Alan Bennett The Uncommon Reader A Novella 2007, EN A deliciously funny novella that celebrates the pleasure of readin

! "hen the #ueen in pursuit of her $anderin cor is stumbles upon a mobile library she feels duty bound to borro$ a boo%! Aided by Norman, a youn man from the palace %itchen $ho fre&uents the library, Bennett describes the #ueen's transformation as she discovers the liberatin pleasures of the $ritten $ord! "ith the poi nant and mischievous $it of The (istory Boys, En land's best loved author revels in the po$er of literature to chan e even the most uncommon reader's life! )*+ AT ",N-./R it $as the evenin of the state ban&uet and as the president of 0rance too% his place beside (er 1a2esty, the royal family formed up behind and the procession slo$ly moved off and throu h into the "aterloo 3hamber! 4No$ that , have you to myself,5 said the #ueen, smilin to left and ri ht as they lided throu h the litterin thron , 4,6ve been lon in to as% you about the $riter 7ean 8enet!5 4Ah,5 said the president! 4/ui!5 The 91arseillaise6 and the national anthem made for a pause in the proceedin s, but $hen they had ta%en their seats (er 1a2esty turned to the president and resumed! 4(omose:ual and 2ailbird, $as he nevertheless as bad as he $as painted; /r, more to the point5<and she too% up her soup spoon<4$as he as ood;5 Unbriefed on the sub2ect of the labrous play$ri ht and novelist, the president loo%ed $ildly about for his minister of culture! But she $as bein addressed by the Archbishop of 3anterbury! 47ean 8enet,5 said the #ueen a ain, helpfully! 4=ous le connaisse>;5 4Bien sur,5 said the president! 4,l m6inte6resse,5 said the #ueen! 4=raiment;5 The president put do$n his spoon! ,t $as oin to be a lon evenin ! ? ,T "A. the do s6 fault! They $ere snobs and ordinarily, havin been in the arden, $ould have one up the front steps, $here a footman enerally opened them the door! Today, thou h, for some reason they careered alon the terrace, bar%in their heads off, and scampered do$n the steps a ain and round the end alon the side of the house, $here she could hear them yappin at somethin in one of the yards! ,t $as the 3ity of "estminster travellin library, a lar e removal*li%e van par%ed ne:t to the bins outside one of the %itchen doors! This $asn6t a part of the palace she sa$ much of, and she had certainly never seen the library there before, nor presumably had the do s, hence the din, so havin failed in her attempt to calm them do$n she $ent up the little steps of the van in order to apolo ise! The driver $as sittin $ith his bac% to her, stic%in a label on a boo%, the only seemin borro$er a thin in er*haired boy in $hite overalls crouched in the aisle readin ! Neither of them too% any notice of the ne$ arrival, so she cou hed and said, 4,6m sorry about this a$ful rac%et,5 $hereupon the driver ot up so suddenly he ban ed his head on the Reference section and the boy in the aisle scrambled to his feet and upset @hoto raphy A 0ashion!

.he put her head out of the door! 4.hut up this minute, you silly creatures5<$hich, as had been the move6s intention, ave the driverBlibrarian time to compose himself and the boy to pic% up the boo%s! 4/ne has never seen you here before, 1rC5 4(utchin s, Dour 1a2esty! Every "ednesday, ma6am!5 4Really; , never %ne$ that! (ave you come far;5 4/nly from "estminster, ma6am!5 4And you areC;5 4Norman, ma6am! .ea%ins!5 4And $here do you $or%;5 4,n the %itchen, ma6am!5 4/h! -o you have much time for readin ;5 4Not really, ma6am!5 4,6m the same! Thou h no$ that one is here , suppose one ou ht to borro$ a boo%!5 1r (utchin s smiled helpfully! 4,s there anythin you $ould recommend;5 4"hat does Dour 1a2esty li%e;5 The #ueen hesitated, because to tell the truth she $asn6t sure! .he6d never ta%en much interest in readin ! .he read, of course, as one did, but li%in boo%s $as somethin she left to other people! ,t $as a hobby and it $as in the nature of her 2ob that she didn6t have hobbies! 7o in , ro$in roses, chess or roc%*climbin , ca%e decoration, model aeroplanes! No! (obbies involved preferences and preferences had to be avoidedE preferences e:cluded people! /ne had no preferences! (er 2ob $as to ta%e an interest, not to be interested herself! And besides, readin $asn6t doin ! .he $as a doer! .o she a>ed round the boo%*lined van and played for time! 4,s one allo$ed to borro$ a boo%; /ne doesn6t have a tic%et;5 4No problem,5 said 1r (utchin s! 4/ne is a pensioner,5 said the #ueen, not that she $as sure that made any difference! 41a6am can borro$ up to si: boo%s!5 4.i:; (eavensF5 1ean$hile the in er*haired youn man had made his choice and iven his boo% to the librarian to stamp! .till playin for time, the #ueen pic%ed it up! 4"hat have you chosen, 1r .ea%ins;5 e:pectin it to be, $ell, she $asn6t sure $hat she e:pected, but it $asn6t $hat it $as! 4/h! 3ecil Beaton! -id you %no$ him;5 4No, ma6am!5 4No, of course not! Dou6d be too youn ! (e al$ays used to be round here, snappin a$ay! And a bit of a tartar! .tand here, stand there! .nap, snap! .o there6s a boo% about him no$;5 4.everal, ma6am!5 4Really; , suppose everyone ets $ritten about sooner or later!5 .he riffled throu h it! 4There6s probably a picture of me in it some$here! /h yes! That one! /f course, he $asn6t 2ust a photo rapher! (e desi ned, too! /%lahoma, thin s li%e that!5 4, thin% it $as 1y 0air Gady, ma6am!5 4/h, $as it;5 said the #ueen, unused to bein contradicted! 4"here did you say you $or%ed;5 .he put the boo% bac% in the boy6s bi red hands! 4,n the %itchens, ma6am!5

.he had still not solved her problem, %no$in that if she left $ithout a boo% it $ould seem to 1r (utchin s that the library $as someho$ lac%in ! Then on a shelf of rather $orn* loo%in volumes she sa$ a name she remembered! 4,vy 3ompton*BurnettF , can read that!5 .he too% the boo% out and ave it to 1r (utchin s to stamp! 4"hat a treatF5 .he hu ed it unconvincin ly before openin it! 4/h! The last time it $as ta%en out $as in HIJI!5 4.he6s not a popular author, ma6am!5 4"hy, , $onder; , made her a dame!5 1r (utchin s refrained from sayin that this $asn6t necessarily the road to the public6s heart! The #ueen loo%ed at the photo raph on the bac% of the 2ac%et! 4Des! , remember that hair, a roll li%e a pie*crust that $ent ri ht round her head!5 .he smiled and 1r (utchin s %ne$ that the visit $as over! 48oodbye!5 (e inclined his head as they had told him at the library to do should this eventuality ever arise, and the #ueen $ent off in the direction of the arden $ith the do s madly bar%in a ain, $hile Norman, bearin his 3ecil Beaton, s%irted a chef loun in by the bins havin a ci arette and $ent bac% to the %itchens! .huttin up the van and drivin a$ay, 1r (utchin s reflected that a novel by ,vy 3ompton*Burnett $ould ta%e some readin ! (e had never ot very far $ith her himself and thou ht, ri htly, that borro$in the boo% had 2ust been a polite esture! .till, it $as one that he appreciated and as more than a courtesy! The council $as al$ays threatenin to cut bac% on the library and the patrona e of so distin uished a borro$er Kor customer as the council preferred to call itL $ould do him no harm! 4"e have a travellin library,5 the #ueen said to her husband that evenin ! 43omes every "ednesday!5 47olly ood! "onders never cease!5 4Dou remember /%lahoma;5 4Des! "e sa$ it $hen $e $ere en a ed!5 E:traordinary to thin% of it, the dashin blond boy he had been! 4"as that 3ecil Beaton;5 said the #ueen! 4No idea! Never li%ed the fello$! 8reen shoes!5 4.melled delicious!5 4"hat6s that;5 4A boo%! , borro$ed it!5 4-ead, , suppose!5 4"ho;5 4The Beaton fello$!5 4/h yes! Everybody6s dead!5 48ood sho$, thou h!5 And he $ent off to bed lumly sin in 9/h, $hat a beautiful mornin 6 as the #ueen opened her boo%! ? T(E 0/GG/",N8 $ee% she had intended to ive the boo% to a lady*in*$aitin to return, but findin herself ta%en captive by her private secretary and forced to o throu h the diary in far reater detail than she thou ht necessary, she $as able to cut off discussion of a tour round a road*research laboratory by suddenly declarin that it $as "ednesday and she had to o to chan e her boo% at the travellin library! (er private secretary, .ir Mevin .catchard, an over*conscientious Ne$ Nealander of $hom reat thin s $ere e:pected, $as

left to ather up his papers and $onder $hy ma6am needed a travellin library $hen she had several of the stationary %ind of her o$n! 1inus the do s this visit $as some$hat calmer, thou h once a ain Norman $as the only borro$er! 4(o$ did you find it, ma6am;5 as%ed 1r (utchin s! 4-ame ,vy; A little dry! And everybody tal%s the same $ay, did you notice that;5 4To tell you the truth, ma6am, , never ot throu h more than a fe$ pa es! (o$ far did Dour 1a2esty et;5 4/h, to the end! /nce , start a boo% , finish it! That $as the $ay one $as brou ht up! Boo%s, bread and butter, mashed potato<one finishes $hat6s on one6s plate! That6s al$ays been my philosophy!5 4There $as actually no need to have brou ht the boo% bac%, ma6am! "e6re do$nsi>in and all the boo%s on that shelf are free!5 4Dou mean, , can have it;5 .he clutched the boo% to her! 4,6m lad , came! 8ood afternoon, 1r .ea%ins! 1ore 3ecil Beaton;5 Norman sho$ed her the boo% he $as loo%in at, in this time somethin on -avid (oc%ney! .he leafed throu h it, a>in unperturbed at youn men6s bottoms hauled out of 3alifornian s$immin *pools or lyin to ether on unmade beds! 4.ome of them,5 she said, 4some of them don6t seem alto ether finished! This one is &uite definitely smud ed!5 4, thin% that $as his style then, ma6am,5 said Norman! 4(e6s actually &uite a ood drau htsman!5 The #ueen loo%ed at Norman a ain! 4Dou $or% in the %itchens;5 4Des, ma6am!5 .he hadn6t really intended to ta%e out another boo%, but decided that no$ she $as here it $as perhaps easier to do it than not, thou h, re ardin $hat boo% to choose, she felt as baffled as she had done the previous $ee%! The truth $as she didn6t really $ant a boo% at all and certainly not another ,vy 3ompton*Burnett, $hich $as too hard oin alto ether! .o it $as luc%y that this time her eye happened to fall on a reissued volume of Nancy 1itford6s The @ursuit of Gove! .he pic%ed it up! 4No$! -idn6t her sister marry the 1osley man;5 1r (utchin s said he believed she did! 4And the mother*in*la$ of another sister $as my mistress of the robes;5 4, don6t %no$ about that, ma6am!5 4Then of course there $as the rather sad sister $ho had the flin $ith (itler! And one became a 3ommunist! And , thin% there $as another besides! But this is Nancy;5 4Des, ma6am!5 48ood!5 Novels seldom came as $ell connected as this and the #ueen felt correspondin ly reassured, so it $as $ith some confidence that she ave the boo% to 1r (utchin s to be stamped! The @ursuit of Gove turned out to be a fortunate choice and in its $ay a momentous one! (ad (er 1a2esty one for another duff read, an early 8eor e Eliot, say, or a late (enry 7ames, novice reader that she $as she mi ht have been put off readin for ood and there $ould be no story to tell! Boo%s, she $ould have thou ht, $ere $or%!

As it $as, $ith this one she soon became en rossed and, passin her bedroom that ni ht clutchin his hot*$ater bottle, the du%e heard her lau h out loud! (e put his head round the door! 4All ri ht, old irl;5 4/f course! ,6m readin !5 4A ain;5 And he $ent off, sha%in his head! The ne:t mornin she had a little sniffle and, havin no en a ements, stayed in bed sayin she felt she mi ht be ettin flu! This $as uncharacteristic and also not trueE it $as actually so that she could et on $ith her boo%! 9The #ueen has a sli ht cold6 $as $hat the nation $as told, but $hat it $as not told, and $hat the #ueen herself did not %no$, $as that this $as only the first of a series of accommodations, some of them far*reachin , that her readin $as oin to involve! The follo$in day the #ueen had one of her re ular sessions $ith her private secretary, $ith as one of the items on the a enda $hat these days is called human resources! 4,n my day,5 she had told him, 4it $as called personnel!5 Althou h actually it $asn6t! ,t $as called 9the servants6! .he mentioned this, too, %no$in it $ould provo%e a reaction! 4That could be misconstrued, ma6am,5 said .ir Mevin! 4/ne6s aim is al$ays to ive the public no cause for offence! 9.ervants6 sends the $ron messa e!5 4(uman resources,5 said the #ueen, 4sends no messa e at all! At least not to me! (o$ever, since $e6re on the sub2ect of human resources, there is one human resource currently $or%in in the %itchens $hom , $ould li%e promoted, or at any rate brou ht upstairs!5 .ir Mevin had never heard of .ea%ins but on consultin several underlin s Norman $as eventually located! 4, cannot understand,5 said (er 1a2esty, 4$hat he is doin in the %itchen in the first place! (e6s obviously a youn man of some intelli ence!5 4Not dolly enou h,5 said the e&uerry, thou h to the private secretary not to the #ueen! 4Thin, in er*haired! (ave a heart!5 41adam seems to li%e him,5 said .ir Mevin! 4.he $ants him on her floor!5 Thus it $as that Norman found himself emancipated from $ashin dishes and fitted K$ith some difficultyL into a pa e6s uniform and brou ht into $aitin , $here one of his first 2obs $as predictably to do $ith the library! Not free the follo$in "ednesday K ymnastics in NuneatonL, the #ueen ave Norman her Nancy 1itford to return, tellin him that there $as apparently a se&uel and she $anted to read that too, plus anythin else besides he thou ht she mi ht fancy! This commission caused him some an:iety! "ell read up to a point, he $as lar ely self* tau ht, his readin tendin to be determined by $hether an author $as ay or not! 0airly $ide remit thou h this $as, it did narro$ thin s do$n a bit, particularly $hen choosin a boo% for someone else, and the more so $hen that someone else happened to be the #ueen! Nor $as 1r (utchin s much help, e:cept that $hen he mentioned do s as a sub2ect that mi ht interest (er 1a2esty it reminded Norman of somethin he had read that could fit the bill, 7!R! Ac%erley6s novel 1y -o Tulip! 1r (utchin s $as dubious, pointin out that it $as a ay boo%! 4,s it;5 said Norman innocently! 4, didn6t realise that! .he6ll thin% it6s 2ust about the do !5 (e too% the boo%s up to the #ueen6s floor and, havin been told to ma%e himself as scarce as possible, $hen the du%e came by hid behind a boulle cabinet! 4.a$ this e:traordinary creature this afternoon,5 (R( reported later! 48in er*stic%*in* $aitin !5

4That $ould be Norman,5 said the #ueen! 4, met him in the travellin library! (e used to $or% in the %itchen!5 4, can see $hy,5 said the du%e! 4(e6s very intelli ent,5 said the #ueen! 4(e6ll have to be,5 said the du%e! 4Goo%in li%e that!5 4Tulip,5 said the #ueen to Norman later! 40unny name for a do !5 4,t6s supposed to be fiction, ma6am, only the author did have a do in life, an Alsatian!5 K(e didn6t tell her its name $as #ueenie!L 4.o it6s really dis uised autobio raphy!5 4/h,5 said the #ueen! 4"hy dis uise it;5 Norman thou ht she $ould find out $hen she read the boo%, but he didn6t say so! 4None of his friends li%ed the do , ma6am!5 4/ne %no$s that feelin very $ell,5 said the #ueen, and Norman nodded solemnly, the royal do s bein enerally unpopular! The #ueen smiled! "hat a find Norman $as! .he %ne$ that she inhibited, made people shy, and fe$ of the servants behaved li%e themselves! /ddity thou h he $as, Norman $as himself and seemed incapable of bein anythin else! That $as very rare! The #ueen, thou h, mi ht have been less pleased had she %no$n that Norman $as unaffected by her because she seemed to him so ancient, her royalty obliterated by her seniority! #ueen she mi ht be but she $as also an old lady, and since Norman6s introduction to the $orld of $or% had been via an old people6s home on Tyneside old ladies held no terrors for him! To Norman she $as his employer, but her a e made her as much patient as #ueen and in both capacities to be humoured, thou h this $as, it6s true, before he $o%e up to ho$ sharp she $as and ho$ much $asted! .he $as also intensely conventional and $hen she had started to read she thou ht perhaps she ou ht to do some of it at least in the place set aside for the purpose, namely the palace library! But thou h it $as called the library and $as indeed lined $ith boo%s, a boo% $as seldom if ever read there! Ultimatums $ere delivered here, lines dra$n, prayer boo%s compiled and marria es decided upon, but should one $ant to curl up $ith a boo% the library $as not the place! ,t $as not easy even to lay hands on somethin to read, as on the open shelves, so called, the boo%s $ere se&uestered behind loc%ed and ilded rilles! 1any of them $ere priceless, $hich $as another discoura ement! No, if readin $as to be done it $ere better done in a place not set aside for it! The #ueen thou ht that there mi ht be a lesson there and she $ent bac% upstairs! (avin finished the Nancy 1itford se&uel, Gove in a 3old 3limate, the #ueen $as deli hted to see she had $ritten others, and thou h some of them seemed to be history she put them on her Kne$ly startedL readin list, $hich she %ept in her des%! 1ean$hile she ot on $ith Norman6s choice, 1y -o Tulip by 7!R! Ac%erley! K(ad she met him; .he thou ht not!L .he en2oyed the boo% if only because, as Norman had said, the do in &uestion seemed even more of a handful than hers and 2ust about as unpopular! .eein that Ac%erley had $ritten an autobio raphy, she sent Norman do$n to the Gondon Gibrary to borro$ it! @atron of the Gondon Gibrary, she had seldom set foot in it and neither, of course, had Norman, but he came bac% full of $onder and e:citement at ho$ oldOfashioned it $as, sayin it $as the sort of library he had only read about in boo%s and had thou ht confined to the past! (e had $andered throu h its labyrinthine stac%s marvellin that these $ere all boo%s that he Kor rather .heL could borro$ at $ill! .o infectious $as his enthusiasm that ne:t time, the #ueen thou ht, she mi ht accompany him!

.he read Ac%erley6s account of himself, unsurprised to find that, bein a homose:ual, he had $or%ed for the BB3, thou h feelin also that he had had a sad life! (is do intri ued her, thou h she $as disconcerted by the almost veterinary intimacies $ith $hich he indul ed the creature! .he $as also surprised that the 8uards seemed to be as readily available as the boo% made out and at such a reasonable tariff! .he $ould have li%ed to have %no$n more about thisE but thou h she had e&uerries $ho $ere in the 8uards she hardly felt able to as%! E!1! 0orster fi ured in the boo%, $ith $hom she remembered spendin an a$%$ard half* hour $hen she invested him $ith the 3(! 1ouse*li%e and shy, he had said little and in such a small voice she had found him almost impossible to communicate $ith! .till, he $as a bit of a dar% horse! .ittin there $ith his hands pressed to ether li%e somethin out of Alice in "onderland, he ave no hint of $hat he $as thin%in , and so she $as pleasantly surprised to find on readin his bio raphy that he had said after$ards that had she been a boy he $ould have fallen in love $ith her! /f course he couldn6t actually have said this to her face, she realised that, but the more she read the more she re retted ho$ she intimidated people and $ished that $riters in particular had the coura e to say $hat they later $rote do$n! "hat she $as findin also $as ho$ one boo% led to another, doors %ept openin $herever she turned and the days $eren6t lon enou h for the readin she $anted to do! But there $as re ret, too, and mortification at the many opportunities she had missed! As a child she had met 1asefield and "alter de la 1areE nothin much she could have said to them, but she had met T!.! Eliot, too, and there $as @riestley and @hilip Gar%in and even Ted (u hes, to $hom she6d ta%en a bit of a shine but $ho remained nonplussed in her presence! And it $as because she had at that time read so little of $hat they had $ritten that she could not find anythin to say and they, of course, had not said much of interest to her! "hat a $aste! .he made the mista%e of mentionin this to .ir Mevin! 4But ma6am must have been briefed, surely;5 4/f course,5 said the #ueen, 4but briefin is not readin ! ,n fact it is the antithesis of readin ! Briefin is terse, factual and to the point! Readin is untidy, discursive and perpetually invitin ! Briefin closes do$n a sub2ect, readin opens it up!5 4, $onder $hether , can brin Dour 1a2esty bac% to the visit to the shoe factory,5 said .ir Mevin! 4Ne:t time,5 said the #ueen shortly! 4"here did , put my boo%;5 ? (A=,N8 -,.3/=ERE- the deli hts of readin herself, (er 1a2esty $as %een to pass them on! 4-o you read, .ummers;5 she said to the chauffeur en route for Northampton! 4Read, ma6am;5 4Boo%s;5 4"hen , et the chance, ma6am! , never seem to find the time!5 4That6s $hat a lot of people say! /ne must ma%e the time! Ta%e this mornin ! Dou6re oin to be sittin outside the to$n hall $aitin for me! Dou could read then!5 4, have to $atch the motor, ma6am! This is the 1idlands! =andalism is universal!5 "ith (er 1a2esty safely delivered into the hands of the lord lieutenant, .ummers did a precautionary circuit of the motor, then settled do$n in his seat! Read; /f course he read! Everybody read! (e opened the love compartment and too% out his copy of the .un!

/thers, notably Norman, $ere more sympathetic, and from him she made no attempt to hide her shortcomin s as a reader or her lac% of cultural credentials alto ether! 4-o you %no$,5 she said one afternoon as they $ere readin in her study, 4do you %no$ the area in $hich one $ould truly e:cel;5 4No, ma6am;5 4The pub &ui>! /ne has been every$here, seen everythin and thou h one mi ht have difficulty $ith pop music and some sport, $hen it comes to the capital of Nimbab$e, say, or the principal e:ports of Ne$ .outh "ales, , have all that at my fin ertips!5 4And , could do the pop,5 said Norman! 4Des,5 said the #ueen! 4"e $ould ma%e a ood team! Ah $ell! The road not travelled! "ho6s that;5 4"ho, ma6am;5 4The road not travelled! Goo% it up!5 Norman loo%ed it up in the -ictionary of #uotations to find that it $as Robert 0rost! 4, %no$ the $ord for you,5 said the #ueen! 41a6am;5 4Dou run errands, you chan e my library boo%s, you loo% up a$%$ard $ords in the dictionary and find me &uotations! -o you %no$ $hat you are;5 4, used to be a s%ivvy, ma6am!5 4"ell, you6re not a s%ivvy no$! Dou6re my amanuensis!5 Norman loo%ed it up in the dictionary the #ueen no$ %ept al$ays on her des%! 4/ne $ho $rites from dictation, copies manuscripts! A literary assistant!5 The ne$ amanuensis had a chair in the corridor, handy for the #ueen6s office, on $hich, $hen he $as not on call or runnin errands, he $ould spend his time readin ! This did him no ood at all $ith the other pa es, $ho thou ht he $as on a cushy number and not comely enou h to deserve it! /ccasionally a passin e&uerry $ould stop and as% him if he had nothin better to do than read, and to be in $ith he had been stuc% for a reply! No$adays, thou h, he said he $as readin somethin for (er 1a2esty, $hich $as often true but $as also satisfactorily irritatin and so sent the e&uerry a$ay in a bad temper! ? REA-,N8 1/RE and more, the #ueen no$ dre$ her boo%s from various libraries, includin some of her o$n, but for sentimental reasons and because she li%ed 1r (utchin s, she still occasionally made a trip do$n to the %itchen yard to patronise the travellin library! /ne "ednesday afternoon, thou h, it $asn6t there, nor the follo$in $ee% either! Norman $as strai hta$ay on the case, only to be told that the visit to the palace had been cancelled due to all*round cutbac%s! Undeterred, Norman eventually trac%ed the library do$n to @imlico, $here in a schoolyard he found 1r (utchin s still do edly at the $heel, stic%in labels on the boo%s! 1r (utchin s told him that thou h he had pointed out to the Gibraries /utreach -epartment that (er 1a2esty $as one of their borro$ers this cut no ice $ith the council, $hich, prior to a:in the visits, said that in&uiries had been made at the palace and it had disclaimed any interest in the matter! Told this by the outra ed Norman, the #ueen seemed unsurprised, but thou h she said nothin to him it confirmed $hat she had suspected, namely that in royal circles readin , or at any rate her readin , $as not $ell loo%ed on! .mall setbac% thou h the loss of the travellin library $as, there $as one happy outcome, as 1r 1ulchin s found himself fi urin on the ne:t honours listE it $as, admittedly, in

&uite a lo$ly capacity, but numbered amon those $ho had done (er 1a2esty some special and personal service! This $as not $ell loo%ed on either, particularly by .ir Mevin! .ince he $as from Ne$ Nealand and somethin of a departure $hen he $as appointed, .ir Mevin .catchard had inevitably been hailed in the press as a ne$ broom, a youn KishL man $ho $ould s$eep a$ay some of the redundant deference and more fla rant flummeries that $ere monarchy6s customary accretions, the 3ro$n in this version pictured as not unli%e 1iss (avisham6s $eddin feast<the cob*$ebbed chandeliers, the mice*infested ca%e and .ir Mevin as 1r @ip tearin do$n the rottin curtains to let in the li ht! The #ueen, $ho had the advanta e of havin once been a breath of fresh air herself, $as unconvinced by this scenario, suspectin that this bris% Antipodean $ind $ould in due course blo$ itself out! @rivate secretaries, li%e prime ministers, came and $ent, and in .ir Mevin6s case the #ueen felt she mi ht simply be a steppin stone to those corporate hei hts for $hich he $as undoubtedly headed! (e $as a raduate of the (arvard Business .chool and one of his publicly stated aims K9settin out our stall6, as he put itL $as to ma%e the monarchy more accessible! The openin of Buc%in ham @alace to visitors had been a step do$n this road, as $as the use of the arden for occasional concerts, pop and other$ise! The readin , thou h, made him uneasy! 4, feel, ma6am, that $hile not e:actly elitist it sends the $ron messa e! ,t tends to e:clude!5 4E:clude; .urely most people can read;5 4They can read, ma6am, but ,6m not sure that they do!5 4Then, .ir Mevin, , am settin them a ood e:ample!5 .he smiled s$eetly, $hile notin that these days .ir Mevin $as much less of a Ne$ Nealander than $hen he had first been appointed, his accent no$ $ith only a tincture of that Mi$i connection about $hich (er 1a2esty %ne$ he $as sensitive and of $hich he did not $ish to be reminded KNorman had told herL! Another delicate issue $as his name! The private secretary felt burdened by his nameP Mevin $as not the name he $ould have chosen for himself and disli%in it made him more a$are of the number of times the #ueen used it, thou h she could hardly have been a$are of ho$ demeanin he felt it! ,n fact she %ne$ perfectly $ell KNorman a ainL, but to her everybody6s name $as immaterial, as indeed $as everythin else, their clothes, their voice, their class! .he $as a enuine democrat, perhaps the only one in the country! To .ir Mevin, thou h, it seemed that she used his name unnecessarily often, and there $ere times $hen he $as sure she ave it a breath of Ne$ Nealand, that land of sheep and .unday afternoons, and a country $hich, as head of the 3ommon$ealth, she had several times visited and claimed to be enthusiastic about! 4,t6s important,5 said .ir Mevin, 4that Dour 1a2esty should stay focused!5 4"hen you say 9stay focused6, .ir Mevin, , suppose you mean one should %eep one6s eye on the ball! "ell, ,6ve had my eye on the ball for more than fifty years so , thin% these days one is allo$ed the occasional lance to the boundary!5 .he felt that her metaphor had probably slipped a little there, not, thou h, that .ir Mevin noticed! 4, can understand,5 he said, 4Dour 1a2esty6s need to pass the time!5 4@ass the time;5 said the #ueen! 4Boo%s are not about passin the time! They6re about other lives! /ther $orlds! 0ar from $antin time to pass, .ir Mevin, one 2ust $ishes one had more of it! ,f one $anted to pass the time one could o to Ne$ Nealand!5

"ith t$o mentions of his name and one of Ne$ Nealand .ir Mevin retired hurt! .till, he had made a point and he $ould have been ratified to %no$ that it left the #ueen troubled, and $onderin $hy it $as that at this particular time in her life she had suddenly felt the pull of boo%s! "here had this appetite come from; 0e$ people, after all, had seen more of the $orld than she had! There $as scarcely a country she had not visited, a notability she had not met! (erself part of the panoply of the $orld, $hy no$ $as she intri ued by boo%s $hich, $hatever else they mi ht be, $ere 2ust a reflection of the $orld or a version of it; Boo%s; .he had seen the real thin ! 4, read, , thin%,5 she said to Norman, 4because one has a duty to find out $hat people are li%e,5 a trite enou h remar% of $hich Norman too% not much notice, feelin himself under no such obli ation and readin purely for pleasure, not enli htenment, thou h part of the pleasure $as the enli htenment, he could see that! But duty did not come into it! To someone $ith the bac% round of the #ueen, thou h, pleasure had al$ays ta%en second place to duty! ,f she could feel she had a duty to read then she could set about it $ith a clear conscience, $ith the pleasure, if pleasure there $as, incidental! But $hy did it ta%e possession of her no$; This she did not discuss $ith Norman, as she felt it had to do $ith $ho she $as and the position she occupied! The appeal of readin , she thou ht, lay in its indifferenceP there $as somethin lofty about literature! Boo%s did not care $ho $as readin them or $hether one read them or not! All readers $ere e&ual, herself included! Giterature, she thou ht, is a common$ealthE letters a republic! Actually she had heard this phrase, the republic of letters, used before, at raduation ceremonies, honorary de rees and the li%e, thou h $ithout %no$in &uite $hat it meant! At that time tal% of a republic of any sort she had thou ht mildly insultin and in her actual presence tactless to say the least! ,t $as only no$ she understood $hat it meant! Boo%s did not defer! All readers $ere e&ual, and this too% her bac% to the be innin of her life! As a irl, one of her reatest thrills had been on =E ni ht, $hen she and her sister had slipped out of the ates and min led unreco nised $ith the cro$ds! There $as somethin of that, she felt, to readin ! ,t $as anonymousE it $as sharedE it $as common! And she $ho had led a life apart no$ found that she craved it! (ere in these pa es and bet$een these covers she could o unreco nised! These doubts and self*&uestionin s, thou h, $ere 2ust the be innin ! /nce she ot into her stride it ceased to seem stran e to her that she $anted to read, and boo%s, to $hich she had ta%en so cautiously, radually came to be her element! ? /NE /0 T(E #ueen6s recurrent royal responsibilities $as to open @arliament, an obli ation she had never previously found particularly burdensome and actually rather en2oyedP to be driven do$n the 1all on a bri ht autumn mornin even after fifty years $as somethin of a treat! But not any more! .he $as dreadin the t$o hours the $hole thin $as due to ta%e, thou h fortunately they $ere in the coach, not the open carria e, so she could ta%e alon her boo%! .he6d ot &uite ood at readin and $avin , the tric% bein to %eep the boo% belo$ the level of the $indo$ and to %eep focused on it and not on the cro$ds! The du%e didn6t li%e it one bit, of course, but oodness it helped! "hich $as all very $ell, e:cept it $as only $hen she $as actually in the coach, $ith the procession dra$n up in the palace forecourt and ready for the off, that, as she put on her lasses, she realised she6d for otten the boo%! And $hile the du%e fumes in the corner and the postillions fid et, the horses shift and the harness clin%s, Norman is run on the mobile! The 8uardsmen stand at ease and the procession $aits! The officer in char e loo%s at his

$atch! T$o minutes late! Mno$in nothin displeases (er 1a2esty more and %no$in nothin of the boo%, he does not loo% for$ard to the repercussions that must inevitably follo$! But here is Norman, s%itterin across the ravel $ith the boo% thou htfully hidden in a sha$l, and off they o! .till, it is an ill*tempered royal couple that is driven do$n the 1all, the du%e $avin viciously from his side, the #ueen listlessly from hers, and at some speed, too, as the procession tries to pic% up the t$o minutes that have been lost! At "estminster she popped the offendin boo% behind a cushion in the carria e ready for the 2ourney bac%, mindful as she sat on the throne and embar%ed on her speech of ho$ tedious $as the t$addle she $as called on to deliver and that this $as actually the only occasion $hen she ot to read aloud to the nation! 41y overnment $ill do thisCmy overnment $ill do that!5 ,t $as so barbarously phrased and $holly devoid of style or interest that she felt it demeaned the very act of readin itself, $ith this year6s performance even more arbled than usual as she, too, tried to pic% up the missin couple of minutes! ,t $as $ith some relief that she ot bac% into the coach and reached behind the cushion for her boo%! ,t $as not there! .teadfastly $avin as they rumbled alon , she surreptitiously felt behind the other cushions! 4Dou6re not sittin on it;5 4.ittin on $hat;5 41y boo%!5 4No, , am not! .ome British Ge ion people here, and $heelchairs! "ave, for 8od6s sa%e!5 "hen they arrived at the palace she had a $ord $ith 8rant, the youn footman in char e, $ho said that $hile ma6am had been in the Gords the sniffer do s had been round and security had confiscated the boo%! (e thou ht it had probably been e:ploded! 4E:ploded;5 said the #ueen! 4But it $as Anita Broo%ner!5 The youn man, $ho seemed remar%ably undeferential, said security may have thou ht it $as a device! The #ueen saidP 4Des! That is e:actly $hat it is! A boo% is a device to i nite the ima ination!5 The footman saidP 4Des, ma6am!5 ,t $as as if he $as tal%in to his randmother, and not for the first time the #ueen $as made unpleasantly a$are of the hostility her readin seemed to arouse! 4=ery $ell,5 she said! 4Then you should inform security that , shall e:pect to find another copy of the same boo%, vetted and e:plosive*free, $aitin on my des% tomorro$ mornin ! And another thin ! The carria e cushions are filthy! Goo% at my loves!5 (er 1a2esty departed! 40uc%,5 said the footman, fishin out the boo% from $here he had been told to hide it do$n the front of his breeches! But of the lateness of the procession, to everyone6s surprise nothin $as officially said! This disli%e of the #ueen6s readin $as not confined to the household! "hereas in the past $al%ies had meant a noisy and unrestrained romp in the rounds, these days, once she $as out of si ht of the house (er 1a2esty san% onto the nearest seat and too% out her boo%! /ccasionally she thre$ a bored biscuit in the direction of the do s, but there $as none of that ball*thro$in , stic%*fetchin and orchestrated fren>y that used to enliven their perambulations! ,ndul ed and bad*tempered thou h they $ere, the do s $ere not unintelli ent, so it $as not surprisin that in a short space of time they came to hate boo%s as the spoilsports they $ere Kand al$ays have beenL!

-id (er 1a2esty ever let a boo% fall to the carpet it $ould strai hta$ay be leaped on by any attendant do , $orried and slavered over and borne to the distant reaches of the palace or $herever so that it could be satisfyin ly torn apart! The 7ames Tait Blac% pri>e not$ithstandin , ,an 1cE$an had ended up li%e this and even A!.! Byatt! @atron of the Gondon Gibrary thou h she $as, (er 1a2esty re ularly found herself on the phone apolo isin to the rene$als cler% for the loss of yet another volume! The do s disli%ed Norman, too, and in so far as the youn man could be blamed for some at least of the #ueen6s literary enthusiasm, .ir Mevin didn6t care for him either! (e $as also irritated by his constant pro:imity because, $hile he $as never actually in the room $hen the private secretary tal%ed to the #ueen, he $as al$ays $ithin call! They $ere discussin a royal visit to "ales due to ta%e place in a fortni ht6s time! ,n the middle of bein ta%en throu h her pro ramme Ka ride on a super*tram, a u%ulele concert and a tour round a cheese factoryL, (er 1a2esty suddenly ot up and $ent to the door! 4Norman!5 .ir Mevin heard a chair scrape as Norman ot up! 4"e6re oin to "ales in a fe$ $ee%s6 time!5 4Bad luc%, ma6am!5 The #ueen smiled bac% at the unsmilin .ir Mevin! 4Norman is so chee%y! No$ $e6ve read -ylan Thomas, haven6t $e, and some 7ohn 3o$per @o$ys! And 7an 1orris $e6ve read! But $ho else is there;5 4Dou could try Milvert, ma6am,5 said Norman! 4"ho6s he;5 4A vicar, ma6am! Nineteenth century! Gived on the "elsh borders and $rote a diary! 0ond of little irls!5 4/h,5 said the #ueen, 4li%e Ge$is 3arroll!5 4"orse, ma6am!5 4-ear me! 3an you et me the diaries;5 4,6ll add them to our list, ma6am!5 (er 1a2esty closed the door and came bac% to her des%! 4Dou see, you can6t say , don6t do my home$or%, .ir Mevin!5 .ir Mevin, $ho had never heard of Milvert, $as unimpressed! 4The cheese factory is in a ne$ business par%, sited on reclaimed colliery land! ,t6s revitalised the $hole area!5 4/h, ,6m sure,5 said the #ueen! 4But you must admit that the literature is relevant!5 4, don6t %no$ that it is,5 said .ir Mevin! 4The ne:t*door factory $here Dour 1a2esty is openin the canteen ma%es computer components!5 4.ome sin in , , suppose;5 said the #ueen! 4There $ill be a choir, ma6am!5 4There enerally is!5 .ir Mevin had a very muscular face, the #ueen thou ht! (e seemed to have muscles in his chee%s and $hen he fro$ned, they rippled! ,f she $ere a novelist, she thou ht, that mi ht be $orth $ritin do$n! 4"e must ma%e sure, ma6am, that $e6re sin in from the same hymn sheet!5 4,n "ales, yes! 1ost certainly! Any ne$s from home; Busy shearin a$ay;5 4Not at this time of year, ma6am!5 4/h! /ut to rass!5

.he smiled the $ide smile that indicated that the intervie$ $as over and $hen he turned to bo$ his head at the door she $as already bac% in her boo% and $ithout loo%in up simply murmured 9.ir Mevin6 and turned the pa e! ? ./ ,N -UE course (er 1a2esty $ent to "ales and to .cotland and to Gancashire and the "est 3ountry in that unremittin round of nation$ide perambulation that is the lot of the monarch! The #ueen must meet her people, ho$ever a$%$ard and ton ue*tied such meetin s mi ht turn out to be! Thou h it $as here that her staff could help! To et round the occasional speechlessness of her sub2ects $hen confronted $ith their soverei n the e&uerries $ould sometimes proffer handy hints as to possible conversations! 4(er 1a2esty may $ell as% you if you have had far to come! (ave your ans$er ready and then possibly o on to say $hether you came by train or by car! .he may then as% you $here you have left the car and $hether the traffic $as busier here than in<$here did you say you came from;<Andover! The #ueen, you see, is interested in all aspects of the nation6s life, so she $ill sometimes tal% about ho$ difficult it is to par% in Gondon these days, $hich could ta%e you on to a discussion of any par%in problems you mi ht have in Basin sto%e!5 4Andover, actually, thou h Basin sto%e6s a ni htmare too!5 4#uite so! But you et the idea; .mall tal%!5 1undane thou h these conversations mi ht be they had the merit of bein predictable and above all brief, affordin (er 1a2esty plenty of opportunities to cut the e:chan e short! The encounters ran smoothly and to a schedule, the #ueen seemed interested and her sub2ects $ere seldom at a loss, and that perhaps the most ea erly anticipated conversation of their lives had only amounted to a discussion of the coned*off sections of the 1Q hardly mattered! They had met the #ueen and she had spo%en to them and everyone ot a$ay on time! .o routine had such e:chan es become that the e&uerries no$ scarcely bothered to invi ilate them, hoverin on the outs%irts of the atherin al$ays $ith a helpful if condescendin smile! .o it $as only $hen it became plain that the ton ue*tied &uotient $as increasin and that more and more of her sub2ects $ere at a loss $hen tal%in to (er 1a2esty that the staff be an to eavesdrop on $hat $as Kor $as notL bein said! ,t transpired that $ith no prior notification to her attendants the #ueen had abandoned her lon standin lines of in&uiry<len th of service, distance travelled, place of ori in<and had embar%ed on a ne$ conversational ambit, namely, 4"hat are you readin at the moment;5 To this very fe$ of (er 1a2esty6s loyal .ub2ects had a ready ans$er Kthou h one did tryP 4The Bible;5L! (ence the a$%$ard pauses $hich the #ueen tended to fill by sayin , 4,6m readin C5, sometimes even fishin in her handba and ivin them a limpse of the luc%y volume! Unsurprisin ly the audiences ot lon er and more ra ed, $ith a ro$in number of her lovin sub2ects oin a$ay re rettin that they had not performed $ell and feelin , too, that the monarch had someho$ bo$led them a oo ly! /ff duty, @iers, Tristram, 8iles and Elspeth, all the #ueen6s devoted servants, compare notesP 4"hat are you readin ; , mean, $hat sort of &uestion is that; 1ost people, poor dears, aren6t readin anythin ! E:cept if they say that, madam roots in her handba , fetches out some volume she6s 2ust finished and ma%es them a present of it!5 4"hich they promptly sell on eBay!5 4#uite! And have you been on a royal visit recently;5 one of the ladies*in*$aitin chips in! 4Because the $ord has ot round! "hereas once upon a time the dear people $ould fetch

alon the odd daffodil or a bunch of mouldy old primroses $hich (er 1a2esty then passed bac% to us brin in up the rear, no$adays they fetch alon boo%s they6re readin , or, $ait for it, even $ritin , and if you6re unluc%y enou h to be in attendance you practically need a trolley! ,f ,6d $anted to cart boo%s around ,6d have ot a 2ob in (atchards! ,6m afraid (er 1a2esty is ettin to be $hat is %no$n as a handful!5 .till, the e&uerries accommodated, and dis runtled thou h they $ere at havin to vary their routine, in the li ht of the #ueen6s ne$ predilection her attendants reluctantly chan ed tac% and in their pre*presentation $arm*up no$ su ested that $hile (er 1a2esty mi ht, as of old, still in&uire as to ho$ far the presentee had come and by $hat means, these days she $as more li%ely to as% $hat the person $as currently readin ! At this most people loo%ed blan% Kand sometimes panic*stric%enL but, nothin daunted, the e&uerries came up $ith a list of su estions! Thou h this meant that the #ueen came a$ay $ith a disproportionate notion of the popularity of Andy 1cNab and the near universal affection for 7oanna Trollope, no matterE at least embarrassment had been avoided! And once the ans$ers had been supplied the audiences $ere bac% on trac% and finished on the dot as they used to do, the only hold*ups $hen, as seldom, one of her sub2ects confessed to a fondness for =ir inia "oolf or -ic%ens, both of $hich provo%ed a lively Kand len thyL discussion! There $ere many $ho hoped for a similar meetin of minds by sayin they $ere readin (arry @otter, but to this the #ueen K$ho had no time for fantasyL invariably said bris%ly, 4Des! /ne is savin that for a rainy day,5 and passed s$iftly on! .eein her almost daily meant that .ir Mevin $as able to na the #ueen about $hat $as no$ almost an obsession and to devise different approaches! 4, $as $onderin , ma6am, if $e could someho$ factor in your readin !5 /nce she $ould have let this pass, but one effect of readin had been to diminish the #ueen6s tolerance for 2ar on K$hich had al$ays been lo$L! 40actor it in; "hat does that mean;5 4,6m 2ust %ic%in the tyres on this one, ma6am, but it $ould help if $e $ere able to put out a press release sayin that, apart from En lish literature, Dour 1a2esty $as also readin ethnic classics!5 4"hich ethnic classics did you have in mind, .ir Mevin; The Mama .utra;5 .ir Mevin si hed! 4, am readin =i%ram .eth at the moment! "ould he count;5 Thou h the private secretary had never heard of him he thou ht he sounded ri ht! 4.alman Rushdie;5 4@robably not, ma6am!5 4, don6t see,5 said the #ueen, 4$hy there is any need for a press release at all! "hy should the public care $hat , am readin ; The #ueen reads! That is all they need to %no$! 4.o $hat;5 , ima ine the eneral response!5 4To read is to $ithdra$! To ma%e oneself unavailable! /ne $ould feel easier about it,5 said .ir Mevin, 4if the pursuit itself $ere lessCselfish!5 4.elfish;5 4@erhaps , should say solipsistic!5 4@erhaps you should!5 .ir Mevin plun ed on! 4"ere $e able to harness your readin to some lar er purpose<the literacy of the nation as a $hole, for instance, the improvement of readin standards amon the youn C5 4/ne reads for pleasure,5 said the #ueen! 4,t is not a public duty!5

4@erhaps,5 said .ir Mevin, 4it should be!5 4Bloody chee%,5 said the du%e $hen she told him that ni ht! ? A@R/@/. T(E du%e, $hat of the family in all this; (o$ did the #ueen6s readin impin e on them; (ad it been (er 1a2esty6s responsibility to prepare meals, to shop or, unima inably, to dust and hoover the houseKsL, standards $ould strai hta$ay have been perceived to have fallen! But, of course, she had to do none of these thin s! That she did her bo:es $ith less assiduity is true, but this didn6t affect her husband or her children! "hat it did affect Kor 9impact upon6, as .ir Mevin put itL $as the public sphere, $here she had be un to perform her duties $ith a perceived reluctanceP she laid foundation stones $ith less elan and $hat fe$ ships there $ere to launch she sent do$n the slip$ay $ith no more ceremony than a toy boat on a pond, her boo% al$ays $aitin ! "hile this mi ht concern her staff, her family $ere actually rather relieved! .he had al$ays %ept them up to the mar% and a e had not made her more indul ent! Readin , thou h, had! .he left the family more to themselves, chivvied them hardly at all and they had an easier time alto ether! (urray for boo%s $as their feelin , e:cept $hen they $ere re&uired to read them or $hen randmama insisted on tal%in about them, &ui>>in them about their o$n readin habits or, $orst of all, pressin boo%s into their hands and chec%in later to see if they had been read! As it $as, they $ould often come upon her in odd unfre&uented corners of her various d$ellin s, spectacles on the end of her nose, noteboo% and pencil beside her! .he $ould lance up briefly and raise a va ue, ac%no$led in hand! 4"ell, ,6m lad somebody6s happy,5 said the du%e as he shuffled off do$n the corridor! And it $as trueE she $as! .he en2oyed readin li%e nothin else and devoured boo%s at an astonishin rate, not that, Norman apart, there $as anyone to be astonished! Nor initially did she discuss her readin $ith anyone, least of all in public, %no$in that such a late*flo$erin enthusiasm, ho$ever $orth$hile, mi ht e:pose her to ridicule! ,t $ould be the same, she thou ht, if she had developed a passion for 8od, or dahlias! At her a e, people thou ht, $hy bother; To her, thou h, nothin could have been more serious, and she felt about readin $hat some $riters felt about $ritin , that it $as impossible not to do it and that at this late sta e of her life she had been chosen to read as others $ere chosen to $rite! To be in $ith, it6s true, she read $ith trepidation and some unease! The sheer endlessness of boo%s outfaced her and she had no idea ho$ to o onE there $as no system to her readin , $ith one boo% leadin to another, and often she had t$o or three on the o at the same time! The ne:t sta e had been $hen she started to ma%e notes, after $hich she al$ays read $ith a pencil in hand, not summarisin $hat she read but simply transcribin passa es that struc% her! ,t $as only after a year or so of readin and ma%in notes that she tentatively ventured on the occasional thou ht of her o$n! 4, thin% of literature,5 she $rote, 4as a vast country to the far borders of $hich , am 2ourneyin but cannot possibly reach! And , have started too late! , $ill never catch up!5 Then Kan unrelated thou htLP 4Eti&uette may be bad but embarrassment is $orse!5 There $as sadness to her readin , too, and for the first time in her life she felt there $as a ood deal she had missed! .he had been readin one of the several lives of .ylvia @lath and $as actually &uite happy to have missed most of that, but readin the memoirs of Gauren Bacall she could not help feelin that 1s Bacall had had a much better bite at the carrot and, sli htly to her surprise, found herself envyin her for it!

That the #ueen could readily s$itch from sho$bi> autobio raphy to the last days of a suicidal poet mi ht seem both incon ruous and $antin in perception! But, certainly in her early days, to her all boo%s $ere the same and, as $ith her sub2ects, she felt a duty to approach them $ithout pre2udice! 0or her, there $as no such thin as an improvin boo%! Boo%s $ere uncharted country and, to be in $ith at any rate, she made no distinction bet$een them! "ith time came discrimination, but apart from the occasional $ord from Norman, nobody told her $hat to read, and $hat not! Gauren Bacall, "inifred (oltby, .ylvia @lath<$ho $ere they; /nly by readin could she find out! ,t $as a fe$ $ee%s later that she loo%ed up from her boo% and said to NormanP 4-o you %no$ that , said you $ere my amanuensis; "ell, ,6ve discovered $hat , am! , am an opsimath!5 "ith the dictionary al$ays to hand, Norman read outP 4/psimathP one $ho learns only late in life!5 ,t $as this sense of ma%in up for lost time that made her read $ith such rapidity and in the process no$ addin more fre&uent Kand more confidentL comments of her o$n, brin in to $hat $as in effect literary criticism the same forthri htness $ith $hich she tac%led other departments of her life! .he $as not a entle reader and often $ished authors $ere around so that she could ta%e them to tas%! 4Am , alone,5 she $rote, 4in $antin to ive (enry 7ames a ood tal%in *to;5 4, can see $hy -r 7ohnson is $ell thou ht of, but surely, much of it is opinionated rubbish;5 ,t $as (enry 7ames she $as readin one teatime $hen she said out loud, 4/h, do et on!5 The maid, $ho $as 2ust ta%in a$ay the tea trolley, said, 4.orry, ma6am,5 and shot out of the room in t$o seconds flat! 4Not you, Alice,5 the #ueen called after her, even oin to the door! 4Not you!5 @reviously she $ouldn6t have cared $hat the maid thou ht or that she mi ht have hurt her feelin s, only no$ she did and comin bac% to the chair she $ondered $hy! That this access of consideration mi ht have somethin to do $ith boo%s and even $ith the perpetually irritatin (enry 7ames did not at that moment occur to her! Thou h the a$areness of all the catchin up she had to do never left her, her other re ret $as to do $ith all the famous authors she could have met but hadn6t! ,n this respect at least she could mend her $ays and she decided, partly at Norman6s ur in , that it $ould be interestin and even fun to meet some of the authors they had both been readin ! Accordin ly a reception $as arran ed, or a soiree, as Norman insisted on callin it! The e&uerries naturally e:pected that the same form $ould apply as at the arden parties and other lar e receptions, $ith the tippin off of uests to $hom (er 1a2esty $as li%ely to stop and tal%! The #ueen, thou h, thou ht that on this occasion such formality $as misplaced Kthese $ere artists after allL and decided to ta%e pot luc%! This turned out not to be a ood idea! .hy and even timid thou h authors had enerally seemed to be $hen she had met them individually, ta%en to ether they $ere loud, ossipy and, thou h they lau hed a ood deal, not, so far as she could tell, particularly funny! .he found herself hoverin on the ed e of roups, $ith no one ma%in much effort to include her, so that she felt li%e a uest at her o$n party! And $hen she did spea% she either %illed conversation and plun ed it into an a$ful pause or the authors, presumably to demonstrate their independence and sophistication, too% no notice at all of $hat she said and 2ust $ent on tal%in !

,t $as e:citin to be $ith $riters she had come to thin% of as her friends and $hom she lon ed to %no$! But no$, $hen she $as achin to declare her fello$ feelin $ith those $hose boo%s she had read and admired, she found she had nothin to say! .he, $ho had seldom in her life been intimidated by anyone, no$ found herself ton ue*tied and a$%$ard! 4, adored your boo%,5 $ould have said it all, but fifty years of composure and self* possession plus half a century of understatement stood in the $ay! (ard put for conversation, she found herself fallin bac% on some of her stoc% stand*bys! ,t $asn6t &uite 4(o$ far did you have to come;5 but their literary e&uivalent! 4(o$ do you thin% of your characters; -o you $or% re ular hours; -o you use a $ord*processor;5<&uestions $hich she %ne$ $ere cliches and $ere embarrassin to inflict had the a$%$ard silence not been $orse! /ne .cottish author $as particularly alarmin ! As%ed $here his inspiration came from, he said fiercelyP 4,t doesn6t come, Dour 1a2esty! Dou have to o out and fetch it!5 "hen she did mana e to e:press<and almost stammer<her admiration, hopin the author $ould tell her ho$ he Kthe men, she decided, much $orse than the $omenL had come to $rite the boo% in &uestion, she found her enthusiasm brushed aside, as he insisted on tal%in not about the bestseller he had 2ust $ritten but about the one on $hich he $as currently at $or% and ho$ slo$ly it $as oin and ho$ in conse&uence, as he sipped his champa ne, he $as the most miserable of creatures! Authors, she soon decided, $ere probably best met $ith in the pa es of their novels, and $ere as much creatures of the reader6s ima ination as the characters in their boo%s! Nor did they seem to thin% one had done them a %indness by readin their $ritin s! Rather they had done one the %indness by $ritin them! To be in $ith she had thou ht she mi ht hold such atherin s on a re ular basis, but this soiree $as enou h to disabuse her of that! /nce $as enou h! This came as a relief to .ir Mevin, $ho had not been enthusiastic, pointin out that if ma6am held an evenin for the $riters she $ould then have to hold a similar evenin for the artists, and havin held evenin s for $riters and artists the scientists $ould then e:pect to be entertained, too! 41a6am must not be seen to be partial!5 "ell, there $as no$ no dan er of that! "ith some 2ustification, .ir Mevin blamed Norman for this evenin of literary lac%lustre, as he had encoura ed the #ueen $hen she had tentatively mentioned the idea! ,t $asn6t as if Norman had had much of a time either! Giterature bein $hat it is the ay &uotient amon the uests $as &uite hi h, some of them as%ed alon at Norman6s specific su estion! Not that that did him any ood at all! Thou h li%e the other pa es he $as 2ust ta%in round the drin%s and the nibbles that $ent $ith them, Norman %ne$, as the others didn6t, the reputation and standin of those $hom he $as bobbin up to $ith his tray! (e had even read their boo%s! But it $as not Norman around $hom they clustered, but the dolly pa es and the loftier e&uerries $ho, as Norman said bitterly Kthou h not to the #ueenL, $ouldn6t %no$ a literary reputation if they stepped in it! .till, if the $hole e:perience of entertainin the Givin "ord $as unfortunate, it did not Kas .ir Mevin had hopedL put (er 1a2esty off readin ! ,t turned her off $antin to meet authors, and to some e:tent off livin authors alto ether! But this 2ust meant that she had more time for the classics, for -ic%ens, Thac%eray, 8eor e Eliot and the Bronte6s! ? E=ERD TUE.-AD evenin the #ueen sa$ her prime minister, $ho briefed her on $hat he felt she ou ht to %no$! The press $ere fond of picturin these meetin s as those of a

$ise and e:perienced monarch uidin her first minister past possible pitfalls and dra$in on her uni&ue repository of political e:perience accumulated over the fifty*odd years she had been on the throne in order to ive him advice! This $as a myth, thou h one in $hich the palace itself collaborated, the truth bein the lon er they $ere in office the less the prime ministers listened and the more they tal%ed, the #ueen noddin assent thou h not al$ays a reement! To be in $ith prime ministers $anted the #ueen to hold their hand, and $hen they came to see her it $as to be stro%ed and iven an approvin pat in the spirit of a child $antin to sho$ its mother $hat it has done! And, as so often $ith her, it $as really a sho$ that $as re&uired, a sho$ of interest, a sho$ of concern! 1en Kand this included 1rs ThatcherL $anted sho$! At this sta e, thou h, they still listened and even as%ed her advice, but as time passed all her prime ministers modulated $ith disturbin similarity into lecturin mode, $hen they ceased to re&uire encoura ement from the #ueen but treated her li%e an audience, listenin to her no lon er on the a enda! ,t $as not only 8ladstone $ho addressed the #ueen as if she $as a public meetin ! The audience this particular Tuesday had follo$ed the usual pattern, and it $as only $hen it $as dra$in to a close that the #ueen mana ed to et a $ord in and tal% about a sub2ect that actually interested her! 4About my 3hristmas broadcast!5 4Des, ma6am;5 said the prime minister! 4, thou ht this year one mi ht do somethin different!5 4-ifferent, ma6am;5 4Des! ,f one $ere to be sittin on a sofa readin or, even more informally, be discovered by the camera curled up $ith a boo%, the camera could creep in<is that the e:pression;<until ,6m in mid*shot, $hen , could loo% up and say, 4,6ve been readin this boo% about such and such,5 and then o on from there!5 4And $hat $ould the boo% be, ma6am;5 The prime minister loo%ed unhappy! 4That one $ould have to thin% about!5 4.omethin about the state of the $orld perhaps;5 (e bri htened! 4@ossibly, thou h they et &uite enou h of that from the ne$spapers! No! , $as actually thin%in of poetry!5 4@oetry, ma6am;5 (e smiled thinly! 4Thomas (ardy, for instance! , read an a$fully ood poem of his the other day about ho$ the Titanic and the iceber that $as to sin% her came to ether! ,t6s called 9The 3onver ence of the T$ain6! -o you %no$ it;5 4, don6t, ma6am! But ho$ $ould it help;5 4(elp $hom;5 4"ell5<and the prime minister seemed a trifle embarrassed actually to have to say it <4the people!5 4/h, surely,5 said the #ueen, 4it $ould sho$, $ouldn6t it, that fate is somethin to $hich $e are all sub2ect!5 .he a>ed at the prime minister, smilin helpfully! (e loo%ed do$n at his hands! 4,6m not sure that is a messa e the overnment $ould feel able to endorse!5 The public must not be allo$ed to thin% the $orld could not be mana ed! That $ay lay chaos! /r defeat at the polls, $hich $as the same thin ! 4,6m told,5<and no$ it $as his turn to smile helpfully<4that there is some e:cellent foota e of Dour 1a2esty6s visit to .outh Africa!5 The #ueen si hed and pressed the bell! 4"e $ill thin% about it!5

The prime minister %ne$ that the audience $as over as Norman opened the door and $aited! 4.o this,5 thou ht the prime minister, 4is the famous Norman!5 4/h, Norman,5 said the #ueen, 4the prime minister doesn6t seem to have read (ardy! @erhaps you could find him one of our old paperbac%s on his $ay out!5 .li htly to her surprise the #ueen did after a fashion et her $ay, and thou h she $as not curled up on the sofa but seated at her usual table, and thou h she did not read the (ardy poem Kre2ected as not 9for$ard*loo%in 6L, she be an her 3hristmas broadcast $ith the openin para raph of A Ta% of T$o 3ities K4,t $as the best of times! ,t $as the $orst of times5L and did it $ell, too! 3hoosin not to read from the autocue but from the boo% itself, she reminded the older ones in her audience Kand they $ere the ma2orityL of the %ind of teacher some of them could still remember and $ho had read to them at school! Encoura ed by the reception iven to her 3hristmas broadcast she persisted $ith her notion of readin in public, and late one ni ht, as she closed her boo% on the Eli>abethan .ettlement, it occurred to her to rin the Archbishop of 3anterbury! There $as a pause $hile he turned do$n the T=! 4Archbishop! "hy do , never read the lesson;5 4, be your pardon, ma6am;5 4,n church! Everybody else ets to read and one never does! ,t6s not laid do$n, is it; ,t6s not off*limits;5 4Not that ,6m a$are, ma6am!5 48ood! "ell in that case ,6m oin to start! Geviticus, here , come! 8oodni ht!5 The archbishop shoo% his head and $ent bac% to .trictly 3ome -ancin ! But thereafter, particularly $hen she $as in Norfol%, and even in .cotland, (er 1a2esty be an to do a re ular stint at the lectern! And not merely the lectern! =isitin a Norfol% primary school she sat do$n on a classroom chair and read a story from Babar to the children! Addressin a 3ity ban&uet she treated them to a Bet2eman poem, impromptu departures from her schedule $hich enchanted everyone e:cept .ir Mevin, from $hom she hadn6t bothered to et clearance! Also unscheduled $as the conclusion of a tree*plantin ceremony! (avin li htly du an oa% saplin into the reclaimed earth of a blea% urban farm above the 1ed$ay, she rested on the ceremonial spade and recited by heart @hilip Gar%in6s poem 9The Trees6, $ith its final verseP Det still the unrestin castles thresh ,n full ro$n thic%ness every 1ay! Gast year is dead, they seem to say, Be in afresh, afresh, afresh! And as that clear and unmista%able voice carried over the shabby $ind*bitten rass it seemed it $as not 2ust the huddled municipal party she $as addressin but herself too! ,t $as her life she $as callin upon, the ne$ be innin hers! .till, thou h readin absorbed her, $hat the #ueen had not e:pected $as the de ree to $hich it drained her of enthusiasm for anythin else! ,t6s true that at the prospect of openin yet another s$immin *baths her heart didn6t e:actly leap up, but even so, she had never actually resented havin to do it! (o$ever tedious her obli ations had been<visitin this, conferrin that<boredom had never come into it! This $as her duty and $hen she

opened her en a ement boo% every mornin it had never been $ithout interest or e:pectation! No more! No$ she surveyed the unrelentin pro ression of tours, travels and underta%in s stretchin years into the future only $ith dread! There $as scarcely a day she could call her o$n and never t$o! .uddenly it had all become a dra ! 41a6am is tired,5 said her maid, hearin her roan at her des%! 4,t6s time ma6am put her feet up occasionally!5 But it $asn6t that! ,t $as readin , and love it thou h she did, there $ere times $hen she $ished she had never opened a boo% and entered into other lives! ,t had spoiled her! /r spoiled her for this, any$ay! ? 1EAN"(,GE the rand visitors came and $ent, one of them the president of 0rance $ho proved such a let*do$n on the 8enet front! .he mentioned this to the forei n secretary in the debriefin that $as customary after such visits, but he had never heard of the convict* play$ri ht either! .till, she said, driftin rather from the comments the president had made about An lo*0rench monetary arran ements, dead loss thou h he had been on 8enet K$hom he had dismissed as 4a deni>en of the billiard hall5L, he had proved a mine of information about @roust, $ho had hitherto 2ust been a name to the #ueen! To the forei n secretary he $as not even that, and so she $as able to fill him in a little! 4Terrible life, poor man! A martyr to asthma, apparently, and really someone to $hom one $ould have $anted to say, 4/h do pull your soc%s up!5 But literature6s full of those! The curious thin about him $as that $hen he dipped his ca%e in his tea Kdis ustin habitL the $hole of his past life came bac% to him! "ell, , tried it and it had no effect on me at all! The real treat $hen , $as a child $as 0uller6s ca%es! , suppose it mi ht $or% $ith me if , $ere to taste one of them, but of course they6ve lon since one out of business, so no memories there! Are $e finished;5 .he reached for her boo%! The #ueen6s i norance of @roust $as, unli%e the forei n secretary6s, soon to be remedied, as Norman strai hta$ay loo%ed him up on the internet and, findin that the novel ran to thirteen volumes, thou ht it $ould be ideal readin on (er 1a2esty6s summer holiday at Balmoral! 8eor e @ainter6s bio raphy of @roust $ent $ith them, too! And seein the blue* and pin%*2ac%eted volumes ran ed alon her des%, the #ueen thou ht they loo%ed almost edible and strai ht out of a patisserie $indo$! ,t $as a foul summer, cold, $et and unproductive, the uns rumblin every evenin at their paltry ba ! But for the #ueen Kand for NormanL it $as an idyll! .eldom can there have been more of a contrast bet$een the $orld of the boo% and the place in $hich it $as read, the pair of them en rossed in the sufferin s of .$ann, the petty vul arities of 1me =erdurin and the absurdities of Baron de 3harlus, $hile in the $et butts on the hills the uns crac%ed out their empty tattoo and the occasional dead and sodden sta $as borne past the $indo$! -uty re&uired that the prime minister and his $ife 2oin the house party for a fe$ days, and thou h not a shot himself he $as at least hopin to accompany the #ueen on some bris% $al%s throu h the heather $here, as he put it, he 9hoped to et to %no$ her better6! But %no$in less of @roust than he did even of Thomas (ardy, the prime minister $as disappointedP these $ould*be heart*to*hearts $ere never on the cards! Brea%fast over, (er 1a2esty retired to her study $ith Norman, the men drove off in their Gand Rovers for another disappointin day and the prime minister and his $ife $ere left to their o$n devices! .ome days they trailed throu h the heather and over the moors to eat a $et and a$%$ard picnic $ith the uns, but in the afternoon, havin e:hausted the area6s

shoppin potential by buyin a t$eed ru and a bo: of shortbread, they could be found in a distant corner of the dra$in room playin a sad ame of 1onopoly! 0our days of this $as enou h, and ma%in an e:cuse K4trouble in the 1iddle East5L the prime minister and his lady determined to depart early! /n their last evenin a ame of charades $as hurriedly or anised, the choice of each $ell*%no$n phrase or sayin apparently one of the lesser*%no$n prero atives of the monarch, and $ell %no$n thou h they may have been to her, they $ere a mystery to everyone else, includin the prime minister! The prime minister never li%ed to lose, even to the monarch, and it $as no consolation to be told by one of the princes that no one but the #ueen could hope to $in, as the &uestions Kseveral of them about @roustL $ere set by Norman and ta%en from their readin ! (ad (er 1a2esty resumed a raft of lon *disused prero atives the prime minister could not have been more put out, and on his return to Gondon he $asted no time in ettin his special adviser on to .ir Mevin, $ho condoled $ith him, $hile pointin out that currently Norman $as a burden they all had to share! The special adviser $as unimpressed! 4,s this blo%e Norman a nancy;5 .ir Mevin didn6t %no$ for certain but thou ht it $as possible! 4And does she %no$ that;5 4(er 1a2esty; @robably!5 4And do the press;5 4, thin% the press,5 said .ir Mevin, clenchin and unclenchin his chee%s, 4are the last thin $e $ant!5 4E:actly! .o can , leave it $ith you;5 ,t happened that upcomin $as a state visit to 3anada, a treat that Norman $as not do$n to share, preferrin to o home for his holidays to .toc%ton*on*Tees! (o$ever, he made all the preparations beforehand, carefully pac%in a case of boo%s that $ould see (er 1a2esty fully occupied from coast to farthest coast! The 3anadians $ere not, so far as Norman %ne$, a boo%ish people and the schedule $as so ti ht that the chances of (er 1a2esty ettin to bro$se in a boo%shop $ere slim! .he $as loo%in for$ard to the trip, as much of the 2ourney $as by train, and she pictured herself in happy seclusion $his%ed across the continent as she turned the pa es of @epys, $hom she $as readin for the first time! ,n fact, thou h, the tour, or at least the be innin of it, turned out to be disastrous! The #ueen $as bored, uncooperative and lum, shortcomin s all of $hich her e&uerries $ould readily have blamed on her readin , $ere it not for the fact that, on this occasion, she had no readin , the boo%s Norman had pac%ed for her havin unaccountably one missin ! -ispatched from (eathro$ $ith the royal party, they turned up months later in 3al ary, $here they $ere made the focus of a nice if rather eccentric e:hibition at the local library! ,n the meantime, thou h, (er 1a2esty had nothin to occupy her mind and rather than focusin her attention on the 2ob in hand, $hich had been .ir Mevin6s intention in arran in for the boo%s6 misdirection, bein at a loose end 2ust made her bad*tempered and difficult! ,n the far north $hat fe$ polar bears could be assembled hun about $aitin for (er 1a2esty, but $hen she did not appear loped off to an ice floe that held more promise! Go s 2ammed, laciers slid into the free>in $aters, all unobserved by the royal visitor, $ho %ept to her cabin! 4-on6t you $ant to loo% at the .t Ga$rence .ea$ay;5 said her husband! 4, opened it fifty years a o! , don6t suppose it6s chan ed!5

Even the Roc%ies received only a perfunctory lance and Nia ara 0alls $as iven a miss alto ether K4, have seen it three times5L and the du%e $ent alone! ,t happened, thou h, that at a reception for 3anadian cultural notables the #ueen ot tal%in to Alice 1unro and, learnin that she $as a novelist and short*story $riter, re&uested one of her boo%s, $hich she reatly en2oyed! Even better, it turned out there $ere many more $here that came from and $hich 1s 1unro readily supplied! 43an there be any reater pleasure,5 she confided in her nei hbour, the 3anadian minister for overseas trade, 4than to come across an author one en2oys and then to find they have $ritten not 2ust one boo% or t$o, but at least a do>en;5 And all, thou h she did not say this, in paperbac% and so handba si>e! A postcard $as immediately dispatched to Norman tellin him to et those fe$ that $ere out of print from the library to a$ait her return! /h $hat treatsF But Norman $as no lon er there! ? T(E -AD before he $as due to depart for the deli hts of .toc%ton*on*Tees Norman $as called into .ir Mevin6s office! The prime minister6s special adviser had said that Norman should be sac%edE .ir Mevin disli%ed the special adviserE he didn6t li%e Norman much but he disli%ed the special adviser more, and it $as this that saved Norman6s bacon! Besides, .ir Mevin felt the sac% $as vul ar! Norman should not et the sac%! There $as a neater solution! 4(er 1a2esty is al$ays an:ious for the betterment of her employees,5 the private secretary said beni nly, 4and thou h she is more than satisfied $ith your $or% she $onders if you have ever thou ht of university;5 4University;5 said Norman, $ho hadn6t! 4.pecifically, the University of East An lia! They have a very ood En lish -epartment and indeed a .chool of 3reative "ritin ! , have only to mention the names5<.ir Mevin loo%ed do$n at his pad<4of ,an 1cE$an, Rose Tremain and Ma>uo ,shi uroC5 4Des,5 said Norman! 4"e6ve read those!5 "incin at the 9$e6, the private secretary said that he thou ht East An lia $ould suit Norman very $ell! 4"hat $ith;5 said Norman! 4,6ve no money!5 4That $ill not be a problem! (er 1a2esty, you see, is an:ious not to hold you bac%!5 4, thin% , $ould rather stay here,5 said Norman! 4,t6s an education in itself!5 4De*es,5 said the private secretary! 4That $ill not be possible! (er 1a2esty has someone else in mind! /f course,5 he smiled helpfully, 4your 2ob in the %itchen is al$ays open!5 Thus it $as that $hen the #ueen returned from 3anada there $as no Norman perched on his usual seat in the corridor! (is chair $as empty, not that there $as a chair any more or that comfortin pile of boo%s she had ot used to findin on her bedside table! 1ore immediately, there $as no one to $hom she could discourse on the e:cellences of Alice 1unro! 4(e $asn6t popular, ma6am,5 said .ir Mevin! 4(e $as popular $ith me,5 said the #ueen! 4"here has he one;5 4No idea, ma6am!5 Norman, bein a sensitive boy, $rote the #ueen a lon , chatty letter about the courses he $as ta%in and the readin he had to do, but $hen he ot a reply be innin 9Than% you for your letter in $hich (er 1a2esty $as most interested6 he %ne$ he had been eased out, thou h $hether by the #ueen or her private secretary he $asn6t sure!

,f Norman didn6t %no$ $ho had en ineered his departure, the #ueen herself $as in no doubt! Norman had one the $ay of the travellin library and the case of boo%s that ended up in 3al ary! Gi%e the boo% she had hidden behind the cushion in the state coach, he $as luc%y not to have been e:ploded! And she missed him, there $as no doubt! But no letter came, no note, and there $as nothin for it but rimly to o on! ,t $ouldn6t put a stop to her readin ! That the #ueen $as not more troubled by Norman6s sudden departure mi ht seem surprisin and to reflect poorly on her character! But sudden absences and abrupt departures had al$ays been a feature of her life! .he $as seldom told, for instance, $hen anyone $as illE distress and even fello$ feelin somethin that bein #ueen entitled her to be $ithout, or so her courtiers thou ht! "hen, as unfortunately happened, death did claim a servant or even sometimes a friend, it $as often the first time that the #ueen had heard that anythin $as amiss, 4"e mustn6t $orry (er 1a2esty5 a uidin principle for all her servants! Norman of course had not died, 2ust one to the University of East An lia, thou h, as the e&uerries sa$ it, this $as much the same thin , as he had one from (er 1a2esty6s life and thus no lon er e:isted, his name never mentioned by the #ueen or anyone else! But the #ueen should not be blamed on that score, on that the e&uerries a reedE the #ueen should never be blamed! @eople died, people left and Kmore and moreL people ot into the papers! 0or her they $ere all departures of one sort or another! They left but she $ent on! Gess to her credit, before Norman6s mysterious departure the #ueen had be un to $onder if she $as out ro$in himCor rather, out*readin him! /nce upon a time he had been a humble and strai htfor$ard uide to the $orld of boo%s! (e had advised her as to $hat to read and had not hesitated to say $hen he thou ht she $as not ready for a boo% yet! Bec%ett, for instance, he had %ept from her for a lon $hile, and Nabo%ov, and it $as only radually he had introduced her to @hilip Roth K$ith @ortnoy6s 3omplaint &uite late on in the se&uenceL! 1ore and more, thou h, she had read $hat she fancied and Norman had done the same! They tal%ed about $hat they $ere readin but increasin ly she felt her life and e:perience ave her the advanta eE boo%s could only ta%e one so far! .he had learned, too, that Norman6s preferences could sometimes be suspect! /ther thin s bein e&ual he still tended to prefer ay authors, hence her ac&uaintance $ith 8enet! .ome she li%ed<the novels of 1ary Renault, for instance, fascinated her<but others of a deviant persuasion she $as less %een onP -enton "elch, for instance Ka favourite of Norman6sL, $hom she felt $as rather unhealthyE ,sher$ood Kno time for all the meditationL! As a reader she $as bris% and strai htfor$ardE she didn6t $ant to $allo$ in anythin ! "ith no Norman to tal% to, the #ueen no$ found she $as conductin len thier discussions $ith herself and puttin more and more of her thou hts on paper, so that her noteboo%s multiplied and $idened in scope! 4/ne recipe for happiness is to have no sense of entitlement!5 To this she added a star and noted at the bottom of the pa eP 4This is not a lesson , have ever been in a position to learn!5 4, $as ivin the 3( once, , thin% it $as to Anthony @o$ell, and $e $ere discussin bad behaviour! Notably $ell behaved himself and even conventional, he remar%ed that bein a $riter didn6t e:cuse one from bein a human bein ! "hereas Kone didn6t say thisL bein #ueen does! , have to seem li%e a human bein all the time, but , seldom have to be one! , have people to do that for me!5 ,n addition to thou hts such as these she found herself notin descriptions of people she met, not necessarily all of them famousP their oddities of behaviour, their turns of phrase, as

$ell as the stories she $as told, often in confidence! "hen some scandalous report about the royal family appeared in the ne$spapers the real facts $ent into her noteboo%! "hen some scandal escaped public notice, that too $ent do$n, and all of them told in that sensible, do$n*to*earth tone of voice she $as comin to reco nise and even relish as her o$n style! ,n the absence of Norman her readin , thou h it did not falter, did chan e direction! "hile she still ordered boo%s from the Gondon Gibrary and from boo%sellers, $ith Norman one it $as no lon er their secret! No$ she had to as% the lady*in*$aitin , $ho spo%e to the comptroller before dra$in the petty cash! ,t $as a $earisome process, $hich she $ould occasionally circumvent by as%in one of the more peripheral randchildren to et her boo%s! They $ere happy to obli e and pleased to be ta%en notice of at all, the public scarcely %no$in they e:isted! But more and more no$ the #ueen be an to ta%e boo%s out of her o$n libraries, particularly the one at "indsor, $here, thou h the choice of modern boo%s $as not unlimited, the shelves $ere stac%ed $ith many editions of the classic te:ts, some of them, of course, auto raphed<Bal>ac, Tur enev, 0ieldin , 3onrad, boo%s $hich once she $ould have thou ht beyond her but $hich no$ she sailed throu h, pencil al$ays in hand, and in the process, incidentally, becomin reconciled even to (enry 7ames, $hose diva ations she no$ too% in her strideP 4After all,5 as she $rote in her noteboo%, 4novels are not necessarily $ritten as the cro$ flies!5 .eein her sittin at the $indo$ to catch the last of the li ht, the librarian thou ht that a more assiduous reader these ancient shelves had not seen since the days of 8eor e ,,,! The librarian at "indsor had been one of many $ho had ur ed on (er 1a2esty the charms of 7ane Austen, but bein told on all sides ho$ much ma6am $ould li%e her put ma6am off alto ether! Besides she had handicaps as a reader of 7ane Austen that $ere peculiarly her o$n! The essence of 7ane Austen lies in minute social distinctions, distinctions $hich the #ueen6s uni&ue position made it difficult for her to rasp! There $as such a chasm bet$een the monarch and even her randest sub2ect that the social differences beyond that $ere some$hat telescoped! .o the social distinctions of $hich 7ane Austen made so much seemed of even less conse&uence to the #ueen than they did to the ordinary reader, thus ma%in the novels much harder oin ! To be in $ith at any rate 7ane Austen $as practically a $or% of entomolo y, the characters not &uite ants but seemin to the royal reader so much ali%e as to re&uire a microscope! ,t $as only as she ained in understandin both of literature and of human nature that they too% on individuality and charm! 0eminism, too, ot short shrift, at least to be in $ith and for the same reason, the separations of ender li%e the differences of class as nothin compared $ith the ulf that separated the #ueen from the rest of humanity! But $hether it $as 7ane Austen or feminism or even -ostoevs%y the #ueen eventually ot round to it and to much else besides, but never $ithout re ret! Dears a o she had sat ne:t to Gord -avid 3ecil at a dinner in /:ford and had been at a loss for conversation! (e, she found, had $ritten boo%s on 7ane Austen and these days she $ould have relished the encounter! But Gord -avid $as dead and so it $as too late! Too late! ,t $as all too late! But she $ent on, determined as ever and al$ays tryin to catch up! ? T(E (/U.E(/G-, too, $ent on, runnin as smoothly as it al$ays did, the moves from Gondon to "indsor to Norfol% to .cotland achieved $ith no seemin effort, at any rate on her part, so that sometimes she felt almost surplus to the procedure, the same transferences and translations accomplished re ardless of the person at their centre! ,t $as a ritual of

departure and arrival in $hich she $as 2ust a piece of lu a eE the most important piece, there $as no disputin that, but lu a e nevertheless! ,n one respect these pere rinations $ent better than they had done in the past, in that the persona e around $hom they revolved enerally had her nose in a boo%! .he ot into the car at Buc%in ham @alace and ot out at "indsor $ithout ever leavin the side of 3aptain 3rouchbac% in the evacuation of 3rete! .he fle$ to .cotland happy in the Koccasionally e:asperatin L company of Tristram .handy, and $hen she ot bored $ith him Trollope KAnthonyL $as never far a$ay! ,t all made her a pliant and undemandin traveller! True, she $asn6t al$ays &uite as on the dot as she used to be, and the motor $aitin under the canopy in the courtyard $as a familiar si ht, the du%e increasin ly tetchy in the bac%! But $hen she eventually hurried into the car she $as never tetchyE after all, she had her boo%! (er household, thou h, had no such solace and the e&uerries in particular $ere becomin increasin ly restive and critical! Urbane and e:&uisitely mannered thou h he is, the e&uerry is essentially only a sta e mana erE al$ays a$are $hen deference is due he Kor occasionally sheL %no$s, too, that this is a performance and he is in char e of it, $ith (er 1a2esty playin the leadin role! The audience or the spectators<and $here the #ueen is concerned everyone is a spectator <%no$ that it is a performance, $hile li%in to tell themselves that it isn6t, &uite, and to thin%, performance not$ithstandin , that they have occasionally cau ht a limpse of behaviour that is more 9natural6, more 9real6<the odd overheard remar%, for instance K4, could murder a in and tonic,5 from the late #ueen 1other, 4Bloody do s,5 from the -u%e of Edinbur hL, or the #ueen sittin do$n at a arden party and than%fully %ic%in off her shoes! ,n truth, of course, these supposedly un uarded moments are 2ust as much a performance as the royal family at its most hieratic! This sho$, or sidesho$, mi ht be called playin at bein normal and is as contrived as the most formal public appearance, even thou h those $ho $itness or overhear it thin% that this is the #ueen and her family at their most human and natural! 0ormal or informal, it is all part of that self*presentation in $hich the e&uerries collaborate and $hich, these apparently impromptu moments apart, is from the public6s point of vie$ virtually seamless! ,t only radually came home to the e&uerries that these supposedly sincere moments, limpses of the #ueen as she 9really is6, $ere occurrin less often! -ili ently thou h (er 1a2esty mi ht carry out all her duties, that $as all she $as doin , and never no$ pretendin , as it $ere, to brea% ran%s and seldom comin out $ith supposedly unrehearsed remar%s K43areful,5 she mi ht say as she pins a medal on a youn man, 4, don6t $ant to stab you throu h the heart5L, remar%s that could be ta%en home and cherished, alon $ith the invitation card, the special car*par% pass and the map of the palace precincts! These days she $as formal, smilin and seemin ly sincere but $ithout frills and $ith none of the supposedly off*the*cuff asides $ith $hich she $as $ont to enliven the proceedin s! 4@oor sho$,5 thou ht the e&uerries and that is e:actly $hat they meant, 4a poor sho$5 in $hich (er 1a2esty had turned in a dull performance! But they $ere not in a position to dra$ attention to this omission as they, too, colluded in the pretence that such moments $ere natural and unpremeditated, a enuine overflo$in of (er 1a2esty6s sense of fun! ,t had been an investiture! 4Gess spontaneous this mornin , ma6am,5 one of the bolder e&uerries ventured to say! 4"as ,;5 said the #ueen, $ho $ould once have been most put out at even this mildest of criticisms, thou h these days it scarcely impin ed! 4, thin% , %no$ $hy it is! Dou see, 8erald, as they %neel one loo%s do$n on the tops of people6s heads a ood deal and from

that perspective even the most unsympathetic personality seems touchin P the be innin s of a bald patch, the hair ro$in over the collar! /ne6s feelin s are almost maternal!5 The e&uerry, $ith $hom she6d never shared such confidences before and $ho ou ht to have been flattered, simply felt a$%$ard and embarrassed! This $as a truly human side to the monarch of $hich he6d never been previously a$are and $hich Kunli%e its counterfeit versionsL he did not alto ether $elcome! And $hereas the #ueen herself thou ht that such feelin s probably arose out of her readin boo%s, the youn man felt it mi ht be that she $as be innin to sho$ her a e! Thus it $as that the da$n of sensibility $as mista%en for the onset of senility! ,mmune to embarrassment herself, as she $as to any that she mi ht cause, the #ueen $ould once not have noticed the youn man6s confusion! But observin it no$ she resolved in the future to share her thou hts less promiscuously, $hich $as a pity in a $ay as it $as $hat many in the nation lon ed for! ,nstead she determined to restrict her confidences to her noteboo%s, $here they could do no harm! The #ueen had never been demonstrativeE it $as not in her upbrin in E but more and more these days, particularly in the period follo$in @rincess -iana6s death, she $as bein re&uired to o public about feelin s she $ould have preferred to %eep to herself! At that time, thou h, she had not yet be un to read, and it $as only no$ that she understood that her predicament $as not uni&ue and that she shared it, amon others, $ith 3ordelia! .he $rote in her noteboo%P 4Thou h , do not al$ays understand .ha%espeare, 3ordelia6s 9, cannot heave my heart into my mouth6 is a sentiment , can readily endorse! (er predicament is mine!5 Thou h the #ueen $as al$ays discreet about $ritin in her noteboo%s her e&uerry $as not reassured! (e had once or t$ice cau ht her at it and thou ht that this, too, pointed to potential deran ement! "hat had (er 1a2esty to note do$n; .he never used to do it and li%e any chan e of behaviour in the elderly it $as readily put do$n to decay! 4@robably Al>heimer6s,5 said another of the youn men! 4Dou have to $rite thin s do$n for them, don6t you;5 and this, ta%en to ether $ith (er 1a2esty6s ro$in indifference to appearances, made her attendants fear the $orst! That the #ueen mi ht be thou ht to be sufferin from Al>heimer6s disease $as shoc%in in the obvious $ay, the 9human6 and compassionate $ay, but to 8erald and the other e&uerries it $as more subtly deplorable! ,t seemed to him pitiable that (er 1a2esty, $hose life had al$ays been so se&uestered, should no$ have to share this undi nified depletion $ith so many of her sub2ects, her deterioration, he felt, deservin a royal enclosure $here her behaviour Kand that of monarchs enerallyL mi ht be allo$ed a lar er de ree of latitude and even $ay$ardness before it attracted the levellin denomination of Al>heimer and his all* too*common disease! ,t could have been a syllo ism, if 8erald had %no$n $hat a syllo ism $asP Al>heimer6s is common, the #ueen is not common, therefore the #ueen has not ot Al>heimer6s! Nor had she, of course, and in fact her faculties had never been sharper and unli%e her e&uerry she $ould certainly have %no$n $hat a syllo ism $as! Besides, apart from $ritin in her noteboo%s and her no$ fairly customary lateness, $hat did this deterioration amount to; A brooch repeated, say, or a pair of court shoes $orn on successive daysP the truth $as (er 1a2esty didn6t care, or didn6t care as much, and herself not carin , her attendants, bein human, be an to care less, too, cuttin corners as the #ueen $ould never previously have countenanced! The #ueen had al$ays dressed $ith reat care! .he had an encyclopaedic %no$led e of her $ardrobe and her multiple

accessories and $as scrupulous in rin in the chan es on her various outfits! No lon er! An ordinary $oman $ho $ore the same froc% t$ice in a fortni ht $ould not be thou ht slipshod or ne li ent of appearances! But in the #ueen, the permutations of $hose $ardrobe $ere $or%ed out do$n to the last buc%le, such repetitions si nalled a dramatic fallin a$ay from her o$n self*imposed standards of decorum! 4-oesn6t ma6am care;5 said the maid boldly! 43are about $hat;5 said the #ueen, $hich, $hile bein an ans$er of sorts, did nothin to reassure the maid, convincin her that somethin $as deeply amiss, so that li%e the e&uerries her personal attendants be an to prepare for a len thy decline! ? .T,GG, T(/U8( he sa$ her every $ee%, the occasional $ant of variation in the #ueen6s attire and the sameness of her earrin s $ent unnoticed by the prime minister! ,t had not al$ays been so, and at the start of his term of office he had fre&uently complimented the #ueen on $hat (er 1a2esty $as $earin and her al$ays discreet 2e$ellery! (e $as youn er then, of course, and thou ht of it as flirtin , thou h it $as also a form of nerves! .he $as youn er, too, but she $as not nervous and had been lon enou h at the ame to %no$ that this $as 2ust a phase that most prime ministers $ent throu h Kthe e:ceptions bein 1r (eath and 1rs ThatcherL and that as the novelty of their $ee%ly intervie$s diminished so, too, did the flirtin ! ,t $as another aspect of the myth of the #ueen and her prime minister, the decline of the prime minister6s attention to her personal appearance coincidin $ith his d$indlin concern $ith $hat (er 1a2esty had to say, ho$ the #ueen loo%ed and ho$ the #ueen thou ht, both of diminishin importance, so that, earrin s or no earrin s, ma%in her occasional comments she felt not unli%e an air hostess oin throu h the safety procedures, the loo% on the prime minister6s face that of benevolent and minimal attention from a passen er $ho has heard it all before! The inattention, thou h, and the boredom $ere not all his, and as she had be un to read more, she resented the time these meetin s too% up and so thou ht to enliven the process by relatin them to her studies and $hat she $as learnin about history! This $as not a ood idea! The prime minister did not $holly believe in the past or in any lessons that mi ht be dra$n from it! /ne evenin he $as addressin her on the sub2ect of the 1iddle East $hen she ventured to say, 4,t is the cradle of civilisation, you %no$!5 4And shall be a ain, ma6am,5 said the prime minister, 4provided $e are allo$ed to persist,5 and then bolted off do$n a side alley about the milea e of ne$ se$a e pipes that had been laid and the provision of electricity substations! .he interrupted a ain! 4/ne hopes this isn6t to the detriment of the archaeolo ical remains! -o you %no$ about Ur;5 (e didn6t! .o as he $as oin she found him a couple of boo%s that mi ht help! The follo$in $ee% she as%ed him if he had read them K$hich he hadn6tL! 4They $ere most interestin , ma6am!5 4"ell, in that case $e must find you some more! , find it fascinatin !5 This time ,ran came up and she as%ed him if he %ne$ of the history of @ersia, or ,ran Khe had scarcely even connected the t$oL, and ave him a boo% on that besides, and enerally be an to ta%e such an interest that after t$o or three sessions li%e this, Tuesday evenin s, $hich he had hitherto loo%ed for$ard to as a restful oasis in his $ee%, no$ became frau ht $ith apprehension! .he even &uestioned him about the boo%s as if they $ere home$or%! 0indin he hadn6t read them she smiled tolerantly!

41y e:perience of prime ministers, @rime 1inister, is that, $ith 1r 1acmillan the e:ception, they prefer to have their readin done for them!5 4/ne is busy, ma6am,5 said the prime minister! 4/ne is busy,5 she a reed and reached for her boo%! 4"e $ill see you ne:t $ee%!5 Eventually .ir Mevin ot a call from the special adviser! 4Dour employer has been ivin my employer a hard time!5 4Des;5 4Des! Gendin him boo%s to read! That6s out of order!5 4(er 1a2esty li%es readin !5 4, li%e havin my dic% suc%ed! , don6t ma%e the prime minister do it! Any thou hts, Mevin;5 4, $ill spea% to (er 1a2esty!5 4Dou do that, Mev! And tell her to %noc% it off!5 .ir Mevin did not spea% to (er 1a2esty, still less tell her to %noc% it off! ,nstead, s$allo$in his pride, he $ent to see .ir 3laude! ? ,N T(E little arden of his deli htful seventeenth*century race*and*favour cotta e at (ampton 3ourt .ir 3laude @ollin ton $as readin ! Actually, he $as meant to be readin , but he $as do>in over a bo: of confidential documents sent over from the library at "indsor, a privile e accorded to him as an ancient royal servant, no$ ninety at least but still ostensibly $or%in on his memoirs, tentatively entitled 9-rud ery -ivine6! .ir 3laude had entered royal service strai ht from (arro$ at the a e of ei hteen as a pa e to 8eor e =, one of his first tas%s, as he $as fond of recallin , bein to lic% the hin es $ith $hich that testy and punctilious monarch used to stic% the stamps into his many albums! 4"ere there a problem discoverin my -NA,5 he had once confided to .ue Ga$ley, 4one $ould only have to loo% behind the stamps in do>ens of the royal albums, particularly, , recall, the stamps of Tanna Touva, $hich (is 1a2esty thou ht vul ar and even common but $hich he nevertheless felt obli ed to collect! "hich $as typical of (is 1a2estyC conscientious to a fault!5 (e had then chosen a record of 1aster Ernest Gou h sin in 9/ for the "in s of a -ove6! ,n his little dra$in room every surface sprouted framed photo raphs of the various royals $hom .ir 3laude had so loyally served! (ere he $as at Ascot, holdin the Min 6s binocularsE crouchin in the heather as (is 1a2esty dre$ a bead on a distant sta ! This $as him brin in up the rear as #ueen 1ary emer ed from a (arro ate anti&ue shop, the youn @ollin ton6s face hidden behind a parcel containin a "ed $ood vase, reluctantly besto$ed on (er 1a2esty by the hapless dealer! (ere he $as, too, in a striped 2ersey, helpin to cre$ the Nahlin on that fateful 1editerranean cruise, the lady in the yachtin cap a 1rs .impson<a photo raph that tended to come and o, and $hich $as never on vie$ $hen, as often used to happen, #ueen Eli>abeth the #ueen 1other dropped in for tea! There $as not much about the royal family to $hich .ir 3laude had not been privy! After his service $ith 8eor e = he had been briefly in the household of Ed$ard =,,, and moved smoothly on into the service of his brother, 8eor e =,! (e had done duty in many of the offices of the household, finally servin as private secretary to the #ueen! Even $hen he had lon retired his advice $as fre&uently called onE he $as a livin embodiment of that establishment commendation, 4a safe pair of hands5!

No$, thou h, his hands shoo% rather and he $as not as careful as he used to be about personal hy iene, and even sittin $ith him in the fra rant arden .ir Mevin had to catch his breath! 4.hould $e o inside;5 said .ir 3laude! 4There could be tea!5 4No, no,5 said .ir Mevin hastily! 4(ere is better!5 (e e:plained the problem! 4Readin ;5 said .ir 3laude! 4No harm in that, surely; (er 1a2esty ta%es after her namesa%e, the first Eli>abeth! .he $as an avid reader! /f course, there $ere fe$er boo%s then! And #ueen Eli>abeth the #ueen 1other, she li%ed a boo%! #ueen 1ary didn6t, of course! /r 8eor e =! (e $as a reat stamp collector! That6s ho$ , started, you %no$! Gic%in his hin es!5 .omeone even older than .ir 3laude brou ht out tea, $hich .ir Mevin prudently poured! 4(er 1a2esty is very fond of you, .ir 3laude!5 4As , am of her,5 said the old man! 4, have been in thrall to (er 1a2esty since she $as a irl! All my life!5 And it had been a distin uished life, too, $ith a ood $ar in $hich the youn @ollin ton $on several medals and commendations for bravery, servin finally on the eneral staff! 4,6ve served three &ueens,5 he $as fond of sayin , 4and ot on $ith them all! The only &ueen , could never et on $ith $as 0ield 1arshal 1ont omery!5 4.he listens to you,5 said .ir Mevin, $onderin if the spon e ca%e $as reliable! 4, li%e to thin% so,5 said .ir 3laude! 4But $hat do , say; Readin ! (o$ curious! Tuc% in!5 7ust in time .ir Mevin realised that $hat he had ta%en for frostin $as in fact mould and he mana ed to palm the ca%e into his briefcase! 4@erhaps you could remind her of her duty;5 4(er 1a2esty has never needed to be reminded of that! Too much duty if you as% me! Get me thin%C5 And the old man pondered $hile .ir Mevin $aited! ,t $as some time before he realised that .ir 3laude $as asleep! (e ot up loudly! 4, $ill come,5 said .ir 3laude! 4,t6s a bit since , had an outin ! Dou6ll send a car;5 4/f course,5 said .ir Mevin, sha%in hands! 4-on6t et up!5 As he $ent .ir 3laude called after him! 4Dou6re the Ne$ Nealand one, aren6t you;5 ? 4, 8AT(ER,5 said the e&uerry, 4that it mi ht be advisable if Dour 1a2esty $ere to see .ir 3laude in the arden!5 4,n the arden;5 4/ut of doors, ma6am! ,n the fresh air!5 The #ueen loo%ed at him! 4-o you mean he smells;5 4Apparently he does rather, ma6am!5 4@oor thin !5 .he $ondered sometimes $here they thou ht she6d been all her life! 4No! (e must come up here!5 Thou h $hen the e&uerry offered to open a $indo$ she did not demur! 4"hat does he $ant to see me about;5 4,6ve no idea, ma6am!5 .ir 3laude came in on his t$o stic%s, bo$in his head at the door and a ain $hen (er 1a2esty ave him her hand as she motioned him to sit do$n! Thou h her smile remained %indly and her manner unchan ed, the e&uerry had not e:a erated! 4(o$ are you, .ir 3laude;5

4=ery $ell, Dour 1a2esty! And you, ma6am;5 4=ery $ell!5 The #ueen $aited, but too much the courtier to introduce a sub2ect unprompted .ir 3laude $aited too! 4"hat $as it you $anted to see me about;5 "hile .ir 3laude tried to remember, the #ueen had time to notice the thin reef of dandruff that had athered beneath his coat collar, the e stains on his tie and the drift of scurf that lay in his lar e pendulous ear! "hereas once upon a time such frailties $ould have been beneath her notice and one unremar%ed no$ they obtruded on her a>e, rufflin her composure and even causin her distress! @oor man! And he had fou ht at Tobru%! .he must $rite it do$n! 4Readin , ma6am!5 4, be your pardon!5 4Dour 1a2esty has started readin !5 4No, .ir 3laude! /ne has al$ays read! /nly these days one is readin more!5 No$, of course, she %ne$ $hy he had come and $ho had put him up to it, and from bein an ob2ect $holly of pity this $itness to half her life no$ too% his place amon her persecutorsE all compassion fled and she recovered her composure! 4, see no harm in readin in itself, ma6am!5 4/ne is relieved to hear it!5 4,t6s $hen it6s carried to e:tremes! There6s the mischief!5 4Are you su estin one rations one6s readin ;5 4Dour 1a2esty has led such an e:emplary life! That it should be readin that has ta%en Dour 1a2esty6s fancy is almost by the $ay! (ad you invested any pursuit $ith similar fervour eyebro$s must have been raised!5 4They mi ht! But then one has spent one6s life not raisin eyebro$s! /ne feels sometimes that that is not much of a boast!5 41a6am has al$ays li%ed racin !5 4True! /nly one6s rather one off it at the moment!5 4/h,5 said .ir 3laude! 4That6s a shame!5 Then, seein a possible accommodation bet$een racin and readin , 4(er 1a2esty the #ueen 1other used to be a bi fan of -ic% 0rancis!5 4Des,5 said the #ueen! 4,6ve read one or t$o, thou h they only ta%e one so far! .$ift, , discover, is very ood about horses!5 .ir 3laude nodded ravely, not havin read .$ift and reflectin that he seemed to be ettin no$here! They sat for a moment in silence, but it $as lon enou h for .ir 3laude to fall asleep! This had seldom happened to the #ueen and $hen it had Ka overnment minister noddin off alon side her at some ceremony, for instanceL her reaction had been bris% and unsympathetic! .he $as often tempted to fall asleep, as $ith her 2ob $ho $ouldn6t be, but no$, rather than $a%e the old man she 2ust $aited, listenin to his laboured breathin and $onderin ho$ lon it $ould be before infirmity overtoo% her and she became similarly incapable! .ir 3laude had come $ith a messa e, she understood that and resented it, but perhaps he $as a messa e in his o$n person, a portent of the unpalatable future! .he pic%ed up her noteboo% from the des% and dropped it on the floor! .ir 3laude $o%e up noddin and smilin as if appreciatin somethin the #ueen had 2ust said! 4(o$ are your memoirs;5 said the #ueen! .ir 3laude6s memoirs had been on the o for so lon they had become a 2o%e in the household! 4(o$ far have you ot;5

4/h, they6re not consecutive, ma6am! /ne does a little every day!5 (e didn6t, of course, and it $as really only to forestall yet another probin royal &uestion that he no$ said $hat he did! 4(as Dour 1a2esty ever considered $ritin ;5 4No,5 said the #ueen, thou h this $as a lie! 4"here $ould one find the time;5 41a6am has found time for readin !5 This $as a rebu%e and the #ueen did not ta%e %indly to rebu%es, but for the moment she overloo%ed it! 4"hat should one $rite;5 4Dour 1a2esty has had an interestin life!5 4Des,5 said the #ueen! 4/ne has!5 The truth $as .ir 3laude had no notion of $hat the #ueen should $rite or $hether she should $rite at all, and he had only su ested $ritin in order to et her off readin and because in his e:perience $ritin seldom ot done! ,t $as a cul*de*sac! (e had been $ritin his memoirs for t$enty years and hadn6t even $ritten fifty pa es! 4Des,5 he said firmly! 41a6am must $rite! But can , ive Dour 1a2esty a tip; -on6t start at the be innin ! That6s the mista%e , made! .tart off in the middle! 3hronolo y is a reat deterrent!5 4"as there anythin else, .ir 3laude;5 The #ueen ave her $ide smile! The intervie$ $as over! (o$ the #ueen conveyed this information had al$ays been a mystery to .ir 3laude, but it $as as plain as if a bell had run ! (e stru led to his feet as the e&uerry opened the door, bo$ed his head, then $hen he reached the door turned and bo$ed his head a ain, then slo$ly stumped do$n the corridor on his t$o stic%s, one of them a present from the #ueen 1other! Bac% in the room the #ueen opened the $indo$ $ider and let the bree>e blo$ in from the arden! The e&uerry returned, and raisin her eyebro$s the #ueen indicated the chair on $hich .ir 3laude had been sittin , no$ $ith a damp patch stainin the satin! .ilently the youn man bore the chair a$ay, $hile the #ueen athered up her boo% and her cardi an preparatory to oin into the arden! By the time the e&uerry returned $ith another chair she had stepped out onto the terrace! (e put it do$n and $ith the s%ill of lon practice &uic%ly set the room to ri hts, spottin as he did so the #ueen6s noteboo% lyin on the floor! (e pic%ed it up and before replacin it on the des% stood for a moment $onderin in the #ueen6s absence if he mi ht ta%e a peep at the contents! E:cept at that moment (er 1a2esty reappeared in the door$ay! 4Than% you, 8erald,5 she said and held out her hand! (e ave her the boo% and she $ent out! 4.hit,5 said 8erald! 4.hit! .hit! .hit!5 This note of self*reproach $as not inappropriate as $ithin days 8erald $as no lon er in attendance on (er 1a2esty and indeed no lon er in the household at all, but bac% $ith his scarcely remembered re iment yompin in the rain over the moors of Northumberland! The speed and ruthlessness of his almost Tudor dispatch sent, as .ir Mevin $ould have put it, the ri ht messa e and at least put paid to any further rumours of senile decay! (er 1a2esty $as herself a ain! ? N/T(,N8 .ir 3laude had said carried any $ei ht, but still she found herself thin%in about it that evenin at the Royal Albert (all, $here there $as a special promenade concert in her honour! ,n the past music had never been much of a solace and had al$ays been

tin ed $ith obli ation, the repertoire familiar lar ely from concerts li%e this she had had to attend! Toni ht, thou h, the music seemed more relevant! This $as a voice, she thou ht, as a boy played the clarinetP 1o>art, a voice everybody in the hall %ne$ and reco nised thou h 1o>art had been dead t$o hundred years! And she remembered (elen .chle el in (o$ards End puttin pictures to Beethoven at the concert in the #ueen6s (all that 0orster describes, Beethoven6s another voice that everyone %ne$! The boy finished, the audience applauded and, clappin too, she leaned over to$ards another of the party as if sharin her appreciation! But $hat she $anted to say $as that, old as she $as, reno$ned as she $as, no one %ne$ her voice! And in the car ta%in them bac% she suddenly saidP 4, have no voice!5 4Not surprised,5 said the du%e! 4Too damned hot! Throat, is it;5 ,t $as a sultry ni ht and unusually for her she $o%e in the early hours unable to sleep! The policeman in the arden, seein the li ht o on, turned on his mobile as a precaution! .he had been readin about the Bronte6s and $hat a hard time they had had of it $hen they $ere children, but she didn6t feel that $ould send her off to sleep a ain and, loo%in for somethin else, sa$ in the corner of the boo%shelf the boo% by ,vy 3ompton*Burnett $hich she had borro$ed from the travellin library and $hich 1r (utchin s had iven her all that time a o! ,t had been hard oin and had nearly sent her to sleep then, she remembered, so perhaps it $ould do the tric% a ain! 0ar from it, and the novel she had once found slo$ no$ seemed refreshin ly bris%, dry still but astrin ently so, $ith -ame ,vy6s no*nonsense tone reassurin ly close to her o$n! And it occurred to her Kas ne:t day she $rote do$nL that readin $as, amon other thin s, a muscle and one that she had seemin ly developed! .he could read the novel $ith ease and reat pleasure, lau hin at remar%s Kthey $ere hardly 2o%esL that she had not even noticed before! And throu h it all she could hear the voice of ,vy 3ompton*Burnett, unsentimental, severe and $ise! .he could hear her voice as clearly as earlier in the evenin she had heard the voice of 1o>art! .he closed the boo%! And once a ain she said out loudP 4, have no voice!5 And some$here in "est Gondon $here these thin s are recorded a transcribin and e:pressionless typist thou ht it $as an odd remar% and said as if in replyP 4"ell, if you don6t, dear, , don6t %no$ $ho does!5 Bac% in Buc%in ham @alace the #ueen $aited a moment or t$o, then s$itched off the li ht, and under the catalpa tree in the rounds the policeman sa$ the li ht o out and turned off his mobile! ,n the dar%ness it came to the #ueen that, dead, she $ould e:ist only in the memories of people! .he $ho had never been sub2ect to anyone $ould no$ be on a par $ith everybody else! Readin could not chan e that<thou h $ritin mi ht! (ad she been as%ed if readin had enriched her life she $ould have had to say yes, undoubtedly, thou h addin $ith e&ual certainty that it had at the same time drained her life of all purpose! /nce she had been a self*assured sin le*minded $oman %no$in $here her duty lay and intent on doin it for as lon as she $as able! No$ all too often she $as in t$o minds! Readin $as not doin , that had al$ays been the trouble! And old thou h she $as she $as still a doer! .he s$itched the li ht on a ain and reached for her noteboo% and $roteP 4Dou don6t put your life into your boo%s! Dou find it there!5 Then she $ent to sleep! ?

,N T(E "EEM. that follo$ed it $as noticeable that the #ueen $as readin less, if at all! .he $as pensive and abstracted even, but not because her mind $as on $hat she $as readin ! .he no lon er carried a boo% $ith her $herever she $ent and the piles of volumes that had accumulated on her des% $ere shelved, sent bac% to the libraries or other$ise dispersed! But, readin or not, she still spent lon hours at her des%, sometimes loo%in at her noteboo%s and occasionally $ritin in them, thou h she %ne$, $ithout &uite spellin it out to herself, that her $ritin $ould be even less popular than her readin , and did anyone %noc% at the door she immediately s$ept them into her des% dra$er before savin , 43ome in!5 .he found, thou h, that $hen she had $ritten somethin do$n, even if it $as 2ust an entry in her noteboo%, she $as happy as once she $ould have been happy after doin some readin ! And it came to her a ain that she did not $ant simply to be a reader! A reader $as ne:t door to bein a spectator $hereas $hen she $as $ritin she $as doin , and doin $as her duty! 1ean$hile she $as often in the library, particularly at "indsor, loo%in throu h her old des% diaries, the albums of her innumerable visits, her archive in fact! 4,s there anythin specific that Dour 1a2esty is loo%in for;5 said the librarian after he had brou ht her yet another pile of material! 4No,5 said the #ueen! 4/ne is 2ust tryin to remember $hat it $as li%e! Thou h $hat 9it6 is one isn6t sure either!5 4"ell, if Dour 1a2esty does remember, then , hope you $ill tell me! /r better still, ma6am, $rite it do$n! Dour 1a2esty is a livin archive!5 Thou h she felt he could have e:pressed this more tactfully, she %ne$ $hat he meant and reflected, too, that here $as someone else $ho $as ur in her to $rite! ,t $as almost becomin a duty, and she had al$ays been very ood at duty, until, that is, she started to read! .till, to be ur ed to $rite and to be ur ed to publish are t$o different thin s and nobody so far $as ur in her to do the latter! .eein the boo%s disappear from her des% and havin once more somethin approachin (er 1a2esty6s $hole attention $ere $elcome to .ir Mevin and indeed to the household in eneral! Time%eepin did not improve, it6s true, and the #ueen6s $ardrobe still tended to be a little $ay$ard K4,6d outla$ that cardi an,5 said her maidL! But .ir Mevin shared in the eneral impression that for all these persistent shortcomin s (er 1a2esty had seen off her infatuation $ith boo%s and had returned to normal! .he stayed that autumn for a fe$ days at .andrin ham, as she $as scheduled to ma%e a royal visit to the city of Nor$ich! There $as a service in the cathedral, a $al%about in the pedestrian precinct and before she had luncheon at the university she opened a ne$ fire station! .eated bet$een the vice*chancellor and the professor of creative $ritin she $as mildly surprised $hen over her shoulder came a bony $rist and red hand that $ere very familiar, profferin a pra$n coc%tail! 4(ello, Norman,5 she said! 4Dour 1a2esty,5 said Norman correctly, and smoothly presented the lord lieutenant $ith his pra$n coc%tail, before oin on do$n the table! 4Dour 1a2esty %no$s .ea%ins then, ma6am;5 said the professor of creative $ritin ! 4/ne did,5 said the #ueen, saddened a little that Norman seemed to have made no pro ress in the $orld at all and $as seemin ly bac% in a %itchen, even if it $as not hers!

4"e thou ht,5 said the vice*chancellor, 4that it $ould be rather a treat for the students if they $ere to serve the meal! They $ill be paid, of course, and it6s all e:perience!5 4.ea%ins,5 said the professor, 4is very promisin ! (e has 2ust raduated and is one of our success stories!5 The #ueen $as a little put out that, despite her bri ht smile, servin the boeuf en croute Norman seemed determined not to catch her eye, and the same $ent for the poire belle* (elene! And it came to her that for some reason Norman $as sul%in , behaviour she had seldom come across e:cept in children and the occasional cabinet minister! .ub2ects seldom sul%ed to the #ueen as they $ere not entitled to, and once upon a time it $ould have ta%en them to the To$er! A fe$ years a o she $ould never have noticed $hat Norman $as doin or anybody else either, and if she too% note of it no$ it $as because she %ne$ more of people6s feelin s than she used to and could put herself in someone else6s place! Thou h it still didn6t e:plain $hy he $as so put out! 4Boo%s are $onderful, aren6t they;5 she said to the vice*chancellor, $ho concurred! 4At the ris% of soundin li%e a piece of stea%,5 she said, 4they tenderise one!5 (e concurred a ain, thou h $ith no notion of $hat she $as on about! 4, $onder,5 she turned to her other nei hbour, 4$hether as professor of creative $ritin you $ould a ree that if readin softens one up, $ritin does the reverse! To $rite you have to be tou h, do you not;5 .urprised to find himself discussin his o$n sub2ect, the professor $as momentarily at a loss! The #ueen $aited! 4Tell me,5 she $anted to say, 4tell me , am ri ht!5 But the lord lieutenant $as risin to $ait upon her and the room shuffled to its feet! No one $as oin to tell her, she thou ht! "ritin , li%e readin , $as somethin she $as oin to have to do on her o$n! Thou h not &uite, and after$ards Norman is sent for, and the #ueen, her lateness no$ proverbial but catered for in the schedule, spends half an hour bein updated on his university career, includin the circumstances that brou ht him to East An lia in the first place! ,t is arran ed that he $ill come to .andrin ham the follo$in day, $here the #ueen feels that no$ he has be un to $rite he may be in a position to assist her once a ain! Bet$een one day and the ne:t, thou h, she sac%ed somebody else, and .ir Mevin came into his office in the mornin to find his des% cleared! Thou h Norman6s stint at the university had been advanta eous (er 1a2esty did not li%e bein deceived, and thou h the real culprit $as the prime minister6s special adviser .ir Mevin carried the can! /nce it $ould have brou ht him to the bloc%E these days it brou ht him a tic%et bac% to Ne$ Nealand and an appointment as hi h commissioner! ,t $as the bloc% but it too% lon er! ? .G,8(TGD T/ her o$n surprise that year the #ueen turned ei hty! ,t $as not a birthday that $ent unmar%ed and various celebrations $ere or anised, some more to (er 1a2esty6s li%in than others, $ith her advisers tendin to re ard the birthday as 2ust another opportunity to in ratiate the monarchy $ith the al$ays fic%le public! ,t $as not surprisin , then, that the #ueen decided to thro$ a party of her o$n and to assemble all those $ho had had the privile e of advisin her over the years! This $as in effect a party for the @rivy 3ouncil, appointment to $hich is for life, thus ma%in it a lar e and un$ieldy body that in its entirety meets seldom and then only on occasions of some ravity! But there $as nothin , thou ht the #ueen, that $ould preclude her havin them all to tea, and a serious tea at that, ham, ton ue, mustard and cress, scones, ca%es and even trifle! 1uch preferable to dinner, she thou ht, and cosier alto ether!

Nobody $as told to dress up, thou h (er 1a2esty $as as roomed and immaculate as she had been in the old days! But $hat a lot of advice she had had over the years, she thou ht, as she surveyed the cro$ded assemblyE there $ere so many $ho had tendered it that they could only be accommodated in one of the randest rooms in the palace, $ith the sumptuous tea laid out in t$o ad2oinin salons! .he moved happily amon her uests, unsupported by any other member of the royal family, $ho, thou h many of them $ere privy councillors, had not been invited! 4, see &uite enou h of them as it is,5 she said, 4$hereas , never see all of you and, short of my dyin , there6s no occasion $hen you6re all li%ely to see each other! -o try the trifle! ,t6s $ic%ed!5 .eldom had she been in such ood spirits! The prospect of a proper tea had fetched the privy councillors out in reater numbers than had been anticipatedP dinner $ould have been a chore, $hereas tea $as a treat! There $as such a cro$d that chairs $ere in short supply, and there $as a lot of runnin to and fro by the staff in order to et everybody seated, thou h this turned out to be part of the fun! .ome sat on the usual ilt party chairs, but others found themselves ensconced on a priceless Gouis R= ber ere or a mono rammed hall chair brou ht in from the vestibule, $ith one former lord chancellor endin up perched on a little cor%*topped stool brou ht do$n from a bathroom! The #ueen placidly surveyed all these oin s*on, not &uite on a throne but certainly on a chair lar er than anyone else6s! .he had brou ht her tea in $ith her and sipped and chatted until at last everyone had made themselves comfortable! 4, %no$ that ,6ve been $ell advised over the years but , hadn6t realised &uite ho$ numerously! "hat a cro$dF5 4@erhaps, ma6am, $e should all sin 9(appy Birthday6F5 said the prime minister, $ho $as naturally sittin in the front ro$! 4-on6t let6s et carried a$ay,5 said (er 1a2esty! 4Thou h it is true one is ei hty and this is a sort of birthday party! But &uite $hat there is to celebrate ,6m not sure! , suppose one of the fe$ thin s to be said for it is that one has at least achieved an a e at $hich one can die $ithout people bein shoc%ed!5 There $as polite lau hter at this and the #ueen herself smiled! 4, thin%,5 she said, 4that more shouts of 9No, No6 mi ht be appropriate!5 .o somebody obli ed and there $as more complacent lau hter as the nation6s most distin uished tasted the 2oys of bein teased by the nation6s most eminent! 4/ne has had, as you all %no$, a lon rei n! ,n fifty years and more , have one throu h, , do not say seen off5<Klau hterL<4ten prime ministers, si: archbishops of 3anterbury, ei ht spea%ers and, thou h you may not consider this a comparable statistic, fifty*three cor is<a life, as Gady Brac%nell says, cro$ded $ith incident!5 The audience smiled comfortably, chuc%lin no$ and a ain! This $as a bit li%e school, primary school any$ay! 4And of course,5 said the #ueen, 4it oes on, not a $ee% passin $ithout somethin of interest, a scandal, a cover*up or even a $ar! And since this is one6s birthday you must not even thin% of loo%in peeved5<Kthe prime minister $as studyin the ceilin and the home secretary the carpetL<4for one has a lon perspective and it $as ever thus! At ei hty thin s do not occurE they recur! 4(o$ever, as some of you may %no$, , have al$ays disli%ed $aste! /ne not $holly mythical version of my character has me oin round Buc%in ham @alace s$itchin off the li hts, the implication bein that one is mean, thou h these days it could better be put do$n

to an a$areness of lobal $armin ! But disli%in $aste as , do puts me in mind of all the e:periences , have had, many of them uni&ue to me, the fruit of a lifetime in $hich one has been, if only as a spectator, very close to events! 1ost of that e:perience5<and (er 1a2esty lapped her immaculately coiffed head<4most of it is up here! And one $ouldn6t $ant it to o to $aste! .o the &uestion is, $hat happens to it;5 The prime minister opened his mouth as if to spea% and indeed half rose from his chair! 4The &uestion,5 said the #ueen, 4$as rhetorical!5 (e san% bac%! 4As some of you may %no$, over the last fe$ years , have become an avid reader! Boo%s have enriched my life in a $ay that one could never have e:pected! But boo%s can only ta%e one so far and no$ , thin% it is time that from bein a reader , become, or try to become, a $riter!5 The prime minister $as bobbin a ain and the #ueen, reflectin that this $as $hat enerally happened to her $ith prime ministers, raciously yielded the floor! 4A boo%, Dour 1a2esty! /h yes, yes! Reminiscences of your childhood, ma6am, and the $ar, the bombin of the palace, your time in the "AA0!5 4The AT.,5 corrected the #ueen! 4The armed forces, $hatever,5 the prime minister alloped on! 4Then your marria e, the dramatic circumstances in $hich you learned you $ere #ueen! ,t $ill be sensational! And,5 he chortled, 4there6s not much doubt that it $ill be a bestseller!5 4The bestseller,5 trumped the home secretary! 4All over the $orld!5 4De*es,5 said the #ueen, 4only5<and she relished the moment<4that isn6t &uite the %ind of boo% one had in mind! That is a boo%, after all, that anyone can $rite and several people have<all of them, to my mind, tedious in the e:treme! No, , $as envisa in a boo% of a different sort!5 The prime minister, uns&uashed, raised his eyebro$s in polite interest! 1aybe the old irl meant a travel boo%! They al$ays sold $ell! The #ueen settled herself do$n! 4, $as thin%in of somethin more radical! 1oreC challen in !5 9Radical6 and 9challen in 6 both bein $ords that often tripped off the prime minister6s ton ue, he still felt no alarm! 4(ave any of you read @roust;5 as%ed the #ueen of the room! .omebody deaf $hispered 4"ho;5 and a fe$ hands $ent up, the prime minister6s not amon them, and seein this, one youn member of the cabinet $ho had read @roust and $as about to put his hand up didn6t, because he thou ht it $ould do him no ood at all to say so! The #ueen counted! 4Ei ht, nine<ten5<most of them, she noted, relics of much older cabinets! 4"ell, that6s somethin , thou h ,6m hardly surprised! (ad , as%ed 1r 1acmillan6s cabinet that &uestion ,6m sure a do>en hands $ould have one up, includin his! (o$ever that6s hardly fair, as , hadn6t read @roust at that time either!5 4,6ve read Trollope,5 said a former forei n secretary! 4/ne is lad to hear it,5 said the #ueen, 4but Trollope is not @roust!5 The home secretary, $ho had read neither, nodded sa ely! 4@roust6s is a lon boo%, thou h, $ater*s%iin permittin , you could et throu h it in the summer recess! At the end of the novel 1arcel, $ho narrates it, loo%s bac% on a life that hasn6t really amounted to much and resolves to redeem it by $ritin the novel $hich $e

have 2ust in fact read, in the process unloc%in some of the secrets of memory and remembrance! 4No$ one6s life, thou h one says it oneself, has, unli%e 1arcel6s, amounted to a reat deal, but li%e him , feel nevertheless that it needs redeemin by analysis and reflection!5 4Analysis;5 said the prime minister! 4And reflection,5 said the #ueen! (avin thou ht of a 2o%e that he %ne$ $ould o do$n $ell in the (ouse of 3ommons, the home secretary ventured on it here! 4Are $e to assume that Dour 1a2esty has decided to $rite this account because of somethin you read in a boo%, and a 0rench boo% at that; (a$ ha$!5 There $ere one or t$o ans$erin sni ers, but the #ueen did not appear to notice that a 2o%e had actually been made Kas indeed it scarcely hadL! 4No, (ome .ecretary! But then boo%s, as ,6m sure you %no$, seldom prompt a course of action! Boo%s enerally 2ust confirm you in $hat you have, perhaps un$ittin ly, decided to do already! Dou o to a boo% to have your convictions corroborated! A boo%, as it $ere, closes the boo%!5 .ome of the councillors, lon since out of overnment, $ere thin%in that this $as not the $oman they remembered servin and $ere fascinated accordin ly! But for the most part the atherin sat in uneasy silence, fe$ of them havin any idea $hat she $as tal%in about! And the #ueen %ne$ it! 4Dou6re pu>>led,5 she said, unperturbed, 4but , promise you, you do %no$ this in your o$n sphere!5 /nce a ain they $ere in school and she $as their teacher! 4To in&uire into the evidence for somethin on $hich you have already decided is the unac%no$led ed premise of every public in&uiry, surely;5 The youn est minister lau hed, then $ished he hadn6t! The prime minister $asn6t lau hin ! ,f this $as to be the tone of $hat the #ueen $as plannin to $rite there $as no tellin $hat she $as oin to say! 4, still thin% you $ould do better 2ust to tell your story, ma6am,5 he said $ea%ly! 4No,5 said the #ueen! 4, am not interested in facile reminiscence! ,t $ill, , hope, be somethin more thou htful! Thou h $hen , say thou htful , don6t mean considerate! 7o%e!5 Nobody lau hed and the smile on the prime minister6s face had become a hastly rin! 4"ho %no$s,5 said the #ueen cheerfully, 4it mi ht stray into literature!5 4, $ould have thou ht,5, said the prime minister, 4that Dour 1a2esty $as above literature!5 4Above literature;5 said the #ueen! 4"ho is above literature; Dou mi ht as $ell say one $as above humanity! But, as , say, my purpose is not primarily literaryP analysis and reflection! "hat about those ten prime ministers;5 .he smiled bri htly! 4There is much to reflect on there! /ne has seen the country o to $ar more times than , li%e to recall! That, too, bears thin%in about!5 .till she smiled, thou h if anyone follo$ed suit, it $as the oldest ones $ho had the least to $orry about! 4/ne has met and indeed entertained many visitin heads of state, some of them unspea%able croo%s and blac% uards and their $ives not much better!5 This at least raised some rueful nods! 4/ne has iven one6s $hite* loved hand to hands that $ere steeped in blood and conversed politely $ith men $ho have personally slau htered children! /ne has $aded throu h e:crement and oreE to be #ueen, , have often thou ht the one essential item of e&uipment a pair of thi h*len th boots!

4/ne is often said to have a fund of common sense but that6s another $ay of sayin that one doesn6t have much else and accordin ly, perhaps, , have at the instance of my various overnments been forced to participate if only passively in decisions , consider ill*advised and often shameful! .ometimes one has felt li%e a scented candle, sent in to perfume a re ime, or aerate a policy, monarchy these days 2ust a overnment*issue deodorant! 4, am the #ueen and head of the 3ommon$ealth, but there have been many times in the last fifty years $hen that has made me feel not pride but shame! (o$ever5<and here she stood up<4$e must not lose our sense of priorities and this is a party after all, so before , continue shall $e no$ have some champa ne;5 The champa ne $as superb but, seein that one of the pa es doin the servin $as Norman, the prime minister lost all taste for it and slipped alon the corridor to the toilet, $here he ot on his mobile to the attorney eneral! The la$yer did much to reassure him, and fortified by his le al advice the prime minister $as able to pass the messa e round the members of the cabinet, so that $hen in due course (er 1a2esty came bac% into the room it $as a more resilient roup that a$aited her! 4"e6ve been tal%in about $hat you said, ma6am,5 be an the prime minister! 4All in ood time,5 said the #ueen! 4/ne hasn6t &uite finished! , $ouldn6t $ant you to thin% that $hat , am plannin to $rite and indeed have already started $ritin is some cheap, tell*tale life*in*the*palace nonsense beloved of the tabloids! No! /ne has never $ritten a boo% before but one hopes that it $ill5<she paused<4transcend its circumstances and stand on its o$n, a tan ential history of its times and, you6ll perhaps be reassured to learn, far from e:clusively to do $ith politics or the events of one6s life! ,6d li%e to tal% about boo%s, too, and people! But not ossip! , don6t care for ossip! A roundabout boo%! , thin% it $as E!1! 0orster $ho saidP 4Tell all the truth but tell it slant, success in circuit lies!5 /r $as it,5 she as%ed the room, 4Emily -ic%inson;5 Unsurprisin ly, the room did not ans$er! 4But one mustn6t tal% about it or it $ill never et $ritten!5 ,t $as no comfort to the prime minister to reflect that $hereas most people $hen claimin to $ant to $rite a boo% $ould never et it $ritten, $ith the #ueen and her terrible sense of duty it could be uaranteed that she $ould! 4No$, @rime 1inister,5 she turned to him aily, 4you $ere sayin ;5 The prime minister rose! 4Respectful as $e are of your intentions, ma6am5<the prime minister6s tone $as casual and friendly<4, thin% , have to remind you that you are in a uni&ue position!5 4, seldom for et it,5 said the #ueen! 48o on!5 4The monarch has, , thin% ,6m ri ht in sayin , never published a boo%!5 The #ueen shoo% her rin er at him, a esture she remembered in the moment of ma%in it that $as a mannerism of Noel 3o$ard6s! 4That isn6t &uite true, @rime 1inister! 1y ancestor (enry =,,,, for instance, $rote a boo%! A ainst heresy! That is $hy one is still called -efender of the 0aith! .o, too, did my namesa%e Eli>abeth ,!5 The prime minister $as about to protest! 4No, one %no$s it isn6t the same, but my reat* randmother #ueen =ictoria, she $rote a boo% also, Geaves from a (i hland 7ournal, and a pretty tedious boo% it is, too, and so utterly $ithout offence as to be almost unreadable! ,t6s not a model one $ould $ant to follo$! And then of course5<and the #ueen loo%ed hard at her first minister<4there $as my uncle the -u%e of "indsor! (e $rote a boo%, A Min 6s .tory, the history of his marria e and subse&uent adventures! ,f nothin else, that surely counts as a precedent;5

0urnished $ith the advice of the attorney eneral on this very point, the prime minister smiled and almost apolo etically made his ob2ection! 4Des, ma6am, , a ree, but the difference, surely, is that (is Royal (i hness $rote the boo% as -u%e of "indsor! (e could only $rite it because he had abdicated!5 4/h, did , not say that;5 said the #ueen! 4ButC$hy do you thin% you6re all here;5 E/0