SHIT

by
Sonny Sidhu

Final Revision
23 May 2009
 2.

Characters:

Starla (Sales Associate)

Andray (Sales Associate)
Jo-Ann (Sales Associate)
Keisha (Sales Associate)
Vicente (Sales Associate)
Lyle (Store Manager)
Raenita (General Manager)
Officer Bramble
Various non-speaking employees
 3.
ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

Curtains rise to reveal a retail store

breakroom. Onstage: tables, chairs, a
coffee maker, a microwave, a
refrigerator. A handful of employees
sit at tables, eating microwaved
instant lunches. Others stand in pairs
and threes, murmuring and waiting.
After a moment, Lyle enters with a mop
and bucket.

LYLE
Now, I know a lot of y’all are on your break, so don’t worry
about this. Don’t even listen to it. Disregard it.

Pause. Lyle sets the bucket on the

floor and props the mop up against a
nearby wall.

LYLE
Rest of y’all, thanks for leaving the floor and coming down
here. In a hurry. Sorry I couldn’t be more... Uh, concrete
over the PA.

Pause.

LYLE
We’ve had a sort of, incident just now, which, God... Don’t
know how I wanna say this... Well, that we gotta address.
Right now. As a team.

Pause.

LYLE
Y’all know you’re part of a team, here. Right?

ANDRAY
God damn, Lyle, just get to it, shit.

LYLE
Thank you, Andray. Just making sure. Well, since we’re all
adults, here, I’m just gonna tell it to you straight. We’ve
got an issue on the floor, we’re gonna have to band together
and deal with it. As a team. So I’m gonna need a volunteer
for this special... job.

JO-ANN
Did he say what it is?

KEISHA
Naw.

LYLE
Not a single volunteer? Come on, guys.
 4.

STARLA
Maybe you should tell us what you want, first.

LYLE
It’s not what I want. Nobody? Fine. It’s fine, no. You’re
right. We’re all adults, here. You want me to tell you what
it is beforehand? OK, fine. Alright.
(Pause.)
I see some of y’all eating.

VICENTE
Come on, come on.

LYLE
I will, it’s just, some of y’all that’s eating might wanna...
I’m just saying. I told y’all not to listen in anyway since
you’re on break, so. Nevermind. Moving on.
(Pause)
Still no volunteers?

Long pause.

LYLE
OK. That’s just fine. Listen. What we got is a... guess you
could say... Cleanup job. In the Girls’.

ANDRAY
We ain’t no janitors! Why you telling this to all us sales
associates?

LYLE
It’s a-- I’m getting to that. It’s human.
(Pause)
A human cleanup job. If I’m saying that right.

STARLA
A what? Did somebody die?

LYLE
We got-- Sometime this morning, obviously, some freak job,
complete nut case... I don’t even know what kind of person,
honestly. I mean, good Lord. No, nobody died! What kind of--?
No, no, no. Of course not, I would never ask--

STARLA
Well then what is it?

LYLE
I’m getting to that, hold on now. Hit the brakes, alright?
Now, listen up everybody. What we got on our hands is a human
fecal matter... Scenario. Cleanup, situation.
(Pause)
I’m talking about doodoo, OK people?

Shocked murmurs spread around the room.

 5.

ANDRAY
Aw, hell no.

LYLE
I’m afraid so, y’all. I ain’t happy about it either.

JO-ANN
Where?

LYLE
Girls’.

JO-ANN
But where, on the floor? In the aisle?

LYLE
Yup, yup. On the floor. No, not in the aisle. Right there on
the floor, in between all the-- All the, the the the... the
undershirts. I said, “Lyle,”--

KEISHA
You mean they did this in the little girls’ sleepwear? And
intimates?

ANDRAY
God damn.

VICENTE
What kind of... Pervert, I mean, sick human being...

LYLE
Hey now, I’m no happier than y’all are about it. But
somebody’s gotta do something, people. I need a volunteer. I
mean, it’s just sitting out there. With a plastic bag over
it.

JO-ANN
Well what about the dang environmental-- you know, the
cleaners? This ain’t none of our jobs.

Murmurs of approval.

LYLE
I know it ain’t. I know. Look, that’s what I said. That’s who
I got first, I said, “Where’s Rosalita?”

ANDRAY
For real.

LYLE
But she tells me, no way, José. Not in their contract.

JO-ANN
Contract!?
 6.

LYLE
Exactly! I say, well who’s the manager, here? Who’s in
charge? Am I right? Are you refusing orders, is this what
you’re telling me is happening right now?

KEISHA
Shit is crazy.

LYLE
But she’s right, the contract we have with her company says
nothing about human waste removal. That’s another company.
Their contract doesn’t say shit about shit. And besides, I
don’t even have the authority. I can’t do shit, her company’s
gotta be the ones to fire her.

VICENTE
Unbelievable.

LYLE
So I’m gonna need one of my team to step up, take care of
business.

JO-ANN
What about Linda. Juniors’ is Linda’s department, let her
take care of it.

KEISHA
Linda ain’t here today.

LYLE
Linda’s out. I wanted to go with Linda on this one too.
Believe me. I don’t like askin’. But this is a team, folks.
Who’s gonna step up.

Long pause.

VICENTE
Why don’t you do it instead of making us?

LYLE
Me? I hear you, no, listen. I hear y’all. But you guys are my
team, you guys are my players, y’all!

ANDRAY
Vince’s right. Your store, your reponsibility, yo. Your
problem.

LYLE
I know, I know. Don’t you think I got enough shit on my plate
as it is? Excuse my cussin’. I can’t ask y’all to do one
simple thing? That’s it?

KEISHA
I ain’t cleaning up nobody’s shit.
 7.

LYLE
I’ll pay you.

ANDRAY
Hell no.

JO-ANN
You couldn’t pay me enough--

LYLE
Whoever steps up, I’ll see to it that they get their reward.

VICENTE
Is this going to be like the polo shirt from corporate you
gave Anthony for setting up you and Raenita’s computers?

LYLE
I-- no. Anthony loves that shirt, by the way, so. I don’t
even know what you mean by that, man. Seen him wear it all
the time.

VICENTE
So it is going to be a polo shirt?

LYLE
No. No, it’ll be big. Something real-- you know. Real big,
something nice.

STARLA
Tell us what it is, first.

LYLE
I dunno, people! What do y’all want from me? Cash? I can’t
give out cash.
(Pause)
Actually... Alright. Fine. What I can do is, okay. Great
idea. Great idea, y’all. Okay. You want it, you asked for it,
you got it. Fifty Bucks for whoever steps up.

KEISHA
Fifty bucks?

STARLA
I thought you just said you couldn’t give out any cash.

LYLE
Not cash, fifty Bucks, y’all. K-Mart Bucks. Fifty K-Mart
Bucks, how’s that? Who wants ‘em, I’ll get ‘em out my office
and endorse them right now. Spend ‘em on anything in the
store, same as cash. Fifty Bucks, straight up.

Long pause.

STARLA
I’ll do it.
 8.

Disgusted murmurs.

LYLE
You will?

STARLA
Mm-hmm.

Pause.

LYLE
See? Now this is what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, team. This is being
a team player. Starla? I knew you had the spirit in you all
along. See this young lady, y’all? This young lady
understands what I mean by “teamwork.”

ANDRAY
Damn, girl. Really?

STARLA
Eh. Who gives a shit.

KEISHA
I can’t believe she would do that shit.

STARLA
Whatever man, it’s money ain’t it?

VICENTE
It’s crazy.

STARLA
I’ve seen worse, probably.
(To Lyle:)
Fifty bucks? You promise me?

LYLE
Of course I do. You wanna shake on it? We can make it
official, just don’t spit on the floor in here.

STARLA
No, just as long as you say so in front of all these people,
I’m fine. Give me that mop. Where is it, did you say?

LYLE
Girls’ Apparel. Right in that back corner. Next to the, you
know. With the training bras and whatnot. Pajamas and pajama
pants.

STARLA
Right.

LYLE
You’ll smell it before you see it, trust me.
 9.

STARLA
Right.

ANDRAY
(Snickering)
Watch your step girl!

STARLA
Oh I will. Lyle, go get my K-Mart Bucks, man. I’ll be back in
a minute. You better have ‘em in your hand when I do, dude.
Seriously.

LYLE
I will. I’ll remember this, Starla. We all will.

STARLA
OK.

Starla leaves.

LYLE
She has greatness inside of her, that one. Gonna have my job
one day. Y’all hear me? That girl is everything this company
stands for.
(Pause)
Y’all can go.

Curtains fall.

SCENE TWO

Curtains rise. Starla and Andray sit at

a table in the otherwise empty break
room.

STARLA
Fuck this.

Pause.

STARLA
Lyle’s gone for the day, ain’t he?

ANDRAY
Yeah.

STARLA
Then fuck this. I don’t even give a shit. Here, you want one?

She pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

ANDRAY
Yeah. You sure?
 10.

She takes two cigarettes, lights them

both between her lips, then hands one
to Andray.

STARLA
Do you see a smoke detector?

ANDRAY
(Looking around the room)
I guess not, you’re right.

STARLA
Place fucking reeks of cigarettes anyway, you know that’s all
they used to use this room for probably. Can’t erase twenty,
thirty years of that shit overnight, say there’s new rules.

ANDRAY
Yeah man, damn refrigerator’s brown as shit. Looks like my
grandmother’s ‘frigerator in her house. She used to smoke
like god damn.

STARLA
You used to be able to smoke anywhere. When I was in high
school, man, shit. Now we gotta stand outside, freeze our
asses off.

ANDRAY
Ain’t nobody not a smoker in this store anyway.

STARLA
Exactly. But that’s not what it’s about. It’s about laws,
dude. Workplace codes and shit. Indoor/outdoor rules and all
that.

ANDRAY
Word.

Pause.

STARLA
Can I tell you a secret?

ANDRAY
What kind of secret.

STARLA
Because I like you, Dre. You and me get along pretty good in
this shithole. I like our smoke breaks. You feel me?

ANDRAY
We cool.

STARLA
Yeah.
 11.

ANDRAY
Yeah.

STARLA
Uh huh. Anyway, OK then. You promise to keep it a secret.

ANDRAY
Word is bond, word is bond.

STARLA
OK. OK. Check it. I--
(Pause. Laughing:)
Nah, man, fuck that. I can’t, I can’t. Shit is too real.

ANDRAY
You can’t do that shit. Don’t do that shit, here. I don’t
play that. You gotta say it now, no going back.

STARLA
OK, damn. You ain’t gonna let shit slide, is you.

ANDRAY
Dre don’t play.

STARLA
I know Dre don’t play, shit. Of course. OK. But you don’t say
a fucking word, dude. As long as we clear on that.

ANDRAY
Holla.

STARLA
OK.
(Laughing:)
Tell me this ain’t some shit. I was gonna quit today.

Pause.

ANDRAY
Why didn’t you?

STARLA
What do you mean, why didn’t I? Kind of thing to say is that?

ANDRAY
I mean if you was gonna quit, you coulda quit, no fooling.

STARLA
Yeah but then I decided not to.

ANDRAY
Shit, I don’t even know why you volunteered to do that shit!
I probably would have wanted to quit too after handling all
that mess.
 12.

STARLA
What? No, no dude, it wasn’t that way at all... I mean, I
wanted to quit before. The shit had nothing to do with it. I
mean, not directly. The shit didn’t influence my decision. It
was the other way around, really.

ANDRAY
What, the shit’s what made you stay? Some career-affirming
shit out there? God damn your ass is strange sometimes.

STARLA
No, fuck, just listen.

Long pause.

ANDRAY
I can’t believe you touched that shit. Fifty dollars? I mean
shit, I want fifty dollars too, you ain’t see me rootin’
around in no human feces at work.

STARLA
(Laughing)
What if I told you-- what if I said to you it wasn’t just any
ol’ shit.

ANDRAY
Shit, shit must’ve been some special out-of-the-ordinary
shit, the way you talking about it! I’m just waiting to hear
why. How.
(Laughing)
What the hell!

STARLA
It was my shit.

ANDRAY
Quit playin’.

STARLA
No, it was my shit.

ANDRAY
Bull shit.

STARLA
You really don’t believe me. I’m telling you, straight up.
Why would I lie.

ANDRAY
Funny thing is, you just about the only bitch I know crazy
enough to do that for real. I don’t know.
(Pause)
You for real?

Starla nods, giggling.

 13.

ANDRAY
I can’t believe this shit.

STARLA
I’d made up my mind, I was just going to walk out today and
never come back. You know? Fuck Lyle, fuck Raenita, fuck this
whole dump, the customers, all that. Fuck it. I realized,
what am I doing this for? I make seven dollars and sixty-two
cents an hour. That is a shame. I’m better than that.

ANDRAY
That’s better than I made when I started...

STARLA
In this economy? Fuck that, I’m tryna get paid. That’s what I
told myself. “Fuck this, I’m blowing this shithole.” You know
I had to get my car fixed last month?
(Pause)
Cost me a hundred eighty-four fucking bucks. No shit. Wiped
my ass clear the fuck out.

ANDRAY
That’s real.

STARLA
Damn straight! I ain’t smoked so much as a dime bag of weed
in the last month, neither, cuz now I gotta make up for that
shit, of course. On my shitty paycheck. No chill budget. No
party budget. Fucking poverty, is what it is.

ANDRAY
Real talk.

STARLA
So I said “Fuck it. I’m walking out the door.” And on my way,
I don’t know what came over me, but I said “Shit, I might as
well lay down a little parting gift for Lyle, right here in
fuckin’ dyke-ass Linda’s department!” And I did it, without
even thinking about it. I found a spot in the corner back
there, way out of sight of the damn cameras, fuckin’ popped a
squat right there and let it fly.

ANDRAY
No way! No way.

STARLA
Would I lie? You know me, Dre.

ANDRAY
I’m starting to wonder. Bitch wylin’!

STARLA
I’m being real right now. You know how real I am? When I was
done I wiped my ass on some Hannah Montana underpants, then I
hung ‘em right back on the rack.
 14.

They both laugh hysterically. The door

opens, and Jo-Ann enters. Starla and
Andray fall silent and extinguish their
cigarettes under the table at which
they are sitting.

JO-ANN
Do you smell smoke? I thought I smelled smoke in here.

STARLA
No...

ANDRAY
I don’t smell nothing, do you?

STARLA
Nah.

JO-ANN
It smells like cigarettes.

STARLA
We been in here fifteen minutes, we ain’t seen nobody.

JO-ANN
(Sniffing the air)
I’m pretty sure we’re not allowed to smoke in the breakroom
anymore.

STARLA
I know.

JO-ANN
So if you see anyone--

ANDRAY
We’ll tell ‘em. We’ll set they asses straight.

JO-ANN
I just hate the smell of cigarettes when it gets on
everything.

STARLA
Yuck.

JO-ANN
People should be able to just go outside.

STARLA
For real.

ANDRAY
Inconsiderate.

JO-ANN
I know.
 15.

ANDRAY
I know.

Pause. Jo-Ann crosses to the microwave

and begins popping microwave popcorn.

JO-ANN
Starla, honey, I didn’t get a chance to thank you personally
before for what you did.

STARLA
Oh, it’s no biggie.

JO-ANN
Lyle said we all had to come over and thank you personally.

STARLA
Did he?

JO-ANN
So if he asks...

STARLA
Don’t worry, Jo-Ann. I got you. And you’re welcome.

JO-ANN
I can’t even imagine.
(Pause)
When I was a little girl like you, I wouldn’t have been able
to take it.
(Pause)
Even hearing about it today, hearing Lyle talk about where it
was and the smell, I thought I was going to wretch! “My
goodness,” I said!
(Pause)
But it’s good, it’s good that young ladies these days are
coming up strong.
(Pause)
Show ‘em what we’re made of, isn’t that right?
(Pause)
We can do anything!
(Long pause)
Well, I just wanted to say.
(Pause)
I’ll go ahead and leave y’all alone, I just wanted to get my
Pop Secret going, you know. End-of-shift snacks. Starla, hon,
you’re the best!

Jo-Ann exits.

Pause.

STARLA
We gotta get out of here.
 16.

ANDRAY
It smells like shit.

STARLA
Fucking popcorn. Artificial grease shit. Ugh. Fuck.

ANDRAY
There should be a rule or some shit, damn!

STARLA
And she wants to come in here and bitch about the smell.
Jesus Christ.

ANDRAY
So wait. About this shit incident.

STARLA
What about it.

ANDRAY
Why did you decide to stay?

STARLA
Well, that was going to be my last hurrah, really. Lay down a
stinker and just peace the fuck out. See ya. But then I got
all paranoid, like, of course they’re going to know it’s me
if I just walk out of here. “Oh, who pooped?” “I dunno, but
Starla ain’t here no more.” Well then of course they’ll know
it’s me. Probably charge me with some shit, too. With my luck
they’ll find me and fuck me with the cleaning bill.

ANDRAY
So you stayed.

STARLA
Honestly, I was kind of curious to see how they’d all react.
Lyle especially. So I stayed, but I was still gonna make
today be my last day, no matter what. I was just like, seven
sixty-two an hour. Seven sixty-two. I’m out. Just repeating
that mantra to myself. Seven fuckin’ sixty-two. I’m out of
this bitch. Starla finna get paid.

ANDRAY
Word.

STARLA
But then Lyle called us all in, fruity-ass bitch he is, and I
could see how he was desperate.

ANDRAY
Yeah yo, you could tell he was worried he was gonna have to
do it himself. My man was scared shitless.

STARLA
Exactly, and all of a sudden he’s throwing money around,
fifty dollars for nothing, just to clean up my own shit.
 17.

ANDRAY
Well, fifty K-Mart Bucks. Didn’t even know we still had K-
Mart Bucks, that bitch Lyle’s so stingy with them shits.

STARLA
K-Mart Bucks, cash, whatever. I can use them for shit I need
anyway, food, cigarettes, makeup, tampons, all that shit. End
of the day, shit’s the same as money in the bank.

ANDRAY
I feel you.

STARLA
So I’m standing there thinking to myself, you know, going
over the math in my head. Thinking, “I’m supposed to make
sixty bucks today... If I do this shit I’ll make it one ten.”
(Pause)
Hell yes I’ma clean that shit up! That’s like fifteen
mafuckin’ dollars an hour, son! On the day! Just for two
minutes of dealing with my own damn shit? Not like I don’t
know where that shit came from, you knamean?

ANDRAY
Shit...

STARLA
Exactly. Not that I had it planned out that way, but damn
son, you gotta take the opportunities whichever way they come
down! So I said fuck it, gimme that mop.

ANDRAY
Hustlin’, hustlin’, hustle-hustlin’, hustlin’...

STARLA
Everyday I’m hustlin’. Everyday I’m hustlin’...

ANDRAY STARLA
Everyday I’m-- Everyday I’m--
Everyday I’m-- Everyday I’m--
Everyday I’m Everyday I’m
hustlin’. hustlin’.

They both laugh.

STARLA
(Getting up)
Yo I’m off in half an hour, come help me spend this paper.

ANDRAY
Aight, let’s celebrate tonight. Let’s get you blunted, girl.
If anybody’s ass deserves that shit tonight--

STARLA
Oh believe me, I know it’s me.
 18.

They both exit. Curtains fall.

SCENE THREE

Curtains rise. Lyle, Starla, Andray, Jo-

Ann, Keisha, Vicente, and numerous
other employees are gathered in the
breakroom.

LYLE
I have some bad news, and maybe some of y’all’ve already
guessed what that might be.
(Pause)
Whoever he is, he’s back. We got a repeat offender on our
hands, people. Looks like this sick sumbitch gets off on
shittin’ in the little girls’ underwear, and he’s making it
our problem.
(Pause)
Now, you know the drill. Starla, I appreciate what you did
Monday but I’m not gonna ask you again. You did your share,
didn’t she, y’all?

Murmured assent.

LYLE
So who else is ready to step up for the team and get this
problem taken care of right away?
(Pause)
Nobody?
(Pause)
Maybe I should be more clear: The offer stands from before.
Fifty K-Mart Bucks. For whoever steps up. Spend it as you
choose. Right here in the store. Ain’t that worth it, people?
Buy a nice toy for your kid... Get some DVD’s to watch on
Friday night? Right? None of y’all?

Long pause.

ANDRAY
I ain’t feelin’ on no feces, dude. Period.

KEISHA
Me neither.

Murmured assent.

LYLE
I can’t believe this, folks. Really? No one?

VICENTE
I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to even ask. If it’s
not in the cleaning crew’s contract, fine, looks like it’s
time for a new contract or a new cleaning crew. Am I right?

Murmured assent.
 19.

LYLE
That’s not very helpful, Vince.

VICENTE
I don’t have time for this.

Vicente exits.

LYLE
Well. I think we all know how Vince feels about it now!

Lyle laughs, alone.

LYLE
Come on, y’all.

STARLA
Uh, hey Lyle?
(Pause)
You know, I really don’t mind. For the fifty-- I mean, I used
to clean up bathrooms all the time.

LYLE
No, no no no no.

STARLA
Seriously, my old job was in this really sketchy dive--

LYLE
Oh no no no.

STARLA
I’ve seen just about everything.

LYLE
No no no. Come on, people.

STARLA
Honestly. I don’t mind.

LYLE
Well... I feel bad about it.

KEISHA
Then why ain’t you the one mopping it up?

LYLE
But if nobody else is going to step up, then I suppose we
have no choice, really.

STARLA
Don’t worry about it, Lyle. Honestly. You’ve got enough to
worry about as it is without this shit on top of it.

LYLE
Well, you’re right about that...
 20.

STARLA
Seriously. Where’s the cleaning shit?

LYLE
It’s... By the maintenance closet. I already got it out for
you, for whoever-- You’ll see it. Normal place.

STARLA
OK. I’ll be right back.

Starla exits.

JO-ANN
I’m not going to lie. I’m impressed.

VICENTE
I’m disgusted.

KEISHA
Everybody needs money, but damn.

LYLE
No, Jo-Ann’s right. Starla’s something else.

ANDRAY
Yeah she is.

VICENTE
This isn’t right. This isn’t her job.

JO-ANN
Wadn’t nobody forcin’ her.

VICENTE
It’s not right to even ask.

KEISHA
I’m just glad it wasn’t on me.

Pause.

LYLE
Well. Thanks again, y’all. Alright. Back to it.

They all exit. Curtains fall.

SCENE FOUR

Curtains rise. In the breakroom, Andray

and Starla sit at a table, talking
across five plastic K-Mart bags filled
with shopping. Vicente sits at another
table, reading a tattered USA Today.

STARLA
Fifty cents apiece when you put the tax in.
 21.

ANDRAY
Dag.

STARLA
I could of got like, a hundred.

ANDRAY
Why you ain’t?

STARLA
Cuz I need other shit, dummy!

ANDRAY
Like what?

STARLA
You can’t live on damn ramen fool! I had to get some other
shit, that’s what’s in all these.

She indicates the contents of some of

the bags.

ANDRAY
How much was that Hawaiian Punch.

STARLA
Two-fifty.

ANDRAY
For that big-ass bottle?

STARLA
Yeah yo. K-Mart: The Good Life, at a Great Price.

ANDRAY
I thought it was “K-Mart: Right Here, Right Now.” Right?
Ain’t Lyle drilled that shit into you yet?

STARLA
The Good Life at a Great Price is Sears, yo.

ANDRAY
So?

STARLA
So? So Sears just bought K-Mart, dummy.

ANDRAY
Word?

STARLA
Why do you think Raenita always be on us about pushing them
damn Sears cards?

Andray shrugs.
 22.

STARLA
Whatever, fool. Besides, I can always get more noodles
tomorrow.

Unnoticed, Vicente looks up from his

newspaper.

STARLA
You know what’s funny? I never used to shop here. At K-Mart.
Any K-Mart.

ANDRAY
Me either. I go to the place near my house.

STARLA
What about you, Vince?

VICENTE
Huh? Sorry.

STARLA
Do you shop here? At K-Mart?

VICENTE
No. Not really. Sometimes, though, when it’s convenient. Just
a little thing here or there. Like when my wife wants me to
bring something home. Then yeah.

STARLA
See?
(Pause)
See what I mean?
(Pause)
I don’t know what I’m trying to say. You know what I’m
saying.

VICENTE
Lyle’s turning you into a regular K-Mart customer, isn’t he?

STARLA
What?

VICENTE
You know, with his... Incentives.

STARLA
His whats?

VICENTE
Those K-Mart Bucks he keeps dangling over your head.

STARLA
Oh. Yeah, exactly. That’s what I’m talking about. Past week I
been shopping at K-Mart more than in my whole life before
that put together! And it’s not bad! It’s cheap shit, but at
least it’s cheap.
 23.

VICENTE
This place is a shithole.

STARLA
Oh, I know that. To work at? We both, we all know that.

VICENTE
It’s not much better for the customers.

ANDRAY
Probably cuz we so mean to them.

VICENTE
Not only. I mean, look at this place. Look around. Go out
there sometime and just have a look around. Think about what
you see.

STARLA
What do you mean?

VICENTE
Like, look at Wal-Mart. Now there’s an operation.

ANDRAY
You wanna work at Wal-Mart?

VICENTE
No. But I shop there.

ANDRAY
But you do wanna work here...

VICENTE
I neither want to work here nor shop here.

Pause.

STARLA
Word.

VICENTE
But I mean it. Just go into Wal-Mart sometime and have a look
around. See if you can spot all the differences, like that
game. Because we’re in the same business, obviously, you
know, junk-peddling. But look at us and look at them. What do
they have that we don’t? Well, for starters they’ve got wide
aisles, and bright lighting, and a clean floor, and products
standing straight up on the shelves. Lined up neat. And
better products. And lower prices.

STARLA
But who do you think has to do all that shit?

ANDRAY
Yeah.
 24.

STARLA
Employees.

VICENTE
Of course.

STARLA
And they probably get paid jack shit, just like us.

ANDRAY
Jack shit.

STARLA
More work, same jack shit pay.

VICENTE
No, I see what you mean.

STARLA
So great: Bright lights, clean floors, straightened shelves,
wide aisles... Bully for the fuckin’ customer. What about us?

VICENTE
Well, our counterparts, you mean.

ANDRAY
Our brothers.

VICENTE
Sure. Well, so maybe it’s a little bit more work for everyone
to keep it that way, but wouldn’t you rather spend your eight
hours a day in a store that isn’t such a...

Pause.

STARLA
Shithole?

VICENTE
Well, yeah.

ANDRAY
Don’t matter to me.

STARLA
I’d probably find a different reason to bitch. Right? A
different way to be miserable.

VICENTE
Don’t blame yourself. Look at this place. It’s just-- God.
You know? It’s all just... so...

STARLA
Sad. I know.

Pause.
 25.

ANDRAY
Why you even work here? If you hate it so much.

VICENTE
Because I was hired.

Long pause.

STARLA
Andray, boy, you know you hate it too.

ANDRAY
Shit. Do I look like I hate my life?

STARLA
Not your life, just the stor--

Lyle enters.

LYLE
Just the girl I was looking for!

Pause.

STARLA
What’s up, Lyle.

LYLE
How’s everybody doin’. Y’all taking breaks?

VICENTE
We were.

LYLE
That’s just great. Listen, Starla, hon. I haven’t had a
chance to thank you personally for...

Pause.

STARLA LYLE
The shit? The way you’ve
stepped up this
week.

Pause.

STARLA
That’s okay.

LYLE
No, I know I said it on behalf of the whole team, but it’s
gotta be different coming from just me.

STARLA
Sure.
 26.

LYLE
So now let me thank you.

STARLA
Go ahead.

LYLE
From the bottom of my heart.

STARLA
Alright, Lyle.

LYLE
I really mean it.

STARLA
I know you do.

LYLE
I mean, from the bottom of my heart.

STARLA
Why wouldn’t you?

LYLE
Well, I just wanted you to know, is all. You’re real special.

STARLA
Not really. I’ll just do anything for money, that’s all.

LYLE
Well, that’s what makes you special, ain’t it?

VICENTE
No. That’s what makes her the same as the rest of us.

Lyle laughs uncomfortably. Starla and

Vince watch him in silence. Curtains
fall.

END OF ACT ONE.

 27.
ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

Curtains rise. A staff meeting is

underway in the breakroom.

VICENTE
Well tell them that’s not acceptable.

KEISHA
Yeah.

LYLE
I know.

VICENTE
So what are you going to say?

LYLE
It’s not that easy.

JO-ANN
Aren’t you supposed to be the manager?

LYLE
Manager-on-duty’s different from store manager...

ANDRAY
Tell Raenita.

LYLE
Raenita’s aware. Of the situation.

STARLA
So that’s it, from corporate? They gave you a straight “no”?

LYLE
They said it’s not looking good. That’s what I was told.
Don’t expect much help. The economy, plus the restructuring
across the board... They said they’re looking at stores to
cut costs, not expand their payrolls. They’re always looking
for ways to cut corners up there at corporate.

VICENTE
They’ve got to see that this is an unusual situation. It’s
extreme.

KEISHA
How much a security guard cost anyway?

JO-ANN
More’n you think, probably. Just like everything.
 28.

LYLE
Vince, now, hold on. I didn’t stop there. Lyle don’t take
“no” for an answer. I’m looking out for each and every one on
my team, you know that.

Pause.

STARLA
Well, what’d you do?

LYLE
I’m getting to that. I reached out, made some inquiries with
the police department, told ‘em what’s been going on.

VICENTE
And what’d they say?

LYLE
I told them, “We’ve got some kind of sociopath breaking all
kinds of rules, making everybody’s life difficult, right
where anybody can see...”
(Pause)
They asked me “Do you have the perp.”
(Pause)
“Of course not! That ain’t my job, that’s yours!” Spoke right
up and told ‘em. “I’m gonna need an officer in the store,
patrolling the aisles, looking out for whoever this freak
is.”

VICENTE
And what’d they say?

LYLE
Well. They said “Sounds like you’re looking for a security
guard.”

KEISHA
No shit.

LYLE
And I said “No, I’m looking for law enforcement. I’m looking
for laws to be enforced.” I wasn’t giving up just like that.
I said to myself, I said “Lyle, you better hold this
sumbitch’s feet to the fire if it’s the only thing you do
today.”
(Pause)
So eventually they tell me, okay, they can station one
officer outside the store for one shift, look for anything
suspicious.

VICENTE
Well, that’s useless.

LYLE
That’s what I told ‘em. We’re gonna need ‘em for more time
than just that.
 29.

VICENTE
Even with all the time in the world, what good could that do?
How would we know what we’re looking for? It could be
anybody. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that we’re looking
for a “type.”

STARLA
Vince’s right, the shitter could be anybody...

JO-ANN
We need a security guard, Lyle. Or this is never going to
stop.

VICENTE
You can’t keep counting on Starla.

LYLE
I think Starla should be the one to decide that.
(Long pause)
Besides, y’all can be my eyes and ears. We’ll catch this guy
ourselves. Just watch and see. Remember that. Eyes and ears.
On the lookout. Keepin’ guard. Watch and listen. Eyes and
ears.

Lyle exits.

KEISHA
Fucked. Up.

JO-ANN
I won’t use that kind of language but I will agree with you.

KEISHA
Who Lyle think he is, anyway?

VICENTE
This has to stop now. For your sake, Starla.

Pause.

STARLA
I know. Listen. I appreciate you sticking up for me just now
but, really. It ain’t that big of a deal.

KEISHA
It ain’t?

STARLA
I mean, it is. But I need the money. That’s the bigger deal.
And right now, ain’t nobody else offering me that kind of
money.

JO-ANN
It still ain’t right.
 30.

STARLA
It’s whatever.

JO-ANN
It ain’t your job.

STARLA
It’s just shit.

JO-ANN
It ain’t your shit.

STARLA
It’s whatever.

VICENTE
It’s abuse.
(Pause)
Andray, don’t you have anything to say about it?

Pause.

ANDRAY
Nah.
(Pause)
I mean, in the world they got every kind of job.
(Pause)
Ain’t they?

VICENTE
What are you saying?

Pause.

Curtains fall.
 31.
ACT THREE

SCENE TWO

Curtains rise. Starla, Andray, Vicente,

and various other employees sit or
stand in the breakroom, waiting. Keisha
and Jo-Ann sit huddled, in whispered
conversation, at a table in the corner
of the room.

VICENTE
We all know what this is for.
(Pause)
More damn shit.
(Pause)
I’m calling the union rep. Enough is enough. There’s got to
be a rule against this.

ANDRAY
There’s a rule ‘gainst everything.

STARLA
I doubt it.

VICENTE
Either way. Starla: listen. You’ve got to be the one to put a
stop to this.

STARLA
We ain’t even know that’s what we here for.

VICENTE
Well, if it is.

STARLA
I mean. I hear you. I know it ain’t right. I know people
probably laughing behind my back.

VICENTE
That’s not what it’s about.

STARLA
But if Lyle comes in here waving fifty bucks around--

VICENTE
K-Mart Bucks.

STARLA
Well, I’m not about to say no. It gets easier every time, I
swear.

Lyle enters.

LYLE
(Furious)
This is the last time.
 32.

VICENTE
I knew it!

LYLE
I’m gon’ stand out there myself. All day.
(Pause, then calmly)
One’ these days. People, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to have to do
this.

Andray laughs.

KEISHA
Mmmm, Lord have mercy.

VICENTE
Unbelievable.

LYLE
Obviously, you can guess what it is.

JO-ANN
Sure we can.

STARLA
Here we go again...

Pause.

LYLE
I already notified the police.

VICENTE
And?

LYLE
They asked me if we had the perp.
(Pause)
Now, I’m going to ask you all again ‘cause I hope somebody’s
gonna step up and save poor Starla, here. I hope that’s not
asking too much.

Pause.

JO-ANN
You know what?
(Long pause)
I’ll do it.
(Pause)
For fifty K-Mart Bucks, of course. I think we all think
Starla’s had enough.

STARLA
Jo-Ann, you know, you don’t have to do that.
 33.

JO-ANN
You know what honey? I do.
(Interminable pause)
But I’m gonna do it anyway.

LYLE
Well, Jo-Ann, I don’t know what to say.

STARLA
I mean, nobody has to do it if they don’t want to. I need the
money. I thought y’all would understand.

Pause.

LYLE
You know what? I don’t like this.
(Pause)
I’m not gonna make anyone fight over this.
(Pause)
That’s right. Nobody gets any money. K-Mart Bucks. Strictly
volunteer this time.

STARLA
Hell no.

JO-ANN
Uh uh.

Long pause.

LYLE
So that’s it? Nobody’s gonna do their job unless they get
something extra?

VICENTE
Are you kidding?
(Pause)
Are you?

LYLE
I mean, somebody needs to do it. That’s all.

Long pause.

ANDRAY
I think we all know who that is.

Pause.

LYLE
Alright. Fifty dollars. Starla, go clean it up if you want, I
guess. I’m sorry, Jo-Ann. It’s just, she’s been doing it the
longest.

JO-ANN
No, no, that’s fine, go ahead!
 34.

Pause.

LYLE
Well, alright then.
(Pause)
Thanks Starla.

Starla exits.

LYLE
Alright people, back on the floor.

The employees file out. Keisha and Jo-

Ann linger.

LYLE
(Muttering)
Damn waste of time is what it is...

JO-ANN
Lyle, can we talk to you.

LYLE
What is it.

KEISHA
Me and Jo-Ann got something we gotta tell you.

LYLE
What is it, is it about the...

JO-ANN
Mm-hm.

LYLE
Well what is it?

KEISHA
We think we know who done it.

LYLE
What do you mean “who done it”? You let ‘em leave the store?

KEISHA
When me and Jo-Ann was on register--

JO-ANN
We saw Starla go over to the Girls’ Apparel! Right over to
the spot!

KEISHA
Yeah, and she was there like two, three minutes! Then came
out all normal, acting all casual as usual...

LYLE
Well, that’s not so strange. Did you see anything?
 35.

JO-ANN
Dang it, think about it for a second, Lyle!

KEISHA
I was gonna leave my register and go look, even.

LYLE
Well, why didn’t you?

KEISHA
‘Cause I couldn’t leave my register!

Pause.

LYLE
Well. That doesn’t help me. I told y’all to be my eyes and
ears.

JO-ANN
Well, we saw and we told. If you don’t wanna do shit about
it, that’s fine by me.

LYLE
I hear you.

KEISHA
Come on.

Jo-Ann and Keisha exit. Lyle lingers.

Curtains fall.

SCENE THREE

Curtains rise. For several moments,

Lyle sits alone in the breakroom, a
legal pad resting on the table before
him. Vicente enters.

VICENTE
You wanted me?

LYLE
Hey, Vince. Have a seat.

Vince sits opposite Lyle.

LYLE
I called you down here because--well. I value your opinion.

VICENTE
I appreciate that.

LYLE
And I respect you.
 36.

VICENTE
Thanks, Lyle.

LYLE
And I need your opinion on something I gotta do.

VICENTE
What is it?

Pause.

LYLE
Well, after this morning’s meeting, I-- Jo-Ann and Keisha had
something they wanted to tell me...

VICENTE
I heard.

LYLE
Oh, you heard?

VICENTE
We all have.

LYLE
Well, what do you think?

VICENTE
(Same intonation)
What do you think?

LYLE
What do you mean, “What do you think.”

VICENTE
I mean, what do you think?

Pause.

LYLE
Well, I talked to Starla about it.

VICENTE
And? What did she say?

LYLE
She-- God, I felt terrible even asking her about it. Saying
anything. After what she’s done...

VICENTE
Well, do you think she did it?

LYLE
I dunno. She says she lost one of her keys. Thought maybe she
dropped it there, I guess, since she been doing so much
squatting around back there.
 37.

VICENTE
While cleaning, you mean.

LYLE
Yeah. And she did find it. So now I don’t know what to think.
(Pause)
I mean, it does make sense, now that I have the time to think
about it.
(Pause)
I been giving her a lot of K-Mart Bucks. Damn near every day
this week. Fifty.
(Pause)
I mean, I know nobody else wants ‘em, but they ain’t
worthless.

VICENTE
It’s not about the value of the K-Mart Bucks, Lyle.

LYLE
I know that.

VICENTE
We could all use fifty K-Mart Bucks.

LYLE
I know, I know.

Pause.

VICENTE
Do you?

Pause.

LYLE
I know she could. But-- It doesn’t make any sense! Who
would... I mean, sayin’ she did.
(Pause)
That’s some evil shit right there.

VICENTE
Sure it is. But saying she didn’t.

LYLE
Well. Then I owe her an apology for even askin’.

VICENTE
Right.

LYLE
So then what.

VICENTE
I dunno. It’s your call.
 38.

LYLE
I know it is. But I don’t know what to do.

VICENTE
Starla’s a smart girl.

LYLE
I know she is, but what kind of--

VICENTE
A good worker.
(Pause)
A team player.
(Pause)
She deserves better than what she’s getting, right now.

LYLE
You think so? Jo-Ann and Keisha seemed pretty sure...

VICENTE
That’s not what I mean.

Pause.

LYLE
What do you mean, then?

VICENTE
Alright, think about it.

LYLE
I’ve been thinking.

VICENTE
If she did it, then she’s fired and that’s that. She gets
what’s coming to her, and nothing more.

LYLE
Uh huh.

VICENTE
But what if it wasn’t her?

LYLE
You tell me.

VICENTE
What if you let her go, and tomorrow the same thing happens.
No one to clean it up.

LYLE
Well...
(Pause)
Jo-Ann said she’d do it this morning!
 39.

VICENTE
Jo-Ann was trying to prove a point.

LYLE
Oh.

VICENTE
Yeah. No one to clean it up.

LYLE
Right.

VICENTE
I believe the shit falls in your lap, Lyle. So to speak.

Pause.

LYLE
Those are my two options?

VICENTE
Well, no. Those are half of your options.

LYLE
What do you mean?

VICENTE
Well, there’s the obvious one we haven’t gone over. It wasn’t
her, and you don’t fire her. Don’t overlook that.

LYLE
Of course.
(Pause)
So that leaves...
(Long pause)
It was her? And I don’t fire her?

VICENTE
Well, you want to be certain. And there’s no way of saying
whether you’d ever be certain.

LYLE
So you’re saying it’s better to have her shittin’ around than
have her go and have nobody to clean up the shit?

VICENTE
What do you think?

LYLE
I mean, this can’t keep going on! Jesus Christ, Vince, what
am I gonna do? Do you know what Raenita’s saying to me?

VICENTE
What if it’s going to keep going on, regardless.
 40.

LYLE
Well, the K-Mart Bucks are going to run out, for one.
(Pause)
Soon. We only get like five hundred of those a month.

VICENTE
You do?

LYLE
Maybe.

Pause.

VICENTE
Well, then corporate’s just going to have to send us more.

LYLE
They are?

VICENTE
If they’re not going to let us hire a security guard full-
time. And we know the police are no help. We can only see so
much out there, on the floor, you know. Your eyes and ears
are only so good.
(Pause)
Tell them it’s a major problem. Every time it happens. Tell
them the whole store clears out. But tell them you have it
under control, tell them you’ve worked it out. You know. With
your managerial wits. Tell them you have a young employee
who’s stepping up to the plate as long as a certain bare
minimum compensation is afforded...

LYLE
Uh huh...

VICENTE
See what they say. I bet if they look at the situation, look
at the potential costs one way and then look at it the other
way, they’ll come through. They’re always cutting corners up
there at corporate. You said that yourself.

LYLE
But what about the principle?

VICENTE
What principle?

LYLE
I dunno. What you’re saying. I dunno. I don’t know what
you’re saying.

VICENTE
What about it?
 41.

LYLE
Just, what kind of example is that? I mean, if it is her and
we just keep giving out those... bonuses. If it is true. Just
handing out money on top of everything, that isn’t even ours
to spend.

VICENTE
Well, what if? I told you, we can probably never be certain
one way or another.

Long pause.

VICENTE
All I’m saying is, if you’re wrong, about everything... Think
about what happens tomorrow.

Long pause.

LYLE
Alright.
(Pause)
Alright. Thanks, Vince. Thank you. I guess you can go now.

VICENTE
Any time, Lyle.

LYLE
Alright.

Vicente steps out the door.

LYLE
Hey, Vince? Can you find Starla and send her in here? Tell
her I want to see her.

Pause.

VICENTE
You do?

LYLE
Yeah. I think I owe her an apology.

Vicente nods, exits.

LYLE
There is such a thing as speaking in haste. Feel awful. Talk
about a, now that’s something you don’t want. Poor kid. Front
of all those people, laid her out like that. Come on, Lyle.
You should’ve brung her aside in the first place. And if she
don’t accept, Vince’s right. If she don’t understand...
(Pause)
No. No, Lyle. She’s got to accept. There is such a thing as
speaking in haste.

A knock at the door.

 42.

LYLE
Enter!

Starla enters.

LYLE
Starla. I didn’t know you were outside listening in.

STARLA
I wasn’t.

LYLE
Alright then. Go ahead n’ shut the door.

STARLA
Alright.

Starla shuts the door, a bit

forcefully.

LYLE
Well, alright now. I know how you feel.

Pause.

STARLA
Do you?

LYLE
Now, let’s not get into that.

STARLA
Into what?

LYLE
That, whole, you know, “Oh do you?”
(Pause)
That whole crap. Sure I understand.

STARLA
Alright, Lyle.

LYLE
Brought you in here to apologize.

STARLA
Not gonna apologize for shit.

LYLE
Not-- No, not you, I mean. I brought you in here to
apologize. To you.

Pause.

STARLA
Really.
 43.

LYLE
Sure.

Pause.

STARLA
Alright.

Pause.

LYLE
Alright.

STARLA
Let’s hear it.

Pause.

LYLE
Well? I guess. You know. I guess, what I’m tryin’ to say is.
As far as you’re concerned. I mean, as far as whatever goes,
you know... OK?

STARLA
Not OK. Don’t understand you.

LYLE
Come on, Star’.

STARLA
Never call me that.

LYLE
Sorry. I’m sorry. Alright? Enough? Can we move on?

STARLA
Move on in what way. Me leaving quietly? Never said I
wouldn’t.

LYLE
No. No no no. We-- I-- We want you to stay on. We misjudged
the whole-- Now ain’t the time to jump to conclusions. That’s
what I-- we did, and I’m sorry.

STARLA
So you believe me now?

LYLE
Sure I do. We do. I’m sorry we doubted you. We were acting on
a very small piece of information...

STARLA
I bet you were. This is bullshit. I’m about to walk out on
this whole mess right now.
 44.

LYLE
I wish you wouldn’t. Just... Wait. OK? I’m with you. On your
side. The K-Mart family is your family. And you’re a part of
the K-Mart family. You don’t just get rid of family.

STARLA
That don’t sound like what you said a minute ago.

LYLE
I was speaking hastily when I should’ve--

STARLA
Sounded like you said I was fired.

LYLE
No, not at all. Did I say that? No, if you remember--

STARLA
Never to set foot in your store again.

LYLE
Did I say that?

STARLA
Fuck you Lyle, yes, and you put the emphasis on “MY store.”
Fuck you.

LYLE
That ain’t necessary, Starla. All that. Come on, now.

STARLA
Come on where.

LYLE
Come on back, get back out there and... You know. Do what it
is you do. Act like none of this happened. Just get back out
there and keep... on.

STARLA
Mmmm, nah. I think I’m done.

LYLE
You can’t.

STARLA
Watch.

LYLE
Please.

STARLA
Please?

LYLE
I’m begging you.
 45.

STARLA
Why.

LYLE
Look at me, I’m begging you.

STARLA
Why?

LYLE
Please!

STARLA
Why!

LYLE
CAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO’LL--

There is a knock at the door.

LYLE
(Shouting)
Go away!

Pause.

LYLE
Dang eyes and ears everywhere.
(Pause)
I’m begging you, Starla, stay. I need you on this team.

STARLA
I deserve better than this job, Lyle. It ain’t personal.

LYLE
I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.

STARLA
Well, you did.

LYLE
In front of all your coworkers.

STARLA
Uh huh.

LYLE
By accusing you.

STARLA
In public.

LYLE
Right out in the middle of the store, I know.
 46.

STARLA
So then what.

LYLE
Forgive me.

STARLA
They all think I’m a freak now. Liar, thief...

LYLE
No they don’t.

STARLA
Well, why the hell wouldn’t they?

LYLE
I mean, they do now, but only because I told them so. I’ll
tell ‘em to stop thinking that and they will.

STARLA
Oh will they.

LYLE
Promise you they will.

STARLA
Shit, Lyle, you don’t get it, do you?

LYLE
I guess not!

STARLA
No! The answer is no. I will not work another day in the same
old shithole at the same old shit pay. I’m done, Lyle. Now
I’ve seen how quick y’all turn. Some of y’all.

LYLE
What about a raise?

STARLA
What about a raise?

LYLE
Well?

STARLA
You making an offer?

LYLE
Would you consider?

STARLA
Give me something to consider first.

Pause.
 47.

LYLE
I couldn’t just--give, you. Without a-- I’m not authorized to
just raise your salary. I mean, across the board. At your
level. I’d have to raise everybody’s, all the associates. I
mean, get authorization. Have them raise it.

STARLA
‘K, why don’t you?

LYLE
I can’t. You know that. This economy? They’d think I was--
They want me letting people go!

STARLA
Then how you gonna raise mine?

LYLE
We could work something out.

STARLA
Start talking.

LYLE
I’d have to promote you.

STARLA
I don’t want a whole fuckin’ department, Lyle.

LYLE
Well what do you want?

STARLA
I like running register just fine.

LYLE
I can’t just--can’t you do something extra?

STARLA
I think I’m doing plenty extra.

LYLE
I know, you’re right. I know.
(Pause)
Well, then I guess I’d have to come up with some sort of...
extra, what d’you call it-- tier. A higher level. Higher pay
grade.
(Pause)
“Head Cashier.” How’s that.

STARLA
Depends.

LYLE
On what?
(Long pause)
Eight oh one.
 48.

STARLA
Serious? No.

LYLE
Eight eleven.
(Pause)
Eight twenty one.
(Pause)
Thirty one.

STARLA
Come on, Lyle. Be creative, for once in your life.

LYLE
Eight fifty one, final offer.

STARLA
Nine bucks an hour.

LYLE
Nine--? That’s--. I can’t. Starla. Nine? That’s more’n what
the department managers get!

STARLA
Well, that’s my minimum now. And I already told you I ain’t
taking no department.

LYLE
How am I going to explain it when they find out I’m paying my
rookie Head Cashier more than my veteran, long-time, you
know, head, senior people, my department people?

STARLA
I won’t tell them if you won’t.

LYLE
Not them, I mean them.

Lyle points at the ceiling.

STARLA
Shit, I dunno Lyle, think of something if you’re really that
worried about having to clean up a little shit with your own
hands tomorrow.

LYLE
I-- It’s not--
(Pause)
I’m thinking.

STARLA
(Pushing back her chair, moving
to stand up)
Well, think fast. Or I’m outta here.
 49.

LYLE
Wait! I got it. We’ll call you “Floor Manager.” Put you on a
whole different pay grade.

STARLA
How’s that different from your job?

LYLE
I’m “Store Manager.” You’d be “Floor Manager.” See? Store
Manager, Floor Manager.

STARLA
And what does the Floor Manager do.

LYLE
Well, nothing, right? Just like you said. It’d be like Head
Cashier.

STARLA
No, I mean, what are you gonna tell them my job is? To
justify...

LYLE
Oh, I--. Well, they know about our situation, here. I’ll tell
‘em you’re my eyes and ears. Tell ‘em we needed the extra-- I
mean, Raenita’s always in the office. That’s her job. I split
my time between the upstairs and the downstairs, and I’ll
tell ‘em, “Look, we need somebody lookin’ out special all the
time here, OK?”
(Pause)
When I can’t be out on the floor myself. That’s what a Floor
Manager is for.

STARLA
There you go.

LYLE
So is that a yes?

STARLA
Nine bucks an hour.

LYLE
Nine oh one, to be precise.

STARLA
You promise.

LYLE
Got my word.

STARLA
Starting when.

LYLE
Starting the second you get back out there.
 50.

Pause.

LYLE
Well?

STARLA
I need a fucking second to think.

LYLE
Sorry.

Pause.

STARLA
I have a condition.

LYLE
Another condition?

STARLA
Sure. You gotta go back out there with me, in front of
everybody, and say I’m innocent.

LYLE
I can’t do that.

STARLA
Why not? Then the deal’s off.

LYLE
I just-- What if I got Vince to do it.

STARLA
(Amused)
Vince won’t do that shit. Since when you order Vince around?

LYLE
Since-- never, I value his loyalty and intelligence. I would
never think of him as anything--

STARLA
I’m shittin’ you. Aiight. Do what you gotta do. Nine oh one
an hour, and my name cleared with the others. By you or
Vince. That’ll do it.

LYLE
It will?

STARLA
You heard me.

Lyle extends his hand, and they shake.

LYLE
And you’ll still-- If it happens again, and-- you’re still
gonna...?
 51.

STARLA
Yes, Lyle.

LYLE
Alright. That’s all I wanted to know. I-- Thank you. You can
go. Send Vince in if you see him. Go get him and send him in.

Starla exits. Curtains fall.

END OF ACT TWO.

 52.
ACT THREE

SCENE ONE

Curtains rise. Vicente is at the front

of the breakroom, addressing Andray,
Keisha, Jo-Ann, and several other
employees. Starla stands apart, in a
corner.

VICENTE
And just to stress it again: Absolutely no reason to suspect
anyone in the store, any employee... Yes, Jo-Ann, do you have
a question?

JO-ANN
What do you mean, “No reason?”

KEISHA
Yeah, Lyle change his mind?

JO-ANN
I’d say it’s a pretty good reason...

VICENTE
Again. At this time, we are treating this issue as an ongoing
investigation, and in the meantime we don’t want to start
turning on ourselves and throwing around accusations when we
could all be helping to find the real culprit. OK?

ANDRAY
So what you saying is, Starla still got her job?

VICENTE
Yes. Starla remains a part of the K-Mart Family Team. Team K-
Mart Family.

KEISHA
(Aside)
Listen to him. He even got him talking like him now.

VICENTE
Surely you can see I’m joking...

KEISHA
Is you? Looks like you say what Lyle tells you to these days.

VICENTE
Would you rather I be Lyle?

Pause.

ANDRAY
He got a point.
 53.

VICENTE
I mean, listen. The only reason I said I’d do this is-- is...
I mean, OK. Listen. We all know Lyle’s too chickenshit to
come down here himself and say he was wrong and take back
what he said about Starla earlier in front of all of us. OK?
I said it. We all know he’s not about to man up and take
responsibility for the situation. For his mistakes. Which is
why I’m here.

Pause.

VICENTE
Is that better?

The room warms to Vicente.

VICENTE
But why am I here? I hear you wondering. “Since when is
Vicente Lyle’s mouthpiece? Since when does Vicente do Lyle’s
dirty work?”--not that we all don’t, but--”Who does he think
he is?” I’m going to explain myself, don’t worry. First let
me say: This is important to me. Second: No, I don’t know
why. Starla. Come here.

Starla crosses over to Vicente.

VICENTE
I know you’re all thinking the same thing. “Why is she still
here?” Keisha, Jo-Ann, I understand you’re hurt. You’re
thinking, you really did something today, you really went
above and beyond, you found something real, and big, and here
Lyle is ignoring it, and here’s Vicente telling you not to
believe your own eyes. And of course you think that stinks.
But let me tell you what I think. Let me ask you something.
(Pause)
What has this girl ever done to you?
(Pause)
Any of you. Starla, what has she done to you? Ever. In the
store. In life. What. Tell me. Tell us all.

JO-ANN
In the store? We all know what she did! She shit!

VICENTE
We don’t know that.

KEISHA
Yes. We do.

VICENTE
Well, did she make any of you look at it? Did she make you
clean it up?

Pause.
 54.

ANDRAY
Nah.

VICENTE
No, she didn’t. And did she do it to hurt any of you? If she
did it. Or to offend you?

STARLA
Vince, I-- Thanks. I can take it from here.

VICENTE
Maybe she lied to you, but did she take advantage of anyone
here?

STARLA
I wanna talk to them.

VICENTE
OK. Good. Talk to them. Let her talk. Please listen to what
she’s got to say.

STARLA
Alright. Listen.

JO-ANN
I don’t know why she’s even here.

KEISHA
Lyle done lost his mind.

STARLA
Girls, I’m sorry. I’m deeply, deeply sorry for how you feel
right now. I know a lot of y’all are probably pissed at me
right now. And grossed out. Disgusted, even. Shit that I
pulled. If you believe I did it.

ANDRAY
I believe you.

STARLA
It’s OK, Andray. I ain’t need you to cover for me no more.

A murmur of surprise spreads across the

room.

JO-ANN
What?

KEISHA
You knew this whole time?

JO-ANN
They oughta both lose their jobs!

Murmured assent.
 55.

JO-ANN
What’s Lyle got to say to that, huh? A conspiracy!

ANDRAY
Ain’t no conspiracy...

STARLA
Guys...

VICENTE
(Quietly, as if to himself)
Lyle still doesn’t have to find out...

JO-ANN
It just gets thicker and thicker, don’t it Keisha?

KEISHA
Shame.

STARLA
Guys, please.

VICENTE
(Louder)
I said, Lyle doesn’t have to find out.

The room goes quiet.

VICENTE
And if there’s a conspiracy, I guess I’m in on it too.
Because I could’ve told him, and I didn’t either.

JO-ANN
You knew? How long for?

KEISHA
You was in on it?

VICENTE
No, of course I wasn’t “in on it.” But, I’ve known. For a
while now. I had a good inkling.

Andray and Starla exchange a look of

surprise.

VICENTE
But I kept my mouth shut.

JO-ANN
Why, Vince? This ain’t like you, you ain’t a damn freak,
scatological--probably satanic--God knows what else it is...
You’re supposed to be a good, quiet--
 56.

VICENTE
Shut up, Jo-Ann. Just, shut up. For a minute. I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to offend// you just then.

JO-ANN
Well nobody tells me to// shut up.

VICENTE
Please, just let somebody from the other side speak.

KEISHA
Oh there’s sides now? All of a sudden, huh. You too, ‘Dre?

VICENTE
Andray has no idea where I’m going with this, or if I’m going
anywhere. Starla neither.

Pause.

VICENTE
Listen. Today’s been a big day. Information-wise. Lot to
digest. Lot to process. All I’m saying is, you need to--we
all need to, slow down and make certain that what we’re
reacting to isn’t our reaction to the information. It’s gotta
be the information itself. Do you know what I mean?

Pause.

VICENTE
It’s a bombshell. Nobody’s arguing with that. Nobody’s
arguing for business as usual.

JO-ANN
Then what are you arguing for?

VICENTE
I’m not arguing for anything! I’m just asking you. If any of
you think Starla’s acted against you in any way, or hurt you.
If that’s why you want to cast her out.
(Pause)
Exactly.

JO-ANN
She goddamn shat in my place of work, Vince!

VICENTE
Doesn’t she work here too?

JO-ANN
What’s that supposed to mean?

VICENTE
We all know it can’t be any worse in here than it already
was.
 57.

JO-ANN
She disrespected me!

VICENTE
I don’t feel disrespected.

KEISHA
What about all that money.

VICENTE
K-Mart Bucks, yes.

KEISHA
She ain’t deserved that!

JO-ANN
It’s still a dirty, dirty scheme. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty.
It’s dirty.

STARLA
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it// to become any sort of--

VICENTE
(Shouting)
Stop it!
(Pause)
Enough.
(Pause)
Is that it? Is that how stupid we are?
(Long pause)
Are// we going to simply--

JO-ANN
Now, wait a minute, Vicente.

VICENTE
Bravo! “Vi-cen-te,” yes! Still, please, Jo-Ann, my dear, my
dear, my dear Sales Associate, please. Enough. For the
moment. In a moment you can speak, to all of us, you can have
your entire say. Alright? Sounds fair?
(Pause)
Now, what I was going to say. Was. Are we simply going to
turn on Starla, to turn her in, cast her out, rebuke and
reject her for gaming the system?

KEISHA
Why not?

VICENTE
For extra pay?

KEISHA
Why not.

VICENTE
Keishaaaaaaaarrrreyoukidding me.
 58.

KEISHA
What.

VICENTE
Was it not you who told me not so long ago that I was
mistaken in taking my breaks every two hours? For five
minutes? As mandated in the Sales Associate guidebook? From
HR? Hm? Because if I waited four hours to take my first break
I could take a ten-minute break, and, as you put it, “Lyle’s
ass wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between ten
minutes and fifteen?

KEISHA
And you saying that’s the same thing?

VICENTE
I am. One and the same.

KEISHA
Pssshh.

VICENTE
Gaming the system! That’s all it is. And are we--as I was
saying, are we, as workers--as coworkers... are we going to
rebuke Starla simply for gaming the system so... brazenly? So
effectively? For showing us... The way?

Long pause. Curtains fall.

SCENE TWO

Curtains rise. In the breakroom, Lyle

addresses all the sales associates.

LYLE
God... Dang it. Starla? Am I glad I kept you on, hoo boy.
Alright. Shit. Pardon me. Just... Whole store smells like
shit today. Keep that door closed, you wanna. This is. I
don’t have to tell y’all, this is getting old. We need to
catch this son of a bitch ourselves, am I clear?

JO-ANN
Smells normal to me, Lyle.

KEISHA
Me too.

STARLA
Same bullshit.

LYLE
No! Not the same! We got multiple zones of attack! How this
got by us, God knows...

VICENTE
What?
 59.

LYLE
That’s right. Usual spot, and toys. By the bikes.

ANDRAY
Twice in the same few minutes?

LYLE
The goddamn Huffy bikes, people! What kind of kink is that?

VICENTE
Maybe the spot doesn’t have to have any significance. To the
attacker. You think?

LYLE
He probably gets off on all the pretty tassels. On the
handlebars. Or the color pink! That’s the connection!

ANDRAY
You said the bikes?

LYLE
Yeah. The bikes! You-- I’m surprised you didn’t see it
happen, Andray...

ANDRAY
I was right in my usual spot all morning. Until you called us
all down here.

LYLE
Hmm... He must have struck between when I made the
announcement and right... Holy-- he’s probably still in the!

Lyle runs out of the breakroom,

slamming the door closed behind him.

Pause.

KEISHA
He really is an idiot, ain’t he.

Pause.

VICENTE
All the same, I’d urge you all not to get carried away.

JO-ANN
You’re right. We haven’t even seen if he’s willing to shell
out more than once in the same day.

ANDRAY
Yeah, what if he ain’t?

STARLA
Then the jackpot’s all yours, boo. Today I’m feeling
generous.
 60.

ANDRAY
Bull shit.

STARLA
If he ain’t, we’ll make him.

VICENTE
Exactly.

Pause.

JO-ANN
How long do you give him before he gives up and comes back.

VICENTE
Not long. Or possibly he’ll forget our meeting.

Pause.

The door flies open, and a sweaty Lyle

enters holding a mop and bucket.

LYLE
He ain’t out there! There ain’t a soul out there.
(Pause)
I got some... It really does smell like shit out there you
guys, today. It really does. I really don’t blame ‘em for
leaving.

STARLA
Well, what are we going to do?

VICENTE
We gotta close down the store. It’s that simple. Get a crew
in here, sterilize the whole place...

JO-ANN
Yeah.

KEISHA
How many days you think that take?

ANDRAY
Shit, a week. Easy.

LYLE
We’re not--no. No no no no no. No closing anything down, no
nothing, no. This ain’t nothing new, this ain’t nothing we
ain’t seen before. Slightly bigger scale, is all. Now, y’all--
all of us can stay in here while--. While somebody cleans up
that mess outside.

Long pause.

LYLE
Anybody? Starla?
 61.

STARLA
I dunno, Lyle.

LYLE
What don’t you know?

STARLA
I just--it’s too much even for me, Lyle. All that shit. I
ain’t no shit-remover by trade.

LYLE
I know you ain’t. Nobody here is.

STARLA
I mean, one small area I can handle.

LYLE
You’re sure...?

STARLA
What am I gonna do with all that shit? What if it overflows
that little bucket?

LYLE
Oh, we have another bucket...

STARLA
We do?

LYLE
Sure we do, want me to go get it? Want me to bring it out to
you over by the...

STARLA
No, no, what I’m thinking. Is maybe I could take one mop and
one bucket, and somebody else could take another mop and the
other bucket, and we could each tackle one spot and, and that
way it wouldn’t be--nobody would have to spend an hour
cleaning... It would be half the work!

LYLE
If anyone else... which I doubt.

ANDRAY
For fifty K-Mart Bucks? I’ll do it.

LYLE
You will?

ANDRAY
I mean, it is my area. Yeah.

LYLE
OK. So... You won’t do it unless you get fifty Bucks, and he
does it too, and you won’t do it unless you get fifty
Bucks...
 62.

Pause.

STARLA
Yep.

Pause.

LYLE
Well, don’t see how I have any choice in the matter. Sure.
Both of you, just... Get out there quick.

STARLA
Aiight.

Starla crosses to the door, and opens

it.

ANDRAY
Dag, Lyle! You could at least say thank you!

LYLE
I-- I’m sorry, Andray. Starla. Thank you. From all of us.
From your whole team, thanks.

STARLA
Aw, Lyle, you ain’t have to say that.

ANDRAY
I appreciate it.

LYLE
Alright, alright, can you shut the door already?

STARLA
No problem.

They both exit, closing the door behind

them.

Pause.

The door swings wide open and Andray

enters.

ANDRAY
Where that other mop at?

LYLE
Argh... Shit. By the, you know. Shit. By the thing! Jesus
Christ! Ask Starla!

ANDRAY
Holla.

Andray exits
 63.

LYLE
Shut the door!

Andray shuts the door. Curtains fall.

SCENE THREE

Curtains rise. The sales associates are

assembled, casually, in the breakroom.
Starla loads individual makeup items
into a shiny pleather makeup bag, tags
still attached. Keisha’s eyes roam over
the box of a new countertop deep fryer
unit. Jo-Ann shuffles a stack of fluffy
Martha Stewart Living decorative
towels. Andray is engrossed in a
PlayStation Portable video game.
Vicente reads a tattered USA Today. The
non-speaking employees look on in
envious anticipation.

VICENTE
I’ve got to hand it to all of you. I’ve never seen the
shelves so empty.

STARLA
Almost looks like people shop here.

KEISHA
Just us.

JO-ANN
What it looks like is Commie Russia. You remember those
pictures they would show on the news? Empty store shelves, in
the grocery stores and everything. Nothing to buy, no food.
Commie Russia.

VICENTE
It’s actually a lot like that, now that you mention it. Our
whole situation. These zero-sum sales. I mean, it’s not
really commerce. That’s why we don’t deduct them from
inventory when we scan them. The comped items. Technically
they’re still sitting out there on the shelves. All this
stuff is.

KEISHA
That’s why we ain’t reordering shit we should be?

VICENTE
That’d be my guess. But who knows. Not too many customers
these days, either.

ANDRAY
Bad rep for a store to get, yo.
 64.

VICENTE
We never had a good reputation to begin with. Before this.
I’d just suggest you all ride this wave while it lasts.

Pause.

ANDRAY
Vince. Why you ain’t never do it?

VICENTE
No particular reason, just not my thing.

ANDRAY
For a while it was completely your thing.

KEISHA
Yeah. It was your idea. All of us doing it.

VICENTE
Eh. I don’t know, Andray. I sensed an opportunity. Just not
for me. For you guys. I’m proud of all of you, though. You
got what was rightly yours. For once. Just that’s enough for
me, for my reward. See this, right here, what’s happening in
this store, this goddamn K-Mart... It’s a revolution. A minor
revolution. Minor but significant. And revolutionary.

STARLA
Hell yes, dude. Viva la revolución!

JO-ANN
Viva la Vicente!

They all laugh, then fall silent one by

one.

STARLA
Do you think we finally went too far though.

VICENTE
Why?

STARLA
I mean, look at it. Out there.

ANDRAY
It is some shit.

JO-ANN
What is it--one... two... three. Four, five. That’s the five
that did it yesterday and the day before too. But then, six,
seven. Eight. Nine.
(Pause)
Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen... fourteen. Fourteen. That’s
fourteen shits hidden around the store right now. No wonder
Lyle’s been gone so long, he’s probably still finding them.
 65.

VICENTE
It is brazen. No one attacker could be so... prolific.

KEISHA
But if it do work we all gonna be paid.

The room erupts in cheers.

VICENTE
And you’re sure you took the tapes out of the security
cameras, the VCRs.

STARLA
Dude, I told you, I got rid of those two weeks ago. Maybe if
we had a security guard someone would notice.

VICENTE
Well, then. It’s not out of the realm of possibility, I
suppose. Plausible... suspicion. It is Lyle we’re dealing
with...

Laughter, then silence. After a pause,

the door opens, slowly.

JO-ANN
Lyle? There you are--oh.

Pause. Raenita enters.

RAENITA
Hi, associates. Um. Good afternoon. I know I don’t usually do
this, but--

KEISHA
Where Lyle at?

RAENITA
I-- Please, I’m sorry, Miss--? I don’t know some of the newer
faces in here, I apologize for that. I’m in my own world up
there on the computer all day...

KEISHA
I’m Keisha. Demby.

RAENITA
Well, it’s nice to meet you Keisha, thank you. Lyle,
unfortunately, isn’t a part of this team anymore. He had to
be let go.

A wave of shock passes through the

room.

RAENITA
Now, I know you all loved him. I can see that just from your
faces, so... I hope you know that Mr. Pinder did have ample
warning. Opportunities to-- and milestones. Probationary...
 66.
conditions. That he did not meet. After repeated... Anyway.
We all know about the unusual circumstances surrounding this
location in recent weeks. I asked Mr. Pinder, Lyle, to take
point on this situation, and make sure he saw to its end.
Instead it’s spiraled out of control on his watch and, well,
I’m a woman of my word. So. Mr. Pinder is with us no more.

Pause.

VICENTE
Well, what are we going to do about the--excuse me--about the
amounts of feces located throughout the store? It’s not safe
to have the store open in this state.

RAENITA
Oh, I know. The store’s been cleared--I did a walkthrough
myself. Door’s locked with a sign up, “closed until further
notice.” We need to get this place clean.

KEISHA
Yeah... about that.

RAENITA
About?

JO-ANN
We, uh. Lyle had a system going, where um. If anybody on
the... team, volunteered. To clean up the um, mess. They’d
get fifty dollars. K-Mart Bucks. You know. For their trouble.

RAENITA
He what?

ANDRAY
And, you know, this is a big job. What we got today. That’s a
lot of shit. ‘Scuse me for cussin’.

KEISHA
Yeah, we was all talking, while Lyle was gone--when he left--
we was saying we would all split up the work and all help
out, together, each take over a spot...

RAENITA
You--? Oh, no. No, no, no. This isn’t none of y’all’s--none
of your business. This’s been going on far too long. I
would’ve put a stop to it. Believe me. We gotta shut down,
get a crew in here to clear this place out. And I already
spoke to the police, we’ve arranged to pay a patrolman to
stay out here for a couple of days, and keep watch. So y’all
go on home now for a couple of days, and one of us will be
calling you with information on the reopening.

VICENTE
One of who?
 67.

RAENITA
Oh, right. Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself. Which one
of you is Starla?

Starla raises her hand.

RAENITA
Oh! I have met you, Starla, hey. It’s nice to see you again.

STARLA
Likewise...

RAENITA
The rest of you can go. Home. Thank you for all your help.
Don’t worry. We’re gonna make it through this, as a team.
Keep an ear out for the phone.

The sales associates file out of the

breakroom, closing the door behind
them. Only Raenita and Starla are left
behind.

RAENITA
Thanks for waiting, I thought it’d be better to do this away
from the rest.

STARLA
Look, whatever you’re about to say...

RAENITA
Lyle Pinder had nothing but good things to say about you, you
know. Ms. Larson.

STARLA
Thanks, I guess...

RAENITA
Honest worker, he said, and a good team player. Just the
things we look for in a K-Mart leader.

STARLA
Leader...?

RAENITA
That’s why I was glad to hear he had you signing on for more
responsibilities with us, in the midst of this whole...
situation. Probably the one proactive decision he made this
whole time.

STARLA
Huh...

RAENITA
Making you Floor Manager, I thought, maybe that would do the
trick. Having someone just be in charge of the floor. But it
looks like the problem’s too big for us now anyway.
 68.
Not gonna blame that on you. Coming in so late in the game.
Lyle was supposed to have this handled from the start. That
was his job. That’s why I told him, enough’s enough. He
didn’t take it well.

STARLA
I’d imagine.

RAENITA
But that leaves us without a Store Manager, and, well,
looking at the flow-chart as it stands right now, you’re next
in line for Lyle’s old position.

STARLA
Me? No...

RAENITA
Oh yes.

STARLA
I’m not management material. Too much--

RAENITA
I’ve heard you have greatness in you. We look for that here,
at K-Mart.

STARLA
It’s a lot more responsibility.

RAENITA
I know you’re young, but I’ve got faith in you. And I’d
always rather promote from within. I have faith in you,
Starla. A young woman like yourself can go far in this
company, even in this climate.

STARLA
Is it--
(Pause)
How much is it an hour.

RAENITA
Huh?
(Pause)
Oh, honey. We can talk about the specifics later. Squeeze out
a whole package. But we’re not talking hourly, here. Store
Manager is a salaried position, just like General Manager is.

STARLA
Salaried? Don’t I get a salary already?

RAENITA
A... Oh, honey. A yearly income. Store Manager starts at
about... thirty nine thousand a year? Plus health and 401(K),
vacation days... sick leave... child care allowance. K-Mart
is good with the benefits, you’ll see. We ain’t Wal-Mart,
here.
(Pause)
 69.
You’ve earned it. Don’t you think?
(Pause)
Aw, honey, why so quiet? Come on.
(Pause)
You didn’t want to be a cashier forever.
(Pause)
Don’t doubt yourself, Starla. You just keep on going after
that prize. You make your own terms. You lay down your own
path. You hear me? You’ll have my job one day.
(Pause)
First I’m going to set you up on email.
(Pause)
Come on, come see your new office. Remember to watch your
step.

STARLA
Alright...

They turn to exit, and Starla begins to

pull the door shut. Just then,
remembering her new makeup bag, she
runs back in to retrieve it. Bag in
hand, she switches off the light and
exits, closing the door behind her.
Curtains fall.

SCENE FOUR

Curtains rise to reveal a windowless

second-floor managerial office.
Onstage: a faux-leather executive
chair, a laminate computer table, an
office telephone, a beige Compaq PC
with ancient CRT monitor, a file
cabinet, and various mismatching
furniture pieces. Motivational posters
decorate the walls. Lyle moves
throughout the office, muttering under
his breath as he places a few personal
objects into a Xerox box sitting atop
the desk. Then, one by one, he moves to
take the motivational posters down from
the walls; they are obviously his
addition to the office.

LYLE
Let’s see... Integrity, no. Teamwork. No. Courage, no,
Persistence, no. Leadership, no thanks. Guidance, ha. Sorry
lighthouse picture, we don’t need any guidance here.
Excellence, Character, Vision... no no no. No need for these
here. These people don’t know the meaning of the words.

The door opens, and Raenita and Starla

enter, mid-conversation.

RAENITA
...But that’s obviously only once a year--
 70.

STARLA
I can do that.

RAENITA
Yeah it’s not generally a--Ah, here he is. Lyle’s just, um,
gathering his personal effects.

LYLE
That I am. Starla, what are you doin’ here?

RAENITA
This is Starla’s office now. She’s gonna take your position
for us.

LYLE
(Under his breath:)
Well isn’t that just nice.

RAENITA
What?

LYLE
I said that’s nice. She’s gonna do a great job. Starla,
you’re gonna do a fine job.

STARLA
Um. Thanks.

RAENITA
I think so too.

LYLE
The most important thing to remember is that this is a team.

STARLA
Yup.

LYLE
That’s what I always told y’all.

STARLA
M-hm.

LYLE
A team always looks out for each other. That’s what teamwork
is.

RAENITA
Lyle, are you almost finished up in here?

LYLE
Almost.

RAENITA
OK, good.
 71.

LYLE
Just about.

RAENITA
OK. We need the space.

LYLE
I’ll just be a minute, here. I just want to make sure I’m not
leaving anything behind.

RAENITA
Good, yeah. Make sure, because we’re shutting the store down
for at least a couple of days to a week and you might not be
able to get back in if you forget anything...

Pause.

LYLE
You know what the most important thing about teamwork is,
Starla? Loyalty. Without loyalty a team is just a bunch of
people lookin’ out for themselves. I’m just telling that to
you because I’m pretty sure that’s where I went wrong.
Predecessor to postdecessor.

RAENITA
Thanks, Lyle. That’ll be all.

LYLE
I just don’t want to see Starla suffer my own fate.

STARLA
I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, but ok.

LYLE
I think you do.

RAENITA
What is all this about? Starla? Is there something I’m
missing?

LYLE
Obviously there is. Look at where we are.

RAENITA
If there’s something you’re trying to say...

LYLE
No, nothing. Nothing to say.

RAENITA
Well, then if you could please... I’m sure we’d all like to
get a move on. It’s starting to smell upstairs, even.

LYLE
Yes, Raenita.
 72.

Pause.

STARLA
So I don’t understand, is this level of smell not normal?

RAENITA
Uh, not at all. I suppose today’s just been too much for the
circulator to handle...

STARLA
OK...
(Pause)
I hope it’s not normal.

RAENITA
Don’t worry about it.

LYLE
I thought the smell didn’t bother you anymore?

Pause.

RAENITA
Lyle, if you’re finished with your things I’m going to have
to ask you again to leave.

LYLE
Fine. I’m leaving.
(Pause)
But first there’s something I have to get off my chest.

Long pause.

RAENITA
Go ahead.

LYLE
It was Starla. All along, all of it. The shit. I was too
stupid to do anything about it before, but maybe it’s still
not too late. It was her.

RAENITA
OK, Lyle.

LYLE
I swear!

RAENITA
If you don’t want to leave peacefully, there’s a police
officer downstairs who can escort you off the property.

LYLE
Jesus Christ! Will you not listen to a man when he’s telling
you the truth?
 73.

RAENITA
Lyle, I know this has been a tough couple of weeks for you. A
lot of pressure, and we all know how it turned out. I’m
sorry. But you can’t just lash out at the person who comes in
to take your place, it’s not her fault. She’s got nothing to
do with it. Now please, leave.

LYLE
God damn it. Listen to me.
(Speaking fast, as though
worried he might be cut off:)
For a while I was giving fifty K-Mart Bucks as a reward to
anyone on staff who would clean up the shit, since the
environmental crew wasn’t going to do it, and for weeks
Starla was the only one who’d volunteer to do it. Every time.
Fifty bucks a time. Three, four, five days a week I gave her
the money. Then some of the other employees said they thought
they saw her doin’ it in the girls’ underwear, and I dunno,
it shoulda clicked then but for some reason I let her stay
on, I can’t remember why, and now--

RAENITA
Starla, what is he talking about.

STARLA
I have no idea, this is the first I’m hearing of it.

LYLE
She lies! It’s what she does! It’s about all she does,
Raenita, you’ll see. And somehow she gets in people’s minds
and manipulates what they do, you’ll see. Look at what’s
happened to this store. Fourteen shits in one day-—I’m not
stupid! I know she didn’t do that all by herself! She’s got
them all doing it! I don’t know how, but she’s got them all
following her every move now!

RAENITA
This is ridiculous.

STARLA
Lyle, man. Chill.

LYLE
Vicente told me everything! He told me it was you all along,
and when they wanted me to fire you, you brainwashed them!
And even with Vicente trying his best, you got them to side
with you over him and me.

STARLA
Vicente told you this?

LYLE
Oh yes, he told me everything. Said he didn’t want to but he
just felt so sore about what happened to me that he found me
and told me everything. Said he at least wanted to see me get
some moral justice out of it, get some payback.
 74.

RAENITA
Payback? This is foolish. What payback? Payback for what?

STARLA
Does that smell to you like it’s coming from in here?

LYLE
I’m not making any of this up! Ask Vicente! Please! Come on,
Raenita. I know it’s hard to believe me right now but you’re
a fair person. Ask Vicente.

RAENITA
Vicente’s gone home, they all have. He probably already left.

LYLE
Just check. Please.

Pause. Nobody moves. Then, Lyle lunges

for the phone atop the desk, picks up
the receiver, hits the public address
button, and speaks:

LYLE
Vicente, please report to the manager’s office... Vicente. If
you’re still here, please report. Once again, Vicente--

RAENITA
Put that down. Give that to me.
(She wrestles it away from
Lyle, hangs up the receiver,
then picks it up again and
dials an external number)
Hello, yes, hi. Yes, I’ll hold.

LYLE
What are you doing.

Long pause.

RAENITA
Oh, hi. This is Raenita Johnson, general manager of the K-
Mart on Stockton... Hi, yes.
(Pause)
Actually, no, I’m just trying to get in touch with an officer
we already have stationed at our store... Right. I was
wondering if you could get in touch with officer... Yes,
Bramble, and ask Officer Bramble to come upstairs to the
store manager’s office? You will? OK, thank you. Sure.
(Pause)
He is? OK, great. Thanks. Alright, then, buh-bye. Thanks
again.
(She hangs up the receiver)

The door opens, and Vicente enters.

 75.

VICENTE
Was that you, Lyle?

LYLE
Oh thank God.

RAENITA
Vicente, uh. Hello. I’m sorry for that, I--Lyle here, ah...
never mind, sorry, you can go.

Vicente turns to leave.

RAENITA
Actually, you know what? Sit down. Just for the sake of...
well I don’t know what, but I want to ask you if you know
anything about... Lyle, say what you just told me. Say it to
him.

LYLE
I told her everything, Vicente. Everything you told me. Tell
her. About the shit, and the K-Mart Bucks, and Starla. And
brainwashing everybody, and turning the whole store into a--
You know. Tell her. What you told me.

VICENTE
Uh... I’m, I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to give me more than
that.

LYLE
Come on! The whole story! Tell her how we figured out it’s
Starla!

Pause. All eyes are on Vicente.

VICENTE
I really have no idea what this is about. I’m sorry, guys.
Lyle, I’m sorry, I really have no idea what you’re talking
about right now. And I’m sorry you have to leave. But I’m
lost. Listen, in any case, can I go now? It smells even worse
up here than it does down there...

RAENITA
It does?

VICENTE
Yeah, see for yourself.

Raenita exits the room for a moment,

then returns.

RAENITA
He’s right. There must be something in here.

STARLA
That’s what I’m saying. I don’t see anything, though.
 76.

RAENITA
Hm...

The door opens, and Officer Bramble

enters.

OFFICER BRAMBLE
This the right place?
(Noticing the smell)
Whoo, boy. You guys got some store, here.

RAENITA
Thanks for coming. I’m sorry for that. This is the, uh,
gentleman we need escorted--actually, if you could just hold
on a second, we’re just looking for something...

Officer Bramble moves to stand over

Lyle, while Raenita, Starla, and
Vicente begin hunting around the room
and sniffing the air theatrically.

STARLA
I think you’re right, Raenita...

RAENITA
Got to be somewhere.

VICENTE
It’s getting worse.

STARLA
Means it’s recent.

RAENITA
Exactly. Sorry officer, this is important. Just bear with us.

VICENTE
Under the desk?

STARLA
No, we’d see it...

VICENTE
Is it under anything?

Starla gets down on her hands and knees

and scans all around the floor.

STARLA
No...

RAENITA
Wait wait wait wait. Filing cabinet.

STARLA
Yes!
 77.

VICENTE
(Trying one of the drawers)
It’s locked.

RAENITA
Hold on, lemme get the key.

Raenita exits the room.

LYLE
Vince. How could you-- you said it was only just--

Raenita reenters, key in hand.

RAENITA
There’s only two keys to this filing cabinet. I have the
other one.

She unlocks the cabinet, then opens the

uppermost drawer. Raenita, Starla, and
Vicente peer within.

STARLA
Nope...

Raenita shuts this drawer, and tries

the next one down. Again, they all peer
within.

VICENTE
No...

Raenita shuts this drawer, and tries

the next one down. Again, they all peer
within.

RAENITA
Uh-uh.

Raenita shuts this drawer, and tries

the bottom-most one. Once more, they
all peer within. A long, long pause
follows. Then:

STARLA
Jackpot.

VICENTE
Ugh. Disgusting. Jesus Christ, Lyle.

LYLE
FUCK YOU VINCE! I’m sorry. But fuck. You.

RAENITA
Officer, I think you should come look at this.
 78.

Officer Bramble crosses over to look

within the filing cabinet.

OFFICER BRAMBLE
Think we got our suspect, huh.

RAENITA
Think so.

OFFICER BRAMBLE
Jeez.

While the other four peer into the

drawer, Lyle begins inching towards the
open door. Eventually, Officer Bramble
notices and crosses back over to Lyle,
blocking his exit.

OFFICER BRAMBLE
Sick fucking fuck.

LYLE
NICE IDEA VINCE!

RAENITA
Unbelievable. Arrest him, if you can.

OFFICER BRAMBLE
Oh I can do that. With pleasure.

LYLE
THIS IS THE KIND OF JUSTICE LYLE GETS!

Officer Bramble moves to restrain Lyle.

Lyle struggles just enough to cause
Officer Bramble to force him to stand
face-down over the desk while waiting
to have cuffs placed over his wrists.

VICENTE
This is sad.

LYLE OFFICER BRAMBLE

No, you know You have the right
what’s sad? Nobody to remain silent
gives a shit about and refuse to
shit anymore. answer questions.
Nobody. Do you understand?
 79.

LYLE OFFICER BRAMBLE

Yes I understand. Anything you do or
Nobody gives a say may be used
shit about their against you in a
jobs, nobody gives court of law. Do
a shit about you understand?
anybody else. (Pause)
Nobody gives a Hey.
shit about how (Pause)
their shit affects Do you understand
other people. or not?

LYLE OFFICER BRAMBLE

Yes I fucking You have the right
understand. Nobody to consult an
gives a shit about attorney before
the truth. It’s speaking to the
all relative. police and to have
Nobody gives a an attorney
shit about present during
fairness, it’s all questioning now or
about “justice.” in the future. Do
you understand?

LYLE OFFICER BRAMBLE

Yes goddamnit I If you cannot
understand. And afford an
you know what else attorney, one will
I understand? I be appointed for
understand that you before any
sometimes a guy questioning if you
like me just can’t wish. If you
be allowed. I decide to answer
understand where I questions now
don’t fit in. I without an
should’ve been my attorney present
daddy’s brother, you will still
then I could’ve have the right to
made something of stop answering at
myself. Times like any time until you
these an honest talk to an
man is nothin’ but attorney. Do you
dogshit under your understand?
shoe. But that’s (Pause)
fine too. I’ll Do you understand?
live. (Pause)
Do you understand?
(Pause)
I said do you
understand?

LYLE
YES, OK? For Pete’s sake. I understand. Finally. I get it.
And you know what? It’s fine.
 80.

Officer Bramble leads Lyle out of the

room. Starla, Vicente, and Raenita,
still gathered around the filing
cabinet, stare at the pair as they
exit. Even after the two leave, they
continue staring at the door in silence
for a moment. Starla is the first to
speak.

STARLA
I always felt sorry for that guy.

RAENITA
Don’t.

Blackout. Curtain falls.

The End.