Professional Documents
Culture Documents
[subscription number 919435511] Publisher Routledge Informa Ltd Registered in England and Wales Registered Number: 1072954 Registered office: Mortimer House, 3741 Mortimer Street, London W1T 3JH, UK
Journal of Homosexuality
Publication details, including instructions for authors and subscription information: http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/title~content=t792306897
Lisa K. Waldnera; Brian Magraderb a University of Houston-Downtown, USA b Iowa State University, USA
To cite this Article Waldner, Lisa K. and Magrader, Brian(1999) 'Coming Out to Parents', Journal of Homosexuality, 37: 2,
83 100
Coming Out to Parents: Perceptions of Family Relations, Perceived Resources, and Identity Expression as Predictors of Identity Disclosure for Gay and Lesbian Adolescents
Lisa K. Waldner, PhD
University of Houston-Downtown
ABSTRACT. This paper examines perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and pro-lesbian/gay resources as factors influencing coming out to parents. One hundred seventy-two adolescents responded to a survey originating from a clinical support group for lesbian and gay youth. Findings indicate that weak family relations significantly detract from coming out to parents indirectly through identity expression and perceived resources. Excluding the effects of family relations, adolescents perceiving supportive resources and expressing their lesbian/gay identity were more likely to come out to parents. [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth Document Delivery
Service: 1-800-342-9678. E-mail address: getinfo@haworthpressinc.com]
Lisa K. Waldner is Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Houston-Downtown. Brian Magruder received his PhD in Sociology from Iowa State University. He is employed outside of academe. Correspondence may be addressed to Lisa K. Waldner, Department of Social Sciences, University of Houston-Downtown, 1 Main Street, Houston, TX 77002 (e-mail: waldner-haugrudL@zeus.dt.uh.edu). Journal of Homosexuality, Vol. 37(2) 1999 E 1999 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. 83
84
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
INTRODUCTION According to Erikson (1963), identity formation is the most salient developmental task during adolescence. For lesbian and gay adolescents, an additional task is developing a gay identity or positive lesbian/gay self-image (Troiden, 1989). Gay identity formation is complicated for gay adolescents because of conflicting pressures to conform to a heterosexual identity and the internal need to express homo-erotic drives. Maylon (1982) noted such identity confusion can induce low self-esteem, depression, denial, suppression, and compartmentalization in gay youth. Because gay adolescents often lack access to identity-affirming resources (Greene, 1994b), including the adult lesbian/gay community (Gonsiorek, 1988), many youth feel alienated (Martin, 1982; Maylon, 1982). Gay adolescents may cope with sexual identity issues by withdrawing from their families and society as a whole, and by indulging in other self-destructive behaviors including chemical dependency, prostitution, running away, and suicide (Gonsiorek, 1988; Savin-Williams, 1989; 1994). Developing a positive gay or lesbian self-image suggests a healthy resolution of sexual identity issues. Coming out or disclosing a gay/lesbian sexual identity is one indicator that identity development has occurred. While coming out to parents is considered a difficult task for both gay men and lesbians (Albro & Tully, 1979; Savin-Williams & Lenhart; 1990), there are many psychological benefits (Berg-Cross, 1988; Cramer & Roach, 1988). Supporting adolescents who choose to come out to their parents promotes the psychological well-being of these youth. Understanding the coming out process is an important aspect for the design and delivery of lesbian and gay youth services. This research proposes that coming out to parents can be partially understood by examining perceptions of family relations or getting along with family members, identity expression, and perceived resources. A gay or lesbian identity develops over time and is considered established when an individual has a positive lesbian/gay self-image. Identity disclosure and expression are both behaviors. Disclosure or coming-out refers to acknowledging a gay identity to others. Identity expression involves behaviors ranging from attending lesbian/gay organizations to having a same-sex relationship. While development, expression, and disclosure often occur sequentially, others may exhibit
85
same-sex sexual behavior but not identify themselves as gay or lesbian. Alternatively, others may define and disclose their sexual identity but choose not to express it by avoiding lesbian/gay community activities and/or remaining celibate. This research is concerned with factors predicting identity disclosure. Research in the late 1960s using a nonrandom sample suggested that the average age of coming out was about 19 (Dank, 1972). Recent estimates of identity development and coming-out specify an average age of 16.3 for gay males (Troiden & Goode, 1980) with older mean ages for lesbians (Savin-Williams, 1990; Gonsiorek & Ruldolph, 1991). Not only do lesbians wait longer to come out, but many also choose not to tell their families at all (Berg-Cross, 1988). More recent research suggests that the average age of disclosure for adolescents is decreasing (Remafedi, 1987). While these statistics suffer from measurement problems (Herdt, 1989), it is clear that gay adolescents (especially urban teens) are becoming aware of their sexual identities at younger ages (Herdt, 1989). Adolescents often choose not to reveal concerns about their sexual orientation, opting instead to withdraw. This withdrawal is based on fear of parental rejection (Hersch, 1991), abuse (Savin-Williams, 1994), and a desire to avoid hurting or disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). This fear is often justified, as coming out can have a negative impact on family life (Anderson, 1993-94). Parental rejection is often motivated by homophobia, fear of AIDS (Robinson & Walters, 1987) and traditional values (Newman & Muzzonigro, 1993). Some adolescents are able to overcome these barriers and tell their parents. It is proposed that coming out to parents is predicted by perceptions of family relations, lesbian/gay identity expression, and perceived resources. The theoretical perspective guiding this research is exchange theory. The proposed model is based on the premise that identity disclosure is negotiated by perceiving costs and rewards. Behaviors receiving greater rewards are more likely to be exhibited. Likewise, behaviors involving costs are less likely to be performed (Homans, 1974). Rewards are skewed towards heterosexual relations and costs towards lesbian/gay relations. Religion, political ideologies, and family structures reinforce heterosexual behaviors by negatively sanctioning behaviors linked to expressing a lesbian/gay identity. Prior research suggests factors such as political ideologies of parents, religiosity, and the
86
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
school environment negatively influence the degree of identity expression for gay and lesbian adolescents (Waldner-Haugrud & Magruder, 1996). In fact, the overwhelming negative reactions to gay persons are often sanctioned by religion (Garnets & Kimmel, 1991). Identity disclosure involves perceiving coming-out as more rewarding than costly. Such a process may be indefinite for some individuals. However, others develop, express, and disclose a lesbian/gay identity during adolescence. Whether or not this identity is disclosed to parents depends upon viewing the benefits of disclosure as greater than its costs. MODEL SPECIFICATION Figure 1 diagrams a fully recursive path model suggesting that coming-out to parents is influenced by perceptions of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression. Gay youth who perceive supportive resources, are already expressing their identity, and who report weaker family relations are more out to their parents. The family represents a basic structural and relational arrangement which serves as a primary socialization agent by supporting heterosexual norms and values. Given the heterosexual orientation of families, parents of lesbian and gay adolescents assume their children are heterosexual (Herdt, 1989) and see no need to provide accurate information about homosexuality or the lesbian/gay community. In fact, some of the information provided by families may be inaccurate and negative. Although siblings reactions to a gay brother or lesbian sister are often more positive than parents (DAugelli, 1994a), family members are often inadvertently a source of negative attitudes and stereotypes long before a child has realized he/she might be gay or lesbian (Greene, 1994a). Since neither parental nor sibling attitudes were measured, it cannot be assumed that all family members have negative views. However, Gallup poll data suggests that the majority of Americans have negative views towards homosexuality (Turque, 1992). Youth who report getting along well with family members may place a higher value on all information provided by their family or see no need to seek out alternative information. If negative information is provided about homosexuality, it may discourage gay youth from seeking out additional information from lesbian and gay-supportive resources. Therefore, we
87
FIGURE 1. Proposed model illustrating the effect of family relations on disclosure of a lesbian/gay identity to parents, mediated by the extent of perceived supportive resources and identity expression.
Expression of lesbian/gay identity
Family relations
D Disclosure of identity
C A E
propose that strong family relations will discourage perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources (Arrow A). We also propose a related hypotheses, family relations will also negatively impact identity expression (Arrow B). Parents and siblings may directly and indirectly discourage gay youth from participating in lesbian/gay organizations and same-sex dating. Children perceiving close ties with their families are less likely to defy family expectations because the costs are higher. Gay youth whose families are very important to them are less likely to risk losing the support of their family by exhibiting behaviors that would jeopardize that support. Additionally, parents do exercise some degree of control over their minor children which may interfere with same-sex dating, association with other gay persons, frequenting lesbian/gay organizations, and other identity expression indicators.
88
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Another influence on identity expression is the availability of pro lesbian/gay resources. The availability of resources such as lesbian/ gay organizations, supportive friendships, and counselors, might act to encourage identity expression. Prior research has established that gayaffirming resources are important for identity development (Gonsiorek, 1988; Gonsiorek and Rudolph, 1991). It is reasonable to assume these resources would also encourage identity expression by creating opportunities for same-sex interaction and other types of involvement in the lesbian/gay community. We hypothesize that perceiving supportive resources will encourage identity expression (Arrow C). In addition to discouraging identity expression, perceptions of family relations may also discourage coming out to parents. Gay and lesbian adolescents weigh the perceived costs of disclosing a gay/lesbian identity to parents. Children with stronger ties to their families (as measured by perceptions of family relations) may be more reluctant to come out because they may care more about their parents reaction. Hunter and Schaecher (1990:302) argue that the family is the most important group to which a young person belongs . . . Finding it difficult to predict how the family will react, the adolescent fears confronting them with his/her homosexuality. He or she fears losing family approval and support . . . Fearing this rejection, the young person will hide his/her sexual orientation as long as possible. Martin and Hetrick (1988:174) also support this view by suggesting that the primary familial problem for the adolescent . . . lies in the cognitive dissonance that arises from . . . knowledge of the familys expectations and the contradiction that the adolescents homosexuality poses for these expectations. Children having family members with negative views have a much more difficult time. While it seems reasonable that strong family ties may be linked to warmth and acceptance by other family members, which may encourage disclosure, there is no guarantee for the gay or lesbian adolescent that this acceptance will continue once family members are aware of the adolescents sexual identity. In fact, Martin and Hetrick (1988) suggest that gay minors refrain from telling their parents because physical violence and homelessness are real concerns, even for gay youth having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their parents. While some youth fear rejection, others want to avoid hurting and disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). Past research suggests these concerns are valid for many youth. In
89
one study, approximately 10% of gay youth who disclosed their gay identity to fathers were kicked out of their homes (Boxer, Cook, & Herdt, 1991). Both Weinberg (1972) and Jones (1978) found parental reactions to disclosure were quite negative consisting primarily of two responses: (1) negative misconceptions about homosexuals, and (2) feelings of failure and guilt. Consistent with these misconceptions, parents treat homosexual children in a stigmatized and stereotyped manner, severing family ties (Collins & Zimmerman, 1983; Devine, 1984; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Strommen, 1989). While mothers are generally more accepting than fathers (Boxer et al., 1991; DAugelli, 1994a), research suggests familial reactions are still quite negative; one study found that 61% of the violence aimed at gays and lesbians was perpetrated by family members (Hunter, 1990). Both Collins and Zimmerman (1983) and Devine (1984) assert that parental reaction is guided by structural factors as well as regulative, cohesive, and thematic issues specific to a particular family. Negative consequences of parental intolerance include: an increase in male teen prostitution because children are thrown out of the home (Bales, 1985) and high teen suicide rates (Kournay, 1987). Parents having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their children are more likely to resolve the situation in a healthier manner which benefits both parent and child (Borhek, 1983; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Savin-Williams, 1989; Silverstein, 1977; Weinberg, 1972). The irony is that although parents with a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their gay child may handle coming-out better, the model predicts these children are less likely to come-out for reasons already cited. Past research suggests other predictors of disclosure that were not tested here including having younger parents and high adolescent self-esteem (Savin-Williams, 1989). We propose that positive perceptions of family relations are associated with lower levels of disclosure (Arrow D). Perceiving supportive resources can counteract the effects of family closeness by encouraging disclosure to parents (Arrow E). Specifically, coming-out is less costly if the adolescent is not exclusively dependent on parents for social, emotional, and financial support. Alternative sources of support include resources such as counselors, organizations, and friends. As suggested by DAugelli (1994b:128) disclosure to family . . . is now facilitated by increased cultural
90
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
acceptance, more positive imagery in the media, and much more gayaffirming resources. Finally, the model proposes that identity expression influences disclosure (Arrow F). Children expressing their identity through samesex dating and participation in organizations and community events may find it increasingly difficult to hide their homosexuality from parents. Risking parental rejection or disappointment may be less costly than covering for time spent with same-sex partners or at community activities. Furthermore, it is difficult to deny ones sexual identity when confronted with behaviors which seemingly confirm that identity. In summary, the following hypotheses will be tested: (a) positive family relations will negatively impact perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources, (b) positive family relations will negatively impact identity expression, (c) perceiving supportive resources will positively impact identity expression, (d) positive family relations will negatively impact identity disclosure, and (e) identity expression will result in higher levels of disclosure.
METHODS Sample A questionnaire was administered to self-identified gay adolescents attending a clinical-based support group designed to provide resources for gay and lesbian youth dealing with sexual orientation issues. Support group participants were asked to distribute the survey to other gay or lesbian youth. Respondents were given a questionnaire with a preaddressed and postage-paid envelope. No identifying marks were placed on either the questionnaire or the envelope to ensure anonymity. An attached cover letter indicated the purpose of the study and safeguards used to protect respondents. Through snowball sampling, the initial clinical sample of 35 expanded to include 172 self-identified (white) gays and lesbians, with 85 females and 87 males ranging in age from 14-18. The average age of the respondents was 17. The majority (95%) were from a suburban, upper East coast community. The families of the adolescents were primarily middle-class, with fairly stable incomes and professional occupations (61%). Further-
91
more, family structures were substantially dual-earner with the majority of respondents living with both parents (78%). Unfortunately, the support group facilitator responsible for data collection and survey design did not note how many surveys were circulated, so a response rate cannot be calculated. Measurement Variables were operationalized with both behavioral and perceptual measures. Several researchers support perceptual measures as valid indices of measurement (Acock & Bengston, 1980; Gecas & Schawlbe, 1986; Kerckoff & Huff, 1974). Family Relations. The extent that gay youth identified with their families was measured by the following question: Before you realized (or suspected) you were gay, how well did you get along with your family? Respondents chose one of five responses ranging from 1 = I have never related to my family to 5 = I related to my family very well. There are many reasons children might not get along with their parents besides the sexual orientation of the child. It was necessary to ascertain the parent-child relationship at a pre-identity stage, before being gay becomes an issue. Furthermore, in order to use family relations as a predictor of disclosure, it was necessary to measure before disclosure may have occurred. The distribution of the variable suggests it may be slightly skewed (M = 3.12; SD = 1.12). Perceived Resources (Gay/Lesbian Social Support Networks). The extent of perceived resources was assessed by asking the respondents to indicate approximately how many friends, support groups, family members, organizations, and acquaintances were supportive of homosexuals. The adolescents selected one of the following five response categories: 1 = 0-5, 2 = 6 = 10, 3 = 11-15, 4 = 16-20, and 5 = 21 or more (M = 2.46; SD = 1.21). Identity Disclosure to Parents. Coming-out can range on a continuum from no disclosure to dropping hints and directly telling others. Respondents were asked to indicate the extent they had come out to their parents. Response categories ranged from 1 = have no idea that I may be gay to 5 = are fully aware that I am gay. We did not distinguish between adolescents who disclosed only to one parent and those who disclosed to both. Nor did we distinguish between mothers and fathers (M = 2.43; SD = 1.35). Identity Expression. The degree of identity expression was as-
92
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
sessed by two questions measuring participation in gay/lesbian organizations and gay/lesbian sexual frequency. Participation was measured by asking respondents to choose one of five response categories to the question: During the past month, how many gay organizations, groups, or meetings have you attended? The responses ranged from 0 to 4 or more. Respondents were also asked to indicate their frequency of same-sex sexual activity. These two measures correlated fairly well as indicated by Pearsons r (r = .68; p < .001). This variable was positively skewed reflecting the manner in which the sample was gathered (M = 4.62; SD = 1.98). Since the sample originated in a community-based lesbian/gay support group and the friends of those attending the group, we would expect to see a higher mean for resources. Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to collect a truly random sample of lesbian and gay adolescents (Savin-Williams, 1995).
RESULTS Statistical analysis of the data consisted of computing zero-ordered correlations coefficients (Pearsons r) and testing the combined effects of independent variables on the dependent variables using LISREL 7 (Joreskog & Sorbom, 1989). The model tested here is a fully recursive or just-identified model which always has a 2 = 0 and df = 0 (Pedhazur, 1982). Because this is a saturated model, a goodness of fit index cannot be computed. The reason for using LISREL over a more conventional path model was so the significance of indirect effects could be calculated. Otherwise, LISREL is producing the same results as OLS regression. At the bivariate level, strong evidence is provided to indicate that perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and perceived resources are associated with disclosing to parents. All correlation coefficients were statistically significant at the .05 level and in the direction predicted. Additionally, all correlations can be assessed as moderate in strength. Table 1 reports all correlation coefficients for all variables estimated in the model. Structural equation modeling results, as estimated by LISREL 7, are illustrated in Figure 2. Perceptions of family relations (path A) has a significant negative direct effect (t = 6.10) on perceived
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 1. Correlation matrix for all indicators. 1 1. Family Identification 2. Perceived Resources 3. Identity Expression
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
93
1.00 .42* .47* .40* 1.00 .41* .51* 1.00 .49* 1.00
4. Identity Disclosure
Note: * p < .05 a level N = 172
resources for gay adolescents ( = .42) indicating that the higher the degree of getting along (family relations), the less resources adolescents perceived were available. Family relations explained 18% of the variance in perceived resources for gay adolescents (R2 = .18). Both perceptions of family relations and perceived resources are strong predictors of identity expression. Adolescents who reported getting along well with their families are significantly (t = 5.01) less likely to express their identity through attending lesbian/gay organizations or having same-sex relations (path B, = .36). Perceptions of resources counteracts the effects of perceived closeness by significantly (t = 3.60) contributing to identity expression (path C, = .26). In other words, the more pro-lesbian/gay resources perceived, the greater the degree of identity expression. Family relations and pro-lesbian/gay resources explained approximately 28% of the variance associated with identity expression (R 2 = .28). Perceptions of family relations is not a significant predictor (t = 1.52) of identity disclosure or coming-out to parents ( = .11). However, both identity expression ( = .30; t = 4.16) and perceived resources ( = .34; t = 4.90) did significantly and positively influence disclosure. About 37% of the variance in disclosure is explained by the effects of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression (R2 = .37).
94
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
-.36**
.30**
Family relations
level R2 = .18
Significance levels for indirect effects were calculated with the aid of LISREL. Family relations has a significant (t = 2.75) indirect effect on identity expression through perceived resources. Family relations also indirectly and significantly influences coming out through identity expression and perceived resources (t = 5.80). Perceived resources indi-
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 2. Decomposition of effects. Total Direct .42** .36** .26** .11 .34** .30** Indirect 0.00 .11** (se = .04)
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
95