*** FIRST DAY Welcome to Art West!

I finally transferred out of that tech class, and boy, was it awkward going back to grab your things and to walk out in the middle of a lesson. But at this point, I couldnt care less because I was finally enlisted into the arts program at my school. I walked past the guidance office once again, my heart beating like crazy and stood in front of the music room. I slowly opened the class door, and took a look at my friends all sitting together in the back looking at me walk in. There were other students as well, the year below us. I guess we were sharing a classroom for now until the new teacher started working. I walked in and headed toward my music teacher, giving him the slip of my official transfer into the class. He smiled, told me to grab a chair and to sit down. I went to the back room, put my stuff down and took a chair from the stacks on the side. I went to opposite side of the class from where my friends were sitting because there was no physical way of getting back there without having to walk through people. We were watching a video that my friends and I watched in our music class from last semester, but it was new to the grade nines though. At the end of the class, I went to talk to my teacher, about payments and what not. I left the class and headed up to my next class, science. I practically slept through the entire period, while being at the front of the class too. Lets just say, joining music was pretty much the only thing that got me through the day. In music, we were given a group assignment, to compose a piece. We were put in groups, Christine, Brian, Corey, Grace and I were one group. We had about two weeks to complete it and present it to the class. Reincarnation of a Dream was the title of our piece. I have to admit, it was a pretty nice 20 or so bar piece. We ended up keeping our class and the grade nine class together, which meant we would eventually be working with them. But before any of that happened, our first solo performances were given. It was only a study and an Etude, but it was my first one. For the next week, Christine, Grace and I practiced together in the back room. And to be honest, after day four of practicing, we were ready. A week later, performances began. The order was put on the board, if you didnt volunteer, he would pick randomly whoever he wanted to go. I was basically put last with Christine. We somehow always just get that luck of getting to go last, not that we complained about it or anything. *** THE FIRST ONE Lil Z was the first kid in grade nine from the Arts West instrumental that I actually talked to. He was cute, more like baby cute, but not so baby. We talked 24/7, texting, facebook, class, whatever.

We were given another performance assignment, but this time, it was an actual solo piece. I always worked with Christine in the back with Lil Z and Noah. To be honest, I wasnt a big fan of Noah at the time, and he definitely wasnt in love with me either. But I guess we looked past our differences since it was always the four of us in the back. Now I know this for a fact, Noah did try and tell Lil Z not to like me. I guess it was because he was just looking out for his friend, and thought I would hurt him in the outcome. But I never did like Lil Z like that, and it would always be like that. *** NEWYORK 101 Were planning a trip to New York for Arts West, I couldnt be more excited, the fact that I didnt even know whether or not I was going to go on the trip, I was going. April 17, 2012: Day One I couldnt have been any more excited than I already was. Sitting on the bus, I was ecstatic. It was a 10 hour drive, just hanging on the bus, taking a nap here and there. We took a pit stop and got to eat lunch, and I went with the girls to get some Mc Donalds and go to change for the boat in case we didnt make it in time to our hotel. Luckily, we made it to the hotel, so I could take off my leggings and just wear my sailor dress. The night on the boat, oh man, was that a killer night. This is where it all started. I was standing outside on the top deck with Allison, when a boy from the other school came up to us and started talking to us. It was definitely awkward, and both Allison and I knew because we were playing footsey with each other like mad women. But then, someone saved us from disaster. Karen, come here. It was Noah. Yeah, what? Bellin likes you, hes just to chicken to ask you out. I didnt get it. I liked Bellin the year before, but I got over him pretty well. Now all of these predicaments came up, and he likes me now? Well, I thought about it and decided to go and find him. Hey, can we talk? Yeah, sure. We walked outside, and stood there for a while. It was awkward, because I could see everyone looking through the window. Which I could clearly see them through, however some thought that I couldnt. So Do you like me? You answer first. I asked first. I really did. Didnt he get it? He had to answer first. No, you answer first. His voice was firm.

Okay. What if I say, I kind of do? And then he said it clear and flat out, I only see you as a friend. And then it hit me, I had been shut down. I smiled and said, I see, its fine dont worry. Friends? Yeah. We hugged after that and went in, and the rush of people came up to me. So?! They were all asking the same thing. What happened? Are you guys dating? Whats going on between you too? Did he say he liked you? I told them what he had told me. Just saying the words he said moments ago left a pain in my chest. I couldnt be happy at that moment, and I felt that the rest of my trip would be terrible. April 18, 2012: Day 2 Well, I felt like shit in the morning, thats for sure. Even down at breakfast, just glancing at him made me feel so crappy. But I had to shake it off I couldnt just let it get to me that quick. We walked the Brooklyn Bridge, man was it a walk. But I basically avoided Bellin as much as possible. We also went to the place where one of my favourite movies, August Rush was filmed. Followed by a walk in Central Park, we then headed to the Rocka Fella Centre, which had a pretty great view. I took a ton of photos with my friends, then that one moment where we took Arts photos, and I was beside him in the photo. All I could do was smile, right? And thats what I did. We finally reached Times Square, and went shopping until around 9:30 PM. I kept on getting made fun of from Noah and Bellin because of the numerous irrational fears that I have. I guess I bonded with Noah though. That was pretty much the end of our night. April 19, 2012: Day 3 I guess I wasnt feeling as bad as I was before, but I was still definitely sad. We had a glorious morning walk in Central Park, this time, walking much more. Spent a lot of time there, taking a ton of photos. Greatest memory in the park, the man playing Careless Whisper on his beautiful blue alto saxophone. We also went to the 9/11 memorial. It was really, really interesting. It felt so surreal. Words cant describe what you feel when youre there. Youd have to experience it for yourself. We went to see the MOMA, it was mostly for the Visual Art students, but Grace, Emily and I had an adventure taking photos, and being an attraction to others in the outdoor garden area. I guess you could say that we were the entertainment for everyone there. That night we also went to Times Square again, shopping more. Then going to the Broadway show, Spiderman! It was pretty good actually, really good seats, and obsessing over the actor with Sujin and Allison. That night, I borrowed Noahs phone, it was pretty sweet of him. That night, we came to the conclusion that he would buy me Starbucks either in New York or when we got back to Canada. April 20, 2012: Day 4 Well, it was the last day in New York, pretty sad actually. We had our final breakfast then went to pack our bags. Once our bags were packed, we loaded the bus and went out for more sightseeing and shopping. We split up from the Drama, Dance, and Vocal people and went with the Visual Art to do some graffiti. I swear,

my graffiti sucked, but it was fun because I bonded with people much better from the Visual Arts group. We went to Chinatown and SOHO. We spent most of the day there. The most embarrassing thing happened to me. My leggings ripped in an area you do not want to be ripped, and I didnt notice for a good block or two. VERY EMBARASSING. We then went on the subway, to go to dinner (another one of my fears) at this really good pizza place. This is where Noah and everyone else found out about my crush on Chris, but it was fine, because I was pretty much over Chris and it basically was just a lot of fun to talk about it. We then headed down toward the comedy club, where we had tons of laughs and giggles, definitely was better than I expected it to be. When the show was over, we got on the bus, and were off back home. But before we really left, we took a pit stop, where people could buy drinks, get changed, and whatever else we needed to do. I was with Noah, and I have to say, I was kind of flirting with him at the time. I knew he was thirsty, so I bought him a water bottle. Even though he constantly told me not to, I still did. I guess this is when it really did start. The bus ride back was cold, and hot, and cold, and tiring. I woke up randomly with Brian and Cody, and everyone else on the bus was sleeping. We just stayed up for a while and chatted, then finally went back to sleep. It was around seven in the morning when the teachers woke us up, we were at the border. It was freezing cold, but once that was done we were practically twenty minutes away from home. And from home, it was just like that. I got home, and pretty much just relaxed as much as possible. Maybe it was around midnight, where I started talking to Noah on Facebook. We were talking about when we were going to go for Starbucks. We ended up chatting until 2 in the morning, when he went to his friends house and never texted me back asshole. *** STARBUCKS TRIP ONE It was a day after junior band and I had become a senior helper such that the band had a lack of instrumentation. We always left at break time because Christine and Fei Fei both had E-Band afterwards. We went out to eat, Christine, Fei Fei, Chris and I. a trip to Yogurtys as well as Mr. Sub was the usual. By around probably 6, we decided to go back, and I met up with Noah. I then missioned back with Noah to the plaza across the street to get the Starbucks he owed me. One tall mocha, please. Oh with whip cream! I said to the cashier. Really? Thats what Im buying you? Noah said with disapproval. Youre at Starbucks, the least you could get is actual coffee. Mocha is coffee! I exclaimed back at him. To be honest, I never really had coffee, other than the occasional sip of my moms double double from Timmies. Ive never had actual coffee, Noah knew that. Its like half coffee, half milk, He said with a sigh. Well, I guess mocha is a start. Next time, were going to buy- Actual coffee, I know, I said to Noah as he paid the cashier. Dont worry, Im buying next time. Now this whole buying Starbucks thing, and practically our entire relationship blossomed at that very moment. How did this happen? It all began back in February, the beginning of second semester.

We walked to the other side where we waited for my drink. Within a second, we looked toward the entrance, as a male in his twenties, and probably his girlfriend walked in. Hey Ethan, Noah said. Hey, the male, Ethan, replied. Just getting Starbucks, Ethan said as he turned his head toward the small petite girl standing beside him. Dads going out with his girlfriend tonight, its their anniversary. At that moment, I realized that the male was his brother, and the woman standing next to him was his girlfriend. Hi, Im Ethan, he said as he stuck out his hand toward me. Hi, Im Karen. Nice to meet you, I replied back with a smile and shook his hand firmly. Im Nicole. Hi. Nice to meet you. Well Were going to go, Noah said sporadically. He clearly did not want to stay. It was nice meeting you, I said right before grabbing a lid for my drink and leaving the store. That was so- Awkward. Finished my sentence perfectly. We walked back to the school, and said goodbye to Chris as he left, and to Christine and Fei Fei as they went to E-Band. That left Noah and I to sit on the benches to study for a while. I have to say, I got to know Noah much better after this. We talked about life, and he told me about his parents divorce, and how hes been coping with a new school and everything. I guessed we opened up to each other that day. But alas, it had to come to an end since it was maybe around seven, and we were both still at school for some reason. And with that, we parted ways for the night. Needless to say, we texted until late in the night. *** STARBUCKS TRIP TWO I was supposed to buy Noah Starbucks the following week, but I went out to Yogurtys with the crew and he was still in band. By the time he got out and I got to meet up with him, he had Starbucks already on him with Ezra. I stuck around for a while, but I had to go back eventually. This time, I really did buy Starbucks for him. He didnt even buy coffee, it was one of those tea things, I dont even know, but at least I paid for him and my debt was over with. I waited with him at his bus stop, and we chatted for about half an hour, because thats the amount of time it takes for his bus to show up. *** OH SHIT. What did I do? What could have possibly gone wrong? I shouldnt have done this, can I please take it back?! That my friend, it what was going through my mind at that very moment as I was texting Noah. Karen, I think I know your wish, and I dont want you to tell me.

How do you know what my wish is? Is it about me? So what if it is? Just let me say what I have to. Karen, I like you too, but because of me and personal reasons I cant say, we cant be together. Yeah, its fine. I totally understand, dont worry. Are you out of your mind? I didnt understand anythign at all! What was going on between the two of us? What were his reasons. All I knew, was that I wanted to cry, but I couldnt because I was in the car. I got home, ran straight to the bathroom and took a 20-30 minute shower, pretty much crying most of the time. I had messaged Christine, but I knew that it was going to take a while for her to respond because tonight was the night of the E-band concert. But when she finally messaged, I had told her what happened. I continued to text Noah throughout the night. I just dont want to lose you; you mean so much to me. What really got me was this, The reason why is because of Bellin. I get it, you may feel guilty about what you did to Bellin and I, but I dont think he should. We all make mistakes its the way of life. *** THE TALK I didnt see Noah the next day, the grade nine science classes all went to the zoo that day. It was a Thursday, so I was going to see him at band later that day anyways. We decided that we would take after band, I dont know. I get really sensitive when it comes to things like these, because I ended up crying after a while of talking. But I ended up kissing Noah on the cheek. I guess you could say it was just impulse, but it was just something I wanted to do. It all ended out okay because we talked throughout the night. *** YOGURTYS AND MORE? Thank the above for not having band on a Thursday! I went out with Noah that day to Yogurtys, it was his first time and I couldnt believe it. I couldnt believe it was his first time, and I couldnt believe what he got. Coconut with coconut you have got to be kidding me. But it was his choice, but I gave him a boba. I cant believe he doesnt like those either. We walked up until the trees by the mailbox, we talked for a while. And arguing about how he kept trying to change the subject. I know he wanted to ask me because Mel told me how she was giving him advice. It was kind of cute to see him act like this to be honest. Will you say yes? Just ask. No, you have to say yes. Just ask.

Is that a yes? Just ask! Will you go out with me? No. Oh Im kidding! We hugged each other for a while now. I wanted to kiss him that day, but some lady had to ruin the moment and had to get her mail. *** THE BREAKUP The following Saturday we barely talked. He didnt reply until Sunday because he went to a party the night before. When he finally messaged back in the afternoon, I was pissed off and I was replied back with dry replies. Do you still like me? Do you? Cause yeah, I do, A second later, I just feel like its kind of awkward right now. My heart was broken. I was in shock, and I didnt understand anything at the moment. But what was I supposed to say to him, no! Like me!? That wasnt going to happen. I just had to be the bigger person. So do you want to just break up? Yeah, Im just really confused right now. I dont think Im ready for a relationship. And that was that, I gave up. Lost all hope in liking someone ever again, and didnt want to go to school tomorrow at all. *** SPRINGFEST FT. THE REBOUND Springfest was around the corner, and as stage crew leader it was a pretty hectic week. Noah and I were on better terms than before, much before. But this is where I met Mac, and lets just say this in short. We flirted and now he likes me. At Springfest though, I couldnt handle it while Noah was playing his solo in Legacy. *** HIM OR HIM? Now Im lost. I was handling everything pretty well with everyone. Mac and I were closer, with him coming over here and there. But then that one day I spent with Noah literally changed everything. I was filing music with Brian, and Noah and I agreed that we would talk and say goodbye in case we wouldnt see each other for the rest of the summer. He ended up staying the entire time, which I was happy about. It wasnt such a bad day either, since we ate lunch, and bought lunch for our teachers. Plus, hearing our music teachers making fun of us for flirting was quite a joke. In the last hour or so, Noah and I walked to my locker and we

sat down and talked. This is where I found out that Noah was jealous of Mac and I, and so I told him about how I was jealous about him and Mel. I guess you could say, we just werent over each other completely? But that day, we talked to each other, and got a lot of things straight. It was somewhat closure, but my feelings for him came back completely. *** SUMMER Thank goodness for the summer break I have. First month, I was stuck in Canada working and seeing some of my friends. Im so happy I am finally in the Philippines, its the best here. I love it here, the amount of swimming I do, and with all my whacky cousins helps make everything better. The situation has been on my mind a lot though, but I think I have a way of figuring out everything and getting through it. School unfortunately starts soon, and to be honest, boys are the least of my problems right now. The next two years will all be about focusing on my studies, and not on boys. Maybe a little here and there, but nothing too serious because my education comes first. Thats my moral for the year, and Im sticking to it. *** SUMMER CONTINUED Everyone is back, you know what that means? Everyone is back. I just dont want to face anyone right now. It even hurts just going on Facebook, seeing your profile picture, and all the pictures youre tagged in. Im really not over it yet, and it is killing me inside, and what can I do? Nothing, absolutely nothing because I have no one to talk to right now and Im on vacation. Ive considered going back to the old days over and over again recently, but I know that if my family found out about it, it wouldnt be good at all. *** SUMMER CONTINUED Nope. Im over it. Fuck you. *** GRADE 11 I hated you at the beginning, but I guess thats fair. Now, were mutual, so its fine.