2 Broke Girls By Adrian Manzano

" Cupcake Cunts "

WGA Registered

Adrian Manzano 718 877 8511 manzanony@gmail.com

INT. RAMONS ROOM Max is getting dressed while Ramon in vanilla satin sheets lies in bed huffing and puffing. RAMON That was amazing MAX I know. RAMON Youre incredible. MAX I know again. RAMON Where you going. MAX Its late I gotta make cupcakes in the morning. RAMON No! Dont leave. I need more. MAX Easy there tiger. Its my business, Im not just a waitress. RAMON How many times I told you, you can live here with me. MAX I dont think thats such a good idea. RAMON You would never have to work again a day in your life. Except of course raising my children and cooking. MAX As tempting as that sounds Ill pass. RAMON You should at least spend the night. (CONTINUED)

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2.

MAX Yea the clingy ... not attractive. Cute, passionate, but just not my bag. RAMON When will I see you again. MAX Never! RAMON Dont say such things! MAX You will never take me away from my cupcakes. RAMON But I need you. MAX Alright, Ill stop by Friday. She exits. ACT 1 INT. MAX AND CAROLINES APT - EARLY MORNING Max walks into her apt to find The kitchen a disaster as Caroline is trying to make cupcakes, She is all messy with batter on her nose. MAX What the hell. CAROLINE Max youre home I wasnt expecting you. MAX What the hell is this. CAROLINE I just wanted help out. MAX By destroying the kitchen?

(CONTINUED)

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3.

CAROLINE You know I feel bad that the window isnt selling as much and youre doing all the baking. So I made some cupcakes see. She pointed to the sorriest looking cupcakes you can imagine. MAX I see youre going for the Abstract Cupcake market. CAROLINE Oh I tried, But look this one came out. See its a rainbow! I saw a rainbow this morning and I was so inspired. MAX Good thing you didnt see the toilet at the restaurant. Wed be making brownies. CAROLINE So you dont like it. MAX I appreciate you trying but dont worry Let me handle baking and you do branding business and blond. CAROLINE OK. thanks. I dont know what Id do without you. MAX Destroy kitchens. EXT. CUPCAKE WINDOW. Max and Caroline are at the window, while hipsters just pass by. CAROLINE Cupcakes cupcakes hello! MAX You need to be less earnest. Hipsters buy apathy.

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CONTINUED: CAROLINE Its just so frustrating. MAX Why dont you offer your cupcakes for free? CAROLINE Like a free sample! yes! Great idea Caroline get out with the tray and offers to hipsters passing by. CAROLINE Hello would you like a free cupcake? HIPSTERS Why are they free. CAROLINE Because ... its a sample. HIPSTERS Well Im a capitalitarian so I must pay for things. CAROLINE Oh right. Well take money too. HIPSTERS Nah Im broke, I havent worked in over a year. CAROLINE Oh thats a shame. HIPSTERS But since its free. Hipster takes a few cupcake and wanders off. MAX Great now the homeless are disguised as hipsters. CAROLINE Im no good I cant do anything right. MAX Come here, let just put them on the window sill, so people can come by and take em.

4.

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CONTINUED: CAROLINE Lets face it, were no good. MAX Would you like a cupcake with your wine.

5.

Max stuffs a cupcake in her mouth to shut her up. Just then JEN (30) very BUTCH looking woman passes by and notices the rainbow cupcake. JEN Hey, what are you girls selling? CAROLINE Cupcakes, the best in Brooklyn. Made by women like you. JEN Thats great, Im so glad you girls are out. CAROLINE We are out and proud. JEN Oh you are too cute. MAX She aint that cute, you should smell her morning breath. JEN Let me get a chocolate fudge MAX Coming right up. JEN Im gonna tell all my girlfriends to come here and support. We need to support each other. CAROLINE Yea! Us girls, we got to stick together. Vaginas unite! haha. Heres your change. JEN And if things dont work out with her, or if you girls are open minded I wouldnt mind us having a menage a trois. (CONTINUED)

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6.

CAROLINE I dont think Ive heard of that cupcake. Max do we make-- ...? Jen pull her hand close. JEN Or it can be just you barbie. and me

CAROLINE (whisper) Wait, you want me and you to... oh dear. JEN Think about it, OK. Later barbie. MAX What was it you just asked me about. CAROLINE Oh she was asking if we had mang...go... Mango truffles, do we Mango Truffles? MAX Oh, were all out. CAROLINE Caroline gets up and looks in the mirror. Starts trying to look lesbian. MAX What are you doing CAROLINE Oh nothing... MAX You got another customer. Another butch lesbian with Green hair shows up. BUTCH LESBIAN Hey. Caroline acting more lesbian.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: CAROLINE hey... ACT II

7.

EXT. CUPCAKE WINDOW DUSK. The window has a small line of Butch and Lipstick lesbians. Caroline is dressed like a lesbian and trying to make friends. CAROLINE Heres your cupcakes, 8.85 is your change, heres your receipt, were lesbians, have a nice day. MAX Did you just say we were lesbians... CAROLINE. No. MAX Yes, you did. CAROLINE Alright. Maybe. MAX I think we already have enough gossip about us. CAROLINE Yes but look at the people. Its working. MAX I thought Mellisa Ethridge was having a comeback concert. CAROLINE No, this is out brand you get it? We are the cupcake cunts. MAX The what! CAROLINE We needed a brand, and so far its working, look how much money weve made. (CONTINUED)

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8.

Max, sees the money and is impressed. Another lesbian comes up. LESBIAN Yea hi can I get a dozen cupcakes. MAX Were lesbians! LESBIAN OK, thanks for the info. MAX Coming right up! While Max is packaging the box, a GUIDO looking guy and old woman show up in a pink track suit. GIO Hey this your bakery. CAROLINE Yea. MAX Were the Cupcake Cunts. But we serve to all orientations. GIO Yea, well Im the Gay Guido food truck of Brooklyn. I run it with my Mama. MAMA Putana! CAROLINE Peanut-butter? Yea I think we got that. GIO She just called you a bitch, in Italian... CAROLINE Why? GIO Because youre on our turf. We own the Gay Guidos Food truck. We do sweet Delicacies like Marios Calzones, Baclaliverachi. My mamas old recepies, All with a little gay theme. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: MAX Hey thats a great Idea we should make some Lesbian themed Cupcakes. How about Ellen Diginger cupcake. CAROLINE Or Rosi Odalmond nut. GEO Wrong. You see we got the gay brand covered. CAROLINE Hey look Im sure theres plenty of room for two gay sweet shops in Brooklyn. MAMA No, No room. You go bye bye. Arividerchi! GIO She said... MAX Yea I speak broken English. GO Weve spent years building this brand, so you have to change it. CAROLINE Hey look we cant change who we are alright. MAX Yea, if we decided to become lesbians ... I mean we are lesbians and we cant change who we are, OK Arriverduschi! MAMA She has a point Gio, We must accept everyone. GIO No ma! Youre not going to get away with this. Well be back. MAMA But its OK to be lesbis too... They exit.

9.

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10.

CAROLINE Wow, who would have thought gays were so catty. MAX Are you kidding. Im pretty sure all Cats were once gay men in past lives. CAROLINE Well Im not gonnna change just because of one weird gay guy Oleg comes to the window MAX How about a weird straight guy. OLEG So I heard the news. Why would you keep this a secret from me, you could made my fantasies more believable. But I knew it all along. It was no wonder you girls never tried to jump my bones. MAX Yes, you got us. Thats exactly it. Lesbians! OLEG You just prefer the taco over the burrito. Not that theres anything wrong with that. CAROLINE Does that mean youre going to stop flirting with us and Harassing us sexually? OLEG Not a chance. Its always been a dream of mine to convert a lesbian with my sexual energy. MAX Damn. I thought it would have atleast bought us some time Sophie and Han approach the window.

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11.

SOPHIE Im so happy that you girls are out and proud. And While waiting on line , I met this really nice lipstick lesbian, named... CONDI Condelleza. SOPHIE What ever. I figure since Oleg showed me how bad men are I thought Id give women a try. OLEG Hey, You can go, but I know youll always come back. They always do. Oleg leaves SOPHIE Yea, you girls have the right idea. Im done with men. You should try it too Han HAN Men? SOPHIE No women. MAX Heck, everyone come try a little lesbianism! Hipsters walk and refer to Sophi HIPSTERS This place is awesome, Lesbians and transvestites. Im getting a banana cupcake CAROLINE $5, Heres youre receipt, were lesbians, Thank you come again. They leave. MAX Seems like were expanding to new markets.

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12.

CAROLINE I dont get the hipsters. MAX Youre not supposed to CAROLINE Why would they come to a lesbian cupcake window? MAX Hipsters hate themselves so much so they latch on to any minority cause that can make them look cool. CAROLINE What ever works. MAX Thats it, Lesbians bring Hipsters! This is an untapped market. The Guido is Right. We need to promote. INT. GAY BAR. Max and Caroline enter the bar. CAROLINE Wow, Ive never been to a gay bar. MAX Its like high school, The girls on one side, the boys on the other side. Except everyones Gay. Jen approaches JEN Hey, I see you wanna take me up on my offer. CAROLINE Uh no, we are happily together. MAX Dont think Im not flattered. JEN Hey, I had to give it a try. Miss every cunt you dont take.

(CONTINUED)

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13.

MAX Yea... (aside) we got to bone up on Lesbian Lingo. CAROLINE We just wanted to pass around the fliers of our cupcake cunts. JEN Hey no problem. Let me introduce you do all my lesbian friends. She leads them over, but Max is held by Gio, looking very gay. GIO Hey, What are you doing here? MAX Oh hey fellow gay competition. GIO Now youre gonna start advertising at Flamingos. Theres something off about you two. How come all of a sudden you just start coming here? MAX You know, Caroline isnt much of a club goer. Wooo! we hear Caroline scream as she grinds all giggly with 3 lesbians. MAX Yea, I had to beg her to come out and promote. GIO Well I wish she would have let you come out by yourself. MAX Are you hitting on me. GO Maybe. Why would you think I was hitting on you, unless ... You like men. MAX I dont like men, Im a lesbian. (CONTINUED)

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14.

GO Yea, so tell me. Whats Melissa Ethridges Original band name? MAX ... The Clit? GO Ha, I knew it. Im going to blog about this. Gio Exits, Max runs after him MAX Wait, you cant As she grabs him. Ramon catches them. RAMON What the hell is this? MAX Ramon RAMON Is this who youre cheating on my with. GIO Uh no, Who is this. RAMON Who am I? Im her Latin lover. MAX Gio, no, its not what you think. GIO The smoking Gun. I knew it. Ill see you on twitter! He exits. MAX Ramon, I told you friday. RAMON I couldnt wait to see you. I missed you, when ever I saw a motorboat on the east river, I thought of you.

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15.

MAX Yea, but now you just cost my my business. RAMON You are not cheating with that man? MAX No, hes gay, or is he gay? RAMON You dont know? Max thinks, then gets a brilliant Idea. MAX I got go! friday! dont! Gay bar! She runs in. RAMON Is this a gay place? GAYEST BOUNCER What do you think honey. RAMON I think I will go home. . INT. GAY CLUB JEN So have you given any thought to our Menage A Trois. CAROLINE You Know I totally would. But its Max. Shes just not as adventurous as I am. Max enters. MAX Caroline! we got to seduce the Gay Guido! Jen looks at them confused.

16. ACT III EXT. CUPCAKE WINDOW NEXT MORNING

Max talks as she makes cupcakes. Caroline attends the occasional customer. Its less Lesbian and more Hipster crowd. MAX Im telling you the gay guido isnt gay. CAROLINE How do you know. MAX Are you kidding, Nasa knows about my Gaydar. Its on point. Jen enters CAROLINE Oh Hey Jen, back for more, hey cool dog chain. JEN You lied to me. CAROLINE Huh. JEN No Body lies to me! look what the gay guidos posted on their blog. Carole reads from Jens iPad. CAROLINE (reading) Cupcake cunts are fake lesbians! What! Turns out the cute lesbian couple are just friends each have boyfriends. I do not have a boyfriend! MAX eww boys... CAROLINE (reading) They are pretending to get access to the gay community. Jen, I dont know what to say. (CONTINUED)

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17.

JEN How could you use us like that. MAX Wait hold up, the gay Guido is totally making that up. Were the gay ones. Hes lying about it. I am crazy about this one. Max grabs Caroline by surprise and gives her a kiss. The kiss goes on a little longer than should have. CAROLINE You see... Were Lesbian. Now go make me some cupcakes bitch. JEN Dont think Im fooled. Jen exits. MAX Please! believe us were definitely not straight!.... Not that theres anything wrong with that. CAROLINE Were going to lose our brand. MAX Hey dont be so glum. Atleast we got hipsters. Max sees Ramon approaching. MAX Actually I may need your brand one last time. RAMON My love, its friday, I need to see you again. MAX Yea Ramon, I got something to tell you. RAMON That you love me. MAX No, Im gay. (CONTINUED)

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18.

RAMON What! MAX I like women. Especially this one right here. CAROLINE Shes right. Weve been sleeping with each other. RAMON I cant believe this. Can I get in the action ... MAX No! Im only doing women now. Max and Caroline kiss very passionatly RAMON This is the saddest day for me. Ramon leaves, They Continue to kiss. Hipster interrupts. HIPSTERS Hey you guys can stop now. They are shocked. CAROLINE Oh right. MAX Um sure, yea. We were just pretending. CAROLINE What can I get you. HIPSTER Rosi ODalmond nut. CAROLINE Coming right up. END