Kriya Yoga: Synthesis of a Personal Experience

Ennio Nimis

CONTENTS

Contents Synopsis PART I MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA 1. Yoga self-taught 2. Kri a Yoga from organi!ations ". The inestima#le $alue of %a&a '. (ollo)ing some tea*hers outsi+e the organi!ation ,. A har+ +e*ision PART II DEFINITION OF THE KRIYA YOGA TECHNIQUES -. The #asi* Te*hni.ues of Kri a Yoga /. Te*hni.ues of the 0igher Kri as 1. Intro+u*tion to some interesting $ariations of the te*hni.ues +es*ri#e+ u& to no) PART III KRIYA YOGA IN PRACTICE 2. 3uil+ing a soli+ #asis for the &ra*ti*e of Kri a Yoga 14. Pra er 5%a&a67 the #asi* instrument of all the m sti*al &aths 11. 0o) to a*hie$e the #reathless state 12. Perfe*ting the te*hni.ue of Kri a Prana ama Appendix 17 A#out &remature Kun+alini a)a8ening Appendix 27 Cleaning the Kri a &ath from all esoteri*-magi* manias Appendix 37 Im&ortan*e of stu+ ing the Ra+hasoami mo$ement Appendix 47 0i++en treasures in P.Y.9s Kri a Yoga Glossary Bibliography

ii iii

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SYNOPSIS

PART I: MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA The first &art *ontains the stor of the +ifferent &hases of m s&iritual sear*h7 self tea*hing of Yoga: Kri a Yoga re*ei$e+ from an organi!ation: Kri a Yoga re*ei$e+ from tra$eling gurus: final +e*ision of &utting in a #oo8 all )hat I 8ne) a#out Kri a Yoga te*hni.ues an+ go ahea+ alone. Chapter 1 Yoga e!"#ta$ght ; s&iritual sear*h #egan soon enough. I *onsi+ere+ Yoga a +is*i&line *a&a#le of &ro+u*ing an internal *hange in m &ersonalit . I #egan )ith an e<er*ise= to #e +one in Sa$asana= )here the thin8ing &ro*ess )as +is*i&line+ to *reate a state of >mental $oi+>. I +e*i+e+ also to reinfor*e m +is*i&line through the art of Prana ama. After three months of &ra*ti*e= I e<&erien*e+ )hat Yoga #oo8s *all > Kun+alini a)a8ening.> This e<&erien*e )as &re*e+e+ # a *ou&le of +a s of fear an+ anguish. Chapter % Kr&'a Yoga "ro( orga)&*at&o) As an enthusiast of Prana ama= I +e*i+e+ to +e$ote m life to &erfe*t it. I *ame to 8no) of the e<isten*e of Kri a Yoga7 a four-&hase+ Prana ama &ath taught in our age # the great ?ahiri ;ahasa a. I )oul+ ha$e +one an thing to learn it imme+iatel #ut this *lashe+ )ith the rules of the organi!ation s&rea+ing it @ it )as ne*essar to follo) a *orres&on+en*e *ourse. ;ee8l = I a**e&te+ to &ut asi+e m alrea+ *onsoli+ate+ &ra*ti*e of *lassi* Prana ama an+ a#i+e onl # the )ritten tea*hings of the *orres&on+en*e *ourse. This )as a uni.ue o&&ortunit to familiari!e m self )ith t)o im&ortant &reliminar &ro*e+ures A0ong Sau an+ Om te*hni.ueB )hi*h later I +is*o$ere+ )ere *entral in the tea*hings of the Ra+hasoami mo$ement. A ear an+ a half later= I re*ei$e+ the (irst Kri a set of te*hni.ues. I )as #lissfull ha&& #ut una#le to *on*ei$e a )or8ing routine @ the one I follo)e+ )as neither fun*tional nor rational. Chapter + The &)e t&(a,!e -a!$e o" .apa Chen I learne+ the so-*alle+ 0igher Kri as= the routine &ro#lem #e*ame more an+ more *riti*al. ?ater= )hen one of the organi!ation re&resentati$es refuse+ to *larif m +ou#ts= I relu*tantl +e*i+e+ to a++ress m sear*h to)ar+ other sour*es. I ha+ no *on*rete results #ut= than8s to some goo+ rea+ings= the &ra*ti*e of %a&a entere+ m life an+= )ith it= the e<&erien*e of the #reathless state. Chapter / Fo!!o0&)g o(e tea1her o$t &2e the orga)&*at&o) Possesse+ # an eager +esire to learn the so-*alle+ >original Kri a>= I ma+e the great mista8e of negle*ting m routine #ase+ u&on the union #et)een %a&a an+ Kri a. I follo)e+ three +ifferent tea*hers. Among man not $er im&ortant +etails= I learne+ something $alua#le7 1. The im&ortan*e of listening to the internal soun+s +uring Kri a Prana ama 2. The frenulum-stret*hing te*hni.ue ATala# a Kri aB lea+ing to master of Ke*hari ;u+ra ". The *on*e&t of In*remental Routine "

Chapter 3 A har2 2e1& &o) After the #rea8 )ith m thir+ tea*her= I a$oi+e+ see8ing others. I to e+ )ith the $ague i+ea of &utting all I 8ne) a#out Kri a in a #oo8. I )as ham&ere+ # the +ee& *on+itioning re*ei$e+ from m first Kri a organi!ation7 the &romise of 8ee&ing all te*hni*al Kri a +etails se*ret. The mental *larit an+ stamina &ro+u*e+ # the in*remental routines hel&e+ me to erase all *on+itioning. I #egan the )or8 of )riting the #oo8 an+ &oste+ it on the Ce#. PART II: DEFINITION OF THE KRIYA YOGA TECHNIQUES The se*on+ &art is +e$ote+ to share )hat I 8no) a#out the theor an+ &ra*ti*e of Kri a Yoga. Chapter 4 The ,a &1 te1h)&5$e o" Kr&'a Yoga The essen*e of (irst Kri a is gi$en through eight te*hni.ues -- Tala# a Kri a= Om %a&a Ain the Cha8rasB= Kri a Prana ama Aa8a Prana amaB= Na$i Kri a= ;aha ;u+ra= Kri a Prana ama )ith short #reath= mental Prana ama an+ Yoni ;u+ra. Chapter 6 Te1h)&5$e o" the H&gher Kr&'a After a theoreti*al +igression= a goo+ s stem of 0igher Kri as are here +es*ri#e+. Chapter 7 I)tro2$1t&o) to o(e &)tere te2 -ar&at&o) o" the te1h)&5$e 2e 1r&,e2 $p to )o0 Some $ariations of the Kri a te*hni.ues are +es*ri#e+. PART III: KRIYA YOGA IN PRACTICE The thir+ &art +)ells )ith the &ra*ti*al as&e*ts of tea*hing Kri a Yoga. The main theme is ho) to assist stu+ents to *oor+inate an+ harness their efforts. Chapter 8 9$&!2&)g a o!&2 ,a & "or the pra1t&1e o" Kr&'a Yoga After *onsi+ering ho) to intro+u*e the (irst Kri a in a gra+ual )a = &ra*ti*al e<am&les are gi$en to utili!e the formi+a#le instrument of the In*remental Routines. Chapter 1: Pra'er ;.apa<: the ,a &1 &) tr$(e)t o" a!! the (' t&1a! path Ce +)ell u&on the Contem&lati$e Pra er. Ins&iration is +ra)n from 0es *hasm= St. Teresa of A$ila= Sufi an+ others.... Chapter 11 Ho0 to a1h&e-e the ,reath!e tate The #reathless state is a +e*isi$e result7 the true Initiation. Com#ining the Contem&lati$e Pra er )ith Kri a is the ro al )a to a*hie$e that state. Chapter 1% Per"e1t&)g the te1h)&5$e o" Kr&'a Pra)a'a(a After a*hie$ing the #reathless state= Kri a Prana ama *an #e &erfe*te+. It *an #e*ome the #est tool to merge into the Om8ar Realit . The last ste& is to utili!e it to go +o)n into the 99min+ of the *ells99 an+ tou*h the Colle*ti$e Dn*ons*ious +imension. Appe)2&= 1: A,o$t pre(at$re K$)2a!&)& a0a>e)&)g There are &ages in the Ce# )arning against the +angers of >&remature a)a8ening of '

Kun+alini.> The real &ro#lem is fa*ing the fear of su#stantial *hanges in life. There are &ra*ti*es to #e re*ommen+e+ that +issol$e an a*ute states of inner tension. Appe)2&= %: C!ea)&)g the Kr&'a path "ro( a!! e oter&1#(ag&1 (a)&a Ce +)ell here u&on the theme of the )rong attitu+es to)ar+s the Kri a &ath. ;an forget that Kri a is not a tri& in the realm of our min+ #ut a s&iritual &ath. Appe)2&= +: I(porta)1e o" t$2'&)g the Ra2ha oa(& (o-e(e)t The literar material &ro+u*e+ # this mo$ement is $er ins&iring for all those )ho see8 to #e in tune )ith the Om8ar Realt . Some s*hools of Kri a ha+ their origin here. Appe)2&= /: H&22e) trea $re &) P?Y?@ Kr&'a Yoga Something &re*ise an+ useful is #rought to light for the stu+ents )ho= #eing faithful to P.Y.9s tea*hings= are tr ing to fin+ in this #oo8 a 8e to *larif some of their +ou#ts.

PART I: MY SEARCH OF THE ORIGINAL KRIYA

C0APTER 1

YOGA SELF#TAUGHT ; s&iritual sear*h #egan at age 1, after I #ought an intro+u*tor #oo8 on *lassi*al Yoga. I +on9t remem#er the title of that first #oo8= #ut #oo8s of 3.K.S. I engar follo)e+ an+ then finall the auto#iogra&h of an In+ian saint= )here I foun+ the term Kriya Yoga. ; interest in Yoga ha+ #een fuele+ # a *ertain e<&e*tation of the effe*ti$eness of the oriental forms of me+itation that ha+ slo)l *oales*e+ +uring m *hil+hoo+ an+ earl a+oles*en*e. 3ut first things first... In &rimar s*hool= unli8e m &eers I #orro)e+ esoteri* #oo8s from m &arents9 frien+s an+ I lo$e+ those #oo8s. I remem#er that the first one I rea+ from en+ to en+ )as on o**ultism. Kno)ing the #oo8 )as *onsi+ere+ unsuita#le for m age= I )as &rou+ to #e a#le to rea+ an+ un+erstan+ it. I turne+ a +eaf ear to an &ersuasi$e a+$i*e to +e+i*ate m self to more formati$e rea+ings. I *ontinue+ these rea+ings until I )as a#out 11. I )aste+ a lot of time on )orthless #oo8s an+ sta*8s of s&e*iali!e+ esoteri* maga!ines )ith tantali!ing titles an+ i+le fan*ies +esigne+ essentiall to im&ress= an+ )hi*h )ere im&ossi#le to +istinguish in a+$an*e #et)een fa*t an+ fi*tion. I also *ame into *onta*t )ith the main themes of o**i+ental esoteri*ism )ith short +igressions into &henomena li8e h &nosis an+ s&iritualism. In the en+= I felt I ha+ tra$ele+ through an in+istin*t *haos an+ thought that &erha&s the most &re*ious se*rets )ere hi++en in other #oo8s )hi*h I ha+ not #een fortunate enough to fin+. Euring this &erio+= )hen I )as &erha&s 14 or 11= I sa) the )or+ > Yoga> for the first time in a &ostal *atalog of esoteri* #oo8s among m father9s *orres&on+en*e. I )as entran*e+ an+ ine<&li*a#l s&ell#oun+ # the &erson &i*ture+ on the *o$er sitting in the >lotus &osition.> 0o)e$er= I *oul+n9t &ersua+e m father to #u the #oo8 for me. Chen I )as 1, an+ in high s*hool= the esoteri* flame )as re8in+le+ for a )hile in a &arti*ular )a 7 a frien+ tol+ me he ha+ a +etaile+ te<t#oo8 *ontaining +ifferent Pranayama te*hni.ues= an+ a++e+7 >These e<er*ise are use+ to o#tain inner transformation....> I )as +ee&l intrigue+ # his )or+s7 )hat internal transformation )as he tal8ing a#outF Surel m frien+ +i+n9t mean the attainment of a &arti*ular state of rela<ation or *on*entration= or ho) to integrate the oriental $ision of e<isten*e )ith our lifest le. 0e must #e referring to some intense e<&erien*e that left a lasting &s *hologi*al mar8. Pranayama )as something I ha+ to learn as soon as &ossi#le. 3ut m frien+ )oul+ not len+ me the #oo8. A fe) +a s later at the train station ne)sstan+= I s&otte+ a sim&le Hatha Yoga manual an+ #ought it forth)ith an+ rea+ it in its entiret . Although I thought I )as sear*hing for &h si*al an+ mental *ontrol= m s&iritual sear*h ha+
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in fa*t #egun. Dnfortunatel = this #oo8 )as more of a &hiloso&hi*al intro+u*tion an+ +i+ not stir u& an thing s&iritual. It )as neither im&ressi$e nor thought &ro$o8ing A%i$a= Pra8riti= Purusha...B. The authorGs goal seeme+ to #e solel to gi$e the rea+er the im&ression of serious authorit . E$en *on*e&ts li8e Rein*arnation= Karma= harma! an+ "aya! the un+erstan+ing of )hi*h in the future )oul+ #e*ome so im&ortant in m life= remaine+ unfathoma#le= hi++en in a tangle of Sans8rit terms. Pranayama )as onl hinte+ at # e<&laining ho) to +o a *om&lete #reath @ +ilating the a#+omen= +ia&hragm= an+ u&&er *hest +uring inhalation an+ *ontra*ting the same in re$erse or+er for a *alm e<halation. That )as *learl an intro+u*tion= nothing else. I )as sure that the an*ient art of Pranayama )as not inten+e+ sim&l to train the *hest mus*les= strengthen the +ia&hragm or *reate &e*uliar *on+itions of #loo+ o< genation= #ut )as also meant to a*t on the energ &resent in our &s *ho-&h si*al s stem. It )as *ommon 8no)le+ge that the inharmonious state of that energ *oul+ #e relate+ to *onfli*ts an+ +isharmonies )ithin. I )as frustrate+ a#out the la*8 of in-+e&th information a#out Pranayama. The author *on*lu+e+ # sa ing that Pranayama shoul+ #e learne+ from an e<&erien*e+ tea*her #ut instea+ of a++ing a &re*ise in+i*ation Athe title of a #oo8= the name of a s*hool...B= he remaine+ $ague a#out e<a*tl ho) to fin+ him= maintaining that )e fin+ the Tea*her )hen )e are rea+ to learn. The se*on+ Hatha Yoga #oo8 I a*.uire+ )as not a me+io*re one. It e<&laine+ the name of ea*h &osture AAsanaB= ga$e a #rief note on the #est mental attitu+e for &ra*ti*ing it= an+ e<&laine+ ho) ea*h e<er*ise stimulate+ *ertain &h siologi*al fun*tions Aim&ortant en+o*rine glan+s= et*.B. It )as ta8en for grante+ that these &ositions )ere not to #e seen as sim&le >stret*hing )or8-outs>: #ut )ere a means of &ro$i+ing a glo#al stimulus to all the &h si*al organs to in*rease their $italit . The satisfa*tion I felt at the en+ of a session s&o8e to their effe*ti$eness. I #egan +oing oga &ostures AAsanasB in a *orner of our s*hool g mnasium +uring &h si*al e+u*ation *lasses. I )asn9t $er goo+ in s&orts an )a +es&ite #eing )ell-*on+itione+ # long )al8s. ;oreo$er= #eing a#le to +o something signifi*ant )ithout ha$ing to mo$e $er far an+ )ithout the inherent ris8s of s*hool s&orts attra*te+ me. After the &reliminar grou& )arm-u& e<er*ises= )hen the tea*her ga$e me &ermission to )or8 out on m o)n= I +e$ote+ m self to mastering Yoga &ositions or mo$ing the a#+ominal mus*les )ith the #a$li te*hni.ue. To m ama!ement one +a the tea*her A)hom I ha+ assume+ ha+ an o&inion of me *lose to !eroB *ame o$er an+ in.uire+ as to the se*ret of su**ee+ing in mo$ing the a#+ominal mus*les in su*h *urious )a . There )as an entire *ha&ter +e$ote+ to the >Cor&se Pose> A Sa%asanaB= the last one to #e &ra*ti*e+ in the +ail Asana routine. The instru*tion )as $er *learl gi$en an+ the author +i+ not lose his fo*us in useless &hiloso&hi*al em#ellishments. 0e e<&laine+ that the &ur&ose of the e<er*ise )as to .uiet the mental fa*ulties in or+er to re*harge the )hole &s *ho &h si*al s stem )ith fresh
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energ . I )as attra*te+ # the gran+iose &romise that # sto&&ing all mental fun*tions @ )ithout falling into a state of slee& @ an+ remaining for some time in a state of &ure a)areness= one *oul+ o#tain )ithin one hour the e.ui$alent of fi$e hours slee&. I regret not ha$ing the #oo8 an more= #ut I )ill +es*ri#e the e<er*ise #ase+ u&on )hat I remem#er7
>?ie in the su&ine &osition )ith arms e<ten+e+ alongsi+e the #o+ an+ )ith e es *o$ere+ to 8ee& the light out. After sta ing still for t)o or three minutes= mentall re&eat @ HI am rela<e+= I am *alm= I am not thin8ing of an thing.G Then= to enter the state of mental %oid $isuali!e our thoughts in*lu+ing those )ith a#stra*t .ualities an+ &ush them a)a one # one as if an internal han+ )ere mo$ing them gentl from the *enter of a mental s*reen to)ar+ its outer e+ge. All thoughts= )ithout e<*e&tion= must #e &ut asi+e: e$en the thought itself of &ra*ti*ing a te*hni.ue. You shoul+ ne$er #e*ome anno e+ # *ontinuous ne) thoughts #ut &i*ture them as o#Ie*ts an+ shift them asi+e: in this )a = ne) *hains of thought are &re$ente+ from *oming out. After &ushing a thought a)a = return our a)areness to the small s&ot #et)een the e e#ro)s A K$tasthaB )hi*h resem#les a &on+ of &ea*e= an+ rela< therein. The a#ilit to *ontinuousl &ush a)a thoughts that 8no*8 at the +oor of our attention )ill #e*ome almost automati*. Chen= on some o**asions @ su*h as &ra*ti*ing imme+iatel after a strong emotional in*i+ent @ the me*hanism +oes not seem to )or8= *on$ert our *on*entration into a small needle )hi*h *onstantl tou*hes the area #et)een the e e#ro)s @ Iust tou*hing= )ithout )orr ing a#out shifting thoughts asi+e. You )ill noti*e that at a *ertain &oint there is no more effort= an+ an remaining restless emotion su#si+es. The thought see+s manifesting as in+efinite images .ui$ering at the e+ge of a)areness *annot +istur# our mental rest. Chi*he$er of the t)o metho+s ou *hoose= the e<er*ise )or8s &erfe*tl an+ after '4 minutes ou get u& )ell-reste+ an+ re*harge+ )ith ne) fresh energ .>

In m e<&erien*e= in s&ite of the '4 minutes &romise+ # the #oo8= the final state of rela<ation laste+ no more than 1, minutes an+ the e<er*ise itself ne$er more than 2,-"4 minutes altogether. The te*hni.ue ine$ita#l en+e+ in a &e*uliar )a : the state of +ee& *almness )as interru&te+ # the thought that the e<er*ise ha+ not et #egun: m rea*tion )as al)a s a )in*e an+ a faster heart#eat. After a fe) se*on+s ho)e$er= *onfi+en*e that the e<er*ise ha+ #een &erfe*tl e<e*ute+ a&&eare+. Than8s to this te*hni.ue= )hi*h #e*ame a +ail ha#it= I reali!e+ on*e an+ for all the +ifferen*e #et)een >min+> an+ >a)areness>. Chen the mental &ro*ess is ease+ off into &erfe*t silen*e= &ure a)areness )ithout *ontent arises. ?i8e a luminous &oint +u&li*ating itself an unlimite+ amount of times= it remains un*hange+ for some minutes. You 8no) ou e<ist an+ that our e<isten*e is in+estru*ti#le @ this ha&&ens )ithout thin8ing. You ha$e the in+is&uta#le e<&erien*e that thoughts are in essen*e e&hemeral= an+ instea+ of re$ealing the final truth the *lou+ it. The Cartesian +e+u*tion7 >I thin8= therefore I am> is in+efensi#le. It )oul+ #e more *orre*t to affirm7 >Onl in the silen*e of no thought lies the &roof an+ the intimate *ertaint of e<isting.>

3esi+es the +imension of esoteri* oriental me+itati$e &ra*ti*es= I also ha+ a &assion for &oetr an+ literature as )ell as a ha#it of +ail see8ing the *ontem&lation of #eaut in Nature& This interest #egan )hen I )as 2. I #orro)e+ a #oo8 of &oetr from the s*hool li#rar an+ *o&ie+ +ifferent short &oems )ith naturalisti* themes into a note#oo8. 3 rea+ing them fre.uentl = I soon 8ne) them all # heart. 3 re*alling them )hile *ontem&lating the hill surroun+ings #e on+ the outs8irts of m $illage= I *oul+ intensif m emotions. As m high s*hool ears )ere +ra)ing to a *lose= I +e$elo&e+ a &assion for *lassi*al musi* an+ 3eetho$en #e*ame m i+ol. Ees&ite the trage+ of his +eafness at his *reati$e &ea8= he rea*te+ in a most honora#le manner an+ *arrie+ on *reating )or8s he ha+ alrea+ *om&ose+ in his heart. The 0eiligensta+t Testament= )here he re$eals his *riti*al *on+ition an+ states his +e*ision )ith *alm an+ total resolution= ma+e him almost a hero an+ a saint in m e es. 0e )rote to a frien+7 >I ha$e not a single frien+: I must li$e alone. 3ut )ell I 8no) that Jo+ is nearer to me than to other artists: I asso*iate )ith 0im )ithout fear: I ha$e al)a s re*ogni!e+ an+ un+erstoo+ him an+ ha$e no fear for m musi* @ it *an meet no e$il fate. Those )ho un+erstan+ it must #e free+ # it from all the miseries )hi*h the others +rag a#out )ith themsel$es.> 0o) *oul+ I remain in+ifferentF 0e )as +ra)ing in*om&ara#le musi* out of the +e&ths of his #eing= an+ offering it to humanit . The trium&h of this frail human *reature o$er a nonsensi*al fate ha+ a tremen+ous im&a*t on me. The +ail rite of retiring to m room to listen to that musi* *onsoli+ate+ m *onse*ration to the I+eal @ merging )ith A#solute 3eaut . Ea*h +a for the first three months after high s*hool gra+uation= )hen I e<&erien*e+ a strong romanti* *rush )hose fulfillment seeme+ im&ossi#le= I listene+ to 3eetho$en9s "issa Solemnis. The more m emotionalism &rom&te+ me to a*t rashl = )hi*h &ro$e+ to #e +estru*ti$e to m lo$e affair= the more m +es&erate heart foun+ refuge in the massG &ure #eaut . Euring a )al8 in the *ountr = sitting on a hill *ontem&lating a far lan+s*a&e #athe+ in the )armth of the summer e$ening= his musi* rang out again in m memor . Chat m heart *ra$e+ )as #efore me= &erfe*t an+ untarnishe+ neither # fears nor # a sense of guilt. That )as m first religious e<&erien*e. I *hose to stu+ math at uni$ersit . Chile atten+ing the first *lasses= I un+erstoo+ that a ha&& *ha&ter of m life )as *on*lu+e+ an+ there )oul+ #e no time for +istra*tions li8e enIo ing *lassi* literature. All m attention )as fo*use+ on fin+ing an effe*ti$e metho+ of stu+ an+ a )a to a$oi+ )asting m energies. This meant fo*using in a +is*i&line+ )a #oth +uring stu+ time an+ +uring m i+le moments. (or this &ur&ose= I +e*i+e+ to utili!e the + nami* of the ogi* 99mental $oi+99 te*hni.ue. One #a+ ha#it I ha+ to *on.uer )as a ten+en* to +a +ream an+ Ium& from one memor to another to e<tra*t moments of &leasure. I ha+ forme+ the unsha8ea#le *on$i*tion that )hen thought #e*omes an un*ontrolla#le $i*e @ for man it is an utter a++i*tion @ it *onstitutes not onl a )aste of energ #ut is the main *ause of almost all failures in our life. The fren!ie+ )hirl of the thought
2

&ro*ess= a**om&anie+ # alternating moo+s an+ strong emotions= *reates at times unreasona#le fears that hin+er the +e*isi$e a*tion that life re.uires. On other o**asions it fosters an o&timisti* imagination that unfortunatel &ushes the &erson to)ar+ ina&&ro&riate a*tions. I )as *on$in*e+ that +is*i&line+ thought )as the most $alua#le trait I *oul+ +e$elo&= an+ )oul+ o&en the +oors to fruitful a*hie$ements. ; +e*ision fille+ me )ith eu&hori* enthusiasm. 0o)e$er= after #reathing the lim&i+= s&ar8ling= *elestial state of thought restraint for a fe) hours I en*ountere+ a signifi*ant mental resistan*e. In the mirror of m intros&e*tion= I sa) ho) other ha#its )ere )asting m mental energ . One of these= )ra&&e+ an+ une<&e*te+l +ignifie+ # the *on*e&t of so*iali!ation= )as that of falling +ail into ner$e)ra*8ing +is*ussions )ith frien+s. It )as time to renoun*e it. I a#ru&tl a$oi+e+ their *om&an . Certainl mine )as not an im&ossi#le sa*rifi*e @ theirs )as not m )orl+. One +a +uring a short afternoon )al8= I sa) them from afar sitting la!il an+ *hatting in the usual #ar. ; heart ga$e a lur*h. The )ere m frien+s an+ I lo$e+ ea*h of them= et seeing them together that +a the a&&eare+ to me li8e *hi*8ens *oo&e+ u& in a narro) s&a*e. ;er*ilessl I assume+ the )ere *om&letel go$erne+ # the instin*ts of eating= &art ing= se<= an+ generall o$erin+ulging. Chate$er trage+ ha&&ene+ to their frien+ +i+n9t *on*ern them= the )oul+ ha$e 8e&t on si&&ing the +ail &leasure of +a)+ling until misfortune hit them &ersonall . I foun+ it $er sa+ an+ +istressing. The in*i+ent &ut me in a gloom moo+= #ut a senten*e from 3eetho$en9s 0eiligensta+t testament *ame s&ontaneousl to min+ an+ e$o8e+ the #liss I ha+ enIo e+ +uring m high s*hool ears7
O Pro$i+en*e - grant me at least #ut one day o' p$re (oy - it has #een so long sin*e real Io e*hoe+ in m heart - O )hen - O )hen= O Ei$ine One - shall I fin+ it again in the tem&le of nature an+ of menF - Ne$erF No - O that )oul+ #e too har+.

At that moment I again resol$e+ to *on*entrate on m stu+ies= an+ &assing m e<ams #e*ame m sole fo*us. I &er*ei$e+ that &erio+ of m life as a +es*ent into an unfathoma#le night #ut I 8ne) that in or+er to sha&e m future the )a I +esire+= tough sa*rifi*es )ere ne*essar . To see the +a)n of a >+a of &ure Io >= I )oul+ ha$e to en+ure momentaril a +ar8 em&tiness7 I )oul+ sa$or it )ithout lament an+ )ithout #eing tem&te+ to turn on a light for momentar sola*e. ) *ill ie So ) Can +i%e, An e$ent illuminate+ m life7 a frien+ intro+u*e+ me to Justa$ ;ahler9s S m&hon No.2 >-es$rre.tion> an+ in$ite+ me to a li$e *on*ert of this )or8. I rea+ the information leaflet. Ea*h &art of the s m&hon ha+ a &re*ise meaning )hi*h ;ahler himself ha+ e<&laine+ in a letter to the *on+u*tor= 3runo Calter. It )as ;ahler9s intention to treat +eath as the ine$ita#le en+ to all human enter&rise.
14

The musi* itself *on$e e+ a sense of +esolation )hi*h )as s)eet= as if +eath meant +rifting off into a &ea*eful slee&. In a sorro)ful $oi*e of en+less +ignit = the )or+s of the *ontralto *ommuni*ate+ a *hil+li8e inno*ent $ision7
/ -0s.hen roth, er "ens.h liegt in gr01ter #oth, er "ens.h liegt in gr01ter Pein, 2e lieber m0.ht i.h im Himmel sein& O re+ roseK ;an lies in +irest nee+K ;an lies in +ee&est &ainK Oh= ho) I )oul+ rather #e in hea$en.

Chile listening= I fan*ie+ I )as in the *ountr si+e +uring a light rain. 3ut it )as s&ring an+ a ra of sun &ier*e+ the *lou+s. Ami+ the $egetation there )as a #eautiful re+ rose. That sim&le $ision #rought sola*e to m heart9s inner a*he an+ )arme+ me to a high &it*h of enthusiasm )ith the thought that 3eaut )oul+ #e )ith me fore$er= in all the &la*es of m solitar )an+erings. Then the *hoir sang some $erses from Klo&sto*89s h mn7
A$'ersteh3n! (a a$'ersteh3n *irst d$! "ein Sta$b! #a.h 4$r5er -$h3, 6nsterbli.h +eben, 6nsterbli.h +eben 7ird der di.h rie' dir geben, Rise again= es= rise again= Cill ou= m +ust= After a #rief restK Immortal lifeK Immortal life Cill 0e )ho *alle+ ou= gi$e ou.

Ne<t ;ahler9s o)n $erses )ere *hante+. These en+e+ )ith7

"it 8l9geln! die i.h mir err$ngen! )n hei1em +iebesstreben! *erd3i.h ents.h7eben :$m +i.ht! 5$ dem 4ein A$g3gedr$ngen, Sterben 7erd3i.h! $m 5$ leben, A$'ersteh3n! (a a$'ersteh3n 7irst d$! mein Her5! in einem #$, *as d$ ges.hlagen 5$ Gott 7ird es di.h tragen, Cith )ings I ha$e gaine+= in lo$e9s fier*e stri$ing= I shall soar aloft To the light no e e has &ier*e+K I )ill +ie so I *an li$eK Rise again= es= rise again= Cill ou= m heart= in an instantK Chat ou ha$e earne+ ourself= Shall lea+ ou to Jo+K

In the follo)ing +a s= I trie+ to &enetrate the meaning # rea+ing e$er thing I *oul+ on the s m&hon an+ listening to it entran*e+ in the .uietu+e of m o)n room. After man integral an+ enthusiasti* listening sessions= the )or+s7 >Ster#en )er+e i*h= um !u le#enK> A>I )ill +ie so I *an li$eK>B resoun+e+ all +a long in m min+ li8e a threa+ aroun+ )hi*h m thoughts *r stalli!e+. Coul+ I e$er= #efore ol+ age= #e a#le to die to mysel' @ namel to die to my egoismF Cas it &ossi#le to *ross the fogg *urtain of thoughts= su&erfi*ial emotions= sensations an+ instin*t= an+ emerge into that &ure Eimension for )hi*h I ha+ earne+ man ears an+ )hi*h I felt )as m 0ighest Joo+F There )as no +ou#t I )as )illing to &erfe*t m self-im&ose+ +is*i&line to the e<treme= #ut # no means +i+ I )ant to s&en+ the rest of m life staring at the )all of m silen*e+ min+ an+ )aiting for something to ha&&en. >I )ill sei!e (ate
11

# the throat>= sai+ 3eetho$en7 so I too )as &re&are+ to a*t in a strong an+ +e*isi$e )a . Chat I misse+ )as the art of Pranayama @ that Pranayama )hi*h I ha+ +reame+ so mu*h a#out #ut ha+ ne$er a*tuall &ra*ti*e+. A fe) )ee8s #efore= I ha+ &ur*hase+ 3.K.S. I engar9s ;he )ll$strated +ight on Yoga! an+ his +es*ri&tion of Pranayama ha+ a)a8ene+ in me an unsha8ea#le +esire to &ra*ti*e it intensi$el . In the last &art of the #oo8 there )as a &ru+ent )arning7
>Pneumati* tools *an *ut through the har+est ro*8. In Pranayama! the yogi uses his lungs as &neumati* tools. If the are not use+ &ro&erl = the +estro #oth the tool an+ the &erson using it. (ault &ra*ti*e &uts un+ue stress on the lungs an+ +ia&hragm. The res&irator s stem suffers an+ the ner$ous s stem is a+$ersel affe*te+. The $er foun+ation of a health #o+ an+ a soun+ min+ is sha8en # a fault &ra*ti*e of Pranayama&>

This senten*e ignite+ m immo+erate )ill to e<&erien*e all its &o)er= to the &oint of >+ ing> in it= figurati$el s&ea8ing. Chat )oul+ ha$e frightene+ others em#ol+ene+ me. If it &ro$o8e+ an authenti* &s *hologi*al earth.ua8e= I )as on the right tra*8. Yes= some &ru+en*e )as ne*essar : an intensi$e &ra*ti*e ha+ to #e rea*he+ gra+uall an+ ea*h session ha+ to #e *arrie+ out )ith e<treme *are. The Pranayama referre+ to )as #adi Sodhana an+ 6((ayi A#reathing e<er*isesB )ith Bandha Amus*le *ontra*tionB an+ K$mbha4a A#reath retention.B Ea after +a = I *oul+ &er*ei$e Pranayama3s &otential a*ting on m &s *he. I )as *ertain m ol+ s*hool frien+ ha+ tol+ the truth @ >these e<er*ises *an *hange a &erson insi+e>. It ha+ to #e trueK Pranayama a&&eare+ to me the most &erfe*t of all arts= )ith no intrinsi* limits. To +e$ote m self to it )oul+ *ost nothing. I )oul+ not #e o#lige+ to s&en+ mone on the &ur*hase of a musi*al instrument= *an$as an+ *olors= or )hate$er. The instrument )as al)a s )ith me. I *oul+n9t un+erstan+ ho) I ha+ )aste+ so mu*h time not ta8ing on this *ommitment seriousl . To a#i+e # it )as The Ee*ision of ; ?ife. I &ra*ti*e+ morning an+ e$ening in an >a#solute> )a = )ith fero*ious *on*entration= as if there )ere no tomorro). I )oul+ start )ith stret*hing e<er*ises @ an+ some sim&le Asanas )hen I ha+ more time. 1 I &ra*ti*e+ in the half-lotus &osition= sitting on the e+ge of a &illo) )ith m #a*8 straight. I fo*use+ )ith !eal on a&&l ing the instru*tions fla)lessl #ut )ith a *reati$e s&irit. I *on*entrate+ 8eenl on the alternate feelings of *oolness an+ )armth &ro+u*e+ # the air on the fingers an+ on the &alm of the right han+ use+ to o&en an+ *lose the nostrils. The &ressure= the smooth flo)ing of the #reath... e$er +etail )as &leasant. 3e*oming a)are of ea*h &e*uliarit of the e<er*ise hel&e+ me maintain $igilant attention )ithout #e*oming stresse+. Euring the +a = I foun+ m &er*e&tion of things ha+ *hange+. ; e es sear*he+
1

A +etaile+ +es*ri&tion of this routine ANa+i So+hana: DIIa i: 3an+ha an+ final *on*entration in KutasthaB is gi$en at the en+ of this *ha&ter.

12

for the most intense *olors= fas*inate+ # them as if the )ere *lose to re$ealing an un8no)n realit l ing #e on+ the material. Sometimes in the first sunn +a s after )inter= )hen the s8ies )ere *r stalline an+ as #lue as the ha+ e$er #een= I )oul+ sit in the o&en air an+ *ontem&late m surroun+ings. In a #ush +it*h *o$ere+ )ith i$ the sun she+ its light u&on flo)ers that a fe) )ee8s #efore )ere #looming +uring the *ol+ an+ no)= hee+less of the mil+est +a s= still lingere+ in their s&ell-#in+ing glor . I )as +ee&l ins&ire+. I )oul+ *lose m e es an+ rel on an inner ra+ian*e a**om&anie+ # a sensation of &ressure on m heart. At that time= m internal life )as still s&lit #et)een t)o interests )hi*h I &er*ei$e+ as t)o +imensions ha$ing nothing in *ommon. On one si+e )ere esoteri* matters )hi*h ha+ gui+e+ m sear*h to)ar+ Yoga +is*i&line= )hi*h I *on*ei$e+ to #e an e''i.a.io$s tool for &urif ing an+ .ontrolling the mind. On the other si+e )as the as&iration to)ar+ the i+eal )orl+ of 3eaut )hi*h I trie+ to e$o8e through the stu+ of literar )or8s= an+ listening to *lassi*al musi*. I ne$er imagine+ that the first +imension *oul+ lea+ me to the se*on+K It )as reasona#le to ho&e that Pranayama *oul+ gi$e me a &ermanent #ase of mental *larit = hel&ing me to not s&oil the fragile mira*le of an en*ounter )ith 3eaut )ith a Ium#le of thoughts= #ut I *oul+ ne$er ha$e imagine+ that Pranayama ha+ the &o)er of multi&l ing the e<&erien*e of the Su#lime or e$en ma8e it s&ring u& from nothingK I often re&eate+ insi+e m self an+ sometimes .uote+ to m frien+s this $erse from the Bhaga%ad Gita7
>AThe yogiB 8no)s the Io eternal #e on+ the &ale of the senses )hi*h his reason *annot gras&. 0e a#i+es in this realit an+ mo$es not then*e. 0e has foun+ the treasure a#o$e all others. There is nothing higher than this. 0e that has a*hie$e+ it shall not #e mo$e+ # the greatest sorro). This is the real meaning of Yoga @ a +eli$eran*e from *onta*t )ith &ain an+ sorro)>.

Chile re&eating it= I )as a*tuall sa$oring that %o . On a .uiet afternoon )al8 among trees Iust #efore sunset= I .ui*8l glan*e+ no) an+ then at te<t from one of the 6panishads 5an*ient Sans8rit sa*re+ te<ts6 that I ha+ )ith me. One &arti*ular senten*e a)a8ene+ an instantaneous reali!ation7 >Thou art That>K I *lose+ the #oo8 an+ re&eate+ the )or+s as if in a tran*e. ; rational min+ )as a#le to gras& #ut not full a**e&t the in*ommensura#le im&li*ation of the statement. It meant that it )as I that )as the un#elie$a#l +eli*ate green light filtering through the lea$es= #earing )itness to the s&ring that #rought ne) life. 3a*8 home= I +i+ not e$en tr to &ut +o)n on &a&er the numerous >moments of gra*e> I e<&erien*e+ from this reali!ation= nor *oul+ I ha$e. ; onl )ish )as to +el$e further an+ further into this ne) inner sour*e of un+erstan+ing an+ enlightenment.

1"

K$ndalini <xperien.e After ha$ing #ought the )or8s of Rama8rishna= Li$e8anan+a= Jo&i Krishna an+ PatanIali9s Yoga S$tras Aa #ig $olume )ith *omments # I.K. TaimniB= I finall +e*i+e+ to #u the auto#iogra&h of an In+ian saint= )hom I )ill in+i*ate # P.Y. 2 . It )as a #oo8 I ha+ seen some ears #efore #ut ha+ not #ought #e*ause it +i+n9t *ontain &ra*ti*al instru*tions. ; ho&e no) )as that I )oul+ #e a#le to fin+ useful information su*h as the a++resses of some goo+ Yoga s*hools. This auto#iogra&h enthralle+ me an+ *reate+ a strong as&iration to)ar+ the m sti*al &ath. In *ertain moments I foun+ m self almost #urning from an internal fe$er. This &ro$i+e+ fertile groun+ for the *oming of an e$ent )hi*h )as ra+i*all +ifferent from an I ha+ e<&erien*e+ #efore. It )as a 8in+ of >intimate> e<&erien*e. Nonetheless= sin*e I ha$e listene+ to similar +es*ri&tions from Yoga &ra*titioners= I ha$e +e*i+e+ to share it. One night )hile rea+ing P.Y.9s auto#iogra&h = I felt a shi$er similar to an ele*tri* *urrent s&rea+ itself throughout m )hole #o+ . A 99shi$er99 )as insignifi*ant in itself= #ut it frightene+ me. ; rea*tion )as rather strange sin*e I ha+ al)a s #elie$e+ I )as immune from fear of all things relate+ to trans*en+en*e. The thought flashe+ through m min+ that a +ee&er e$ent )as going to ha&&en soon: that it )as going to #e strong= $er strong an+ I )oul+ not #e a#le to sto& it in an )a . It )as as if m memor ha+ some ine<&li*a#le familiarit )ith it an+ m instin*t 8ne) its ines*a&a#le &o)er. I ma+e u& m min+ to let things ha&&en unim&e+e+ an+ go ahea+ )ith the rea+ing. ;inutes &asse+ an+ I )as not a#le to *ontinue rea+ing: m restlessness turne+ into an<iet . Then it again #e*ame fear= an intense fear of something un8no)n )hi*h )as threatening m e<isten*e. I ha+ *ertainl ne$er e<&erien*e+ a similar state. In &ast moments of +anger= I use+ to remain &aral !e+= una#le to thin8. No) m thoughts )ere stirring franti*all = &i*turing the )orst results7 loss of &s *hologi*al #alan*e= en*ounter )ith an e$il entit = &erha&s e$en +eath. I felt the urgen* to +o something= e$en though I +i+ not 8no) )hat. I set m self into &osition for me+itation an+ )aite+. The anguish in*rease+. A &art of me= ma #e the totalit of that entit I *all >m self>= seeme+ at the &oint of melting a)a . The )orst thoughts hung o$er me )ithout a *lear reason. I ha+ Iust finishe+ rea+ing Jo&i Krishna9s K$ndalini= Path to Higher Cons.io$sness in )hi*h the author +es*ri#e+ the s&len+i+ a)a8ening e<&erien*e
2

The rea+er )ill un+erstan+ )h I am not mentioning the full name of P.Y. @ it is not +iffi*ult ho)e$er to figure out his i+entit . There are man s*hools of Yoga s&rea+ing his tea*hings a**or+ing to a Hs&e*ifi* legitima* 9. One of these= through its re&resentati$es= ma+e me reali!e that not onl )on9t the tolerate the smallest of the Co& right $iolations= #ut the )on9t e$en a&&re*iate their #elo$e+ Tea*her9s name #eing mi<e+ into +is*ussions a#out Kriya on the Internet. The reason is that in the &ast some &eo&le use+ 0is name to mislea+ a high num#er of &ra*titioners )ho )ere tr ing to re*ei$e 0is original tea*hings. ;oreo$er= m +esire is to inform the rea+er that in the follo)ing &ages I )ill onl summaril linger u&on m un+erstan+ing of 0is lega* = )ithout an &retension of gi$ing an o#Ie*ti$e a**ount of it. An intereste+ rea+er shoul+ not renoun*e the &ri$ilege of turning to the original te<tsK

1'

he ha+ follo)ing an intense &ra*ti*e of *on*entration on the se$enth Cha4ra. 0o)e$er @ #e*ause his #o+ )as &ro#a#l un&re&are+ @ he later met serious &h si*al an+= as a refle<= &s *hi* &ro#lems as )ell. A**or+ing to his +es*ri&tion= insi+e his #o+ the energ )as for*e+ into *onstant motion from the #ase of the #a*8#one to)ar+ the #rain. So strong )as the energ that he )as #e+ri++en an+ *oul+ not a**om&lish normal #o+il fun*tions. 0e literall felt as if he )as #eing #urne+ # an inner fire )hi*h he *oul+ not &ut out. Cee8s later= he intuiti$el +is*o$ere+ the )a to *ontrol the &henomenon @ the u&)ar+ flo) of energ through the s&ine #e*ame a &ersistent e<&erien*e of internal reali!ation. I )as afrai+ I too ha+ *ome to the threshol+ of that same e<&erien*e #ut= sin*e I +i+ not li$e in In+ia= &erha&s &eo&le aroun+ me might not un+erstan+. The e<&erien*e )oul+ ha$e #een terri#leK No one *oul+ hel& insure that m e<&erien*e )oul+ #e *hannele+ to)ar+ a &ositi$e *on*lusion li8e it )as for Jo&i Krishna. The s&iritual )orl+ a&&eare+ to me to #e a sorro)ful an+ horri#le nightmare= a#le to annihilate an+ +estro )hoe$er )oul+ im&ru+entl a&&roa*h it. Or+inar life= on the *ontrar = seeme+ the +earest an+ healthiest realit . I )as afrai+ I might not #e a#le to get #a*8 to that *on+ition again. I )as *on$in*e+ I ha+ o&ene+ a +oor I )as not su&&ose+ to o&en= so I +e*i+e+ to sto& the e<&erien*e an+ &ut off the fatal moment. I stoo+ u& an+ left the room= out to the o&en air. It )as night an+ there )as no#o+ to )hom I *oul+ *ommuni*ate m &ani*K At the *enter of the ar+ I )as #ur+ene+= *ho8e+= almost *rushe+ # a feeling of +es&eration= en$ ing all those &eo&le )ho ha+ ne$er &ra*ti*e+ Yoga& I su++enl felt guilt an+ ashame+ of the harsh )or+s I ha+ use+ against a frien+ )ho ha+ #een in$ol$e+ in &art of m sear*h. ?i8e so man others= he ha+ shunne+ an &ra*ti*e= ignore+ loft rea+ings= an+ +e*i+e+ instea+ to enIo life. E.ui&&e+ )ith a Iu$enile #ol+ness= I ha+ a++resse+ him )ith a tone far from affe*tionate= )hi*h no) starte+ to thun+er insi+e m hea+. I )as sorr I ha+ thro)n unIustifie+ *ruelt at him )ithout reall 8no)ing )hat )as in his min+ an+ soul. I )oul+ ha$e li8e+ to tell him ho) sorr I )as to ha$e #rutall $iolate+ his right to li$e the )a he thought )as #est. Perha&s he ha+ &referre+ to &rote*t his mental health rather than #e*ome unsta#le or insane through &ra*ti*es he )as unsure of. 3e*ause of m great &assion for *lassi*al musi*= I ho&e+ that listening to it might iel+ the &ositi$e effe*t of &rote*ting me from anguish an+ hel& me get #a*8 m usual moo+. It )as 3eetho$en9s Con.ert 'or >iolin and /r.hestra! )hi*h I listene+ to in m room )ith hea+&hones= that soothe+ m soul an+ after half an hour ease+ m slee&. 3ut the follo)ing morning I a)o8e )ith the same fear. Strange as it ma seem= the t)o &i$otal fa*ts that to+a stir m most intense emotions @ that Ei$ine Intelligen*e is the $er #asis of e$er thing that e<ists= an+ that man *an &ra*ti*e a +efinite +is*i&line in or+er to attune to it @ *on$e e+ to me a feeling of horrorK Sunlight &oure+ into the room through the ga&s in the shutters. I ha+ a )hole +a #efore me. I )ent out to tr an+ amuse m self # #eing )ith other &eo&le. I met some frien+s an+ s&ent the afternoon *ra*8ing Io8es an+ #eha$ing
1,

li8e the &eo&le I ha+ al)a s *onsi+ere+ la! an+ +ull. In this )a = I su**ee+e+ in hi+ing m anguish. The first +a )ent # : m min+ )as totall )orn out. After t)o +a s= the fear ha+ +iminishe+ an+ I finall felt safe. Something felt *hange+ an )a : I ha+nGt thought a#out Yoga! I onl thought aroun+ it. One )ee8 later I #egan= *alml an+ +eta*he+l = to &on+er the meaning of )hat ha+ ha&&ene+. I un+erstoo+ the nature of m rea*tion to that e&iso+e7 I ha+ *o)ar+l run a)a from the e<&erien*e I ha+ &ursue+ for su*h a long timeK In the +e&th of m soul m +ignit urge+ me to *ontinue )ith m sear*h e<a*tl from the &oint )here I ha+ .uit. I )as rea+ to a**e&t all that )as to ha&&en an+ let things follo) their *ourse= e$en if this &ro*ess im&lie+ the loss of m )holesomeness. I #egan the &ra*ti*e of Pranayama again= as intensel as #efore. A fe) +a s )ent # )ithout +ete*ting an form of fear. Then= I e<&erien*e+ something $er #eautiful. It )as night. I )as l ing in a rela<e+ >*or&se &ose>= )hen I ha+ a &leasant sensation= as if an ele*tri* )in+ )as #lo)ing in the e<ternal &art of m #o+ = &ro&agating itself .ui*8l an+ )ith a )a$ motion from m feet u& to m hea+. ; #o+ )as so tire+ I *oul+ not mo$e @ e$en if m min+ ha+ or+ere+ it to. I felt the familiar sensation #ut ha+ no fear. ; *om&osure )as serene. Then the ele*tri* )in+ )as re&la*e+ # another feeling= *om&ara#le to an enormous &o)er &ouring into the #a*8#one an+ .ui*8l *lim#ing u& to the #rain. The e<&erien*e )as a**om&anie+ # an in+es*ri#a#le= an+ so far un8no)n= sense of #liss. The &er*e&tion of an intense #rightness a**om&anie+ e$er thing. ; memor of that moment is *on+ense+ into a single e<&ression= >a *lear an+ eu&hori* *ertaint of e<isting= li8e an unlimite+ o*ean of a)areness an+ #liss>. The strangest thing )as that in the $er instant I ha+ it= I foun+ it familiar. In God <xists= ) Ha%e "et Him= A. (rossar+ tries to gi$e an i+ea of his s&iritual e<&erien*e. To that en+= he *reates the *on*e&t of an >in$erse a$alan*he>. An a$alan*he *olla&ses= runs +o)nhill= first slo)l then faster an+ $iolentl at the same time. (rossar+ suggests )e shoul+ imagine an >u&si+e-+o)n a$alan*he> )hi*h #egins strengthening at the foot of the mountain an+ *lim#s u& &ushe+ # an in*reasing &o)er: then su++enl it lea&s u& to)ar+ the s8 . I +o not 8no) ho) long this e<&erien*e laste+. It +efinitel &ea8e+ out at onl a fe) se*on+s. Chen it en+e+= I turne+ on m si+e an+ fell into a *alm= uninterru&te+ slee&. The follo)ing +a )hen I a)o8e I ha+ forgotten it. It onl *ame u& some hours later= +uring a )al8. ?eaning against the trun8 of a tree= I remaine+ immo#ile for a *ou&le minutes= enthralle+ # the re$er#eration of the memor . I )as floo+e+ )ith great Io . It )as as if I ha+ )o8en u& after a tormente+ +ream: hea$ limitations ha+ #een )eighing m heart +o)n for a long time an+ no) the ha+ +issol$e+. An elate+ *on+ition stret*hing out far &ast the limits of m a)areness @ a sort of memor hi+ing in the re*esses of m su#*ons*ious @ #egan to #e re$eale+= as if a ne) area of m #rain ha+ #een stirre+ to a full a)a8ening. I foun+ m self *ontem&lating a +reamli8e realit = still o#Ie*ti$el in+is&uta#le: it ha+ arisen in me )ith the naturalness of a &rimor+ial instin*t although it ha+ nothing to +o )ith the )orl+ surroun+ing me in )hi*h I li$e+.
1-

Appe)2&= to 1hapter 1: 2e 1r&pt&o) o" (' "&r t Pra)a'a(a ro$t&)e 0ere are the &ra*ti*al instru*tions a#out the t)o t &es of Pranayama that I &ra*ti*e+ at the $er #eginning of m sear*h. I? Na2& So2ha)a Pra)a'a(a. It is im&ortant to *lean the nostrils #efore #eginning the e<er*ise so the #reath *an flo) smoothl . This *an #e +one )ith )ater or inhaling eu*al &tus essen*e an+ #lo)ing the nose. If one of the nostrils is &ermanentl o#stru*te+= that is a &ro#lem that nee+s to #e sol$e+ me+i*all . If the o#stru*tion is +ue to a se$ere *ol+= no Pranayama e<er*ise shoul+ #e &ra*ti*e+. 1. The mouth must #e *lose+. 2. Close the right nostril )ith the right thum# an+ inhale through the left nostril slo)l = uniforml = an+ +ee&l for --14 se*on+s. ". Pause for a mental *ount of " after ea*h inhalation. '. Close the left nostril )ith the right little finger an+ ring finger of the same han+. ,. E<hale through the right nostril )ith the same uniform an+ +ee& rh thm. -. Change nostrils. /. Kee& the left nostril *lose+= inhale through the right nostril. 1. Close the right nostril )ith the right thum# an+ e<hale through the left nostril slo)l = uniforml = an+ +ee&l for --14 se*on+s. This *orres&on+s to one * *le. 3egin )ith - * *les gra+uall )or8ing u& to 12 * *les. Dse a mental *ount to ma8e sure the time is the same for #oth the inhalation an+ the e<halation. Eo not o$er+o the #reathing to the &oint of +is*omfort. The nostrils *an #e *lose+ )ith the fingers in +ifferent )a s +e&en+ing on the &referen*e of the &ra*titioner. II? UAAa'& Pra)a'a(a. The te*hni.ue *onsists of #reathing in an+ out +ee&l through #oth nostrils )hile &ro+u*ing a soun+Mnoise in the throat. After a fe) +a sG &ra*ti*e= the res&irator a*tion is lengthene+ )ithout effort. This e<er*ise is normall &ra*ti*e+ 12 times. ;entall *ount to ensure that the inhalation an+ the e<halation ha$e the same +uration. Con*entration on the *omfort an+ the in+u*e+ *almness is im&ortant7 this allo)s the *on*entration to #e*ome +ee&er. III? Co)1e)trat&o) e=er1& e. Remain &erfe*tl immo#ile an+ rela<e+ for at least , minutes. The #reath is natural an+ *alm= the attention intensel fo*use+ on the &oint #et)een the e e#ro)s. After an initial &erio+ of &ra*ti*e= the Bandhas are a++e+ +uring #adi Sodhana Pranayama. ?et us +efine the Bandhas7 In 2alandhara Bandha! the ne*8 an+ the throat are slightl *ontra*te+= an+ the *hin tilts +o)n to)ar+ the #reast. In 6ddiyana Bandha Ain a sim&lifie+ formB the a#+ominal mus*les are slightl *ontra*te+: the &er*e&tion of energ insi+e the a#+ominal region an+ in the s&inal *olumn is intensifie+. Euring "$la Bandha! the &erineum mus*les @ #et)een the anus an+ the genital organs @ are *ontra*te+ in an attem&t to lift the a#+ominal mus*les in a $erti*al )a = )hile &ressing #a*8 the inferior &art of the a#+omen. Euring #adi Sodhana Pranayama= after ha$ing inhale+ Aeither through the left or through the right nostrilB the yogi *loses #oth nostrils: +uring the ensuing short &ause the three Bandhas are a&&lie+ simultaneousl . Pra*ti*ing )ith intensit an+ strength of

1/

*on*entration= ou9ll feel a sensation of energeti* *urrent sli+ing u& along the s&inal *olumn @ an almost e*stati* internal shi$er. ?ater= if it is *omforta#le= one *an $ar the time ratio of inhalation= retention AK$mbha4aB= an+ e<halation. The e<halation shoul+ last t)i*e the time ne*essar for the inhalation an+ the &ause after the inhalation shoul+ #e four times as long. This s*heme )ill #e +enote+ as 17'72. Euring the long &ause= the three Bandhas are a&&lie+ simultaneousl . Time *an #e measure+ through mental *hanting of /m. Inhale for a slo)l *ount of " /m. 0ol+ the #reath for a *ount of 12 /m. E<hale for a *ount of /m. -emar4s on #adi Sodhana Pranayama Some #oo8s .uote s*ientifi* resear*h en+orsing the #enefit of this te*hni.ue. The e<&lain that #adi Sodhana Pranayama shoul+ #e &ra*ti*e+ first #e*ause it #alan*es )da an+ Pingala *urrents. )da Afeminine in nature= tie+ to intro$ersion an+ to the state of restB flo)s $erti*all along the left si+e of the s&inal *olumn= )hile Pingala Amas*uline in nature= tie+ to e<tro$ersion an+ to the state of &h si*al a*ti$it B flo)s &arallel to )da on the right si+e. S$sh$mna flo)s in the mi++le an+ re&resents the e<&erien*e half)a #et)een the t)o7 the i+eal state to #e a*hie$e+ right #efore #eginning the &ra*ti*e of me+itation. An im#alan*e #et)een )da an+ Pingala is res&onsi#le for a la*8 of intro$ersion-e<tro$ersion harmon in man &eo&le. O$er-fun*tioning of the )da *hannel results in intro$ersion= )hile &re+ominan*e of the Pingala lea+s to a state of e<tro$ersion. There are times )hen )e feel more e<ternali!e+: others )hen )e are more internali!e+. In a health &erson= this alternation is *hara*teri!e+ # a #alan*e #et)een a life of &ositi$e relationshi&s an+ a serene *onta*t )ith one9s o)n +e&ths. E<*essi$el intro$erte+ &ersons ten+ to lose *onta*t )ith e<ternal realit . The *onse.uen*e is that the u&s an+ +o)ns of life seem to gang u& against them in or+er to un+ermine their &ea*eful *om&osure. E<*essi$e e<tro$erts #etra frailt in +ealing )ith their un*ons*ious feelings an+ might fa*e une<&e*te+ +istressing moments. No)= the e<er*ise fosters an e.uili#rium #et)een )da an+ Pingala an+ in +ue time= #et)een a ten+en* to intro$ersion an+ a ten+en* to e<tro$ersion. There are four t &es of #rain )a$es. Euring +ee& slee&= +elta )a$es are &re+ominant A1-' os*illations &er se*on+B= an+ in a +o!e= the theta )a$es A'-1 os*illations &er se*.B +ominate. The #rain )a$es that interest us are the al&ha )a$es A11" os*illations &er se*.B. The are mostl &resent )hen the &erson has *lose+ e es= is mentall rela<e+ #ut still a)a8e an+ a#le to e<&erien*e. Chen the e es are o&ene+= or the &erson is +istra*te+ in some other )a = the al&ha )a$es are )ea8ene+= an+ there is an in*rease of the faster #eta )a$es A1"-'4 os*illations &er se*.B. The amount of al&ha )a$es sho)s to )hat +egree the #rain is in a state of rela<e+ a)areness. EEJ measurements &ro$e that al&ha )a$es in*rease +uring me+itation an+ the amount of al&ha )a$es in ea*h #rain half #alan*e out. No)= the more )e &ra*ti*e #adi Sodhana= the more the al&ha )a$es ten+ to #e*ome e.ual. #adi Sodhana *reates that &erfe*t #alan*e )hi*h is the #est *on+ition to enter the me+itation state.

11

C0APTER 2 KRIYA YOGA FROM ORGANIBATIONS

Dn+erta8ing the &ra*ti*e of Pranayama )as li8e &lanting the see+ of a might tree in the fe$erish season of m outh an+ *ontem&lating its safe gro)th at other times of m life. Pranayama #e*ame m safe refuge )hen the trials of life *ons&ire+ to )ear a)a the #asi* Io )hi*h )as m inherent nature. 3 shar&ening aestheti* enIo ment= it fille+ m +a s )ith the fruition of i+eal 3eaut = reinfor*ing m +etermination to see8 onl insi+e it the tra*es of the ineffa#le >Prime%al Ca$se? of all things. I ha+ no +ou#ts that the Realit to)ar+s )hi*h I )as +ire*ting m life )as the 99Self99 as *on*ei$e+ # C.J. %ung. I #elie$e+ that Pranayama )oul+ initiate a *leansing of the su#*ons*ious &art of m &s *he= gui+ing me along the >)ndi%id$ation Pro.ess> +es*ri#e+ # %ung. In m +reamerGs heart= I fan*ie+ I )oul+ fa*e the ar*het &es of the Colle*ti$e Dn*ons*ious.... I 8ne) that no man shoul+ un+erta8e su*h a &erilous $enture )ithout the gui+e of a traine+ &s *hologist #ut I ha+ no fear as I relie+ u&on m o)n enthusiasm= $igilan*e= an+ in+omita#le )ill to &erfe*t m Pranayama& Another thing ha+ #e*ome a+amantl *lear7 I )oul+ ha$e to *hoose a &rofession that )oul+ not o**u& m entire +a nor all m energ . I ha+ to li$e a life that +i+ not #etra m inner SelfK The K$ndalini e<&erien*e ha&&ene+ se$eral times #ut ne$er #e*ame *onstant. It too8 &la*e es&e*iall )hen I +e$ote+ m self to stu+ late at night an+ then la e<hauste+ on m #e+. Chene$er it a&&eare+ m heart #u##le+ )ith infinite gratefulness to something higher= #e on+ m *a&a#ilities of un+erstan+ing an+ $isuali!ing. I #elie$e+ Pranayama *oul+ hel& an one to li$e in a #etter )a . In m #eginner9s !eal= I *oul+ not refrain from tr ing to *on$in*e other &eo&le of its #enefits. Sin*e m frien+s +i+ not share m enthusiasm #ut )ere &olite )hile listening= I insiste+ on em&hasi!ing some as&e*ts of their #eha$ior )hi*h I +e*i+e+ nee+e+ im&ro$ement. In m o&inion the )ere e<*essi$e in their +esire to al)a s a&&ear *heerful an+ )illing to hel& out. ; &oint )as that the great amount of energ the s.uan+ere+ in this +e#ilitating &ra*ti*e )as *ounter#alan*e+ # &erio+s in )hi*h the ga$e the im&ression of >im&lo+ing>. The )oul+ in+i$i+uall +isa&&ear for some time an+= strange in+ee+= the *oul+ no longer &ut u& )ith an one. In short= I )as telling them that their so*ial life )as a far*e= )hile the ha+ la#ele+ me anti-so*ial. I +e*lare+ that Pranayama )oul+ harness their energies to)ar+s a more #alan*e+ &s *he. This generate+ a $iolent rea*tion. The re&lie+ that m )or+s )ere +e&ri$e+ of a genuine sense of res&e*t an+ lo$e an+ that I )as una#le to sho) s m&ath to)ar+ others. The essen*e of )hat I ha+ foun+ in Pranayama= )hi*h I )ent on e<tolling unflin*hingl = a&&eare+ to them as the &inna*le of egoism= lea+ing to insulation an+ unhealth +eta*hment from realit . Juilt-ri++en= I sa) I ha+ &ro$o8e+ onl #itterness. (urthermore= I ha+ #een terri#l *ruel= ha$ing= for &ur&oses of m +is.uisition= ta8en a+$antage of m frien+9s &ast *onfi+ential a+missions. Onl one frien+= a >0i&&ie>= un+erstoo+ &erfe*tl )hat I )as sa ing an+
12

sho)e+ me some em&ath : to him= the onl real &ro#lem )as m e<*essi$e enthusiasm a#out the automati* #enefits of Pranayama. 0e ha+ no +ou#ts that m su**ess in this &ra*ti*e +e&en+e+ )holl on me. In his o&inion= Pranayama )as not an art #ringing its o)n re)ar+= #ut an >am&lifier> of )hat ou ha$e insi+e= enhan*ing )hat ou ha$e alrea+ a*hie$e+. Pranayama= he sai+= *oul+ not *reate an thing ne). At this &oint I agree+ that Pranayama *oul+ also #e regar+e+ as an internal *leaning &ro*ess #ut I argue+ it )as also an a*tion of 99*lim#ing99 to)ar+ a loft state of *ons*iousness )here# ou a*hie$e+ something ra+i*all ne). At that moment I felt +isoriente+: I )asn9t a#le to see that the t)o $isions *oul+ *oe<ist @ I )as oung an+ I *ategori!e+ e$er thing as #la*8 or )hite. The imme+iate &ro#lem )as to fin+ other te<ts= na = all the e<isting te<ts a#out Pranayama. In his auto#iogra&h P.Y. hints at Kriya Yoga! a t &e of Pranayama! )hi*h )as first taught # ?ahiri ;ahasa a an+ ha+ to #e mastere+ through 'o$r le%els. ?ahiri ;ahasa a himself )as +e&i*te+ as the em#o+iment of Yoga@@ surel there must ha$e #een something uni.ue in his >)a >K I lo$e+ Pranayama= an+ the i+ea of im&ro$ing it through +ifferent ste&s soun+e+ )on+erful. If the #reathing e<er*ises I ha+ alrea+ &ra*ti*e+ ha+ gi$en me su*h in*om&ara#le results= it )as o#$ious that the Kriya four-stage s stem )oul+ ma8e them greater an+ greaterK ; imagination ran )il+ an+ m fer$or gre). I )ent on rea+ing #oo8s # P.Y. I )as ama!e+ # his &ersonalit = )ith une.uale+ )ill an+ an une<&e*te+ &ra*ti*al s&irit. 0e +i+ not e<*ite me )hen he s&o8e on a &urel +e$otional tone= #ut +i+ )hene$er he assume+ a more te*hni*al one= ma8ing it &ossi#le for me to fantasi!e a#out the glor of Kriya. Chat I *oul+ surmise )as that Kriya Yoga *onsiste+ of slo) an+ +ee& #reathing )ith the a)areness fo*use+ on the s&ine= ma8ing the inner energ rotate aroun+ the Cha4ras. P.Y. highlighte+ the e$olutionar $alue of Pranayama. 0e e<&laine+ that if )e *om&are the human s&inal *olumn to a ferromagneti* su#stan*e *onstitute+ of elementar magnets that turn to)ar+s the same +ire*tion )hen the are o$erla&&e+ # a magneti* fiel+= as taught # &h si*s= then the a*tion of Pranayama is a8in to this &ro*ess of magneti!ation. 3 uniforml re+ire*ting all the >su#tle> &arts of our s&inal *or+9s &h si*al an+ astral essen*e= the Kriya Pranayama #urns off the so-*alle+ >#a+ see+s> of Karma. " No) m .uestion )as )hether or not I ha+ to go to In+ia to loo8 for a tea*her to gui+e me. Sin*e I &lanne+ to get through m uni$ersit stu+ies as .ui*8l as &ossi#le= I reIe*te+ the i+ea of a Iourne to In+ia for the near future. One +a )hile again rea+ing a te<t of P.Y.= I reali!e+ that he ha+ )ritten a )hole
"

Ce allu+e to Karma )hene$er )e sti*8 to the *ommon #elief that a &erson inherits a #aggage of latent ten+en*ies from his &re$ious li$es an+ that= sooner or later= these ten+en*ies )ill *ome out in a*tual life. Of *ourse Kriya is a &ra*ti*e )hi*h one *an e<&erimentall use )ithout ne*essaril ha$ing to a**e&t an *ree+s. 0o)e$er= sin*e the *on*e&t of Karma lies at the #asis of In+ian thought= it is )orth)hile to un+erstan+ an+ s&ea8 freel of it. A**or+ing to this #elief= Pranayama #urns out the effe*ts of the >#a+ see+s> Iust #efore the manifest in our li$es. It is further e<&laine+ that those &eo&le )ho are instin*ti$el attra*te+ # metho+s of s&iritual +e$elo&ment su*h as Kriya= ha$e alrea+ &ra*ti*e+ something similar in a >&re*e+ent in*arnation>. This is #e*ause su*h an a*tion is ne$er in $ain an+ in a*tual life the get #a*8 to it e<a*tl )here= in a remote &ast= the ha+ .uit it.

24

set of lessons on Kriya= an+ that these *oul+ #e re*ei$e+ # *orres&on+en*e. Cith great Io = I .ui*8l a&&lie+ for the *ourse. The )ritten material tra$ele+ # shi& an+ the +ela times )ere enormous. ' Chen after four months I re*ei$e+ the first lesson= I *ame to 8no) that the .orresponden.e *ourse ha+ to #e *ontinue+ for at least one year #efore a&&l ing for the Kriya lessons. ;ean)hile I +e*i+e+ to im&ro$e the e<er*ises I alrea+ &ra*ti*e+= using all the #oo8s I *oul+ fin+ @ regar+less of the language in )hi*h the )ere )ritten. At least no) I 8ne) )hat to sear*h for-- no more the *lassi* e<er*ises AKapalabhati! Bhastri4a...B #ut a 8in+ of Pranayama in )hi*h the energ ha+ to #e $isuali!e+ rotating= in some )a = aroun+ the Cha4ras& If this is @ as state+ # P.Y. @ a uni$ersal &ro*ess= I ha+ a goo+ *han*e of tra*ing it through other sour*es an+ tra+itions. Something +ormant in the *orner of m memor a)a8ene+. I $aguel remem#ere+ ha$ing seen some +ra)ings in a #oo8 a#out o**ultism )hi*h s8et*he+ out the +ifferent *ir*uits of energ throughout the human #o+ . The i+ea *ame to me to see8 the essential information in esoteri. #oo8s rather than in the *lassi* #oo8s on Yoga. I starte+ going to a use+ #oo8s store )hi*h )as $er )ell sto*8e+= &ro#a#l #e*ause it ha+ on*e #een the Theoso&hi*al So*iet 9s referen*e #oo8store. I turne+ +o)n those te<ts )hi*h +ealt onl )ith &hiloso&hi*al to&i*s= )hile= in e*stas an+ not *on*erne+ # time= I 8e&t on s8imming through those )hi*h illustrate+ &ra*ti*al e<er*ises )ith *larit . 3efore &ur*hasing a #oo8 I ma+e sure it hinte+ at the &ossi#ilit of *hanneling the energ along *ertain internal &assages= thus *reating the &rere.uisite for a)a8ening the K$ndalini. Chile rea+ing the in+e< of a te<t )hi*h )as in three $olumes= intro+u*ing the esoteri* thought of the Rosi*ru*ian 3rotherhoo+= I )as attra*te+ # the entr = 99Breathing exer.ise 'or the a7a4ening o' K$ndalini .99 It )as a $ariation of #adi Sodhana& Some notes )arne+ not to e<aggerate the e<er*ise #e*ause of the ris8 of a &remature K$ndalini a)a8ening= )hi*h )as to #e a$oi+e+ # all means. This )as +efinitel not P.Y.9s Kriya #e*ause= a**or+ing to se$eral *lues= Kriya )as not to #e +one )ith alternate-nostril #reathing. So I )ent on haunting the #oo8store. The o)ner )as $er ni*e an+ I almost felt o#lige+= *onsi+ering the *hea& &ri*e an+ the &erfe*t *on+itions of those se*on+-han+ #oo8s= to #u at least one #oo8 &er ea*h $isit. Often a lot of s&a*e )as +e+i*ate+ to theories alien to *on*rete life= )hi*h trie+ to +es*ri#e )hat *annot #e seen or #e e<&erien*e+ @ su*h as the astral )orl+s an+ the su#tle *o$erings of energ )ra&&ing our #o+ . One +a = after #ro)sing through a tiresome sele*tion of #oo8s= I )ent to the store8ee&er )ith a #oo8 )ith )hi*h he must ha$e reali!e+ I )as not satisfie+. Chile +e*i+ing the &ri*e= he thought of something that might interest me. 0e le+ me to the #a*8 of the store an+ in$ite+ me to rummage through a *ar+#oar+ #o< fille+ )ith a mess hea& of &a&ers. Among a .uantit of mis*ellaneous material A*om&lete series of the theoso&hi*al maga!ine issues= s*attere+ notes from ol+
'

I *an still *onsi+er m self as fortunate. I li$e+ in North East Ital not far from the #or+er )ith the former Yugosla$ia. Those &eo&le )ho li$e+ #e on+ the Iron Curtain *oul+ not re*ei$e su*h material.

21

*ourse on h &nosis et*.B= I *ame u&on a #oo8let )ritten in Jerman # a *ertain K. S&ies#erger )hi*h *ontaine+ $arious esoteri* te*hni.ues= among them K$ndalini@breathing. I +i+ not ha$e mu*h familiarit )ith the Jerman language= #ut I imme+iatel reali!e+ the e<traor+inar im&ortan*e of that te*hni.ue. I )oul+ +ou#tlessl #e a#le to +e*i&her all of it at home )ith the hel& of a +i*tionar . , The +es*ri&tion of this te*hni.ue still ama!es me. Euring a +ee& #reath= the air )as to #e imagine+ flo)ing insi+e the s&inal *olumn. Chile inhaling= the air )as rising: )hen e<haling= the air )as flo)ing +o)n. There )as also the +es*ri&tion of t)o &arti*ular soun+s *reate+ # air originating in the throat. In another #oo8 )ritten in English there )as an e<hausti$e +es*ri&tion of the "agi. breath @ )hi*h *onsiste+ of $isuali!ing the energ flo)ing aro$nd the #a*8#one= not inside it. Through the inhalation= the energ ha+ to go u& #ehin+ the s&inal *olumn= to the *enter of the hea+: e<haling= it ha+ to go +o)n along the front &art of the #o+ . I *om&letel forgot a#out the other material. The smir8 of satisfa*tion I )ore #efore the store8ee&er hol+ing the t)o #oo8s= as if I ha+ foun+ a treasure of unfathoma#le $alue= +efinitel *ause+ an in*rease in their &ri*e. Cal8ing home= I *oul+ not hel& s8imming through the &ages. I )as *urious a#out some rough +ra)ings illustrating te*hni.ues )hi*h )ere #ase+ on the mo$ement of energ . I rea+ that the "agi. breath )as one of the most $alua#le se*rets of all times= an+ if &ra*ti*e+ *onstantl = a**om&anie+ # the strength of $isuali!ation= it )oul+ o&en the s&iritual e e. I *on$in*e+ m self that this te*hni.ue ha+ to #e ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s Kriya an+ in*or&orate+ it into m +ail routine= re&la*ing the &ra*ti*e of 6((ayi Pranayama& ) "eet /ther Kriyabans A letter from the organi!ation sen+ing me P.Y.Gs lessons informe+ me a#out other &eo&le li$ing not far from m area= )ho )ere also &ra*ti*ing Kriya Yoga. The ha+ forme+ a grou& in or+er to &ra*ti*e that +is*i&line together. I )as enthusiasti* an+ .ui$ere+ )ith *heerful anti*i&ation to meet them. That night I *oul+ har+l fall aslee&. >Too #right )ere our hea$ens= too far a)a = too frail their ethereal stuff>= )rote Sri A$robindo. I )oul+ ne$er ha$e thought that those )or+s *oul+ #e a&&lie+ to m meeting those &eo&leK Cith a sort of sour iron = I )oul+ +are sa that that &hase of m life *hara*teri!e+ # e<treme enthusiasm for Pranayama ha+ #een too ha&& for it to last mu*h longer. I no) e<&erien*e+ firsthan+ the &ro#lems= limitations an+ +istortions *ause+ # the human min+ )hen it has lost the ha#it of rational thin8ing. ;an times in the future I )oul+ ha$e to e<&erien*e ho) life is ma+e of short moments of ins&iration an+ serenit =
,

I *annot hel& smiling )hen some half-hearte+ &eo&le insist that the are fon+ of Kriya= et the )ill not stu+ some *ru*ial te<ts in English #e*ause the are afrai+ to misinter&ret them. I am *on$in*e+ that their interests are su&erfi*ial an+ rather emoti$e. Su*h )as m enthusiasm that I )oul+ ha$e stu+ie+ Sans8rit or Chinese or an other language= if that ha+ gi$en me the *han*e to un+erstan+ an essential te<t on PranayamaK

22

alternating )ith times )hen all seems lost an+ the +istortions of the ego reign su&reme. Chile a&&roa*hing the man in *harge of that grou& )ith total sin*erit = I *oul+ not ha$e imagine+ )hat 8in+ of a har+ sho*8 I )as a#out to re*ei$e. 0e )el*ome+ me )ith $isi#le enthusiasm= sin*erel eager to meet a &erson )ith )hom he *oul+ share the fire of his &assion. Sin*e the $er first moment of our meeting= stan+ing on his +oorste&= I tol+ him ho) fas*inate+ I )as # the &ra*ti*e of Kriya. 0e as8e+ me right a)a )hen I ha+ #een initiate+ in this &ra*ti*e= ta8ing for grante+ that I ha+ re*ei$e+ the tea*hing from the same organi!ation he )as a mem#er of. Chen he figure+ out that I ha+ &i*8e+ out a #reathing te*hni.ue in a #oo8 an+ foole+ m self it )as Kriya Pranayama= he )as horrifie+ an+ sho)e+ a #itter smile of +isa&&ointment. 0e thought I *onsi+ere+ Kriya Yoga a *hil+9s &la an+ ha+ no i+ea ho) serious it )as. Lisi#l *onfuse+ I #a##le+ something a#out *urrents an+ soun+ of the #reath= #ut he +i+n9t )ant to hear an more an+ ushere+ me to his stu+ . 0e em&hasi!e+ that Kriya *annot #e learne+ through #oo8s. 0e #egan the tale @ )hi*h= later on= I ha+ the o&&ortunit to hear &lent of times @ of the Ti#etan yogi ;ilare&a )ho= getting no &ositi$e results from the &ainsta8ing &ra*ti*e of his frau+ulentl learne+ te*hni.ues= re*ei$e+ the $er same instru*tions 8neeling at the feet of an+ )ith the #ene+i*tion of his G$r$ @ so that this time the results *ame out easil . Ce all 8no) ho) the human min+ is more *on+itione+ # an ane*+ote than # a logi*al referen*eK An ane*+ote= e$en if it is totall fan*iful )ith fi*tional &ur&ose= is en+o)e+ )ith a sort of internal >#rightness> that *on+itions a &erson9s *ommon sense. Stimulating emotions an+ feelings= it is a#le to *lou+ &eo&le9s Iu+gment in or+er for them to easil a**e&t *on*lusions that are a#sur+. This stor left me s&ee*hless: I Iust +i+ not 8no) )hat to re&l . There )as onl one )a = a**or+ing to him= to learn Kriya7 #e initiate+ # a >;inister> authori!e+ # P.Y.9s organi!ationK 0e tol+ me that no other person )as allo)e+ to tea*h the te*hni.ue. 0e= an+ all the other +e$otees of his grou&= ha+ re*ei$e+ the te*hni.ue= s)earing a stri*t an+ solemn &romise of se*re* . >Se.re.y,> 0o) o++ this )or+ soun+e+= )hat a strange a&&eal= )hat a m sterious fas*ination it e<erte+ u&on m #eingK Dntil then= I ha+ al)a s #elie$e+ it +i+ not matter at all ho) a *ertain tea*hing )as re*ei$e+= or )hat #oo8 ha+ #een rea+ or stu+ie+ in or+er to learn it. I thought that the onl im&ortant thing )as to &ra*ti*e it *orre*tl = a**om&anie+ # the +esire to go +ee&er an+ +ee&er into it. The i+ea #egan to enter m min+ that it )as in fa*t o8a to &rote*t &re*ious lore from in+is*reet e es. Staring into m e es= )ith an enormous emotional im&a*t= he )ent on to sa that a &ra*ti*e learne+ from an other sour*e )as >)orth nothing= it )ill not #e effe*ti$e in matters of s&iritual &ur&ose>= an+ a &ossi#le effe*t= onl a&&arentl en*ouraging= might #e >a +angerous illusion in )hi*h the ego remains tra&&e+ for a long time>. Inflame+ # an a#solute faith= he laun*he+ himself into a )i+e +is*ourse on the $alue of the >G$r$> As&iritual Tea*herB= a &u!!ling *on*e&t to me #e*ause it )as attri#ute+ to a &erson that he ha+ not 8no)n +ire*tl . 0a$ing #een initiate+ into Kriya through the legitimate+ *hannels of P.Y.9s organi!ation= P.Y. )as= to
2"

him= real an+ &resent in his life= an+ 99his99 G$r$. The same thing )as true for the other &eo&le #elonging to that grou&. Their G$r$ )as a s&e*ial ai+ sent # Jo+ 0imself= therefore su*h an e$ent )as >the greatest lu*8 a human #eing *an e$er ha$e.> The logi*al *onse.uen*e @ un+erline+ )ith o$erflo)ing em&hasis @ )as that= a#an+oning su*h form of ai+ or loo8ing for a +ifferent s&iritual &ath amounte+ to >a hateful reIe*tion of the Ei$ine han+= stret*he+ out in #ene+i*tion.> 0e as8e+ me to +emonstrate for him m #oo8-learne+ Kriya te*hni.ue. 0e e<&e*te+= I su&&ose= to $erif a )ell-roote+ &reIu+i*e that the te*hni.ue= re*ei$e+ through illegitimate *hannels= *oul+ not @ #e*ause of a &arti*ular s&iritual la) @ #e an thing #ut *orru&te+. 0e smile+ )hen he sa) me #reathing through the nose. Then he as8e+ me to e<&lain if there )as something u&on )hi*h I )as fo*using m attention +uring m #reathing. A**or+ing to the #oo8s I ha+ rea+= the energ *oul+ #e $isuali!e+ #oth flo)ing insi+e the s&ine an+ aroun+ the s&ine. Sin*e P.Y. )rote that a 4riyaban >mentall +ire*ts his life energ to re$ol$e= u&)ar+ an+ +o)n)ar+= aroun+ the si< s&inal *enters>= I *hose the se*on+ of the t)o &ossi#ilities an+ this )as the $ersion I e<&laine+. 0a$ing also rea+ in another #oo8 that +uring Kriya Pranayama the &ra*titioner )as su&&ose+ to *hant 99/m99 mentall into ea*h Cha4ra= I a++e+ this +etail as )ell. I +i+ not reali!e that P.Y. ha+ +e*i+e+ to sim&lif the instru*tions taught in the )est= using the other $ariation )ith no mental *hanting of /m. Chile telling him these +etails= I sa) an inner satisfa*tion s&rea+ing o$er his fa*e. Clearl he +i+n9t i+entif m &ra*ti*e )ith the te*hni.ue of Kriya Pranayama he ha+ learne+. The >se*ret> he )as #oun+ to ha+ not #een #ro8en # the author of m esoteri* #oo8K Preten+ing to feel sorr for m *onse.uent +isa&&ointment= he informe+ me in an offi*ial tone that m te*hni.ue ha+ >nothing to +o )ith Kriya Pranayama>K A reall #i!arre situation )as ta8ing &la*e7 I )as +es*ri#ing for him a te*hni.ue $er similar to Kriya Pranayama taught # ?ahiri ;ahasa a )hile this gentlemen )as one hun+re+ &er *ent sure that I )as tal8ing nonsenseK 0o)e$er= sin*e m &osition )as totall in*om&ati#le )ith his #asi* tenets= he re*ommen+e+ that I sen+ a )ritten a**ount to the hea+.uarters of P.Y.9s organi!ation= +es*ri#ing the +etails of m $i*issitu+es= ho&ing that the )oul+ a**e&t me as a +is*i&le an+= in +ue time= grant me the sa*re+ Initiation to Kriya Yoga. I )as some)hat stunne+ # the tone in )hi*h our +ialog )as &rogressing. In or+er to re-esta#lish the initial agreea#ilit of our meeting= I trie+ to reassure him a#out the &ositi$e effe*ts I ha+ gaine+ from m &ra*ti*e. ; statement a*tuall ha+ the effe*t of )orsening the )hole matter= gi$ing him the *han*e to s*ol+ me a se*on+ time= )hi*h )as not totall unfair #ut un+ou#te+l out of &la*e. 0e ma+e it *lear I shoul+ ne$er loo8 for an tangi#le effe*ts in the &ra*ti*e of Kriya mu*h less shoul+ I +is&la them= #e*ause in this )a I )oul+ >lose them.> That *le$er gu ha+ tal8e+ himself straight into an o#$ious *ontra+i*tion )ithout e$en reali!ing it: he )as sa ing that the results )ere too im&ortant to ris8 losing them # telling others= )hile a fe) se*on+s #efore he ha+ stresse+ that the )ere of no $alue )hatsoe$er.
2'

Reali!ing he ha+ gi$en too mu*h of his time to me= a strange metamor&hosis too8 &la*e in his +emeanor. It )as as if all of a su++en he ha+ #een in$este+ )ith a sa*re+ role7 he &romise+ he )oul+ &ra for meK On that +a = I ha+ lost the >fight.> I tol+ him I )oul+ follo) his a+$i*e. As a matter of fa*t= from that moment I a#an+one+ Pranayama entirel an+ restri*te+ m &ra*ti*e to sim&l *entering m attention #et)een the e e#ro)s A K$tasthaB @ Iust as he ha+ suggeste+ to me. A.ting ;he Part o' a e%otee The grou& &ra*ti*ing Kriya met t)i*e a )ee8 to &ra*ti*e the te*hni.ues together. The room +e$ote+ to me+itation )as #are #ut &leasant. Ea*h mem#er &ai+ &art of the rental= so that *ontinuan*e )oul+ not +e&en+ on the o)ner9s )hims an+ *oul+ #e +e+i*ate+ to an e<*lusi$el s&iritual use. I #egan atten+ing these meetings an+ I remem#er it nostalgi*all @ listening to In+ian songs translate+ an+ harmoni!e+ for )esterners an+= a#o$e all= me+itating together )as a true Io K E$er thing seeme+ hea$enl to me= e$en though little time )as gi$en to the &ra*ti*e of me+itation @ no more than 24 minutes= often #arel 1, minutes. A &arti*ularl ins&iring session of *olle*ti$e &ra*ti*e too8 &la*e on Christmas E$e= enri*he+ # +e$otional songs an+ lasting man hours. At the en+ of ea*h me+itation )e )ere re.uire+ to +e&art in silen*e= thus I #egan to 8no) m ne) frien+s more *losel onl +uring the monthl >so*ial> lun*h. It )as a #eautiful *han*e to s&en+ some hours tal8ing an+ enIo ing ea*h other9s *om&an . Sin*e man of us +i+ not ha$e their famil Gs a&&ro$al= mu*h less su&&ort= in the &ra*ti*e of Yoga= the onl o**asion )e ha+ to s&en+ time among &eo&le )ith the same i+eas an+ interests )as an e<&erien*e of great serenit an+ rela<ation. Dnfortunatel = the &leasantr of our meetings )as rather s&oile+ #e*ause the +ire*tors of P.Y.9s organi!ation ha+ re.ueste+ us not to tal8 a#out other s&iritual &aths or +eal )ith s&e*ifi* +etails of Kriya& Onl authori!e+ &eo&le *oul+ *o$er su*h a role: no one in our grou& *oul+. Euring our gatherings= sin*e our *on$ersations )ere stri*tl 8e&t on )ell+efine+ tra*8s= )e )ere not a#le to fin+ a to&i* )hi*h )oul+ #e interesting an+ at the same time res&e*te+ the gi$en rules. It )as not the right &la*e for gossi&= unsuita#le for a s&iritual grou& +is*ussion. So onl one to&i* )as left7 the #eaut of our s&iritual &ath an+ our great fortune in ha$ing +is*o$ere+ itK No )on+er that= after some meetings of mutual >e<altation>= an almost frightening #ore+om starte+ to reign. As a last resort= some ris8e+ telling some Io8es. The )ere not mean or insulting Io8es= #ut a light an+ inno*ent use of humor. Dnfortunatel this also ha+ to li$e u& to the +e$otional attitu+e 8e&t # man of the mem#ers an+ e$entuall su**um#e+ to their *ol+ attitu+e= una#le to sho) a single in*h of true Io$ialit . I *annot sa that &eo&le )ere +e&resse+= rather the seeme+ +i$inel ha&& = #ut )hen ou trie+ to #e agreea#le ou got a loo8 an+ a hint of a smile that left ou fro!en for the rest of the +a . As a matter of *ourse= the grou& un+er)ent a great re* *ling &ro*ess: man mem#ers )ho ha+ Ioine+ )ith enthusiasm .uit after a fe) months an+ then= o++l an+ )ithout +ee& reasons=
2,

s*ra&e+ the )hole e<&erien*e off their *ons*iousness. ; o&en tem&erament allo)e+ me to #e*ome *lose to one &erson an+ esta#lish a #on+ )hi*h later #e*ame true frien+shi&. 0o)e$er= it )as not so eas to fin+ )hat *oul+ #e *alle+ a free s&iritual see8er. ;an ma+e a +is&la of emotionall -*harge+ +e$otion= others= &erha&s en$isaging the &ros&e*t of e<&an+ing our grou&= seeme+ to ha$e the sole aim of raising enough fun+s to &ro$i+e our rente+ room )ith im&ressi$e signs of its sa*re+ *onse*ration: others seeme+ onl so*ial misfits. Some of them *oul+ not #elie$e that I ha+ no +ou#ts or un*ertainties a#out the Kriya &ath an+ rea*te+ to m enthusiasm )ith anno an*e. The *onsi+ere+ m eu&horia the t &i*al attitu+e of an immature #eginner. E$en )hile +oing m #est to *on$in*e m self that I )as among in+i$i+uals )ith the same &assions= I ha+ to a*8no)le+ge that the realit of it )as altogether +ifferentK Cith a #arel *on*eale+ im&atien*e= I trie+ on +ifferent o**asions to re*ei$e some elu*i+ation on the te*hni.ue of Kriya # +is*ussing )hat ha+ #een m #oo8-learne+ &ra*ti*e of it. I ho&e+ that someone= ma8ing some o#li.ue remar8 a#out it= )oul+ hel& me +is*o$er the e<a*t Kriya Pranayama te*hni.ue. No >*ourting> *oul+ e<tra*t e$en a *rum# of information from them. Ea*h one re&eate+ that he )as >not authori!e+ to gi$e out an e<&lanations>= an+ this rule )as stri*tl res&e*te+. An ol+ 4riyaban tol+ me7 >Chen ou re*ei$e Kriya! ou )ill #e +isa&&ointe+.99 E$en to+a I still +on9t 8no) )hat he meant. Chile I )as *ontinuousl re*ei$ing unas8e+-for lessons of +e$otion= humilit = an+ lo alt = m interest for Kriya #e*ame a real *ra$ing= a #urning fe$er. I *oul+ not un+erstan+ )h I ha+ to )ait su*h a long time= an+ m great anti*i&ation turne+ into a fruitless anguish at times. A 4riyaban! ma8ing fun of me )ith un*on*eale+ *ruelt = tol+ me7 >The )on9t gi$e ou the Kriya at all: a +e$otee shoul+ not +esire a te*hni.ue )ith su*h intensit . Jo+ is to #e mostl foun+ through +e$otion an+ surren+er.> I trie+ to #eha$e li8e a goo+ +is*i&le #ut +ee& +o)n I a)aite+ it )ith unimagine+ eagerness. Preliminary ;e.hniA$es to Kriya 3 stu+ ing the *orres&on+en*e *ourse= I learne+ +ifferent )a s of *reating health ha#its in or+er not to +istur# #ut rather foster the #lossoming of m s&iritual e<&erien*es. I trie+ m utmost to em#ra*e the s*hool9s &e*uliar 0in+uChristian religious &remise. It )as eas for me to a+mire an+ *herish the figure of Krishna= imagining 0im as the .uintessen*e of e$er #eaut : later I #e*ame a*.uainte+ )ith the figure of the Ei$ine ;other= )ho )as not the ;a+onna= #ut a s)eetening of the i+ea of the go++ess Kali. ; affe*tion for P.Y.9s )ritings )as genuine. Sometimes I *onsi+ere+ a &arti*ular thought of P.Y. so a&&ealing an+ &erfe*t that I )oul+ )rite it +o)n on a sheet of &a&er an+ 8ee& it on m +es8. I then re*ei$e+ the t)o te*hni.ues Hong@Sa$ an+ /m. The first one A*alle+ Hong@Sa$ #e*ause of the em&lo e+ "antra A)hi*h translates as 99I am 0e99B slo)s +o)n the #reath an+ the )hole &s *ho&h si*al s stem: the se*on+
2-

one *on*erns itself )ith listening to internal AastralB soun+s melting into the /m soun+. I +i+n9t re*ei$e these instru*tions at the same time #ut )ith an inter$al of t)o months #et)een. This ga$e me the s&len+i+ o&&ortunit to *on*entrate on the first te*hni.ue for man )ee8s: onl then )oul+ the *om#ination of the t)o te*hni.ues *ome= the first in the morning an+ a total immersion in the se*on+ at night. Thus= I *oul+ e<&eriment )ith the meaning an+ #eaut of ea*h. Our grou& re*ei$e+ the $isit of an el+erl la+ )ho ha+ &ersonall *orres&on+e+ )ith P.Y. Than8s to her earnestness= sin*erit = an+ long-time lo al +is*i&leshi& she ha+ #een authori!e+ to hel& us )ith me+itation. 0er tem&erament )as $er s)eet an+ more in*line+ to un+erstan+ing rather than to *ensorshi&. She +emonstrate+ the so-*alle+ > -e.harging <xer.ises> AI ha+ alrea+ learne+ them from the )ritten lessonsB. These e<er*ises )ere similar to isometri* stret*hes an+ )ere &ra*ti*e+ )hile stan+ing: &e*uliar to them= ho)e$er= )as that the Prana )as +ire*te+ to all the &arts of the #o+ through *on*entration. Then she re$ie)e+ the Hong@Sa$ te*hni.ue. She )ent on to *larif that the Hong@Sa$ te*hni.ue )as not eas at all= in s&ite of its a&&arent sim&li*it : #ut en*ouraging us )ith a smile= she *on*lu+e+7 >The te*hni.ue *ontains all ou nee+ to *ome into *onta*t )ith the Ei$ine Essen*e>. Then she +)elt on the /m te*hni.ue. / She e<&laine+ that P.Y. ha+ trie+ to e<&lain the tea*hing of the Trinit in a ne) )a . /m is the >Amen> of the 3i#le @ the >Ho!' Gho t>= the >)itness>= a soun+: a &roof of the $i#ration of energ sustaining the uni$erse. The /m te*hni.ue= +is*o$ere+ # the m sti*s long ago= ma8es it &ossi#le to +ete*t this $i#ration. Than8s to this te*hni.ue it is also &ossi#le to #e gui+e+ to)ar+ the e<&erien*e of the > So)> @ the Ei$ine a)areness that is &resent insi+e the a#o$e-mentione+ energeti* $i#ration. At the en+ of one9s s&iritual Iourne = one *an rea*h the highest realit = the > Father> @ the Ei$ine a)areness #e on+ e$er e<isting thing in the uni$erse.
In that ha&& &erio+ of m life I trie+ tra*8ing +o)n in s&iritual literature an mo$ement or eminent figure )ho ha+ a lin8 )ith >Om.> There is no +ou#t that Saint %ohn of the Cross hear+ the t &i*al rushing )ater soun+ of the /m $i#ration. 0e ga$e a s&len+i+ +es*ri&tion of his meeting )ith the >resoun+ing ri$ers>= the >silent musi*>= the >soun+ing solitu+e>. Teresa of A$ila in her #oo8 >The Interior Castle> )rote7 >It roars li8e man #ig ri$ers )ith )aterfalls= there are flutes= an+ a host of little #ir+s seem to #e )histling= not in the ears= #ut in the u&&er &art of the hea+= )here the soul is sai+ to ha$e its s&e*ial seat.> >See8 the Soun+ that ne$er *eases= see8 the sun that ne$er sets>= )rote the great m sti* Rumi. >The uni$erse )as manifeste+ out of the Ei$ine Soun+: from It
*ame into #eing the ?ight.> AShams-i Ta#ri!NB.
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?ater on= this te*hni.ue )as +estine+ to gi$e me e<*ellent results # i+eall esta#lishing a *onne*tion #et)een ea*h #reath an+ a +ifferent Cha4ra @ #ut I )rite a#out this in A&&en+i< ' to the thir+ &art of the #oo8. This te*hni.ue +oes not #elong to those in*lu+e+ in the original Kriya Yoga= )herein the internal soun+ &er*e&tion ha&&ens )ithout *losing the ears. It is not an in$ention # P.Y. It ha+ #een &lainl +es*ri#e+ in the #oo8s of *lassi*al Yoga= *alle+ #ada Yoga @ >the Yoga of the soun+.> It is a goo+ &re&aration for Kriya sin*e instea+ of &utting the a**ent on >+oing>= it tea*hes the attitu+e of >&er*ei$ing.>

2/

The la+ 9s e<&lanation )as *hara*teri!e+ # su*h a sa*re+ fla$or that it sta e+ )ith me for se$eral months= hel&ing me to o$er*ome the #eginning &hase of the &ra*ti*e= )hen it seems unli8el that the soun+s )ill manifest. The results o#taine+ through the intensi$e &ra*ti*e of the /m te*hni.ue )ere $er *on*rete. I remem#er no) the time s&ent in that slightl illuminate+ room )here I le+ a *loistere+ e<isten*e. The rain +a s an+ earl -onset e$enings of Cinter hel&e+ m se*lusion an+ strengthene+ m +etermination to turn on= through me+itation= an internal sun. Some )ee8s of !ealous &ra*ti*e &asse+ 7itho$t an result= #ut one +a I #e*ame a)are of a *lear inner soun+. It ha&&ene+ after ten minutes of *alm effort= Iust )hen I returne+ to m state of full a)areness after ha$ing #een lost in some s)eet re$erie. This soun+ )as going on +uring m mental roaming #ut onl no) )as I reali!ing its nature. It )as li8e the humming of a mos.uito. 3 listening intentl to it= it #e*ame the fee#le soun+ of a musi*al instrument &la ing far a)a . Chen m #reath almost +isa&&eare+= it seeme+ li8e the tolling of a #ell e*hoing at +us8 from the +ee& green of )oo+ hills. One +a I #elie$e+ I )as listening to the internal /m soun+. I *annot +efine it #ut I *oul+nGt imagine an thing #eing a#le to ma8e a &erson feel so #lissful. (or the first time in m life the *on*e&t of >+e$otion> ha+ a meaning. Ee$otion an+ +ail *onta*t )ith /m )ere m 0ea$en on earth for man )ee8s. Dnfortunatel = I learne+ the hard 7ay that ou shoul+ ne$er +eta*h ourself $oluntaril from that state of gra*e. There )as a time in m life )hen I )ante+ to rela< an+ enIo life= an+ I +e*i+e+ to interru&t this *onta*t= as if it )ere a +ra)#a*8 to #eing full so*ia#le. I +i+n9t reali!e that this seemingl inno*uous an+ instin*ti$e >#etra al> )oul+ ma8e me una#le to tune )ith the /m4ar realit for a $er long time. In*re+i#l = in a fe) +a s I felt ho&elessl *ut off from that s)eet realit . I )as li8e one )ho ha+ lan+e+ in another *ontinent an+ ha+ to li$e in surroun+ings that mean nothing to him. I struggle+ to retrie$e the lost +ee& emotions. This )ent on for months until m soul )as again remin+e+ of the moti$ations that ha+ le+ me to the s&iritual &ath an+ I sa) *learl that m stu&i+ +e*ision ha+ #een a monumental mista4e. -e.olle.tions o' the Kriya )nitiation Ceremony E$entuall = the moment *ame to file the a&&li*ation form to re*ei$e the Kriya instru*tions # mail. A#out four months &asse+ as e$er +a I ho&e+ to re*ei$e the *o$ete+ material. (inall = an en$elo&e arri$e+. I o&ene+ it )ith heightene+ e<&e*tation= #ut )as +ee&l +isa&&ointe+ #e*ause it *ontaine+ nothing #ut more intro+u*tor material. (rom rea+ing the in+e< &age I un+erstoo+ it )as the first of a )ee8l series of le*tures= )hereas the a*tual te*hni.ue )oul+ #e sent )ithin fi$e )ee8s. So for another month I )oul+ ha$e to stu+ Iust the usual nurser rh mes I alrea+ 8ne) # heart.

21

In the meantime= a ;inister of P.Y.9s organi!ation $isite+ our *ountr an+ I too8 &art in the initiation *eremon . After )aiting for months= it )as high time >to ma8e an eternal &a*t )ith the G$r$ an+ to #e taught the Kriya te*hni.ues in the onl legitimate )a = an+ re*ei$e his #ene+i*tion.> There )ere a#out 144 of us )ho )ere to #e initiate+. A #eautiful room ha+ #een rente+ for the *eremon at a $er high &ri*e an+ em#ellishe+ for the o**asion )ith lots of flo)ers= su*h as I ha$e ne$er seen e$en at the most e<tra$agant )e++ingsK The intro+u*tion to the *eremon )as magnifi*ent. A#out "4 &eo&le )earing som#er uniforms entere+ the room= an+ line+ u& )ith a solemn attitu+e an+ Ioine+ their han+s in &ra er. It )as e<&laine+ to me that these &eo&le #elonge+ to the lo*al grou& )hose lea+er )as a fashion +esigner an+ ha+ *horeogra&he+ that trium&hant entran*e. The t)o tea*hers )ho ha+ Iust arri$e+ from a#roa+ )al8e+ mee8l an+ #e)il+ere+ #ehin+ them. Then the *eremon #egan. I a**e&te+ )ithout o#Ie*tions their +eman+ that I s)ear e$erlasting +e$otion not onl to the G$r$ P.Y. #ut also to a si<-master *hain of )hom ?ahiri ;ahasa a )as an interme+iar lin8. P.Y. )as the so-*alle+ G$r$@pre.eptor= namel the one )ho )oul+ &artiall #ear the #ur+en of our Karma. It )oul+ ha$e #een strange if no one ha+ ha+ +ou#ts a#out this. I remem#er a la+ )on+ering if P.Y. @ +efinitel una#le to gi$e an *onfirmation= no) #eing a long-time resi+ent in the astral )orl+ @ ha+ reall a**e&te+ her as a >+is*i&le> an+= *onse.uentl = to #e la+en )ith her Karma. In or+er to a$oi+ that )ith su*h thoughts she )ea8ene+ the enIo ment of the enti*ing *eremon = I reassure+ her that she )as a**e&te+ )ithout fail. The assure+ us that Christ )as also &art of this *hain #e*ause 0e ha+ a&&eare+ to 3a#aIi A?ahiri ;ahasa a9s G$r$B as8ing 0im to sen+ emissaries to the Cest to s&rea+ Kriya. This stor *ause+ me no &er&le<it at all. Perha&s I ha+ no time to thin8 a#out it. To *onsi+er the )hole mission of Kriya +iffusion as originating from Christ 0imself )as a &leasant i+ea. On the other han+= I )as too an<ious to hear the e<&lanation of the te*hni.ue )hi*h )as soon to ta8e &la*e to listen to an thing else. The Kriya te*hni.ue em#o+ie+ Jo+9s most effe*ti$e #lessing to)ar+ 0is &ri$ilege+ *reatures= humans= )hi*h e<*lusi$el &ossesse+ an inner #o+ )ith se$en Cha4ras. The m sti* se$en-ste& la++er of the Cha4ras )as the real high)a to sal$ation= the fastest an+ safest. ; min+ )as in great e<&e*tation for something I ha+ so strongl +esire+ an+ for )hi*h I ha+ seriousl #een &re&aring for months. It )as not )hat might #e *alle+ a >sa*rament> that I )as su#mitting to in or+er to safeguar+ a famil tra+ition: it )as the *ro)ning of a +efiniti$e *hoi*eK ; heart )as immensel ha&& at the thought of the inner Io that I )oul+ gain through the &ra*ti*e of Kriya. (inall = after #eing taught the Kriya Pranayama= I reali!e+ I alrea+ 8ne) itK It )as the same K$ndalini@breathing te*hni.ue )hi*h I ha+ foun+ a long time ago in m esoteri* rea+ings an+ )hi*h &res*ri#es that the energeti* *urrent flo)s all the )a insi+e the s&inal *olumn. I ha$e alrea+ e<&laine+ that I ha+ not ta8en that &ro*e+ure into serious *onsi+eration= o)ing to the fa*t that in P.Y.9s )ritings )here I ha+ m first glim&ses of the me*hanism of Kriya Pranayama= it
22

)as )ritten that the energ ha+ to #e rotate+ >aroun+ the Cha4ras= along an elli&ti*al *ir*uit.> I )as not +isa&&ointe+ as someone ha+ &ro&hesie+: rather= the te*hni.ue a&&eare+ &erfe*t to me. The e<&lanation of the te*hni.ues "aha "$dra an+ 2yoti "$dra Athe ne$er use+ the more *ommon term YoniB *on*lu+e+ the te*hni*al instru*tions. Ea*h te*hni.ue9s +etail )as e<&laine+ in su*h a )a that it )oul+ not allo) for the smallest $ariation an+= in a++ition= a s&e*ifi* routine )as )arml re*ommen+e+. If the least amount of +ou#t on the *orre*tness of a *ertain +etail ha+ arisen +uring the &ra*ti*e= no#o+ )as en*ourage+ @ e$en $aguel @ to *on+u*t an e<&eriment an+ *ome to a *on*lusion # himself. The onl >*orre*t> a*tion )as to *onta*t the hea+.uarters of our Kriya organi!ation= tell them the &ro#lem= an+ re*ei$e further gui+elines. This= in effe*t= )as )hat I al)a s +i+. I learne+ to intera*t onl )ith them. I )oul+ instin*ti$el loo8 for their a+$i*e as if it )ere gi$en # &erfe*t #eings that *oul+ ne$er #e )rong. I #elie$e+ the )ere >*hannels> through )hi*h the #lessings of the G$r$ flo)e+. 3esi+es= I )as .uite *onfi+ent that @ e$en if the )oul+ not a+mit it out of humilit @ the ha+ alrea+ rea*he+ the highest le$el of s&iritual reali!ation. Problems 7ith my -o$tine I am una#le to e<&ress the emotion an+ feeling of sa*re+ness )hi*h *hara*teri!e+ m &ra*ti*e of Kriya Pranayama. Euring the +a or #efore sitting +o)n to &ra*ti*e it= I often re&eate+ to m self the senten*e A.uote+ in AOYB # ?alla Yogis)ari7
>Chat a*i+ of sorro) ha$e I not +run8F Countless m roun+s of #irth an+ +eath. ?oK naught #ut ne*tar in m *u& .uaffe+ # the art of #reath.>

This intensifie+ m enthusiasm= strengthening m +etermination to un*easingl &erfe*t m Kriya &ath. Yet loo8ing #a*8= ha$ing al)a s 8e&t ali$e that ar+ent #elief= I must o#Ie*ti$el a+mit that the results )ere not +ifferent from those o#taine+ through the &ra*ti*e of the sim&ler te*hni.ue of 6((ayi Pranayama. 1 I ha+ some &ro#lems )hi*h I )ill no) +is*uss. AI ha$e no +ou#t that these &ro#lems *oul+ ha$e #een easil resol$e+ if I ha+ use+ *ommon sense.B The first e<er*ise to #e &ra*ti*e+ )as the Hong@@Sa$ te*hni.ue @ this ha+ to last 14 to 1, minutes. The #reathing )as su&&ose+ to #e*ome more rela<e+ an+ *reate a goo+ state of *on*entration. Then= after &utting the forearms on a su&&ort= )e )ere to listen to the internal Soun+s= re.uiring a#out the same
1

After mu*h e<&erimenting )hi*h ha&&ene+ in the follo)ing ears an+ *onsi+ering also the re&orts of some sin*ere frien+s )ho trie+ out +ifferent forms of Kriya Pranayama! I am sure that if I ha+ &ra*ti*e+ Kriya in the )a P.Y. taught +uring the thirties I )oul+ ha$e o#taine+ #etter results. That te*hni.ue )asMis in+ee+ a master&ie*e= far more #eautiful than )hat *ertain s*hools no) offer as >original Kriya&> If I ha+ re*ei$e+ it instea+ of the sim&lifie+ $ersion= I *oul+ ha$e tou*he+ the s8 )ith one finger. Sometimes I #itterl as8 m self7 >Ch +i+ P.Y. iel+ to the tem&tation of sim&lif ing it>F

"4

amount of time. Then there )oul+ follo) another interru&tion #e*ause of the "aha "$dra. E$entuall = setting #a*8 in a still an+ stiff &osition to restore the feeling of sa*re+ness= the Kriya Pranayama #egan )ith rigorous res&e*t to all the instru*tions. After 2yoti "$dra! the Kriya routine )oul+ #e *on*lu+e+ )ith a full ten-minute *on*entration on the K$tastha= to a#sor# the results of the )hole en+ea$or. In m e<&erien*e the t)o &reliminar te*hni.ues +i+ not re*ei$e the attention the +eser$e+= an+ the time +e$ote+ to the final *on*entration )as too short. Euring the Hong@Sa$ te*hni.ue= the thought that I shoul+ interru&t it to start the /m te*hni.ue #rought a#out a +istur#ing feeling= ham&ering m )hole surren+er to its #eaut . The same ha&&ene+ )ith the &ro*e+ure of the se*on+ te*hni.ue= interru&ting it in or+er to &ra*ti*e "aha "$dra& The te*hni.ue of listening to /m )as a *om&lete >uni$erse> in itself an+ le+ to the m sti* e<&erien*e= )hi*h is )h its interru&tion )as something )orse than a sim&le +istur#an*e. It )as illogi*al= as if= re*ogni!ing a frien+ )ith Io ous sur&rise among a *ro)+ one #egins tal8ing )ith him= then su++enl goes a)a ho&ing to meet= .uite # *han*e= that same frien+ again an+ get #a*8 to )here the *on$ersation ha+ &re$iousl en+e+. The soun+ of /m )as the m sti* e<&erien*e itself= the Joal I sought. Ch shoul+ I interru&t that su#lime attunement to regain it through another te*hni.ueF Perha&s #e*ause Kriya Pranayama )as a higher &ro*e+ureF HigherF Chat on earth +oes that meanF I for*e+ m self into su*h a#sur+it for an e<tremel long &erio+. I ho&e+ for future *larifi*ation of su*h an un*lear situation. At that time= the i+ea of using m #rain an+ ra+i*all *hanging the routine seeme+ to me an a*t of stu&i+ arrogan*e. Su*h )as the &o)er of that insanit )hi*h in our grou& )as *alle+ >lo alt >K I must a*8no)le+ge that unfortunatel I ha+ #e*ome li8e one of those animals that= fe+ # man= ten+ to forget ho) to #e self-suffi*ient. Chen I trie+ to +is*uss this &ro#lem )ith other 4riyabans= I noti*e+ an enormous an+ unreasona#le resistan*e. There )ere those )ho )ere not satisfie+ )ith their &ra*ti*e #ut &lanne+ to tr it again in the future= )hile others )ere not a#le to e$en un+erstan+ )hat I )as sa ing. Tal8ing )ith a la+ )ho )as a longtime frien+ of our famil = she &reten+e+ to listen attenti$el = #ut in the en+ #luntl +e*lare+ she alrea+ ha+ a G$r$ an+ +i+ not nee+ another. 0er remar8 *ut me +ee&l sin*e m intention )as onl to ha$e a rational tal8 )hi*h *oul+ #e ins&iring for us #oth. A&art from this= )hat sort of frien+shi& *an e<ist #et)een t)o &eo&le )hen one is so *urtF To en*ounter su*h e&iso+es one after the other *onfirme+ m i+ea that= not #eing en*ourage+ to trust the $ali+it of self-o#ser$ation= man frien+s )ent on me*hani*all &erforming )hat ha+ often #e*ome an em&t ritual sim&l to a&&ease their *ons*ien*e. Cith the e<*e&tion of one &erson A)ho har#ore+ reall strange i+eas a#out the s&iritual &ath )hi*h ma+e me entertain the thought that he might #e mentall unsta#leB= these ne) 4riyaban frien+s seeme+ to *ensor m .uestioning of
"1

te*hni.ues= *laiming that +e$otion )as mu*h more im&ortant. Often the referre+ to *on*e&ts I *oul+ har+l lin8 to the &ra*ti*e of Yoga! i.e. the &aramount im&ortan*e )as lo alt to)ar+ P.Y. an+ his organi!ation. Chile their effort in &ra*ti*ing the me+itation te*hni.ues in a +ee& )a )as not remar8a#le= the trie+ # e<ternal means Area+ings= +e$otional *hanting= *on$o*ations...B to e<tra*t from the +e&ths of their &s *he an tra*e of religious attitu+e= an s*ra& of s&iritual as&iration. The im&regnate+ it )ith the natural heart9s affe*tion for their G$r$ B e$en if the ha+ 8no)n him onl from &hotos @ thus o#taining the resolution of a lifelong *ommitment. ?oo8ing #a*8 at those times= I )on+er )hat their o&inion )as a#out m im&atient attitu+e in *ontrast to their &assi$eness. In m reasoning= I *oul+ not *on*ei$e of the i+ea of leaning &assi$el un+er the &rote*tion of a saint )ho sol$e+ all our &ro#lems. This *on*e&t= together )ith others I ha+ e<&erien*e+ in that s*hool= )as a *ause of real *onfli*t. ; a&&roa*h to the s&iritual &ath )as so +ifferent from theirs that there )as no ho&e of rea*hing a &oint of *onta*t or *ommon groun+. "y remembran.e o' a 'riend I #e*ame a*.uainte+ )ith an el+erl 4riyaban! )orth of ma<imum res&e*t an+ a+miration= )ho ha+ #egun the Kriya &ath man ears #efore. Ce met ea*h other in the last ears of his life. 0e )as totall alone an+ I felt $er #a+ )hen I *oul+ not see him for months at a time= #ut for $arious reasons this )as ine$ita#le. Ce al)a s met for short an+ fleeting afternoons= )al8ing an+ s&ea8ing .uietl . I )as )itness to an ine<ora#le &ro*ess that #rought him to the &oint of li$ing solel for the memor of the )arm ra s of a glan*e an+ sim&le no+ on*e re*ei$e+ from the )oman )ho )as hea+ of the Kriya organi5ation an+ the s&iritual su**essor of P.Y.. 0is +ream )as al)a s to form a frien+shi& )ith that +i$ine #eing= )hom he felt )as the e&itome of &erfe*tion. I trie+ to *on$in*e him that to +eif this ins&iring figure *oul+ *onstitute the +eath of his s&iritual a+$enture. 3ut m *om&anion seeme+ irretrie$a#l s&ell#oun+ # the i+ea of >transmission of &o)er>. 0e e<&laine+ that in all great m sti*al tra+itions the su#tle $i#rational strength of the great Tea*hers of the &ast is still &resent in their +es*en+ants @ not #e*ause of *onsanguinit = #ut through the transmission of their >&o)er> as a nonsto& *hain. 0e )as *on$in*e+ that s&iritual &rogress *annot ta8e &la*e e<*e&t through re*ei$ing this >&o)er>. It )as normal that he felt the highest res&e*t for that human *hannel )ho )as offi*iall in$este+ )ith the mission of transmitting their &arti*ular >#ene+i*tion>. It )as therefore reasona#le that he ha+ trie+ to a*hie$e a &la*e of im&ortan*e in her heart. The &ro#lem )as that this attainment ha+ &erha&s #e*ome more im&ortant than me+itation. 0e e<&resse+ something that ears #efore he )oul+ not ha$e e$en +are+ to thin87 the &resume+ s&iritual e$olution of the in+i$i+ual through Kriya )as un+enia#le= #ut so slo) as to #e &ra*ti*all negligi#le. Ne$ertheless= the Kriya te*hni.ues )ere for him li8e a religious ritual )hi*h ha+ to #e &erforme+ s*ru&ulousl Iust to gi$e &roof of lo alt . Dnfortunatel = this a<iom )as the frame)or8 u&on )hi*h he ha+ #een inter)ea$ing his thought. 0e ha+ gi$en his full a&&ro$al to the i+ea that on this
"2

&lanet there )ere #oth s&e*ial &eo&le= >Self reali!e+>= an+ irre&ara#l *ommon ones. One +a he $ente+ all of his gloom. ?oo8ing at ho) su&erfi*iall @ so he sai+ @ he ha+ &ra*ti*e+ the te*hni.ues of me+itation= he ha+ no +ou#ts that in this life he ha+ *ertainl misse+ the >target>. 0e )as alrea+ +reaming of future in*arnations in )hi*h he *oul+ &ra*ti*e )ith #etter engagement. To this he )as s)eetl resigne+. I felt a giant )a$e of ine<&li*a#le nostalgia )hi*h )as rea+ to o$er)helm me= #ut it remaine+ *ur#e+= as if sus&en+e+ aroun+ us. No) that he is no longer ali$e= I )on+er if the i+ea of the transforming &o)er of Kriya he ha+ o$er fort ears ago Athis i+ea ease+ an+ sustaine+ the first ears of his &athB )as gra+uall erase+ from his min+ # the ten+en* of the organi!ation to em&hasi!e through a *onstant #arrage of ane*+otes the greatness of *ertain &ersons )ho )ere >im&u+entl > saintl = &erfe*t= maIesti*. 0o) )ret*he+ it ha+ #een for m frien+ to #elie$e that his s$preme good +e&en+e+ on a lo$ing glan*e from the &erson he thought +i$ineK 0e ha+ ma+e the unfortunate mista8e of #elie$ing that the eternal s&iritual Sour*e in the *enter of his #eing )oul+ )ither )hen he )as far from the one &erson to)ar+ )hom he ha+ +ire*te+ the )arm as&irations of his heart.

""

C0APTER " THE INESTIMA9LE CALUE OF .APA

P.Y. )rote that Se.ond Kriya Yoga ena#les the yogi to lea$e his #o+ *ons*iousl at )ill. To #e instru*te+ in su*h a )on+rous te*hni.ue )as no) m &rimar goal. I )as sure that e$en a +esultor &ra*ti*e of su*h a &ro*e+ure )oul+ ha$e a strong effe*t on m s&iritual e$olution. After re*ei$ing the last lesson of the *orres&on+en*e *ourse= I finall a&&lie+ to re*ei$e this further instru*tion. I )as $er ha&& to stu+ the longe+-for lessons of Se.ond Kriya. Ees&ite m serious an+ *ons*ientious &ra*ti*e= no &romise+ results su*h as &er*ei$ing the *olor of ea*h Cha4ra on the s*reen of K$tastha= too8 &la*e. I forge+ ahea+= utili!ing all the en+uran*e an+ stamina I ha+ #uilt u& )ith the /m te.hniA$e= an+ some 99strong99 e<&erien*es #egan to o**ur in the s&ine. The a&&eare+ hours later or )hen l ing +o)n imme+iatel after the &ra*ti*e. This #rought su*h intensit of +e$otion that I )as sur&rise+ to +is*o$er it insi+e m self. Dnfortunatel = the )ritten lessons *ontaine+ some am#iguous &arts. %ust to gi$e an e<am&le= P.Y. )rote that in or+er to a)a8en K$ndalini it )as im&ortant to regularl &ra*ti*e Ke.hari "$dra! #ut the instru*tion on ho) to &erform it )ere no)here to #e foun+. I *onta*te+ the el+erl la+ )ho )as offi*iall in$este+ as a >;e+itation Counselor> in or+er to +is*uss )ith her the te*hni*al +etails *ontaine+ in the Se.ond Kriya lessons. She *oul+ not hel& me. %ust li8e e$er one else= she ha+ learne+ all the Higher Kriyas onl in )ritten form #e*ause= unfortunatel = after P.Y.9s "ahasamadhi no +ire*t initiations )ere e$er gi$en. A*8no)le+ging her un*ertainties a#out their *orre*t e<e*ution= she a+mitte+ that she regrette+ not ha$ing ha+ her Higher Kriyas *he*8e+ # ;inisters )ho )ere +ire*t +is*i&les of P.Y.= +es&ite ha$ing ha+ &lent of o&&ortunities to +o so. Among the 4riyabans in the me+itation grou&= there )as a )oman )ho ha+ re*ei$e+ Kriya initiation ears ago an+ ha+ on*e li$e+ near our s*hool9s general offi*es. I as8e+ if she ha+ re*ei$e+ the Se.ond Kriya. She +i+n9t seem to un+erstan+ the .uestion. So= )ith astonishment= I remin+e+ her that ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s +is*i&le= S)ami Prana#anan+a= ha+ a**om&anie+ the moment of his +eath )ith the &ra*ti*e of the Se.ond Kriya. She #e*ame $isi#l ner$ous= sa ing that the .uotation *learl referre+ to the te*hni.ue of Kriya Pranayama7 one #reath= then a se*on+ one. This ha+ to #e= in her o&inion= the > Se.ond KriyaK> I loo8e+ at her )ith a mee8 #ut &ier*ing loo8: I felt m legs gi$e )a . I ha+ the im&ression that the i+ea of a further te*hni.ue to #e a++e+ to the too man alrea+ re*ei$e+ an+ &ra*ti*e+ +ail u&set her. It )as as if she felt she ha+ ma+e so great an effort to form the ha#it of +ail &ra*ti*e of the 8irst Kriya that she *oul+ not muster u& e$en more +e+i*ation. I #elie$e that= u& to this +a = she has remaine+ fi<e+ in her *on$i*tion. I ha+ still not re*o$ere+ from this sho*8 )hen an aristo*rati*-loo8ing la+ +is*lose+ to me she ha+ re*ei$e+ initiation in the so-*alle+ Higher Kriyas ears #efore. (ull of enthusiasm= m e es o&ene+ )i+e. She sai+ she ha+ felt so un)orth that she ha+ &ut them asi+e an+= after some time= she ha+ forgotten them entirel . 99(orgottenK9 I *oul+n9t #elie$e m ears. This last a#omination )as
"'

in*on*ei$a#le to me. 0er self-satisfie+ ignoran*e= &asse+ off as humilit an+ )ho 8no)s )hat 8in+ of o$era#un+ant +e$otion= *rosse+ the #oun+s of +e*en* . Chen I e<&resse+ m o#Ie*tion that her #eha$ior seeme+ an e<hi#ition of in+ifferen*e to)ar+ the higher tea*hings taught # her G$r$= she loo8e+ at me in #e)il+erment as if m im&ertinen*e ha+ $iolate+ an im&li*it la)7 +o not im&u+entl enter the intimate arena of her Sadhana. She re&lie+ that )hat she ha+ )as enough= an+ then #ris8l *ut off an further +is*ussion. i''i.$lties 7ith the Printed "aterial -elated to the Higher Kriyas After another ear I re*ei$e+ the lessons on the ;hird an+ the 8o$rth Kriya& I )as enthusiasti* after rea+ing that these te*hni.ues lea+ to the e<&erien*e of Astral Samadhi. There )ere also instru*tions a#out the routine to #e follo)e+= #ut the )ere a #it ha! . I ha+ the im&ression that &ra*ti*ing these ne) te*hni.ues at the en+ of m +ail routine )as the right thing to +o. Dnfortunatel that +i+n9t )or8. A fun+amental lesson in Kriya is ne$er en+ a routine )ith te*hni.ues re.uiring mo$ementK Su*h te*hni.ues= in or+er to e<&ress the fullness of their &otential= ha+ to #e internali!e+ either # follo)ing s&e*ifi* instru*tions or sim&l one9s intuition. The ha+ to= ho)e$er= #e )ell esta#lishe+ in or+er to #e e<&resse+ freel )ithout #eing &aral !e+ # the *on+itioning of a#solute o#e+ien*e= lo alt et*. 99Internali!e+99 means that the main a*tion of a &ro*e+ure is re&eate+ again an+ again # use of &ure *on*entration an+ "antra. This )a Prana ten+s to su#si+e in the #o+ an+ the su#tle meaning of the &ro*e+ure is +e*i&here+= its essen*e tangi#l a&&re*iate+. I )oul+ un+erstan+ all this in the future= ho)e$er at that time I +i+n9t +are +o an thing that sur&asse+ the s*ant )ritten instru*tions I ha+ re*ei$e+. I +i+n9t e$en attem&t to *larif m +ou#ts # .uestioning el+er 4riyabans= #ut I +i+ )rite to the management of m Kriya s*hool to s*he+ule an a&&ointment )ith one of its re&resentati$e ;inisters )ho )oul+ soon *ome to our *ountr . I ho&e+ to *larif e$er thing on that o**asion an+ I loo8e+ for)ar+ )ith great anti*i&ation to that +ate. Chen the ;inister arri$e+= m ;e+itation Counselor intro+u*e+ me to him. 0e sai+ he )oul+ *larif m +ou#ts as soon as &ossi#le. In the follo)ing +a s I #e*ame +isma e+ )hen I reali!e+ that the ;inister 8e&t &ost&oning our meeting )ithout $ali+ reasons. Sin*e I ha+ +e*i+e+ not to gi$e u&= at last )e met. Dnfortunatel I foun+ this meeting to #e trul +istur#ing. I )as *on$in*e+ that h &o*ris = #ureau*ra* = formalit = an+ +e*e&tion )ere totall alien to one )ho +e$ote+ his life to &ra*ti*ing an+ tea*hing Kriya= et the sensation I ha+ meeting him )as a8in to meeting a #usiness man )ho ha+ more im&ortant affairs in min+ an+ )ho )as $er irrita#le. 0e )as em&hati* that )e not tal8 a#out Ke.hari "$dra! an+ )ith regar+ to the hea+ mo$ements of the ;hird an+ 8o$rth Kriya te*hni.ues! he a+$ise+ me #rus.uel to restri*t m &ra*ti*e to the 8irst Kriya. 0e +e*lare+ I )as o$ere<*ite+ an+ that this )as not a goo+ sign for a 4riyaban& I re&lie+ I )oul+ surel ta8e his a+$i*e into
",

*onsi+eration: ne$ertheless= I )ante+ to see ho) to mo$e m hea+ *orre*tl in or+er to &ra*ti*e those te*hni.ues in the future. Anno e+ @ ta8ing m remar8 as insolen*e @ he re*ommen+e+ that I sen+ m .uestions to the s*hool9s hea+ an+ stoo+ u& to lea$e as he sai+ this. In $ain I re&lie+ that the mo$ements of the hea+ Are.uire+ for ;hird an+ 8o$rth Kriya te*hni.uesB *oul+ not #e sho)n in a letter. I )as s&ea8ing to a >)all> an+ the refusal )as a#solute. I ha+ al)a s truste+ an+ res&e*te+ P.Y.9s organi!ation an+ ha+ stu+ie+ the referen*e literature as if &re&aring for a uni$ersit e<am. After m inter$ie) )ith that ill-+is&ose+ figure= I )as in an atro*ious mental an+ emotional state. I )on+ere+ )hat role a s*hool &la e+ that )as not +oing its $er #est to *larif ea*h gi$en tea*hing. (or )hat &ur&ose )ere our ministers tra$eling aroun+ the )orl+= if not to +ire*tl sho) stu+ents ho) to &ra*ti*e )hat the ha$e learne+ through the *orres&on+en*e *ourseF Ch shoul+ I feel guilt an+ unsuita#le for the Kriya &ath= onl #e*ause I ha+ +are+ to as8 Afirml #ut &olitel B for a &ra*ti*al +emonstrationF I )as not a#le to +ro& the )hole matter an+ )as .uite agitate+. Those )ho sa) me imme+iatel after the meeting sai+ I )as unre*ogni!a#le. Among them= a la+ )ith a hone e+ $oi*e suggeste+ that I ha+ gotten an im&ortant earful from G$r$de%a @ in her o&inion= u& to that time= I ha+ ha+ too self-assure+ an attitu+e. After some time= the feeling of ha$ing )itnesse+ the senseless )hims of a man in &o)er iel+e+ to a +ifferent *onsi+eration. Ler &ro#a#l that ;inister ha+ gi$en me the same +is*i&line he re*ei$e+ +uring his &ostulant ears. A )oman )ho ha+ 8no)n him at that time +e&i*te+ him as a $er *urious 4riyaban )ho usuall &ut man te*hni*al .uestions to el+er ;inisters. Kno)ing the rules of monasti* +is*i&line= I )as sure that his .ueries )eren9t al)a s ans)ere+ &rom&tl . This ma+e me more *alm an+ *heerful. 0o)e$er= there are often *hil+ish thoughts that emerge )hen )e are in an un*ertain situation. I )as afrai+ that this man= *ommuni*ating #a*8 to the hea+.uarters of P.Y.9s organi!ation= might s&ea8 unfa$ora#l of me= sa ing something that might ha$e re+u*e+ the &ro#a#ilit of m o#taining that *o$ete+ information in the future. I feare+ I *oul+ no longer rel on m s&iritual relationshi& )ith that Kriya organi!ation= )hi*h for so man ears ha+ re&resente+ m hori!on. Strange as it might seem= a &art of me )as relishing the )hole situation. I 8ne) for *ertain that this +estru*ti$e e<&erien*e )oul+ someho) #e turne+ into something &ositi$e= *ru*ial for m &ath. I )as too mu*h in lo$e )ith the Kriya &ath to #e +aunte+ # an +iffi*ult . The la+ ;e+itation Counselor= )ho )as not &resent on that o**asion #ut ha+ met the ;inister in another to)n= #lame+ me for ha$ing turne+ the inter$ie) )ith him into a trou#lesome e$ent. I )rote her a #itter letter= insulting her in+ire*tl . She re&lie+ $er firml = im&l ing that m letter en+e+ our frien+shi&. ?ater she tone+ +o)n her attitu+e an+ in$ite+ me to her house to tal8 a#out the e$ent. (irst of all I e<&resse+ to her m irre$o*a#le +etermination to e<&lore all &ossi#le sour*es in or+er to *larif m .uestions. I mentione+ m i+ea
"-

of lea$ing for In+ia! an+ she mum#le+ something a#out In+ia not ne*essaril #eing an guarantee of authenti*it . She tol+ me that re*entl some 4riyabans ha+ foun+ Ain a )ell-8no)n Ashram stri*tl tie+ to P.Y.Gs life stor B a S7ami )ho ga$e them >&seu+o Kriya> te*hni.ues that )ere= in her o&inion= +angerous. She sai+ that there )as nothing unusual a#out it: there )ere man unauthori!e+ tea*hers intro+u*ing themsel$es as lo al +is*i&les of P.Y. Cith a $i$i+ imagination= she *om&are+ them to s&i+ers using the hone of the G$r$9s lo$e to attra*t +e$otees )ho then #e*ame their &re . She s&o8e a#out a +is*i&le of P.Y. )ho ha+ formerl #een one of the +ire*tors of the organi!ation #ut then ha+ #ran*he+ out on his o)n= o&ening another Kriya s*hool. This man )as a >traitor> in her o&inion. This )oman ha+ enough material to go on )ith her stories in+efinitel = #ut it )as then that a $er for*eful senten*e sli&&e+ out of m mouth )hi*h sur&rise+ me an+ fro!e her7 >Shoul+ I re*ei$e Kriya tea*hing from the )orst *riminal in the )orl+= I )oul+ still #e a#le to turn it into gol+. If it )ere &ollute+= I )oul+ ha$e the intuition to re*onstru*t it to its original integrit .> She re&lie+ )ith a sigh that I )as mo$ing +angerousl *lose to losing the gra*e of m G$r$@+is*i&le relationshi&. In or+er to ma8e me un+erstan+ the $alue of re*ei$ing the instru*tions from a true G$r$= she tol+ me )hat ha&&ene+ )hen one 4riyaban +e*i+e+ to lea$e the Ashram of his G$r$! P.Y.= an+ see8 another tea*her. The G$r$= a)are of this= got in the +is*i&le9s )a to sto& him )hen he hear+ an inner $oi*e @ >the $oi*e of Jo+>= she s&e*ifie+ @ or+ering him not to interfere )ith the +is*i&le9s free+om. P.Y. o#e e+ an+ in a flash of intuition foresa) all the +is*i&le9s future in*arnations= those in )hi*h he )oul+ #e lost= in )hi*h he )oul+ 8ee& on see8ing @ ami+ innumera#le sufferings= Ium&ing from one error to another @ the &ath he )as then relin.uishing. Then= in the en+= the +is*i&le )oul+ return to the same &ath. The la+ sai+ that P.Y. ha+ #een .uite s&e*ifi* as to the num#er of in*arnations that )hole +is*ouraging tri& )oul+ ta8e @ a#out thirt K The moral of this stor )as *lear= something from )hi*h one *oul+ not es*a&e7 I ha+ to a$oi+ loo8ing else)here or I )oul+ lose m self in a la# rinth of enormous sufferings an+ )ho 8no)s )hen I )oul+ #e a#le to get #a*8 on the *orre*t &ath. I shifte+ m attention to her &hotogra&h of P.Y.= ta8en on the +a of his +eath. It )as ni*el frame+= an+ some flo)ers an+ &a*8ets of in*ense )ere #efore it. In those moments of silen*e I ha+ the sensation that tears )ere going to form in his #lissful e es Ait )as not a #i!arre feeling: other &eo&le tol+ me the ha+ ha+ the same e<&erien*e.B I relate+ m im&ression to her= in res&onse to )hi*h she #e*ame $er serious an+= )ith her e es &ointe+ far off to)ar+ an in+efinite s&ot= so#erl uttere+7 >You ha$e to *onsi+er it a )arning7 the G$r$ is not *ontent )ith ou>K There )as not the least +ou#t that she )as not Io8ing at all. In that moment= I reali!e+ ho) mu*h P.Y. )as a >&resen*e> in her life= although she ha+ ne$er met himK I let m ga!e rest on the #ou.uet of ;a lilies )hi*h )e ha+ &ur*hase+ at the train station imme+iatel after m arri$al in to)n gra*iousl arrange+ in a small $ase #efore the &hoto of P.Y. She ha+ then e<&laine+ that she ne$er s8im&e+ on fresh flo)ers for her >Juru.> I reali!e+ ho)
"/

full of s)eet *omfort must #e her lifeK I 8ne) that if I )ante+ to feel +e$otion )ith su*h intensit I ha+ a lot of )or8 to +o= namel +e$elo& sta#le internal tran.uilit = #o) to m fa$orite form of the Ei$ine= an+ re&eat this a*tion of surren+er )ith total sin*erit e$er +a of m life. Although she a+mire+ the earnestness )ith )hi*h I )as ma8ing &rogress @ unli8e so man other te&i+ an+ half-hearte+ &eo&le )ho )oul+ go to her onl to #e reignite+ )ith the moti$ation the *oul+ not fin+ in themsel$es @ she )as +isma e+ that her +e$otion to)ar+ the G$r$ )as totall alien to me. She *oul+ not relie$e m immense thirst for 8no)le+ge of the art of Kriya. ?oo8ing into her #eautiful e es= I ha+ the *lear im&ression that she )as &ermanentl e<&e*ting me to a*t in a some)hat >+islo al> )a either to)ar+ the G$r$ or to)ar+ the organi!ation. The ;inister of m organi!ation )as at least right a#out one &oint7 I )as not *alm at all. ; sear*h for te*hni*al e<&lanations ha+ ma+e me as tense as a *oile+ s&ring. Although remaining faithful to m Kriya organi!ation= I +i+n9t a**e&t $etoes an+ therefore I +i+n9t ta8e her a+$i*e. I )as +etermine+ to 8no) Kriya insi+e out an+ no one *oul+ sto& me )ith an argument. ; sear*h too8 a &arti*ular route. I 8ne) three names of +ire*t +is*i&les of P.Y. )ho ha+ ha+ a *lash )ith the s*hool9s #oar+ of +ire*tors an+ set out on their o)n. I ho&e+ to fin+ *lues in some #oo8 )hi*h *oul+ hel& me *lear m +ou#ts. I &ur*hase+ all their &u#lishe+ material= ta&e+ le*tures an+ all. I )as e<&e*ting that in or+er to sho) ho) &rofi*ient the ha+ #e*ome )ith Kriya= the )oul+ &u#lish information +ee&er than the material &ro$i+e+ # the main organi!ation. I ho&e+ the )oul+ gi$e the rea+er A)ho )as negle*ting the original sour*e to listen to their $oi*e of +issentB a more a**urate +i+a*ti* material. The first +is*i&le seeme+ to #e an e<&ert in i+le *hatter an+ )as relu*tant to gi$e &ra*ti*al instru*tions. The se*on+ one )as un+ou#te+l more &rofessional= &e+agogi*all gifte+= #ut out of all of his literature an+ ta&es onl one of his senten*es she+ a faint light u&on one of the Higher Kriyas. The literature of the thir+ +is*i&le @ sur&rising an+ $alua#le sin*e= ha$ing suffere+ the trage+ of mental illness )hi*h he re*ounte+ e<hausti$el @ I foun+ Asa$e for an illumining senten*e u&on the role of Ke.hari "$draB onl #analit . The se*rets= if the ha+ an = )ere )ell guar+e+K ;onths later the ;e+itation Counselor foun+ out that I ha+ rea+ the >for#i++en> #oo8s. Not onl that= I ha+ ma+e a &resent of one of them to a *ou&le of frien+sK A frien+ of mine sho)e+ me a letter in )hi*h the Counselor ha+ *alle+ me >a man )ho sta#s his G$r$9s #a*8= han+ing out +aggers to other &eo&le as )ell= so the *an +o the same>K She *on*lu+e+ # )riting that 99intelligen*e is a +ou#le-e+ge+ )ea&on7 it *an #e use+ to eliminate the s)elling of ignoran*e an+ also to a#ru&tl *ut off the life#loo+ that sustains the s&iritual &ath.99 0er rea*tion )as so e<aggerate+ that I )asn9t hurt at all. 0er a*tions )ere o#$iousl +ri$en # )a$es of una#ashe+ emotion= +e*a+es of stea+fast *on+itioning= irretrie$a#l affe*ting her *ommon sense. I felt a sort of ten+erness to)ar+ her an+ I smile+= &i*turing the moment in )hi*h she ha+
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)ritten that letter @ seeing her o)n e<&e*tations regar+ing m #eha$ior *oming true. I am sure that her *ountenan*e )as at last tran.uil an+ serene as if tasting a +eli*ious= intimate satisfa*tion. O$er*oming *ertain relu*tan*e= I #egan rea+ing some #oo8s )ritten # ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s +is*i&les rather than those of P.Y. ; hesitation in +ro&&ing the literature lin8e+ )ith P.Y. )as +ue to the fa*t that= in m o&inion= it )as *learer than most. These fe) #oo8s Aat that time #oo8s li8e P$ran P$r$sh # Yoga*har a Er. Asho8e Kumar ChatterIee ha+ not et #een &u#lishe+B +isa&&ointe+ me. The )ere nothing #ut #lan+ meaningless )or+s en+lessl re&eate+= together )ith *ontinuous *hanges in to&i*= )hi*h I *onsi+ere+ un#eara#le. The &ra*ti*al notes= &resente+ as essential= )ere onl s*attere+ #its *o&ie+ from *lassi*al #oo8s on Yoga& The la*8 of *are in their &resentation ma+e me su&&ose that the author ha+ not #othere+ *he*8ing the original te<ts he ha+ .uote+ #ut ha+ most li8el ta8en those .uotations from other #oo8s )hi*h )ere also .uoting from other referen*e #oo8s= *ontinuing a *hain )herein ea*h author )oul+ a++ a little something Iust to mar8 his &ersonal *ontri#ution. I +e*i+e+ to again stu+ all the material furnishe+ # m organi!ation an+ tr to +el$e +ee&er into it. I )oul+ meet some 4riyaban frien+s on Sun+a s= an+ together rea+ *ru*ial &assages from the *orres&on+en*e *ourse an+ +is*uss them +uring a )al8. Our main interest )as ho) to &erfe*t the &ra*ti*e of Kriya= #ut our efforts )ere futile @ li8e tr ing to +ra) #loo+ from a stone. I +e*i+e+ to li$e ea*h as&e*t of m life a**or+ing to P.Y.9s tea*hings. The *orres&on+en*e *ourse *ontaine+ esoteri* tea*hings that *oul+ not #e *onsi+ere+ an integral &art of Kriya Yoga #ut )ere $er useful for stu+ents to enhan*e their intuition of the su#tle la)s go$erning human li$es. At that time I )as es&e*iall intereste+ in mastering t)o s8ills in &arti*ular7 ho) to re*ogni!e frien+s from &re$ious li$es an+ ho) to &roIe*t energ for &rani* healing. The tea*hings )ere *learl gi$en )ith all the ne*essar *autionar remar8s= #ut m a&&roa*h )as +e$oi+ of *aution an+ +is*rimination. I a*te+ as if I )ere su&&orte+ from >a#o$e>= imagining that the #ene+i*tions an+ the strength of the G$r$ )ere )ith me. I &ai+ attention to onl some as&e*ts of the tea*hings= *hoosing those &arti*ular &atterns of #eha$ior that a&&eale+ to m emotions. Then m illusor +ream #egan to +isintegrate= slo)l #ut ine<ora#l . (ailure *ame= an+ I felt +esolate an+ ashame+. At first I *oul+ not a**e&t it. I refuse+ to #elie$e I ha+ a*te+ )rongl . I #elie$e+ that mine )as onl an a&&arent failure= #ut as time )ent # e$i+en*e *om&ile+ that I ha+ neither *ure+ nor hel&e+ an &erson in an )a . This )as the greatest #lo) to me #e*ause I ha+ ma+e a fool of m self an+= furthermore I ha+ +istur#e+ the &ea*e an+ &ri$a* of suffering &eo&le. As for 99&re$ious li$es99= I a*8no)le+ge that in this un&ro$a#le territor e$er thing is &ossi#le: ho)e$er at that time it seeme+ so self-e$i+ent an+ sensi#le to me that instea+ of using m me+itation-#orn intuition A)hi*h the )ritten instru*tion aime+ at +e$elo&ingB I sim&l too8 figments of m
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imagination to *reate $arious min+ films= *on$in*ing m self I ha+ li$e+ them in a far +istant &ast. In fa*t these +a -+reams )ere a*tuall )ish fulfillments an+ eas -to-rea+ in+i*ators of m li8ings an+ &referen*es. Sli&&ing into a state )herein I +ou#te+ e$en the meta&h si*al #asis u&on )hi*h the e+ifi*e of Kriya Yoga is #uilt= I )as una#le to thin8 a single *oherent thought for some months. )nspiration 'rom the *or4s o' Sri A$robindo and ;he "other Su*h )as m situation )hen I starte+ rea+ing "other! or the i%ine "aterialism= a #oo8 a#out The ;other A;OreB )ritten # her #elo$e+ +is*i&le= Sat&rem. T)o ears #efore I ha+ #een intro+u*e+ to the thoughts of Sri Auro#in+o. 0is Aphorisms an+ his e&i* &oem Sa%itri ha+ +ee&l im&resse+ me. After Sri Auro#in+o9s +eath= in 12,1= The ;other *ontinue+ his resear*h an+ ga$e su#stan*e to his #elief that the Ei$ine @ the #asi* intelligent an+ e$olutionar for*e #ehin+ e$er thing in e<isten*e@ *oul+ &erfe*tl manifest on this &lanetK >The )orl+ is not an unfortunate a**i+ent7 it is a mira*le mo$ing to)ar+ its full e<&ression99= she +e*lare+. >In matter= the Ei$ine #e*omes &erfe*tP> she )rote. (rom 12,1 until her +eath in 12/"= The ;other re*ounte+ her e<traor+inar e<&loration to Sat&rem. Their tal8s are )ritten out in "other3s Agenda. This huge +o*ument Q -444 &ages in 1" $olumes Q is the a**ount of t)ent -t)o ears of ;other9s +is*o$eries. In anal !ing ;other9s *omments on Sri Auro#in+o9s a&horisms= I )as &re&are+ to rea+ the usual elementar e<&lanations of In+ian &hiloso&h . 3ut ;other9s thought ha+ nothing to +o )ith &hiloso&h . It )as ne)= something ne$er hear+= +issol$ing an m th. I felt an e<&losion of Io rea+ing her *omment to a&horism No. /47 >E<amine th self )ithout &it = then thou )ilt #e more *harita#le an+ &it ing to others.> Annotating it= she )rote7
>The nee+ to #e $irtuous is the great o#sta*le to true self-gi$ing. This is the origin of (alsehoo+ an+ e$en more the $er sour*e of h &o*ris -- the refusal to a**e&t to ta8e u&on oneself one9s o)n share of the #ur+en of +iffi*ulties. Eo not tr to a&&ear $irtuous. See ho) mu*h ou are unite+= one )ith e$er thing= that is anti-+i$ine. Ta8e our share of the #ur+en= a**e&t oursel$es to #e im&ure an+ false an+ in that )a ou )ill #e a#le to ta8e u& the Sha+o) an+ offer it. An+ in so far as ou are *a&a#le of ta8ing it an+ offering it= then things )ill *hange. Eo not tr to #e among the &ure. A**e&t to #e )ith those )ho are in +ar8ness an+ gi$e it all )ith total lo$e.>

3 sa ing on another o**asion= >;oralit is the great o#sta*le on the s&iritual &ath>= she stresse+ the $alue of not tr ing to a&&ear &ure in other &eo&le9s e es= #ut instea+ #eha$ing a**or+ing to the truth of one9s #eing. She #elie$e+ one shoul+ a*8no)le+ge one9s +ar8 si+e: it e<ists in the +e&ths of our #eing an+ in a fe) it has +e$elo&e+ into a )a of li$ing shunne+ # so*iet . A**or+ing to her tea*hing= &eo&le #e*ome true in+i$i+uals onl )hen in *onstant &ursuit of a greater #eaut = harmon = &o)er an+ 8no)le+ge= the are &erfe*tl an+ *om&a*tl
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integrate+ )ith their +i$ine *enter. The ;other +i+ not #eha$e li8e a tra+itional G$r$= although she +i+ tr to e<tra*t the hi++en &otential from all +is*i&les loo8ing for ins&iration. I )as $er im&resse+ )ith ho) she +ealt )ith the theme of 2apa. She re*ounte+ ho) +uring the s*reening of a film she hear+ the Sans8rit "antra7 O; NA;O 30AJALATE0. She )on+ere+ )hat )oul+ ha&&en if she re&eate+ that "antra +uring her +ail me+itation. She +i+= an+ the result )as e<traor+inar . She re&orte+ that7 >It Athe "antraB *oagulates something7 all the *ellular life #e*omes one soli+= *om&a*t mass= in a tremen+ous *on*entration @ )ith a single $i#ration. Instea+ of all the usual $i#rations of the #o+ = there is no) onl one single $i#ration. It #e*omes as har+ as a +iamon+= a single massi$e *on*entration= as if all the *ells of the #o+ ha+ ... I #e*ame stiff from it. I )as so stiff that I )as one single mass.> 5This .uotation is +ra)n from "other3s Agenda&6 An+ et in that &erio+ 2apa +i+ not trul #e*ome &art of m &ra*ti*e. I e<&erimente+ )ith ;other9s > /m #amo Bhaga%ate > #ut it +i+ not )or8 for me. I trie+ to li$e in a more *ons*ious )a = *ontinuousl attenti$e to an in)ar+ an+ out)ar+ &er*e&tions. I trie+ to *arr out the )ell-8no)n instru*tion to resolutel maintain an im&artial attitu+e to)ar+ #oth &leasant an+ un&leasant e$ents= #eing li8e a +eta*he+ >)itness>. AThis +is*i&line is re*ommen+e+ in almost all #oo8s +ealing )ith oriental me+itati$e &ra*ti*es.B After three +a s of that= I felt m self un+er un#eara#le stress as if it all )as a &retense= an illusion. I *ease+ to &ra*ti*e 2apa or the +is*i&line of #eing a +eta*he+ >)itness> an+ +ro&&e+ the )hole matter. ;ean)hile= m min+ )as o#sesse+ )ith the *ra$ing to a+o&t more a+$an*e+ tools of >e$olution>. ;onths )ent # = )ith useless attem&ts to ameliorate m Kriya routine. One ear later= resuming the rea+ing of ;he i%ine "aterialism! I )as astonishe+ that The ;other )as a#le to e<&ress= in a eu&hori*all $i$i+ )a = m o)n innermost *on$i*tions )hi*h I ha+ #een una#le to *larif e$en to m self. She reasone+ li8e a )esterner an+ treate+ the themes of In+ia9s s&iritualit )ith a )estern languaging )hi*h )as #oth l ri*al an+ rational= an+ at the highest +egree of e<*ellen*e. In her )ritings there )as a re$olution= a re$ersal of $alues. Contem&lation of 3eaut in nature an+ in some forms of art li8e musi* )as not to #e *onsi+ere+ a fleeting emotion fee+ing a la! longing for an in+efina#le s&iritual e<&erien*e= #ut instea+ to #e li$e+ )ith an in+omita#le stri$ing to)ar+ a +i$ini!ation of life. S&ell#oun+= I *ontem&late+ the shimmering s&len+or of a full manifestation of the Ei$ine in the atoms of inert matter. There )as a fragran*e in this ne$er-#efore-met i+ea )hi*h e<*ite+ an+ mo$e+ me. There )ere moments in )hi*h m hea+ felt hot as if I )ere fe$erish. I gra+uall #egan to e<amine m )a of &ra*ti*ing Kriya Yoga an+ reali!e+ the *om&le<it of m self-+e*e&tion. Entering a Kriya@foun+e+ organi!ation ha+ resulte+ in #eing ensnare+ an+ #e)il+ere+ # man fair tales an+ s&e*ulati$e i+eas )holl unsu&&orte+ # fa*ts. ; a&&roa*h an+ attitu+e to)ar+s the s&iritual &ath )as im&ro&er. I )as
'1

*on$in*e+ that fin+ing Kriya )as a stro8e of lu*8= a gift from the Ei$ine= +ue to a *ertain merit on m &art of )hi*h I )as una)are. ; &ersonal *ommitment itself ha+ #een unim&ressi$e. I also reali!e+ that the +esire to a#i+e # the $alues instille+ in me # m *ulture ha+ #een gra+uall t)iste+. It )as as if a large &ortion of m #rain )ith+re)= )hile another &ortion= )hi*h +i+ its utmost to #elie$e )hat )as *on$enient to #elie$e= trie+ to usur& its fun*tion. Peo&le #egan to loo8 at me as a man )ho *hose a sim&le life st le mar8e+ # loft &rin*i&les= not seeing ho) m Iu+gment )as im&aire+ an+ &ra*ti*all non-e<istent. Chile m first efforts in e<&loring m #oo8-learne+ Pranayama )ere a**om&anie+ # *onstant intelle*tual stri$ing for &erfe*tion AI *oul+ rel onl on m intuition: )hile &ra*ti*ing= I anti*i&ate+ its ine$ita#le &rogression an+ )as .uietl e<*ite+ +uring ea*h moment of itB= after)ar+= ha$ing re*ei$e+ Kriya! the i+ea of &ra*ti*ing >the fastest te*hni.ue in the fiel+ of s&iritual e$olution> ma+e the intensit of m effort lose its e+ge. ; Kriya Pranayama= &ra*ti*e+ )ith enthusiasm for some months= #e*ame a tran.uil goo+ ha#it. A&art from other foolish thoughts= I ha+ s)allo)e+ the *hil+ish i+ea that ea*h Kriya #reath *oul+ &ro+u*e >the e.ui$alent of a solar ear of s&iritual e$olution> an+ that through a million of these #reaths I )oul+ infalli#l rea*h Cosmi* Cons*iousness. I trie+ to &erform the greatest &ossi#le num#er of Pranayama in or+er to .ui*8l *om&lete that million. I +i+n9t reali!e that I ha+ sli&&e+ into a min+less ha#it= an+ therefore felt no shame nor remorse. ; iron-)ille+ +is*i&line )as softene+ # the h &noti* &romise of the >G$r$9s 3lessings>. >Aren9t ou gla+ to ha$e foun+ a true G$r$F> (or ears I hear+ this refrain from m Kriya organi!ation= >Aren9t ou enthusiasti* that 0e has #een *hosen for ou # Jo+ 0imselfF> >Oh es )e are ha&& > )e re&lie+ )ith tears of Io . This i+ea= more than an other fa*tor= ha+ lethal effe*ts on me: it )as the *ra+le in )hi*h m ego )as fe+ an+ strengthene+. To remin+ m self that I ha+ entere+ the Kriya organi!ation onl to &erfe*t m alrea+ goo+ &ra*ti*e of Pranayama &aine+ me. It )as im&erati$e to re*reate the s&irit of m original sear*h. ;hree )mportant e.isions Chat I am a#out to +es*ri#e )as the most re)ar+ing &erio+ of m life. I loo8 u&on it as the +a)n of un+erstan+ing= an+ I ho&e to ne$er forget the lesson it *ontains. After rea+ing Sri Auro#in+o an+ The ;other= I foun+ the *ourage to again #e a self-taught &erson. Euring the first season of m interest in esoteri* matters an+ oriental &ra*ti*e of me+itation= I ha+ foun+ eas -to-follo) instru*tions in an unassuming #oo8. The instru*tions )ere sim&le #ut I &ut all m &assion in them= es&e*iall the )ish to &ursue m *on*e&t of 3eaut through Yoga. Ea after +a = )hen other +istra*tions an+ +ou#ts *ame= )hen the initial enthusiasm +iminishe+= I tena*iousl *arrie+ on )ith m i+eals an+ m +is*i&line. The result )as the K$ndalini e<&erien*e. No)= a#out 12 ears later= I foun+ m self #a*8 at the #eginning. I )as rea+ to *arr on &ersistentl = +es&ite *riti*isms an+ +ou#ts= three #asi* resolutions7
'2

1. The Kriya routine I &ra*ti*e+ ha+ to #e re*onsi+ere+ an+ restru*ture+= a&&l ing PatanIali9s &rin*i&les. 2. At the en+ of ea*h Kriya session= I ha+ to *all to min+ m o)n most mo$ing an+ lo$ing *on*e&tion of Jo+= get #a*8 to some essential feeling of Jo+. ". I ha+ the moral +ut to &ra*ti*e Kriya $ia the state of "ental Silen.e a*hie$e+ # using 2apa +uring m +ail life. Chat resulte+ from this +e*ision an+ still remains in m heart as a &ea8 e<&erien*e )as7 the 3reathless state. These resolutions are elu*i+ate+ #elo). 1? Kr&'a Ro$t&)e a,&2&)g ,' Pata)Aa!&@ pr&)1&p!e PatanIali )as a &ioneer in the art of rationall han+ling the m sti*al &ath= aiming at in+i$i+uali!ing a uni$ersal= &h siologi*al +ire*tion of inner e$ents that e<&laine+ )h a *ertain &henomenon= inherent to the s&iritual &ath= shoul+ #e &re*e+e+ an+ ne*essaril follo)e+ # other ones. 0is e<treme s nthesis ma #e *riti*i!e+ or= #e*ause of its tem&oral +istan*e= ma #e har+ to un+erstan+: ho)e$er= his )or8 is of e<traor+inar im&ortan*e. ;an authors of Kriya Yoga sa that the theor e<&resse+ # PatanIali is the same as Kriya YogaC that PatanIali an+ ?ahiri ;ahasa a su#stantiall +ealt )ith the same &ra*ti*e. I #elie$e that this is &artl true. PatanIali is far from *larif ing all the as&e*ts of Kriya an+ there is a remar8a#le +ifferen*e #et)een the final ste&s of his Yoga Aes&e*iall harana an+ hyanaB an+ the relate+ &hases of Kriya Yoga. There are +ifferent )a s of translating the Sans8rit terms summari!ing PatanIali9s eight ste&s of Yoga7 Yama! #iyama! Asana! Pranayama! Pratyahara! harana! hyana! Samadhi. Yama7 self-*ontrol Anon-$iolen*e= a$oi+ lies= a$oi+ stealing= a$oi+ #eing lustful an+ see8 non-atta*hmentB: #iyama7 religious o#ser$an*es A*leanliness= *ontentment= +is*i&line= stu+ of the Self an+ surren+er to the Su&reme Jo+B. As for Asana A&osition of the #o+ B= PatanIali e<&lains it must #e sta#le an+ *omforta#le. There is no hint of &reliminar e<er*ises of *on*entration= mu*h less of me+itation. The first interesting *on*e&t of PatanIali is Pranayama! +efine+ as regulation of the Prana # re&etition of &arti*ular #reathing &atterns. Through Pranayama a state of *almness an+ &oise is to #e *reate+ )hi*h #e*omes the foun+ation for the su#se.uent ste&= Pratyahara! in )hi*h the a)areness is +is*onne*te+ from e<ternal realit . All our fi$e senses ha$e thus #een turne+ in)ar+. You are le+ to un+erstan+ that the te*hni.ues )hi*h re.uire mo$ement shoul+ #e *om&lete+ #efore this &hase: the #reath an+ the heart shoul+ ha$e the time ne*essar to slo) +o)n. After Pratyahara *omes harana. PatanIali e<&lains that after the #reath9s +isa&&earan*e= a yogi shoul+ loo8 for a &h si*al or a#stra*t o#Ie*t onto )hi*h he might turn his *on*entration an+ &ra*ti*e a sort of *ontem&lati$e me+itation in su*h a )a as to lose himself in it. harana is *on*entration Afo*using the min+.B (urther= hyana is the &ersisten*e of that fo*using @ either in me+itation or *ontem&lation @ as a stea+ uninterru&te+ flo) of a)areness )hi*h full
'"

e<&lores all as&e*ts of the *hosen o#Ie*t. Samadhi is the further ste& of &erfe*t s&iritual a#sor&tion A+ee& *ontem&lation in )hi*h the o#Ie*t of me+itation #e*omes inse&ara#le from the me+itator himselfB. As for m Kriya &ra*ti*e= m #asi* un+erstan+ing in those +a s )as that the so- *alle+ Higher Kriyas Aea*h re.uiring mo$ementB ha+ to #e &ra*ti*e+ +uring the Pranayama &hase. A long &hase of internali!ation of *ons*iousness an+ energ in &erfe*t immo#ilit shoul+ follo). In m o&inion= harana! the a*t of fo*using attention= im&lie+ *on*entration on the Cha4ras. You #egin to *on*entrate on ea*h Cha4ra an+ forget ourself: in this )a harana s&ontaneousl #e*omes hyana! the #or+ers #et)een the t)o #eing in+istinguisha#le in &ra*ti*e. Samadhi is the su++en #urning )ith Io that ou *an sometimes e<&erien*e. (rom that moment on)ar+s= I #egan to en+ m routine )ith a &ro*e+ure that I *all >mental Pranayama&> I &ause m a)areness on ea*h Cha4ra a#out 14 se*on+s @ as a #ee +ra)n to the ne*tar in flo)ers ho$ers o$er ea*h in great +elight @ slightl >tou*hing> their nu*leus along an *ounter*lo*8)ise Aas $ie)e+ from a#o$eB &ath. The *on*entration on the thir+ e e @ that >in)ar+ e e> )hi*h Cor+s)orth a&&ro&riatel +efines as >the #liss of solitu+e> @ ha&&ens s&ontaneousl . %? E)2&)g ea1h ro$t&)e ,' $rre)2er&)g to o)e@ I hta De-ata )shta e%ata is a term +enoting a )orshi&er9s fa$orite +eit . In or+er to )orshi& Jo+= &ra*titioners nee+ to *hoose the form of Jo+ )hi*h ins&ires them the most. O#$iousl that form largel +e&en+s u&on the religious tra+ition in )hi*h the are #orn. The &ra*ti*al motions of )orshi& Aoffering &ra ers= flo)ers or in*ense= et*.B are of no im&ortan*e: )hat is essential is internall #uil+ing a relationshi& )ith one9s )shta e%ata. Dnfortunatel it is not al)a s imme+iatel o#$ious ho) one9s inner )shta e%ata is &er*ei$e+. To re*ogni!e mine I ha+ to first +is&el= through reasoning= )hat I ha+ a#sor#e+ in m earl religious training= namel that if ou )ant to )al8 along the s&iritual &ath ou must relate to the tra+itional +i$ine figures an+ interme+iaries through )hi*h the elusi$e Prime$al Cause of all e<isten*e is a&&roa*he+ an+ )orshi&e+. I reali!e+ that to me the *ontem&lation of 3eaut in Nature ga$e= in *ertain fa$ora#le *on+itions= a glim&se of the Realit #e on+ this earthl one. 3eaut in Nature )as therefore m )shta e%ata! a s m#ol of m other)ise ine<&ressi#le *on*e&tion of Ei$init . Alles >ergDngli.he& )st n$r ein Glei.hnis Etr& <%ery 'leeting! transient thing is b$t an appearan.e! a symbolF A(rom the *on*lu+ing stan!as of Joethe9s (austB Perha&s in the #eginning I +i+n9t reali!e the s&iritual #asis of m &ro*li$it to)ar+s nature: to me it )as a )a to e$a&orate the e$ents of the +a in an enthusiasti* out&ouring of &oeti* emotions. Chat m heart reall *ra$e+ )as
''

re$eale+ )hen it emerge+ from the un8no)n realit l ing #e on+ the material. ?ater I em&iri*all +is*o$ere+ that the &ra*ti*e of Pranayama intensifie+ that e<&erien*e: it )as onl for this reason that I #egan see8ing Kriya Yoga. That +is*o$er )as not at all tri$ial. ; first e<&erien*e )ith Pranayama 7ith Bandhas ga$e me a #lissful sensation of &ressure on m heart Cha4ra-- after +e*a+es I re*ogni!e this as the main effe*t of ;ho4ar. Dnfortunatel = in m Kriya grou& it )as not a**e&ta#le to o&enl e<&ress m &arti*ular )a of *on*ei$ing the Ei$ine. Eue to m stu&i+ +esire to *onform to the &re$ailing &referen*es of the grou&= I trie+ to $isuali!e an+ *herish the figures of Sri Krishna an+ the Ei$ine ;other instea+ of silentl going m )a )ith unremitting ar+or. This +e*ision +i+ not generate a genuine Bha4ti A+e$otionB= #ut m o)n )shta e%ata )as al)a s a sour*e of unlimite+ ri*hness for me. It )as no) im&erati$e for me to return to m initial form of +e$otion # &ersistentl *om&leting ea*h Kriya routine )ith a high le$el of *on*entration u&on m )shta e%ata. +? Pra1t&1e Kr&'a &) the tate o" Me)ta! S&!e)1e a1h&e-e2 thro$gh .apa I )ill no) +es*ri#e ho) after an intense &ra*ti*e of 2apa throughout the +a = *on*entration u&on m )shta e%ata )as e<&erien*e+ in the #reathless state. In those +a s I rea+ the auto#iogra&h of S)ami Ram+as. 0e mo$e+ far an+ )i+e all o$er In+ia un*easingl re&eating the "antra7 Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am /m. Eis*o$ering the sim&li*it of his life an+ the greatness of his e<&erien*e )as $er ins&iring: his &hoto an+ the *hil+li8e sim&li*it of his smile 8in+le+ m +e$otion an+ ins&ire+ me to 99a+o&t99 his "antra. S)ami Ram+as )as #orn in 111' in 0os+rug= Kerala= In+ia= an+ name+ Littal Rao. 0e li$e+ a normal life until age thirt -si< an+ e<&erien*e+ the usual u&s an+ +o)ns of a househol+er9s life. Often he in.uire+ a#out the true meaning of life an+ felt the +esire to &ursue the s&iritual &ath in or+er to feel genuine >Pea*e.> At the right moment his father initiate+ him into the -am "antra! assuring him that # re&eating it un*easingl he )oul+= in +ue time= a*hie$e the +i$ine ha&&iness he +esire+. It )as then that Ram+as renoun*e+ the se*ular life an+ )ent forth in .uest of Jo+ as a men+i*ant Sadh$. The first ears of his ne)l foun+ life are +es*ri#e+ in his auto#iogra&h . The ;antra > /m Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am> )as e$er on his li&s. 3esi+es the &ra*ti*e of 2apa= he a+o&te+ the +is*i&line of loo8ing u&on all other &eo&le as forms of -am EJo+F! an+ of a**e&ting e$er ha&&ening as *oming from the )ill of Jo+. In a short time the "antra +isa&&eare+ from his li&s an+ entere+ his heart. 0e #ehel+ a small *ir*ular light in the s&ot #et)een his e e#ro)s= )hi*h iel+e+ him thrills of +elight. Then the +a!!ling light &ermeate+ an+ a#sor#e+ him. ?ost in this ine<&ressi#le #liss he )oul+ sit for hours. The )orl+ a&&eare+ to him as a +im sha+o). A stage )as soon rea*he+ )hen this +)elling in the s&irit #e*ame a &ermanent an+ un$ar ing e<&erien*e. Ram+as attaine+ "ahasamadhi in 12-". The tea*hing of S)ami Ram+as regar+ing ho) to &ra*ti*e %a&a is e<tremel sim&le. You utter Rama9s name A/m Sri -am 2ai -am 2ai 2ai -am B an time= ami+ all of life9s +istra*tions= )hene$er there is a momentar return of
',

our *ons*iousness to Self-a)areness. Chen this ha&&ens ou feel the ensuing Io an+ ou *on*entrate on it as long as &ossi#le= )hile re&eating our Pra er. In this )a ou &erfe*t our surren+er to Jo+. This is to #e &ra*ti*e+ )hen fa*ing e$er e$ent= e$er +a = an+ in e$er *ir*umstan*e. At Night= )hen free from )orl+l +uties= ou +e$ote ourself to intense &ra*ti*e of 2apa. S)ami Ram+as stu*8 to that &ra*ti*e an+ )as a*tuall rolling in a sea of in+es*ri#a#le ha&&iness. 33-epeat the one name G-amH at all times o' the day and at nights 7hen yo$ are a7a4e& Yo$ may be s$re that yo$ 7ill not 'eel lonely or miserable as long as yo$ are $ttering that glorio$s name& *here this name is so$nded! or meditated $pon! there resides no sorro7! no anxiety B nay! not e%en death&33 E-amdasF 0el&e+ # a mala Arosar #ea+sB= I starte+ to &ra*ti*e re*iting 2apa alou+ 141 times +uring a )al8 Athe num#er of #ea+s in a malaB= an+ mentall +uring the remain+er of the )al8. E$en though the oriental tra+itions re*ommen+ +oing 2apa mentall = I 8no) for *ertain that it shoul+ #e +one alou+ @ at least for a#out a hun+re+ times. The soun+ of that "antra= )hi*h I ha+ alrea+ hear+ in a s&iritual au+io re*or+ing= )as $er &leasant. I lo$e+ to &rolong its $i#ration= ma8e it $i#rate in m *hest an+ in$est it )ith m heart9s as&iration. ; attitu+e )as not that of a su&&li*ating an+ so##ing +e$otee= #ut that of a man )ho reIoi*es= #eing one ste& a)a from his goal. Sin*e I o#ser$e+ )hile +oing it an irresisti#le im&ulse to &ut e$er thing in or+er= I thought that the "antra *oul+ )or8 in a similar )a # *leaning out m mental stuff an+ &utting m >&s *hologi*al furniture> in or+er. E$en though sometimes I felt a #it +a!e+= I maintaine+ the +etermination ne$er to +is*ar+ this &ra*ti*e. I &ra*ti*e+ 2apa e$er morning an+ Kriya e$er noon in the o&en *ountr si+e. One +a +uring m Kriya session )hile rela<ing )ith the mental Pranayama A&la*ing m a)areness in ea*h Cha4ra for 14-24 se*on+s ea*hB= I +istin*tl &er*ei$e+ a fresh energ sustaining m #o+ from insi+e. I reali!e+ m *ells )ere #reathing &ure energ )hi*h +i+n9t originate from the inhale+ air. The more I rela<e+= the more I simultaneousl #e*ame a)are #oth of the Cha4ras an+ of the #o+ as a )hole. The #reath= )hi*h in the meantime ha+ #e*ome $er short= e$entuall rea*he+ immo#ilit = li8e a &en+ulum gentl rea*hing the e.uili#rium &oint. ; min+ settle+ +o)n. This *on+ition laste+ a fe) minutes )ithout an feeling of uneasiness: there )as neither the least .ui$er of sur&rise nor the thought= >(inall I ha$e itK> The e$ent )as enIo a#le #e on+ )or+s7 in a #lue&ainte+ &rofun+it = I )as mer*ilessl *rushe+ # the #eaut of nature an+= at the same time= situate+ a#o$e the )hole )orl+. All )as in*re+i#l #eautiful= #e on+ imaginationK I )as not #reathing an+ I +i+ not feel the nee+ to. In the follo)ing +a s the same e$ent ha&&ene+ again @ al)a s +uring mental Pranayama& 3efore starting m routine= I loo8e+ at the surroun+ing &anorama an+ )on+ere+ if I )oul+ again e<&erien*e that state. I +i+K I )as astonishe+: it seeme+ im&ossi#le that 2apa! one of the sim&lest te*hni.ues in the
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)orl+= *oul+ &ro+u*e in'allibly su*h a $alua#le resultK Com&are+ to the #reathless state A)hi*h )as 99soli+it 99 itselfB= m &ast e<&erien*es +uring Kriya &ra*ti*e seeme+ $anishing= elusi$e= li8e luminous refle*tions on )ater. Chere m #est intentions ha+ faile+= 2apa ha+ &ro+u*e+ the mira*leK There )as a &erfe*t asso*iation #et)een the &ra*ti*e of 2apa an+ the attainment of the #reathless state. E$er +a I e<&erien*e+ it for m self. This relia#le result *reate+ a moral strength in me that turne+ into a *alm eu&horia &ermeating m entire +a . Chile tal8ing to others I remaine+ effortlessl *entere+ on the feeling of un*hangea#le *almness= )ithout #eing in$ol$e+ in the images arising from the )or+s. This ne) )a of li$ing )as li8e )al8ing out of a +ar8 stuff room into sunlight an+ fresh air. The magi* of this #right +a!!ling Pra er )hi*h s&rea+ into ea*h fa*et of m life *onfirme+ in me the #elief that 2apa )as the onl tool *a&a#le of e<tra*ting >something &erfe*t an+ su#lime> from m life. I &lunge+ )ith enthusiasm into 2apa literature an+ stu+ie+ the su#Ie*t of "antra an+ Pra er in +ifferent m sti*al &aths. The sim&lest e<&lanation )as that 2apa annihilates the mental #a*8groun+ noise. Ce *an &ut it in this )a 7 )hen )e tr to *on*entrate= man +istur#ing thoughts *an #e $isuali!e+= isolate+ an+ #lo*8e+= #ut a +iffuse &ersistent #a*8groun+ noise nullifies all our efforts. If )e &ra*ti*e 2apa for at least one hour an+ not imme+iatel #efore starting our me+itation routine= that noise )ill +isa&&ear an+ the results )ill #e fantasti*. ;an #oo8s intro+u*ing the &ra*ti*e of 2apa APra erB +o not e<&lain this &re*ious *on*e&t #ut insist onl u&on a hea& of #analities. Chen I rea+ in oriental #oo8s that the mala Arosar B for 2apa shoul+ #e ma+e of this or of that material= or that it shoul+ not #e seen # others= or that the S$mer$ #ea+ 5an e<tra #ea+ as the e<tension to the ro)= )hi*h is the &oint at )hi*h one roun+ of *ounting aroun+ the mala #egins an+ en+s6 shoul+ ne$er #e &asse+ 5if ou +o the mala t)i*e= ou shoul+ turn it an+ ma8e the last #ea+ #e*ome the first #ea+ of the se*on+ roun+6 ... I 8ne) that these are ri+i*ulous i+io*ies. S)ami Ram+as9 sim&le auto#iogra&h is )orth a thousan+ times more than those useless essa s +e&ri$e+ of an intelligen*e or &assion. ?i8e)ise )hen I rea+ )estern #oo8s that insist on the fa*t that the &o)er of the 2apa APra erB lies not in our effort #ut in the 99Ei$ine Jra*e99 that *omes onl )hen ou use a &arti*ular formula *anoni!e+ # a tra+itional &attern of )orshi&= I 8ne) that this is another falsehoo+. The #oo8s rarel hint at the main o#sta*le7 often a +elusion arises in us in the form of a s*ru&le7 99 3 re&eating m "antra me*hani*all all +a long li8e a &arrot= arenGt I +oing the most min+-num#ing a*ti$it in the )or+F EonGt the fa*ulties of m min+ get la! = #e*oming +ull toolsF99 On the *ontrar K You +is*o$er that through 2apa the min+ rests an+ #e*omes more a*ute. I am remin+e+ of a frien+ )ho &ra*ti*e+ Kriya )ithout getting an result. I tal8e+ to him an+ suggeste+ 2apa #ut nothing *hange+. I o#ser$e+ him *arefull )hile he )as &ra*ti*ing an+ )as )itness to a lifeless &ra*ti*e= a tire+ &lea for Jo+9s mer* . I ha+ the im&ression that he too8 this a*ti$it as *ere#ral a*t. 0is thoughts )ere on the re&etition: its $i#ration )as not *onne*te+ in an
'/

)a to his #o+ . 0is *hosen "antra )as an e<&ression in his mother tongue an+ nothing more than a sigh of self-&it . It )as not sur&rising )hen= after some time= he entirel a#an+one+ the &ra*ti*e. 0e +i+ not reali!e he )as a#out to #e*ome the greatest su&&orter of 2apa= )hi*h turning &oint *ame )hen he too8 &art in a grou& &ilgrimage. Someone #egan to re*ite the so-*alle+ rosar Aa set num#er of re&etitions of the same &ra erB= an+ all the &ilgrims Ioine+ in. E$en if tire+ an+ almost gas&ing for #reath= m frien+ +i+ not )ith+ra) himself from this &ious a*ti$it . Chile )al8ing an+ &ra ing softl = murmuring un+er his #reath= he #egan to taste a state of un8no)n *almness. 0e loo8e+ )ith +ifferent e es at the sho) of *ontinuousl *hanging lan+s*a&e an+ ha+ the im&ression of li$ing in a &ara+isia* situation. 0e )ent on re&eating the Pra er unremittingl for the entire )al8 A)hi*h sur&asse+ the 22 milesB= *om&letel forgetting he )as tire+ an+ slee& . Chen the grou& &ause+ to rest= he lu*8il )as left alone un+istur#e+. 0e sli&&e+ into an intros&e*ti$e state an+ )as &er$a+e+ # something $i#rating in his o)n heart )hi*h he +efinitel i+entifie+ )ith S&iritual Realit . 0is e*stati* state too8 o$er his realit = #e*oming almost un#eara#le= o$er)helming him. This e<&erien*e taught him the *orre*t )a of &ra*ti*ing 2apa. 0e sai+ that the se*ret )as to not onl rea*h #ut also go #e on+ the state of >e<haustion.> After some e<&eriments he *hose a #eautiful In+ian "antra to re&eat an+= than8s to it= he rea*he+ the #reathless state. I )ill al)a s remem#er his *on*lusion7 the &o)er of 2apa lies in going #e on+ the frontier of >ER0ADSTION>. Normall it is not ne*essar to go #e on+ the frontier of e<haustion. Dsuall one has $er goo+ effe*ts # *om&leting +ail one "ala Aa rosar of 141 #ea+sB of a "antra alou+ then letting it go ahea+ automati*all in the #a*8groun+ of their min+. 0o)e$er the 99la) of e<haustion99 is a $alua#le resour*e for #rea8ing some internal resistan*e an+ e<&erien*e the #reathless state for the first time. (or a little less than one ear I li$e+ that #right e<&erien*e e$er +a . The tea*hings of The ;other hel&e+ me reali!e )h I faile+ so misera#l in a&&l ing P.Y.9s esoteri* tea*hings regar+ing &rani* healing an+ so on. The #asi* mista8e )as that I ha+ let a tea*hing e<traneous to Kriya #e*ome m first interest= reinfor*e+ # m egotisti* moti$ations= to #e fulfille+ im&atientl at an means. The tea*hing of The ;other )as to first *reate the state of "ental Silen.e )i&ing out all the ego-#orn i+eas= &lans an+ +istra*tions. Through "ental Silen.e the Ei$ine )oul+ +es*en+ into m life= *ross all the la ers of m #eing7 thoughts= emotions= sensations.... 3 surren+ering to Jo+9s )ill= I )oul+ fin+ harmon an+ o$erall #alan*e affe*ting all as&e*ts of m life. Onl then *oul+ a loft i+eal= &erha&s &resent sin*e time unmemora#le= #e*ome &er*e&ti#le an+ tou*h m heart. Onl then *oul+ I ta8e a*tion an+ &ursue it )ith the )is+om that Sri Auro#in+o e<&resse+ in his A&horism "117
99Cor8 as if the i+eal ha+ to #e fulfille+ s)iftl an+ in th lifetime: &erse$ere as if thou 8ne)est it not to #e unless &ur*hase+ # a thousan+ ears et of la#our. That )hi*h thou +arest not e<&e*t till the fifth millennium= ma #loom out )ith tomorro)9s +a)ning an+ that )hi*h thou ho&est an+ lustest after no)= ma ha$e #een fi<e+ for thee in th hun+re+th a+$ent.99 '1

This attitu+e is not that of a stu+ent of o**ult s*ien*e testing one among man esoteri* tea*hings re*ei$e+ from their *onfraternit = #ut that of a m sti* )ho surren+ers to the Ei$ine ?a) that *oe<ists )ith surren+er to his uni.ue longing an+ as&iration that &resi+e+ o$er @ an+ +etermine+ @ his #irth on the earth &lane. In this *on+ition there is no failure. After man )on+erful e<&erien*es an+ *lear states of intros&e*tion= that ear .uietl *ame to an en+. The follo)ing t)o ears )ere not e.uall shining #e*ause I rela<e+ m effort )ith 2apa= su#*ons*iousl *onsi+ering the #reathless state as a*.uire+ an+ esta#lishe+ on*e an+ for all. Then something ha&&ene+ that *reate+ total *haos )ithin me. Euring a tri& to Lienna AAustriaB= I foun+ a #oo8 )ritten # an In+ian S7ami= *laiming he )as tea*hing the original ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s Kriya an+ P.Y.9s )as mentione+ as a slightl mo+ifie+ $ersion of it. Again +e$oure+ # the o#session of fin+ing the original Kriya= tormente+ # m sus&i*ion that P.Y. ha+ taught a sim&lifie+ form of Kriya in or+er to meet the *onstraints of his )esterner +is*i&les! I stu+ie+ his #oo8 ho&ing to unearth the original Kriya Pranayama. In the meantime m +ail a&&li*ation of 2apa +e*rease+. Often I formulate+ the thought= >I must ne$er lose the enIo ment of the #reathless state= e$en for a single minute. It is the most real thing I ha$e e$er e<&erien*e+K> 3ut #orn of m +ou#ts= a fren!ie+ sear*h for the original Kriya #egan again an+ that sear*h ma+e me go *ra! . I ha+ o&ene+ a +oor that *oul+n9t #e *lose+ easil = an+ I lost the sim&li*it of 2apa *ou&le+ )ith the #efore-+es*ri#e+ Kriya routine. ; Io #e*ame rea+ing an+ rerea+ing that #oo8= un+erlining hea$il some senten*es. I )as e<*ite+ to rea+ that Pranayama shoul+ #e *onsi+ere+ ina**urate an+ )rong if= settling +o)n after fair num#er of #reaths= the &ra*titioner ha+ not hear+ the internal soun+ of /m )ithout *losing his ears. That senten*e )oul+n9t let me slee&. It left dangero$s +ou#ts that an unimagina#l +ee& an+ ri*h te*hni.ue of s&iritual reali!ation ha+ #een ta8en a)a from me an+ all )esterners onl #e*ause P.Y. ha+ foun+ it +iffi*ult to tea*h to his first Ameri*an +is*i&les. Cas this true= )as it falseF The issue is *ontro$ersial= #ut as far as m life )as *on*erne+ the )orl+ of the >tra$eling G$r$s> )ith all their h steri*al *laims an+ innumera#le *ontra+i*tions too8 the &la*e of )hat I ha+ &atientl #uilt. I li$e+ se$eral ears in this fe$erish situation #efore the hea$enl *on+ition #rought to m life # the #reathless state )oul+ return to me again.

'2

C0APTER ' FOLLODING SOME TEACHERS OUTSIDE THE ORGANIBATION

The #oo8 )ritten # the In+ian Kriya tea*her S.0.= li8e innumera#le others I later rea+= )as onl #ait to *reate interest in the Kriya s*hool foun+e+ # the author an+ ne$er in*lu+e+ &ra*ti*al e<&lanations. The statements it *ontaine+ )ere )orth of *onsi+eration: the )ere surel from a $er +ee& &ra*ti*e of Pranayama. I ha+ no i+ea )hen an+ )here I )oul+ ha$e the o&&ortunit to meet this tea*her= #ut I foretaste+ the &ossi#ilit of +ee&ening m Kriya Pranayama an+= &erha&s= *larif ing m other +ou#ts *on*erning Ke.hari "$dra an+ the Higher Kriyas& Re*alling a &hrase )hi*h ha+ es*a&e+ the li&s of the la+ me+itation *ounselor a#out a $ariation of Kriya Pranayama taught to some +is*i&les # P.Y.= I *on$in*e+ m self that the 8e te*hni*al a++ition )as to mentall *hant /m in the Cha4ras )hile +ire*ting all attention &ossi#le to the internal soun+s. An effort to)ar+ listening to the internal soun+s is $er )ell re)ar+e+. The #eaut of that &erio+ )hen I ha+ &ra*ti*e+ the > /m te*hni.ue> Are*ei$e+ from m s*hoolB ha+ not #een sur&asse+ # an other e$ent. ItGs har+ to *on$e ho) in*re+i#l *omforting an+ li#erating that e<&erien*e )as. No)= # a&&l ing the a#o$e +es*ri#e+ *onIe*ture= I *oul+ listen again to the astral soun+s an+ retrie$e that 3eaut . So I 8e&t on listening an+ listening in)ar+l not onl to the soun+ of the #reath #ut to an other internal soun+ fee#l manifesting +uring Kriya Pranayama. I *an9t remem#er ho) man Kriya #reaths I &ra*ti*e+ ea*h +a = surel ne$er more than '1--4. After a fe) +a s the an*ient )ell 8no)n s)eetness again entere+ m life an+ I gratefull )el*ome+ it )ith o&en heart. The strange &art )as I ha+nGt e$en met the tea*her et= I ha+ onl rea+ his #oo8. It )as the intensit of m &ra*ti*e that )as e<tremeK I ha+ a *lear &er*e&tion that a state of in*on*ei$a#le s)eetness )as mine= that I *oul+ taste it e$er +a = +uring the &ra*ti*e an+ in e$er moment )hen I reste+= free from )or8. To &reser$e that /m4ar &er*e&tion )ith the utmost *are #e*ame the sole fo*us of m *on*entration. 8irst ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation 3efore un+ergoing surger in the Dnite+ States= the author of the #oo8 )as sto&&ing o$er in Euro&e. I )or8e+ $er har+ to meet him an+ re*ei$e his Kriya initiation on that o**asion. That moment *ame at lastK (or me= his intro+u*tor *onferen*e )as of great emotional im&a*t. 0e ha+ a maIesti* an+ no#le #earing. 0e )as >han+somel > )ra&&e+ in his o*her *lothes: his ol+ age= an+ long hair an+ #ear+ mar8e+ the features of the t &i*al sage. I *aught glim&ses of him )hile he s&o8e= hi++en # the front ro)s: I felt he )as tal8ing a#out ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s lega* from +ire*t e<&erien*e. The theoreti*al *on*e&ts he intro+u*e+ )ere a#solutel ne) to me an+ *reate+ a #eautiful *onsistent frame)or8 for a Kriya &ra<is #ase+ on a uni.ue &rogressi$e &ro*ess of tuning into the /m4ar realit . ?i8e a threa+ &assing
,4

through all the &earls of a ne*8la*e= /m4ar )as *oursing through all the +ifferent &hases of Kriya. (urthermore= the /m4ar realit ha+ to #e &er*ei$e+ not onl in the as&e*ts of soun+ an+ light #ut also as a >s)inging sensation> Aanother time he s&o8e a#out a feeling of &ressureB. (or me= his stu&en+ous= a&&ealing )or+s )ere a re$elation= #ut at *ertain moments m fo*us on te*hni*al +etail ma+e me una#le to gi$e +ue attention to )hat he )as sa ing. ; o#session )as7 >Chat 8in+ of throat soun+ is to #e &ro+u*e+ in this original Kriya: to )hi*h *enter +oes the energ rise in the s&ineF> To ma8e *lear the &ro&er mo$ement of /m4ar= he tou*he+ some of the stu+ents Atheir hea+ an+ *hestB ma8ing his han+ $i#rate= tr ing to transmit this .ui$ering to their #o+ . 0e )as lea+ing the au+itorium into a )on+rous +imension= gi$ing himself *om&letel to us so that )e *oul+ feel the *ore essen*e of the /m4ar e<&erien*e. The initiation into the 8irst Kriya thrille+ an+ +isa&&ointe+ me at the same time. The for)ar+ #en+ings that &re*e+e+ the "aha "$dra )ere reall &re*ious an+ so )as the final me+itation Aim&ro&erl *alle+ Para%asthaB #ut the Kriya Pranayama seeme+ to ha$e +isa&&eare+ an+ #een re+u*e+ to a &ro*ess of raising the Cha4ras in A(na or Sahasrara through a )a of #reathing )hi*h )as less long an+ less intense than the one use+ until no) +uring Kriya Pranayama. 0a$ing )hat he )rote ears ago in his #oo8 fresh in m min+= it )as a &lain fa*t to me that this tea*her too= o$er the *ourse of the ears= ha+ sim&lifie+ the original te*hni.ue. Among the &eo&le )ho *onsistentl atten+e+ his seminars= there )as no m ster a#out the man te*hni*al +etails of Kriya Yoga that he 8e&t on *hanging= ear after ear. One of his intimate +is*i&les *onfirme+ to me that in the &ast the S7ami ha+ taught Kriya Pranayama &ro&er enri*he+ # *hanting /m in ea*h Cha4ra. (or this reason I +e*i+e+ to ne$er e<*lu+e m goo+ ol+ Kriya Pranayama )ith long #reath from m &ra*ti*e. To it I )oul+ no) a++ )hat he )as tea*hing. It )as )inter an+ I ha+ a three )ee8 $a*ation. I s&ent e$er morning )ra&&e+ in the )armth of m home= &ra*ti*ing as mu*h as &ossi#le= a&&l ing the fun+amental *on*e&ts he em&hasi!e+ so mu*h. I ma+e a &arti*ular effort to remain a)are of the #reath Aa *alm short #reath= almost im&er*e&ti#le an+ on the $erge of +isa&&earingB for a#out three hours= lin8ing ea*h #reath )ith a +ifferent Cha4ra. 0e ha+ e<&laine+ that to ma8e a remar8a#le s&iritual &rogress= ou shoul+ engage oursel$es in #e*oming a)are of at least 1/21 #reaths a +a . I e<&erien*e+ a total *ontentment an+ ease= as if m Kriya &ath ha+ *ome to its fulfillment. 3 +a = e$er thing seeme+ surroun+e+ # a 99&a++e+ *oating99= re+u*ing all +issonan*es. E$er thing )as as if transfigure+: it )as li8e li$ing in a &erfe*t realit an+ all )orries too8 flight= gone from m sight. I also s&ent some +a s in a #eautiful lo*ation e.ui&&e+ for )inter s&ort= )here I *oul+ )an+er aimlessl aroun+ the sno)-)hite *ountr si+e. Chile I )as la!il roaming a#out= the sun set earl = &ainting the lan+s*a&e )ith #reathta8ing *olors: the small $illage= sun8 in the sno)= starte+ to ra+iate in a fe) se*on+s of glor all the *olors of the s&e*trum of light. ; memor )ill al)a s hol+ it as
,1

the s&len+i+ s m#ol of m *onta*t )ith the /m4ar e<&erien*e. The )inter $a*ation en+e+ an+ I returne+ to m Io#. Euring m s&are time I )oul+ thin8 a#out )hat a &re*ious Ie)el the Kriya te*hni.ue )as= $isuali!ing the &ossi#ilit of a future +ee&ening after a similar *ommitment to the Higher Kriyas also. One +a )hile still at )or8= I )as in a room from )hi*h I *oul+ see the +istant mountains through a )in+o) &ane= an+ *ontem&late the &ure *elestial s8 a#o$e them. I )as in e*stas K That +istant s8 )as the mirror of m future ears= )holl +e+i*ate+ to Kriya Yoga. (or the first time the &ros&e*t of retiring an+ li$ing on a minimal in*ome= maintaining this state for the rest of m +a s= starte+ to ta8e real sha&e. This tea*her also taught a sim&lifie+ form of Se.ond Kriya= )hi*h I learne+ months later. As for re*ei$ing other a+$an*e+ te*hni.ues= he e<&resse+ himself a+amantl 7 the re.uest of #eing initiate+ in them im&lie+ a la*8 of engagement in the #asi* te*hni.ues. 3eing a)are that the original Kriya s&irit ha+ #een lost in other s*hools= he fo*use+ onl on &assing on its nu*leus. 0e ha+ trie+ all ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s te*hni.ues= *on*lu+ing that some of them )ere not essential )hile others )ere rather too +eli*ate an+ +iffi*ult to #e learne+. Attem&ts ma+e # ine<&erien*e+ stu+ents to effe*ti$el use these te*hni.ues often resulte+ in a useless +istra*tion for the stu+ents an+ a )aste of time for him as a tea*her. Chat he sai+ ma+e +efinite sense= #ut *ontri#ute+ to his isolation. 0e +i+ not ta8e into *onsi+eration the insatia#le *uriosit of the maIorit of 4riyabans )ho a**e&te+ no interferen*e in their .uest. 0is unfortunate +e*ision to lea$e out some of ?ahiri ;ahasa aGs te*hni.ues Anot onl &arts of the Higher Kriyas= #ut also #asi* te*hni.ues su*h as Ke.hari "$dra an+ #a%i KriyaB triggere+ an automati* refle< )hi*h &ushe+ a)a the &eo&le most in+is&ensa#le to him. Consume+ # a thirst for the *om&lete tea*hings= the #egan to sear*h for other tea*hers. Eisa&&ointe+ # their +efe*tion= he stu##ornl fo*use+ e$en more &ointe+l on the essen*e of the tea*hing an+ the further sim&lifi*ation of the 8irst Kriya te*hni.ues. Those )ho trie+ to get this a#sur+it a*ross to him an+ there# &re$ent it foun+ themsel$es fa*ing a stone )all. 0e ha+ all the tools ne*essar to attra*t the )estern )orl+. The #oo8 he ha+ )ritten ha+ #een a smart strategi* mo$e )hi*h ma+e him &o&ular in the Cest= sa$ing for himself a &la*e of *ru*ial im&ortan*e in the +omain of Kriya. ;oreo$er= his In+ian-sage figure im&resse+ &eo&le. 0un+re+s of s*holars )ere rea+ to #a*8 his mission an+ treat him as a >+i$init >= an+ )ere )illing to sho) the same res&e*t to &ossi#le *olla#orators an+ su**essors. Yet the soil he &lo)e+ an+ )as *ulti$ating starte+ to #e*ome sterile. I sa) the s*o&e of his isolation )hen one +a +uring a Kriya re$ie) lesson= he tol+ his &u#li* that real Kriya Pranayama *oul+ onl ta8e &la*e in a state of *alm #reath an+ that the one mar8e+ # a long +ee& #reath A)hi*h man 8ne) )as *hara*teristi* of ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s lega* B )as goo+= in his o&inion= onl for 998in+ergarten *hil+ren>K 0e *lose+ his nostrils )ith his fingers an+ 8e&t that &osition for some time. In this )a that he im&lie+ that he ha+ mastere+ the
,2

#reathless state an+ that the &u#li* )as neither a#le to un+erstan+= nor &ra*ti*e= Kriya. I thought a#out ho) man +isa&&ointments he must ha$e ha+ to *on$in*e him to ma8e su*h a &e*uliar +emonstration. Perha&s he ha+ onl met &eo&le )ho )ere not a#le to a+o&t the +is*i&line of a regular me+itation &ra*ti*e an+ therefore +i+ not gain an #enefit. Dnfortunatel = man &er*ei$e+ his #eha$ior as a nast *omment that the au+ien*e )as una#le to un+erstan+ the +ee& meaning of )hat he )as +es*ri#ing. The stu+ents staring at him )ere at a *om&lete loss: he must ha$e seeme+ #i!arre an+ &e*uliar to them. The result )as that the #eginners sense+ onl that there )as too large a +istan*e to #e #ri+ge+ #et)een them an+ the ;aster. Those )ho alrea+ ha+ a goo+ mastering of Kriya ha+ the final *onfirmation that )hat he ha+ taught u& to that moment )as a sim&le intro+u*tion to Kriya an+ +i+ not &ro$i+e the 8e to o#taining the e<&eriential &inna*le. It is true that a lot of &eo&le )ere *ontent )ith his Kriya! #ut the )oul+ ne$er organi!e a seminar for their tea*her. (ran8l s&ea8ing= the faithfulness of the man )as not enough to a$oi+ the )orst. 0is *ommen+a#le effort= all the mar$elous su#tleties # )hi*h he ha+ enri*he+ our Kriya an+ ma+e this &ra*ti*e far more #eautiful= )as not enough to &re$ent a shi&)re*8 of his mission @ at least here in Euro&e. 2 Dsing the same fliers an+ *hanging onl the ;aster9s name an+ &hoto= man of the &eo&le )ho formerl organi!e+ his seminars in$ite+ another tea*her from In+ia #e*ause the 8ne) he )as )ell-+is&ose+ to e<&lain Kriya in its *om&lete form. This in$itation )as &erha&s ma+e more out of +es&eration than of *on$i*tion #e*ause those )ho ha+ alrea+ met him in In+ia 8ne) his o)n s&iritual reali!ation )as almost non-e<istent. 3e*ause of $isa &ro#lems= it too8 t)o ears #efore he finall lan+e+ in Euro&e= an+ )hen he arri$e+ &ra*ti*all all the #efore-+es*ri#e+ tea*her9s +is*i&les )ere rea+ to )el*ome this ne) guru as their Jo+-sent messenger. This ne) tea*her +i+ in fa*t gi$e us the $er *ra$e+ for Ke.hari "$dra= the #a%i Kriya an+ others. 3ut let me first +es*ri#e the most +isa&&ointing meeting of m life. Se.ond ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation Chile )aiting for the ne) tea*her from In+ia to o#tain a $isa granting &ermission to enter Euro&e= I *ame in *onta*t )ith a Kriya s*hool totall se&arate from the others. The Kriya Yoga the taught )as *alle+ Baba(i3s Kriya Yoga an+ )as #ase+ u&on the tea*hings of an In+ian &ersonage )ho *laime+ he )as a +ire*t +is*i&le of Baba(i. In this s*hool the main te*hni.ue )as *alle+ Kriya K$ndalini Pranayama B a #reathing te*hni.ue. Other tea*hings )ere grou&e+ un+er four main hea+ings7 Kriya Hatha Yoga! Kriya hyana Yoga! Kriya "antra Yoga an+ Kriya Bha4ti Yoga& These re$ol$e+ aroun+ the *entral tea*hing of Pranayama= e<ten+ing its s&here of a*tion to all the as&e*ts of human life. The
2

Something remains in+ee+= #ut $er s*ant *om&are+ to )hat he *oul+ ha$e reali!e+ if onl he ha+ #een more *on*iliator .

,"

i+ea of ha$ing foun+ a sour*e from )hi*h I *oul+ learn e$er thing a#out Kriya e<*ite+ me tremen+ousl . I *ame in *onta*t )ith this s*hool through a strange #oo8 )hose illustrations ga$e the im&ression of a fair tale. I felt *onfi+ent I *oul+ learn something here= although in this #oo8 there )as no mention of te*hni.ues li8e ;alabya Kriya! Ke.hari "$dra! #a%i Kriya! /m4ar Pranayama! ;ho4ar&&&& The s*hool offere+ three le$els of Kriya! eas to o#tain in a#out three ears if ou sho)e+ enough *ommitment= so I enrolle+. The first le$el +i+n9t +isa&&oint me= #ut +i+ lea$e me a #it &er&le<e+. The tea*her )as o#sesse+ )ith the &re*e&t of not hol+ing one9s #reath= therefore the te*hni.ue of Yoni "$dra= )hi*h is fun+amental for ?ahiri= )as *onsi+ere+ +angerous an+ thus #anne+. Kriya K$ndalini Pranayama seeme+ to #e a #eautiful te*hni.ue. The most anno ing thing )as that on*e ou ha+ *om&lete+ 1- Kriya #reaths= the &ro*ess ou ha+ &ut into motion ha+ to su++enl #e relin.uishe+ an+ s)it*he+ to hyana Kriya= a me+itation )hi*h ha+ nothing to +o )ith s&ine= Cha4ras et*. 3efore re*ei$ing instru*tion from this s*hool= I ha+ mi<e+ )hat I ha+ learne+ from P.Y.9s organi!ation )ith S.0.9s tea*hing an+ ha+ *reate+ a $er &leasant routine )hose final &art A*on*entration on the Cha4rasB )as &ure +elight. Seriousl &ra*ti*ing this ne) routine= there gre) )ithin me a mar8e+ longing for )hat I ha+ relin.uishe+. Changing the te*hni.ue of me+itation e$er +a Athere )ere se$en +ifferent te*hni.ues= one for ea*h +ifferent +a of the )ee8B= I ha+ the hea$ sensation of gaining nothing su#stantial. The *entral *ore of the Se.ond +e%el )as initiation into In+ian "antras& This su#Ie*t )as more a&&ealing to me than hyana Kriya. Dnfortunatel = )e ha+ to re&eat the *ourse t)o or three times in or+er to re*ei$e the *om&lete set of Cha4ra "antras. The o++ thing )as that the tea*her seeme+ to #e lost in Ne) Age &hiloso&h an+ +i+n9t reali!e ho) #a+l his tea*hings )ere organi!e+. 0e ga$e his )ife the role of &ontifi*ating a#out man to&i*s Ama*ro#ioti*s= ho) to see auras= ho) to ma8e A ur$e+a +iagnoses an+ other amenitiesB= an+ ma+e a fool of himself # e<&laining the te*hni.ue of >+is&ersing the *lou+s> @ fi<ing attention on a *lou+ in the s8 )ith the &ur&ose of +issol$ing itK Sin*e I ha+ &la*e+ mu*h ho&e on the u&*oming thir+ le$el= I en+ure+ it all. The thir+ le$el )as an atro*ious +elusion= #e on+ m )orse e<&e*tations. There )ere no Higher Kriyas #ut instea+ *lassi* Yoga te*hni.ues= suita#le for a &re&arator *ourse to Kriya. The si< Samadhi te*hni.ues= gi$en at the *on*lusion of that ener$ating an+ #oring *ourse= )ere7 a $ariation of the Hong Sa$ te*hni.ue= three fairl *ommon te*hni.ues of $isuali!ation= the *lassi* instru*tion of *ontinuous a)areness +uring the +a an+= at the en+= a $ariation of the same /m me+itation te*hni.ue I ha+ re*ei$e+ from m first Kriya organi!ation. The $ariations of the Hong Sa$ te*hni.ue= as )ell as of the /m te*hni.ue= seeme+ +e$ise+ # a la! min+ )hose onl &ur&ose in mo+if ing them )as to a$oi+ the a**usation of ha$ing *o&ie+ from P.Y.9s organi!ation= )ith no *on*ern as to )hether the resulting te*hni.ues )ere +e$oi+ of their &o)er. (or e<am&le= in the first te*hni.ue= the 99 Hong Sa$99 "antra )as re&la*e+ # >/m Baba(i> forgetting that Hong Sa$ is a uni$ersal "antra )hose s lla#les )ere s&e*ifi*all *hosen for their &o)er of *alming the #reath= )ith )hi*h the ha$e a
,'

$i#rator *onne*tion. The three te*hni.ues of $isuali!ation )ere of a genre one *oul+ fin+ in an #oo8 on *on*entration an+ me+itation te*hni.ues. (or man of us )ho ha+ earlong e<&erien*e )ith the &reliminar -to-Kriya te*hni.ues offere+ # P.Y.9s organi!ation= #eing re-taught those te*hni.ues= +isguise+ an+ &asse+ off as Samadhi te*hni.ues= )as a*tuall li8e a *ol+ sho)er. Some of us +are+ to as8 the tea*her9s o&inion a#out ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s Kriya. At first he )as reti*ent an+ +i+ not seem gla+ a#out our interest= then he too8 *ourage an+ share+ his $ie)s. 0e #elie$e+ that ?ahiri ;ahasa a ha+ not &ra*ti*e+ )ith total *ommitment all the tea*hings he re*ei$e+ from 3a#aIi= therefore he ... +ie+. Astoun+e+= )e reali!e+ that sin*e ?ahiri ;ahasa a ha+ not o#taine+ immortalit Aas= in this tea*her9s o&inion= shoul+ ha&&en to those )ho gi$e their all to a&&l ing Kriya integrall B= our tea*her )as +ismissi$e of him. 3ut let me en+ tal8ing a#out all this an+ get #a*8 to other *onsi+erations.
)nterme55o= #e7@Age@Poll$ted Kriya Yoga The min+set I +e$elo&e+ in follo)ing this s*hool le+ me to meet &eo&le an+ grou&s in )hi*h Kriya Yoga )as &ollute+ )ith #e7@Age themes. I am remin+e+ of those +a s )hene$er I listen to the ta&e re*or+ings of +e$otional *hants )hi*h I #ought at that time. Dsuall I fell in lo$e )ith an In+ian bha(an an+ sang it )ithin me all through the +a . (or me it ha+ mu*h the same nature of foo+: I reall ha+ the im&ression of eating that musi*. Coming a*ross +ifferent grou&s of &eo&le )ho &ra*ti*e+ Kriya! I ha+ the feeling of meeting a famil more $ast an+ $arie+ than m first Kriya grou& )ho stri*tl follo)e+ P.Y.9s tea*hings. 3as8ing in m state of elation= I +i+n9t un+erstan+ mu*h a#out their a*tual +a to-+a life. The onl o++ trait I noti*e+ )as a *lums attem&t to a#i+e # the rules of an oriental lifest le= )hi*h ha+ here +eteriorate+ to the *ulti$ation of a fe) inno*ent an+ sometimes funn fa++iness. I learne+ to relate to ea*h &erson @ for e<am&le= to those )ho )oul+ host me )hene$er a seminar )as hel+ in a +istant *it @ the )a an e<&lorer +eals )ith un8no)n animals= )aiting for an e**entri* re$elation. At times I )oul+ rea*t to their o++ness sar*asti*all : it )as something I Iust *oul+ not hel&= it *ame out so s&ontaneousl . ?ater on I ha+ o**asion to meet an+ a&&roa*h more intimatel those )ho organi!e+ the Kriya Yoga initiation seminaries for our tra$eling G$r$s. The ga$e the im&ression of #eing honest resear*hers an+ al)a s guarantee+ that no nonsense )oul+ e$er sli& out of their mouths. I learne+ to listen to them res&e*tfull an+ silentl )hene$er the *orre*te+ some of m fan* inter&retations of Kriya Yoga. I )as sur&rise+ )hen one of them= )ithout #eing e<hi#itionisti*= .uote+ # heart a fe) lines from a )or8 # P.Y. @ the same &ro&heti* lines )hi*h ha+ on*e #een the sour*e of so man un*ertainties for me. 0e rea+ an+ re-rea+ through those te<ts se$eral times tr ing to +e*o+e them: he reall straine+ in stu+ ing those te<ts. ; relationshi& )ith those resear*hers )as #ase+ on real affe*tion an+ it ne$er *ame to +isagreement= #itterness or formalit . The )ere al)a s generous to)ar+ me an+ res&e*tful of m &ersonalit . Ne$er +i+ the tr to for*e something on me= &assionatel sharing e$er thing the ha+ learne+= no matter if it *ost them a great +eal of time= effort an+ mone . ,,

At that e&o*h of m life= #esi+es the three main tea*hers +es*ri#e+ in this *ha&ter= I re*ei$e+ a *ou&le of initiations # other 99minor99 tea*hers that ha+ on*e #een the right-han+ man one or another illustrious G$r$ #ut then #e*ame in+e&en+ent #e*ause the Juru +iso)ne+ them. Ce agree+ our tea*hers )ere mostl me+io*re= sometimes im&olite an+ unethi*al. Some trifling e&iso+es *onfirme+ our first im&ressions of im&ro$isation an+= in one *ase= of mental insta#ilit . This )as strongl in *ontrast )ith the *hara*ter )e e<&e*te+ in those )ho *alle+ themsel$es >s&iritual gui+es>. The 8ne) little a#out Kriya Yoga an+ the taught it in a su&erfi*ial )a = #ut the *laime+ the )ere authori!e+ to initiate= an+ this #lin+e+ us. %ust for this reason )e treate+ them )ith a +eferential an+ tolerant attitu+e= forgi$ing them )hen the a#use+ our trust an+ *onfi+en*e. 99A$thori5ed99K 0o) magi* an+ h &noti* )as this )or+ for us )ho ha+ listene+ to it re$erentl so man times in P.Y.9s s*hool. It is strange an+ +olorous to thin8 that it )as the +ee&-roote+ +ogmati* *on*e&t that a te*hni.ue *oul+ #e re*ei$e+ onl from authori!e+ &ersons that &er&etrate+ the )orst of our illusions. I a**e&te+ the far*e of the initiations as an ine$ita#le +ra)#a*8 to su**ess in a*.uiring the information I )as sear*hing for )ith so mu*h &assion. Jenerall s&ea8ing after atten+ing man +ifferent rituals= the e<&lanations )ere al)a s .ui*8 an+ shallo): a +estru*ti$e *riti*ism )as often raise+ against information *oming from other sour*es. I )oul+ finish e$er initiation thin8ing ho) satisfie+ I )as an+ ma8e u& m min+ to a#an+on all the &re$ious &ra*ti*es for the one I ha+ Iust re*ei$e+. I ignore+ an a)areness that the ne) initiation ha+ onl a++e+ something insignifi*ant to )hat I alrea+ 8ne) or that it )as *onfining me to a >*age> from )hi*h I )oul+ sooner or later feel an un#eara#le suffo*ation an+ from )hi*h I )oul+ e$entuall ha$e to #rea8 loose. To man among us those initiations )ere a true $i*e. Ce sto*8e+ u& on te*hni.ues li8e foo+ for a famine. %ust to gi$e an e<am&le= at almost all initiation seminars a solemn &le+ge of se*re* )as the &ass)or+ to #e a**e&te+. E$er one too8 this &le+ge #ut as soon as the meeting )as o$er= some share+ the *o$ete+ ne)s )ith other stu+ents # *ell-&hone )ho= in turn= )oul+ ta8e &art in other initiations an+ re*i&ro*ate the fa$or. Some frien+s returning from In+ia e<&resse+ their e<*itement o$er su*h an e<traor+inar lan+. 3ut at the en+ of their tales= +isa&&ointment in all the things the ha+ not #een a#le to learn emerge+. Often the )oul+ meet a #oaster )ho assure+ them he 8ne) original Kriya Yoga an+ *oul+ initiate them all as long as the 8e&t it a total se*ret )ithout esta#lishing an *onta*t )ith other tea*hers. In this )a the #oaster *oul+ ensure the +is*i&les )oul+ not re*ogni!e that it )as not Kriya Yoga the )ere #eing taught. I reali!e+ this onl )hen= o$er*oming their hesitation= I *on$in*e+ them to *onfi+entiall gi$e me a rough +es*ri&tion of that te*hni.ue. Dsuall it )as either P.Y.9s Kriya or nothing more than the mere re&etition of a "antraK Chat ma+e me feel sa+ )as not so mu*h the great a+$antage gaine+ # those #raggers Athe G$r$da4shina 5+onation6 the re*ei$e+ meant a real fortune at m frien+s9 e<&enseB #ut that m frien+s misse+ the o&&ortunit of learning Kriya from other sour*es in other &la*es. Something +ifferent ha&&ene+ to a frien+ )ho met 3.?.= a +es*en+ant of ?ahiri ;ahasa a. This )as one of the master9s great-gran+sons= a man )ith a great a*a+emi* #a*8groun+ an+ )ith a +ee& 8no)le+ge of Kriya! #ut m frien+ )as not a#le to learn an thing from him. I )as ta8en a#a*8 )hen he tol+ me that in 3enares= an+ &ro#a#l throughout rest of In+ia= Kriya Yoga )as not &ra*ti*e+ an longer. I 8e&t enough *ontrol not to interru&t or *hallenge him= #ut then # &osing a&&arentl in*i+ental .uestions= I trie+ to un+erstan+ )hat ha+ ha&&ene+. ; frien+ ha+= as he usuall +i+= #egan the ,-

+is*ussion )ith tri$ialities li8e as8ing some information on In+ian ha#its an+ a#out an Ashram9s a++ress )here he &lanne+ to go. Then almost at the en+ of the inter$ie) @ he must ha$e su++enl remem#ere+ he )as in ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s house @ he as8e+ if an of the +is*i&les of ?ahiri )ere still &ra*ti*ing Kriya= an+ re*ei$e+ a sar*asti*all sour= negati$e res&onse of= more or less= >Eefinitel not: it is not &ra*ti*e+ an longer. I +are sa it is not &ra*ti*e+ throughout the )hole In+ian &eninsula. Rather= ou surel must #e the onl one still &ra*ti*ing itK> At the en+ of his narration= m frien+ )as loo8ing at me .uestioningl . I am still not sure )hether he )as ho&ing to *on$in*e me or )hether he )as Iust a#sor#e+ in #itter frustration. I +i+ not &r . In m o&inion= he +i+ not reali!e ho) foolish his +is*ussion ha+ #een )ith that no#le &erson. A *ertain #lo) *ame for him one month later. 0e hear+ that a man from his same to)n ha+ re*entl #een initiate+ into Kriya Yoga from the $er &ersonage he ha+ met in 3enaresK 0e )as so irritate+ he &lanne+ to go #a*8 to In+ia to raise a &rotest to that no#le man & Dnfortunatel = he +i+ not ha$e that *han*e -- a serious +isease 8ille+ him. In s&ite of our huge *hara*ter +ifferen*es= I )ill al)a s #e grateful for all the things he share+ )ith me *on*erning his s&iritual &ath. Another frien+ remaine+ for some +a s at an Ashram in the ho&e he might re*ei$e initiation into Kriya Yoga. The lea+er of the Ashram )as a)a = an+ m frien+ re*ei$e+ the initiation from one of his +is*i&les. At the *on*lusion he a*.uire+ a large $olume summari!ing the te*hni.ues= an+ at the en+ of his tri&= $isi#l *ontent= he sho)e+ me the #oo8. The te*hni.ues +i+ not +iffer mu*h from those I alrea+ 8ne)= #ut there )ere man more +etails. There )as nothing in that #oo8= ho)e$er= that *oul+ remo$e all m .uestions: not a single hint a#out ho) to o#tain Ke.hari "$dra= nothing on ;ho4ar either. On the *ontrar = I *an remem#er a $er *om&li*ate+ te*hni.ue #ase+ on the $isuali!ation of the Cha4ras as the are +es*ri#e+ in Tantri* te<ts. Ea*h te*hni.ue )as &re*e+e+ # a theoreti* intro+u*tion )ith .uotations from an*ient #oo8s an+ an illustration )hi*h eliminate+ an &ossi#le +ou#t. In the last &art of the #oo8 a &re*ise gra+ual routine )as gi$en. Of *ourse= there )as a note guaranteeing that all the mentione+ te*hni.ues *onstitute+ Kriya Yoga as taught # Baba(i= ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s m thi*al G$r$. The material )as $er interesting= an+ I )oul+ ha$e li8e+ to iel+ to the illusion that m .uest ha+ finall en+e+ sin*e those notes *ontaine+ )hat I )as sear*hing for. I sim&l ha+ to *on$in*e m self that Baba(i ha+ ma+e a s nthesis of the innumera#le s&iritual &ra*ti*es of Tantrism to *reate 0is Kriya Yoga. It )as im&u+ent to thin8 that ;ho4ar *oul+ #e *onsi+ere+ no more than a $ariation of the 2alandhara BandhaK If the instru*tions for Ke.hari "$dra )ere not there= ne$er min+= it &ro#a#l Iust meant that P Ke.hari )as not reall so im&ortantK Cith a #it of goo+ )ill an+ a&&li*ation= I *oul+ ha$e *lose+ the *ir*le. Chan*e ma+e me listen to the re*or+ing of a *onferen*e )ith the author S)ami S.S. 0e +is*usse+ ho) he ha+ foun+ those te*hni.ues in some tantri* te<ts )hi*h he ha+ translate+: he then ma+e an a**urate sele*tion from them to form a *oherent s stem of Kriya. 0o) )as it &ossi#le= then= to ha$e a note sa ing that those tea*hings *ame +ire*tl from Baba(iF Sim&le @ as is the *ase )ith the maIorit of In+ian masters= he ha+ his +is*i&les )rite the #oo8: the ha+ the #rilliant i+ea of ma8ing it more interesting # hinting that the te*hni.ues )ere +eri$e+ from the m thi*al Baba(i. The tea*her= e<hi#iting another *lassi* In+ian ha#it= ne$er *he*8e+ the material an+ )as ta8en a#a*8 later on )hen he #e*ame a)are of those >su&&lementar notes>. 0e then trie+ to +efen+ his +is*i&les9 )or8 stating that after all P > Baba(i9s Kriya ha+ Tantri* origins.>

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3 no) I )as feeling .uite +istant from m initial Kriya organi!ation= #ut I still res&e*te+ it. I too8 &art in a re$ie) *lass of Kriya )hen t)o female ;inisters of that organi!ation again $isite+ our *ountr . Euring an inter$al #et)een t)o *onferen*es= something )on+erful an+ s)eet ha&&ene+. Chat I ha+ ho&e+ for so ar+entl in the &ast an+ et ha+ negate+ in su*h a #rutal )a = materiali!e+ easil . I ha+ a &ri$ate tal8 )ith one ;inister )herein all m +ou#ts )ere *larifie+. She )as intelligent= 8in+ an+ tal8e+ from +ire*t e<&erien*e. Regar+ing Ke.hari "$dra! she sai+ that it *omes )ith time= es&e*iall # &ersisting in tou*hing the u$ula )ith the ti& of the tongue. I also in.uire+ a#out one of P.Y.9s remar8s= namel >The Cha4ras *an #e a)a8ene+ # &s *ho-&h si*al #lo)s gi$en at their +ifferent lo*ations.> The ;inister *larifie+ its meaning # e<&laining it referre+ to the use of a "antra *ou&le+ )ith #reath. No other h &otheti*al te*hni.ue other than that )hi*h )as full +es*ri#e+ in the )ritten material )as #eing hinte+ at. She e<&laine+ that if a s lla#le is mentall *hante+ in a Cha4ra9s lo*ation )ith real intensit = )hile inhaling or e<haling= it *reates a >&s *ho-&h si*al #lo)>. This *larifi*ation ins&ire+ m &ra*ti*e. Returning home= I ha+ the im&ression of again li$ing the #est time of m life. I +is*o$ere+ a )a of &erfe*ting the final &art of m Kriya routine7 mental Pranayama& Chile &roIe*ting in ea*h Cha4ra the mental *hant of the "antra= I reali!e+ I ha+ the &o)er to tou*h the *ore of ea*h one )ith an almost &h si*al intensit . A great s)eetness s&rang from this &ro*e+ure: m #o+ seeme+ to #e*ome stiff as a statue an+ the #reathless state ma+e m min+ trans&arent as *r stal. I )as )illing to &ut an en+ to m sear*h an+ &rolong this state for the rest of m life #ut the tea*her )e ha+ in$ite+ from In+ia arri$e+.

;hird ;ea.her o$tside the /rgani5ation Chen the moment *ame to meet him= I )as not in the #est of moo+s. Certain *lues ha+ )arne+ me I )oul+ ha$e to re*8on )ith a ra+i*all ne) a&&roa*h. I )as afrai+ this *oul+ u&set the sim&le an+ a+e.uatel &rofita#le routine into )hi*h I ha+ settle+. The magi*al realm of /m4ar= into )hi*h m first tea*her AS.0.B ha+ immerse+ me in a &assionate )a = *oul+ #e neither left asi+e nor forgotten. I +i+ not e$en +ream of &utting other &rin*i&les in &la*e as the foun+ation for m s&iritual &ath= an+ so I a&&roa*he+ m ne) tea*her )ith the i+ea of reIe*ting him if= someho)= he a&&eare+ to +issua+e me from su*h a realit . I met this Kriya tea*her in a Yoga *enter. The essen*e of his intro+u*tor s&ee*h )as that Kriya )as not inten+e+ to inflate the min+ an+ the ego to)ar+ a h &otheti*al su&erior min+= #ut )as a Iourne #e on+ the min+= into un*ontaminate+ territor . I reali!e+ that Sri Krishnamurti9s *on*e&t )as the sour*e from )hi*h m thir+ tea*her +re) his i+eas a#out the +amages *ause+ # the $i*es of the human min+. I in+ulgentl o#ser$e+ some ina+e.ua*ies in his #eha$ior )hi*h sho*8e+ other stu+ents. 0e )as hot-tem&ere+. 0e e<&lo+e+ )ith rage )hene$er he sense+ that un+erneath legitimate .uestions there )as a $eile+ o&&osition or an intention to *hallenge his authorit = #ut I fo*use+ all m attention on learning his form of Kriya an+ ignoring his o#$ious faults. 0e *learl *ommuni*ate+ to us that the reason for his tour to the Cest )as to reesta#lish the original tea*hings= an+ this
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)as enough to o$er*ome m initial )ariness. In the follo)ing initiation seminar the te*hni*al e<&lanation )as reasona#l *lear= e$en if in some &arts )ere unusuall s ntheti*. (or instan*e= his instru*tions on Pranayama B formall *orre*t @ *oul+ #e un+erstoo+ onl # those )ho ha+ alrea+ #een &ra*ti*ing Kriya Yoga for a long time. After three months of serious &ra*ti*e I a*hie$e+ Ke.hari "$dra an+ reali!e+ that m e<hausti$e sear*h for the original Kriya ha+ *ome to an en+. I follo)e+ this tea*her for si< ears. 0ereafter I summari!e the reasons for m enthusiasm an+ )h I later #ro8e off )ith him. Returning home after the seminar of initiation= une<&e*te+ internal *hanges *reate+ a $er &ositi$e &erio+ for me= e$en if it *oul+ not #e +efine+ as *alm. Ke.hari "$dra #rought me a feeling of >+i!!iness> that laste+ some +a s: m mental fa*ulties seeme+ to #e fogge+ u&= #ut )hen all that *ease+= m Kriya fle) high. Ins&ire+ # this ne) *on+ition= *om&aring it to that of the m sti*s= I reali!e+ ho) +iffi*ult it is to li$e= *arr ing out +ail )orl+l +uties= )ithout #eing &aral !e+ # su*h #lissK Some +a s I )as so ha&& that )hen I )ent out for a )al8= if I met someone an+ sto&&e+ to listen to him= no matter )hat he sai+= a su++en Io )oul+ e<&an+ in m *hest to the &oint that I *oul+ #arel hol+ #a*8 m tears. ?oo8ing at the +istant mountains or at other +etails of the lan+s*a&e= I )oul+ tr to +ire*t m feeling to)ar+ them in or+er to turn m &aral !ing Io into aestheti* ra&ture: onl this *oul+ 8ee& #a*8 the Io *lut*hing m #eing= onl this *oul+ hi+e it. I #elie$e it is legitimate to as8 )h +o Kriya organi!ations not tea*h su*h a sim&le te*hni.ue as ;alabya Kriya= &referring to &er&etuate en+less &oliti*al arguments an+ s&e*ulations that *ontinue u& to the &resent +a F I #egan a s stemati* stu+ of the )or8s of Sri Krishnam$rti= &utting m heart an+ m soul into it. The o++ thing )as that KrishnaIi9s thoughts *ontaine+ the *ru*ial an+ *on*lusi$e #oost that )oul+ assist me= after man ears of *ontro$ersial #ut lo al +is*i&leshi&= to #rea8 m +e&en+en*e on m thir+ tea*her. Krishnamurti sai+ )hat )as then +iffi*ult to full agree )ith7 >Chat is the nee+ of a G$r$F 5...6 You ha$e to )al8 # ourself= ou ha$e to ta8e the Iourne alone= an+ on that Iourne ou ha$e to #e our o)n tea*her an+ &u&il.> Chile I )as rea+ing these lines I felt un+ou#te+l that the e<&resse+ a +ee& truth= #ut m logi* suggeste+ &erem&toril = >This is a so&hism: e$en KrishnaIi a*te+ as a G$r$ an+ a*ts u&on me no) Iust through his )ritings.> I *oul+ not a*tuali!e his )ise )arning: fear an+ *on+itioning hel+ me #a*8. 0o) man mista8es )oul+ I still ha$e to ma8e= ho) man sla&s )oul+ I still ha$e to ta8e #efore I *oul+ affirm m free+om from g$r$sF I stu+ie+ man #oo8s # this author #ut I )as literall o$er*ome # the #eaut of ;he /nly -e%ol$tion. I )al8e+ in the *ountr loo8ing at e$er thing )ith m senses full a)a8e #ut )ithout a single thought in m min+. 0o) +iffi*ult it )asK 3ut it )as not im&ossi#le. 0o) right KrishnaIi )as )hen he sai+7 >life #egins )here thought en+s.> I nee+e+ to re*reate silen*e aroun+ me= to return to sim&li*it = to fin+ the time to *ontem&late 3eaut again. Cal8ing
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aroun+ )ith this attitu+e #e*ame &ure an+ *onstant 3lissK 3eaut )as al)a s aroun+ me #ut I ha+n9t noti*e+ #e*ause I )as lost in m mental *onstru*ts #ase+ on Ne) Age fantasies= or on &seu+o s&iritual literature )hi*h )as a*tuall trash. I )as not a#le to see that 3eaut for I )as lost @ as KrishnaIi )oul+ sa @ in the >3eaut of m o)n ma8ing.> The more I rea+ KrishnaIi= the more I felt I ha+ re*entl *rosse+ through hell. I reali!e+ that m o#session for fin+ing the te*hni.ues of the >Original Kriya> ha+n9t emanate+ from a heightene+ form of +ri$e to)ar+ the Ei$ine One #ut )as a*tuall moti$ate+ # a +esire no +ifferent from the +esire for material things. A*tuall = it )as )ith this &oor attitu+e that I )as un8no)ingl *on+u*ting m he*ti* sear*h. It )as a +istra*tion= &re$enting me from enIo ing )hat I alrea+ ha+= an+ ha+ im&o$erishe+ me= +raining me of the flo) of genuine as&iration to)ar+ the Ei$ine. The effort to *reate mental silen*e #rought me #a*8 to the $er #eginning of m s&iritual &ath )hen I ha+ +e*i+e+ to *on.uer the ten+en* to +a +ream an+ Ium& from one memor to another +uring i+le moments. At that time I 8ne) &erfe*tl )ell that un#ri+le+ thought )as an a++i*tion= a $i*e gi$ing moments of &leasure #ut #eing the &rimar *ause of mu*h miser . It )as in or+er to +is*i&line m self that I stu+ie+ the art of Pranayama an+ +is*o$ere+ Kriya Yoga in the first &la*e. Euring this &erio+ I also rea+ P$ran P$r$sh # Asho8e Kumar ChatterIee= #ase+ on ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s +iaries. Euring the summer I *arrie+ this #oo8 )ith me in the *ountr si+e: man times= after rea+ing a &art of it= I )oul+ gratefull raise m e es to the +istant mountain to&s an+ thin8= >At long lastPK> I loo8e+ at the &hotogra&h of ?ahiri ;ahasa a on the front *o$er. Cho 8no)s )hat state of #liss he )as in )hile #eing &hotogra&he+K I sa) some hori!ontal lines on his forehea+= his e e#ro)s raise+ li8e in the Shambha%i "$dra= )here a)areness is set u&on the hea+: a slight tension of his *hin seeme+ to re$eal he )as &ra*ti*ing Ke.hari "$dra. Euring those +a s his figure= )ith that #lissful smile= )as a ra+iant sun in m heart: he )as a s m#ol of the &erfe*tion for )hi*h I earne+. Chile tr ing to e<&lore the meaning of #a%i Kriya I +is*o$ere+ the im&ortan*e of stu+ ing Taoist Internal Al*hem . ; first referen*e #oo8 )as ;aoist Yoga= Al.hemy and )mmortality # Charles ?u8 S ?u Kuan. ; attention )as *onsi+era#l stirre+ u&: I &hoto*o&ie+ man &ages= *ut out the most im&ortant &ie*es= &ut them in or+er an+ glue+ them onto four sheets of &a&er= highlighting the four &hases of Taoist Internal Al*hem . The similarit to Kriya Yoga )as im&ressi$e. Chen I ha+ enough *onfi+en*e to relate m +is*o$er to m thir+ tea*her he )as anno e+= *laiming that #a%i Kriya )as &ure Yoga an+ )as also .uote+ # PatanIali. PatanIali AS$tra IIIM22B sim&l states7 >nT#hi*a8re 8T a$ UhaIVTnamW> )hi*h is translate+7 ># *on*entration on the na$el= the see8er o#tains 8no)le+ge a#out the +ifferent organs of the #o+ an+ their lo*ation>. In m o)n small )a = I sa) that this S$tra ha+ nothing to +o )ith #a%i Kriya9s aim )hi*h is to a)a8en the Samana *urrent= *reating #alan*e #et)een Prana an+ Apana *urrents.

-4

)n.remental -o$tines It )as in that &erio+ that I #e*ame familiar )ith the *on*e&t of )n.remental -o$tine )hi*h I imme+iatel *onsi+ere+ hea$en-sent. This )as un+ou#te+l the most im&ortant instru*tion I re*ei$e+ from this thir+ an+ last tea*her. An un$ar ing s*he+ule )hi*h *onsists of a +ail &ra*ti*e of the same set of te*hni.ues= *hanging neither their or+er of &ra*ti*e nor the num#er of their re&etitions= is t &i*al of a 4riyaban )ho &ra*ti*es for man ears. In *ontrast to this s*heme= an )n.remental -o$tine *onsists of using onl one te*hni.ue= )hose num#er of re&etitions is gra+uall in*rease+. This in*rease ha&&ens on*e a )ee8 for a *ertain num#er of )ee8s Ausuall "-B after a minimal use of the #asi* te*hni.ues li8e "aha "$dra an+ Kriya Pranayama. AThe a**urate +etails of ho) +ifferent in*remental routines are stru*ture+ are to #e foun+ in the thir+ &art of the #oo8 @ Cha&ter 2.B This s*heme of &ra*ti*e is $er re)ar+ing #e*ause it lea+s to master of the te*hni.ue )hose num#er of re&etitions is in*rease+. This &ro*e+ure *an #e a&&lie+ to ea*h Kriya te*hni.ue #ut es&e*iall to the Higher Kriyas. It also has a &ositi$e effe*t on one9s &ersonalit = releasing it from man inner o#sta*les as )ell as res*uing a 4riyaban from #ore+om an+ loss of enthusiasm. Dnfortunatel man >me+itation *ounselors> ha$e ne$er #een e<&ose+ to this. 0o) man times= in fa*t= )hen )e *om&laine+ a#out a &erio+ of a#solute ari+it = +i+ the *ome u& )ith the ne*essit of lo alt K 0o) man times )ere )e tol+ outlan+ish stories a#out that lo al 4riyaban )ho ha+ his first intense s&iritual e<&erien*e onl on his +eath #e+K >A lo al +is*i&le +oesn9t lament )or8ing for ears or for an entire life )ithout getting an resultK> is the re&roa*h. There is no +ou#t that one shoul+ *ontinue to &ra*ti*e through seemingl un&ro+u*ti$e &hases. Instin*ti$el man su**ee+ in re8in+ling their enthusiasm= #ut onl &artl an+ for a short time= # rea+ing s&iritual #oo8s= listening to ta&e+ s&iritual tal8s= et*. Pra*ti*al e<&erien*e tea*hes that one rea*hes a stan+still )here further &rogress a&&ears im&ossi#le. The i+ea of &ra*ti*ing a routine +ail for one9s entire life #e*ause of a &romise ma+e at the moment of initiation #e*omes a nightmare. This is the +anger &oint )here interest an+ &assion for Kriya is $er *lose to )aning *om&letel . (e) 8no) ho) to get out of this une<&e*te+ situation. )n.remental ro$tines are the +efiniti$e ans)er. Through this s*heme of &ra*ti*e= the essential *ore of ea*h te*hni.ue= +e&ri$e+ of an em#ellishment= a&&ears as something fi<e+= +efinite= ine$ita#le @ something that *oul+ not #ut #e that )a . If a *ertain $ariation of a Kriya te*hni.ue is re+un+ant or ineffe*ti$e= it )ill fall a)a # itself. Chat remains is the sim&lest logi*al translation of ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s )or+s into &ra*ti*e.

-1

An 6na%oidable Brea4 In or+er to e<&lain the +efiniti$e *ra*8 in our relationshi&= it is ne*essar to refer again to the haste an+ shallo)ness )ith )hi*h m thir+ ;aster e<&laine+ the Kriya te*hni.ues. The intro+u*tor le*ture to Kriya A)hi*h )as usuall hel+ the e$ening #efore initiationB an+ a #ig &art of the seminar of initiation )as +e$ote+ to &ure &hiloso&hi*al tal8 )hi*h +i+n9t tou*h the #asis of Kriya Yoga #ut )as a summing u& of Krishnamurti9s strong &oints= mainl the theme of no-min+= )hi*h he im&ro&erl *alle+ S7adhyaya. There )as no &art of it that *oul+ #e *riti*i!e+= all he sai+ )as *orre*t= #ut man stu+ents= #eing un*omforta#le sitting on the floor= )ith a*hing #a*8 an+ 8nees= )aite+ onl for the e<&lanation of the te*hni.ues= en+uring this long tal8 as a giant #ummer. The tra+itional offerings Ahe also re.uire+ a *o*onut= )hi*h )as $er +iffi*ult to fin+= for*ing the stu+ents to +es&eratel loo8 in store after storeB la in +isarra #efore a s*ruff altar& Sin*e he usuall arri$e+ $er late= those )ho *ame from other *ities &i*ture+ all their &lans for the return Iourne falling through an+ )ere $er an<ious. Ees&ite it #eing late= &eo&le #eing tire+= an+ some alrea+ lea$ing to *at*h their train= he lo$e+ to linger on PatanIali9s Yama an+ #iyama! ta8ing all the ne*essar time to as8 the au+ien*e to ta8e a solemn $o) that= from no) on= the male stu+ents )oul+ loo8 at )omen Ae<*e&t their )ifeB as mothers an+= *orres&on+ingl = )omen )oul+ loo8 at men Ae<*e&t their hus#an+B as fathers. The &u#li* listene+ to his $ain )or+s )ith a sigh of ill-*on*eale+ nuisan*e. E$er one ga$e an assent )ith a no+= Iust to sto& his ra$ings. 14 Onl then +i+ he s)it*h to a hurrie+ e<&lanation of the #asi* te*hni.ues. One +a I +e*i+e+ to time him: the e<&lanation of the fun+amental te*hni.ue of Pranayama )as offere+ in no more than t)o minutesK 0e +emonstrate+ Kriya Pranayama # means of an e<*essi$el lou+ $i#rator soun+. 0e 8ne) this soun+ )as not *orre*t= #ut he *ontinue+ using it so that the last ro)s of stu+ents *oul+ hear it= s&aring himself the anno an*e of getting u& an+ )al8ing among them as Kriya tea*hers usuall +o. In an *ase= he +i+ not #other to sa the soun+ ha+ to #e smooth rather than $i#rating. I 8no) that man of the stu+ents #elie$e+ this )as the >se*ret> he ha+ #rought from In+ia an+ trie+ to re&ro+u*e the same noise. 0e *arrie+ on that )a for ears= in s&ite of his *lose *olla#orators9 &olite
14

I res&e*t of *ourse Yama@#iyama Athe )hat-is-*orre*t an+ the )hat-is-not-*orre*tB #ut= in m o&inion= re.uiring &eo&le )ho are an<ious for learning Kriya Yoga te*hni.ues to ta8e an oath to o#e them is onl a far*e an+ a )aste of time. ; tea*her9s re.uest in &arti*ular )as im&ossi#le= an oath that no one )oul+ e$er res&e*t. Ch not &ut *onfi+en*e in the transforming &o)er of KriyaF Ch thin8 that )ithout oaths= a 4riyaban9s life )oul+ #e li*entiousF The ne*essit of a+o&ting s&e*ifi* )a s of #eha$ior is something that a&&ears s&ontaneousl after ha$ing taste+ the hone of the s&iritual e<&erien*e. Perha&s in the #eginning the #est thing is not to *r shame #e*ause of a &ro#lemati* stu+ent9s #eha$ior. To &ut it sim&l = it has #een seen that &eo&le li$ing a morall .uestiona#le life )ho )ere su**essful in Kriya s&ontaneousl *ame to the so-*alle+ $irtuous life= )hile a lot of *onformists faile+.

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*om&laints. 3 this time I a**e&te+ e$er thing an+ I )oul+ ne$er ha$e +reame+ of *om&laining. Ne$ertheless one +a I ha+ a $isit from the *ou&le )ho organi!e+ the master9s tours in Jerman . I ha+ #e*ome a*.uainte+ )ith those 8in+ frien+s +uring the seminars of m first tea*her AS.0.B Chile tal8ing together= the em&hasi!e+ the ne*essit of ma8ing a &arti*ular &ro&osal to our tea*her7 to organi!e= at the en+ of his Kriya initiation seminars= a gui+e+ grou& &ra*ti*e )hi*h ser$e+ as a re$ie) #oth for the ne) initiates an+ for those )ho )ere alrea+ &ra*ti*ing. I o**u&ie+ m self )ith ha$ing this &ro&osal rea*h the tea*her through a frien+ )ho )ent to In+ia. I ga$e him a letter to +eli$er to the tea*her )ith m regar+s an+ a )arm em#ra*e. I forgot the )hole matter. ;aster9s rea*tion )as ine<&li*a#le. 0e inter&rete+ m letter as an o#li.ue *riti*ism. As a res&onse= he *rosse+ me off his list of those )ho organi!e+ his Euro&ean tours. 0is +e*ision )as transmitte+ to the Italian *oor+inator= )ho +i+ not e$en inform me. Some months )ent # . ; e<&erien*e )ith that tea*her &ro#a#l )oul+ ha$e en+e+ that )a = ha+ I not gone to )el*ome him #a*8 to Euro&e. Ce e<*hange+ hugs as if nothing ha+ ha&&ene+. 0e a&&arentl inter&rete+ m &resen*e as a mo$e of re&entan*e. Some hours later )hen he )as resting= his *olla#orator= )ith a slight in+e*i&hera#le hint of em#arrassment= e<&laine+ to me )hat ha+ ha&&ene+ #ehin+ the s*enes. I )as a&&alle+ an+ +isoriente+. ; first im&ulse )as to a#an+on e$er thing an+ se$er an *onne*tion )ith him= #ut in or+er not to +istur# the &ea*e of all the &ersons )ho )ere m frien+s an+ )ho ha+ follo)e+ me in this a+$enture= I +e*i+e+ to &reten+ nothing ha+ ha&&ene+= 8ee& on *olla#orating )ith him an+ +ro& the theme of m letter. If I ha+ gone I )oul+ ha$e +istur#e+ ne<t +a 9s initiation into the Higher Kriyas. That )as a #eautiful moment in )hi*h ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s Kriya re$eale+ Ato those )ho ha+ the sensi#ilit to &er*ei$e itB all its hi++en #eaut . ; role )as to ser$e as translator. I 8ne) )ell ho) to &erform su*h a fun*tion= re&orting e$er last +etail= )hile the man )ho )oul+ ha$e re&la*e+ me )as fille+ )ith ol+ 8no)le+ge an+ out of ha#it )oul+ ha$e negle*te+ to translate 14X of the tal8. Euring that initiation= ;aster +emonstrate+ ;ho4ar in a )a $isi#l +ifferent from the &re$ious ear. Chen one of the listeners as8e+ him a#out the reason for the *hanges= he re&lie+ he ha+ not *hange+ an thing an+ argue+ that in the &ast seminars a &ro#lem of translation might ha$e o**urre+. 0is lie )as o#$ious. The .uestioning 4riyaban remem#ere+ )ell the hea+ mo$ements he ha+ &re$iousl #een sho)n. Confronte+ )ith other minor *hanges from one ear to the ne<t= I ha+ the im&ression I )as *oo&erating )ith an ar*haeologist )ho )as +eli#eratel altering *ertain fin+ings to Iustif them to the &u#li* )ithin the theoreti*al frame)or8 to )hi*h he )as a**ustome+. ;onths later +uring another tour= )hen )e )ere alone an+ he )as sear*hing for something in a room= I foun+ the *ourage to +ro& a hint a#out a te*hni*al issue )hi*h ha+ set one Kriya s*hool against another. 0e su++enl turne+ to)ar+ me )ith hate in his e es= shouting that m &ra*ti*e )as not his #usiness. This= a**or+ing to )hat I9m a#le to remem#er= )as the sole te*hni*al
-"

>+is*ourse> I ha+ )ith him in the entire *ourse of m si< ears )ith him. (rom that moment on)ar+ all )as *hange+. I +eli#eratel #egan to *ontrol m self an+ ma+e the resolution to al)a s agree )ith him. I a*te+ so )ell that one +a he as8e+ me to tea*h Kriya to those )ho )ere intereste+ an+ )ho *oul+n9t meet him on his tours. I reIoi*e+ at the o&&ortunit #e*ause I +reame+ I *oul+ finall e<&lain Kriya in a *om&lete an+ *om&rehensi$e )a . I )ante+ none of m stu+ents to e$er feel the &ain of seeing a legitimate .uestion go un*onsi+ere+. A ear &asse+ # = an+ I sense+ I )as +oing $irtuall useless )or8. I ga$e Kriya initiation follo)ing a man+ator fi<e+ &roto*ol. After intro+u*ing the theme of no-min+= I s)it*he+ to the e<&lanation of the #asi* te*hni.ues. I too8 lea$e of those stu+ents= *ounseling a minimal routine #ut )ell 8no)ing that most )oul+ &ra*ti*e at ma<imum for ten +a s= an+ then lea$e e$er thing an+ &ursue other esoteri* interests. Dsuall one or t)o among the most tena*ious stu+ents ma+e u& .uestions an+ *alle+ me Iust to *arr on the &retense of *ontinuing= from a +istan*e= a relationshi& )ith a real &erson. Chen ;aster *ame to our *ountr I in$ite+ all the ne) initiates to the seminar )here m tea*her )oul+ #e &resent. Dnfortunatel = man +i+n9t >sur$i$e> su*h a meeting. A**ustome+ # me to #e a#le to &ut forth an .uestions an+ to al)a s re*ei$e some &re*ise ans)er= the trie+ to +o the same )ith the tea*her. ;an entere+ a +ee& *risis after o#ser$ing his almost total la*8 of human un+erstan+ing )hile simultaneousl #eing 8i*8e+ aroun+ # him. Too man things )ere not going in the right +ire*tion. I felt that this man= )hose e$er small )him I trie+ to satisf as if *arr ing out a sa*re+ +ee+= +i+ not lo$e Kriya. Instea+= he use+ it onl to *reate a more #eautiful life for himself in the Cest *om&are+ to the )ret*he+ one in In+ia he ha+ often +es*ri#e+ to me. Another ear )ent # . On a re.uest from frien+s a#roa+= I )ent on #ehalf of m tea*her to tea*h Kriya Yoga to their grou&. There I met a $er serious stu+ent )ho )as alrea+ familiar )ith m tea*her9s #eha$ior an+ )as ta8ing &art in the initiation seminar onl as a refresher. 0e as8e+ me a lot of &ertinent .uestions an+ I ga$e him a**urate ans)ers. At that &oint he as8e+7 >(rom )hom ha$e ou learne+ all these +etailsF> 0e )ell 8ne) that m tea*her )as a total +isaster from a +i+a*ti* &oint of $ie). 0e &er*ei$e+ that I ha+ learne+ man +etails from other sour*es. 0o) *oul+ I gi$e Kriya initiation using 8no)le+ge that +i+ not originate from m tea*herF 0e un+erstoo+ m &re+i*ament an+ )as sur&rise+ that sin*e I )as authori!e+ to tea*h Kriya= I ha+ ne$er ha+ the *han*e to tal8 freel )ith m tea*her a#out Kriya +etailsK It )as logi*al an+ fitting for me to settle the matter as soon as &ossi#le. Kno)ing the iras*i#le +is&osition of m tea*her= I hesitate+ a long time #ut there )as no )a out. Through a frien+= I sent him a fa< mentioning the matter at han+ an+ &ra e+ him to a+Iust his s*he+ule so )e *oul+ +is*uss it after his arri$al +uring his ne<t tour. 0e )as in Australia= #ut )ithin one )ee8 at the latest I )oul+ ha$e re*ei$e+ an ans)er. ; su#*ons*ious )as rea+ for a +isaster= anti*i&ating an e$ent I intuiti$el 8ne) )oul+ *ome. The most &ro#a#le situation )as that he )oul+ #e*ome $er angr an+ fl into a rage. If the )hole situation sli&&e+ out of m han+s an+= as a result of our #rea8= he sto&&e+
-'

*oming to our grou&= those )ho lo$e+ him )oul+ suffer. (e) &eo&le= in fa*t= )oul+ #e a#le to *om&rehen+ the reason for m a*tion. I )oul+ #e the one )ho ha+ +istur#e+ a *omforta#le though im&erfe*t situation. ; frien+s li8e+ him: his annual $isit )as a &o)erful stimulus to their effort an+ moti$ate+ them to &ra*ti*e Kriya intensel . A harsh re&l *ame a fe) +a s later. In a +is+ainful )a = he +i+ not a++ress it +ire*tl to me #ut &reten+e+ to ans)er the 9&ersona9 that ha+ materiall sent m letter $ia fa<. 0e )rote that m e<*essi$e atta*hment to the te*hni.ues )oul+ ne$er let me out of the fen*es of m min+ @ I )as li8e St. Thomas= too +esirous to tou*h )ith m han+ an+ $erif the goo+ness of his tea*hings. 0e a++e+ that if he satisfie+ m re.uest= it )oul+ onl #e to gratif m ego. Rea+ing the term >gratifi*ation=> I 8ne) he ha+ un+erstoo+ nothing. Ce shoul+ ha$e tal8e+ to ea*h other long #efore it *ame to thisK I )on+ere+ )h he ha+ ne$er allo)e+ me to e<&ress m *on*erns. I +i+n9t )ant to *ontest him= I +i+n9t )ant to +estro him: the ne*essit that #rought me to )rite him )as to esta#lish on*e an+ for all )hat I )as su&&ose+ to *ommuni*ate an+ )hat not to *ommuni*ate to the 4riyabans +uring initiation. Ch ha+ he al)a s e$a+e+ meF I +e*i+e+ to #eha$e *an+i+l = as if I ha+ not &er*ei$e+ his tone. I )ante+ to see )hat he )as *a&a#le of. I neither a&ologi!e+ nor ans)ere+ in a resentful tone. I )rote that I taught Kriya on his #ehalf an+ therefore a mutual +is*ussion a#out *ertain Kriya +etails )as ne*essar . I a++e+ that at su*h an e$ent the other three &eo&le in Euro&e authori!e+ # him to im&art Kriya initiation *oul+ also #e &resent. I thus ma+e him un+erstan+ that he )oul+ not ha$e )aste+ his time an+ #reath for onl me. I ne$er re*ei$e+ an ans)er= neither then nor e$er. A fe) )ee8s later I sa) on his Internet site that the name of m to)n ha+ #een ta8en off the list for his $isit to Ital . ; se*on+ letter ha+ #rought a#out a +efiniti$e s&lit. The nightmare )as o$erK I too8 a one-+a $a*ation an+ )ent for a long )al8: I roame+ a lot= tensel = imagining a h &otheti*al +is*ussion )ith him. All of a su++en= I foun+ m self *r ing )ith Io . It )as too #eautiful @ I )as free. I ha+ #een )ith him too man ears= an+ no) all that ha+ reall en+e+K

-,

C0APTER , A HARD DECISION

The #rea8 in our relationshi& #e)il+ere+ m 4riyaban frien+s )ho )ere naturall affe*tionate to)ar+ him. In time the un+erstoo+ the +ee&-seate+ reasons for m +e*ision an+ sho)e+ their soli+arit . ?i8e a +omino effe*t= other *oor+inators in Euro&e )ho #arel tolerate+ his #a+ manners too8 a+$antage of that e&iso+e to #rea8 *onta*t )ith him. The )ere fe+ u& )ith the +ullness of his &hiloso&hi*al +is*ourses follo)e+ # s*ant te*hni*al e<&lanations )hi*h +i+n9t .uen*h their +esire for a goo+ un+erstan+ing of Kriya. Chen it *ame to tea*hing sim&le an+ #anal things that e$en 8in+ergarten *hil+ren *oul+ un+erstan+= he flaunte+ a great &rofusion of )or+s= an+ *on*e&ts )ere re&eate+ a+ nauseam. Chen an one in &u#li* &olitel #ut +etermine+l as8e+ for a &re*ise e<&lanation of some +iffi*ult &ra*ti*al +etail= he *ame out of his h &noti* state an+= $isi#l $e<e+= trie+ to humiliate an+ silen*e the unfortunate listener. The follo)ing months )ere li$e+ in a &ea*eful an+ rela<e+ moo+= nothing to *om&are )ith the restlessness of m &re$iousl +es*ri#e+ ears. 0a$ing +ismisse+ that mean in+i$i+ual from m life= an ener$ating situation en+e+. I no longer ha+ to go here an+ there to organi!e Kriya seminars for him: I ha+ #een relie$e+ of the *onstraint of )earing a mas8 of h &o*ris )hile res&on+ing to those )ho *alle+ me to get information a#out him. The .uestion that I )oul+ as8 m self in the ears to *ome )as )h I ha+ follo)e+ him for so long. Surel I ha+ not sa*rifi*e+ m +ignit for the sa8e of re*ei$ing Kriya informationK A*tuall = all of his te*hni.ues ha+ #een re$eale+ to me # a frien+ )ho )as +is*i&le of one of his father9s +is*i&les. The reason for m #eha$ior )as *on*ern for the +iffusion of Kriya here in Euro&e. I a&&re*iate+ the fa*t that he tra$ele+ e<tensi$el throughout DSA an+ Euro&e to s&rea+ his Kriya )ithout *harging a &enn for his Initiations Asa$e for a free +onation an+ a fair share of the e<&ense for renting the seminar roomB. I *o$ere+ all the ne*essar e<&enses to &ermanentl fit out a room in m house )here Kriya Initiations seminars *oul+ #e hel+ +uring m tea*her9s $isits. ; )illingness to *oo&erate )ith him )as al)a s *onstant in or+er that he *oul+ *arr out his tas8. Chen I sa) that he *ontinue+ to tea*h in his rushe+= su&erfi*ial manner= ta8ing a+$antage of us as if )e )ere *om&lete i+iots= m su#*ons*ious #egan to re#el. I $i$i+l remem#er a +ream in )hi*h I )as s)imming in manure. I must a+mit that #ehin+ m mas8 of fa8e +elight hi+ a +r agon . There ha+ #een moments in )hi*h= thin8ing of m mee8 #eginning in the &ra*ti*e of Yoga= m heart felt an in+efinite nostalgia for the &ea*e of that initial &erio+= a &ea*e )hi*h )as )aiting for nothing more than *onsisten* an+ honest on m &art to rise again an+ #lossom unim&e+e+. On more than one o**asion I ha+ the im&ulse to a#an+on e$er thing an+ se$er an *onne*tion )ith him= #ut I +i+n9t )ant to +istur# the &ea*e of all the &eo&le )ho )ere m frien+s an+ )ho ha+ follo)e+ me in this a+$enture. Onl )hen I re*ei$e+ his ru+e an+ im&ro&er ans)er to m legitimate re.uest for *larifi*ation an+ reali!e+ that m internal truth )as at sta8e= I sai+ to m self @ No) or ne$erK
--

After the #rea8 )ith this tea*her there )ere reasons to *ele#rate #ut the sense of all the time )aste+= of all the sill things )hi*h ha+ #een *arrie+ out thoughtlessl = )as )eighing me +o)n. I ha+ not e$en a faint i+ea of the +estin of the re*entl forme+ Kriya grou&s= u& until then regularl $isite+ # that Kriya tea*her. Some months later the )heel of goo+ fortune seeme+ to #e turning again: there )as the &ossi#ilit of in$iting a ne) Kriya A.harya to Euro&e. Sin*e he )as )ell .ualifie+ in his role= I )as on the $erge of *oo&erating in this &roIe*t an+ #earing &art of its *ost. A +ear frien+ )ent to In+ia to meet him for a &ri$ate inter$ie). ;he strength o' a dream It )as )inter. One +a I )ent s8iing in the near# mountains )ith a *ou&le of frien+s. All )ent magnifi*entl . Euring a #rea8 in the afternoon= I manage+ to fin+ time alone. I foun+ m self loo8ing at the mountains that mar8e+ the #oun+aries of the +istant hori!on in all +ire*tions. In less than half an hour the sun )oul+ &aint them &in8 @ )ith an intense hue on their eastern si+e an+ tinge+ )ith #lue on the )estern si+e. I imagine+ In+ia to #e right #ehin+ them= the 0imala as #eing their *ontinuation. ; thought )ent to all the Kriya enthusiasts )ho foun+= as I +i+= insurmounta#le o#sta*les to the un+erstan+ing of that #elo$e+ +is*i&line. All those o#sta*les seeme+ to me an a#sur+it that )ore the *lothes of a nightmare @ I felt an infinite re#ellion. I $isuali!e+ a #oo8 on Kriya e<&laining e$er te*hni.ue in great +etail. 0o) often ha+ I )on+ere+ )hat )oul+ ha$e ha&&ene+ if ?ahiri ;ahasa a or one of his +is*i&les ha+ )ritten itK ; imagination le+ me to fantasi!e a#out its *o$er= to s8im its fe) &ages @ so#er= et ri*h in *ontent. If this #oo8 e<iste+= )e )oul+ ha$e a relia#le manual of Kriya that restraine+ the man small or large $ariations ma+e u& # $arious tea*hers. Perha&s some annotator )oul+ tr to for*e its meaning into his o)n theories. Na = I )as &ositi$e that some &seu+og$r$ )oul+ sa that the te*hni.ues +es*ri#e+ in it )ere for #eginners onl = )hile there )ere mu*h more *om&li*ate+ te*hni.ues that *oul+ onl #e &asse+ on # an authori!e+ tea*her to *hosen +is*i&les. Some )oul+ s)allo) the #ait= *onta*t the author= an+ &a goo+ mone to #e intro+u*e+ to ru##ish that he ha+ assem#le+ either through fan* or #orro)e+ from some esoteri* #oo8... This ha&&ens: itGs &art of our human nature. 0o)e$er= sin*ere resear*hers )oul+ surel #e a#le to re*ogni!e the strength an+ self-suffi*ient intrinsi* e$i+en*e of the original te<t. It is a shame that no one ha+ )ritten that #oo8K (or the first time I +are+ to let m thoughts stra to)ar+ )hat *oul+ ha&&en if I )rote it. It )oul+ #e har+= et &ossi#le= to summari!e the totalit of m 8no)le+ge of Kriya into a #oo8 @ )el+ing together te*hni.ues an+ theories through a *lean= rational $ision. The intention )as +efinitel not to *ele#rate m self or la the foun+ations for et another ne) s*hool of Kriya. If I )ere to +es*ri#e m e<&erien*es= it )oul+ onl #e for the &ur&ose of *larif ing theoreti* an+ te*hni*al e<&lanations. There
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)oul+ #e no more rhetori*al *laims of legitima* an+ ri++le-li8e senten*es to *onfuse rea+ers or ha$e them guess at te*hni*al +etails or *reate further +ou#ts in themK 0o) #eautiful it )as to +ream of a #oo8 )hi*h )oul+ &ro$e its $ali+it # re&ro+u*ing ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s thought in the sim&lest an+ most logi*al )a = in a *om&lete= harmonious set of te*hni.uesK A #oo8 +e$ote+ to Kriya= un&retentious #ut *lear= similar for *ertain as&e*ts to T. 3ernar+9s Hatha Yoga= ;he -eport o' a Personal <xperien.e )oul+ #e a real #lessing for s*holars an+ resear*hers. 11 Su*h a #oo8 as I imagine+ )oul+ not #e a threat to an honest Kriya A.harya3s a*ti$it & Joo+ tea*hers )ill al)a s #e nee+e+ in an fiel+ )here a s8ill is to #e transmitte+. 3ut ho) *oul+ one highlight this to them= )ithout #eing at o++s )ith the +ee&l -roote+ *on+itioning of their >*ere#ral *hemistr >F Of *ourse= some tea*hers of Kriya @ those )ho li$e from +onations for rituals of initiation an+ )ho e<ert &o)er o$er &eo&le than8s to the &le+ge of se*re* @ )oul+ *onsi+er m #oo8 a real threat. ;a #e )hat )as $irtuall eternal for them Ali$ing li8e a lor+= surroun+e+ # &eo&le )ho ha$e to meet all their nee+s )ith the ho&e of getting the *rum#s of their >se*rets>B might *hange= an+ the )oul+ #e fearful of that. The )oul+ tr to +estro its *re+i#ilit # means of &itiless *ensorshi&. I anti*i&ate+ their s*ornful *omments= uttere+ )hile s8imming its &ages= >It *ontains onl stories that ha$e nothing to +o )ith 3a#aIi9s an+ ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s tea*hings. It s&rea+s a false tea*hingK> Other &eo&le might not li8e the #oo8= either #e*ause the are ta8en a#a*8 # the #arrenness of +es*ri&tions of te*hni.ues +e&ri$e+ of frills= )hi*h +oesn9t mat*h their e<&e*tations= or #e*ause their refine+ sensi#ilit +oes not manage to *at*h the 99$i#ration99 )hi*h *hara*teri!es the authenti*it of the author9s e<&erien*e. Onl those )ho lo$e Kriya more than their )hims )oul+ feel an enormous relief in fin+ing it in an esoteri* li#rar . I )as alrea+ sensing their ha&&iness. Than8s to them= the #oo8 )oul+ *ontinue to *ir*ulate= an+ )ho 8no)s ho) man times it )oul+ e*ho #a*8 to the tea*her )ho ha+ +e*ree+ its unforgi$a#le fla)s. At times he )oul+ ha$e to &reten+ not to noti*e that a stu+ent )as #ro)sing through its &ages +uring his seminars= thus missing a &art of the *onferen*eP 3 staring into the #lue of the s8 a#o$e the gil+e+ mountain #rims= I sa) that #i!arre situation as &oignantl real. Ea*h &art of m +ream ha+ +e$elo&e+ in the s&a*e of a fe) se*on+s= an+ in$a+e+ m *ons*iousness as a s)ollen torrent= as if e$er &art of it ha+ alrea+ #een rehearse+ an+ *herishe+ innumera#le times. 3ut ho) *oul+ I fin+ the *ourage to $iolate the $o) of se*re* = *oarsel *hallenging the sa*re+ness of the G$r$@+is*i&le relationshi& as the onl )a to #e instru*te+ in KriyaF (or sure= an innumera#le amount of times I ha+ thought7 >Su*h a rule is the *ause of +isastrous effe*ts= of e<*ru*iating *onfli*ts an+
11

This e<traor+inar han+#oo8= #etter than all the others= *larifies the tea*hings *ontaine+ in the three fun+amental te<ts of Tantrism7 Hatha Yoga Pradipi4a! Gheranda Samhita and Shi%a Samhita. Ees&ite ha$ing #een &u#lishe+ man ears ago an+ se$eral te<ts of Hatha Yoga a&&earing re*entl = that #oo8 is still one of the #est. Ol+= 9+ust 9 te*hni.ues on*e again #e*ame rele$ant= feasi#le= *om&rehen+i#le in front of the e es of our intuition.

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sufferings: the sa it is sa*re+= #ut it *annot #e @ it is a human &ro+u*t= the out*ome of +eli#erate &ett *al*ulations.> I ha+ no +ou#ts that se*re* regar+ing Kriya &ro*e+ures )as #lin+ +ogma= insensiti$e to the suffering of man resear*hers. I re*alle+ )hat ha&&ene+ man = man times )hen some frien+s of mine )ho +i+n9t un+erstan+ English as8e+ to re*ei$e initiation into the Higher Kriyas Asu*h instru*tion )as gi$en onl in )ritten form to those )ho ha+ *om&lete+ the stu+ of the *om&lete set of lessons )hi*h e<iste+ onl in English= Jerman an+ S&anishB: the ans)er )as al)a s an infle<i#le no. I ha+ al)a s &er*ei$e+ this as a *ruel form of +is*rimination. I remem#ere+ a *ou&le of *ases in )hi*h the rigi+ inIun*tion ha+ #een #ro8en # *ommon sense. Peo&le )ho )ere other)ise faithful to the organi!ation ha+= un+er e<*e&tional *on+itions= #ro8en that rule. (or e<am&le= one 4riyaban e<&laine+ the + nami*s of Kriya Pranayama to his mother )ho )as an in$ali+ #ut )illing an+ a#le to &ra*ti*e it. In another *ase that ma+e me uneas = a Catholi* &riest sin*erel +esire+ to learn Kriya #ut *oul+ not re*ei$e it from the right *hannels #e*ause of an issue of *ons*ien*e regar+ing the a*t of signing the a&&li*ation form of the lessons: he foun+ a 4riyaban )ho e<&laine+ the te*hni.ue to him an+ share+ )ith him his lessons Aan a*tion he )as stri*tl for#i++en to +oB. 0o)e$er= it )as *lear that )riting a #oo8 )as another thing entirel . This $er i+ea *reate+ a &ainful gri& in m #reast along )ith a general sense of uneasiness an+ unrealit . I un+erstoo+ that in or+er to #e at &ea*e )ith m self= I ha+ to first anal !e in +e&th the *on*e&t of G$r$. Certainl the G$r$ *annot #e *onsi+ere+ i+enti*al to Jo+. ?ahiri ;ahasa a refuse+ to #e )orshi&e+ as a Jo+. This is a &oint that some of his follo)ers seem to ha$e forgotten. A*tuall he sai+7 >I am not the G$r$= I +on9t maintain a #arrier #et)een the true G$r$ Athe Ei$ineB an+ the +is*i&le>. 0e a++e+ he )ante+ to #e *onsi+ere+ as >a mirror.> In other )or+s= ea*h 4riyaban shoul+ see him not as an unrea*ha#le i+eal #ut as the &ersonifi*ation of all the )is+om an+ s&iritual reali!ation )hi*h= in +ue time= the Kriya &ra*ti*e )ill &ro+u*e. Chen 4riyabans reali!e that their G$r$ is the &ersonifi*ation of )hat resi+es &otentiall insi+e themsel$es= of )hat one +a the )ill #e*ome= then that mirror must #e >thro)n a)a .> 12 Some ears &re$ious I )as &er&le<e+ )hen re&resentati$es of P.Y.9s organi!ation suggeste+ that G$r$ an+ Jo+ )ere one an+ the same realit . A *hief of the most im&ortant Italian #ran*h of m s*hool ha+ on*e instru*te+ me7 >0a$e ou not reali!e+ that P.Y. is the Ei$ine ;other 0erselfF> Onl no) I )as a#le to see ho) e<traneous this tea*hing )as to m un+erstan+ing. (rom the i+ea that G$r$ an+ Jo+ are the same realit *omes the i+ea that the organi!ation is the materiali!ation of Jo+9s )ill. No) if there )ere no
12

Chether one li8es it or not= that is e<a*tl )hat 0e )rote7 thro7n a7ay. Peo&le )ho ha$e #een raise+ )ith the usual +ogmas a#out the G$r$-+is*i&le relationshi& are &re$ente+ from full un+erstan+ing the im&a*t of these )or+s= other)ise the )oul+ fa*e a strong *onfli*t )ithin themsel$es. To fa*e the truth= it ta8es *ourage an+ an intelligent= +is*riminating a&&roa*h to a#an+on one9s o)n illusions= es&e*iall those that are ni*e an+ gratif ing. 3esi+es *ourage= it ta8es also a goo+ #rain *a&a#le of o$er*oming the ten+en* to #e easil s)a e+.

-2

re.uest for se*re* = the G$r$@Jo+ )oul+ #elong to e$er one= )oul+ ine$ita#l #e*ome more >human>= an+ therefore A Kriya organi!ation )oul+ #e*ome Iust an institution +e$ote+ to &u#lishing the )or8s of its foun+er. Onl through the +ogma of se*re* *oul+ the ho&e to *laim that a 4riyaban *annot a&&roa*h Jo+ e<*e&t through their G$r$ an+ their organi!ation. The m th of se*re* allo)s the m th of the irre&la*ea#le role of the organi!ation to #e 8e&t ali$e. Other Iustifi*ations for this m th a&&ear fragile. The *laim that se*re* hel&s >to maintain the &urit of the tea*hings.> No) that I 8ne) that some minor #ut im&ortant alterations in the &ra*ti*e of Kriya )ere su&&orte+ # these organi!ations= it )oul+ #e #etter to affirm= >to maintain the &urit of the mo+ifi*ationsK> I might #e )rong= #ut I feel that the uni.ue #enefit of se*re* to an in+i$i+ual is to ha$e one9s &leasure of &ossessing something e<*lusi$e rea*h a fe$er &it*h. 1" I am a)are that one ma trul feel that the s&iritual $i#rations re*ei$e+ through formal Initiation #ring his &ra*ti*e to a >higher o*ta$e.> I )on9t +are to *ontra+i*t him. 3ut if one +a he +ismisses the &ra*ti*e= reIe*ting all the Kriya as an o#session he has o$er*ome= no one )ill +e&ri$e me of the &leasure of as8ing )here all those s&iritual $i#rations ha$e gone an+ ... )hat >o*ta$e> is he no) attune+ toF Again m thoughts ha+ turne+ to a minor &oint. The )eir+ thing )as that the )or+ G$r$ )as attri#ute+ to a &erson )hom the +is*i&les ha+ not 8no)n +ire*tl . Stu+ents )ere re.uire+ to s)ear their e$erlasting +e$otion not onl to one &erson #ut also to a *hain of ;asters Ano one +ire*tl a**essi#le to 4riyabansB e$en if onl one of them ha+ to #e regar+e+ as the G$r$-&re*e&tor. 99It is the G$r$&re*e&tor that intro+u*es ou to Jo+. There is no other )a to a*hie$e Selfreali!ation.99 On*e the stu+ents )ere initiate+ into a s&iritual +is*i&line # the >legitimate *hannels> Aauthori!e+ +is*i&lesB= the +e&arte+ G$r$ )as sai+ to #e real an+ &resent in their life. The )ere taught that their G$r$ )oul+ someho) #urn a &art of their Karma an+ &rote*t them e$ermore: he )as a s&e*ial ai+ *hosen # Jo+ 0imself e$en #efore the #egan to see8 the s&iritual &ath. ?oo8ing for a +ifferent s&iritual tea*hing amounte+ to >a hateful reIe*tion of the Ei$ineGs han+= stret*he+ out to offer #ene+i*tion.> ; thoughts #egan to re$ol$e again aroun+ the +iffusion of Kriya. It )as $er +iffi*ult to &ut all the *ru*ial &oints into a logi*al or+er. I trie+ to thin8 se.uentiall #ut either mental an+ &h si*al fatigue )as im&airing m reasoning a#ilit or *on+itioning *ar$e+ into m #rain a*te+ as an entit )hi*h ha+ a life of its o)n. Ea*h time I trie+ to organi!e m $ision into a )ell-integrate+ an+ *oherent )hole= for one reason or another it a&&eare+ to me as a monstrosit . One e$ening= )hile I &ra*ti*e+ Kriya Pranayama )ith m a)areness totall *entere+ in Sahasrara an+ the tongue in Ke.hari "$dra= I ha+ the inner $ision of
1"

It is strange to remar8 that onl in the )orl+ of initiati. magi. is a metho+ +e&ri$e+ of its $alue if it is learne+ in non-*on$entional )a s. The threat of &ossi#le *alamities that )oul+ ha&&en to )hoe$er infringes the +ogma of se*re* *lashes )ith e$er thing )e rea+ in the #iogra&hies of the saints: it instea+ &erfe*tl suits those of the esoteri*-magi* +imension of *ertain so*ieties @ rather= se*re* is essential to their &reser$ation.

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three #eautiful mountains. The *entral mountain= the highest= )as #la*8: its form remin+e+ me of the &oint of an arro) ma+e of o#si+ian. ; heart e<ulte+= I )as ma+l enamore+ of that image. I foun+ m self *r ing for Io . I remaine+ as *alm as &ossi#le as I felt a &arti*ular strength an+ &ressure )hi*h in*rease+ its tightening of the )hole region of m *hest )ith its gri& of #eatitu+e. The image )as strong= tremen+ousl $i$i+ in m inner $ision. There *oul+ #e nothing more #eautiful: it ma+e me ma+ )ith lo$e. I ha+ the im&ression of ha$ing *ast a glan*e to)ar+ the mist sour*es from )hi*h m *urrent tren+ of life originate+. It )as as if an inner threa+ lin8e+ all m &ast a*tions to that image= re*ei$ing meaning an+ signifi*an*e from it. That mountain )as the s m#ol of the uni$ersal s&iritual &ath. It s&o8e to m intuition7 >A G$r$ might #e $er im&ortant to our s&iritual +e$elo&ment= #ut our &ersonal effort )hen ou remain alone is far more im&ortant. In an G$r$-+is*i&le relationshi& there *omes a moment )hen ou remain alone an+ a)a8en to the reali!ation that our &ath is a solitar flight #et)een ou an+ our in+)elling Self. The G$r$-+is*i&le relationshi& is an illusion @ useful an+ *omforta#le @ a&&earing real until ou are not o$er*ome # )hat sur&asses our min+.> That glaring intuition fa+e+ a)a after a *ou&le of +a s. One e$ening after a long )al8= su#+ue+ # a su++en tire+ness I +ragge+ m self #a*8 home. Corn out # thoughts= the &ro#lem of the G$r$-+is*i&le relationshi& emerge+= o#s*urel = more as a )oun+ than as a theor unfol+ing its m ths. In m room I set the re*or+ &la er on >re&eat>= &la ing 3eetho$en9s se*on+ mo$ement of the <mperor Con.erto... Ei+ an one= after ha$ing haunte+ all the &ossi#le *eremonies of Initiation gi$en # the >legitimate> *hannels= an+ #eing stuffe+ )ith all the &ossi#le G$r$3s #lessings= e$er &ra*ti*e Kriya )ith the same +ignit an+ *ourage )ith )hi*h 3eetho$en *hallenge+ his fateF I turne+ +o)n the lights an+ )at*he+ the sun set #ehin+ the trees on the to& of a hill. The sha&e of a * &ress *o$ere+ a &art of that great= #loo+-re+ *ir*le. That )as the eternal #eaut K That )as the mo+el # )hi*h I )oul+ #e ins&ire+. I *lose+ m e es to ha$e a +is&assionate= unemotional assessment of the situation. A strange image *a&ture+ m attention7 that of Li$e8anan+a9s >in$estiture> # his G$r$ Rama8rishna. I rea+ that one +a to)ar+ the en+ of his life Rama8rishna entere+ Samadhi )hile his +is*i&le Li$e8anan+a )as near him. Li$e8anan+a starte+ to feel a strong *urrent #efore fainting. 0a$ing returne+ to *ons*iousness= his G$r$ *rie+ an+ )his&ere+7 >O m Naren ALi$e8anan+aB= e$er thing I ha+ I ga$e to ou= to+a . I ha$e #e*ome a &oor fa8ir= I +o not ha$e an thing: )ith these &o)ers ou )ill +o the )orl+ an immense goo+.> ?ater= Rama8rishna e<&laine+ that the &o)ers he &asse+ onto him *oul+ not #e use+ for his o)n s&iritual fulfillment @ one ha+ to get to that # himself: on the *ontrar = the )oul+ hel& him in his mission as a s&iritual tea*her. I thin8 m su#*ons*ious *ame u& )ith su*h a flash as a )arning not to iel+ to the tem&tation to thro) a)a something $ali+ an+ &re*ious. No)= if )e sa that Rama8rishna )as Li$e8anan+a9s G$r$= )e are sa ing something tr$e and $nA$estionable& It *ame to me s&ontaneousl to rerea+ the memora#le im&ressi$e +is*ourse #
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Eostoe$s8 a#out the role of el+ers in Russian monasteries in his ;he Brothers Karama5o%7
>Chat )as su*h an el+erF An el+er )as one )ho too8 our soul= our )ill= into his soul an+ his )ill. Chen ou *hoose an el+er= ou renoun*e our o)n )ill an+ iel+ it to him in *om&lete su#mission= *om&lete self-a#negation. This no$itiate= this terri#le s*hool of a#negation= is un+erta8en $oluntaril = in the ho&e of self-*on.uest= of self-master = in or+er= after a life of o#e+ien*e= to attain &erfe*t free+om= that is= from self: to es*a&e the lot of those )ho ha$e li$e+ their )hole life )ithout fin+ing their true sel$es in themsel$es.> ATranslate+ # Constan*e JarnettB

E$entuall the a)areness +a)ne+ on me that Li$e8anan+a9s stor an+ Eostoe$s8 9s e<tra*t +e&i*te+ situations )hi*h )ere intrinsi*all +ifferent from mine. The organi!ation ha+ ma+e me #elie$e I ha+ a G$r$ B )hereas in fa*t= I )as light ears a)a from ha$ing one. Chile the great e<am&les of G$r$@ +is*i&le relationshi& )ere #ase+ on a real &h si*al meeting #et)een t)o &ersons= m relationshi& )as &urel i+eal. There )as no other G$r$ # )hi*h I *oul+ mirror m self #ut the m sti* fire #urning in m heart. Shoul+ I a**e&t the i+ea of a mar8e+ se&aration of s&iritual resear*hers into t)o *lassesF On one si+e= there are those )ho ha$e a G$r$ an+ follo) him hum#l : on the other si+e= those )ithout a G$r$! )ho *an follo) onl their o)n intuition an+ reasoning. 0o) man times ha$e I hear+ the a*i+i* remar8 that those )ho ha$e no G$r$ ha$e their Ego as their G$r$K Yet= there is not su*h a shar& +i$ision= #e*ause not a single resear*her e<ists )ho is reall alone. Lisuali!e a net7 ea*h in+i$i+ual is a Iun*tion from )hi*h a lot of threa+s fan out= li8e the net)or8 of our #rain9s neurons. Chen an in+i$i+ual ta8es an a*tion @ a signifi*ant one of *ourse= li8e starting on a m sti* &ath an+ ma8ing goo+ &rogress on it @ his a*tion tou*hes the surroun+ing threa+s of the net. Serious &ra*titioners are ne$er isolate+: the )ill #e hel&e+ # others9 &ositi$e res&onse an+= $i*e-$ersa= the )ill #e slo)e+ +o)n # their in+olen*e an+ a&ath . In m o&inion those )ho follo) the s&iritual &ath *arr other &eo&le9s e$olution ahea+ )ith them. This net *onne*ting e$er one of us is the Colle.ti%e 6n.ons.io$s& 1' ; musings arri$e+ Iust to that &oint an+ there the sto&&e+ @ for months.

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To (reu+ the Dn*ons*ious )as similar to a +e&ot full of ol+ >remo$e+> things that )e *annot re*all to *ons*iousness - refuse+ # a nearl automati* a*t of the )ill. %ung +is*o$ere+ a +ee&er le$el of it7 the Colle*ti$e Dn*ons*ious )hi*h lin8s all human #eings # the +ee&est la ers of their &s *he. The Colle*ti$e Dn*ons*ious is >inherite+ )ith our *ere#ral stru*ture> an+ *onsists of >the human s stems of rea*ting> to the most intense e$ents that *an ha&&en in one9s lifetime7 the #irth of a *hil+= marriage= +eath of a lo$e+ one= serious illness= famil *risis= true lo$e= natural +isasters= )ar...

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A 'r$it'$l sho.4 The 4riyaban frien+ )ho ha+ gone to In+ia to meet the tea*her )e )ere &lanning to in$ite to Euro&e= returne+ home an+ *alle+ me. 0e ha+ ha+ a &ri$ate inter$ie) )ith him an+ ha+ goo+ ne)s. Some hours later= )e )ere sitting in m room. I )as all ears. 0e )as enthusiasti*. The ha+ tal8e+ a#out the +e&lora#le situation of the +iffusion of Kriya in the Cest: the tea*her )as sorr for that an+ manifeste+ his )illingness to hel& us. At the en+ of that meeting= m frien+ ha+ his Kriya Pranayama *he*8e+ # that e<&ert. ;u*h to m sur&rise this frien+ as8e+ me to &ra*ti*e Kriya Pranayama in front of him= an+ then remar8e+ that there )as a fault in m &ra*ti*e. I as8e+ him )hat it )as an+ his re&l literall fro!e me7 he *oul+ not tell me= sin*e he ha+ &romise+ the tea*her he )oul+ not re$eal an thing. 1, 0e *larifie+ that in relation to our grou&= he ha+ in+ee+ as8e+ for his tea*her9s &ermission to *orre*t e$entual mista8es in our &ra*ti*e #ut the ans)er ha+ #een negati$e an+ the tea*her s)ore him to se*re* . Cas this tea*her @ )ho ha+ manifeste+ the intention to hel& us @ *on*erne+ that )e )oul+ not fin+ an nee+ to in$ite him to Euro&e= or $isit him= after our mista8e ha+ #een *orre*te+F Cas he reall so &ett an+ un8in+F I +i+ not &ut &ressure on m frien+ to +is*lose other +etails a#out his tal8 )ith the tea*her. I *oul+ not an+ )oul+ not enter the &ri$a* of his e<&erien*e= #ut ho) *oul+ he Iust let me an+ our grou& go on )ith an in*orre*t &ra*ti*eF The shattering &art )as to see a frien+ )ith )hom I ha+ share+ e$er thing along m s&iritual &ath= a**om&an ing me in m $entures )ith all m &re$ious tea*hers an+ suffering the same )oes= satisfie+ onl )ith ha$ing noti*e+ m mista8e. It )as as if this Iustifie+ his tri& to In+ia= the *ost= an+ the time he s&ent on this $enture. I +i+n9t start .uarreling= #ut I rea*te+ $er #a+l . I got u& an+ left= lea$ing the frien+ alone. Some +a s later= *onta*te+ # the tea*her9s se*retar = I )as further +isguste+ # ho) she han+le+ the finan*ial si+e of the tour. I +e*line+ the offer. A*tuall I )as not in the moo+ to un+erta8e the enormous )or8 of organi!ing. As for the i+ea of $isiting him= nothing *oul+ #e farther from m min+. I )as *ertain that he )oul+ ha$e re.uire+ of me the *ustomar oath of se*re* . On*e returne+ to m frien+s= )hat )oul+ I ha$e ha+ to tell themF 99Eear frien+s= I *an tell nothing= ou too must go to In+ia.99 Ce ha+ rea*he+ an a#sur+ situation7 if the frien+s in m grou& )ante+ one more *rum# of information regar+ing the Kriya &ra*ti*e= the )oul+ ha$e to #e &ut on a &lane an+ &a*8e+ off to In+ia. Other)ise= the )oul+ +ie )ithout this information. If the e$ents )oul+ ta8e &la*e in this )a = ea*h ear an innumera#le series of *harter flights )oul+ trans&ort all those intereste+ in Kriya @ no matter if ol+ or ill @ to a remote In+ian $illage= li8e a &ilgrimage to ?our+es or (atimaK The far*e )as not e$en )orth of #eing *onsi+ere+. Cith m thin8ing fa*ulties almost &aral !e+ # this su++en turn of e$ents= I *leane+ u& the *om&ilation of m notes a#out +ifferent Kriya te*hni.ues Iotte+ +o)n +uring +ifferent seminars= an+ &asse+ them on to frien+s )ho ha+ alrea+
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Consi+ering the e&iso+e later= I reali!e+ )hat this in*orre*t +etail )as7 I ha+ not ma+e an a#+ominal #reath in a &arti*ularl $isi#le )a . I am sure of this fa*t #e*ause it )as the onl thing m frien+ )as a#le to see @ )e +i+ not tal8 a#out inner +etails of the &ra*ti*e.

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re*ei$e+ initiation #ut not to all le$els of Kriya. I &ur*hase+ a *om&uter an+= li8e a $oluntar &risoner= I re+u*e+ m so*ial life to an a#solute minimum in or+er to gi$e m all to )riting the #oo8. It )as not eas to e<tra*t the essential *ore of Kriya Yoga from the huge &iles of notes *olle*te+ +uring ears )ith +ifferent tea*hers. There )as the feeling of )or8ing on a +iffi*ult &u!!le= )ithout a &re$ie) of )hat )as to #e o#taine+ in the en+. I +i+n9t 8no) if= in the final *om&lete+ &i*ture= four= si< or more le$els of Kriya )oul+ result. In fa*t= I )as not entirel sure ho) to +efine the le$els of Kriya Yoga. I )on+ere+ if there *oul+ #e en$isage+ a one-to-one *orres&on+en*e #et)een le$els an+ 8nots Athe internal 8nots or Grantis mentione+ in Yoga tra+itionB to #e unfastene+. ?e$el 1 *oul+ #e +efine+ as the &ro*ess of unfastening the 8not of the tongue= le$el 2 *oul+ #e +efine+ as the &ro*ess of unfastening another 8not= for e<am&le that of the heart an+ so on ... In other )or+s I +)elt u&on the i+ea that ea*h le$el )as meant to unfasten one an+ onl one 8not. After o$er*oming the un*ertainties an+ +iffi*ulties of *hoosing a +efinite s*heme= I +e*i+e+ to +es*ri#e the Kriya s stem as ma+e of 8irst Kriya )ith eight te*hni.ues= follo)e+ # the Higher Kriyas B *alle+ /m4ar Kriyas or Kriyas of Sthir Astati*B Prana @ in si< ste&s. I )rote all I 8ne) a#out the Kriya te*hni.ues. Some $ariations remain in m shorthan+ note#oo8s= rea+ to #e a++e+ to the #oo8 if an+ )hen I re*ei$e ne) information *orro#orating them an+ sho)ing their intrinsi* $alue in light of ?ahiri ;ahasa a9s lega* . I o**asionall *onsulte+ a fe) (orums for +e$otees of Kriya Yoga. ; +esire )as to see if other 4riyabans ha+ similar &ro#lems. ;an )ere see8ing information a#out Ke.hari "$dra. If I ha+ ha+ their email a++resses= I )oul+ ha$e imme+iatel sent them the instru*tions. I )as stru*8 # the &e+anti* an+ *on*eite+ tone of some forum users that a#use+ genuine an+ honest *uriosit . Cith fa*etious ten+erness #etra ing their lo) form of *on*ern= the la#ele+ the see8ers9 +esire to +ee&en their Kriya &ra*ti*e as a >+angerous mania.> The ha+ the au+a*it to hush the hum#le stu+ent # *ounseling him to im&ro$e the +e&th of )hat he ha+ alrea+ re*ei$e+. The s&o8e in the same tone use+ # m ol+ >;inisters>. Although I )as m self feeling aeons +istant from that )orl+= o#Ie*ti$el s&ea8ing that &erio+ of m life )as not so far a)a . Perha&s it )as #e*ause those ol+ foge s +i+ not generate an feeling of +eferen*e in me that I felt so great a tem&oral +istan*e. A*tuall the )ere m ester+a 9s )orl+. I )on+ere+ ho) the +are+ to enter Aunin$ite+B a &erson9s life an+ &ersonal s&a*e= a#out )hom the 8ne) nothing= treating them as in*om&etent an+ su&erfi*ial #eginnersK Cas it so +iffi*ult to sim&l ans)er truthfull 7 >I +on9t ha$e that information>F I remem#er a +is*ussion )ith one )ho *laime+ he ha+ a**ess to the original Kriya. Dnfortunatel = that &erson )as $er se*reti$e an+ e<*lusi$e. 0e sai+ there )ere a num#er of true Kriya tea*hers aroun+ #ut )as un)illing to share an names or a++resses. I foun+ this stu&i+. In a rush of anger= I imagine+ that the &ett i+ea of &ossessing se*ret 8no)le+ge an+ not *on$e ing it to others
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)as the onl thing 8ee&ing the &ie*es of his s*attere+ min+ together= *amouflaging A)ith a sem#lan*e of s&iritual a+$an*ementB the nothingness that he )as from a human &oint of $ie). Ch shoul+ Kriya #elong to himF Kriya is a *olle*tion of intros&e*ti$e tools ta8en from +ifferent tra+itions. It is a#sur+ to *laim the #elong to one &erson Aes&e*iall su*h a nast oneB. The time I em&lo e+ in )riting the #oo8 ha+ #een mu*h longer than e<&e*te+. (rien+s sai+ I )oul+ ne$er finish it. I ha+ not felt an urgen* = I enIo e+ that .uiet moment of m life= e<&erien*ing the *almness an+ *ontente+ness that *omes to those )ho +e$ote all their efforts to a single &ur&ose. At long last= the #oo8 )as rea+ an+ )as &oste+ on the Ce#. After a *ou&le of months there )as a rea*tion from m former thir+ tea*her. Euring a seminar he e<&laine+ m a*tions as those of one )ho )ants to ma8e a #usiness of Kriya. 0e +efine+ me an >intelle*tual &rostitute.> ; rea*tion )as amusement an+ satisfa*tion. 3ut that night I *oul+ not slee&. Onl then +i+ I #egin to reali!e that m longtime intention ha+ #een a**om&lishe+ an+ that finall there )as a Kriya #oo8 rea+il a**essi#le to e$er one.
*as entstanden ist! das m$1 %ergehen, *as %ergangen! a$'erstehen, H0r a$' 5$ beben, Bereite di.h 5$ leben, Justa$ ;ahler A11-4-1211B Chat )as *reate+= must &erishK Chat &erishe+= must rise againK Cease from trem#lingK Pre&are ourself to li$eK

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