A B O U T THE AUTHOR

C . . S . LEWIS (1898-1963) attained i n t e r n a t i o n a l recognition for an i m p o r t a n t collection of beloved works both p o p u l a r and scholarly. His forty books include these classics: The Screwtape Letters, The Chronicles of Narnia, Mere Christianity, A Grief Observed, and Surprised by Joy. To date, the collected works of Lewis have sold more than two h u n d r e d million copies worldwide. Born in Belfast, N o r t h e r n Ireland, C . . S . Lewis sixty-five years in O x f o r d , England. He is widely recognized o n e of the most articulate Christians of the twentieth century.

the four loves

C.S.LEWIS
Study Guide

LESSON

ONE

T h e Four Loves Study Guide

LESSON ONE Affection 4 LESSON T W O Friendship 12 LESSON THREE Erotic Love 18 LESSON FOUR Selfless Love 26 In the words of Lewis . . .

Affection

What does the Greek word storge mean? Who can be loved with storge? This love ignores even the barriers between species. C. S. Lewis gives two examples. What are they? What is common to all the objects of storge?

I begin with . . . the love in which our experience seems to differ least from that of the animals. Let me add at once that I do not on that account give it a lower value. Nothing in Man is either worse or better for being shared with the beasts. When we blame a man for being "a mere animal," we mean not that he displays animal characteristics (we all do) but that he displays these, and only these, 4

on occasions where the specifically human was demanded. (When we call him "brutal" we usually mean that he commits cruelties impossible to most real brutes; they're not clever enough.) C. S. Lewis relates the central meaning of the word storge by providing two familiar images. What are these images? What is the "feeling" of storge? What are some of the word pictures that Lewis uses to liken this love to our emotions? How is affection related to the other loves? (Reference Lewis's example of gin and mixed drinks.) The relationship between storge and Eros can be seen in their two common expressions. What are these expressions?

slinks or seeps through our lives. It lives with humble un-dress, private things; soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog's tail on the kitchen floor, the sound of a sewingmachine, a toy left on the lawn.
C. S. L E W I S , The Four Loves

Lewis memorably describes affection as "something that oils the wheels of life." How does he compare storge to agape? What can bring about familiarity in our lives? What two things can familiarity teach us? In the words of Lewis . . . The especial glory of Affection is that it can unite those who most emphatically, even comically, are not; people who, if they had not found themselves put down by fate in the same household or community, would have had nothing to do with each other. Affection broadens our minds. The truly wide taste in humanity will find something to appreciate in the cross-section of humanity whom one has to meet every day. In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure,

T H E HUMBLEST LOVE

Affection would not be affection if it was loudly and frequently expressed; to produce it in public is like getting your household furniture out for a move. It did very well in its place, but it looks shabby or tawdry or grotesque in the sunshine. Affection almost
5

then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate, the people who "happen to be there." Made for us? Thank God, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed. At this point, Lewis says that we must be on our guard concerning the resemblance between storge and agape. He highlights the important characteristics of affection. What are these four characteristics?

The mother believed that signs of affection "solve all problems and remove all tensions." In fact, according to Lewis, what usually happens? In the words of Lewis . . . We hear a great deal about the rudeness of the rising generation. I am an oldster myself and might be expected to take the oldsters' side, but in fact I have been far more impressed by the bad manners of parents to children than by those of children to parents. Who has not been the embarrassed guest at family meals where the father or mother treated their grown-up offspring with an incivility which, offered to any other young people, would simply have terminated the acquaintance? Dogmatic assertions on matters which the children understand and their elders don't, ruthless interruptions, flat contradictions, ridicule of things the young take seriouslysometimes of their religioninsulting references to their friends, all provide an easy answer to the question "Why are they always out? Why do they like every house better than their home?" Who does not prefer civility to barbarism? What does affection require, both in public and in private? According to Lewis, what must be true about "those who leave their manners behind them when they come home from the . . . party"?
8

I have said that almost anyone may be the object of Affection. Yes; and almost everyone expects to be. The egregious Mr. Pontifex in The Way of All Flesh is outraged to discover that his son does not love him; it is "unnatural" for a boy not to love his own father. It never occurs to him to ask whether, since the first day the boy can remember, he has ever done or said anything that could excite love.
C. S. LEWIS

What assumptions are often made about storge? In Lewis's example of the "sacrificial" mother and the "unappreciative" daughter, what mistakes did the mother make in the relationship?
7

XXX

The proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift. We feed children in order that they may soon be able to feed themselves; we teach them in order that they may soon not need our teaching. The hour when we can say "They need me no longer" should be our reward.

Lewis does not think the twisted states of affection should be labeled as pathological or neurotic. Instead, what does he believe about most neuroses? In ordinary people, what is "the yielding to temptation"? What is the "natural" state of man without any spiritual intervention?

According to Lewis, what should parents labor to do? What two things might happen in the lives of those who cannot cope with the idea that they are no longer necessary? What are the emotions of "wounded" storge?

In a different sense, what was the "natural" state of Jesus Christ? Storge (in its natural condition) displays characteristics that are similar to those of love. What are they? Why does Lewis have such disdain for the "sentimentality" of storge? In the words of Lewis . . . Affection produces happiness ifand only ifthere is common sense, and give and take, and "decency." You need "common sense," that is, reason. You need "give and take"; that is, you need justice, continually stimulating mere Affection when it fades and restraining it when it forgets or would defy the art of love. You need "decency." There is no disguising the fact that this means goodness; patience, self-denial, humility, and the continual inter10

The jealousy of Affection is closely connected with its reliance on what is old and familiar. We don't want the "old, familiar faces" to become brighter or more beautiful, the old ways to be changed even for the better, the old jokes and interests to be replaced by exciting novelties.
C. S. LEWIS

According to Lewis, what is a threat to affection? 9

vention of a far higher sort of love than Affection, in itself, can ever be. That is the whole point. If we try to live by Affection alone, Affection will "go bad on us."
QUESTIONS FOR CONTEMPLATION

LESSON

TWO

Friendship

Think through the things you have learned about storge. How have you experienced this affection in your own life? Have you ever experienced unconverted or uncorrected storge? If so, what emotions did you feel? Lewis characterizes storge as being ambivalent. He concludes, "Left to its merely natural state, it won't necessarily go right." What must we do to make storge "go right" in our lives?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

What is the meaning of the Greek word philia? Why is it harder to talk about philia than storge or Eros? According to Lewis, "Friendship is something quite marginal; not a main course in life's banquet; a diversion; something that fills up the chinks of one's time." How has this come about? What is the peculiarity of friendship? In the words of Lewis . . . Without Eros none of us would have been begotten and without Affection none of us would have been reared; but we can live and breed without Friendship. What has modern-day thinking done to the way we see friendship between those of the same gender?

Points to Remember (What Have I Learned?) Points of Response (What Must I Do?) Points of Reflection (How Should I Pray?)

1 1

12

 Why is philia the least natural of the four loves? _ ** A man's conversation , ** A man's personality Enjoy Dislike ** A man's personality ** A man 's conversation How do the circumstances and logistics of life affect companionship versus friendship? How does friendship arise out of companionship? In our own time Friendship arises in the same way. It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession, even a common recreation. All who share it will be our companions; but one or two or three who share something more will be our Friends. In this kind of love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth?
C. S. LEWIS

Lewis describes the "pre-history" of friendship: In early communities the co-operation of the males as hunters or fighters was no less necessary than the begetting and rearing of children.. .. Long before history began we men have got together apart from the women and done things. We had to. And to like doing what must be done is a characteristic that has survival value. We not only had to do the things, we had to talk about them. We had to plan the hunt and the battle. When they were over we had to hold a post mortem and draw conclusions for future use. We liked this even better.

How does Lewis describe life without companionship? Those who have not experienced philia still use the word friend in the same way that we use the word dear at the beginning of a letter. How does Lewis define these terms? We may enjoy another's company without developing a friendship. Lewis explains that we can:
13

Does Lewis believe that friendship can exist between a man and a woman? Why do some people have difficulty believing this? What is the "soil" from which friendships grow? In history, what are some examples of how society has prevented companionship from developing between opposite sexes?
14

 Who does Lewis cite as an example of someone unable to enjoy the benefits of modern-day companionship? Why might she come to hate and fear philia, rather than desire it? What is the very first step in friendship? How does friendship most manifest itself? What is the "real glory" of friendship? In the words of Lewis. . . Hence (if you will not misunderstand me) the exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility of this love. I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival. What is the mark of perfect friendship? In the past, why did people think of friendship as the "crown of life"? If a person is good to begin with, what does friendship bring to his or her life? 15

Rather than friendship, what has Scripture chosen to be the example of "Divine Love"? Where do we find the danger in friendship? Lewis explains, "In each knot of Friends there is a sectional 'public opinion' which fortifies its members against the public opinion of the community in general. Each therefore is a pocket of potential resistance. Men who have real Friends are less easy to manage or 'get at'; harder for good authorities to correct or for bad authorities to corrupt." How can friendship work for the bad? According to Lewis, what kinds of support can friends give us? Corporately, what troublesome characteristic can friendship cultivate? In the words of Lewis . . . In Friendship . . . we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meetingany of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me, 16

but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another."
Q U E S T I O N S FOR C O N T E M P L A T I O N

LESSON

THREE

Erotic Love
Think about your companions. Is there a circle of people whom you consider to be your friends? If so, what do these people bring to your life? Now that you understand a little more about the nature of friendship, what value do you place on your circle of friends? What are some of the similar interests and/or shared truths that have brought you together with your friends? Have your friendships ever led to a negative outcome rather than a positive outcome? If so, what could you have done differently to prevent this?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

What is the definition of the word Eros? According to Lewis, the idea that sexual attraction comes first and "falling in love with" comes second is misleading. He suggests that, in reality, this sequence of events is uncommon. For Lewis, what is the more likely order of events? "If you asked a lover what he wanted, the true reply would often be, T want to go on thinking about her."' In the words of Lewis . . . Eros enters him like an invader, taking over and reorganizing, one by one, the institutions of a conquered country. It may have taken over many others before it reaches the sex in him; and it will reorganize that too. If sexual desire without Eros wants it, the thing in itself, what does Eros want? 18

Points to Remember (What Have I Learned?) Points of Response (What Must I Do?) Points of Reflection (How Should I Pray?) 17

 What does Eros (as opposed to sexual desire alone) make a man want? Without Eros, what is sexual desire? Within Eros, what is sexual desire about?
EROS

and wives, obeying their fathers and mothers, discharging to one another their "marriage debt," and bringing up families in the fear of the Lord. Conversely, this act, done under the influence of a soaring and iridescent Eros which reduces the role of the senses to a minor consideration, may yet be plain adultery, may involve breaking a wife's heart, deceiving a husband, betraying a friend, polluting hospitality, and deserting your children. What did the older moral theologians think was the chief danger to be guarded against in marriage? Is this also the scriptural approach? Why or why not?

One of the first things it does is to obliterate the distinction between giving and receiving.
C. S. LEWIS, The Four Loves

"The sinfulness or innocence of the act of love does not depend in the least on the presence or absence of Eros." According to Lewis, it has not pleased God that the distinction between a sin and a duty should "turn" on fine feelings. The moral issue is based upon more definable criteria. What are these criteria? In the words of Lewis . . . Most of our ancestors were married off in early youth to partners chosen by their parents on grounds that had nothing to do with Eros. They went to the act with no other "fuel," so to speak, than plain animal desire. And they did right; honest Christian husbands 19

What is it, within marriage and without, that seems to be the "great distraction" from God? What is the single name that Lewis gives to "the act of love"? Lewis approaches Venus from a different point of view than most "spokesmen" of his day. Lewis explains, "I believe we are all being encouraged to take Venus too seriously; at any rate, with a wrong kind of seriousness." Looking deeper, how can this attitude endanger the Christian? What might Venus become? Man has held three views of his body. What are they?
20

 Which view does Lewis think is right? No one in his senses can either revere or hate a donkey. It is a useful, sturdy, lazy, obstinate, patient, lovable, and infuriating beast; deserving now the stick and now a carrot; both pathetically and absurdly beautiful. So the body.
C. S. LEWIS

In Christianity, within marriage, what has been bestowed (or imposed) on the man? Lewis elaborates, "The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church and give his life for her." (see Ephesians 5:25) According to Lewis, how should the headship in marriage mirror the Crucifixion? In the words of Lewis . . .

According to Lewis, what is the "oldest and most universal of all jokes"? Can the entrance of Eros permanently eliminate the joke? Lewis teaches that within Venus (the act of love) we don't just stand for ourselves. In addition to being individuals, what are we?

T H E T W O FACES O F VENUS

The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence. As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical, or lukewarm Church on earth that Bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labors to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and is allowed no other sort) never despairs. What is the very "mark" of Eros? According to Lewis, Eros never hesitates to say: "Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break
22

Drama Poetry Gravity Seriousness

Comic Relief Un-poetry Levity Play

Should the roles of "Sky-Father" and "Earth-Mother" be accepted as literal?

21

provided they break together. If the voice within us does not say this, it is not the voice of Eros." What assures us, even if we may at times believe it, that the glory of Eros is not "the voice of God Himself"? According to Shavian Romanticism, the voice of Eros is the voice of the elan vital or Life Force, the "evolutionary appetite." What does Shaw believe to be the aim of this transcendentalist theory? How does Lewis debunk the idea of an overwhelming Life Force? What role does the Platonic or Shavian type of erotic transcendentalism play in the life of a Christian? Theologians have often feared, in Eros, a danger of idolatry. What specific kind of idolatry do they fear? Lewis fears another kind of idolatry. What is it? In the words of Lewis . . . "The greatness of her love for Me is evidence of the greatness of the sins I have forgiven her." (The for here is like the for in "He can't have gone out, for his hat is still hanging in the hall;" the presence of the hat is not the cause of his being in the house but a probable 23

proof that he is.) But thousands of people take it quite differently. They first assume, with no evidence, that her sins were sins against chastity, though, for all we know, they may have been usury, dishonest shopkeeping, or cruelty to children. And they then take Our Lord to be saying, "I forgive her un-chastity because she was so much in love." The implication is that a great Eros extenuates almost sanctionsalmost sanctifiesany actions it leads to. When Eros becomes one's religion, how are physical actions changed based upon "love's law"? What is the "grim joke" about the voice of Eros? What can passion do for us? To what does Lewis compare passion? How do we find ourselves in the place of "falling in love"? What is "being in love"? Can Eros's promise of permanence be kept? If so, how? If love is to remain, what does one need? We must do the works of Eros when Eros is not present. This all good lovers know, though those who are not reflective or articu24

late will be able to express it only in a few conventional phrases about "taking the rough along with the smooth," not "expecting too much," having "a little common sense," and the like. And all good Christian lovers know that this programme, modest as it sounds, will not be carried out except by humility, charity, and divine grace; that it is indeed the whole Christian life seen from one particular angle.
C. S. LEWIS Q U E S T I O N S FOR C O N T E M P L A T I O N

LESSON

FOUR

Selfless Love

In the words of Lewis . . . In words which can still bring tears to the eyes, St. Augustine describes the desolation into which the death of his friend Nebridius plunged him (Confessions IV, 10). Then he draws a moral. This is what comes, he says, of giving one's heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away. Initially, what did Lewis think of St. Augustine's conclusion? Guided by his own nature and temperament, what was Lewis's most "appealing" argument against love? How does this idea of love fit in with the teachings of Christ?

Where, specifically, do the lessons of Lewis's study on Eros ring true in your life? Eros can easily become an idol. What, if any, are the manifestations of idolized love that you have encountered? What steps, realistically, can be taken to guard against the idolatry of Eros? How can the temporary moment of Venus be transformed into a long-lasting love?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Points to Remember (What Have I Learned?) Points of Response (What Must I Do?) Points of Reflection (How Should I Pray?) 25

26

In Lewis's words: "Eros, lawless Eros, preferring the Beloved to happiness, is more like Love himself than this." Even if we were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God offer them?
xxx-

something that cracks like a whip about trampling them all under foot the moment they hold us back from following Him. "If any man come to me and hate not his father, and mother, and wife,... and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)
- G . S. LEWIS

We follow One who wept over Jerusalem and at the grave of Lazarus, and, loving all, yet had one disciple whom, in a special sense, he loved.
C..S. LEWIS, The Four Loves

What does the word "hate" mean in Luke 14:26? Lewis concludes, "So, in the last resort, we must turn down or disqualify our nearest and dearest when they come between us and our obedience to God." Rather than rejecting our natural loves, what are we more often required to do with them? 5 In the words of Lewis . . .

Lewis states, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken." What will happen to a heart that continuously avoids love and suffering? In terms of suffering, how should we draw nearer to God?
-XXX

As so often, Our Lord's own words are both far fiercer and far more tolerable than those of the theologian. He says nothing about guarding against earthly loves for fear we might be hurt; He says 27

Emerson has said, "When half-gods go, the gods arrive." That is a very doubtful maxim. Better say, "When God arrives (and only then) the half-gods can remain." Left to themselves they either vanish or become demons. Only in His name can they with beauty and security "wield their little tridents." The rebellious slogan "All for love" is really love's death warrant (date of execution, for the moment, left blank). 28

God is love. Again, "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us" (1 John 4:10). How does Lewis describe the primal Gift-love? Although the four loves have similarities, what key characteristic sets them apart from agape? Lewis asserts, "The invitation to turn all natural loves into agape is never lacking." How should the Christian view those daily frictions and frustrations of the natural loves? Absent Christ, what do many nonbelievers rely on to cope with love's daily frictions? What is missing from the above "adaptability"? Explain how agape is a double gift. What causes people to resist and resent agape? "To receive a love which is purely a gift, which bears witness solely to the lovingness of the giver and not at all to our loveliness, is a severe mortification." How does this fact position our wishes and our necessities? 29

In the words of Lewis . . . No sooner do we believe that God loves us than there is an impulse to believe that He does so, not because He is Love, but because we are intrinsically lovable. It is easy to acknowledge, but almost impossible to realize for long, that we are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright, is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us. Surely we must have a littlehowever littlenative luminosity? Surely we can't be quite creatures? According to Lewis, what must we learn about agape? How does Lewis describe the "world of agape"? What is the ultimate value of the other loves? "Natural loves can become eternal only in so far as they have allowed themselves to be taken into the eternity of agape." What does this always involve?
------

"Is it easy to love God?" asks an old author. "It is easy," he replies, "to those who do it." I have included two Graces under the word 30

Charity. But God can give a third. He can awake in man, towards Himself, a supernatural Appreciative love. This is of all gifts the most to be desired. Here, not in our natural loves, nor even in ethics, lies the true center of all human and angelic life. With this all things are possible.
C. S. LEWIS

Q U E S T I O N S FOR CONTEMPLATION

In what way have you experienced agape in your life? Lewis describes storge, philia, and Eros as having idolatrous pitfalls. Agape on the other hand, makes us completely vulnerable, even as Christ made Himself vulnerable on the cross. What steps are you taking to live in the vulnerability that is the price of avoiding idolatry?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Points to Remember (What Have I Learned?) Points of Response (What Must I Do?) Points of Reflection (How Should I Pray?)

31