feature
BUSH IS
BACK
Rhalou Allerhand takes a peek into the nation’s knickers
N o, we’re not still talking about those
dirty political sex scandals from last
month’s issue. You’ll be relieved
to hear that Obama is still firmly ensconced
in the White House, and the bush I’m refer-
ring to is actually a little further south of the
border. A furtive debate about pubic hair has
been festering in the undergarments of the
nation for some time now, and all hell has
broken loose in the bikini department.
Since the Nineties’ pubic removal boom,
an enormous percentage of women in the
UK have been busily ridding their nether re-
gions of varying degrees of hair. The porn
industry played an important part in shaping
modern pubic styles, as American porn ac-
tresses were the first to opt for complete hair
removal. Fuelled by the porn aesthetic, civil-
ian women quickly followed suit.
Although pubic hair has been significantly
influenced over the past century by the evo-
lution of skimpy swimwear, Western female
depilation has waxed and waned (boom tish!)
throughout history and humans have actually
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been eradicating their pubic hair in favour of
a bald lady garden as far back as Ancient
Greece. Even in medieval and classical Euro-
pean art, pubic hair was very rarely depicted
and Michelangelo’s nudes were conspicu-
ously hair-free.
For a good indication of pubic hair trends
in slightly more modern times, porn films are
often the best place to observe the region’s
changing landscape. Stars from the early
days of flesh on film tend to have significantly
hairier lady gardens than their Twenty-first
century counterparts, whereas these days
it’s tricky to tell female genitalia and bald
newborn hamsters apart.
‘It first started about ten years ago,’ says
Lesley, who runs the beauty salon Sun City
in Islington, North London. ‘Initially I only had
American women coming in, as us Brits were
too reserved and wouldn’t dream of asking
for it, but before long they started coming in.’
These days 50 per cent of Sun City’s custom
comes from hair removal. ‘We only get a few
requests for the full monty; some of our cus-
6/7/09 17:21:38
feature
Maintaining an
eye-watering wax
job of military
precision sure
ain’t cheap
tomers come in for a high leg bikini wax, but
a huge number of them ask for a Brazilian.’
The Brazilian was brought to our shores in
the Nineties, all thanks to the open-minded
Yanks. This minimal hairstyle, where all hair is
removed bar a strip above the clitoris, quickly
became the pubic do of choice. It started
out as a sexually adventurous statement, but
quickly became the norm, with 60 per cent of
all salon-goers requesting it.
Even if you’ve never got within a hair’s
whisker of a genuine woman, if you’ve seen
a porn film made some time in the last cen-
tury, you’ll be familiar with this style, or the
American, which involves no hair whatsoever
down there.
As anyone who’s gone the whole hog will
tell you, maintaining an eye-watering wax job
of military precision sure ain’t cheap. Due in
part to the recession, the growing need to cut
back on conspicuous spending has caused
many women to let their pubic hair grow au
naturel of late. Ladies, you’ll be pleased to
hear the painful days of tearing hair out of
your nether regions are over, and the word on
the street is that bush is back. Well, a bit. Re-
ally, in between is becoming de rigueur, but
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that headline didn’t sound quite as catchy.
Raised by liberal hippy (and consequently
exceedingly hirsute) parents, up until my foray
into the adult magazine industry, I was under
the illusion that all women let it hang out, and
was rather surprised to discover that I was
last on the beaver trimming bandwagon.
In my own front garden I now opt for a
compromise because, quite apart from the
fact that waxing freaking hurts, bald genitals
look a bit pre-pubescent, and I’d rather be all
woman. But as bikini spiders are a bit of an
eyesore — especially if you’re a natural red-
head like me — I try to keep it trim.
The boyfriend doesn’t seem too both-
ered, but interestingly he did complain when I
splashed out on a Brazilian wax for our sum-
mer holiday last year (they go to great lengths
to take the whole lot off, you know, even from
your labia) as apparently it felt like un-sticky
Sellotape and, thank the heavens, he’s a man
who prefers a bit more fluff on his foofoo.
In my bid to encourage him down south as
much as possible, I’ve since asked my waxer
for a discreetly trimmed beaver instead of a
full Brazilian. But if anyone does decide to
go the whole hog, I thoroughly recommend
Sun City in Islington for all your hair removal
needs; Lesley is nothing short of genius in the
wax department, and usually has me laugh-
ing so hard I barely notice the agonising pain.
If you visit her and it freaking hurts, though,
don’t shoot the messenger.
So why do some women insist on having
hair painfully ripped from their vaginas? Is it
a passing phase, a residue of female sup-
pression or will we all eventually genetically
mutate to accommodate a bald beaver-ed
existence? And, more importantly, do men
really care?
6/7/09 17:22:53
 feature
‘Not particularly,’ admits Adam, the IT
man in our office. ‘As long as you can get
through the jungle.’
The general consensus amongst my girl-
friends seems to be somewhere in between
full bush and bald as a coot.
‘It’s like body gardening,’ says Sam, a
catwalk model. ‘No one can see the water
feature through the wisteria!’
But despite what fashion dictates, I have
only spoken to a surprisingly small number of
chaps who prefer their womenfolk to come
in completely hair-free packages, and many
of my lady friends are all for the great bush
comeback.
‘It used to be considered sexy to have
hairy armpits — Italian women always had
them,’ argues my mum, Alex, a long-time
advocate of hirsute fashions.
‘I don’t remove my pubic hair any more,
I’m 100 per cent beast,’ says my friend Mary,
a solicitor in the city. ‘I used to have it waxed.
One of my male
friends said it
was very sexy
and French to
have underarm
hair
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Now I shave underarm and epilate the legs,
when I can be bothered.’
Mary’s an avid supporter of pubic hair.
‘My boyfriend might have a preference I’m
not sure, but it’s my body hair and my time.
I think he’d probably like it if I made a bit of
an effort, but hardly a deal breaker, is it? And
was it ever not fashionable amongst those
who know? I’d be on the front line leading
the march!’
My friend Lily, agrees, ‘My husband defi-
nitely likes the tidy trimmed look. Easier ac-
cess I believe... But bring on the bush! Let’s
see some real women out there instead of
women pretending to be girls.’
‘Most ladies don’t realise it all falls out
when you get elderly, so best to enjoy it while
it’s there,’ says Eloise, an artist from Norfolk.
‘My thoughts, which have not been scientifi-
cally proven, is that pubic hair is there to help
the toxins move away from pores and keep
one’s cunt clean.’
Eloise has even come under fire in the past
for her hairstyle of choice. ‘I nearly got beat-
en up in Middlesbrough for raising my arms
in conversation in a pub. The whole pub of
men went, “How disgusting, you should be
ashamed of yourself!” One of my art school
male friends backed me up and said it was
very sexy and French to have underarm hair.
They still all looked horrified. I was puzzled
and astonished by their disgust.’
It turns out that most women don’t just
trim up to please the boys, though, and the
ones who are still furiously eliminating their
pubic hair do so for a variety of reasons. ‘I did
remove it all for a time as I thought it made
me seem dirtier and sexier,’ says my bur-
lesque dancer friend, Miss Take. ‘But as my
hips are rather curvy, I find an inch-wide land-
ing strip to be more flattering. I do remove all
6/7/09 17:23:53
 from the crown jewels area, however.’ it looks likely that body hair will, too.’
Whereas Rara, a young fashion assistant, Regardless of what they’re doing with
likes to be completely bald for personal rea- their own manly cluster, thankfully our male
sons. ‘I have a bit of a personal vendetta about counterparts have started to mimic the grow-
body hair on myself; I can’t stand any hair ing trend of appreciating a more natural lady
whatsoever and dedicate much of my life to garden, and chaps across the land have been
the cause of ridding myself of it. I think it might crying out for bushier beauties to wank over
be verging on obsession. I couldn’t care less come porn time.
what anyone else chooses
to do with their body, and
as an angry feminist I think
women should do what
they like and not bow to
porno standards, but yet
on myself, I like to look like
a hairless freak.’
Of course it’s much eas-
ier for the boys, and right
across the board all agree
that men are meant to have
more hair. ‘I definitely like
men to be hairy. Though
not so much that you get
a hairball when chowing
down,’ says Miss Take.
Mary agrees, ‘I like hairy
men. Baldy bodies aren’t
manly enough!’
As does Emily-Jane,
the staff writer for Scarlet
magazine. ‘Men look better
hairy. Men should be hairy
everywhere but downstairs,
because hairless balls are
suckable.’
She also agrees that
bush is on its way back.
‘The au naturel beach
body is making a come-
back — according to Heat
magazine, anyway — and
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feature
Since they started re-releasing 1970s porn
classics, the CEO of Joybear pictures, Justin
Ribeiro dos Santos, has noticed a growing pre-
dilection for natural beauties. ‘I believe there is
clearly a demand for the more natural-looking,
hirsute woman, when you consider the interest
in retro erotica,’ he says. ‘When producing our
own films, we often seek out men and women
who look more natural and not completely
preened and pruned like some overgrown baby.
I think too many people these days have taken
it too far. Here’s to hair... Well, a bit anyway!’
After discovering a gap in the market, Dr
Feel Good, an adult webmaster from Califor-
nia USA, set up several websites dedicated
to hirsute women. ‘I was in the hospital with a
broken leg in the winter of 2006. I had plenty
of spare time with nothing to do and I started
analysing the niches in the adult entertainment
industry, which were not covered by any of my
existing websites.
‘I found myself browsing the Internet and
looking for hairy girls with natural pussy bushes
— so I decided to put online a website dedicat-
ed to hairy women only. A pretty nice domain
name, www.myhairyporn.com, was available
and I took it. In two weeks from that very mo-
ment the site was up and running. Along with
www.myhairyporn.com the other three sites
were created: www.besthairyporn.com, www.
hairypornsite.com and www.hairypornhome.
com.’
Dr Feel Good’s hunch was correct and his
hairy websites have since become all the rage.
‘I have found hirsute women to be very popular.
Within the two months, my four new websites
were getting more then ten thousand visitors
per day and viewing thirty thousand free hairy
porn galleries.’
So why do so many chaps covertly hanker
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after hairy women? ‘I’ll give you my personal
opinion to why some men prefer it; it feels more
natural,’ says Dr Feel Good.
If anyone has had a chance to view one
of his websites or a sepia-tinted porn film of
yesteryear, you’re bound to agree with me that
the natural breasted, hairy beavered beauties
bouncing around the screen are sexy as hell,
and make the rubber-bodied, bronzed and
completely bald porn stars of today look a little
bit like oily animatronics.
Whilst Dr Feel Good’s websites may veer
toward the fetish side of hirsute fashions,
he does have a point. Perhaps now is the
time to start celebrating natural beauty. Even
Playboy’s photography director, Gary Cole,
who has observed the shifting lady garden
landscape since 1975, acknowledges a de-
parture from a near-decade of hairless vajay-
jays. ‘It started in the Eighties with trimming
and a landing strip, in part a reflection of the
skimpier swimsuits,’ says Cole. ‘Then it went
further to tiny patches, then to none at all.
Now, the pendulum is swinging a little the
other way.’
So whilst many of us are still insistent on rip-
ping it all off in favour of pre-pubescent flaps,
the saner ones amongst us have stopped
yielding to the porn aesthetic and realised that
most chaps prefer us the way Mother Nature
intended.
I think it’s about time we all realised that
there is something powerful, natural and in-
herently sexy about pubic hair. Burning hot
wax needn’t come between you and your
private parts any more. It’s okay to be a
woman again, a real woman, hair and all, so
save your pennies for the gas bill and bring
back the bush.
6/7/09 17:25:07