Five Mistakes People Make Reading Body Language

Human beings are genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioral cues and to quickly understand their meaning. We see someone gesture and automatically make a judgment about the intention of that gesture. The gesture and our interpretation of its meaning can profoundly affect team dynamics. And we've been making these judgments for a long long time. As a species we knew how to win friends and influence people ! or avoid"placate"confront those we couldn't befriend ! long before we knew how to use words. #ut our ancient ancestors faced threats and challenges very different from those we confront in today's modern society. $ife is more comple% now with layers of social restrictions and nuanced meanings adding to the intricacies of our interpersonal dealings. This is especially true in workplace settings where corporate culture adds its own comple%ities and unique guidelines for correct behavior. &o matter what the culture at your workplace the ability to 'read' nonverbal signals can provide some significant advantages in the way you deal with people. (ou can start to gain those advantages by avoiding these five common mistakes people often make when reading body language) 1) They Forget to Consider the Context. *magine this scene) *t's a free+ing!cold winter evening with a light snow falling and a north wind blowing. (ou see a woman sitting on a bench at a bus stop. Her head is down her eyes are tightly closed and she's hunched over shivering slightly and hugging herself. &ow the scene changes . . . *t's the same woman in the same physical position. #ut instead of sitting outdoors on a bench she's seated behind her desk in the office ne%t to yours. Her body language is identical ! head down eyes closed hunched over shivering hugging herself. The nonverbal signals are the same but the new setting has altered your perception of those signals. *n a flash she's gone from telling you '*'m really cold,' to '*'m in distress.' -bviously then the meaning of nonverbal communication changes as the conte%t changes. We can't begin to understand someone's behavior without considering the circumstances under which the behavior occurred. 2) They Try to Find Meaning in a ingle !esture. &onverbal cues occur in what is called a 'gesture cluster' ! a group of movements postures and actions that reinforce a common point. A single gesture can have several meanings or mean nothing at all .sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,/ but when you couple that single gesture with other nonverbal signals the meaning becomes clearer. 0or e%ample a person may cross her arms for any number of reasons. #ut when that action is coupled with a scowl a headshake and legs turned away from you you now have a composite picture and reinforcement to conclude that she is resistant to whatever you just proposed. ") They are too Fo#used on $hat%s Being aid. *f you only hear what people are saying you'll miss what they really mean. A manager * was coaching appeared calm and reasonable as she listed the reasons why she should delegate more responsibility to her staff. #ut every time she e%pressed these opinions she also .almost

imperceptibly/ shuddered. While her words declared her intention of empowering employees the quick involuntary shudder was saying loud and clear '* really don't want to do this,' &) They 'on%t (no$ a Person%s Baseline. (ou need to know how a person normally behaves so that you can spot meaningful deviations. Here's what can happen when you don't) A few years ago * was giving a presentation to the 12- of a financial services company outlining a speech * was scheduled to deliver to his leadership team the ne%t day. And it wasn't going well. -ur meeting lasted almost an hour and through that entire time the 12- sat at the conference table with his arms tightly crossed. He didn't once smile lean forward or nod encouragement. When * finished he said thank you .without making eye contact/ and left the room. As *'m a body language expert * was sure that his nonverbal communication was telling me that my speaking engagement would be cancelled. #ut when * walked to the elevator the e%ecutive's assistant came to tell me how impressed her boss had been with my presentation. * was shocked and asked how he would have reacted had he not liked it. '-h ' said the assistant her smile acknowledging that she had previously seen that reaction as well. 'He would have gotten up in the middle of your presentation and walked out,' The only nonverbal signals that * had received from that 12- were ones * judged to be negative. What * didn't reali+e was that for this individual this was normal behavior. )) They *udge Body Language through the Bias o+ Their ,$n CultureWhen we talk about culture we're generally talking about a set of shared values that a group of people holds. And while some of a culture's values are taught e%plicitly most of them are absorbed subconsciously ! at a very early age. 3uch values affect how members of the group think and act and more importantly the kind of criteria by which they judge others. 1ultural meanings render some nonverbal behaviors as normal and right and others as strange or wrong. 0rom greetings to hand gestures to the use of space and touch what's proper and correct in one culture may be ineffective ! or even offensive ! in another. 0or e%ample in &orth America the correct way to wave hello and good!bye is palm out fingers e%tended with the hand moving side to side. That same gesture means 'no' throughout 4editerranean 2urope and $atin America. *n 5eru it means 'come here ' and in 6reece where it's called the moutza the gesture is a serious insult. The closer the hand to the other person's face in fact the more threatening it is considered to be. 3o just remember) #ody language cues are undeniable. #ut to accurately decode them they need to be understood in conte%t viewed in clusters evaluated in relation to what is being said assessed for consistency and filtered for cultural influences. *f you do so you'll be well on your way to gaining the nonverbal advantage, Carol (insey !o.an/ Ph.'./ is an author and keynote speaker who addresses association government and business audiences around the world. 1arol is the author of 78 business books. Her latest is The Nonverbal Advantage - Secrets and Science of Body anguage at !or".