Stephen worked for the government for thirty-five years, has been retired for twenty years, and

has now become an author. He is married with two children. He and his wife are official volunteers in a nursing home, and they entertain the residents by playing the piano and the piano accordion.

OUT OF DARKNESS, INTO HIS MARVELLOUS LIGHT

I dedicate this book to my wife, who has been a great help to me throughout my life, in the good times and in the bad times.

Stephen

OUT OF DARKNESS, INTO HIS MARVELLOUS LIGHT

Copyright Stephen The right of Stephen to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with section and ! of the Copyright, "esigns and #atents $ct %&!!. $ll rights reserved. 'o part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers. $ny person who commits any unauthori(ed act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. $ CI# catalogue record for this title is available from the )ritish *ibrary. IS)' & ! % !+&,- .%! & www.austinmacauley.com /irst #ublished 012%+3 $ustin 4acauley #ublishers *td. 1. Canada S5uare Canary 6harf *ondon 7%+ .*)

#rinted and bound in 8reat )ritain

Introduction
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation (Gods) own purchase special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds, and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of the darkness into His marvellous light 9 #eter, chapter 1, verse &. Hullo. :ou may call me Stephen. That is not my real name. 4y real name cannot be revealed because of the intimate nature of the contents of this book. The story of Stephen is found in the )ible, in chapters , and of the )ook of $cts. Stephen was a man full of faith and goodness. He was filled with the Holy Spirit 0Chapter ,, verse ! and chapter , verse ...3 Stephen was rewarded for his boldness and fearlessness in proclaiming 8od9s message by being stoned to death 0Chapter , verse . .3 6hile dying, he completely forgave his murderers and left them in 8od9s hands 0;erse .&.3 I have endeavoured to mirror Stephen9s life in a small way, by being bold and fearless, in the work of family, but I have spoken the truth that 8od has revealed to me concerning my family9s hidden past.

4y goal in writing this book is not selfgratification, or sympathy seeking, but I am writing for 8od9s honour and His glory. I hope that there may be people who read this book who will be helped by 8od to overcome their fear and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. <ur only hope is in 8od, the /ather, =esus Christ, 8od9s <ne and <nly Son, and 8od, the Holy Spirit.

h!pter One
!arly "amily life with parents, #rothers, and sisters ;erse 11> *ove, ?oy 0gladness3, peace, patience, ($ constantly pray to God for patience) I was born during the middle of the Second 6orld 6ar to parents who were very poor. 4y father was an alcoholic and my mother sought love elsewhere. She did not receive any love from my father. "ad tried to stay employed, but this was impossible due to his heavy drinking and violent behaviour. I constantly witnessed terrible fighting between 4um and "ad, the result being that my brothers, sisters, and I were continually ignored by both of our parents. I saw my father pull my mother around the floor by her hair, while continually swearing at her and using words that implied that she was unfaithful to him. I also saw my father chase my mother with an a@e while I cringed in terror behind a tank stand. I was only seven years old at that time. I can remember only one instance of my father being sober. 6hen I was si@ years old, "ad took me to see horse-racing. I had a wonderful time with my father, for the first and the last time in my life. "ad truly acted as my father, in every sense of the word, during that never to be forgotten event.

:ears later, when I told this story to my mother, she denied that this incident had ever occurred. 4um said, AThis never happened. :ou must have imagined it. "o you honestly believe that I would allow my little si@ year old boy, who I love so very much, to go to the races with his drunken fatherB 6hat sort of mother do you think that I amBC <ne stormy night, "ad asked me to walk down the hill to the hotel and buy him some methylated spirits for his hurricane lamp. I bought the bottle and started to walk home. I was a very frightened little boy, and I was very glad to be able to finally reach my home. 6hen I arrived home, 4um was standing on the veranda. A6here have you beenBC she said. I said, AI went to the shop to buy something for "ad.C 4y father then took the bottle of methylated spirits from me, and I followed him into his bedroom. To my horror, "ad drank the bottle of methylated spirits right in front of me. I screamed and then I ran out of the house. I made a vow to myself at that moment, that I would never drink alcoholic li5uor, for the rest of my life. $ would never #ecome like %ad. I was si@ years old. :ears later, when I told this story to my mother, she said, AThis never happened. :ou must have imagined it. "o you honestly believe that I would allow my little si@ year old boy, who I love so very much, to buy methylated spirits for his drunken fatherB 6hat sort of mother do you think that I amBC

It certainly did happen. 4um saw me come home. In early %&.% "ad walked out of our house, leaving 4um with si@ children to look after by herself, of whom I am the eldest. I was seven years old, "ad was in his early -2s, and 4um was in her early 12s. The youngest child was ten months old. I have been constantly searching in order to try to find out if "ad is alive and where he is living, or if he is deceased and where he is buried. )efore my father left my mother and their children, he was the dominant person in our home, even though he was constantly hitting her and making her scream. $lthough "ad was an abuser of my mother and the children, I looked up to him, as my leader and my "ad. 4y life appeared to be set. However, when "ad left us, my world and my security collapsed. I hated and despised "ad so much that I wished that I was not a boy. Symbolically, I held up a large banner over my life, with these words thickly underlined. DI 6I** $*6$:S "7S#IS7 $'" H$T7 $** 47'. TH7: 47$' '<THI'8 T< 47 )7C$ES7 TH7: H$;7 HEFT 47. I $4 $SH$47" </ 47', $'" I $4 $SH$47" </ )7I'8 $ )<:.9 Since then, throughout my lifetime, I have found it almost impossible to have any lasting association with men. 4y world and my security collapsed for the second time, in %&.-, when 4um put me and my brothers and sisters in homes for neglected and abandoned children. 6e were taken from 4um because she neglected us and was classed as an unfit guardian. Subconsciously, my mind would have thought,

A<h no, it has happened again. 4um has now let me down. I despise women. I was ashamed of being a boy, now I would even be ashamed if I was a girl. I am nothing.C Symbolically, I then held up a large banner over my life, with these words written on it, but not underlined. DI 6I** $*6$:S H$T7 $'" "7S#IS7 $** 6<47'. TH7: 47$' '<THI'8 T< 47, )7C$ES7 TH7: H$;7 HEFT 47, $'" I $4 $SH$47" </ TH74. I $4 '<THI'8, $'" I 6I** 7'" E# $S '<THI'8. I $4 $SH$47" </ )7I'8 $ )<:, $'" I 6<E*" )7 $SH$47" I/ I 6$S $ 8IF*. I94 S<FF: TH$T I 6$S )<F'.9 Since then throughout my lifetime, I have found it almost impossible to have any lasting association with a woman, e@cept for the association with my wife. This association with my wife has been truly blessed by 8od. )y leaving this symbolical banner free from being underlined, I really left a loophole in my hatred for women and a chance for me to be saved from this destructive thinking. Ironically, this was by a woman, who gave me sound Christian counselling, wonderful help, and 8odly advice at a Christian seminar I attended about five years ago. I also received in depth Christian counselling, mentoring, and very needful advice from a Christian lady who marked my assignments associated with a #astoral Care and Counselling Course that spanned a period of two years. $fter my father left us, my mother became a very selfish and domineering woman. Her children, including me, had to obey her will. I began to fear women, and I began to think that men were made so

that they could please women, and to do whatever women asked them to do. This thought dominated my life until 5uite recently. I felt that if I didn9t obey my mother she would hate and despise me, and that she would abandon me completely, in the same manner in which my father abandoned me in %&.%. 4y greatest fear was that 4um would walk out on me and my brothers and sisters in the same manner. Fecently, I composed a prayer to 8od, concerning my thoughts when 4um and "ad abandoned me. M" #r!"er To God$ "ear Heavenly /ather, my true father, =esus Christ, my only Saviour, and 8od, the Holy Spirit, my only true helper, teacher, healer, counsellor, my great psychiatrist, guard, guide, and wonderful comforter. :ou are my loving 8od. :ou have never forsaken me. :ou were there when I was conceived through the mutual lust of my father and my mother, who ?ust wanted the se@ act, but they did not want me. :ou truly were my /ather, at that moment. :ou were my /ather, when I was inside my mother9s womb. :ou were taking the piece of clay 0me3 and shaping it for :our purpose, and for :our glory, thus making me in :our image. "ear *ord =esus, because :ou knew all of the hurts and pains, that were to be ahead of me throughout my lifetime, because :ou had all of these hurts and pains, and many more, during :our e@periences on the cross, :ou gave me a mind, that :ou could use, in order to pull me above the hurts and pains, until :ou could heal me, in :our time, not my time.

"ear Heavenly /ather, :ou were there, when my mother gave birth to me, and :ou were standing in the vacant place of my earthly father. :ou were there in %&.% when my father abandoned my mother and their si@ children and then my world collapsed. :ou gave me a great big hug, and :ou said, A8rieve for your earthly father, 4y seven year old child. I will never abandon you. I will always be your father.C :ou were there, Heavenly /ather, two years later in %&.-, when my mother abandoned me and my brothers and sisters, and we were placed in children9s homes. :ou gave me a great big hug, and :ou said, A8rieve for your mother, 4y nine year old child. I will never abandon you. I will always be your father and your mother.C <h my 8od, why didn9t I know :our presenceB 6hen I was a young child, I was blind to :our love. I didn9t understand :our love for me. I felt unworthy of :our love, because I considered myself as coming from nothing, into nothing, and for nothing. I then thought of :ou as my harsh, non-caring, hateful, absent, commanding, non-listening, hug-less, and cruel /ather, the mirror image of my earthly father. 4y loving /ather, my heart had turned to ice, but :our love was always there, always ready, in :our time, to melt my icy heart. I know :our love in =esus, now, and I am ready to forgive, indeed I have forgiven my earthly father and mother, and I have been forgiven by my mother. #lease make my healing complete. "ear *ord =esus, my 6ounded Healer, please use me as one of :our healed helpers. #lease lead me to :our sick and hurting children, of all age groups, who desperately need to be healed physically, emotionally,

psychologically, and spiritually, especially those who need to be healed from the hurts of their past. I pray, < great Three-in-<ne 8od, in the precious 'ame of =esus, my 6ounded Healer, :our <ne and <nly, :our uni5ue Son, =esus. $men. Fecently, 8od has shown me that He created men and women in order to bring ?oy to Himself. 4en and women9s chief work, for which 8od created them, is to glorify 8od, and to en?oy Him forever. I never fully realised this truth. 8od didn9t ?ust create men in order to bring glory to Himself. He didn9t ?ust create women in order to bring glory to Himself, but both men and women were necessary in 8od9s providence, in order to bring glory to Himself. In 8enesis ->%., 8od said, A$nd I will put enmity between you 0the snake3 which represents Satan, Dthat old serpent9, and the woman, and between your offspring, and hers. He 0=esus3 will crush your head 0at Calvary3 and you 0Satan3 will strike His 0=esu9s3 heel 0at Calvary3. The Seed of the woman is =esus Christ. =esus epitomised all of the best 5ualities of the male 0man3. The woman 07ve, or 4ary3 epitomised all the best 5ualities of the female 0woman3. The best 5ualities of men and women are depicted in the )ible, in chapter five, verses 11 and 1- of the )ook of 8alatians. ;erse 11> *ove, ?oy 0gladness3, peace, patience, 0I constantly pray to 8od for patience3 G an even temper, for#earance, kindness, goodness 0benevolence3, faithfulness.

;erse 1-> 8entleness 0meekness, humility3, selfcontrol 0self-restraint, continence3. $gainst such things there is no law 0that can bring a charge3. =esus loved children and 4ary His mother, loved them also. The 5ualities of a Christian husband and wife, who are continually filled with 8od and the Holy Spirit, are that they truly believe that their children have been given to them by 8od, and they love those children with all of their hearts. I am now able to love my mother and my father, whether "ad is alive or not, and I am now able to love men and women, in a similar way in which =esus loved them, but not as perfectly, because =esus alone is perfect. I will not be made perfect, until I am in Heaven.