What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to.

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. Why is a violinist like a SC ! "issile? #oth are offensive and inaccurate. $ac%ues Thibault& the violinist& was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroo" after a concert. 'There's not "uch roo" on this page&' he said. 'What shall ( write?' Another violinist& standing by& offered the following helpful hint) 'Write your repertoire.' 'Haven't ( seen your face before?' a *udge de"anded& looking down at the defendant. '+ou have& +our Honor&' the "an answered hopefully. '( gave your son violin lessons last winter.' 'Ah& yes&' recalled the *udge. 'Twenty years,' What do you get when you drop a piano down a "ine shaft? A flat "inor. What do you get when you drop a piano on an ar"y base? A flat "a*or. Why was the piano invented? So the "usician would have a place to put his beer. How do you know when a tru"pet player is at your door? The doorbell shrieks, Why can't a gorilla play tru"pet? He's too sensitive. What does it "ean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his "outh? The stage is level. How do you get a guitar player to play softer? -ive hi" so"e sheet "usic. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? Counterpoint. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play? To get away fro" the noise. How "any country . western singers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. /ne to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one. What happens if you play blues "usic backwards? +our wife returns to you& your dog co"es back to life& and you get out of prison. 0now how to "ake a "illion dollars singing *a11? Start with two "illion. Son) 2other& ( want to grow up and be a rock3n3roll "usician. 2other) 4ow son& you have to pick one or the other. +ou can't do both. A $a11 "usician was told by his doctor& '( a" very sorry to tell you that you have cancer and you have only one "ore year to live.'

The $a11 "usician replied& 'And what a" ( going to live on for an entire year?' What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? 4o one cries when you chop up an oboe. !id you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ? 4either did (. How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one. What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ? Ho"eless .. How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ? 5ay for the pi11a. What do you do if your bassist is drowning? Throw hi" his a"p. What do call a successful "usician? A guy whose wife6girlfriend has 7 *obs. A "indreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a s"all de"onstration of her abilities. 8irst& she reads the "ind of the lead guitarist) 'Wow& look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight, -ood crowd,' Then the dru""er) '9ots of people showed up tonight...-reat, we're going to "ake good "oney tonight' Then the 0eyboard player) 'All three of these guys have no appreciation of "y talent...What a bunch of losers' 8inally& the #ass player) 'C...-...C...-...' How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? Hey guys& why don't we try one of "y songs? How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? He doesn't know when to co"e in. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A dru""er. What does the average drummer get on an IQ test? !rool. Why did the drummer stare at the frozen juice can? #ecause it said& 'Concentrate'. What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm? A tattoo. What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?

#ack up. How can you make a drummer's car more aerodynamic? Take the 5i11a sign off of it. What's the biggest lie told to a drummer? Hang on a "inute and ('ll help you with your gear. /:y"orons) !ru" 2usic. 5erson ;) (t "ust be terrible for an opera singer to reali1e that he can never sing again. 5erson 7) +es& but it's "uch "ore terrible if he doesn't reali1e it. <) !ad& why do the singers rock left and right while perfor"ing on stage? A) #ecause& son& it is "ore difficult to hit a "oving target.
Q: How many Boy Bands does it take to change a lightbulb? A: We don't know - lightbulbs last longer than most Boy Bands! Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning? A: uts on her clothes and goes home! Q: What's the difference between a so"rano and a "irhana? A: #he li"stick! Q: What's the definition of a male $uartet? A: #hree men and a tenor! Q: What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral "erformance? A: #he "erformance causes more suffering!