Adultery and Sexual Addiction 1

AdulteryandSexualAddiction APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriage
PatsyRaeDawson
Whenpeopleheartheterm"sexualaddiction,"manyassumeitisrareoritdoesn'thaveanythingtodowiththem.Yettheincreasing frequencyofcouplesrequestinghelpwithbothadulteryandsexualaddictionindicatessexualsinwillbethenumberonemarriage problemfacingtwentyfirstcenturyChristians,bothintheirownlivesandinthelivesofpeopletheytrytoteach. Onepurposeofthisessayistoshakeawakepeoplewhodon'trealizeadulteryandsexualaddictionareincreasingatanalarmingrate. Indeed,manyunsuspectingChristiansaremembersofchurchesthatcontainthesesameextremesexualsinsandaddictions.Eveninthe Biblebelt,Christiansandchurchesarerealizingtheymustfightthisproblem. ThisbookletalsoprovidesGod'stestedandtriedthreepartformulaforovercomingadulteryandsexualaddiction.Unfortunately,asone preachersays,"MostChristians,regardlessofhowlongthey'vebeenChristians,don'tbegintoknowhowtousetheBibletosolve personalproblemsorhowtohelpothers."Christians,whetheryoungorold,preachers,elders,orsaints,needtoknowhowtodealwith theseproblems.Invariably,ifChristiansdon'tknowhowtodealwiththesemodernsexualproblems,theydogreatharm.Manymenand womenlamentoverthedamagedonetothemandtotheirmatesbytheignoranceoflocalpreachers,elders,andChristians. Finally,thisbookletgivesaspecificplanforhealingthesoulsandmarriagesofadulterersandsexualaddictsandtheirfamilies.While mankind'smethodsofdealingwiththesedevastatingsinsgrindslowlywithmixedresults,God'sformulaliberateshisfollowerstobe wholeandtoenjoyallofthegreatmaritalblessingsGodreservesforhispeople.
WhyAdulteryandSexualAddictionAreontheRise
Themid1800stothemid1900ssawmankindsteadilybecomingmoreinvolvedinVictorianmorals,whichattemptedtototallydenyany sexualpleasureforeithermenorwomen.Thenin1948Dr.AlfredKinsey,abiologist,rebelledagainstthistrendbywritingSexual BehaviorintheHumanMaleafterinterviewing1,400convictedsexoffenders.Later,turninghisattentiontoquestioningprostitutes,he wroteSexualBehaviorintheHumanFemalein1953.NotknowingthesourceofKinsey'sdata,societygleefullyacceptedhisassertions thatnearlyeveryonehadsuccumbedtoanaffairandthatmanypeoplehadactuallyengagedinpervertedsexincludinghomosexuality andbestiality.Theresultingsexualrevolutiontookoverthelasthalfofthetwentiethcentury. In1954,thefirstPlayboymagazinehitthenewsstandsandtookupthemissionofpopularizingKinsey'sconclusionsthatallsexual perversionswereactuallynormalandbeneficial.Atthattime,pornographymagazinesweren'treadilyavailableandapersonhadtogoto asleazypartoftowntogetacopy.Everyonestillcalledthem"dirty"picturesanddidn'ttrytojustifythem.Evenso,manyBabyBoomers grewupwithfriendswhosedadsweresubscribers.Theysawitas"partofbeingaman"sincethelongrangeeffectofusingpornography wasunknownatthattime. Sincethen,Playboyhasevolvedfromtryingtogivetheimpressionthattheselectedbunnywasjustlikethegirlnextdoortotoday's readilyavailablecopiesthatcontainseeminglylegitimatebusinessandliteraryarticlestoencouragebuyingthem.Inaninterview,Hugh Hefner,founderofPlayboy,portrayedhimselfasagreatsexeducator.HecomparedhimselftoJesusChristasamissionarywhowas "liberatingpeoplefromsexualhangups.(AlanCombsShow,"InterviewwithHughHefner,"Oct.2,1994asquotedbyLaurieHall,An AffairoftheMind[ColoradoSprings,CO:FocusontheFamilyPublishing,1996],64,85.) Theninthe1970sthemoderndayfeministmovementbeganitsriseinpowerandinfluence.Whilethefeministsopenlyridiculedand despisedmen,theyalsowentafterwhattheythoughtweretheadvantagesofbeingbornmalecorporatejobsandequalsexual opportunities.Tothem,equalsexualopportunitiesdidn'tmeanthrowingoffVictorianhangupsandenjoyingwonderfulorgasmsinthe armsofacherishedhusband.Equalsexualopportunitiesmeanttherighttofrequentcasualsexualrelationshipswithoutpenalty withoutmarriageordisgrace.Theydelightedinstartingtheirownmagazineswithmalecenterfolds.Beinganunwedmotherlostits shame,asitbecameabadgeofgloryforthefeminists.Asthesexualrevolutioncontinued,womengladlybecamemoreavailablethan everascasualsexualpartnersoutsidemarriage. GeorgeGilderexplainsinMenandMarriagehowthischangingattitudeofwomentowardsexualencounters,notonlyharmedthe women,butalsodidtremendousdamagetomen:
______________________________ AdulteryandSexualAddiction:APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriagebyPatsyRaeDawson.Copyright1998PatsyRaeDawsonLLC.Allrightsreserved. Page1 ComposedofexcerptsfromMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLovers,byPatsyRaeDawson,Copyright1986,1996byPatsyRaeDawsonLLC.All rightsreserved.Usedbypermission.Seepermissiontoreproduceattheend.VisitPatsyRaeDawson.com.
Inaworldwherewomendonotsayno,themanisneverforcedtosettledownandmakeseriouschoices.Hissexdrive themostpowerfulcompulsioninhislifeisneverusedtomakehimpartofcivilizationasthesupporterofafamily.Ifa womandoesnotforcehimtomakealongtermcommitmenttomarryingeneral,hedoesn't.Maternityrequires commitment.Hissexdriveonlydemandsconquest,drivinghimfrombodytobodyinanunsettlinghuntforvarietyand excitementinwhichmuchofthethrillisinthechaseitself.(GeorgeGilder,MenandMarriage[Gretna,LA:Pelican PublishingCompany,Inc.,1986],47.) Asalltheseinfluencesspurredthesexualrevolutionon,techniquebooksbegantellingtheirreaders,"Itdoesn'tmatterifyouare married,single,orhomosexual.Ourtechniqueswillgiveyougreatsexualdelights.Justmakesuretoprotectyourselffromsexually transmitteddiseases." Thescareoversexuallytransmitteddiseases,especiallyAIDS,insteadofcheckingmankind'sadvancementtowardevenmorefrequent andcasualsexualconduct,ineffect,producedtheexactoppositeresult.Thescareliftedpromiscuityoutofthegutterandplacedit prominentlyintotheclassroomstoshapeandmoldchildren.Originally,sexeducationintheschoolswasintroducedatthebeginningof thetwentiethcenturytocombatprostitution,venerealdiseases,masturbation,andsexualconductoutsideofmarriage.However,inthe late1980s,SurgeonGeneralC.EverettKoopcompletelychangedthedirectionofthesexeducationprogramswithasinglestatement: "Thereisnodoubt,"saidSurgeonGeneralC.EverettKoopinagrimreportonAIDSlastOctober,"thatweneedsex educationinschoolsandthatitmustincludeinformationonheterosexualandhomosexualrelationships."Koopwas talkingaboutgraphicinstructionstarting"atthelowestgradepossible."Becauseofthe"deadlyhealthhazard,"hesaid later,"wehavetobeasexplicitasnecessarytogetthemessageacross."(JohnLeo,"ShouldSchoolsOfferSex Education?"Readers'Digest[March1987],138.) Theresultingsexeducationmaterialsofthe1990sreliedheavilyonKinsey'soriginalresearchregardingthesexualnatureofchildren. Kinsey'schaptersonchildreninbothhisMaleandFemalebooksresultfrominterviewswithhomosexualswhohadrelationswithyoung boysandpedophileswhomolestedchildren,includinginfants.TheKinseyteamrefusedtocooperatewithpoliceonapprehendinga pedophilewhowasbeingsoughtinregardtoasexmurder.ExpertstodaysuspectKinsey'schildsexualitytablesinhisbookscontain informationfromthatchildmurderer.(Dr.JudithA.ReismanandEdwardW.Eichel,Kinsey,SexandFraud:TheIndoctrinationofa People[Lafayette,LA:HuntingtonHousePublishers,1990],53.) Sincechildabuseandsexualmolestationandexperimentationareagainstthelaw,noothersexresearchershavedaredtofollowKinsey's exampleanddoactualresearchonchildren.Asaresult,Kinsey'sresearchonchildrenstillstandsandiswidelyusedtodaybytheFederal Governmentandotheragenciesindesigninghomosexualorientedsexeducationforchildrenintheschools. Asamethodfor"safesex,"manyofthesexeducationprogramsteachselfmasturbationandsomeevenpromoteteachingeffective waysofdoingit.SinceKinsey'sresearchrevolvedaroundsexoffenders,hisbooksheavilypromoteselfmasturbation.Selfmasturbation playsakeyroleinthedevelopmentofcompulsivesexualbehaviorandinallperversions,includinghomosexuality. Selfmasturbationisdifferentfromwetdreams,amethodGodprovidesforreleaseofabuildupofsexualtensionandsemen.Dr. ArchibaldHart'ssurveyonsexualityinmenandboysindicatesthatoldermenhavemorewetdreamsthanteenageboysdo.Thereason fortheshiftfromharmlesswetdreamstoriskyselfmasturbationinyoungmalesprobablystemsdirectlyfromtheschoolsusingKinsey's researchonchildrenintheirsexeducationprograms.(ArchibaldHart,Ph.D.,TheSexualMan:MasculinityWithoutGuilt[Dallas,TX:Word Publishing,1994],107108.) Aboutthesametimeasmajorchangesinsexeducationintheschoolswereoccurring,rapidlyadvancingtechnologybeganbringing onlinesexrightintohomes.In1990,accesswaslimitedtoelectronicbulletinboardsandpeoplewithexpensivesophisticatedcomputer equipmenttodisplaythesexualgraphics.Thenaround1993CDROMdrivesbecamemoreaffordableandtheonlinesexindustry experiencednewgrowth.WiththeintroductionofWebbrowsersinthemid1990s,siliconpornographywasjustaneasyclickawayfrom strippingandslitheringtothekeystrokesofchildren,men,women,andeventhebarelycomputerliterate.Whilethesesitescontain plentyofhomosexualmaterial,themaincandidatesforthemareheterosexualmaleswhohave"money,therightcomputersand Internetconnections,andwhoareoftenlonelyandalienated."Nearlyovernight,onlinesexexplodedintoamajorinfluenceinthelivesof manymen,women,andchildren.(JamesWarren,"UpsideTacklesSteamySubjectofOnlineSex,"TheTacomaNewsTribune[March29, 1998].) Afterhalfacenturyofunbridledlustonthepartofbothmenandwomenastheycelebratedthesexualrevolution'swaragainstthe inhibitionsoftheVictorians,themid1990ssawanewkindofsexmanualappear.Psychiatristsbecamealarmedthatunrestrainedsexual activitydoesnotliberateasKinseypromised.Instead,sex(realorfantasized)withanybody,whenever,andhowevereventuallyso enslavestheperson'smindandbodythatsexologistscoinedanewnameforitsdevastation"sexualaddiction."Sexualaddictionquickly
progressesfromhaving"alittleharmlessfun"toinordinatelycompulsivethoughtsandactionsthatturnintoperversions.Thesexual addict,whethermaleorfemale,losestheabilitytorelatetorealpeopleonapersonallevel.Theaddicteventuallybecomesconsumedby selfgratifyingcompulsionsthatharmhisselfimage,job,health,marriage,children,friendships,andviewofreality.Theaddictmaynot evenbeabletodrivedownthefreewaywithoutmasturbatingandfantasizing. Thenin1998,"60Minutes"broadcastasegmentabouthowallthemainstreamuniversitieswerestartingtoteachclassesonsexuality thatwerenothingmorethanpornshowspaidforbytaxdollars.Mostoftheseclassesareopenlytaughtbyhomosexualstryingtoteach othershowtobehomosexualsandtodignifytheirlifestyle.Unfortunately,thetrendsetbythesexualrevolutionisgoingtogetalot worsebeforeitgetsbetter,ifitgetsbetter. Thus,thetwentyfirstcenturybeginswithpeoplesufferingfrommoreseveresexualinhibitionsandlimitationsthantheydidduringthe twopreviouscenturieswhenQueenVictoriarefusedtoseeanydivorcedpersoninhercourtanddemandedthatthelegsoftablesbe covered;andwhenSylvanusStallrecommendedinhisworldrenownedSelfandSexSeriesthathusbandsandwivessleepinseparate bedroomstocontroltheirsexualurges.Notonlyaresexualproblemsalreadyfrighteninglysevere,butbecauseofthecurrentdirectionof sexeducationintheschoolsanduniversitiesandthewidespreadavailabilityofsoftcorepornographyontelevisionandhardcore pornographyonboththeInternetandcabletelevision,sexualimmoralityofthegrossestkindisappearingamongChristians.The desperatepleasofmanyChristiansforhelpwithadulteryandsexualaddictionindicatethatsexualsinwillbethenumberonemarriage problemfacingtwentyfirstcenturyChristians.
God'sSexEducation
Whiletheexpression"sexualaddiction"wascoinedbymodernpsychiatristsandisnotaBibleword,theconceptisfoundintheBible. Wayaheadofmoderntimes,Godwasthefirsttopromotesexeducationfortheworld.ButGodleftthemechanicsofbirthcontrolupto mankind'singenuitywhilehefocusedonthemostimportantpartintheeyesofmostmenandwomensexualpleasure.God'sgreatlove andconcernforthesexualhappinessofbothmenandwomenshowinhisprovisionsforsexeducation.Forateachstageofmankind's sexualdevelopment,frompubertythroughthegoldenyears,Godprovidesthenecessaryinformationtoliberatemenandwomenfor totalsexualenjoyment.
GodUsesSolomontoTeachSexualTruths
GodgavethisknowledgeaboutthesexualrelationshiptothewholeworldoverthreethousandyearsagothroughSolomon.InSolomon's youth,Godsaid,"Behold,Ihavegivenyouawiseanddiscerningheart,sothattherehasbeennoonelikeyoubeforeyou,norshallone likeyouariseafteryou"(1Kings3:12).Solomon'swisdomwas"likethesandthatisontheseashore"and"surpassedthewisdomofall thesonsoftheeastandallthewisdomofEgypt"and"hisfamewasknowninallthesurroundingnations"(1Kings4:2930).Then"men camefromallpeoplestohearthewisdomofSolomon,fromallthekingsoftheearthwhohadheardofhiswisdom,"includingthequeen ofSheba(1Kings4:34;10:1).Inthisway,God'sgreatpracticalwisdom,includinghissexualtruths,spreadovertheknownworld. SomeofthosesexualtruthscamefromSolomon'sproverbs.Forexample,inProverbs7,Solomonaddressedthespecialproblemsaman facesinhisyouthattheheightofhissexualurgeswhenhebeginstonoticethefemalebody.Inlikemanner,inProverbs5Solomon cautionedamanaboutthedifferent,yetequallystrong,temptationsamanfacesashisbodyslowsdownthroughageatimethat mankindcalls"themidlifecrisis."Solomonrevealedhowanolderwiferavishesherhusbandinawaythatamuchyoungerwomancan't compete.Ateachstageofmankind'ssexualdevelopmentfrompubertythroughthetemptationtomidlifeaffairs,Godprovidesthekeys foralonglifefilledwithsexualenjoyment. However,GoddoesnotforceanyonetoreaphisgreatsexualbenefitsnotevenKingSolomon.Inhislateryears,Solomonturnedhis backonGod'swisdomandallowedalackofsexualcontroltoruinhisownlife.Solomon'sruinbeganasheignoredGod'swarningnotto marryforeignwomen.Eventually,Solomon"heldfast"tosevenhundredwives(freewomen)andprincesses(royalty)andthreehundred concubines(slaves)"inlove"(1Kings11:18)."Heldfast"isthesamewordtranslatedas"cleave"inGen.2:24whereGodsays,"Aman shallleavehisfatherandhismotherandshallcleavetohiswife."Itmeans"tosticklikeglue.""Love"isacommonwordfound throughoutProverbsandmeans"tolovesexuallyorotherwise." Withaccesstothemostdesirablewomenintheknownworldfrompeasantstoroyaltytoslaves,Solomon'ssexualurgesragedoutof control.AsGodhadforewarned,theseforeignwomenturnedSolomon'sheartawayfromservingGodfullyashebuilttemplesofidolatry forhiswives.ThisincludedatempleforthepracticeofprostitutioninthenameofthegoddessAshtorethwherebandsofmenand womenservedherwithimmoralrites.Bythetimehewasold,Solomonpresentedapictureofsexual,moral,andspiritualdepravity.And GodwassoangrywithSolomonthathetoldhim,"Iwillsurelytearthekingdomfromyou,andwillgiveittoyourservant."
GodExposesSolomon'sSexualAddiction
Interestingly,GodusesbothSolomon'swordsofwisdominhisyouthandhislifeofdepravityinhismiddleandlateryearstoteachgreat sexualtruthstobenefitmankind.DuringSolomon'searlyyearsofsexualdecline,Godinspiredthebeautifulandemotionallycaptivating SongofSolomontoexposeSolomon'ssexualfollyasameansofteachinghispeoplehowtochoosealifelongsexualpartnerandhowto enjoythrillingsexuallivesevenintooldage.AtthetimeoftheSongofSolomon,Solomonhadonlyonehundredandfortyoftheone thousandwiveshewouldeventuallymarry(SongofSol.6:89).ThetruestoryrevealsthatSolomonwasalreadydevelopingwarped attitudestowardwomenandthesexualrelationship.Indeed,listeningtosexualaddictstalkabouttheirattitudestowardwomen,sex, andmarriagethattheyarestrugglingtoovercomeislikelisteningtoSolomonintheSongofSolomon. ThethrillingaccounttakesplaceoverthreedaysasSolomonwoosandattemptstomarryayoungShulammitemaidenheunexpectedly metonaninspectionofhisvineyards.Thedramarevealstheinnerstrugglesoftheyoungwomanassheagonizesoverwhotomarry rich,powerfulKingSolomonwhoheapssensuousflatteryuponher,orthepoorShepherdwhomshelovesandwholovesher,butwho canofferheronlyalifeofpoverty.Solomonproposestotheyoungmaidenfourtimesandeachtimehespeaks,heeloquentlypraisesher sexualcharms.Heneverseesherasapersonwithabrainandapersonality,orasapersonwithneedsanddesiresofherown.Sheisonly themostravishingfemalebodyhe'severseenandthesightofherbeautifulbodystirsupwildandoverwhelmingsexualurgesthatcry forreleasewithher. ThissamecharacteristicofSolomon,ofapurelyphysicalrelationshipwithoutaproperemotionalfoundation,isthecommonthreadthat runsthroughallsexualaddiction.Dr.PatrickJ.Carnespioneeredthemodernstudyofsexualaddictionandwrotethegroundbreaking bookOutoftheShadows:UnderstandingSexualAddiction.Heusessuchwordsas"isolation,""abandonment,""loneliness,""cutofffrom reality,""selfpreoccupation,""pain,""anxiety,""lackofemotionalbalance,""alienation,""anger,""distrust,"and"despair"todescribe bothmaleandfemalesexualaddicts.Thealmosttotallackofaproperemotionalrelationshipwiththespouseisatthecoreofthesexual addiction.(PatrickJ.Carnes,Ph.D.,OutoftheShadows:UnderstandingSexualAddiction[CenterCity,MN:HazeldenEducational Materials,1992].) ThemostimportantcharacteristicthatGodemphasizesaboutthesexualrelationshipistheemotionalunionbetweenthehusbandand wife.Thatmentalunionisparamountforeachtoexperiencesupremesexualpleasure.Andaspsychiatristsarenowdiscovering,properly cultivatingandpreservingthatmentalunionhelpsprotectbothmenandwomenfromdegeneratingintosexualcompulsions,addictions, andperversions.MenandwomencanprotectthemselvesfromsexualaddictionbyrejectingtheVictorianconceptthatsexisapurely physicalactandbyunderstandingtheemotionalnatureoflovemakingforbothmenandwomen. Ifmenandwomencanlearnthedifferencebetweensensuousloveandtrueloveintheiryouthastheirsexualityisbudding,theycan avoidalifetimeofsexualmisery.However,iftheystartedtheroadtosexualaddictionbythechoicestheymadeintheiryouth,asmost sexualaddictsdo,theycanstudySolomon'sexampleasadultsandfindinsightandmotivationtoworkfreeoftheircompulsions. Solomonistheperfectmanforstudyingsexualaddiction.Heenjoyedaccesstoitall!Ifsexualaddiction'spromiseofsupremepleasure andfulfillmentweretrue,Solomonwouldhavefounditwithallofhiswealthtospendonhisaddiction.Nopornographicmoviesor magazinesorInternetconnectionsforhimSolomonheapedhislustsupontherealbodiesofthemostdesirablewomenofhistime frompeasantstoroyaltytoslaves.Hehadforhisamusementalltheknownsexualtechniquesofhistimethathisforeignwivesbrought withthemaspartoftheiridolatrousworship.Ifeveramancouldhavefoundtruesexualhappinessandfulfillmentinvariety,techniques, andglorificationofthebody,Solomonwasthatman. AstudyoftheSongofSolomonshowsapoignantcontrastbetweentruelovethatbuildsanemotionalbondwiththeloverandliberates boththeirbodiesforatrulyrapturoussexualunion;andsensuouslovethatlooksonlyatthephysicalbodyandtrapsitsparticipantsina lifelongcompellingsearchfortheperfectcombinationofbodies.AtwhateverageapersonstudiestheSongofSolomon,itpowerfully teacheshowtolaythefoundationfortrueloveandsexualsatisfactionthatlastsalifetime.Ideally,thatfoundationshouldbelaininone's youth.Butregardlessofaperson'sageandpastsexualhistory,nooneistoooldtolearnthesecretoftrueloveandfindsupremesexual pleasure.
God'sDefinitionofSexualAddiction
Whilethefrequencyanddestructivenessofoverwhelmingsexualaddictioncaughtmodernpsychiatristsbysurprise,theNewTestament dealswiththesubject.Overtwothousandyearsago,God'swordforaddictivesexualsinwas"enslaved."Followingisjustoneexampleof howtheexpression"enslaved"isoftenusedwithsexualsins:
Titus3:3:"Forwealsooncewerefoolishourselves,disobedient,deceived,enslavedtovariouslustsandpleasures, spendingourlifeinmaliceandenvy,hateful,hatingoneanother." Thisverseteachesthreeimportantprinciplesaboutthesexualaddict:
TheSexualAddictDeceivesHimself
Titus3:3:"Forwealsooncewerefoolishourselves,disobedient,deceived,..." "Foolish"means"1.notunderstood,unintelligible;2.generallyactive,notunderstanding,unwise,foolish"(Thayer,48)."Foolish"is opposedto"wise"whichmeans"formingthebestplansandusingthebestmeansfortheirexecution"(Thayer,582). "Disobedient"means"impersuasible[notcapableofbeingpersuadedWebster],uncompliant[unwillingtoconformtotherules Webster],contumacious[stubbornlydisobedient,rebelliousWebster]"(Thayer,55). "Deceived"means"tocausetostray,toleadastray,leadasidefromtherightway;metaphorically,toleadawayfromthetruth,tolead intoerror,todeceive"(Thayer,514). Noticethedefinitionofthefirstcharacteristicofthesexualaddict:"disobedient""impersuasible,uncompliant,andcontumacious." Convincingsomeonecaughtupinsexualsinsofthefoolishnessoftheiractionsisalmostimpossible.Iknewawomanwhohadbeen raisedasaChristian,fallenawaytoliveapromiscuouslifewheremanymenhadheratthesametime,andthenhadbeenrestoredand married.Iaskedher,"Whatcouldsomeonehavesaidtoyouwhenyouwereinthemidstofyouraffairstohavegottenyourattention?" Shethoughtforawhileandfinallyreplied,"Nothinganyonecouldhavesaidtomewouldhavemademegiveupmyrelationships.Iknew deepdownthatthemenIwaslivingwithonlytoldmetheylovedmeandthatIwasbeautifultogetmetodothethingstheywanted,but Iwantedtheirattentionsobadly,Imademyselfbelievetheirlies."Shewasimpersuasible. IntheGardenofEden,SatanpromisedEvethateatingthefruitofthetreeoftheknowledgeofgoodandevilwouldmakeherequalto God.Inthisway,heslanderedGod'smotiveswhileEvelistened.HowdifficultwouldEve'schoicehavebeenifSatanhadtoldher thetruththatdisobeyingGodwouldcausethedeathofeverybabyeverborn,wouldgetthemkickedoutofthegarden,wouldforce themtoworkextremelyhardforaliving,andwouldbringaboutgreatpaininchildbirthforallwomen?Butsinseldomrevealsits consequencesuntilit'stoolate.Promisinghappinessandliberation,sintrapsitslucklessvictims. SatancraftilymadeEvechoosebetweenobeyingGodorhiminanunfamiliarareasinceshedidn'tknowfirsthandtheresultsofeating theforbiddenfruit.ThequestiontoEveseemedtobe,"ShouldIlistentotheserpentorshouldIobeymyCreatorwhotheserpentsaysis holdingmebackandmentallyoppressingme?"ThewholeworldknowstheoutcomeofEve'schoice. Yetthesametrickeryofsexualaddictioncloudsthethinkingofaddictsandmakesiteasyforthemtobedisobedientimpersuasible. Satandoesn'ttellthemthateatingtheforbiddensexualfruitwillmakethemlikeGod.Instead,Satan'sfavoriteexpressionis,"It's victimless.Noonegetshurt.GodhasallthesesexualtaboosbecauseGodjustdoesn'twantyoutohaverealfun!"Butnoticethesecond characteristicoftheaddictheisdeceived! WhileHughHefnerclaimstobeamissionarywhoisjustliberatingpeoplesexually,LaurieHall,whosehusbandwasanactiveworkerand teacherintheircongregationwhobecamesexuallyaddicted,callsHefner"amissionaryfromhell."Someoftheheadingsinherchapter "Can'tGetNoSatisfaction"revealsomeofthetruthspornographydoesn'ttellitsrealvictimsofdeceit:"LearningAbouttheBirdsand BeesfromtheBunny,""PornographyPromotesPromiscuity,theDeathKnellofGreatSex,""PornMakesHimThinkHe'saLady'sMan," "PornShortensForeplayandContributestoPrematureEjaculation,""PornCreatesSexualIsolation,""PornStimulatesInterestin Perversions,""PornEncouragesSexualPracticesThatDestroytheDignityandWorthofParticipants,""PornEncouragesRape,""Porn EncouragesMaritalViolence,"and"SoftCorePornPacksaHardWallop."(LaurieHall,AnAffairoftheMind[ColoradoSprings,CO:Focus ontheFamilyPublishing,1996],7786.) LaurieHall'shusbandJacktoldinhisownwordswhatthefalsecalltosexualliberationand"realfun"throughpornographycosthim: Ifyouhavecasualinterestoracompulsionforanykindofpornography,pleasefindhelp.Casualinterestin"soft"porn can,andmostoftenwill,pullyouunderbeforeyourealizewhat'shappened.Itoccursslowlyenough,makingyou unawareofthedamage.Youloseyourselfrespect,abilitytoreasonwell,abilitytotellthetruth,abilitytogive,abilityto love,andabilitytoliveagodlylife.
Idon'twantyouandyourfamilytoexperienceournightmare.Mycasualinterestinpornledtoneglect,unfaithfulness, brokenpromises,stealing,manipulation,fear,emotionalabuse,brokendreams,humiliation,embarrassment,andbroken trust.Itrippedourfamilyapart.Yes,Godhasbeguntohealus,butheneverintendedmywifeandchildrentogothrough thepaincausedbymyaddiction.(Hall,AnAffairoftheMind,241.) JustlikeSatandidn'ttellEvewhatdisobeyingGodwouldcostherandallofmankind,Hefnerandhisfollowersdon'ttelltheirvictims whatthechoicetheyareabouttomakewillcostthemandtheirfamilies. Evenifapersondoesn'tbelieveinGodanddoesn'tcareaboutservingGod,God'ssexualtruthsstillliberatethatpersontoenjoya happier,betterlovelifethanifheignoredGod'slawsofpurity.Sexualimmoralitycausesenormouspersonalproblemsforpeoplewho becomecaughtupinitasidefromthesinfactor.TheBibleoffersatremendousamountofprotectionfromhorriblesexualproblemsfor peoplewhofollowGod'slaws.ButjustasEvecouldn'tforeseetheoutcomeofherdecisiontoeattheforbiddenfruit,humanlimitations oftenpreventmankindfromforeseeingthehideousoutcomeofturningtheirbacksonGod'ssexualtruths.Thus,God'slovebecomes evidentashewarnsmenandwomenofthedangersawaitingthemforabuseofhiswonderfulcreationsexuallove.
TheSexualAddictMistreatsHimself
Titus3:3:"...enslavedtovariouslustsandpleasures,..." "Enslaved"means"1.properly,tobeaslave,serve,doservice;2.metaphorically,toobey,submitto;b.inabadsense,ofthosewho becomeslavestosomebasepower,toyieldto,giveone'sselfupto"(Thayer,157). "Various"means"various,i.e.a.ofdiverscolors,variegated;b.i.q.ofdiverssorts"(Thayer,527). "Lusts"isthesamewordasusedinMatt.5:28whereJesuswarnsaboutmentaladultery.Itmeans"tosetone'sheartupon,tohavea desirefor,longfor;tolustafter,covet"(Thayer,238). "Pleasures"means"pleasure,desiresforpleasure"(Thayer,276). Thatfirstlookatapornographicmagazineorthatfirsttimetomasturbatewiththepicturesmayseemlikeaharmless,victimlessactivity. YetGodwarnsthatthepersonwhobecomesenslavedtovariouslustsandpleasuresisdeceived!Thatselfdeceittakesplacegradually overaperiodoftimeuntiltherealvictimbecomesengulfedandenslavedinthesin. InMaleSexuality,Dr.BernieZilbergeldshowsthattheharmofpornographicmaterialssuchassensualtelevisionshows,movies,and magazinesontheman'ssexualresponsesequalsthedamageVictorianmoralsdotothesexualnaturesofbothmenandwomen.He claimsthatsoftcorepornographicinfluenceaboundseverywhereinunsuspectingplaces.Justexposuretosexualimmoralitythroughthe boastingoffriendsandliteratureeasilyinhibitsotherwisepuremenasmuchassubtleVictorianconceptsinhibitwomen.(Bernie Zilbergeld,Ph.D.,MaleSexuality[NewYork,NY:Bantam,1978].) Dr.ArchibaldHart'sbookonsexualaddiction,TheSexualMan,explainshoweveryperversionhediscusseshasitsrootsinmasturbation orselfstimulationthateventuallybecomescompulsiveoraddictive.Masturbatingtoorgasmreleasesandutilizessexualhormonesin suchawaythatitgreatlyincreasestheimprintonthebrainoftheaccompanyingactivityanddefineshowthepersonexperiencessexual pleasure. Forexample,acasualattitudetowardrapeoftendevelopswhenayoungmanmasturbatestopornographyandstereotypeswomenas sexobjectsinsteadofrealpeople.Amancanevenbecomeastalkerbecausewhenhemasturbatesandvisualizesthewomanofhis choice,sheneversays,"No,"andalwayswelcomeshisadvances.Thenwhenshetellshiminreallife,"No!Leavemealone!"hedoesn't believeher.Hismasturbationmadehimlosetouchwithreality. Fetishesdevelopthroughmasturbation.Asamanfondleswomen'sclothingwhilemasturbating,hismindmakesastrongconnection betweenthearticleandsexualpleasure.Dr.Hartdescribesonemanwhocouldnotfunctionwithhiswifeunlessshewore blackpantiesthearticlehemasturbatedwithinhisyouth.Thus,hemadelovetotheblackpantiesnothis wife!Pedophilesmasturbatetopicturesofchildren.Thispreparestheirmindsformovingontolivechildren.Adulteryoftenbeginswith visualizinganotherwomanwhilemasturbating. Eventually,somemenactoutthosefantasiesafterthey'veprogrammedtheirmindsthroughselfmasturbation.Thatfirstincidentof adulterymayeasilyprogressintoserialadultery.Masturbatingtopornographyallowshusbandstowithdrawemotionallyfromtheir
wivesand,eventually,manyofthemreachapointwheretheynolongermakelovetotheirwives,butmustvisualizepornographic imagestomakesexualcontactwiththeirwives.Suchhusbandsoftenpreferthissolosexandessentiallyhavesolosexevenifthey performitontheirwives.Likewise,masturbatingwithmembersofthesamesexcaneasilydevelopintofullblownhomosexuality. (Hart,TheSexualMan,109114.) Alltheseperversions(withthepossibleexceptionofsomecasesofadultery)sharethecommoncharacteristicof"abandoningthenatural functionoftheoppositesex."WhilethisexpressionisusedtodescribehomosexualconductofbothmenandwomeninRom.1:2627,it isthecommonoutcomeofalltheseperversions.Basically,homosexualslosetheabilitytofunctioninanaturalwaywithmembersofthe oppositesex.Heterosexualsexualaddictsalsolosetheabilitytofunctioninanaturalwaywithmembersoftheoppositesex.Theonly differencebetweenthehomosexualandtheheterosexualsexualaddictisthefocusoftheirlustsmembersofthesamesexversus children,panties,pornographicpictures,womenassexobjects,etc.Itisall"abandoningthenaturalfunctionoftheoppositesex." Amazingly,somemalecollegestudentsfiguredthisoutforthemselvesthatmasturbatingtoimagesintheirmindswasrobbingtheir bodiesofsexualdelightwithrealwomen.LynnSherrofABCNews"20/20"interviewedthesestudentsforaprogramcalled"SexWiththe UnrealWoman."Someoftheseyoungmenbecameinvolvedinpornographyasearlyasthesecond,third,andfourthgrades.Inacloset theyfoundPlayboyandPenthousemagazines.Theycutoutthepicturesandstartedtradingthemliketradingcards.Onestudentsaid, "Myfirstsexualexperiencewas,youknow,dividingupwomen." Byjuniorhigh,theseboyswerepassingaroundthemagazinesatschoolandusingpornographytomasturbateby.Theyexperiencedtheir firstorgasmsthisway.Onestudentexplained,"Whenyou'reabouttomasturbate,oryou'rethinkingabouteverythinginasexual context,ittakesonapower." Sherrsaid,"Byusingpornographytoexperiencetheirfirstsexualpleasure,theirbodiesarephysicallyconditionedtorespondtosuch images." CatherineMacKinnon,anantipornographyactivistontheprogramstated,"Thewayitworksisitgivesthemanwhoisconsumingitthe experienceofusingawoman.Firstofall,sheisflat,sheisinert,shedoesnottalkbacktohim.Sheisnotreal."Thewomenin pornographyneversayno.MacKinnoncontinued,"Itabsolutelydoesconditionhiminhisbody.Thatiswhatheexperiencesassexually excitingandthroughorgasmwhichisapowerfulreinforceristhatwhichisexperiencedasultimatelysexuallypleasurable." Onestudentintalkingaboutthiseffectonhimsaid,"Whenyou'refinishedinpornography,itgoesbackupontheshelf,andinreallife, there'sapersonthere,evenafteryouejaculate." Anotherstudentexplainedhowtheycouldnotrespondsexuallytorealwomen,buthadtotransformthemintopornographicimages: "I'vehadtoclosemyeyes(duringsexwitharealwoman)andimaginethewomanI'mwith.Ihadtoseeanimagewithin myselfofthepersonIwaswith,notactuallyopeningmyeyesandlookingatthatpersontofinallyclimax." Thelaststudentsummarizedtheterribleeffectofpornography,"Afriendhastheexpressionof`masturbatingintoa woman.'Thatissortoflikealogicalconclusionofpornographyormasturbatingtopornography.Whenyou'refinallywith arealperson,you'renotreallywiththem."(LynnSherr,"SexWiththeUnrealWoman,"ABCNews"20/20"Transcript #1305Jan.29,1993,[TheAmericanBroadcastingCompanies,Inc.,1993],46.) Asubtleformofpornographythatenslavesyoungmen,makingthemlosetouchwithrealwomen,trapsitsvictimsthroughSaturday morningcartoons,animatedDisneymovies,andvideogames.Thesecartoonbabesofpornographywereexposedwhenayoungman toldawomanhelikedherhairlongerandstraighter."YoulooklikeJessicaRabbit,"hesaidapprovingly.Whenshewheeledonhim,he confessedhelovedcartoonbabes,startingasateencrushonMs.Pacman.Helikedherreallybiglipsandgreatmakeup.Othermen admittobeingdrawntothealmondshapedeyes,curvesthatrealwomendon'thave,andcomehitherpersonality.Asonemanstated, "Animatedgirlsnevermakeuglyfacesthewaypeopledoinreallife.Younevercatchacartoonfigureatabadmoment." "Disneyheroinesareoftenridiculouslynubile[sexuallyattractiveWebster],andthemaledominatedanimationindustryhasputalotof subliminaleffortintotitillatingthemaleaudience....ThelitheIndianprincess,Pocahontas,wasdescribedbyTheTimesas`ananimated PlayboyPlaymate.'"ManyWebsitesfeaturethecartoonbabes."Formostguys,themorecartoonishthebetter.Perfectfeatures,perfect bodies,nodemands."(MaureenDowd,"Men'sCartoonFantasiesAren'tDrawnfromLife,"TheTacomaNewsTribune[January12,1998], A10.)
WhileChristiansmightassumelookingatpornographyandmasturbatingtoitisrareamongChristians,manyChristiansknowitis commonplaceespeciallyusingsoftcorepornography.OneChristianwomansaidherhusband,whoclaimedtobeaChristian,had neglectedhersexuallyalltheirmarriagebecausehepreferredpornography.Foryears,shefoughtthephysicalandmentalpainof unsatisfiedsexualdesiresbecauseofherhusband'smentaladultery.Shebecameveryalarmedwhenhersonsgrewintoteenagersand herhusbandbeganintroducingthemtopornographyasameansofdrainingofftheirsexualenergies.Thethoughtthathersonsmight imitateherhusband'ssinsandperpetuatethemiseryshesuffereddevastatedher.Thiswifefinallydevelopedcomplicatedmedical problemsthattotallydrainedallherenergyandshenolongerhadtheemotionalorphysicalstrengthtocarewhatherhusbanddid.To saythatthisisnotGod'splanforsexualloveinmarriageisanunderstatement!Thehusband'sactionswereanoutrageoussinfulviolation of1Cor.7:35whereGodcommandsthehusbandtosatisfyhiswife'sGodgivensexualdesiresandofMatt.5:2728whereJesuswarns aboutmentaladultery. Asaffirmedbythecollegestudents,arealfleshandbloodwifecannotbegintocompetewithpornographicimages.Masturbatingto pornographicmaterialorevenvisualizingpersonalfantasiescausesahusbandtostaylockedintoimmaturity.Hefailstogrowup mentallybecausehedoesnothavetolearnhowtodealwitharealpersonwhoseopinionsmaydifferfromhisorwhohaslegitimate needsanddesires.Enjoyingawonderfulsexlifewitharealpersonrequirespersonalgrowthonthepartofboththehusbandandthe wifeastheylearnhowtorelateoneonone.Theymustexamineandchangetheirattitudesinmanyrealmsoftheirlifetogether;because ultimately,gloriousraptureinthearmsofarealpersonrequiresthejoiningofbothrealmindsandrealbodies. Pornographyandfantasydonotrequirementalintimacywitharealpersontheyfocustotallyonthephysicalandartificialphysicalat that.Thus,thepersonwhousestheseartificialtechniquesmaygrowupphysicallyandbeabletomasturbateandejaculatetosensual images,buthetotallysidestepstherealworldoflearninghowtosolveproblemsandlivewitharealperson.Heusesthesesexual activitiesasanescaperatherthanlearninghowtofaceanddealwithhisfeelingsinahealthyway.Aslongashereliesonpornographyor fantasy,amanstaysmentallyimmature,evenifhelivestobeninetynineyearsold.Hisrelationshipwithhiswifesuffersunspeakable harmasaresult. Whilemasturbatingtopornographyisgenerallythoughtofasaproblemformen,feministspromotepornographicmagazinesaimedat women.Also,manytechniquebooksencouragewomentomasturbate.Womenwhousepornographyorfantasysufferthesamemental immaturityasmenandtheinabilitytorelatetorealfleshandbloodmen.WhilesexualloveisablessingfromGod,itrequiresboththe joiningofthemindsandthebodiesforsupremepleasureforbothmenandwomen.Truesexualloverequiresbothhusbandsandwivesto growupmentally.Pornographyandfantasyenablebothmenandwomentostayforeverimmature. Inaddition,masturbatingtopornography(softorhardcore)ortofantasies(realorimagined)isadulteryoftheheartthatJesuswarned about: Matt.5:2728:"`Youhaveheardthatitwassaid,"Youshallnotcommitadultery;"butIsaytoyou,thateveryonewho looksonawomantolustforherhascommittedadulterywithheralreadyinhisheart.'" NotonlyismentaladulteryforbiddenbyJesus,butitalsodestroystheemotionalbondbetweenahusbandandawifeandrobsthemof truesexualpleasurewitheachother.Sexuallymaturewomenwhosehusbandsusepornographicorfantasizedwomentogettheirsexual thrillsfeelassexuallyviolatedbyanunfaithfulhusbandasdowiveswhosehusbandscommitadulterywithafleshandbloodwoman.A wifeusuallyseeslittledifferencewhethertheotherwomanisapaperormentalimageorfleshandblood.Thehusbandwhocommits mentaladulterymaylackthenervetoactuallydowhatheimagineswithrealwomen,buthestillhastheheartofanadulterer.Without fail,manysexuallylovingwivesfeelthatpainandrejection. Onehusbandwhoworkedhardtoovercomecompulsiveinvolvementinpornographysaid,"Ittookmeyearstounderstandhowsexually violatedmyactionsmademywifefeel.IusedtothinkIwasn'thurtingmywifeoranyoneelse.NowIseeIhurtmywife,mychildren,and myself." LaurieHalltellsinAnAffairoftheMindhowittookherhusbandJackyearsafterhisaddictioncametolighttoacknowledgehowhis activitieshadhurtherandtheirchildren.Thedeceitoftheaddictionthat"Noonegetshurt.It'savictimlessactivity."issostrong,that manyaddictsremainindenialforyearsregardingthepainthey'veinflictedontheirmates.Itwasonlyafterthefirstmentionedhusband andLaurieHall'shusbandfinallyacknowledgedthepaintheyhadgiventotheirfamiliesthattheybegantomakegreatstridesin looseningthebondsoftheirenslavement.Perhapsifbothofthesehusbandshadcontemplatedtheirwivesdoingthesameactivitiesas theyengagedin,itmightnothavetakenyearsforthemtorecognizethepaintheyhadcaused.
TheSexualAddictMistreatsHisFamily
Titus3:3:"...spendingourlifeinmaliceandenvy,hateful,hatingoneanother."
"Spending"means"1.toleadthrough,leadacross,sendacross.2.topass,tolive"(Thayer,135136). "Malice"means"malignity,malice,illwill,desiretoinjure;2.wickedness,depravity.Theworddenotestheviciousdispositionratherthan theactiveexerciseofthesame"(Thayer,320). "Envy"means"forenvy,i.e.promptedbyenvy"(Thayer,652).Thesynonymofphthonosiszeloswhichmeans"excitementofmind, ardor,fervorofspirit;1.zeal,ardorinembracing,pursuing,defendinganything,zealinbehalfof,forapersonorthing.2.anenviousand contentiousrivalry,jealousy."Phthonosisusedonlyinabadsensewhilezelosmaybeusedinagoodsense(Thayer,271). "Hateful"means"hateful,odious,detested"(WigramAnalyticalGreekLexicon,378).Itisusedas"detestable,ofadultery"(Thayer,591). "Hating"means"tohate,pursuewithhatred,detest,thesignificationtoloveless,topostponeinloveoresteem,toslight"(Thayer,415). Asthesexualaddictbecomes"enslaved"tohiscompulsivesexualdrive,theversewarnsthattheaddict"spendshislifeinmaliceand envy,hateful,hatingoneanother."ThroughouttheBible,verseswarningaboutsexualcompulsionsandsinsoftenlistitinagroupof othersinsthatinvolvemistreatmentofothers.Sexualaddictionisnearlyalwaysapartofaclusterofsinsthatgrowinnumberand intensityasthesinprogresses.Thatiswhyitissoimportanttotakecareofthesinwhenitisdiscoveredinsteadoftryingtojusttolerate itorlooktheotherway.Lefttoitself,sexualaddictionalwaysgetsworse,notbetter.Itisnotuncommontoalsofindthesesinsagainst otherseitherstartingtodeveloporalreadyfullblownalongwiththesexualaddiction: LyingandSneakingAround Adulterersandsexualaddictsaremastersatusing"weaselwords"forlegalisticevasionofbeingcaughtinalietellingjustalittlebitof technicaltruthtocreateacompletelyfalseimpression.Theniftheyarecaught,theyharponthelittlebitoftechnicaltruthtoaccuse theirmateofnotrememberingcorrectlyormisunderstanding.Theyalsokeepattheirdisposalareadysupplyofaccusationstohurlata matewhogetstooclosetouncoveringtheirsecrets,i.e."You'rejustjealous.""You'reoverreacting.""Everyonewillthinkyou'recrazyif theyhearyousaythat.""Youjustdon'ttrustme."Etc.Etc. Innocentmates,whowereformerlyintelligentandstrongChristians,havebeenreducedtoshakingbowlsofJellObytheskillfulverbal manipulationofanadulterousspouse.Theadultererandsexualaddictmustmasterthisskilltobeabletocontinueinthesinlongenough forittobecomeacompulsiveaddiction.Anyonewhocounselswithadulterersorsexualaddictsneedstoalwaysbemindfulofthefact thatwhatheishearing,mayormaynotbetrue. CompulsiveSelfmasturbation Nearlyallsexualperversionsincludeselfmasturbationandbeginwithit.However,allselfmasturbationisnotnecessarilyasin.Two thingsmakeselfmasturbationasin:(1)Whenselfmasturbationisusedtodrainoffone'ssexualenergiesand,thus,deprivethemateof satisfactionofGodgivensexualdesires(1Cor.7:25).(2)Whenselfmasturbationisusedwithorwithoutfantasiestocommitmental adultery(Matt.5:2728).SeetheindexinMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversfordiscussionsofwhen masturbationbecomesasinandthepowerfulroleitplaysinadultery,sexualaddiction,andsexualperversionsincludinghomosexuality. MentalAdultery Thementaladulteryofsexualaddictseasilyreachesthepointwheretheycannotgoanywhereorseeanymemberoftheoppositesex withoutimmediatelyanalyzingifthatpersonmightbeavailablesexuallyorwhattheywouldliketodoifthatpersonwasavailable.Even thesexualaddicts'spiritualbrothersandsistersarenotexemptfromtheirlustfulthoughtseveninworshipservices.Sexandcruisingfor alikelytargetoftheirlustisalwaysonthemindsofsexualaddictsnearlyeveryminuteoftheday.Sexualaddictsevensexualizethe mostinnocentandaveragethings.Mentaladulterersmaydeceivethemselvesbythinking,"I'mnotsobadbecauseIdon'tengagein actualsexualintercourse."Theymaybecontenttojusthavean"affairofthemind"throughsharingtheirwoesandproblemswith membersoftheoppositesex,whomthey'renotmarriedto,togettheirattentionandsympathy. Thistakeoverofthemindmakessexualaddictionandnumerousadulterieshardtoovercome.Indeed,thisiswheretherealwarexists.If thesexualsinnerjustconcentratesonquittingthephysicalbehaviorofbeinginvolvedwithpornographyorcommittingadultery,but doesn'tfocusonchangingthemind,heorshewillneverbefreeofmentaladultery.SeetheindexesinMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol. IandVol.IIfordiscussionsonidentifyingandrecognizingtheharmofmentaladultery. ActualAdultery
Pornographyandmentaladulterypreparethemind,heart,andconscienceforactualepisodesofadulterylongbeforetheeventtakes place.Atthatpoint,theadulterer,whoperhapsyearsearlierwouldhavethoughtheorshewouldneveractuallycommitadultery,may evenfeeljustifiedandrighteousincommittingadultery. AlcoholandDrugAbuse Alcoholanddrugsareoftendeliberatelyusedtonumbthethinkingandasanexcusefordoingactivitiesapersonwouldn'tdowhen sober.Inotherwords,theadultererandaddictmightconsciouslyrecognizethedangerofAIDSandothersexuallytransmitteddiseasesif theypickedupaprostitute,butiftheyhaveafewdrinksinabarandthenpickupastranger,theyfulfilltheirwishforillicitsexual contact.However,theirconsciencesdon'tholdthemresponsiblefortheconsequencesbecausetheyweredrinkingorusingdrugs. Alcoholanddrugsareoftensoughtonanunconsciouslevelasanopportunitytomoveintodeepersinwithoutacceptingpersonal responsibility. VerbalAbuse Adulterersandaddictsoftenblametheirmatesasawayofdealingwithaguiltyconscience.Bothmaleandfemalesexualsinnersare oftenexpertsatmakingtheirmatesfeelstupidandguiltywhentheirmatesquestiontheirconduct.Somehusbandsandwivesareso intimidatedbythesinfulspouse'soutburstsofangerandblame,thattheycoweranddropthesubjectratherthanriskfurtherexposure tothetirades.Asaresult,theabuser,asamastermanipulator,successfullyburiesthesinwithverbalattacksonthemate. PhysicalAbuse Ifverbalabuseisallowedtocontinuelongenough,itisusuallyonlyamatteroftimebeforephysicalabusetakesplace.Intwocases,the physicalabusestoppedwiththefirstincidentbecausethewifeslappedthehusbandbackanddidn'tjusttakeit.Yettheverbalabusein bothofthesecasesgrewworseandbecameadailyassaultinoneofthemarriages.Women'ssheltersreportthatphysicalabuseisoften moresevereamongmenwhoclaimtobeChristiansthanamongnonChristians.Thiscomesmainlyfromthehusbands'falseassumptions abouttheBible'steachingonthesubjectionofwomen. EmotionalAbuse Sometimestheabuseliterallytakesamoresilentformthaneitherverbalorphysicalabuseemotionalwithdrawalfromthewifeandthe children.Adulterersandsexualaddictsoftenmastersometypeofabusetomanipulatetheirfamiliesintobeingcodependentwiththeir sin(enablingtheirsinratherthanexposingitandexpectingreform).Mentallywithdrawingtopunishthefamilyoftengoesunrecognized asaformofmanipulativeabusesimplybecauseofitssilentnature.Itcantakemanyformssuchaspouting,watchinghoursofTV,not speakingfordays,giving"thelook"wheninteractiontakesplace,andrefusingtotalkaboutproblems.Emotionalabusefollowsthesame cycleasotherformsofabuse:(1)buildupoftension,(2)releaseoftensionintheabusiveaction,and(3)lovingrespitewhereeverything iswonderfullyok. Justastheotherformsofabuseblamethevictim,theemotionalabuserblamesthespouseandthechildrenfortheoutpouringofvile behavior.Innocentmatesandchildrenliveinconstantfearofwhenthenextreprisalwillhitforsomeinsignificantmistakeontheirpart whichwillbeblownalloutofproportionbytheirabuserwhorefusestohaveanythingtodowiththem. SexualAbuse Pornography,Xratedmovies,andevenRratedmovies,alongwithselfmasturbationteachthesexualaddicttousehiswifesexuallyand causehimtolosetheabilitytojoinwithhersexually.Insteadofmakingthehusbandabetterloveraspornographytrickshiminto believing,hebecomestotallyselfcenteredandselfgratifyingattheexpenseofhiswife.Incapableofgivingrealpleasuretohiswife,or toanywoman,anymore;hemayevendevelopaproblemwithprematureejaculationbecauseoftheepisodesofselfmasturbationand fearofbeingcaught.Hiswifewillbeluckyifthesexualabusestopshere.However,thesexualaddictmayprogresstoinflictingactual sadisticpainonherforhispleasure.Someaddictsevenforcetheirwivestoengageinsexwithotherswhiletheywatchandmaybring otherwomenintotheirbeds,etc. Incest Thisisafrequentpartofsexualaddiction,especiallyinthelaterstagesofdevelopment.Amazingly,afather,wholooksproudlyand lovinglyathisnewbornchildandwhowouldgladlysacrificehisownlifeforthatchild,canonedaydegenerateintoamanwho,notonly
fantasiessexualindecencieswiththatsamechild,butactuallydoesthem.Bothboysandgirlsbeartheemotionalscarsofafatherwho deceivedhimselfintobelievinghewasjustexpressingloveandteachinghischildhowtobelovingthroughsexualmolestation. BitternessandAnger Thesesinsarenearlyalwayspresentinadulteryandsexualaddiction.Sometimesbitternessandangeroverdisappointmentinthe marriagemakesapersonreceptivetoadultery,pornography,andselfmasturbation.Othertimes,alovingman,whoturnsto pornography,beginstobelievethedegradationofwomenportrayedinpornography.Thisleaveslotsofroominhisheartforbitterness andangertoflourish.Whichevercomesfirst,thebitternessorthepornography,thesemenalwayshaveaprofoundignoranceofthe differencesbetweenthehusband'sandthewife'srolesandtheiremotionalandsexualnatures.Overaperiodoftime,bitternessso warpsaperson'sthinkingthathelosesalltouchwithreality. UnreasonablePerfectionism Thisamountstodominionofanotherpersonandisanattempttotakeoverthewife'spersonality.Whenthewifemastersoneareaof criticisminanattempttopleaseherhusband,insteadofbeingpleased,theabusersimplymovesontoanotherareainwhichtoreform her.TheaddicthasnoacceptanceorconceptofwhatitmeanswhenGodtellshimtolovehis"own"wifeas"himself."Sincemany womenunjustlyfalselyblamethemselvesforeverythingthatiswronginthemarriage,unreasonableperfectionismoftenbecomesquite severebeforethewiferecognizeswhatishappeningandrefusestoacceptundeservedblame.However,bythattimeherselfimageis probablytotallydestroyedandsheisfightingforemotionalsurvival. JudgingMotives Thissinisnearlyalwayspresentandgreatlymagnifiesallotherproblems.Manytimes,ifonematejudgesmotives,theotherdoesalso.A lotofverbal,physical,andemotionalabuseresultsfromassigningevilmotivestothemate.However,itisjustaswrongtojudgeamate's motivesforgoodasitistojudgethemotivesforevil.Falselyjudgingthemate'smotivesforgoodresultsindenialandminimizingofthe sin,whichallowsthesintogrowandbecomeevenmorecompulsive. TheapostlePaulsaysthatnooneknowsthethoughtsofanotherpersonunlessthatpersontellshimhisorherthoughts(1Cor.2:11). Godreservestherighttojudgeaperson'smotiveseitherforevilorforgood(1Cor.4:5).However,Goddoesgivehumanstherightto makejudgmentsbasedonthedeedsorfruitsofotherhumans(Matt.7:20;Acts26:20). FinancialIrresponsibility Thissinoftenoccursasthesexualaddictionprogresses.Thesexualsinbecomessocompulsiveandconsumingthatmostoftheman's incomeisspentonhisaddictiontotheneglectofprovidingthebasicnecessitiesforhisfamily.Theaddictmayinsistonthebestclothes, thebestmeals,thebestentertainment,thebesteverythingforhimwhilehisfamilymakesdowithwhattheyhaveorwhatisgivento thembyothers. Foranaddicttorackupdebtsofthousandsofdollarstosatisfyhisaddictionisnotunusual.Onereformedsexualaddict,whowasa Christian,confessedthathespent$70,000onhisaddictionduringthelastthreeyearsbeforehiswifelefthim.Manytimesthesedebts arehiddenfromthewifealongwiththeaddiction.Astheaddictionbecomesmorecompulsive,theaddictloseshisabilitytoconcentrate onhisworkandmayengageinriskybehaviorthatcancompromisehisjob,i.e.telephonesex,leavingworktogotopornmovies,etc. AbuseofAuthority Manymeninvolvedinsinfulactivitytakegreatprideinbeingtheheadofthewife,whichtranslatesto,"I'mtheleaderandIgettodo whateverIwant."However,Goddidnotgivethehusbandanypersonalrightswithhispositionofleadership.Insteadofrights,God assignedthehusbandresponsibilities.Primarily,thehusbandistolovehiswifeashimself,denyinghispersonalrightstothepointof death,todowhatisbestforhiswifeandchildren. Incontrasttothisselflessness,theselfishnessofthesexualaddictcanbecomesoextremethatclaimingtobetheheadofthewifeand childrenwouldbelaughable,ifitweren'tfortheintensepainheapeduponhisfamily.Theaddictoftenexpectshisfamilytotakecareof allhomedutiessuchaspayingbills,yardwork,andhouseandcarmaintenancewithhisonlycontributionbeingtocomplain.Itisnot unusualtofindthesexualaddictevenneglectingplannedfamilytimessuchasspecialmeals,schoolfunctions,sportsevents,holidays, birthdays,andanniversariesbecausehewasbusypleasuringhimselfinsomesecretactivity.Whenquestioned,theaddicteasilyfallsback onhisassumedauthoritywith:"You'renotsubmissive.""Youdon'thaveaquietspirit.""Youjustwanttobetheboss."
Godlysubjectionandleadershipisamajorstudywithmanyfinepointsthatrequirediscernmentandaccountabilityonthepartofboth husbandsandwives.Marriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.I:God'sPeopleAppreciateMarriagedevotesfourchapterstodiscussingthe mechanicsofboththehusband'sandthewife'spartsandshowshowtheybalanceandsupporteachother.Inaddition,Challengesin MarriagespendsonewholeclassdealingwithfalseBibleargumentsthatkeepthewifecodependentandsubmissivetosin.Godexpects wivestosay,"No,"toungodlyusurpedauthority. WomenwhosehusbandsclaimtobeChristiansandaresexualaddictshavelookedatthislistofsinsandsaid,"Yes.""Yes.""Yes.""Could easilybe.""Inthepast."Yes."Etc.Etc. Psychiatristsrecognizethatoncesexualsinsbecomeaddictive,menandwomenhaveahardtimeovercomingthem.However,Paul beginsthiswarningtoTitusaboutenslavementtosinwith,"Forwealsooncewerefoolishourselves"nowtheyweren'tfoolishand enslaved.FirstcenturyChristiansfacedtheseproblemsandsuccessfullyovercamethem.
God'sFormulaforOvercomingSexualSins
WhilethepagansoftheNewTestamentdidnotproducepornographyinmagazinesorinmoviesorontheInternet,theypromoted effectiveforerunnersofmodernpornography."ItwastheRomanswhoinventedtheword`sex.'...TheRomansmadenoconcealment oftheirsexinstinct,andrepresentationalartandpoetrywerecalledintoserveitsneeds." Forexample,"freethinking"poetssangsensualsongsextollingfreeloveatpartiesandonthestreets.ThepopularRomanpoet Propertiussang,"HowIlovethisquiteuninhibitedShe,whowalkswithgownthrownhalfback,unabashedbycuriousanddesirouslooks, wholoitersinherdustyshoesonthepavementoftheViaSacraanddoesnothangbackwhenyoubeckontoher.Shewillneverrefuse you,norcleanyououtofallyourfortune."Propertius'songsoundsverysimilartoHughHefner'stunesthathedeceiveshisdisciples todaywithabouthowavailablewomenareandhowmuchtheylovethepornographicallycreatedstuds. Inaddition,theprivatevillasofrichRomanmerchantswereadornedwithsexualpaintingsandsculptures,whichprovided"apleasant seasoningtoajovialbanquet."Theartistsknewtherules:"everythingcanbeshowninsidethehouse,butdiscretionoutsideit!"(Richard Lewinsohn,AHistoryofSexualCustoms[NewYork:Harper&Brothers,1958],62,7273.Usedbypermission.)Anancienthouseof prostitutionpreservedunderthemountainofvolcanicashintheruinsofPompeiipresentsavividexampleofthegraphicpornography availabletothepeopleofNewTestamenttimes: Itswallsaredecoratedwithfrescoesofsensualdelight,withpicturesofthelimitlesspossibilitiesofsexualpositionsand postures.Suchsurroundingsswiftlytitillatedthecustomerandputhiminthemoodtotakefulladvantageofhis opportunities.ThegenreofpornographyalsofounditswayintoprivatevillasinPompeii,wherewealthyRomanspassed thehotsummermonths.Someviewersofthesefrescoeshaveseeninthemevidencesofflagellation[whippingsPRD]as apopulartheme.(WilliamGrahamCole,SexandLoveintheBible[NewYork:AssociationPress,1959],211212.Usedby permission.) TheRomansalsousedthewrittenwordtoinstructthemassesaboutvarioussexualtechniques: Poetryaswellasthedepictiveartswascalledintotheserviceofthesensualityofthewealthy.PropertiusandHorace wrotemanyanodetothejoysofloveandweremuchindemandatfashionableparties.Ofthelargenumberofwriters competinginthislucrativemarket,nonewasmoreskilledthantheyoungOvid.Marriedtwiceandtwicedivorced,he foundampleroomforhisappetitesinthelaxatmosphereoftheEternalCity....Hisfirstseriesofverses,calledAmores, sangofthebeautyofhisbeloved,Corinna,thewifeofanotherman.Heinstructedherintheartofdeceivingherhusband sothatshemightbewithhim.(Cole,SexandLoveintheBible,211212.) Notsurprisingly,theRomansdevotedmuchoftheirliteraryandartistictalentstoglorifyingtheirsexuality.Nonetheless, theCorinthiansoftheNewTestamenthadaspecialproblemwithhealthysexualconductuniquetotheirtime.Theylived inaseaportcityofaboutfourhundredthousandpeopleconsistingofRomans,Greeks,Jews,Syrians,Egyptians,sailors, traders,andslaves.TheircityboastedatempleofVenuswhereathousandconsecratedpriestessesdoubledas prostitutes.Keptatpublicexpense,theywerealwaysreadytoservetheirgoddessinimmoralindulgences.Andthiswas theirreligion!Sexualmoralsmatteredverylittletoanyoftheheathens,buttheCorinthians'reputationwassobadthat theexpression"toCorinthianize"becameasynonymfor"viceparexcellenceintheRomanworld."(International StandardBibleEncyclopedia,II[GrandRapids:MI:Wm.B.EerdmansPublishingCo.,1939],710;HenryH.Halley,Halley's BibleHandbook[Minneapolis,MI:ZondervanPublishingHouse,1962],490.)
YetPaulpreachedthegospelinCorinth,andmanyofthewickedpeoplebecameChristians.Consequently,theCorinthianChristiansnot onlylivedamongsomeofthemostsexuallyimmoralpeopleintheworld,someofthemhadactuallybeenfornicators,idolaters (worshipersofthegoddessofharlotry),adulterers,effeminate,homosexuals,thieves,drunkards,revilers(verbalabusers),andswindlers (1Cor.6:910).Theyhadtastedofthefruitsofsexualperversionandtheaccompanyingcrimefirsthand. However,havingtheirsinswashedawayinbaptismdidn'tautomaticallytakeawayallthesinfulinclinationsandthoughtsofthese Christians.TothesefirstcenturyChristians,PaulwrotesomeofthemostdetailedinformationinthewholeBibleaboutovercomingthe effectsofsexualimmoralityinaperson'slife.BystudyinghowPauldealtwiththeirproblemsofextremesexualimmoralityandthe resultinglackofanabilitytotrulyloveothers,moderndayChristianscanlearnhowtosolveeventhegrossestofsexualdifficulties: 1Cor.6:911:"...Donotbedeceived;neitherfornicators,noridolaters,noradulterers,noreffeminate,nor homosexuals,northieves,norcovetous,norswindlers,shallinheritthekingdomofGod.Andsuchweresomeofyou;. .." "Fornicators"means"amanwhoprostituteshisbodytoanother'slustforhire,amaleprostitute;amanwhoindulgesinunlawfulsexual intercourse,afornicator"(Thayer,532). "Effeminate"means"soft,softtothetouch,effeminate(ofacatamite,amalewhosubmitshisbodytounnaturallewdness)"(Thayer, 387). "Homosexuals"means"onewholieswithamaleaswithafemale,asodomite"(Thayer,75). When"fornicators"isusedwith"adulterers,"thebasicdifferenceisthatfornicationreferstounmarriedpeoplewhileadulteryinvolvesa marriedperson.Bothwordsincludealltypesofillicitsexualactivitysuchashomosexuality,bestiality,andincest. Afterlistingagroupofsexuallyimmoralpeoplewhohadsomeoftheworstproblemsimaginablewithknowinghowtolove,Pauladded thatnoneofthesesinnerswouldinheritthekingdomofGod.ThenPaulremindedtheCorinthians,"Andsuchweresomeofyou."Whata comfortingstatementfullofgreathope!Thegospelpossessesthepowertochangefornicators,adulterers,idolatroustempleprostitutes, effeminatemen,andhomosexualsintolovingsincerepeoplewhoreflectGod'sownloveformankind. IfthegospelcontainsthepowertosolvethemosthideoussexualproblemsoftheCorinthians,thentheaveragecouple'smarriage problemsanddeficienciesforlovingothersseemsmallincomparison.Nomatterhowevilthehomeapersonmayhavegrownupin,the influenceofthathomecanbereplacedwiththetruth.NomatterhowcoldandunlovingapersonmightbebeforebecomingaChristian, thatpersoncanlearntobewarmandaffectionate.Nomatterhowcompulsivesexualsinsmayhavebecome,apersoncanlearnto respondinahealthyandlovingmanner. TheworldshouldbeabletorecognizeChristiansbytheirabilitytolove.IftheCorinthianscouldlearntoloveinspiteoftheenvironment theygrewupinandcontinuedtolivein,alongwiththepersonalproblemsitproduced,thenanyonecanlearntoloveandsolvesexual abnormalities.IfapersondoesnotlearnhowtolovethefaultlieswiththatpersonnotGod.Aftertellingthemoftheirpastlives,Paul thenremindedtheCorinthiansofGod'sthreepartformulatheyusedtosolvetheirsexualproblems.Byfollowingtheirexample,God's peopletodaycanovercomeeventhegrossestofsexualinhibitionsandaddictions:
TheCorinthiansWereWashed
1Cor.6:11:"...butyouwerewashed,butyouweresanctified,butyouwerejustifiedinthenameoftheLordJesus Christ,andintheSpiritofourGod." "Washed"means"washedofforaway"(Thayer,65). First,theCorinthianswerewashedinthenameoftheLordJesus.InActs2:38whenPeterpreachedthefirstgospelsermonafterJesus diedandascendedbacktoheaven,hesaid,"RepentandleteachofyoubebaptizedinthenameofJesusChristfortheforgivenessof yoursins."Beforeapersoncanbebaptizedandhavehissins"washed"away,hemustrepent.Unfortunately,manyChristiansemphasize thewashingorbaptismtothepointofglossingovertheimportanceofrepentanceandtrulytrustingtheirlivestoJesus'leadership. Consequently,manypeople,whoclaimtobeChristians,arguewithJesusabouthislawsthatconflictwiththeiropinions.WhenJesussays
dosomething,insteadofsaying,"Yes,Lord,"theyask,"Why,Lord?"InsteadofshowingfaithinGod'swordandwisdom,theydemand, "Showmethelogic,Lord,beforeIwillobey." Whenapersontrulyrepents,heexamineshissinsandchangeshismindaboutdoingthem.Thus,herepudiateshisformerwayoflifeand determinestoobeyGodregardlessoftheconsequenceshemightsufferonearthfromotherpeople.Onlythenishereadyforbaptism. Thenbaptismwashesawaythosesinseventhesinsofthefornicator,theadulterer,theprostitute,theeffeminate,andthe homosexual.AsthepersonstartslifeasaChristian,hebeginswithacleanslateandaclearconsciencetocorrectthemistakesofthe past,andtolivealifeofpurity. However,baptismisjustthebeginning,theentranceintoGod'skingdomoflove.Whileapersonlearnsthatheisasinnerandneeds forgivenessthroughthecleansingofthebloodofChristbeforehe'sbaptized,hedoesn'tknoweverythingheneedstodotoliveasa Christian.ManysubjectstakealifetimeofBiblestudytofullyunderstand;nonetheless,GodexpectsanewChristiantobeginhisjourney ofsanctificationtomakelastingchangesinhisthinkingandbehavior:
TheCorinthiansWereSanctified
1Cor.6:11:"...butyouwerewashed,butyouweresanctified,..." "Sanctified"means"1.renderedoracknowledgedtobevenerable,hallowed;2.separatedfromthingsprofaneanddedicatedtoGod, consecrated;3.purified"(Thayer,6). Sanctificationisaveryimportantconceptinmarriageandforovercomingproblemsofallkindsincludingsexualaddiction.Sanctification takesthethingsanctifiedandseparatesitfromthecommonuseoftheworld.Asaresult,whenusedinmarriageandforproblem solving,sanctificationalwaysmakesthethingsanctifiedbetterthanwhatthecommonpeopleexperience. Sanctificationisusedin1Thess.4:4toadmonishChristianstosanctifytheirsexuallives.Godcommandshispeoplenotonlytoavoid sexualimmorality,buttoalsopossesstheirownvesselsuntosanctificationandhonor.ThisverseisdiscussedfullyinMarriage:ATasteof Heaven,Vol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLovers,chapter1"SexualHappinessforGod'sPeople."Basically,itmeansChristiansareto knowhowtodelightinabetterlovelifethantheGentileswhoknownotGod.Inthiscase,God'speoplethrilltobettersexuallovethan theaveragepersonenjoys. Likewise,in1Tim.4:15PaulsaysChristiansaretosanctifytheirmarriagesbythewordofGodandprayer.Ratherthanforbiddingto marryasdoctrinesofdemonspromoted,Christiansaretogoontohavewonderfulmarriages.Thisispossibleby(1)goingtothewordof Godtolearnthetruthaboutmarriageand(2)prayingtoGodinaninterviewtypeprayer(whichrevealsapersonbeforeGodashereally is)forhelpinimplementingthattruth.Allsinsthatinvadethehomeanddestroytheharmonybetweenhusbandsandwivescanbe overcomewithsanctificationbyfollowingthisformula.Goddoesn'twanthispeopletojusttoleratetheirmarriageshewantsthemto partakeoftrulyblissfulunions.Vol.I:God'sPeopleAppreciateMarriagedevotesallofchapter2tostudyingthemechanicsofsanctifying marriagesthroughthisproblemsolvingformula. WhenPaultoldtheCorinthianstheyhadovercomefornication,adultery,prostitution,effeminacy,homosexuality,drunkenness,and revilingbysanctification,hereferredthemtoapowerfultoolforconqueringperversions,addictions,andVictorian ignorance.Sanctificationholdsthekeyformakinglastingchangesinaperson'slife. Aparallelpassageto1Cor.6:11isTitus3:57whichfollowsGod'sdefinitionofsexualaddictioninTitus3:3andshowsthatthose Christiansovercametheirenslavementto"variouslustsandpleasures"thesamewayastheCorinthians.Thepassagealsoshedsfurther lightontheprocessofsanctificationasPaulsays,"Hesavedus...bythewashingofregenerationandrenewingbytheHolySpirit,whom HepouredoutuponusrichlythroughJesusChristourSavior,thatbeingjustifiedbyhisgracewemightbemadeheirsaccordingtothe hopeofeternallife.""RenewingbytheHolySpirit"parallels"youweresanctified.""Renewing"means"arenewal,renovation,complete changeforthebetter"(Thayer,38). Afterapersonhasbeenbaptizedtowashawayhissins,thatpersonisrenewedorchangedintoabetterpersonbyputtingthewordsof theHolySpirit(foundintheBible)intohismindandactingonthem.Christiansaresanctified(orsetapartfromtheworldtoliveabetter life)becausetheirthoughtsandactionsreflectthewisdomofGodasrevealedintheBiblebytheinspiredwordsoftheapostles.The changesbecomepermanentbecausetheytakeplaceinthebrainfromtheinsideout.
Anotherparallelpassage,Rom.12:2,alsoshowshowChristiansaresanctified.Christiansarenottobeconformedtothisworld,butareto betransformedbytherenewingoftheirminds."Transformed"isaninterestingwordthatmeans"tochangeintoanotherform,to transfigure,transform"(Thayer,405).ThissamewordwasusedwhenJesuswastransfiguredontheMt.ofOlives. Themodernword"metamorphosis"comesfromthesameGreekword.IntheEnglishlanguage,thewordreferstotheprocesswhereby theinsectlarvaspinsacocoonarounditselfandundergoesdrasticchangeandmaturation.Afteracertainperiod,theuglycaterpillar emergesasabeautifulbutterflyacompletelytransformedinsect.Notonlydoestheinsect'souterappearancechange,butalsoits functionchanges.Thebutterflyhasleftbehindthecaterpillar'scompulsiontoeatplantsanddestroyfoliage.Instead,thebutterfly pollinatesflowersandmakestheworldlovelier. Asimilar"metamorphosis"happenstotheChristian.Heisburiedinthebaptismalwatersasarepulsivesinner.Thenherisesfromthe waterspureandclean,thoughnotyetmatureandadornedwithallthebeautyofChrist.AstheChristiandeliberatelystudiesthewordof Godandrenewsorchangeshismind,heissetapartfromtheconductoftheworldandisgraduallytransformedintoabeautifulperson whoglorifiesGodinhisdailylife.Evenhomosexuals,adulterers,fornicators,prostitutes,thieves,murderers,revilers,drunkards,etc.can betransformedintopureandholyindividualsthroughbaptismandthepowerofGod'swordintheirlives. Manytimesafteramate'spromiscuitybecomesknown,thematepromises,"Itwillneverhappenagain."Thematemayevengoforward atworshipservicestoconfesssinandaskforprayers.Nodoubt,themateisgenuinelysorryanddeterminedtonevercommitthesin again.Unfortunately,oftenthehealingstopsatthisfirststepofthe"washing"byaccessingthebloodofJesusforforgiveness.While forgivenessisessentialforone'srelationshipwithGod,one'sself,andthemate,forgivenessisonlythefirststep.Stoppingwith forgivenessdoomsthepersontorepeatthesinagain.Indeed,thiscycleofsinning,repentinganddeterminingnevertodoitagain,only tobackslideevendeeperintothesamesinhappensrepeatedly.Yetthepersoninvolvedinthesinisprobablydeeplycommittedto stoppingthebehaviorwhenherepents. Theproblemisnottheperson'ssincerity.NorisitaproblemwiththepowerofJesus'bloodtocoversins.Theproblemcomesfrom completingonlythefirststepforchangingbehaviorthewashing.Withoutthenextstepoftruesanctification,orthoroughmental housecleaningthatchangesandreorganizesthethinking,thesinnerstayslockedinhisformerpatternofbehavior.Themetamorphosis takesplacebythe"renewingoftheirminds,""therenewingbytheHolySpirit."Sanctificationdoesn'trequirejustanyrenewingofthe mind,butitrequiresrenewingbytheHolySpiritthroughGod'swordsthatarepreservedintheBible. Thisiswhyalotofcongregations'counselingprogramsfail.TheyseektheirrenewingfromasourceotherthantheHolySpirit.For example,manycongregationspurchasesomeofthepopularvideostouseinmarriagecounselingandassumethissanctifiescoupleswith marriageproblems.However,anexaminationofthesevideosandtheaccompanyingbooksshowsthatalthoughtheyclaimtobe BiblebasedtheyareoftenonlylightlyBiblebased.Thesematerialsusuallythrowoutanoccasionalscriptureasaprooftextandthen proceedtotellstoryafterstorysupposedlyinsupportofthescripture.Yettheyfailmiserablytoteachworddefinitionsortofocusonthe meaningofcertainphrases.Likewise,theydonotmagnifyGod'swisdom,butusetheircounselingexperiencestovalidatetheirown teaching.Apersoncomesawayfromthesestudysessionswithalotofnewstoriesfloatingaroundinhismind,butverylittle,ifany, increaseinBibleknowledge. Jesus'useofparablesshowsthatanecdotesserveasvaluableteachingaids.Theharmcomeswhenthestoriesbecomethebasisofthe teachingratherthanillustrationsofthescriptures.Whenapersonwithproblemshearsastoryabouthowsomeonesolvedasimilar problem,itmayintriguehim.Yetthatstoryisonlysomeone'sopinionithasnoauthoritybehindit.Soitisveryeasyforthepersonto rejecttheopinionofthestory. Ontheotherhand,ifwhenthepersonbecameaChristian,hetrulyrepentedanddeterminedtoobeyGod'sopinionsnomatterwhat thenthescripturesexertpowerfulinfluenceoverhislife.Thepersonjustneedstoconducthisownstudyortogetsomeonetoteachhim. EvenifGod'swillgoesagainsteverythingthepersonhasbelievedandpracticedallhislife,whenGodsayssomething,thatpersonwill workhardatapplyingGod'swordtohislife.Privatesessionsandclasseshavedemonstratedthatthesamepersonwhowillreject teachingthatcomesfromaperson'sexperience,willceasearguingandbegintoaskquestionswhenconfrontedwiththesameprinciple fromtheBible.RenewingbytheHolySpiritrenewsthemindandbringsaboutpermanentchanges.Butrenewingbecauseofman's anecdotesbringsaboutonlytemporarychangesatbest. Lookingatthefruitofcongregationswhohaveusedtheseshallowvideosforyearsshowscongregationsrampantwithdivorcesand fallenawayChristians.Thepityisthatoftenthemarriageproblemsweresolvableandmarriagescouldhavebeenstrengthenedto becomebetterthanever.Butbecausethesevideosdidnotbreakthecycleofrepentance,determinationtoneversinagain,onlyto backslidedeeperintosin;manymarriagesdeterioratedintototalemotionalexhaustionanddespair.
Truesanctificationisnecessarytomakelastingchangesinaperson'smindthatresultsinpermanentchangesinhislife.Apersonmust focusonGod'swordandmeditateonthatword.ThisishowDavidovercamehissinofadulterywithBathshebaandmurderofher husband.GodsenttheprophetNathantoDavidtoconvicthimofsin.First,NathanusedananecdotetogetDavid'sattention.Then NathanproceededtotellDavidwhatGodsaidandwhatGodwouldrequireofhimbecauseofhissin.Whenconfronted,Davidconfessed hissinandNathantoldhimGodhadtakenthesinaway(2Sam.12:125). However,Daviddidnotstopwithconfessionofsin,butwassanctified.DavidspenthoursmeditatingonhissinwithBathsheba.Manyof thepsalmshewrotereflecthismeditationonGod'slawandtheinsighthegained(seePsalms32,38,and51).Tobecometrulysanctified, apersonmuststopandthinkhiswaythroughhispastconductandmakeplansforhisfutureconductasDaviddid.Apersongetsinto problemsbecausehefollowedhissexualimpulsesratherthanexaminingthesituationintelligently.Nowhemustgobackandthinkhis waythroughhissinandtemptationstobecomesanctified. Manytimeswhenamatehasgonethroughseveralcyclesofsinning,repenting,pledgingnottosinagain,onlytobackslideintodeeper sin;theinnocentmatelosesconfidenceinthemate'sabilitytobecometrulysanctified.Theinnocentmateoftensays,"Heknowshowto sayalltherightthings,butitneverlasts."First,thespouseofasinfulmateneedstohaveconfidenceinthepowerofGod'sword.Paulsaid thattheCorinthianshadengagedinand,indeed,beenaddictedto,someofthemosthorriblesexualcompulsionsandperversions imaginable.YettheyhadtotallyovercometheirsexualimmoralitybyfollowingGod'sthreepartformula.JustastheCorinthians overcametheirdeepestproblems,socanmenandwomentodayfreetheirbodiesandmindsfromgrosssexualconduct. God'swordpossessesthepowertochangeeventhemostwretchedoflives.ButGod'swordmustbeapplieduntilthetransformation takesplace.Thedegreeofenslavementtosinwilldeterminehowlongthesanctificationprocessneedstocontinuebeforerealchanges canbeseen.God'swordcanbeappliedthroughdetailedBiblestudiesabouttheproblemandbeingaChristianingeneralalongwith doinghomeworkthathelpsthemindfocusandmeditateonGod'swill. Second,thematecanlookfor"deedsappropriatetorepentance"inboththelifeandthewordsofthesinnerasPaulcommandedofthe GentileswhorepentedinActs26:20.Thismeansthatnotonlyisthesinfulactivitygivenup,butnewpositiveactionsreplacethesinful conduct.Tryinghardertojuststopdoesn'tworkinovercomingtheproblem.Thepersonhastoalsododifferently.Forexample,1Thess. 4:35saysasanctifiedpersonnotonlyceasesfromsexualimmorality,butgoesontousethesexualrelationshipinarighteousway.It's notenoughtosay,"Idon'tcommitadulteryanymore."Apersonmustalsobeabletosay,"AndIfindmysexualfulfillmentwithmy mate." Thus,thesinnerneedstocorrectthephysicalproblemsinthemarriage.Forexample,ifamateisnotrespondingsexuallytotheother becauseofbitterness,notonlyisthebitternessgivenup,butnewlovingactionsreplaceit.Notonlyispornographygivenup,butthose activitiesarereplacedwithlovingtimeswiththemate.Asexuallyneglectfulwifenotonlyrepentsofhercoldnesstowardherhusband, butshealsoreplacestheoldbehaviorwithinitiatinglovemakingonoccasion.Essentially,thepersonbeingsanctifiedrepairsthephysical breachwiththespouse. Onehusbandhadengagedinalongtermaffairthatresultedinachild.Thewifelearnedabouttheaffairafterithadgoneonforoverten years.Thehusband,whoclaimedtobeaChristian,wentforwardandconfessedsin.Afterlearningoftheaffair,thewiferealizedwhy theirmarriagehadnotgrownemotionallyalthoughshehadworkedhardtomakeitasuccess.Sinceherhusbandwasmentallyattached toanotherwoman,itwasimpossibleforthewifetocreateatrueemotionalbondwithhim.Shetoldhimnowtheyneededtorepairthe emotionalvoidbetweenthemandmaketheirmarriagebewhatitshouldbe.Herhusbandsaidhehaddoneeverythingheneededtodo byaskingforforgivenessandifproblemsstillexistedtheywereherproblemsnothis.Heconcluded,"Youjustneedtolearnhowto forgivebetter." Tothecontrary,repentanceismuchmorethanaskingforforgiveness.Itisbothrepudiatingthepastconductandthenmovingforwardto embracerighteousbehavior.Becausethathusbandwasunwillingtorepairthedamagedonetohismarriage,thatmarriagecontinuedto deteriorate.BecausethewifefoughtfeelingsthatcamefromsininthehomethathadnotbeenproperlycoveredbythebloodofJesus, whilehavingalltheblameunjustlycastontoher,shewrestledwiththoughtsofsuicide. GodgivesthematetherighttoinsistonfullrepentancetakingplaceaftersexualsinbecausethatsinnerisnotpleasingtoGoduntilhe cantruthfullysay,"Idon'tcommitadulteryanymoreandIusethesexualrelationshiptoGod'sglory"(1Thess.4:34).Anythinglessdoes notpleaseGodandleavesthemarriageinastateofdecay.Infact,Paulconcludesthisdiscussionaboutthesanctificationofthesexual relationshipwith"Consequently,hewhorejectsthisisnotrejectingmanbuttheGodwhogiveshisHolySpirittoyou"(1Thess.4:8). Thus,apersonwhoisnotwillingtoboth(1)repudiatethesinand(2)embracerighteouslivingisnotrejectingthemate(man)whenhe refusestotreatthemateright,butapersonisrejectingbothGodandthewordsGodhaspreservedintheBiblethroughtheHoly Spirit.ThatpersonisnotsanctifiedandisnotovercominghisorhersinastheCorinthiansovercametheirs.
Anotherhusbandwhocommittedadulterywithseveralyoungwomenrepentedofhisadulteryandpromisednevertodoitagain.But whenhiswifetoldhim,"NowIwantustoworkonourmarriagetomakeourrelationshiprightsoyouwon'tbetemptedagain,"he refused.ThishusbandhadtheVictorianMadonnaprostituteviewofawomanandhadaproblemfeelingsexualdesiresforhiswife. Becausehewasnotsatisfyinghislegitimatedesiresathome,hewasverysusceptibletoaffairs.Inaddition,hiswifefoughtcontinual sexualfrustrationbecauseheneglectedtosatisfyherGodgivendesires.Becausehewasunwillingtogoallthewayinmakinghis adulteryrightbycorrectingtheproblemwithhiswifethatledtohissininthefirstplace,hiswifeeventuallydivorcedhimfor "impenitent"adultery.Althoughheclaimedhehadrepented,hisactionsprovedotherwise.Repentanceinvolvesnotonlyturningone's backonthesinfulbehavior,butalsogoingforwardtoembracerighteousbehavior.TopleaseGod,it'snotenoughtosay,"Idon'tcommit adulteryanymore."Apersonmustbeabletoalsosay,"AndIfindmysexualfulfillmentwithmymate"(1Thess.4:34). Inadditiontoachangeinbehavior,anotherworkappropriatetorepentanceisfreshinsightsthatshowthepersonisnotjustparroting whathisexhorterssaytohim,butthatthepersonisdrawinghisownconclusionsbasedonhisownparticularconduct.Forexample, whentwodifferenthusbandsproofreadaparagraphusedearlierinthisbooklet,itprovokedoppositeresponsesfromthem.The paragraphwaswrittenbecauseofworkingwithseveralwiveswhosehusbandsusedpornographicmaterialtogettheirsexualthrills.It accuratelydescribedthepainthesewivesfeltfromtheirhusbands'mentaladultery.Followingisthecontroversialparagraphandthetwo differentresponses: [Sexuallymatureaddedlater]womenwhosehusbandsusepornographicorfantasizedwomentogettheirsexual thrillsfeelassexuallyviolatedbyanunfaithfulhusbandasdowiveswhosehusbandscommitadulterywithafleshand bloodwoman.Awifeusuallyseeslittledifferencewhethertheotherwomanisapaperormentalimageorfleshand blood.Thehusbandwhocommitsmentaladulterymaylackthenervetoactuallydowhatheimagineswithrealwomen, buthestillhastheheartofanadulterer.Andwithoutfail,many[sexuallylovingaddedlater]wivesfeelthatpainand rejection. ThefirstproofreaderwasamatureChristianwhowasacapableandindependentBiblestudent.Hehadworkedwithseveralcouplesover theyearsandhadgainedsomeinsightsintocommonsexualproblems.Hewasconcernedprimarilyabouthusbandswhofightthe temptationtocommitadulterybecausetheirwivesarenotavailableeitherphysicallyoremotionally.Hewrote: Yourlastsentenceis"Andwithoutfail[emphasishis]manywivesfeelthatpainandrejection."Thisisperhapstheonly sentenceinyourwritingthatIflatdisagreewithasitisstated.Ihaveheardsomewiveswishtheirhusbandswouldjustgo andtakecareofthemselves(masturbate),andleavethemalone.ItwasNOTbecauseheusedporno,wasamentalor physicaladulterer,smelledbad,beather,orwasn'taChristian.Itwasbecauseshewasn'tinterestedinsexorincaringfor himlikesheevencaredforthefamilydog,whoatleastwasfedonceadaywithweeklybaths.Iknowofawoman(not Christian)whotoldherChristianhusbandtogogetalover,thatshewouldn'tcareandjustdidn'twanttobehassledwith hisadvances. Asaresultofthisproofreader'scomments,twophraseswereaddedtoclarifythatthewivesweresexuallyloving.However,thesecond proofreaderreadthesameoriginalparagraphasthefirstreader.Thesecondproofreaderhadparticipatedinseveralaffairsandused pornographyduringhismarriage.Hewasintheprocessofbecomingsanctifiedforhissexualaddiction.Hewasstudyingwithdifferent Christianswhowereknowledgeableanddoingtheassignmentstheygavehim.Hewasalsogettingprofessionalcounselingandgoingto sexualaddictionmeetings.HehadbecomeinvolvedwithacongregationwhereseriousBiblestudytookplaceandhiswholeattitude towardallofGod'swordwaschanging.Incontrasttothefirstproofreader,hewrote: Ittookmeyearstounderstandthispoint.IusedtothinkIwasn'thurtingmywifeoranyoneelse[withhispornography] nowIseeIhurtmywife,childrenandmyself. Thesecondproofreaderalsosaid: Beingwithoutatelevisionaftermywifeaskedmetomoveoutwasprobablythesinglegreatestcontributortomy progress.Ilinkmyaddictiontoalotoftelevisionshowsandmovieswhich"feed"onsexualityandaffairseverywoman iseasy.TheprogramsalsotaketimeawayfromBiblestudyandfamily!Beingwithoutatelevisionallowedfocusedtime forreflectionandtofeelthepainofloneliness." Inaddition,thissecondhusbandobjectedtothestatement,"Withouthonestfemininepraise,manymensufferfrompoorselfimages." Hewrote,"Thisdoesn'tjustifyapoorselfimage!"Ofcourse,hewasright.Asaresultofhisinsightintothewaymenwithsexual addictionthinkanduseexcuses,thestatementwasremoved.Hewasnotparrotingbackwhatsomeonetoldhim,butwasmoving forwardandsharinghisnewinsightswithoneofhiscounselors.WorkingwithothersgivesGod'speopleinsightstheywouldneverhave
ontheirownbecausetheyhaven'texperiencedalloflife,boththegoodandthebad.Sinnershavegreatinsightstosharewhenthey begintogrowandgothroughthemetamorphosisprocess,justasDaviddidinwritinghispsalms. Thus,amatecanlookforfreshinsightsinthewordsoftheonebeingsanctifiedtoverifythatarealchangeistakingplace.Talkingwith eachotherandsharingthechangesthataretakingplaceinthemindcanhelpboththehusbandandthewife.Thistalkingtogetherhelps clarifythethinkingevenmoreandhelpsreinforcethenewlylearnedprinciplesonthemind.Likewise,thiscommunicationhelpsrepair thedamagedonetotheemotionalbondinthemarriage.Foratrulysanctifiedmarriageandsexuallife,theemotionalbondmustbe rebuilt.Theinnocentmate'slisteningandtalkingwillinglywiththeonebeingsanctifiedisthebesthelpheorshecangivethematein goingthroughmetamorphosis.Likewise,thequietlisteningoftheonewhocommittedsinisofgreathelpinhealingtheinnocentmate's pain. ManycouplesfinditbeneficialtostudyindividuallythelessonsinbothvolumesofMarriage:ATasteofHeaven.Thentheydiscussthe questionstogether.However,thediscussionperiodsarenottorehashpastwrongsortofindfaultwiththemate.Theprimarypurposeof thejointsessionsistofocusonGod'swordandhiswillfortheirfuturelife.Bydiscussingthescripturestogethertheygainnewinsights, reinforceGod'swordontheirindividualminds,andhearfirsthandhowthemateistrulychangingfromtheinsideout. Onewifewasveryangryatherhusbandbecauseofthewayhetreatedhersexually.Whileshewasnotaprude,hisdailydemandsfor sexualcontactoffendedherbecauseofthewayhetreatedher.Hewasoftenverballyabusivetobothherandtheirchildren.Notonlydid healienatehermentallyfromhimduringtheday,butwhenhetriedtomakelove,hisuseofcrudeandoffensivelanguageonly intensifiedherhostility. Aftermuchencouragement,shereadVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLovers.Shebegantounderstandthattheabsenceofatrue mentalunionwascausingherlackofinterestinsexualcontactwithhimandshebegantoworkatresolvingtheirdaytimeproblems.As shebegantodealopenlywithmanyoftheproblemsthatcausedhertoseetheontheinside,theirmarriagebegantotakeonamore lovingnature.Atthispointonlyshewasmakingchanges.ThenshestartedleavingtheVol.IIlayingonatableintheirlivingroom.She said,"WhenIwouldcomehomefromwork,myhusbandwouldtreatmesonice,Iwouldknowhehadbeenreadingthebook.After severalweeksofthis,onedayIcamehomefromworkandhestartedapologizingtomeforeverythinghe'deverdoneinourwhole marriage.Thenextdayhedidthesamething.ThiswentonforawholeweekuntilfinallyIsaid,`Wecan'tgobackandchangethepast, butwecanchangethefuture.Youdon'thavetoapologizetomeanymorebecauseIforgiveyou.Let'sjustmakethefuturebethebest ever.'Afterthatourlovelifereallychanged.Infact,itwasbetterthanitwasonourhoneymoon.Ineverthoughtitwaspossibletobethis happy!" Acoupleofyearslater,thiswifesaid,"Wefoughtbitterlyoverhisverbalabuseandconstantdemandsforsexmanytimesinthepast.But onceherealizedtheverbalabusewasmakingmenotenjoysexwithhimbecausethewayhetreatedmeduringthedayaffectedhowI respondedtohimatnight,hischangesweretrulypermanent.IneverthoughtIwouldeverbethishappy.Twoyearslater,itisstillbetter thanourhoneymoon!" PuttingGod'swordintotheirmindsandthenactingonthatwordsanctifiedboththishusbandandwife.Inaddition,theytalkedwith eachotherandlettheotherknowthechangeinbehaviorresultedfromachangeinthinking.Asaresult,theyreapedpermanentchanges intheirmarriageandenjoyedthebenefitsofagloriouslovelife. Insummary,when"worksappropriatetorepentance"takeplace,themateshouldbeabletorecognizechangesinthewaythespouse(1) relatessexuallyasthemarriagepartnerbecomesthefocusofbothgivingandreceivingpleasureand(2)relatesmentallyasnewinsights intotheproblemaregainedandshared.Thismeansthattheonebeingsanctifiedisoverhaulingboththephysicalandthementalunions withthemate.Foratrulywonderfulandthrillingonefleshrelationship,ahusbandandawifemustbondbothphysicallyand mentally.Whenthisbondingbeginstohappen,truesanctificationofthatmarriageistakingplace. Awonderfulsidebenefitoftakingcareoftheattitudesandbondingmentally,iswhathappenstoboththehusband'sandthewife's physicalsensationsduringlovemaking.ForthousandsofyearsGodhaspatientlytaughtintheBiblewhatexpertsonlynowrecognize thatthebraindictatesalltheresponsesofthephysicalbody,makingitthemostimportantsexualorganofall.Takecareofthemindand thebodyautomaticallytakescareofitsownphysicalresponses. Foryears,mostresearchersreadilyagreedthataperson'sbasicunderlyingattitudesusuallycausesuchsexualproblemsasfrigidityand impotence.However,doctorsnowattributetofaultythinkingmanycasesofprematureejaculationandlackofphysicalsensationduring orgasmforbothmalesandfemales.Certainly,wrongattitudesandemotionsinhibitnormalphysicalresponses. ThisshowswhyGod'speopleusuallyachieveagreaterdegreeofsuccessintheloveembracethanunbelievers:Godlypeopledevote theirwholelivestofreeingtheirmindsfrombitterness,hatred,jealousy,envy,selfishness,lackofselfworth,lackofselfcontrol,
guilt,etc.attitudesthathindertrueloveandblocksexualsignalsandresponses.Byfreeingthemindoftheseinhibitingfactors,men andwomeninheritfromGodtheabilitytolovetheirmatestotallyphysically,mentally,andspiritually. Asimpletestprovesthistrue:Thehand,whilenotthoughtofasasexualorgan,respondssexuallytotheattitudesandfeelingsofthe mind.Lookatyourhand.Howdiditfeelthelasttimeyouindulgedinangertowardyourmateandyourmatetouchedyourhand?Did yourhandautomaticallysqueezeyourmate'shandinreturnordidyoufighttheurgetojerkitaway? Nowrememberthelasttimeyouthoughtlovingandadoringthoughtsaboutyourmateandheorshetouchedyourhand.Didthe electricalchargeraceupyourarm,doaleapingsomersaulttothepitofyourstomachonlytodancebackupalongyourspineandsparkle outofyoureyestofondlycaressyourlovedone?Orwasthataresponseyouexperiencedonlyduringcourtshipwhenyourmindstruly enjoyedeachother'scompany? Andallthatwithabodypartnotdesignedprimarilyforlove!Thesensitiveorgansofloverespondevenmoredramaticallytoamindfilled withGod'sprinciplesofdailylivingandlovingstandards.LearningthesexualtruthsoftheBiblenotonlyliberatesthemindfromsexual sins,butitalsounlocksthepowerofthemindtoprovidetrulyfulfillinglovemakingforGod'speople. Unfortunately,manypreachers,elders,andChristiansdoalotofharmbyfailingtoinsistthatthesinnerbecomesanctifiedafter confessingsexualimmorality.Suchneglecthelpsperpetuatethesinner'scycleofrepentance,pledgetonotsinagain,onlytobackslide intodeepersin.Eventually,theinnocentpartyinsuchacyclebecomesemotionallywornout,givesuponthemateevertrulychanging, anddivorcesthemate.Afterapersontakesthefirststepofrepudiatingthesexualsins,thesecondstepofsanctificationisabsolutely necessaryforatruechangeofconducttooccur.TheCorinthiansandtheenslavedofTitus3:3requiredthatsecondsteptoovercome theirextremesexualproblemsandmodernChristiansrequirethesameapplicationofGod'swordforfullhealing.Oncethesanctification processhasbeenaccomplished,theChristianisreadyforthethirdstep:
TheCorinthiansWereJustified
1Cor.6:11:"...butyouwerewashed,butyouweresanctified,butyouwerejustifiedinthenameoftheLordJesus Christ,andintheSpiritofourGod." "Justified"means"1.renderedrighteousorsuchasheoughttobe;2.shown,exhibited,evinced,onetoberighteous,suchasheisand wisheshimselftobeconsidered;3.declared,pronounced,onetobejust,righteous,orsuchasheoughttobe;a.declaredguiltless, acquittedofachargeorreproach;b.judged,declared,pronounced,righteousandthereforeacceptable"(Thayer,150). WhenapersonisbaptizedandsetapartfromtheworldtoliveasaChristian,thatisonlythebeginning.Whenabaptizedperson occasionallyslipsandsins,asthatChristianconfessesthosesinssothatJesus'bloodcontinuestocleansehim(1John1:610),thatis stillonlythebeginning.Likewise,whenaChristianconfesseshissinsbeforethecongregationandasksforforgivenessandtheirprayers andhelp,thatisstillonlythebeginning.Forgivenessisnotthesameasbeing"justified"beforeGodasGodexpectsmorefromthe sinner.Godexpectsthesinnertopurgetheoldwayofthinkingandactingfromhislifethroughsanctificationbeforehecanstandjustified beforeGod. Thus,thethreepartformulathattheCorinthiansusedtoovercomegrosssexualsinsbecomesobvious.(1)Theywerewashedinthe bloodofJesusandreceivedforgivenessofalltheirpastsins.TheyalsoreceivedaccesstothebloodofJesusforforgivenessoffutureslips. (2)TheyweresanctifiedorsetapartfromtheworldtolivetheirlivesaccordingtothewisdomofGodthroughtherenewingoftheHoly Spirit.Astheystudiedandworkedtoputonthenewmanofaloving,pureperson,someofthemslippedoccasionally.Whenthey slipped,theyconfessedthosesinstoChristandaskedhishelpinriddingtheirlivesofthetemptations.Astheyreceivedforgiveness,the Christianbeganagain.ThemoretheysubstitutedGod'struthintheirmindsfortheirformerprejudices,upbringing,andsocialcustoms, thelessillicitsexualsurroundingstemptedthemtofallbackintotheirformerconduct.(3)Oncethemetamorphosiswascomplete,they becamejustifiedorwererenderedrighteousbeforeGod. ThissameprincipleofjustificationtakingplaceaftersanctificationisfoundinHeb.12:14.TheHebrewwriteremphasizes,"Pursueafter peacewithallmen,andafterthesanctificationwithoutwhichnoonewillseetheLord[emphasisminePRD]."Theactiveverb"pursue" modifiesbothpeaceandsanctification."Pursue"revealsenergyandmotivationinseekingthegoalsofpeaceandsanctification.Itisnota halfheartedendeavorthatstartswithgreatintentionsandthenfizzlesout.Godwarnsthatfailuretopursuethegoalswillpreventa personfrom"seeingtheLord."Sanctificationisaseriousandimportantresponsibilitysinceitaffectsaperson'sfellowshipwithGod. ThemateofasinnerneedstosetthesamerequirementsforacceptanceasGoddoeswashing,sanctification,andthen justification.Preachers,elders,andotherChristiansmustalsofollowGod'spatterntotrulyhelpthesinnerovercomesexual
problems.ForthemateandspiritualleaderstorequirelessofthesinneristoturntheirbacksonGod'swayandtohelpthesinnerstay separatedfromGod.Theyalsodogreatharmtothesinnerbyessentiallyhelpingtostopthehealingprocess. Spiritualleaderscanhelpadulterersandsexualaddictsovercometheirsinbydeliberatelyfollowinguptomakesurethatthe sanctificationprocesstakesplacebeforewelcomingthepersonbackintofullfellowshipwiththecongregation.Onewaytodothiswould betoassignoneortwodeaconsormatureChristianstostayincontactwiththesinnerandholdhimorheraccountableforstudyingand applyingthesanctificationprocess.Inaddition,sincethepersonisnotyetjustifiedbeforeGod,toallowthatpersontoperform congregationalduties,nomatterhowminor,wouldbeanoutrageousmockeryofGodandhisword.Byexpectingthosewhoconfesssin tofollowGod'sthreepartformulabeforerecognizingthemasbeingrestored,spiritualleaderscanexertpowerfulpeerpressurethatwill blesssexualsinnersandtheirmates. Sexualsinsandshortcomingsareusuallyverydeeplyrootedinapersonsinceheorshesinsagainstthewholebody(1Cor.6:18)and;asa result,areasensitivesubjectformostpeople.YetthroughthissimpleformulaforaccessingtheamazinghealingpowerofGod'sword, eventhemosthideousofsexualsinscanbeovercome. Manyinstitutionstrytorehabilitatedrunkards,thieves,murderers,homosexuals,fornicators,prostitutes,etc.,andforthemostpartthey fail.Infact,manhassofailedindealingwithsexualperversionsthatsocietynowlabelsmanysinsas"normal"oran"illness"or "unfixable."However,Godisnotlimitedtotheeducation,experiments,andimaginationofmankind.Anypersonwhoseeksasolutionto sexualinhibitionsorcompulsions,regardlessofhowgrossacoursetheymayhavetaken,canfindaremedybyturningtoGod'sformula andlettingGodhealthesininhisorherlife. Ayoungwife,whommyhusbandtaughtandbaptized,begantocometomyclassesonmarriage.Oftenshestayedafterclassandtalked aboutsomeofherpersonalproblems.Shesaid,"WhenIwenttocollegethisboytoldme,`Ifyoulovemeyou'llproveit.'IlovedhimsoI proveditandwentallthewaywithhim.Thenhedroppedme.Thathurtmesobad,thatIsleptwithanyboywhocamealong.Iwent frombadtoworseuntilImarriedmyhusband." Theyhadbeenmarriedforthreeyears.Everytimethiswoman'shusbandmadelovetoher,allshecoulddowasliethereandcryfrom thepain.Sheknewnothingwaswrongwithherphysically,andthatthepaincamefromherguiltyfeelingsoverherpast.Shesaid,"AfterI wasbaptized,Iknewmysinswereforgivenandwereallwashedaway.Ourlifeisbetter.Ienjoythesexualrelationshipmorenow,butI stillhavesomepainanditisn'tlikeitshouldbe." Thiswifefailedtoachieveawonderfullovelifebecausesherefusedtobesanctified.Shecametotheclassesregularlyandlistened.She oftensaid,"Thatmakessense.Iagreewiththat."Butwhenshewenthome,shewouldn'tstudyherBible.Shewouldn'tlookattheclass notes.Shewouldn'tdothehomework.Shemadenomentalefforttohelpherself,excepttocometoclass.Shewantedsanctification withoutanyeffortonherpart.Itneverhappened. Apersoncannotbecomesanctifiedwithoutalotofdiligentmentaleffort.Ittakesmentalactivityandexercisestobringabouta permanentchangeinaperson'slife.Thisyoungwifeheardeverythingsheneededtofullyenjoylovemaking.Butherwholelifeconsisted oflazinessineverythingshedid,fromthewayshekeptherhometoherapproachtobeingaChristian.Sadly,shefailedtoputinthe necessaryefforttobecomesanctified;thus,sheneverbecamejustified. AsinglegirlwhoattendedthesameclassesachievedjusttheoppositeresultbyfollowingGod'sformulaforjustification.Onenightafter studyingtheSongofSolomon,shestayedafterclasstotalk.Shesaid,"You'vereallytornmeupandupsetme." Iasked,"WhywouldtheSongofSolomonupsetyou?" Shereplied,"Thisboywantstomarryme.IlovehimandIwanttomarryhim,butI'mscaredofthesexualrelationship.Myfatherraped myoldersisterandhetriedtorapeme.Imadeupmymindthathe'dhavetokillmefirst.ButmymotherwasextremelyVictorian,andI wascaughtinthemiddleofthem.Mymotherencouragedustobecoldandourfathertriedtomakeusbelovingthroughhisrapes.Sex justlookslikeahorrible,nastyrelationshipthatmenarejustbeastswhothinkaboutnothingbutsex.I'mscaredtodeathofthis relationship.I'vetoldthisboyaboutmyfeelingsandwhyIfeellikeIdo.Hewasveryunderstandingandsaidthathewouldn'tpushme. He'swillingtowaituptothreeweeksafterwegetmarriedbeforewehavesex." Itoldhermyhusbandwasleavinginafewdaystopreachinameetingandtocomeoverandeatsupper.Thenwecouldsitupandtalkall nightlongifwewantedto.Shecameover.ShehadalreadybeenthroughalltheclassesonVictorianmoralsandcompletedthe homework.Butshehadnotcompletedthesanctifyingpartofchangingherattitudesaboutthesexualrelationship.Aswetalked,shetold meallofherpreconceivedideasaboutsexualintercourseandmen.Thentogetherweexaminedthescripturesthatappliedtoeach
particularthought,toseeifherthinkingwasaccurate.Thatnight,shementallyfinishedcleaninghouseanddeliberatelythrewoutofher mindmanyfalseimpressionsfromherupbringing. Soonafterwards,shemarriedtheyoungman,andweinvitedherandhernewhusbandover.Shetoldus,"Marriageissogreat!AndI'm marriedtothemostwonderfulmanthereeverwas!"Myhusbandteasedher,"Thatoffendsme.MywifesaysI'mthemostwonderful manthereeverwas,andyouthinkyourhusbandisthatman." Thisyoungwomanavertedthepotentialforatragicmarriagebymakingthementalefforttofreehermindtotallyofalltheinhibiting factorssheaccumulatedwhilegrowingup.Shewassanctifiedandshewasjustified.Bestofall,shebecameahappilymarriedwifewho thoroughlyenjoyedsatisfyingherhusband'sdeepestneeds. ChristianswhocounselwithothercouplesshouldconductthemselvescautiouslyaroundsexuallyimmoralpeopleandevenChristians withabackgroundofsexuallewdness.ThefactthattheChristiancounselsthepersoninvolvedinsindoesn'tguaranteeprotectionfrom theevilinfluenceoftheonebeingcounseled.Eventhoughthecounselorlivesapurelife,itisdangeroustothink,"Itcouldn'thappento me."Whendealingwithsomeoneinvolvedinsexualimmorality,onemaybeworkingwithsomeonewhohasaverycasualattitude towardsexualsinandwhoseeyeshavebeenfullofadulteryinthepastandmaystillbe.Thepersonbeingcounseledwouldn'tbethefirst onetotrytoseduceagodlyperson. Onepreacherandhiswifetriedtohelpawomanwithherproblems,onlytohavetostophereffortstoseducethehusband.When confronted,thewomansaid,"Ijustthoughthewassuchagoodmanthatitwouldn'tmatterwithhim."Godsaystheimpurepersoncan't thinkproperly,andhiseyesarefullofadulteryanyoneisafairtargetforhisorhersensualdesires! AnotherpreacherandhiswifewereconductingaBibleclassforawomanattheirdiningroomtable.Thewifesuddenlynoticedastartled andpanickylookonherhusband'sface.Atthatsamemoment,herteenagesonwhowassittinginontheclassurgentlywhisperedtohis mother,"Lookunderthetable!"ThewifelookedunderthetableandsawthewomantheyweretryingtoteachabouttheloveofGod rubbingherhusband'slegwithherbarefoot.Thepreacherandhiswifeimmediatelyescortedthewomanoutofthehouse. Unfortunately,thesestoriesabouttwowomentryingtoseducepreacherswhoweretryingtohelpthemaren'tisolated.Manypreachers andtheirwivescantellaboutsimilarincidents.Sadly,manypreachers'wivescantellhowtheirhusbandsbecameinvolvedinadultery aftertryingtohelpsomeone.Thus,Christiansneedtoconductthemselvescarefullyaroundanyonewhowalksinsexualimpurityorwho hasinthepast.Theyshouldmakesuresomeoneelseispresentduringallconversations.Talkingaboutsexualproblemslowersnatural barriersbetweenmenandwomen.IfthesensualpersoncatchestheChristianduringatimeofjobdistressormarriageproblems,the Christianmightbesusceptibletotemptationsthatwouldn'tfazehimatothertimes.AChristianmakesaseriousmistakewhenhe assumes,"Itcouldneverhappentome."God'swisdomshowsininstructingtheolderwomen,insteadofpreachers,toteachtheyoung womenhowtolovetheirhusbandsfortheprotectionofthemen,plusthewomenwhosincerelyneedhelp(Titus2:35). FirstcenturyChristiansusedGod'sthreepartformulaof(1)washing,(2)sanctification,and(3)justificationtosolveallproblemsofsexual immorality.TwentyfirstcenturyChristianscanachievethesameresultswiththesameformula.Indeed,evenfortyfirstcentury ChristianswillbeabletouseGod'ssimpleformulatosolvetheirsexualproblemswhatevertheymightbeatthattimeinhistoryand whereevertheymightlivewhetheronthisplanetorinaspacestation.God'struthcanwithstandthetestoftimeandmankind's inventionsofsexualimmorality. ThechoicebelongstoeachmanandwomanwhetherornottheywillacceptGod'sprotectionoftheirsexuallivesandenjoyallthe benefitshereservesjustforthem.ThesexualrelationshipisawonderfulcreationofGod,butGod'speoplemustfollowhisinstructions toreapmaximumbenefits.HeedingGod'swordmaywellmeanthedifferencebetweenbeinginhibitedinsexualdesireandpleasureand beingliberatedtoenjoygloriousorgasmsinthearmsofthemate.Likewise,puttingGod'swordintothemindcanmeanthedifference betweenbeingenslavedtosexualaddictionorbeingfreetodelightinrapturouslovemakingwiththespouse.Eachmanandwomanmust chooseforhimselforherselfiftheywillsinagainsttheirownbody(1Cor.6:18)oriftheywilldelightinGod'smagnificentcreationof sexuallove.
APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriage
AstheauthoroftheMarriage:ATasteofHeavenseriesincludingVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversandteacherofChallengesin Marriage:HowSinInhibitsLoveandWhattoDoAboutIt,itwasonlynaturalthatIwouldbeaskedbyformerstudentstohelpthemdeal withtheirhusbands'sexualaddiction.Thefirstwifewhocontactedmehadaskedherhusbandtomoveoutafterdealingwithseveral episodesofadulteryovermanyyears.Althoughherhusbandalwayspromisednevertodoitagain,sheknewitwouldonlybeamatterof timebeforehecommittedadulteryagain.Shehadaskedherlocaleldersforhelpseveraltimesandtheadviceshereceivedwas, unfortunately,typicalinsuchcases.Whenshereportedthatherhusbandwasopenlyengaginginanaffairandinvolvedinpornography,
theytoldhertojustbesubmissiveandbethegoodwifeandhewouldeventuallycometohissenses.Whenthisadvicemadethe problemworse,sheaskedherhusbandtoleave. Thiscouplehadsubsequentlyidentifiedtheproblemas"sexualaddiction,"andwhilestillseparated,theywereworkingatsolvingthe underlyingproblems.EventhoughIhadalotofmaterialavailabletodealwithdifferentaspectsofthissubject,Iboughtthebooksthey werereadingintheirsexualaddictionsupportgrouptohelpmemakespecificapplicationandpreparedaplanofstudy.Afterlearning whatIrecommendedforhiswifetostudy,thehusbandcalledtotalktome.Ilearnedlaterfromateacherofwomen'sclasses,whohad recommendedthatthewifecontactme,thatthehusbanddidnotwanthiswifestudyingmyChallengesinMarriageaudioalbum,which teachesaboutdealingwithsininthehome.Thehusbandlaterexplained,"Iwasafraidthatstudyingthematerialwouldmakemywife moredepressedandangrysothatshewoulddivorceme.Iwasafraidoffacingmybehaviorsinlightof`truth.'"Whenthewomen'sclass teachertoldthehusbandshewasgivingthetapestohiswife,heaskedtolistentothemfirstandsheloanedhimtheset.Thehusband againsaidhedidn'twanthiswifelisteningtothetapesandthewomen'sclassteacheradvisedhimthathiswifewouldlistentothem. Atthatpointthehusbandcalledtotellmehisside.IsharedwithhimGod'sthreepartformulaforovercominggrosssinsandaddictions ofanykindandtoldhimthathecouldconquerthisproblem.Hiswifebecomingstrongandnolongerbeingcodependentwithhissinhad tohappenifshewastosurviveemotionally;andiftheywereevertogetbacktogetheranddevelopasuccessfulmarriage.Thentohelp himfullyunderstandGod'sthreepartformulaforovercomingsin,Irecommendedthathereadcertainchaptersinmytwovolumesof theMarriage:ATasteofHeavenseries. Seeingthathiswifewasgoingtostudyandlearnhowtodealwithhissinexertedtremendouspressureonthishusband(peerpressure thatGodwantshispeopletobenefitfrom)tofollowthroughwithhisownplanofstudy.ThenheactuallygavehiswifetheChallengesin Marriagetapesandrecommendedthatshestudythem. AsthishusbandbeganusingGod'swordtobecomesanctified,Ibegantoseetremendouschangesinhisthinkingashesharedinsightshe wasdevelopingregardinghisbehavior.Atthattime,IwasintheprocessofrevisingVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversin theMarriage:ATasteofHeavenseriesandaddedmaterialdealingspecificallywithsexualaddiction.Thishusbandproofreadseveralof thekeychapters.Theinsightsthathesharedhelpedmakethosechaptersmorebeneficialtoothersdealingwiththesameagony. Sincethattime,otherwivesandhusbandshaveaskedforhelpwithdealingwithbothadulteryandsexualaddiction.Infact,onewife cametoseemeonemorningtogetherstudyassignmentsfordealingwithherhusband'ssexualaddictionandthatafternoonalongtime friendcalled.HeaskedwhatIwasworkingon.ItoldhimIwasstudyingaboutsexualaddictionbecauseIbelieveditwouldbethe numberonemarriageproblemfacingChristiansinthetwentyfirstcentury.ItoldhimIwasbeginningtoseealotofitandpreacher friendswerealsoseeingmorecasesofit.Herepliedthatheandhiswifewerestrugglingwiththesameproblem.Thenextdayhiswife wassittinginmyofficegettingthesamesetofassignmentsasthepreviouswife.Thatisoneofthepurposesofthisbooklettoshare thoseassignmentsthatprovedhelpfultocouplesworkingthroughsexualaddictionandadultery. Theseassignmentshaveprovenbeneficialtocouplesworkingthroughbothadulteryandsexualaddiction,notbecauseI'masexual addictionexpertI'mnotbutIamawitnesstothepowerofGod'swordtotransformlives!Eventhelivesofadulterersandsexual addicts!Godistheundisputedsexualaddictionexpert!Whilepsychiatristshaveonlybeguninrecentyearstoacknowledgeandwrite aboutsexualaddiction,theBible'steachingonmarriageandthesexualrelationshipcontainspowerfulprinciplestoliberateandfreethe adultererandsexualaddictandtheinnocentmatefrombondage.FollowingaretheassignmentsI'vegiventothosewhohavesought God'shelpfortransformingtheirmindsandhealingtheirsoulsandmarriages:
MaterialsList
AllmaterialsrecommendedinthisbookletcanbepurchasedatmanybookstoresoronlineatPatsyRaeDawson.com. 1.Marriage:ATasteofHeavenseries:BothVol.I:GodsPeopleAppreciateMarriageandVol.IIGodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversby PatsyRaeDawson. 2.ChallengesinMarriage:WhattoDoWhenSinInhibitsLoveaudioalbumbyPatsyRaeDawson. 3.TheSongofSolomon:God'sSexEducationaudioalbumbyPatsyRaeDawson. 4.NotUnderBondage: BiblicalDivorceforAbuse,Adultery&DesertionbyBarbaraRoberts.
GeneralAssignmentInstructions: ForHealingtheSoulandtheMarriage
Ideally,theseassignmentsshouldtobedonebyboththeadultererorsexualaddictandthespouse.Doingtheassignmentstogetherwill givethecouplesomeofthebestprotectiontheyhavefornotslippingbackintosin,notonlybysanctifyingthemind,butalsobyhelping torepairtheemotionalbondbetweenthecoupleandeliminatetheemotionalisolationoftheadultererorsexualaddict. Thechaptersshouldbereadandthehomeworkdoneseparately.Thenthecoupleshouldgoovertheiranswerstogether.Thistimeof discussionisnotforrehashingpastsinsandhurts,buttostudyGod'swordtogetheranddiscussthefinepointsofapplyingGod's teachingtotheirmarriageandsexualrelationship.Oneofthemaincausesofadulteryandsexualaddictionisalackofatrue emotionalbondbeingunabletodiscussandshareprivatethoughtsandvulnerableareas.StudyinganddiscussingGod'swordtogether isafirststeptowardmentalbonding.Thisalsogivestheadultererandsexualaddictachancetogainfreshinsightsintosexualsinand howtruesexualpleasureisexperienced.Astheinnocentmateseesthesefreshinsightsdevelop,ithelpshealhurtsofpastadulteryand restoretrust. Sometimes,oneofthematesrefusestostudy.Whileitrequiresmoreworkonthepartoftheadultererorsexualaddicttodothese assignmentswithoutinvolvementofthespouse,heorshestillneedstodotheseassignmentssothatthemindcanbesanctified.Ifthe oneinvolvedinsexualsinrefusestostudy,themateshouldfollowthedirectionsforthe"PersonalAssignment"and"WhatIftheMate RefusestoBecomeSanctified"discussedattheendofthissection.
IntroductoryAssignments:FullyUnderstanding Sanctification,WhichLeadstoJustification
Thefirststepforovercomingadulteryandsexualaddictionistofullyunderstandthemechanicsofsanctification,whichleadsto justification.Thisunderstandinghelpsthecoupleputthoseprinciplestoworkintheirmarriagetobringaboutcompleteandlasting healingofboththeirsoulsandtheirmarriage.Forthatreason,thefirstthreeintroductoryassignmentslookatthreechaptersinVol. IandII,whichteachthosemechanicsfromdifferentversesandperspectivestogiveamorecompleteunderstandingofsanctification. Thefourthassignmentestablishesthepersonalconsequencesofadulteryandsexualaddictiontohelpmotivatethecoupletodiligently workfortherewardsthatGodreservesforpeoplewhofollowhiswisdom. 1.InVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversreadchapter14"TheSinAgainsttheWholeBody"anddothehomework.Thischapter helpsinstillinthemindtheprincipleofsanctificationasitappliestoovercomingsexualsinsandgiveshopebyshowingthatvictorycan beachieved.Onecouplesaidittookthemtwoweekstodotheexerciseon2Samuel13onAmnonandTamar.Thewifewasthrilledthat theyhadexperiencedsomeofthebestdiscussionsoftheirwholemarriageinansweringthequestionstogether. 2.InVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversreadchapter16"SexualProblemsinPerspective"anddothehomework.Thischapter helpsbothspousesplacetheirfocusonservingGod,noteachother.ItalsoteachesaChristianhowtosanctifyanunbelievingmateora believingmatewhorefusestobecomesanctified. 3.InVol.I:God'sPeopleAppreciateMarriagereadchapter2"SolvingAllMarriageProblems"anddothehomework.Thischapter teachestheroleofsanctificationinsolvingallmarriageproblemsandemphasizestheroleof"interviewtype"prayerintransformingthe mind.Bothmenandwomenhaveexpressedthattheexerciseonprayerwasthemostbeneficialactivitythey'veeverdoneandtotally changedtheirrelationshipwithGod.Onehusband,whohadbeeninvolvedinadultery,spentnearlyamonthexpandingthisexerciseand saiditcompletelychangedhisviewoftheBibleanditsrelevancetohislife. 4.InVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLovers,foramaleadultererorsexualaddictreadchapter7"TheSexuallyFrustratedMan" anddothehomework.Forafemaleadultererorsexualaddictreadchapter5"TheSexuallyFrustratedWoman"anddothe homework.Thesechaptersgiveagoodoverviewofadulteryandsexualaddictionandshowwhysexualpromiscuitydoesnotproduce truesatisfactionandsexualpleasure.Theyserveasstrongmotivatorstoadulterersandsexualaddictstokeepstudyingbyshowingthat Godofferssomethingbetterforthem.
MainAssignments:SanctifyingtheMind andBuildinganEnduringEmotionalBond
Aftercompletingtheintroductoryassignments,thecoupleisreadytostudytherestofthematerial.WhilestudiesusuallybeginwithVol. I,ithasprovenmorevaluabletobeginwithVol.IIwhensexualsinorfrustrationisinvolved.Sincecontinualsexualthoughtsplaya
significantroleinthesin,studyingVol.IIfirsthelpsredirectillicitsexualthoughtstowardnewhealthysexualthinking.Thispreparesthe mindforamorebeneficialstudyofVol.Ilater. 5.ReadVol.II:God'sPeopleMaketheBestLoversbeginningwithchapter1andreadingthroughchapter16anddothehomework. Rereadthechaptersalreadystudied,asnewinsightswillhavecomefromreadingtheminorder.Checkoveryourhomeworkonthe previouslycompletedchapterstoseeifyouwanttomakechangesanddiscussthosechanges.Vol.IIteachesthekeyforsexual satisfactionforboththehusbandandthewifethatsciencediscoveredonlyrecently,butithasalwaysbeenpresentintheBible.The lessonsdiscusstheBible'sspecialteachingaboutthedifferentdevelopmentstagesofsexualityfrompubertythroughthetemptationfor middleagedaffairs.Thequalitiesthatcausesexualfrustrationforbothmenandwomenareexploredindepth.Adulteryandsexual addictionaredealtwithfranklyandtheprocedureforovercomingsexualproblemsisgiven,evenforwhenthespouseisnotaChristian. ThevolumecontainsmanymedicalandpsychologicalfactstoprovebeyondanydoubttointelligentstudentsthatGod'ssexualtruths promoteandincreasesexualpleasureforbothhusbandsandwives. 6.ReadVol.I:God'sPeopleAppreciateMarriagebeginningwithchapter1andreadingthroughchapter16anddothehomework. Rereadchapter2andreviewthehomeworkcompletedearlier.Whendoingthehomeworkattheendofchapter10,reviewtheresearch exerciseinVol.II,chapter7andwritethesummarypaperforthatassignment.Thisresearchexerciseisanextremelyimportant assignmentthatcameaboutfromlisteningtosexualaddictstalkandcarefulattentionshouldbegiventocompletingitfullyformaximum healing. Vol.IgivestheBiblicalformulaforsolvingallmarriageproblems.Itdealswiththecreationofmenandwomenandthepurposeof marriage.Currentmedicalevidenceisgivenforthephysicalandmentaldifferencesbetweenmenandwomen.Thesebasicfoundation principlesofthewayahusbandandawifebalanceandsupporteachotheraidthecoupleinbuildingatrueandlastingemotionalbond. Thelessonsalsopromoteselfrespectalongwithrespectfortheoppositesex.Vol.IincludesaversebyversestudyoftheSongof Solomonwhichisacriticalstudyforanyonedealingwithsexualsin.Fourlessonsexamineboththehusband'sandthewife'srolesin subjectionandleadershipandshowwhereGodtellswivestodrawtheline.
OverlappingAssignments:SpeedingUp theSanctificationandHealingProcess
Thefollowingassignmentscanbedoneinthebackgroundastheyinvolvelisteningtoaudioalbums.Thiscanbedonewhiledrivingtoand fromworkorwhileworkingaroundthehome.Theseriescanbelistenedtomanytimes.Atthesametime,themainassignmentsinVol. IandVol.IIshouldbecontinuedwithcompletinganddiscussingthehomework.Theresultsfromlisteningtothesetapesmanytimeson thesidehasprovenbeneficialforcouplesgoingthroughthisplanandgreatlyspeedsuptheirrecoverytime. 7.Fortheadultererandsexualaddict:listentoTheSongofSolomon:God'sSexEducationaudioalbum.Whilethisserieswasoriginally taughttoteenagers,theirmothers,andgrandmothers,itisavaluablestudyforadulterersandsexualaddictsbecausetheattitudesand habitsthatoftenledtothesexualsinhadtheirbeginningduringtheirteenageyearswhentheystartedmakingchoicesabouttheir developingsexuality.Thepurposeofthisstudyisnottounderstandwhythechoicesweremade,asyearscanbespenttryingto understandwhysomeonedidsomethingwithoutaccomplishinganything.JustasGodaskedAdamandEvewhattheydidintheGarden ofEden,notwhytheydidit,thegoalistorecognizewhatchoicesweremadesoharmfulchoicescanbedeliberatelythrownout.Then thepersoncanremakehisorhersexualchoicesintelligentlynotaccordingtoteenagesexualignoranceorpeerpressure.Inthisway, mentallygoingbackoverthosetimesanddeliberatelyremakingsomeofthosechoiceshelpscleanalotoffalsethinkingoutofthemind sofullsanctificationcantakeplace. MostsexualaddictsreadilyrecognizethatKingSolomonwasalsoasexualaddict.ComparingSolomon'sbehaviorwiththeShepherd's helpsthemrecognizeharmfulattitudesinthemselves.Inaddition,ifthestudentwillreadtheSongofSolomonfromtheBibleatleast onceeveryweekortwowithoutanydeliberateefforttomemorizetheverses,thestudentwillfindthatwhensituationscomeup,hisor hermindwillautomaticallythinkofversesintheSongofSolomon.Forexample,thestudentwillthink,"ThisisjustlikewhenKing Solomonsaid,`YouarelikemymareamongthechariotsofPharaoh,'orthisisliketheShepherd'sproposalwherehevaluedthe Shulammite'spurity.ThisexerciseoflisteningtothetapesandreadingtheBibleversesonaregularbasismakestheSongofSolomon cometolifeandbecomeanautomaticpartofthethinking.Whenthishappens,itisatrulyliberatingeventthathelpsthesanctification processleapforwardtoahigherlevel. Thehusband,whodidn'twanthiswifetostudytheChallengesinMarriagetapes,wentthroughtheSongofSolomontapes.Whenhe becamefullysanctifiedandheandhiswifegotbacktogether,oneofthefirstthingshedidwastoorganizestudyingthesetapesasfamily timewithhisteenagechildren.ThisactivityhelpedhealalotofpainandhurtinthatfamilyastheystudiedanddiscussedtheSongof Solomontogether,whichgavethechildrenachancetolearnfrombothSolomonandtheirdad.Theylearnedthatsexoriginatedwithin
themindofGodtoblesshispeople.Theyalsolearnedthedifferencebetweenhealthysexualthoughtsandfeelingsandpervertedones. Inthisway,thisfatherhelpedprotecthischildrenfromdevelopingaddictivebehaviors. ThealbumteachestheSongofSolomonversebyverseinamannerdesignedtocapturetheemotionsofthestudents.Thelessonscover suchtopicsasmasturbation,proofChristiansmakethebestlovers,choosingalifelongsexualpartner,differencesbetweenmenand women,puritythenicestthingapersoncandoforhimorherself,differencebetweensexandsexuallove,whyfeminists'marriages oftenfail,sexappeal,andfornicationclarified. 8.Forthespouseoftheadultererorsexualaddict:listentotheChallengesinMarriage:WhattoDoWhenSinInhibitsLoveaudio album.ThisstudygivesinstructionsfordealingwithsininthehomewhetherornotthemateisaChristianandwhetherornotthemate cooperatesincorrectingthesin.Itdiscusseshowsingrowsfromthefirstsliptoeventuallyenslavingtheperson.Thisunderstandinghelps thespousenotdenyorminimizethesininthehome.Godgiveshispeopletremendouspowerforovercomingsinwhetherintheir personallivesorinthelivesoftheirmates. Thedevastatingeffectofsinonboththeinnocentpartyandthesinnerisexposed.God'speoplelearnhownottobecodependentand submissivetosinandhowtoovercomeit.Ifthemarriageisevergoingtobeallthatitcanbeandiftheinnocentspouseisgoingto surviveemotionally,heorshehastolearnhowtorecognizeanddealwithsininthemarriage.Emotionalandspiritualstrengthisthebest qualityaninnocentspousecanbringtohelphealboththeirsoulsandthemarriage.Thealbumalsoteacheshowtofightfairandface anger.Learninghowtochangethecourseofargumentstoreallysolveproblemsisnecessaryforfullmentalbonding. 9.Fortheadultererorsexualaddict:alsolistentotheChallengesinMarriage:WhattoDoWhenSinInhibitsLoveaudio album.Recognizinghowsindevelopsonestepatatimeuntilitbecomesafullblownaddictionhelpsmotivateadulterersandsexual addictstodealwiththeirsin.Iftheydon'tdealwiththesinintheirlives,itwillonlygetworse.Theseriesalsohelpsthesexualsinner developpersonalstrengthsforovercomingthesin.
OptionalAssignment:ExperiencingGod'sLove fortheInnocentMate
10.Forthespouseoftheadultererorsexualaddict:readBarbaraRobertsbookNotUnderBondage: BiblicalDivorceforAbuse, Adultery&Desertion.Theinnocentmateoftenfeelstrappedinanadulterousmarriagewithaspouseheorshethinkswillneverreally changeeventhoughcountlesspromisesaremade.UnderstandingGod'slawsandhowGoddoesnottrapapersoninmarriagetoan impenitentadultererfreestheinnocentmatetolookmoreobjectivelyatthespouseandrecognizebothgenuinechangestheadulterer hasmadetobecomesanctifiedortohavetheireyesopenedtogameplayingbytheadulterousspouse. Inaddition,theinnocentmatestudyingaboutabusiveandadulterousmarriagesputstremendouspeerpressureonthesinfulmateina healthywaybymakinghimorherrealizethemateisseriousaboutdealingwiththesexualsin.Inseveralcases,thesinnerdidnotget seriousaboutbecomingsanctifieduntilthematestartedstudyingGod'slawsregardingdivorce.Thesinnerrealizedthetimehadcometo overcomethesintocompletethesanctificationprocessratherthancontinuingtoofferemptypromises.
PersonalAssignment:SanctifyingtheMind ApartFromStudyingAboutMarriage
IwishIcouldsaythatallcasesofadulteryandsexualaddictionI'veknownaboutweresuccessfullyresolved.ButIcan'tandGoddoesnot makethatguaranteein1Cor.7:16whenHesaysthroughPaul,"Forhowdoyouknow,Owife,whetheryouwillsaveyourhusband?Or howdoyouknow,Ohusband,whetheryouwillsaveyourwife?"However,Ihaveobservedonecommoncharacteristicinallcaseswhere adulteryandsexualaddictionwereovercomeandinallcaseswheretheinnocentmatesurvivedtheemotionalexhaustionofdealingwith thesinwithoutlosingfaithinGodregardlessoftheoutcome.Ineachcase,thepeopleinvolvedhaddevelopedastrongpersonal relationshipwithGodapartfromstudyingabouttheirmarriagesbydiligentlystudyingotherBiblesubjects.Inotherwords,theperson engagedinasanctifyingtypestudythatdidnotinvolvemarriageandsexualproblems.Sanctificationisnotjustforadulterersand sexualaddictsitisforallChristiansintheirrelationshipwithGodusingthewordsoftheHolySpiritintheBibletochangetheir thinkinginallareasoftheirlives.Thisbalancedapplicationofsanctificationsanctificationofthesexualrelationshipplussanctification oftheirdailylivesseemstobethebestwaytopromotefullhealingofthesoulandthemarriage. Forexample,thefirstwifewhocametomewiththeproblemwasactivelyinvolvedinaladies'Bibleclassthathadbeenusingthebookof ActsforoverayeartoteachthestudentshowtostudytheBibleforthemselves.Thisclassinvolvedhomeworkandlotsofoutofclass study.Thesecondwifewhocametomewasanactiveparticipantinthatsameclass.BothwomenwereexperiencingloveforGodand delightinhiswordfromtheirpersonalstudiesthathadnothingtodowiththeirmarriages.Thethirdwifewhoaskedforhelphadrealized
thatshewaslosingherwayspirituallysincethesexualaddictionproblemhadappearedandhadtakenabreakfromworkingonher marriageproblemstodevoteherselftoadiligentpersonalstudyaboutGod.OnceherspiritualstrengthandloveforGodwasrenewed, shewasabletodealwithherhusband'ssexualaddictioninamorehealthyway. Ahusband,whosewifewasinvolvedinadultery,taughtanadultclasswhichbuiltuphisloveforGodapartfromstudyingallthetime abouthismarriage.Eventhoughhefinallydivorcedhiswifeforimpenitentadultery,hesurvivedwithhisfaithinGodstrongerthanever. Anotherman,whowasinvolvedinadultery,foundthatonemajorfactorthathelpedhimworkhiswayfreeoftheenticementsofthe otherwomanwashispersonalvigorousindepthstudyofaspecialBiblesubjectthathe'dhadgoingforyears.Hewasunabletoleave behindthelovehe'ddevelopedforGodinordertolovetheotherwoman.Thathusbandthenturnedhisenergiestosanctifyinghismind inregardtothesexualrelationship. Thehusbandofthefirstwifementioned,whileverysincereinhisdesiretoovercomehissexualaddiction,begantoshowrapidprogress whenheleftthecongregationhehadbeenattendingwhereheheardmainlywarm,fuzzy,feelgoodlessons.Hebeganattendingwhere hewaschallengedmentallyandexpectedtolearn,think,andstudyforhimselfonavarietyofsubjects.AlthoughhehadbeenaChristian formanyyears,hebegangrowingspirituallyinmanyareasandthesanctificationofhissexualnaturetookonanewdepth. Likewise,ahusband,whowasnotaChristian,wascaughtinaquestionableactthatauthoritiesclaimwasapreparatoryactforlater incestwithhisdaughter.Whenhiswife,whowasaChristian,calledthepolice,thehusbandwasremovedfromthehomeandrequiredto gothroughaseriesofcounselingsessionsonvarioussubjects.Thishusband,whohadpreviouslyrejectedattemptstoteachhimthe gospel,finallywantedtostudy.Hewasbaptized,butnotlefttofindhisownwayasmanynewconvertsare.Aspecialprogramwasbegun tosanctifyhimandtobuildhisloveforGodinallareas.HisgrowthasaChristianhasbeentremendous,althoughtheauthoritieshave notyetallowedhimbackinthehome.Hewasquicklyabletorecognizethathehadasexualaddictionandgaveupastolencable televisionboxthatenabledhimtowatchXratedmovies.HecontinuestogrowasaChristian,ahusband,andafatherashemakesother changesinhisbehaviorandthinking. DevelopingapersonalrelationshipofloveandrespectforGodthroughsanctificationinadditiontostudyingaboutmarriageandsexual problemsappearstobeacrucialpartofthehealingprocessforboththeinnocentpartyandtheadultererandsexualaddict.Whilemany goodstudiesareavailableonavarietyofsubjects,thefollowinglessonshavehelpedstudentsfocustheirmindsonGod'sgreatlovefor thempersonally.Thekeyisnotjustlisteningorreadingtheseorothermaterials,butactuallygettinginvolvedinanindepthstudythat bringsaboutsanctificationandpersonalgrowthasaChristian.
WhentheSexualSinnerRefusesSanctification
Sometimestheadultererorsexualaddictpromisestostudyandfollowtheplantobecomesanctified,andmayactuallystarttheprocess. However,oncethepressureisoff,thesinnermayceasetocontinuetostudy,orstudyonlywhenitisconvenient.Suchactionsdoomthe sinnertostayenslavedtosinorgreatlyincreasethetimerequiredforhealing.Othertimes,thesexualsinnermayoutrightrefuseto studyanddothehomeworknecessarytobecomesanctifiedsothatthesoulandmarriagecanbehealed.Whatcanthespousedoin thesecases?
FollowGod'sExampleforReconciliation
God,throughPaul,in1Cor.7:11saystoworkfor"reconciliation"withthemate.OnlyinthispassageandMatt.5:24istheGreek wordkatallasswusedofonehumanbeingreconciledtoanotherhuman.Alltheothertimes,thewordisusedofahumanbeing reconciledtoGodorJesus.Thus,ifthehusbandorwifeofanadultererorsexualaddictimitatesGodintheareaofreconciliation,heor sheisonsafeground.Godsaidthatforasinnertobejustifiedbeforehim,thesinnermustfollowathreepartformula(1)bewashed,(2) besanctified,(3)andthenbejustified.Expectingasinfulmatetofollowthatsamethreepartformulabeforebeingrestoredintofull fellowshipinthemarriageisfollowingtheexampleofGodandobeyingtheconceptofthecommand"bereconciled." Thespousehastherighttoinsistonthesanctificationprocesstakingplacebeforerestoringfullfellowshipwiththeadultererorsexual addict,whetheritisthroughthisplanofstudyorsomeother.Justassinnersdon'tgettosettheirownconditionsoffellowshipwithGod, adulterousmateshavelosttherighttonegotiatetheirowntermsforfellowshipwiththemate.Therightofsettingconditionsbelongsto theonebeingreconciledtotheoneinnocentofadulteryorsexualaddictionnotthesinner,notthepreacher,nottheelders,andnot otherChristians. Thislossofcontrolishardformanymentoaccept.Somehusbandstelltheirwives,"I'mtryingthebestIcan.JustacceptmeasIamand whereIam."Or,"Ifthereisstillaproblem,itisyourproblem,notmine."NotonlydoesGodrefusetoaccepttheseattemptstocontrol
hisfellowshipwithsinners,thesemethodsofburyingsindon'twork.AslongastheinnocentmateimitatesGod'sthreerequirementsfor reconciliation,noonecanjustlycriticizethoseconditions.(Forguidelines,reviewthesectiononGod'sthreepartformulaforhowthe Corinthiansovercamegrosssexualsinsandhowtorecognize"deedsappropriatetorepentance.") Likewise,thepreacher,elders,andotherChristiansshouldsetthesamethreeconditionsasGodofbeing(1)washed,(2)sanctified,(3) andthenjustifiedbeforerestoringthesinnertofullfellowshipinthecongregation.Forthemtojusthugandkissthesinnerandprayand "shake"himbackintothecongregationandthenexpecteverythingtobeokay,istodoextremeharmtoboththesinnerandthemate. Invariably,thistakesthepressureoffthesinnertocorrecthisactionsandmaydiscouragehimorherfromcontinuingwiththe sanctificationprocess.AndtoreinstatesuchapersontohisorhercongregationaldutiesinsultsandmocksGod!Justasthesinnerisnot justifiedbeforeGod,thesinneralsoneedstoknowhisfellowChristiansholdhimaccountableforfollowingthroughonthesanctification processbeforehecanenjoyfullfellowshipwiththem. Refusingtobesanctifiedindicatesarebelliousattitudeasdiscussedearlierandshouldbetreatedas"impenitentadultery"or "impenitentmentaladultery."Aslongasapersonrefusestobecomesanctifiedordelaystheprocess,thatpersonisnotjustifiedbefore God;regardlessofhowmanypublicconfessionsofsinthatpersonhasmadeandcontinuestomake;regardlessofhowmanyprayersthe preacher,elders,andotherChristianshaveofferedandcontinuetoofferinthatperson'sbehalf;andregardlessofhowmanytimesthat personisaskedandcontinuestobeaskedtoleadpublicprayer,waitontheLord'stable,preparetheLord'ssupper,orteachaBibleclass. In2Cor.7:911PaulpraisedtheCorinthiansfortherepentancetheydemonstratedafterhehadconvictedthemofthesinofcondoning incest.Heusedsuchwordsas"whatearnestness,""whatvindicationofyourselves,""whatindignation,""whatfear,""whatlonging," "whatzeal,"and"whatavengingofwrong"!Itdoesn'tsoundliketheCorinthiansrefusedtobesanctifiedorthattheytooktheirtimein studyingorthattheygaveuponfollowingthroughonthesanctificationprocesswhenthepressurewasoff.PerhapsthatiswhyPaul couldsay,"Andsuchweresomeofyou."
SomeBattlesAreWorthFighting
Thegreatestspiritualchallengesoftenoccurwhensinentersthehometheydon'tcomefromtheungodlyoutsideChrist.Manysins takeplaceinthehomebitterness,judgingmotives,drunkenness,adultery,deceit,reviling,physicalabuse,sexualneglect,incest, homosexuality,etc.Coveringupthemate'ssinsmakesapersonapartakerwiththosesinsandtheresultingsecrecyallowsthesinsto flourish. Thus,whensininvadesthehome,aspiritualbattlemustbefought2Cor.10:36;Matt.10:3439.ThebestadviceIcangiveis,"Getit outintotheopenanddealwithitdon'thideit."However,sometimesthesinfulspouseobjectstothemateseekingoutsidehelpasPaul advisedinGal.6:12with"bearoneanother'sburdens."Oftentheresistancecomesbecausethehusbandorwifedoesn'twantanyoneto knowabouthisorherbehavior.Jesussaid,"Foreveryonewhodoesevilhatesthelight,anddoesnotcometothelight,lesthisdeeds shouldbeexposed"(John3:20). Onewifesaidthateverytimeshethreatenedtotalktothepreacher,herhusband,whoverballyabusedhereveryday,actedbetterfor severalweeks.Thenhealwayswentbacktohisoldbehavior;andtheyneverreallysolvedtheproblembecausesheneverfollowed throughongettinghelp.Anotherwife,whoflauntedhermentaladulterybeforeherhusband,quicklyleftthecongregationwherethey attendedwhenshelearnedthatherhusbandwasgettingreadytoaskwitnessestotalktoher.Unfortunately,thathusbanddidn'trealize thatwasacommontrickofsinnerstoavoidexposureandthoughthecouldn'taskfellowChristiansforhelpaftersheleft. Sometimes,theinnocentmateresistsgettinghelpbecauseheorsheisashamedofwhatishappeninginthemarriagetheinnocent mateisalsoafraidofthelight.Bytheinnocentmatetakingtheshameuponhimorherselfratherthanbringingtheproblemoutintothe "light,"theinnocentmatebuysintothesinner'sneedforsecrecy.Sinthrivesonsecrecy.Secrecyinthehomethatcoversupsinultimately destroysthemarriage. Gettingthesinfulbehavioroutintotheopenmaybehardandembarrassing,butitcanalsobeabigrelieftobeabletotalkaboutitto othersandgettheirhelp.Ifthesinnerwon'tdohisorherparttobesanctifieddon'thideitormakeexcuses.Getitoutintotheopen anddealwithitassinbecausethemateisnotjustifiedbeforeGodyet.Youwillbethebestfriendyourmatehasbyinsistingthatheor shedealwiththesin.Treatitasgrievousimpenitentsin. Partofgettingthesinoutintotheopenshouldbetheinnocentmateinsistingthattheunsanctifiedpersonberemovedfromall congregationaldutiesbecausethatpersonisnotjustifiedbeforeGod.Whenwiveswatchtheirhusbandsassumepositionsofleadership inthechurches,whetherpreaching,servingaseldersordeacons,orsimplyofferingprayers,leadingsinging,etc.,andthewivescoverup thesinsinthehome,theypartakeoftheirhusbands'sins.IntheOldTestament,inIsa.1:1117,Goddidn'taccepttheworshipofpeople whofailedtoseekjusticeordidn'treprovetheruthless.Likewise,in1Pet.3:78,PetertoldhusbandsthatGoddoesn'theartheirprayers,
nomatterhowlongorbeautifullyprayed,whentheymistreattheirwives.TheexampleofAnaniasandSapphirainActs5showsGod's attitudetowardwiveswhocoveruptheirhusbands'sins.Husbandsalsobearresponsibilitywhentheycoverupfortheirwives'sinsand donotobjecttotheircongregationduties,nomatterhowsignificantorminortheymightbe.ThegreatmockeryagainstGodthattakes placeinmanycongregationsduringBibleclassesandpublicworshipcouldnotexistwithoutthesilentcooperationofhusbandsand wives. Manyhusbandsandwivesgotogreatlengthstoputonfacesofpietywhenattendingpublicworshipwhentheirhomesarefullofall kindsofevil.Howmuchbetterfortheunsanctifiedpersontoremovehisorhernamefromthedutyroster,ortheinnocentmatetotell thespiritualleadersabouttheproblemsotheycanremovethename,whilethecoupleworksonbecomingsanctifiedandthenjustified. Regardlessofwhatthesexualsinnerchoosestodo,thespouseneedstogoaheadandstudysoheorshecandealproperlywiththe mate'ssin.Studyinghelpstheinnocentspouseidentifyareaswhereheorshemaybecodependentandsubmissivetosinwhichactually enablesthesinnertocontinueinsin.Also,learningaboutone'spersonalresponsibilityindealingwithamate'ssinsandhowtousethe peerpressureofthechurchhelpsthespouserecognizeandavoidharmfuladvicefromspiritualleadersandotherChristians.Whenthe matewon'tstudytobecomesanctified,thespouseneedstobeginhisorherstudywithMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.I,chapter 2,Vol.II,chapters14and16,andtheaudioalbumChallengesinMarriage:WhattoDoWhenSinInhibitsLove.Inaddition,tosurvive emotionally,thespouseneedstodevelopandenjoyapersonalsanctifiedrelationshipwithGodapartfromthemarriageasdiscussedin theprevious"PersonalAssignment."
TheTwentyfirstCentury
Whenthependulumofsociety'smoralityrestedonexcessiveprudery,countlesssoulssufferedunspeakableharm.Nowthatthe pendulumhasswungtotheoppositeextremeofinordinatesexualimmorality,againunsuspectingpeoplearebeingdestroyedbyits appallingdeception.OvercomingthetimidrestraintsofVictorianteachingismuchsimplerthanhelpinganadultererorsexualaddict restorehisorherbodyandmindtoanormallovingstate. Thus,afterhalfacenturyofthesexualrevolution,thefutureofmarriagesandthesexualhappinessofhusbandsandwiveslooksbleak. MankinddesperatelyneedsGod'swisdomtosurviveinthetwentyfirstcenturywithsomuchcontradictoryinformationaboutsovital asubjectsexualhappiness.Whilemankindgropesabouttryingtofindhisownway,GodhaspatientlyprovidedtheanswersintheBible foroverthreethousandyears.Menandwomenneedonlytoreadandstudyitforthemselves,tobelieve,toobey,andtoenjoythe resultinghappiness. Inhismercifullove,justasGoddidnotforcehappinessuponKingSolomon,Goddoesnotforcehappinessonanyonetoday.WhileGod leavesthechoiceuptoeachindividual,hestandsreadyasawonderfulfriendtotakethehandofanyonewhoreachesforhis.He'lllead themoutofthedarkness,thepain,andthemiseryintothemarvelouslightofhisloveandrewardthemwithecstaticdelightsinthearms ofthecherishedmate.Afterall,theembraceofloveoriginatedwithinthemindofGodandhereservesitsgreatestpleasuresforhis chosenpeople.God'speoplewhoseektoapplyallofGod'struthstotheirlives,doindeed,makethebestloversandescapethemisery thatenslavestheworld.
PermissiontoReproduceAdulteryandSexualAddiction:APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriage
AdulteryandSexualAddiction:APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriagebyPatsyRaeDawsonisavailableatPatsyRaeDawson.com.It maybecopiedfornoncommercialuseonly,providedyoudothefollowing:1.Retainallcopyright,trademarkandproprietynotices;2. Makenomodificationstothematerials;3.DonotusethematerialsinamannerthatsuggestsanassociationwithPatsyRaeDawsonLLC; and;4.Donotdownloadquantitiesofmaterialstoadatabase,server,orpersonalcomputerforreuseforcommercialpurposes.Youmay notusethismaterialinanyotherwaywithoutpriorwrittenpermission.Foradditionalpermissions,contactPatsyRaeDawsonLLCat Patsy@PatsyRaeDawson.com. ThisbookletiscomposedofexcerptsfromMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversbyPatsyRaeDawson. ItprovidesasmallsampleofthewealthofexcitinginformationfoundintheBibleaboutthesexualrelationshipandGodsloveforhis peopleanddesirefortheirhappiness.Vol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversexamineshowthehusbandsandwifesmindsand bodiesjoinperfectlytogethertospeakabeautifullanguageofloveineachothersarmsthattranscendsspokenlanguage.Yourmarriage willneverbethesameafteryoureadthesestimulatingvolumes.

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AdulteryandSexualAddiction APlanforHealingtheSoulandtheMarriage

Titus3:3:"Forwealsooncewerefoolishourselves,disobedient,deceived,enslavedtovariouslustsandpleasures, spendingourlifeinmaliceandenvy,hateful,hatingoneanother." Thisverseteachesthreeimportantprinciplesaboutthesexualaddict:

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