Prison Platitudes There is a growing awareness of the iniquity inherent to the American justice system, especially with respect

to the practice of capital punishment which affects a relatively small number of people when compared to the millions of Americans who have been mired in prisons for whatever reason. I believe that the death penalty is not the most pressing issue for our legal system at the moment and that it is dwarfed by the ramifications necessitated by the imprisonment of non-violent offenders in both scope and magnitude. It is my firm belief that the incarceration of non-violent offenders is the biggest miscarriage of justice in the American legal system and that its practice is a detriment to law-abiding citi ens as well as an ineffective means of crime deterrence. There are plenty of well meaning people who believe that prison sentences are deserved by all who are condemned by due process, but most of these people are not directly affected by the penal system and have no motive to consider an alternative until it does.

The most obvious argument against imprisoning non-violent criminals is that there is no evidence that it deters future offense by the individual. !oreover, all evidence points to the contrary, they will almost certainly return to prison and nearly always resume their patterns of behavior once released. If this wasn"t bad enough, many li#en prison to a $%ollege for %riminals& from which most emerge with a bolstered image of themselves as $real& convicts and often with newfound gang affiliations which prisoners are all but forced to join in order to survive the time they have been court ordered to serve. These people emerge from prison into our communities having been indoctrinated with distrust, hate, and violent instincts which will inevitably lead them right bac# to the place that made them this way and it is a vicious cycle that is a detriment to the entire human race, not to mention the families and communities afflicted by the problem. I am not saying I have all the answers I am only certain that murderers and rapists are the worst possible influence imaginable for substance abusers, prostitutes, con-artists and probation violators.

'otwithstanding the obvious moral issues associated with the incarceration of non-violent criminals( American ta)payers are footing a nearly forty thousand dollar per year cost of imprisoning each inmate. It seems to me this money could be more effectively spent improving the impoverished conditions which espouse criminal behavior in the first place. I #now these types of programs ta#e years to effect any substantive change in the communities as a whole, but at least these less serious offenders can repay their debt to society by

doing something, anything positive in these poverty stric#en communities. *ven if we, in effect, subsidi e their employment within some sort of government mandated urban renewal( we would be doing ourselves a favor in the long run. The majority of prisons in the +nited ,tates are private institutions that operate for profit and do not profit from the rehabilitation of the incarcerated but they certainly have more to gain from high recidivism rates and ineffective crime prevention policies.

The most prevalent and persistent issue plaguing the entire population of prisoners is most definitely substance abuse. The problem of drug abuse and the crisis of addiction touch each and every person in this country to some degree, and is essentially the oil greasing the engine of our prison system which in turn is driving this county into the ditch. The world is in enough trouble as it is and we are wasting precious time and resources on an antiquated and futile mode of operation no longer relevant in a twenty-first century world beset by global catastrophes and terrorism that show no signs of slowing but will most certainly escalate in the coming decade. If America has any hope of weathering the socio-political upheaval, much less the inevitable environmental changes and natural disasters which have become increasingly frequent and violent as of late, we have to re-evaluate our values as a people and uphold the value of every last person as equal and essential to the human cause and address the flaws in the system and stop condemning generation after generation to the ignominy we have allowed this country to contaminate its countrymen with a disgraceful moc#ery of justice while we"re stuc# on non-issues li#e gay marriage and abortion.

*ven though there will always be plenty of people who want to continue putting criminals $under the jail,& there will eventually come a time when the festering sore can no longer be ignored and the conscious of good people will become obvious to those with the power to have done something and I fear that day will come too late for us and what we fear the most will be unleashed on the world. Prison is a necessary evil and meant to contain the most depraved and dangerous among us( it is not a cure-all punishment for everything, hardly( it is a cesspool of malicious iniquity bent on drowning any petty sinner swimming close enough to it. %apital punishment ta#es lives but incarceration poisons hearts and minds. -hich of these scares you more. a life ending in death or a global descent into depravity/

0ive-0ive-0ive 1uly 23, 2454 at 6.47pm 8aving seen tragedy stri#e so many during 9-55, the tsunami and 8urricane :atrina, I was still unprepared for the calamity which befell my own family on !ay ;, 244;. I was living in %oncord, 'orth %arolina with my husband and then seven month old daughter when on a night much li#e any other( I was awa#ened by the sound of brea#ing glass. <uc#ily, our daughter"s crib was still in our bedroom because the room which held all of her belongings, as well as mine, had become ground ero for the disastrous fire which changed our lives forever.

!y husband tried to e)tinguish the flames, but by opening the door to the bac# bedroom, the flames only grew with the increased air supply. 8e rushed the two of us out of the front door once the gravity of the situation had become apparent, but once I got there I reali ed all I had on was my underwear and suddenly I was hit with the sense I was living out some horrible clich= nightmare. -ithout e)planation, I handed over my daughter and too# a deep breath before I ran bac# into the smo#e filled house and headed for my husband"s closet which was the only one not on fire and grabbed a short-sleeved grey Phat 0arm polo shirt I had given him for his recent birthday that nearly reached my #nees and, for the most part, felt my way bac# to the front door in a hurry.

>nce I got bac# I was glad I had ris#ed my life to retrieve the shirt because a crowd had begun gathering and the spectacle was in full force( though, in hindsight, it seems ridiculous considering how luc#y we were to escape unharmed. -ithin minutes the fire department, police, and television news crews had descended upon the devastation. ?y then, I had accumulated a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants, a pair of tennis shoes someone used to mow their grass in and a giant yellow puffy >ld 'avy vest from various neighbors. 'eedless to say, I had no interest in being interviewed, much less on television. It dawned on me that on 4;@4;@4;, at ;.;; A!, I was watching a torrent of flames engulf everything I owned and destroy the place I called home. I sobbed uncontrollably as the sun rose on what had to be the coldest, rainiest day in !ay and definitely the loneliest, most hopeless hours spent coming to grips with the most profound loss of my life. I was heart-bro#en by the sight of hundreds of pages from my e)tensive library blowing from the gaping hole in the side of my house, some of whose titles I recogni ed, as I was more than fond of reading, but driven by a passion bordering on

obsession with my quest to e)plore every avenue of truth. Throughout the lifetime I had spent collecting over five hundred volumes, I always dreamt of passing them on to my child before I ever even met my husband, it was a matter of personal pride, and now those dreams were literally going up in smo#e before my own tear filled eyes.

As if my situation had not become dire enough, the ,.?.I. A,tate ?ureau of InvestigationB held us on the premises for ten hours while they investigated what they suspected to be a meth lab in my infant daughter"s nursery. The passers by were more compassionate and concerned for our family"s well being than the authorities. *ven though I described repeatedly how I was sure the floor had burned straight through to the basement because a ten foot tall armoire full of my daughter"s clothing had fallen over, they insisted this was not consistent with the $evidence& until the lac# of indication from their drug-sniffing dogs gave them no other choice.

-e waited all day in the rain, long after the fire had been e)tinguished, while they did their best to ma#e a case against us for arson since their meth lab theory never panned out( we were treated li#e suspects and felt twice as victimi ed as a result. I remember thin#ing. $why would I burn down my own house when I have no insurance/& All the logic and reasoning in the world made no difference to the police, who apparently did not believe a word of what we told them until the investigation finally rendered an inconclusive result which only added insult to injury. I am not sure whether I was more outraged or e)hausted, but things were about to go from horrific to e)cruciatingly ridiculous.

The Ced %ross had set us up with some assistance on account of the fact we were dead bro#e because we had, ironically, just paid almost two thousand dollars of bac# rent the day before. -e had a debit card with appro)imately nine hundred dollars which we later discovered had restrictions on what could be purchased with it. ?ut, for the moment, we were just happy to be allowed to leave and the first thing I wanted to do was get out of the most humiliating outfit I had ever worn without having to go shopping while wearing it. This proved to be tric#y indeed and we ended up at the :-!art around the corner where I tried to find something acceptable to wear when I went shopping properly the ne)t day. I will never forget how I felt browsing the rac#s of clothes I would not be caught dead in wearing an outfit befitting a homeless person when the reality of it all became bitterly clear. I was a homeless

person. It was too much for me to cope with and I ran out of the store crying and waited in the car. -e were given a hotel room which the Ced %ross arranged for us to stay in for ten dollars per night, which I found comforting at first, until race wee# ensued several days later and we were given a days notice to vacate.

It was early the very ne)t morning when, by the worst bout of luc# one could conceive of, the police discovered my husband had an outstanding warrant for a failure to appear in court over a traffic tic#et, and showed up to ta#e him to jail after his name popped up in the fire report. -e had no cash and when he tried to pay a bail bondsman fifty dollars with the Ced %ross card we found out it was not an approved e)penditure. I could go much farther into the depths of the hell on earth which was that summer, but enough is enough.

0rom what my husband and I could tell, the room that caught fire was an addition to the house which had been improperly wired into the brea#er bo). This room was heavily laden with my computers and audio equipment which could have overloaded the faulty brea#er. >ne of my laptops also had a charger which we discovered had been recalled specifically for catching fire. +ltimately, there was never a definitive answer from the 0ire Inspector, but I got the impression he may not have necessarily been at or even near the top of his field. I had no confidence in his powers of judgment after witnessing his $investigation& turn into pure speculation. ?ut in the long run, it really made no difference how the fire started( all I cared about was what I had lost. !y past, my artwor#, my writing, my boo#s, my mementos and my music- the substance of my whole life up to that point- now e)ists only in my mind and hopefully in the memories of those I was close to. I reali ed afterwards that I am not defined by those things, but I fear that time will obscure my journey through life and without them there to remind me, I might forget much of what had once meant such a great deal to me and never quite live up to what I once strove to be in my life.

0ive-0ive-0ive 1uly 23, 2454 at 6.47pm 8aving seen tragedy stri#e so many during 9-55, the tsunami and 8urricane :atrina, I was still unprepared for the calamity which befell my own family on !ay ;, 244;. I was living in %oncord, 'orth %arolina with my husband and then seven month old daughter when on a night much li#e any other( I was awa#ened by the sound of brea#ing glass. <uc#ily, our daughter"s crib was still in our bedroom because the room which held all of her belongings, as well as mine, had become ground ero for the disastrous fire which changed our lives forever.

!y husband tried to e)tinguish the flames, but by opening the door to the bac# bedroom, the flames only grew with the increased air supply. 8e rushed the two of us out of the front door once the gravity of the situation had become apparent, but once I got there I reali ed all I had on was my underwear and suddenly I was hit with the sense I was living out some horrible clich= nightmare. -ithout e)planation, I handed over my daughter and too# a deep breath before I ran bac# into the smo#e filled house and headed for my husband"s closet which was the only one not on fire and grabbed a short-sleeved grey Phat 0arm polo shirt I had given him for his recent birthday that nearly reached my #nees and, for the most part, felt my way bac# to the front door in a hurry.

>nce I got bac# I was glad I had ris#ed my life to retrieve the shirt because a crowd had begun gathering and the spectacle was in full force( though, in hindsight, it seems ridiculous considering how luc#y we were to escape unharmed. -ithin minutes the fire department, police, and television news crews had descended upon the devastation. ?y then, I had accumulated a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants, a pair of tennis shoes someone used to mow their grass in and a giant yellow puffy >ld 'avy vest from various neighbors. 'eedless to say, I had no interest in being interviewed, much less on television. It dawned on me that on 4;@4;@4;, at ;.;; A!, I was watching a torrent of flames engulf everything I owned and destroy the place I called home. I sobbed uncontrollably as the sun rose on what had to be the coldest, rainiest day in !ay and definitely the loneliest, most hopeless hours spent coming to grips with the most profound loss of my life. I was heart-bro#en by

the sight of hundreds of pages from my e)tensive library blowing from the gaping hole in the side of my house, some of whose titles I recogni ed, as I was more than fond of reading, but driven by a passion bordering on obsession with my quest to e)plore every avenue of truth. Throughout the lifetime I had spent collecting over five hundred volumes, I always dreamt of passing them on to my child before I ever even met my husband, it was a matter of personal pride, and now those dreams were literally going up in smo#e before my own tear filled eyes.

As if my situation had not become dire enough, the ,.?.I. A,tate ?ureau of InvestigationB held us on the premises for ten hours while they investigated what they suspected to be a meth lab in my infant daughter"s nursery. The passers by were more compassionate and concerned for our family"s well being than the authorities. *ven though I described repeatedly how I was sure the floor had burned straight through to the basement because a ten foot tall armoire full of my daughter"s clothing had fallen over, they insisted this was not consistent with the $evidence& until the lac# of indication from their drug-sniffing dogs gave them no other choice.

-e waited all day in the rain, long after the fire had been e)tinguished, while they did their best to ma#e a case against us for arson since their meth lab theory never panned out( we were treated li#e suspects and felt twice as victimi ed as a result. I remember thin#ing. $why would I burn down my own house when I have no insurance/& All the logic and reasoning in the world made no difference to the police, who apparently did not believe a word of what we told them until the investigation finally rendered an inconclusive result which only added insult to injury. I am not sure whether I was more outraged or e)hausted, but things were about to go from horrific to e)cruciatingly ridiculous.

The Ced %ross had set us up with some assistance on account of the fact we were dead bro#e because we had, ironically, just paid almost two thousand dollars of bac# rent the day before. -e had a debit card with appro)imately nine hundred dollars which we later discovered had restrictions on what could be purchased with it. ?ut, for the moment, we were just happy to be allowed to leave and the first thing I wanted to do was get out of the most humiliating outfit I had ever worn without having to go shopping while wearing it. This proved to be tric#y indeed and we ended up at the :-!art around the corner where I tried to find something acceptable to wear when I went shopping

properly the ne)t day. I will never forget how I felt browsing the rac#s of clothes I would not be caught dead in wearing an outfit befitting a homeless person when the reality of it all became bitterly clear. I was a homeless person. It was too much for me to cope with and I ran out of the store crying and waited in the car. -e were given a hotel room which the Ced %ross arranged for us to stay in for ten dollars per night, which I found comforting at first, until race wee# ensued several days later and we were given a days notice to vacate.

It was early the very ne)t morning when, by the worst bout of luc# one could conceive of, the police discovered my husband had an outstanding warrant for a failure to appear in court over a traffic tic#et, and showed up to ta#e him to jail after his name popped up in the fire report. -e had no cash and when he tried to pay a bail bondsman fifty dollars with the Ced %ross card we found out it was not an approved e)penditure. I could go much farther into the depths of the hell on earth which was that summer, but enough is enough.

0rom what my husband and I could tell, the room that caught fire was an addition to the house which had been improperly wired into the brea#er bo). This room was heavily laden with my computers and audio equipment which could have overloaded the faulty brea#er. >ne of my laptops also had a charger which we discovered had been recalled specifically for catching fire. +ltimately, there was never a definitive answer from the 0ire Inspector, but I got the impression he may not have necessarily been at or even near the top of his field. I had no confidence in his powers of judgment after witnessing his $investigation& turn into pure speculation. ?ut in the long run, it really made no difference how the fire started( all I cared about was what I had lost. !y past, my artwor#, my writing, my boo#s, my mementos and my music- the substance of my whole life up to that point- now e)ists only in my mind and hopefully in the memories of those I was close to. I reali ed afterwards that I am not defined by those things, but I fear that time will obscure my journey through life and without them there to remind me, I might forget much of what had once meant such a great deal to me and never quite live up to what I once strove to be in my life.

Canting D Caving ,eptember 2E, 2454 at 7.47pm Canting and raving is my most natural mode of communication and the

means by which I most effectively reflect the e)tent of and develop my beliefs. 8owever in the wrong hands Awhich it usually isB this technique reflects rigid ideological beliefs they themselves were once beaten over the head with until they quit as#ing questions and began beating themselves so that they could go out into the world and return the favor. ItFs not the ranting and raving that ma#es people miserable, itFs the tendency of what people say to be the same old story moreover it is one they are unwilling to change even when faced with evidence to the contrary. Apparently thereFs nothing li#e beating their favorite dead horse in the name of the whom theyFll gladly show their ass no matter how bad the corpse stin#s to the rest of us else. ?eing so afraid to be wrong that you wonFt stand up for what you thin# is right, is hardly any better way to live, though itFs certainly the easiest. -hat ma#es you thin# that something as meaningful as the truth doesnFt beg to be questioned. I find it to be a fulfilling lot in life to share with anyone who will listen what you have learned in this life granted you recogni e the truth when you arenFt the one pointing it out. 8onestly, I welcome and appreciate the opprotunity to be proven wrong because I would rather learn the hard way than no way at all. If this is the complete idiot you spea# of then so be it, but by all means spea# up ne)t time someoneFs ranting ma#es you miserable, youFd be surprised how gratifying it can be to call them out and tell them why, maybe youFll learn something new about yourself and one day maybe youFll have something worth raving about without anyone having to push your buttons and drag it out of you. If you arenFt willing to learn to li#e it, then doc# your boat and go bac# to the ground you came from because life on earth is only meaningful through the act of being moved and moving others is the most important thing a person can do. In the words of Aesop Coc#, G>nly in my sweetest dreams do my streams lac# troubled waters, babbling broo#s for babbling croo#s, shallow pools for shallow foolsG

Astrology for the -ary D +nInitiated ,eptember ;, 2454 at 9.59pm The 0undamentals of Astrology

Astrology is considered by many an interesting but dubious subject, by some an antiquated system of superstition and by others an evil practice of devil worship. 8owever, it is an ancient form of divination rooted in a surprisingly e)act science( the subtleties of which ta#e years to master. The odiac signs with which we are all familiar represent universal archetypes comprised of

twelve unique character types. The planets, which include the sun and moon, represent the types of energy at wor# within a given sign. The natal chart of an individual is a representation of the position of these bodies with respect to the stellar firmament in terms of the constellations of the odiac. The HE4I arc yields twelve signs occupying H4I each. This arc is also divided into twelve houses of varying si e, which correspond to different areas of an individual"s life, such as personality, marriage, finance, friends and so forth. The position of planets within the signs and houses define the fundamental nature of a person. Aspects describe the relationships between planets and are determined by degrees of separation such as 4I, 7;I, E4I, 94I, 524I, 564I and so on. This is the means by which the different energies AplanetsB either complement or complicate areas of one"s life AhousesB.

The sun, being the center of the solar system, represents the ego, which is the center of personal identity. This is the basic nature of the person around which all other characteristics circulate. The sign placement of the sun indicates an individual"s basic character as well as how and why they are attracted to the forms of e)perience which permeate their life. The house placement of the sun shows the area in which a person primarily e)presses themselves.

The moon symboli es the emotions and personal life of an individual which are shaped and molded by e)perience. The sign in which the moon is found shows how a person projects themselves to the public, how their feelings are e)pressed and the nature of their relationship with their family. The area which must be focused on to achieve emotional balance is indicated by the house placement. Planets in aspect to the moon indicate qualities in the personality which are used instinctively and surface most often.

Jour mental life is represented by the planet mercury which has three retrograde periods per year in which it appears to move bac#wards. It shows how information is received, processed and dispensed by an individual. The sign !ercury falls under points to the basic attitude and mental habits of a person. The house indicates which area of life a person finds most interesting or gives the most attention. Aspects of !ercury show how an individual solves problems and approaches life in general.

Kenus is the symbol of love and what a person finds beautiful or good in life.

It is fundamental to haw an individual forms values. The sign in which you find Kenus shows which type of love energy a person has. The house placement defines the area in which a person most naturally e)presses love. 8ow and under what circumstances a person e)presses their loving side is determined through aspects to the planet Kenus.

!ars is the planet of desires and it reveals how a person sets their goals and the means by which they go about achieving them. It represents what an individual wants out of life and its sign placement shows the fundamental nature of their assertions. The area of life which a person is most li#ely to focus on is indicated by the house in which !ars is found. Aspects to !ars e)plain how and to what e)tent a person"s desires are affected by other areas of their life.

1upiter"s position shows where an individual feels confident and in control, as well as what they feel they have to teach others in this life. A person"s values are indicated by the sign 1upiter falls under. The house placement reflects the area of life in which they consider themselves luc#y and receive the most help from others. Aspects to 1upiter point to the forces by which success and achievement are obtained throughout their life.

,aturn represents restriction, obligation and fear, through which a person is either responsible or neglectful. The type of obligations a person feels tied to is shown by the sign in which ,aturn is found. The house placement shows the area of life in which they feel most restricted and wor# the hardest. Aspects of ,aturn reflect the avenues of hardship and difficulty demanded by these responsibilities.

>riginality and even strangeness are symboli ed by +ranus. An individual strives for freedom in a manner characteri ed by the house in which it is found. The house +ranus occupies signifies the area of life in which a person uniquely e)presses themselves. Aspects of this planet indicate the means by which a person see#s higher consciousness.

'eptune is the planet of dreams and represents the part of us that strives for perfection. The sign occupied by 'eptune is a reflection of ideals held by human culture at-large. The house placement of this planet indicates the area

of life in which these ideals are e)pressed by an individual. The aspects to 'eptune describe how each person connects with and contributes to society.

Pluto signifies the un#nown as well as an individual"s power to transform themselves. The obsessive, compulsive nature of a human being is e)pressed through its sign position. The house placement shows the area of life where a person will ma#e the most fundamental and transformative changes. Aspects to Pluto show deep unconscious lin#s in the personality of an individual.

The odiac signs each have their own particular characteristics. Aries is independent, impulsive and often unwilling to compromise. Taurus is stubborn, practical and tends to form habits they find hard to brea#. Lemini is curious, immature, clever and rarely serious. %ancer is sympathetic, emotional and values family and tradition. <eo is proud, loyal and selfinterested. Kirgo is orderly, precise and can be very critical. <ibra is friendly, unprejudiced and values friendships but can be very indecisive. ,corpio is intense, focused and instinctive. ,agittarius is adventurous, outgoing and tends to overloo# the details. %apricorn is serious, ambitious, mature and generally practical. Aquarius is idea-oriented, unsentimental and interested in progressive groups and inventions. Pisces is idealistic, creative and a lover of the arts. These are, of course, just quic# summaries of the odiac signs each of which has much deeper significance and nuance.

The house system also has twelve divisions which correspond to various areas of life. The first house relates to the self and appearances. The second is related to possessions and values. %ommunication and how a person interacts with their environment are central to the third house. The fourth deals with the home and what type of place in which a person feels comfortable. %reativity and children are associated with the fifth house. -or# and health are focused on in the si)th, as well as repairing and maintaining things. The seventh house corresponds to partners and relationships. %ommitment is focused on in the eighth house, both in marriage and in business. The ninth house deals with travel, education and religion. Public image, career and reputation are dealt with in the tenth house. 0riendships, goals and community involvement are central to the eleventh house. The twelfth house is related to hospitals, institutions and prisons and reflects the degree to which a person feels responsible for others and guilty when they do not live up to e)pectations. Again, these are only brief assessments of the twelve houses.

Aspects between planets are reflections of the degrees by which they are separated. The most commonly used aspects are conjunction, opposition, square, trine, semisquare and se)tile. A conjunction refers to two planets within 6I of each other. -hen this occurs the influences of the two planets are mi)ed and amplify each other. -hen two planets are in opposition, they are 564I apart. This aspect can be challenging, but the influences of the two planets are mi)ed in much the same way as a conjunction but deal with others as opposed to the self. The trine aspect refers to two planets that are 524I apart. This aspect is beneficial and the energies of the two planets support each other and wor# in harmony. -hen two planets are 94I apart, they have a square aspect. This aspect is difficult but can also be motivating factor because the energies of the two planets involved interfere with each other. The se)tile aspect is e)hibited by planets which E4I apart and is similar in effect to the trine aspect e)cept it emphasi es the sharing of the beneficial effects with others. The semisquare aspect is, predictably, e)hibited by two planets separated by 7;I and projects the difficulties of the square aspect onto how a person relates to others. There are other, less significant, aspects used by astrologers, but these form the basis of a natal chart reading.

This is by no means even a complete outline of astrology, but rather a brief introduction to the many principles involved in casting a chart. The newspaper horoscopes we are all familiar with only represent the position of the sun, and subsequently do not equally apply to any individual. -e are all, in effect, a reflection of the heavens at the e)act point in space and time in which we are born. If that isn"t being created in Lod"s image- I don"t #now what is.

In the 'ame of !y 8usband. !i#e ,mith August 26, 2454 at 2.H5pm Jou are so incredibly precious to me- I could never hope to understand the intricacy or even come close to e)pressing the perfection I feel being with you- for no reason, #nowing that no reason could ever come between us, no difference is significant enough to divide us and no length of time long enough to e)tinguish that which resides inside us regardless of what circumstances surround us. 'o other being persists so diligently and no other reason e)ists so e)quisitely as your spirituality *MPC*,,*, the intensity of infinity within my limits. Jou complete the square within me, endlessly finishing what I forgot to repeat until the +ltimate *nding.... In the beginning

I wanted nothing more out of life than the feelings you stirred within me at any given ordinary moment you made my life worth living with your gift of love so e)hilarating it stayed with me long after the precious moments you spent with me had passed, but I #new in my heart they would not be the last. I #new all along the teenage joyrides that one day I would be your bride and the mother of our child....... Jou are undoubtedly both T8* Nuestion and !J Answer to T8* riddle Lod poses in the form of !J <I0*. ,o long as the 8uman %ondition continues to plague us A<<- we are invariably haunted by >+C Past and a common tendency to approach 8istory in hopes of unearthing a worthwhile purpose behind the destiny of human beings and possibly discover the #eys by which !J,T*CJ is #nown as both the %hains of 0ate and the Ties -hich ?indwhichever suits your 0aith. ,o when in your dar#est hour you wonder -8J/ do I deserve this/ -8J do I endure this/ -hy must I suffer so/ -hy should I continue this struggle/ -8J have all the truly precious !oments gone with the wind while the pain of ?etrayal lingers with such bitter longevity/All I #now for sure is that the world demands Injustice in that each of us must define Truth which our minds derive differently as a direct consequence of the circumstances <ife, alone, sees fit- <ife, itself, being an *ternal Ceflection of the Infinite *ssence of +tter 'othingness. A!*'

written a decade ago and plenty still missing but there it is... now on to some other scribbling

Prophecy of <ast ,ummer and then some !arch 53, 2455 at 6.79am IFm getting used to the idea of being socially isolated for the first time in my life and as terrified as I am of such profound loneliness I #now that fear of the un#nown is senseless and for the sa#e of my family I must face the silence and ma#e this beautiful sacrifice and hell I just might manage to amplify my,elf so that it saturates the wilderness without anyone willingly or plain stuc# listening to me tal#... I intend to ma#e my,elf heard as the wind is carried from my 8oly !ountain I will haunt whosoever dwells within its distant valleys ...... the boondoc#s are about to feel !e stri#e li#e electro-shoc# therapy turning the peace and quiet off for the Auditory Llory will be my only saving grace with no audience to argue with and@or sing !J praises what will fuel my inferno of thought much less imbue the absurd monstrosity I call Ced ,hifty with a shred of humanity as of late I have all but lost and mercifully almost forgotten having spent these ,trange Oays as a spectacle a#in to a

1edi tric#ing Oeath with nothing more than the sheer force of my -ill I wor# my!agi:% with words..... but I digress...

I hope any of the above made some change since I #now it made less than >ne lic# of sense...... li#e my friend the ,na#e always say G:%, you off the chainG and I reply G!an, I A! the chain--IFll beat you with the chain.G ....verbally spea#ing that is to say that listening to me is Oangerous to begin with when you see the pale horse approaching Oeath itself sits upon its sealed 0ate can never escape the 8ell which follows with it and swallows the faint of heart in its wa#e the *arth itself is torn asunder driven mad with meaningless suffering to dance upon the graves of guilt laden souls asleep from days spent dreaming up heaven only to be born down below once more mortal mired by the mista#es and misfortune of man and mother, innocence won at last so late Paradise was lost in the Preface before the same story had begun another performance by a 8ero +nsung by the >pening curtain certain only that there is noThing new under the sun and itFs the same as it 'ever was still wandering about the world warring 0orever falling for the same trap vying for false Oominion over creation convinced it is our birthright as though we were of Oivine lineage rather than creatures as well... our,elves lower dimensional images little more than shadows cast in stardust and much less powerful, essentially imaginary we e)ist as probabilities of possibilities.... ,chroedingerFs Lrey0aced Lod%omple)ities...... 1esus 8!, 0uc#ing %hrist -hat have I said@done@become and 8ow the 0uc# did you get

on the receiving end of whatever this is/ Lood <uc# D Lodspeed .... Than#you for reading.... >!L anywhere I loo# I see me.The,pecial:%eeeeven,aintsCemind me of me ,eptember 2E, 2454 at 7.4Hpm coming from the Or.Illuminatus wi#ipedia venture unto courtly titles a thousand years old itFs still a thinly veiled reflection of me the end-all be-all never has gotten a good enough loo# at every where loo# I swell up and then there are the ripples....such a lovely thing I must be to my,elf for sure I wouldnFt hide my eyes to miss a single piece

Although I certainly do not suppress or hide my emotions from others, regardless of how inappropriate or disrespectful their e)pression might be, I have no shame and don"t embarrass myself, at least, my friends and family bear that burden for me and might even tell you that I am essentially an emotional bas#et case, I choose to live my life so passionately and relish the e)perience of all the emotions life inevitably brings. As frequent and emotionally charged as my outbursts toward others might be, I can not attribute them to whomever is on the receiving end even though I may feel a certain way about them, I do not feel the way I do because of them, but rather because of who I am and what I believe in. I bear their responsibility primarily as a reflection of the nature of my personality which is an e)tension of the person I have chosen to be and the values my life e)periences have cultivated within me. I do however attribute some measure of my feelings to the circumstances surrounding me insofar as they provide the stimulation to which I am emotionally responding but they do not control how I perceive them, that is entirely dependent on the mental conditioning I have developed over time and as my personal evolution progresses, my perception at any given time has and will continue to change throughout my life. I believe this is a function of growth and maturity brings with it an understanding that blaming of others for your suffering or depending on them to bring about your happiness is misguided and counterproductive. At this point in my life, I believe my attributions are about as accurate as humanly possible though it has ta#en a great deal of pain and loss to learn this lesson the hard way, but that is the price you pay to live your life and you are the only person who can decide what it ta#es for you to change or how strongly you will hold on to your personal truth when it hurts enough to wonder if you have been a fool for believing you even #now who you really are. >n the other hand, I #now enough to #now that I don"t #now enough to be sure of anything but certain I will never quit figuring out the meaning of life on life"s terms as seen through my eyes and felt by my heart. comin from the Or.Illuminatus wi#ipedia venture unto courtly titlesa thousand years olditFs still a thinly veiled reflection of methe end-all be-all never has gotten a good enough loo# at every where loo# I swell up and then there are the ripples....such a lovely thing I must be to my,elf for sure I wouldnFt hide my eyes to miss a single piece.