Absence of Reactions

Copyright 2001 by Thomas J. Leonard. No duplication. All rights reserved.

Here is the Real Audio o this transcript.

!Absence " ! #rogram "ctober 1$% 2001 & 2'00 p.m. Thomas Leonard% (ession )eader TJ)' Hi & *elcome to the call+ *ho,s here- .participants chec/ in0. This is going to be absence o reaction. 1e,re going to ocus on *hat reactions are% *hy *e have them and *ays to transcend to a place above reactions. 1e,re going to start the call *ith a big 2uestion and then go rom there. i 3 say it,s possible to have a reaction& ree li e% 3 *ould as/ .10 ho* close are you to that state- And .20 *hat changes *ould it ta/e to move in that direction- 1hat are some signi icant shi ts that you see *ould be essential to get yoursel to this place(asha' That,s a abulous 2uestion. 3 thin/ my ans*er to that *ould be an approach to li e that says *hatever it is% 3 can handle it. This is an overall ilter. TJ)' (o *hen you react% you,re doing it partially because you don,t thin/ you can handle something(asha' 4es% and partially that 3 don,t li/e *hat it is. 3 thin/ it goes do*n to on some level that 3 *on,t be able to handle it. TJ)' And i you can,t% *hat happens then(asha' 3 eel li/e 3 have to escape rom it% or 3,ve ailed in some *ay. TJ)' Ho* close are you to this state & i there,s a *ay to measure it(asha Not very5 TJ)' "/ay. 1ho,s ne6tJudy' 1hat 3 have ound% *hen 3 ind my sel going into reaction% 3,ve *or/ed *ith mysel to let go+ 3 7ust say it to mysel . 3t,s been very bene icial to me% and 3 *ould say 3,m pretty close to being reaction ree. TJ)' And *hat do you *hen something bad happensJudy' 3t might not be something bad% but 7ust something 3 can,t handle. 8or e6ample% 3 *as at a dance and nobody *as as/ing me to dance% and 3 *as almost ready to go home. Then 3 7ust thought let go% and sat and en7oyed the music. TJ)' There are 2 *ays to approach this & one is to have an e ective *ay to manage the reaction% or to not even have the reaction itsel & that,s the *ay 3,m trying to move to. Judy' Just since 3,ve started doing this% 3,m starting to have e*er reactions. TJ)' 3nteresting & very help ul. 1ho,s ne6t#at' 3 thin/ 3,ve made some progress on this & 3 use a 9&element approach. 8irst% 3 brea/ any automatic reaction by using a step bac/ piece & s*itching and observing momentarily. Then second% 3,ve been *or/ing to build my reserves and eliminate tolerations. And 9rd% 3,ve decided to

ta/e action. TJ)' (o *hen something happens% you ta/e immediate action & it,s not necessarily a reaction% but something proactive#at' 4es% *hen 3,m acting% then 3 can,t react and it,s done. 3 3,m building my reserves% 3,m not running too close to the end o my resources% and so 3,ve got more space to step bac/ and observe. TJ)' l:ood% very *ell said. 1ho,s ne6t;artha' 8or me% it,s got a lot to do *ith ta/ing things personally. 3 3 eel good and have had enough sleep% 3 tend to react a lot less. TJ)' Than/ you. )inda' 3 *ould say that 3 have been *or/ing on this a lot also & 3 started *ith noticing the reaction and shi ting to !This is a gi t! and embrace. 3 *atch my reactive part% and don,t let mysel act o o it. Then% something else comes *hen 3 hold that in its place and stand in another place that,s in peace. (o i you loo/ at 2 overlapping circles% it,s li/e you,re on the le t and the event is on the right% and there,s overlap but the 2 circles aren,t super&imposed. 3 thin/ as one matures or evolves% they can either spread those 2 circles apart so there,s not as much overlap. Then% i an event appears to be bad ne*s or a disappointment% then you loo/ at it as a gi t and 7ust re&interpret it. )inda' 3,d rather embrace it% then it creates a di erent reality. 1hen a di erent part o me handles it% 3,m at peace *ith *hat comes. TJ)' 4ou,re tal/ing about peace at li e & or you peace is a bigger e6perience than getting *hat you *ant all the time or *hatever)inda' 4es. TJ)' (o it,s peace as a orm o success)inda' 4es. TJ)' 3,m not to the place yet% but 3,m close to the point that my R< could burn do*n tomorro* and 3,d be o/ay *ith it. 3,m almost at the place that it *ouldn,t a=e me. Things 3 *ould,ve cherished or de ined mysel by be ore% there,s a certain state that people are moving to that you can embrace the loss as being almost as valuable at the possession. )inda' 8or mysel % there,s a part o me that,s getting smaller and smaller that doesn,t eel that *ay% but 3 separate the 2 responses and handle them di erently. The part that,s getting smaller is the part that says !"h% my :od,. TJ)' As you evolve% there,s less o a need or that)inda' 4es. TJ)' 3nteresting. Again% you,re replacing it *ith the respect o li e% or the absence o ego is actually enough)inda' 3t eels more and more li/e 3 go beyond the mind & you really 7ust embrace *hatever comes. )i/e *hat *e,re dealing *ith no* in the *orld & *e could be grieving or the loss o the

people and some*here else really embracing it and really gro*ing rom it. 3 thin/ it gives us a lot more possibilities. TJ)' (ome people might call that absence o attachment% but it,s really not. 1ho else(usan' 3 missed a part o the conversation% but one o the things 3,ve learned over the years is that there are no accidents. 3 absolutely live my li e by this and so *hen something traumatic happens% 3 start loo/ing or the good. 1hen my e6&husband died% *e *ere good riends% and my children lived all over the country. A ter he died% my children all moved bac/ near to me. 3t might ta/e a couple o years% but good came o his death. >>>' 3 use a process *here irst 3 breathe. Then 3 *or/ on loo/ing at it as something interesting% and then assess it% and reali=e it doesn,t matter. 3n the bigger scheme o li e% it,s not important. TJ)' ?o you thin/ there,ll be any place *here you *on,t go through those steps &*here you,ve actually transcended the need or those steps>>>' 4es% and 3 don,t consciously go through those steps anymore. TJ)' :ood+ than/ you. (omeone mentioned earlier about reserves and tolerations. 3 thin/ part o the ability to over respond or react does come rom the place those reserves provide. 3 thin/ that people can set a di erent & some people begin to react or respond *hen their gas tan/ is on empty% and some ol/s *ill 7ust tend to re& ill the tan/ *hen it reaches that hal ull stage. (ome people 7ust tend to live ahead. Just yesterday 3 got pulled over by a cop or having a right ront light out% and 3 had reserves in the car% but hadn,t had a chance to do maintenance on the car. 3 *ant to get to the point *here 3 7ust replace my lights every year% rather than over&responding. Also% Coachville sales have been do*n or the past several *ee/s% and *e let a couple o sta ers go last month and another this month% but *e,re still pro itable+ 3 7ust elt as though 3 need to be on top o or ahead o the game & *e each have a point that% li/e in the retail *orld% there,s a ,re&order point,. ;aybe part o evolving is to raise that point and act proactively at all times. Can anyone thin/ o a better term>>>' Replenish point>>>' Re&stoc/ pointTJ)' 4es+ anybody else- ;aybe *e,re coded or survival% not abundance. ;aybe part o the evolutionary process is to raise the set point. ?onna' 3,ve been *or/ing on some habitual response o my o*n & *hich is an6iety. 3 thin/ the idea is that everything can be good or bad% and as *e evolve% *e can see the higher side o things. 8or e6ample% *hen someone dies. TJ)' The greater perspective *e have% *e can still grieve but control our reactions. 3 thin/ at some point in the uture% *e *on,t react as our parents did% and not as *e react no*. 3t,s not that *e,re de&sensiti=ing% but that things don,t give us as much cause as they did a couple centuries ago. Judy' 1hat 3,m hearing no* is that *e might *ant to create a distinction bet*een reaction and e6pression & *hen *e lose someone in our li e% *e grieve% but that,s an e6pression% not necessarily a reaction. @ut% i you say something and 3 snap bac/ at you% that,s reaction. A6pression o an emotion is di erent than i 3 s*ear at someone.

TJ)' <ery subtle distinction. (o *e can value the e6pressions *ithout having to be reactiveThat,s a big% big distinction% Judy. Have you been thin/ing about that% or did you 7ust reactJudy' 3 7ust responded to the discussion5 TJ)' Touche5 .laugh0 Judy' 3 thin/ there,s a big di erent *hen you,re responding as to the energy. The energy does change *hen you aren,t reacting. >>>' 3t seems to me that Judy,s tal/ing about ho* an emotion is *rapped & i it,s *rapped in 7udgment% criticism% or *hatever. TJ)' 3t,s a clean response rather than some anger&based.... >>>' 4es. TJ)' 1ho else *ants to contributeRuth' Can 3 as/ a 2uestion- 1e seem to be tal/ing to responses to things *e perceive as negative% but *hat about responses to things that are really great- 8or e6ample% *hen 3 listen to great music% 3 cry because it,s so beauti ul. H* does that it inTJ)' :ood 2uestion. ?oes anyone have an ans*er>>>' 3t,s an e6pression o *hat she,s hearing. TJ)' 3 thin/ the original ocus o this call has been the absence o negative reaction% so 3 hadn,t ta/en it to the positive side. >>>' @ut 3 thin/ it,s a good 2uestion & i you,re reacting as opposed to e6pression. TJ)' Ho* you,re reacting to ho* you,re reacting>>>' 4es. TJ)' (ort o % !3 shouldn,t be crying% the music isn,t that good5! >>>' 4es% or 3,m so in love% this,ll be orever & all that is reactive stu . TJ)' (omebody mentioned earlier about the notion o energy% and 3 thin/ it plays an important role. "ne o the undamental choices in li e is *hat you *ant to uel yoursel . 3 thin/ that people haven,t chosen their pre erred uel source% and 3 thin/ that,s an important 2uestion to as/ clients about *hether they,re reactive or not% and ho* they handle that reaction. 3 thin/ as one evolves% they evolve their source o energy% and 3 thin/ it may be at the core o this *hole react&response thing. ?on' 3 thin/ there,s a response that eels more separating% and there,s a response that,s more inclusive and eels good in the long&term. 3 thin/ some responses eel good in the short&term% but not in the long&term. TJ)' Aha & so it,s a eeling that,s not sustainable- 4ou have a momentary advantage% but it goes a*ay. ?on' 4es% *here i you listen to music and eel good about it% it,s a matter o connecting.

>>>' 3 thin/ *hat ;artha said about positive and negative reactions% and i it,s a response% it,s a more conscious thing% *here a reaction is a /nee&7er/ thing. TJ)' 4es+ the ability to reason is critical% but it,s 7ust the beginning o the process. >>>' 4es% it,s only one part o consciousness. >>>' 3 you *ould% *ould you say something about this distinction o reaction *ith regards to the current situation- (omething li/e that triggers a broad spectrum o reactions. 3deally% i *e *ere to ta/e *hat you,re saying% ho* *ould *e bond to that so it,s not a negative reaction% but a higher& level responseTJ)' 3,m trying to *restle *ith that and Hitler. "ne thing 3,ve been thin/ing is that *e humans are evolving% and as *e evolve are inding more *ays to solve problems. (ome people those are more in a survival mode. 1henever *e eel that *e,re threatened% *e react in that *ay% but the more evolved a person is% *e react in a more diplomatic% positive *ay. 3 you loo/ at the us% because *e have general reedom o e6pression% and have the lu6ury o ree time to learn and gro* in many areas o our li e% *e have tremendous room and space to create things% and *e,re re*arded or that. The ris/s *e ta/e have almost al*ays been re*arded. @ecause o that absence o conse2uence% most Americans have an accelerated ability to create% and 3 don,t thin/ that many other cultures have had the option to gro* this 2uic/ly. As a country% *e,re progressing aster than any other country in terms o evolution and a*areness. >>>' (o it sounds li/e reaction is sometimes the absence o understanding% i 3 heard you correctly. TJ)' :ood point. >>>' 3 eel or mysel that my reactions are by ar less /nee 7er/ *hen 3 can better understand *hat,s occurring. TJ)' 4es% and i you,re not threatened by it% you,re less li/ely to react and are more li/ely to be able to stand bac/ and try to understand it. >>>' 3 do thin/ the ,100 mon/ey syndrome, *ill have some place as *e evolve. TJ)' )et,s loo/ ahead or ourselves+ do you see a change or shi t to ma/e out o this call that *ould contribute to your state o absence o reaction(asha' 1hat 3 got rom this conversation is a decision to simply not *ant to be 7er/ed around by li e% a decision not to ind value in reacting to something. TJ)' @ecause be ore you *ould be in the midst o the reaction>>>' 3 thin/ it *as )inda *ho tal/ed about ocusing on peace% rather than reacting. The shi t that too/ place is that because o e6ploring reaction% 3 see that the cost o it is compromised peace. TJ)' :ood point. 1ho else learned something on the callJan' (ometime ago on the per ect li e course% 3 decided to get out o the problem solving business% and this call has con irmed 3,m going the right direction. @y eliminating or re using to loo/ at or deal *ith all these problems that come across my li e% 3 don,t have any reactions & they,re 7ust not there any more. TJ)' 1ell said+ than/ you.

>>>' 3 7ust li/e being reminded o choosing your uel source. TJ)' All right & *ho,s ne6t- Ho* *as today use ul>>>' )inda,s comments about peace *ere very use ul. TJ)' 1ho else- 3 /no* you,re thin/ing. >>>' 1hat also is coming up or me is a *ariness that 3 don,t *ant to get so mental that 3 thin/ reaction is ,bad,% because then it,s going to do a number on my emotions. 3 de initely *ant to hold reaction and build a constructive rame. TJ)' 4ou mean to suppress yoursel >>>' 4es% or abandon mysel because 3,m a raid 3,m reacting versus responding to something. TJ)' 3t,s good to be cautious% but 7ust the conse2uence o trying not to be *ary% means you might ma/e a mista/e. None o us really /no* *here *e are along the path% but better to s*ing out% ind the opposite *all% and then move to the middle o the path. >>>' Than/s or saying that. TJ)' 4ou bet. Anyone else>>>' 3,m ascinated by this idea o having reserves. 3t,s given me a lot o things to thin/ about. TJ)' 4es% there,s an art to the reserve thing% because most o us stop at survival% *hile others stop at su iciency% and very e* move to sel ishness. <ery thought provo/ing call+ 3 *ant to than/ you all or playing & have a great day5