a message to allies and 4 aspiring allies

The first question many people ask when they hear about Color of Change is: Can white people attend? What about heterosexual and/or cisgender folks? The short answer is YES! White, cisgender, and/or heterosexual people are absolutely welcome to join us at this conference. But we ask you all to remember that Color of Change is centered on the lived experiences of queer and trans* people of color (QTPoC) for a reason! Allies are important but only insofar as they are able to work with us, not for or against us. The Color of Change Planning Committee is actively working to be conscious of the many privileges we hold. We recognize how messy and complicated allyhood can be, and none of us are perfect. However, given the focus of this conference, we would like to specifically address folks with white privilege, heterosexual privilege, cisgender privilege, and/or perceived-as-male/ masculine privilege. We would like to offer the following thoughts and guidance for allies participating in the 2013 Color of Change Community Summit: Understand that: Everybody holds power and privilege in some respect. Experiencing oppression for one part of your identity does not automatically cancel out the advantages you receive for another. One of the first steps you can take towards practicing effective allyhood is to truly hear the voices of those who are marginalized in ways you are not. What can you do? Listen to others: first to understand, then to empathize, and finally, to inform your actions. Beware derailing a conversation about X because you are uncomfortable and want to talk about Y (e.g. Yeah, racism is bad. But what about sexism?). Before responding to someone, ask yourself: Do I hold a privileged identity that may make my situation easier than someone elses? Do I really understand what that person is going through? How are our situations different?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. For proper citation, please use: Color of Change Planning Committee. (2013). A Message to Allies and Aspiring Allies. Color of Change Community Summit 2013, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.
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Understand that: Being an ally to QTPoC requires reflecting on your identity and position as white, heterosexual, cisgender, and/or male/masculine-presenting. Messages of being less than are routinely communicated to people with marginalized identities, while messages of being better than are often sent to those with privileged identities. What can you do? Reflect on the things you have been told about your identity, especially when they are not explicitly labeled that way (e.g., accepting heterosexual sex as natural). Challenge members of your own communities to reflect on their identities as well. Understand that: Society has taught us to focus on white, heterosexual, male/masculinepresenting, and/or cisgender perspectives our whole lives. To achieve social justice, we must actively seek out the voices of those communities that are most marginalized, including QTPoC. What can you do? Be conscious of how much physical, emotional, and intellectual space you take up in a room. For example, if you feel like you have been talking a lot, especially about issues that do not directly affect you, it may be time for you to ease up and listen for a while. Before contributing to the conversation, ask yourself: Is my perspective going to bring something new and necessary to this discussion? Are other participants voices being heard as much as mine? Understand that: Falsely believing that structural inequities do not exist is not a viable solution to ending oppression; in fact, it only makes things worse by trivializing the pain and difficulties QTPoC often face. It may be tempting to suggest that if we simply ignore our differences, people will stop being oppressed. But nothing could be further from the truth. What can you do? Remind yourself that colorblindness is not an answer to racism or any other form of oppression. For, it is not our differences that divide us, but our inability to love and accept those differences. Do not dismiss or devalue other peoples experiences by saying things like: Were all human, anyway, or If people would just stop making such a big deal out of this...

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Understand that: QTPoC are not asking you to save us. In fact, you may not be wanted or needed in a particular situation. The oppressed have always and will always actively resist their oppression. QTPoC are not asking you to save us from ourselves, but to support our struggles and use your power and privilege to challenge the systems that give you these unearned advantages in the first place. What can you do? Avoid giving advice or solutions if you have not specifically been asked to do so. Instead, try taking on a listening/learning role. If you sense or are told that your presence is disruptive or unwelcome in a particular space (e.g. in an identity-based caucus), respectfully remove yourself without judgment. Enable those who are marginalized to become leaders and decisionmakers by actively contributing to their vision as a participant and supporter. Donate to organizations run by and for QTPoC, if you are able. Understand that: No one person or conference can transfer the ally label to you, much less do so permanently. There is no magical ally pass that cancels out the harmful actions you have done or will do, nor is anyone obligated to accept your allyhood or trust that you will not hurt them. Being an ally is a lifelong process that manifests itself in our daily lives. It is something you do, not an identity you hold. Accountability is key. What can you do? Avoid asking QTPoC to teach you about their marginalization unless they have explicitly offered to do so. Instead, read/listen to the countless blog posts, books, songs, and performances that have already been made for this purpose. Continue to work on understanding your own privilege. When you make mistakes, which you will, apologize and try to make amends without getting defensive. Be receptive to critical feedback from the people to whom you are trying to be an ally. Recognize that allyhood takes several different yet equally important forms - from protesting on the streets, to combating false stereotypes, to checking in with someone after they have been the target of bias or discrimination.

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Understand that: It is okay to be forgiving of yourself and others in this lifelong journey we call allyhood. While it can certainly be taxing and emotional at times, you must not let it render you inactive. What can you do? Take care of yourself - rest, eat, sleep, exercise, play! The world will keep spinning even if you do not interrupt every single act bias or discrimination out there. Do not judge someone else for being a worse ally than you. You have said something offensive before, too. If you learned, so can they. Allow people to be complex. Even people with the most privileged identities have experienced some form of pain, hurt, or trauma. Each of us has a layered history that accounts for much of who we are today. If our ultimate goal is to work toward a more just, open, and accepting society, we must unlearn the myths that exist about ourselves and others. We must acknowledge that systems of unequal power hurt those who are marginalized, while also damaging the humanity of those of with us with privilege. This is not to say that these forms of dehumanization affect everyone equally. While we must work against oppression from both ends, it is important to keep in mind that, as an ally, you are not nearly as vulnerable. You will inevitably mess up! Nobody can escape learning the toxic messages that come with systems of oppression, and we have all contributed to perpetuating these systems, often without realizing it. While oppression is not your fault, this does not mean that you should expect to be forgiven for oppressive actions you take, or that you should not hold yourself accountable. We sincerely hope you will use the principles and strategies above to mindfully navigate your participation in the Color of Change Community Summit.

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