Heres what critics are saying about Spying in High Heels:

"A saucy combination of romance and suspense that is simply irresistible." - Chicago Tribune "Stylish... nonstop action...guaranteed to keep chick lit and mystery fans happy!" - Publishers eekly! starred re"ie# $Smart! funny and snappy! SPYING IN HIGH HEELS is the perfect beach read!% - &resh &iction "SPYING IN HIGH HEELS is a roller coaster ride full of fun and e'citement!" - (omance (e"ie#s Today ")emma *alliday #rites like a seasoned author lea"ing the reader hanging on to e"ery #ord! e"ery clue! e"ery delicious scene of the book. +ts a fun and intriguing mystery full of laughs and suspense." - ,nce -pon A (omance "&resh and #itty little number that #ill appeal if you like sparkling! good stories #ith a splash of mystery. &ull marks go to .s. *alliday on #hat promises to be a "ery successful debut to a fabulous career." - (omance /unkies

OTHER BOOKS BY GEMMA HALLI AY 0i"a 1as 0egas High Heels Mysteries: Spying in *igh *eels 2iller in *igh *eels -nderco"er in *igh *eels Alibi in *igh *eels .ayhem in *igh *eels Christmas in *igh *eels 3short story4 Hollywood Headlines Mysteries: Scandal Sheet The Perfect Shot 5eadline 3coming soon!4 SHORT STORIES ! "O#ELLAS BY GEMMA HALLI AY So + 5ated an A'e .urderer 3no"ella4 atching 6ou 3short story4 Confessions of a 7ombshell 7andit 3short story4

88888 S$YI"G I" HIGH HEELS by )9..A *A11+5A6 88888 Smash#ords 9dition Copyright : ;<=< by )emma *alliday All rights reser"ed. ithout limiting the rights under copyright reser"ed abo"e! no part of this publication may be reproduced! stored in or introduced into a retrie"al system! or transmitted! in any form! or by any means 3electronic! mechanical! photocopying! recording! or other#ise4 #ithout the prior #ritten permission of both the copyright o#ner and the abo"e publisher of this book. This is a #ork of fiction. >ames! characters! places! brands! media! and incidents are either the product of the author?s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author ackno#ledges the trademarked status and trademark o#ners of "arious products referenced in this #ork of fiction! #hich ha"e been used #ithout permission. The publication@use of these trademarks is not authoriAed! associated #ith! or sponsored by the trademark o#ners.

S%ashwor&s E&ition License "otes This ebook is licensed for your personal enBoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or gi"en a#ay to other people. +f you #ould like to share this book #ith another person! please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it #ith. +f you?re reading this book and did not purchase it! or it #as not purchased for your use only! then you should return to Smash#ords.com and purchase your o#n copy. Thank you for respecting the author?s #ork.

88888

S$YI"G I" HIGH HEELS

88888 'ha(ter One + #as late. And + dont mean the kind of late #here + spent too much time doing my hair and #as no# stuck in traffic. + mean + #as late late. The kind of late #here the CCD effecti"e #arnings on the side of condom bo'es flashed before my eyes as + #hite knuckled my #ay do#n the E<F! silently screaming! #hy meG hy! oh #hy meG +m a ne# millennium girl. + took copious notes in Hth grade Se' 9d. + carry Bust-in-case condoms in the Aippered section of my purse. And! after that first singularly a#k#ard e'perience in the back of Todd *ansons IJ; Che"y after Bunior prom! + ha"e been meticulously careful. .e. + #as late. And + #as not taking it #ell. $5anaG% Silence. $5ana! + need to talk to you.% Silence. $+ s#ear to )od if you are screening me + am ne"er speaking to you again.% + s#itched my cell phone to the other hand as + changed lanes! narro#ly a"oiding a collision #ith a pick-up that had $#ash me% car"ed in opaKue dust! before continuing my desperate pleas into my best friends ans#ering machine. $5ana! please! please! please pick upG PleaseG% + paused. >othing. $All right! + guess you really arent there. 7ut please! please! please call me back as soon as you get this message. + mean pronto. This is a serious code red! C==

emergency. + need to talk to you now! + punctuated this last #ord by laying on my horn as a bald guy in a con"ertible cut me off then had the audacity to gi"e me the finger. elcome to 1.A. + flipped my phone shut! breaking a &rench tipped nail in the process! and counted to ten! trying to remember some of that calming yoga breathing from the one class 5ana had dragged me to last month. -nfortunately! at the time +d had my full attention focused on not falling flat on my face during a do#n#ard facing dog! and + think + #as beginning to hyper"entilate. + merged onto the =< free#ay! glancing do#n at the digital readout on my dashboard clock! and realiAed #ith a t#ist of irony that + #as no# not only late! but late. As in not on time to meet my boyfriend! (ichard *o#e! for lunch. *ed made one oclock reser"ations at )ianis and it #as no# t#el"e fiftyeight. + eased my suede ankle boot 3#hich had ma'ed out my .acys card! but #as so #orth it!4 do#n Bust a little harder on the accelerator! after checking the rear"ie# mirror to make sure the high#ay patrol #as no#here in sight. >ot that + #as speeding. .uch. 7ut considering the day +d had so far! an encounter #ith the C*P #as not on my list of to-dos. As + checked for motorcycle cops! + also ga"e myself a Kuick once o"er in the mirror. >ot bad considering + #as ha"ing the freak out of my life. .y ash blond hair #as still tucked into a flattering half t#ist! a fe# flya#ays but the messy look #as in! rightG + pulled out a tube of (aspberry Perfection lip-gloss and applied a thin s#ipe across my lips! ignoring the obscene gestures from the guy behind me. *ey! if a girl in a crisis doesnt ha"e her lipstick! #hat does she ha"eG +m proud to say + only got flipped off t#o more times before pulling my little red /eep 3top up today as a concession to my hair4 into the parking garage on the corner of Lth and )rand. + fastened The Club securely on my steering #heel and prepared to hoof it the t#o blocks to my boyfriends firm

#here + #as supposed to meet himM + looked do#n at my #atchM damn. T#el"e minutes ago. ell! on the up side! as soon as + told him about being late, + had a feeling hed forget all about my being late. A con"ersation + #as seriously dreading. +n my mind it #ent something like thisN *i (ichard! sorry +m late! by the #ay + may be ha"ing your child. +nsert cartoon sound of (ichard hitting the door at roadrunner-like speeds. -gh. There #as Bust no good #ay to ease into information like that. ed only been dating for a fe# months. e hadnt e"en made it to the shopping at 7ed! 7ath and 7eyond stage yet! and suddenly #e had to ha"e this con"ersationG + adBusted my bra strap as + #alked! tucking it back under my tank top! trying like anything to present the appearance of a #oman #ith it all together. And not a #oman trying to remember #hich pregnancy test commercial touted early results #ith digital readouts. 9'actly fourteen minutes behind schedule + #alked into the la# offices of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e. +n reality the firm #as called 5onaldson! Chesterton! and *o#e. 7ut + couldnt resist the nickname. Considering the type of clientele they represented 3the Chanel and (ole' cro#d4 it fit like an imported! calfskin glo"e. 7eyond the frosted front doors maroon carpeting ya#ned across the reception area! muffling the sound of my heels as + made my #ay to the front desk. The large o"al of dark #oods stretched along the back #all of the spacious room! flanked on either side by more frosted doors leading to the conference rooms and offices beyond. The faint clicking of keyboards and muffled con"ersations billed at three hundred dollars an hour filled the background. $.ay + help youG% asked the 7arbie doll behind the desk. /asmine. ,r as + liked to call her! .iss PP. As in plastic parts. /asmine spent t#o thirds of her salary e"ery month on cosmetic procedures. This #eek her lips #ere collagen s#ollen to

Angelina /olie standards. 1ast month it #as ne# boobs! double 5 of course. As usual! her bleached blond hair #as moussed #ithin an inch of its life! gi"ing her an e'tra t#o inches on her already annoying height of FH%. +m #hat could be referred to as a petite person! topping out at an impressi"e F= O% on a good day. + #as lucky if + made the height reKuirement on half the rides at Si' &lags. $+m here to see (ichard!% + informed .iss PP. $5o you ha"e an appointment #ith .r. *o#eG% *er blue eyes blinked 3#ith difficulty due to the bro# lift t#o months ago4 in an innocent gesture that + kne# #as anything but. /asmines sole entertainment here at 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e #as #ielding the po#er of entry to the sacred offices beyond the frosted doors. + narro#ed my eyes at her. $6es. As a matter of fact + do.% $And you areG% + tried not to roll my eyes. +d met (ichard here for lunch e"ery &riday afternoon for the past fi"e months. She kne# #ho + #as and by the tiny smile at the corner of her Angelina lips! she #as enBoying this all too much. $.addie Springer. *is girlfriend. +m here for a lunch date.% $+m sorry! .iss Springer! but youll ha"e to #ait. *es #ith someone in the conference room right no#.% $ hy didnt you Bust say that in the first placeG% + mumbled as + sat in one of the tan! leather chairs punctuating the #aiting area. /asmine didnt ans#er! smirking instead 3#hich looked a lot like an 9l"is lip curl in her ne# super-siAed lips4 as she opened #hat +d guess #as a game of solitaire on her computer and pretended to look busy. + picked up a copy of Cosmo from the end table and began flipping through the pages of drool #orthy designer clothes + could ne"er afford. ,r fit into if + #as actually pregnant. ,h )od. hat a depressing thought.

After #hat seemed like an eternity of listening to /asmines acrylic nails click against her keyboard! (ichard #alked into the reception area. 5espite the an'iety building in my stomach! + couldnt help a little yummy sigh at the sight of him. (ichard #as si' foot one and all lean muscle. *e #as a religious runner! doing =<ks for all the charities in his spare time. .uscular dystrophy! autism! e"en the breast cancer run last April. hen #e first started dating he tried to get me to run #ith him once. /ust once. .y idea of a cardio #orkout #as elbo#ing my #ay through >ordstrom during the halfyearly super sale. (unning #as something + didnt do. 7esides! + figured if the heels #ere high enough! #alking the t#o blocks from my apartment to the corner Starbucks burned almost as many calories as running! rightG Today (ichards blonde hair #as perfectly gelled into place in a casual #a"e! a la early (obert (edford. *e #as #earing a dark gray suit! paired #ith a #hite shirt and tasteful paisley printed tie. *e looked do#nright delish and + resisted the urge to thro# myself into his arms! unloading all my #orries onto the shoulder of his #ool suit. Another man e'ited the offices #ith him! the t#o of them deep in con"ersation. + couldnt make out #hat they #ere saying! but #hate"er it #as had (ichards sandy bro#s dra#n together in a look of concern. The other guy #as dressed in 1e"is! #orn #ith faded patches along the thighs and seat! and a na"y blaAer o"er a form fitting black T-shirt. *is shoulders #ere broad and he had the sort of compact build that made you instantly think priAefighter. A #hite scar cut into his eyebro#! breaking up his tanned comple'ion. 5ark hair! dark eyes and the sort of hard look about him that usually #ent along #ith prison tattoos. + hoped (ichard #asnt branching out into criminal defense. + #aited until theyd shook hands and the other guy had #alked out of the lobby before approaching (ichard.

$*i honey!% + said! standing on tiptoe to place a kiss on his cheek. $*i.% *e #as still staring after the felon! his tone distracted as if +d Bust interrupted him during football season. $ ho #as thatG% $>obody.% The #ay (ichard #as still staring after .r. >obody led me to belie"e that #asnt e'actly true. *o#e"er! + had bigger things to think about than (ichards latest client. 1ike being late. $6oure late.% $*uhG% + #hirled around! panic rising like bile in my throat. )ood )od! could he tell alreadyG +nsanely + looked do#n to my abdomen as if it might ha"e gro#n si' inches in the last thirty seconds. $ e had reser"ations for one.% ,h. That late. $Sorry! there #as traffic on the E<F. ell Bust go some#here else. *o# about the Cabo CantinaG% (ichard #as still staring at the closed glass doors #here .r. >obody had e'ited. + #ondered again #ho the man #as. *e didnt look like (ichards typical clients and he certainly didnt gi"e off that ne# car scent of another la#yer. $+! uh! dont think +m going to make lunch today after all. Somethings kind of come up.% $,h! thats too bad.% Am + a totally bad person that + #as actually a little relie"edG At least #e didnt ha"e to ha"e that con"ersation no#. At least no# + had a little time to come up #ith a better #ay of dropping the bombshell than! $(ichard! #e"e got to buy stronger condoms.% *mmM + #ondered if + could sue TroBan o"er thisG $Sorry! .addie. +ll call you later! + promise.% $Thats okay. + understand. +ll talk to you tonight thenG% $Sure. Tonight.% *e ga"e me a Kuick peck on the cheek before disappearing back through the frosted doors and into the

bo#els of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e. /asmine looked up Bust long enough to gi"e me an 9l"is smirk before going back to her solitaire game. 8 8 8 + #alked the t#o blocks back to my /eep and left another message on 5anas ans#ering machine. +f she didnt pick up soon + #as going to ha"e to start taking rPsumPs for a ne# girlfriend. + started my /eep #ith a roar that echoed in the parking structure and instead of getting back on the free#ay! made my #ay up )rand to 7e"erly 7oule"ard. + hit a dri"ethru .c 5onalds and ordered a decadent 7ig .ac! large fries and a stra#berry shake. This #as not a day to be counting carbs. + parked in the lot! enBoying my comfort food in the pri"acy and full blast air-conditioning of my /eep. As + slurped the last of my shake! + #ondered #hat to do no#. + should go back to #ork! something +d neglected e"er since staring in horror at my calendar this morning. *o#e"er! the thought of being creati"e right no# didnt seem Kuite realistic. As a little girl +d al#ays dreamed of being a fashion model! parading do#n a .ilan run#ay in the latest designer creations as the #orld oohed and ahhed. 7ut by the eighth grade it #as abundantly clear + #as not going to achie"e fashion model height. So! + settled for the ne't best thing! being a fashion designer. After four years at the Academy of Art College in San &rancisco! + #as ready to make my mark on the fashion scene. ,nly + hadnt counted on it being almost as hard to break into fashion as it #as to break into modeling. After begging! pleading and promising to #ash e"ery fashion e'ecs car in the greater 1os Angeles area! + finally landed a Bob. 5esigning childrens shoes for Tot Trots. ,kay! so it #asnt .ilan! but it paid the bills. .ost of the time.

The perks #ere + set my o#n hours! + #orked from home and + #as happy to say that my #ork had been featured on the feet of fashionable tots e"ery#here! including the 7arbie /ellies last spring and the Sponge7ob slippers in the fall collection. Currently + #as #orking on the Stra#berry Shortcake hightops Q a"ailable in both iridescent pink and sparkling purple! thank you "ery much. *o#e"er! at the moment the idea of spending a day #ith tiny tot fashions didnt hold enormous appeal. 2iddie shoes made me think of kids! #hich made me think of babies! #hich led to thoughts about condoms that for no good reason at all sometimes broke and led to #omen being in my current position. + looked do#n at my dash clock. ,ne forty-fi"e. 5ana #as probably getting to the gym right about no# for her stepand-sculpt class. +n addition to being my best friend! 5ana #as an aerobics instructor at the Sunset )ym. That is! in bet#een auditions and bit mo"ie roles. 1ike C<D of 1os Angelinos! 5ana #anted to be an actress. Though she s#ore as long as she didnt moonlight as a #aitress! she could keep from becoming a clichP. + figured if + took the =<=! + might be able to catch her bet#een classes. + set my shake do#n and put the car in gear! pulling up in front of the huge concrete and glass structure of the Sunset )ym in record time. + parked in the lot! declining the "alet parking. 6es! in 1.A. people actually a"oided #alking the t#o yards from the parking lot to the gym before doing their threemile run. )o figure. As + entered the gym! a tall guy #ith a buAA cut and Popeye arms stopped me at the front desk. *e looked me up and do#n! taking in the t#o-inch boots! Ann Taylor skirt and lack of >ike bag slung o"er my shoulder. + #asnt fooling him. e both kne# + only used my membership for a s#im in the pool on those hundred degree plus days.

After #hipping out my +5 card and satisfying the steroid gatekeeper! + entered the main floor! scanning past ro#s of e'ercycles for any sign of 5ana. + spotted her at the front of a class by the #indo#s! stepping and sculpting their little hearts out. + had a brief moment of guilt o"er my gaAillion calorie lunch! but it didnt last long. Certainly not long enough for me to actually suit up and Bump on a stepper. +nstead + grabbed a dog-eared copy of Elle! settling onto a bench along the #all to #ait. +t didnt take long for the gyrating steppers to finish! breaking into a self-congratulatory round of applause. The teacher of the step class came Bogging to#ard me! her stra#berry blonde ponytail s#ishing back and forth. A perfect siAe t#o! she looked like shed Bust stepped off the pages of Sports Illustrated. And not the s#imsuit edition! but the #omen-#ho-lift-and-the-men-#ho-lo"e-them edition. + #ould hate her! e'cept for the fact that 5ana! a.k.a. aerobics Kueen! #as my best friend. $ hats upG% she asked! looking do#n at my high heeled boots #ith a fro#n. $+ Bust ate!% + said by #ay of defense. 5ana shot me a dubious look but let it go. +nstead she began doing a little Bogging in place thing as she talked. $So! + got your message. hats the big emergencyG% $+! uhM% + looked o"er my shoulder as if + almost shouldn?t be saying it out loud. $+m late.% $,kay! #ell talk fast. hats upG% $>o! no. >ot late. Late.% 5ana cocked her head to one side! taking this in before the meaning hit her. $,h my )od. 6ou mean you missed your periodG% $>o. + didnt miss anything yet. +m Bust a little late.% $>o #onder youre freaking out.% $+m not freaking out. +mM Bust a little late.% 5ana shot me the yeah-right look shed been using on me e"er since #e bonded o"er our lo"e of >e# 2ids ,n the 7lock

in se"enth grade. $(ight. And thats #hy you left four messages on my machine this morning.% + cringed. 5id + really lea"e fourG $,kay fine. +m freaking out. 7ut Bust a little.% $5id you take a test yetG% she asked! s#itching to a Bumping Backs routine. $1ike a pregnancy testG% $>o! an algebra test. )eeA! anyone #ould think you"e ne"er been late before.% Truth #as! + hadnt. And thats #hat #as scaring me e"en more about my predicament. 9"er since my monthly "isitor began arri"ing! +d been t#enty-eight days like clock#ork. hich is #hy +d panicked and left a near stalker amount of messages on my best friends machine. *ey! #ait a minute! if she got my messages! ho# come she didnt call me backG $ hy didnt you call me backG% 5ana got that #icked smile on her face that said she #as either dating someone ne# or about to gi"e someone t#enty push-ups. $+ #asnt e'actly alone.% $5o + #ant to kno# #hoG% $Sasha Aleksandro"!% she said! s#itching to a little t#ostep foot#ork in place. $9'cuse meG% 5ana giggled. 6es! gro#n #omen #ith =D body fat still giggle like middle schoolers #ith braces #hen it comes to men. $*es a (ussian body contortionist. Sashas the bottom of the human pyramid in the CirKuP &antastiKue.% + tried not to roll my eyes. 5ana had an uncanny ability to pick guys #ho #ere destined for short-term relationships. $So #here did you meet .r. Pyramid 7ottomG% $*ere. *e came in #ith the Spanish trapeAe artist to #ork out last #eek. + offered to sho# him ho# to use the Cybe' machine. *e doesnt ha"e them in (ussia.% $,f course not.%

$And! #e hit it off. *e asked if + #anted to see him perform.% Considering the many meanings behind that statement! +m betting 5ana said yes. She ne"er passed up an opportunity to see a muscular man $perform.% $Thats it. + dont #ant to hear any more!% + said! co"ering my ears. 5ana giggled again. $,kay! so ho# late are youG% she asked instead. $Three days.% $And you called me before noon for thatG *oney! three days is nothing.% $5ana! +"e ne"er been three days late before.% $1ucky for you! +"e got an emergency preggers test at home. + ha"e one more class then #ell go to my place and make a pitcher of margaritas #hile you pee on a stick. +tll be fun! okayG% $>o. >o margaritas! 5ana. + cant drink that stuff! + might be pregnant.% At this! 5ana actually abandoned her aerobics! standing perfectly still. She stared at me! her pert little mouth hanging open. $6oure not actually thinking of ha"ing a baby are youG% as +G $>o. + mean! + dont kno#. + dont kno# #hat +ll do if +M ifM you kno#.% $ e see a pink lineG% $6eah.% $&ine. >o margaritas for no#. 7ut you are so peeing tonight.% 8 8 8 1uckily + con"inced 5ana that peeing on a stick #as a solo mission and left her to her 2ickbo'ing for Seniors class. + did stop by the drugstore and pick up a test! the most embarrassing

purchase of my entire life including the first time + e"er bought condoms and accidentally grabbed super ribbed for her pleasure. + also purchased a 7ig )ulp! so by the time + pulled into the dri"e#ay of my second-story studio in Santa .onica! + #as ready to pee. Physically that #as. .entally! + #as a #reck. + locked my /eep! climbed the #ooden stairs to my apartment! and let myself in! dropping the drugstore package on the kitchen counter. 5espite the fact + had to pee like a racehorse! + couldnt Kuite get up the courage to take the pregnancy test into the bathroom #ith me. Someho# no# that + #as faced #ith an entire array of +&s! that test had become scarier than a es Cra"en mo"ie. + mean! #hat if it did turn pinkG 5id + really #ant a babyG + looked around my coAy 3translationN dinky4 studio apartment! filled to ma' capacity #ith a fold out-futon and my sketch table. here the hell #ould + e"en put a babyG + guessed +d al#ays assumed +d ha"e kids someday. 7ut e"en though + #as closing in on thirty 3and + refuse to say Bust how closely4 someday still seemed far! far into the future. hen + #as more settled! domestic. .arried. ,h )od! #ould (ichard think + #anted him to marry meG 5id +G + think + #as hyper"entilating again. + #ent to the bathroom! sans stick! then checked my ans#ering machine. >o messages. >amely! no (ichard. + picked up the recei"er and dialed his number! #aiting as it rang on the other end. *is machine kicked in and + left #hat + thought #as a relati"ely breeAy message! considering the circumstances. + plopped myself do#n on the sofa and clicked on the T0! settling for Seinfeld reruns #hile + #aited for (ichard to return my call. 7y Letterman! + still hadnt heard from him. hich #as annoying and also a little #orrisome. *e had said hed call me tonight. And it #asnt like (ichard to ignore my

messages. + tried not to freak out! instead promising myself +d take the pregnancy test Bust as soon as + heard from (ichard. A promise that #ould soon come back to haunt me.

'ha(ter Two Three days later! still no Aunt &lo. And still no (ichard. + #as beginning to #orry. About (ichard! though the unopened pregnancy test on my kitchen counter didnt help matters. (ichard had ne"er ignored my calls like this. -sually he checked his messages e"ery hour on the hour! returning mine #ith at the "ery least a te't messaged smiley or $hi beautiful.% ,nly +d left about a gaAillion messages and gotten no smileys back. + left a second breeAy message Saturday morningN *i! ho# are you! guess you got too busy to call last night. At lunch + called his office! only to be bumped to "oicemail. + held off calling again until almost fi"e! #hen + then left another message on his "oicemail! cell phone! home phone and emailed him a message full of my o#n smileys and $#here are youG%s. 5ana inter"ened at that point! promising to tie my hands behind my back if + didnt gi"e the man a little space. She #as right. + #as beginning to be bunny boiling scary. So! + didnt call all day Sunday until the time the perky ne#s#omen on the channel t#o late report came on chatting about a burglary in (eseda and the days record highs. Then + left three more messages. Still no ans#er. This #as really unlike (ichard. And try as + might + couldnt shrug off the feeling that (ichards commitment radar had someho# picked up on my lateness and hed headed for the hills. So! .onday morning my o"er acti"e-imagination and + #oke up determined to track do#n the .+A boyfriend. + sho#ered! dressed in my fa"orite Beans! green silk slee"eless top and strappy emerald slingbacks. After a Kuick turn under the blo# dryer and a little reKuisite lip-gloss! + #as ready to go. +t #as only ten #hen + parked in the garage do#n the street from 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e! but already the side#alk #as

beginning to haAe from the heat. >othing like a smog layer to add a little siAAle to your /uly. T#o blocks and three homeless guys later! + entered the cool! air-conditioned interior of (ichards building. Predictably! /asmine #as standing sentinel o"er the reception area. $.ay + help youG% she asked! looking anything but helpful. $+m here to see (ichard.% $5o you ha"e an appointmentG% + s#ear that should be this #omans epitaph. *ere lies /asmine $do you ha"e an appointment% illiams. .ay she rest in peace. $>o. 7ut +m sure hell see me if youll Bust let him kno# +m here.% $And you areG% + narro#ed my eyes at her. $.addie Springer. *is girlfriend.% + emphasiAed the #ord. $+m sorry! .iss Springer! but .r. *o#e isnt in. *es taking a fe# personal days. 7ut! +ll lea"e a message that you stopped by.% She seemed to take inordinate pleasure in the fact. $ hy didnt you Bust tell me he #asnt here in the first placeG% /asmines o"er-siAed lips curled into a smile. At least + think it #as a smile. .aybe a sneer. $6ou didnt ask.% + took a deep breath. (ationaliAing that if + reached o"er the mahogany desk and scratched her eyes out + might ruin another manicure. $&ine. 5id he say #here he #as goingG% $+m sorry!% she said #ith #hat #as clearly a sneer this time! $but +m not at liberty to di"ulge-% $>e"er mind!% + cut her off. +d already gi"en /asmine #ay too much enBoyment today. +nstead + spun around! digging my heels into the maroon carpet and stalked off to#ard the ele"ator! lea"ing /asmine to her solitaire.

Clearly (ichard #asnt at the office. >e't stop Q his condo. (ichard li"ed in a t#o-story condo in 7urbank! nestled in a gated community of tall stucco buildings on Sunset Canyon. The condos #ere all painted a pale taupe that hid dirt and on high smog inde' days matched the e'act color of the air. (ichards #as the third structure on the right. + parked across the street! thankfully finding a spot on the same block after circling only t#ice! and clubbed my steering #heel. + keyed in the entry code on the electronic pad ne't to the iron gates and made my #ay through the mini garden courtyard! consisting of yucca trees! leafy green bushes and flo#ering agapanthus. + paused as + reached (ichards door! took a deep breath! and stuck my key in the lock. + #as half#ay e'pecting .afia thugs to Bump out at me! or the place to look trashed as if (ichard had been dragged a#ay against his #ill! kicking and screaming! $ ait! Bust let me return my girlfriends call first!% + #as disappointed. The condo looked e'actly as it al#ays did. Sleek! black leather sofas #ere set in the sunken li"ing room! offset by chrome and glass end tables. The alco"e kitchen to the right #as clean! the green granite counters gleaming as morning sun filtered through the sliding glass doors to the second story balcony. $*elloG% + called into the silence. 7ut almost instincti"ely! + kne# + #ouldnt get an ans#er back. The house had the feel of disuse! the air slightly stale as if the #indo#s hadnt been cracked in days. hich did nothing to reassure the an'iety building in my belly. (ichard #asnt here. *e #asnt at the office. + #as running out of places to look for him. as it possible that hed been called out of to#n suddenlyG .aybe a family emergencyG *is mother li"ed alone in Palm Springs! maybe she #as sickG

+ crossed the room! angling do#n the narro# hall#ay that led to the marble tiled bathroom! (ichards bedroom! and the spare room (ichard used as a home office. + opened the office door! gingerly peeking my head in first. >o (ichard. 7ut the ans#ering machine on his desk #as blinking like mad. &eeling Bust the teeny-tiniest bit intrusi"e! + pressed the play button. ould you belie"e all t#el"e messages #ere from meG 6ikes. Ruickly + erased all but one. There! that sounded more like a rational! sane girlfriend. + took a Kuick look around the rest of the office. >o plane tickets to the 7ahamas! no telegrams saying! $.oms sick! come no#.% + mo"ed on to the bedroom! my heels echoing on the polished hard#ood floor. 1ike the rest of the house! the bedroom seemed untouched. The bed #as made! the burgundy du"et un#rinkled. The dresser held only the usual bits of clutterN a tin of loose change! pair of old sunglasses! book of matches! packet of "itamins! and t#o 7ic pens. &eeling a little like Colombo + checked the address on the matchbook. +t #as a club hed taken me to last #eek. 5rat. So much for my brilliant detecti"e skills. + opened the top dra#er of his dresser. (o#s of rolled up socks and *anes briefs didnt pro"ide any clue to his #hereabouts either. + had a sinking feeling + #as Bust snooping at this point. + searched through the dra#er! grimacing as + found a pair of purple argyle dress socks. + opened another dra#er. T-shirts and gym shorts. + shuffled them around a bit and came across a pair of neon blue spande' running shorts. 9gad! Those had to go. + tossed them in the direction of the #astebasket! sure that (ichard #ould thank me later. + #as Bust mo"ing on to the paBama dra#er #hen + heard a sound other than my o#n clucks of disappro"al. The sound of the front door opening. .y first thought #as that it #as (ichard and ,bsessi"e oman #as caught red handed. Then + heard something else. $*elloG (ichard! are you in thereG%

+ froAe. +t #as a mans "oice! but not (ichards. )ood 1ord! #hat #ould + do if it #as one of his friendsG Sure! (ichard had gi"en me a key! but not so + could come in #hile he #as gone and inspect his #ardrobe. At the risk of fore"er being labeled $that craAy chick #ho #ent through your dra#ers!% + Kuickly Bumped into (ichards closet! securing the sliding paneled doors behind me. /ust call me the obsessi"e chicken. + heard the front door close! footsteps echoing through the condo. Cupboards opened and closed in the kitchen! leather sKueaked against leather as + listened to him mo"e cushions on (ichards sofa. &ootsteps clicked do#n the hall! then came to an abrupt stop! presumably at the door to (ichards office. They continued again! dimming as he entered the room. + opened the closet door Bust a crack and peeked out. + couldnt see anything. 9"er so Kuietly! + tiptoed to the door#ay of (ichards bedroom. + heard the message machine beep! then my "oice filled the condo. $*i! (ichard! its me. /ust #ondering #hat you"e been up to. + ha"ent heard from you in a #hile. ell! not a #hile really! but + thought you said youd call me last night. >ot that + #as #aiting or anything. 7ut maybe you forgot. ,r Bust got really busy. hich + totall understand! Icause! duh! you"e got lots of cases and stuff to think about. + mean! not that + think you don!t think about me. +m sure you do. 7ut! you kno#! you Bust ha"e a lot on your mind! so + can see #hy you forgot to call. So! um! any#ay! call me #hen you can. I2G% ,h )od! did + really sound like thatG >o #onder my boyfriend had gone A ,1. + thought + heard the man chuckle as the machine beeped off Thank )od +d erased the rest of the messages. + heard the sounds of desk dra#ers being opened and closed! papers being shuffled. + #ould s#ear it sounded like this guy sounded like he #as going through (ichards stuff too.

hat kind of friend #as heG + Bust hoped he found #hate"er he #as looking for before he got to the bedroom. >o such luck. &ootsteps echoed again! dra#ing closer. + let out a little $eek% and + Bumped back into the closet! Kuickly closing the sliding door as the footsteps gre# louder! entering (ichards bedroom. + crouched on the floor #edging myself bet#een a pile of #inter s#eaters and (ichards 7runo .agli loafers. + heard the man opening dresser dra#ers! rummaging like +d been doing Bust moments ago. hat was this guy looking forG .y curiosity got the better of me and + eased the closet door open a crack to take a peek at him. + recogniAed him almost immediately. The solid frame hunched o"er (ichards dresser! the #orn Beans! the dark hair. +t #as the same guy +d seen #ith (ichard the other day. .r. >obody. *e #as in denim again! this time #earing a black Tshirt! sans Backet as a concession to the heat. The slee"es of his shirt #ere stretched taut o"er biceps that bulged like >erf balls on his arm. + thought + caught the glimpse of a black tattoo Bust peeking out beneath the hem! but + couldnt Kuite make out #hat it #as. And then + sa# it. A gun. + froAe! my eyes glued to the bit of gleaming metal sho"ed into the #aistband of his Beans! the butt flat against his tight stomach. .y breath came out in Kuick shallo# gasps! my brain racing to come up #ith any good reason #hy a man #ith a gun should be searching through (ichards personal belongings. .r. Armed and 5angerous mumbled to himself again as he opened (ichards under#ear dra#er. + strained my ears to pick up #hat he #as saying. $Come on! come onM + kno# you left somethingM #hat theMG% *e paused! holding up the pair of purple argyles. *e shook his head! making a sound some#here bet#een a snort and a chuckle! before thro#ing them back in the dra#er. ell!

at least the bad man had good taste. + #atched as he continued on to the ne't dra#er. $Mcome on! come onM dont tell me the sonofabitch packed e"erything.% ait Q packedG .y eyes had adBusted to the dark and + looked around the closet at the ro#s of hanging suits! polos and pressed slacks. Sure enough there #ere noticeable gaps. + felt my stomach clench up in a #ay that #arned of morning sickness. .issing clothes! missing boyfriend. A man #ith a gun rummaging through (ichards under#ear dra#er. And me crouched in a pile of seasonal s#eaters hoping like anything that the diAAiness haAing my "ision #as Bust fear and not pregnancy hormones. This #as not good. + didnt kno# #hat #as going on here! but good it definitely #as not. And then things got #orse. .r. >obody stepped to#ard the closet doors. + bit my lip! hoping he #ould turn around. >ope. *e headed straight to#ard me. + shut my eyes tightly! making myself as small as + could. + said a silent prayer! promising to attend church more often! gi"e half my salary to the poor and really #ork in a soup kitchen this Thanksgi"ing instead of Bust telling my mother + #as to a"oid her dried out turkey. + heard the #ooden door slide on its tracks and eased one eye open! saying a silent thank you that hed opened the other side of the closet and + #as still in shado#s. + held my breath! certain that my e"ery inhale #as as loud as a Backhammer in the silence. .r. >obody looked at the clothes hanging in the closet. *e sKuinted his dark eyes at them almost as if he #ere mentally counting. $Shit.% *e breathed the #ord on an e'hale! then turned around and stalked out of the room. *is boots continued to echo all the #ay do#n the hall and out the door! #hich he shut behind him #ith a crash that sent my teeth chattering. ,r maybe they #ere doing that all on their o#n. + realiAed + #as

shaking and #rapped a #ool s#eater around myself as + sat in the dark closet for a full t#o minutes before "enturing back out into the room. + dont kno# #hat .r. >obody #ould ha"e done had he seen me there! but the gun poking out of his 1e"is #as not reassuring. + slo#ly ducked my head out the bedroom door. >o sign of the bad man. + tiptoed as Kuickly as + could do#n the hall! slinked out the front door and sprinted across the street to my car as if + #ere dodging gunfire. ,nce inside + locked the doors! remo"ed the club and re""ed up the engine! my hands still shaking as + adBusted the air conditioning controls. + closed my eyes! taking deep breaths as + took stock. + #as in one piece. .r. >obody hadnt seen me. >o bullet holes and + hadnt #et myself. All #as #ell. ,kay not all #as #ell. (ichard had ob"iously packed for a trip. That much #as plain to both .r. >obody and me. A trip #hereG And #hyG (ichard hadnt mentioned a trip! and by the #ay an armed man had broken into his place! + didnt en"ision it #as a planned Club .ed geta#ay. as he hiding some#hereG as he in troubleG Considering (ichard thought claiming lunch #ith me as a deduction #as unethical! + found it hard to belie"e + #ondered if + should call the police. 7ut + #asnt entirely sure .r. >obody had actually committed a crime. 7reaking into a mans house and going through his under#ear dra#er. +n fact! + #asnt e"en entirely sure he did break in. *ad + locked the door behind meG +d been a little preoccupied to notice. )od! + hoped (ichard #as all right. hat #ould + do if he #asntG hat about our potential unborn childG Again + felt that bout of possible morning sickness s#ell o"er me. + s#ear to )od if (ichard #as Bust in the 7ahamas! + #as going to kill him.

/ust then my purse rang. + Bumped so far into the air + almost hit the roof of my car! adrenalin pumping through e"ery limb of my body. + reached into my bag and flipped open my .otorola. .y mothers number popped up on the caller +5. +f it #as anyone else! + #ould ha"e ignored it. 7ut kno#ing .om! shed send the >ational )uard looking for me if + didnt pick up by the fourth ring. $*elloG% $.addie! you ha"ent forgotten ha"e youG% $,f course not.% + racked my brain. &orgotten #hatG $)ood. 7ecause #e made reser"ations for fi"e and (alphs canceling his last appointment so he can Boin us.% (ight. (alph! a.k.a. &au' 5ad! the o#ner of &ernandos! the hottest place on (odeo! and my soon to be step-daddy. + still #asnt ==<D con"inced &au' 5ad #as straight! but + lo"ed the discounted manicures. .om had hooked up #ith (alph #hen! after t#enty-fi"e years as a single parent! .om had disco"ered the #onders of internet dating and signed up for .atch.com. 5esperate to make a big re-entry into the dating scene! shed gone to &ernandos for a full make-o"er! #here (alph chopped! styled and colored her hair into a near masterpiece. After three months of flirtatious cut and colors! .om #as surprised to learn that not only #as (alph straight 3allegedly4! but his interest in her #ent #ay beyond her curly locks. &i"e months later they #ere planning a beautiful ceremony in .alibu! o"erlooking the ocean cliffs for a #eek from Saturday. + #as to be the maid of honor and tonight .om #as laying official duty number three thousand on me. Planning her bachelorette party. + debated fabricating an e'cuse to skip dinner. .y hands #ere still shaking and! though my heart had slo#ed from >ASCA( to 1.A. free#ay! + still had that Bittery feeling in my chest like + #as ready to fight or take flight any minute. *o#e"er! kno#ing .om 3see >ational )uard reference4

canceling dinner #ould lead to more Kuestions than + currently had ans#ers for. So + ga"e in. $(ight. >o! +ll be there. &i"e thirty! rightG% $&i"e!% my mother yelled into the phone. $(ight.% + looked do#n at my #atch. &our forty-se"en. Considering traffic on the =SE at this hour! +d be cutting it close. $+ #as Bust getting in the car! .om. +ll meet you there.% $)ood. And dont be late.% + pretended not to hear that last comment. $6oure breaking up! .om. Sorry! gotta go.% 8 8 8 At e'actly fi"e t#enty-nine + pulled up to )aribaldis restaurant in Studio City. + might ha"e been on time had + not spent the entire dri"e o"er looking in my rear"ie# mirror for any sign of .r. >obody lurking behind me. Thankfully! + sa# none. 7ut! paranoia lesson number one! that didnt mean he #asnt there. + found a spot on the street and parallel parked bet#een a /ag and a 5odge 5art on its last leg. 1uckily + #as #earing my ready-for-anything Spiga slingbacks! so the block and a half hardly e"en hurt my feet at the near sprint. &au' 5ad #as outside talking on his cell phone! a fro#n of concentration on his tanned face. &au' tan of course. hen he hit 7e"erly *ills (alph transformed himself from mid-#estern farm boy into &ernando! the 9uropean hair sculptor. *e figured the chances of C<;=<s elite freKuenting a salon called $(alphs% #ere slim to none. -nfortunately! (alphs family #as S#iss )erman! so to keep up #ith fau' Spanish roots he indulged in magic tan sprays t#ice a #eek. (alphs face broke into a smile #hen he sa# me and he lifted a hand in greeting! gesturing inside.

The hostess! dressed in all black right do#n to her black eyeliner and gothic chic black lipstick! directed me to a linen sheathed table in the middle of the room #here my mother sat! looking do#n at her #atch and pursing her thin lips. $.addie! youre late.% + #ished people #ould stop pointing that out. + leaned do#n and ga"e her an air-kiss. $Sorry! .om! there #as traffic.% .om rolled her eyes. hile they #ere the same haAelish green as mine! hers #ere framed in that familiar pale blue eyeshado# shed been #earing since before it became fashionable again. She had on a pair of black stirrup pants straight from =CJH and a s#eater tank embroidered #ith a calico kitten on the front. + silently thanked the gods + hadnt inherited her fashion sense. $6ou completely forgot! didnt youG% she said. $+ #ould ha"e remembered.% $(ight.% >either of us #as truly con"inced. $Any#ay!% she continued as + sat do#n! $+ ha"e a preliminary seating chart + #ant you to take a look at. And!% she added! her eyes taking on an e"il t#inkle! $+ found the perfect place for my bachelorette party.% -h oh. $ hereG% + asked! truly fearing the ans#er. $7eefcakes.% The fear #as Bustified. $7eefcakesG% $+ts full ofM% .om leaned in close! #hispering. $.ale strippers.% She #iggled her eyebro#s up and do#n in a #ay that made me Kueasy again. $6ou sure you dont #ant to ha"e a spa day #ith the girls insteadG% + pleaded. $,h come on! .addie. 1ighten up. +tll be fun. 7esides! +m getting married! +m not dead. + can still appreciate the male form in all its glory.%

6ep. + #as going to thro# up. $,h! and #e need a final count for the reception. + only ordered one tent for the buffet so + only pray it doesnt rain.% .om made a little sign of the cross. $This is 1.A.! .om. +t ne"er rains.% Slight e'aggeration on my part! but since 1os Angelinos considered three inches a monsoon! #e #ere probably pretty safe. >ot to mention this #as /uly. The #eather gods #ouldnt dare dump rain in the middle of tourist season. Charlton *eston #ould be after them #ith his shotgun. $So!% .om asked! scanning the patrons behind me! $#heres (ichard.% Thats #hat +d like to kno#. $*e couldnt make it tonight!% + ans#ered instead. *oping shed lea"e it at that. + still #asnt sure #hat to think about .r. Armed and 5angerous in (ichards apartment! but + kne# + didnt yet ha"e an edited-for-.om "ersion. $,h thats too bad!% she said. 1uckily + #as sa"ed further comment on my boyfriends dubious #hereabouts as an aproned #aiter brought three plates of salad to the table. $ hats thisG% + asked! realiAing + hadnt eaten since this morning and #as suddenly famished. $(ipe summer pears and crumbled gorgonAola o"er fresh baby greens!% .om Kuoted. + took a bite. 5elicious. ,kay! so maybe + had to hear about the dreaded bachelorette party! but at least this beat the *amburger *elper sitting in my kitchen cupboard. + #as stabbing a second pear and making little yummy sounds #hen (alph finally Boined us. *e stooped do#n and deposited a kiss on my cheek before taking the seat beside me. $Sorry ladies! + had to take that. Perm emergency.% $Perm emergencyG% .om asked. $+ told &rancine not to re-color her hair for forty-eight hours after her set! but did she listen to meG >o. >o# she

looks like an auburn haired &rench Poodle. Shes coming in tomorro# morning for damage control.% .om and + both nodded appropriately. $So!% .om said! folding her hands in front of her and sitting up straighter in her chair. $>o# that youre both here! + ha"e an announcement.% She looked pointedly at me. $)uess #hos pregnantG% A ripe summer pear stuck in my throat. There #as no #ay she could possibly kno#! could sheG as + sho#ing a belly alreadyG ere my boobs s#ellingG 5id + ha"e that rosy pregnant glo#G + kne# + should ha"e po#dered in the car before coming in. 1uckily before + could blurt out that + #as Bust a little late! .om ended the guessing game. $.olly!% + s#allo#ed the pear! relief #ashing o"er me. ,f course. .y cousin! .olly. ,r as she #as kno#n in our family! The 7reeder. Shed already popped out three rug rats in four years. + think she #as going for some sort of record. hich of course made my grandmother "ery happy. Theres nothing an +rish Catholic family lo"es more than a prolific breeder. $Thats really great!% + said #ith about as much enthusiasm as a lithium addict. $)reatG +ts fabu!% &au' 5ad shouted. ,kay! so + #as J<D sure he #as straight. $,h!% he said! #a"ing his hands in the air! $,ne of my clients does the most darling little baby baskets. She takes a bassinet and fills it #ith organic teddy bears and hand knitted little booties. Stuff so s#eet it makes your teeth rot.% $,h! that sounds perfect! e ha"e to get her one of those!% .om gushed. $ hat do you say! .addieG ant to go baby shopping #ith meG% Actually + didnt. +n fact this #hole con"ersation #as making me break out in hi"es. The more + thought about .olly and her three and a half little munchkins! hand knitted baby booties! and most of all the unopened pregnancy kit

sitting on my kitchen counter + #anted to bolt out of the room and scream some choice obscenities at my boyfriend for buying defecti"e condoms. ,nly + couldnt. 7ecause + had no idea #here (ichard #as and more likely than not +d Bust be lea"ing more messages on his ans#ering machine that .r. >obody #ould later play for his o#n personal amusement. $*ey! arent #e missing someoneG% &au' 5ad asked! looking across the table at the empty seat. $ heres (ichardG% That! as + #as about to find out! #as the million dollar Kuestion.

'ha(ter Three Someho# + sur"i"ed dinner e"en #ith &au' 5ad getting all googly eyed at the thought of a ne# baby and .om getting all googly eyed at the thought of sho"ing t#enties in some young studs )-string. + still #asnt sure #hich scenario made me more nauseated. + took the E<F home! checking the entire #ay for signs of bad guys! and slo#ly climbed the flight of stairs to my studio apartment! #here + promptly collapsed on my "el"et upholstered futon. + didnt e"en glance in the direction of the 9PT. .uch. +nstead! + called (ichards machine one more time for good measure. + didnt mention that +d been there earlier or the man #ith the gun. + flipped on Seinfeld and "egged out as /erry and )eorge tried to come up #ith a plot about nothing. + fell asleep fully clothed! trying to fight images of black tattoos! shiny sil"er SJ specials! and my mother holding a basinet full of pink baby booties. The ne't morning + a#oke #ith a rene#ed sense of purpose. +t appeared + #asnt the only one looking for (ichard! #hich meant + had to step up the search. + #as his girlfriend! #hich theoretically meant + should ha"e the edge! kno#ing him better than anyone. The trouble #as (ichard and + mostly Bust did couple stuff #hen #e #ere together Q dinner and a mo"ie at the 5ome! cruising the 0enice board#alk hand in hand! snuggling under the stars on symphony night at the *olly#ood 7o#l. *onestly! + didnt really kno# any of his friends and no# that + #as thinking about it! + didnt really kno# #hat he did outside of $us% time either. +t #as a troubling thought. So! + started #ith the short list of people in (ichards life + did kno#. >amely! his mother. The only problem #as + didnt kno# her number! and didnt e"en kno# her first name to call information. Chances #ere good it #as back at (ichards condo some#here! but after the run in #ith .r. >obody that

#asnt a place + #as especially looking for#ard to "isiting again. That left (ichards office. + kne# he kept a complete address book on his palm pilot and another on his computer at #ork. The only obstacle to getting that #ould be /asmine. 7ut + #as confident + could come up #ith some #ay to get around her. The #oman had the +R of a sKuash. So! + put on my kick butt clothes. 7lack 52>6 cargos! ice blue baby T! and my priAe black t#o-inch /immy Choos #ith the rhinestone details. + capped it all off #ith some thick! black eyeliner and + could ha"e doubled for a 7ond )irl. + parked in the garage and by nine-fifteen + #as standing in front of /asmines desk pleading my case. $+ think + left my cell phone in one of the conference rooms last time + #as here. Can + go in and get itG PleaseG +ll Bust be a minute.% Predictably /asmine #as enBoying this! her penciled in eyebro#s t#itching #ith amusement. $+m sorry. 7ut + cant let you go in there.% $PleaseG +d ask (ichard! but + cant seem to get a hold of him. (eally! +ll be super Kuick.% $+m sorry! but only la#yers and clients are allo#ed back there!% she said! pointing to the frosted doors. $ e cant ha"e Bust an one roaming around.% $7ut + really need that phone!% + #hined. /asmine shrugged her shoulders as if to say! tough luck! chickie. + pouted! then faked a thoughtful face as + stared at the frosted doors. + paused! counted to three .ississippi! then opened my eyes #ide as if +d had a light bulb moment. $+ kno#! /asmine! you could go get it for me.% She looked doubtful! glancing at her computer screen. 7efore she could argue the importance of her solitaire game! + rushed on. $,h please! /asmineG + really! really need that phone. 6oud be doing me such a huge fa"or. +d really o#e you one.%

She bit her o"ersiAed lip and stared at me so long + thought maybe shed forgotten the Kuestion. &inally she let out a long suffering sigh. $&ine. +ll go check. 7ut stay right here.% + held up t#o fingers. $Scouts honor.% That #as almost too easy. + #aited until shed disappeared into one of the conference rooms before bolting through the frosted doors and fairly sprinting do#n the hall to (ichards office. + Kuickly slipped inside and closed the door after myself. As e'pected! there #as no sign of (ichard. Though the scent of his *ilfiger aftersha"e still hung in the air. + inhaled deeply! suddenly all the more desperate to find him. The office held three bookcases! filled #ith impressi"e looking "olumes! and (ichards honey oak desk! situated in the center of the room. *is desktop held an o"ersiAed! leather bound calendar! a computer monitor! a telephone #ith about a gaAillion little e'tension buttons! a penholder! and a stack of bulging file folders. The message light on his phone #as blinking double time. >ot a good sign. + gingerly sat do#n behind the desk! flicking the monitor on. 1uckily! (ichard hadnt logged out of the system the last time hed been here! and it only took a couple minutes of clicking around until + found his address book #ith his mothers phone number in Palm Springs. + pulled a sticky pad out of the desk and #rote the number do#n! slipping it in my back pocket. + flipped the monitor off again and stood up. .ission accomplished. + #as actually pretty good at this cloak and dagger stuff. + pushed the chair back in! put a#ay the sticky pad and #as Bust about to lea"e #hen + caught sight of the stack of files again. 7ulging #ith forbidden documents. + took a Kuick look o"er both shoulders in a totally unnecessary mo"e that someho# made me feel safer. >ope. >obody #atching. /ust me and the files. Alone. + tried to resistM but + #as only human.

+ picked up the one on top! kno#ing that if (ichard e"er sa# me looking at these hed ha"e a co#! then gi"e me an endless lecture about client-attorney confidentiality. 7ut this #as an emergency. + #as late. And there #as no #ay + #as going to take that damn test and deal #ith the results #ithout him. *e got me into this mess! he #as damn #ell going to be there #hile + peed on the stick. So! fully Bustified! + opened the first file. orthington ". Patterson. To my disappointment it contained one legal siAed document after another that + could ha"e s#orn #ere #ritten in a foreign language. The only #ords + understood #ere $the% and $party.% So much for Buicy stuff. + dropped that one back in the pile! hoping that at least one of these included a blackmail demand! death threat! or secret co"er up. + hated to think my snooping #as Bust nosiness. + picked up 9lmer ". ainsright. $ hat are you doingG% .y head snapped up so fast + feared #hiplash. Standing in the door#ay #as none other than .r. >obody. .y heart froAe in my chest and + Kuickly checked his person for a gun. &ortunately + didnt see one. And considering ho# tightly his na"y t-shirt and 1e"is #ere hugging the form in the door#ay! there #asnt much chance of hiding it from "ie#. *e looked like he #orked out. A lot. 5ana #ould ha"e been proud of him. $ ellG% ell #hatG ,h! right. hat #as + doing here. $1ooking for (ichard!% + sKueaked. Suddenly at the sight of him +d turned into .innie .ouse. + cleared my throat! trying to con"ince myself that this guy didnt scare me. e #ere in a la#yers office for crying out loud. *e couldnt "ery #ell kill me here. (ightG + took a step back#ard any#ay. 7etter safe than sorry.

$ hat a coincidence!% he replied! his "oice much deeper and smoother than +d imagined. $So am +. Any luckG% + shook my head no! afraid +d sound like a mouseketeer again if + spoke. This guy seriously flashed $danger% in big! bold neon. And it #asnt Bust the potentially concealed #eapon. +t #as the hard set of his Ba#! the steadiness of his dark eyes as they Kuickly s#ept the room! the #hite scar o"er his eyebro# that +d bet my Spigas he hadnt gotten from a paper cut. *e #alked slo#ly o"er to (ichards desk and glanced do#n at the file +d been attempting to read. $Anything good in thereG% $+ dont kno#. + dont speak attorney.% The corner of his mouth Kuirked up e"er so slightly. $Cute.% $Thanks.% *e leaned his back casually against the desk! crossing his arms o"er his chest. *is biceps strained against the slee"es of his T-shirt! the tattoo on his right arm peeking out again. +t looked like a panther. 5ark and sleek. ith raAor sharp cla#s. $So! you #ant to tell me #hat youre really doing hereG% $>uh uh.% + shook my head again. *e grinned. A slo#! #icked grin that reached all the #ay to his dark eyes. +t #as the kind of grin that made #omen either co#er in fear or #ant to rip his cloths off. + licked my lips! my mouth suddenly filled #ith sand. $,kay!% he said! cocking his head to one side. $*o# about this. *o# about you tell me #ho you are then! huhG% $.addie.% $.addie #hatG% $.addie (ichards girlfriend.% + #as reluctant to gi"e him my last name as at the moment + couldnt remember if +d been talked into a public listing by the phone company. $*is girlfriendG (eallyG% *e raised one eyebro# at me. $6es. *is girlfriend.%

$*uh.% *e looked me up and do#n! his eyes doing a slo#! thorough appraisal. $ hatG% $>othing. + Bust didnt see him #ith someone so girly.% *ey! + planted my hands on my hips! thro#ing on my best tough chick "oice. $This happens to be my 7ond girl outfit. +t is not girly.% $9asy! 7ond girl.% That slo#! #olfish smile slid across his face again. $+ didnt say + didnt like it.% )ulp. $,h.% 5ang it! + #as going for tough chick again! but someho# in the #ake of that +ll-huff-and-+ll-puff-and-+llblo#-your-clothes-right-off smile! .innie .ouse #as back. $So! um! #ho e'actly are ouG% $5etecti"e /ack (amireA. 1AP5.% -gh. .ental forehead slapping. That e'plained the gun. + silently hoped that snooping hadnt been upgraded to a misdemeanor. As if he could read my mind! his lips Kuirked again. $/asmine doesnt kno# youre here! does sheG% + did not dignify this #ith an ans#er. hich seemed to amuse him e"en more! his eye crinkling at the corners. *o#e"er! he didnt comment! but instead changed his line of Kuestioning. $ hen #as the last time you sa# (ichard *o#eG% $&riday. e #ere supposed to ha"e lunch together. hat is this about any#ayG% $5id he cancelG% $>o! + #as late.% + cringed at the sound of the #ord echoing through my o#n head. $ hen + got here he #as talking to you! then heM% + trailed off! remembering the #ay (ichard had stared after (amireA! then abruptly cancelled our lunch. +t #as clear e"en then hed had something on his mind. And + didnt like the #ay that something had prompted (ichard to pack his bags for parts unkno#n.

+ s#allo#ed hard! trying to change the subBect. $*o# did you e"en get in hereG% + asked! kno#ing that if /asmine hadnt let me in there #as no #ay shed let a cop in. *e grinned. $+ ha"e a #arrant.% 5ouble ugh. Suddenly my theories of blackmail and secret co"er-ups #erent sounding so far fetched. $ arrantG% + sKueaked out. $As in! you ha"e the right to remain silentG% *is smile #idened! a dimple punctuating his left cheek. Clearly he #as enBoying this. Personally + #asnt finding the predicament all that funny. .y boyfriend #as missing! there #as a cop in his office #ith a #arrant! and + had a pregnancy kit sitting on my kitchen counter #aiting for another 7ig )ulp moment. This #as not the stuff sitcoms #ere made of. $+ts a search #arrant!% he said. *e sat do#n at (ichards desk! picked up the file +d Bust been attempting to read and began scanning its contents. *is forehead creased in concentration. Apparently it meant something more to him than it had me. + tried to read o"er his shoulder! to see if #ords that made sense had suddenly materialiAed on the paper. >ope. Same foreign language. $Searching for #hatG% + asked finally. $9"idence.% +t #as clear this guy #asnt going to #in any public speaking a#ards. +f + #anted information! + #as going to ha"e to pry it out of him. + mentally greased up my cro#bar. $,kay! + gi"e up. hat e'actly is going on hereG% (amireA looked up. *e narro#ed his eyes at me! as if trying to decide ho# much to share. $All right. 6our #o friend!% he said emphasiAing the #ord as if he didnt really belie"e it! $is #anted for Kuestioning in connection #ith embeAAlement charges #e"e brought against one of his clients. 5e"on )reen#ay.% *e paused. $6ou"e heard of him.% + had! and apparently my e'pression betrayed it. 5e"on )reen#ay #as one of (ichards biggest clients. + kne#

(ichard had met #ith him often. +n fact hed canceled a dinner date #ith me Bust last Thursday to meet #ith him. *o#e"er! if (ichard #as in trouble + #asnt going to be the one to nail his coffin. $+ may ha"e heard the name.% (amireA pinned me #ith a look that could pry pearls out of an oyster. )reat! + had to pick no# to become a terrible liar. $5e"on )reen#ay is the C9, of >e#tone Technologies!% he continued. $Theyre in the process of filing #ith the Securities and 9'change Commission for a place on the >e# 6ork Stock 9'change. *o#e"er! in the course of an independent audit of the companys finances! a minor discrepancy #as noticed.% $*o# minorG% $T#enty million dollars.% $ o#.% + #as so in the #rong business. $>o kidding. 7ut before #e could file charges! )reen#ay skipped to#n.% $And the cashG% $/ust as elusi"e. ,riginally the money #as funneled from >e#tone into a Boint usage account! from #hich a series of checks #ere dra#n made out to PetriCorp. ,n the surface e"erything looked legit until #e realiAed that PetriCorp #as only a business on paper. And guess #ho o#ns it.% $5e"on )reen#ayG% $Close. -nder the business filing the o#ner of record is his #ife! Celia. &iled under her maiden name! esley. ,nly PetriCorps accounts are no# empty! too. The paper trail ends #ith the person #ho set the accounts up in the first place.% A knot formed in my gut. $(ichardG% $7ingo.% (amireA sat back in the chair! crossing his arms o"er his chest again! #atching me digest this information. + tried not to look as shaken as + felt. $So! is (ichard a suspectG%

(amireAs face #as unreadable. $*es a person of interest.% -h oh. +d #atched enough episodes of Law $ %rder to kno# #hat that meant. /ust one thing. + reall had to find (ichard no#. 7efore (amireA did. 8 8 8 As soon as + could + hightailed it out of there. + didnt e"en #ait for /asmine to go on break before barging back through the frosted doors and Bogging across the reception area to the tune of her calling $fraud% after me. .y head #as spinning the entire t#o blocks back to the garage. (ichard had blo#n me off and had dinner #ith )reen#ay last #eek. +f #hat (amireA said #as true! it #ould ha"e been the day before (ichard took off for parts unkno#n. Suddenly + didnt #ant to kno# #hat had gone on at that meeting. >ot that + thought (ichard #as in"ol"ed. (ichard #as a straight arro#! he couldnt e"en stand his tie being crooked. *e #ould ne"er be in"ol"ed in something illegal. *o#e"er! if hed un#ittingly helped )reen#ay! it #as possible he kne# more than #as good for him! and if )reen#ay #as as unscrupulous as he sounded! (ichard might be in danger. And + didnt ha"e the feeling hed fare much better if (amireA found him first. Any #ay you looked at it! my boyfriend #as up shit creek. + climbed the stairs to the second story of the parking structure and re""ed up my /eep! pulling out onto )rand. + #as contemplating my ne't mo"e at a red light! #hen + sa# (amireA emerge from (ichards building and Bump into a black S-0. Parked illegally. The perks of being the la#. *e started the S-0 and pulled into traffic three cars ahead of me. As the light turned green + #atched him #ea"e through do#nto#n!

making a sharp right onto Jth. ,n instinct! + changed gears and follo#ed him. 5id + kno# #hat + #as doingG >o. 7ut it #as abundantly clear that (ichard hadnt Bust gone home to take care of his ailing mother. And + didnt ha"e any better ideas. &eeling "ery sly! + stayed t#o car lengths back as (amireA got onto the ==< heading south. + follo#ed him right through do#nto#n! passing through atts and Compton until #e hit the E<F. *e #as going a reasonably decent speed and + #ished + had a less conspicuous car. hile + lo"ed my red /eep! it didnt really blend into the background. + made a mental note to borro# 5anas tan Saturn if any more sur"eillance #as needed. The S-0 continued south until #e turned off at the ;;! heading east to#ard the F and ,range County. +t #as getting late and + kne# #ed hit traffic once #e got to the F. And + #as star"ing. + reached across to my glo"e bo'! hoping for some protein bar 5ana might ha"e left in there. All + came up #ith #as a packet of stale saltines and a stick of 5oublemint. + ate the crackers! hoping (amireA #ould pull into a Taco 7ell soon. >o such luck. e merged onto the F and (amireA mo"ed into the left lane! settling in for a long dri"e. + groaned! making a mental note to al#ays eat before tailing a cop. /ust #hen +d decided + #as on a #ild goose chase and going to faint from hunger if + didnt ha"e a 7ig 7eefy 5el5elu'e! (amireA e'ited the free#ay at 7ear Street! to#ard the San /oaKuin Corridor. .y heart did a little Bump as + realiAed he #as taking me right into the heart of ,range Countys premier shopping district. .aybe (amireA #asnt such a bad guy after all. As #e neared the South Coast PlaAa! (amireA pulled a#ay from the shopping district and into the residential. *e mo"ed through streets lined #ith t#o-story California Spanish "illas and fau' Tudors until he pulled up to a large! modern home! all

glass on one side. + could tell it #as designed by some famous architect or other by the angular lines of the structure! looming as if it #as ready to topple in the ne't H.S earthKuake. The small yard #as done in utilitarian bluegrass and decorati"e stone! #hich echoed the stark feeling of the glass structure. (amireA parked his S-0 and got out! approaching the house. + parked across the street! slouching do#n in my seat in case he glanced behind him. 1uckily! he didnt! because +m sure my red /eep stuck out like a sore thumb among the subdued /ags and 7. s lining the road. (amireA knocked on the front door! then #aited. Then knocked again. Apparently no one #as home. .y shoulders sagged at the possibility that +d Bust dri"en all that #ay on an empty stomach for a nobodys home. (amireA looked o"er both shoulders! as if someone might be #atching him. )ood cop instinctsM + #as impressed. + slouched do#n further in my seat! Bust my eyes and nose peaking o"er the rim of the dri"er side #indo#. Apparently (amireA #as satisfied! as he proceeded to #alk around the back of the house! disappearing through a painted! #ooden gate. + #aited. >othing. Shit. +f he #as doing some fancy breaking and entering + couldnt see from this "ie#point. &or all + kne# he could ha"e (ichard in handcuffs back there. + opened the car door and slunk out! crouching as + ran cross the street. Then realiAed ho# ridiculous + must look. )ee! .addie! thats not suspicious. + straightened up! thro#ing my shoulders back and #alked around the side of the building as if + o#ned the place. The backyard #as much more lush than the front! the landscaping done in a mi' of tropical birds of paradise! palms! and fat succulent bushes. Small le"els had been car"ed out of the natural hillside! creating a barbecue area! a patioed terrace! and finally an ,lympic siAed s#imming pool. (amireA stood on the bottom le"el staring at the s#imming pool. + couldnt

see #hat he #as looking at! so + Kuickly picked my #ay through foliage to the ne't le"el abo"e him. + straightened up to get a better look. -nfortunately! the une"en ground and my t#o-inch Choos made for a less than stellar combination. .y foot slipped! my arms #a"ing for balance that ne"er came. + pitched for#ard and! before + could catch myself! let out a little scream. (amireA turned Bust in time to see me flailing like a lunatic! falling right to#ard him. $/esusM% he muttered! before collapsing #ith an $oof% as + landed on top of him. + had to admit! landing on him sure beat the ground! though +m not sure #hich #as harder. *is muscled chest didnt gi"e #ay an inch. + #ondered ho# many hours a day he spent at the gym. $ hat the hell are you doing hereG% he gro#led! his nose inches from mine. + blinked hard! trying to ignore the rush of heat as his muscles #iggled beneath me. $+ follo#ed you.% $*ell! + kne# that much. 7ut + figured youd stay in the car.% So much for my career as .addie the fashionable stealth. + pried myself off of him! a#k#ardly regaining my footing. >ote to selfN real 7ond )irls dont #ear Choos. $Sorry!% + mumbled! sure + sounded as sheepish as + felt. (amireA grunted by #ay of response! standing up and dusting off the seat of his Beans. + tried not to stare. .uch. $+ll #ear flats ne't time!% + said instead. $Smartass!% he muttered. 7ut he didnt go for his gun! no# clipped conspicuously to his belt! #hich + interpreted as a good sign. $So! #hose house is thisG% + asked. (amireAs eyes darkened! the line of his Ba# tightening until + could see a little blue "ein starting to bulge in his neck. $*ers.% *e gestured do#n to the pool.

+ peeked o"er the edge of the hill at the sparkling blue #ater! shimmering in the late afternoon sun. $9ek!% .y stomach clenched! the saltines threatening to make a repeat appearance as black spots danced before my eyes. The manicured landscape s#ayed in front of me and (amireAs arm! suddenly at my #aist! #as the only thing keeping me from crumpling back do#n on the rocky ground. +n the pool #as a tall! slim #oman #ith clouds of flaming red hair. &loating face do#n.

'ha(ter )our (ed and blue lights flashed through the palm fronds! reflecting off the surface of the s#imming pool! #hich + #as so not looking at again. .en in black T-shirts that read $CS+% on the back cra#led o"er the hillside like little ants! stopping no# and then to seal a piece of dirt or hair in a Tiploc baggie. Police radios crackled to life e"ery fi"e seconds! relaying indistinguishable messages to the uniformed cops standing guard beside the pool as they #aited for the .edical 9'aminer. And + sat #ith my head do#n! trying really hard not to "omit. $6ou all rightG% (amireA asked. $+m fine!% + said. ,nly it came out as a muffled! $+ fi"e!% as my head #as still firmly placed bet#een my knees in a semi fetal position in a teak#ood deckchair. +d been sitting here for #hat seemed like years! #aiting for the backyard to stop spinning and those little black dots to stop dancing in front of my eyes. + had a "ague memory of (amireA carrying me across the yard and radioing for backup! but it #as kind of blurry. 1ike a really bad dream + couldnt #ait to #ake up from. $6oull be okay! Bust take a fe# deep breaths.% (amireA sat do#n beside me. ,r rather! + heard him sit and felt the heat from his body beside me. + peeked my head up! careful to look at (amireA and not the s#imming pool #here + could hear the splashes of men fishing the poor #oman out. $Shes dead! rightG% + kno#! stupid Kuestion. 7ut + had to ask. Someho# my mind really! really #anted her to be okay. &or this all to be one big mistake or a really bad Pun&!d episode. '0ery dead( $ ho is-% + paused! correcting myself. $)as sheG%

(amireA narro#ed his dark eyes at me. + could see him mentally debating #hether to treat me like a suspect! #itness! or Bust some dumb blonde #ho couldnt balance in her ne# heels. &inally he opened his mouth to speak! apparently settling on the dumb blonde theory. $Celia )reen#ay.% + s#allo#ed hard! trying to decide ho# best to phrase my ne't Kuestion. $So! uh! she didnt Bust slip into the pool! did sheG% (amireA shook his head slo#ly. $6ou sureG% *e nodded. $+t #asM + mean! sheM% Someho# + couldnt bring myself to actually say the #ord $murder% out loud. +t seemed so /ohn )risham and so not anyones real life. At least not anyone + kne#. + designed childrens shoes for crying out loud. + did not stumble upon dead bodies in posh ,range County s#imming pools. 7ut! instead of tripping o"er my o#n psyche! + rephrased the Kuestion. $Someone did this to her thenG% *e hesitated! taking in the crumpled position +d been in for the past half hour. + straightened my spine! trying to make the most of my meager height in a sho# of bra"ado + certainly didnt feel. $+ can take it. +m a tough chick.% 6eah right. + forced my gaAe to stay on him! not on the gurney no# #heeling a#ay the unfortunate .rs. )reen#ay in a human hefty bag. A half smile Kuirked the corner of his mouth and he ga"e in. $,kay. 6es! it looks like murder.% .y stomach lurched again and + resisted the urge to stick my head bet#een my knees. (amireA #ent on. $The official cause of death #ont be pronounced until an autopsy can be done by the .9s office. 7ut there #ere ob"ious ligature marks on the body. *er neck #as black and blue.% $StrangledG%

(amireAs gaAe drifted to the s#imming pool. $1ooks like it.% As sorry as + felt for the poor #oman! my mind immediately latched onto (ichard! an unpleasant image of my boyfriend blue necked and face do#n in an ,C pool in"ading my brain. + dropped the bra"e little soldier act and put my head bet#een my legs again! taking deep breaths that smelled like my leather shoes! chlorine! and the cold s#eat + felt trickling do#n my back. $6ou sure youre okayG% (amireA asked again. $6eah! fine.% hich actually sounded like $yeffen.% $6oure a really bad liar! you kno# itG% $5uly noted.% $ ell! since youre Ifine! maybe you #ouldnt mind ans#ering a fe# Kuestions about your boyfriend no#.% + froAe! a horrible thought slinking through my brain. (amireA couldnt possibly think (ichard had anything to do #ith this. + mean! not #ith Celias death. *e couldnt. Could heG $ hat kind of KuestionsG% + #ould ha"e lo"ed a clue to #hat he #as after. 7ut as hard as + tried to read his stony e'pression! + came up blank. The man should ha"e been cleaning up in 0egas #ith a poker face like that. $1ets start #ith! #here is (ichard *o#eG% $+ told you! + dont kno#. 6ou think +d be here if + kne#G% .y "oice came out in a high #hine + hadnt used since +d lost my retainer in si'th grade. + sniffed back the tears + could feel #elling behind my eyes. $+ dont kno# #here my boyfriend is.% (amireA stared at me for a second. The real unasked Kuestion clear in his dark eyes as they narro#ed in on me. $(ichard did not do this.% + emphasiAed the point by shaking my head so "iolently those black dots threatened again. $*es not a killer. *es a la#yer. +f hes pissed at

someone! he sues them. *e #ould ne"er! *ould ne"er! do this. 6ou dont kno# (ichard.% *is cocked his head to one side. $5o youG% + bit my lip. )ood Kuestion. + thought + did. 7ut ob"iously there #ere some aspects of my boyfriends life hed neglected to share #ith me. 1uckily + didnt ha"e to come up #ith a cle"er ans#er as a guy in a CS+ shirt #alked up the hillside to#ard us. ,nly this guy looked nothing like the hunks on the C7S "ersion. *e #as tall! skinny and bald as a cue ball. *is nose hooked o"er like a beak and he had small! calculating eyes that + #ould "enture to guess didnt miss much. $+s she readyG% he asked! addressing (amireA as if + #ere a piece of deck furniture. (amireA glanced at me. $+m not sure.% $(eady for #hatG% + asked. >either paid any attention. +nstead! CS+ )uy set his black bag do#n by his feet. $+ think + should do her before she gets any further contaminated.% $ContaminatedG% + said. (amireA ga"e me another assessing glance. $6eah! go ahead. Shes ready.% $(eady for #hatG% .y "oice #as threatening that .innie .ouse Kuality again as my gaAe ping-ponged back and forth bet#een them. (amireA sighed! taking a patient tone one might use #ith a kindergartner. $They need to take samples of your hair! fingerprints and shoe impressions. 6ou"e contaminated the crime scene by being here. They need to be able to rule you out as they process the e"idence.% CS+ )uy pulled out a small roller that looked suspiciously like the one + used on my black cashmere after "isiting .om and her army of tabby cats. *is tiny eyes scrutiniAed me like + #as one giant piece of e"idence. Then! #ithout so much as an introduction! he proceeded to run the roller o"er my blue baby

T! do#n my slee"es! up my sides! and in places most guys didnt touch #ithout dinner and a mo"ie first. (amireA looked on and + could s#ear he #as almost enBoying this. $This isnt funny!% + shot at him #ith as much dignity as + could muster #hile being groped by a lint roller. $>othing funny #hatsoe"er.% ,nly (amireAs eyes crinkled at the corners as he said it. + decided to change the subBect. $Can + ask you a KuestionG% $Shoot.% $+ assume this is Celia )reen#ays house.% *e nodded. $5id you kno# she #ould beM + mean #asM% $5eadG% + cringed. Someho# the #ord seemed so final. 1ike poor Celia )reen#ay #ould ne"er again kno# the Boy of a semiannual clearance sale at 7loomies! the scent of ne# leather pumps! or the thrill of finding that one of a kind bag in the halfoff bin. 3(eally! its the little things that make life #orth li"ing.4 + tried to soften the image. $S#imming.% $>o! + didnt. + Bust #anted to talk to her.% CS+ )uy tucked the roller into a baggie! #hich he then deposited in #hat looked like a black fishing tackle bo'. *e pulled out a pair of t#eeAers and eyed my hair. $ hatG% + asked. CS+ )uy didnt ans#er! Bust circled me! scrutiniAing my blonde highlights. $ hat is he doingG% + ask (amireA. $*e needs a hair sample. Preferably one #ith a skin tag for 5>A analysis.% $5>AG + didnt say you could ha"e my 5>A. + dont #ant him touching my hair.%

*e narro#ed his eyes. $Then you shouldnt ha"e crashed my crime scene.% TouchP. + shut my mouth! not #anting to push my luck. +f (amireA #anted to +m sure he could make my life "ery miserable. + kne# + #as trespassing! meddling! snooping and a #hole host of other minor sins cops didnt look too fondly on. 7esides! the #ay (amireA had asked about (ichard! + #asnt entirely sure that #e #ere on the same side and it didnt seem #ise to make enemies at this point. + had enough problems #ithout .r. *ardbody complicating things. ,ne of the uniforms called (amireA do#n to the pool le"el! lea"ing me alone #ith CS+ )uy! #ho continued circling my head for the perfect hair. After he chose a couple innocent little strands 3not gently! + might add4 he poured some plaster into t#o plastic trays and told me to step into them. + did! after making him promise on his mothers life that the plaster #ould #ash off of my shoes. The death of .rs. )reen#ay #as tragedy enough for one day! #e didnt ha"e to compound it by adding the demise of US<< suede. As the hook-nosed e"idence collector #orked! + dared to gaAe back at the s#imming pool again. ith the body gone and the afternoon sun casting a shimmery light on the pools smooth surface! the scene looked anything but sinister. +n fact! if you dressed the CS+ ants in chinos and Abercrombie! this #ould look like any other day in the ,C. /ust goes to sho# you! looks can be decei"ing. + closed my eyes! letting the sun #arm my face as + tried to #rap my thoughts around #hat +d learned today. 5e"on )reen#ay had embeAAled t#enty million dollars from his company. Celia and (ichard #ere the only people #ho kne# the details. Celia #as dead and (ichard #as missing. + prayed (ichard #as only hiding out from )reen#ay and notM S#imming.

$6ou finishedG% (amireA climbed back up the hill! addressing CS+ )uy #ho #as packing his plaster moldings into another black bag. $+"e got all + need!% he ans#ered! picking up his bags. $)ood.% CS+ )uy ga"e me a curt nod! #hich + took as a $thanks for not sKuirming too much!% and trekked back do#n the hill. (amireA #atched him go! then sat do#n beside me. Close beside me. A little too close. + #iggled a#ay! the increase in pheromones nearly choking me. (amireA turned! his eyes darker than a double espresso as a half smile played at the corners of his mouth. $5o + make you ner"ousG% hat! me ner"ousG >uh uh. + nodded. + can be such a chicken. hich of course caused his smile to gro# into a fullfledged grin! complete #ith #olfish #hite teeth. $)ood.% + looked a#ay! preferring the sight of the s#imming pool to the #icked gleam in (amireAs eyes. + had a feeling it #as the same gleam he got #hen he dragged someone off to Bail. ,r into bed. + didnt #ant to find out #hich. 37ok! bok.4 $SoM % + said clearing my throat! $ hat no#G% (amireA shifted closer. The scents of 5o#ney and (ight )uard hit me as (amireA casually draped one arm around my shoulders. $>o#!% he said! leaning in close. $+ take you home.% 7ok! ba-ga#k! 8 8 8 1uckily! + con"inced (amireA + #as okay to dri"e myself home. +t had been a full hour since +d been fetal. >ot to

mention that the idea of spending rush hour traffic back to Santa .onica beside (amireA the *ormone .achine made the cab of his S-0 seem about ten times too small. And last but not least! the idea of coming back to this place tomorro# to retrie"e my /eep didnt hold any appeal. +n fact! + had a feeling +d be staying out of ,range County altogether for a #hile. 3-nless there #as a sale at the 7lock.4 7y the time + finally pulled up to my studio! it #as dark and + #as famished. + fi'ed myself a grilled cheese #ith tons of gooey cheddar and #ashed it do#n #ith a 5iet Coke. After the day +d had! + #ould ha"e preferred a beer! but considering my persistent lateness + didnt think that #as #ise. +nstead! + hit the play button on my ans#ering machine! crossing my fingers there #as something from (ichard. ,ne message from my mom! telling me shed booked 7eefcakes for her bachelorette party. 3-gh!4 ,ne from &au' 5ad! saying hed picked up a basket of hand knitted baby items for .olly the 7reeder. 35ouble ugh!4 And one from 5ana! asking if +d seen a pink line yet. 3There #erent enough ugh!s in the #orld to e'press ho# this made me feel.4 >othing from (ichard. + eyed the 9PT still sitting on my kitchen counter and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. + felt like crying. + felt like my life had suddenly become an episode of Law $ %rder+ Spe*ial ,londe!s -nit. This #eek our fashionably! but oh-soimpractically! dressed blonde stumbles onto a dead body #hile searching for her embeAAling boyfriend #ho flies the coop Bust as .addies monthly "isitor refuses to make an appearance. >ot to mention the hunky lead of the series! 5etecti"e /ack (amireA. *e #as danger #ith a capital $5%. >o! make that a capital! underlined and italiciAed! $5%. + grabbed another 5iet Coke! trying to ignore the instant flush at the thought of (amireA. Though in my defense! it #as hard not to flush around a man like that.

+ laid do#n on my futon and turned on the T0! telling myself these #ere not the kind of thoughts + should be thinking. + should not be fantasiAing about rock hard abs! #icked bro#n eyes! and a smile that could melt the clothes off the .ona 1isa. hat + should be thinking about #as drinking a gallon of #ater! taking that 9PT into the bathroom! and facing up to #hate"er reality those little pink lines thre# at me like a big girl. And + #ould. + eyed the test. Someday "ery soon. +nstead! + flipped to 1etterman and settled in as he ran the Top Ten Signs 6ou"e 7een in the *eat Too 1ong. *e only got to number fi"e 3$)eorge *amilton looks albino ne't to you.%4 before + fell asleep fully clothed. And dreamed of (amireA! doing laps in a sparkling blue s#imming pool. +n the buff. 8 8 8 &irst thing the ne't morning! + retrie"ed the long forgotten phone number from my pants pocket and called (ichards mother. + didnt really e'pect to find him there no#! but + figured + might as #ell co"er all my bases. -nfortunately + #as right. *is mother hadnt heard from him since hed called for her birthday three #eeks ago. + then proceeded to call his cleaning lady! his gardener and his dry cleaner! asking if theyd seen (ichard in the last fe# days. >othing. *ed "anished off the face of the earth last &riday and no one had seen him since. + made myself a cup of coffee and a chocolate frosted pop tart! #hich + ate at the kitchen counter as + #ent o"er my options. And really! #hen it came do#n to it! + didnt ha"e any. 9ither + could track (ichard do#n myself or + could let (amireA do it and possibly lead my boyfriend a#ay in handcuffs. >ot that + really belie"ed (ichard #as guilty of embeAAlement. 7ut + had a feeling his disappearing act #asnt

doing much to con"ince (amireA he #as an innocent bystander in all this. -nless + #anted to "isit (ichard behind bars! + had to find him first. + decided to start back at the beginning. The last place +d seen (ichard. *is office. -nfortunately! + kne# it #as going to reKuire some serious maneu"ering on my part to get past /asmine again. .y brilliant plan Q #ait until she #ent on break. So! at e'actly t#el"e o- three! + had my little red /eep parked across the street from the offices of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e as /asmine #iggled her mini skirt co"ered behind out the doors and off to her lunch. + Bumped out of the /eep! stuffed a couple Kuarters in the meter and sprinted across the street. +n no time at all + #as #alking through the front doors and across the padded carpeting to the reception desk! manned by /asmines noontime replacement. Althea! a first year clerk #ith a pronounced o"erbite. $)ood morning! Althea!% + said briskly! laying my little 2ate Spade on the counter. Althea mumbled an indistinguishable greeting #hile trying to a"oid eye contact. She had on a blue-gray cardigan that #as stretched out in places! gi"ing her fi"e-foot! =F< pound frame the shape of a ripe tomato. *er friAAy blonde hair 3and not a Clairol Spun )old! but natural dirty blonde4 #as scooped back on one side #ith a tortoiseshell barrette! and her big green eyes bugged out at me from behind thick lenses that made her look a little like .r. .agoo. $So!% + continued! $+ guess you"e heard that (ichards on a little tripG% Altheas face turned red. Apparently e"eryone kne# (ichard had flo#n the coop. + leaned in confidentially. $*a"e the police been hereG% Althea nodded. $All day yesterday. They took out three bo'es of files.%

5amn. (amireA #as good. + #ondered if + #as #asting my time retracing first (ichards steps and no# (amireAs. + tried a different tactic. $Althea! #ere you here #hen (ichard left last &ridayG% $-h huh. + #as in the copy room getting photos of the /ohnson brief #hen he came in to use the shredder.% ShredderG .y heart sped up. $-h! you didnt see #hat he #as shredding! did youG% $>o. 7ut the cops took the bag of shredded paper too.% 5ouble damn. (amireA #as reall good. $5id he say anything to you as he leftG% + asked! grasping at stra#s no#. $/ust that + should make sure + ga"e the brief to .r. Chesterton instead of him.% $ as it (ichards caseG% $-h huh. 7ut he said it should go to Chesterton.% $,h. ell! thanks! Althea. +m! uh! Bust going to go grab something + think + might ha"e left in (ichards office.% + cringed. Against /asmine that e'cuse #ouldnt ha"e stood a chance. Thankfully! Althea #as much more trusting. $)ood luck. +m not sure the cops left much.% + slipped through the frosted doors! the carpeted hall#ay muffling the sound of my heels as + mulled o"er #hat Althea had said. + #as dying to kno# #hat (ichard had been shredding. .aybe it #as Bust some statement #ith a credit card number on it. (ichard #as diligent about shredding e"erything that e"en had his email address on it for fear of identity theft. 7ut then again! it #as curious timing. (amireA had come to see him. *ed Bust cancelled lunch #ith me. *e shreds documents! gi"es a#ay his case to another partner! then goes home! packs his bags and disappears. &or half a second my belief in (ichards innocence #a"ered. + had to admit! it didnt look good. +t looked like the actions of a man #ho had something to hide.

+ pushed that thought aside as + reached the door to (ichards office. ith a back#ard glance o"er my shoulder to make sure /asmine hadnt miraculously appeared behind me! + Kuickly slipped inside! closing the door #ith a Kuiet click. .y first thought #as that a tornado had hit. The second #as that (amireA! although thorough! #as a pig. 7ooks #ere scattered haphaAardly on the floor instead of alphabetically arranged in the bookcases. The #astebasket had been emptied and left on its side. &ile folders and papers littered the area around (ichards oak cabinets and the items on his desk #ere aske# in a #ay that #ould ha"e had (ichard flying into an ,C5-like fit of straightening. + crossed the room! stepping o"er a file folder and t#o stacks of estla# books! and flipped on (ichards monitor. +t hummed to life! but the screen remained blank. + looked under the desk and sa#! to my disappointment! that the to#er #as gone. (ats. (amireA #as "ery thorough. ell! #hen technology failed! there #as al#ays the good old standby! paper files. + groaned in#ardly at the sight of files stre#n o"er e"ery concei"able surface. + started #ith the piles closest to the door! #hich turned out to contain copies of (ichards personal accounts payable for the past si' months. 7oring. Though! + noticed as + looked at the figures! (ichard #asnt Kuite raking in #hat + thought he #as. +n fact! he had si' o"erdue slips stamped #ith big red $delinKuent% notices across the top. )reat. Add that to the gro#ing list of things .addie didnt kno# about her boyfriend. *e #as a compulsi"e spender and didnt pay his bills on time. + suddenly felt guilty for prodding him into buying me those platinum de# drop earrings for my birthday. +t #as clear no# that he couldnt afford them any more than + could afford a duple' in 7e"erley *ills. + mo"ed on to the ne't pile of files! teetering precariously beside the bookcase. 7illable hours records. 5inners #ith clients! tra"el times! and phone records of e"ery millisecond

hed spent on any gi"en case! billed by the Kuarter hour at rates that made my head spin. 7ut nothing to tell me #here (ichard might be no#. The pile leaning against the desk contained copies of employee files! no doubt distributed to each partner to keep tabs on the Altheas of the office. hile + had a feeling they #ouldnt yield anything helpful! + couldnt help my curiosity getting the better of me #hen + unearthed /asmines file. + opened it! peeking inside. T#o complaints from other clerks about her personal long distance calls on the company phone! three commendations from the senior partner 3#ho #as older than dirt! bookoo rich! and in the middle of a messy di"orce Q suspiciously /asmines type if you asked me4! and her salary statements for the past three months. + almost laughed out loud at the paltry sum .iss PP earned ans#ering phones and guarding the frosted door. + honestly didnt think it #as possible for anyone to e'ist in 1.A. on a salary less than mine! but the statement pro"ed me #rong. Poor /asmine. + almost felt sorry for her. Almost! + reminded myself! thinking of ho# +d had to sneak in here like a common criminal. Speaking of #hichM + looked do#n at my #atch and realiAed +d been snoop- + mean! searching for e"idence 3there! that sounded much less nosey4 for the last t#enty minutes and /asmine #ould be back from lunch soon. Closing her file + rapidly began searching in earnest for anything that might lead me to (ichard. .aybe + #as ha"ing such lousy luck finding anything because + #asnt e"en really sure #hat it #as + #as looking for. *ad there been any ob"ious clues! they certainly #ouldnt be here no#. (amireA #ould ha"e his CS+ )uys scanning them for fibers and fingerprints back at )ood )uy headKuarters. >o! my only hope is that (amireA may ha"e o"erlooked something that had meaning to me because of my intimate kno#ledge as (ichards girlfriend. 6es! + kno# the chances #ere slim! especially considering my kno#ledge #asnt turning out to be all that

intimate after all. +n fact! gi"e him a couple days and (amireA might kno# more about my boyfriend than + did. A thought #hich caused a bout of morning sickness to roll through my stomach again. Ten minutes later + #as frantically going through (ichards desk! pulling out letter openers! fountain pens! paper clips! rubber bands! andM hello! #hat #as thatG A shiny blue piece of foil protruded from under (ichards desk siAed calendar. + lifted the calendar corner and pulled the foil out. Staring at it. . *ondom wrapperG + froAe! one hand gripped like a "ice around an empty super ribbed TroBan packet and the other Kuickly balling into a fist at my side. (ichard had a *ondom wrapper on his deskG .y brain #ent through a rapid search of possible reasons #hy this might be okay. +t #as left o"er from his associate days 3readN pre-.addie days4G *e #as representing the TroBan company in a la#suit and had to inspect the product as possible e"idenceG *ormone craAed teenagers had broken in #anting to e'perience the thrill of se' in a la#yers officeG 5amn. >one of these #as e"en remotely plausible. + s#allo#ed hard! trying to cleanse the sandpaper feeling that had suddenly formed in my mouth. .y boyfriend used condoms at #ork. This #as really not good. +f + e"er found (ichard! + #as going to kill him. + #as still staring at the offending TroBan #rapper #hen the telephone on the desk rang. ,n instinct! + picked it up. $*elloG% ,h crap! + #asnt supposed to be here. + thought a really bad #ord and hoped it #asnt /asmine checking in. There #as a pause on the other end! as if the person #ere as surprised +d picked up the phone as + #as. Then a tentati"e male "oice said! $)i"e me (ichard.% + gulped and hoped he didnt hear it. $ ho may + ask is callingG%

Again #ith the pause. ,nly this time + heard him mumble! $Shit% under his breath! ob"iously not pleased #ith my interrogation and debating #hether to ans#er or hang up on me. &inally he decided to go #ith option number one! and ans#ered in a gruff "oice. $5e"on )reen#ay. ho the fuck is thisG%

'ha(ter )i*e + froAe! e"ery muscle in my body suddenly tensing. ,hmigod. + #as on the phone #ith a murderer! A murderer that #as looking for (ichard. A knot formed in my stomach. There #as no denying (ichard #as in this up to his eyeballs no#. ,nly + didnt kno# e'actly ho#. A part of me screamed that this #as a good thing! look #hat happened to people #ho kne#! They ended up face do#n in their million dollar s#imming pools. So! trying my darndest not to sound like a mouseketeer in front of the big bad embeAAler slash murderer! + ans#ered him. $.addie Springer.% $ hatre you! (ichards receptionistG% + took personal offense to that! no# kno#ing e'actly ho# little his receptionist made. $>oooo. +m his girlfriend. Silence. Then! $(ichard ne"er mentioned a girlfriend.% + fought do#n a stab of disappointment. *ere + may be carrying his child and hed ne"er e"en mentioned me. $6ou sureG .addie SpringerG Though sometimes he Bust refers to me as Pumpkin. Thats his pet name for me. 6ou sure he didnt mention a PumpkinG% + heard )reen#ay s#allo# an oath on the other end. (ight. +rrele"ant. $>e"er mind. + guess it doesnt really matter. + Bust thought! you kno#! he might talk about me sometimes! Bust! maybe in casual con"ersation. + mean! not that you and he ha"e a lot of casual con"ersations! +m sure its all Bust business and you dont ha"e any sort of personal stake in each others li"es! so + guess really there #ould be no reason for (ichard to mention me at all-% )reen#ay cut me off. $/esus! do you e"er shut upG%

+ s#allo#ed hard. + did tend to talk a lot #hen + #as ner"ous. And being on the phone #ith men #ho strangled their #i"es! then dumped them in their s#imming pools made me "er ner"ous. + took a deep breath and mumbled! $Sorry.% $Put (ichard on!% he demanded. $-hM% + looked around the police-ransacked office. $(ichards not here right no#.% $ here the hell is heG% Pal! + #ish + kne#. ,n the one hand! disappointment #elled inside of me as + realiAed this #asnt the great break in the heres aldo game my life had suddenly become. ,n the other! if (ichard #as hiding out from )reen#ay 3as the dead #ife no# con"inced me he #as4 he #as doing a good Bob of it. + half#ay hoped he stayed hidden. Something about )reen#ays "oice had the hairs on the back of my neck standing at attention. 1ike hed almost enBoy strangling someone. $1ook! (ichards girlfriend! + dont ha"e all day. here the fuck is (ichardG% $+ dont kno#!% + ans#ered truthfully. $*e hasnt been here since &riday.% )reen#ay said a fe# colorful #ords! breathing hea"ily into the phone. $Can + take a messageG% + sKueaked out! hoping if + kept him on the phone long enough my pulse might return to normal and + could think of something cle"er to say. $6ou mean to tell me!% he smirked through the recei"er! $that prick took offG ithout e"en telling his girlfriendG% 9"en though + #as pretty sure )reen#ay #as being sarcastic #ith me no#! but put like that (ichard did sound like a prick. + thought about not ans#ering. + certainly didnt #ant to help )reen#ay get any closer to bumping off #itness number t#o! a.k.a. The Prick. 7ut! since + really didn!t kno# #here

(ichard #as! + figured it could hardly hurt. $Thats right. *e didnt.% $Son of a bitch.% And )reen#ay hung up. + stood there for a full minute! staring at the recei"er! #illing my heart to stop pounding like a 1atin conga drummer. + took a deep breath. Then another. And another. Then began to fear + #as hyper"entilating and sat do#n in (ichards leather desk chair to think. +f + #ere (amireA! + could ha"e traced the call. +d probably ha"e black and #hites sKuealing up to #here"er )reen#ay #as right no#! arresting him so my boyfriend could come out of hiding and + could pee on a stick. -nfortunately! + #asnt (amireA. +n fact! + #asnt turning out to be much good at this spy thing at all. +d had the prime suspect in a murder in"estigation on the phone and + hadnt e"en thought to ask #here he #as! + thunked my head against the desk. + had no idea #here to go from here. + looked do#n at my #atch. =;N;J. /asmine #as due back from lunch any minute. + pried myself out of the chair and #illed my legs not to buckle under me. They didnt! #hich + took as a good sign! and + Kuickly slipped out the door! do#n the hall and into the reception area. $6ou find #hat you neededG% Althea called to my retreating back. $6ep. )reat. Thanks!% + ga"e a half #a"e as + plo#ed through the front doors at &lo /o speed. =;N;C. + hit the do#n arro# on the first bank of ele"ators! ner"ously tapping my foot as + #aited. $Come on! come on!% + coa'ed the ele"ator. &inally it arri"ed and + slipped inside! Bust as the second bank of ele"ators to my left slid open and /asmine e'ited. + put my head do#n and hoped she didnt look back. She didnt! #iggling her siAe t#o behind to the reception desk #ith purpose as the ele"ator doors slid closed in front of me. he#. Close one.

T#o minutes later + #as racing across the street to the safety of my little red /eep. + hopped in! locked the doors! and flipped on the radio! letting 7link =J; fill the unner"ing silence as + yoga breathed my pulse back to normal. 9"en though + kne# )reen#ay #asnt going to reach through the phone and strangle me "ia ATVT! the con"ersation had left me #ith a serious case of the heebie Beebies. -ntil recently my biggest fear in life #as spiders #ith hairy legs. The sudden Bump into #ife killer territory had me s#eating and shi"ering all at the same time. + tried to console myself #ith the thought that )reen#ay hadnt kno#n #here (ichard #as any more than + did. This #as good. +t meant the chances of finding (ichard s#imming #ere do#n considerably. 3Something + #as relie"ed to hear! because the more + thought about that condom #rapper the more + #anted to be the one to strangle him.4 So! #hat no#G + glanced across the street again! my eyes searching out the #indo#s of (ichards office on the si'th floor. >o sinister shado#s! no cops to follo#! no bad guys in black. Thats it! + needed reinforcements. + grabbed my cell and punched in 5anas number. She ans#ered #ith a groggy! $*elloG% on the fourth ring. $+ts me!% + said. $6ou busyG% 5ana giggled! then + heard a muffled male "oice in the background. + rolled my eyes. $.aybe the more appropriate Kuestion is! are you aloneG% 5ana giggled again. $>ot entirely. hy! #hats upG% $+m kind of ha"ing a crisis here.% $Another oneG% Tell me about it. $>e"er mind! + can hear youre busy.% $>o! no. Sasha #as Bust lea"ing. *es got pyramid practice.% She giggled again and + thought + might thro# up. $Tell you #hat! +"e got an audition later this afternoon! but

you #anna meet me at &ernandos in! say! t#enty minutesG + could use a pedi first any#ay.% .y day definitely screamed for a pedicure. $+ll be there in ten.% 8 8 8 &ernandos #as located in the center of 7e"erly *ills )olden Triangle! at the corner of 7righton and 7e"erly 7oule"ard! Bust one block north of (odeo. &au' 5ad started his career as the great &ernando in a strip mall in Chats#orth! but through #ord of mouth! and a fe# fabulous mentions in the L(.( /imes! &ernando had primped and permed his #ay out of the 0alley and into the playground of the rich and 7oto'ed. +n addition to being a #iAard #ith hair! &au' 5ad also had an innate flair for interior decorating. 3,kay! so + #as LFD sure he #asnt gay.4 &ernandos #ent through a yearly metamorphosis! keeping up #ith the $in% theme of the moment. This year the look #as .odern +ndustrial. The #alls #ere co"ered in a rusted finish #ith a metallic o"er-glaAe! causing them to shimmer in the light coming through the all-glass front #all. 9'posed copper pipes o"erhead and unframed modern art can"ases on the #alls added to the look! #hile a doAen blo# dryers! rinse sinks and cutting stations hummed #ith acti"ity do#n on the concrete floor. +n atts this #ould ha"e been a #arehouse! but on (odeo! it #as arehouse Chic. $.addie! 5ahling!% .arco! the receptionist! came at me #ith an air kiss on both cheeks. .arco #as slim! *ispanic! and #ore more eyeliner than Tammy &aye. $*o# are youG% he asked in an accent that #as pure San &rancisco. $+"e been better!% + ans#ered truthfully. $+s (alph inG% $0ernando!% .arco reminded me! $is doing a color #ea"e on .rs. Spears.% Then he added in a lo# #hisper. $7ritneys mother.%

$,h!% + #hispered back! suitably impressed. + looked to the back of the salon and sa# &au' 5ad #ea"ing red e'tensions onto a fiftyish brunette in Chanel. *e caught my eye and ga"e a little #a"e. $So!% + said! turning back to .arco! $+m Bust ha"ing one of those days. Any #ay you can fit me in for a pediG% $&or you! s#eetie! anything.% .arco grabbed his big black book off a desk that looked like it #as made of aluminum siding. *e flipped through the pages. $Think you could fit 5ana in tooG% .arco fro#ned. $Pretty pleaseG% $.addie! you gotta stop doing this! dahling. 6ou thro# me all off schedule.% + blinked my eyelashes at him. $,h! pretty! pretty please #ith 7rad Pitt on top.% $>o fair! you kno# my #eakness. ,kay. Chia can do you both in fifteen. hy dont you go soakG% $6oure a doll! .arco.% .arco thre# me a kiss. $5ont + kno# it!% + made my #ay o"er to the line of pedicure chairs along the back #all and chose a "acant one! taking off my shoes and sinking my feet into the little bubble bath. The second + hit the #arm #ater + felt myself begin to rela'. + closed my eyes! trying to calm the roller coaster of emotions +d ridden today. +d almost succeeded #hen 5ana plopped into the chair beside me #ith a huff. $Sorry +m late. There #as traffic on the ==<.% + opened my eyes and blinked. T#ice. Sitting beside me #as .orticia Adams. ,r! more accurately! .orticia Adams meets Playboy 7unny. 5ana #as dressed in a black "inyl outfit! Bust barely co"ering her derriWre and sho#ing more clea"age than + e"en o#ned. *er o#n hair #as co"ered in a black #ig that #as taller than my hair in

=CJF. Pale foundation! black eyeliner and deep burgundy lip liner completed the *allo#een chic costume. ,nly it #as /uly. $5o + #ant to kno#G% + asked. $ hatG% 5ana looked do#n at herself. $+ told you + ha"e an audition later. +ts for an 9l"ira look-a-like thing. hy! do + stick outG% + looked around the salon. Actually! she didnt. *ey! this #as 1.A. $So!% she asked. $ hats the pedi emergencyG% As Kuickly as + could! + filled her in on the e"ents of the last t#o days. (amireA in (ichards condo! the floating redhead! and finally my impromptu chat #ith )reen#ay. 7y the time + #as finished our toenails #ere soaked! moisturiAed and filed and 5anas Ba# #as permanently stuck in the open position. $This is better than /he Sopranos! 6ou actually talked to a murderer1 hat did he sound likeG% $2ind of pissed! actually.% $,hmigod. 6ou could ha"e been killed!% 5id + mention 5ana has a flair for the dramaticG $+t #as Bust a phone call! 5ana.% + didnt tell her about my o#n o"erly dramatic reaction to said call. $So #hat did you doG% $>othing. *e hung up.% 5ana looked at me like + #as the #orst >ancy 5re# e"er. $ hat do you mean! InothingG 5idnt you ask #here he #asG% + slo#ly shook my head. $5id you hear anything helpful in the backgroundG Check the caller +5G At least star-si'ty-nine himG% + shook my head again. + #as ashamed to admit + hadnt e"en thought of those. $5umb! rightG% 5ana #as such a good friend! she didnt e"en ans#er that. +nstead she dre# her blackened eyebro#s together in concentration. $6ou kno#! + dated this guy once #ho #orked

at the phone company. *e said that some of these small companies keep a log of calls coming in or going out. 6ou think maybe (ichards firm does thatG% + thought back to the blurb in /asmines file about her long distance calls. $6es! They do. ,hmigod! 5ana! youre brilliant.% 5ana sat back in her chair! looking like shed Bust sol"ed a (ubiks cube. ,b"iously /asmine #asnt going to gi"e out any company information to me! but + had a feeling if + #aited until she #ent on break again tomorro#! + could probably con"ince Althea to look up the number. Shed seemed sympathetic enough to (ichards plight. And if that didnt #ork! + could al#ays bribe her #ith a free manicure. $This is so cool!% 5ana said! #iggling her primped toes. $+ts Bust like that pilot + shot last Spring! 5i"a 5etecti"es. ere actually tracking do#n a murderer.% eG $ hoa. hat do you mean! I#eG% 5ana feigned a hurt look! sticking out her o"er-lined lip. $*ey! theres no #ay +m letting you go all Charlies Angels #ithout me.% hile + appreciated the help! the light in 5anas eyes as she said $Charlies Angels% had me immediately fearing feathered #igs and bellbottoms. $+ts not a game! 5ana. + think (ichards really in trouble.% And e"en as + said it! the #hole idea of running do#n )reen#ay #as beginning to sound a little craAy. hat #ere #e actually going to do if #e found himG + mean! as 5ana so e'uberantly pointed out! he was a murderer. hat if he had a #eaponG hat if he tried to shoot usG + didnt think + could face being shot at any more than + could face an 9PT. $.aybe + should Bust turn this all o"er to the police!% + said. $+ mean! they ha"e all the resources. >ot to mention e'perience #ith this sort of thing.%

5ana narro#ed her eyes at me. $And #hat do you think #ill be the first thing the cops do #hen they find (ichardG% + bit my lip. $)i"e him a ride homeG% $Ahhhnt.% 5ana made a buAAer sound. $ rong ans#er. Theyre going to read him his rights and slap a pair of cuffs on him. *oney! they tore his office apart! they searched his home. They dont do that unless theyre after a serious suspect. 5ont you #atch C(%(P(S(G% .y heart sank into a hollo# pit in my stomach. + did. And she #as right. The look in (amireAs eyes as hed Kuestioned me yesterday had been clear enough. (ichard #as no longer considered Bust a #itness. $7ut (ichard is inno*ent!% + protested. ,nly it sounded oddly uncertain e"en to my o#n ears. $And theres more!% + admitted. $ hat ImoreG% + leaned in close! half #hispering to a"oid .arcos gossip radar. $ hen + #as going through (ichards office + kind of found something. Something that shouldnt be there.% 5ana leaned in so close + could smell her morning nonfat decaf latte on her breath. $ hatG% + s#allo#ed hard. $A condom #rapper.% She blinked! looking at me as if still #aiting for the punch line. $SoG% $So! (ichard and + ha"e ne"er done it in his office. + mean! #e"e only done it in his bedroom. ,r mine.% $ ait! you mean to tell me that you"e ne"er had se' #ith (ichard outside of a #edG% +m no shrinking "iolet. + #atch *7,! + ha"e frank discussions #ith my gynecologist using anatomically correct language! and +"e had enough se'ual e'periences that + ha"e to take my socks off to count them all. 7ut something about the #ay 5ana #as looking at me as if +d Bust confessed + didnt kno# #here second base #as made my cheeks gro# instantly hot.

$>o!% + said defensi"ely. $(ichard likes to be comfortable.% 5ana made a disbelie"ing sound! something bet#een a snort and a cough. $Comfortable and se' are t#o #ords that should ne"er go together. ild and se'! maybe. Passionate and se'. 9"en animal and se'-% $,kay! + get the point.% + think .rs. Spears #as beginning to stare. $ o#. 6ou li"e a sheltered life.% +f my cheeks got any hotter! +d erupt. So! (ichard liked things comfortable. hat #as #rong #ith being comfortableG Comfortable #as fine. >o gear shifts in your back! no soap in your eyes. e might not be on the se'ual safari that 5ana #as! but (ichard and + #ere fine. And + s#ear my mind did not e"en flash for a second on (amireA #hen she mentioned #ild animal se'. >ot one second. $5ana! youre missing the point. That condom #as not mine.% $ ell! lets not Bump to conclusions. .aybe it #asnt his! maybe it #as one of his friends.% 6eah right. That #as the same e'cuse +d used the one time +d been dumb enough to try pot senior year of high school and my mom had caught me trying to air out my room before she got home from #ork. +t #as flimsy then and it didnt sound much better no#. 7ut + #as desperate. $6ou thinkG% $Sure. ,r maybe he Bust emptied his pockets onto his desk after an o"ernight at your place.% *ey! that one didnt sound so bad. $(ight. Thats probably it.% $,f course it is. (ichards mad about you. +ts not like hed go bop his secretary or something.% (ichard and /asmineG That thought made me ill. +d ha"e to buy a gun and put myself out of my misery because + didnt

#ant to li"e in a #orld #here the likes of .iss PP could steal a boyfriend from the likes of me. >ot that +m a conceited person! but /asmine #as one step up from belly button lint. $(ight. 6oure right. +m sure (ichard #ill ha"e a perfectly good e'planation.% ,nce + found him. 8 8 8 After our toes #ere &uchsia &usion and Pinkberry Stain! 5ana and + #ent for lunch at the 7ro#n 7ag 5eli on ilshire. There 9l"ira! .istress of the 5ark 9ye-shado#! signed no less than three autographs for star happy tourist! #ith a hopeful! $+m so getting this part.% 7y the time #e #ere both stuffed #ith kosher pickles and turkey sand#iches 3hers #ith lo# fat mayo and sprouts. .ine #ith e'tra cheese and salty fries. *ey! + #as possibly eating for t#o no#! rightG4 it #as getting late and + realiAed + hadnt touched the Stra#berry Shortcake hightops in days. + promised 5ana +d call her as soon as + sa# Althea and dropped her at her audition before heading back to my studio. + forced myself to finish the sparkly laces and 0elcro closures for the Shortcake shoes! then ordered deli"ery from the 0ietnamese place do#n the street. + #as too tired to bother #ith dishes! so + ate my rice noodles #ith a plastic spork #hile standing at my kitchen counter. And trying to a"oid eye contact #ith the little pink bo' that had become my obsession. + kne# + #as being a #uss. /ust take the damn test already. 7ut if there had been too many +&s for comfort before! there #ere wa too many no#. If (ichard #as in"ol"ed #ith )reen#ay. If he #asnt entirely innocent in this #hole thing. If (amireA Q or hea"en forbid )reen#ay Q found (ichard first. If (ichard didnt ha"e a good reason for that condom #rapper.

So instead of opening the bo' like a normal! rational #omen! + decided to go #ith the if-+-dont-look-at-it-it-doesnte'ist theory of matter and plopped do#n on the futon! turning the T0 on instead. 5enial is a girls best friend. 7ut #ouldnt you kno# it! the first channel + flipped to sho#ed a perky reporter #ith a Tipper )ore bob doing a report from Celia )reen#ays s#imming pool. (amireA appeared 3dressed in butt hugging 1e"is and a slick leather Backet Q seriously hide-your-daughters se'y4 and ga"e the reporter an update on the in"estigation. 7asically repeating #hat hed already told me. The coroners office #asnt yet ready to release a statement and in the meantime it #as being considered a $suspicious death.% Suspicious #as right. The rice noodles sKuirmed in my belly as pictures flashed across the screen. A smiling! red haired Celia sitting on the beach. A press clipping of 5e"on )reen#ay! hair slicked back! dressed in a tu'edo as he shook hands #ith some politician. And another of the >e#tone Technologies Corporation! no# under in"estigation for fraud! misappropriation! embeAAlement! and a #hole host of other charges that made the reporters plucked eyebro#s knit together in practiced concern. Thankfully there #ere no pictures of (ichard. 6et.

'ha(ter Si+ The ne't morning + #oke up early! a bundle of ner"ous energy e"en before my reKuisite cup of coffee. All night long images of (amireA! )reen#ay and! most importantly! (ichard kept s#irling through my head. >ot to mention the permanently seared image of (ichards stray TroBan. The more + thought about it! the more uncertain + became that (ichard #as merely an innocent bystander in all this. &rom the looks of his financial statements! he had needed money. And there was t#enty million floating around unaccounted for. +t #as pretty tempting. And as much as + liked to think (ichard #as abo"e temptation! + Bust #asnt sure. + decided in the #ake of my fitful nights sleep to treat myself to a double grande mocha-latte #ith decadent #hipped cream for breakfast. 3Sometimes a girl needs to splurge.4 + slipped on a pair of lo#-slung! boot-cut Beans! a black Cal"in tank and sil"er patent leather sling backs that complemented my Pinkberry toenails. + grabbed my purse and pointed my /eep in the direction of the nearest Starbucks. AmaAingly + found a parking place right in front and took my place in line! #hich! as usual! #as about a million caffeine star"ed people long. +t ga"e me #ay too much time to contemplate the bakery case. 7y the time + reached the pimply kid behind the counter! someho# a chocolate chip muffin and a blueberry croissant had been added to my order. + found a Kuiet corner in the back and settled in to my breakfast of fat! sugar and mass amounts of caffeine. 7y the time +d polished off the croissant and #as digging into the chocolate muffin 3melt in your mouth delish! by the #ay!4 + #as beginning to feel like myself again. ,kay! maybe not totally like myself! as the biggest #orry my usual self had to encounter #as if the Spiderman rain boots #ere going to co"er this months rent. >o# shoes seemed to

be the last thing on my mind. hich #as a sign my life #as reall falling apart. + #as Bust licking the muffin remains off my fingers #hen my purse rang. + pulled out my cell to see .oms number lighting up my 1C5 screen. $*elloG% + ans#ered! still picking up the little stray muffin crumbs #ith my fingertip. .om sighed deeply into the phone. $6ou forgot! didnt youG% ,h shit. >ot again. $>o! mom! of course + didnt forget.% hat no#G + racked my little brain for #hat #edding related acti"ity +d spaced out this time. &lo#er selectionG Cake testingG Please! )od! dont let it be helping her pick out honeymoon lingerie. 6ick. $The dress fittingG .addie you #ere supposed to be here at ten.% .ental forehead slap. The bridesmaid fitting. .oms best friend! my cousin! .olly! and + all had the honor of being .oms bridesmaids on her second trip to the altar. .om had picked out "intage go#ns for each of us that #ed been measured and pre-fitted for #eeks ago! but today #as the final un"eiling. .om had refused to sho# any of us the actual go#ns! #anting it to be a $fun surprise.% A phrase that inspired no end of fear in me. ,riginally + had offered to design the dresses for her! after all + did ha"e a degree in fashion! but .om #anted a kitschy "intage theme. She instisted that this time around she #anted fun! something that had been seriously lacking from her first marriage. ,n her first trip to the altar! .om had gotten married in a stuffy church #ith stained glass #indo#s 3chosen by my +rish Catholic grandmother4! #ith "o#s said in traditional 1atin 3insisted upon by my +rish Catholic grandmother4 and an ancient priest to preside o"er the ceremony 3picked out by my +rish Catholic grandmother Q see a trend hereG4. &our years

later .om had found herself a single mother of a precocious three year old 3yours truly4 and 5ad #as on a plane to 0egas #here +m told he shacked up #ith a sho#girl named 1ola. This time around .om #as doing the #edding her #ay. A ci"il ceremony presided o"er by a female Bustice of the peace on a cliff o"erlooking the Pacific. And "intage! $fun% go#ns. + put on a bra"e face. $6ou are coming to the fitting! rightG% + heard panic creeping into my mothers "oice. $,f course. +m on my #ay no#. +! uh! Bust got stuck in traffic.% 6es! + kno#! + #as going to hell for lying to my mom. .om sighed on the other end and + could almost see her rolling her eyes to#ard the sky as if asking for patience from some#here abo"e. $/ust get here! okay! .addsG% $+m on my #ay!% + said. Then added for good measure! $Seriously this time.% + flipped the phone shut before she could respond and do#ned the rest of my coffee in one sugary gulp. + paused only long enough to touch up my lip-gloss before Bumping into my /eep and making a beeline for the =<=. Ten minutes later + #as frantically circling 7ebes 7ridal Salon! looking for a place to park. + rounded the block t#ice. >othing. ith a glance at my #atch! + parked semi-legally #ith my tail end sticking into the red Aone! hoping the fitting didnt take too long. .om #as #aiting in the lobby! her eyes blaAing beneath "intage blue eye-shado#. Today she #as #earing an ankle length denim skirt #ith sports socks and 2eds. Topped off #ith a frilly button do#n blouse in a tiny floral print the color of refried beans. + suppressed a shudder and ignored that little "oice of #arning telling me + should ha"e insisted on designing the dresses myself. $Sorry +m late.% + kissed .om on the cheek! #hich softened the fire in her eyes some. >ot much! but some. $+ s#ear to )od! .addie! if youre late for the #edding! +m diso#ning you.%

$.om!% + said in mock shock. $+m hardly e"er late.% She narro#ed her eyes at me. $,kay. +ll set t#o alarm clocks.% + think + actually sa# her suppress a smile that time. $Come on! you. They"e got your dress in the back.% + follo#ed .om as she led me to a fitting room in the back of the shop. 7ebes 7ridal #as small by *olly#ood standards! #ith Bust three pri"ate fitting rooms in the back and a main sho#room filled #ith si' racks of long! flo#ing bridal go#ns. + put blinders on as #e passed by them. >ot that + #as one of those girls that has her dream #edding picked out by the age of fi"e! but something about being surrounded by this much *appily 9"er After couture had my female hormones sKuealing like a si'th grader. +n fact! + spotted a ang knock off on a passing rack that actually made my heart speed up. 2id + #ant thisG A #eddingG + mean! #hen +d first realiAed + #as late! all sorts of craAy thoughts had buAAed through my mind. Admittedly! some of them co"ered in #hite lace and gauAy #edding "eils. 7ut at the time +d been en"isioning the groom as a successful! predictable! if some#hat anal about folding his socks! la#yer. +n the last EJ hours hed morphed into a man on the run of dubious character. &or the umpteenth time + #ondered Bust ho# much (ichard really did kno# about 5e"on )reen#ay. ,r! e"en more disconcerting! #hat did he kno# about Celias murderG + shook my head! realiAing my mother #as talking to me. $Mand #hen + found this dress on the internet! + Bust kne# it #ould be perfect for you.% +nternetG -h oh. $>o#!% she continued! $+ tried to pick different styles that #ould flatter e"eryone. ,f course! #e"e had to let .ollys dress out a bit! but +m sure yours #ill fit like a glo"e.% + smiled! trying not to let my trepidation sho#. .om settled me on a #hite sofa in front of a full-length mirror. Three curtained-off fitting rooms stood to the side. +

could see bare feet peeking beneath the curtains of t#o of them. $5orothyG .ollyG .addies here!% .om called to the curtains! then turned to me. $+m going to grab your dress. +ll be right back. 5ont go any#here!% ouldnt dream of it. ,ne of the curtains opened and my mothers best friend #alked out. ,r! more like #addled out. 5orothy (osenblatt #as a fifty-si' year old! fi"e-time di"orcee #ho shared a body type #ith the Pillsbury doughboy. She #as all of four feet ele"en inches! topping out at around t#o hundred pounds. Though once she opened her mouth! people tended to forget about the outside. .rs. (osenblatt #as #hat #e in 1.A. liked to refer to as $eccentric.% She and my mother met years ago #hen .om #ent to .rs. (osenblatt for a psychic reading after a particularly depressing 0alentines 5ay alone. .rs. (osenblatt predicted .om #ould meet a handsome black male and fall head o"er heels in lo"e. T#o #eeks later a stray black lab sho#ed up on our doorstep. 7arney! as #e named him! turned out to be the lo"e of her life! and .om and .rs. (osenblatt ha"e been firm friends e"er since. .rs. (osenblatt #as ob"iously already in her bridesmaid dress! a pale la"ender go#n shaped like a lampshade and co"ered in embroidered green daisies. 3.y trepidation kicked into o"erdri"e.4 $.addie! you made it!% she said! clapping her hands in front of her. *er arms Biggled #ith /ell-,-like aftershocks from the force. $Sorry +m late!% + leaned do#n to kiss her cheek. $ ait!% she commanded. $Somethings #rong.% &or a second + had the horrible thought shed someho# picked up on my other lateness. 3,kay! + didnt totally buy into this #hole psychic thing she had going on! but + #as too chicken to totally discount it either.4

.rs. (osenblatt stood back and narro#ed her eyes at me. %6oure a purple!% she finally said. Huh1 'I!m purple1 $6our aura! .addie. ,y! #u##ee! its streaked #ith purple flares. +s something on your mindG% *mmM .y boyfriend is missing! possibly in"ol"ed in embeAAlement and murder. + #atched the 1os Angeles county coroners office fish a #oman out of her s#imming pool! talked to a #ife killer on the phone! and found a used condom #rapper at my boyfriends office. ,h! and + may be pregnant. >ope! e"erythings peachy. 7ut! + decided to gi"e her the condensed "ersion. $>ope! e"erythings peachy.% $*mmm.% The lines bet#een .rs. (osenblatts painted on eyebro#s 31ucille 7all red4 deepened. $Stay out of the rain. (ain is "ery bad for purples.% + tried not to roll my eyes. +m not sure + totally succeeded. $+t doesnt rain in 1.A.% $.adds!% An o"er#eight #oman in solid lilac ruffles burst out from behind the other curtain and attacked me #ith air kisses. +t took me a minute to realiAe she #asnt really o"er#eight! Bust pregnant. Again. $*i! .olly. And! congratulations!% + said! trying to na"igate a hug around her already bulging belly. .olly beamed from ear to ear! rubbing her tummy like a good luck 7uddha. $Thanks. Stan and + are really e'cited. ere due in 5ecember. e had our first sonogram last #eek! you #ant to see the pictureG% .olly didnt #ait for me to ans#er before pulling a bulging #allet out of her purse. She flipped it open and a string of plastic encased baby photos unfolded. $+snt it darlingG% .olly asked! sho"ing a fuAAy black and #hite photo of a deformed .uppet at me. $,h! yes! darling.% + sKuinted! trying to figure out #hat + #as looking at.

$Stan says he think its going to be a boy this time! because #ere carrying a little lo#.% eG + #ondered ho# often her husband actually carried that belly around for her. .rs. (osenblatt put a palm on .ollys stomach! rolling her eyes back in her head until she looked like a reBect from 2awn of the 2ead. $+t #ill be a boy.% She paused. $,r else a girl #ith a #hole lotta *hut3pah. 6oure gonna ha"e to #atch out for this one.% .rs. (osenblatt #agged a fat finger at .olly. $So!% .olly said! nudging me in the ribs #ith her elbo#. $Any #edding bells chiming in your futureG% + cringed at ho# "ery silent the bells in my life #ere at the moment. $+ ha"e a boyfriend!% + said by #ay of defense. .rs. (osenblatt pressed a thick palm to my forehead and closed her eyes. $+ see a #edding. And babies. 0ery soon! babies. 1ots of them.% + felt faint. $+m back!% .y mother emerged #ith something behind her back. She #as smiling like the cat that ate the #edding canary. $ ho #ants to see .addies dressG% This #as met by e'cited sKuealing in stereo. 3+m sure + dont ha"e to add! none of #hich came from me.4 $SoM% .om pulled a purple sho#er curtain out from behind her back. $*ere it is. hat do you thinkG% ,h lord. +t #asnt a sho#er curtain. +t #as a dress. 4 dress. $ o#.% .om did a pleased little nose scrunch! letting out a sKueal of pleasure that only small dogs could hear. $+ kne# youd lo"e it.% The first mistake my mother made #as taking my $#o#% for one of a#e and not horror. The second! and by far a much bigger mistake! #as choosing the dress.

$ here did you say you got thisG% + asked! horrified that + might ha"e to be seen in public #ith this. $9bay. Can you belie"e it #as only going for U;C.CCG% + could belie"e it all right. $ o#!% + said again. $So! try it on.% + gulped! my skin suddenly clammy at the thought of ha"ing to touch that. $,h #o#.% Someho# in a #hirl#ind of ruffles and .olly sKueals! my o#n Beans and tank came off and + became a "ision in purple. And not lilac or la"ender. This #as 7arney purple. $+s this polyesterG% + asked! feeling itchy already. .om mo"ed around me! tucking! buttoning! adBusting. As if it #ould help. $-h huh. +t should #ash really #ell. That #ay you can #ear the dress o"er and o"er.% +m proud to say + did not laugh out loud at this. $So! #hat do you thinkG% .om asked. + hesitated to e"en look the mirror. 7ut it #as like a train #reck. + couldnt not look. + peeked one eye open! taking in my reflection as .om stood back! clasping her hands together in front of her like shed Bust created a masterpiece. $,h .adds. 6ou look so lo"ely.% + faked a smile. ,kay! actually it #as more of a grimace than a smile! but + dont think .om noticed. The dress 3and + use this term loosely4 featured a corseted #aist that flared out into a bell shape at my hips. hich totally accented the fried food diet +d been on the last fe# days. 6ikes. +t #as cut lo# in the front! high on the legs and reminded me "aguely of my high school prom dress. +t #as a style that screamed for crimped hair and Belly bracelets. $*er #a#as are falling out!% .rs. (osenblatt commented. + looked do#n. + did ha"e a little clea"age. $+ts Bust a little tight.% .om stood back! scrutiniAing my mid section. $.addie! ha"e you gained #eightG% + looked in horror from my stomach to .ollys bulging one.

$+ts fine!% + said Kuickly! sucking in. $+ts Bust #ater #eight. + ate a big breakfast. + ha"ent been to the gym lately.% + kno#! it #ould ha"e been more con"incing if +d picked Bust one e'cuse. $6ou kno# #hat this dress needsG% .olly asked! narro#ing her eyes at my reflection. *mmmM a 7ic and a can of lighter fluidG $7eads. All bridesmaids go#ns need beads.% + opened my mouth to protest! but + guess fashion shock must ha"e made me too slo#. $+ lo"e it!% .om sKuealed before + could say anything. $.addie! stay here! #ell be right back.% All of them scurried out of the dressing room 3#ith the e'ception of .rs. (osenblatt! #ho #addled out4 in search of beads. + stared at my image. Trying not to cringe. + reminded myself ho# many hours of labor my mother #ent through. +t #as Bust one day. + only had to #ear it for one day! then + could sho"e it into the far recesses of my closet ne"er to be seen again. + mean! ho# may people #ere e"en going to see me in it any#ayG $Cute!% a deep "oice said behind me. ,h. Crap. + spun around so fast + almost popped right out of my necklineM And came face to face #ith (amireA. 0olcanic amounts of heat hit my cheeks and + resisted the urge to co"er myself and scream! $1ook a#ay!% +nstead! + managed a more dignified! $Thanks.% $Purples a good color on you.% The corner of his mouth Kuirked up. $+t matches my aura.% ,h great! that sounded intelligent. (amireA raised one black eyebro# at me. $Actually! my auras not solid purple. /ust streaked #ith purple flares. hich means + ha"e stuff on my mind. At least!

thats #hat the psychic said. hich is good. +ts better than ha"ing an empty mind! rightG 7esides! + think its Bust #ater #eight.% ,h. .y. )od. Shut up, .addie! + took a breath! stopping myself before + completely turned into a caricature of The 5itAy 7londe. +nstead + asked! $So! #hat are you doing hereG% (amireA looked about as out of place in a bridal salon as &au' 5ad at a ECers )ame. *e #as #earing those butthugging 1e"is again! this time coupled #ith a #hite T-shirt that contrasted #ith his naturally tanned skin. Though #hite shirt or no! he still had that dark! dangerous look that had me #arring bet#een #anting to stand a little closer and backing against the far #all. $A fe# things ha"e come up in the course of our in"estigation!% he said. $+ need to ask you some more Kuestions.% $*ereG (ight no#G% $ hy notG% $*o# did you e"en find meG% *e smiled. $6our Beep is parked illegally outside.% -gh. + kne# + shouldnt ha"e parked in that red Aone. $ hen did 1.A. become such a small to#nG% The smile #idened! sho#ing off that se'y dimple. $Since + started looking in my rear"ie# mirror for little red /eeps.% *e had me there. + did ha"e a tendency to follo# him around. 5amn! + hated ho# stalker that sounded. (amireA took a step into the room! leaning casually against the #all. Suddenly the room #as #ay too small and + felt at a distinct disad"antage #earing The Purple People 9ater. $6ou kno#! +m not e'actly dressed for an interrogation.% $6ou look fine to me.% *is eyes strayed do#n my frameM then slo#ly back up again. +nstincti"ely + co"ered my #a#as. $+"e told you e"erything + kno#. (ichard canceled lunch #ith me on &riday. + ha"ent seen him since.%

$So! you ha"ent been to his office recentlyG% + bit my lip. $>ot really.% (amireA narro#ed his eyes at me. $-h huh. ant to e'plain that ans#erG% $>o!% + ans#ered truthfully. *is mouth threatened a smile again. $+ didnt think so.% *e paused! #aiting for me to say something. *oping maybe + #ould crack under the pressure. hich #as entirely likely. *is espresso bro#n eyes bored into me like a spotlight and + began to fidget. +nstead of purple polyester + suddenly felt like + #as #earing see through undies. &inally he spoke! changing the subBect. $+"e been looking through your boyfriends financial records for the last fe# months!% he said! crossing his arms o"er his chest. $*es a big spender.% $(ichards generous.% $*es in debt up to his eyeballs.% + gulped. + kne#. 7ut after saying + hadnt been in his office! + couldnt "ery #ell admit to ha"ing peeked at his financial records myself. So + said nothing. $6et!% (amireA continued! $he Bust keeps spending. Platinum earrings for Christmas! a ne# car! a cruise for his mothers birthday last-% $ ait!% + interrupted! suddenly confused. $(ichard hasnt bought a ne# car. *es dri"en the same black beamer for as long as +"e kno#n him.% (amireA put on his poker face again! his eyes steady on mine as if he could pry my e"ery secret out #ith Bust one look. $The car #asnt for himself!% he said slo#ly. $+t #as for Amy. *is #ife.%

'ha(ter Se*en *a"e you e"er had one of those dreams #here youre under#ater and your lungs are bursting for air! but Bust as you make it to the surface something pushes you back do#n againG And you realiAe you may ne"er be able to take a full breathG Thats pretty much ho# + felt as + stared opened-mouthed at (amireA! gasping for air as + tried to respond. $*isM hisM wifeG% (ichard #as so not married. +t couldnt be true. +t had to be #rong. They had to ha"e the #rong (ichard. There #as no #ay my boyfriend #ould be married and not tell me. + kne# (ichard. ,kay! fine! +ll admit it #as turning out + didnt kno# e"er thing about him. 7ut + kne# him #ell enough to kno# he couldnt be married to some bimbo named Amy. $1ook! there must be some kind of mistake. (ichard is not married. +m sorry! but your information is #rong.% (amireA kept his poker face on! his only reaction a slight narro#ing of his eyes. $6ou didnt kno# he #as marriedG% + spun around! my hands flying to my hips! my "oice rising se"eral octa"es into a range +m sure my +rish Catholic grandmother #ould deem inappropriate for a bridal salon. $5o + look like the kind of girl #ho dates married menG% (amireA looked me up and do#n. *e #as #ise enough not to ans#er. $1ook! + dont kno# #ho this Amy is! but (ichard isnt married!% + protested again.

(amireA dropped the poker face! the lines in his Ba# softening. ,n anyone else it might ha"e been pity. 7ut + had a feeling 7ad Cop didnt do pity. $So! #ho is this Amy personG% + asked. 6es! + ha"e a morbid sense of curiosity. $6ou really #ant to kno#G% >o. $6es.% *e sighed! almost like he didnt #ant to tell me any more than + #anted to hear it. $*er maiden name is Amy 7lakely. She li"es in Anaheim! in a duple' o#ned by your boyfriend. She #orks as Cinderella at 5isneyland.% + felt my eye begin to t#itch. (ichard #as married to freaking Cinderella1 (amireA continued. $Their marriage license #as filed in ,range County Bust o"er t#o years ago.% $.aybe they got di"orcedG .aybe shes an e5-#ifeG% + asked. ,nly + #as beginning to sound really desperate. 1ike a gambler playing her last chip. +f only it landed on red this time! (ichard #ould be single! Amy #ould be a figment of (amireAs imagination and e"erything #ould be okay. (amireA shook his head. $ e ha"ent found any record of a di"orce. And considering (ichard bought a ne# TS for his #ife last month! + dont think #e #ill.% A TSG *e bought Cinderella a freaking 6oadsterG + suddenly didnt feel so guilty about the platinum earrings. +n fact! + #ondered ho# much + could get for them on ebay. .aybe enough to buy a gun. 7ecause + #as gonna shoot the bastard. $+ take it she hasnt seen him lately eitherG% + asked. $5oesnt look like it. 5etecti"es are Kuestioning .rs. *o#e right no#.% .rs. *o#e. To think Bust minutes ago +d been contemplating myself in that role. And it #as already taken. So #hat #as +! the understudyG

>o! shooting #as too Kuick and painless a death for (ichard. .aybe a slo# poisoning. + #ondered if .om kne# #here to find arsenic on the internet. $+m sorry!% (amireA said. *e looked uncomfortable! as if he might ha"e to deal #ith a hysterically crying #oman. And he Bust might. + #as Kuickly going through all fi"e stages of grief. + #as past denial 3(amireA #ouldnt make a mistake like this.4 and #as settling some#here bet#een anger 3A freaking TS!G4 and bargaining 31ord! let her be an e5-#ife and + s#ear +ll #ear the Purple People 9ater to my mothers #edding #ithout complaint.4. + may ha"e been able to o"erlook embeAAling. + may ha"e been able to pretend + didnt see that condom #rapper on his desk. + may e"en ha"e been able to o"erlook the fact that he had killers looking for him. 7ut a #ifeG That #as #here + dre# the line. Suddenly the image of (ichard being led a#ay in handcuffs didnt seem all that bad. +n fact! + could really get behind the idea of him rotting in Bail for! oh! lets say! the rest of his lying! cheating life. *e deser"ed it. +n fact! he deser"ed #orse than that. *e #as married to Cinderella! *e deser"ed the chair. + might ha"e spilled my guts to (amireA right then. Told him about the call from )reen#ay! my suspicions of (ichards in"ol"ement! e"erything. 7ut out of no#here the image of .ollys sonogram and the deformed .uppet came flooding back to me. ,kay! +m pretty sure that behind all that fuAA #as a baby. )ro#ing inside her right no#. + #ondered! did + ha"e one of those in meG .y eyes slid do#n to my belly! sausaged into the Purple People 9ater. + might. And if + did! it #as (ichards .uppet. >o matter #hat hed done! did + really #ant the father of my child rotting in BailG + closed my eyes! took a breath! and gulped back my anger! preparing to perform my "ery first selfless act in the name of motherhood.

$+ #ish + could help you! but +"e told you e"erything + kno#.% 5oh! doh! doh! 7eing selfless really sucked. >ot nearly as satisfying as good old fashioned re"enge. (amireA sighed again and + could see the disappointment in his eyes. $6ou sure about thatG% e both kne# + #asnt. 7ut +d lied so much in the past fe# days! + figured one more #ouldnt hurt. $Positi"e.% $,kay.% *e pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to me. $Call me if you ha"e any sudden memory sparks.% + took the card. 7ut + think #e both kne# it #as going into the deep dark recesses of my purse ne"er to see the light of day again. $+m sorry you #asted your time coming here.% (amireA paused! did his one eyebro# thing again! then looked me up and do#n. 5espite my anger and frustration! the naked appreciation in his eyes as they settled on my #a#as created a heat some#here in my granny panties region. *is eyes slid up to meet mine and + hoped he couldnt read the X-rated thoughts suddenly flooding my brain. The corner of his mouth hitched up again. $,h! + #ouldnt say it #as a total #aste.% 5amn. *e #as a good reader. 7efore + could come up #ith a snappy comeback! (amireA turned his back to me and #alked out. + staggered o"er to one of the #hite sofas and sat do#n. ,r rather! tried to sit! as the gut pincher dress didnt allo# for much bendage in the #aist area. + closed my eyes and took in as many deep breaths as + dared #ithout popping a seam. ,nly the deep breaths didnt do much good because the longer + sat there the more time + had to think. And the more + thought about #hat (amireA had told me! the angrier + became. (ichard had a #ife. ,h )od. That made me the other #oman. (ichard had turned me into a #alking clichP! 8 8 8

As .om! .olly! and .s. (osenblatt came back! tray of colorful beads in hand! + had one eye on the dress and one on the clock. + had to get to 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e during /asmines break if + #anted to get any info about that phone call. And + so did #ant that information. +n fact! + #as on a mission no#. + #as going to smoke (ichard out of hiding if it #as the last thing + did. And once he sho#ed his cheating little face! + #as going to torture him until he sang soprano for the rest of his miserable little life. ,kay! fine! + #asnt reall going to torture anyone. Truth #as! +d ne"er e"en hit anyone before and + #asnt too keen on the sight of blood. /ust #atching those cosmetic surgery sho#s made me sKueamish. So! in reality! torture #as out. 7ut it #as a nice thought to keep me smiling #hile + #aited for .om to pick out the perfect beads and for /asmines break to start. 7y =;N<S .om had decided on a fau' pearl beading for the Purple People 9ater and + gracefully ducked out of 7ebes 7ridal! praying there #as no traffic on the =<=. &or once! the traffic gods #ere on my side! as there #ere no accidents and not a black and #hite in sight. + pulled up in front of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e Bust ten minutes before /asmine #as due back. + raced into the building! up the ele"ator! and came to a huffing stop at the front desk. $Althea! thank )od youre here!% + said. Althea looked at me! her eyes bulging behind her frames. $.-.eG hyG% +n her defense! + did come on a little strong. + took a breath and started again in a normal persons "oice. 3As opposed to a freaked out $other #oman.%4 $1isten! + ha"e a tiny fa"or to ask.% Althea took a step a#ay from the desk. $ hat kind of fa"orG% she asked slo#ly. -h oh. .aybe Althea #as smarter than + ga"e her credit for.

$+ kno# (ichard got a call in his office yesterday and + #as hoping you could check the call log and see if you could lift the number for me.% Althea bit her lip. $+ dont kno#!% she said slo#ly. $ ere not really supposed to gi"e out that information. 9specially! #ith! you kno#M% She trailed off! her cheeks turning red. Apparently it #as a little embarrassing to ha"e an employer on the lam. $6ou dont ha"e to #orry about that. +m! uh! +m actually #orking #ith the police to find (ichard.% A tiny fib. + #as looking for (ichard. The police #ere looking for (ichard. +t #as kind of like #e #ere #orking together. Althea looked dubious. $(eallyG% $6ep.% + nodded so hard + felt my hair bobbing up and do#n. $+M + dont kno#.% Althea glanced do#n at the desk! a"oiding eye contact. $/asmine #ouldnt like this.% + tried not to roll my eyes at the mention of .iss PP. $1ook! + really need that number.% + leaned in closer #ith e'aggerated importance. $+ think (ichard might be in danger.% *er eyes gre# #ide behind her thick frames. $5angerG hat kind of dangerG% +f it had been /asmine asking! +d ha"e told her to go take a flying leap. 7ut someho# + felt that #ith friAAy haired! cardigan #earing Althea! my secret #as safe. + told her about the call from )reen#ay and my fear that (ichard #as hiding out from him. ,r #orse. S#imming. Althea took it all in! her $,% of a mouth gro#ing progressi"ely #ider. hen + finished she did a fe# myopic blinks! staring at me as if this #as the most e'citing thing to happen to her since post-it started making colored pads. $This is all so /ames 7ond. 7ut! are you sure #e should be interferingG + mean! #ouldnt this be better left up to the policeG%

6es it #ould. 7ut as long as (ichardss name #as cra#ling up the list of (amireAs suspects! + didnt ha"e that option. So! + s#eetened the deal. $+ could get you in for a complimentary pedicure at &ernandosG That did it. $+ll be right back!% she said! then disappeared behind the frosted doors in search of the phone records. + stood at the front desk! an'iously tapping my nails on the mahogany surface. + glanced at the brass clock abo"e /asmines desk. =;N;S. + hoped Althea hurried. 1ess than t#o minutes later she #as back #ith a computer printout. $,kay here are all the calls to (ichards office yesterday. There #erent many because! #ell! you kno#.% She blushed like a beet again. $ hen did the call come inG% + took the printout! scanning my finger do#n the page. +d recei"ed the call from )reen#ay Bust before /asmine came back from break yesterday. =;N;L a call #as logged to (ichards office from an J=J area code. .y heart #as suddenly racing like the bus from Speed. +t #as a >orth *olly#ood prefi'. As of yesterday! )reen#ay #as still in the area. $+ think maybe this one is it. +s there any #ay you can find out #ho o#ns the numberG% Althea clicked a fe# buttons on /asmines keyboard. $+ can do a re"erse look up.% +f + hadnt kno#n better +d say Althea #as beginning to enBoy this. *er eyes #ere shining behind her thick frames! her fingers flying at lightening speed across the keyboard. $)ot it.% + tried not to sound too e'cited. $ hose number is itG% $+t says the .oonlight +nn in >orth *olly#ood. 6ou really think )reen#ay is hiding out thereG% + could ha"e kissed her. $)od! + hope so. Thanks! Althea.% $Thanks for #hatG%

+ froAe. + kne# that helium perky "oice. /asmine. Althea kne# it too. *er head snapped up! a deer in the headlights e'pression froAen on her face. + sent serious psychic "ibes across the desk at her. Say nothing. Play dumb! Althea must ha"e got them because she Kuickly closed the #indo# on her computer screen! obliterating all e"idence of our noontime caper. >ot that + #as actually threatened by /asmine. ,n her steady diet of la'ati"es and "itamin #ater she #eighed about as much as a toothpick. *o#e"er! + had a feeling shed take inordinate pleasure in tattling on me to (amireA. $Thanks for #hatG% /asmine asked again. $ hats going on hereG% + tried to put on my innocent face. + opened my mouth! hoping some great lie #ould come out! but Althea beat me to it. $+ said +d for#ard (ichards bills to his accountants office. She didnt #ant his accounts going delinKuent.% + stood and stared. o#! Althea #asnt half bad at this cloak and dagger stuff. /asmine narro#ed her eyes at me. 3,r at least tried. They didnt mo"e so #ell after her lid lift last .ay.4 + #asnt sure she #as buying it! but #hat could she sayG $ ell! thanks again!% + said! turning and #alking as fast as + could out the doors. + could feel /asmines cold stare at my back all the #ay to the ele"ator. +t #as unner"ing! like she #as putting some 7arbie he' on me. + #as glad #hen the ele"ator arri"ed and + Kuickly stepped inside! punching the lobby button. As soon as + #as clear of the building! + pulled out my cell and punched in 5anas number. $*elloG% she ans#ered. $+"e got the number. +ts the .oonlight +nn in >orth *olly#ood.%

5ana sKuealed #ith e'citement on the other end. + had to hold the phone a#ay from my ear to keep from going deaf. $So!% she asked. $ hat no#G% $+ll pick you up in t#enty minutes. )et your Angels clothes on.% 8 8 8 >ineteen minutes later + pulled up to 5anas duple' in Studio City. +t #as a modest! stucco structure that she shared #ith four other aspiring actors slash personal trainers. hich meant it al#ays smelled "aguely of costume makeup! gym socks and (ice-a-(oni 3the struggling actors treat4. + knocked on the door and #as ans#ered a couple beats later by >o >eck )uy. +d long ago gi"en up trying to remember the names of 5anas roommates. 7eing an actor didnt e'actly translate into steady income and they tended to come and go like nomads. There had been 7ubbly 7londe! )uy #ith 7leached Teeth! 1atin 5ancer )uy! and my fa"orite! +talian )uy ho Cant 2eep his *ands to *imself. 36uck!4 >o >eck )uy #orked at the Sunset )ym #ith 5ana and reminded me of the +ncredible *ulk #ithout all the green dye. $+s 5ana inG% + asked. >o >eck shrugged! then bello#ed through the house for 5ana. $Coming!% she yelled from deep in the Actors 5uple'. >o >eck )uy nodded at me! then disappeared up the stairs. >o >eck #as a man of fe# #ords. Three seconds later 5ana bounced through the door#ay! doing a little skipping foot#ork thing. Though one glance at her outfit took my attention Kuickly a#ay from her feet. $ hat are you #earingG% + stared! torn bet#een the urge to laugh and cry. $6ou likeG% she asked! t#irling in her door#ay for me. She #ore a tiny pleather mini skirt in a bright blue! spande' halter

top that #as at least t#o siAes too small for her #ell endo#ed 5 chest 3another reason + hated her4! a long strand of fake pearls 3+ kno# they #ere fake because they #ere neon green.4 and had capped the #hole thing off #ith a Bet black! page boy #ig. + #ont e"en go into the make-up. + prayed shed Bust come off the set of $*ookers for *ire.% Apparently + hadnt ans#ered her yet! as 5ana pouted her cherry red lips and put both hands on her e'posed hips. $6ou dont like my spying outfitG% $This isnt #hat Charlies Angels #ore.% $ ell! duh! + #as going for call girl.% $,kay! maybe this is a dumb Kuestion! but #hy are you dressed like a call girlG% $See! heres #hat + #as thinking. ere going need to get )reen#ays room number. And if #e Bust go ask the manager! hes going to tell us to get lost. 7ut! looking like thisM% She did another t#irl and her pearls clacked against her boobs. $*ell think #ere hookers.% $7ut + dont #ant to be a hooker.% >ot a phrase + e"er thought +d ha"e to say. 5ana ignored me. $+"e got it all #orked out. + did this scene for my acting class once from Prett )oman! so + totally kno# ho# to act like a hooker. ell tell the manager that #ere meeting a Bohn and cant remember his room number. 5ont #orry! people e'pect hookers to be dumb.% + rolled my eyes. $Any#ay! hes not going to #ant us banging on e"ery door in his place until #e find our Bohn! no# is heG Trust me! if #ere dressed like this! guys are gonna be a lot more helpful.% That + didnt doubt. $5ana! + Bust spent the morning as 7arney in drag. + am not Q >-,-T-% + spelled out for her! $spending the e"ening dressed as a hooker.%

5ana put her hands on her hips again. She tilted her head to one side. She narro#ed her eyes. Then she pulled out the big guns. $6ou peed on that stick yetG% + sighed and #illed my eye not to t#itch. $&ine. +ll be a hooker.% &ifteen minutes later 5ana #as coaching me on hookerspeak 3#hich apparently consisted of a lot of $yo baby%s and $#asup da#g%s4 and pulling dress after increasingly tiny dress from her closet. &inally she settled on a neon pink! strapless spande' thing that looked small enough to be a siAe negati"e t#o. She added a long red #ig that reached clear do#n to my butt and a pair of four-inch acrylic heels chunkier than a Snickers bar. As she sat me do#n on her bed to put the finishing touches on my make-up + filled her in on (amireAs latest ne#s about (ichard. The great thing about really good friends is that they often get as upset as you! if not more! #hen your boyfriend does something really stupid. 1ike get married. $That bastard. That cheating son of bitch. The motherfu-% $.y thoughts e'actly.% + cut her off before she got too colorful. She #as! after all! in character. $*o# could he be marriedG + mean! you"e met his freaking mother!% +d been thinking the same thing. +n fact my first irrational thought #hen (amireA told me about Cinderella #as! had all his family and friends been lying to me for the last fi"e monthsG *ad they all been briefed beforehand to keep .addie in the darkG +t #as like + #as a bad reality sho# contestant. ,nly there #as no cash payoff #ith this hoa'. 7ut e"en as + listened to 5ana cuss him out! + couldnt help a teeny tiny part of me from hoping that maybe (ichard had an e'planation for all this. And that #asnt Bust the denial talking. + kne# (ichard. ,kay! so there #ere a fe# aspects of his life + #asnt pri"y to! but deep do#n + kne# the man. + kne# he #as

no more capable of leading a double life than he #as of gro#ing se"en inches and playing for the 1akers. This kind of deception Bust #asnt in his makeup. Someho#! + kne# there #as a logical e'planation for all of this and + #as ha"ing a hard time hating him as much as + should until + heard his side of the story. + Bust could not belie"e (ichard #as actually married. Then again! + had a hard time en"isioning him consorting #ith killers and yet! here #e #ere. $,kay! +m done.% 5ana capped her lipstick and pulled back her closet door to re"eal a full-length mirror. e stood side by side and 5ana put one arm around my shoulder. $,h! this is going to be so much fun!% she sKuealed. Again #ith that $fun% thing. hy did e"eryone think dressing up in dangerously ugly clothing #as funG The #ig itched a little! the spande' #as riding up on my thighs already! but + had to admit as + stared in the mirror for the final effect! it #as a good disguise. + looked nothing like myself. Thank )od. $*oney! #e look fabulous!% 5ana said. $1ets go.% 8 8 8 +m not ashamed to say + had a knot in my stomach the entire dri"e up the E<F. ell! that and a #edgie from the incredibly tight and unforgi"ing spande' causing my granny under#ear to bunch. + shifted in my seat! promising myself +d do laundry tomorro#. e decided to ride in my /eep as 5ana said it looked more hookerish than her car. + #asnt sure if + should be offended by that or not. As #e cra#led through rush hour traffic! + couldnt help looking in my rear"ie# mirror e"ery t#o seconds for signs of a black S-0. + #as a little paranoid about (amireA spotting my car no#. As if ha"ing him see me in the Purple People 9ater #asnt bad enough! catching me as the *appy

*ooker #ould probably kill me of embarrassment on the spot. >ot to mention put a serious crimp in our plans. Speaking of #hichM $So! #hat is this Prett )oman plan of yoursG + mean! do #e Bust #alk up and ask #hat room )reen#ay is inG% $5ont #orry!% 5ana said! flipping do#n the "isor to check her makeup! $Bust lea"e the talking to me.% hy is it #hen someone says! $dont #orry!% it makes me #orry e"en moreG $So!% 5ana asked! before + could Kuestion her further! $#here e'actly is this placeG% + consulted the directions +d printed from 6ahoo maps before lea"ing the Actors 5uple'. $1ankershim and 0ano#en in >orth *olly#ood. e should be there in about t#enty minutes.% 5ana nodded! pulling out a tube of lipstick and lapsing into silence as she added another layer of Circus Clo#n (ed. e #o"e north up the E<F and through the hills! #hich #ere actually Kuite scenic! until #e reached the =<= and started our descent into the 0alley. As #e neared the =SE split! + slo#ed do#n! e'iting the free#ay at 1ankershim as #e entered >orth *olly#ood. hile *olly#ood features famous landmarks! celebrity footprints! and glitAy tourist shops! >orth *olly#oods name is unfairly decepti"e. >orth *olly#ood is *olly#oods ugly stepsister. *omes ha"e bars on the #indo#s! ILC ,ldsmobiles propped on cement bocks co"er bro#n la#ns and old toothless men of e"ery concei"able race sit on front porches yelling things like! $That my damn garbage. Touch that and +ll break yo arm.% As #e passed toothless man number three 3yelling about the damn dog going on the damn la#n4 + instincti"ely locked my doors. +t #asnt that + #as afraid of >orth *olly#ood. *ey! + gre# up in 1.A.! it took a lot more than bars on a #indo# to frighten me. 7ut the #ay that toothless old man had

been staring at me like he #as counting his pennies had me #orried about the kind of propositions t#o hookishly dressed young ladies might get in this neighborhood. + did a little yucky sKuirm in my seat at the thought. $+t should be up here on the right!% 5ana said! reading the addresses as #e passed by a liKuor store! a closeout furniture place and a 5esis Porn Palace. .y stomach began to feel Kueasy as #e neared the address and + spotted a #oman #earing my same spande' dress negotiating at the passenger side #indo# of a dented caddy. -nlike 5ana! + #as no actress. )ranted! + #as e'ercising my truth bending skills Kuite a bit lately 3lying sounded so ta#dry4! but + #asnt Kuite sure + could pull off $hooker #ith a mission.% Too late to turn back no#. $*ere it is.% 5ana pointed to a run do#n motel on the right. Ten units on the bottom! ten on the top and a metal staircase running along the side. A small building in front ser"ed as an office and behind it + could see green dumpsters o"erflo#ing #ith trash. The beige! stucco #alls of the motel had seen one too many nights of gang tagging! being a tricolored mass of symbols that meant nothing to me but could likely get one shot at in South Central. The #indo#s predictably sported prison-like bars and the roof likely #ould ha"e leaked buckets Q if it e"er rained in 1.A. that is. + pulled into a spot under a sickly looking palm. 5ana got out and immediately adBusted her top. + follo#ed suit! trying one last time! in "ain + might add! to retrie"e my grannies from my cranny. $5ana! + dont kno# if + can do this.% + glanced ner"ously at the front office. ,r! as the sign read. Yront ,YYice. +t looked like someone had shot out the $&%s. 5ana looked in the side mirror! adBusting her #ig. $(ela'! itll be fine. /ust lea"e the talking to me. +m a s#eet-talking e'pert.% 5ana ga"e me a #ink.

+ took a deep breath. ,kay. + could do this. .addie Springer! *appy *ooker 9'traordinaire.

'ha(ter Eight The first time + e"er sa# 5ana #as on the blacktop at /ohn Adams .iddle School. She #as #earing pink stirrup pants! a .adonna cut black! mesh shirt! and #ay more make-up than any other se"enth grader + kne#. She #as standing #ith Alan .iller! our pre-teen eKui"alent of 5onnie ahlberg! and flirting. And not in the giggle! giggle! hair-flip #ay other girls + kne# did. 5ana had mo"es that made Alans pants look like a little pup tent. She did the eyelash batting! the hip Butting! the shoulder thrusting! and #hat #as later to become kno#n as her signature mo"e! the 1ean and Shake. ,"er the years the 1ean and Shake has been perfected to the highly effecti"e form + #as no# #itnessing as 5ana leaned her elbo#s on the stained &ormica counter of the .oonlight +nn! her boobs threatening to spill from her halter! her round bottom doing a little shake! shake! shake in the air behind her. And it #as no less effecti"e no#. The night manager 3a short! bald guy #ith mustard stains on his .etallica T-shirt4 stared at 5ana #ith a glaAed e'pression and + could s#ear + sa# something mo"e in his pants. 9#! + Kuickly looked a#ay. $So! you can see our predicament!% 5ana said! her "oice sugary enough to create instant ca"ities. .etallica licked his thin! chapped lips. $5ude!% he said! talking to 5anas clea"age! $+d! like! really lo"e to help you. hat #as the guys nameG% $.r. Smith.% 5ana #inked. $Ah.% .etallica nodded. $So its one of those kind of dates! huhG% *e #iggled his sparse eyebro#s up and do#n.

+ had a feeling the .oonlight +nn sa# Kuite a fe# of those kind of dates. As ratty as the outside #as! the interior of the office #as e"en #orse. The floor #as co"ered in peeling "inyl that cracked under my heels and hadnt been #ashed since sometime in the (eagan years. The #alls #ere a dingy gray sho#ing #ater damage and mold from faulty plumbing. T#o dim! fluorescent lights buAAed abo"e us and the air had a thick! uncirculated smell of burnt food and un#ashed bodies. $Alls + kno#!% 5ana said! continuing her rump shake! $is Spike! thats my manager! told me to meet .r. Smith here. And no# + cant remember the room number.% 5ana pouted her lo#er lip out. $Spikes gonna be so pissed if + come back empty handed. 6a kno#G% o#! 5ana did a really good dumb blonde "oice. +t #as some#here bet#een 7etty 7oop and .arilyn .onroe. Totally nine hundred number fake! but .etallica #as eating it up. >othing a metal head lo"es more than a dumb blonde in a halter top. + could see s#eat beading on his upper lip as 5ana poured on the charm. $So! + #as thinkin! maybe + could Bust kinda describe my .r. Smith to you and maybe you could tell me #hat room number hes inG% $ ed really appreciate it!% + chimed in! licking my lips and making a kissy face. ,kay! so +m not the flirting e'pert 5ana is. +n fact! + felt really ridiculous in this #hole getup and totally not se'y at all. Satin lingerie from 0ictorias Secret is se'y. >eon spande' is Bust #rong. 1uckily! .etallica didnt seem to share my thoughts. *e continued to eye 5ana like a kid in a candy store. $+ dont kno#!% he said! $ e get an a#ful lot of dudes coming through here. +m not sure +d remember one from the other.% $,h! + bet you ha"e an e'cellent memory.% 5ana laid her hand on .etallicas arm and + thought he might start hyper"entilating.

$The guy #ere after probably checked in on &riday! alone!% + added. $*es got dark hair that he #ears slicked back from his face and probably keeps a real lo# profile. *e #as last seen #earing a leather bomber Backet! black pants and a red button do#n shirt.% +d learned that much from the ten oclock ne#s last night. .etallica tore his gaAe from 5anas chest to Kuirk an eyebro# up at me. $*o# do you kno# so much about this guyG% + s#allo#ed. 5ana shot me a look that said + should ha"e let her do the talking. $ e"e dated him before!% she Kuickly co"ered. $Cool.% +m not sure .etallica belie"ed her. Then again! he didnt much seem to care as long as 5ana kept crooning to him. + had to hand it to her! she #as pro"ing to be a hell of an actress. + hoped she got that 9l"ira gig. +! on the other hand! didnt kno# ho# much longer + could keep this up. A cockroach cra#led across the floor! scuttling under the counter and + suddenly got that creep cra#ly feeling on my skin. The sooner #e got out of here the better. $So! is he here or notG% + asked. $+ dont kno#!% .etallica hedged. *e took a step back! looking from 5ana to me. $6ou kno#! it seems kind of greedy a dude getting #oth you girls.% -h oh. $*o#s about + tell one of you #hat room hes in and the other stays here and keeps me company.% 9#! e#! e#! + pasted a fake smile on my face! #illing myself not to barf. 9"en 5ana looked like shed Bust about had her fill of this guy. $,h! thats Kuite an offer!% she said through a fake smile of her o#n. $7ut! see! +m not so sure you could afford us. ere high class ladies! if ya kno# #hat + mean.%

.etallica smiled! sho#ing off the gaps bet#een his teeth. They reminded me of a Back-o-lantern! a cross bet#een really goofy looking and kind of creepy. $ ell! ho# about you Bust do me a little fa"or for free then. + might remember all sorts of stuff for a little fa"or.% )ag. 5ana sighed. She leaned o"er the counter until her clea"age ri"aled the )rand Canyon. She ran her tongue slo#ly o"er her lo#er lip. She slid a manicure hand up .etallicas shirt. *is forehead beaded #ith s#eat and his breath came out in Kuick gasps. + didnt dare look! but + #as pretty sure his pants #ere in pup tent territory. 5ana slo#ly slid her hand up his chest until she reached his collarM then she grabbed a handful of T-shirt and yanked him off the ground. $1isten you little shit!% she breathed! her nose inches from his. $ e need the room number! and youre going to gi"e it to us.% .etallica suddenly turned #hite! his feet dangling off the ground as his eyes bugged out. $/esus! okay. /ust! put me do#n lady.% + stifled a laugh. 5ont piss off the Aerobics Rueen. 5anas s#eet smile returned as she put him back do#n. 7ut she kept her fingers #rapped around his collar. + had the fleeting thought shed need some antibacterial cleanser for her hands after this. $Thats more like it. >o#! #here is our friend stayingG% .etallica looked from me to 5ana! the pup tent suddenly more like a #et noodle. $(oom t#o-ten!% he finally spit out. $Second floor. /esus! lady.% 5ana let go of his shirt! patting him on the cheek. $Thanks a ton! dude.% + couldnt help it. + laughed out loud at the stunned e'pression on .etallicas face as 5ana shook! shook! shook her #ay out the door.

+ follo#ed closely behind her. $ hate"er happened to s#eet talking himG% + asked. $The cockroaches #ere making me antsy.% + couldnt argue #ith that one. $So! no# #e kno# #here )reen#ay is. 1ets go call (amireA!% 5ana said. (ight. e should call (amireA. + mean! he #as the cop! after all. 7ut something held me back. .aybe it #as the ditAy blonde syndrome that struck me e"ery time + encountered (amireA. ,r maybe Bust the #ay hed smirked a little too much at the sight of me in the Purple People 9ater. 7ut + really didnt #ant to look stupid in front of him again. +f #e called him no# and it turned out )reen#ay #asnt in that room! + #as going to look like a total flake. $.aybe #e should make sure hes here first!% + said. 5ana looked at me as if +d Bust suggested #e go ser"ice .etallica. $Are you kiddingG 6ou #ant to go knock on the door and Bust ask! I*ey! youre the guy #ho killed his #ife! rightG% Put like that! it didnt sound like such a hot plan. $>o. 6es. + mean! #hat if (amireA sends a s#at team out and the room is empty. hat if )reen#ay #ent across the street for a cup of coffee. +f he sees the place s#arming #ith cops! hell be long gone again.% 5ana che#ed her lip for a beat. $,kay! fine. ell knock on the door and see if hes home. 7ut! for the lo"e of )od! lea"e the talking to me this time.% (ight. >o problem there. + #asnt e'actly d ing to speak to )reen#ay again. + cringed. ,uch! bad choice of #ords. 5ana and + clanked up the metal staircase to the second floor. The #alls of the .oonlight +nn #ere thin and + could hear the sounds of $fa"ors% being gi"en out all o"er the place. $,h baby!% seemed to resonate in stereo from behind the thin

#ooden doors! mi'ed #ith a steady bass rhythm from #arring rap and hea"y metal stations playing at top "olume. And +m not ashamed to say my heart #as beating almost as loudly as the guitar riffs. 7eing on the phone #ith )reen#ay had been unner"ing enough! but my teeth #ere starting to chatter at the thought of a face to face encounter. ,ur pace slo#ed as #e neared t#o-ten. ,n the other side of that door #as a murderer. + suddenly felt "ery "ulnerable. And! + realiAed! thinking about (amireAs big black gun! "ery unarmed. 5ana and + paused outside the door. The room had one #indo# facing the parking lot. +t #as co"ered from the inside #ith a faded green curtain and! from the absence of light peeking bet#een the ratty fabric! it looked like no one #as home. $.aybe he isnt hereG% + #hispered. $.aybe hes sleeping.% $.aybe #e shouldnt #ake him up.% $*ey! this #as your idea!% 5ana #hispered. + kno#. And it sounded good do#nstairs. 7ut close up! + #as ha"ing second thoughts. 7efore + could act on my ne#found chickenhood! 5ana rapped her knuckles against the #ooden door. + bit my lip! resisting the urge to run and hide. >othing. 5ana knocked again! this time yelling! $*elloG% >othing. + hea"ed a sigh of relief strong enough to ruffle my fake bangs. Then + heard it. A gun shot. +t cracked like thunder on the other side of the door! rendering both 5ana and me paralyAed for one a#ful second. +f this #ere the mo"ies! #e #ould ha"e rammed our shoulders into the door! busting it open and tackled the perp #ithout breaking a nail. 7ut! since neither of us #as under contract #ith arner 7rothers! #e did #hat all 1os Angelinos are trained to do #hen confronted #ith real li"e gunfire. (un.

5ana and + turned as one! di"ing to the right amidst high pitched! $ohmigod%s. e clacked back do#n the stairs as Kuickly as our insanely high heels #ould allo# and made a mad dash for my /eep! parked across the lot. 5ana hiked her dress up and #as charging #ith Kuarter back determination to#ard the car. + #as a short step behind her! my arms flailing like a craAy #oman for balance as #e sprinted across the black top. .etallica poked his head out of the office doors. $ hat #as thatG hat the hell did you craAy hos doG% $>othing!% 5ana yelled! reaching my /eep. $+ heard a gun.% $>o you didnt!% + said. + kno#! #orlds lamest comeback. 7ut at the moment speed #as more my goal than #it. e climbed in and #ere Bust pulling out of the dri"e#ay #hen + s#ear + heard a second gunshot. + didnt stop to make sure! instead pulling do#n 0ano#en! going t#o blocks before circling back around to#ard the free#ay. + #as still reeling from the adrenalin high #hen 5ana "oiced the ob"ious. $ e Bust got shot at. Can you belie"e someone Bust shot at usG% >o + couldnt. This #as so not my life. Someho# +d been transferred into 1ucy 1ius body! + #as sure of it. $5o you think it #as )reen#ayG% + asked. $-hM duh! 5o you kno# any other homicidal maniacs that #ould shoot at usG% )ood point. $So! do #e call (amireA no#G% 5ana asked. + couldnt help it. The smart-aleck in me reared its ugly head. $-hM duh!% + pulled into the parking lot of a 5ennys at 0an >uys and ,'ford and reached into my little bag for the card (amireA had gi"en me. +m not ashamed to say my hands #ere still shaking as + dialed the number on my cell phone. + let 5ana do the

talking on the off chance (amireA recogniAed my "oice. + kne# hed #ant to ask me all kinds of annoying Kuestions like! ho# did + kno# #here )reen#ay #as stayingG *o# did + get his room numberG hy did he shoot at meG Ruestions + #ould much rather a"oid altogether. So! 5ana put on her 7etty 7oop hooker "oice again and left the anonymous tip #ith the desk sergeant #ho ans#ered the phone. $+ dont kno# about you!% 5ana said #hen she hung up. $7ut + could use a stiff drink.% $.e too.% ,nly + couldnt drink. >ot until + kne# if that line #as pink or blue. $ ant to start happy hour earlyG% *onestly! all + #anted to do #as go home and take about ten sho#ers to #ash the creep off me! but considering + #as the one #hod dragged 5ana out to >orth *olly#ood in the first place! not to mention got her shot at! + felt like + o#ed her. $Sure. 6ou ha"e someplace in mindG% 5ana flipped do#n the "isor and began touching up her makeup again. $+ kno# a guy #ho bartends at .ulligans. +ts Bust a couple blocks o"er on 0an >uys.% + pulled out of the 5ennys and dro"e do#n 0an >uys! follo#ing her directions until #e pulled up to a brick building #ith a blue neon sign abo"e the door! blinking the #ord $.ulligans.% A steady stream of people in business casual attire filtered through the door. + looked do#n at my spande'. Silently making bets on ho# many propositions +d get before the day #as out. The lot #as packed! so + found a place on the street and after reluctantly feeding the meter! 5ana and + emerged into the dimly lit interior of .ulligans. + immediately recoiled as the sounds of bad karaoke echoed from a small stage in the corner #here a pudgy! middle aged man #as belting out a Shania T#ain song. 5ana immediately ordered t#o "odka martinis #ith e'tra oli"es from her bartending friend! a 7ruce 1ee look alike

dressed all in black. +f any day of my life e"er called for a martini! today #as it. *o#e"er! counting selfless act number t#o! + promptly changed my order to a 5iet Coke. ,nce they arri"ed! 5ana only had time to munch one oli"e before 7ruce 1ee grabbed her hand and dragged her o"er to the karaoke machine for a duet of American Pie. + sat at the bar by myself and sipped my 5iet Coke. )enerally! +m not much one for the happy hour cro#d. + prefer places #here you can actually hear your friends talk! like Starbucks or >ordstrom. &or me a night on the to#n consisted of dinner and a /ulia (oberts mo"ie at City#alk. 7ut something about the loud! cro#ded! anonymity of .ulligans #as oddly soothing at the moment. 1ike a huge! badly sung escape from my real life. .y hands #ere only slightly shaking as + took another sip of my 5iet Coke. +t really #as a poor substitute for a martini. + #as dying to kno# #hat #as going on back at the motel. *ad (amireA gotten the tipG as he arresting )reen#ay right no#G + #ondered if there #as a big shoot out #ith the cops #hen they arri"ed. )od! + hoped nobody got hurt. ell! + guess + #ouldnt mind .etallica taking one in the ass! but + really didnt #ant anyone to get killed. 1east of all me! #hich is #hy e"en though + #as dying of curiosity! + made myself stay right #here + #as and sip my 5iet Coke. +d gi"e it t#o hours! then +d call (amireAs number again and nonchalantly ask if thered been any ne# de"elopments. + #ould! of course! lea"e out the part #here + gloated about finding )reen#ay #hen the #hole police force couldnt. *a! #hos girly no#G 5ana Bostled up beside me! di"ing for her drink again and took a long sip. $,hmigod. + forgot #hat an a#esome singer 1iao is.% She drained her glass and crunched do#n hard on an oli"e. $Come up #ith us. ere gonna do I+"e )ot 6ou 7abe ne't.% $>o thanks. +m not really in a karaoke mood.%

5ana cocked her bobbed #ig to one side. $*ey!are you okayG% >o! + #as not okay. +d Bust been shot at! 7ut 5ana had been nice enough to come all the #ay to the 0alley #ith me! e"en though +d almost gotten her killed! so there #as no reason to ruin her e"ening #ith 7ruce 1ee. $+ll be fine!% + said. 9"entually. $6ou sureG% + fake smiled. $6eah. &ine. (eally.% $,kay. ell! in that case! you #ouldnt mind dri"ing home alone #ould youG See! 1iaos house sitting for this guy in the hills and he says hes got a hot tub that looks out o"er the *olly#ood sign.% + looked do#n at her outfit. + hoped the in"itation didnt ha"e anything to do #ith the mini skirt. Then again! kno#ing 5ana! she probably hoped it did. $6eah! go. +m fine.% $Cool. +ll call you tomorro# and #ell read all about the arrest o"er bagels.% She ga"e me co-conspiratal #ink before disappearing back into the e"er-gro#ing mob of happy hour patrons. (ight. The arrest. + Bust hoped there #as one. Again + got that itch to see #hat #as going on at the motel. as )reen#ay in custodyG +f he #as! + #as sure Perky (eporter oman #ould be singing all about it on the e"ening edition. +f (ichard sa# ne#s of the all clear! he might e"en be back in his condo tonight. + took another sip of my 5iet Coke! #ondering Bust ho# + felt about that. >o# that Cinderella #as in the picture! + #asnt a hundred percent sure + kne# ho# things stood bet#een (ichard and me anymore. + mean! of course + #as pissed at him! he #as married to a freaking 5isney princess. 7ut! as +d learned from .rs. (osenblatts parade of husbands! there #ere all kinds of married. .aybe they #ere separated! estranged. So #hat thenG

And! to make matters #orse! + couldnt stop thinking about that heated panty thing that (amireA seemed to inspire in me! #hich +m sure #as Bust a bad case of not getting laid in a#hile! but #as a little unner"ing all the same. + took another sip of my 5iet Coke! really #ishing it had a higher "odka content. hich #as a sad commentary on my life. &ashion designer #anna-be yearns to get drunk after being shot at by her lying! cheating e'-boyfriends murderous client. hile thinking really un#holesome thoughts about annoying! yet oh-so-se'y! homicide detecti"e. $9'cuse me!% a "oice said behind me! catching the attention of 1iaos replacement behind the bar. $+ll ha"e a Coors.% + froAe. *a"e you e"er noticed that some people ha"e a tendency to sho# up Bust #hen youre thinking of themG .rs. (osenblatt #ould undoubtedly say it #as the cosmic thread that bound us all together. Personally! + think its Bust dumb luck. And my luck seemed to be really bad tonight. + resisted the urge to slink a#ay into the dancing cro#d 37ecause hed probably find me any#ay! after all he #as a cop.4 and turned around to face him. $ ell!% (amireA said! a sly grin creasing his features! $&ancy meeting you here.%

'ha(ter "ine All + could do #as stare. 5amn! did this guy ha"e a homing de"ice or #hatG (amireA Bust smiled! casually depositing himself onto the stool beside me as the bartender slid him a bottle of Coors. $1o"e the outfit!% he said. $Thanks.% + tugged at the hem of my dress! suddenly "ery a#are of my bunching grannies again. *is smiled #idened! sho#ing off that too-se'y dimple. $Something about a #oman in spande' gets me all hot and bothered.% $6oure mocking me arent youG% $/ust a little.% $+ts supposed to be a disguise.% $&rom #homG% + paused. $>o one.% $*mm.% *e studied me! his hands idly picking up a s#iAAle stra# from the bar and dra#ing little circles #ith it. $ hatG% + asked. $The #ig is a nice touch.% $(eal classy huhG% $+ think + prefer you as a blonde.% + hated that some#here inside me a pleased little "oice screamed! $*e likes your hair!% $So! #hat are you doing hereG% + asked! sKuelching the little "oice.

$ orking.% *e fi'ed me the kind of stare Superman used #hen s#itching on his X-ray "ision. $ hat are you doing hereG% + bit my lip. + #asnt sure ho# much to spill. orse! +d told so many "ersions of the truth lately! + #asnt entirely sure #hich "ersion +d last gi"en (amireA. 7ut considering )reen#ay #as likely on his #ay to County right no# and (ichard #ould be home soon! + figured + didnt ha"e much to lose. $+ #as looking for )reen#ay but + got shot at! so + needed a drink.% (amireA looked do#n at my 5iet Coke and raised an eyebro#. 1uckily he didnt say anything. + #asnt sure + could e'plain that on top of e"erything else. $,kay!% he said! shaking his head. $7ecause + like you! and +"e ha"ent got time to do all the paper#ork! +m going to pretend + didnt hear that shooting thing.% 5id he Bust say he liked meG 5amn! that little "oice #as perking up again. $1ook! .addie!% he continued! $this is a homicide. 7ad men #ith big guns. This is not childrens shoes. 5ont you think maybe its time you #ent home and let the big boys handle thisG% *e had a point. + #asnt thrilled about the guys #ith guns. And getting shot at again #as #ay! #ay lo# on my list of todos. +d neglected the Stra#berry Shortcake shoes! +d dragged my best friend into the 0alley! +d "ery nearly gotten Althea fired! and + #as in neon spande' of all things. And in all honesty! + had planned on finishing my drink! going straight home and gluing my butt to my futon as + #atched for any sign of )reen#ays arrest on the ne#s. 7ut the #ay (amireA said $big boys% made my spine straighten! my Ba# clench! and my eyes narro# into cat-like slits as + flipped my fake hair o"er one shoulder.

$1isten! Ibig boy! + may ha"e o"aries! but +m not going to Bust sit at home and knit #hile (ichard is out there being hunted do#n by a killer. 9"en if he is married to Cinderella.% 2 Q not a good idea to spout off to a cop. (amireA stared at me! pinning me #ith his best 7ad Cop face. + said a silent prayer that he didnt reach for his cuffs. ,n any day! spending a night in a county cell #asnt my idea of a good time. And dressed like this! it #ould probably rank belo# #earing the Purple People 9ater do#n a .ilan run#ay on the fun scale. /ust as + #as about to thro# myself on the mercy of the la#! (amireAs eyes crinkled at the corners. *is lip Berked up. And then he laughed out loud. +t should ha"e pissed me off! but instead + found my fighting stance fading. .an! he had a great laugh. +t #as rich and full and totally transformed his face. &or a second + got a glimpse of the co"er model he could ha"e been in another life. $&ine!% he said! finally reco"ering. $+ll make you a deal.% *e leaned in close enough that + could smell his brand of soap. +"ory. + inhaled. +d al#ays liked that brand. $ hat kind of dealG% *is eyes locked on mine and in a "oice that #as #ay too intimate said! $6ou sho# me yours and +ll sho# you mine.% 6ikes. + hoped he #as talking about the case. ,kay! #ell + mostly hoped he #as talking about the case. There #as one teeny tiny little corner of my brain that flashed on 5anas $animal se'% phrase again. $ hat do you #ant to kno#G% + sKueaked out. *is gaAe didnt #ai"er. $9"erything.% That co"ered a lot of ground. + decided to go for the cliff notes "ersion. $,kay. + #as at (ichards office yesterday and a call came in from )reen#ay. + traced the call to the .oonlight +nn and my best friend! 5ana! and + dressed as hookers to try to get )reen#ays room number out of the night clerk. ,nly #hen #e go to the room! someone shot at us! so #e bolted.%

7oth (amireAs eyebro#s headed north this time. $6ou traced the callG% $,kay! + didnt so much trace it as + bribed his receptionist #ith a manicure to look up the number for me.% $/esus.% *e rolled his eyes. $ hatG% $6ou really are girly.% + narro#ed my eyes at him. $*ey! it #orked didnt itG + sho#ed you mine! no# sho# me yours. hat are ou doing hereG% (amireA took another sip of his beer and looked at me. + feared he might renege on his deal. $,kay. Someone called in an anonymous tip that 5e"on )reen#ay #as staying at the .oonlight in >orth *olly#ood. e traced the call to your cell number. And + mean traced! as in using technology! not manicures.% .y turn to roll my eyes. $So! + sent a couple uniforms to check it out. +magine my surprise #hen on my #ay there! + spot your red /eep parked on the street.% + ignored the sarcasm. $So! did they arrest )reen#ayG% $>o.% $ hat do you mean InoG!% .y "oice took on that high! screechy Kuality again as panic grabbed me by the hair and #hipped my head around the room. Suddenly the safe anonymity of .ulligans felt "ery much like a room full of strangers. Any one of #hich could be #ielding a gun. $+ mean the motel room #as empty. >o one #as there.% &or the second time in as many days + #illed myself not to hyper"entilate. + #rapped my shaking hands around my glass and do#ned the last of my 5iet Coke. Too Kuickly. +t #ent do#n the #rong pipe and + started to choke! Kuick unproducti"e coughs that sounded like a hyena in heat. (amireA smacked me on the back! bringing tears to my eyes as + finally got a hold of myself.

(amireA Bust shook his head at me! a little half smirk on his lips as he took another sip of his Coors. $*e #as there!% + said. $+ s#ear he #as there. *e called from there yesterday. 6ou can check the call log at (ichards office. e had a long con"ersation about ho# (ichard calls me pumpkin.% $PumpkinG% (amireA smirked again. $+ts his pet name. + didnt pick it out.% $And pumpkin #as the best he could doG% $+ts cute!% +n all honesty! +d ne"er really liked pumpkin. +t al#ays reminded me of something my grandfather #ould call me. 7ut + #asnt going to admit that to (amireA. $6oure more like a fregadita! if you ask me.% $A #hatG% (amireA smiled. $6ou figure it out.% + think + hated him. $6oure sure )reen#ays not at the motelG% $+f he #as! hes gone no#. And if hes smart hes on a plane to the Caribbean. +"e got a couple CS+ going o"er the motel no# Bust in case he left a calling card.% + bet my hook-nosed CS+ )uy #as ha"ing a field day lint rolling .etallica. $6ou think theyll find anythingG% (amireA shrugged. $.y guessG *es long gone.% )reat. 7ack to sKuare one. ,nly no# + felt this irrational need to look o"er my shoulder e"ery three seconds for angry gunmen. And (ichard #as still out there some#here. Still hiding. Still not returning my calls. Still married to Cinderella. + seriously needed something stronger than Coke. $So!% (amireA said! draining his Coors! $no# that #ere on the same page! its time for you to go home.% $ ill you tell me if they find anything at the motelG% (amireAs e'pression #as suddenly serious. $1ook! this is a murder in"estigation. +ts not shoe shopping. )o home.%

$7ut-% + opened my mouth to protest! but (amireA cut me off! laying one hand o"er mine. $+"e already fished one #omans body out of a s#imming pool. + dont #ant to make it t#o. Please. )o home.% + froAe. >ot so much from the #arning! but the heat of (amireAs hand o"er mine. + gulped! trying to tell myself + #asnt thirteen and this #as not some hunky football player. $+ cant Bust forget about all this.% + didnt add! because + may be carrying his child. (amireA put on his 7ad Cop face again! the softie side of him s#allo#ed up Bust as Kuickly as it appeared. *e shook his head at me and muttered something in Spanish before lea"ing to the tune of a little Asian #oman in clogs singing the 4a*arena. Then he #as gone. + stared at my empty glass. +t #as good ad"ice. )o home. *e #as right! + didnt kno# #hat + #as doing. .aybe )reen#ay #as on a plane to the Caribbean. 7ut then again! maybe he #asnt. .aybe he #as tracking (ichard do#n right no#! closing in on him! gun dra#n! #aiting to pounce. The heroic part of me that gre# up #earing onder oman underoos #anted to grab my golden lasso and sa"e (ichard from possibly ending up face do#n in a crystal clear s#imming pool. 7ut the chicken-hearted part of me that had run like hell from room t#o-t#el"e kne# (amireA #as right. +f + kept stumbling along! + might end up stumbling into the barrel of a gun. as (ichard e"en #orth all thisG 1ast #eek it #ould ha"e been a resounding! yes. Today! + #as ha"ing serious doubts. hile + couldnt ignore the Cinderella factor! + couldnt totally #rite (ichard off #ithout hearing his side of the story either. + mean! #ed been together for four months. .ost of them really! really good. ,kay! so #e hadnt had that deep #ere-spending-the-rest-of-our-li"esgaAing-into-each-others-eyes talk yet! but + did spend at least

three nights a #eek at his place and #e had an understood &riday date-night e'clusi"e. So! the Kuestion #as! #hat to do no#G + Biggled the ice cubes in the bottom of my glass. + had no leads! no gun! no CS+ guys of my o#n. + didnt e"en ha"e a pocket siAed pepper spray. 7ut + did ha"e one thing. A pregnancy test. And #ith my #hole boyfriend status about as haAy as /uly in the 0alley! the thought of facing a murderer #as a #hole lot less scary than the thought of facing a pink line. So! + did the only thing + could. + thre# a ten on the bar! grabbed my purse and ran for my red /eep before (amireA got too far ahead of me. 8 8 8 + #as the first to admit that the last time +d tailed (amireA hadnt e'actly been a great success. + really didnt #ant to encounter any more dead bodies. So! + promised myself +d stay in the car. 7ut contrary to (amireAs se'ist ideas! + #asnt Bust going to #ait around for things to get #orse. And + had a bad feeling things #ere going to get #orse before they got better. Sure it #ould be great if CS+ )uy found a trail leading straight to )reen#ay! but + didnt think )reen#ay #as that stupid. ,r that + #as that lucky. So instead of sitting at home! #atching the perky ne#s reporters tell me the cops had no current leads! + #as taking my fate into my o#n hands. + #as being proacti"e. 6es! proacti"e. That sounded so much better than $interfering in an in"estigation.% 7esides! if + Bust stayed in the car + #asnt really interfering at all. /ust spying. That and + had to admit + #as still a little miffed about the girly comment. And #hat the hell #as a fregaditaG + pulled back onto 0an >uys and caught up to (amireAs black S-0 at the ne't light. + stayed t#o cars behind in the

ne't lane o"er! #illing my /eep to look small and unnoticeable. As e'pected! he took a right on 0ano#en! heading in the direction of the motel. + let him pull ahead a fe# more car lengths! feeling reasonably confident + kne# #here he #as going. + lost him as #e dro"e under the =L<! but as + slo#ly cruised past the .oonlight! + sa# his S-0 parked under that same scraggy palm my /eep had been only an hour earlier. + circled the motel and parked do#n the street under a streetlamp that #as blinking its last dying bit of light. 9"en though it #as still a balmy se"enty-nine degrees out! + kept the #indo#s rolled up and the doors locked. +f the .oonlight had seemed creepy before it #as do#nright horror mo"ieish no#. + had "isions of that scene from -r#an Legend #here the unsuspecting #oman sits in her car #hile an a' murderer springs up from the backseat and slashes until the car fills #ith red dyed 2aro syrup. + shi"ered. + #anted to keep all my syrup right #here it #as! thank you "ery much. + sKuinted through the darkness as (amireA got out of his S-0. There #ere t#o black and #hites in the lot no#! one officer talking into his car radio #hile the other s#ept a flashlight along the license plates of the other cars in the lot. (amireA #alked up to the cop #ith the flashlight! con"ersing for a moment #ith the uniform #ho kept gesturing up to room t#o-t#el"e. + follo#ed (amireAs gaAe up the stairs. The door to the room #as open no# and + could see the light on. &orms outlined against the ratty curtains! presumably CS+ )uy and his many little black bags. The half dressed neighbors on either side of room t#o-t#el"e had come out of their rooms! milling around the door#ay like moths to a flame. (amireA left the uniform and took the stairs t#o at a time! making long! purposeful strides to )reen#ays room. *e disappeared inside for a minute! then Kuickly reemerged. *e #ent back do#n the stairs and crossed the cracked blacktop to

the office. + allo#ed myself a little smirk at the thought of .etallica co#ering under (amireAs e"il eye. &i"e minutes later (amireA emerged from the office and got back in his S-0. The lights turned on and he backed out of the lot! pointing his car do#n 1ankershim in the direction of the free#ay. + made myself count to three .ississippi before chasing after him. .ore than likely he #as Bust going back to the police station. 7ut! on the off chance .etallica had shared intimate kno#ledge of )reen#ays ne't destination! + figured it #ouldnt hurt to take a little Boyride. 7esides! though + hated to admit it! my studio #as suddenly sounding kind of empty. After the chilling e'perience tonight! coupled #ith the kno#ledge )reen#ay #as still out there some#here! the thought of being alone #asnt all that appealing. And + didnt e"en ha"e anyone + could call for a chickenhearted sleepo"er. 5ana #as off in hot tub land! and of course (ichard #as A ,1. + guess + could ha"e called my mom! but then + #ould ha"e had to spend the e"ening hearing about her upcoming bachelorette party at 7eefcakes and Bust ho# many t#enties she #as taking #ith her. hich #as almost as creepy. + kno# it #as craAy! but as long as + had (amireA in my sights! + felt safe. &unny ho# the taillights of an S-0 could be so comforting. So! + continued to follo# (amireA do#n 1ankershim to the =SE. *e got on going east! to#ard Pasadena! but turned off at the F south. *e dro"e fast! like he #as late for something! #ea"ing in and out of traffic do#n the F! chasing it all the #ay to the H< east to#ard Pomona. + struggled to catch up #hile simultaneously trying to keep at least one semi truck bet#een us. + #as determined to be in stealth mode tonight. .y dash clock read se"en thirty before (amireA finally pulled his S-0 off the free#ay and e'ited at AAusa and into the residential neighborhood of *acienda *eights. The houses here #ere modest! single-family homes that looked like theyd

seen generations of children come and go. ,riginally cookiecutter tracts in the fifties! the street #as no# dotted #ith garage con"ersions! siding from Sears! and the occasional second story addition. The landscaping #as mature! the la#ns neatly clipped and littered #ith big #heels and soccer balls. (amireA led me past a house #ith a baby s#ing tied up to a tree in the yard and a crisp picket fence outlining the la#n! and + had a moment of suburban panic as my possible future flashed before my eyes. as this #hat a pink line meantG ,kay! so +m not so neurotic as to ha"e a mental breakdo#n at the mere thought of settling do#n in soccer mama land. 7ut the thought of gi"ing up my studio 3dinky as it may be4! of! gulp! cohabiting #ith (ichard! 3yes! + #as ignoring the Cinderella factor4 and becoming &lorence *enderson made my hands s#eat. ith one broken condom #as + really ready to gi"e up my #hole life for suburbanitehoodG And + hated to admit a teeny tiny 3"ery teeny tiny! mind you4 part of me kind of #anted to. + blamed my Cabbage Patch kids for the sudden maternal #istfulness. +d been programmed since + bought 7arbie her dream house! complete #ith the perfect accessory! her 2en doll! to #ant all this. And yet as it stared me in the face! + broke out in a cold s#eat. So complete #as my fear that + realiAed +d lost (amireA. Shit. + circled the block! turning at the corner to retrace my steps. ,n the second go round! + finally spotted his S-0 parked on the opposite side of the street under a leafy oak. + parked at the corner! #ell a#ay from the dim glare of streetlamps! and slid lo# in my seat. + could see from here that (amireAs S-0 #as empty. *ed already gotten out and presumably gone into one of the houses #hile +d circled the block. Crap. + Kuickly scanned the t#o houses on either side of his car. ,ne #as completely dark. The other #as a sKuat ranch style

#ith yello# shutters and the blue light of a tele"ision set flickering through the front #indo#. The yard #as dotted #ith yucca trees and hula-hoops. (ose bushes lined the #alk#ay! mingling #ith baseball mitts! Tonka trucks and an abandoned (aggedy Ann. All of #hich didnt strike me as the type of hideout )reen#ay #ould choose. + silently #ondered #hat (amireA #as doing here. Then he yanked my psychic thread again. $1ooking for meG% (amireAs face appeared in my #indo#. + yelped like a terrier! Bumping back in my seat. $)eeAe! you scared the crap out of me.% *is eyes crinkled in a half smile! as if hed meant to. $6oure beginning to be a real pain! you kno# itG% $-s girly girls are like that.% $5ont suppose + could persuade you to go home no#! huhG% + put on my best tough chick face. $>o! you cant. + dont kno# #hat makes you think you can Bust order me around like this. +ts because +m a #oman! isnt itG% *is half smile #idened. $Actually! its because + carry a badge.% (ight. ell! + guess he did ha"e a point there. + decided to change the subBect. $So! #here are #eG% + asked! gesturing to the sleepy neighborhood. *e glanced at the hula-hoop house. $>o#here important.% -h huh. 1ike + belie"ed that for a second. $ hos in thereG% + asked! craning in my seat to see past the yello# shutters. (amireA shook his head. $Trust me! you dont #ant to kno#.% $There you go again. Telling me #hat + #ant and dont #ant. 5o #omen really go for this se'ist pig thing you"e got going onG% 7ut e"en as + said it + had no doubt that they did.

(amireA got that +m-gonna-arrest-you-and-+m-gonnalike-it t#inkle in his eyes again. $,kay. 6ou really #ant to kno#G% + #as #a"ering. 7ut! + hadnt come this far Bust to be intimidated by some man #ho thought he could boss me around Bust because he #as se'ier than 7rad Pitt in a toga. + sKuared my shoulders. $6es.% $All right. 1ets go in.% This #as too easy. There had to be a catch. 7ut! after the stink +d made! + could hardly chicken out no#. 3And + had to admit! going to 5estination -nkno#n #ith (amireA still sounded better than sitting in my studio alone! #aiting for )reen#ay to Bump out and spill my 2aro syrup.4 So! + grabbed my purse and locked my /eep! follo#ing as (amireA led the #ay across the street and up the rose lined path. The front door #as painted a "ibrant red #ith an orange stained-glass #indo#. (amireA ga"e a familiar sha"e-and-ahair-cut knock and opened the door #ithout #aiting for an ans#er! pushing me in ahead of him. The air #as #armer than outside and smelled like tamales! Pine Sol! and sugar cookies. .usic played from some#here deep in the house! and a chorus of childrens "oices all "ied for attention Bust beyond my "ision. (amireA #alked me into a coAy li"ing room that looked about to burst at the seams #ith chatchkes of e"ery "ariety. Colored glass "ases! a collection of Anaheim Angles bobble head dolls! homemade afghans in bright greens and assaulting pinks! and glass candle holders painted #ith pictures of the 0irgin .ary filled e"ery concei"able surface. A man in a #orn #ork shirt and Beans doAed in a burnt orange lay-A-boy in the corner! a black co#boy hat resting on the coffee table beside him. The tele"ision + sa# from the street #as muted! playing a /ohn ayne #estern.

/ust beyond the li"ing room + could see a kitchen done in baby blue &ormica! bustling #ith round #omen chattering in rapid Spanish. + had serious second thoughts about coming in #ith (amireA. +d en"isioned Kuestioning a suspect under blaring lamps! breaking into a suburban crack den! e"en sKueeAing information out of )reen#ays second cousins neighbor. 7ut + had a sinking feeling +d #alked into something much more scary. $*elloG% (amireA called. The Spanish ceased and fi"e little faces popped out of the kitchen. All #ere a #arm! tan color! topped by #a"es of thick black hair. ,ne #oman seemed about my age! #hile the other four #ore soft #rinkles and streaks of gray through their locks. The shortest one 3and none of them seemed o"er fi"e feet4 clapped her hands in front of her as she spied (amireA. $4i7o! you came!% $,f course + came.% (amireA #alked o"er to the #oman! planting a Kuick kiss on her cheek. $6ou didnt think +d miss your birthday! .amaG% .amaG -h oh. Sinking feeling realiAed. + tugged at the hem of my dress! #ondering if + could make it gro# about three inches if + Bust #ished it hard enough. + #asnt fond of meeting anyones mother dressed like this! let alone one #ho baked sugar cookies. .aybe if + backed up real slo#ly + could Bust disappear out the front door #ith some shred of my dignity left. As if he could read my mind! (amireA said! $.ama! this is .addie.% + froAe as fi"e pairs of deep bro#n eyes turned on me. So much for backing out the door. .ama looked me up and do#n. She raised one thick eyebro# at (amireA. The other #omen simply stared at me! their eyes as big and round as their soft faces. All e'cept the

younger one. *er eyes narro#ed into a tight line and she pursed her lips together. $.addie! this my sister 7illie/o! and The Aunts Q S#ooAie! Cookie! and 2iki.% The Aunts stared. 7illie/o glared. $*i!% + said. + did a little one finger #a"e. >o one #a"ed back. + felt the #ord $hooker% flashing on my forehead like a neon sign. $+! uh! dont usually dress like this!% + said Kuickly! my cheeks burning brighter than (udolphs shiny nose. .ama ga"e me a slo# once o"er. *er gaAe lingered on my hemline. Self-consciously! + ga"e it another tug south. $>ice legs!% she said. $-hM% + looked to (amireA for an appropriate response. >o help there. *e crossed his arms o"er his chest and rocked back on his heels! a smirk pasted on his face that clearly said this #as payback for follo#ing him around to#n. $Thanks!% + finally managed. $+ used to ha"e legs like that!% .ama #ent on. $7efore + had babies. 7abies ruin your legs. 0aricose "eins! cellulite. +ts not pretty. 6ou ha"e any babiesG% $>o. >o babies.% 6et. $)ood for you. 2eep those legs as long as you can. + had my first baby #hen + #as se"enteen. *o# old are youG% $-m. T#enty-nine!% + ans#ered. ,nly it sounded more like a Kuestion! as if + #as hoping +d gotten the right ans#er on the pop KuiA $,h.% .ama leaned in and pseudo #hispered. $Are you barrenG% + think + heard (amireA snort. $>o! >o! +m not barren. +m BustM + ha"e a Bob.% $,h. ell! then. )ood for you. A career girl. + al#ays #anted to be a career girl. + thought +d make a really good firefighter.%

+ tried not to laugh as + pictured .amas portly frame hauling someone from a burning building. $So! #hat do you doG% she asked. $+ design shoes.% .ama looked do#n at my acrylic chunky heels. $>ot these!% + added Kuickly. $+ design childrens shoes.% .ama perked up. $See! she does like children. This ones good. + like her.% .ama ga"e (amireA a pat on the cheek. $)lad you appro"e!% he said. *e really #as enBoying this too much. .ama ga"e me a pat on the cheek too! for good measure. Then she gestured to (amireA. $.ake him use condoms. 6ou gotta keep those legs as long as you can.% + think + s#allo#ed my tongue. + looked to (amireA to dispel his mothers idea that #e needed condoms. 7ut he #as trying too hard not to laugh. $ ell!% .ama said to the room at large! $tamales are ready! lets eat.% + blinked hard! #atching .amas stout frame #addle back into the kitchen. The Aunts follo#ed as one! 7illie/o bringing up the rear #ith one last glare at me o"er her shoulder. + #as still contemplating #hether it #as too late to bolt for the door #hen + felt (amireAs breath on my neck. $+ told you! you didnt #ant to come in here!% he murmured. *e shot me a grin to ri"al the Cheshire cats as he grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen. + #as so going to get him for this.

'ha(ter Ten (amireA led me outside to a spacious backyard that made my paltry #indo# bo' of geraniums look do#nright pathetic. Three picnic style tables #ere set up on the la#n! co"ered in brightly color tablecloths. .ismatched chairs and benches surrounded them! #hile piles of fragrant tamales! chilies! and empanadas sat atop. Strings of lights had been hung bet#een the tall oak trees and a battered piZata s#ung from one of the lo#er branches. A handful of dark haired children sat beneath it! lollipop sticks protruding from their mouths. $-ncle /ack!% one of them yelled! flying at (amireA. T#o more little girls follo#ed suit and soon (amireA had candy fingered rug rats permanently affi'ed to both his legs. .y turn to smirk a little. $-ncle /ack% #as about the last role +d ha"e picture (amireA in. 7ut! to his credit! he didnt e"en grimace as one of his nieces made a chocolate co"ered handprint on his #hite shirt. .ama came out carrying another tray of tamales and sat do#n on one of the benches. This seemed to be the signal as suddenly a s#arm of people appeared from no#here. 7illie/o and three other young #omen came out the sliding glass doors! follo#ed by the man +d seen doAing in the lay-A-boy. T#o men came around the side of the house! both #ith an unmistakable resemblance to (amireA! though one #as a little pudgier and the other #ore his dark hair in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. .ama sho"ed a plate into my hands! #ith a commanding! $9at! eat!% and under her #atchful eye + piled one of e"erything

on my plate! for fear of offending her. 3+ figured my outfit #as offensi"e enough for one e"ening.4 As #e sat do#n to eat! t#o more men emerged from the house! guitars slung o"er their shoulders as they con"erged on the food! laughing! talking! and generally adding to the roar of "oices that seemed to surround me. >o#! my grandmother is! as + may ha"e mentioned! +rish Catholic. 7efore my grandfather bought his one-#ay ticket to St. Peters! #e used to spend e"ery Christmas 9"e at their house. All se"en of my aunts and uncles! all nineteen of my cousins! and all forty gaAillion of their little darlings running around the house in plaid Christmas dresses and tiny red bo# ties. So! +m no stranger to big families. 7ut + had ne"er in my life encountered people #ho could talk so loudly and yet eat so much! all at the same time. + #as in a#e. And if +d hoped to fade into the background! + #as sorely disappointed. .ama pulled me do#n on the bench beside her and proceeded to introduce me to each and e"ery family remember in attendance. + met (amireAs brothers! 7art! 5illon! .arshal! and Clint. Along #ith 7illie/o there #as Clints #ife! Amelia! 7arts #ife! .aria! and cousins! .ary /ane and /osP. +n addition to the ten or so nieces and nephe#s #hose names + kne# + #ouldnt remember past dessert. hile their "olume began to ri"al that of .ulligans amateur hour! someho#! instead of feeling lost in the cro#d! their noise #as actually kind of comforting. 1ike a big #arm blanket filtering out the rest of the #orld and all its problems. + s#ear for a half a second + forgot e"erything else that had gone on today and actually began to rela' as .ama sho"eled a second helping onto my plate. $+ like to see a girl eat!% .ama said #ith appro"al as + dug in. $So many of these young girls are too skinny. >ot like you. 6ou got some meat on you.%

+ paused! forkful of empanada half#ay to my mouth. .aybe + should ha"e Kuit at t#o. $Thanks!% + ans#ered uncertainly. $,f course! my /ackie! he likes a #oman #ith some cur"es.% /ackieG Too cute. + looked across the table at (amireA! eating mole enchiladas #ith one hand #hile Biggling a toddler in bright pink ruffles on his knee. $Can + ask you a Kuestion! .rs. (amireAG% $Call me .ama. 9"eryone calls me .ama.% $,kayM% + hesitated. $.ama.% + felt funny calling someone elses mother $.ama.% 9specially if that someones mother #as under the false impression + #as dating her son. 7ut + couldnt "ery #ell tell her + #as tailing him around no# that +d eaten her homemade empanadas. (amireA had me o"er a barrel and by the #ay he kept glancing across the table and flashing that dimple at me! + think he kne# it too. $ hat do you #ant to kno#! dearG% $ hat does fregadita meanG% + asked. .ama looked thoughtful for a moment. $+t means little pain in the back side. hyG% + resisted the urge to toss an empanada at (amireA #hile he #as holding a child. $>o reason!% + said instead. $+ts such a nice night. +m glad /ackie could make it. 6ou kno#! the #eather man! he say it #as going to rain.% $+t ne"er rains in 1.A.% $Thats #hat + said. 7ut that ne#scaster! he say rain. + kne# he #as #rong. .ama kno#s.% She nodded sagely at me and + couldnt help but start to like her. After #ed been fully stuffed #ith .e'ican s#eet breads! cinnamon rolls! and sugar cookies #ith little green sprinkles on top! the guitar slingers tuned up their instruments and began playing a slo#! soft rhythm. +t #as soothing and! along #ith the t#o ser"ings of spicy food settling in my belly! left me feeling full and content. 5are + say! almost peacefulG

A state #hich ended #ith a Bolt as + felt a #arm hand land on the small of my back. (amireA leaned do#n and #hispered! $1ets dance.% + thought about protesting as he grabbed my hand and led me to the la#n #here Clint and his #ife #ere already s#aying to the music. 7ut then again! he #as a cop and it didnt seem #ise to tick him off. 3+t had nothing to do #ith the #ay his deep "oice so close to my ear produced animal se' "isions again. + s#ear!4 (amireA slung one arm casually around my #aist! taking my right hand in his as #e mo"ed in slo# time #ith the music. *e #as surprisingly graceful on his feet! mo"ing almost like +d imagine that long! sleek panther on his arm #ould. 5ancing #ith him suddenly made me feel like )inger (ogers. +t #as nice. A little too nice. And! + noticed as that familiar heat began to pool some#here south of my belly button! a little too intimate. A little too easy to get used to. + cleared my throat! trying to come up #ith some mundane con"ersation to cool the heat #a"e flooding my body. $So! uh! your sister has an unusual name. hy 7illie/oG% (amireA smiled. $ hat! you think all *ispanic people should be named /osP or .ariaG% At the risk of being lumped in #ith grand dragons in #hite sheets! + resisted the urge to point out that there #ere! in fact! a /osP and .aria in attendance. $>o! no! + didnt mean that at all. +ts! Bust! #ell! 7illie/o isnt a name you hear e"eryday in 1.A. .aybe in the south. ,r Te'as. ,r someplace! um! more co#boyish.% Then + remembered the doAing man in the co#boy hat. $>ot that there arent *ispanic co#boys. + mean! +m sure there are some *ispanic co#boys. +ts Bust! they arent named 7illie/o. ell! e'cept your sister. ho is clearly not a co#boy.% + #as dying here. $(ela'!% he said! pulling me Bust a smidgen closer to him. $+m Bust yanking your chain.%

$,h.% + pretended + didnt notice the hormone signals my stupid body started flashing me as his hips touched mine. 5idnt my body kno# this #as a totally inappropriate time to be thinking of Bumping some guys bonesG (amireA seemed una#are. ,r maybe Bust a little too used to dancing #ith girls in hooker#are. $7illie/o!% he continued! $is a character on Petti*oat 8un*tion. 7arts from 4a"eri*&. .arshall! #ell e"ery T0 #estern has a .arshal. See a trendG hen .om and 5ad mo"ed here from .e'ico in the si'ties! .om learned to speak 9nglish by #atching those #estern sho#s on T0. She became a little attached to them.% $*o#d you escape itG% *e flashed his #hite teeth at me. $/ackson yoming (amireA.% $,uch.% $Tell me about it.% $So! #hat #as it like gro#ing up #ith so many siblingsG% $Cro#ded.% *e smiled. $+ think + #as fifteen before my mom finally stopped dressing me in hand-me-do#ns.% $6ou poor thing!% + ans#ered! appropriately horrified. *e laughed. ,ne of those real person laughs! not the smirky cop ones +d gotten to kno# so #ell. Again + had a little talk #ith my body about those hormone signals. $>o pity! please! .iss &ashion 5esigner. *a"ing older brothers had some ad"antages too. There #as al#ays a stack of Pla #o s under the mattress.% $+ should ha"e kno#n you #ere one of those boys.% $/hose boysG% $+ bet you looked up girls skirts in class too.% The #icked t#inkle in his eyes ans#ered that Kuestion clearly enough. $ hat about youG Something tells me you #ere no angel! .iss )irly )irl.% $+ cant imagine #hat you mean.%

$6ou strike me as the kind of girl #ho took her o#n peek in the boys locker room no# and then.% $+ts the clothes. The spande' gi"es the #rong impression.% $-h huh.% *e didnt belie"e that anymore than he belie"ed +d go home and knit after this. $So!% + said! clearly changing the subBect. $+ think 7illie/o doesnt like me much.% + glanced across the la#n to find her still glaring! her arms crossed o"er her ample chest. $Shes Bust a little o"erprotecti"e.% $,lder sister syndromeG% $6ounger. 7y t#o years. Shes the baby of the family! al#ays follo#ing me and my friends around #hen #e #ere young.% $*mm. + bet she #as a real fregadita.% + let the #ord roll slo#ly off my tongue. (amireAs eyes crinkled at the corners. $6ou"e been talking to .amaG% $-h huh. Pain in the ass! huhG% $(ela'. 6oure a cute little pain in the ass.% *e #inked at me and + #as rendered momentarily speechless. $ hat about you!% he asked. $Any annoying little sistersG% Clearing my throat! + #illed myself to get a grasp on the hormone thing. $>o +m an only child. +ts Bust been my mom and me gro#ing up. Though shes getting married soon! so + guess our familys gro#ing a little. >othing like this! though.% + gestured to the la#n! no# full of adults and children alike. The co#boy #as doAing again! this time leaning his folding chair against the sliding glass doors! his hat pulled lo# o"er his eyes. .ama #as s#aying her round body in time #ith the music! a contented smile on her face as she #atched her children dance. $ ell! anytime you #ant to borro# a family for a#hile! youre #elcome to mine. Though! you might #ant to lea"e the

hooker clothes at home ne't time.% *e #inked! that smirk returning. $Thanks for the tip! #ise guy.% 7ut the comment pulled me out of my empanada and guitar music stupor Bust enough to remember #hy + #as dressed like a Pretty oman. To remember the unreal e"ents of my e"ening thus far! and the fi"e million loose ends of my life. $6ou think they"e found anything at the motel yetG% + asked. $Theyll call me if they do. +n the meantime! Bust rela' a little.% (ela'. (ight. The problem #as + #as getting too rela'ed. ith the abundant food! the #arm company! the cro#ded! festi"e atmosphere of the backyard! +d almost completely forgotten about (ichard! )reen#ay and the #hole mess. So! #hat did that say about meG 5id + really care so little about the man #hose child + #as Kuite possibly carrying that a plate full of empanadas and a cop #ith a se'y grin could make me forget him in the span of one e"eningG 7ut e"en as + #as attacked #ith serious guilt 3the likes of #hich + hadnt felt since +d confessed to my grandmother + hadnt been to mass since 9aster4 + didnt let go of (amireAs hand. + didnt step a#ay! and + didnt protest #hen his arm curled around my #aist! his hand resting on the small of my back. + #as so going to hell! #asnt +G 1uckily my eternal soul #as sa"ed as (amireAs cell phone chirped to life on his belt. *e picked it up! glancing briefly at the number before ans#ering it #ithout so much as a look of apology in my direction. $(amireA!% he said! stepping off to semi-pri"acy at the far side of the yard. + #andered back o"er to the picnic tables! sitting on a bench as + #atched (amireA talk. +t #as hard to tell in the dark! but + thought + sa# his 7ad Cop face return! the lines of

his Ba# tense! his eyes that impenetrable dark cloud again. + #ondered if the call had anything to do #ith )reen#ay. .aybe CS+ )uy had found something useful after all. Then + #ondered if (amireA #ould share it or Bust tear out of here #ith a $go home!% again. +t #as hard to tell. *ed almost seemed like a real person a minute ago! but back into cop mode! + #asnt sure. $*e #orks too much.% .ama came up behind me! offering a glass of #ater. + took it gratefully! not admitting e"en to myself ho# heated dancing #ith (amireA had made me. $Al#ays that phone going off. Al#ays the beeper. Clint #orks at the teddy bear factory in +ndustry. >o# thats a good Bob. )o to #ork in the morning. .ake the bears. Come home at night and see his #ife and kids. )ood steady Bob.% $/acks good at his Bob.% hat irrational idea made me suddenly defend (amireA! + ha"e no clue. 7ut + did. $*es a good cop.% $6ou better make sure those condoms dont break. 6ou marry this one! youll ne"er see him.% -nfortunately! it #as a little late for the broken condom talk. $.ama!% (amireA said! coming up behind me. $+m sorry! but #e"e got to go.% *e flipped his phone shut! the hard look still in his eyes. $,h! so soonG% .amas face fell. Then she shot me an +told-you-so look. $Sorry! .ama.% (amireA leaned do#n to kiss on her on the cheek. $+ll call you this #eekend.% (amireA grabbed my arm and steered me back to#ard the house. + barely got out an! $+t #as nice to meet you!% before + #as propelled back through the chatchki laden house to the front door.

+ didnt like the urgency in (amireAs mo"ements any more than + did the hard line of his Ba#. .y stomach #as rapidly sinking like Kuicksand. $ hatG% + asked as soon as #e #ere out of earshot of .ama. $ hats happenedG +s it (ichardG% *is eyes narro#ed at the mention of (ichard as he sho"ed me out the front door and practically ran to his S-0. $ hatG hat is itG% .y "oice #as rising into the range of hysterics no# and + had terrible "isions of attending (ichards funeral beside Cinderella. $Please tell me #hats going onG% *e stopped. $+ts )reen#ay.% $They found himG henG hereG% $/ust a fe# minutes ago. +n a dumpster behind the motel.% *e paused. $ ith a gunshot #ound to the head.%

'ha(ter E,e*en + blinked hard! digesting this information. $7ut he #as Bust ali"e!% + protested. $*e shot at me.% $ ell! hes not shooting anyone no#. )et in your car and +ll follo# you to the motel.% + #asnt sure +d heard him right. $6ou #ant me to go #ith youG% (amireA turned around and fi'ed me #ith a stare. $6oure going to follo# me any#ay! arent youG% + hated being this predictable. $6es.% $At least this #ay + can keep an eye on you.% *e turned and strode to his car. + tried to get o"er my shock and clattered to my /eep! Kuickly roaring it to life as (amireA made a u-turn and #aited for me to pull out. + did! retracing our dri"e back to the free#ay #ith (amireAs headlights as a constant companion. The dri"e back to the F and #est to >orth *olly#ood took o"er half an hour. 1ong enough for the implications of this latest de"elopment to sink in. +f )reen#ay had been shot! that meant someone had to ha"e killed him. All this time + #as assuming that )reen#ay #as the one #hod killed his #ife. 7ut if that #as true! #hod killed )reen#ayG Three people kne# #here )reen#ay hid the t#enty million. T#o #ere dead. + clenched my teeth together to keep them from chattering as + did the math. That meant only one #as left. (ichard. + focused on the task of dri"ing through the late night traffic to keep my mind from rolling this fact o"er and o"er

like a sno#ball out of control. There #ere t#o possibilities no# staring me in the face! neither one particularly pleasant. 9ither (ichard #as in a dumpster of his o#n some#here orM (ichard #as pulling the trigger. That thought sent a chill straight through me! prompting me to flip on the heater despite the se"enty plus temperature outside. The (ichard + kne# folded his socks into perfect pairs in his dra#er! drank non-fat milk! and had asked permission to e"en kiss me the first time. The (ichard + kne# did not shoot people. Then again! the (ichard + kne# didnt ha"e a #ife either. As (amireA tailed me onto the =SE another horrible thought occurred to me. 5ana and + had heard shots earlier. At the time #ed assumed )reen#ay #as shooting at us. 7ut #hat if it #as the other #ay around. hat if someone had been shooting )reen#ayG ,h my )od. That made 5ana and me ear#itnesses to a murder. + had a sudden "ision of me in the #itness protection program! #earing some really horrible 4arried to the 4o# stretch pants like .ichelle Pfeiffer. + shi"ered again. + pulled into the parking lot of the .oonlight +nn! (amireA close behind me. Again! residents #ere out on the balconies! men in stained robes and #omen dressed uncomfortably like myself. .etallica stood outside his office talking #ith a uniformed officer #ho #as making notes in a small black book. + parked my /eep and got out as (amireA pulled into the spot beside me. .etallica spotted me! his eyes round and pupils suspiciously dilated. $Thats her!% he shouted. $Thats one of those craAy hos + told you about. They killed that dude!% The officer looked up! one hand instincti"ely ho"ering o"er the gun holstered at his hip. $+ got it.% (amireA appeared at my side! #a"ing to the uniform that he had the $craAy ho% under control. *e leaned in

close to my ear! his "oice lo#. $1ucy! you got some splainin to do.% + bit my lip. >o kidding. (amireA steered me past .etallica and into the cockroach infested Yront ,YYice. *e sat me do#n on a hard plastic chair as he leaned against the &ormica counter! arms crossed o"er his chest. $1ooks like paper#orks ine"itable at this point. 6ou better tell me #hat #ent on here tonight.% + tried to read (amireAs e'pression in the flickering glare of the .oonlights neon sign. >o luck. + couldnt tell if + #as currently being Kuestioned as a suspect! #itness! or Bust a cute little pain in the ass. +d #atched enough T0 dramas to kno# that #hen the cops put on their #e"e-got-to-talk face! the first thing you do is call your la#yer. 7ut considering my la#yer #as currently no#here to be found! + cracked under (amireAs steady gaAe and told him e"erything! right do#n to the look in 5anas eyes as shed grabbed a handful of .etallicas shirt. (amireAs gaAe didnt #ai"er. *e didnt crack a smile or blink an eye. >othing. >ot e"en call me girly. + bit my lip again! hoping +d done the right thing in talking. $So! #hat no#G% + asked. $ hat no# is you go home and let me handle this. + dont #ant to see any more hookers! red /eeps! or designer shoes until this #hole mess is straightened out. )ot itG% + nodded meekly. $And if! for any reason! (ichard gets in touch #ith you! you are to call me right a#ay. >ot go for a manicure first. (ight a#ay.% + nodded again! though + felt the manicure comment #as uncalled for. CS+ )uy emerged from room t#o-t#el"e! a handful of black bags in to# as he clomped do#n the metal stairs. $ ait here!% (amireA commanded! stalking out the glass doors and intercepting CS+ )uy at the bottom of the stairs.

&or once! + did as told! #rapping my arms around myself as + strained to hear #hat CS+ )uy and (amireA #ere talking about through the open doors. -nfortunately! all + got #as a $M hair fibers!% $Mridge detail!% and a $Mback to the lab for processing.% hich put together could mean Bust about anything. (amireA finished #ith CS+ )uy and #alked o"er to a group of men standing around a black "an #ith the #ord $coroner% on it. + shuddered. ,kay! so + had no great lo"e for )reen#ay. 7ut Bust yesterday +d been on the phone #ith the man. +t #as unner"ing to think of someone being here! and then suddenly not being here. 1ike at any moment I could not be here. Again + had that creepy feeling of being the dim#itted blonde in the horror mo"ie #ho the entire audience kno#s #ill end up getting chased across the la#n in her under#ear by the a' murderer at the end of act t#o. ,nly + didnt ha"e a face for my a' murderer no#. ,b"iously )reen#ay hadnt shot himself. +ts a little hard to dispose of ones o#n body in a dumpster. 7ut + really couldnt put (ichards face there either. (ichard #asnt a killer. *e #as an attorney. 6es! + kno#! not the highest of life forms! but not a murderer either. There had to be another e'planation. ,nly + #asnt entirely sure (amireA #as going to look for it. +t didnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that (ichard #as no longer a $person of interest.% +n fact! + had a sinking feeling as CS+ )uy Boined (amireA and the .9! that (ichards status had Bust been upgraded to full-fledged suspect. (amireA broke a#ay from the group and crossed the cracked macadam to the office again. *e paused in front of me! his eyes calculating as he stared do#n. $6ou sure you didnt go into )reen#ays roomG% A #a"e of dread rolled through my stomach. $6es. hyG%

*e didnt ans#er! Bust crossed his arms o"er his chest. $1ook! + kno# you"e been less than honest #ith me in the past! but no#s the time to come clean.% $+ ne"er #ent in )reen#ays room. + told you! #e knocked! then #e heard shots and ran. hyG hat did he tell youG% + tried to look past him to CS+ )uy! honestly a little hurt that my e"idence collector #ould turn on me like this after my intimate encounter #ith his lint roller. $ e found blonde hairs in )reen#ays room and impressions in the carpet that CS+ thinks came from a stiletto heel.% + looked do#n at my shoes. $&or your information these are not stilettos. They are platform heels.% *is eyes narro#ed! the 7ad Cop face not budging. $6ou dont seriously think + had anything to do #ith thisG That + actually killed himG% $1ook! + dont kno# #hat to think. 6our boyfriend! #hom you seem to kno# nothing about! disappears along #ith t#enty mil and this guy!% he gestured to .etallica! $this guy here says he sa# you and your friend go up to )reen#ays room tonight. And apparently a #oman #ith blonde hair and a thing for high heels #as in his room recently enough that the shoe impressions are still in the carpet.% $Ask CS+ )uy!% + sputtered. $*e has a bunch of my hair. *ell tell you its not mine. 6ou"e got to belie"e me! + had nothing to do #ith this.% (amireA sighed. $+ #ant to belie"e you! but youre not making it real easy. hat the hell am + supposed to tell my superiorsG 1et alone the pressG% $Tell them #hate"er you #ant. + did not shoot )reen#ay.% (amireA sighed again! then began rubbing his temple. $ ill you go home no#G% $)ladly.% + #as on the "erge of tears but +m proud to say + kept them at bay. The last thing + #anted to do #as ba#l like a baby in front of 7ad Cop.

$)ood. And dont take this the #rong #ay! but stay #ay from me! okayG% $>o problem.% + spit the #ords out a little more harshly than + meant to! banking on my anger to keep the tears from flo#ing do#n my cheeks. + turned and stalked across the parking lot #ith as much dignity as a hooker in four-inch heels can muster. And #ouldnt you kno# it! the second + began fumbling in my little purse for my keys! + felt a big fat drop hit the back of my neck. + looked do#n to see more drops hitting the blacktop #ith an acrid smell of #et motor oil. +t #as raining. )reat. ,ne more thing + can say + #as #rong about tonight. + #as #rong to let 5ana talk me into dressing like a hooker! #rong to think + could find a murderer on my o#n! #rong to e"er trust (amireA. And last but not least! + #as apparently #rong about the #eather too. + cursed the #eather gods right along #ith (amireAs superior attitude as + found my key and got in my /eep. + made it all the #ay out of the dri"e#ay and do#n the street before + finally let the tears run loose. + think +d been a pretty tough chick up until no#. +d managed to keep my cool e"en #hen under threat of gunfire! arrest! and pregnancy. 7ut suddenly it all came rushing at me and once the tears started + couldnt make them stop. .aybe it #as because +d heard a man get shot! or because my cheating e'-boyfriend #as no# the prime suspect in a murder in"estigation! or because for half a second (amireA actually thought + had something to do #ith this e"en #hen his mother thought #e #ere making like rabbits. ,r maybe it #as Bust all of it. The #hole ridiculous! a#ful e"ening. 9"erything #as spiraling out of control and + #as po#erless to stop it. + felt "ery alone! "ery "ulnerable! and! + hated to admit! oh-so-"ery girly as + cried my guts out do#n the E<F. + #as crying so hard it took me a minute to realiAe #hat the flashing lights in my rear"ie# mirror #ere. + blinked! #iping

a#ay the tears and sa# a C*P glued to my back bumper. ,h shit. + looked do#n at the speedometer. Se"enty-fi"e. ,h really shitty shit. + tried to pull myself together as + slo#ed and pulled off to the side of the road. + flipped do#n my mirrored "isor! #iping at the mascara streaks running do#n my face. 9eek. + looked like Tammy &ayes e"il t#in. + #as still doing hiccup sobs as the officer came around to the passenger side and motioned for me to roll do#n the #indo#. $)ood e"ening! maam!% he said! leaning his elbo#s on my dri"er side door. *e #as clean sha"en and looked about t#enty! #ith clear blue eyes and pudgy cheeks that #arned he may ne"er lose his baby fat. A radio #as clipped to his shirt beside a C*P badge that looked like he polished it nightly. + took one look at the badge and couldnt help it. + burst into tears again. 6es! + kno#! + #as so not cutting it as a 7ond )irl right no#. 7ut this #as Bust the thing to top off my horrible night. A speeding ticket. + #as in serious feelingsorry-for-myself mode and no amount of streaked mascara #as going to stop the flood of tears. The poor officer looked about as uncomfortable as + felt and! had + not been in the thro#s of my o#n hysteria! + might ha"e felt sorry for him. $+m sorry maam! but +m going to need to see your license and registration.% + retrie"ed my license from my purse and the registration from the glo"e bo'! still sobbing uncontrollably as + handed them o"er. $+m sorry! maam!% the officer said uncomfortably! $7ut +m going to ha"e to #rite you a ticket.% + tried to be bra"e. $>o! 3sniff! sniff4 its okay. *o# fast #as + goingG% $Se"enty-fi"e.% $+m so! so! so! sorry.% + started sni"eling again. $+ts BustM +m dressed like a hooker. And + really! really hate

spande'. And (amireAs mother sa# me in this. And shes right! +"e al#ays liked my legs. 7ut if +m ha"ing (ichards baby theyre going to be all shot to hell. And then it started raining. (ain is "ery bad for purples.% The officer Bust stared at me. $*a"e you been drinking tonight maamG% $>o. >o! + ha"e not been drinking. + only had a 5iet Coke at the bar. 7ut then (amireA sho#ed up and + really #anted a martini. 7ut + couldnt ha"e one because of the .uppet. And! oh my aura is Bust ruined no#. Can you belie"e it! it ne"er rains in 1.A.G% $+m going to need to gi"e you a breathalyAer test! maam.% $,h )od. + cant go to Bail. 1ook at me. +m a hooker!% $.aam! please step out of the car.% All sympathy had gone out of C*P )uys eyes! his hands ho"ering near the cuffs on his utility belt. >othing high#ay patrol lo"es less than a drunk dri"er. 9'cept maybe a drunk hooker dri"er. $Please! +m not drunk. +m BustM +m BustM% + searched for #ords to describe the night +d had. + came up #ith nil. $+mM +m 5etecti"e (amireAs girlfriend!% ,h )od. hy did + say thatG C*P )uy looked dubious! but his hand #as off his cuffs. $5etecti"e (amireAG% + decided to go #ith it. $6es! he #orks in homicide. 6ou can look him up.% $5o you ha"e his badge numberG% Crap. 7adge number. Then + remembered the business card still tucked in my purse. $-h! Bust a minute.% + grabbed my purse and dumped the contents onto the passenger seat! spilling my cell phone! a tampon! tube of lipstick! a breath mint! a handful of change! and (amireAs business card. + read off the numbers. $;SLE.% + handed the card to the officer.

*e took it! going back to his sKuad car. + #atched in the rear"ie# mirror! praying he didnt call (amireA to ask he if #as dating a hysterical hooker. 1uckily! + only sa# him punch a fe# keys on his keyboard before returning! apparently satisfied. $All right!% he said! handing back the business card along #ith my registration and license. $+m going to gi"e you a #arning this time. 7ut please slo# do#n. And! uh! dont #orry!% he said a#k#ardly. $+ts going to be okay.% + s#allo#ed. $Thanks!% + sniffed out. Though + didnt really belie"e him. Things #ere so far from okay! it #ould take a layo"er in Cincinnati to get there. + #atched the cop pull back onto the free#ay! trying to get a hold of myself #ell enough to dri"e back home. + took deep breaths and finally got the hiccupping under control before pulling back onto the free#ay. + slo#ly na"igated the oil slick roads! #atching the une'pected rain gather in the gutters! creating mini floods along the drainage impaired 1.A. streets. 7y the time + pulled up to my studio! it #as an all out do#npour. + co"ered my hair #ith an old copy of 9ogue + found in the back seat and clacked up the stairs! letting myself into my silent apartment. At that point + #as too tired to feel scared! alone! or any other emotion that had assaulted me during the e"ening. All + #anted #as my #arm coAy bed and the familiar! uncomplicated 1etterman to lull me to sleep. + stripped out of the #et spande' and #rapped myself in a 1akers T-shirt before snuggling under my Kuilted blankets. + didnt e"en get to 5a"es first guest before + fell asleep. 8 8 8 + #as sitting at the edge of a tiled s#imming pool #atching a man s#im laps. + couldnt tear my gaAe a#ay. *is long! sleek form cut through the #ater! the muscles in his back

fle'ing as he s#am for the far side of the pool. +t #as like a Cool ater commercial! his mo"ements in slo# motion so e"ery muscle tensed! e"ery mo"e #as e'aggerated. As he hit the end of the pool and began s#imming back to#ard me! + felt #ater falling on me. +t #as raining. &at! clear drops hit the glassy surface of the #ater making rhythmic sounds like natures orchestra. The man s#am closer and + leaned o"er the edge of the pool to get a closer look. 7ut suddenly + #as #earing Stra#berry Shortcake high tops that #ere three siAes too small and + tripped on the sparkly laces. + began to fall to#ard the #ater. +t seemed like + #as falling fore"er! as the rain orchestra picked up tempo! plinking out a frantic illiam Tell ,"erture. + screamed! and the man stopped s#imming. *e reached up to catch me. And thats #hen + noticed the black panther tattooed on his right bicep. 8 8 8 + opened my eyes! Berking to a sitting position. .y gaAe #hipped #ildly around me as if e'pecting the s#imming man to appear. All + sa# #ere the tangled sheets on my bed! harsh sunlight slanting through my #indo#s and a pile of rain soaked spande' on my floor. The only thing that remained of my dream #ere the strains of illiam Tell coming from the region of my purse. + rubbed my eyes! fumbling #ith sleep clumsy hands for my cell phone. $*elloG% + mumbled! still trying to shake the image of (amireAs tattooed muscles. $+ts gone.% .oms "oice assaulted my ears #ith a highpitched screech. $.omG% + rolled o"er to look at the clock on my kitchen #all. Si'-thirty. + groaned. $.addie! the cliff is gone. The #hole thing is Bust gone.%

+ blinked the cob#ebs out of my eyes! trying to figure out #hat she #as talking about. $ hats goneG hat cliffG% $The cliff in .alibu!% she shrieked. $ here +m supposed to get married tomorrow! +ts gone. The rain caused a landslide and the #hole cliff side fell into the ocean last night. +ts Bust a big rocky! muddy mess. .addie! #hat am + going to doG% ,h. That cliff. $.om! dont panic. ell think of something. 5id you call the .alibu officeG% $6es! yes. + talked to them first thing this morning. They said theyd refund the deposit for the site! but .addie #here on earth am + going to ha"e the #edding no#G ,h )od. This is your grandmothers fault. She said #e should get married in a church. She said )od #ould ne"er forgi"e me if + didnt get married in the Catholic Church. >o# look! +"e pissed off )od so badly hes destroying .alibu.% .y head #as pounding! screaming for a double mocha espresso. $ here are you! .omG% $+m at &ernandos.% $,kay! gi"e me t#enty minutes! +ll meet you there and #ell think of something.% $This is it .addie. +"e heard about these sort of Catholic curses. +m doomed. This marriage is doomed. ,h )od. +"e doomed (alph too.% $+m hanging up no#! .om.% + pressed the end button and flopped back onto my bed. + closed my eyes! hoping that maybe this #as the dream and + #as reall going to #ake up soon. + lay there for a good fi"e minutes before + cracked one eye open. >ope. >o dream. 5amn. Someho# + dragged my e'hausted body to the bathroom and managed to sho#er! dry my hair and thro# on a little makeup #ithout gasping in horror at the sight of my puffy eyes. After the good! long cry +d had last night + resembled a

bug-eyed cartoon character. Thats it! no more feeling sorry for myself. .y eyes couldnt take it. + Kuickly slipped on a pale blue sundress and a pair of lo#-heeled! sil"er mules before deciding + #as fit for human eyes again. After checking my "oice mail! Bust in case (amireA left a message saying he had (ichard in custody! + grabbed my keys and headed for my /eep. &ifteen minutes later + pulled up to &ernandos. + parked on the near empty street 37e"erly *ills doesnt rise before ten unless its ,scar night.4 and pushed through the glass doors. $5ahling! thank )od youre here!% .arco greeted me. *e had his hair spiked up in crisp little points today! his eyeliner e"en thicker than usual. *e leaned in and pseudo #hispered. $+ put your mom in the back. Shes pulling a hitney *ouston freak-out on us.% $ heres (alphG% $0ernando!% .arco emphasiAed! $is #ith a client. *es almost done.% *e motioned to the sole chair being used at this unearthly hour. &au' 5ad #as doing a color rinse on a small *ispanic #oman. $.rs. 1opeA. /ens .om.% *e nodded solemnly. $She al#ays comes in early to a"oid the tabloids.% $Ah. + see.% $Come on. That psychic lady is #ith your mom! but + dont think shes actually helping things. She said she had a "ision of a tornado.% + rolled my eyes! praying .rs. (osenblatt #ould at least refrain from comment on my aura today. ,f course! the fact + hadnt been to confessional in about fi"e years is probably #hy )od didnt ha"e time to get to my prayer by the time .arco and + crossed to the back room. $6our aura looks a#ful. ere you out in the rain last nightG% .rs. (osenblatt narro#ed her eyes at me. $A little.%

She opened her mouth to #arn me of the uni"ersal dangers of aura soaking! but + Kuickly cut her off. $+ kno#! + kno#. (ain isnt good for purples.% She looked me up and do#n the #ay one might a leper. $,h #u##ee! youre #ay beyond purple no#.% Trying not to get self conscious about the state of my aura! + leaned do#n and kissed .oms cheek. $+m so sorry about the cliff.% .om looked like shed been crying harder than + had. *er nose and cheeks #ere red and splotchy like shed spent the #eekend at the 0enice board#alk #ithout sunscreen. She #as still #earing her nightgo#n underneath a gray trench coat #ith blue tube socks and a pair of >ikes. The effect #as sadly comic $.alibu #as so beautiful!% .om sniffed. $7ut it #as such a long dri"e!% + said! trying to put a positi"e spin on this. $.aybe #e can find some#here closerG% $.aybe!% .om sKueaked out. She pulled a handful of tissues from her pocket and ble# her nose. $At this late dateG ,h honey! you are dreaming!% .arco said. + shot him a look that could #ither a cactus. $Come on! theres got to be somethingG% + glanced do#n at .om. She had that ,ld &aithful look about her. 1ike any minute tears #ould come gushing #ith landmark intensity. $Albert said theres nothing in 1.A. County!% .rs. (osenblatt argued. $ hos AlbertG% $.y spirit guide.% )reat. /ust #hat #e needed. A pessimistic spirit guide. /ust in case Albert hadnt done his home#ork! + asked .arco to pull out the 1.A. County phone book. + #ont tell you #hat kind of +-told-you-so look .rs. (osenblatt ga"e me #hen half an hour later +d gone through e"ery concei"able site #ith no luck. >one could accommodate a #edding of this siAe on such short notice.

$Albert is ne"er #rong.% .rs. (osenblatt informed me. $*e #as a fact checker for the New Yor& /imes in his earthly e'istence.% + ignored her #ith no small effort. $,kay! #ell! maybe theres something in ,range CountyG ,r 0enturaG% Again .arco #ent to retrie"e more phone books. .arco took (i"erside County! .rs. (osenblatt took ,range! and + took 0entura! #hile .om sat in the corner and took a Xana'. /ust as &au' 5ad Boined us! saying .rs. 1opeAs roots had ne"er looked better! .arco hit pay dirt. +t #asnt much! but a small hotel in (i"erside had a back garden they sometimes rented out for #eddings. Theyd had a last minute cancellation #hen the bride-to-be found a pair of someone elses 0ictorias Secrets in the groom-to-bes pick-up truck! and the garden #as free for tomorro# afternoon. They said they e"en had the chairs and tables rented for the pre"iously cancelled #edding! so #ed be all set. As long as it didnt rain. .om made the sign of the cross at that! but .rs. (osenblatt assured her that Albert said it #asnt scheduled to rain again until >o"ember. + promised +d check the #eather channel! Bust in case. edding crisis a"erted! + #ent home. .y ans#ering machine #as blinking furiously #hen + stepped in the door. The first message #as from Tot Trots! asking #hy they hadnt gotten the Stra#berry Shortcake designs yet. + glanced guiltily at my dra#ing table as + deleted the message. The ne't #as from (amireA. + bit my lip trying not to picture the image from my dream as his "oice filled my studio. $This is your #o friend calling. 5ont dri"e so fast ne't time! okayG% 9nd of message. + couldnt tell if he #as amused or annoyed by my antics #ith the C*P last night. + told myself it didnt matter. As long as the #ord $#arrant% didnt enter into the picture! it didnt matter #hat (amireA thought of me. 7ut instead of deleting it! + sa"ed the message! skipping on to the ne't one.

+t #as from 5ana! asking if a4 she #as a bad person for sleeping #ith 1iao on the first date! and b4 if +d seen anything on the ne#s about )reen#ays arrest. +t felt like +d li"ed a lifetime since +d left 5ana at .ulligans and + #asnt at all sure + could relay the e"ents of the pre"ious e"ening to her #ith any amount of coherency. At least not before coffee. Too tired to hoof it to Starbucks! + flipped on my .r. Coffee! dumping in t#o generous scoops of &rench (oast as + turned on the tele"ision! hoping to get the latest )reen#ay update on the noon ne#s. T#o carBackings in Compton! a mudslide #arning in the *olly#ood *ills! and one minor celebrity arrested for drunk dri"ing. >o ne#s of )reen#ay or (ichard. hich + guess should ha"e been comforting. >o ne#s meant at least my boyfriend #asnt behind bars. 7ut instead of relie"ed! the non-ne#s made me feel antsy. +ll be the first to admit! + dont ha"e a really great history of patience. + #as one of those kids #ho al#ays peeked in .oms closet for a pre"ie# of my Christmas and birthday presents. After a first date! + can ne"er #ait for the guy to call 3e"en though + read /he 6ules t#ice and managed to #ait three #hole hours once4 and e"en though + really! really meant to #ait until #ed been seeing each other for a couple #eeks first! + slept #ith (ichard on our second date. So Bust sitting by the phone! #aiting for (ichard to turn up in handcuffs! #as producing a bite-your-fingernails! cra#l-up-a-#all feeling that #as so not #orking for me. + e"en debated calling Cinderella to see if shed heard anything from him. hich should tell you Bust ho# desperate + #as because calling Cinderella meant ackno#ledging that she actually e'isted! and that ranked belo# sucking up to /asmine on the list of things + #anted to do this lifetime. .y internal #hining #as cut short as the familiar blonde ne#s reporter piped up from the T0.

$Last night the #od of missing #usiness mogul, 2e"on Greenwa , was found # authorities at a North Holl wood motel.% + grabbed the remote and turned it up! #atching images of the .oonlight +nn flicker across the screen. +t #as daylight no# but the parking lot #as still littered #ith police cars and yello# crime scene tape. + grimaced as .etallicas greasy face filled the screen. $There #ere t#o of them. These chicks. And they #ere like really buff! like pro #restlers or something. + tried to fight them off! but they #ere like totally strong. + think they #ere on steroids.% + rolled my eyes. The cameraman cut a#ay to an image of a green dumpster. The coffee churned in my empty stomach as + listened to the reporter remind the "ie#ing public this #as the same )reen#ay #hose #ife #as found dead earlier this #eek. Then (amireAs face filled the screen. .y stomach rolled for a #hole different reason. *e seemed tired! like he hadnt slept! but + hated ho# se'y the fi"e o-clock shado# dusting his Ba# looked. A reporter from another station sho"ed a microphone at (amireA! yelling Kuestions from the mob of press. $5o you ha"e a murder #eaponG% (amireA ans#ered #ith a standard! $ ere still in the process of reco"ering a #eapon.% $5o you ha"e any suspectsG% another reporter demanded. The mob #ent Kuiet as (amireA ans#ered. $ e do.% $5etecti"e (amireA!% the first reporter shouted! $Are you prepared to name them at this timeG% (amireA looked sKuarely at the camera and + could s#ear he #as talking directly to me. $7ased on our current e"idence! #e"e issued a #arrant for the arrest of .r. )reen#ays attorney. (ichard *o#e.%

'ha(ter Twe,*e + stared at the tele"ision! my brain half listening and half screaming that this #as some mistake. (ichard #anted for murderG This couldnt be happening. A picture of (ichard from the office Christmas party flashed across the screen. +d bet anything /asmine had furnished it to the press. They #ere probably descending on 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e like "ultures right about no#. + had a mental image of /asmines 9l"is smirk preening for the cameras on the si' oclock ne#s. + think + #as going to be sick. + sat do#n hard on my futon as the reporter made appropriately concerned faces! then cut to a 5oritos commercial. (amireA #as going to arrest (ichard. + kne# (amireA #ell enough to kno# that there #asnt a #hole lot + could do to stop that. Sure + could put on my 7ond )irl outfit again and search (ichards office for the umpteenth time! but #hat good #ould it really doG + had no idea #hat + #as doing. + #as the #orst >ancy 5re# e"er. 9"ery time + tried to help! another dead body sho#ed up. +d like to think it #as coincidence but + made a mental note to go to mass on Sunday #ith my grandmother Bust in case. ,n the other hand! the search to find (ichard #as an all out manhunt no#. 9"ery cop in the city #ould be looking for him. And not for #hoe"er reall killed )reen#ay. 7ecause + #as still relati"ely confident that (ichard #asnt capable of killing anyone.

hich is #hy e"en though + kne# + should take (amireAs ad"ice and lea"e this to the professionals! + grabbed a lined notepad and began scribbling. + #rote the #ord $Suspects% at the top of the page in big bold letters. .y pen ho"ered in the air! poised to #rite (ichards name do#n on the list. 7ut e"en though + #as pretty pissed off at the cheating bastard! + couldnt bring myself to do it. So! instead + made a compromise. + amended the $Suspects% #ith an $other than (ichard.% There! that #as a better starting place. ,nly my mind #as a blank #hen + tried to list them. + didnt ha"e any suspects. All + had to go on #as a blonde hair and a stiletto impression. hich + #as pretty sure (amireA still thought #ere mine. + #rote $blonde in heels% on the list. )ee. That narro#ed the field to CFD of 1.A.s population. ,b"iously + needed more to go on. And it #as eKually as ob"ious that follo#ing (amireA around to#n #asnt a good idea anymore. 7esides the fact that hed be on the lookout for a red /eep no#! + had a feeling hed been this close to hauling me do#nto#n last night. And + didnt #ant to tempt the man. 9specially if he hadnt slept. 1ord only kne# ho# grouchy 7ad Cop got #ith no sleep. So that meant Sherlock &ashion #as on her o#n. + stared do#n at the notepad again. +t #as a pretty pathetic list. +f + #as going to con"ince (amireA that .ystery 7londe #as a suspect at all + needed more. hich meant going back to the .oonlight. + picked up my cell and dialed 5anas number! hoping she #as up for playing Cagney to my 1acey again. 3>e"er mind that the reality #as more like an 9thel to my 1ucy.4 -nfortunately! >o >eck )uy ans#ered the phone at the Actors 5uple' and informed me 3through a serious of ca"eman #orthy grunts4 5ana hadnt come home yet. Still out hot tubbing #ith 1iao no doubt. + said to ha"e her call me #hen she got in and hung up.

As much as + dreaded going back into the bo#els of the 0alley alone! it #as either that or dra# kiddie shoes. And + #as so not in a kiddie shoes place right no#. + grabbed my keys and purse and headed out to my /eep! bra"ing the afternoon traffic into >orth *olly#ood. There #as an o"erturned big rig on the E<F and a police chase on the =<=! so by the time + reached 0ano#en again the .oonlight +nn #as clear of reporters and CS+ teams. +n fact! sa"e for the bright yello# crime tape still gracing the door of room t#o-t#el"e! it looked like business as usual. (adios blared! spande' clad #omen bade good-bye to their $gentleman callers!% and the parking lot pharmaceutical trade had resumed in full force. >orth *olly#ood #as Kuick to bounce back from one little shooting. + parked the /eep and a"oided glancing in the direction of the green dumpsters as + made my #ay to the Yront ,YYice. + pulled open the smudged! glass doors and sa# .etallica #as on duty again. *ed changed into an AC@5C shirt! but his greasy hair betrayed that he hadnt taken time to sho#er before coming back to #ork. *e stared for a moment before recognition kicked in. $,h shit. +ts you!% *e ducked do#n belo# the counter. $Please dont shoot.% + rolled my eyes. $5o + look like +m carrying a gunG% .etallica peeked his head up o"er the &ormica. *e did an up and do#n thing #ith his eyes! his gaAe resting on my breasts. A grin broke out on his face. $>ope. 6ou look niiiiice.% *e nodded! dra#ing out the #ord. *mmmM maybe + should start carrying a gun. $)et a grip. Theyre Bust mammary glands.% $5ude! + think the cops are looking for you. 6ou chicks like totally messed that guy up.% $ e didnt kill him.% *e narro#ed his eyes at me. $6ou sureG% $6es!%

$ICause + #ouldnt tell no one. + mean! #hen you think of it! its actually kind of hot. Chicks #ith guns. 1ike a 1aura Croft thing. 1aura Croft is hot.% + had a feeling any #oman #ith a pulse #as hot in .etallicas #orld. $Sorry to interrupt your #et dream! but #e didnt kill him. +n fact! the police think my boyfriend killed him.% $5ude!% $+ kno#!% .etallica leaned in. + tried not to grimace at the scent of stale #eed and breakfast burrito. $5id your boyfriend kill him cause he #as your BohnG% $>o! )od! no. +m not really a hooker.% .etallica looked me up and do#n again. $6ou sureG% $6es! +m sure.% *e grinned! sho#ing off a mouth in serious need of some Crest hite Strips. $6ou *ould be one. 6oud make a really hot hooker.% + felt my left eye begin to t#itch. This #as getting no#here. $5id you see anyone else go up to room t#o-t#el"e last nightG% $>ope. /ust you! your friend! and that dude they found in the dumpster.% 5amn. 7ut! on the bright side! at least he didnt say he sa# a la#yer in tailored slacks. $Could anyone ha"e gone up #hen you #erent lookingG 1ike maybe you #ent Iout backG% + put my thumb and inde' finger up to my mouth in a smoking motion. *e giggled. $*ey! anythings possible! babe.% $*o# about the parking lot. See anyone suspicious hanging aroundG% .etallica grinned. (ight. Stupid Kuestion. $Anyone #ho didnt look like they belonged hereG AnyoneM #ith moneyG% ,r the "aguest notion of hygiene.

.etallica che#ed on his chapped lips! sKuinting off into space. $>ope.% + #as beginning to feel like +d #asted a trip to the 0alley for nothing. + tried one last angle. $*o# about this. 5id you see any blondes last nightG earing high heelsG% $5ude! that #ould ha"e been hot.% )reat. *e #as like 7ea"is and 7utthead all rolled into one. ell! #hat did + e'pectG The mans brain probably looked like S#iss cheese. Then a thought struck me. 5ana and + had had to #easel )reen#ays room number out of .etallica. +f .etallica hadnt seen the blonde! that meant she already kne# #here )reen#ay #as staying. 9ither she follo#ed him! #hich + didnt think #as likely considering )reen#ay #ould be pretty careful about #ho he led to his hideout! or else )reen#ay trusted her enough to gi"e her the room number. + mentally added another item to the Suspects list. 7londe in heels! )reen#ays trusted confidant. .aybe a mistressG + #ouldnt put it past him. 5uring our short phone con"ersation! )reen#ay hadnt seemed like the type to balk at e'tra-marital affairs. So! + #as looking for a blonde mistress in heels. All right! it #asnt a Colombo moment! but at least it #as something. $Thanks a ton!% + said to .etallica. $Thanks for #hatG% $&or not seeing anything.% $5ude! + not see shit all the time.% + didnt doubt it. 8 8 8 .y cell started ringing as + got back in my /eep. + flipped it open as + pulled back onto 0ano#en. $*elloG% $.ads! its (alph.%

$*i (alph. *o#s .om doingG% $7etter. Shes still trying to get a Catholic priest to go bless the hotel gardens before the ceremony! but at least shes stopped eyeing her rosary.% That #as a start. $Any#ay!% he continued! $+ #as Bust calling to remind you about the bachelorette party tonight. >ot that + thought youd forget! but! #ell! + Bust thought +d remind you.% $+ #asnt going to forget.% $(ight. ,f course not.% &au' 5ad cleared his throat. $+ kne# youd be there. + BustM #anted to make sure.% ,kay! + had forgotten. hat #as it #ith this #edding that + seemed to be blocking it out of my memoryG $5ont #orry! (alph. +ll be there. Cross my heart.% + hung up #ith &au' 5ad! ignoring the icky feeling that #ashed o"er me at the combination of .om and male strippers! and dialed in my number to check my messages again. ,nly 5ana! saying she #as back from hot tubbing. >othing from (amireA. >othing from (ichard. + called 5ana back as + s#ung into an +n->-,ut 7urger! and filled her in on the latest de"elopments o"er a doubledouble and fries. + also made her promise to go #ith me to 7eefcakes tomorro#. + didnt think + could stomach it alone. As + hung up #ith 5ana and dabbed at a spot of mustard on my skirt #ith a paper napkin 3the burger #as messy! but oh-so#orth it4 + pulled out my Suspects list again. So! #ho #as this blondeG The problem #as + didnt kno# anything about )reen#ay! aside from the cliff notes "ersion (amireA had gi"en me. hat + needed #as more dirt on )reen#ays personal life. 1ike nosey neighbor or National En:uirer type dirt. Since + didnt see )reen#ays neighbors gossiping #ith prime suspect number t#o 3a.k.a. me! -gh!4 + figured a trip to the library #as my best bet at ferreting out the gory details of )reen#ays social e'ploits. +f there #as dirt to be gotten! + felt

confident that back issues of the L(.( Informer #ere the place to find it. + hopped back on the E<F! making a Kuick stop back at home to change out of my mustard spotted clothes and into my "ersion of library #ear Q t#eed skirt! #hite silk blouse! and lo# heeled loafers - before heading to the Santa .onica library. + #as on a mission to "ie# e"ery bit of microfilm they had on 5e"on )reen#ay. hich turned out to be a lot. Apparently )reen#ay #as not only a freKuent story in the gossip columns! but also in the business section! due to the ne# micro chip inno"ations of his company! >e#tone Technologies. + scanned through page after blurry page of microfilm! the constant hum of the machine my only companion. This #as the side of detecti"e #ork they didnt sho# on *7,. The no-frills-and-e"en-lessglamour side. +t made the kiddie shoes look tempting again. +f +d hoped for a headline that read $)reen#ay Spotted #ith 7londe! *omicidal .istress at Charity )ala% + #as sorely disappointed. hat + found instead #as page after page of ribbon cuttings! +P, filings! and company prospects analysis. T#o hours later my eyes #ere permanently stuck in sKuint mode and my nose #as itchy #ith dust! but + kne# e"ery detail of )reen#ays life! business or social. And unfortunately! a lack of blondes hadnt been one of )reen#ays problems. +n fact! through the course of the presss t#o year infatuation #ith all things )reen#ay! it #as speculated hed had no less than three mistresses. Andi /ameson! Carol Carter! and! get this! 7unny *offenmeyer. All blonde. 3.y money #as on 7unny. ho could gro# up #ith a name like that and not be homicidalG4 + #rote all three names do#n on my suspects list! ignoring the fact that they didnt get me a #hole lot closer to earning (ichard that get-out-of-Bail-free card. Sure + had the names of )reen#ays &nown mistresses! but #ho kne# ho# many had slipped by the pressG )reen#ay struck me as the slick type.

7ut! Bust to be thorough! + looked up all three blondies in the librarys yello# pages before heading home. Andi /ameson #as easy enough to find! listed in a condo in 9ncino. ,ther#ise kno#n as Silicone 0alley. + called her number! but she #asnt home. So + left a message saying + #as a friend of )reen#ays and #anted to ask her a fe# Kuestions. There #ere about fifty Carol Carters! so + reluctantly #rote her address do#n as $unkno#n.% 7unny *offenmeyer! as it turned out! #as an adult film star! number unlisted. + did! ho#e"er! find the production company she #orked for. 7ig 7oy &ilms in Sherman ,aks. )reat. 7ack to the 0alley. +t #as late afternoon and hitting that days high of CH degrees according to the bank on the corner of est#ood and >ational. + cranked my air conditioner as far as it #ould go as + hopped on the E<F and reluctantly made the trip back o"er the hills. A thick layer of smog held tight to the cur"es of the mountains! co"ering the 0alley #ith a sickly gray color that made me #onder #hy anyone #ould li"e here by choice. ,n the other hand! it did strengthen 7unnys moti"e. T#enty million dollars #ould go a long #ay to#ard buying her #ay into the 7e"erly set. Another ten minutes of fighting free#ay traffic and + #as cruising do#n Sepul"eda! a street lined #ith #arehouses that passed themsel"es off as production studios for rent. 1arge! gray and rusty! they didnt resemble -ni"ersal Studios in the least. And! + "entured to guess! neither did their films. .ost #ere straight to "ideo or foreign market pictures. ,r! in the case of 7ig 7oy Productions! tailored for a more mature audience. 3(eadN kinky.4 7ig 7oy #as located in a gunmetal gray building co"ered in corrugated metal siding. + parked in the lot beside a lunch #agon and stared at the building. 2 Q heres the thing. +m not really a porn kind of girl. + mean! +"e seen porn. ,nce. hen my college boyfriend tried to con"ince me it #as hot to see close-ups of strangers

pri"ates #hile #e made lo"e. 3>eedless to say + broke up #ith 0oyeur 7oy soon after.4 7ut honestly the closest +d e"er come to kno#ing the insides of the adult film industry #as .arky .arks performances as 5irk 5iggler in ,oogie Nights. And that #as as close as + #anted to come. 5amn (ichard. This #as all his fault. + took a deep breath and forced myself out of the car and across the t#o yards of parking lot to the unmarked door of 7ig 7oy Productions. + almost co"ered my eyes as + #alked in. +f +d been e'pecting a la"a lamp induced orgy! + #as disappointed. The room + stepped into looked like Bust about e"ery office reception area +d e"er been in. +n fact! #ith the e'ception of a bright red light bulb flashing o"er the door! it bore an unner"ing resemblance to 5e#y! Cheatum! and *o#es front office. ,nly instead of one /asmine! there #ere three. Three #omen behind e'pensi"e looking desks! all blonde Anna >icole Smith look-alikes! all 5ouble 5s barely concealed by itty! bitty pink crop tops #ith the #ords $7ig 7oy% stretched across their implants! and all three staring up at me. + gulped! suddenly feeling like )ranny Prude in my library attire. $-h! hi!% + said to the 5ouble 5 closest to the door. $+m looking for 7unny *offenmeyer.% The 5ouble 5 shifted in her seat and + resisted the urge to look a#ay in case an implant escaped her crop tops precarious hold. $And you areG% she asked in a breathy! .arilyn .onroe sort of "oice. $-m. .addie.% She looked at my prim t#eed skirt and fro#ned. $Are you doing a scene togetherG% $>o!% + said a little more loudly than +d intended. $(ight.% She looked me up and do#n again. $+ didnt think so.% + #asnt sure #hether + #as relie"ed or insulted.

$+ actually #anted to talk to her about a mutual acKuaintance of ours. 5e"on )reen#ay.% 5ouble 5s face softened. $,h. (ight. That guy she #as dating. + heard about him on the ne#s. (eally sad.% $0ery sad!% + agreed! nodding and mimicking Perky (eporter omans appropriately concerned faces. $5id he e"er come in here #ith 7unnyG% 5ouble 5 smiled! sho#ing off a ro# of slightly crooked teeth. $Actually! her names .yrtle. 7unnys Bust a stage thing.% .yrtle *offenmeyerG + think + liked 7unny better. $And! sure! he #as here a fe# times. *e #as really cute. And rich.% 7londie sighed. $.yrtle #as real lucky to meet him.% 1ucky. (ight. 1ucky she #asnt s#imming face do#n right about no#. hich brought me back to her current #hereaboutsM $So! is 7u - uh! .yrtle here todayG% $,h! sure. Shes Bust finishing a scene in studio t#o.% 7londie indicated a pair of doors to her right. + cut a look to the doors. + had an unner"ing feeling that #as #here the orgies took place. $-m! do you mind if + #ait here until shes done #ith her! umM sceneG% + asked. $Sure! no prob.% 5ouble 5 grinned and indicated a pair of padded chairs along the #all. + sat do#n! glad that the front office seemed to be soundproofed. Ten minutes later the red light abo"e the door shut off and a sound like a fire alarm blared through the building. + must ha"e Bumped as 5ouble 5 reassured me! $That means theyre done shooting. +t should be safe to go back there no# if youd like.% $Thanks.% + stood up and pushed through the double doors! hoping 7unny had robed.

The studios of 7ig 7oy #erent pretending to be anything other than a 0alley #arehouse. alls #ere co"ered in rusted metal 3and not the chic rust of &ernandos! but the real kind caused by years of corrosion4! large pipes ran along the ceiling and the floor #as a cracked concrete. The only break in the industrial look #ere the three-#alled rooms made of painted ply#ood that #ere supposed to resembled bedrooms. At least that #as my guess by the enormous beds scattered through the #arehouse. A group of people #ere huddled around one. 1uckily! they seemed to be dispersing! men #inding up lengths of cable and #omen #earing silky looking bathrobes! #ith slightly mussed bedroom hair. + felt my cheeks gro#ing hot as + a"erted my eyes. + recogniAed 7unny right a#ay from her photographs #ith )reen#ay in the L(.( Informer. She #as sitting on a stool by a ply#ood bedroom! cigarette bet#een her acrylic nails as she #atched the grips check the camera. She #as my height! but about fi"e pounds slimmer and filled #ith enough silicone that she might topple o"er at any second. + had a hard time picturing her hauling )reen#ays body all the #ay do#nstairs and out to the .oonlights dumpsters. Still! no stone unturned. $7unny *offenmeyerG% + asked. She looked at me #ith a disinterested stare. $6eahG% $*i. +m .addie! uhM (amireA.% ,kay! #hy + ga"e her that name! + didnt kno#. 7ut for some reason + didnt #ant her to kno# #ho + #as really #as. At least not until + kne# if she o#ned a gun. $*i!% 7unny said! blo#ing smoke up to#ard the ceiling. $*i. +! uh! + #as #ondering if + could ask you some Kuestions about 5e"on )reen#ayG% *er eyes clouded. $ hyG% hy. 0ery good Kuestion. $ ell! + uh! +m from the L(.( Informer and! uh! #ere doing a story on )reen#ays death.

e #anted to include some inter"ie#s from those close to him.% 7unny still looked dubious! so + tried to s#eeten the pot. $ ed lo"e to include some pictures! too. +t #ould be great e'posure for you.% >o pun intended. 7unny straightened in her chair at the mention of pictures. $ hat do you #ant to kno#G% 5id you kill himG 7ut + figured blunt #asnt the #ay to go. They al#ays finessed the suspects a little first on Law $ %rder. + put on my best finessing "oice. $+ heard you and )reen#ay #ere close.% She smirked. $6ou could say that.% + had a feeling + #as going to regret this ne't Kuestion. $*o# closeG% 7unny raised an eyebro#. $+ fucked him occasionally! if thats #hat youre asking.% At least she didnt mince #ords. $(ight. So! #hen #as the last time you! uhM sa# )reen#ayG% She took a long drag from the cigarette. $1ast Thursday.% + perked up. Thursday had been the night (ichard canceled dinner #ith me to meet )reen#ay. + #ondered if 7unny had been there. $ hat did you doG% $ e had dinner at 1e Petites. This totally e'pensi"e &rench place on 0entura. Then he had to meet his la#yer. Some 2en 5oll in a suit.% *ey! That #as my 2en 5oll she #as talking about. 7ut! + had to admit! no# that she mentioned it! (ichard did resemble 2en a little. Perfect plastic fa[ade Q hollo# on the inside. -gh. $5o you kno# #hat the meeting #as aboutG% She tiled her head and scrutiniAed me. $+ dunno. Some business shit. hat did + careG%

+ felt my bubble of hope deflating. 9"en if Porn Star 7arbie had been present at (ichard and )reen#ays meeting! + doubted any of it #ould penetrate her silicone filled head. $So! you ha"ent seen him since ThursdayG% She ble# out a slo# stream of smoke at the ceiling. $>o. + broke it off #ith him.% $(eallyG hyG% *onestly )reen#ay and 7unny seemed like a perfect fit. $Cause + found some chicks thong in his pocket.% $*is #ifesG% 7unny smirked again. $*oney! #i"es dont #ear shit like this. This #as a leopard print! mesh thong. *e #as fucking someone else.% +m pretty sure my eyes strayed to the bed #here 7unny had Bust finished her scene. + had a hard time belie"ing she #as a stickler for monogamy. $*ey! this is Bust #ork!% she defended. $+ fake it at #ork. hat 5e"on and + had #as the real deal. And if he #as sticking his real deal to some other chick! + didnt #ant any part of it.% &air enough. $Any idea #ho the thong belonged toG% 7unny smirked again. $Some slut. + think he #as meeting her for nooners! Icause he ne"er ans#ered his phone around lunchtime.% $So! Bust for the record! #here #ere you last nightG% 9"en though 7unny #as slipping do#n my list of suspects + figured it didnt hurt to be thorough. $*ere. Shooting a scene for ,a#es in ,o land.% -gh. A porn pun. $,kay. ell! +! uh! dont #ant to take up any more of your time.% + reached out to shake her hand! then thought better of it! not kno#ing #here that hand had been. +nstead + #a"ed a little good-bye as + turned and headed for the reception area. $*ey #ait a minute!%

+ spun around. $6eahG% $ hat about the picturesG% (ight! pictures. $The photographer #ill be out tomorro#!% + lied. )ee! + #as getting better at this. $Thanks again.% 7ack in my /eep! + pulled out my Suspects list again. + #asnt entirely con"inced Porn Star 7arbie #asnt my blondie! but + #as ha"ing a hard time picturing her hacking into )reen#ays accounts and transferring t#enty million to unkno#n #hereabouts. She hadnt struck me as the sharpest crayon in the bo'. + added! $leopard thong! nooners% under $blonde in heels.% *mmmM 7unny #as right. She did sound like a slut. + #as Bust merging back onto the E<F! #atching the sun sink into a haAy! glo#ing orb belo# the hills! #hen my cell phone rang. + glanced do#n at the number. &au' 5ad. ,h crap! #hat did + forget no#G $*elloG% $ here are youG% $,n the E<F. hyG% $)ood. Cause your moms at 7eefcakes already and shes starting to #orry about you.% 5oh! + slapped my forehead #ith my palm. 7eefcakes. $(ight. + #as Bust on my #ay there.% &au' 5ad hea"ed a sigh of relief into the recei"er. $)ood. ICause for a minute there! + thought maybe youd forgotten again.% $ ho meG >e"er.% &au' 5ad paused. $.ads! you seem a little distracted lately. +s there something on your mindG% + resisted the urge to break out in manic laughter. $+m fine.% *a! $Sorry! (alph! + gotta go. +m going through the canyon.% + hung up and made a Kuick maneu"er into the right lane! merging onto the ; 9ast to#ard 7eefcakes.

This #as turning out to be Kuite a #eek for me. *ookers! and Porn Stars! and Strippers. ,h my!

'ha(ter Thirteen 7eefcakes #as located bet#een 1a 7rea and *ighland in an old *olly#ood speakeasy that had been turned into a .ecca for bachelorettes! di"orcees and horny house#i"es. The interior #as done in all black #ith pink "el"ety sofas lining the #alls. 5o#n the middle of the floor #as a cat#alk! surrounded by purple tables and chairs #here hordes of screaming! middleaged #omen #ith dollar bills in their hands acted like teenagers at a *illary 5uff concert. + spied .om and .rs. (osenblatt at one of the tables near the end of the run#ay. 7eside them #as a co#girl in Calamity /ane attire screaming out boisterous #ahoos as $&ireman 7ob% took to the stage. $.ads!% .om yelled abo"e the girlish sKueals. All traces of her post-cliff trauma #ere gone. A cosmopolitan in one hand! she bobbed her head in time #ith the pulsating music. .om #as dressed in her party chick clothes tonight. A black spande' halter top! minus the much needed bra! a pair of polka dotted capris! and red Con"erse sneakers. +n honor of the special occasion! her blue eye-shado# reached all the #ay to her eyebro#s tonight. .rs. (osenblatt sat at a table beside her! dressed in a purple flo#ered mumu that perfectly matched the t#o chairs she took up. $*a"ing funG% + asked as + ga"e .om a Kuick hug. $+ll say. ,h! )od! .ads! isnt he a hunkG% + looked up at &ireman 7ob! dressed in boots! suspenders and little else. + #as instantly reminded ho# long it had been since +d had se'! as my eyes strayed to his little red )-string.

$Check out that package!% .rs. (osenblatt said! as if she could read my mind. $(eminds me of my fourth husband! 1enny. 1enny #as royal putA! but the -ni"erse blessed him #ith a package like you #ouldnt belie"e.% $Thats nothing. 6ou should see my (alphie.% .om held her t#o inde' fingers ten inches apart! #iggling her eyebro#s up and do#n. 9#! .om and se' Q t#o things + ne"er #anted to think about in the same breath. + felt like putting my fingers in my ears and chanting! $+ cant hear you.% $.addie! you made it!% The e'uberant co#girl turned around. + did a mental forehead smack. 5ana. $>ice boots! co#girl!% + said. $+ came straight from a shoot. Charmin commercial.% $As in toilet paperG% $Co#boys in"oke the image of strength. >o one #ants #eak toilet paper. So!% she asked! leaning in close! $ho# goes the great boyfriend searchG% + Kuickly filled her in on my mistress theory! punctuated by her occasional #ahoos as &ireman 7ob dropped his suspenders. + finished off by recounting my "isit to 7ig 7oy studios #ith Porn Star 7arbie. $5id you say 7unny *offenmeyerG% .rs. (osenblatt asked! coming up behind me #ith a fresh drink in hand. $6es. hyG 5o you kno# herG% $Actually! my 1enny used to #ork #ith her.% + blinked at her. $ hat do you mean! Iused to #ork #ith herG 6ou #ere married to a porn starG% + could feel my nose scrunching into an icky face. $>o! no! no. >ot that 1enny couldnt ha"e been! mind you. 7ut he #as her insurance broker. 6ou gotta ha"e a lot of insurance in that industry. As 7ig 7oys o#ner! 7unny brought him a #hole lotta business.% $ ait - o#nerG% +d pegged 7unny as a dim#itted double 5! not a sa""y entrepreneur.

$,h yeah. 7unny #as raking it in back #hen + #as married to 1enny. 7ut then she e'panded the #hole operation into soft core. 6ou kno#! stuff #ith storylines and candlelight. 9rotica for ladies.% $And that didnt do #ellG% $She lost her shirt. >o pun intended. Turns out #omen dont buy as much porn as men.% )o figure. $1ast + heard 7unny #as in debt up to her implants!% .rs. (osenblatt continued. $+ heard shes e"en trying to get some mainstream roles no# to pay the bills. Poor thing.% (ight. Poor thing. Poor enough to bump )reen#ay off for the moneyG After my inter"ie#! +d mo"ed 7unny to the bottom of my suspects list! thinking her +R ri"aled /asmines for lo#est in 1.A. County. 7ut no# + had a feeling 7unny #as sharper than she let on. +f she could fake an orgasm + guess she could fake innocence too. $ ant a drink! .addieG% .om asked! signaling a shirtless #aiter. 5id + e"er. $+ll ha"e a 5iet Coke.% $,h come on! honey. 1i"e a little!% .rs. (osenblatt drained her glass and set it on the #aiters tray. $*o# about a 0irgin .aryG% she suggested. *onestly! + #as sick to death of 5iet Coke. As long as it #as "irgin! + decided + could afford to li"e a little tonight. $,kay. A "irgin .ary.% .rs. (osenblatt ordered one for me and one for herself. Co#girl 5ana! staying in character! ordered a shot of /ack 5aniels. .om ordered another cosmo and stuck a ten in the #aiters speedo. 39#! e#! e#!4 7y the time &ireman 7ob had collected his suspenders and cleared off the stage! #e all had fresh drinks in hand and + had that nauseous! my-momstalking-about-se' feeling some#hat under control. .usic started to pulse from the speakers again and the cro#d took to their feet! craning to see the ne't beefcake.

$Loo& out ladies!% the .C #arned. $,e*ause here *omes 2amien( .nd he!s #een a #ad, #ad #o .% The sound of a motorcycle engine re""ed through the speakers as a man in all leather appeared on the stage in front of a cloud of smoke. *e strutted do#n the cat#alk! shedding his leather Backet to re"eal a si' pack 7ud#eiser #ould be Bealous of. $,h my )od.% .om made the sign of the cross. $ hat #as that forG% asked .r. (osenblatt. $+ Bust had the unholiest of thoughts.% +ck. ,kay! so + almost had that moms-talking-about-se' nausea under control. + took a big gulp of my 0irgin .ary in hopes it #ould settle my stomach. +t #asnt half bad! really. 2ind of like an e'tra spicy bloody .ary #ith a t#ist of lime. >ot a martini! but definitely better than another 5iet Coke. 5amien gyrated do#n the cat#alk! shedding leather like a snake until .om grabbed a cocktail napkin and started fanning herself. $ he#! + think that man Bust ga"e me a hot flash.% $That man is hung. 6ou think hed go for an older #omanG% .rs. (osenblatt asked! elbo#ing me in the ribs. + tried to be kind. $*es probably gay.% .rs. (osenblatt scrutiniAed 5amien as he stripped off his leather chaps to re"eal a thong #ith a *arley 5a"idson logo. + took a big sip of my 0irgin .ary. o#! he did ha"e a nice package. + took another sip. $+ Bust lo"e a man in leather!% .rs. (osenblatt continued. $+ sa# this documentary about ho# dominatri' tame their men #ith leather #hips. >o# + dont go in for all that chains stuff! but + could go for a guy in leather.% + drained my glass and signaled the #aiter for another. $(alphie doesnt like leather!% .om chimed in. $7ut hes nuts about lace. + bought this adorable lace teddy at the mall today. ,ne look and #ell be spending the #hole honeymoon in bed.% .om #inked one hea"ily shado#ed eye. $+f you kno# #hat + mean.%

+f a person could die of ickiness! + #as Bust about flatlining. + searched frantically for that #aiter #ith my fresh 0irgin .ary. 1uckily! he appeared Bust as 5amien gyrated his #ay in our direction and .om dug into her purse for more green. $Take it all off!% 5ana commanded! #a"ing her co#girl hat in the air. 5amien complied! doing a#ay #ith the *arley thong and going full monty on us. .rs. (osenblatt nudged me in the ribs. $+ told you he #as hung.% + admit! + stared. +t #as hard not to. 9specially #hen + no# realiAed ho# poorly (ichard measured up against the 5amiens of the #orld. 6ikes. hat had + been missingG And then out of no#here! + thought of (amireA. + #ondered if he #as a 5amien or (ichard. + took another sip of my drink and tried really hard not to picture (amireA in a leather thong. $,"er here! bad boy!% my mother yelled! #a"ing her fi"e dollar bill in the air. 5amien strutted closer and collected the cash #ith his teeth. .om giggled like a si'th grader. + tried not to look. 5ana grabbed my arm! her nails digging into me. $,h my )od! .addie! did you see #ho that isG% + looked up at 5amien! sKuinting through the smoke and strobing lights to get a good look at his face. 3 hich! + had to admit! +d not yet really seen! being a little distracted by certain other parts of his anatomy.4 *e did look a little familiar. 7ut as 5amien turned our direction! it #as the neck that ga"e it a#ay. ,r lack thereof. $+s that your roommateG% 5ana nodded and + s#ore + sa# drool form at the corner of her mouth. $+ had no freaking idea he #as this built.% >o >eck )uy #inked at 5ana! then gyrated his #ay to the other side of the stage.

$6ou kno# that guyG% .rs. (osenblatt asked. $*es got a tu*his like granite.% $Gi"e it up for ,i&er 2amien!% the .C said as 5amien gathered his chaps and headed off stage. .om grabbed another cocktail napkin and began fanning herself. $-m! #ill you e'cuse me for a minuteG% 5ana didnt #ait for an ans#er before disappearing to#ard the stage. + drained my second glass and signaled for another. + could easily get addicted to these things. The #aiter returned #ith my drink Bust as the music started up and $,fficer 5an% took the stage! #earing a cop uniform amidst flashing red lights. .om and .rs. (osenblatt #ere instantly on their feet again! #a"ing dollar bills. .aybe it #as the spicy 0irgin .ary! but + #as starting to get into the s#ing of things. + e"en shouted a co#girl holler of my o#n #hen 5an tossed his blue shirt into the cro#d Q badge and all. + #ondered ho# (amireA #ould look in a cop uniform. 5uh! hed look se'y! The man looked se'y in Bust about anything. + #ondered ho# hed look in nothingM -gh! hat #as + thinkingG + instantly felt guilty. + #as possibly carrying (ichards child and here + #as not only ogling half naked men! but fantasiAing about (amireAs package. 7ut + realiAed as + took another long sip of my 0irgin .ary that it #as (ichards fault really. +f he hadnt up and left! + ne"er #ould ha"e gone looking for him! then + ne"er #ould ha"e met (amireA and + #ouldnt be here comparing the siAe of his ding-dong #ith ,fficer 5ans. See! it #as all (ichards fault. +n fact! + realiAed! all the problems in my life lately #ere because of him. *ed gotten me into this #hole mess! and #hats more! he didnt e"en ha"e the decency to tell me #here he #as. 9"en )reen#ay told his mistress #here he #as.

And #hat kind of scum marries Cinderella any#ayG hat! does he think hes some kind of Prince CharmingG *a! + mentally snorted. .ore like Prince Anal. *e folded his socks for crying out loud. hat kind of a man does thatG + bet (amireA didnt fold his socks. + bet he Bust thre# his socks in #ith his under#ear in one big mess. Socks mi'ed #ith #ithM briefsG 7o'ersG + #ondered #hat kind of under#ear (amireA #ore. + pictured him as a briefs guy. >ot those *anes things from 2mart! but the really se'y Cal"in ones. .aybe in gray or slate blue. Slate blue #ould be a good color on him. ,fficer 5an ripped off his break-a#ay pants! re"ealing a black )-string that read 1.A.P.5. $ oo hoo!% + yelled! #a"ing my drink in the air. A little splashed on my #rist! but + didnt care. +n fact! + realiAed! + #as feeling pretty good. 7etter than + had in days. $Sho# me your gun! officer hottie!% $6ou tell Iem! .addie!% .rs. (osenblatt commanded! slightly slurring her #ords. Then leaned in and added! $+ think +m getting Bust a teeny bit tipsy.% + froAe. )lass half#ay to my lips. TipsyG hat did she mean! tips G .y gaAe #hipped from her empty 0irgin .ary glass to my o#n. Sure! + #as feeling a little happy! but that #as because of the naked men! rightG + grabbed .rs. (osenblatt by the arm. $ hats in a 0irgin .aryG% $Tomato Buice! lime! cayenne.% + hea"ed a sigh of relief. $And "odka. 1ots of "odka.% + froAe. $0odkaG 7ut you said it #as "irgin!% .rs. (osenblatt laughed. $,u##ee! they call it a 0irgin .ary! cause you drink too many! and you #ont e"en remember the se' that night. +tll be like immaculate conception.%

,h my )od. + #as the #orlds #orst mother. And + #asnt e"en a mother yet! + #as a#ful! terrible! selfish! stupid. + #as going straight to hell. + #as going to thro# up. $5ont #orry. >othing a little aspirin in the morning #ont cure.% (ight. Aspirin. + bit my lip to keep from blurting out #hat a horrible thing + Bust did. Potentially did! that is. + guess if + #asnt sure + #as pregnant! + couldnt be sure +d done something really! really a#ful. 5amn (ichard. This #as all his fault. 5ana #alked up! a clothed 5amien a.k.a. >o >eck )uy in to#. The grin on her face said shed ha"e no trouble remembering the se' tonight. $*ey! #ere gonna head back home. Thanks for in"iting me .rs. Springer. ell see you tomorro# for the big day.% .om and .rs. (osenblatt ga"e 5ana hugs! .rs. (osenblatt all the #hile eyeing >o >eck )uys crotch like a dog might a big beefy .ilk 7one. The icky #arred #ith morning sickness! #hich #arred #ith guilt! #hich #arred #ith the mass amount of "odka +d apparently consumed that night. + #illed my stomach to stay put as the room s#ayed. $Can you drop me off at home firstG% + begged. $Sure! .addie.% 5ana! >o >eck and + all piled in to her Saturn. + sat in the back! trying to a"ert my eyes as 5ana and >o >eck held hands and made kissy faces. +nstead + slouched do#n in my seat and closed my eyes so + didnt ha"e to #atch the scenery #iAA past the #indo# in a no'ious blur. 1uckily! the dri"e #as short and a fe# minutes later 5ana #as #alking me to the door of my studio. Any other time + could ha"e #alked myself in! but ha"e you e"er tried to #alk in three-inch heels under the influence of "odkaG $Are you drunkG% 5ana asked.

5uh. $+ think so.% $+ thought you #erent drinking because ofM% She trailed off! looking at my belly. $+m not. + mean! + #asnt. +t #as an accident.% $An accidentG% $+ thought the "irgins #ere "irgin.% 5ana ga"e me a funny look. 7ut considering she had a hot stripper in the car! she didnt interrogate further. $)et some sleep!% she commanded. $6ou #ant me to come dri"e you to the #edding in the morningG% $>o. +ts fine. +ll get a cab.% $,kay! #ell! call me. 7ut! uh!% she glanced back at >o >eck. $/ust not too early! kG% + nodded. >ot a good idea. + put a hand to my head to make the scenery stop spinning. + #atched 5ana pull a#ay! then #alked inside. That is! after fumbling #ith the key for a good fi"e minutes first. + hated being drunk. 7ut most of all! + realiAed as + collapsed onto my futon and stared at the ceiling! + hated (ichard. .aybe it #as the "odka! or maybe the full monty! or maybe the fact +d been inside a porn studio today! but no matter #hat e'planations he might try to conBure up! + realiAed + hated (ichard. There #as no e'cuse for doing this to me. 1ook at me! + #as a mess. + #as a bundle of ner"es! an'iety! and +d Bust possi#l poisoned my ma #e child. ,h )od. + #as an a#ful! a#ful person. >othing in the #orld could make this day #orse. And then my doorbell rang. + lay there! deciding if + e"en remembered ho# to mo"e my limbs. After the third ring! + finally managed a "ertical position and staggered to the door. + looked through the peephole and think + actually gasped out loud. $+ kno# youre in there! + can see your light under the door. ,pen up.% + bit my lip. + could let him in. 7ut! see! heres the thingN +"e been kno#n to be a little o"er friendly #hen +"e been

drinking. hich is #hy + dont often indulge. +n fact! + ha"e a pitcher of margaritas to blame for my second date sleepo"er #ith (ichard. 2no#ing + #as past my common sense limit! coupled #ith! as .om #ould say! the unholy thoughts +d been ha"ing earlier at 7eefcakes! + #asnt sure it #as really a good idea to let him in. *e pounded on the door again. $+ can hear you breathing. ,pen the door.% Then again! its ne"er a good idea to disobey a cop. + unhooked the latch! turned the deadbolt! and opened the door to find myself face to face #ith (amireA. Se'y day-old stubble and all.

'ha(ter )ourteen + blinked. )od he looked good. *e still didnt look like hed slept much! but the fi"e oclock shado# had gro#n into this se'y )eorge Clooney thing that made his Ba# look like it belonged in a Schick commercial. *e #as dressed in his usual uniform of butt hugging Beans and a black T-shirt. *is eyes #ere hooded and dark! his hair Bust a little mussed. This #as e'actly ho# + imagined hed look after a really long night of really e'cellent se'. 2own girl. See #hat + mean about alcohol and meG $ here ha"e you beenG% he asked. $5idnt you get my messagesG% + turned around. Sure enough the light on my machine #as blinking like mad. $>o! + didnt. + Bust got in. hyG% $Can + come inG% + bit my lip! hesitating. The rational "oice in my head said! tell him to lea"e. Close the door. 5o not talk to se'y cops #hen youre drunk. ,nly the 7eefcakes patron in me said! yes! please! come in. Take your clothes off. *op into my bed. And considering the amount of "odka 7eefcakes )irl had consumed! she #as getting really loud. So loud she #as o"erpo#ering the rational "oice. $Sure.% + stood back to allo# him entry. *e stepped into the room. And + s#ear my eyes #ent straight to his leather thong region. 7o'ers or briefsG + Bust couldnt tell.

$So!% + said! clearing my throat loudly. $ hat did you #antG% $+ Bust #anted to let you kno# #e ran an analysis on the hairs found in the motel room. They #erent yours.% $+ told you so.% -gh. + sounded fi"e. $+ mean! +m glad you checked. +m glad #e cleared that up.% (amireA looked at me kind of funny! but didnt comment. $6eah! #ell + Bust #anted to let you kno# youre officially not a suspect.% $ ell! duh!% + smacked my head #ith the palm of my hand. $+ dont e"en o#n a leopard thong.% (amireA raised one eyebro#. $1eopard thongG% $And + so dont do nooners. ell! not unless its a really special occasion. ,r the guys really hot. 7ut + al#ays lea"e #ith my panties on.% (amireAs eyes creased at the corners! t#inkling #ith that 7ig 7ad olf look again. $)ood to kno#.% + took a deep breath. 6es! + #as a#are + sounded frighteningly like 7unny *offenmeyer and + #asnt making a #hole lot of sense. 7ut someho# the connection bet#een my brain and my mouth seemed to ha"e shorted out. + grabbed onto the kitchen counter for support! as the room #as starting to look like a Tilt-a#hirl again. $ hat + mean to say is! +m glad + didnt kill him. + mean! +m glad you kno# + didnt kill him. + kno# + didnt kill him. 7ut no# you kno# that + kno# + didnt kill him. 9"en though hes dead.% The corner of (amireAs mouth Kui"ered. $-h huh.% $+ kno# that you kno# that + kno# that + didnt kill him.% + paused. *mmmM that didnt sound Kuite right. 1et me try again. $+ mean! + #asnt there. >o! + #as there! but not there there! as in not in his room! there.% There. That sounded better. 2ind of. The Kui"er turned into a full fledged grin. $Are you drunkG%

$>o!% + rolled my eyes and did my best as-if face. $+m so not drunk. +m the opposite of drunk. +mM% + paused trying to come up #ith the #ord. $M the other thing.% $SoberG% (amireA supplied! still grinning. $(ight. Thats me. Sober .addie.% +t might ha"e been more con"incing if my hand hadnt slipped off the counter Bust then! thro#ing me so off balance + tripped on one of my heels and nearly fell. >early! because (amireA reached out #ith Kuick cop-like refle'es and caught me in his arms. Strong arms. + put my hands up to balance and came up against a chest like a brick #all. + felt his heart beating beneath his si'-day-a-#eek-at-thegym muscles. + think + sighed. $6ou okayG% *is face #as inches from mine. *is eyes still t#inkling #ith amusement. $-h huh!% + managed. 9"en though my limbs felt like /ello and + could s#ear "isions of 5amiens package #ere s#imming through my head. + suddenly had a burning desire to kno# for sure #hether (amireA #as a bo'ers or briefs guy. $1o"e the outfit!% he said! still holding me around the #aist. *is eyes dipped do#n to my 1ibrarian #ear. $6oure mocking me again arent youG% $/ust a little.% $+t #ent o"er big at the porn studio too.% (amireAs eyebro# shot up again. $Porn StudioG% *is grin #idened! sho#ing off a ro# of #hite teeth. /he #etter to eat ou right up with m dear( $See! + kne# there #as a little bad girl in you.% *is "oice #as lo# and deep in a #ay that made me #arm in all the right places. + #as still pressed against his chest and his hooded eyes looked #ide a#ake no#! intent on me. .aking me think serious bad girl thoughts. Thoughts of bad cops in bo'ers. ,r better yet! nothing at all.

Try as + might to reign in 7eefcakes )irl! her eyes strayed do#n#ard. Past his brick #all chest! beyond si'-pack territory! until they Aeroed in on that denim co"ered package. $Are you staring at my crotchG% At least + had the decency to blush. At least! + think it #as a blush. ,r maybe Bust one of .oms hot flashes at the totally X-rated thoughts racing through my mind. $+ #as Bust #ondering if youre a bo'ers or briefs guy.% 5id + say that out loudG ,h lord! + must be really drunk. 7efore + had time to take back my Sluts-(--s statement! (amireA tightened his grip on my #aist! pulling my body flush #ith his. + think + had an on-the-spot orgasm. *is head dipped do#n! his lips graAing my ear. $7riefs!% he #hispered. And then he kissed me. And not one of those nippy! soft! kissy things. This #as a &iss. A serious lust-inspiring! picturing-you-naked-all-day! youre-so-going-to-remember-the-se'-no-matter-ho#-many0irgin-.arys-you-accidentally-drank kind of kiss. ,ne that left no Kuestion in my mind #hether (amireA #as a 5amien or a (ichard beneath all those clothes. + kne# for a fact that (ichards didnt kiss like this. *e #as a 5amien through and through. *is hands slid up my shirt and + did a Kuick mental in"entory. 1egs sha"edG >o granny pantiesG /ust in case condom still in my purseG Check! check! and check. 7eefcakes )irl did a mental #oohoo! as + kissed him back. *is tongue touched mine and + suddenly felt like (amireA #as #earing #ay too many clothes. + slid my hands do#n his chest! fumbling like a ner"ous teenager at his belt buckle until his T-shirt came untucked. *e didnt protest in the least as + slid the fabric up and o"er his head. Though he did groan a little as + trailed my hands do#n his abdomen. )ood lord! this guy #as built. + bet he #orked out more than 5ana.

(amireA picked me up like + #eighed less than nothing and sat me on the kitchen counter. .y skirt hiked up as his hands slid up my thighs! past my knees! past the oh-that-tickles spot! and on into #heres-that-freaking-condom territory. + #ent back to fumbling #ith his belt buckle again. e #ere suddenly in a race. ho could get their clothes off fastest and the #inner recei"ed the orgasm of their life. (amireAs shoes #ent flying across the room. .y silk blouse #as ripped off so fast one of the buttons popped off! pinging against my micro#a"e. .y bra #as do#n around my #aist and + heard the unmistakable sound of (amireAs Aipper sliding open. And then he froAe. ,kay! through my "odka-hormone cocktail it took me a second to realiAe he #asnt kissing me back anymore. 7ut #hen + did! + sa# he #as staring at a spot behind me. $ hatG% + asked. $ hats #rongG% $ hat is thatG% + turned around to see #hat he #as staring at. .y heart sank. The 9PT. $-h! its nothing. /ust! um! a little pregnancy test.% +t #as as if +d said! $/ust a little nuclear bomb.% (amireA instantly put t#o feet bet#een us! still staring at the bomb like it might go off any second. $ hy do you ha"e a pregnancy test on your kitchen counterG Are you pregnantG% *e stared at my belly. Thankfully! + #as still flat as a board. 7ut + could see him mentally putting a basketball there. $>o! + mean! + dont kno#. + dont think so. ellM maybe.% *is gaAe #hipped #ildly from the test to me. Then he muttered a! $/esus!% and sat do#n on my futon! scrubbing a hand o"er his face. + slid off the counter! shrugging back into my bra as + sat do#n beside him. $(ichardsG% he asked.

+ nodded. $/esus!% he said again. $ hy didnt you tell meG% $+ didnt kno# if there #as anything to tell. And! #ell! + dont kno#! youre a cop and you thought + #as in )reen#ays room. And then you came here and you looked so nice and you kissed me! and that #as reall nice! and #ell! + Bust kind of forgot to mention it.% $6ou forgotG% *e stared at me. $-h huh.% +n my defense! (amireA shirtless #as enough to make a #oman forget her o#n name. $*ell! this isM this #asM% *e #a"ed his arms from me to the 9PT! seemingly searching for the right #ords. .y heart bottomed out #hen he found them. $A mistake!% he finally said. $This #as a huge mistake coming here.% A mistake. .y bottom lip Kui"ered. ,kay! so maybe it #as a mistake. +n fact! +m sure had #e actually had se'! + #ould ha"e been thinking the same thing as soon as the 0irgin .arys #ore off. 7ut did he ha"e to say it like thatG + #rapped my arms around my middle! suddenly "ery conscious of the fact my shirt #as on the other side of the room. $.aybe you should Bust go then!% + said. Then bit my lo#er lip to stop that damn Kui"ering. $6oure right. + should go.% (amireA got up and retrie"ed his shirt from the floor. $&ine!% + spat back. +m not sure #hy + #as so mad at him! but it beat being mad at myself. $)o then.% $*ey! look! + didnt mean for this to happen. + didnt come here for this!% he said! gesturing the counter #here #ed been this close to being the stars of our "ery o#n porno flick. $,h! so youre saying this is my faultG That + thre# myself at youG That +m some kind of drunken hussyG% The closer the #ords hit to home the louder + said them. 5amn. +

had thro#n myself a little hadnt +G 7ut hed been more than #illing to catch me. $+ didnt say that. 6oure not a drunken-% *e paused. $ ait! youre pregnant and you #ent out and got drunkG% *e stared at me as if +d Bust confessed to shooting my grandmother. That did it. The Kui"ering lip shook out of control and big fat tears rolled out of my eyes. 5id + mention + also tend to get a little emotional #hen +m drunkG $+-+-+m a horrible p-p-person!% + #ailed. $,h! /esus.% $+ll be a horrible m-m-mother.% (amireA sat do#n beside me. $>o! you #ont. +m sure youll be a fine mother.% $+ didnt mean to get drunk. + #as tricked. + #ould n-nne"er hurt a baby.% .y #ords #ere coming out in big slobbery sobs and + #as pretty sure my nose #as running too. This #as about as unse'y as you could get. $*ey! its okay. +m sure the baby is okay.% $+f there is a baby!% + reminded him bet#een sniffles. $(ight. +f there is one.% *e put his arm around me. $+m sorry.% + sniffed again. $+m a mess.% (amireA looked at me. *e pushed one stray strand of hair behind my ear. ,ddly enough it #as an e"en more intimate gesture than ha"ing his hands up my shirt. .oreM touching. o#. ho kne# 7ad Cop had a soft sideG $6oure not a mess. 6oull make a beautiful mother.% ,kay! so + kne# he #as lying. + #as so far from beautiful right no#. .y mascara must be in streaks! my nose #as running and red! and +m sure my eyes #ere once again puffier than the .ichelin man. 7ut it #as a nice lie. And he #as a nice guy to say it. $+m sorry!% + said again. $+m sure you ha"e stuff to do. +mportant 7ad Cop stuff.%

*e smiled. >ot that smirky smile and not the se'y! #olfish grin either. /ust a smile! like maybe deep do#n he really didnt think + #as such a mess after all. $>ope!% he said. $+"e got no#here to go.% *e pulled me close to him and + laid my head do#n on his chest. + could hear his heart beating. +t #as a comforting sound. *e smelled like fresh laundry and mello# aftersha"e. + took a deep breath! inhaling his scent. + closed my eyes. + #asnt sure if it #as the "odka! the good cry! or (amireAs steady heartbeat beneath my cheek! but for the first time in days + felt peaceful. Calm! peaceful and so "ery rela'ed. + closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift! feeling utterly comfortable in (amireAs arms. 8 8 8 + heard a phone ringing! echoing through my head like a car #ith too much bass. Slo#ly + fle'ed one limb! then the other. .y neck #as stiff! like +d fallen asleep sitting up and my mouth felt like sandpaper. + managed to open one eye a crack. And sa# (amireA. 6ikes! + blinked hard against the assault of sunlight coming through my #indo#s. hat the hell #as (amireA doing in my apartmentG *is head #as lolled back on the futon cushions! his mouth slightly open as his slept! making deep breathing sounds. Slo#ly it came back to me as + #atched him. The 0irgin .arys! the 9PT. (amireAs hands up my shirt. -hn. + groaned. ,h )od! +d practically thro#n myself at him. And then ba#led all o"er him. +d made a drunken fool of myself. + shook my head. ,uch. And + had the headache to pro"e it. And #here the hell #as that ringing coming fromG

+ do"e for my purse on the floor! e"ery mo"ement Barring my head until it pounded like a marching band. ,h my )od! someone stop the ringing! $*elloG% + croaked as + found my cell phone. $.addie! here the hell are youG% + held the phone a#ay from my ear! 5anas shrill shriek assaulting me in so many #ays + couldnt keep track. $Shhhhh. *ango"er.% $,h my )od! .ads. 6oure hung o"erG + kne# + should ha"e picked you up this morning.% Picked me upG And then through my hung o"er haAe + had a moment of clarity. ,h shit. The #edding! + spun around! producing a ne# round of pain in my temples! and looked at the clock on my kitchen #all. ,h shit. =<N<<! $.addieG Are you still thereG The ceremony starts in half an hour. 6our mom is starting to freak.% $+ll be right there. 5ont start #ithout me% + hung up! thro#ing the phone do#n on the carpet. $Shit!% (amireA opened one sleepy eye. $ hat time is itG% $Ten. +m late. + gotta go. Shit!% + ran to my closet and pulled the Purple People 9ater out of its garment bag. + didnt e"en take the time to grimace as + stripped off the rest of my librarian outfit and thre# it o"er my head. *ad + more time + might ha"e #aited until (amireA #as gone to strip do#n. As it #as! + think the sight of me half naked and running around like a craAy #oman #oke him up Kuickly enough. $1ate for #hatG% $ edding. .oms #edding. (i"erside. Shit!% + panted! trying to get the Purple People 9ater closed in the back. (amireA stood up and helped me #ith the Aipper. $Thanks.%

$*o# late are youG% he asked! still rubbing his eyes. $1ate. (i"erside in half an hour late. + am so freaking late!% + looked #ildly around for my dyed purple shoes. + found one under my dra#ing table and hopped around looking for the other as + scooped my cell phone back into my purse. $,kay! +ll dri"e.% + stopped hopping and stared. ,kay - my first thought #hen .om told me she #as getting married 3after the initial shock that (alph #as! in fact! straight4 #as of the a#esome act of )od it #ould take to get (ichard to come to the #edding #ith me. ed only been dating four months and the edding 5ate is really more of a si' months-and-up kind of e"ent. (ating Bust after meet-theparents! and Bust before buying a puppy together. After #eeks of procrastinating! and #eeks more of begging! pleading and playing the #ere-not-ha"ing-se'-until-you-relent game! +d finally con"inced (ichard to go on the promise he could lea"e early if they started doing the chicken dance. And! after one drunken night of .addie the *orny Tear &actory! (amireA #anted to go to the #edding #ith meG + must ha"e looked as shocked as + felt! because (amireA grinned as he e'plained. $.y car has a siren. ell be able to get through traffic.% (ight. Siren. 5uh. + shook off the tiny prickle of disappointment that he #anted a Kuick route and not an e"ening of close dancing #ith me as + found my other shoe and made a mad dash for (amireAs S-0. -sually the dri"e from Santa .onica to (i"erside is a good hour and a half Q Santa .onica bordering the ocean and (i"erside bordering the last kno#n outpost of ci"iliAation before heading into the desert of double#ides bet#een 1.A. and 1as 0egas. *o#e"er! #ith (amireAs police siren blaring do#n the =<! #e made it in t#enty-fi"e. +t #as a good thing too because as #e pulled up in front of the )arden )rande

.otel! .om and .rs. (osenblatt #ere pacing up and do#n like t#o "intage kitchy 9nergiAer bunnies. $ here the hell ha"e you beenG% .om shrieked at me as + catapulted myself from the car. $Sorry! + o"erslept.% .rs. (osenblatt looked (amireA up and do#n. *er gaAe settled in his package region. $+ can see #hy.% .y cheeks turned into t#o flaming pools of la"a. (amireA Bust grinned. $6ou! come #ith me!% .rs. (osenblatt instructed him. $+"e got the perfect seat for you.% 7efore + could protest she grabbed (amireA by the arm and steered him to#ard the back garden. $>o hes Bust dropping me off! andM% + trailed off. hat #as the pointG .rs. (osenblatt #ould probably Bust lecture me on the importance of se' for a healthy aura. (amireA Bust shrugged and grinned at me o"er his shoulder as .rs. (osenblatt led him a#ay. +f + hadnt kno#n better! +d ha"e thought he #as enBoying this. $ here is (ichardG% .om looked from me to (amireAs retreating form #ith narro#ed eyes. $-h! #ell! (ichard is kind of! umM% .om #a"ed her hands in the air. $>e"er mind. +t doesnt matter. 6oure here. +m getting married. Thats all that matters.% .oms hands stopped #a"ing. *er eyes got round. She "isibly paled under her thick layer of foundation and startling blue eyeliner. $,h )od. +m getting married.% And then my mother began to hyper"entilate. (ight there on the side#alk in front of the )arden )rande .otel in an empire #aisted #edding dress #ith a t#o foot long train .om had the breakdo#n to end all breakdo#ns. $,h )od. + dont think + can do this! .addie. + mean! + #ant this!% she #ent on! $7ut oh my )od! +m getting married! and + s#ore + #ould ne"er do this again! and maybe #e should

#ait! maybe #e should do it in the church after all! #hat if )od really does #ant me to be Catholic! and #hat if he puts a curse upon our marriage! .addie! you kno# + cant take another failed marriage! + need )od to be on my side! .ads.% .y head pounded! the marching band bringing out the big cymbals. $Take a breath. Pause for a period.% .om took another deep breath! still looking like she needed a paper bag. $ hat am + going to do if + blo# this marriage tooG + dont kno# if + can do this.% $.om! if you dont #ant to do this! no#s the time.% Am + a bad person that + almost hoped shed change her mind and + could go home and commune #ith my .r. Coffee instead of parading do#n the aisle in 7arney on Crack for all to seeG She bit her lip! creating little red lipstick flecks on her teeth. $+ do .ads. 7ut! its Bust been the t#o of us for so long. And! #ell! (alphs great! but e"erythings about to change. And + dont kno# if + can take it. The change. .aybe +m Bust too old for change.% And + realiAed as + stared at my mothers IJ<s blue eyeshado# and lipstick stained teeth! so #as +. .aybe that #as #hy +d blocked out all things #edding for the past three months. + #as afraid things #ere going to change. That +d lose my keds-#ith-floral-.umus .om to &ernandos ultra chic #orld. And Bust as Kuickly + realiAed ho# ridiculous that #as. There #asnt a designer in 7e"erly *ills strong enough to pry my mom out of her =CJS #ays! and to be honest! + didnt think (alph e"en #anted to try. Any man #ho #ould lo"e .om! blue eye-shado# and all! passed muster #ith me. + #asnt losing a mom. + #as gaining a dad. A &au' 5ad. $.om! do you lo"e (alphG% .om nodded #ithout hesitation. $+ do.%

+ ga"e her arm a Kuick sKueeAe. $Then lets go get married.% .oms eyes teared up and she caught me in a hug that crushed my ribs e"en harder than the Purple People 9ater. + held onto her hand as #e took our places behind a bo'#ood hedge Bust as the strains of the #edding march began to play.

'ha(ter )i-teen $E"er #od on the dan*e floor for the *hi*&en dan*e! (amireA leaned in close. $/ust so you kno#! this more than makes up for dinner at my moms.% >o kidding. Actually (amireA had been a pretty good sport about this #hole thing! sitting all the #ay through the ceremony! e"en #hen my +rish Catholic )randmother started saying her rosary half#ay through the +-dos! and e"en #hen e"ery one of my cousins! aunts! uncles! and members of my mothers +nternet chat groups insisted on meeting .addies >e# )uy. All things considered! 7ad Cop #as turning out to be an okay date. e #ere seated at one of the ten round tables in the )arden )randes $great hall% 3think 9lks lodge dPcor - peeling #ood toned "inyl #alls and grade school cafeteria linoleum4. .olly the 7reeder sat across from me #ith her husband! Stan. 5ana and an e'hausted looking >o >eck )uy #ere flapping their #ings on the dance floor! and (amireA #as sitting on my left. 7eside him sat my +rish Catholic )randmother! back straight! lips pinched into a tight line! eyes narro# and shre#d! flicking bet#een (amireAs tell-tale stubble and my naked left finger. $.addison! are you going to mass tomorro# morningG% she asked! her steely blue eyes sKuinting up at me. 35espite my petite status! my grandmother makes me look like a giant! topping out at Bust under E==%.4 $,f course! )randmother.% + figured this didnt really count as a lie because it #as for a good cause. +f my

grandmother thought + didnt go to mass! she might ha"e a heart attack and die here on the spot. So! really! + #as sa"ing her life #ith this lie. 0ery noble! #hen you look at it that #ay. $*o# about the ne# guyG% She gestured to (amireA as if he #erent there. $5oes he go to massG% $-hM% + #as stumped. $.y family goes to St. /ohn 0ianney!% (amireA cut in. *e #as CatholicG ,hmigod. + think my grandmother might Bust die a happy #oman. .addie had actually brought home a good Catholic boy. ell! a Catholic boy at any rate. The Bury #as still out on the good part. .y grandmothers eyes narro#ed like a cats. $St. /ohn 0ianneyG 5o you kno# &ather .ichaelG% She #as testing him. $+ do. +n fact + #orked #ith him last year to establish an after school program to keep teens a#ay from crime. +ll tell him you"e been asking after him.% )randmothers #rinkles parted in a small smile! nodding! and + had a sneaking suspicion mentally booking the St. .arks chapel for the Springer-(amireA #edding. (amireA leaned in close. $+ think granny likes me.% Then he #inked at me and + felt his hand rest on my knee. + Bumped. + #asnt entirely sure if (amireA #as here as my ride! my date! or to keep me under sur"eillance in case (ichard tried to contact me. )ranted! +d Bust spent the night drooling on his chest. And he was here #ith me at my mothers #edding! charming the dentures off )randmother. And! as +d sampled last night! hed take home the gold in the kissing ,lympics. 7ut #ith the "odka slo#ly seeping out of my system! reality #as rearing her ugly head again. And in reality! (amireA #as on a case! (ichard #as on the lam! and + #as someho# stuck in the middle! not sure #hose side to be on. + #as pretty sure + no# hated (ichard. +t #as hard not to hate a man #ho married a 5isney character. 7ut someho# +

#asnt ready to totally #rite him off either. At least! not #ithout hearing his side of the story. 9"en #ithout taking into account my late factor! (ichard and + had a history together. And + #asnt Kuite ready to thro# that all a#ay. The #hole situation still left me #ith a sKuishy sensation in my stomach! like that time in second grade #hen +d eaten a bad burrito and done one too many flips around the monkey bars. 7ut + didnt mo"e (amireAs hand. $ asnt it a lo"ely ceremonyG% .olly piped in. )randmother snorted. $>o priest. Ci"iliAed people get married in a church #ith a priest! not on some la#n.% She turned to (amireA. $.olly got married at St. .arks. .ll our girls get married at St. .arks!% she emphasiAed. (amireA ga"e me the raised eyebro#. + pretended to find an interesting piece of lint on the Purple People 9ater. $,ur #edding #as so beautiful!% .olly #ent on. $ e had the traditional #hite roses e"ery#here! and my go#n #as this #hite! lace creation that had this long! lo"ely train that- Stan! get your son! hes climbing on the podium again. Any#ay! the train #ent on for miles. + had to ha"e a train bearer! can you belie"e itG + felt Bust like a princess and- Stan! get him! hes going to pull the #hole thing o"er! hat #as + sayingG ,h! yes! St. .arks. ell! it #as Bust a lo"ely ceremony. 6ou ha"e to get &ather /acobs to do your #edding! hes Bust the mostQ Stan! + s#ear if you feed that boy any more cake +m going to castrate you! )et him do#n from there! no#! Any#ay! #here #as +G% + stared! my Ba# hanging open like a cartoon. + think + #as ha"ing a terrible glimpse into my future. 1ike the ghost of pregnancy hormones yet to come. + grabbed my #ater glass and took a big gulp! trying to fend off hysteria! and made a mental note to take that test #hen + got home. Stan mumbled something that sounded like $four more months of this!% before lea"ing the table to #rangle his cake eating monsters.

$.olly has three children already!% )randmother informed (amireA. $+f you #ant a big family! youll ha"e to start soon. .addies not getting any younger! you kno#.% + choked on the #ater! making coughing sounds as + tried not to spe# it across the table. (amireA looked like he #as trying hard not to laugh. $ ell get right on that.% *e flashed )randma a smile that #as all teeth and + felt his fingers curl around my knee. + took another sip of #ater. $+m glad to hear that.% +n fact! )randmother looked about as pleased as #hen .olly had promised shed thin& about sending her oldest boy in to the priesthood. )reat. .y moms bouKuet not e"en cold yet and already )randmother #as trying to marry me off #ith a corral full of cake eating! podium toppling monsters of my o#n. + tried to think of a tactful #ay of saying (amireA #as Bust my ride. .y ride #ho kept sKueeAing my knee under the table. 7efore + could sort that one out! my cell phone rang. )randmother ga"e me a stern look that ob"iously said cell phones #ere on the )ar and Pea*e siAed list of things she didnt appro"e of. $9'cuse me!% + said! grabbing my phone and stepping a#ay from the table. The readout #as an J=J area code + didnt recogniAe. $*elloG% + ans#ered! putting a hand o"er my other ear to block out the strains of the chicken dance. $*i. +m returning a call from .addie SpringerG% $This is .addieG% $This is Andi /ameson.% .y ears perked up. .istress number t#o. $6es! thanks for calling me back. + actually #anted to ask you a of couple Kuestions about 5e"on )reen#ay.% Andi #as Kuiet on the other end. $6ou did kno# him! rightG%

$6es!% she said hesitantly. $ ho did you say you #ere againG% + decided to stick #ith the story +d told 7unny. $+m #ith the L(.( Informer. ere doing a piece on .r. )reen#ays tragic passing and +m speaking to anyone #ho #as close to him.% Andi didnt respond. 7ut! she didnt hang up either! so + plo#ed ahead. $&rom #hat + understand! you used to date .r. )reen#ayG% $1isten! + dont kno# if + feel comfortable talking about this to the press.% Shit. + bit my lip! trying to think fast. Think like a used car salesman. $,kay! heres the deal. +m not really #ith the press. +! uh! + dated )reen#ay too! and + #as Bust trying to find out ho# many other #omen he scre#ed o"er by failing to mention he #as married.% ,kay! a lie. 7ut the anger about ha"ing a boyfriend forgetting to mention his marriage #as real. And it seemed to hit home. $)od! you tooG% Andi sighed into the phone. $ ould you belie"e + didnt e"en find out about it until + sa# his #ifes body on the ne#s. hat a cheating scum.% $>o kidding.% >o# #e #ere getting some#here. + #ondered Bust ho# angry Andi had been #hen she sa# the ne#s. Angry enough to kill someoneG $*o# long did you date 5e"onG% + asked. $Si' months. *e said he #as going to marry me. *e said he #as going to buy me a big house in the hills and #ed get married. hat a load of bullshit.% $6ep! men are scum.% + #as getting into this. $All men should be reKuired to ha"e their marital status tattooed on their foreheads.% $7etter yet! tattoo it on their dicks.% ,uch. $So! #hen #as the last time you sa# 5e"onG%

$A couple #eeks ago. *e said he #as going out of to#n for a #hile. 7astard. Probably Bust shacking up #ith some #hore. >o offense.% $>one taken.% o#! she #as really pissed. + #ondered if + could goad her into telling me if she o#ned a gun. $.an! #hen + found out about his #ife! + #as so angry! + could ha"e killed him. + guess someone beat me to it.% + laughed ner"ously. Andi #as Kuiet. + prodded a little further. $+ sure #ould like to shake the #omans hand #ho did it. She did us both a huge fa"or! huhG% Silence again. 5amn. .aybe +d laid it on too thick. Then she spoke in a slo#! calm "oice. $6ou #ant to kno# #hat + didG% The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. as + about to hear a murder confessionG + #as almost afraid to ask. $ hatG% $+ dro"e to his house! + snuck into the garage and car"ed the #ords Ipencil dick into the hood of his precious .ercedes.% Andi burst out laughing. 5amn. >ot the confession +d been looking for. *o#e"er! + filed the pencil dick thing a#ay for future reference. (ichard did think a little too highly of his beamerM $.ind if + ask #here you #ere t#o nights agoG% + asked as Andi finally got her laughter under control. $6oga Class. +m trying to find some inner peace.% )ood plan. $,h! hey! one more thing. -m! you dont happen to o#n a leopard print thong! do youG% + asked. $>o. hyG% $,h! no reason. Thanks again.% + hung up! not feeling like +d really learned anything. 9'pect that Andi /ameson had anger management issues. >ot that + blamed her. 2eying a fifty thousand dollar car did sound

sort of therapeutic. + mentally added her name to the list of contenders for hen .istresses Attack. + flipped my phone shut and turned around to find (amireA standing behind me. + let out a little! $9ek!% $ ho #as thatG% he asked. $>o one. >obody. /ust a friend.% *e narro#ed his eyes at me and + felt my cheeks gro#ing hot. $This friend #ouldnt happen to be #anted for murder #ould heG% + put my hands on my hips. $/ust #hat are you implyingG% $>othing. 7ut you #ould tell me if (ichard called you! rightG% $,f course + #ould.% ,nly it came out sounding so #eak + dont think either of us #as con"inced. hich of course made me e"en more defensi"e. $Are you saying you dont trust meG% $+ didnt say that.% $7ut you implied itG /ust like you implied you #ere going to gi"e my grandmother a handful of Catholic babies. +ll ha"e you kno# +m not a baby factory. + ha"e good legs! +m not thro#ing that a#ay. And + can most certainly ha"e friends #ho call me #ho arent (ichard. And + can talk to them any time + #ant #ithout ans#ering to you.% $,h /esus.% (amireA rolled his eyes. $ hatG hat is thatG That eye rolly thingG% $6oure getting hormonal on me no# arent youG% ,kay! if theres one thing you dont e"er say to a #oman on the edge its that shes hormonal. $+m whatG 1ook! youre the one that came to my apartment last night! .r. +-cant-keep-my-pants-on. So dont ou lecture me about hormones.% (amireA grinned! that infuriatingly se'y dimple flashing in his cheek. $+ didnt hear you complain last night.% $6eah! #ell! + #as drunk.%

*e took a step closer. $Are you drunk no#G% $ hatG >o! +m not drunk no#! +m-% 7ut + didnt get to finish my rant as (amireAs mouth #as suddenly co"ering mine. + #as poised to push him a#ay #ith enough force to knock that se'y grin off his face! but the second his lips touched mine! the only thing + felt #as a serious case of lust. Starting in my chest and settling some#here bet#een my legs. + grabbed onto his neck! more for support than anything! my body melting like a *ersheys kiss on a sunny day. Thats it. >o denying it. + had a case of the +#ant-(amireAes and + had it bad. /ust as the back seat of (amireAs S-0 #as starting to sound pretty good! he stepped back. $ hat #as thatG% + asked bet#een short breaths. + think + #as panting. *e grinned. $That #as me pro"ing a point. Any complaintsG% +t #as official. + hated him. .y head hurt and + think my hango"er #as back. ,nly + felt tired! grouchy and sKuishy stomached all at the same time. (amireA #as first and foremost a cop. And despite the fact my grandmother might think he #as a good catholic boy! he #as not happily-e"er-after material. ,r e"en boyfriend material for that matter. 7esides! + already had a boyfriend. Sort of. $1ook! +! uh! + need to use the ladies room.% hat + needed #as a cold sho#er. And then a shrink. (amireA the *ormone .achine had me so confused + didnt kno# #hat + felt anymore. ,ne minute +m designing Stra#berry Shortcake high tops and #ondering #hen those cute suede boots #ould go on sale! and the ne't +m tracking do#n murderers! dressing as a hooker and "isiting porn studios. >ot to mention making out #ith se'y detecti"es at my mothers #edding. +t #as all too much.

+ left (amireA in the great hall and rounded the corner into the motel lobby! not e"en sure #here + #as going. + #alked up to the front desk. $9'cuse me! #heres your ladies roomG% The clerk indicated a narro# hall#ay. $5o#n the hall! to the left.% $Thanks.% + follo#ed the hall#ay! ignoring the peeling paisley #allpaper and shag carpeting beneath my feet. +n fact! + #as so self-absorbed #ith the Law $ %rder meets I Lo"e Lu* farce my life had become that + didnt e"en see him until + plo#ed smack into the man coming out of the mens room. $,h! sorry! +-% + paused. .y eyes gro#ing #ide! my Ba# dropping and my heart doing one big thump in my chest. + looked up and stared right into the perfect blue eyes of .r. Cinderella himself. (ichard.

'ha(ter Si+teen $.addieG% (ichard looked #ildly from side to side as if e'pecting +d brought the entire mounted Cal"ary #ith me. hich! + guess + almost had! if you counted the #edding guests. $ hat the hell are you doing hereG% + tried to ans#er but + think +d s#allo#ed my tongue. +t #as like seeing a ghost. *e #as dressed in the same pressed slacks +d come to e'pect! his button do#n shirt opened at the collar! co"ered by a tasteful sport coat. *e looked like hed Bust come from the office! or a client meeting! instead of being on the run for the last #eek. + almost #anted to reach out and touch him Bust to make sure + #asnt hallucinating this #hole thing. 9ither that or smack him across his perfectly sha"ed cheeks. $.eG% + finally gasped out! in sort of a strangled cry. $ hat the hell are ou doing hereG% $>othing.% (ichard shifted from foot to foot! still looking o"er my shoulder at the empty lobby. $+ mean! +! uh! +"e been staying here for a fe# days. + Bust needed to get a#ay for a #hile.% + snorted. $A#ay from )reen#ay or a#ay from the copsG ,h! + kno#! maybe a#ay from your #ife.% *e froAe. *is eyes meeting mine. $6ou kno# about her.% $(ichard! + kno# e"erything.% hich #as a slight e'aggeration. $1ook! maybe #e should Bust go up to my room and talk.% *e looked o"er my shoulder again.

+ bit my lip. + #as dying to ask (ichard about a million different Kuestions! starting #ith #hat the hell is up #ith CinderellaG 7ut! #hile + mostly belie"ed (ichard had nothing to do #ith the hole in )reen#ays head! + #as still a little reluctant to go off alone #ith him. *e must ha"e sensed it because he grabbed my hand in both of his and looked at me #ith those sad little boy eyes that al#ays melted me. $Please! pumpkinG% + took a deep breath. $&ine! #ell go up to your room.% + told myself it #as because + didnt #ant .olly the 7reeder to stumble into the lobby and #itness me ripping the designer slacks #earing crap #easel a ne# one. >ot because hearing him call me pumpkin suddenly filled me #ith a longing for a simpler time #hen deciding if + should be lea"ing my toothbrush in (ichards medicine cabinet #as my biggest #orry. $7ut Bust for a minute!% + added. $+ ha"e to get back to the reception.% $(eceptionG% *e glanced do#n at my go#n as if Bust noticing the purple monstrosity for the first time. $6es! reception. .y mom Bust got married. The #edding #as going to be in .alibu! but #eather issues forced usM% + glanced around at the 9lks 1odge chic interior. $Mhere. 6ou #ere supposed to go #ith me! you kno#.% $(ight. Sorry! pumpkin.% ,nly he didnt look sorry at all. *e looked ner"ous. And he kept glancing back at the lobby like any second he e'pected someone to come bursting through the doors #ith guns dra#n. .aybe (amireA. + shuddered at that thought! suddenly as eager to get (ichard out of sight as he #as. + follo#ed him do#n the hall to the ele"ators and up to the second floor. *e paused outside room t#o-fourteen and unlocked the door. The room #asnt much to speak of. A double bed co"ered #ith a desert motif spread! t#o #atery prints on the #all and a T0 stand and small #riting desk in one

corner. All standard roadside motel issue. (ichard immediately #ent to the #indo#s and peeked out bet#een the rust colored curtains. $(ichard! maybe you should tell me #hats going on here.% $>othings going on. + told you! + Bust needed to get a#ay.% $(ight. And this is really Club .ed. Time to Kuit sho"eling the bullshit! (ichard.% *e crossed the room and sat do#n on the bed. *e still looked Bumpy! his body humming #ith ner"ous energy. $All right! look! .addie. +ll tell you. 7ut + dont #ant you to get mad at me.% &at chance of that. 7ut + nodded any#ay. (ichard sighed. $+ didnt mean for things to get this out of hand. And +m sorry + Bust left like that! but + couldnt take the chance of anyone follo#ing me. + had to get out of there.% $7ecause of )reen#ayG% $6eah.% + sat do#n beside him. *e looked so pathetic + almost felt sorry for him. $.aybe youd better start at the beginning.% (ichard sighed again. Then he proceeded to tell much the same story (amireA had. (ichard had been in debt. So! #hen his client! 5e"on )reen#ay! #anted to shuffle some money around! (ichard had agreed to help set up the dummy corporations in .rs. )reen#ays name in e'change for a small cut of the profits. T#o million dollars small. 3*e so o#ed me a pair of really e'pensi"e 7lahniks #hen this #as all o"er.4 The plan had been to funnel e"erything into S#iss bank accounts and no one #ould be the #iser. ,nly an o"er Aealous accounting clerk at Securities and 9'change had found a minor accounting error. Thats #hen e"erything started to go #rong. To make matters #orse! some#here in all the paper shuffling! the t#enty mil had disappeared. )reen#ay had suspected (ichard of taking it! and (ichard had suspected )reen#ay #as holding out on him. >either #as #illing to

lea"e to#n #ithout it! but #ith >e#Tone suddenly under in"estigation! theyd both gone into hiding. $*o# do you Bust lose t#enty million dollarsG% + asked #hen he finished the narrati"e. $+ dont kno#. e had the money tra"el through a series of different accounts to lose the paper trail. And its not in any of them.% $ ell! #ho had access to those accountsG% $/ust )reen#ay! his #ife! and +.% (ichard paused. *e must ha"e read the facts settling on my face because he Kuickly protested! his "oice going high and #hiney. $1ook! + kno# this looks bad! but you"e got to belie"e me. + had nothing to do #ith killing anyone. +"e been here the #hole time. Pumpkin! + s#ear + #ouldnt do that.% As much as this ne# #hiney side of (ichard #as starting to annoy me! + #as inclined to belie"e him. + didnt think (ichard had the stomach to shoot a man. >e"er mind dri"e into the 0alley. An alternati"e bre#ed in the back of my mind as (ichard got up and checked the #indo#s again. 7unny had admitted that shed been present at one of )reen#ay and (ichards meetings. hat if )reen#ay had been as careless #ith his other lady friendsG hat if one of the 7imbo Parade #as smarter than she appearedG -nfortunately the list of )reen#ays bedtime playmates #as about as long as my mothers "intage #edding train. + #as about to ask (ichard #hat he kne# about )reen#ays e'tra curricular acti"ities #hen a knock sounded at the door. .y stomach Bumped into my throat. (amireA. (ichard leapt a#ay from the #indo#! his gaAe #hipping #ildly from me to the door. $ ho is thatG% + bit my lip. $ ell! +! uh! kind of got a replacement date to the #edding.%

$(eplacement dateG% $.ore like a ride! really.% ith the added perks of knee grabbing and &rench kissing. (ichard #a"ed his hands in the air. $1ook! Bust get rid of him.% $,pen up! police!% + heard (amireA yell from the other side of the door. $PoliceG!% (ichards "oice rose t#o octa"es and he looked like he had ants in his pants! Bumping from one foot to the other. $6oure dating the policeG% ,kay! + #asnt sure ho# suddenly .r. 5id-+-forget-tomention-+m-.arried #as making me feel guilty! but + kind of did. $Sort of. +ts that detecti"e that came to see you. (amireA.% $5etecti"e (amireA!G 6ou brought him hereG% $+ didnt bring him. *e kind of brought himself.% hich #as the truth. $ ell! make him go a#ay.% (amireA banged on the door again. $(ichard! you cant run fore"er!% + reasoned. $6ou ha"e to turn yourself in.% + mo"ed to#ard the door. 7ut (ichard stopped me! laying a hand on my arm. $5ont do this to me. Please! pumpkin.% -gh. + #as beginning to hate this pumpkin thing. As it turned out + didnt ha"e a choice. 7efore + could e"en Berk free of (ichards grip! (amireA burst through the door! gun dra#n. + #as pretty impressed. +t #as "ery 7ruce illis. $Shit!% (ichard retreated to the far side of the room! hands up in a surrender motion. $5ont shoot! +m unarmed. + kno# the la#. 6ou cant shoot an unarmed man.% (amireA looked from me to (ichard. *e raised his eyebro#s! silently asking if + #as really serious about this clo#n. At the moment! + #as ha"ing my doubts.

$Are you okayG% (amireA asked me. $+m fine.% + paused. $*e didnt do it.% + kno#! it #as a feeble attempt! but + had to make it. And! + realiAed! + honestly belie"ed it. +t #as painfully ob"ious no# that (ichard didnt ha"e the guts to shoot anyone. 7ut it made any trace of (amireAs concern for my safety disappear. *is face settled into those hard Schick commercial lines and Bust like that he #as the unreadable 7ad Cop again. *e crossed the room in one Kuick stride and before + could say .iranda (ights! (ichards hands #ere cuffed behind his back and (amireA #as doing the right to remain silent speech. A lump knotted in my throat and + balled my fists at my sides. ,nly right at the moment + #asnt sure #ho to be more angry at. (ichard for getting in"ol"ed in such a stupid scheme to begin #ith! or (amireA for arresting the father of my possible child. ,r! to be honest! myself! for leading (amireA right to him. + suddenly #ondered if this had been (amireAs plan all along. hy hed sat through my mothers kitschy #edding and made nice #ith )randmother. $6ou cant do this!% + protested. $*es innocent. *e didnt kill anyone.% (amireA #asnt mo"ed. *e didnt e"en look at me! dialing a number into his cell phone instead and reKuesting backup. $*e #as here the #hole time. Please! dont do this.% )od! + #as pleading as pathetically as (ichard had been Bust a minute ago. ,nly (amireA #asnt half as recepti"e as +d been. $+ ha"e a #arrant!% he responded in a flat monotone. $*es #anted for murder. + ha"e to take him in.% $7ut! butM you kissed me!% 7oth (amireA and (ichard turned to look at me. Then at each other. -h oh. + could feel the testosterone le"el rising in the air. $+t #as Bust a little kiss!% + sKueaked out.

*ad (ichard not been in handcuffs! +d like to think he #ould ha"e decked (amireA. +n reality! (amireA #ould ha"e had him flat on the floor before he e"en thre# a punch. 9ither #ay! they let the animosity lie bet#een them untouched as there #as little (ichard could do besides glare. (amireA held (ichard by the shoulder and escorted him to the door. *e paused as their little parade passed me. $+ assume you can find another ride home.% And then he left. Shit. + picked up the lamp on the #riting desk and thre# it on the floor #ith all my might. /ust my luck it #as plastic and kind of bounced on the shag carpet instead of making a satisfying crash. Tears #elled behind my eyes! but + #as damned if + #as going to cry again. +d done enough of that in the last fe# days to last me a lifetime. And especially not o"er t#o idiots like (ichard and (amireA. + hated them both. (ichard could rot in Bail for all + cared and (amireAM ell (amireA could kiss my granny panties. *ed had his tongue do#n my throat not fifteen minutes ago and no# #ouldnt e"en listen to me. /ust like a man. That #as it. + #as through #ith all of them. The #hole male species. .aybe +d make my grandmother proud and go Boin a con"ent after all. Speaking of )randmotherM + #as pretty sure if + sat here feeling sorry for myself much longer! someone from the reception #ould come looking for me. And + so didnt #ant to ha"e to e'plain this to my relati"es. *o# many *ail .arys did one get for sleeping #ith criminalsG 7ecause it hit me! thats Bust #hat (ichard #as. 9"en if he hadnt had anything to do #ith the murders! hed flat out confessed to the embeAAlement. hite collar or no! that #as a crime. + #as carrying a criminals baby. .aybe. That sKuishy burrito turned into a lead #eight in my stomach.

+ left the room! closing (ichards door behind me and took the ele"ator back do#n to the lobby. + #as sure in a matter of minutes (amireAs backup #ould ha"e CS+ teams combing the room for any speck of incriminating e"idence. And + #asnt in the mood for a lint roll right no#. + hightailed it back into the main hall Bust in time to see .om thro#ing her bouKuet. 7oth .rs. (osenblatt and 5ana made a mad dash for it. A fe# beads popped off .rs. (osenblatts mumu! but 5ana caught the flo#ers in the end. Then gaAed starry eyed at >o >eck. Poor guy! he didnt kno# #hat hed gotten himself into. + think + put on a passably con"incing fa[ade of e"erything #as hunky dory in .addies life for the rest of the reception. + a"oided )randmothers not-so-subtle hinting o"er my biological clock "ersus (amireAs suitable Catholic husband status! and e"en managed not to scratch my o#n eyeballs out through the remo"al of the garter belt! #hich + no# kne# should ne"er be attempted by any bride o"er the age of forty. 6ick. 7y the time #e #ere all blo#ing bubbles out of tiny bell shaped #ands as .om and &au' 5ad Bumped into their =CLE .ercedes #ith the #ords $Bust married% in sha"ing cream on the back #indo#! + felt like +d run a marathon. +f + had to keep the plastic smile #edged on my face any longer + had a feeling +d permanently end up looking like Perky (eporter oman. And as + #atched them dri"e a#ay + had a sudden and profound feeling of loneliness. (ichard #as on his #ay to prison! (amireA Q #hate"er that #as bet#een us Q #as o"er! 5ana and >o >eck had left hand in hand for another night of great se' at the Actors 5uple'! and e"en .om and &au' 5ad #ere in their o#n little honeymoon #orld for t#o #eeks in *a#aii. +t #as Bust me and the Purple People 9ater. 5eep sigh.

.rs. (osenblatt agreed to gi"e me a ride back to 7eefcakes! #here my little red /eep had spent the night. +t #as dark by the time + finally dro"e up to my studio and + #as beyond tired. + #as in that state of feeling sorry for myself that comes Bust before the #alking dead phase of e'haustion. + trudged up the stairs and unlocked the door! not e"en bothering to turn on the lights before + collapsed onto my futon. + ga"e myself fi"e minutes to cry. /ust fi"e. Then! + #as going to be done! finished. ,"er that creep for good. >e"er mind + #asnt Kuite sure #hich creep + #as talking about. (ichard! rightG + mean! (ichard #as the one + should be getting o"er. *e #as the one +d been dating for the past fi"e months! all the #hile blind to the fact hed been married to Cinderella on the side. (ichards betrayal #as #hat should be eating me up inside. ,nly! as + closed my eyes all + could think about #as the #ay (amireAs lips had tasted on mine. 1ike canapPs and champagne. )od + #as pathetic. + rolled o"er and buried my head in a pillo#! my only comfort kno#ing that tomorro# couldnt possibly be #orse than today had been. 8 8 8 + felt sunlight hit my face the ne't morning! but #as almost afraid to open my eyes for fear of #hat ne# disaster might a#ait me. TornadoG *urricaneG PlagueG +t #ouldnt surprise me. ith the #ay my life #as going my aura must be a pukey puce by no#. + summoned up all my courage and cracked one eye open. >o detecti"es sleeping beside me. >o cell phone ringing. >o screeching brides or best friends. So far so good.

)ingerly + got up and flipped on my .r. Coffee. After t#o strong cups + turned on the ne#s to see if (ichard had made the morning report. Perky (eporter oman did a ten second snippet on the arrest of 5e"on )reen#ays la#yer! but the #hole story #as losing steam and had been sand#iched bet#een a segment on a school closure in atts and a dog #ho sniffed out heroin at the airport. The press had mo"ed on. And! honestly! + should too. (ichard probably had a #hole team of la#yers surrounding him by no#! pulling e"ery rabbit out of their legal hats to get him safely back to his leather and chrome condo. hat could + possibly do to help that they couldntG .ore importantly! #hy did + e"en #ant toG + sighed. .y gaAe straying to the 9PT on the counter. Thats #hy. + stared at the little pink bo'. +t stared back and + could s#ear it #as silently mocking me. 3bok! bok! bok4 $&ine! +ll take the damn test!% + yelled to the uni"erse at large. + picked up the stupid little bo' and marched into the bathroom. After reading the instructions only three times 3my hands #ere shaking Bust a little4 + ascertained that + #as supposed to pee for fi"e full seconds on the little cottony strip. &i"e secondsG This #as going to take some preparation. + #ent back to the kitchen and grabbed a liter of 5iet Coke from the fridge. + do#ned half of it! only getting slightly fiAAy nosed from the bubbles. + #aited ten minutes! then took the Coke back into the bathroom #ith me. +t #as no# or ne"er. + clipped my hair back! took a deep breath and did the #hole peeing thing. hich ended up being #ay more complicated than it sounded. hen + finished! + set the test do#n on my bathroom counter to #ait. ,ne line negati"e. T#o linesM +d be asking my mother to pick up another basinet full of booties and binkies. + took a fortifying s#ig of 5iet Coke as + #atched the hands on my #atch cra#l by. Three minutes.

,kay! + could do this. + #as a tough chick. hate"er those pink lines thre# at me! + could handle this! rightG ,kay! so maybe +d ha"e to take little (itchie /unior to "isit his father behind bars! and maybe +d ne"er again fit into that cute 5olce crop top again! but + could do this. ,f course! +d ha"e to get a second Bob. Tot Trots barely kept me in Top (amen and pumps! there #as no #ay + could raise a baby on that salary. + looked around my dinky studio. And +d probably ha"e to mo"e back in #ith .om and &au' 5ad. And the /eep #ould ha"e to go. >o #ay #as a con"ertible /eep safe for a baby to ride in. ,h )od! #ould + ha"e to get a mini "anG + had a "ision of myself in .om clothes from Target! dri"ing a beige ,dyssey and li"ing in the room abo"e my parents garage. >ot surprisingly! + started to hyper"entilate again. + sat do#n hard on the tiled floor and put my head bet#een my knees. -nfortunately! as + flipped my head do#n! my hair clip came undone! flying across the tiny room and knocking into the bottle of 5iet Coke. hich s#ayed precariously on its plastic bottom! then! as + #atched in slo# motion horror! fell o"er and spilled bubbly liKuid all o"er the 9PT. $Shit!% + Bumped up and grabbed a bath to#el! dabbing at the test. + looked do#n. +t #as soaked! the cottony s#ap at the end Kuickly s#elling up like a sponge as the little #indo#s turned a murky caramel color. + sKuinted! trying to make out any faint lines. Preferably Bust one of them. >othing. $Shit! shit! shit!% + sank back do#n to the floor. )reat. >o# #hatG + stared at the ruined 9PT. The #ay + sa# it! + had t#o options. ,ne! go back to the drug store! pick up a ne# test! and go through his #hole thing again. ,r! t#o! hop back on the denial train 37ecause it #as probably Bust stress any#ay. + mean! sometimes stress messed up your hormone! rightG And + had been under a tad bit of stress lately.4 and go back to ticking

off blonde murder suspects to earn my boyfriend that get out of Bail free card. hich #as scarier! murderers or pregnancy testG After my mini "an "ision! that #as a no-brainer. + tossed the Coke stained test in the trash and thre# on a pair of butt hugging Beans #ith my fa"orite red mules! mentally picking up my suspects list again. The only one + had left #as Carol Carter. And the only thing the L(.( Informer had mentioned about her #as that she #as an aspiring actress. +f she #as anything like 5ana! she probably spent her Sundays at the gym! toning and shaping for the coming #eek of auditions. +t #as a long shot! but + hopped in my /eep and pointed it in the direction of the Sunset )ym. T#enty minutes later + #as sho#ing my membership card to the steroid gatekeeper and trying hard not to inhale the stale eau d perspiration as + scanned the cro#ded #orkout room for 5anas perky blonde ponytail. The place #as packed #ith film e'ecs trying to s#eat off their #eekly diet of doughnuts and #anna-be starlets shaking e"ery silicon body part imaginable in hopes of being disco"ered as the ne't ,a wat*h babe. + finally spotted 5ana coaching a dark haired man co"ered in "einy muscles on the leg lift machine in the corner. &eeling conspicuously out of place in my heels! + picked my #ay o"er the medicine balls and stretch mats to the leg lifter. $Thirteen! fourteen! fifteenM and rest. ,kay! check your pulse! Sasha. 6ou shouldnt let it get o"er one-si'ty.% Sasha nodded! s#eat trickling off his forehead as he applied t#o fingers to his neck. $5anaG% + made a little one finger! come here sign. She sa# me and #a"ed. $*ey! #hats upG% 5ana looked do#n at my heels and fro#ned. $6ou cant #ork out in those.% + rolled my eyes. $Can + talk to you for a secG% $Shoot.% + glanced at Sasha.

$,h! sorry!% 5ana said. $.addie! this is Sasha. + told you about him! hes the pyramid bottom for the CirKuP &antastiKue. Sasha! my best friend! .addie.% $+ ha"e been pleased to met you!% Sasha said in a hea"y accent. $.e too. -h! 5ana! can + talk to youG% $Sure. Sasha! do t#o more sets and #ell mo"e on to something else.% Sasha nodded and #ent back to his leg lifts as 5ana follo#ed me out of earshot. $ hats #ith the (ussianG% + asked. $+snt he hotG% + glanced o"er at him! "eins popping out on his neck as he lifted a stack of metal #eights. $+ guess! in a steroid-happy kind of #ay. 7ut #hat about your roommateG% $ ho! .r. Asshole the StripperG% -h oh. Trouble in the Actors 5uple'. $ hat happenedG 6ou t#o #ere all o"er each other last night.% 5ana snorted. $Thats #hat + thought too. ,nly #hen #e got back home + put the bridal bouKuet in the freeAer and he freaked out. *e said he couldnt understand #hy +d #ant to keep it. And + said! I ell duh! + caught the bouKuet. And he said! I ell! #hats so special about thatG And + said! I ell duh! +t means +m the ne't to get married. And he totally freaked out. + mean! + didnt say + #anted to get married to him, right now( 7ut he flipped. *e said that he #as suffocating. That he #asnt ready for a ball and chain. 5o + look like a ball and chainG% $Typical man.% + really #as beginning to hate the #hole gender. $>o shit. Any#ay! + #as like totally crying and Sasha called and he took me out for a cocktail! and! #ell! #e ended up back at his place.%

5ana has got to be the only #oman + kno# #ho can start a story out getting dumped by one guy and end it in some other guys bed. $Any#ay! #hats up #ith youG% she asked. $*o# goes the Charlies Angels searchG% Apparently 5ana hadnt seen the ne#s yet! her attention being consumed by a limber (ussian all night. + Kuickly filled her in on last nights disaster as she gestured Sasha through t#o more rounds of cybe' torture. +t took longer than + thought because the sight of Sashas muscles straining pro"ed to be a little distracting for 5ana! but as #e mo"ed on to the ro#ing machine! + produced the printout from the library! sho#ing her Carol Carters picture. $5o you recogniAe herG% + asked. $Shes an actress and + thought maybe she #orked out here.% 5ana and Sasha both leaned in to look. Sasha let out a lo# #histle. $She is ha"ing the boob that are big like cantaloupe.% $Theyre fake!% + pointed out. 5ana sKuinted at the photo. $ hat did you say her name #asG% $Carol Carter.% $+ ne"er see boob like this. 7oob back home! flat. 1ike pancake food. 1ike biting of bug.% Sasha looked up at me. $1ike you.% 6ep. + hated all men. $The name sounds familiar!% 5ana said! still staring at the photo. $,h! 6ou kno#! #hatG e #ere both up for the role of 7ikini )irl in that teen mo"ie last month.% $6ou be "ery good 7ikini )irl.% Sasha looked 5ana up and do#n. $0ery good.% $Thank you! + thought so too. 7ut + ne"er got a call back.% $Those director blind. 6ou are "ery good body. 6ou ha"e the cur"y boob.%

$,h! youre so s#eet!% 5ana leaned do#n and kissed Sasha. + looked a#ay before + got a glimpse of (ussian tongue. $7ack to Carol Carter!% + interrupted. $6ou dont happen to ha"e her number! do youG% + asked. $>o! sorry. 7ut + do kno# #ho her agent is. Charlie Platt. *es in that big building on the corner of 1e 7rea and *olly#ood.% $5ana! youre a goddess.% + could ha"e hugged her if she #asnt co"ered in gym s#eat. $6ou sure boob is fakeG% Sasha #as still staring at the photo of Carol Carter. $+s "ery bouncy looking.% $Trust me! nature does not come in those siAes!% + said. *e nodded. $6es. .aybe true. >ot so cur"y! like 5ana.% 5ana giggled and kissed Sasha again. This time + definitely sa# tongue. 9#. $ ell! +ll! uh! lea"e you t#o to your #orkoutM% + trailed off as + backed a#ay! but + #as pretty sure no one #as listening to me anymore. + ran back to my /eep and called information for the number of the Platt Agency. -nfortunately + got a recording saying they #ould be closed until four. + glanced do#n at my dash clock. >oon. + decided .c 5onalds #as as good a place as any to #ait it out and put my /eep into gear! hitting the dri"e through. &ifteen minutes later + #as making my #ay through a 7ig .ac! large fries and a stra#berry milkshake. hich unfortunately reminded me of Stra#berry Shortcake. And my e"er more tenuous employment #ith Tot Trots. + still hadnt called them back and + had a feeling if + didnt get those high top designs done soon! unemployment #ould be edging its #ay closer to the top of my list of problems. ith a sigh! + finished off my fries and pointed my /eep to#ard home. +f + put in a good hour of dra#ing before going to find Carol Carter! at least + could call Tot Trots back #ith a clear conscience. + e"en made myself stop by (ite Aid on the

#ay home and bought a ne# pregnancy test. This time + got the delu'e digital "ersion! #hich the pharmacists assured me #as "irtually indestructible. ,nly as + pulled up to my studio! there stood the one thing in the #orld + #anted to see e"en less right no# than t#o baby pink lines. (amireA.

'ha(ter Se*enteen *is arms #ere crossed o"er his chest and his hair #as #et! like hed Bust sho#ered! as he lounged against my front door. + had a bad feeling that if + got too close +d smell that fresh +"ory and aftersha"e mi' that had me sniffing my futon cushions like a bloodhound last night. + told myself not to breathe any of it in as + got out of my /eep. +d pretend that he had no effect on me. *e didnt. So #hat if hed seduced me! met my family and then used me to get to (ichard. + #as not going to lose it. + #as not an emotional girly girl. + #as tough. + #as 5emi .oore in G(I( 8ane. + #as -ma Thurman in ;ill ,ill. + #as cool. Calm. +n control. $*i!% he said. $*iG *i!G 5ont you dare Ihi me. 6ou arrested my boyfriend! After feeling me up. And you ha"e the ner"e to make my grandmother like you. 6ou kno# ho# long +m going to ha"e to hear her ask about that nice Catholic boy no#G So dont you dare Ihi me! youM youM pig!% Cool! in control .addie. 6ep! thats me. -gh. $+ had a #arrant.% *is "oice #as infuriatingly calm. hich of course made mine rise that much more. $6ou used me!% $.eG .addie +m not the one #ho got you pregnant then ditched you for a flea trap in (i"erside.% $1ook! + kno# you think (ichard did this! but +"e been looking into )reen#ays past-%

(amireA rolled his eyes. $/esus! didnt + tell you to lea"e this aloneG% + gritted my teeth and ignored him. $5o you #ant to kno# #hat + found out or notG% $&ine. Can #e go inside firstG% + ga"e him the e"il eye! but had to agree that (ichards status as a felon #as not high on the list of things + #anted to share #ith my neighbors. + unlocked the door to my apartment! marching in ahead of him and laying my ne# 9PT on the kitchen counter. (amireA didnt #ait for an in"itation before follo#ing me in. *e leaned against the door frame counter! arms still crossed o"er his chest! one eyebro# raised in anticipation. $SoG 1ets hear it!% he said #ith a this-oughta-be-good e'pression on his face. + ignored the look! instead sharing my brilliant mistress theory and filling him in on my chats #ith )reen#ays string of big breasted girlfriends. $And all three are blonde and might o#n stilettos!% + finished. $+m not sure. + ha"ent gotten access to their closets yet.% (amireA rolled his eyes again. $ onderful. The great shoe detecti"e.% $*ey! you #ere the one #ho told me about the shoe clue.% ,kay! put like that it did sound like it belonged in a Scooby5oo episode. 7ut + stood my ground! putting my hands on my hips and doing my best dont-mess-#ith-me face. $So! you #ant me to belie"e theres some mysterious thong #earing #oman going around killing peopleG% $>ot people! Bust )reen#ay. And maybe his #ife.% (amireA shook his head. $This is ridiculous. The in"estigation is closed.% $*o# can it be closedG 6ou dont e"en ha"e a murder #eapon yet.% (amireA #ent silent.

+ felt that lead #eight settle in my belly again. $5o you ha"e a murder #eaponG% $The report came back from ballistics. )reen#ay #as shot #ith a .;;! the same caliber #eapon (ichard bought for his #ife last year. She says he asked to borro# it before he left to#n and no# its missing.% + bit my lip. $That doesnt mean (ichard pulled the trigger.% (amireA thre# his hands up. $+ dont understand ho# you can possibly think this guys innocent.% $ hat makes you so sure hes notG% + countered! my "oice starting to rise again. $7ecause hes an asshole! *e lied to you! .addie. *e lied to the police! he lied to his #ife. *es a criminal.% $7ut hes not a murderer.% $ hat! because some porn star found a thongG% $*ey! if youd get your head out of your macho man ass for t#o seconds! youd see that there #ere other people #ith plenty of moti"e to #ant )reen#ay dead. 6ou #ere the one #ho said there #as a stiletto impression and blonde hairs in the room.% $&or )ods sakes! )reen#ay probably had a hooker in his room.% $.etallica said #e #ere the only hookers he sa#.% $)reat! so your #itnesses are a porn star and a stoner. )ee! youre really building a case! >ancy 5re#.% $*ey! + dont appreciate your tone of "oice.% $+ dont appreciate you sticking your nose into my in"estigation.% $+ thought you said your in"estigation #as closed.% $+t is!% $&ine!% $&ine!% e paused for a breath! both our nostrils flaring! glaring like t#o priAe fighters about to start round three.

Then (amireA glanced do#n at the kitchen counter. $Taken that test yetG% $)et out!% + pointed a straight arm at the front door. $)et out! get out! get out!% ,kay! so +d become a scene out of )omen on the 9erge of a Ner"ous ,rea&down. 7ut he #as hitting belo# the belt no#. $&ine!% he yelled one more time before 7ad Cop turned and slammed the door behind him. + picked up the ne# 9PT and thre# it across the room at the closed front door. +t bounced on the floor #ith a little plop. hich #asnt nearly satisfying enough. So! + picked it up and Bumped up and do#n on it a fe# times. .y heel hit the little plastic #indo# #ith a satisfying crunch. Apparently $"irtually indestructible% didnt take into consideration a pissed off #oman #ith spiky heels. + stared at the ruined pile of plastic. 5amn. hat #as #rong #ith me that + couldnt take a simple pregnancy test #ithout becoming Calamity /aneG 5id e"erything + touched ha"e to fall to piecesG Thats it. + seriously needed therapy. +ce cream therapy. + got back in my /eep! dro"e straight to the nearest 7en and /errys shop and ordered a pint of Chunky .onkey. + sat in the parking lot and ate the entire thing. -nfortunately! as + licked bananas and chocolate from my plastic spoon! + realiAed part of #hat (amireA had said #as true. (ichard was a liar. *ed kept his marriage secret from me. And that #as a hell of an omission. 7ut part of me still hoped he had a reasonable e'planation. )ranted it #as a "ery small part. Smaller e"en than my bite-of-bug boobs. 7ut it #as still there! itching at the back of my mind. -rging me to polish off the last of my ice cream therapy and point my /eep in the direction of (ichards office. + #asnt sure #here (amireAs cop friends #ere keeping (ichard! but + kne# someone at 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e #ould. And it #as time to ha"e a little chat #ith my boyfriend.

+ took the =< into do#nto#n! parking across the street from the la# offices as + #asnt in any sort of mood to #alk the t#o blocks from the garage. 9specially since + could feel the afternoon heat creeping into the high nineties again. +nstead! + anteed up the change for the meter and gratefully rode the air conditioned ele"ator up to the fourth floor. As usual! /asmine #as standing sentinel at her desk. She looked up and Kuickly closed #hate"er screen shed been #orking on. + suspected another highly producti"e solitaire game. $6ou again!% she said. $6oure not getting past me this time.% She #agged an acrylic nail at me in scolding. $(ela'! (eceptionist 7arbie. +m here to see about (ichard.% She ga"e me a big! toothy smile! #hich + could s#ear actually said kiss-off-bitch. $(ichard is indisposed! as you may ha"e heard.% $+ kno#. + #ant to speak to #hoe"er is handling his case.% $5o you ha"e an appointmentG% + gritted my teeth. + counted to ten. + promised myself another pint of 7V/s if + made it out of here #ithout strangling her. $>o. + dont ha"e an appointment.% She smirked. + think she li"ed for people #ho didnt ha"e appointments. $Please ha"e a seat and +ll let .r. Chesterton kno# youre here. 7ut!% she added #ith ob"ious glee in her eyes! $it could be a#hile. .r. Chestertons "er busy right no#.% + matched her kiss-off-bitch smile #ith one of my o#n. $+ll #ait.% + sat do#n in a leather chair near the door as .iss PP dialed .r. Chestertons e'tension. She spoke to him for a fe# minutes! then hung up. $*ell be #ith you in a moment!% she said. hich of course by the satisfied gleam in her eyes translated toN )et comfy. +t could be a#hile.

+ held my tongue! instead #atching as she opened her computer screen again! her eyes intent on #hat + guessed #as a "ery difficult card game for a #oman #hose head #as filled #ith silicon. *er e"il 7arbie sense must ha"e felt my eyes on her as she turned around and caught me staring. $ hatG% she asked! one hand on her hip. $>othing. +m Bust amaAed at ho# much you get done around here.% She narro#ed her eyes. $Sarcasm isnt a "ery attracti"e trait.% $>either is bitchiness.% /asmine sco#led at me. At least! she tried to sco#l. *er eyebro#s Bust kind of Bust t#itched. $6our eyebro#s are t#itching.% /asmines hands immediately #ent to her forehead and + had a moment of glee myself as she self-consciously pulled out a compact. $&or you information +m fro#ning at you. +ts the 7oto'. 5r. 7radley says + cant fro#n for another three days.% -gh. .ental forehead slap. $ ell! you look "ery placid.% /asmine snapped her compact shut again. $Thank you.% + refrained from pointing out that it #asnt a compliment. + #as spared further con"ersation about /asmines cosmetic procedure number fi"e thousand and one as the frosted doors opened and .r. Chesterton ambled up to me. $.iss Springer! #ere so sorry to hear about (ichards legal troubles!% he said! taking one of my hands in both of his. .r. Chesterton reminded me of an o"er siAed teddy bear! tall #ith fuAAy cheeks and large hairy hands. *e had a loud! deep "oice that sounded like (aymond 7urr! #hich! +m told! he used to full ad"antage in front of a Bury. + felt a little better kno#ing he #as in charge of (ichards defense. (ight behind him #as Althea! looking especially do#dy today in a checked cardigan! corduroy A-line that reached mid

calf and lo# heeled loafers. *er eyes ne"er strayed higher than knee le"el as she stood meekly beside her employer. $+ cant tell you ho# eager #e all are to get this #hole unpleasantness cleared up!% Chesterton continued. $ ere sparing no e'pense on (ichards account.% Althea nodded beside him like a bobble head. $Thank you!% + said. $+ feel better kno#ing someones on (ichards side. + #as kind of #orried that the police arent looking at any other suspects no#.% .r. Chesterton tilted his head. $,ther suspectsG% $ ell! if (ichard didnt do it! someone else had to!% + reasoned. .r. Chesterton ga"e me a blank look. 1ike the thought of (ichards innocence hadnt e"en occurred to him. ,r! perhaps closer to the mark! Bust didnt interest him. 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e! like most attorneys outside of a tele"ision sound stage! had no time for such tri"ial matters as guilt and innocence. +t #as all about probable cause! technicalities! loopholes! and "ery large retainers. Trying my best to appeal to .r. Chestertons human side! 3Some la#yers ha"e those! rightG4 + Kuickly outlined my mistress theory. + admit! after the less than appreciati"e reception it had Bust gotten #ith (amireA! + #as a little reluctant! especially #ith /asmine hanging on my e"ery #ord! but at this point! + didnt ha"e much to lose. + #as so not doing "isitations at San Ruentin. ,nly #hen + finished! .r. Chestertons blank face ga"e #ay to the kind of patient smile one #ore #ith #hiney children or small! disobedient dogs. $Thats all "eryM interesting. 7ut +ll tell you #hat! #hy dont you Bust let me #orry about ho# to get (ichard out of this Bam.% +t #as that lea"e-it-to-the-big-boys speech again. + #as really beginning to get tired of all these #ig #o s scre#ing #ith m life. $+ #ant to help!% + insisted.

.r. Chesterton put on a placating smile. $ ell! honey! you kno# #hat you could do that #ould really help (ichard the mostG% he asked. + bit my lip. $ hatG% So help me )od! if he said go home and knit + #as going to lose it. $7e (ichards moral support in all this. *e needs someone in his corner. A cheerleader! if you #ill.% +m proud to say + didnt laugh out loud. >ot e"en a little snicker. $Should + go buy pompoms! tooG% 1uckily my sarcasm #as lost on Chesterton. $6ou Bust lea"e e"erything to me. ell get (ichard home soon.% + ga"e up. +t #as clear .r. Chesterton cared e"en less than (amireA about the gro#ing list of #omen #ith a grudge against )reen#ay. And +d had enough arguing #ith pigheaded men for one day. +nstead + listened in silence #hile Chesterton informed me that (ichard #as being arraigned this morning and asking for bail. -nfortunately! since (ichard had already run! it #as more likely hed remain in the custody of the State until trial. *e all but patted me on the head as he sent me on my #ay and disappeared into the back offices again. + resisted the urge to flip him the bird as he #alked a#ay. .en! Althea lingered behind! biting her lip as she edged a little closer to me. $6ou really think maybe one of )reen#ays girlfriends killed himG% she asked! her "oice hushed as if Bust talking about murder might endanger her. + sighed! #atching /asmine type a#ay out of the corner of my eye. 5espite her attempts at looking uninterested! +d bet my fa"orite )ucci boots shed been careful to o"erhear e"ery #ord. $+ dont kno#. .aybe. + kno# )reen#ay #as careless #here #omen #ere concerned.% $*a"e you gone to the police #ith this yetG% + cringed! remembering (amireAs mocking tone. $As far as theyre concerned the in"estigation is closed.%

$Poor .r. *o#e.% Altheas eyes dropped to the maroon carpeting and + s#ear they looked misty behind her coke bottle lenses. + had a feeling Althea might be the only other person on the planet #ho didnt think (ichard #as capable of shooting someone. + made a mental note to take her for a cut and color at &ernandos #hen this #as all o"er. $5ont #orry!% + said! surprising e"en myself. $+ kno# he didnt do this. And one #ay or another! #ell pro"e it.% + ga"e Althea a reassuring smile. She sniffed! nodding. $(ight. ell! +ll make sure .r. Chesterton sets up a "isitation #ith (ichard for you. +t #ill probably be sometime tomorro#. +s that okayG% + nodded! thanking Althea e"en as "isions of (ichard in prison garb threatened morning sickness again. As + rode the ele"ator back do#n to my /eep! + tried to feel reassured that Chesterton #as doing all he could to free (ichard. 7ut all + felt #as an o"er#helming sense of pressure. +f + didnt find )reen#ays killer soon! (ichard #ould stand trial for murder. + really hoped Carol Carter o#ned a .;;. 7ecause + #as running out of options. 8 8 8 At e'actly four-o-t#o + #as circling the block bet#een &airfa' and 1a7rea on *olly#ood 7oule"ard for a parking place that #asnt too blister producingly far from the Platt Agency. + got lucky on my third try and parked bet#een the *appy Time )o cleaners and Phat Chans *olly#ood sou"enir shop. After reluctantly feeding the meter + clubbed my steering #heel and #alked around the corner to the small! #hite building that housed the Platt Agency. 7lissful air conditioning greeted me as + s#ung through the front doors and took in the dPcor. The reception room #as done in a "intage theme a la 5oris 5ay meets (ock *udson. 7ig plastic flo#ers on the #all! retro sKuare sofa and chairs! and oli"e green area

rugs in geometric patterns on the polished floors. The nostalgia theme #as reinforced by the occupants of the room. >o less than half a doAen .arilyn .onroe look-alikes. + blinked! taking in the range from Se"en 6ear +tch .arilyn to *appy 7irthday .r. President .arilyn. 6ikes. That #as a lot of pero'ide. T#o folding tables #ere set up along one #all! stacks of headshots on one and coffee! styrofoam cups and untouched doughnuts on the other. +n the center of the room #as a kidney shaped reception desk. 7ehind it sat a dark haired #oman in tortoise shell glasses and the bored e'pression of someone #ho didnt appreciate ha"ing to #ork on a Sunday. $9'cuse meG% + said! #ading through the sea of blonde bombshells. She looked up! gi"ing me the once o"er. $Are you here for the auditionG% she asked in a "oice #ith a >e# 6ork edge to it. $.eG >o. Actually! +m here to see Carol Carter. + understand shes a client of yoursG% $She is!% the receptionist said. $7ut shes not here.% $.aybe you could gi"e me her numberG% $-h! hold on a sec!% the receptionist ga"e the one finger uni"ersal #ait sign as a .arilyn in a pink s#eater and pumps pushed her #ay to the desk. $+m here for the-% the breathy blonde started. 7ored (eceptionist cut her off. $+ kno#! + kno#. The 1ifetime mo"ie. Sign in on the table! the sides are ne't to the sign in sheet. 1ea"e your headshot on the pile.% She shook her head as .arilyn tottered off on t#o-inch heels. Then mumbled something that sounded like! $+ need a raise.% She turned back to me. $+m sorry! #ho did you say you #ereG% + took a deep breath! pulling out the speech +d prepared in the car on the #ay o"er here. $+m #ith Springer Productions. e sa# Carol Carters headshot and think shes perfect for our latest film. 5o you think + could get her number from youG%

$+m sorry!% the receptionist informed me. $.iss Carter is on location in Toronto. Shes there shooting a pilot for &,X.% $CanadaG *o# long has she been in CanadaG% $Since last ednesday.% + tried not to let my disappointment sho#. +f Carol Carter had been out of the country all #eek she couldnt "ery #ell ha"e put the hole in )reen#ays head. + #as beginning to feel like + #as on a #ild goose chase. $ ould you like me to set something up for ne't #eekG% the receptionist asked! looking past me as another .arilyn came through the door. $-h! no! thats okay. ell check back then.% $9'cuse me!% the ne# .arilyn said! brushing up beside me in saddle shoes! a pencil skirt! and a pink polka dotted blouse that #as t#o siAes too small. $+m here for the Good# e Norma 8ean audition! and +M% >e#bie .arilyn trailed off as she trained her eyes on me. +t took me a second to realiAe #hy! but as + stared at those big blue eyes! then lo#er to those big round implants! recognition hit me like a smack in the head. 7unny. $6ou!% she breathed! pointing at me. $ hat are you doing hereG% $-h-% Again #ith the stumped thing. +rrationally + looked to the receptionist! #ho seemed to ha"e perked up. Apparently her day #as becoming more interesting. 7unny planted her hands on her hips. $+ hung around the studio all day yesterday and your photographer ne"er sho#ed up.% $*uh. )o figure.% + tried to edge to#ard the door! but 7unny and her double 5s #ere suddenly blocking my #ay. $6ou kno# #hat + thinkG% she said. + shook my head! glancing around the sea of blond bombshells for an escape route. $+ think youre not e"en a real reporter.%

$(eporterG% Slightly 1ess 7ored (eceptionist narro#ed her eyes at me behind her frames. $+ thought you said you #ere #ith Springer ProductionsG% $-hM% + looked from .arilyn to the receptionist. ondering #hy my cell phone ne"er rang at times like thisG >o# #ould be an e'cellent time for .om to call #ith a #edding emergency or for 5ana to need breakQup therapy. + looked do#n at my purse. Silent. 5amn. $1ook! heres the truth!% + said! breaking under the pressure of t#o pairs of glaring eyes! $+m looking into the murder of 5e"on )reen#ay. And! from #hat + understand! both you!% + gestured to 7unny! $and Carol Carter dated )reen#ay.% $SoG% 7unny challenged. $5e"on dated lots of #omen.% $ hich makes for lots of people #ith reasons to #ant him dead.% 7unny narro#ed her eyes at me. $6ou think + killed 5e"onG% + shrugged. $This is better than 2esperate Housewi"es!% ,ur receptionist #as practically beaming out of her seat no#. T#o more .arilyns #alked in! but she Bust #a"ed them to#ard the coffee table! her eyes brighter than the *olly#ood sign. $1ook! 5e"on may ha"e been an ass!% 7unny conceded. $7ut theres no #ay youre pinning his murder on me. 7esides! didnt they arrest his la#yerG% + cringed. $Sort of. 7ut the police are still in"estigating.% 7unny put her hands on her hips! her implants Butting to#ards me! the buttons on her blouse straining against the pressure. $Are you the policeG% + bit my lip. $>o.% $Then + dont ha"e to ans#er anything.% $Shes right!% the receptionist said. $+ sa# it on Law $ %rder( She doesnt ha"e to ans#er you.%

$+n fact!% 7unny #ent on! ad"ancing on me! $+ think maybe its time ou ans#ered some Kuestions. ho are you! any#ayG% $.eG +m! uhM% +m cornered. Thinking fast! + reached into my purse and flipped my .otorola open. $Sorry + ha"e to take this.% + pretended to push the $on% button and held it to my ear. $*elloG% + said into the silence. $+ didnt hear it ring!% *elpful (eceptionist said. 7unny crossed her arms o"er her chest. $.e neither.% $0ibrate!% + mouthed to them as + nodded and made appropriate listening noises. $-h huhM sureM rightM% +d like to think my acting skills #ould ha"e been pretty con"incing if my phone hadnt picked that moment to start ringing the illiam Tell o"erture. 7unny smirked. $+ think your phone is ringing.% 5amn. >ote to selfN + sucked at underco"er #ork. $-h! + gotta go.% + made a break for it! through the front doors and do#n the street. All the #hile being serenaded by the illiam Tell ,"erture still trilling from the cell in my hand. + rounded the corner and made it to my /eep! Kuickly locking the doors against any killer .arilyn .onroes before + picked up my call. $*elloG% + breathed into the phone! the une'pected sprint causing me to pant like a golden retrie"er. $*ey! its me!% 5anas "oice came through. $1isten! + Bust remembered something else about Carol Carter.% $ hatG% $Shes on location in Canada right no#.% 5oes my friend ha"e timing or #hatG $6eah! + Bust found that out.% $,h. Sorry. ell! listen! + got a call for an audition tomorro# and + #as #ondering if + could come o"er in the morning and borro# something to #ear. +ts a campy si'ties thing! kinda modern 4od S:uad and none of my clothes are right for the part.%

$Sure. .i closet es su closet.% $Thank! hon. ,h! Sashas calling me! gotta go.% And 5ana hung up. + flipped my phone shut and took a moment to get my breathing under control again before hopping back on the =< to#ard Santa .onica. -nfortunately! my day had been a bust and + #as no closer to kno#ing #ho killed )reen#ay than (amireA #as. All +d accomplished #as alienate a pissy porn star and disco"er that (ichards la#yer #as an old-school chau"inist. + #asnt e"en fully prepared to cross Carol Carter off my list of e"il girlfriends. Sure she had an alibi! but #hat if shed hired someone to bump )reen#ay offG + kno#! + #as grasping no#! but + #as desperate. + stopped at 0ons on the #ay home to pick up a froAen piAAa and another liter of 5iet Coke. Then someho# a doAen 2rispy 2remes Bumped into my cart! along #ith another pint of Chunk .onkey. + didnt fight it. + figured my dismal encounter at the Platt Agency called for maBor calorie comfort. +t #as dark before + pulled up to my studio. + #asnt sure if + #as relie"ed or disappointed not to see (amireAs S-0 gracing my dri"e#ay again. As much as + hated the fact #e fought o"er e"erything + did! at least it beat the silence + kne# #as #aiting for me inside. + opened my door and flipped on the lights. Then tripped o"er something on the floor. $ hat the-G% + looked do#n. +t #as the crushed 9PT. )od + hated that thing. That thing had started this #hole mess. + had a married e'3ish4-boyfriend sitting in Bail! a se'y cop sho#ing up at my apartment at all hours! a killer 7arbie running around shooting people! and I had to deal #ith a freaking pregnancy test! And the #orst part #as! + still didnt e"en kno# ho# + felt about it. A baby. + mean! + guess + #anted a baby someday. ho didnt like babies! rightG 7abies #ere cute! soft! cuddly. + mean! +d be a monster not to #ant a baby! rightG

The a#ful thing #as! + kind of did #ant a baby. + got this #arm &lorence *enderson feeling #hen + thought about it that scared the crap out of me. 7ut &lorence had had a lo"ing husband! a house in the suburbs! and Alice. + didnt ha"e any of those things. + #asnt sure + could do family right no#. At least! not alone. &or some odd reason! the image of (amireAs family popped into my head. The big backyard filled #ith laughing children. .amas soft! smiling face. The battered piZata hanging from a tree limb. (amireA! holding his little niece on his lap! his pants sticky #ith lollipop fingerprints. The air thick #ith the scent of empanadas and sugar cookies. Then music. And dancing. And the feel of (amireAs body against mine as #e close dancedM + groaned. + picked up the 9PT and thre# it in the trash can under my sink. There. ,ne less thing to think about. + #as Bust contemplating #hether or not + should take the can out to the dumpster in the back of the building! #hen the phone rang. $*elloG% + ans#ered. There #as a pause on the other end! but + heard breathing. $*elloG% + tried again! en"isioning (ichard trying to make a call #hile rapists and murderers breathed do#n his neck. ,nly the "oice + heard #asnt (ichards. +t #as a #oman?s. $)reen#ay deser"ed #hat he got. 1ea"e it alone. ,r the ne't bullets for you.%

'ha(ter Eighteen + froAe! the recei"er still glued to my ear as the line #ent dead. ,hmigod. *ad it been 7unnyG AndiG Thong #omanG + couldnt tell. The "oice had been kind of muffled. +t #as a #oman! that much + kne#. And she #as pissed. + shi"ered and Kuickly replaced the recei"er as if she could reach through the phone and shoot me as easily as shed done )reen#ay. +f e"er + needed confirmation that (ichard #as innocent! that #as it. *o# had she gotten my numberG *o# did she e"en kno# #ho + #asG 5id she kno# #here + li"ed tooG + ran to the front door and checked the lock. Still in place. + unlocked and relocked it again Bust in case. Then + checked all the #indo#s and shut the blinds. + had the irrational urge to hide under my futon. +nstead! remembering my o#n stint crouching in (ichard?s closet! + Kuickly scanned mine. + #as relie"ed to find no one hiding in my seasonal s#eaters. After checking the lock on the front door one more time + sat do#n on my futon and turned the tele"ision on really loud. Trying to fill the no# menacing silence #ith Seinfeld reruns. ,nly + #asnt paying attention to /erry. + #as listening for sounds outside. 1ike the sounds of a craAed thong #earing! stiletto #alking! blonde! homicidal maniac. + turned Seinfeld do#n so + could hear better. + #as truly getting freaked out. hat + needed #as a #eapon. Something in case *omicidal 7arbie tried to break in during the night. 1ike a sharp knife or a hea"y #rench. -nfortunately! since + didnt

cook or do carburetors! + didnt ha"e either. .y eyes scanned the room for anything hea"y enough to conk a 7arbie on the head. + grabbed my dusty thighmaster from the closet and Bumped back onto my futon. >ope. Still didnt feel safe. (eluctantly! + pulled (amireAs number out of my purse. + stared at it. The right thing to do #as call the cops! rightG + mean! +d Bust recei"ed a death threat. This #as the sort of thing cops did. (espond to calls like this. ,nly! after the #ay #ed "erbally sparred this morning! + didnt really #ant to be the one to make first contact. + mean! + didnt #ant (amireA to think this #as Bust some e'cuse to call him. +f + called him first! that made me the loser rightG + bit my lip! deciding #hich #as #orse! being a loser or being 7arbie prey. + grabbed my cordless and dialed the number. +t rang once. And then + chickened out and hung up. Shit. + #as a loser. The phone rang in my hand and + Bumped about three feet in the air. .y hands shook as + pressed the on button. $*elloG% ,h )od! please let it be a telemarketer. $.addieG% >o such luck. +t #as (amireA. $,h! hi.% $5id you Bust call meG 6our number came up on my caller +5.% + cursed modern in"ention. $,h! uh! yeah. Sort of.% $Sort ofG% $&ine. + called and hung up. *appyG% There #as a pause on the other end. + e'pected laughter but instead his "oice held a note of concern. $ hats going onG Are you okayG% 5amn. + hated that + #as acting like a teenager and he #as being all concerned and touching. .addie! you are seriously scre#ed up girl.

$6es. +m okay. + Bust got a disturbing phone call.% A pause again. $Tell me about it.% So + did. +t didnt take "ery long. +t #as a short call! but the chill in the callers "oice #as lea"ing a long impact. hen + finished there #as a silence on the other end again. $5o you #ant me to come o"erG% he asked. 7oy! did +. And + #asnt e"en thinking about se'. .uch. /ust the thought of 7ad Cop #ith his big bad gun guarding my door made me feel a lot less like hiding under my futon. ,n the other hand! calling and hanging up had been pretty girly of me. And asking him to come spend the night Bust because some #oman #as crank calling me #ould be reall girly. So! despite the fact that my insides #ere screaming! $6es! come o"er! bring your gun and lets get naked!% + managed to muster up some pride. $>o! thanks. +"e got my thighmaster. +m fine. (eally.% + could hear him sighing on the other end. + dont think he belie"ed that any more than + did. &inally he said! $6ou ha"e my number! rightG% $6es.% $Put it on speed dial.% Then he hung up. + turned off the ringer and complied! adding (amireAs number to my speed dial. Then + clutched my thighmaster in one hand as my pride and + hunkered do#n for a long night. Punctuated by dreams of killer .attel dolls and naked (amireA. as my subconscious scre#ed up or #hatG 8 8 8 The ne't morning + #oke up early and checked to make sure all the doors and #indo#s #ere still locked. They #ere. hich should ha"e made me feel better! but only ser"ed to heighten my paranoia. + skipped the sho#er Q "isions of /anet 1eighs psycho scene playing through my head Q and do#ned t#o cups of coffee instead as + Kuickly got dressed.

+ checked my messages and found one from Althea saying that "isiting hours at the prison #ere from t#o to four! and shed put me on the list to see (ichard. + said a silent thank you that at least someone #as on my side. The second message #as from 5ana. Shed changed her mind about borro#ing an outfit! but no# she needed a ne# pair of boots. So! did + #ant to shoe shop #ith herG ,n the one hand! it seemed kind of fri"olous to be shopping #hile my boyfriend #as in Bail and my life #as Kuickly crumbling around me. ,n the other! a ne# pair of shoes al#ays helped me think more clearlyM + Kuickly called 5ana back and told her +d meet her at >eimans in half an hour. 8 8 8 >eiman .arcus #as located in 7e"erly *ills Bust three block from ilshires famous .iracle .ile! teeming #ith museums! restaurants! and most importantly! store after designer store filled #ith fashion temptation for the "isa challenged such as myself. + rounded the block! parking in the garage! and found 5ana sitting in >eimans shoe department! a pile of boots on the seat beside her. $6oure late!% she said. hat #as #ith people continually pointing this outG $Sorry. + had a long night.% $,ooM #ith your detecti"eG% $>o!% Thanks to my stupid pride. $And hes not m detecti"e. *es Bust a detecti"e.% ho kept sho#ing up in my dreams naked. -gh. $Too bad. SoM% 5ana got that #icked t#inkle in her eyes. The one that through many years of friendship +d come to associate #ith short-term men. $Ask me about my night #ith Sasha.% She #iggled her eyebro#s up and do#n. $ ould you hate me if + said +d rather notG%

$+t #as fabulous! .addie! the man is a machine.% She held up four fingers. $&our times. &our separate orgasms in one night. Can you imagineG% + #as ashamed to say! + almost couldnt. $+m telling you! hes like the 9nergiAer 7unny. *e Bust goes! and goes! and goesM% $+ get the point.% $And the best part isM% She leaned in close! pseudo #hispering. $Mhe has a friend. .icha.% She #inked at me. $ anna double date tonightG% + admit! the 9nergiAer 7unny aspect #as tempting. $5ana! + ha"e a boyfriend.% Sort of. She cocked her head at me. $+ thought you said he #as marriedG And! like! in BailG% + hated that she had a point. $Can #e not talk about this right no#G% She shrugged. $,kay! #hate"er. /ust! think about it! okayG% She held up four fingers again. + rolled my eyes and Kuickly changed the subBect. $Are those PradaG% $-h huh. 6ou likeyG% 5ana #iggled her toes in a pair of camel colored calfskin boots. $1ikeyG *oney! +m in lo"ey. Can you afford PradaG% + asked. $+ #ish. 7ut + can afford to try them on.% As if on cue a salesman emerged from the back room! carrying three more boot bo'es that he deposited on the seat beside 5ana. $Thank you! 5a"id!% she said reading his name tag. $6oure an absolute doll.% Then she flashed him her biggest! flirtiest smile. $And #ould you mind checking if you ha"e these!% she pointed to a pair of spike heeled )uccis! $in blackG% $>o problem.% *e then looked e'pectantly at me.

$,h! +! uhM% + looked from the calfskin Prada to the salesman. hat the hell. $And those in a se"en and a half.% T#enty minute later + #as #arring #ith my 0isa o"er #hether or not there #as any chance in hell + could afford Prada. .aybe if + sold my car! and didnt eat for the ne't si' months + could s#ing them. And! + decided as + looked at myself in the mirror! it #ould almost be #orth it. The soft tan leather felt as light and airy as silk against my legs and the soles #ere so finely crafted it felt like + #as #alking on clouds. >ot to mention that the three inch heels made my cal"es look almost like 5anas. Tiny precision stitching! perfectly molded contours! and that shiny little Prada logo Aipper. 1adies and gentlemen! this is #hat shoes #ere meant to be. + t#irled in front of the mirror and did a little sigh. -nfortunately my 0isa #on the argument #hen + did the math on ho# many pairs of kiddie shoes +d ha"e to design to afford one pair of boots. +t #as not pretty. (eluctantly + put my o#n emerald slingbacks back on. 5ana and + left Prada at >eimans and she settled on a pair of #hite! "inyl go-go boots for her rein"ention of .od SKuad Chic. Purchases in hand! #e #alked do#n the street to 1eons #here + ordered e'tra cheesy chili fries and 5ana munched on a lo# fat cucumber and sprouts pita as + told her about my late night caller. hen + finished! 5ana looked thoughtful! graAing on her sprouts. $So! #ho do you think it #asG% $+ dont kno#. 7unny maybeG She #as pretty pissed #hen + ran into her at Charlie Platts.% $-h huh.% 5ana popped a cucumber into her mouth! che#ing as she nodded. $,r maybe Andi. She did sound like she had a "icious streak to her.% $6ou kno#!% 5ana said! licking her fingers! $+m #ondering! ha"e you thought about the #ifeG% $CeliaG% + asked. $Shes dead.%

$>o! + meant (ichards #ife.% + froAe! chili fry half#ay to my mouth. $+ thought #e #erent mentioning his marital status.% $Sorry! sorry!% she said! #a"ing her napkin in the air. $+ts BustM% She trailed off! biting her lip. + ga"e in. $ hatG hat about (ichards #ifeG% $ ell! #e"e been going on the theory that the murders are tied to )reen#ays infidelity. 7ut #hat about (ichards infidelityG% + cringed. $)o onG% $ ell! maybe his #ife found out about you and #as pissed. hat if she used )reen#ay to frame (ichardG Seeing your cheating e' on death ro# #ould be one hell of a re"enge.% + popped a chili fry in my mouth as + che#ed on this ne# angle. + had to admit! + liked it. $+f she #as planning on di"orce! t#enty million dollars would make a nice parting gift. And as (ichards #ife! Cinderella could ha"e easily gained access to his files.% $(ight. And #omen do get a little craAy #hen they disco"er they"e been lied to.% 6oure telling me. 5ana shrugged. $+ts something to think about any#ay.% +t certainly #as. The only Kuestion #as! #ould Cinderella really kill t#o people in cold blood Bust to get re"enge on (ichardG + shuddered. + al#ays kne# there #as something creepy about those 5isney characters. $ ell!% 5ana said balling up her napkin! $this has been fun! but +"e got to be in *olly#ood in t#enty minutes.% She held up her go-go boots. $ ish me luck.% $7reak a leg!% + said as she ga"e me an air kiss and made her #ay back do#n ilshire. As + #atched her round the corner to#ard the parking structure! my mind #as still digesting the Cinderella theory. + scooped up the last of the chili #ith a soggy &rench fry and popped it in my mouth. + had to admit! the more + thought about it! the more + really! really

#anted the killer to be Cinderella. hy notG (amireA said that the gun #as hers in the first place. ho better to use itG And the blonde hairs in )reen#ays room could ha"e easily come from her. *eck! maybe Cinderella #as e"en ha"ing an affair #ith )reen#ayG + mean! #hat did + really kno# about her any#ayG >ot much. /ust that she dro"e a brand ne# roadster. And #as married to my boyfriend. The bitch. + looked do#n at my #atch. T#o-ten. 0isiting hours at the prison started ten minutes ago. >o time like the present to drag a fe# ans#ers out of (ichard. + Kuickly thre# a#ay the remains of my calorie splurge lunch and headed for my /eep. 8 8 8 The 1.A. county lock-up #as about the same as youd see in any prison mo"ie. 7leak and sKuare! a series of cement blocks painted a dull orange sometime in =CLH. The inside #asnt much better! lit by flickering fluorescent lights and smelling like Pine-Sol and cigarettes. An indefinable feeling of tension hung in the air and no one Kuite looked me in the eye. + had to stop at the desk to ha"e my purse e'amined inside and out for anything that could be used as a #eapon 3they held my nail file hostage4 and #as patted do#n t#ice by a #oman #ho looked like /ohn )oodman before being sent into the gymnasium like room full of tables and chairs #here #eepy #omen sat across from men in orange Bumpsuits. All of them looking like they could use a good bath and a dose of antibacterial soap. The stony faced guards flanking the room did little to sooth my ner"es! so + took a place at a table near the door. &i"e minutes later (ichard #as led through the self locking door on the far end of the room. + almost felt pity for him as he sat

do#n across from me. *is eyes #ere rimmed in dark circles like he hadnt slept and his chin #as co"ered in pale! blonde stubble. ,nly it didnt remind me of a Schick commercial. .ore >ick >oltes mug shot. $Thanks for coming!% he said. + nodded! not really sure #hat to say. $Chesterton tell you + #ouldnt make bailG% + nodded again. $+m sorry.% $.e too.% *e looked around himself as if still not belie"ing he #as here. + admit! + #as ha"ing a hard time belie"ing it too. 7ut! + tried to remind myself #hy +d come here. $(ichard! + need to kno# about your #ife.% *e looked do#n at his hands! a"oiding eye contact. $+m sorry + didnt tell you about her! .addie. + ne"er meant to hurt you.% $6ou mean! you ne"er meant for me to find outG% $>o. +M #ere separated.% *e sighed! still not Kuite looking at me. $+"e been li"ing in the condo and shes got her life in ,range County. + Bust ha"ent filed for di"orce yet because + dont #ant some la#yer of hers nosing through my assets right no#.% + bit my lip. 5id + belie"e himG + #asnt sure. $And #hat about the roadsterG% $)od! ho# do you kno# aboutM% *e trailed off! his eyes meeting mine. *e shook his head! running a hand through his hair so it stood up in little tufts. + guess hair gel #asnt standard prison issue. $1ook! + bought Amy the roadster to put her off for a #hile. She #anted to file no#! but + couldnt risk it. *er la#yer #ould ha"e #anted detailed accounts of e"ery penny that e"er #ent through my hands. ith e"erything going on #ith )reen#ayM #ell! + didnt think that #ould be a good idea right no#.% $So! shes after your moneyG% The Cinderella theory #as looking better.

$>o. >o! Amys not like that. Shes not about money.% 6eah right. *e shook his head. $The roadster #as my idea.% $(ichard! did Amy kno# you #ere seeing meG% *e looked guiltily from side to side! his eyes looking e"ery#here but at mine. $>o. + didnt tell her.% hich didnt mean she didnt find out on her o#n. And go completely postal o"er it. + #ondered #hat (ichard #ould think of Cinderella if she #as the killer. ould he file for di"orce thenG Take back the roadsterG 7ecause it #as kind of bothering me that he #as defending her e"en as he talked about ho# they #ere separated. hat did he mean Cinderella #asnt into moneyG ho #asnt into moneyG + truly intended to continue grilling him about his possibly homicidal #ife. + meant to be the unemotional fact finder! on a mission to nail her itty bitty butt to the #all. 7ut the more + thought about perfect Cinderella and her perfect TS! the more that other-#oman insecurity got to me. +d like to blame it on hormones that #hile + meant to ask! $5o you think your #ifes capable of murderG% something entirely different popped out of my mouth instead. $Are you still in lo"e #ith herG% + bit my lip! loath to admit Bust ho# much his ans#er meant. $>o. )od! no. 5o you really think + #ould do that to you .addieG% *is blue eyes searched mine as he reached across the table and took one of my hands in his. *e began to dra# little circles on the inside of my #rist #ith his thumb as his eyes pleaded #ith me. $+ s#ear! pumpkin! youre the only #oman in my life.% +ll admit! + #as starting to #ai"er. *e really did look sincere. $ hat about the condom #rapper on your deskG% $ hatG% To his credit he looked genuinely confused. $+ searched through your office and found a used condom #rapper #edged beneath the calendar on your desk.%

(ichards Ba# dropped open! shocked that +d ha"e the audacity to search through his office. + raised both eyebro#s in a challenge! daring him to say something about it no#. )o ahead punk! make my day. $+ dont kno# anything about that.% $6ou didnt ha"e se' #ith your #ife at #orkG% $>o.% *e shook his head! scrunching his nose like the idea really #as repulsi"e. $1ook! + kno# you ha"e e"ery reason not to belie"e me after #hat +"e put you through! but + promise you! + dont kno#. Pumpkin! there hasnt been anyone but you. + s#ear it. Please! belie"e me. + need you.% + need you. >ot + lo"e you! +"e missed you. + need you. And + realiAed he really did need me. *e #as up shit creek and + #as the only one in the #orld #ho might lend a paddle. ,nly Q did + need himG + looked at the man across from me. *e didnt seem like a 2en 5oll no#. *ed been stripped of his shiny "eneer and + #as getting a glimpse of the man inside. The man that might ha"e taken me years of fancy dates to the *olly#ood 7o#l to unco"er in any other circumstances. And under the la#yer "eneer! + had a sinking feeling there #asnt much left. +d spent the last #eek desperately #anting to find (ichard. Thinking that if (ichard #as here! then suddenly + #ouldnt be going through this #hole possible pregnancy thing alone. That if + sa# that pink line and freaked out! at least +d ha"e (ichard to fall back on. ,nly + had the idea no# as + sat here looking at the man +?d spent the last fi"e months of my life #ith! that e"en if he tried! (ichard might not be strong enough to catch me. +nstead of falling back on him! #ould + be the one holding the both of us upG Suddenly all + #anted to do #as let him ha"e it. To scream and yell and take out all my frustrations on the man that #as single handedly ruining my life. + #anted to let loose and ha"e a crying! girly breakdo#n to end all breakdo#ns right here in the prison "isiting room.

*e #as still #aiting for me to say something. $+ need you to belie"e me.% *e lifted my hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of my knuckles. $Please! pumpkin! youre all + ha"e.% -gh. +f + e"er contemplated getting in"ol"ed #ith a man again! + made a mental note to shoot myself first. $&ine. + belie"e you.% .aybe. (ichard did a little half smile! his hand still co"ering mine. $Thanks! pumpkin. + kne# + could count on you.% + #alked out #ith an odd feeling in my stomach. *ollo#. >auseating. Painful. + think it #as that damn pride again. 8 8 8 After my brush #ith prison life! + stopped in at a Taco 7ell and ordered a big greasy plate of nachos! smothered in gooey cheese and BalapeZos. Comfort food. + ate the entire thing before going back to my apartment. + tried not to think about my con"ersation #ith (ichard as + pulled up to my studio. The a#ful thing #as! + really kind of did belie"e him. + didnt think (ichard #as capable of leading a double life! and + could see him buying Cinderella off #ith a car only too #ell. +n fact! #hen +d #anted him to come #ith me to my cousin Shannons confirmation last month! hed put me off #ith a sparkly pair of ;E karat earrings. *is story fit #ith his .,. hich left me #hereG ith a boyfriendG ithoutG + #asnt sure. + #asnt e"en sure it #as about me anymore. + glanced do#n at my belly. + made a mental note to go out and buy a ne# pregnancy test in the morning. + slo#ly trudged up the stairs! so lost in my thoughts that + didnt e"en notice anything #as #rong until + reached the top step. And sa# my front door gaping open. Cold fear prickled up my spine! my feet freeAing in place. .aybe it #as Bust 5ana. .aybe shed had a fight #ith Sasha

and had come o"er looking for a shoulder to cry on. .aybe (amireA #as back. .aybe hed Bust let himself in. ,nly + didnt see a black S-0 or 5anas tan Saturn on the street. + slo#ly crept for#ard! one step at a time! my ears pricked for any sound. All + heard #as the slight hum of my neighbors T0 and the street traffic from 0enice. )ingerly + pushed the front door open on its hinges. $*elloG 5anaG% + stifled a gasp #hen + sa# my apartment. +t looked like the 7ig ,ne had hit. 9"ery cupboard #as open! the meager contents of my kitchen in a broken pile on the tile floor. .y futon #as on its side! cushions tossed across the room. .y pens #ere scattered across the floor mingling #ith shoes! clothes and makeup into one big mess. &earing the #orst! + took a fe# steps to#ard my dra#ing table. + sucked in a Kuick breath! biting back tears. Someone had taken a big black marker and #ritten across my Stra#berry Shortcake shoe design. $7ack off bitch.% The #ords s#am before my eyes and + felt diAAy. + #as still staring at the ruined designs! realiAing + had to start all o"er on the damn thing no#! #hen + heard a noise behind me. + spun around. 7ut not Kuickly enough. 7efore + could see #hat had pricked my ears! + felt an e'plosion behind my temple. Then the dra#ing table! the ruined designs! and the entire mess that #as my life faded and e"erything #ent black.

'ha(ter "ineteen Slo#ly + blinked one eye open. Then the other. .y "ision #as fuAAy but as + continued the painful practice of blinking! obBects slo#ly came into focus. ,ne emerald slingback. The Purple People 9ater across the room. .y pens! lipstick! purse. Slo#ly the room materialiAed in front of me. + mo"ed my head and felt carpet beneath my cheek. hat #as + doing on the floorG + slo#ly sat up! putting one hand to my head as a Backhammer began to pound at my temple. Then it all came back to me. .y open front door! the ruined designs. The #hack on the head. .y eyes #hipped #ildly around for a sign of my attacker. >one. + grabbed my purse #here it had fallen beside me and Kuickly dialed C==. + stood up shakily and half ran! half fell out the front door #ith one slingback on! do#n the stairs to my /eep! #here + locked myself in until + heard the police sirens approaching. T#o uniformed cops #ere the first to arri"e. +t only took them a couple minutes! but it #as long enough for me to #ork myself up into a state of unhinged hysteria. + #as crying and babbling and +m not entirely sure the bump on the head hadnt knocked #hat little sanity + had left right out of my brain. ,ne called for an ambulance and pretty soon my block #as full of flashing sirens. + #as impressed. -sually #e didnt get this kind of la# enforcement turnout unless there #as a gang shooting. The police officers searched my apartment and! predictably! found no one. The paramedic ga"e me a pack of

ice and #rapped me in one of those ugly green blankets e"en though it #as nearing ninety outside. *e said + #as in shock. + didnt disagree. 7y the time the black S-0 pulled up to my building! +m happy to say + almost had myself under control again. .y breathing had slo#ed to a near normal pace! the nice officer had retrie"ed a pair of fuAAy pink slippers from my closet and my nose had almost stopped running. Almost. + sniffed as (amireA got out of the car! his poker face in place. *e #as #earing those #orn-in-the-right-spots Beans again #ith a na"y T-shirt that highlighted his dedication to the gym. + hugged the green blanket around me to keep from thro#ing myself into his arms. (amireA sat do#n beside me on the steps! blo#ing out a long breath as if +d Bust tried his last ner"e. $Are you okayG% $+ think so.% *e reached his hand to the back of my head and carefully felt the lump. *is hands #ere #arm and gentle and + resisted the urge to lean in to his touch. $Thats Kuite a lump.% $Thanks.% The corner of his mouth Kuirked. $That #asnt e'actly a compliment.% + bit my lip. $(ight.% *is hand mo"ed lo#er! caressing the back of my neck. + think + let out a little happy groan. $So #hat happenedG% he asked. + dre# a shaky breath and proceeded to reli"e #hat #ere Kuite possibly the scariest moments of my entire life. Something about the idea of being attacked in my o#n home! a place +d al#ays associated #ith coAiness and safety! shook me harder than a L.;. hen + finished my eyes #ere getting #atery again and + #as sniffling like the guy in the Allegra commercials.

(amireA stared at me! his hand still gently kneading my neck. $/ust say it!% + said. ,ne eyebro# Kuirked. $Say #hatG% $+ kno# youre dying to say! I+ told you so. To tell me that + should ha"e listened to you and left this #hole thing alone. That + ha"e no idea #hat +m doing and +m only going to get myself hurt. /ust say it. + kno# youll feel better if you do! so Bust get it o"er #ith! and-% (amireA silenced me #ith his finger on my lips. + froAe. *is touch soft. The look in his eyes dark. ,h )od! #as he going to kiss meG *ereG Now1 7ut he didnt. +nstead he said! $/ust promise me youll lea"e it alone no#.% + s#allo#ed hard as (amireA brushed his fingertips o"er my lips before dra#ing them back into his lap. + #as trying really hard not to think inappropriate thoughts. $7ut isnt the fact that someone broke in proof that (ichards innocentG% + protested. $That the real killer is out there some#hereG% + #as a#are + sounded frighteningly like ,./. (amireA Bust shook his head. $>o! .addie! it pro"es you"e pissed someone off. And +m frankly not surprised. 6ou go nosing into peoples pri"ate li"es and someones bound to get upset.% + hated to admit he had a point. Any one of the loony 1os Angelinos +d encountered in the last #eek could ha"e found out #here + li"ed. + #asnt e'actly the #orlds best underco"er agent. $+ dont #ant to hear your name on the police scanner anymore. Promise me youll lea"e it aloneG% + nodded meekly. 9"en though + #as crossing my fingers under the green blanket.

$)ood.% *e paused. $The medic says you might ha"e a slight concussion. 6ou shouldnt be alone.% *is dark eyes met mine. $5o you ha"e some#here you can stay tonightG% + gulped. The smoky look in his eyes hung in the air bet#een us. +d like to attribute it to the shock that my mind instantly began undressing (amireA right there on my front steps. + s#allo#ed hard. $+ll! um! +ll call 5ana.% + thought + sa# a flicker of disappointment in his eyes! too! but it #as so Kuick + might ha"e imagined it. $)ood.% (amireA got up and spoke to the uniformed officer #hod first encountered me. The uniform did a lot of #ild hand gestures! pointing at me! then miming hysteria. )reat. >o# (amireA #as really going to think + #as girly. ,ne bump on the head and + turned into Cybil. + pulled my cell out of my purse and dialed 5anas number! praying she picked up. She did! and + Kuickly e'plained the situation. She said shed be right there and + hung up. Ten minutes later her tan Saturn screeched to a halt behind the black and #hites! and .od SKuad )irl came running at me. She #as #earing the go-go boots and a bright pink and lime green dress that Bust barely co"ered her derriWre. 9specially since she #as running full tilt to#ard me. + sa# t#o of the uniformed officers staring after her! their tongues dragging on the asphalt as they caught the rear "ie#. $,hmigod! ohmigod! are you okaaaaayG% 5ana reached me and #rapped her arms around my middle! hugging me so tightly + thought my eyes might bulge out. $+ cant breathe.% $Sorry.% She backed a#ay. $ hat happenedG% $Somebody broke in. They trashed my place and then hit me on the head.% $,ooohhh! honey!% she #ailed! hugging me again.

$+m okay!% + protested! #riggling from her iron grip. $+ Bust need some#here else to stay tonight. Can + come home #ith youG% $,f course! +ll pull the sofa bed out. And #ell make cocktails! it #ill be like a sleepo"er.% $>o cocktails.% (amireA came up behind us. To his credit! his eyes didnt e"en linger on 5anas peek-a-boo hemline. .uch. $Shes got a possible concussion. So no alcohol.% $(ight. )ot it.% 5ana nodded! as if taking notes. $>o booAe.% $And she shouldnt go to sleep for more than t#o hours at a time. She needs to be #oken up to make sure shes not nauseated or disoriented.% $(ight. >o sleep.% (amireA slid me a side#ays glance. $And no more sticking her nose in other peoples business.% + resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. -nder the circumstances! + thought it #as "ery mature of me. $(ight. >o nosing!% 5ana repeated. $+ll make sure they lock up #hen theyre done.% (amireA gestured up to#ard my studio door! still standing aBar. $1et me kno# #here youre staying and +ll ha"e someone drop the keys off.% 5ana ga"e him her address and phone number! #hich (amireA #rote do#n in his little notebook. Then (amireA got back into his S-0 and dro"e a#ay! lea"ing 5ana and me both fanning oursel"es as #e stared after his denim clad butt #orthy of a )AP commercial. $That man is Alabama in August hot!% 5ana said. $5id you see those glutesG% + sighed. $+ kno#.% $6ou sure you dont #ant to make him our detecti"eG% >o. + #asnt sure. /ust like + #asnt sure if + #as e'periencing actual morning sickness or Bust reacting to the

nauseating state of my lo"e life in general. All + kne# #as concussion eKualed #hopper of a headache and my brain hurt all the #ay to my ash blonde roots. $5ana! please tell me you ha"e some Ad"il in your purseG% 5ana reached into her Spade knockoff #hile eyeing my temple! #here + could feel a goose egg slo#ly rising. $6ou kno#! + hate to say it!% she said! $but maybe (amireA is right. .aybe you should Bust lea"e this all to the cops.% 9t tu! 5anaG ,nly + kind of agreed #ith her. + had tons of suspects! moti"es galore! and more outrageous theories than an <=0iles fan. 7ut #hat + didnt ha"e #as any real e"idence that anyone other than (ichard had actually killed )reen#ay and his #ife. And + #as beginning to think that maybe Chesterton #as right! that (ichards best bet at that get out of Bail free #as an undotted $i% or misscrossed $t% in the legal system. .aybe + was Bust making things #orse. .aybe it #as time to consider a career in cheerleading after all. Trying not to feel deflated! + do#ned t#o Ad"il! shrugged off the green blanket and got into 5anas Saturn. + spent most of the ride into Studio City #ith my eyes closed! trying not to think about ho# my life had suddenly become something out of a 7-mo"ie. hen #e pulled up to the Actors 5uple' + flickered them open to see a blue Trans Am parked outside the building. 5ana parked behind it. $-h oh.% $-h ohG hat uh ohG% She bit her lip and turned to me. $6oure not going to like this.% )reat. $Then you better tell me Kuickly #hile my head still hurts too badly to strangle you.% 5ana looked from the Trans Am to me. $+ kind of told Sasha and .icha to meet us here for our double date tonight.% $5ana! + told you Ino.%

$+ kno#! + kno#. 7ut + thought youd change your mind. + mean your boyfriend is in prison.% 1ike + needed reminding. $+m sorry. + #as so freaked #hen you called + totally forgot to call Sasha and cancel.% $5ana! +m so not in an 9nergiAer 7unny place right no#.% $1ook! lets go in and +ll e'plain that youre not feeling #ell and #ell ha"e to double date another time.% + ga"e her a dirty look. $,kay! okay. >o double date. )eeA. 6ou kno#! +"e only got your best interests at heart here. hen #as the last time you e"en had se'G% + did not dignify this #ith an ans#er. .ostly because + couldnt remember. hen #e #alked in the door! Sasha and another dark haired man #ere seated on the li"ing room sofa. >o >eck sat in the 1ay-A-boy across from them! his arms crossed o"er his chest! glaring. $Sorry #ere late!% 5ana trilled! plopping her purse do#n on the kitchen counter. She ga"e >o >eck a cursory glance! then deposited a kiss on Sashas cheek. >o >ecks eyes narro#ed. $ e are #aiting #ith roommate. *e let us in. e #ait a long time for you!% Sasha chided. Then he looked do#n at 5anas higher-than-a-kite hemline. $7ut is #orth the #ait.% >o >ecks eyes narro#ed further. $Sorry! #e had a little emergency. .addie!% she said! dragging me into the room by the hand. $This is .icha! Sashas friend.% .icha stood up to shake my hand. + felt a bubble of laughter escape my lips. The top of his head only came to my chin. .icha stuck out his hand! and smiled until his face #as all teeth. $+ do it on top.%

+ blinked. ,kay! #ay too much information for a first date. + looked from 5ana to the o"erly friendly midget. $Please tell me he didnt Bust say #hat + think he said.% $.ichas the top of the pyramid!% 5ana Kuickly e'plained. $6es.% .icha nodded. $+ do it on top.% -hn. .ental forehead smacking. .icha sat back do#n! patting the sofa beside him. + sat do#n! sliding as far to the other end as possible. $+ like ne# dress you #ear!% Sasha said! still eyeing 5anas outfit like an Atkins dieter #ith a 2rispy 2reme. $,h! thanks! honey.% She glanced in >o >ecks direction. $The old #all and *hain dresses up pretty nice! doesnt sheG% Sasha nodded! his neck getting all "einy again. $+s good. .ake boob look "ery cur"y.% >o >ecks eyes became tiny slits. $So! .icha! .addies a shoe designer!% 5ana said! still ob"iously trying to play matchmaker to my underfed libido. .icha looked do#n at my fuAAy slippers. $>ot these!% + clarified. $Childrens shoes.% $Ah.% *e nodded. $,nly the Stra#berry Shortcake high tops + #as #orking on say Ibitch all o"er them no#! because )reen#ays mistress broke into my apartment and hit me on the head! so theyre not really child friendly anymore.% &or future reference! + apparently tend to babble both #hen +m ner"ous and #hen +"e suffered a concussion. .icha ga"e me a concerned look. Then scooted further to#ard his end of the sofa. $5ana!% + prodded. $5idnt you ha"e something to tell themG% + gestured to the pyramid t#ins. $(ight.% She cleared her throat. $)uys! .addies not really feeling #ell tonight! so #ere going to ha"e cancel. Sorry.% Sashas face fell. .icha looked a little relie"ed! still glancing at my fuAAy slippers.

$ hen + see you againG% Sasha asked. $6ou come out tomorro# nightG e ha"e date thenG )o "ery fancy restaurantG% $A#! isnt that s#eet!% 5ana said. $+ lo"e ho# some men!% she glanced in >o >ecks direction again! $arent afraid to *ommit to a relationship.% $Sasha a fear of nothing!% Sasha said and + s#ear he #as about to thump his chest like TarAan. $Sasha lo"e date #ith 5ana. 1o"e my little cur"y boob.% $All right thats it!% >o >eck stood up! his sudden break from silence shocking us all into immobility. $5ana! you cant possibly be serious about this guyG 5id he Bust call you cur"y boobG% 5ana did a hands on hips pose. $+ts better than ball and chain.% $*es a meat head!% $6oure a commitmentphobe!% $Shhhh!% + pleaded! $concussion.% -nfortunately! no one paid me any attention. $.eG% >o >eck countered. $6oure the one #ho Bumps into bed #ith anything that happens to cross your path. And + may not see the point of freeAing a bunch of damn flo#ers from some damn #edding! but at least + ha"e the decency to #ait until #ere in bed to talk about your boobs.% Sasha stood up. $6ou go to bed #ith roommateG% he asked! looking from 5ana to >o >eck. + put a hand to my temple. + think it #as going to e'plode. 5ana looked from one testosterone machine to the other. $-m! no. 6es. + mean! maybe once. ,r t#ice.% $&i"e times!% >o >eck corrected. $&i"e times in one night. 7eat that! Pyramid 7oy.% $6ou challenge SashaG% *e balled his fists! taking a step to#ard >o >eck. >o >eck narro#ed his eyes. $.aybe + am.%

5ana glanced from one pair of flared nostrils to the other. Then ga"e me a pleading look. $.addieG% + sighed! standing up and positioning myself behind Sasha. $.aybe #e should all Bust calm do#n a little!% + said. ,f course! being that they had already engaged their instincti"e male combat modes! + #as completely ignored. Sasha took a step to#ards >o >eck. >o >eck balled his hand into a fist! cocking it back#ards. + #atched in slo# motion as .icha Bumped off the sofa! 5ana screamed! Sasha ducked and >o >ecks fist came into contact #ith my right eye. $-hn.% + groaned and fell back#ards into the midget. $,hmigod! 1ook #hat you did! youM youM >eanderthal!% 5ana yelled! rushing to my aid as she and .icha half lifted! half dragged me onto the sofa. .y "ision #as going fuAAy but + think + sa# >o >eck blinking rapidly as he stood #ith his mouth hanging open. $*e ducked. + didnt mean to hit her. *ell! + #ouldnt hit a girl.% $0ery bad hitting girl. 6ou no honor.% Sasha clucked his tongue and shook his head at >o >eck. $+ts your fault!% >o >eck shouted. $6ou ducked.% $Shut up! both of you!% 5ana yelled! thro#ing them both the death look. $ ould somebody please get the girl some iceG% + croaked out! feeling my eye start to s#ell. ith any luck it #ould s#ell shut and + #ouldnt ha"e to look at myself in the mirror tomorro#. 7ecause + had a sinking feeling it #asnt going to be pretty. >o >eck grabbed a bag of froAen edamame from the freeAer and 5ana stuck it on my eye. + cringed! #ishing + #as on something stronger than Ad"il. 1ike 0icodin. ,r teKuila. 5ana banished >o >eck to his room! then ushered the (ussian duo out the door. Sasha looked reluctantly at 5anas skirt 3or lack thereof4 but conceded as she none too gently slammed the door behind them.

+ closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the sofa! #ondering #hat e'actly +d done to deser"e this. as it because + hadnt gone to mass since 9asterG 7ecause + #as lusting after (amireAG as my mother rightG 5id )od ha"e it in for me no#G 5ana sat do#n on the sofa beside me and ble# out a long breath. $*o#s your eyeG% $+m afraid to look.% 5ana pulled the edamame a#ay and inspected. She cringed. $+ts not that bad.% $5ana! youre a terrible liar.% + co"ered it #ith the froAen soy again! #ondering if maybe + could Bust hibernate in 5anas bedroom for the rest of the summer. $+m so sorry about that!% 5ana said. $.en suck.% $>o kidding.% $Thats it! +m off men. The #hole lot of them. +"e got my (abbit Pearl! #hat do + need a man for any#ayG% At the moment + had to agree. A battery po#ered rabbit seemed like a far less complicated #ay to li"e. At least rabbits didnt slug you. 8 8 8 5ana diligently #oke me e"ery t#o hours throughout the night. hich #as a great #ay to make sure + didnt fall into a coma but a lousy #ay to get a good nights sleep. 7y the time + finally felt semi-rested the e"ents of the pre"ious e"ening had turned into a dull ache behind my eye and the morning had already slipped into afternoon. + sat up #ith an acute sense of disorientation. + had no idea #here + #as. This #asnt my blanket! my pillo#! hell! + didnt e"en think this #as my Tshirt. Then it all came flooding back to me as + sa# >o >eck in his bo'ers pouring orange Buice. 5ana stood #ith her back

rigid across the kitchen! making toast. >either speaking to each other. + slo#ly got up and sho#ered! cringing as + caught a glimpse of my eye in the mirror. +t #as bluer than my mothers eyeshado# and! dare + say! not nearly as attracti"e. + ga"e up on the #hole make-up thing! figuring + #as a lost cause today! and instead borro#ed a pair of Beans and a fresh tank from 5anas closet. -nfortunately the only shoes 5ana had in my siAe #ere a pair of spike heeled stilettos that looked like they belonged on the feet of 7unny *offenmeyer! but beggars cant be choosers. 7y the time + came out the Actors Standoff #as still on! 5ana sipping coffee and reading 0ariety #hile >o >eck ate cereal from the bo' and glared. $I.orning!% 5ana said as + #alked in. Then looked up at the clock. $Almost.% $CoffeeG% + croaked out. $+n the pot.% $7less you.% + na"igated around the stoic >o >eck and poured a generous helping into an $Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts% mug. $(amireA dropped off the keys to your apartment!% 5ana said! setting aside her paper. $Theyre on the counter.% $*e #as hereG% + had a "ision of him #atching as + snored and drooled on the sofa bed. $/ust for a minute. .an! that guy is hot enough to fry bacon.% >o >eck crunched do#n hard on a bite of cereal. 5ana pretended to ignore him! sipping her coffee. $5id he say anything elseG% + asked. 1ike maybe ho# hed caught the .urderous .istress so + could go back to my studio #ithout feeling like there #as a big target on my headG $>o. Sorry. /ust the keys.% 5rat. $Any#ay! +"e got to get to the gym. + ha"e a spinning class at one. 6ou #ant to come #ith me or hang out hereG%

*mmmM take my throbbing head through an hour and a half of s#eaty bicycling to no#here or sit on 5anas sofa #atching daytime T0G $Thanks! + think +ll be fine here. 6ou go.% 5ana nodded! finishing her coffee and grabbing her gym bag. She ga"e me a Kuick hug! then ga"e >o >eck another death glance out of the corner of her eye before she left. >o >eck grunted! then stalked off to his room again. + poured myself a second cup of coffee and took it into the li"ing room. ell! no# #hatG Contrary to my decision to become an official cheerleader last night! the idea of sitting back and doing nothing #hile #aiting for (amireA to gi"e me the $all clear% signal to go back to my life didnt appeal to me. And + #as more con"inced than e"er that the real killer #as not only on the loose! but that + #as getting close enough to make her ner"ous. The only problem #as! #here to go from hereG +d pretty much e'hausted )reen#ays supply of playmates. + closed my eyes! mentally going do#n my list again. +t #as possible Carol Carter had hired someone to kill )reen#ay! but + seriously doubted shed e"en kno# #here to find him if she really had been in Canada all #eek. 5itto Andi /ameson. After the pencil dick incident! + didnt see )reen#ay in"iting her o"er to the .oonlight for a reconciliation. That left 7unny. + only had her #ord for it that she and )reen#ay had split at all. And lets not forget Cinderella. +f she had been toying #ith )reen#ay on the side! she had Bust as much opportunity as 7unny to get rid of him. The Kuestion #as! #hich one of them had hacked into the phony accounts and funneled out the t#enty milG hod had access to (ichards computer. As +d already pro"en! getting past /asmine didnt take the skills of a C+A trained spy! any blonde #ith half a brain could ha"e slipped into (ichards office #hile she #as out at lunch. And luckily! my one ally in

the (ichards +nnocent Campaign! #as the person #hod kno# the comings and goings of (ichards office better than anyone. Althea. + looked up at the clock. +t #as too late to coincide my inKuiry #ith /asmines lunch break! so + decided to #ait until fi"e. +f + kne# /asmine! shed be the first to lea"e #hen Kuitting time rolled around. +f + #as Kuick! + could probably catch Althea before she left for the day #ithout ha"ing my con"ersation o"erheard by )ossip 7arbie. &eeling pretty pleased #ith my plan! + settled back onto the sofa and #atched trashy daytime T0 for the rest of the afternoon. -nfortunately! the first thing + flipped on #as .aury Po"ich doing a segment on surprise paternity results. + looked do#n at my belly. ere there any surprises in thereG + contemplated going out to buy a ne# pregnancy test! but considering my /eep #as still at my place! it #as at least a t#o mile hike in the rapidly climbing heat to the nearest drug store! and + looked like +d Bust gone t#o rounds #ith ,scar 5e 1a *oya! + decided that might not be such a hot idea. Though! + seemed to remember 5ana saying something about an emergency Bust-in-case testM + muted .aury and #ent into the bathroom! rummaging through 5anas medicine cabinet until + hit upon that familiar 9PT pink stashed behind a bag of cotton balls. + stared at the bo'. ell! + figured things couldnt "ery #ell get much #orse in my life. + might as #ell face the music sooner rather than later. + ripped open the bo'! skimming o"er the instructions again for good measure! then did the #hole fi"e second urine test thing. + sat do#n on the rim of the bathtub to #ait! gna#ing my fingernails so badly .arco #as sure to shriek in horror #hen + came in for my ne't manicure. Seconds cra#led as + #atched 5anas 7etty 7oop sho#er clock tick off the three minutes until + sa# lines. ,r line - singular. )od + hoped it #as line. &inally 7ettys little red second hand did three full

rotations and + Bumped up as if + #as sitting on springs. (esisting the urge to co"er one eye! + peeked at the little #indo#s. >othing. *uhG + picked up the instructions again! re-reading them. Pee on the cotton s#ap! lea"e stick on flat surface! check for lines. + did all that. + stared at the empty #indo#s again. hat the hellG + picked up the bo'! turning it o"er to look at the e'piration date. /anuary =F! ;<<J. -gh. .ental forehead smacking. + thre# the useless test in the trash! too emotionally drained to e"en curse 5ana for keeping an e'pired test around and flopped myself back onto the sofa! #ishing 5ana had something more comforting than lo# carb >e#tons and 5iet Snapple +ced Tea to gorge myself on. + so needed a bo' of double stuffed ,reos right no#. +nstead! + settled for 8udge 8ud reruns. 7y four + kne# ho# to stuff a game hen! si' signs you need a se'y makeo"er! and that 7os brother #as really *opes secret lo"er. + #as sufficiently "egged out. &lipping off the T0! + decided /asmine #as probably packing it in for the day and it #as safe to resume the ne't phase of operation &ree (ichard. + grabbed my purse and called a cab! hoping + timed my trip do#nto#n so +d miss /asmine. -nfortunately! the =<= #as clear of accidents and my cab dri"er #as an eager little bea"er in a blue turban! so the first face + sa# as + #alked into 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e #as! predictably! /asmines. She looked up as + #alked through the front doors! her eyes narro#ing like a cats. $ hat do you #antG% $Are you al#ays this friendlyG% She scrunched up her nose! sKuinting at my face. $ hat happened to your eyeG% $Some receptionist ga"e me lip. e tussled.%

She took a hand on hip stance. $1isten! you! + dont ha"e time for this. + ha"e a date. hy dont you Bust go home and make an appointment to see Chesterton tomorro#.% $+m actually here to see Althea.% /asmines eyes narro#ed again beneath her dra#n in bro#s. $AltheaG hat do you #ant #ith herG% $ ell! + think thats bet#een Althea and me! dont youG% + ga"e her my best fake smile! sho#ing teeth and e"erything. She sco#led. ell! tried to sco#l. +t #as more like a lopsided sKuint. That 7oto' #as really #orking. $&ine. +ll get her. ait here.% She #alked around the reception desk! her lipo shrunk butt #iggling in her barely-there skirt. + didnt kno# ho# she got a#ay #ith #earing that kind of stuff to #ork. *onestly it #as the kind of outfit +d ha"e to borro# to make another midnight run to the .oonlight +nn. The only decent thing about it #ere her knock off Prada boots! the perfect made in Tai#an replicas of the pair +d tried on yesterday. Cute! but! like e"erything else about /asmine! fake. A fe# minutes later /asmine came back through the frosted doors! Althea in to#. Althea #as dressed in a striped Bumper that reminded me of a pri"ate school uniform. 7o'y and shapeless. She shuffled to#ard me! talking in hushed tones. $.addie! #hats #rongG *as something happened to (ichardG% she asked! genuine concern lacing her "oice. Then she paused. $ hat happened to your eyeG% $>othing. 7ar fight. Tripped. hate"er.% + #a"ed the Kuestion a#ay. $Any#ay! (ichards fine. + actually Bust #ant to ask youM% + paused! glancing behind me at /asmine. +d hoped shed lea"e for her date! but she suddenly seemed in no hurry! picking up a nail file and trying to look like she #asnt listening in. + sighed! resigned to her ea"esdropping and pulled the ne#spaper photos of 7unny and Andi /ameson out of my purse. $+ #anted to kno# if you"e seen either of these #omen come into the office.%

Althea took the photos! pursing her thin lips together as she studied them. + could feel /asmine leaning o"er the desk to get a better look. $>o!% Althea shook her head. $Sorry! + dont recogniAe either of them. ho are theyG% + tried not to sound too disappointed. $ omen )reen#ay dated. + thought maybe one of them could ha"e slipped in and gained access to (ichards files.% Althea ga"e me an apologetic look. $+ really #ish there #as something + could do to help .r. *o#e. e all miss him around here.% She bit her lip! then turned a#k#ardly and shuffled back through the frosted doors. + put the photos back in my purse! trying not to feel defeated. + mean! Bust because Althea hadnt seen anyone! didnt mean no one had snuck in. + looked up at /asmine! still tying to appear uninterested behind her desk. 5id + dare ask herG + #atched her for a second! filing her nails! her legs crossed so one Prada knockoff stuck out from behind the desk. They #ere pretty good knockoffs actually. + resisted the urge to ask her #here shed bought them. + looked closely! taking in the details. -nlike most knockoffs! the metal Aippers #ere clearly embossed #ith the Prada logo and the stitching #as tiny and precise! not puckered. And! as /asmine uncrossed her legs! + noticed they had that soft ease of mo"ement unlike the usual stiff imitations. +n factM + took a step closer! openly staring at her shoes no#. ,h my )od. Those #erent knockoffs. Those #ere a genuine pair of fi"e hundred dollar Prada boots. And suddenly it hit me. here did /asmine get the money for PradaG

'ha(ter Twenty + stared! my gaAe ri"eted to the imported calfskin. + felt like a /eopardy contestant! suddenly faced #ith all the ans#ers if only my brain #ould catch up Kuickly enough to find the right Kuestions to ask. The blonde hairs in the motel room. Access to (ichards files. ,ne e'pensi"e cosmetic surgery after another on a salary that made mine look decadent. ,hmigod. /asmine #as mistress number four. + s#allo#ed hard! realiAing + #as still staring. Then looked up to find /asmine #atching me. ,ur eyes locked and + felt my blood turn cold. $Are you still hereG% she asked! her "oice oddly flat. $.eG% + sKueaked out. $>ope. >o! +m done. +m gone. + mean! +m lea"ing no#. See! here + go.% She cocked her head to one side! looking at me funny as + turned and all but ran out the door. + didnt #ait for the ele"ator! instead taking the stairs t#o at a time! hoping + didnt fall and break my neck as theories s#irled through my brain at an alarming pace. *ad )reen#ay met /asmine on one of his "isits to (ichards officeG hat if hed had an affair #ith herG ith /asmines ea"esdropping habit! she #as sure to ha"e o"erheard something of (ichard and )reen#ays less than legal money shuffling. And she had easy access to all (ichards files. +ncluding bank account numbers. /asmine had shot )reen#ay! + #as sure of it. 7reathing hea"ily! + ran outside into the heat and got half#ay to the parking garage before + remembered + didnt ha"e my /eep. Crap.

+ paused on the side#alk bet#een 7ernies Pa#n Shop and Starbucks. + pulled my cell phone out! poised to call (amireA and tell him #hat +d learned. 7ut + hesitated. As sure as + #as that /asmine had done it! + didnt ha"e a shred of proof. And + had a feeling that #hen (amireA heard about my latest shoe clue! hed ha"e a good chuckle and +d get the 7ig 7oy speech again. Add to that my promise to lea"e the #hole thing alone 3ne"er mind +d had my fingers crossed4 and + #asnt really e'cited about facing 7ad Cop again. hat + needed #as proof. Anything that definiti"ely tied /asmine to )reen#ay. Something more than a designer shoe. + had to get to her computer. +t hadnt escaped my notice that her computer screen closed #ith lightening speed #hene"er + #alked into the reception room. +d bet my fa"orite slingbacks that the numbers to an offshore account! recently t#enty million dollars richer! #ere buried some#here bet#een her solitaire games. (amireA and his cre# had no doubt torn (ichards hard dri"e inside and out! but #ho #ould ha"e bothered #ith the receptionists computerG + looked do#n at my #atch. &i"e-fifteen. +n another couple hours the office #ould be empty. ,ne thing +d learned dating (ichard #as that if la#yers #ere going to #ork late! they #ere damn #ell going to charge their clients for a steak dinner #hile doing it. After eight the offices #ould be deserted. And /asmines computer unmanned. + ducked into the Starbucks and ordered a mocha frappuccino! #hich + took to a seat by a #indo# #ith a good "ie# of (ichards building. + hadnt been there t#o minutes #hen /asmine e'ited the building! her Prada boots calling to me as she #alked the t#o blocks to the garage. + sipped my drink and #aited! #atching one la# clerk after another lea"e the building. Althea came out a fe# minutes later! a patch#ork bag #ith a picture of a cat on it slung o"er her shoulder as she made her #ay to the .etro (ail. &inally 5onaldson left the

building! getting into his .ercedes and pulling a#ay from the curb Bust as it #as beginning to get dark. + forced myself to #ait another half hour! Bust in case an important file or brief had been left behind. The after dinner cro#d began to arri"e! filling the coffee house #ith handholding couples. + ordered another frappuccino! #atching the theater goers and homeless con"erge on the do#nto#n streets. After my butt became numb and my pupils #ere fully dilated from caffeine o"erload! + finally grabbed my purse and made my #ay back across the street to the offices. The building #as eerily Kuiet as + rode the ele"ator up to the fourth floor. + kne# the doors stood unlocked for the cleaning cre#! but the only noise + heard as + got off the ele"ator #as the steady hum of abandoned computers. Slo#ly! + pushed through the frosted doors of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e! my limbs buAAing #ith ner"ous energy. >ot to mention t#o grande frappuccinos. + tiptoed through the dark office! the plush carpet s#allo#ing up the sound of my heels as the light from /asmines idle monitor guided my #ay. + Kuickly tiptoed to /asmines desk! slipping behind the mahogany behemoth. 1uckily! like e"eryone else! she kept her computer on #hen she left for the day. Shed logged out of the system! but + entered her back in easily enough #ith (ichards pass#ord. 7riefs. *o# original. + did a mental eye roll. ,nce in! + #asnt really sure #hat to look for. + kne# + #ouldnt be lucky enough to find a file marked $S#iss bank account number% but + #as at a loss for #here to look. +ll admit! +m not a computer genius. + can do A,1 and iTunes! but beyond that +m kind of clueless. + began opening random files! hoping to stumble upon something useful. + could feel the clock ticking behind me and + kne# it #as only a matter of time before a man #ith a "acuum came in and asked #hat + #as doing here. + opened her +nternet 9'plorer and checked her online history. 6estheyrefake dot com! a plastic surgery site came up.

>o big surprise. + clicked around a little more and stumbled across a pay per play cyberse' site. 1i"elo"elyladies dot com. -gh. At least /asmine #as keeping busy at #ork. +d almost gi"en up! deciding (amireA #as right! + #as grasping at stra#s! #hen + noticed a group of files that #ere numbered instead of named. +d seen files like this on (ichards computer before. -sually these numbers indicated a case number! and contained (ichards typed trial notes. + clicked! opening the files one by one. As e'pected! most held snippets of information about #itnesses! motions! and "arious legal citings. 7ut as + #ent do#n the list! opening file after file! + ran across one that #as blank. + looked closely at the numbers of the other files. They all had si'. This one had ten. + felt my adrenalin kick in. 5id S#iss bank accounts ha"e ten numbersG + grabbed a post-it note from /asmines desk! Botting do#n the number. (amireA #as so going to eat cro# o"er this. + #as so completely #rapped up in my o#n total genius at suspecting /asmine! that + didnt e"en hear it until it #as too late. The sound of a gun cocking. + froAe! pen ho"ering o"er the post-it! hoping maybe it #as Bust my o"eracti"e imagination. $7ra"o! Sherlock.% >ope. .y imagination didnt say that. Ruickly + spun around to find myself looking straight do#n the barrel of a .;;. + #illed myself not to pee in my pants as + raised my eyes to meetM AltheaG *uhG $Althea! #hat are you doing hereG% hich in hindsight #as an abysmally stupid Kuestion considering the gun le"eled at my head pretty #ell e'plained #hat she #as doing here. $6ou couldnt Bust lea"e it alone! could youG >osey bitch.% )one #as the meek frump. +n her place a craAed pair of haAel eyes blaAed behind her thick lenses. The gun in her

hand #as surprisingly steady! the confidence in her stance unner"ing. + s#allo#ed the sudden lump of fear in my throat. The realiAation of my o#n error hitting me #ith the force of a lo# heeled loafer in the gut. + should ha"e kno#n /asmine couldnt pull off a scheme like this. /asmine had the brain of a turnip. Althea! on the other hand! + no# realiAed #as smarter than +d gi"en her credit for. $This isnt /asmines file! is itG% + asked! pointing to the blank page on the screen. $+ts yours. 6oure the one #ho took the money. And!% + added! amaAed at ho# le"el my "oice sounded! e"en as my legs had turned into /ell-o! $ youre the one that broke into my apartment.% Althea did a slo# smile! her lips dra#ing back to bare a set of slightly crooked teeth. $And here +d figured you for Bust another blonde bimbo in heels.% + looked do#n at the gun aimed for my chest and s#allo#ed. $+s that the gun that killed )reen#ayG% + asked. Althea smiled again. ,nly it didnt reach to her #ild eyes! still le"eled at me #ith a barely contained energy. $)reen#ay #as an egotistical idiot!% she spat out. $+s that #hy you killed himG% ,kay! + #as asking more out of fear of being killed than curiosity. *onestly! + could care less #hat CraAy 1ady #ith )un thought about )reen#ay. hat + cared about #as stalling for time until the cleaning cre# came by. $*e deser"ed to die. Any man that makes lo"e to a #omen like he did then lea"es them deser"es to die.% $)reen#ay had an affair #ith youG% + think my "oice betrayed my disbelief. + #as ha"ing a hard time picturing Althea in a leopard print thong. Althea narro#ed her eyes! her unplucked bro#s dra#ing together. $ hat! you dont think )reen#ay #ould be interested in someone like meG 6ou think hes too good for meG ho #ould e"er lo"e do#dy little AltheaG% *er "oice

#as rising! gro#ing into a shrill screech. + took a step back#ard! coming up against /asmines desk chair. $>o! no. +-+m sure you #ere Bust his type.% Althea let out a short bark of laughter. $,f course + #as his type. + had a pulse. The man thought that Bust because he had a penis! #omen should fall at his feet. That he could charm the pants off anything. ,ne night + forgot my purse and came back to the office after e"eryone had gone. 5e"on #as here! in .r. *o#es office. *e asked me to come in and help him get into (ichards system. + said + shouldnt do it. Then he told me ho# cle"er + #as. *o# + #as much too smart to be a Bunior clerk. *o# pretty + #as! ho# s#eet. + ga"e him the code and he seduced me! right there on .r. *o#es desk.% + cringed. That e'plained the condom #rapper. Altheas eyes #ere gro#ing #ider as she talked! glaAing o"er and unblinking like someone #ith a high fe"er. ,nly the gun stayed steadily pointed at me. + took another step back! sliding my hand in my purse! looking for anything that could be used as a #eapon. 1ipstick! cash! tampon. Shit. $ hen #e got dressed + asked #hen + #ould see him again!% Althea continued! a far a#ay look in her eyes. $And do you kno# #hat he didG% + #as afraid to ans#er. + shook my head. Althea leaned in closer so + could smell the Pert Plus on her friAAy hair. $*e laughed. *e said he didnt need me anymore and he laughed at me. 5o you kno# #hat its like to ha"e the person you lo"e laugh at youG% + shook my head again! my fingers clenching around a long sharp obBect. .y nail file! $So! + got e"en. + found out #hat he and .r. *o#e #ere up to and tipped off a clerk at the Securities and 9'change. + drained 5e"ons accounts. + strangled his perfect! thin! model of a #ife. And!% she said! her eyes snapping back to mine as she #rapped both her hands around the trigger. $+ killed him.

7ut not right a#ay. + made him beg first. Plead on his hands and knees for his life. And you kno# #hat + did thenG% + shook my head! #rapping my fingers around the nail file. She leaned in! her "oice lo#. $+ laughed.% + think + #as going to be sick. She had become seriously unglued. + dont kno# #hy + didnt see it sooner. Anyone #ho paired checked cardigans #ith corduroy skirts had to be touched. And this chick #as #ay beyond touched. *er mouth #as smiling #hile her eyes held a dull! open stare as if she #as actually seeing )reen#ay beg in front of her. Then a realiAation hit me as + stared into her "acant eyes. $+ led you right to him.% Althea smiled. $Thanks for that. + kne# he #as still in to#n but it #asnt until you came #altAing in here that + kne# he #as at the .oonlight. The conceited ass actually thought + #anted to sleep #ith him again. *e actually thought he #as going to get laid. + played along. + dressed up in painful heels and a tight little skirt.% *er eyes took on that hollo# look again. $And then + shot him. T#ice.% + looked do#n at the .;;. $ ith (ichards gunG% She nodded. $+ found it in his desk #hile he #as in court last #eek. +t seemed the easiest #ay to kill t#o birds #ith one stone. + #asnt about to share my hard earned cash #ith a philandering Berk like .r. *o#e. And dont pretend other#ise! Icause + kno# he #as married.% + shrugged. ,kay! so maybe +d gi"e her that point. $So! #hat no#G% + hesitated to ask. All traces of smile left her face. $>o#! + get rid of the last loose end! dri"e to 1AX and disappear #ith t#enty million in retirement. + think it almost compensates for ha"ing slept #ith )reen#ay.% + s#allo#ed hard as she le"eled the gun at me. + heard blood pounding in my ears! not at all enBoying being called a loose end. .y fingers tightened around the nail file in my purse. + took a deep breath as Althea le"eled the gun at me.

$)oodbye!% she #hispered. +f + #aited another second! + kne# +d be sleeping in the dumpsters. + ducked my head do#n and lunged at her! nail file first! cringing as + felt it Bab into her flesh. + heard her scream as the gun #ent off! a shot hitting /asmines computer monitor #ith a shattering crash. + felt #arm liKuid ooAe o"er my hand and + think + screamed too. ,nly #hen + looked do#n! it #asnt red but clear. + looked up at Althea. ,ne side of her chest #as all #et. And smaller than the other. $6ou bitch! 6ou busted my implant!% she yelled. .ental forehead smack. 9"en Althea had implantsG ere mine the smallest boobs in 1.A.G Althea stood there! the gun dangling from her hand as she deflated on one side. + decided running #as a good plan no#. + turned and bolted across the small reception room. + almost made it to the doors! #hen + heard the crack of the gun and frosted glass shattered in front of me. + do"e for the carpet and + heard another crack as fire seared through my arm. + clasped my hand to the pain and this time my fingers did come up red. 6ep! + #as definitely going to be sick. + lost one of 5anas stilettos as + cra#led on my knees behind a potted palm. + heard three more shots embed themsel"es in the tastefully papered #alls of 5e#y! Cheatum and *o#e. Then + heard a sound #hich #as music to my ears. The clicking of an empty chamber. $Shit!% Althea screamed. She #as out of bullets. + Bumped up and made a run for the ele"ator. ,nly + didnt get far. .y feet crunched on the shattered glass of the front doors as + felt myself being Berked back#ards by my hair. + spun around! trying to remember anything from that Tae 7o class 5ana dragged me to last year. 1unge! spin! punchG ,r #as it spin! punch! lungeG Crap. +f only +d been paying more attention to the mo"es and less to the teachers sculpted

buns. +nstead! + flailed #ith kicks! screams! and slaps. + #as fighting so girly! but + didnt care. Althea easily #restled me to the ground. .an! she #as strong for a #oman. -nder all those do#dy clothes shed been hiding a body builders physiKue. + sunk my nails into her skin! digging until + heard her scream. 7ut she didnt stop. *er hands circled around my throat and + began to see stars. + grasped around on the floor #ildly for anything to smack her #ith. The room started to go fuAAy! all + could see #ere Altheas eyes! craAed and intent on me. *er glasses must ha"e been knocked off some#here along the #ay. *er bushy eyebro#s dre# together! her lips curled back in a creepy smile that belonged in a es Cra"en mo"ie. + felt like crying that my last "ision #ould be of unplucked eyebro#s and friAAy hair. +t Bust #asnt fair. And then my hands came up against something. The fallen stiletto. + reached my fingers out as far as they #ould stretch! #rapping my hand around the shoe. The room #as fading from my "ision! my lungs gasping for air as + #iggled beneath Altheas bulk. + channeled all the strength + had left into my arm as + s#ung 5anas hooker foot#are in the direction of Altheas neck. + heard a scream. +n all honesty! + think it might ha"e been mine. As the hands left my throat + blinked! sucking in #elcomed breaths of air. + looked do#n. Althea had fallen off of me. The side of her neck #as co"ered in gooey red! 2aro syrup. The stiletto heel #as sticking out at an odd angle and Altheas eyes looked kind of glaAed o"er! her mouth making gurgling sounds. This time +m sure the scream came from me. + #as still screaming #hen (amireA burst through the shattered front doors! a handful of uniformed officers right behind him. ,ne of them started doing some mouth to mouth on Althea and yelling for a paramedic. They came! attaching tubes and masks to her prone form! #hile one cop after another

arri"ed! talking loudly into their radios. +t #as all so surreal and + couldnt tear my gaAe from the pool of red forming around Altheas body. At some point + stopped screaming and realiAed (amireA #as holding me. Close. Tight. *is arms #rapped around me. *e #hispered into my hair. $Are you okayG% + gulped. as +G $+! + think she shot me. +s sheM% + trailed off! #illing myself to take a deep breath before + screamed again. $>o. Shes ali"e. &or no#.% (amireA pulled a#ay! inspecting my left arm #here the fire had dulled into an aching pain like a bikini #a' that #ouldnt stop. $+t looks like a flesh #ound!% he said! carefully pulling my torn shirt a#ay. *e flagged a paramedic do#n from the group huddled around Althea! #ho confirmed (amireAs diagnosis. *e said + needed stitches and (amireA packed me into his S-0 and took me to the emergency room. Three hours later my arm looked like it belonged to &rankenstein and my neck #as the same color as the Purple People 9ater. + kne# that +d be #earing turtlenecks for the ne't fe# days! but at least it matched my eye. (amireA dro"e me to the police station #here + ga"e a statement in triplicate amidst barely concealed laughter as + relayed ho# +d popped Altheas saline implant. 7y the time #e #ere finished! the adrenalin high of the attack had #orn off and left me crashing into a ne# lo#. The only thing holding me up #as (amireA! #ho hadnt left my side the #hole night. The sun #as Bust starting to peek o"er the horiAon #hen (amireA finally dro"e me back to my studio. As he parked in the dri"e and shut off the engine! + "oiced a thought that had been nagging at the back of my mind e"er since + sa# Althea #ielding (ichards gun. $+f Althea #as the one #ho took the t#enty million! #here did /asmine get the money for all the 7oto' and PradaG%

(amireA cocked his head! as if he didnt Kuite get the Prada reference! but ans#ered any#ay. $Theyre still processing /asmines computer! but from #hat they"e found so far! someone that #ent by the username of Se'y/as #as #orking at a cyber se' chatting site.% .ental forehead slap. 1i"e1o"ely1adies dot com. $She #as ha"ing cyber se' at #orkG% $The #ay the site #orks is men log on and pay US.CC a minute to chat #ith these #omen o"er the internet. The technologically e"ol"ed C<< number.% + rolled my eyes! doubting e"olution had much to do #ith it. $Apparently!% (amireA #ent on! $Se'y/as had logged o"er a thousand hours in the last fe# months.% + mentally did the math. US.CC times a thousand eKualedM a #hole lotta Prada. + made a mental note to become more computer sa""y. $So%! (amireA said! turning in his seat to face me. $6ou"e had Kuite a night.% *e brushed the back of his hand along my cheek! tucking a strand of hair behind my ears. $)o ahead!% he said softly. $Say it.% $*uhG% *e smiled. $+ kno# youre dying to say! I+ told you so.% + couldnt help it. + smiled back. $+ told you so.% *e grinned until that dimple flashed in his cheek. And then he leaned o"er the console and kissed me. Softly! gently. *is lips mo"ing o"er mine as if he #as afraid he might break me. And the #ay + felt! he Bust might. + melted right there into his leather seats. *e pulled a#ay and + think + kind of fell to#ard him. $5o you #ant me to come upG% he asked. *is eyes as dark and dangerous as the panther tattooed on his arm. 6es! yes! yes! + took a deep breath. $>o.% .y )od! #as + as craAy as AltheaG hat did + mean InoG

The disappointment #as clear in his eyes this time. $(ight. +ts been a long night. +m sure youre tired.% (ight. Tired. hat + #as! #as confused. +d finally found the ans#ers to )reen#ays murder! but + realiAed #ith a sinking feeling! they didnt pro"ide me #ith any ans#ers about my o#n mi'ed up life. (amireA #alked me to my door. Then kissed me gently on the top of my head. *is eyes held mine and there #as no mistaking the thoughts running though his mind. + felt my resol"e #eaken. $(ain check!% he #hispered. Then got back into his S-0 and left. + stood on my darkened porch #atching him. ,kay! so heres the thingN .ore than anything + #anted (amireA to come up. + admit! + #as seriously in lust #ith the man. *e did things to my body #ith one look that + didnt e"en think #ere possible. 7ut then there #as (ichard. + had kind of told him + #as on his side. And e"en though #e #ere both sort of ambiguous about #hat that meant! +m pretty sure it didnt include me sleeping #ith se'y cops. -ntil + decided #hat to do about .r. hite-Collar Criminal and my inability to get a clear result out of a pregnancy test! + someho# didnt feel right letting (amireA spend the night. 9specially after the up close and personal look +d gotten tonight at ho# craAy infidelity can make people. As my libido and my better Budgment mentally duked it out + unlocked the door to my studio. Then let out a little yelp. Sitting on my futon in the midst of my scattered possessions #as (ichard. $*o# did you get hereG% + asked blinking rapidly. (ichard stood up. *e #as once again dressed in his trademark slacks and button do#n shirt. *ed sha"en since + last sa# him and his hair #as gelled back into 2en doll

position again. Actually! he looked good. (eally good. 1ike the familiar (ichard +d fallen for in the first place. $6ou ga"e me a key!% he ans#ered. + shook my head. $>o. + mean! arent you in BailG ,h )od. 5id you break outG% (ichard smiled. $>o + didnt break out. The 5A dropped the murder charges after they arrested Althea and + made bail.% + shook my head. .r. Chesterton didnt #aste any time. + picked my #ay carefully o"er the piles of broken dishes and scattered clothing and sat do#n hard on my futon. (ichard sat do#n beside me. $ hat happened to your armG% he asked! his "oice genuinely filled #ith concern. $6our secretary shot me.% $,h! pumpkin! +m so sorry.% *e put an arm around me. + #as too tired to protest. 9"en #hen he started doing little kissing things on my cheek. $+ missed you so much!% he #hispered. + sighed. hile it #ould be so much easier Bust to hate him! + had to admit! +d missed him a little too. $.addie! look! + kno# a lot has happened bet#een us!% (ichard said! taking my hand in his. $7ut! + Bust #ant you to kno# ho# much + appreciate e"erything you"e done for me. Chesterton told me ho# it #as you that figured Althea out. +-% *e choked up! his eyes misting. $>o one else belie"ed me! but you had faith in me.% + bit my lip! refraining from pointing out it #asnt so much faith as fear of ha"ing a felons baby. $.addie! + kno# in the past +"e done some stupid things.% Correction Q colossally idiotic things. $7ut! + #ant to make it up to you. Chesterton said he thinks he may be able to get me off #ith Bust probation if + agree to testify against Althea. +t could take a #hile for the trial! but once this is all o"er! + #ant to make it up to you. + #ant you to mo"e in #ith me. 7eing apart like this has sho#n

me Bust ho# much + need you in my life and + dont #ant to be a#ay from you again.% + held up my hands. $ ait! mo"e in #ith youG This is all mo"ing too fast.% $Too fastG% *is puppy dog eyes looked up at me. $(ichard! youre married!% $+ had the di"orce papers dra#n up today.% ,uch. Poor Cinderella. $.addie! + kno# things ha"e been craAy. 7ut! belie"e me! youre the only one for me.% + shook my head! a migraine bre#ing behind my eyes. $(ichard! +M + need time to think about this.% *is shoulders sagged! but he nodded. $,f course. Take all the time you need.% + stood and #alked him to the door! careful not to trip o"er my abused slingbacks! as he said goodnight and slipped out into the preda#n light. + locked the door behind him! leaning against it #ith a sigh. 7ad Cop or 2en 5ollG (ichard had happily e"er after stamped all o"er his designer slacks. ,nce the trial passed and the di"orce #ent through! + could easily see a house in the suburbs in (ichards future. (amireA! on the other hand! had instant gratification tattooed across his muscular biceps. The look in his eyes tonight promised a night that could easily top 5anas four times. 7ut then #hatG And there #as another aspect to consider in all this. + looked do#n at my belly. as there really someone in thereG 9"en if there #as! #as that enough reason to stay #ith (ichardG $ ell!% + asked my flat belly! $#hat do you think + should doG% >o ans#er. 5amn. +f + hadnt Bust spent the night getting shot at +d like to think + #ould ha"e had the energy to go out and buy a ne# test then and there. As it #as! + promised

myself that tomorro# #as The 5ay. *ell! +d faced the homicidal friAA ball! + could face one little pink line. ,r t#o &irm in my resol"e! + pulled out my futon and curled up in my blankets! and fell asleep the second my head hit the pillo#. 8 8 8 + a#oke to the sounds of a school bus dropping kids off at the end of the block and my neighbors steamy soaps from do#nstairs. + cracked one eye open. S p.m. 6ikes. + got up and took the longest sho#er on record! letting the scorching #ater sooth my o"er abused muscles. + put on a denim skirt and mock turtleneck to co"er the purple necklace gracing my skin and added a pair of "ery high heels to compensate for the big ugly bandage on my arm. There #asnt much + could do about the black eye! but + gunked blue eye-shado# o"er the other one to try and e"en things out. + made a pot of strong coffee and checked my messages. The first #as Tot Trots threatening to cancel my check if they didnt see a design by Thursday. Then .arco called saying he sa# me on the ne#s last night and e"eryone at &ernandos #as demanding details no#. .rs. (osenblatt called and said Albert sa# a black panther in my future and + should come in for an aura cleansing soon. 5ana left a hysterical message! the gist of #hich #as that she and >o >eck had decided to kiss and make up! and! in the midst of the kissing part! shed seen me on the ne#s! and ohmigod #as + okayG + called 5ana back first! and she ans#ered on the first ring #ith a breathless! $*elloG% $*i. +ts me.% $,hmigod! Are you okaaaaaayG!% + held the phone a#ay from my ear! cringing at 5anas dog-#histle pitch. $6es! +m fine.% (elati"ely speaking. + Kuickly filled her about the Prada clue! the files on /asmines computer and my run-in #ith the &rumpty 5umpty. hen +

finished + could almost hear 5ana "ibrating #ith e'citement on the other end. $,hmigod! .addie! you totally kick butt! girl.% + couldnt help a little smile. + kinda did! didnt +G $This is so cool!% 5ana continued. $6oure all o"er the ne#s! you kno#. 6oure like a hero no#.% $ ell! + dont kno# about that-% $,h! honey! dont be so modest. 6ou single handedly sol"ed two murders.% + bit my lip! refraining from mentioning +d actually suspected the #rong blonde. $ ell! + got lucky.% $+ll say. *oney! you could ha"e been killed.% + looked do#n at the bandage on my arm. 1ike + needed a reminder. $ ell! + didnt. +m fine.% $&or no#. 7ut #hat about ne't timeG% $>e't timeG% +m sorry! but + #asnt e'actly chomping at the bit to come face to face #ith another gun #ielding psycho. $Trust me! +m a one trick pony. There #ill be no ne't time.% $*o# can you be sureG .addie! this is a #ake-up call. CraAies are e"ery#here!% + rolled my eyes at the phone. $+m fine! 5ana.% $This guy at the gym does these self defense classes for #omen. e should totally sign up. *e has one starting ne't #eek called -rban Combat for the .odern oman. hat do you thinkG% $+ think +m hanging up no#! 5ana.% $ ell! #hat about carrying a gun for protectionG ,r pepper spray. At least think about getting some pepper spray.% + rolled my eyes so far + think + sa# blonde roots. $)oodbye! 5ana.% + hit the end button! lea"ing my best friend making a shopping list of deadly #eapons. Crossing my fingers they #ere in a good mood! + dialed the ne't number on my call back list! Tot Trots. + e'plained the situation and asked for an e'tension on the Stra#berry

Shortcake designs. They #erent too thrilled #ith one of their employees being affiliated #ith embeAAlement and murder! but they agreed to gi"e me until the end of /uly. >e't + called .arco back and promised to come in for a long pedi soak and gossip session tomorro#. Then + called .rs. (osenblatt and promised to let her do an aura cleansing for me ne't #eek. Then + didnt ha"e any other calls to make e'cept for the one +d been dreading since + sa# (ichard sitting on my futon last night. + made another cup of coffee. + scrolled through my speed dial numbers. (amireAs #as right ne't to (ichards. )od! + hated decisions. + closed my eyes and did a little eeny meeny miny mo. + didnt like the outcome! so + did it again. + took a deep breath and dialed. $*elloG% he ans#ered. $*i! its .addie. 1isten! do you #ant to meet for a drink tonightG Say! se"en at Casa .aderda on ilshireG% + could hear the eagerness in his "oice. $+ cant #ait.% + admit! as + hung up + #as eager too. &or the first time in days! + kne# + had the right ans#er.

'ha(ter Twenty.One + thre# on a black! silky dress #ith a high neckline! high hem! and lo# back. + put on my )ucci t#o-inch heels! black mascara! and fire engine red lipstick. After gi"ing my hair a good mousse and blo# dry! + think + #as looking damn se'y. hich #as good. 7ecause + needed all the confidence + could get if + #as really going to do this. + Bumped in my /eep and took the PC* up to ilshire. The only parking spot + could find #as t#o blocks do#n from the restaurant so + used the short #alk to summon up my ner"e. 7utterflies #ere doing the mambo in my belly! but + told myself this #as #hat + really #anted. + spied him as soon as + #alked in the doors. Sitting at the bar #ith his back to the door. + took a deep breath and held my chin up high as + made my #ay to#ard him. *e must ha"e sensed my presence as he turned around Bust as + approached. *is face breaking into a slo# grin as he took in my outfit. + had the briefest moment of doubt at his appreciati"e stare! but it #as all #ashed a#ay as he leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek #ith a! $6ou look gorgeous! pumpkin.% Pumpkin. -gh. + forced a smile back. $*i! (ichard.% $Can + order you a drinkG% he asked! as + slid onto the stool beside him. $-hM% + looked do#n at (ichards scotch and soda. $/ust a 5iet Coke! thanks.% *e signaled the #aiter! #ho Kuickly deposited the cool drink in front of me. + took a long sip! hoping to settle the o"er acti"e butterflies. $.addie! +m so glad you called!% he said! taking my hand in his.

+ took a deep breath. $1isten! (ichard! +"e thought about #hat you said last night.% $6ou ha"eG +m really glad to hear that. 7ecause #hile + #as in prison + had a lot of time to think about us and-% $(ichard its o"er.% *e looked up. $ hatG% $-s. +ts o"er.% + let out a long breath. o#! it felt good to say that. $7ut! +M% (ichard trailed off! his eyes pleading #ith me. $+ thought #e had a good thing! pumpkin. hat happenedG% + snorted. $ hat happenedG 6ou lied to me about e"erything! (ichard.% $7ut + thought you understood #hy.% *is perfectly #a'ed eyebro#s dre# together in confusion. $+ understand that #hen things got rough! you lied! cheated! stole and then ran off. 6oure #eak! (ichard. And +m #ay too strong to be sucked do#n by a guy like you. + can hold my o#n! but + cant hold us both up. +m sorry.% + do#ned the rest of my 5iet Coke in one gulp as (ichard sputtered beside me. + took his be#ildered face in both my hands and deposited a Kuick kiss on his cheek. $)ood luck! (ichard. + hope you dont go back to prison.% ith that! + collected my purse and #alked as Kuickly as + could through the restaurant and out the front door. + kne# he #as #atching as + left! but + didnt e"en feel his eyes on me. All + felt #as an enormous sense of freedom. As soon as + got out the door + flipped my cell phone open and hit the speed dial. (amireA ans#ered on the second ring. $*elloG% $ hat are you doing tonightG% + asked. *e paused. $ hyG% + grinned from ear to ear. $ICause +d like to cash in that rain check.% + felt him smile through the phone and could almost see that se'y dimple denting his cheek. $+ll clear my schedule.%

*eat #rapped around my spine! clear do#n to my panties. hich #ere so not grannies tonight. $Theres one thing + ha"e to do first. .eet me at my place in half an hourG% $+ll be there.% 8 8 8 + almost ran the rest of the #ay back to my /eep. + hopped back on the PC*! pulling off at Pico for a Kuick duck into (ite Aid before heading home. + bought a ne# 9PT. And this time + made sure it had a splashguard and an e'piration date that #as eighteen months into the future. + #as determined to conKuer the test this time. As soon as + got home + took it into the bathroom! carefully lea"ing my 5iet Coke in the kitchen this time. Then + sat do#n on my futon! trying not to look at the clock as + #aited out the three minutes. 6oud think + #as a pro at this by no#! but it #as honestly the longest three minutes of my life. + che#ed on a stubby nail. (earranged my dra#ing pencils. Paced back and forth the four steps from one end of my li"ing room to the ne't about fifteen times. Then + heard a knock at the door. + looked up at the clock. T#o minutes fifty-fi"e seconds. $/ust a second!% + called. + closed my eyes. + counted to fi"e. Then looked do#n at the readout. ,ne line. >egati"e. + let out a long breath! feeling something like a mi' of disappointment and relief. ,kay maybe Bust a little higher on the relief side. + glanced do#n at my belly. .aybe someday. 7ut! tonight + had other plansM + Kuickly thre# the test in the #astebasket under the sink and opened the door. (amireA leaned against the doorframe! dressed in his usual black T-shirt and #orn Beans. The panther flirted #ith me from

beneath the hem of his slee"e and his dark eyes s#ept me from head to toe. There #ent that panty heat again. $*i!% + said! trying for se'y seductress but falling closer to .innie .ouse territory again. $+m sorry + didnt in"ite you up last night. + #anted to! but e"erything #as Bust too confusing! and + didnt kno# #here things stood #ith (ichard! or #hat to do about the pregnancy tests! #hich Bust kept breaking! but + got a ne# one! and + Bust took it and its-% (amireA silenced me #ith his finger on my lips. $9nough talk!% he said! his "oice lo# and smooth. And this time he did kiss me. %h #o did he kiss me.

88888 About the author/ )emma *alliday is the author of the High Heels 4 steries! as #ell as the Holl wood Headlines 4 steries series. )emmas books ha"e recei"ed numerous a#ards! including a )olden *eart! a >ational (eaders Choice a#ard and three (+TA nominations. She currently li"es in the San &rancisco 7ay Area #here she is hard at #ork on se"eral ne# proBects! including a mystery series for teens debuting in ;<==! and a ne# mystery series for adults! set to be published in ;<=;. To learn more about )emma! "isit her online at ###.)emma*alliday.com

88888 S"EAK $EEK o- the ne+t High Heels Mystery by Ge%%a Ha,,i&ay/

KILLER I" HIGH HEELS 'ha(ter One There are t#o things in life + hate more than getting shot at. >umber oneN 7irkenstocks! one shoe + am proud to say + did >,T design. And number t#oN sit ups. The torture routine my best friend! 5ana! #as currently making me perform on the floor of the Sunset )ym. $Come on! t#o more! you can do it!% + grunted! gi"ing my personal cheerleader the e"il eye as + struggled to a sitting position. $+ 3pant4 cant 3pant4 do it.% .y stomach muscles started to shake and + could feel an unattracti"e bead of s#eat trailing from my blonde roots do#n to the tip of my chin. $Come on! .addie. + kno# you"e got t#o more in you. Think of ho# good youll look in a bikini this summer.% $+ll buy a one-piece!% + grunted. $Think of ho# great youll feel kno#ing you did something good for your body.% + raised one eyebro#! gi"ing her my best Iget real look.

$,kay! think of this!% 5ana said! a light bulb moment flashing in her blue eyes. $Think of ho# bad (amireA #ill #ant you #hen he sees your ripped abs.% That did it. ith one really unladylike grunt + clenched my teeth together and hauled myself into a sitting position. $ oohoo! + kne# you could do it!% 5ana stood up and did an end Aone #orthy "ictory dance on my behalf. 5ana #as a FL%! SH double 5! stra#berry blonde aerobics instructor slash #anna-be actress #ith the kind of body that inspired rock songs. + dont need to add that e"ery male head in the gym suddenly turned our #ay. $Thanks!% + said. $+ needed that.% $>o prob. hat are friends forG% $7ut you do realiAe you "iolated The ,ath.% 5ana bit her lip! getting a guilty look on her face. The ,ath #as the "o# + had made all of my friends and family take to ne"er mention the name I(amireA to me again. 1ast summer 5etecti"e /ack (amireA! or as 5ana had dubbed him! The Panty .elter! sho#ed up at my apartment #ith a pocket full of condoms. *e kissed me. + kissed him. There #as a mad frenAy of clothing falling to the floor. e #ere one 0ickys push-up bra and a pair of *anes-*er- ay from the bedroomM #hen his pager #ent off. *e left me #ith a platonic kiss on the forehead and a promise to call me the ne't day. 6eah right. T#o wee&s later + got a message on my machine. $Sorry! been busy. ork. )otta go. Call you later.% And not a peep since. .en. Then again #hat did + really e'pectG /ack (amireA #as a cop #ith a big gun! a big tattoo! and a bigM #ell lets Bust say his 705s didnt hide much that night. So! + shouldnt really be surprised he #asnt turning out to be .r. Clea"er material. + had to admit! though! (amireA #as still an impro"ement o"er my last boyfriend! (ichard! #ho ended up getting arrested for conspiracy and embeAAlement.

5o + kno# ho# to pick em or #hatG $Sorry!% 5ana said! $but you had to finish the set. *oney! youre doing so good.% Actually! + kind of #as. hen The >ame that Shall >ot 7e Spoken did his disappearing act last /uly + did #hat any other normal! rational! single #oman #ould do #hen being completely ignored by the obBect of her affection. + Bunk food binged. ,h! mama! did + binge. Cheetos! piAAa! ,reos! 7en and /errys Chunky .onkey by the bucketful and 2eebler fudge cookies in e"ery siAe! shape and "ariety. 5ana finally did a chocolate chip inter"ention! pointing out that if + didnt cut it out soon + #ould a4 ha"e permanent cheese doodle stains on my fingers! b4 not be able to fit into my fa"orite black >icole .iller dress! and c4 Kualify as an official member of the Pathetic 1osers of America club. She #as right. .y .iller #as a little snug. hich is #hy + didnt e"en protest 3much4 #hen she dragged me to the gym and forced me to perform the modern eKui"alent of medie"al torture. Sit ups. + flopped back onto the blue gym mats! breathing hea"ily. $Please tell me #ere doneG% 5ana 3#ho! by the #ay! hadnt e"en broken a s#eat yet despite the fact #ed been here nearly an hour4 put her hands on her hips. $7ut #e ha"ent e"en #orked your glutes yet.% $+f + promise to ha"e lettuce for dinner! can + skip the glutesG% + pleaded. 9"en though + #as actually dreaming of lettuce sand#iched bet#een a sesame seed bun and a Kuarter pound beef patty. 5ana let a little fro#n settle bet#een her stra#berry blonde bro#s. 7ut! since she #as such a good friend 3and + #as still panting like a 5oberman4 she let me off the hook. $&ine. 7ut + e'pect to see you back here on Saturday ready to do some lunges and sKuats.% $Aye! aye captain.% Taking pity on me! 5ana helped me up as + dragged my s#eaty behind to the locker room.

$So!% she asked! $any big plans tonightG% Considering it #as &riday night and the only action +d gotten in months #as from a battery po#ered rabbit! the ans#er to that one #as a no brainer. $>ope. hyG% $+"e got a Pilates class at fi"e! but + #as going to go shopping after that. anna come #ithG% 5oes a bear go poo poo in the #oodsG $+m there.% 8 8 8 T#enty minutes later + pulled my little red /eep up to my second story studio in Santa .onica. T#o blocks a#ay from the beach! my apartment #as my little piece of hea"en. And + do mean little. A fold out futon! a dra#ing table! and three doAen pairs of shoes had the place at ma' capacity. + let myself in and e"en though the half eaten bag of Chips Ahoy #as calling to me from the back of my cupboard! + resisted! popping the top on a can of 5iet Coke instead #hile + played my messages. The first one #as from 7lockbuster. $The Se5 and the Cit 505 you ordered came in!% a bored sounding teenager informed me. $The computer also sho#s that you ha"e out Prett )oman, )hen Harr met Sall ! andM% she paused. And might ha"e e"en done a little laugh slash cough thing. $M 8oanie Lo"es Cha*hi! the complete set.% 6es! this is #hat life #ithout a man has dri"en me to. + hit the delete button. The ne't message clicked on. $*i! this is &eli' 5unn #ith The L(.( Informer. ere doing a follo# up story to your ordeal last summer. +d like to schedule a time to inter"ie# you about-% 7eep. 5elete. 9"er since my e'-boyfriend! (ichards! "ery public arrest! #hich at one time had included a charge of murder! the press had hiBacked my phone number. ,kay! +ll admit there had

been a little stabbing incident in"ol"ing me! a homicidal e'mistress! her popped breast implant and a stiletto heel in the Bugular! #hich had someho# captured the imagination of the media. +d been featured no less than three times on the co"er of the L(.( Informer since then. T#ice #ith my head superimposed o"er the body of a slasher mo"ie heroine and once as the bride of 7igfoot. *mmmM maybe thats #hy (amireA hadnt called. The machine clicked o"er to the ne't message. $*i honey! its .om. )uess #hatG (alph finally got our *a#aii pictures printed! 6ou must come see them. They are fabu! Call me!% .om had recently come back from an e'tended *a#aiian honeymoon #ith husband number t#o! (alph. ,r! as + liked to call him! &au' 5ad. .y real dad ha"ing run off to 1as 0egas #ith a sho#girl named 1ola #hen + #as only three. All + remember of (eal 5ad is a hand! connected to a slightly more hairy than normal arm! #a"ing goodbye out the dri"ers side #indo# of his LE 9l Camino. >eedless to say! &au' 5ad and + had bonded right a#ay. 3And it didnt hurt that he ran one of 7e"erly *ills most e'clusi"e salons and offered me all the free manicures + #anted! either.4 The machine clicked and the mechanical "oice proclaimed! $9nd of messages.% Sigh. >o (amireA. >o 7rad Pitt. >o handsome stranger #ho sa# me in line at Starbucks and looked up my number on the internet. + hated &riday nights. + finished my 5iet Coke and hopped in the sho#er! #ashing the gym s#eat off my sore limbs. + thre# on a pair of Beans! a sparkly pink #rap top #ith little sil"er seKuins! and brand ne#! totally kickin &erragamo pumps. hich! by the #ay! had put me in debt 3again4 but the t#o inches they added to my F= O% frame #ere so #orth it. A little mousse and

blo#-dry number to my naturally 3mostly4 blonde hair and + #as ready. 5ana picked me up in her tan Saturn and #e hopped on the =<. (ush hour traffic had died do#n! but there #ere still enough cars on the road to make it light up like a Christmas tree in the early fall dusk. As soon as #e pulled into the left lane a blue 5odge >eon grabbed onto our bumper and tailgated us the entire #ay east to the E<F. + looked at the speedometer. e #ere doing eighty. ,nly in 1.A. + glanced back to get a look at the dri"er but the glare from his headlights #as all + sa#. + sent him the uni"ersal hand gesture for Iback off pal. ,nly thirty minutes! t#o le#d truck dri"ers! and one cellphone related #reck later #e #ere parked in front of our destination. Sepul"eda )uns and Ammo. $-m! #hat are #e doing hereG% $Shopping!% 5ana replied. $This isnt e'actly #hat + had in mind.% + took in the barred #indo#s! >(A posters on the door and homeless person peeing on the side of the brick building. $6ou sure you dont #ant to go to .acysG% 5ana shook her head at me. $+ need a piece.% $A IpieceG hat are you! Clint 9ast#oodG% $1ast #eek (ico told the class #e needed to think about protection.% After my Ibrush #ith death last summer! as my o"erly dramatic best friend called it! 5ana #ent on this self-defense kick! immediately going out and signing up for a class at the rec center. Sur"eillance and Protection for the -rban Soldier. The instructor of the class! (ico! looked like a cross bet#een (ambo and the +ncredible *ulk. + could see (ico needing a Ipiece. The thought of 5ana handling a deadly #eapon #as! ho#e"er! mildly frightening. $5o you e"en kno# ho# to shoot a gunG%

$6ep.% 5ana smiled #ith pride. $(icos been gi"ing me some pri"ate lessons.% Considering 5anas uncanny ability to pick up men destined for short term relationships! + could Bust imagine the kind of Ipri"ate lessons (ico had been gi"ing her. $+ dont kno# about this.% + eyed the store again. The homeless guy Aipped up and began yelling at passing cars. $+ll buy you a etAels PretAel #ith e'tra cinnamon sugar if #e can go to the )lendale )alleria instead.% 5ana got out of the car. $Come on! dont be such a #imp. (ico said this place #as the best.% + shrugged. +d kno#n 5ana since #e bonded in se"enth grade o"er a shared crush on Corey &eldman circa Lost ,o s. And + kne# once she set her mind to something! + could no more dissuade her from buying a gun in >orth *olly#ood no# than + could stop her from &ed9'ing Corey her training bra then. 7esides! + guess it #ouldnt hurt to pick up a can of pepper spray. 5ana clubbed her steering #heel and locked the car #ith a back#ard glance at the homeless guy. *e #as still busy shouting obscenities at a &ord &esti"a on the corner. The bell o"er the door to Sepul"eda )uns and Ammo Bingled as #e pushed through the >(A posters! prompting all eyes to turn our #ay. T#o homeboys in lo# slung Beans and baseball caps #ere hunkered o"er an assault rifle in the corner! planning something + so did not #ant to kno# about. A tall guy #ith a greasy blonde ponytail and a shirt liberally stained #ith mustard stopped his inspection of a long range scope and took to inspecting us! his tiny eyes doing a slo# up and do#n thing. + suddenly needed a sho#er. 5ana grabbed my arm and steered me o"er to the #oman behind the glass counter! #earing a nametag that read $.ac.% She #as shorter than me! #hich put her near the fi"e foot mark! #ith bushes of friAAy red hair that Carrot Top #ould be Bealous

of. And an eye patch. Seriously. A black! /ohnny 5epp style eye patch that looked like it should come #ith a parrot. + tried not to stare. $ hat can + do for ya! honeyG% she asked! her "oice rough #ith years of cigarette smoke. ,r maybe Bust trying not to inhale the homeless guy stench #afting in through the ancient "entilation ducts e'posed in the ceiling. 5ana stepped up to the smudged glass counter and did her best 5irty *arry. $+m lookin to pack.% + rolled my eyes. Scary )un 1ady narro#ed her good one at us. $ hat my friend means!% + Bumped in! $is that shes looking for a starter sort of gun. Something small. And safe. 6ou kno#! that #ont go off easily.% *er eye narro#ed further and she did a hands on hips thing. $6ou #ant a safe gunG% + think + heard Ponytail )uy snicker behind us. + looked to 5ana for help but she #as busy scrutiniAing the display case full of deadly #eapons. + kne# that look in her eyes. +t #as the same one + got #hen 5ior pumps #ent on sale. .y mild fear Bumped up Bust a notch. $Safe-ish maybeG% Scary )un 1ady ga"e me a once o"er! her gaAe stopping at my sparkly pink top! #hich! by the #ay! #ould ha"e been perfect for a stroll around the mall. $*oney! you"e ne"er held a gun before! ha"e youG% >o! but + had #icked accuracy #ith a stiletto heel. $>u uh!% + replied. She shook her head! her red hair flying around her face like 7oAo the Clo#ns. Though! in all honestly! my gaAe #as still ri"eted to that eye patch. That and the huge! hairy mole gro#ing out of her cheek. hy #e had "entured into the depths of >orth *olly#ood for guns #as still a bit of a mystery to me. + mean! they sell guns in 7e"erley *ills too.

$+ like this one!% 5ana! said! pointing to a 55A .EF caliber pistol. >eon pink. The sales#oman did the hands on hips thing again. $*oney! + could sell you that gun. 7ut the first time you pull it out! you kno# #hat the attackers gonna sayG% 5ana and + shook our heads in unison. $>othin. *ell be laughing too hard.% 5ana nodded solemnly. $(ight. >o pink.% She straightened up and did her serious face! scrunching her eyebro#s together like she #as thinking really hard. $See! +m mostly looking for some kind of protection against those smarmy kind of guys that hit on you in clubs and then #hen you turn them do#n #ait for you to go to the bathroom then slip you a roofie and you #ake up in some strangers bed the ne't day. 2no# #hat + meanG% The #oman stared us do#n #ith her one good eye. $,kay! look. 6ou seem like nice enough girls! and + dont #anna see you get hurt. *o# about some nice pepper sprayG% $ hat! do #e look like amateursG% 5ana asked. 9"en + had to agree #ith the snort of laughter Ponytail )uy let out at that one. 7ut 5ana #asnt gi"ing up. $1isten! (ico told me you could help me find something. *e said you #ere the best.% $(icoG% The #omans face softened and she shifted her defensi"e posture. $ hy didnt you tell me you kne# (icoG% She reached into the glass case and pulled out a sil"er handgun. $*ere! this is #hat you girls need. A Smith and esson 1adySmith. Semi-automatic! nine millimeter! rubber grips in stainless finish. Small! hardly any recoil! and fits in a purse.% 5anas eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas. $Can + hold itG% )un lady nodded. 5ana picked it up! doing her best /ames 7ond stance. The guys in baseball caps took a couple steps back#ard. $Theres also the semi-auto! barrel tip.% She reached into the case again! pulling out a gun in black. $Theyre lighter!

easier to load than a 1adySmith. The only disad"antage is they dont retain spent casings. 1ittle harder to e'plain #hen the cops sho# up.% She ga"e me a #ink and a nudge. + did a feeble laugh! trying not to picture ho# many Ie'planations .ac had spun in her lifetime. $+ like this one!% 5ana said! still holding the 1adySmith! staring do#n the barrel at her reflection in the smudged glass. +n all honesty! the light in her eyes #as getting a little scary. $+ll take it.% The sales#oman beamed like a proud .ama. $And youG% she asked me. $+ think +ll stick #ith pepper spray.% 8 8 8 T#enty minutes later + had my mini canister of Pepper)uard tucked in my purse and 5ana had a trunk full of ammunition. >ot only had she laid out her 0isa for the Smith and esson Q #hich she could take possession of in a mere ten days pro"ided shed ne"er been arrested for gun running - but shed also come a#ay #ith a bo' full of cartridges! a leather holster! handcuffs 3+ so did not #ant to kno# #hat those #ere for!4 and last! but certainly not least! a stun gun in the shape of a cell phone. 5ana #as armed and dangerous. .iss )uns and Ammo dropped me off at my Santa .onica studio before heading off to class to sho# (ico her ne# Itoys. She tried to get me to come #ith her! saying they #ere going o"er front assaults tonight. 1uckily + begged her off #ith the fact + had to get some #ork done or my employer might threaten to fire me. Again. hich #asnt a total lie. They hadnt been too happy #ith the #ay my stabbing incident 3not to mention marriage to 7igfoot!4 had played across the front page! tarnishing their family friendly image.

9"er since + #as old enough to dress 7arbie in her pink sparkly ball go#ns! +d dreamed of being a fashion model. Strutting the run#ays of Paris in slinky couture and designer heels. *o#e"er! by eighth grade it #as painfully clear that e"en the highest stilettos #erent going to help me achie"e fashion model height. So! + did the ne't best thing! studying fashion design. Specifically shoes. -nfortunately! e"ery failed model studies fashion and an actual paying Bob #as harder to land than a contract #ith Co"er )irl. Someho# + ended up at the only place that #ould take me. Tot Trots Childrens Shoe designs. ,kay! so it #asnt e'actly haute couture! but it paid the bills! + got to set my o#n hours! and my Spiderman flipflops #ere the top selling shoe at Payless last season. + #as currently #orking on the (ainbo# 7right Bellies for the Spring collection! complete #ith beaded shoe charms. Paris! eat your heart out. + let myself into my studio and checked my machine. The light #as blinking. + hit the play button. $6ou ha"e t#o ne# messages.% Check me out. .aybe my social life #as looking up. + pulled a pint of 7en and /errys out of the freeAer 3hey! shopping burns off a lot of calories! rightG4 #hile + listened to the first message. $This is &eli' 5unn #ith the Informer again. e plan to run a piece on you and #ed lo"e to get a Kuote. Please call me back-% 5elete. 6oud think the press #ould ha"e Bumped onto ne#s of /ens ne#est flame or Toms latest Scientology #eirdout. + mean! + only popped one boob! + #aited for the ne't message to start. There #as a pause and some hea"y breathing. Then! $+! uh! +m looking for .adison Springer. + hope + ha"e the right number. + sa# your name in the paper. This is 1arry.% There #as another pause.

$6our father.% + stared at the phone. Spoonful of Chunky .onkey suspended in mid air as + blinked like mad at my machine. 5id he Bust say #hat + thought he saidG Then + realiAed the message #asnt o"er. $+ kno# its been a #hile. 7ut +! uh! + read about you in the paper. hat you did last summer. And + could use your help. +! uhM% Another pause as + held my breath. There #as the sound of mo"ement in the background. $,h! )odM #hat are you doingM >o!% + froAe as a loud bang rang out from the machine! re"erberating off the #alls of my tiny studio apartment. .aybe it #as the e"ening of learning the difference bet#een a .EF and .E< caliber #eapon. .aybe it #as the fact that last summers run in #ith .iss *omicide #as still Bust a little too fresh in my mind. ,r maybe it #as Bust my o"er acti"e imagination at #ork. 7ut my mind instantly hit on the source of the sound. A gun shot. The machine clicked o"er. 7eep. $9nd of messages.%

'ha(ter Two + stared at the phone! my breath lodged in my throat as my heart threatened to pound out of my rib cage. .y body immediately remembered the last time +d heard a gun go off Q #hen it had been aimed at me Q and + #ent in to panic mode. + grabbed the phone and dialed the first number + could think of. (amireA. +t rang three times. Then + got his "oice mail. 5amn. + tried to calm my breathing as + #aited for the beep. $+ts .addie. + think +"e Bust been ear #itness to another murder. .y 5ad #as shot. >ot &au' 5ad! the real dad. The hairy one. *e got shot. ,r he shot someone. + dont kno# #hich. 7ut there #as definitely a gunshot and he #as definitely there and he needed my help and no# + think someones dead. ,r dying. ,r probably at least #ounded. Call me.% + hung up #ishing + didnt automatically go into blabber mode #hen crisis hit. hy couldnt + be one of those calm! cool-headed #omen that could make a tourniKuet out of a tampon and a gum #rapperG +nstead + had to freak out like a little kid lost at the mall. + dialed .oms number. +t rang four times and the machine kicked on. $*i you"e reached 7ettyM% $M and (alph!% my stepfather chimed in. $ ere not here right no# so lea"e a number at the beepM% $Mor try us at the salon! ciao!% &au' 5ad finished. + hung up. hen (amireA got my blabbering message hed probably roll his eyes and make some comment about ho# girly + #as. That + could li"e #ith. .om! on the other hand! #ould likely call in the >ational )uard to make sure + #as okay. hich! in all honesty! + #as. +t #as the guy on the other end of the line that #as in trouble.

.y dad. + sat do#n on my futon! absently sho"ing a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth as + conBured up the image of that hairy arm #a"ing good-bye from the 9l Camino #indo#. hen + #as deep in my teenage-angst phase +d badgered my .om into talking about my father. /ust once. She said theyd met at a 7ob 5ylan concert! that he #as H=%! allergic to stra#berries! and had run off to 0egas #ith some sho#girl named 1ola. hen she got to the 1ola part she broke do#n sobbing the kind of racking tears that scared the crap out of my teenaged self. >eedless to say! + hadnt broached the subBect since and she hadnt offered. + #ondered if he #as still in 0egasG + grabbed the handset and scrolled do#n my call log. ,ut of area. ell! that didnt tell me much. *e could ha"e been calling from any#here. And #hat kind of help did he needG as he sickG 5id he need a kidneyG +t #ould be Bust like a man to #altA back into my life after t#enty-si' years and ask for a "ital organ. ,nly he hadnt sounded sick. *ed soundedM in trouble. +n serious trouble if that really #as a gunshot. + tried not to picture him #ounded or bleeding some#here. .aybe + should call C==. 7ut #hat #ould + tell themG Someone some#here might ha"e been shotG + had no idea #here he #as! or e"en if it #as! in fact! my father calling. +d gotten more than one crank phone call since my brush #ith fame. And to be honest! the more + thought about it! the less sure + #as that the sound #as e"en an actual gunshot. .aybe it #as Bust a car backfiringG + sho"ed another big scoop of Chunky .onkey into my mouth! hoping that the creamy chocolate and banana goodness might calm me do#n. .aybe it #as a backfiring car and maybe it #as a gunshot. 9ither #ay! my dad had called me. And first thing in the morning! it #as time to take the cro#bar bar to .oms memory again.

8 8 8 + #as in the depths of a dream about being chased by a backfiring car dri"en by a one eyed #oman #hen the sound of my phone ringing #oke me up. + halfheartedly grasped around in the general region of the handset but came up empty. + cracked one eye open to peek at the clock beside my bed. Se"en a.m. + groaned. + hated morning people. .y theoryN if the malls dont open until ten #hats the point of being up earlier than thatG The phone rang t#o more times! then clicked o"er to the machine. + buried my head under my pillo# as + listened to my o#n "oice inform callers to lea"e a message. The machine beeped. $.addieG +ts /ack.% + bolted upright in bed! flinging the pillo# across the room. (amireA. $+ got your message last night. hat the hell is going on o"er thereG% + Bumped out of bed! di"ing for the phone. ,nly the handset #asnt on the cradle. + glanced around my studio apartment. &old out futon on the #all! dra#ing table against the other! piles of clothes and shoes e"ery#here else. here #as the phoneG $ hats all this about a gunshotG Are you okayG% *e paused. $1ook! + may be a little hard to get a hold of for the ne't fe# days! so if youre there pick up.% + #as trying to! + began digging under my clothes from the night before. + slipped my hands do#n in the futon cushions! checked under my dra#ing table! e"en started opening kitchen dra#ers. here the hell had + put the thingG (amireA paused. $ ell! + guess youre not there. &ine. +ll try back later.%

$>o!% + screamed at him. Then spied the handset peeking out of a .acys bag by the door. $ ait! #ait! #ait!% + chanted. + grabbed the handset and hit the on button. 5ial tone. Crap. + Kuickly redialed his number but #asnt surprised to hear it go straight to "oicemail again. 5ammit. + slammed the handset do#n in the cradle! taking all my aggression out on the poor )9 appliance. &ine. hate"er. So #hat if the one time hes called me back in #eeks + cant find the damn phone. + didnt really need him any#ay. Since + #as up any#ay + made a pot of strong coffee and hit the sho#er! doing a blo#-dry and mousse thing after#ard. As a concession to the pint of 7V/s + had single-handedly consumed the night before + pulled on a comfortable pair of na"y blue gaucho pants! paired #ith a tank top! na"y shrug and knee-high bro#n calfskin boots. ,"erall! a pretty decent look for a breeAy ,ctober day. 7reeAy translating to LF and sunny instead of the summers JF and sunny forecast. e dont belie"e in #eather in 1.A. any more than #e belie"e in public transportation. After a couple s#ipes of mascara and a touch of (aspberry Perfection on my lips + #as out the door. 8 8 8 &ernandos salon #as located on the ultra chic corner of 7righton and 7e"erly 7oule"ard! one block north of (odeo! smack in the middle of the 7e"erly *ills )olden Triangle. hen my stepfather! or &au' 5ad as +d affectionately nicknamed him! arri"ed on the #est coast from .innesota he #as Bust plain (alph! a slightly paunchy! pale! middle-aged hairdresser. 2no#ing no one in 1.A. #ould get their hair done

at a salon called I(alphs! he rein"ented himself #ith a fictitious Spanish ancestry! spray on tans t#ice a #eek! a salon in a prime 7e"erly *ills location and "oila - &ernando #as born! stylist to the "ery rich and semi-famous. +n addition to his cut and color talents! &au' 5ad also had a passion for interior decorating. 3.om s#ears hes not gay! though + still ha"e my doubts.4 Currently &au' 5ad #as going through a Tuscan phase! painting the #alls #ith a rusty orange glaAe and hanging bunches of plastic red grapes and leafy "ines from the rafters. )ilt frames held oil paintings of "ineyards along the #alls and soft classical music mi'ed #ith the sounds of blo#-dryers! sprayers! and Buicy 7e"erly gossip. All in all! it #as an atmosphere that screamed for a glass of pricey merlot. $.addie!% .arco! the receptionist! skipped out from behind his slick looking computer as + entered the salon! attacking me #ith air kisses. .arco #as slim enough! pretty enough! and #ore enough eye make-up to compete on .meri*a!s Ne5t /op 4odel. And probably #in. $*o# are you! dahlingG% he asked in an accent that #as pure San &rancisco. $Suffering from a 7en and /errys hango"er.% .arco clucked his tongue. $A#e! poor baby.% $Are .om and (alph in yetG% $0ernando!% .arco emphasiAed! chastising me #ith his hea"ily lined eyes! $is doing a body #a"e for .rs. Simpson.% *e leaned in! gesturing to the back of the salon. $/essicas .om.% $Ah.% + looked past the Icrumbling palaAAo #alls of the reception area and spotted (alph talking to a blonde under a beehi"e dryer. $ hat about .omG% $6our mothers in the back! doing a #a'ing for that psychic lady.% That Ipsychic lady #as .oms best friend! .rs. (osenblatt. .rs. (osenblatt #as a S<< plus pounds F time di"orcee #ho fa"ored mumus in neon colors and talked to the

dead through her spirit guide! Albert. 9ccentric didnt e"en begin to describe .rs. (osenblatt. She and my mother met years ago #hen .om #ent to .rs. (osenblatt for a psychic reading and claimed .rs. (s predictions came true the "ery ne't day. ,kay! so the dark! handsome! stranger she #as supposed to meet turned out to be 7arney! a chocolate lab! but that #as close enough for .om. They"e been firm friends e"er since and .om ne"er goes more than fi"e days #ithout an aura cleanse from .rs. (. + thanked .arco and made my #ay through the humming dryers and chemical smells of the salon to the back room! reser"ed for #a'es and facials. hen .om and &au' 5ad got married in /uly! .om ga"e up her Bob as a high school math teacher and learned the fine art of the facial #a'ing. At least! + hoped to )od she #as doing a facial. +d only had one cup of coffee and a .rs. (osenblatt bikini #a' called for at least t#o cups. ith a couple shots of #hiskey. + ga"e a tentati"e knock on the door. $-h! .omG )ot a secG% + asked! slipping into the room painted #ith a fresco of the +talian hillside along the #alls. + #as relie"ed to find .om ho"ering o"er .rs. (osenblatts mustache! though + cringed Bust a little at her outfit. + lo"e my mother. + really do. + Bust #ish she didnt insist on getting dressed in the dark. She #as #earing electric blue stretch pants! pink leg#armers and a pink s#eatshirt #ith the neck hole cut out o"er a pair of black high-topped 1.A. )ear sneakers! the likes of #hich + hadnt seen since =CJH. + think she #as going for /ane &onda chic but fell some#here closer to S#eatin to the ,ldies. $*i! hon!% she greeted me! #a"ing a #a' strip in my direction. $ hat brings you hereG% $6ou need a #a'ingG% .rs. (osenblatt asked! sKuinting at my upper lip. $6our moms a #hiA #ith the #a'.% $-h! no! +m fine. Thanks.%

$6ou sureG% .rs. ( sKuinted again. $Cause + could s#ear + see a little dust up there.% + self-consciously felt my upper lip. $Course! you kno# Albert says there are some cultures that priAe hairy #omen!% she continued. Albert #ould kno#. +n his earthly e'istence! .rs. ( claimed her spirit guide #as a New Yor& /imes fact checker. $,f course! here in 1alaland hairy Bust means you aint been to the salon in a#hile. +f + #anna get a date #ith that fo' on the senior bo#ling league! + gotta loose the mustache.% .rs. ( #inked at me. $The &o' is +talian. They got them big hands and big noses and bigM% $,kay! hold still for the #a'.% +ll say this for my mother! she has e'cellent timing. .om pressed a strip onto .rs. (s upper lip! thankfully ceasing the flo# of too-much-information before she could describe The &o's other attributes. $So! #hat does bring you do#n here todayG% .om asked! smoothing the strip do#n in all directions. $ ell! +! +! uhM% + paused! not sure ho# best to drop the bombshell that my paternal half had not only contacted me! but might be dead in a ditch some#here. $See + got this phone call! andM% .om looked up! #aiting for me to finish! a small fro#n settling bet#een her thickly penciled eyebro#s. $ hat is it .adsG% + decided the least cruel #ay to do it #as Kuick and painless! like ripping off a band aid. ,r a #a'y bit of upper lip hair. $1arry called me.% .om froAe! her face going a shade of pale >icole 2idman #ould be Bealous of. *er mouth did an empty open and shut thing like a cod fish! then clamped into a thin tight line. $+ see.%

She grabbed a corner of the #a' strip and yanked #ith a force that made me cringe. .rs. (osenblatt ho#led like a coyote in heat. So much for painless. $.om! are you okayG% + asked as she attacked the left side of .rs. (s lip. $&ine.% .oms lips #ere starting to turn #hite from being clamped together so tightly. + rushed on! afraid she might attack my Idust ne't. $1ook! + didnt mean to upset you! but he called last night and left a message on my machine. ,nly he didnt say #here he #as calling from or lea"e a number or anything. *e said he sa# my name in the papers andM he needed my help.% .oms lips remained clamped as she ripped the second strip. Tears #elled in .rs. (osenblatts eyes. $,y! + hope that &o' is #orth this!% .rs. ( #ailed! rubbing her lip. .om took a deep breath! closing her eyes in a little mini meditation. $ hat kind of helpG% she finally asked. $+ dont kno#. *eM the machine cut him off before he could say.% >o sense in mentioning the gun shot until + kne# for sure that it #as one. 7esides! .om #as pro"ing to be dangerous #ith a #a' kit in her hands and despite the reasonable person in me! + #as beginning to fear her. $+ see!% she said! clamping her lips together again. + cleared my throat! #ishing + didnt ha"e to do this. $1ook! + kno# you t#oM% + trailed off! her eyes boring into me beneath her =CJE po#der blue eye-shado#. $+ kno# he ditched us for a sho#girl! #hich makes him maybe not your fa"orite person.% .om made a sound like a snort. $Mbut despite all that! he is still my dad. And! #ell! + need to kno#. 5o you kno# #here he might be-% 7ut .om cut me off! ad"ancing on me #ith a fresh #a' strip. $+ refuse to discuss the man! .adison.%

+ took one giant step back. hen she used my full name! + kne# she #as serious. )enerally my "ery +rish! "ery Catholic grandmother #as the only person #ho called me .adison. .om had only used my full name t#ice that + can remember. ,nce after the braces and 7enny episode #hen shed gone on to e'plain the birds! bees! and #hy + should #ait until + #as thirty to ha"e any contact #ith the opposite se' again. And the second time #as #hen +d accidentally ma'ed out her credit card in a bout of post-breakup shopping #hen + #as eighteen. That had earned me an entire summer #orking at *ot 5og on a Stick to pay her back. 3+ still ha"e nightmares about those hats.4 $*e left!% .om said. $9nd of story.% + opened my mouth to protest! but #as stopped by .rs. (osenblatt laying a thick palm on my forehead. $*old on! #u##ee, +m getting a "ision.% .rs. (osenblatt rolled her eyes back in her head until she looked like an e'tra from .ichael /acksons /hriller "ideo. $+ see feathers and lipstick. 1ots of red lipstick.% She paused. $5id your father e"er #ork in cosmetics testingG% .om and + did a simultaneous eye roll and .om thre# her hands up in the air in surrender. $.addie! + honestly dont kno# #here he is!% she said. + #atched her for a second! trying to decide if + belie"ed her. $7ut e"en if you did! you #ont tell me! #ould youG% She set her mouth in that thin line again and shook her head. Part of me understood her anger. + mean! the man had left her alone #ith a young child to raise on her o#n. And + could only imagine the sting of being left for a fi"e foot gaAillion inch sho#girl. That had to hurt. + tried to picture ho# +d feel if + found out (amireA had been shacked up #ith some topless dancer. >ot too happy. And #e #ere only dating! 3Sort of. +f you called one half naked encounter si' #eeks ago dating. hich! for lack of any other action! + did.4 7ut + honestly

couldnt imagine #hat he might ha"e done that #as so bad she didnt #ant me to e"en meet him. /ust once. -nfortunately it #as clear by the grim set of her mouth that +d gotten all + #as going to get out of .om. $&ine!% + said! doing a mirror image of .oms thin lip routine. The t#o of us did a little stare do#n thing! #hich +m pretty sure neither of us #on! and + left. 1uckily! being raised in 1.A. had not only made me tough! but also resourceful. +f .om #ouldnt help me find my 5ad! +d find someone else #ho #ould. .arco #as sho#ing a #oman #ith enormous 1ucille ball red hair a ne# moisturiAing mist product as + made my #ay back through the salon. + #aited for him to finish then approached his desk. $Can you get online #ith that thingG% + asked! gesturing to his sleek! black computer. .arco shot me a look. $ hat do you think this is! the stone ageG This is an eight-hundred mega-hertA Pentium processor #ith a four giga byte memory. ith this baby + can do#nload naked pictures of 7rad Pitt before you could e"en say yummilicious.% TemptingM $Actually! + #as #ondering if you could google someone for meG% $7ut of course.% .arco sat do#n behind the computer! and pulled up the screen. $ hats the nameG% + glanced ner"ously o"er my shoulder at the #a' room! e'pecting .om to appear any minute. $1arry Springer.% .arco typed the name in. $T#el"e thousand hits.% )ee! that narro#ed it do#n. $ hat e'actly are you looking forG% he asked! clicking on the first couple of links on the screen. A #eb page for a ashington state senator and a link to a memorial page for a clergyman #ho died in =JE;. >either one particularly helpful.

$+m not sure!% + sighed. $An address or a phone number maybeG Any #ay to contact him.% $Ah!% .arco danced his fingers o"er the keyboard #ith practiced speed! pulling up a #hite pages directory. *e keyed in the name. $5o you kno# #hat cityG% + bit my lip! glancing o"er my shoulder again. $Try 1as 0egas.% $,ooo! Sin City. .y fa"orite to#n! honey.% .arco did an eyebro# #aggle! adding the city to the search. A page of names and numbers came up. $,kay! #e"e got phone numbers for three 1arry Springers! t#el"e 1. Springers and a couple of 1a#rences. >o addresses. ho is this guy any#ayG% .arco asked. $>e# boyfriendG% + heard the door to the #a' room open and .rs. ( emerged! rubbing at an upper lip that looked like shed been &rench kissing sandpaper. $-h! no. *esM someone +m looking for!% + hedged. .arco #as a s#eetheart! but he li"ed for gossip. Telling .arco a secret is like taking out an ad in Cosmo. 9"ery fashionable #oman and gay man in the country #ould kno# about it. $,oo! is this one of (amir-% he paused! slapping a palm o"er his mouth as he remembered The ,ath. $-h! + mean! um! that hottie cops casesG ,h baby! #ould + like to #ork #ith him.% .arco began fanning himself. $>o! itsM personal.% + #atched as .om handed .rs. ( a bottle of lotion! motioning to her red upper lip. $*ey! can you print this page out for meG% + asked! positioning myself behind the monitor! hoping .om didnt see me. $Sure! thing honey!% .arco said! as the printer hummed to life. $)reat. Thanks.% .y attention #as still absorbed by .om and .rs. (. They #ere #alking to#ard the reception area!

.rs. ( still rubbing at her lip! .om making apologetic motions. $*ere you go! dahling!% .arco handed me a sheet of paper! fresh out of the printer. $Thanks! )otta go!% + said as + made a mad crouching dash for the front doors. $+ o#e you! .arco!% $Ciao! bella! Tell .r. *ottie Pants + said Ihi!% + heard him yell as + passed through the glass front doors! doing the fastest run in t#o inch heels that + could to my /eep parked a block and a half a#ay. ,nce inside + scanned do#n the list trying to get up the ner"e to #hip out my cell phone and begin dialing. + tried not to think about the fact that at the other end of one of these numbers #as my 5ad. hat #ould + say to himG )ot your message! hope youre not shot! #hy the hell did you lea"e before + could make any cool memories of us at the beach togetherG + didnt kno#. All + kne# #as that until + actually talked to him! "isions of that dead in a ditch thing #ere going to haunt me. + took a deep breath and punched in the first number. At this time of day + mostly got a lot of ans#ering machines! some of #hich + #eeded out immediately. The first 1arry Springer sounded about eighty and the ne't t#o machines featured a college kid and a man #ith a hea"y Spanish accent. + #as half#ay through the 1. Springers #hen my stomach grumbled loudly enough to make me Bump in my seat. (eminding me + hadnt eaten anything since my 7V/s binge last night. + re""ed up the /eep and hit the .c 5onalds dri"e thru on 7e"erly and ilshire! ordering a Kuarter pounder! large fries and a stra#berry milkshake. Then thre# in an apple pie for dessert. *ey! + figured this #as my breakfast and lunch. 7y the time +d finished off the last of the greasy fries and my milkshake had melted into dribbles of #atery ice milk at the bottom of my cup! +d narro#ed the list do#n to three

possible 1arrys. T#o of the numbers rang and rang and the other #as ans#ered by the mechanical "oice that came #ith the ans#ering machine. Anyone of #hich could belong to my dad. hat + needed no# #as some #ay to match the numbers #ith addresses. +f + had an address! + could call the 0egas police and let them do a casual dri"e by to see if any of the houses had conspicuous dead bodies #ith gunshot #ounds. + looked do#n at my digital clock. EN=F. 5anas Prenatal Pilates class should be ending soon and if + hit the E<F no#! + might be able to catch her before she started her Pole 5ancing for Seniors session. After slogging through the pre- pre-rush hour traffic 3,kay! fine! in 1.A. the free#ays al#ays look like rush hour. 7ut + for one chose to belie"e theres a small #indo# of time #here + might actually be able to get from the Citadel to the 7e"erly Center in under an hour. >e"er mind that its bet#een S and F am.4 + pulled my Beep into the parking lot of the Sunset )ym! a huge concrete and glass structure that housed an ,lympic siAed s#imming pool! se"en racKuetball courts! and its "ery o#n Starbucks. + declined the "alet parking! figuring the thirty second #alk from my car to the gym could count as my e'ercise for the day. The front counter today #as manned by none other than 5anas latest e'-boyfriend! >o >eck )uy. >o >eck had been one of 5anas many roommates at the Studio City duple' she shared #ith a handful of other actor slash personal trainers. Theyd been hot and hea"y for about t#o #eeks before 5ana caught >o >eck hitting on one of the gym patrons. *e claimed he #as Bust measuring the siAe of her pecs! but e"en 5ana didnt buy that one. She ga"e him the dreaded dont-call-me+ll-call-you and put an ad in the Penny Sa"er for a ne# roomie. Currently residing in >o >ecks old bedroom at the Actors 5uple' #as Stick &igure )irl! #ho! rumor had it! had Bust landed a gig as 1indsay 1ohans body double body double.

+ fished my gym +5 out from the deep recesses of my purse 3sho"ed beneath a Snickers bar and an empty .V.s #rapper4 and ga"e >o >eck a little #a"e before scanning the main floor for 5ana. + finally found her in one of the group class rooms! leading a handful of pregnant #omen in #arm-do#n stretches. + did a Kuick check to make sure + didnt still ha"e stra#berry milkshake breath! as the #omen #addled out and 5ana Bogged to#ard me! bottle of "itamin #ater in to#. $*ey! #hats upG% she asked! taking a long sip. $6ou here for my pole dancing classG% $,h gee! + left my stripper clothes at home.% 5ana ignored my sarcasm. $Come on! its a#esome on your glutes.% $.aybe ne't time. + Bust ate.% T#o hours ago. 5ana narro#ed her eyes at me. $Are those &rench fry crumbs on your shirtG% Self-consciously! + #iped at my top. $.addie! + thought #e agreed you #ere going to take better care of your body. 5o you kno# ho# bad &rench fries are for youG Theyre like inBecting fat right in your "eins.% + did a deep sigh. $+ll come in tomorro# and do sit-up penance.% $PromiseG% (eluctantly + nodded. &eeling my stomach muscles clench around my Kuarter pounder in protest. $So!% 5ana said! sipping her #ater! $if youre not here for pole dancing! #hats upG% $+ #as #ondering if you still ha"e the number of that guy you dated at the phone companyG% $0eriAon TedG 6eah sure. hyG% + filled 5ana in on my freaky phone message and subseKuent calling Kuest as she do#ned the rest of her "itamin #ater! her eyes gro#ing bigger as + talked. $So you think he #as shotG% she asked #hen +d finished. + bit my lip. $+ dont kno#.%

$+ bet it #as the mob. Those mob guys are all up in 0egas.% 5ana bobbed her head up and do#n for emphasis. $+t #asnt the mob.% $(ico told me the mob uses forty-fi"e caliber 7erettas for all their e'ecutions. 5id it sound like a forty-fi"eG% .ental eye roll. $1ook! + dont e"en really kno# if he #as shot. + Bust thinkM #ell! it might #arrant a phone call to the police to check it out. Pro"iding + can gi"e them some idea #here to check.% 5ana shrugged. $,kay! sure. +ll call 0eriAon Ted right after my pole dancing class and see if he can get us an address.% $Thanks.% + handed 5ana the numbers as she do#ned the rest of her "itamin #ater and trotted off to the group of eighty year old stripper-#anna-bes. + shuddered. .ostly because as they started dancing to the tune of I+m Too Se'y + realiAed they #ere more limber than + #as e"en after three margaritas. 5epressing thought. 8 8 8 After seeing 5ana + felt Bust a little guilty about my Aillion calorie lunch and decided to do better for dinner. + made a Kuick stop at the .agic *appy Time >oodle for a double order of moo shoo chicken 3chicken #as a lean meat! rightG4 #ith rice noodles 3Icause #ho can get fat eating riceG4 before heading back home to my studio. As + follo#ed the trail of red brake lights do#n the E<F! + tried calling all three 1arrys one more time for good measure. Same thing. (inging at the first t#o and that mechanical "oice at number three. + thought about lea"ing a message on the machine! but + still didnt Kuite kno# #hat to say. +nstead + did a fast hang up before the machine kicked in and hoped that 0eriAon Ted #as in a good mood tonight.

+ pulled up to my building! parking my /eep on the street! and started up the steps to my studio! fragrant bags of Chinese food in hand. + #as half#ay up the stairs #hen the hairs on the back of my neck pricked up and + had the oddest sensation of being #atched. + slo#ly turned around and scanned the street! my eyes immediately narro#ing in on a blue 5odge >eon #ith a dented fender parked in front of the building ne't door. + couldnt be sure it #as the same one that had been tailgating 5ana and + the day before! but since there #here probably only t#o people in the entire 1.A. basin that #ould be caught dead dri"ing a blue 5odge >eon! + figured it #as an odd coincidence. + #alked back do#n the stairs! doing a causal stroll thing along the side#alk to#ard the car. + #as a couple feet a#ay #hen it suddenly roared to life! sKuealing a#ay from the curb like some bad cop mo"ie from the se"enties. + only got the "aguest glimpse of the dri"er! Bust enough to tell he #as light haired! before he disappeared do#n the street! taking the corner so fast his tail spun out behind him. +f +d belie"ed in coincidences! +d ha"e said that #as a dooAy. 9"en though .r. >eon #as gone! + suddenly felt "ery e'posed standing out in the open. + took the stairs t#o at a time up to my studio and locked the door behind me. /ust for good measure 3and because +"e seen #as too many teen horror flicks4 + checked under the futon! behind the bathroom door and in the closet. Predictably no boogie men hanging out in #aiting. hich of course! made me realiAe ho# foolish + #as being. The >eon probably belonged to my neighbors son. Probably ho# fast he pulled a#ay form the curb had nothing to do #ith the fact + #as approaching him. Probably it #as a totally different car +d seen follo#ing 5ana and me. 7ut + still felt + should probably keep my door locked and my )inAu knife handy #hile + ate my take-out. /ust in case. 3*ey! +m no dummy. The blonde al#ays dies first in those horror mo"ies.4

After + polished off my Chinese in record time! + spent the rest of the e"ening doing half hearted sketches of the (ainbo# 7right Bellies in bet#een calling the 1arry numbers again. And again. ith the same results each time. + hoped 5ana #as getting along better #ith 0eriAon Ted. &inally after 1etterman + did one more round of calls before calling it a night myself. + pulled out my futon and fell into a restless sleep! "isions of the mob al la (ay 1iotta in"ading my dreams. 8 8 8 + could s#ear +d only been asleep for fi"e minutes #hen the sound of my door being pounded do#n #oke me. ,nly #hen + cracked one eye open the sun #as up and my digital clock read LN=S am. + groaned as my door "ibrated #ith pounding again. hat #as it #ith morning peopleG (eluctantly! + rolled o"er! thro#ing off the sheets and shuffling in that half-asleep-half-a#ake Aombie #alk of those #ho ha"e stayed up much too late gorging on really e'cellent take-out. $Coming!% + called as .r. +mpatience threatened to rattle my door off its hinges again. + sKuinted one half-opened eye at the peep hole. The sight that greeted me #oke me up faster than any grande mocha latte e"er could. 5ark! tussled hair. 5ark eyes #ith one small scar cutting across his left eyebro#. Tightly set Ba#! dusted #ith se'y day-old stubble and that black T-shirt fairly painted onto a body that instantly made me feel like a dog in heat. (amireA.

KILLER I" HIGH HEELS A"ailable no# from Smash#ords!

88888 S"EAK $EEK Take a "isit to the #ild bayous of 1ouisianaN Troub,e in Mu&bug family can be the death of youM by /ana 5e1eon Chapter %ne $+ still cant belie"e shes gone!% .aryse (obicheau' murmured as she stared do#n at the #oman in the coffin. ,f course! the pink suit #as a dead gi"ea#ay\so to speak \that the #earer #as no longer #ith them. &or the miserable t#o years and thirty-t#o days shed had to deal #ith her mother-in-la#! .aryse had ne"er once seen her #ear a color other than black. >o# she sorta resembled the Stay-Puft .arshmallo# .an dressed in Pepto-7ismol. $+ cant belie"e it either!% Sabine #hispered back. $+ didnt kno# e"il incarnate could die.% .aryse Babbed her best friend #ith her elbo#. $&or Petes sake! #ere at the #omans funeral. Sho# some respect.% Sabine let out a sigh. $.aryse! that #oman ga"e you holy hell. And her son #as #orse. + dont e"en understand #hy you #anted to come.% .aryse stared at the casket again and shook her head. $+ dont kno#. + Bust felt compelled to. + cant really e'plain it.% And that #as the )ods honest truth. Shed had no intention of attending *elena *enrys funeral. 6et after her morning sho#er! shed stood in front of her closet and pulled

out her dark na"y $inter"ie#% suit and matching pumps instead of her usual #ork clothes of Beans! T-shirt! and rubber boots. 1ooking do#n at *elena! .aryse still didnt kno# #hy she #as there. +f shed come for some sort of closure! it hadnt happened. 7ut then! #hat had she e'pected\the dead #oman to pop up out of the coffin and apologiAe for bringing the most useless man in the #orld into e'istence! then making .aryses life e"en more miserable by being the biggest bitch on the face of the 9arthG +t #asnt likely #hen you considered that *elena *enry had ne"er apologiAed for anything in her entire life. +t #asnt necessary. hen you had a pocketbook the siAe of the Atchafalaya 7asin in .udbug! 1ouisiana! population F<;! people tended to purposely o"erlook things. $+ think theyre ready to start!% Sabine #hispered! gesturing to the minister #ho had entered the chapel through a side door. $ e need to take a seat.% .aryse nodded but remained glued to her place in front of the coffin! not yet able to tear herself a#ay from the uncustomary pink dress and the a#ful-but-no# dead #oman #ho #ore it. $/ust a minute more.% There had to be some reason shed come. Some reason other than Bust to ensure that *elenas reign of terror #as o"er! but nothing came to her e'cept the lingering scent of *elenas gardenia perfume. $ heres *ankG% Sabine asked. $Surely he #ouldnt miss his o#n mothers funeral. That #ould be maBor bad karma! e"en for *ank. + kno# hes a lousy human being and all! but really.% .aryse sighed as Sabines #ords chased a#ay her #istful "ision of her #ay#ard husband in a coffin right alongside his mother. +f her best friend had e"en an inkling of her thoughts! shed besiege her #ith a regime of crystal cleansing and incense until .aryse #ent insane! and she #as sort of sa"ing

the insanity plea to use later on in life and on a much bigger problem than a #orthless man. $*ank is a lot of things!% .aryse said! $but hes not a complete fool. *es #anted on at least t#enty different charges in .udbug. This is the first place the cops #ould look for him. Theres probably one behind the skirt under the coffin.% Sabine stared at the blue "el"et curtain for a moment! then pulled a piece of it to the side and leaned do#n a bit. Sarcasm #as completely lost on Sabine. $Cut it out!% .aryse said and Babbed her again. $+ #as Boking. *ank #ouldnt risk an arrest to come to the funeral! karma or no. The only thing *ank liked about *elena #as her money! and once the estate is settled! *anks bad karma can be paid in full.% Sabine pursed her lips and ga"e the blue "el"et curtain one last suspicious look. $ ell! its going to be hard to collect the money if hes playing the +n"isible .an.% .aryse rolled her eyes! turned a#ay from the Pink Polyester Antichrist! and pointed to a pe# in the back. $,h! hell be lurking around some#here #aiting to inherit!% she #hispered as the music began to play and they took a seat in the back of the chapel. $9"en + #ould bet on that one. ith any luck! someone #ill grab him #hile hes in close range.% Sabine smirked. $Then hell collect mommas money and #ork a deal #ith the local cops through *elenas friend /udge arner! and e"erything #ill be s#ept under the rug as usual.% $6eah! probably. 7ut maybe +ll finally get my di"orce.% Sabines eyes #idened. $+ hadnt e"en thought of that! but youre right. +f someone grabs *ank! you can ha"e him ser"ed.% She reached o"er and sKueeAed .aryses hand. $,h! thank )od! .aryse. 6ou can finally be free.% .aryse nodded as the song leaders "oice filtered through her head. hat a mess shed made of her life. She hadnt e"en been married to *ank thirty days before he disappeared! lea"ing her holding the bag #hile numerous bookies and loan

sharks came calling. +f theyd li"ed in any other state but 1ouisiana! she #ould ha"e already been di"orced! but 1ouisiana! #ith its scre#ed-up thro#back to >apoleonic la#! had only t#o outs for a marriage\either you ser"ed papers or you produced a body. >o e'ceptions. Shed had no choice but to ask *elena for help. *ank hadnt e'actly borro#ed money from the nicest of people! and if .aryse #anted to continue to li"e in .udbug! she had to pay them off\pure and simple. That #as t#o years ago! and despite the efforts of four pri"ate in"estigators and se"eral angry friends! she hadnt seen *ank *enry since. ,h! but shed seen *elena. 9"ery other &riday at se"en A...! *elena appeared like clock#ork at 1ucys CafP to collect on the debt .aryse o#ed her! along #ith the ;F percent interest she #as charging. >o# the old bat had the ner"e to die #hen .aryse #as only t#o payments short of eating breakfast in complete peace and Kuiet. She turned her attention to the pastor as he took o"er at the front of the chapel. *e began to read the standard funeral 7ible "erses! meant to persuade those in attendance that the person they lo"ed had mo"ed on to a better place. .aryse smirked at the irony. .udbug #as the better place no# that *elena had e'ited. She cast her gaAe once more to *elena! lying peacefully in her coffinM Thats #hen *elena mo"ed. .aryse straightened in her pe#! blinked once to clear her "ision! and stared hard at *elena *enry. Surely it #as a trick of the lights. 5ead people didnt mo"e. 9mbalming and all that other icky stuff that happened at funeral homes took care of that! rightG .aryse had Bust about con"inced herself that it #as Bust a lights and shado#s trick #hen *elena opened her eyes and raised her head. .aryse sucked in a breath and clenched her eyes shut! certain she #as ha"ing a ner"ous breakdo#n that had been t#o years in the making. She #aited se"eral seconds!

then slo#ly opened her eyes! silently praying that her mind #as done playing tricks on her. Apparently! it #asnt. *elena sat bolt upright in the coffin! looking around the chapel! a confused e'pression on her boldly painted face. Panicked! .aryse scanned the other attendees. hy #asnt anyone screaming or pointing or running for the doorG )od kno#s! she hadnt been to many funerals! but she didnt remember the dead person e"er sitting up to take part. She felt a sKueeAe on her hand! and Sabine #hispered! $Are you all rightG 6ou got really pale all of a sudden.% .aryse started to ans#er! but then sucked in a breath as *elena pulled herself out of the coffin. $5ont you see thatG% .aryse pointed to the front of the chapel. $5ont you see #hats happeningG% Sabine cast a Kuick glance to the front of the chapel! then looked back at .aryse #ith concern\no fear! no terrorM nothing to indicate that she sa# anything amiss. $See #hatG% Sabine asked. $5o #e need to lea"eG 6ou dont look #ell.% .aryse closed her eyes! took a deep breath! and dug her fingernails into her palms! steeling herself. 9"en though it #as the last thing in the #orld she #anted to do! she forced her gaAe to the front of the chapel. 6up! her nightmare #as still there. And! Bust as in real life! she didnt #ant to stay silent for long. $ hat the hell is going on here! Pastor 7obG &or Christs sake! +m Catholic!% *elena ranted. $+f this is some sort of #eird 7aptist ceremony! + dont #ant any part of it.% *elena paused for a moment! but the pastor continued as if shed ne"er said a #ord. .aryse stared! not blinking! not breathing! her eyes gro#ing #ider and #ider until she felt as if they #ould pop out of her head.

*elena turned from the pastor and sur"eyed the attendees! narro#ing her eyes. $ ho dressed me like a hooker and sho"ed me in a coffinG +ll ha"e you all arrested is #hat +ll do. 5amn it! someone drugged me! hat are you\some kind of #eird cultG% She paced #ildly in front of the coffin. $+ll see e"ery one of you assholes in Bail! especially you! *arold.% *elena stepped o"er to the nearest pe# and reached for her husband! *arold! but her hands passed completely through him. *elena stopped for a moment! then tried to touch *arold once more! but the result #as e'actly the same. She fro#ned and looked do#n at herself! then back at the coffin. .aryse follo#ed her gaAe and realiAed *elenas body #as still lying there\placid as e"er. *elena stared at herself for #hat seemed like fore"er! her eyes #ide! her e'pression shocked. The pastor asked e"eryone to rise for prayer! and .aryse rose in a daAe alongside Sabine! but she couldnt bring herself to bo# her head. *er eyes #ere permanently glued on the spectacle at the front of the chapel. The spectacle that apparently no one else could see. *elena began to #alk slo#ly do#n the aisle! yelling as she #ent and #a"ing her hands in front of peoples faces. 7ut no one so much as flinched. As she approached the back! .aryses heart began to race! and her head pounded #ith the rush of blood. She kne# she should sit do#n! but she couldnt mo"e! couldnt breathe. All of a sudden! *elena ceased yelling and stopped in her tracks about ten feet from .aryses pe#. *er e'pression changed from shocked to #orried! then sad. .aryse tried to maintain her composure! but the breath shed been holding came out #ith a #hoosh. *elena looked to#ard the source of the noise and locked eyes #ith .aryse. *elena stared for a moment! her e'pression unchanged. As the seconds passed and .aryse didnt drop her gaAe! *elenas face changed from sad to puAAled! and she started #alking

to#ard the pe#. .aryse held in a cry as *elena dre# closer. A #a"e of diAAiness #ashed o"er her. *er head began to s#im. ,ne step! t#o steps! and then the apparition #as right in front of her. Thats #hen e"erything #ent dark. .aryse came to surrounded by a circle of black. &or a moment! she thought she #as in a tomb! but then her "ision cleared! and she looked up#ard to the concerned and curious faces of the other funeral-goers. *elenas funeral! she remembered instantly. She #as at *elenas funeral. $.aryse! are you all rightG% Sabine leaned o"er her! #orried. .aryse sat up on the floor and felt a rush of blood to her head. $ hat happenedG% Sabine shook her head. $+ dont kno#. The pastor #as praying! and the ne't thing + kne#! you #ere on the ground.% An elderly lady standing ne't to Sabine handed her a 2leene' and chimed in! $+t looks like you fainted. +ts probably the heat.% .aryse took the tissue! #ondering #hat the hell she #as supposed to do #ith it! and nodded. +t #as a more diplomatic response than pointing out that the chapel #as air-conditioned! so that theory didnt e'actly hold #ater. .aryse rose from the floor! #obbling a bit on the uncomfortable high heels! and perched at the end of the pe#. 5eciding there #as nothing more to see! the other funeral attendees drifted out the door and a#ay to the cemetery for the interment. .aryse rubbed her temples and looked o"er at Sabine. $+ s#ear! + dont remember a thing. hat happenedG% Sabine fro#ned and ga"e her a critical look. $+m not sure #hat to tell you. 6ou started looking kinda #eird in the middle of the ser"ice and asked me if + sa# something! but + ha"e no idea #hat. hen #e rose to pray! you #ere #hite as a sheet! and #hile the pastor #as praying! you must ha"e passed out.

7y the time + opened my eyes! you #ere already hitting the ground.% $+t must be stress!% .aryse said. $Thats the only e'planation.% $.aybe!% Sabine said thoughtfully! then placed one hand on .aryses arm. $Are you going to be okay to dri"eG% .aryse nodded. $6eah! +ll be fine. + #as a little diAAy at first! but no# + feel fine.% Sabine narro#ed her eyes. $Are you sureG + ha"e an appointment in t#enty minutes or + #ould do it myself! but + can call .ildred if youd rather someone gi"e you a ride.% .aryse #a"ed her hand! rose from the pe#! and ga"e her friend a smile! hoping to alle"iate some of her #orry. $>o use bothering .ildred #hile shes #orking.% .aryse glanced do#n at her #atch. $Speaking of #hich! did you close the shop for the morningG% Sabine shook her head. $(aissa agreed to co"er for me until noon. .rs. 7reau's coming in for her tarot reading right after lunch. Thats the appointment + cant miss. .rs. 7reau' absolutely hates getting a reading from (aissa.% .aryse stared at her. $7ut (aissa has real psychic ability. 6oure Bust shamming.% Sabine rolled her eyes. $+ kno# that! but do you really think these people #ant to kno# the truthG +f they did! theyd dri"e the hour to >e# ,rleans and see (aissa for a dose of reality. The only reason .rs. 7reau' keeps coming back is because + tell her #hat she #ants to hear.% $7ut ho# long can that possibly lastG + mean! sooner or later! shes going to figure out youre ne"er right.% Sabine shrugged. $5oesnt matter. (aissa says shell be dead by year-end any#ay! so the charade doesnt ha"e to last much longer. *er souls fine though\"ery clean! actually\so she should do #ell in the ne't round.% Sabine took a step closer

and ga"e her a hug. $)i"e me a call later. And think about taking the afternoon off! please.% .aryse nodded! not e"en #anting to consider ho# (aissa kne# #hen .rs. 7reau' #ould e'pire! then made a mental note to a"oid running into that psychic anytime soon. 5eath #as definitely one of those things #here ignorance #as bliss. $Thanks! Sabine. + really appreciate you coming #ith me on such short notice. And dont #orry. +ll be fine from here on out.% Sabine didnt look con"inced! but there #asnt much she could do. She ga"e .aryse an encouraging smile and turned to lea"e. .aryse ga"e her retreating figure one final glance and looked back to the front of the chapel. hat in the #orld had happenedG There #as something in the back of her mind! but it #as fleeting! like a mo"ie on fast for#ard. Something important that she needed to remember! but it #as flashing too fast for her to lock in on it. hat could cause a young! healthy #oman #ho spent most of her time outdoors to faint in an air-conditioned buildingG The ans#er hit her all at once and she gasped. *elena! The image of *elena *enry cra#ling out of her coffin and yelling at e"eryone in the chapel made her shudder all o"er again. And that look in her eyes #hen shed seen .aryse #atching herM 7ut ho# #as that e"en possibleG *elena *enry #as dead. There #as no mistaking the bitter-looking #oman in that casket for anyone else\despite the hideous pink suit and 0egas-sho#girl makeup. The only e'planation .aryse had #as that she must ha"e imagined the #hole thing. All the strain of trying to find that idiot *ank and paying off his ridiculous debts to that de"ilmother of his must ha"e caused her to break. That had to be it.

The dead didnt sho# up to their o#n funerals and call people assholes. She paused for a moment. +f they could! though! shed ha"e bet *elena *enry #ould ha"e been the first to "olunteer for the Bob. Certain her current line of thought had gone #ay too far! she left the chapel and made her #ay to her truck! an'ious to get a#ay from the o"er#helming feeling of death. +t #as barely noon! but it #as definitely time for a beer. .aybe shed pick up something from the cafP on the #ay home\like a bag of boiled cra#fish\then take a sho#er and a nap. /ust a bit of a refresher. After that! she needed to contact her attorney and make sure he #as prepared for a *ank appearance and #as ready to ser"e him the di"orce papers. She pulled into .udbug! all eight buildings of it! and parked in front of the cafP. Turning off the truck! she stared out the #indshield at her reflection in the cafP #indo#. She didnt e"en #ant to think about ha"ing to face *ank. She #asnt e"en sure it #as possible #ithout trying to throttle him. .aybe shed ha"e fries! too\fries and t#o beers and forget shed e"er kno#n *ank and *elena *enry. .aryse a#akened midafternoon! surprised shed slept so long. 7ut napping any longer #as a lu'ury she couldnt afford. Shed already lost almost an entire day of #ork. +f she hurried out to the bayou! there might be enough daylight to take some pictures and satisfy the states latest reKuest for images of bayou foliage. /ust as she #as about to cra#l out of bed! she felt the hair on her arms prickle as if she #ere being #atched. *er cat! /asper! stiffened and let out a lo# gro#l. 7efore she could figure out #hat had upset him! he leaped from the bed and shot out the cat door built into the #indo# beside the bed. Shaking her head in amusement at his antics! .aryse caught a flash of bright pink out of the corner of her eye and

looked up to find *elena *enry standing in the door#ay of her bedroom! studying her like she #ould the fabric on designer sheets. .aryse felt her back tighten from the tip of her neck all the #ay to the base of her spine. This couldnt be happening\not after only t#o beers. $ ell! hell!% *elena said finally. $That sol"es it.% She took a fe# steps closer to the bed and looked .aryse straight in the eyes. $6ou can see me! cant youG% .aryse nodded! unable to speak! unable to blink. $+ thought for a moment at the chapel that youd finally lost your mind! but + should ha"e kno#n better. 6oure far too practical to let something like a funeral take you do#n. 9specially my funeral.% She ble# out a breath and plopped do#n on the end of the bed. $This is certainly une'pected but #ill probably come in handy.% $*andyG% .aryse managed to croak out! her mind #hirling #ith confusion. There #as a dead #oman sitting on her bed. erent they supposed to float or somethingG $7ut youreM+ mean! you areM% $5eadG% *elena finished. $,f course +m dead. 5o you think +d #ear polyester in the summer if + #ere ali"eG And dont get me started about the color! or the lo#-cut top and the skirt that is #ay too short.% She stared do#n at the offensi"e garment. $.akes me #ant to puke.% $7ut ho#M#hyM% .aryse trailed off! not sure #here to go #ith the con"ersation! not entirely con"inced she #as actually ha"ing the con"ersation. &inally! she pinched herself! Bust to make absolutely sure she #as a#ake. *elena ga"e her a grim smile. $,h! youre a#ake! honey. And +m really dead! and youre really sitting in your bedroom talking to me.% She scrunched her bro# in concentration. $Although! + suppose its not really me but the ghost of me. *mmm.% $7ut at the funeral! you looked confused! surprisedM%

*elena nodded. $+t #as a bit of a shocker! + ha"e to admit. aking up in a coffin in the middle of my o#n funeral ser"ice. Took me a couple of hours to sort it all out! but once the memories came together! it all made sense.% $7ut #hy meG hy in the #orld #ould you be "isible to meG% *elena shrugged. $/ust lucky! + guess.% 1uckyG 1ucky! )ood )od Almighty! .aryse could think of plenty of #ords to describe being haunted by her dead Antichrist mother-in-la#! but lucky sure as hell #asnt one of them. $Please tell me youre going to go a#ay and haunt a house or a cemetery or something.% *elena shook her head. $Cant do that Bust yet. + ha"e a bit of unfinished business here. And much as you may hate it! it in"ol"es you. Plus! theres that nagging problem of letting my killer get a#ay! and as long as +m hanging around! + figure + might as #ell do something about that! too.% .aryse Bumped up from the bed. $6our killerG The ne#spaper said it #as respiratory failure from your asthma.% $(espiratory failure! my ass. .y lungs may ha"e gi"en out! but it #as only after + drank #hate"er the hell #as put in my brandy snifter. + collapsed right after#ard.% .aryse absorbed this information for a moment. Certainly #hat *elena implied #as possible! but if she #as right! that still left a huge Kuestion unans#ered. $ ho did itG% $+ dont kno#! but they #ere cle"er. + ha"ent had a drink of brandy in a long time. Could ha"e been there for a day or a month for all + kno#.% *elena shrugged. $)uess +ll Bust ha"e to figure out #ho #anted me dead.% .aryse stared at her. as she kiddingG A shorter list #ould be people #ho didnt #ant her dead. $+ think that might be a bit difficult!% .aryse said finally! trying to be diplomatic. After all! she didnt kno# anything about ghosts. .aybe they could do curses or something. This #as 1ouisiana.

$6ou #erent e'actly the most popular person in to#n!% .aryse continued and braced herself for the blo# up. *elena surprised her by pursing her lips and considering her #ords. $6oure right!% she said finally. $There are probably plenty of people #ho #erent sad to see me go. The Kuestion is #hich one #as desperate enough to take actionG% .aryse thought about this for a moment and began to see *elenas point. hen one really boiled do#n to the nitty-gritty of the situation! there #as an enormous difference bet#een preferring someone #as dead! or e"en #ishing them dead! and actually killing them. Still! the #ord $desperate% brought her missing husband to mind. $6oure thinking of *ank!% *elena said! and ga"e her a shre#d look. $,f course + thought of him! but + dont think thats the ans#er.% .aryse started to open her mouth in protest! but *elena held up one finger to silence her. $+m certain he #ont be sad to hear +m dead. 7ut Kuite frankly! *ank lacks the brains to carry out something like this. +f he e"er tried to poison someone! hed ne"er think to use something the coroner #ouldnt detect. *ed probably go straight for rat poison or #hate"er #as closest.% .aryse studied *elenas face carefully! trying to discern #hether she #as being sincere or sarcastic. She couldnt find any e"idence of sarcasm. ell! that hung it all. +f *elena #as talking trash about *ank! the #oman #as most certainly dead. ,h! ho# a little murder changed e"erything. $,kay!% .aryse said! chasing a#ay the great "isual of *ank *enry rotting a#ay in a prison cell. $ hat about *aroldG% $*mm.% *elena scrunched her bro# in concentration. $+t usually is the spouse! especially #hen theres money in"ol"ed. 7ut as far as *arolds concerned! + #as #orth more ali"e than dead. ith the beKuests + left to "arious people and

organiAations! he actually comes out on the short end of the stick! and hes probably kno#n that for a long time.% .aryse thre# her hands in the air. $ ell! if you"e got a logical reason for #hy *ank or *arold arent guilty! then + dont kno# #hy you bothered to come here. + ob"iously dont ha"e the mentality to think like a killer.% She took a deep breath and rushed on before she could change her mind. $+ dont think + can help you! *elena.% There. +t #as out in the open. She bit her lo#er lip and looked at *elena! hoping she #ould politely agree and go a#ay. *elena ga"e her a #ithering look and shook her head. $Sorry. 6ou ha"e something + need.% .aryse felt her breath catch in her throat. *elena already had something in mind! and .aryse kne# #ith complete certainty she didnt #ant to hear a #ord of it. $ hat in the #orld could + possibly ha"e that you needG% She #a"ed one hand around the one-bedroom cabin. $This is all + ha"e in the #orld besides my truck. A camp in the middle of the bayou.% *elena looked at her #ith sad eyes that seemed to go straight to her soul. $Thats not true. 6oure ali"e. 6ou can touch things! mo"e things. + cant. And youre the only one #ho can see me.% .aryse narro#ed her eyes at *elena. $ hat do you mean you cant touch or mo"e thingsG 6ou got here! and the only #ay to get to my place is by boat.% *elenas eyes lit up. $+ kno#. Thats been the only interesting part about death so far. + stood at the bank thinking about ho# to get o"er here. &inally! + decided to borro# one of the small aluminum boats parked at the dock! but no matter ho# hard + tried! + couldnt get a grip on anything. .y hands Bust passed right through e"erything like it #asnt e"en there.% $So ho# e'actly did you get hereG%

*elena beamed. $+ #alked on #ater. + finally figured #hat the hell! if /esus did it! + #ould gi"e it #hirl. So + stepped off the pier onto the bayou and "oil]\+ could #alk on #ater.% .aryse stared at her in dismay. This #as the start of the (e"elationMshe #as positi"e. +f *elena *enry could #alk on #ater! .aryse #as absolutely sure *e #as on *is #ay back to claim *is o#n. ell! that sealed it. Church this Sunday #as no longer an option. She had some serious praying to do. .ll of 8ana 2eLeon!s #oo&s are a"aila#le # digital download( 9isit her we#site at 7anadeleon(*om for more information(