams invitation. Why had she been so impulsive? She was supposed to hate him or loathe him to oblivion for that matter. She was supposed to repel. She already compelled herself to forget him the night they saw each other again. But whenever she tried to stay away from him, the closer he comes right back at her. Calm down Jen! Dont you forget youre on the phone in my own apartment so I need you to please, lower your voice down. Allison was sitting uncomfortably on her leather chair that she was raising her hand in what appears to be some kind of self-diagnosed panic attack. Pgsh well, forgive me your highness but can you just please tell me everything? Im just stoked here you know. As your best friend its in my job description to support your endeavors in love now that Sam Oakleys reconnecting. Come on! Tell me, tell me, tell me. Jennys unbelievable excitement actually made Allison laugh. It felt good to have Jenny back that now, she probably needs her most. Allison stood from her chair, removed her romper heels and walked back and forth in her gray-carpeted office. Okay here goes: you wouldnt believe he just came up to my office out of the blue and I asked him for coffee because I felt guilty I had acted so mulish. And then he actually paid for my Toddy which was one smooth move for someone I havent seen in years. She flopped on her blue leather couch while Jenny listened in anticipation. She could already picture Jenny nodding her head in so much focus. And then we talked. You shouldve seen how awkward everything was and then the next thing I knew we were laughing for no apparent reason. And then there, there you go, he asked me for dinner. Tonight at 8. And ugh, can you even believe what I said to him? Allison was talking real fast now she didnt seem to notice she needed more air to breathe and speak. What what what?! I think I know what that is! Jenny was squeaking in excitement at the other end of the line. I said, pick me up at 7:30. With a fucking smile on my face. I looked like I was flirting! That is not me, Jenny. That is bizarre. Thats the last thing I want to do, believe me! Allison couldve cried out but she sat straight and put her hand on her forehead incredulously. I someone thought saucers knew it! Hahahaha! That was great, Ally! Its bout time you date you know. And Allison heard another scream from Jennys voice she about switching places with her best friend. There were muffled noises of or whatever fragile glassware had dropped on the floor. 14

Hey are those my china?

No just one mug I had for coffee. Sorry, that wont happen again. Seriously Ally, you have got to come home early so I can help you pick out something you can wear tonight. He said hell pick me up here. Thats a good idea. Looks like Sams really relentless now. I bet hed even take a bullet for you. I doubt it. High school was a warning sign taped cautiously on my head. That wasnt a warning sign Ally. That was the past- a mistake. A lesson learned. We know what he did to you but I know, deep inside that gooey heart of yours you want him back and obviously, he feels the exact same way. Why dont you take some risk? Youre grown now- were all grown up now. This isnt high school. Give him a chance you know. Look at what India did to you. Hah! Gotta give myself credit for that. But seriously Ally, think about it. Who knows, right? Jenny made a lot of sense Allison wanted to ignore. She nodded like Jenny could actually see her through the phone. From Jennys words, it was undeniable how right she was. And Allison hated someone being right that she could already see her own flaws. Allison had agreed to Jenny just so the conversation would end. She stared at the ceiling, inhaled all the thoughts that could make up her decision and stood up. This might just be the first time Allison is going to ditch someone.

SAM

He had never been more prepared in his life. When Allison accepted the invitation he was dying to ask, he wanted to jump out of pure joy or dance away all the unexplainable nervousness creeping in his entire body. As agreed, he was to pick up Allison at 7:30. But of course he didnt want to make the slightest bit of bad impression by coming in late so he started riding a cab at 6:40 and calculated that he could most possibly arrive at 7:00. When the cab pulled in at the foot of the skyscraper, Sam looked at his watch and noticed he had only been in a 10-minute ride. He was too early and he didnt want to scare Allison off by appearing too eager. Instead, he decided he could buy her a bouquet of pink roses at Ode A La Rose. When he reached the flower shop, an old florist welcomed him to an array of flowers he was completely unfamiliar with. He thought the pink roses would make Allisons blue eyes more vibrant, so he could look at them all night. As soon as he purchased the flowers, the florist secured them in a box with the shops logo. Then it materialized into something like a pastry he wanted to eat. He paid for them and the old lady was still smiling from what he had bought. He walked his way straight to Allisons building, took the elevator up at 7 th and when he entered its glass doors, he saw her secretary talking calmly on the phone. He remembered its name was Sarah. He smiled at her politely, and Sarah put the phone down. Hi. I think Im too early but I guess Ill wait for Ally here. Is it okay? He gestured at a leather couch snug perfectly in front of Sarahs desk. Sarahs hair was pulled into a neat bun and nodded with every single word he had uttered. But Sarah broke into an uncertain look that he wasnt sure what it truly meant. Sarah stood from her desk and walked towards Sam. 15

She actually left. I swear I didnt know she had any plans at all for tonight. Im sorry. But you can leave the flowers here and I can give it to her tomorrow. Sarah explained while she clasped her hands tight while she was talking to him. Sam could only gulp. He didnt know what to respond to her and he didnt know what to react with his feelings either. Sam had been outsmarted. Of course. Who would even give in for dinner this early? Look what expecting too much did to him. Sarah looked sorry for him, he was even more sorry for himself. He doesnt want to get mad at Allison but he was scared hed get to that point tonight. He didnt say any words to Sarah as he left. He searched for the nearest trash bin and thrown away the roses that reminds him of her. *** He already had three bottles beer but he didnt seem to feel it burn his throat yet. The bar was silent but an old music sounded faint through his ears. It was lonely, like all the people around him. Glasses were tinkling, gulps from liquor was loud enough he could hear them. Why would Allison do such a thing? He asked himself. He didnt know the exact answer but he was well aware what made her do it. He took another drink that was consumed halfway when he felt something warm hover beside him and saw Amber sitting on a stool close to him. Hey, stranger. This time, she did not look drunk. And it wasnt a good sign. Sam smiled slightly and took another gulp. Amber, seriously. What are you doing here? He was annoyed he wanted to get away and leave but Amber held his arm and stopped him from doing so. Stop being such an ass okay. This is completely coincidental. She explained sincerely and Sam straightened himself up, hearing the truth from her words. Youre the one I should ask you that. You look like you could beat up someone or something. Sam was already giving room for conversation. Maybe this is okay, having someone from the past he could talk to. So he scooted his stool closer and started opening up. Allison just ditched me. I think the look explains everything. Allison? Allison Grant from high school?! I knew you and her had a thing in high school but I didnt know youre still together. Ambers eyes widened and stared at her bottle long enough. Yes. Anne Frank with the braces. Nah, we werent anymore, actually. I just saw her recently from the reunion and I asked her out for dinner. God. I couldnt imagine what I did to her. Are you kidding me? She hated you. She hates me. Now I dont have any idea what to do anymore. Give her space dude! Shes probably just shocked or something. Shes probably plotting her revenge against me, though. They both laughed at the thought of it. He saw the difference between the Amber then and Amber now. He couldnt be more proud. Tell me, why did you do that to Allison? I mean come on. It wasnt some silly prank, shes devastated. 16

Thats the big question I cant really answer though but I was like Cheerzilla back then. I dont know. Sometimes people just make mistakes and people are different back then than what they are now. Ive been such a dick, what with all the people expecting so big of me. But Im sorry, really. Insecurities keep eating me up. She put her head on her forehead and looked genuinely relieved she said that out loud. Wow, the change is pretty clear. What have you been up to? Amber nudged him in the arm slightly and laughed. Im getting married, actually. Im on freelance graphic design and my fiances a photographer. We make up a good team. She presented her ringed finger proudly and Sam saw the glint of happiness in her eyes. Well, congratulations! Sam replied as he hugged her for support. But dont you think its too early? Sam asked curiously. I think theres nothing too early or too late for love, Sam. It just hits you and you know it. Sam and Amber shared another smile. Amber had never been better. He wished he could be better than he was. Its been getting late and Sam and Amber were getting deep with anything under the sun. They went out together and taxi cabs were still lining up for traffic outside the bar. Thanks for the company. Sam nodded and kissed Amber on the cheek. Not a problem Sam. Piece making up her mind I guess. And then, the way you look at each Amber gave him a light peck on left. of advice- dont give up, ever. Allisons just looking from the two of you at the reunion back other, its rare, really. Hold on to that. And the cheek. He smiled at her and soon enough she

Sam was already looking for a taxi cab but the traffic had been unresponsive. He squinted his eyes for clarity and as he was looking closely from one of the cabs, there was Allison, with her window rolled down. He wasnt sure she had been there for a long time but he was hoping Allison hadnt seen Amber and him exchanging kisses on the cheek. He tried to call after her, but she shut her windows up and the cabs engine roared into life.

ALLISON

Allison was crying. And she had been telling herself not to because she deserved it. She dumped Sams dinner invitation in the first place but why was she the one who have felt so defeated? She ducked herself on the seat of the cab when the driver hadnt been so helpful. He kept looking at her from the rearview mirror asking her if she was okay and telling her itll be okay soon. She didnt believe him. She was exhausted. She felt like crap. It was a good thing Jenny wasnt around when she came home, she didnt want to see her like this- mulling over such trivial things. She decided to take a long bath to make herself feel better. The bubbles accumulating in her tub were embracing her, the water warm enough she could just sleep in it. When she laid her head at the edge of the tub, her tears didnt stop from falling at all. So she closed her eyes instead and tried drifting off. *** 17

Allison was losing focus when she went to work that day. By the time Sarah had told her Sam came too early to pick her up the night before, with a bouquet of pink roses in hand, it only reminded her of how real everything was. That she had been unfair to him. That she had seen him and Amber getting too cosy outside a bar. That she had been crying all night she barely recognized herself when she woke up. That she couldve just went to dinner with Sam. She tried sorting out portfolios for the months issue, but writing her new article did no good as a distraction either. Why had she been so hard on herself? So she went out for coffee and secured a cup of Starbucks. She figured she could escape a little from her time and take a stroll in Central Park. Central Park had always felt like home to her. The air was a little colder, the sun was sleepy enough it didnt burn too bright. She could see people walking their dogs and old couples holding hands. But it didnt look too crowded, it was peaceful in a way she need not explain. Her phone was ringing, stuck deep inside her bag. When she fished for it, she was having a hard time holding the warm cup of coffee in between her other arm. She was walking awkwardly while digging for the phone that desperately rung for her answer. Allison wasnt looking at where shes walking and who she was going to bump into when she hit a guy taking a jog and spilled half the cups contents into his sweatshirt. Allison was profusely sorry she wiped his sweatshirt with her hands when she turned to look up at him and saw that it was Sam. I take that back. Im not really sorry. She rolled her eyes. The past days had made her so cynical she kind of hated herself for it. She was already walking away when Sam caught her up. Technically, you shouldnt take it back because I deserve it. Nice move Ally, you ditching me. Huh. Sam spread his arms, proud he had something to hold against her. Why would I? Youre the one getting all warm and fuzzy with Amber. They stood apart each other and Allison gave up with the argument. She found the nearest bench and sprawled herself in it. Not so long after, Sam sat down next to her. Allison was looking farther with tears building up her eyes. She crossed her arms and hugged herself so she could protect her from him. Ambers getting married and we just talked a little. Shes actually thousand times better now. Shes settled. Sam lowered his eyes and played on his fingers. The words hit Allison. Shes been the bad guy in here after all. Still, she wasnt responding. She was too afraid to speak to him. Ally, why are we always being like this? We keep on fending off from each other. Im trying you know, really hard here and, all this time youre being so hard on me, on yourself. Sams voice sounded soft she wanted to scoot herself in his arms and stay there. She was deep in thought now, preparing something to say to him. He was right. Allison turned to look him in the eye and said, I know. And Im really sorry. I dont know whats happening to me especially when I saw you again. I couldnt function well I guess. But really, Sam, sorry. If you were in my place, Im sure youll act the same way. God Im so stupid. She was, truly, and just when she thought Sam could hate him even more, he brushed his hand on her cheek and it made her feel better. Apology accepted. But on one condition. Sam said, making a deal. She rolled her eyes at him and replied, Okay, what is it? Lunch. Today. Just some hearty Shake Shack burgers and Im done. Thats all. Sams smile was tempting, she could look at him everyday. 18

Deal. Allison made up her mind and the decision, actually made her feel okay. It wasnt just okay, it was right.

SAM

Since that day, Sam had lost count of the weeks and months that have passed. He was only certain he saw Allison smile again and knowing he was the reason behind it made him feel definite of himself and for the both of them. Two days ago, his mother had called him up for his fathers birthday at their beach house in Hamptons on the weekend. He wasnt sure if Allison would be able to come but hed already told his parents hed be bringing her home for them to meet. He wanted to tell her sooner. That night, Allison slept over at Sams. Jenny had been out recently so he figured Allison could spend a night or two with him instead. He was getting two bottles of soda in the fridge while Allison sat on his couch, the televisions glaring lights gleaming on her face. Sam wanted to watch James Deans A Rebel Without A Cause but Allison thought Grace Kelly reruns could do better. He smiled at the sight of Allison wearing his Pittsburgh jersey shirt two sizes bigger than her, her feet raised on the coffee-table, arms crossed, crunching on a bowl of popcorn beside her. He came in closer and sat down next to her. Then, Allison scooted over in the nook of his arm and chest. She smelled of lavender and freshly-opened box of sweet pastries. He wanted to kiss her so he put his lips at the top of her head, Allison pressing onto his body even more. Her eyes were pinned on the television but he was more than interested in looking at her all the time. Do you have any plans this weekend? wouldnt hear the nervousness in his voice. Sam asked casually, hoping she

Allison pulled herself an inch away from him and straightened herself to speak. Lets see, I think Im going to edit some articles, including mine of course. Oh and Ill probably sort ads to be included for the months issue, I guess, but well see. Why have you asked? Allison looked at him and Sam pulled his arm away from her so he could look at her. My mom called two days ago and she told me dads celebrating his birthday at our beach house in the Hamptons this weekend. I figured Ill take you there to meet them. But if youre that busy, I can just go on my own. Her expression went blank so Sam asked, Hey, are you okay? Did I say something wrong? No no no no, trust me, Im dying to go but- But what? Sam asked. This is the first time Im going to meet them and I dont know, Im scared or something. What if theyll hate me? Her forehead was creased with worry, he tried to calm her down by holding her hand tight. Are you kidding me? I already told them Im bringing you. Theyll love you, I swear. Sam reassured her, and she looked at him with full trust. She was silent for a second, waiting for whatever response he was to receive. What embrace. times our flight? She sighed as Sam pulled her again into an

19

ALLISON

The weather in Hamptons was everything she could wish for. The sea breeze was cold despite the sun shadowing on her face. The air smelled of saltwater and barbecues on the grill. They arrived in time for the party and she never thought the Oakleys beach house was as big as a mansion. The walls were painted in ivory, and the front porch, reminiscent of their house in North Carolina has a wooden swing hanging beside it. The foyer was intricately decorated with a vase of fresh flowers, the windows were opened wide as the curtains danced with the wind. When they entered, she was holding Sams hand all this time, rooting for strength with his grip. Guests were dressed in breezy, white clothes, ideally for the beach. Some ladies have worn formal derby hats like they were attending an exclusive ranch party, some were in maxi dresses and white polo shirts. She never thought the guests would measure up this many. Sam was holding her hand tight while he was shaking hands with people she did not know. There was, Pam and Bennett his cousins and his Aunts and Uncles she couldnt commit to her own memory. This is all too fast, she thought to herself. When Sam went to grab some punch for the both of them, she was standing alone by the console at the fireplace. There were pictures of him she had fun watching. There was little Sam wrapped in a ski jacket in the alps. And there was Sam, probably as she had remembered him in sixth grade, playing with his dog. And lies in the middle was Sam in high school with his entire family. It wasnt too formal but they were captured purely, happily. She realized it was outside by the front porch of the beach house that the picture was taken. His two sisters were incredibly gorgeous and his brother looked just like his mom. His mother was blonde, thin and statuesque, while his father, who was taller than his mom, had a brawny body. He looked strong and reputable. His hair was brunette and his eyes were green, just like Sams. She was staring at the pictures with a smile on her face when Sam interrupted her with their drinks. Your familys really beautiful. And so are you. She was teasing him as she grabbed her drink from his hand. Really? I believe thats the reason why you have fallen in love with me. She laughed at him. Arent you an arrogant young man Mr. Oakley. His smile was something Allison wanted to keep for herself forever. Sam wrapped her in his arms again. Come with me. Sam held her hand and led her to the back of the house where the smell of barbecue had come from. There were people eating on a table and by the looks, it was his father who was grilling. She was trying to fix her dress and hair when his father turned to look at them. Oh there he is! Theres my quarterback! He pulled Sam into a tight hug and pointed proudly at him for the guests to see. Hes playing for the Jets! His dad slung his arm tightly on Sams and walked towards her. And who is this beautiful lady youve brought with us here today? Dad, Id like you to meet Allison my girlfriend. Allison shook his hands and couldnt contain the smile forming on her face. We went to the same high school actually. Went to the same high school. She tried searching for the absurdity of that phrase but she went on to shaking hands with him instead. Hi, nice to finally meet you. She said politely and gave into his dads warm embrace. Im Stan, Sams father. I didnt know you went to the same high school. 20

Uh we did. Guess my looks have changed, though. And blame it on the high school population. She was trying to sound witty but she was the only one who laughed at what she had said. Shes a feature and design editor for Vanity Fair dad. Sam came near her and put his arm around her instead. Wow, such a package for a beautiful, young lady as you. Well then, make yourself at home, okay? He smiled genuinely at her and waved the tong he was holding on his hand. Sam? Make sure our Allison heres okay, okay? You can put your things in your room I think youre moms prepared that for ya. He sounded funny repeating the okays in what he said. Like Allison, Sam laughed at his own dad as well. Allison thought the first meeting was fine, thinking about his mom made her feel queasy but she tried to erase it right away. Not so long after, her mom appeared in the entrance by the back door. She was in a simple white sundress and her hair was tied in a loose bun. She never looked old or wrinkly, she was just as what Allison had seen her in the picture. Son! God, Ive missed you! She opened her arms wide and took Sam into her embrace. Allison came in closer and fixed herself up again. Mom, this is Allison, my girlfriend. Isnt she beautiful? Sam introduced Allison. Allison was holding her breath. So this is the lucky girl! She is, stunning son, really. Heard youre writing for Vanity Fair, am I right? She was too scared by his moms hospitality, she was sensing something was wrong with the thought of that. Hello, maam. Nice to meet you. Yes, I design too. Oh please, call me Martha. And wow, that must be a joy, isnt it? Oh and Sam here, told me, you went to the same high school. Just look at you two, all grown up now, but I havent even met you before, which is quite strange, actually. Hmmm. I remember Amber, I met her and some of his friends from the team. Silence fell at what she had said, Sam held her hand but she wanted to let go. Martha, who broke the silence and gushed about the two of us walked away to the grill. The day was a blur and she hadnt seen much of his parents prior to their meeting. Sam helped him unpack in their room and she couldnt make up normal conversations with him after what his mother had said. That night, when the guests have left, she had dinner with Sam, Stan and Martha. Sams siblings were away with their families and own work that they couldnt come, but his parents were more than glad Sam was there to celebrate it with. Allison saw how close Sam was with his parents, how at the end of the day, he had both of them to talk things with. But why had he done it? He has a good home, a good family, a good character. Isnt that enough of a reason why he shouldnt been so cruel? She was thinking of the past yet again but she reminded herself that she was here for Sam and that he loved him more than before. And she was scared at the idea of it. When dinner was done and the house was as still as the moonlight. Sam was sleeping soundly on the bed when Allison escaped the room, brought the moleskin journal along with her and walked to the beach. It was freezing outside the beach house that her sweater and pyjamas couldnt contain the coldness of the wind. She hugged the journal tight in her chest and looked away as far as her eyes could go. The waves were quiet and the water had turned gray in color. She was thinking things too much again, feeling lost when Sam kissed her on the cheek and sat close beside her. She smiled at him and looked down on her feet buried in the sand. Sam? She asked him. 21

Yes, love? He put his arm around her and she gave in. What happened to us? I mean, this is the only time Ive had the courage to ask you why had things been like that between us, in high school. Why? Here we go again. I thought you forgot about that? She could feel him pull away from her and heard the chagrin in his voice. Can you blame me? It wasnt easy for me, you know that. You think it was this easy to get your hopes up too high? Do you even realize how long Ive waited? I was exhausted, Sam. I was the only one whos waiting, always. You dont know how hurt I was to buy some pretty dress for some stupid prom and you promised, you promised youd come but you didnt. Your mom even met Amber before me. Huh. Her voice was raising and the tears were filling up her eyes. Sam was inches far from her and his eyes were blank. It took him seconds to answer her. I didnt have everything figured out. Come on, what were we back then? 18? What else were we thinking? His forehead was creased and he raised is palms in argument. Dont ever tell me I hadnt been on those things. She mumbled, wiping the tears falling on her cheeks. All those times I thought I was protecting you, but it was too late that I realized I wasnt. He wasnt looking at her and his voice was already filled with resentment. It is. But this is too good to be true. Tell me, were you protecting me or were you just embarrassed? She was looking at him now, the tension in her voice was clear. Stop, Allison. Youre just tired, lets go back to sleep. He was standing up but Allison sat still on the sand, waiting for an answer. I was. okay! I was! His voice was louder than the waves crashing on the shore. She finally got her answer but she could not bear hearing it herself. You know what, youve been so stuck in the past Allison. Isnt this enough, Ally? Cant now be enough for you? Cant I be enough for you? Sam was furious she was already scared of him. Youre enough, Im sorry, she told herself. You keep pushing people away- people who love you. Sams voice was shuddering and she couldnt look at him that way, with tears in his eyes. She hugged herself firmly hoping for comfort but there wasnt. There she was, ruining everything again. She stood up and tried reaching out to him when Sam was already walking away before she could do so. *** Days have passed and they hadnt spoken to each other. She wanted to make a phone call but there was no answer. She wanted to knock on his door, and if shes lucky hed let his door open, shed kiss him. She wanted to fix herself. She was desperate to fix everything up. When shes at work her eyes wouldnt take away on the glass doors, hoping hed arrive at any moment. When shes at home, listening to Jenny, shed stare at her phone and wait for a miracle. Shes waiting again and, this time, she was sure she couldnt wait any longer. The week had been such a haze she busied herself with work instead. Shed stay up late writing, proofreading, goggling her eyes at the computer screen trying to make the best kind of art she wanted the magazine to be. And another 22

week has passed and the magazine was released for over a million copies distributed to certain parts of the world. The temporary fulfilment she had felt made her forget him. But not entirely. She was still questioning herself on what they already are. Is she nothing to him now? Because what she clearly wants, more than ever, is to be his everything. She had blamed him for being too late, but in truth, she was- she was the one catching up the train that had already left.

SAM

Sam was too dead beat to open the door. The persistent knocking was already annoying him so he chose to open it instead. He stood for a second in front of it to prepare himself, twisted the knob and there she was Allison, standing in front of him. Neither both of them had spoken but he led her to sit on the couch. As she sat by herself, she was biting her lip and staring down on her lap. He didnt want to talk if the conversation would only end up as an argument. He was standing in front of her and put his hands on his pockets. Can we talk? She said as the sound of her voice was shaking. He nodded as a reply. He couldnt bring himself to utter a single word. Can we fix things, please? Ive screwed up and Im sorry. I do. I love you Sam, I would never dare lose you again. She pleaded, standing up close to him, her blue eyes piercing into his green eyes. She was already crying. I hope its that easy. I dont even think this is right anymore. He said with the most serene fury in his voice. Then marry me. She asked him, holding his face in her hands. He wasnt looking at her but he wanted to. Youre impulsive, Allison. And then what, youre going to remind me again of the past? Youre going to find a way that theres something wrong with what I have for you? He put away her hand that was holding his face. I wont. She looked at him again for a moment, sniffing the tears stuck inside her. She grabbed her bag, pulled out her journal and handed it to him. Take this. I hope youre just dazed or what. And if youve made up your mind or finally got everything figured out, return it to me and meet me at Central Park. On sunset. Tomorrow. Ill wait. Because I wont get tired of you, I just hope you wont, with me. He could barely understood her with what she had said. He didnt take the journal but she dropped it on the coffee-table below him. He slumped on the couch, stared at the journal and watched Allison shut the door behind her.

ALLISON

That was the most reckless thing that she had ever asked of him, but although it was impulsive, she couldnt be more sure of it. Alone, she was sitting on a bench as she watched the sky monochrome into a shade of pink and blue, until it went indigo. The day was closing in on her. She was not expecting he would come, but she was terribly hoping, holding on to the butterflies in her stomach that maybe, just maybe, hell be there. She have been so blinded in the past she couldnt see the love he was giving him. She thought everything was alright when she chose to push people away. She thought being cautious had protected her, but it only put herself and the people that mattered, in danger. 23

She looked at her watch and enfolded herself as a cold wind had passed her by. The sky was getting dark and the streetlights had been lightened up but there was still no sign of Sam. She decided to wait a little longer, feeling uneasy. But what if he wont arrive? She asked herself. She wouldnt want to know the answer. On the benches beside her, people had started to leave and she thought about that maybe, it was time for her to leave too. Maybe it was time to let him go. Maybe it was time shed forget about the past and forget about Sam now. But she had only loved him. It hurt to love. someone that you can already hate yourself for it. She took another glance at her watch and sighed heavily. Time to go, Allison, she told herself and started leaving. Marry Me. Allison was brought to a halt. Someone was panting behind her, shouting something she knew whose voice it owned. Slowly, she turned to its direction and Sam was standing behind her, holding her journal, gasping for breath. I thought youd never come. Thought youd never ask. She said as she was coming up to him, close enough she could kiss him. Who am I to refuse? He smiled crookedly, and Allison was lost in those green eyes she hadnt forgotten.

-END-

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