Sunrise for two Published by Merlot Montana at Smashwords.

Merlot Montana who holds the publishing rights Copyright Merlot Montana 2012

Sunrise for Two

Sunrise for two Chapter One

Harry switched on her computer and pulled a large bunch of grapes out of her bag. It was Monday and it was going to be a really long time until lunch. Her computer looked like a horrible lab experiment, new drives and slots grafted onto the side and held in place by a nest of wires, and some brightly coloured elastic bands. She took a mouthful of strong coffee and wondered why Mike always put milk in the first cup of the day. He seemed to remember her tastes by about mid-morning, but the first cup always had the mournful neutrali ed flavour of beans with the bite taken out. !"ood weekend#$ he asked, feeling the usual tingle when she smiled at him. !%oo short,$ she said with a grin, and he delighted in the elegantly baritone overtones of her voice. !Maybe you should have slept more.$ !Maybe, but then I would have had less fun.$ She drained her coffee mug and smiled appreciatively when he filled it again. She pulled a cereal bar out of her bag and placed it on her table next to a picture of her favourite hideaway in the &ake 'istrict. She was counting off the days until they returned. !(re you not eating that yet#$ asked Simon, he had been in a relationship for two weeks and his new partner had rather forcefully suggested a diet. !It)s all yours,$ she said sympathetically, !I think you)ve got a great body.$ !*ou too Harry,$ Simon told her sincerely, and smiled apologetically at Michael, his longing and possessiveness palpable as he hovered beside her.
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!How is +ulia#$ Michael asked casually, keen to prolong the conversation, wanting to see her smile again. !She)s fine, she spent most of Sunday practicing for her two minute saxophone solo.$ !,hat was it like#$ !-tterly awful, I had to drink almost a whole bottle of wine .ust to get to the interval.$ !I thought you were singing.$ I was, but she drowned me out so often that I had plenty of time for drinking.$ !Sounds fun.$ She grinned at him and ran her hand through her tousled curls. !,hat about you#$ !I had fun too.$ He said awkwardly, he didn)t want to say that he spent the weekend thinking about seeing her on Monday. !I)m glad.$ She said affectionately, and raised her eyebrows when their boss stepped crossly out of her office and gestured pointedly the phones. %hen she answered the first call of the day. !I% helpline$ she said as warmly as she could. He was already at breaking point. -sually the computers didn)t upset the day shift clinicians this much so early in the morning, but he)d had a head start and so she let him rant a bit until he started to lose steam. %hen she cut in, .ust as he got to the paranoid part, and coolly started getting the facts. He began to get annoyed again and demanded her name. She spelt it out for him very carefully and asked for his. He faltered then and she smiled, she had him now. She took down the rest of the facts, his spirit was broken. 'eftly she resolved the very simple problem and wished him well in her kindest voice. %hen she cut him off .ust slightly before his thanks were finished and moved onto the next call.
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%he fifth was the best of the day. He was a consultant physician, something he reminded her of about ten times before the end of the first minute. She)d spelt her name by the end of the third minute and solved his problem by the fifth. %hen the server crashed and she spent the rest of the day drinking black coffee and wishing for a lunch break. %hey had the system shakily running by four, but there were errors in program that pulled up the blood results. !It/s okay now Harry, I think we can leave it.$ Mike told her tiredly. He poured them each another cup of coffee and checked his text messages. !0o it/s not okay.$ she said emphatically, then smiled at him apologetically. !1eople need these results Mike, there/s a surgeon who has been emailing me every half hour since lunchtime. I can/t let him down.$ He smiled back, their focus on the computer had led to them sitting very close to each other, and he was finding it hard to concentrate. !%hey/re lucky to have you.$ he said softly. He watched her rubbing the back of her neck and wondered what she would do if he offered her a massage. Harry picked up the phone yet again, she listened sympathetically and smiled into the undeserving receiver, he allowed himself to savour her lovely profile, then he took a deep breath and filled up her coffee cup. She smiled up at him, and mouthed her thank you. He smelt her perfume as he stepped away and wondered if she would ever notice him. Harry promised that a member of team would look at their computers as soon as they could. She emailed the longsuffering trio who sorted out computers across the site, and put in the special code red that told them a complaint was only days away. %he next caller was struggling to access a database he urgently needed, Harry pulled up his details on her system and started working. He watched her fingers dancing over the keys, she was wearing a pink %-shirt with a subtle reference to a computer game. He knew her love of

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bad music from the 23s and he could see that she was still listening to her latest gadget under dark curls. He wanted to tell that this was one of the many reasons he liked her so much. She was laid back but passionate at the same time, and he bought her favourite chocolate bar from the vending machine and felt the tingle when she smiled. 4hris tried the phone again, it was still engaged. His shift had finished at midday, but he had spent the whole morning stabili ing a patient with a badly in.ured leg and now he needed to check that there was no infection. He had been getting an automated reply from the I% department all afternoon and he could feel his frustration rising. He reminded himself that there was probably someone working very hard to solve the problem. (ll the same, he could see his patient starting to deteriorate, and he would take on any battle to keep her in one piece. %he ward sister appeared by his side and handed him a warm cheese sandwich left over from the long departed lunch trolley. !It)s a sacking offence to eat the patient)s food,$ she said conversationally. !%hanks (nna$ he said with a distracted smile. !It)s probably also a sacking offence to let good surgeons work themselves into the ground.$ she added affectionately. He looked at her then, the stains of tiredness highlighting the blue of his eyes. !She)s 52 and she)s got a picture of her horse in her pocket.$ !I know honey.$ !(ny news on the blood results#$ !0ot yet.$

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He swore 6uietly, the traces of his Scottish accent hardening into a burr. !,hat are they doing down there#$ he asked in frustration. %he phone was still ringing at 7pm and Harry stretched tiredly and announced the I% department as politely as she could. He started shouting almost immediately and she drained the cold cup balanced on top of her monitor. !(ll I want is a set of blood results.$ He said again. !Surely even for someone with your obvious lack of organisational skills that)s not impossible.$ !%here)s nothing on the system.$ She replied calmly, as she had already done a couple of times. He made some rather cutting remarks about her intellect and she signalled to Mike for another drink. He gestured that the machine was empty and their usual supply of filter coffee depleted. Hating to disappoint her he held up a note saying that he would run across to the small supermarket opposite the hospital. She shook her head, but he smiled at her and rushed out of the office. She focussed again on the man shouting into the phone, and wondered idly if he had even paused for breath. !%hat)s my pager,$ he said with exasperation, and rang off without saying goodbye. She turned her attention back to the server, it was stable again, but she needed to find out why it had collapsed. She knew that there was data missing and she felt the pressure of the hard working staff depending on her. 4arefully she scrolled through the logs stretching her tired shoulders. She closed her eyes for a moment, straining her mind for inspiration. She had an idea and started typing, feeling a sudden tingle of excitement at the thought of solving the problem. She heard voices in the training team that shared the other end of her portacabin and she wondered idly if they were producing another terrible compulsory customer service film. !Hello,$ a man said irritably, she recognised his voice and raised an eyebrow.

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!How did you get in here#$ she asked with mild curiosity. !I)ve .ust got a consultant post,$ he said, slightly dramatically. !(nd I/m determined to keep all my patients alive.$ !4ongratulations.$ She said drily, wondering if he had specially chosen a pair of surgeon/s blues that emphasi ed the hard lines of his stomach and the satisfying way his muscular thighs filled his trousers. He ignored her and took a step closer, she realised how tall he was and looked approvingly at his long legs, and the way his dark stubble gave him a slightly feral look. !'o you keep printouts of all the bloods as they get entered#$ he asked, and she wondered idly where that sexy trace of an accent was from. !I)m afraid not.$ She said apologetically, imagining him barking orders at the nurses and bravely making the difficult decisions that needed to be made. !I)d like to discuss that with your supervisor.$ He stepped even closer to her desk, looming behind Mike)s chair. %he comic related art that Mike cluttered his desk space with was at the same height as his deliciously defined thighs. !8xcellent idea,$ Harry said approvingly, still admiring his intensity and his proportions, !would you like her direct number#$ She toyed with the idea of pointing to 9elinda, .ust visible in her office behind the stack of photocopied memos and carefully written safety pathways. In the end she decided against it, she wanted to keep this tall passionate doctor all to herself. !,hat)s the point#$ he said bitingly, !*ou lot seem to have a policy of not answering your phones.$ :n cue, the receiver on her desk started ringing and she looked up at him, deciding whether or not to answer it.
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4hris paused then and looked at the messy desks behind her. !:ver there, that looks like a stack of blood forms.$ Harry sighed and manoeuvred her wheelchair away from her desk. She had been through this routine a couple of times before, in fact 9elinda had written a policy and a flow chart after the last incident. %hey did print out blank forms to use for their programming, but there simply wasn)t the storage space to keep records on all patients. !:h I)m sorry.$ 4hris said awkwardly, he stopped looking at her face and stared instead at her delicate legs. %hen he took a step back and pushed his hands into his pockets. !I)m sure you working as hard as you can.$ He added heartily, watching the colour rising in her lovely throat, and feeling worse by the moment. !:nce again, my apologies, I can see how hard you)re trying.$ !*ou didn)t have anything to apologise for until you said that.$ She told him 6uietly, her dark eyes no longer meeting his. She wheeled back to the safety of her desk, feeling suddenly selfconscious. !,hy are you apologising#$ Mike asked protectively, he had spent the past three years studying Harry)s beautiful face, and he knew when she was upset. !,hy are you in here at all#$ he added, wishing he had taken that self-defence class that his mother had emailed him about. !His patient)s bloods are missing.$ Harry told him 6uietly, rubbing her hand across the back of her neck. !,ell that)s no reason to harass her.$ Mike said hotly, wishing the man was smaller. !0o you)re right. I)m sorry.$ 4hris smiled apologetically at her and backed awkwardly out of the portacabin and disappeared into the hospital. !Is everything okay#$ ;afi6 asked, returning from his cigarette break.
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!*es it/s fine.$ said Harry unconvincingly, her mind replaying the moment when his handsome face had changed from excitingly angry to painfully embarrassed. Mike was watching her, his plump features radiating protective concern. Harry willed him not to say anything and she felt a surge of relief when her neighbour appeared to collect her for their .ourney home. !Have a good evening guys.$ she said with an unconvincing smile and they stepped out into the damp May evening. !,hat happened#$ +ulia asked finally, when they were safely beyond the I% suite in the echoing hospital car park. She had known Harry since the start of university and she knew that the best way to find out what was wrong was to tackle her head on. !%his big handsome surgeon came crashing into the department yelling at me about his blood results. He was vibrating with intensity and dedication and it was all 6uite entertaining.$ She wanted to add that she had found him so very attractive, that she had imagined kissing him to the sound of one of the pop groups that she loved so much. 9ut she didn)t, she felt embarrassed even remembering her thoughts. +ulia was still watching her, and she took a breath and finished her sentence. !It was all 6uite entertaining,$ she reiterated, !and exciting until he saw my chair and fled.$ %hen she slid into the .umble of empty .uice bottles, crisps, chocolate wrappers and 4's that filled +ulia/s car and took a deep breath. She was used to people reacting badly, so why had he upset her# She watched the people on the side of the road, walking, standing, cycling and she closed her eyes. !*ou/ve got a good life Harry.$ she told herself firmly, while a tiny traitorous part of her mind imagined walking with him through the restaurants, coffee shops and ice cream parlours that lined the .ourney home. +ulia stopped the car and Harry looked at her. !4ome on,$ she said affectionately, !let/s go and chose a film and a pi a.$
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Chapter Two <ast food and a romantic comedy worked their magic, by morning she had almost forgotten him and she drank her first coffee with Mike and laughed when he told her about his evening wearing a badly fitting uniform as part of a battle re-enactment. He pulled his chair closer to her and said softly, !(re you okay#$ !I)m always okay Mike, you know that.$ !:f course,$ he felt a twist of disappointment in his stomach, and wished that he could be the man that she confided in, but he knew her gentle boundaries and he smiled at her, and moved back to the safe territory of their evening)s entertainment. %he atmosphere changed when their manager arrived, 9elinda wore suits with the .acket buttoned up all year round and read all the trust policies. She was accompanied by a surgeon and she introduced him to Harry as Mr 1atel, the head of orthopaedics. She explained that they were planning to set up a televised teaching clinic and needed the technology to record it. !I said that you were the best.$ 9elinda said, with almost a trace of a smile. Harry blinked her surprise. !%hank you,$ she smiled up at the big man in the beautifully made suit, !,hat do you need#$ !4ome with me my dear. ,e/re having a planning meeting and we love to have you there.$ Harry smiled her thanks at her boss, a morning away from the advice line did sound good. %hen she followed Mr 1atel out into the corridor where the smell of disinfectant and tiredness contrasted with the cheerful voices of a gaggle of medical students. 4hris hesitated for a moment outside the I% corridor. He had thought about her all evening, and he knew that her delicious voice had echoed in his dreams. 8ven a punishing round of rugby practice had not been enough to knock the feeling out of him that he had really gotten
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things wrong. He cared about people, he liked to think that he made their lives better, but he knew that he had hurt her. He .ust hadn/t expected her to be beautiful, with big dark eyes that made him think of poetry and art. He remembered the amusement in her pretty mouth as he 6uestioned her intelligence and her professionalism. %hen his mind replayed the sudden pain that had flared across her expressive face as he reacted so badly to her wheelchair, and he berated himself for his insensitivity yet again. He pushed his hands into his pockets and tried to think of the right words to say to her= a way to apologise for the shame he had felt when he realised how badly he was behaving. He wanted to explain that even if she had been able walk, he would have felt ashamed of himself, but whenever he got near the sub.ect of her wheelchair his words tangled up, so he walked up to the operating theatres and made himself a strong cup of coffee. He was an orthopaedic surgeon. He wasn/t interested in poetry and art. He sat down and tried to focus on his case list, but his mind wandered unbidden back to his early childhood, an image of his mother listening to .a music and creating yet another

gorgeous meal, slid traitorously into his consciousness. She had always generated masterpieces with the products of the bargain supermarket that she had to use. (nd the sound of her warm laughter blossomed into his mind. He took a breath, and shut down the thoughts. He had patients to see and he needed his head to be clear. %he nurse in charge of the operating theatre where he spent most of his time .oined him in the coffee room. !*ou okay#$ she asked. !It/s been a long week.$ he said with a smile, fighting an almost physical urge to face Harry again and apologise.

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!It)s been an awful week,$ the nurse said softly, !and you/ve pushed through the waiting list like a train, do something good this weekend.$ He nodded and wondered what Harry would say if he invited her out for dinner. He was still wondering when the man in charge of surgery paged him and asked him to meet him in the boardroom. ;eluctantly he walked down to the entrance of the hospital, took the plush elevator that only lead up to one floor and wondered what entirely pointless meeting he had forgotten now. %he training meeting was underway when he arrived, there was a complicated diagram on the screen about the need to train doctors in new types of operations. He sat down at the big polished table and felt his pulse 6uicken. Harry was sitting opposite him, and he drank in her gloriously dark skin and her cheekbones. She was wearing an elegantly tailored shirt, buttoned almost to her neck, and he couldn/t help noticing her generous breasts. He looked around the room, looked at the men nodding and smiling at her and wondered how many of them had noticed her intoxicating build. Harry felt his hungry ga e and arched an eyebrow, he smiled apologetically and looked back at the screen. She was more beautiful than he remembered. &ong gently curly hair, a lovely mouth and a delicate build with those eye catching curves that looked feminine even in her cotton top. %he clinicians were detailing the nuances of their operations and procedures, and Harry was making rapid notes with her black fountain pen, addressing all the possible ways of capturing the images in a way that would allow for people to look at them from different angles. 4hris watched the normally aggressive head of anaesthetics deftly managed by the combination of her smiles and her clear headed perspective on the practicalities of implementation. %here were eight men in the room, all older than her and all asking her 6uestions at once, if she was nervous then it didn/t show, but she did drink a lot of coffee.
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%hey stopped at lunch time, and she sat back in her chair, her relief obvious. %he new head of the transplant team stepped 6uickly out of his seat and sat down on the table close beside her to continue his conversation. 4hris watched her rubbing the back of her neck, and wondered if she was even aware that she did it. He wondered also how she would react if he offered her a massage. She drank yet another mouthful of coffee and smiled at a remark from Mr 1atel, 4hris took a deep breath and rose to his feet he decided that he would escort her back to the I% suite and make her smile, it wasn)t very often that a woman had had this kind of effect on him, and he knew he would be a fool to stand by and let her go. (n overweight man that he recognised from the previous day appeared awkwardly in the doorway. He had long messy hair tied back with what looked like an elastic band, and a shirt with a superhero logo was stretched over his stomach. !9elinda says can you come back# %he blood results from this morning have disappeared off the system.$ Harry said her goodbyes and 4hris watched her manoeuvre her chair away from the table. She was wearing well cut trousers that partially obscured her shoes and he wondered how tall she was. She didn/t look at him and he was surprised at how much that disappointed him. He wasn/t used to making such a bad impression on a beautiful woman. He imagined the amusement in his housemate/s eyes. !%his will be good for you.$ he would say. !She really knows her stuff.$ %he head of anaesthetics said approvingly. >4ome on guys,$ Mr 1atel said with a smile !she/s also gorgeous.$ %he head of anaesthetics nodded, !?uite stunning, I understand you/re divorced again Mr 1atel.$ %he elegant surgeon shook his head ruefully. !She/s far too young, I realised that last time.$ 4hris poured himself another cup of coffee and listened to their conversation. It had been a
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very long time since he had thought seriously about anything aside from his career. He had focussed the past decade on reaching this point, but if he was honest with himself, then at this moment his success felt pretty empty. He decided that he would have to swallow his pride and think of a way of talking to her. Harry followed Mike into the corridor. She was grateful for his silence and the chance to think. She had completely lost her train of thought when 4hris arrived, and she hoped it hadn/t been too obvious. He had been wearing a shirt that emphasi ed the gorgeous nature of his powerful build, shoulders that barely fitted beneath his slightly rumpled shirt and a lean flat waist distractingly delineated by a faded belt. His trousers were good 6uality, but slightly frayed and they showed his long long legs to perfection. She liked the fact that he was rather scruffy. She wondered if that reflected his obvious passion for medicine. %hen the memory of his shock when he saw her chair came unbidden into her mind and she forgot her attraction to him. She had been hurt before by a tall dark and handsome man and she didn)t think she could bear the pain again. <ortunately the server filled her thoughts completely, she ironed out the creases in the blood results and smoothed over a fight between Mike and the scary woman who inputted the data in the laboratory. She placated the woman who maintained the database of blood cultures, remembering that she liked horses and asking her about her recent .umps, and she worked until six in a coffee fuelled ha e. Mike stayed behind with her, he could see that she was tired, but he knew better than to suggest that she stopped. +ulia appeared beside her when the office was empty and the battered portacabin was starting to get cold even in the summer sun. !4ome on you$ she said affectionately, !I/ve got a craving for curry.$

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%hey stopped in the vibrant throng of Indian restaurants and takeaways and ate poppadum)s as the sun went down. !How are you feeling honey#$ +ulia asked her when her main course had arrived and the exuberant Indian love song filling the room grew slightly 6uieter. !I/m okay thanks, he .ust caught me off guard. :ne of the reasons I like my .ob so much is that it lets me forget.$ She paused as a piece of chilli tingled in her throat, and drained a glass of water. !0ot about my legs, but about people/s reactions to them.$ she added softly. !1eople .ust don/t think Harry, and this guy, he sounds like an idiot.$ !%hat/s .ust the problem,$ Harry said ruefully, !he wasn)t.$ She filled up her glass and took another mouthful of water and her dark eyes held +ulia)s for a moment. !I know it sounds silly,$ she added finally, !but he)s the sort of guy I hoped to meet when I took this ridiculous .ob.$ She closed her eyes for a moment and then smiled at her friend. !I know it is preposterous isn)t it# He)s not going to be interested in me. He)s bound to be this athletic superstar who likes lean long legged blondes. I can imagine them spending their weekends watching one another in sporting exploits then playing volleyball together at barbecues full of tall beautiful people.$ !Harry he)s a surgeon living in Manchester not a lifeguard in 4ornwall.$ !*ou)re right, of course you are, although it would be fun to meet a lifeguard from 4ornwall.$ She smiled her thanks when the waiter who knew her well brought her a cup of coffee, then looked the woman she confided in. !,e look after each other you and I, and I love that, but sometimes I .ust really ache for someone to hold my hand.$ !I know what you mean about those aches and cravings,$ +ulia said with a grin, !sometimes that itch is 6uite hard to bear.$

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Harry smiled at her, feeling the familiar twist of discomfort in her stomach, she had locked her sexuality away, frightened about exposing her vulnerabilities, particularly to a man that she might find attractive. !Sorry honey, I didn)t mean to touch that sore spot.$ !It)s okay +ules, you)re a normal girl, and any man would be lucky to have you.$ !%hey)re not 6ueuing up.$ +ulia said ruefully, and helped herself to another poppadum. %he glorious colours of the evening spring sky lit up the restaurant window, and back at the hospital 4hris was shaken outside of his usual preoccupation with his patients by the clean colours and the hint that stars might exist beyond the Manchester cloud cover. He stopped for a moment in the car park and watched the lovely hues above the incinerator. He/d spent the afternoon fighting the urge to return to the I% cabin and invite Harry for wine and then dinner. It was a strategy that had worked well with nurses when he was a .unior doctor, but he remembered the way she had looked at him when he interrupted the meeting and he had decided reluctantly that he needed to be rather more subtle, a thought that alarmed him. He met Mr 1atel in the canteen the following Monday. %hey ate overcooked food in a comfortable silence until 4hris asked casually when the next training meeting was. 4hris had worked for the older man for a long time before he became a consultant in his own right. %hey had spent long nights in the silence of the operating theatre and days in the packed outpatient clinics. !I/ve never known you to ask when a meeting is,$ his mentor said with a smile. !It/s a very worthy cause.$ 4hris said awkwardly, remembering the way her eyes slanted when she smiled.

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!I/m glad you think so,$ Mr 1atel told him, gracefully cutting a rather unpleasant lump out of his scrambled eggs, !although if you don/t mind me saying you looked a bit distracted.$ !She/s rather hard to miss,> 4hris said softly, >I/ve been thinking about her.> !,ell I/m glad. *ou/ve been far too preoccupied with your .ob.$ !%he trouble is that I/ve got no idea how to go about things, I don)t even know where to start.$ he said, his blue eyes suddenly intense. !(ll the usual girl stuff tends to be very effective.$ Mr 1atel told him with practiced ease, !<ind out what she likes, learn what she)s interested in and let her know that she is genuinely beautiful.$ 4hris nodded, he guessed that yelling at her and backing away when he/d seen her chair were probably a bad start. He had the chance to practice his lines when he found her sitting in the corridor outside the I% suite. She was wearing a pale blouse that accentuated the lovely warmth of her skin, and he delighted in her curves and wondered how long he could admire her without becoming obvious. She was sending a text and she started slightly when he said hello. !Hi,$ she said, and grinned sheepishly, !9elinda always tells us not to text in the hospital.$ !I promise not to tell her.$ !%hank you.$ !(re you waiting for someone#$ !*es,$ her ga e flashed briefly to the door marking the women)s toilets, and he felt a flash of protective concern that he didn)t recognise. !4an I help you with anything#$ he asked, taking a step closer.

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She arched an eyebrow. !%ell me you)re not offering me personal assistance.$ !:f course not.$ !I)m glad to hear it.$ He smiled hopefully at her and tried to think through the adrenaline and pheromones fogging his mind. !How are the blood results#$ !-nruly, but we)re winning at the moment.$ He launched into a lengthy explanation of the consultant)s meeting he was walking to, trying to spin out the story and willing her to .oin in the conversation. She nodded and smiled with as much enthusiasm as she could muster and he cast around desperately for a more interesting topic. ( plump woman in a fluorescent green .umper erupted from the toilets, her bleeper was sounding and she vibrated with anxiety. She stopped when she saw 4hris, her anxiety visibly rising further. Harry held out her hand and the woman tried to pass her the item as discretely as she could. She smiled at Harry and disappeared down the corridor. !Is everything okay#$ he asked finally, he wanted to tell her that he could look after her, that she could talk to him, and that he was usually very charming. Harry didn)t look charmed, she looked irritated and keen to escape. !I can)t believe you)re making me spell this out 4hris. I forgot a monthly product that women need, and the people who built our fine hospital didn)t think to stock the disabled toilets.$ !(re you going to write and complain#$ !0ot today 4hris.$ !'o you want to go for coffee#$

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She looked up at him, and smiled as politely as she could. !Maybe some other time.$ She said finally, wondering why surgeons seemed to know so little about female physiology, then she disappeared back into the sanctuary of the I% department. 4hris watched her departure, he replayed the conversation in his head and wondered if there was any possible way it could have gone worse. He found the urge to run after her and ask if they could try again, but the look of mild distain on her face was still bruising him, and he walked slowly to the operating theatres and had a satisfying argument with an anaesthetist. It was almost four when he was paged into theatre, and he worked until @, carefully repairing the damage caused by a motorbike and a tree. (fterwards he wrote up the operation in his careful sentences. %he charge nurse brought him coffee and laughed at his .okes, he described the operation to her in detail and wondered why they could talk so easily. She reminded him of the ward night out, but he knew himself well enough to know what would happen if her .oined her and instead he drove home in silence trying not to think about Harry. He parked his car and his restless feet followed the path to his usual takeaway. He had never been good with words, not when it mattered, they tangled up in his head and led him into trouble. He realised that she made him feel lonely, well actually that wasn)t fair. She highlighted the things he wanted, to feel close to someone he really cared for, to feel that sense of intimacy, to let her know what he was thinking. He remembered the look on her face, and felt a horrible sense of futility, she really didn)t look as though she would welcome the chance to know what was on his mind. He thought about .oining the ward night out, he wasn)t a poet, there was no way he could talk his way into someone)s heart. %he nurses always went to the same bar and he pushed his hands into his pockets weighed up his options. (fterwards he wondered what would have happened if he had caught a bus back into town, if he hadn)t seen her sitting in the passenger seat of a little green car that was waiting at the lights. She was
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talking animatedly and gesturing with her hands, and when she laughed he decided that if he had to, then he would learn some poetry.

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Chapter three Having almost counted down the days, 4hris ended up being late for the next training meeting. He had spent the night carefully repairing a leg and the time had slipped by. 4hris took a mouthful of cold powdery coffee and fought the urge to rush through his handover. 9ut he knew that he couldn/t let a patient suffer because of his own desires. <inally he was free, he moved 6uickly through the corridors, savouring the memory of her smile, and the tingle he had felt when she laughed at a remark Mr 1atel had made. %he lift was out of order, and he wondered anxiously how Harry had coped. She was presenting when he arrived and he was acutely conscious of the fact that he disturbed her flow. %he rest of the meeting passed in a blur while he rehearsed a sensitive way of asking her if she needed help getting back down to the I% suite. It didn/t sound sensitive when he finally said it out loud, and he watched the colour creeping up from her delicate throat. !%hat)s very kind, but there)s no need to worry about me. %here)s a service lift at the back I can use.$ she explained politely, unable to meet his eye. !,ould you like a hand walking back there#$ he asked, then wondered if his choice of words was a mistake. !I)m fine, but thank you.$ she said firmly, and gracefully navigated her way out of the room. 4hris took a deep breath, he couldn)t meet Mr 1atel)s eyes and he walked slowly back to the operating theatres feeling strangely anxious. He knew himself well enough to know that his feelings were getting stronger, and that he was a loyal man whose emotions did not fade 6uickly. He remembered the wariness in her dark eyes and reflected ruefully that he had no idea what to do next. %he stinging memories of the last time he had really cared for someone

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slid intrusively into his mind= the woman who had finally chosen his housemate. He drove home in unhappy silence, forcing his tired eyes to focus on the road. 0icola was washing up when he let himself in and he hugged her, glad of the contact. !Hey how you doing handsome#$ she asked affectionately, thinking not for the first time, that he had the most intoxicating smell. !I think I might have met someone almost as interesting as you.$ 4hris said easily, glad to be finally completely free of his unresolved feelings. !&ucky girl,$ she said, her sudden stab of .ealousy a surprise to her. !I don/t think she/d agree.$ 4hris said ruefully, !,e/ve gotten off to the wrong start.$ !*ou can make it right,$ 0icola said warmly, annoyed with herself for her selfishness, she had made her decision and she wanted 4hris to be happy too, !you)re very charming when you)re not too distracted.$ she added, making up her mind to support the man she cared about. !I/m not sure I can sort it 0ic, I really made 6uite a mess of things.$ He replayed the moment when he had reacted to her chair, the hurt in her eyes hitting him all over again. !'on/t let her mess you around.$ She said firmly, determined to make sure this woman was good enough. !It/s not like that.$ he said, surprised at how protective he felt. !I/ve been a complete idiot around her.$ !,ell you can change that.$ !I hope so,$ he said softly, wishing she didn)t make him feel like an enthusiastic schoolboy.

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0icola grinned at him and said with feeling. !9ring her round for dinner, I want to meet her.$ !I/m not sure she/s talking to me.$ he said ruefully, the reality of that statement making him feel worse. %hen he smiled at her rather unconvincingly. !"ood to catch up with you. I/m going out for a run.$ Harry felt restless too, she took a mouthful of wine and opened her book. It was set in (frica and she drank in the descriptions of space and freedom, and stretched her tired shoulders. She had played a lot of tennis at university, but her usual partner had moved to &ondon, and she didn)t feel confident enough to .oin any of the local clubs. She missed that sense of exerting herself until she felt tired and she rubbed her neck again and tried to relax into the freedom of her book. :livia and +ulia let themselves in through her front door and she gestured to the wine without looking up. !*ou/ve forgotten haven/t you.$ :livia said calmly. Harry looked at her unrepentantly and raised a 6ui ical eyebrow. !*ou absolutely promised me you/d cook at my outdoor event in the park.$ :livia told her, trying to sound accusing and helpful at the same time. Harry took a deep mouthful of wine then transferred back into her chair. !Sorry.$ she said unconvincingly. !(re you okay#$ +ulia asked, looking at the lines of tiredness around her lovely mouth. !*es thanks.$ Harry smiled up at her and handed her the glass. +ulia raised her arm in a sympathetic toast, then drained the remnants of the wine while :livia led the way outside. %iredly, Harry reached up and set her alarm. (fter a last wistful thought about the book and sofa, she wheeled into the van and locked her chair in place. !,ho are we cooking for#$ she asked with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

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!It/s a community event.$ :livia said as encouragingly as she could. !"et to know your neighbours and see how fun cooking can be.$ !So that)s why you)re getting someone else to cook.$ Harry observed drily. !,ell it)s not fun watching :livia cook.$ +ulia inter.ected reasonably and dug a cereal bar out of the glove compartment. !"ood point. ,here am I cooking#$ !Moss Side,$ :livia said, her voice still encouraging, !there)s a park that we)re trying to reclaim from the local gang activity.$ !"reat so I)m going to be shot.$ !See. %hat right there is the attitude that we)re trying to address.$ !,here)s the food from#$ !'onations. (ll the local shops and the supermarkets have given very generously.$ !:kay that)s good.$ Harry told her with a grudging smile. !(bsolutelyA I knew you)d en.oy this.$ %hey drove through the expansive streets of south Manchester and up through bedsits and tower blocks to the rows of terraced houses and the park where a sound system was vibrating with a rather impressive base note. Harry wheeled to the rows of tables and looked at the food. !,hat)s the menu#$ !<ood,$ :livia said hopefully, !you know, you always have good ideas.$ Harry closed her eyes for a moment and thought about her book. %hen she looked up at her friend and smiled. !:kay,$ she said, !but you better have lots and lots of wine.$

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4hris ran further than he intended, back to the streets where he had grown up. He paused, savouring the satisfying ache in his legs and sucked the air into his lungs. He could smell food, good food, the kind that came from fresh ingredients. 4uriously he walked towards the park where he had opened his exam results and done most of his revision. He saw Harry and the adrenaline rush caught him by surprise. She was stirring a pot that was at almost the same level as her head. !%here)s about seven foot of gorgeousness leaning against our sound system and watching you.$ +ulia said with a smile. Harry looked up and felt suddenly short of breath. !%hat)s the surgeon.$ !%he interesting surgeon# %he one you like#$ !I don)t like him at all.$ !,ell then can I have him#$ :livia asked appreciatively. !:h my goodness he)s coming over.$ Harry said unsteadily, she took a deep breath and looked up at :livia, !*ou promised me wine.$ !I know honey I)m sorry. %hey told me they)d be here by now.$ !Hi,$ said 4hris, !that smells good.$ !*ou can have some for free.$ :livia told him warmly. !I)m sure he can.$ +ulia murmured. !%hank you.$ 4hris said with a smile, still looking at Harry. !Is your finger okay#$ !*es, it)s fine,$ Harry said, pleased that he had noticed, but also slightly embarrassed, !I burnt it on the side of the pot.$
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!:h honey I)m sorry.$ :livia said awkwardly. !I know your hands are really important.$ Harry looked at her friend, feeling her embarrassment deepening, and wishing more than ever that she was back on her sofa. !8veryone)s hands are important.$ 4hris said, with a sudden flash of inspiration, and was rewarded by her beautiful smile. He smiled back, then added hopefully, !I)m really good at chopping.$ !%hank goodness.$ +ulia inter.ected, !I)m terrible. Here you can have my knife.$ !%hank you.$ 4hris said sincerely. He sat down beside Harry and smiled at her, !How finely do you want these vegetables#$ !<airly rough,$ she suggested, still ad.usting to his distracting proximity. !:kay then.$ he chopped in silence, still unable to believe his good luck. He was sitting next to her, he had the chance to make amends away from the amused eyes of his mentor. !Is this something that you often do#$ he asked, deciding that if was, then he would be volunteering. !,ell I used to do a lot more, you know chanting things on street corners, painting banners, but I)ve gotten a bit softer now, I spend more time on the sofa.$ !Helping communities is a good cause.$ He said approvingly, and she smiled at him and their preparation fell into a charged silence. 4hris drew in a breath, he didn)t want these precious moments alone with her to be s6uandered. He rehearsed casual and tempting suggestions for their Saturday night and he savoured the sight of her honey dark profile as she concentrated on the battered stove that :livia)s group had dragged into the park. !*ou)re good at that.$ Harry said finally. !I spent four years as a teenager in a children)s home round the corner from here.$
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!(nd they taught you how to cook#$ !I figured a lot of stuff out myself, it was the only way to have anything decent to eat.$ !I)m running low on ideas.$ she said tiredly, !if you can think of anything with a lot of carrots in it then I)d be really grateful.$ !,atch this.$ He stood up and reached across her. She wheeled back, torn between amusement and desire. His faded shorts left very little to her imagination, the hard muscles of his legs moved distractingly as he shifted his weight, and she was finding it really hard to concentrate on the food. %heir cooking fell into a rhythm, chopping, frying and tending to the dented pots. Harry watched :livia and +ulia gathering plates and cutlery and washing them with a rather ineffective ecological soap. She was alone with him and she half hoped that he would say something that would give her some clue as to why he was spending his <riday night chopping up donated vegetables. He was thinking the same thing, wondering what to say to let her know how attractive he found her, and how much he regretted his thoughtless reaction to her wheelchair. 0ormally on dates he drank wine and took people to bed. 9ut he was on new territory here, so he sliced open another onion and looked down at her, he was a resourceful man and he relished a new challenge. %hen he almost chopped off his thumb when he realised that her loose cotton shirt wasn)t buttoned up as high as the clothes she wore for work. !4an I ask where you lived before the children)s home#$ she said carefully, wishing that the much promised wine would finally arrive. !,ith my parents, my dad was a porter at the hospital, he wanted me to be a doctor.$ !,hat happened#$ she asked softly, !If that)s okay to ask.$
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!It)s okay,$ he took a breath, !my little sister died and my mum never recovered, she started drinking, and she never stopped smoking. %here was a house fire while I was out at rugby practice.$ !:h I)m sorry.$ she looked up at him, her big dark eyes holding his. !It)s okay,$ he said with a smile, !it was a long time ago.$ He focussed on his chopping for a couple of minutes, comfortably selecting vegetables for the four pots that he now effortlessly controlled and throwing in big handfuls of the herbs that Harry was slicing up. !%hey were good people,$ he added softly, !they came down from 8dinburgh so that my mum could take up a place at art college. %hen she had me and she said that found her vocation.$ He stopped and served a family who had arrived in the park, explaining the cooking process and the herbs that he had used. +ulia and :livia returned looking triumphant. %hey poured out red wine into paper cups then swept on to the advice stands, liberally distributing the contents of their bottles. !(t last,$ said Harry, she took an appreciative mouthful and smiled up at him. !I/m so glad it/s <riday night.$ 4hris grinned and held up his own cup. %here was good music playing and he was talking to a beautiful woman. He realised that he wanted to ask her to dance and he paused and took another mouthful of wine. It alarmed him to think that his repertoire of romantic strategies was so small that he could not think of anything more to say to her. He looked down at her delicate legs, she was wearing a pair of faded .eans and boots and his surgeons mind wondered again why she needed to use her chair. !,e/ve got a fresh delivery of broccoli.$ she said, and laughed at his expression. !&et/s swap places for a while, it/s my turn to improvise.$ He chopped and heaped the waste into the

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compost bin. Harry concentrated for a moment on her concoction, she bit thoughtfully on the side of her sensuous mouth and his .olt of attraction caught him by surprise. He filled up her wine glass and his own and decided that getting her alone was fast becoming a priority. %hey stopped when the Manchester weather started to get worse. :livia and +ulia returned and helped them pack up the remaining food. !4an I help#$ 4hris asked hopefully and took the lead on moving the heavy pots and boxes of vegetables into the big white van that :livia drove. !'o you want a lift somewhere#$ :livia asked him, and he accepted gratefully, wishing the offer had come from her friend. Harry manoeuvred her chair into a space near the front and locked herself into the roughly rigged wheelchair bay. He thought protectively that it didn)t look very secure, but he didn)t think she would react very well to his concerns and he contented himself by sitting down on a rough bench as close as he could to her. She smiled at him when he made a rather weak remark about their cooking and he wondered what she would say if he invited her in for a cup of coffee. He didn/t get a chance to find out. :livia treated him to a lengthy explanation as to how the three women had met. He learned that they had started university together, living in the same corridor in a big student hall. :livia and Harry had been studying computing, and +ulia medicine. In second year +ulia/s parents and Harry/s parents had bought them the little ad.oining terraced houses and :livia had moved in with +ulia until she could find a place of her own and never moved out again. 4hris explained that he had spent a couple of years before university working in a kitchen and saving up. He met his present housemate +eff, a man who had trained as an accountant and worked for a while, when they both started medical school. %hey had both struggled with the youthful culture of their fellow students and they had escaped by buying a big house and slowly decorating it. 0ow 0icola lived there
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with them and 4hris wondered sometimes if should move out. %he problem was that +eff was the closest thing he had to family. %hey pulled up outside the pretty little terraced houses and 4hris explained that he lived about 53 minutes) walk away. +ulia invited him in to en.oy the remains of his cooking and 4hris looked hopefully at the lovely woman beside him and accepted the offer. Harry led the way down the ramp and followed +ulia into her house, :livia steered 4hris into the kitchen, and he put down the pots on the battered work surfaces and filled up the mismatching plates and bowls. Harry had transferred onto the sofa when he returned to the lounge, and he sat down beside her, conscious of her proximity and the delicate scent of her perfume. %hey discussed the people they had met that evening= the complex politics of the central Manchester suburb where members of the (frican 4aribbean community negotiated the tricky waters of poverty and adolescence. +ulia put on a gloriously atmospheric .a album

and he sat back against the scruffy floral covers, en.oying their company and watching Harry tapping her finger on her glass in time to the music. <inally Harry rubbed the back of her neck, and smiled tiredly at him. !%hank you so much for your help.$ she said softly, !I really couldn)t have done it without you. 0ow if you/ll excuse me, I think I/m going to climb into bed.$ He nodded and his intrusive surgeon)s eyes watched her slide her delicate hips back into her wheelchair and use her hands to arrange her feet on the footrests. He wanted to follow her so badly it felt like a physical ache, but instead he declined +ulia/s offer of a cup of coffee and walked slowly back to his house. Harry prepared for bed and let her mind replay the evening. He was good company and an excellent cook. She wondered why he had stayed as long as he did. ,as it because they were helping his old neighbourhood# She thought that was the most likely explanation. She had wondered for a moment, .ust around the time :livia had poured out the wine, if he was
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flirting with her. %hen he had immersed himself in their cooking again and she remembered the stab of disappointment she had felt. Her parents had bought the house for her, something she still felt vaguely embarrassed about. (t the time she had suggested a bungalow, or at least a flat on one floor, but her mother had fallen in love with the pretty little stone house, and +ulia had been excited about living next door. So she had allowed herself to be persuaded, and now she lived in the bottom three rooms of her house, grateful at least for the fact that the room she used as a bedroom looked out over the big stretch of gardens that the row of terraces shared. She transferred into bed and switched on the radio. -sually she en.oyed this broadcasting slot, where books were read and plays repeated. 9ut she still felt restless. She wished that she could have walked back to his house with him. (nother couple out on a <riday evening, comfortably invisible and wrapped in their own private bubble. She wished that they could drink hot drinks in the privacy of his kitchen and then maybe go upstairs together. She remembered the white hot flare of attraction she had felt and closed her eyes, she decided she would need to go swimming the next day. +ulia let herself in to Harry/s elegant front room the next morning .ust as she was packing her swimming bag. !,hat you doing#$ she asked curiously, settling herself rather proprietally on the sofa. !I need some exercise, I feel a bit pent up.$ !(re you sure its exercise that you need#$ +ulia asked her. !8xercise will have to do.$ she said, not meeting her friend/s eyes. +ulia was her closest friend, and one of the main reasons for that was her sensitivity. !I/m sorry honey, I .ust meant that I think he feels the same way, in fact I/m pretty sure of it.$
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!%hen why didn/t he ask to walk me home and come in for coffee#$ !9ecause you rushed away honey, and you really didn)t look like you wanted company.$ Harry looked up, her dark eyes unreadable. <inally she smiled at her friend. !'o you want to come swimming with me# I/ll buy you breakfast afterwards.$ !I/d like that.$ +ulia said softly, she took a deep breath and added hesitantly, !I really am sorry, I know the intimate stuff is a bit of sore point for you.$ Harry smiled at her, !It/s okay, it/s .ust that he/s this big gorgeous doctor and I/m girl from the technical support department who can/t walk. I feel silly even finding him attractive.$ !*ou/re beautiful Harry.$ Harry smiled at her, !*ou would say that, you/re my friend. 0ow come on, let/s go and get some exercise.$ +ulia followed her out into the street. %hey lived .ust off the most desirable road in 4horlton, which was itself the most desirable suburb in Manchester. %hey stopped to talk to a neighbour and then a nurse from the hospital. %he streets were 6uiet and they navigated past the toy shop that sold only wooden toys, a competitive .ostle of Mediterranean themed restaurants and of course a vegan co-operative. %he pool was 6uiet and Harry felt her spirits lifting. %here were a high number of residential centres for stroke victims nearby and the pool was easily accessible to wheelchair users. She slid into the water and relished the sudden freedom, feeling her shoulders loosening as she splashed up and down, and ducked below the surface into the glorious blue silence. +ulia swam beside her, silently kicking herself for her remark. She wanted to tell Harry that the people close to her forgot about her chair, but the thinly veiled curiosity of their fellow swimmers was hard to ignore.

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Harry did feel better after her swim, she thanked the slightly over-attentive pool staff and dried her hair. She loved the spontaneity of the water, talking to her friend at eye level, feeling that she was less conspicuous than usual. %hen she wheeled back out into the busy morning and tried not to notice the glances and sometimes the stares. %hey bought a paper and navigated across the road to the delicatessen with their favourite coffee and Harry grabbed a table while her friend went to order their standard Saturday choices. +ulia wondered what 4hris) intentions towards her lovely friend really were. She remembered the look on his face when he had spotted Harry under the makeshift awning and the disappointment in his eyes when she disappeared into her house. She was pretty sure he cared for Harry, but she remembered how much he had hurt her at their first meeting. %hey ate poached eggs and watched children playing in the little park. %hen they read the weekend news in comfortable silence. +ulia looked at the beautiful gentle woman reading the holiday supplement and felt a sudden urge to track 4hris down and demand to know his intentions. 4hris was reading the paper too, feeling particularly virtuous when he perused a section on the merits of supporting local communities. He felt happier than he had done for months, and he smiled at 0icola when she came into the kitchen and poured her out a cup of coffee. !Hey handsome,$ she said affectionately, !you look happier.$ !I am, I ran into Harry last night, we finally had the chance to talk.$ !,here did you meet her#$ she asked, feeling her own mood dip. !Moss Side weirdly.$ !Moss Side#$ !I know, I can hardly believe it myself. Her friend was doing this kind of cooking outreach thing and I helped.$
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!"ood for you. 'id she live up to your expectations#$ !She/s even lovelier than I thought.$ he told her softly. !I/m going to plan out a really nice meal and invite her round.$ !8xcellent.$ 0icola said, as convincingly as she could, fighting another intense wave of .ealousy. !,hat are you doing tonight#$ She continued lightly, remembering all the times she had taken him out for the evening, en.oying the way other women reacted. !;ugby club.$ he said distractedly, replaying the way Harry smiled and the throaty chuckle that made him tingle. !I/m going to a psychiatrists party, it should be 6uite fun.$ she added. ;emembering the time when she wouldn/t have needed to provide any details about her night out, the time when he would have cancelled any plans at the suggestion that they would spend the evening together. He nodded without looking up. !*ou can come if you like.$ she added finally. He looked at her then, his blue eyes holding hers. !,here/s +eff#$ !I think he/s working late.$ she said awkwardly, feeling the colour in her cheeks. 4hris nodded and took another mouthful of coffee. !I think I/ll leave it. I/m a bit too preoccupied to have that lot leaping around in my head.$ She nodded and forced a smile, !%here/s some new blood out tonight, this rather interesting woman who works on your site.$ 4hris nodded again and washed his coffee cup in the sink. %hen he smiled at her and picked up his car keys. !I/m going to catch up on some paper work,$ he explained. 'eciding he wanted to read the meticulous document Harry had produced, He had spent the evening

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thinking of a way to extend his tentative courtship, but still had no better idea than to thought he might meet her at the I% suite and escort her up to the next meeting. 0icola watched him go, his sculpted torso stretched into a faded polo shirt, his long legs filling a pair of blue .eans to perfection. She felt angry with herself, she loved +eff and she was sure she did not regret her choice. She decided though that she needed to meet Harry as a matter of priority. She wanted to make sure this woman was good enough. Harry was chopping up vegetables again. She remembered 4hris/ easy company and his handsome smile, and wished that he could .og into view and offer to help. She was sitting in the communal garden, right outside +ulia/s house. ( long overdue vacuuming session was underway inside and Harry was planning out the snacks for their Saturday night gathering. !(re you inviting tall dark and gorgeous#$ :livia yelled. !0ot yet.$ she said and returned to her slicing. She wondered what he would say if she did. 4hris .ogged past her house right around the time she was collecting some music. He stood on the path and tried to decide whether or not to knock on the door. In the end he didn/t. He ran home and walked round the corner to the rugby club. It had been a big part of his decision to buy the house with +eff, he didn)t really like decorating, and he wasn)t sure why they needed to buy such a big house, but the club had kept him safe, and sane, for as long as he could remember. So he bought himself a beer and spoke to the men that he trained with so many years and felt uncomfortably empty. Harry finished her preparations and stretched her aching shoulders. !'o you fancy a night off#$ +ulia asked lightly. !,hat do you mean#$ !( night out of your chair on the sofa.$
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Harry was silent for a moment then she looked up at her friend. !I/d be there for the evening.$ she said softly. !I/m not transferring in front of anyone but you, not when I/ve had a couple of drinks.> +ulia held her breath, her thoughtless remark before their swimming trip was still weighing heavily on her. It made her realise how much she valued Harry/s gentle trust. !(ctually,$ Harry added finally, !I/d like that very much. %hank you.$ !8xcellent.$ said +ulia, her relief obvious. She touched Harry on the shoulder, mindful of the fact that it was much harder to hug someone in a wheelchair. !,ine#$ asked :livia, bursting cheerfully in the lounge, and +ulia wondered, not for the first time, if :livia ignored the interplay of relationships around her, or simply didn/t notice them. !"ood plan.$ Harry said with a grin and took an appreciative mouthful. She sorted out the last of the food preparation and issued instructions to Mike who had as usual, arrived far earlier than invited. Mike drank his beer slowly and savoured the sight of her curves and her arms in the short sleeves of her loose cotton top. He was slightly surprised when he returned from yet another errand to the local shop and saw her settling onto the sofa. +ulia was pushing her wheelchair into the under stair cupboard and he filled up Harry)s glass and smiled at her. !I bought you a copy of that 4' you liked, shall I put it on#$ !1lease,$ she said, grateful as ever for his sensitivity. :livia handed him another beer and he clinked his bottle against hers. Harry watched their interaction for a moment, and entertained a brief speculation about their possible relationship. %hen the doorbell rang and a group of rather wildly dressed psychiatrists erupted into the room. :livia explained that she was writing a research paper with some of them, and sharing an office with others and she concentrated on remembering all their names.

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0icola couldn/t believe it when she was introduced to the beautiful woman on the sofa. She decided it had to be the right person, she worked in the hospital I% department, she was called Harry and her dark skin highlighted loveliness of her face. She kept trying to talk to her, trying to negotiate the crowded room to sit beside her. 9ut the conversation bu ed constantly around the small elegant figure, and a tall man who appeared to be drinking vodka straight out of a bottle tried very hard to flirt with her before the plump man from the computer department took him outside for a cigarette. She drank rather more wine than she intended and watched the woman in frank curiosity. She had wanted to hate her, but realised that she couldn)t. Harry was funny and intelligent and obviously kind to her friends, and she realised that .ust made her feel worse. <inally she took advantage of people getting up for drinks and pushed her way rather more dramatically than she intended onto the scruffy B seater under the window. She sat down very close to the woman she had been watching, invading her personal space. !Hello.$ said Harry, her expressive face a mix of surprise and amusement. !Hi, I/d .ust thought it would be nice to meet you. ,e haven/t been introduced yet.$ !,ell nice to meet you then.$ Harry said, looking at the way the woman)s wine was hanging precariously over her favourite boots. !(re you a psychiatrist#$ she asked finally, silently willing the woman to straighten her glass. %he awkward woman nodded enthusiastically. !I work in the community.$ She launched into an animated description of her .ob. !So tell me,$ the woman said suddenly, invading her space and breathing alcohol fumes over her, !what do you do#$ !I work with computers.$

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!*es I know, but what does that mean#$ Harry tried to focus, but she was tired, and she realised how much she wanted to get back into her comfortable conversation with Mike. She smiled gratefully up at him when he filled up her glass, and took a rather larger mouthful of her favourite burgundy than she had intended. She had been en.oying her time on the sofa, people did treat her differently out of her chair, even her close friends. 9ut now she was trapped with this intense woman who didn/t stop talking until she spilt a particularly nice merlot, all over Harry)s new cotton trousers. !It/s okay, really it is.$ Harry assured her. She took another mouthful and wondered how she could possibly extricate herself. %hen mercifully the woman/s husband arrived and Mike sat down close beside her until the guests took themselves home. <inally she transferred back into her chair under his ga e which felt protective rather than intrusive. Her head was spinning slightly, and she had to concentrate hard to keep her balance. !4an I walk you home#$ he asked softly. !%hank you.$ She said simply and handed him her keys. She navigated the short path and manoeuvred into the safety of her front room. Mike stretched out on the sofa while she brushed her teeth and they laughed about the people they had met. <inally she wheeled out of her bathroom with affectionate trust in her eyes and handed him a blanket. !%hank you.$ He said softly, he kicked off his shoes and closed his eyes, savouring the fact that she was so close by. He woke up early and went out for food, guessing correctly that he would be cooking for :livia and +ulia as well. %hey sat outside in the sun and Harry drank strong black filter coffee and regretted her last glass of wine. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses, and her dark curls were still slightly tousled from her shower. Her faded cotton shirt framed her lovely throat

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and her frayed soft .eans hugged the contours of her legs and hips. Mike took a deep breath struggled to stay focussed on the conversation. !,ho was that scary 0icola#$ :livia was asking. !I know.$ +ulia said apologetically, !She seems 6uite normal and nice when you)re in work, I)ve actually been en.oying getting to know her. 9ut she)s a bit scary when she drinks wine and I)m so sorry about your trousers Harry.$ !It)s okay, I felt a bit bad for her. She was so drunk, I mean we were all a bit tipsy, but she was in a league of her own.$ !I think something had upset her.$ Mike offered, !9ecause she wasn)t really .oining in the conversation.$ !She wanted to talk to poor Harry.$ said :livia, eating the untouched bacon on Harry)s plate. !'id she give you any kind of explanation#$ !0ot really, she was talking about her .ob mostly, and also her husband, she .ust kept talking about how he was definitely the right man for her.$ Harry took a small bite of toast and chewed it slowly. !I)d be really grateful if someone would get me an aspirin.$ she added ruefully, and decided to spend the day watching box sets. 0icola woke up and felt sick. Her memories of the night were an uncomfortable blur and +eff was already out of bed. She followed him into the kitchen and sat down beside him, glad that 4hris was not around. !Hey,$ she said softly. He held her eyes for a moment and asked finally, !,hat happened last night 0ic#$

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!I don)t know. I felt a bit out my depth. %here were lots of new people there.$ she paused, then added regretfully, !I think I made a fool of myself.$ He looked at her in silence, then said finally. !*ou kept talking about someone called Harry.$ !'id I really#$ He nodded, still looking with gentle concern at the woman he loved. !,hat did I say.$ !%hat she was beautiful with a surprisingly nice personality.$ !,as Harry listening#$ she asked, feeling the colour in her cheeks. !I don/t even know who Harry is. I .ust tried to get you home as 6uickly as possible.$ 0icola forced down a glass of water and sat in unhappy silence, she tried to recall the conversation, but all she could remember was talking about herself. Sunday slid by in a sleepy tangle of 'C's, cups of tea, toast and newspapers. Mike left the comfortable little house after lunch. He didn/t want to leave. He wanted to hear her laugh and bring her food and drinks while she stretched out on the sofa. Harry watched him go, trying to gauge +ulia/s reaction. (fterwards she let her mind wander back to 4hris, and she wondered how he had spent the weekend. !*ou)re thinking about him aren)t you#$ +ulia sat down on the big sofa beside her friend and made sure that their legs were touching. She remembered when she was getting to know Harry, the intense late night conversations that they had shared as they left their teens and greeted their twenties. Harry had explained that nobody really touched her, and especially didn)t touch her legs. So she touched her as much as she could, and tried to have all their important conversations at the same eye level. !*es I)m thinking of him, he)s rather hard to forget.$

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!Harry he spent the whole night chopping up vegetables, I think it)s safe to say that he)s thinking about you too.$ Harry looked at her and smiled ruefully, !It)s not that simple for me.$ !Harry you)re a lovely woman, men notice that.$ !%hank you.$ Harry said softly, and smiled her thanks when +ulia poured out some more coffee. 4hris was looking at one of his oldest friends in speechless surprise. 0icola was telling him about the party, carefully editing her own level of drunkenness. !*ou met Harry#$ he asked again, shifting positing on the hard kitchen chair. !I/m sure it was her, small and beautiful with long dark hair and this fantastic base note to her voice.$ !%hat/s her,$ he paused, and added tentatively, !what did you talk about#$ !I/m not sure, I was 6uite drunk.$ He nodded, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He cared about 0icola far too much to get angry, but he didn/t sleep well wondering what she might have said.

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Chapter four Harry however, slept very well until Bam when 9elinda called her. !Sorry about this Harry, I acknowledge that this conversation is not keeping with trust policy. %he problem is that the blood results have gone down again. I know it)s not your responsibility, but can I ask you to come in with me#$ !:f course.$ she said sleepily, she had been dreaming about 4hris, and she really wanted to close her eyes and see if she could find him again. !%hank you so much.$ 9elinda)s relief was obvious, !,ould you like a lift#$ Harry accepted then transferred out of bed. Her unhappy adolescence in school that made no concession to her disability had taught her how to wash and dress at speed, and she was pulling on her soft boots when 9elinda knocked on the door. !'o you need assistance#$ the older woman asked awkwardly, leading the way to her surprisingly sporty black car. !0o I/m fine.$ Harry said, hoping her self-consciousness wasn/t too obvious. She pulled out her transfer board, and moved with the practice of many years. !0ow if you can put my chair in the boot then I/m ready to go.$ 9elinda explained that the system was now displaying no blood results whatsoever. %hey ran through a list of explanations and stopped in the surprisingly full staff car park. %he I% portacabin was cold and silent and Harry looked wistfully at the coffee machine and wondered if 9elinda would ever reply to the email she had sent explaining that she couldn/t access the machine from her chair. %hen she immersed herself in the system until it grew light outside and the results started to reappear.

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:livia called her at seven, the concern palpable in her voice. !I/m okay.$ Harry told her, !I/ll .ust have an early night.$ She ended the call, relieved that her friend would be able to reach her by four, all she need was some caffeine and she would start to feel almost normal. Mike arrived at 2 and blinked at her while his adrenaline rush faded. !'o you always get in so early#$ she asked, amused and surprised in e6ual measure. Mike nodded awkwardly and filled up the coffee machine. He waited until the first cup ran through and handed it to her. !%hank you.$ she said gratefully, her tired smile catching at his heart. !I)ve been desperate for you to get here.$ !,hy on earth didn)t you call me#$ he asked, wishing that he could in some small way ride in to her rescue. !'on)t be silly honey.$ She turned her attention back to the screen, and the time slid past in a long tiring welter of e6uations and angry phone calls. 9elinda retreated into her paperwork and Harry and Mike fought with the system. !Shall I present your data at the training meeting#$ 9elinda asked. Harry was sorry to note that she was still as formal as ever, she had hoped that their long morning together might have made their relationship easier. !*es thank you.$ She said, smiling as convincingly as she could and stifling her disappointment. !I will of course acknowledge entirely that it is not my own work.$ 9elinda added stiffly. !I really don)t mind.$ Harry told her honestly. She en.oyed her .ob, and she knew she was pretty good at it. 9ut the thought of looking at 4hris) .awline and those glorious shoulders, had been the only thing cheering her up all morning. She forced her eyes back to the elusive

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data and worked until lunch time, when Mike brought her favourite sandwich from the canteen. 4hris couldn)t concentrate in the meeting. His mind ran anxiously through all the possible reasons that she would have to send her apologies. He realised that he still knew nothing about why she needed to use a wheelchair and he wondered how he could ask her. If she was unwell, was she getting proper care# If she had been hurt was she getting the right therapy# He left the elegant room in silence and worked distractedly through his outpatient clinic. <or the first time in his career, he took advantage of a cancellation to walk to the I% suite. He tucked in his shirt and straightened his tie, then he pressed the bu er and Mike opened the door with an expression of muted hostility. !4an I help you#$ the smaller man asked coolly. !I)ve got a message for Harry,$ he said, as formally as he could. (dding hopefully !it)s from Mr 1atel.$ !I can pass it on for you.$ Mike shifted his generous bulk so that he blocked more of the doorway. !I)d like to tell her personally.$ 4hris waited patiently for him to back down, he had learned his skills fighting with the charge nurses in casualty, and he was good at this game. !:kay,$ Mike said finally, and led the way to the row of computers where Harry was sitting. 4hris pushed his hands into his pockets and hungrily drank in the sight of her. She was pointing out some figures on the screen, and her hand was clearly trembling. She shifted her delicate frame and used both hands to pick up her coffee mug. His surge of protective tenderness caught him by surprise, and his heart lifted when he saw the relief in her expressive eyes, until he realised that +ulia was standing beside him.
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She stepped forward and gently took the coffee mug out of her tired hands. !I think Mike can take it from here.$ she said protectively. !4ould you give me a hand with my chair#$ Harry asked lightly, unable to look at 4hris. !*es of course.$ +ulia said, keeping her tone as casual as that used by her friend. ,hen Harry had been a student she had withdrawn onto her sofa when her strength and co-ordination deteriorated. Since she had started working, her fierce independence had usually tided her through situations, especially when she was out in public, and +ulia realised she had no idea how to manoeuvre a wheelchair. She took the handles then 6uickly understood that it was far harder than she anticipated. 4hris couldn/t help stepping forward, when +ulia knocked her painfully into a printer. He pushed her carefully into the corridor and reluctantly relin6uished control. Harry thanked him, and he noted the embarrassed flush on her dainty throat. He wanted to walk out with them and carry her into the car, but he guessed that she would not accept that, and that she would find it intolerable. Slowly he walked back to his office fighting the loneliness he had carried since adolescence. Harry closed her eyes and thought longingly of her sofa. She took a deep breath when they reached the car park and tried to gather her strength. Silently +ulia pulled out the transfer board and realised how easily Harry normally handled the practicalities of her paralysis. ( group of construction workers looked curiously across the grey puddles of the tarmac and she took a sigh of relief when Harry was in the car. "ently 9elinda took the board from her tired hands and slid it back into place her wheelchair, then she helped her friend find a comfortable position.

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!I can/t believe 4hris was there.$ She took a deep breath and closed her eyes to block out the world for a moment. !I know honey I/m sorry.$ +ulia reached across her delicate frame and fastened her seat belt, then she carefully closed the door. Harry opened her eyes and smiled at her friend as she climbed into her own seat. !(t least I/ve got you. %hank you so much for getting me out of there.$ !I bashed your arm.$ +ulia said wretchedly. !%he point is you left work early and you/re taking me home.$ !I would always leave early if you asked me to.$ +ulia told her. She wanted to add that 9elinda had no right to make her work as hard as she did, but she knew that this was the wrong moment to mention Harry)s vulnerability. <inally, finally Harry was in her house, she rubbed the back of her neck and exhaled in relief. !'o you want to choose a box set for us#$ +ulia asked, pouring her out of glass of water and picking up the post. Harry grinned at her and arched an eyebrow, !I haven/t forgotten your date with that interesting paramedic.$ she said firmly, !*ou/ve got me home, I can take it from here.$ !I)d rather be with you.$ +ulia said softly, but Harry persuaded her friend to go and get ready for her date. %hen she slowly pulled off her clothes and made her tired way into the shower. +ulia hurried through her reluctant preparations. She couldn/t stop thinking about the delicate woman next door, and she rushed back around as soon as she could. %here was no answer when she announced her arrival and she hurried into the bathroom and switched off the water.

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!,hy on earth didn/t you wait for me#$ she asked, helping Harry move her shower chair back into the bathroom. !I can shower by myself.$ Harry told her, feeling her embarrassment deepen. !Honey I/m your best friend, and I)m a doctor.$ She helped Harry into her dressing gown and handed her a towel. !&et me get you into bed.$ !4an we go to the sofa#$ Harry asked unsteadily, memories of her unhappy adolescence flooding into her mind, !I spent my whole childhood in bed when I wasn/t feeling well.$ She transferred shakily onto the sofa and stretched out on the comfortable cushions. %hen she smiled up at her friend. !"et out of here you.$ she said affectionately. !I want full details tomorrow.$ !I can/t leave you. ,hat if you need another drink#$ !%hen I/ll get it.$ Harry told her, and .umped slightly when the door opened. !&ook who I found outside.$ :livia said triumphantly, and let 4hris into the lounge. !I don)t know what comfort food you like the best, so I thought I)d hedge my bets and bring you pi a and curry.$ he said hopefully, looking only at Harry. Her first thought was how pleased she was to see him. %hen she realised how hungry she was, and how good the food smelt. !I noticed that you hadn)t touched that sandwich so I)m betting you haven)t eaten since yesterday.$ He stood in the middle of her lounge, the combination of dark shirt and dark tie and badly chosen trousers making her like him even more. !If you stay then we)re watching one of my box sets.$ she said, finally. !4ome on.$ +ulia said to :livia, tugging her friend to her feet. !9ut he/s got lots of food.$ :livia protested, thinking about the emptiness of their own fridge.
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!(nd I think they/re both very hungry.$ +ulia said firmly. 4hris was vaguely aware of their departure. He took a deep breath and focused on bringing his hormones under control. She was sitting in the corner of her large &-shaped sofa with her elegant legs stretched out. He knew it had been far too long since his last girlfriend, but the sight of her dainty ankles was having a powerful effect on him. He looked up into her dark eyes and listed all the drinks he/d brought. She listened with a polite smile on her face until he offered her a glass of wine. !,onderfulA$ she said gratefully, !I hate it when people treat me as though I/m this delicate flower. I/d love a glass.$ He grinned at her and pulled out his favourite red. !Is that the kitchen#$ she nodded and watched approvingly when he tugged out the cork in a fluid movement. He found a little table and placed it next to the sofa. %hen he busied himself gathering plates and cutlery and she relaxed back against the cushions and realised with concern that she was en.oying herself. !'o you mind if I move your wheelchair#$ he asked with a sensitivity that surprised her. !I trust you doctor.$ She said, as casually as she could. !I/d like that,$ he replied softly and sat down beside her, !( large glass#$ !1erhaps lots of little ones. ,hen I get tired my co-ordination is not so good.$ >4an I ask why#$ !I think you .ust did.$ she said, taking an appreciative mouthful of wine. !Is that okay#$

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She looked at him for a moment then said 6uietly, !I was hit by a cyclist when I was seven. He went over the base of my spine and severed lots of the nerves, and he also bruised my spine below my shoulders.$ !I/m sorry.$ He said unsteadily, thinking about the senselessness of the accident, and regretting everything that had been taken from her. !It/s okay. It was a long time ago, now are we going to watch a box set#$ !So we/re not talking about it#$ !*ou/re on fire tonight doctor,$ she said with a smile !now choose us something good to watch.$ %o his delight she shared his love of crime dramas and he pulled out a programme that he loved and sat back down beside her. %hen he chose a small plate and put out manageable portions of the different foods. "ently he placed the food on her legs, savouring the tingle of their touch. It felt good to communicate his growing feelings towards her without resorting to the words he always seem to use so badly around her, and he picked up a piece of pi a and realised that he couldn/t remember the last time he felt so happy. Harry relaxed back against her cushions, they were finally alone together, she wished that she was wearing something more flattering, and thought wistfully of her new skirt. ( tiny part of her mind imagined walking 6uickly into her room and effortlessly pulling on something he would notice. She s6uashed the thought down and smiled at him. He watched her as unobtrusively as he could, taking her plate when she finished eating and filling her glass. ,hen she rubbed the back of her neck and tried to shift her position, he tentatively reached out his hand to help. Harry remembered the precarious state of her modesty and

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tugged at her gown. !I/d never do anything you weren/t comfortable with.$ 4hris said, concern and distress in his intense eyes, !I don/t want to make you feel vulnerable.$ !It/s not that I feel vulnerable,$ she paused realising that she liked this man too much not to be honest. !It/s .ust that I/m not wearing anything other than this gown.$ !:h,$ he said softly, his eyes darkening. She felt the heat of his molten ga e sweeping over her breasts and lingering at the .unction of her thighs. !%hat/s a very interesting idea.$ He said finally, his ga e not moving from her hips. He ran one of his powerful hands along her .aw and she watched his deliciously large biceps and his long expressive fingers. She felt his hand sliding down her neck and when +ulia opened the door with tears streaming down her face, it was an effort of will not to look exasperated. !:h no am I interrupting$ +ulia asked, her tears falling even faster. !Honey what happened#$ Harry asked and smiled her thanks when 4hris found her a wine glass. !He doesn/t fancy me at all he thinks I/m fat. I mean I am fat, but I thought he liked me.$ She picked up a piece of pi a and chewed for a moment. !He likes you Harry. He invited me out to learn more about you.$ !,ho is this guy#$ 4hris couldn/t help asking. !I don/t think that/s the issue.$ Harry said coldly, and he shifted closer to her, charged with possessiveness and desire. He noticed suddenly that she painted her toenails and he took a mouthful of wine and decided that he needed to claim her as his own as 6uickly as he could.

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!It was all going so well,$ +ulia continued, still eating the food he had brought for Harry, !we spoke about films and politics then I ate some of the chips on his plate and he made a crack about my weight.$ !%hat/s out of order.$ 4hris said and Harry smiled at him approvingly. He smiled back, nobody else was going to come anywhere near her he decided. +ulia picked up another piece of pi a and in her agitated state, knocked a further piece into Harry/s lap. !I/m sorry.$ she said, grabbing at the fabric of the dressing gown and briefly exposing one of Harry/s breasts. Harry looked up into the hungry hungry ga e of the big surgeon and felt her embarrassment colouring her neck. She spared herself a moment of selfpity, she had survived the longest day of her working life and now everyone around her that she cared about seemed to be conspiring to make her feel awkward. +ulia started crying again, and to her relief and delight 4hris offered to make coffee. 4hris stood in the kitchen and decided that getting her alone was now a matter of urgency. He savoured the memory of her dark curves and her delicious kissable nipple. %hen he poured out her cup with extra care, filling it half way and filling it again when she saw that she had finished. (fterwards he walked home and allowed himself to imagine carrying her into bed. !Shall we finish the wine#$ Harry asked, as the sound of his feet receded into the street. !1lease,$ said +ulia and stretched out beside her friend. !'id I ruin the moment#$ !It doesn)t matter honey, we always look after each other, I would have hated it if you hadn)t have come round.$ !&ooks like I came round .ust in time,$ she said ruefully, !otherwise I)m guessing you might have been out of that gown.$

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!:h don)t remind me.$ Harry said and suppressed a smile. !He liked what he saw.$ +ulia told her, and he does have very big hands. !I think I like him.$ Harry said softly, !but I)m still not sure what he thinks about my wheelchair. I mean he reacted so badly the first time we met and he asked me a bit about it today. If it)s a deal breaker then I want to know now.$ She brushed her teeth under +ulia)s protective ga e, then she transferred into bed and closed her eyes. She remembered the feel of his hand on her mouth and fell asleep wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

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Chapter fi e Harry woke up the next morning with an aching head and a sore throat. She drank honey and lemon and of course coffee, and her spirits lifted when she remembered the night before, particularly the part where 4hris had almost kissed her. She knew without a doubt that she would have kissed him back. !*ou look terrible.$ +ulia told her thoughtfully, !;eally terrible, like you)ve got flu.$ !%hank you and good morning.$ Harry handed her a cup of coffee and a cereal bar and they sat at her kitchen table with the radio on. !(re you okay#$ Harry added as +ulia put down the unopened bar and drank a glass of water with a grimace on her face. !I need to lose weight.$ She said miserably. !:nly if you want to honey. (nd cereal is always a good idea.$ +ulia smiled shakily at her and opened her breakfast, !How are you# I/m really sorry about messing up your night.$ !,hich time#$ Harry said with a grin, then added more gently, !I was .oking. 'on)t worry, I had fun and you)re my friend.$ %hey finished their coffee in comfortable silence and slid into the .olting morning traffic. !Have you remembered that I/m finishing late tonight#$ +ulia asked anxiously, she loved their routines and she hated the idea of Harry having to struggle into a taxi. !Mike is giving me a lift, he told me he was going to empty all the crisp packets out of his car.$

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!:h good.$ +ulia said unconvincingly, feeling slightly disconcerted, her exclusivity and closeness to Harry were very important to her. She slid into a space in the car park and handed Harry a packet of paracetamol. !(re you sure you/re going to be okay Harry#$ Harry nodded. !I/m always okay.$ She wheeled down to the I% portacabin and thanked Mike for the first coffee of the day. %here were two people off sick, and 9elinda was in a worse mood than usual. She sent Harry an email about mandatory training and sat in her office with the door closed. Harry answered the phone and tried not to cough. She thought anxiously about the blood results. If the system went down today then the whole hospital would grind to a halt. She answered the phone to a series of unhappy clinicians and rescued Mike from a pharmacist in a very bad mood. ;afi6 slipped outside for a much needed break and picked up her favourite salad. He slid it onto her desk while 9elinda was reading out the updated fire safety policy. !+ust once it would be nice if you thought about me too.$ 9elinda told him, and started reading the policy from the beginning again. %he I% secretary interrupted her, and 9elinda focused her displeasure on the anxious woman. !&ady 4aroline is here, our new hospital patron.$ !I know who she is.$ 9elinda said bitingly, she read her trust newsletter from cover to cover. She buttoned up her .acket and put her clipboard down. &ady 4aroline swept into the room with her husband and daughter following. 9elinda noticed with a degree of satisfaction that her daughter had not inherited her good looks, and she stepped forward with her hand out to preparing to show them round her scruffy kingdom. %he visiting dignitary arched an eyebrow in 6uiet disdain, she looked past her to Harry and said imperiously !(ren/t you going to say hello#$

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!Hello mother.$ Harry said 6uietly, feeling the 6uiet surprise from Mike and ;afi6. Her sister smiled sympathetically at her, and she took another mouthful of coffee and looked up into the cool blue eyes. !Harriet the heads of the hospital are holding a fundraising event. *ou are re6uired to attend.$ !Mother the I% department needs me more.$ Harry replied, feeling her vowel sounds crystallising back into the accent of her childhood. &ady 4aroline turned to look down at 9elinda. !4an you manage without her#$ !*es of course.$ the plump woman in the badly fitting suit told her, unable to ignore the disappointment in her most loyal employee/s eyes. !8xcellent.$ &ady 4aroline said without a trace of warmth, !0ow Harriet I brought your crutches and something decent for you to wear.$ Her sister stepped forward and Harry led the way into the disabled toilets. !I can/t do it &ibby.$ she said unsteadily, !I haven/t used the crutches for ages, and I/ve got a cold.$ She took a deep breath and wished more than ever that she was miles away from her mother)s unsympathetic influence watching a box set. !'o you want me to tell mother, you don)t feel up to it#$ &ibby asked gently. !0o thanks honey, you know she won)t accept that. 9ut thank you it/s good of you to offer.$ !I asked her not to bring them.$ &ibby said softly. She helped Harry into her braces and into the expensive dress &ady 4aroline had chosen. (t five foot eight with a fondness for fried

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food, she towered over her lovely older sister. !If it/s any consolation you look beautiful,$ &ibby told her, !and I/ll be by your side all day.$ !%hank you.$ Harry said unsteadily, remembering the way her loyal little sister had started looking after her from almost the moment she could walk. !*ou)re the best sister a girl could want.$ Harry pulled open the emergency make-up supply she kept beside the department first aid kit, and liberally applied a waterproof mascara, she decided she needed all the support she could get. !(s are you Harry.$ &ibby told her gently, helping her sister ad.ust to the uncomfortable crutches. !:nward into battle,$ Harry said finally, then she took a deep breath and swung herself out into the I% department. 9elinda noted enviously that she looked lovelier than ever. she wondered how she had missed the strong mother and daughter resemblance= the classical features reflected through a dark delicate and diminutive lens. (ll same, the unhappiness in her dark eyes was hard to miss. !I)ve left my notes about the bloods next to my computer.$ She said to Mike, and he nodded mutely at her, she had turned into one of the women that terrified him, and he didn)t return her tentative smile. %he elegant party moved slowly to the front of the hospital where &ady 4aroline/s car was obscuring the no parking signs. %he chauffeur, a man who had taken Harry to a lot of hospital appointments during her lonely childhood, touched her shoulder and she smiled up at him, glad of the support. %hen she slid onto the slippery leather seats and smoothed her skirt over her legs, she had grown up at events like this, she knew what she had to do. 4hris read the memo again and cursed softly in a way that made the secretaries offer him coffee and food. !I have to represent the department at a wine and cheese event today.$ He

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explained, running his hand frustratedly through his dark wavy hair. His personal secretary contemplated mentioning that she had emailed him reminders repeatedly for the whole of the past month. 9ut instead she filled up his coffee mug and returned to his dictation. 4hris dug his emergency tie out of his desk drawer, and found his crumpled .acket under a layer of coats and handbags. He had been planning to spend his afternoon off researching accessible places to take Harry, and he stalked out the car park cutting a swathe through the late lunchtime corridors. %he mar6uee was hard to miss, and he wondered irritably why fundraisers always had to cost so much. %hen he parked on the grass and followed the smartly dressed dignitaries into the stuffy confines where the smell of hot canvas warred with expensive aftershave and pastry. (fter an awkward 53 minutes he secured a glass of orange .uice and a warm sausage roll, and he wandered through centre of the tent, deciding to find Mr 1atel and then make his escape. %he tall figure of his mentor was finally discernible, he was talking to a small delicately built woman whose profile he had spent last night admiring. She was standing on her feet and he cut rather 6uickly through the crowd to talk to her. (s he drew closer he spotted the braces and the crutches she was holding so tightly and also the discomfort in her dark eyes. ( woman in an enormous hat stepped into his path and said firmly, !(llow me to introduce you to &ady Harriet and her sister 8li abeth.$ 4hris greeted them, nodding absently at her sister and stepping closer to Harry. !&ady Harriet#$ he asked softly, and noticed tenderly that the top of head barely reached his chest. !(re you going to be weird about this too#$ she asked lightly, ignoring her own adrenaline rush.

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!:f course not,$ he said with a grin, and offered her a drink. She shook her head and smiled at him unconvincingly. He noticed the lines of tiredness under her eyes and saw the untouched drink on the table behind her. !(re you okay#$ he asked softly. !I)m fine.$ She said, with another smile that didn)t touch her eyes, and he saw his concern mirrored in her sister)s eyes. !Mother can we get a chair for Harry#$ &ibby asked, and the chilly woman in the expensive brown suit, shook her head. !0ot .ust yet, I think there)s somebody here that &ady Harriet would very much like to meet.$ She introduced a tall fleshy man with a red face and hair with too much product. !&ord 'arley$ said her mother triumphantly, and the man stepped forward and reached out to touch Harry)s arm. 4hris watched the colour drain from her face and moved forward 6uickly to catch her. He lifted her up effortlessly and stepped out through a flap in the canvas back to the makeshift car park. !,here is your car#$ &ibby asked him, and he gestured to the scruffy old sedan he had bought at university and never updated. !%he keys are in my .acket pocket.$ He told her, and she unlocked the door and stepped back so that he could place Harry in the passenger seat. !Shall I take off your braces#$ 4hris asked her. !0o I)ll do it.$ Her sister said protectively, !can you get her a drink#$ 4hris stepped back into the tent, where an anxious man found him and introduced himself as Harry)s father.
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!Is that the surgeon#$ &ibby asked with a grin. Harry nodded, breathing a sigh of relief as her head stopped spinning. !%hat)s doctor gorgeous, he almost kissed me last night.$ !,ell make sure he kisses you tonight.$ &ibby told her firmly, and smiled at 4hris as he came back into view and handed her the glass. !Harry I)m so very sorry, I should have stepped in sooner.$ said her father, his distress obvious. !It)s okay dad.$ Harry said, smiling with a conviction that faded when her mother stalked into view. !Hurry up Harriet there are more people for you to meet.$ Her mother said firmly. !Mother she)s got a bad cold and she can)t stand for long periods of time.$ &ibby protested. !(nd yet she does,$ her mother replied, !Harriet you are a beautiful woman and you have an important title, but you)re never going to meet a husband sitting around in that wheelchair.$ !I think she might.$ &ibby said with a grin, then added more forcefully. !I)m going to ask 4hris to take her home.$ !Is that really what you want Harriet.$ !*es.$ Harry said softly, and looked up at her mother. !I can)t go back in there,$ she added unsteadily, and .ust for a second her mother)s expression softened. !:kay then Harriet.$ &ady 4aroline looked at her for a moment longer, then she turned on her elegant heel and walked back to the mar6uee with her husband and &ibby walking behind

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her. Harry watched them go, she shifted uncomfortably in the unfamiliar car and thought longingly of her sofa. 4hris climbed into the car beside her and touched her face again. She felt the tingle even through her tiredness and distress. !%hank you for rescuing me.$ She said, her eyes curving into the smile that he loved. !(nytime.$ His blue eyes held hers and his voice was low and intense. !I)d rescue you whenever needed.$ She finished her drink and cleared her throat. !%hat)s good to know.$ She told him. !0ow shall I take you home#$ !(ctually can you take me back to the hospital# My chair is still there.$ !:f course.$ he cut comfortably into the traffic and navigated the roads back into town. Harry leant her head back against the seat and 4hris looked across at her, savouring her presence in his car. !%hanks again.$ she said with a smile. !It/s a pleasure. *ou know I was wondering, there are some really good places for a drink round here, do you want to stop#$ Harry shifted uncomfortably on her seat, !'o you mind if we .ust go back to the hospital#$ !:f course not.$ He cut past the park where they had spent the evening and couldn/t help adding. !&ord 'arley looked extremely pleased to see you.$ !I know. His mother was a couple of years above my mother at the same school. He .oined the army but that didn/t work out, and he stayed at our house over the summer after my first

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year at university.$ Harry took a deep breath and added very 6uietly, !He came to my room one night. My wheelchair was in my student hall because mother doesn/t like it and he climbed into my bed.$ she paused then added shakily, !It hurt so much.$ !Harry that/s awful.$ 4hris felt a white hot rage descending, and the possessiveness that had shaken him when +ulia had spoken of the paramedic intensified. !He had no right to do that you. It)s a crime and he should face the conse6uences.$ Harry closed her eyes. !I don/t know why I told you, I)m sorry, +ulia and &ibby know about it, but nobody else.$ !'on/t let him come near you.$ he said with a searing intensity, !0ot now, not ever and if you want help with that then I/ll talk to him.$ !%hank you but no, I can handle it myself.$ She closed her eyes, trying to find her e6uilibrium, trying suppress the painful memories that his face had forced into her consciousness. 4hris spent the last five minutes of the .ourney rehearsing the best way of asking her out for dinner. He wanted to tell her that there were men that respected women, men that were gentle and offered things without taking, but every line that he thought of sounded melodramatic, even in his own head. ;eluctantly he opened her door, sorry his time with her was ending, and said tenderly, !&et/s get you back inside so you can put on something that suits you better.$ !'on/t you like the way I look#$ she asked, her dark eyes holding his. He lifted her into his arms then, savouring the way she smelt, intoxicated by her proximity and the revealing way her dress emphasised her curves. He felt her breath on his face and gently he lifted her higher and kissed her. He could think of no better way to communicate how much he already cared
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for her, and when she opened her lovely mouth and kissed him back, he felt the .olt all the way down to his toes. He looked at her low cut top and fought the urge to place her proprietally back in his car and drive her home to his house. Instead he held her tighter, wanting to savour the moment as much as he could, until he felt her small hand on his arm. !4an we get my chair#$ she asked awkwardly, and feeling that she needed to explain, she added softly !It)s a bit unsettling not have my independence.$ !:f course.$ He said gently, wishing he had realised how she would be feeling, particularly after seeing the man who had hurt her. He carried her to the I% suite where Mike and ;afi6 and two men in the same uniform of black .eans and trainers clustered round them. !,hat happened#$ Mike asked, wanting to tear her out of the taller man)s comfortable grasp. !She collapsed.$ 4hris explained, wanting to give her space to breathe as he helped her find her balance in her chair. !0o I didn/t. I .ust felt a bit faint and you leapt in.$ Harry said, with an acid in her voice that 4hris didn)t recognise. She pulled her hand free from his grasp and disappeared into the toilet, slamming the door loudly. !,ord of advice mate,$ Mike told him coolly, !,omen who use wheelchairs really don/t like it when you announce loudly that they/ve fallen over in public.$ 4hris looked down at him, breathing heavily, and fighting the urge for physical retaliation. He was angry and upset and not in the mood to take advice. He didn/t understand why she was reacting so badly when they had been so close and so very intimate. He pushed his hands into his rumpled pockets and started to wonder about the practical challenges of falling for Harry. His main concern was how easy it would be to have a relationship with someone who seemed to have such a dramatic effect on almost all of the men around her. 9elinda stopped
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to trying to get their attention and instead pushed between them to pour herself a cup of coffee. She wondered bitterly if Harry even knew where the coffee machine was. Harry sat in the bathroom and gathered her thoughts. How could he rescue her then get it so wrong# ,hen he had told her friends, the men whose opinion of her mattered, that she had fallen in public, she had felt like crying. She replayed his thoughtless words in her head, feeling her throat catch again. %hen she took a deep breath and wheeled back outside, she had faced far worse at school. 4hris felt his anger melting, her hair was slightly tousled and the tremor of tiredness had returned to her hands. ,hen he looked closer, her big dark eyes looked suspiciously full of tears, and he hoped desperately he was not the cause. He wanted more than anything to pick her up again and carry her back to her sofa. !Shall I take you home Harry#$ Mike asked 6uietly. !1lease.$ she said with yet another strained smile. ;eluctantly 4hris stepped aside and watched her go, she was struggling to navigate her chair, and after a 6uiet exchange with Mike, the computer technician started pushing her. 4hris felt sick and he walked out to his car in silence. %he subtle smell of her perfume still hung in the air. (nd he sat for a moment remembering the way she had tasted when he kissed her and the way she had kissed him back. His unreturned feelings for 0icola had allowed his precise medical mind to chart out his lonely .ourney all the way into one sided love and back out the other side. 9ut this, he realised, was far more intense and he fought the urge to drive round to her house and demand to finish their conversation, and the wonderful kiss.

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He heard tapping on the window of his car, and for a wonderful wild moment he hoped to see her face. Mr 1atel opened the car door and sat down beside him. !(re you okay#$ the older man asked finally. 4hris shook his head and looked at the older man. !I upset her.$ !She looked pretty upset to begin with.$ 4hris nodded, !I guess you)re right.$ He said finally. !,here is she now#$ !,ith that man from the I% department, the one who follows her around like a puppy.$ !,hy is that#$ !I told everyone that she)d fallen, well I sort of implied it, I didn)t realise she)d react the way she did.$ Mr 1atel looked at him for a long time, then said thoughtfully, !Have you noticed how everyone looks at her legs#$ !It)s her face that I can)t stop thinking about.$ !%hat)s not the issue, her legs are going to be this unimaginable sore point, show some tact man.$ 4hris nodded, then said in a voice that sounded petulant even to him. !(nd every time she even slows down, she)s surrounded by men.$ !%hen start behaving like the kind of man she)s going to notice.$ %he older doctor told him, and opened the door of the car. 4hris nodded and closed his eyes, he tried to focus on the rugby match he had been looking forward to, but all he could think about was her.
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Harry pushed all thoughts of him to the back of her mind. She relaxed into Mike/s gentle company and slid out of the car under his protective ga e. !I know it)s only six, but would you like a glass of wine#$ she asked with a smile. He grinned slightly self-consciously, !I was hoping you/d say that.$ He produced an expensive bottle of red that the man in the shop had assured him was irresistible and followed her into her elegant hallway. !Shall I open it#$ he asked, knowing that she would want a moment of privacy while she transferred onto the sofa. She nodded gratefully and he stood for a moment in the kitchen with work surfaces of different heights and waited for her to get comfortable. He made her laugh by telling her about his latest evening class, he filled up her wine glass and he ordered pi a. He wondered why he was torturing himself, why he didn/t go home and wait for his heart to start healing, and finally he asked, as casually as he could, !So do you like him#$ She was silent for a moment and he sat very still watching her face. He knew how private she was and he wondered if he had overstepped her careful boundaries. !-nfortunately yes.$ she said 6uietly, !although I/m not sure why.$ Mike remembered the way he looked and decided he could ha ard a guess. !I)m pretty sure he likes you.$ he told her honestly, knowing that all the men in their little department were a tiny bit in love with her. !I wish I could be sure. He was so weird the first time he saw my chair and today when he brought me back to the office.$ she closed her eyes remembering the words that were too painful to say. !I don)t think people understand how much the not walking stuff bothers you.$ Mike said carefully.

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!*ou can/t be serious.$ She replied, her dark eyes holding his. !0o I am. *ou/re cool and funny and very beautiful. 1eople think you/re okay with it.$ !0ot being able to walk is never something you/re okay with.$ !I/m sorry, I guess I know that about you, but he hasn/t known you as long as I have.$ !*ou knew that from the start honey.$ she said affectionately and added awkwardly !0ot walking is the least of my worries actually. It/s the practicalities of the intimate stuff that I)m really worrying about.$ Mike took a deep mouthful of wine and thought about what he wanted to say. %hat any man lucky enough to kiss her, lucky enough to help her out of her clothes, lucky enough to chart her erogenous ones and hear the sounds that she would make, would be wanting to look after her and would make sure they both had fun. In the end he said it and she thanked him and smiled at +ulia with a combination of relief and curiosity when she burst 6uite dramatically into the front room. !,hat happened#$ +ulia asked breathing hard from her short burst of exercise. !,hat on earth do you mean#$ Harry asked her. !*ou/re on the news, mostly the local, but a bit in the national as well.$ Harry felt the flush starting in her throat and took another mouthful of wine. !(m I standing or is 4hris carrying me#$ !*ou/re standing by your mother looking miserable and beautiful.$ +ulia paused for a moment and added carefully, !,hy was he carrying you honey#$ !9ecause I lost my balance.$ Harry said, almost too 6uietly to hear, and felt the tears starting to slide down her cheeks. +ulia sat down beside her and she buried her face in her shoulder, and muffled her sobs in her friend)s gentle arms.
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!4hoose us a box set.$ +ulia told Mike and he nodded gratefully. He listened while Harry told the story and watched the moment when +ulia made her laugh. %he moment when +ulia navigated her away from the stinging fact that one of her biggest fears had been realised in such a public setting. !'o you think mother destroyed all the pictures#$ Harry asked, finally finishing the piece of pi a she had been looking at for much of the evening. !(nd all the photographers.$ +ulia said cheerfully. !0ow why don/t you get comfortable# *ou look exhausted.$ She helped Harry slide back into the support of the deep cushions then added carefully, !,here is 4hris now#$ !I don/t know.$ Harry said, and +ulia looked at her with the patience borne of long years of experience. !He told everyone in I% that I had fallen.$ Harry said finally, feeling the tears sliding down her face again. +ulia poured some more wine into her glass. She knew that this was too raw to discuss. She touched Harry/s hand and they turned their attention to the comfortably predictable plot lines until Harry fell asleep. !,ill she be ok#$ Mike asked softly, and +ulia smiled at him. !She/s always ok. It/s one of the things I love about her= she gets hurt, but she always picks herself up again.$ She tore the last piece of pi a in half and handed him the portion with more topping. !I/m supposed to be on diet.$ she said awkwardly. !,hy# I think you look great.$ She found herself telling him about the insensitive paramedic, and the fact that her parents had enrolled her in a local gym as a birthday present, and he told her about his mother suggesting karate. Harry woke up briefly but kept her eyes shut, she was starting to feel hopeful until Mike told +ulia how he felt about her lovely friend and the
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evening ended on a slightly awkward note with +ulia poking her rather violently in the ribs and Mike saying his wistful good-byes to them both. !I heard you wake up.$ +ulia said conversationally, !*ou were trying to breathe so regularly you sounded as though you had asthma.$ !Sorry I didn/t want to ruin the moment.$ !0o thank you for that, I never get tired of hearing interesting men telling me that they find you attractive.$ !I)m sorry.$ Harry looked so very unhappy that +ulia relented instantly and handed her a chocolate. !It)s not your fault honey, and I know you)ve had a rotten day.$ !Men are rubbish.$ Harry said unhappily, rubbing the tension in the back of her neck. !'o you want to talk about it#$ !0o it still hurts too much.$ Harry pressed the play button and smiled gratefully at her friend when she opened another bottle of wine. 4hris ran so far that he felt sick, afterwards he showered until some of the aching and tension had dissipated, then restlessly he switched on the television and saw the woman he couldn)t stop thinking about. %here was a particularly appealing picture of her standing next to their chief executive, and another next to her family. He was relieved, but also slightly disappointed to see that he was not in any of the pictures. It made him feel as though their intimate and intense car .ourney had never happened, and he kept watching, wondering how he could miss someone he barely knew.

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He learned that her mother had been a rebellious young woman, she had grown up with a dislike of her enormous estate and the trappings of her inheritance and birth right. %here had been a family understanding that she would marry a wealthy neighbour, but in her early twenties she had travelled to a community in India. Harry had been born in this community, and her mother had appeared on a lot of talk shows and documentaries, talking about her re.ection of property and wealth, and the way children didn)t need formal education or supervision from their parents. Harry had been playing in a street with a group of older children when the accident happened. She had been .umping over a skipping rope, her nimble feet dancing through a complex pattern. %he documentary relentlessly showed images of the distraught &ady 4aroline. (t first she had been photographed alone, and then clinging to the man from 8ngland who still loved her. %he man who had married her, and 6uickly adopted her desperately ill little girl. Harry had been flown back to a hospital in &ondon, and 4hris felt sick when the film makers superimposed the last images of the little girl running through the plantations in India, and the fragile figure who was carried out of the wet institution for sick children by the man who loved her like a father. He thought of the careful way she had constructed her life, surrounding herself with people who wouldn)t know or perhaps care about her painful and public past, and slowly he started to understand why she had reacted the way she had. He switched off the television and thought about going for another run. 0icola unlocked the door and he took a deep breath and wondered what to say to the woman who suddenly felt like a stranger. !(re you okay#$ she asked, and he sat back down on the scruffy patterned sofa and shook his head. !Shall we talk about it#$ she asked tentatively.

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!,e haven)t been very good at that recently.$ He said 6uietly, feeling the bone aching loneliness that he remembered from his adolescence. %he distraction of medical school, professional exams and the long sleepless nights as a .unior doctor had allowed him to escape his sense of loss, but now that he was a consultant he had time to think, and it made him ache to settle down and try to rebuild all the things that had been torn from him. 0icola sat down beside him and looked at him. !*ou)re right 4hris, I)ve been rather stupid, and selfish. I .ust got used to having you all to myself.$ !9ut you don)t want me, not really.$ !I know, stupid and selfish.$ !I missed you.$ he said simply, and she touched his hand. !,hat happened honey#$ !I upset her again. I don)t want you to think that she)s oddly sensitive, because she)s not. It)s .ust that I like her so much that I keep saying really stupid things.$ !,hy don)t you invite her round for dinner and I can help you.$ He looked at her, tact warring with honesty. !*ou)re thinking about the party aren)t you#$ she added finally. He nodded, normally 0icola made social situations much better, but drunkenly interrogating Harry seemed unlikely to improve things. !I)ll make you proud.$ She said, and because he trusted her he smiled at her and agreed. He liked +ulia, and he had en.oyed his brief meeting with &ibby, he wanted Harry to know that he had good friends too.

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Chapter si! Harry woke up early the next morning and made herself a strong coffee. She found her thoughts wandering back to 4hris and then staying there. 4hris opening wine in her kitchen, 4hris chopping vegetables, and of course 4hris kissing her in a way that made her feel unsteady. She tried to stay angry with him, but it was difficult, and she wondered briefly if she should have tried to explain to him why she was so upset. %he problem was that walking was so very fundamental, and not walking was something that never really stopped hurting. She worried that if he didn/t understand that, he wasn/t the man for her. 0ow she .ust needed to stop liking him so much. +ulia let herself into the house and grimaced when Harry put a bowl of porridge in front of her. !It/s a slow release food, you won/t get hungry until lunch time.$ !I/m always hungry before lunchtime.$ !%hen you should eat more porridge.$ !,hy are you lecturing me#$ +ulia asked, she knew all her friend/s coping strategies, and all her habits. Harry admitted to +ulia that she had spent the evening hoping that 4hris would come round to visit. !Honey you left him standing in the computing department with your odd chilly boss.$ !She/s not so bad.$ Harry said. !'on/t dodge the 6uestion, I know he upset you, but it sounds like you really fro e him out.$ Harry finished her porridge and drank another cup of coffee. !I was also thinking about you and Mike.$ she said finally. !Mike only sees you.$ +ulia told her firmly.
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!He works in an I% department, I/m probably the first girl he/s spoken to and he/s not very good at change.$ !*ou/re a hard act to follow.$ +ulia said softly, as they climbed into her messy little car. Harry was silent on the .ourney into work. She had tried so hard to create a little bubble where people didn/t know who her mother was. She loved her role in the hospital and the comfortable camaraderie of the men she cared about, and she wondered if they would be able to forget her mother/s imperious entrance. !*ou/re still Harry.$ +ulia told her in the car park, !%hey/ll remember that by the end of the day.$ Harry smiled at her, remembering her tearful explanation to +ulia in their first year of -niversity. +ulia had grown up in air force bases across 8urope, and the complex hierarchy of the armed services had allowed her to accept a 9ritish title without too much discomfort. %he doors to the I% suite swung open in their usual grinding fashion, and Harry took a deep breath, and felt her apprehension mount. 9y the time her computer had started up, it had dissipated completely, and she was feeling bad about ever doubting the gentle band of misfits that she worked with. %hey had made her coffee, they had told her about their misadventures with computer games and blind dates, and they had all called her Harry. She answered the first call of the day and settled into a comfortable battle with a .unior doctor who couldn/t access his email account. She realised that she was still hoping that 4hris would appear, but she pushed that thought into the back of her mind. 9elinda called her into her office at lunchtime and offered her a carrot stick. %hey both crunched in silence, until the older woman said awkwardly, !I/ve checked all the work policies, there is no clear guidance on how members of the nobility should be addressed in the work place.$

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Harry finished her carrot stick and cleared her throat. !4an we carry on as before#$ she asked 6uietly, !I like being called Harry.$ 9elinda looked at her in silence. She had watched a lot of the coverage of the fundraiser on the local news, and she wondered why anyone would choose to spend their days in a portacabin on the edge of a hospital when their parents lived in one of the biggest country houses she had ever seen. !:kay then.$ 9elinda said finally, !'o you mind if I send you a formal email record of this conversation# %he management are likely to ask me.$ Harry agreed and escaped back to her desk. She had been hoping that their night together stabili ing the blood results would make things easier with her manager, but it seemed that she would remain disappointed. She answered the phone again and was particularly chilly to a medical student who had forgotten her password. 4hris was waiting in the car park. Her stomach filled up with so many butterflies when she saw him that it was hard to think. !Hi.$ he said softly, !I/m sorry about yesterday.$ !It/s okay, I/m sorry I didn/t thank you properly for bringing me back.$ He smiled at her then, relief and anticipation forming a heady cocktail in his heart. He realised that he didn/t care how many other men were interested, he .ust needed to let her know that he was the right man, and that he would look after her. If she would let him. !'o you want to come for dinner tonight# 9oth of you that is. My housemate is cooking, I know she can/t hold her drink, but she/s fantastic with spices.$ !,e/d love to.$ +ulia said 6uickly, and Harry nodded her assent. He smiled down at her and she smiled back, she wanted to thank him for trying again, for not finding her disability an insurmountable challenge. 9ut the butterflies were making it hard to think, and she looked up at his delicious kissable mouth and almost decided that she didn/t mind if he wasn/t very good at understanding her.
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He gave them the address and loomed over her for a moment longer, then he strode out of the car park with the tough fluid grace that she found so hard to resist. !'o you think we should eat first#$ +ulia asked her, !I haven/t got much faith in her after all that weirdness at my party.$ !How can you think about food at a time like this#$ +ulia shrugged and manoeuvred her scruffy little vehicle out of the car park. Having considered the matter for much of the .ourney home, she made herself a particularly nice sandwich while Harry tried on most of her wardrobe. %hey detoured through the park and took their time choosing a bottle of wine. %he welldressed man in the independent shop gave them their usual discount and interrogated them about their evening plans until +ulia cut him off slightly abruptly and asked for directions. %hey found the right road and navigated the foliage of overgrown pathway. %here were three large stairs leading up to the front door and Harry took a deep breath and smiled at her friend. !Shall we cut our losses and get a takeaway#$ 4hris opened the door before she could reply, his smiled faded as the practicalities of the situation sank in, and he cursed himself for his thoughtlessness. !,ould you like a hand#$ he asked lightly, and she smiled at him. >%hank you.> she said, her dark eyes unreadable and he carried her into the hallway. 0icola was waiting, rehearsing the warm lines of apology that she had been planning to say in a spontaneous fashion. Her smile faded and she tried to mask her surprise. 4hris took Harry into the big badly painted lounge. He had spent the early evening frantically tidying, and after a lot of deliberation, he had lit a large fire which had now overheated the room. ( generously built man looked at her with concern. !(re you hurt#$ he asked in a gently ,elsh accent.

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>I/m fine,$ she said as casually as she could, watching his face change as +ulia appeared with her chair. !I can/t walk, it happened a long time ago and I should be better about remembering the practicalities.$ +eff recovered 6uickly, sensing her discomfort, and opened the wine +ulia handed him. 4hris helped her find her balance in her chair, and +eff watched his friend/s protective intensity with a smile. !;ed or ,hite#$ he asked, when the beautiful woman made eye contact with him again. !;ed please,$ she said gratefully. !( large one#$ She laughed, the animation illuminating her expressive face, in a way that made him catch his breath. He poured a glass for her and for himself and lost himself in her company until 4hris rather pointedly interrupted him. He smiled apologetically at his friend and poured out a glass of wine for +ulia. 0icola watched Harry as unobtrusively as she could. She realised that her perceptions had completely changed, and wondered why 4hris hadn/t explained that she used a wheelchair. %hen she felt bad all over again when she remembered spilling wine over her legs. ,hile +eff and 4hris circulated with the wine, Harry leant forward and ad.usted one of her shoes on her footrest. She looked up into 0icola/s stare and smiled into her curious eyes. !How is your week going#$ she asked easily, and 0icola was still talking when 4hris called them through for dinner. !Sorry Harry, I didn/t think about this either.$ 4hris said wretchedly. He had wanted to show that he could look after her, and that he could make her feel safe and comfortable, but so far all he had done was repeatedly turn a spotlight on her disability.

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!4an I use the chair at the head of the table#$ Harry said, in the same easy tone she had used previously. !%he arm rests will help me to balance.$ He lifted her into the dining table, and heard her catch her breath slightly as she ad.usted to her new position. %hen she smiled at him again, as unconvincingly as before, and 0icola resumed her conversation while he was laying out the starters. He did get to speak to her over the main course, telling about his day, the operations and the battle with a manager who didn/t want him to admit a patient. Her 6uestions were perceptive and he asked her if she had considered medicine, then looked wretched all over again when he remembered her chair. Her eyes slanted in the way he loved. !"oodness no, I never even considered it, your .ob is interesting, but I love computers.$ >So Harry do you have any hobbies#> 0icola asked, as they drank coffee in the lounge. 4hris fro e for a moment holding the milk .ug he had found in a dusty cupboard. He was .ust getting the evening on track and he didn)t think ridiculous 6uestions from 0icola were going to help. Harry looked at his friend in silence, her expression unreadable, and 4hris desperately offered round the chocolates he had bought minutes before her arrival. !,e/re in a band,$ +ulia said finally, !in fact we/re playing tomorrow evening.$ :f course they wanted to hear more, and +ulia smiled apologetically at her friend and gave them the time and address. He didn/t want her to go home when the night ended. He stood in the moss on the scruffy path outside his house holding her in his arms and savouring the subtle notes of the scent she wore. !%hanks for a lovely evening.$ she said, and reluctantly he placed her in her wheelchair and watched her disappear into the street with +ulia close by her side.

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!,hy on earth didn/t you tell us she was paralysed#$ +eff asked him. !*ou ended up embarrassing her repeatedly. %hat would be bad enough under any circumstances, but given that she/s a beautiful and lovely woman that you so obviously like, it)s also really stupid.$ !Sorry, I/m .ust not sure how I feel about it.$ !,hat do you mean# She/s in a wheelchair, it/s not a lifestyle choice.$ !0o I know that. It/s .ust that she confident and funny and intelligent, and the paralysis thing doesn/t really seem to impact on her.$ !'o you care about her 4hris#$ !More than anyone before.$ he said softly. !I miss her when I/m not with her, and I can/t stop thinking about her.$ !%hen why don/t you start treating her better# 0o matter how confident she is, it can/t be easy to have people reacting to her wheelchair every day. *ou should be able to understand that. If you want to have a relationship with her, start looking after her.$ 4hris nodded, and sat down on the sofa. !*ou/re right. :f course you are. I .ust thought if I told you it would affect your perception of her.$ !4hris it/s not a character flaw. It .ust means that she needs people to be a bit more thoughtful around her.$ !How was she hurt#$ 0icola asked 6uietly. !Is that fair to ask#$ +eff said, annoyed with himself for his own curiosity. !%here was a documentary about her on television last week, so I don/t think it/s a secret.$ 4hris told them. He explained further when his friends stared at him in blank

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incomprehension, describing her intimidating lineage, her mother/s time in India, the bicycle accident, and the long lonely time in hospital in &ondon. !Have you discussed it with her#$ +eff asked, and 4hris took a deep breath and explained her reticence, and the fundraiser, and then admitted his insensitivity. !%he thing was that I was trying to protect her. She was so very tired, and all the men in her department had descended on her and I thought if I explained what happened then they would give her more space.$ He ran his hand through his hair and sucked in a deep breath, !I)m an idiot, I know, and I can)t stop thinking about the look in her eyes when I first saw her chair.$ +eff sat down next to him and touched his shoulder. !I)m sorry, I was hard on you. It)s .ust she has an intense effect on a person.$ 4hris nodded, !I know it)s hard to understand, I haven)t been able to regain my e6uilibrium ever since I met her.$ !Cery hard to understand,$ 0icola said drily, !I can)t imagine what men would see in a delicately built woman with ama ing bone structure.$ 4hris poured himself another glass of wine, knowing he would regret it in the morning. !It)s not even that she)s beautiful, it)s .ust that she wasn)t afraid of me, she)s not afraid of anything.$ !%hen look after her.$ +eff said gently. !I)d like to.$ 4hris told them, and smiled at them, !thanks for your help guys.$ He said, and disappeared into his room to change into his trainers, he realised that one advantage to his new state of mind was that he was fit enough to run a marathon.

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Harry spent longer than usual choosing her clothes the following evening. She decided to try a new skirt and dark shirt which was lower cut than her usual taste. 9y the time she was reasonably pleased with her appearance, the whole band had gathered on her sofa, and she smiled at them slightly self-consciously and willed them not to say anything. :f course they did, the man who had taken years to forgive her for not reciprocating his rather dramatically expressed feelings, told that she looked gorgeous and she smiled gratefully at him and reminded herself that he was a fantastic base player. %hey navigated the damp autumn streets, relishing the wood smoke and the dark green of the leaves. Harry tried to take comfort in all the things she usually loved, but all she could think about was the fact that his distracting blue eyes would be watching her while she sang. 4hris was trying to coax 0icola into choosing her own outfit at a faster pace. He was tempted to say that he didn)t really think anyone would notice what she wore, but he thought that might slow things down further, and in the end he sat in silence in the front room with +eff, a strategy that worked remarkably well, and they were out of the house only five minutes after the band was due to start. %he bar was in the cluster of shops and restaurants between his house and Harry. 4hris tended to spend all his free time in the safety of the rugby club, and he stepped into the noise and laughter and felt slightly out of his depth. Mismatched tables and battered sofas clustered round a central raised stage. 4hris looked around at lean young couples in brightly coloured denims and men drinking oddly flavoured beers, until the sight of Harry made him catch his breath. She was sitting on the stage in a scruffy orange chair, the gentle waves of her hair cascading over her shoulders and her well cut blouse highlighting her sumptuous curves. ( man with a mass of curly red hair was looming rather possessively over her and +ulia was sitting on the arm of the chair holding a saxophone. %he familiar figure of Mike looked somewhat out of place in the cluster of

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bohemian chic. He was standing next to the edge of the stage, leaning against her empty wheelchair. +eff ordered them a round of drinks, and they sat down at a table and watched the drummer check his kit one final time. 4hris couldn)t take his eyes off her, she was still deep in conversation with the man who was invading her personal space. He kept hoping that she would look around the room to see if she was there, and felt crushingly disappointed when she didn)t. !(ren)t you glad I asked her about her hobbies#$ 0icola said triumphantly and he smiled at her as convincingly as he could, and felt an intense stab of .ealously when she called Mike onto the stage and he rushed off to get her glass of water. %he man with red hair took a step back and issued last minute instructions to his band mates, then he strode to the front of the stage and thanked the people in the bar for listening. 4hris felt his discomfort deepen, the man was funny and self-deprecating and when he had finished his introductions and had encouraged them to keep on with their own conversations, he stood very close to Harry and she smiled at him as though they had shared a private .oke. 4hris knew that he would never be described as witty. He was serious and intense with a passionate love of medicine, and he wondered why he was embarrassing himself by crashing into her evening and her life. :f course her voice was lovely, smoky and smooth with a note of longing that made him want to lift her out of the orange monstrosity and tell her that she never need feel lonely again. He decided with a note of desperation that she wouldn)t be able to sing like that if she wasn)t feeling that same empty space that he felt. She held him transfixed, and all through +ulia)s long awkward solos he tried to catch her eye and he glowered at 0icola whenever she tried to talk to him.

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%here was a crowd wanting to talk to her at the end, he waited for a moment then stepped onto the stage and planted himself rather firmly in her field of vision. !Hello Harry,$ he said, and felt ridiculously happy when she smiled up at him. %he man with the explosion of red hair introduced himself as ;ufus and made further conversation impossible. ;eluctantly he said goodbye and .oined his friends in the damp street outside. !,ow,$ +eff said finally, !I could have listened to her all night.$ 4hris nodded at him in unhappy silence, wondering how on earth he was going to get her attention. 0icola looked at the two men that she cared about and started to 6uestion the merit of her plan for them to spend more time with Harry. !I mean,$ +eff continued expansively, !it)s like there)s nothing she can)t do well.$ !She can)t walk.$ 0icola said, and then felt awful for the rest of the night.

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Chapter se en 4hris left work on time the following day, he felt almost guilty leaving the ward at the same time as the trainees. He dropped his car at home and chose her a present and after a long period of hesitation, a box of chocolates. %hen he followed the route he was starting to see in his dreams and knocked on her door. She was lying on her sofa eating an apple and +ulia answered the door with the remote control in her hand. !Is this a bad time#$ +ulia shook her head and handed him a glass of wine. He sat down on the sofa and took a mouthful, he couldn/t decide if he felt lightheaded because of her or because of the alcohol. !'on)t lean back .ust yet,$ Harry said apologetically, !my glasses are behind you.$ !,hy don)t you .ust wear them Harry# %he whole librarian look is a good one for you.$ !Shut up.$ Harry said mildly, and put on the dark rimmed frames. !I broke one of my contacts yesterday morning, so I)ve spent the past twenty four hours in soft focus,$ Harry explained, and he felt his mood lighten. !(re you really short sighted#$ !(stonishingly so,$ she said comfortably, and settled back again the sofa. +ulia returned to describing the various challenges of her day as a psychiatrist. ( rather painful battle that she lost with a social worker, a very depressed patient that she was worried about and of course her ongoing feud with her weight. 4hris found himself describing his own day, he was having fun, and he felt listened to. %hey had ordered pi a and he kept talking until +ulia stood up and smiled at him. !I)m having an early night,$ she said, and touched Harry on the arm.

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4hris waved her goodbye and felt the adrenaline rush when Harry smiled at him. !Hi,$ he said softly. !Hi yourself,$ she said and put down her piece of pi a. !'o you ever eat#$ !I usually eat more than this,$ she said, slightly awkwardly, !it)s .ust rather difficult when you/re around.$ !Is that good or bad#$ She looked at him and arched an elegant eyebrow, !I/m not sure, I guess it depends on why you/re coming to see me.$ !'o you have any theories#$ !0one I/d care to share,$ she said, feeling a flush deepen on her throat. !Shall I tell you why I)m here#$ !1lease.$ she said softly. He took a deep breath and touched her hand. !9ecause I/m hugely attracted to you. I can/t stop thinking about you, and being with you makes me happy.$ Harry took a mouthful of wine. She had longed for this, longed for this dark handsome man to tell her that he cared for her, but she remembered the way he had reacted to her chair. !4an I ask you something#$ she said finally. !(nything.$ !,hy didn/t you tell your friends that I/m disabled#$

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He realised it was the first time that he heard her speak about her legs in such a formal way. He put down his glass and said 6uietly. !I/ve never known anyone socially who uses a wheelchair, I wasn/t sure if you minded people knowing.$ !It/s hard to keep it a secret.$ she said ruefully. !0o I know, it)s .ust that I don/t think of you in terms of your chair.$ Harry took a deep breath and forced herself to say the words she dreaded. !Is that because you don/t like it, my paralysis I mean#$ !:f course not. It .ust doesn/t seem a big part of who you are.$ Harry looked at him in silence, and said finally. !It/s a huge part 4hris, I need you to understand that. It affects how people see me, my career, my social life, my holiday destinations, it affects everything.$ He sat in silence, watching her graceful hands, the way she toyed with her now completely empty wine glass, the careful way she maintained her balance while she placed her glass on the table. He remembered the tension he had felt in her delicate torso when he had helped into his dining chair, and felt suddenly ashamed. He tried to imagine the constant grind of her physical limitations and the constraints of her paralysis. He thought about the challenge of meeting people and trying to form relationships with gravity weighing her down, always sitting in situations where people were standing over her. !(re you embarrassed by my chair#$ she asked, unable to meet his eyes. <or a moment he felt almost angry, to think that she could doubt him in this way, to think that she would even consider him capable of such superficial behaviour. %hen he remembered her mother)s behaviour, and the fact that he had not told even his closest friends that she could

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not walk. !0o I don)t feel embarrassed,$ he said gently, !I .ust sometimes feel a bit out of my depth.$ !,hat do you mean#$ !,ell how should I describe yourD$ he cleared his throat and added clumsily, !your disability#$ !,ell not like that,$ she said softly, !because then you really do sound embarrassed. I use all the obvious descriptions, paralysed, disabled, and if I)m feeling a bit political, wheelchair user.$ !'on)t you feel limited by that#$ !4hris I am paralysed, I do use a wheelchair, that does limit me. I)ve tried to accept that, what I need to understand is whether you can accept that.$ !I can accept that.$ She looked at him, her dark eyes still wary. !I really hope so,$ she said softly. !(lso,$ he said tentatively, !I was wondering if we should talk about the fact that you)re part of the royalty. !0ot royalty, that)s completely different, my mother is part of the nobility.$ !'oesn)t that make you noble too#$ !,ell it)s a bit embarrassing really, mother has always been a bit vague about my bloodline, and it)s all a bit complicated and steeped in tradition.$ !Sorry, I)m not very clear about those kinds of things, but I .ust thought you might want to talk about it.$
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Harry smiled ruefully at him, !I)m not really keen on either of the topics you)ve raised tonight, but in terms of our interaction I think my parentage is less important that the limitations of my paralysis.$ !It doesn)t limit you when we)re alone on the sofa together.$ He said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. !I think that)s when it might limit me the most.$ She replied awkwardly and took a deep breath. %hen she forced out the words that were almost too painful to say. !In fact it/s where my limitations are really obvious.$ !I can look after you if you let me,$ he said, and cleared his throat again. !*ou/re going to ask me a personal 6uestion aren/t you#$ she asked, and he watched the colour rise on the elegant bones of her face. !Is that ok#$ !,ell,$ she took a breath and looked up at him. !this is not information I hand out easily, I guess it depends why you/re asking.$ He kissed her then, feeling his arousal harden as she opened her lovely mouth and kissed him back. !,ell that does answer most of my 6uestions,$ she said unsteadily, !there/s .ust one more really.$ !(sk me anything Harry,$ he said, smiling at the beautiful vulnerable woman who dominated his thoughts. !'oes it matter#$ !,hat do you mean#$ he asked carefully. His ga e returned briefly to the way her nipples had hardened. He wanted to sink his mouth onto her glorious curves and he really really didn/t want to upset her now.
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!'oes it matter what I can feel between my legs and move below my waist#$ !*ou mean in terms of my attraction to you#$ !*es.$ she said very 6uietly, her big dark eyes holding his. 4hris took a deep breath, and tried to frame his words. !0o Harry it doesn)t matter to me, but somehow that isn)t what I)m trying to say. I will make sure it doesn)t matter to you too, and I know that I can make it wonderful for you, if you can trust me.$ He smiled at her and hoped that she would smile back, but she did not, and the silence stretched rather uncomfortably between them. !I went out with a surgeon a couple of years ago$ she volunteered finally. !He was very flattering, and very enthusiastic, until we had the conversation, the one you and I are skirting around.$ !%he sex conversation#$ he asked, as casually as he could. !*es that one.$ she said lightly. !4an you tell me more#$ 4hris asked 6uietly, and felt his chest tighten when she looked at him. !I know I/ve hurt you by being insensitive, but I do really want to get things right.$ !+ohn, that was his name, asked me about the level of my paralysis, and when I told him he stayed for a final glass of wine then .ust when I thought he was going to take me to bed, he left and never came back.$ She closed her eyes then, unable to face his reaction. !Hey,$ he said gently, !he/s an idiot, I might be a bit tactless, but I/m not an idiot. Harry I was attracted to you when you didn/t back down on the phone. %he fact that you/re gorgeous is a bonus.$

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!%hank you.$ she paused and looked up at him. !,hy did you look so horrified when you saw my chair#$ 4hris looked at her and ran his hand along her shapely legs. !9ecause I felt bad yelling at...$ he stopped and took a deep breath. !*elling at someone in a wheelchair#$ she offered. He nodded, thoughtfully running his thumb over her delicate calves. !I can fight my battles .ust fine.$ !I know that Harry, I)d .ust like to look after you occasionally.$ !%hank you.$ she said to his surprise and relief. !I might let you occasionally.$ he kissed her again then and tenderly ran his hand over the curve of her breast. ,hen he reached her nipples the soft moan made him long to rip open her shirt. He wanted to taste every curve and savour every sound of her response. !,hen I first got hurt I couldn/t move or feel anything below my shoulders.$ She paused, remembering the loneliness of her hospital bed, !I still remember when I got my hands back.$ She added softly, wanting him to understand something of the battle she had fought to reach this place of being able to face the world. She placed her small hand on his, then .umped when her phone chimed. !Sorry,$ she said 6uietly, I)m a bit nervous. !,ould you like some more wine#$ !1lease,$ she said gratefully, and closed her eyes, trying to steady her nerves. She knew that she needed to finish this conversation before she let him kiss her again, but it was so difficult when he tasted incredible and looked even better. She watched the muscles in his arms and said suddenly, !,ould you take me to one of your rugby matches#$ !:f course.$ he said with a smile, !I)d love to.$

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!How would your friends feel about my wheelchair#$ !My friends would think you were beautiful,$ he said tenderly, !the only thing I worry about is that they would all try to get your attention at once.$ !Men aren)t as interested in me as you seem to think.$ !'o you really expect me to believe that when I)ve seen how they all behave around you in the I% suite.$ !9e reasonable, it)s the I% suite, anyone with breasts would get treated like that.$ !9elinda has breasts.$ He said with a grin. !Should I be worried#$ He answered that by kissing her again, deep and hard. !*ou)re the only person I want to kiss. *ou)re the only person I want to take to bed.$ She felt the knot of anxiety settle in her stomach again, and he felt the tension return to her delicate shoulders. !%hat was supposed to be a compliment.$ !I know, I)m .ust not sure that you)d want to take me to bed more than once.$ !So we)re back to that 6uestion.$ 4hris said softly. She closed her eyes again, wanting to curl up, wanting put on a box set. !It hurts to talk about.$ She said simply. 4hris took a deep breath and ran his hand along her lovely .aw. !I/m asking you because I want to understand you. I/m hoping that you/re going to going to have a really good time in bed with me, and I want to know how to give you pleasure.$

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Harry smiled at him, !:kay this is the bit where I really trust you. I know I/m miles away from my wheelchair and you/ve got your hand on my breast, but talking about the sensation between my legs, well it/s a very private thing for me.$ !Shall I get your wheelchair#$ he asked, suddenly conscious that he had pushed it back towards the kitchen as he sat down. !,ould you mind#$ she asked softly, and he shook his head and pushed it back to within her reach. She smiled her thanks and he took a deep breath and forced himself to slow down. %hen he looked again at her intoxicating curves, he wanted to explore every inch from her head to her toes, he wanted to sink his mouth onto her nipples and massage the back of her neck and he was finding it incredibly difficult to concentrate when he was so close to peeling off her clothes. !I)m not very experienced,$ she said awkwardly, !so this is not a conversation that I)ve had much practice at.$ !'o you practice other conversations#$ he couldn)t help asking. !(ll the time,$ she said with a wry smile, !you threw me off balance by looking so horrified when you first saw my legs, but if you hadn)t knocked me off course, I could have treated you to my light comfortable patter about not being able to walk, but still being excellent at tennis, or swimming, orD$ she paused feeling suddenly self-conscious, !,ell you see the theme,$ She said softly, !and usually people are kind and help me out, and we can all skate into safer territory with our nerves intact.$ !It wasn)t your legs that horrified me.$ He said softly, !I think your legs are lovely actually.$

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Harry went completely still and her dark eyes held his. !0obody has ever commented on my legs.$ She said finally, and he felt his throat drying out, he didn)t know what he would do if she asked him to leave now. !'o you really mean that# (bout my legs I mean#$ !*es of course I do, that night when you were wearing your dressing gown. It was an effort of will not to touch you more than I did.$ !%hank you, I)m really glad about that.$ She said, treating him to a lovely smile, and he watched some of the tension drain out of her delicate form. !*ou can trust me.$ He said softly, and added carefully, !I)m looking for someone to share my life with Harry.$ !(s am I.$ she told him, !I .ust can)t believe that anyone would choose me.$ She took a mouthful of wine and added determinedly !It)s very inconvenient going out with someone who can)t walk, if you want to meet me in a restaurant you)ll have to check it out first, because even if places say they don)t have stairs, they almost always do. %he cinema is a logistical nightmare and even the supermarket can be difficult if they)re unpacking boxes.$ !I like takeaways,$ he said, his eyes holding hers, !I prefer box sets and I)ll go to the supermarket whenever you need me to.$ !%hank you.$ She said softly, and added 6uietly, !,hen he ran me over the wheels caught the base of my spine, .ust where the bundle of nerves are separating, I kept some movement to my hips, enough to be able to move my thighs slightly. Mother could never 6uite grasp that, she always thought that if I tried harder then I would be able to walk again. She tried to make me use the stairs when I first came home, but I fell and broke my arm and after that daddy installed an elevator at the back of the house.$

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He touched her face, feeling his anger towards her mother deepen. !I)m so sorry.$ He said unsteadily, watching the dark shadows of pain in her eyes. !It)s okay,$ she said softly, !in some ways I)m grateful to her. She taught me how to be strong and that)s a good thing.$ %hen she paused and rubbed the back of her neck before she drew in another breath, !It/s like the feeling through fabric,$ she told him, taking his hand and holding it tightly, !you know, distant and muffled. If I put my hand between my legs when I)m wearing .eans, then I can)t really feel anything. My clit is bit more sensitive and I seem to have a lot more sensation,$ she paused and felt her face colouring !deeper in my vagina.$ He kissed her then, feeling protectiveness and tenderness and a huge sense of possessiveness. He wanted to tell her that she would never need to have the conversation again, that he hadn/t slept with her yet and he already couldn/t bear the thought of another man touching her. 9ut he didn)t want to frighten her, didn)t want his intensity to make her regret the sweet trust that he saw in her eyes. !%hank you.$ he said softly, and added again, !*ou can trust me.$ He kissed her then, more demanding now, more insistent. She kissed him back, still unsure, still 6uestioning why this tall, dark, handsome surgeon, approaching the peak of his career, would want to seduce the disabled woman from the computing department. 4hris forced himself to think, he wanted her to feel safe, and he wanted her to feel e6ual. He pulled his faded rugby colours over his head and she looked at the delicious definition and the kissable planes of his chest. !4an I take off your shirt#$ he asked unsteadily, and felt a surge of adrenaline when she nodded, and bit her lip. !*ou can take off my shirt.$ He grinned at her then. %his was like unwrapping the present he had always wanted, peeling open the most delicious confection. Slowly slowly he unfastened her buttons and feasted his hungry eyes on her skin. Her colouring was a dark Mediterranean homage to her mysterious past, and he looked at the soft curve of her waist and the kissable
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tips of her hip bones. %enderly he helped her out of her shirt, he wanted to run his mouth over every inch of the area above her waist. He knew that would bring her the most pleasure, and the thought of hearing her moan made him tingle. He ran his mouth over her navel and then unfastened the soft fabric over her intoxicating curves. She was even more beautiful than he remembered and he lost himself in the way she tasted and the way she arched her back. ,hen his pager sounded he groaned out loud and looked at her apologetically. !4an I use your phone# I)m not a great fan of mobiles.$ !*es of course.$ She gestured to the small table by the front door. !%here)s been a ma.or incident,$ he said unhappily, !lots of in.ured police and protesters. (ll of the surgical teams have been called back in.$ !1oor you.$ She said sympathetically, knowing it was wrong that she was finding his summons incredibly sexy, but thinking it all the same. She pulled her shirt back on and smiled at him, !%hank you for a lovely evening.$ He sat looking at her, his own arms still distractingly bare. He wanted to open her shirt again, he wanted to fix the memory of her lovely breasts in his mind and listen to the sounds that she had made. !'on)t you want me to stay#$ he asked, his concern obvious. !I thought you had to return to the hospital.$ !I do.$ !4hris I)m confused.$ She said gently. !,hat I mean is, aren)t you sorry that I have to leave you#$ !,ell of course I am.$

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He put his hand on her arm and said unsteadily, !If I go now, will you think of me like him#$ She struggled for a moment to follow his train of thought, then she asked tentatively, !*ou mean like +ohn#$ He nodded, !*ou trusted +ohn and then he left you and hurt you. 0ow you)ve trusted me and I)m leaving you.$ She took a deep breath then said rather self-consciously, !%he difference is, that I)m rather hoping you)re going to come back tomorrow.$ !:f course I am.$ He said emphatically, and she felt the intensity of his blue eyes in the base of her stomach. !%hen it)s not like +ohn at all.$ He smiled then, and kissed her mouth. !See you tomorrow beautiful.$ She nodded, still trying to catch her breath and he .ogged out into the street and back to his waiting car. +ulia was back on the sofa before she finished buttoning her shirt. !'on)t tell me you fro e him out again.$ She said accusingly, if he spends any more time .ogging then he)s going to go up in flames. !0o there)s bad stuff happening in the city centre, they)ve called back all the essential medical staff.$ +ulia pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked her reception. !%hey haven)t called me.$ She said rather forlornly. Harry looked at her, she wondered what exactly +ulia would bring to the chaos of the busy accident and emergency.

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!I)m sure they)ll want you to work late tomorrow.$ She said finally, and wondered how long she should wait before she threw her best friend out and savoured every moment of 4hris) visit.

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Chapter eight She was still thinking about him when she woke up, she felt as though every nerve ending was on fire, and when +ulia came to collect her, she asked her if she wanted to go swimming the next morning. !*ou might be doing more interesting things with your Saturday morning.$ !I doubt it, he)ll probably be exhausted.$ !He looks to me like a man with stamina.$ +ulia told her, and she decided to change the sub.ect before she embarrassed herself. 9y lunchtime her euphoria was fading, she thought about paging him, but realised how much it would hurt if he didn)t welcome her advances. So she focussed on the blood results, taking comfort in the ebb and flow of the e6uations and the data. Mr 1atel rang the bu er in the late afternoon, and asked to speak to Harry. Mike let him in, ac6uiescing instantly to his calm authority, and the elegant surgeon stopped by her desk and smiled at 9elinda when she erupted out of her office, determined to take part in any conversation about the training 'C'. !'o you mind if we talk in private#$ he asked, and 9elinda led the way into her stuffy cubicle and shut the door. He had hoped to talk to Harry alone, but he realised how .ealously 9elinda guarded her little piece of power, and he knew he needed her alliance. He took a deep breath and committed himself to his unusual course of action. !4hris has been working without stopping since he came in last night, he did this in the last emergency, but he)s older now, and even he has his limits. I can get the .uniors to keep things ticking over for a while and I need him back in one piece tomorrow morning.$ Harry nodded at him, unsure what to say. !If I send him home will you look after him#$

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Harry looked at 9elinda and the older woman smiled at her, !:f course you can leave early, I owe you so much overtime, you could probably take a whole month off. (ll the same,$ she added after a pause, !I)m really grateful to you for agreeing to come back in tomorrow.$ Harry smiled at them both and tried to ignore the apprehension building in her stomach, she wasn)t sure that she would cope very well as a distraction and a consolation for a distressed hero. !%hen he)s a very lucky man.$ Mr 1atel said with feeling, and rose to his feet. 9elinda stood up too and he smiled at her, !1lease don)t worry, I know how busy you are, and I can find my own way out.$ 9elinda sat back down and watching his departing figure, !Is it true that he)s single#$ she asked finally. Harry looked at her for a moment, trying to focus on what she had heard. !I think so.$ She said unconvincingly, and put her hand on the wheels of her chair. !(re you okay#$ 9elinda asked awkwardly, !*ou don)t look very excited about taking him home to bed.$ Harry took a deep breath and looked at her. !I)m .ust not sure how exciting it would be, for him I mean.$ 9elinda looked at her, she tried desperately to remember what she had learned on the 86uality and 'iversity 4ourse, but nothing in the slides about disability seemed relevant. %hen Harry treated to her to one of her lovely smiles and said robustly, !%hanks anyway, I)m sure I)ll figure it out.$ 9elinda smiled back, and watched her take her place at her workstation. She couldn)t help thinking that she had failed her, and she watched Mike pour her a cup of coffee and wondered how she could make amends. 4hris arrived before she had a chance to try. 9elinda watched ;afi6 smile apologetically at his colleague, and the look of misery in Mike)s eyes. !'o you want a lift home#$ 4hris asked Harry.
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!%hank you.$ She said unsteadily, and followed him out into the corridor. She transferred into the car under his protective ga e and hoped that her nerves weren)t too apparent. He drove out of the car park in silence, and she admired the harsh planes of his handsome profile and wondered what brave surgeons liked to talk about when they were clearly very upset. !:ne of the policemen lost his arm.$ He said finally, !I worked for hours, I thought I had the blood flow working again, then things broke down.$ He took a deep breath and braked suddenly at a red light. !He)s twenty eight, and now he)s stuck behind a desk.$ %here was silence and then he said awkwardly, !I)m sorry, was that insensitive# I wasn)t thinking about your chair.$ !4hris I want you to talk to me. I hate it when I feel that people are modifying their stories because of my legs, to be honest that makes me feel more disabled than anything else. ,hat happened to him is awful.$ !%hank you.$ He smiled at her for the first time, and she felt some of her apprehension fading. !'o you mind if we take a 6uick detour#$ !:f course not.$ He cut down a side road and she noticed with a tiny flash of disloyal amusement that he sliced in and out of the traffic in a way that +ulia had never mastered. %hey stopped in a decaying car park and he pulled in next to the remains of a warehouse. !Harry can I carry you somewhere# I)ll look after you.$ !:kay then,$ she said her dark eyes holding his. He lifted her out of the car, and even through his tiredness and grief, he felt a tingle at her delicate warmth. He ducked into the dark space between the walls and the alleys and took the staircase hidden in the shadows. %he air grew damp and the graffiti faded away. He stopped by a hole in the wall and smiled at her.

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!If you reach in then you)ll find a torch.$ She followed his instructions and he reflected for a moment on her spirit. He wasn)t sure how many women would do the same if faced with such a dark uninviting crack. She switched on the heavy metal device and his feet followed the light into the room beyond the room where the walls and the ceiling were lined with bricks. 4arefully he helped her find her balance on the heavy metal bench and he stood in the shadows, his face a sensual blend of lines and stubble. !My dad showed me this place, he used to get a bit of extra work as a taxi driver, and this was where they used to let off steam.$ !It)s completely 6uiet down there, it)s like the city doesn)t exist.$ !It)s my sanctuary, and when I turned eighteen and I had to leave the children)s home, I lived here until I could afford to rent somewhere. 8ven when I had a bed I)d still come here sometimes, it feels like the only link to him I have.$ She nodded, wishing that he wasn)t standing so far away, the 6uiet lonely man she couldn)t stop thinking about. !4an I make you my favourite meal#$ he asked suddenly, !It)s very simple, we can pick up the stuff on the way home.$ !%hank you that would be lovely.$ He carried her back into the noise and the .ostle and drove to her house with an absent minded ease that might have reassured her about his intentions were he not so 6uiet. He climbed out and led the way into the little supermarket, ducking his head slightly to avoid a low hanging sign advertising the fact that they were in a co-operative that cared about the local community. Harry picked up some more milk and he took it from her as they neared the counter and she wondered if that made them a couple. %hen the spectre of the bedroom loomed up in her mind, and she fought the urge to offer him money for her purchase.

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She unlocked the door and he smiled at her. !'o you mind if I find my way around your kitchen#$ he asked, and she nodded at him and switched on the radio. !'o you need any help#$ she asked him, admiring the contours of his back as he disappeared into the kitchen. !0o thanks, .ust find us something funny to watch.$ He brought her a glass of wine and sat down for a moment beside her. !%hank you,$ he said softly, !I know I)m not much fun when I)m like this.$ !*ou)re lovely,$ she said sincerely, deeply touched by the insight into his grief for the young man he had treated. He kissed her then, deep and long, in the way that made her want to forget dinner and take him to bed. %hen he moved back to the kitchen, and to her surprise the smells started to make her feel hungry. She chose a box set and transferred onto the sofa, he sat down beside her and handed her a plate of food. His eyes held none of the desire that she had seen the night before, and she felt her old anxieties return. She made them both hot chocolate and watched him struggling to stay awake. !%ell me what you need.$ She said finally, and gesturing to her delicate hips, she added tentatively, !I would give you anything that you wanted.$ !%hank you,$ he said softly. !I do want all of those things, but not right now, not like this.$ He paused and looked at her for a moment. !,hat I would like to do is to sleep the night in your bed. ,ith you in it too if that)s okay.$ !:f course.$ She wheeled through to the bedroom to hide her disappointment, and found a pair of +ulia)s py.amas left from the last time her washing machine had stopped working. He changed in the bathroom, and by the time she was ready for bed he was already asleep, the lines of tiredness slowly fading from his face.
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She lay down beside him and realised that she was now wide awake. It wasn)t fair, she had locked her sexuality away, and now this big handsome man had stirred her up and left her hungry. She closed her eyes and tried to think of her holiday in the lake district. She realised she hadn)t discussed it with 4hris, then listened to his breathing and decided that he probably wouldn)t care. 9i arrely she found herself thinking about Mr 1atel, she wondered if he would be disappointed to learn of their strangely anticlimactic evening, then thought rather bitterly that he would have been much more receptive to her offer. She woke up to the smell of coffee, and sleepily wondered if her sister had stayed the night. !Hey beautiful,$ said a deep voice beside her, and she fastened the top button of her py.amas and pulled herself into a sitting position. !I can)t decide,$ he said with a la y grin, !whether you look better asleep or awake.$ !0obody looks at their best until they wake up.$ She told him awkwardly, remembering the way he had fallen asleep. ;ight after she had thrown herself at him. She slid into her wheelchair and disappeared into the bathroom. She spent a long time in the shower, half hoping that he would leave, then she would never have to face him again. He was making breakfast when she emerged, concocting a delicious omelette and heating up the milk for her coffee. !%hanks again for last night.$ He said softly, !I know I)m not easy company when I)m like that.$ !(nytime,$ she told him, her voice sounding distinctly ungracious. !'o you mind if I use your shower#$ he asked, !I thought I could give you a lift into work.$ !%hank you but there)s no need.$ She said, still not meeting his eyes, !9elinda is collecting me in about ten minutes time.$

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!:kay then,$ he said uncomfortably, he finished his breakfast in silence and changed back into his rumpled clothes. Mercifully 9elinda arrived early, and she stopped pushing her breakfast round her plate and said brightly, !'on)t rush, the door will lock when you close it.$ He nodded unhappily and poured himself out some more coffee. He had wanted to explain how much he needed her first time with him to be romantic, how he would look after her and make her forget the painful way she had been violated. He remembered waking up to the sight of her soft curves and wondered how on earth he had fallen asleep. He was still wondering that same thing when he reached the hospital, and it took three cups of coffee and the bu theatre to shake her slightly out of the forefront of his mind. Mike was sitting in silence when Harry reached the I% suite, he didn)t offer her coffee and he didn)t buy her lunch. She sat 6uietly wrestling with the blood results and feeling strangely angry with Mr 1atel. %his was his fault, she decided, by trying to play the part of some elegant cupid, he had messed up the whole pattern of their courtship. She sustained herself with that thought until early afternoon when the horrible memories of +ohn slid into her head and made her feel like crying. !I still haven)t been paged by accident and emergency.$ +ulia told her, arriving unannounced in the I% suite. Harry looked at her, and she stopped talking and picked up her friend)s bag. !Shall we get wine#$ she asked. !1lease.$ Harry said 6uietly, and left without making eye contact with Mike. !,hat)s going on#$ +ulia asked her, when they were safely away from the hospital. !,ell 4hris fell asleep last night, after I)d pretty much thrown myself at him. Mike is not talking to me at all. (nd that creep that assaulted me when we were at -niversity has left about ten messages on my mobile phone.$ of the operating

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!,ow. %hat really is horrible.$ +ulia paused then added respectfully, !%hat might actually be the worst day you or I have had for a really long time.$ !%hanks,$ said Harry grinning at her, !I feel better now.$ (nd she did, right up until the point when the man who had taken her innocence so roughly, crashed through a red light into her side of the car.

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Chapter nine +ulia called an ambulance and held her hand as they cut her out of the wreckage and lifted her onto a stretcher. She felt a savage searing pain down her arm and her hip and closed her eyes. +ulia knew her story, +ulia could talk for her, and she listened to the woman who cared about her relating her details. %hey rushed her into the heart of casualty, where the monitors clustered closely together and the alarms chimed softly. She heard the paramedic condensing her down into a couple of tight phrases. !%wenty seven year old female paraplegic, severe lacerations to the left forearm and the left leg, significant blood loss.$ She felt the bloods being taken out of her right arm, she answered the 6uestions as steadily as she could. *es she knew where she was, she knew the day, she knew her name. She let them shine the light into her eyes and through it all she held +ulia)s hand very tightly, determined not to cry. !Hello,$ said a voice she recognised, and she looked up into +eff)s gentle eyes. !I was hoping it wasn)t you.$ !0ot as much as I wish it wasn)t me,$ she said ruefully. !Have the pain meds kicked in yet#$ !0ot really.$ !I)m sorry Harry. ,e)re still trying to stabilise your blood pressure, once we do that we can give you something stronger.$ She nodded and closed her eyes again. She tried to take her mind back to glorious old bed and breakfast that they visited in the &ake 'istrict, tried to smell the wood smoke and remember the sight of the hills. !:ne final thing,$ he said apologetically, !I)m going to need to look at your wounds, I want to see if we can suture them with local anaesthetic.$ (pologetically he held up the shears that would cut through her

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clothes. She nodded again and concentrated on her breathing, thought about taking a boat out onto the water and drinking wine in the sun. 4hris focussed on the tricky repair he was finishing. He could see Mr 1atel trying to catch his eye through the glass, but he wasn)t in the mood to talk. %aking Harry home had been his idea, and he blamed him for the fact that she didn)t seem to be talking to him. ( .unior surgeon opened the door and smiled nervously at him. !Mr 1atel asked me to close up for you.$ !,hy#$ !He says he needs to talk to you urgently.$ %he younger man told him, hating the tremor in his own voice. 4hris looked at him and forced himself to remember how it felt to be a trainee. !:kay,$ he said finally, !I)ll be inspecting your suturing later.$ %he .unior doctor nodded miserably, and 4hris thanked the theatre staff and walked outside. !Harry has been in an accident.$ His mentor told him, he knew 4hris too well to try to sugar the truth. !,hat happened#$ !( drunk ran a red light and hit her friend)s car. He)s damaged her arm and her leg.$ !,hich arm#$ he asked unsteadily. !Her left.$ 4hris leant against the wall feeling suddenly sick. !%hat)s her dominant side.$ !1oor kid.$ %he older man said softly. !,here is she now#$
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!In resus. %hey)re trying to stabilise her blood pressure.$ !,ho)s working on her#$ !+eff.$ Mr 1atel told him, holding his ga e. 4hris left the theatres at a run and started down the corridor. !4hris calm down, you know he)s the best.$ !He stole 0icola from me, I)m not let that happening again.$ !,ell I don)t really know what happened with 0icola, but I can see how Harry feels about you.$ !0ot anymore,$ 4hris said wretchedly, !I fell asleep last night, .ust after she offered herself to me.$ He stopped suddenly and ran his tired hand through his hair. !I .ust wanted the first time to be good. 0ot tired and a bit forced.$ Mr 1atel looked at him in silence, then said coolly, !%here)s a beautiful young woman down in accident and emergency, she)s been badly hurt and she must be terrified. (t the moment she)s having her arm sutured without proper anaesthetic because of how unwell she is, and if you are going to lean against the wall feeling sorry for yourself when you should be holding her hand then you)re not the man I thought you were.$ 4hris started moving then, he looked apologetically at the elegant surgeon and pushed open the doors to the hive of activity that marked the gateway to the hospital. Mr 1atel watched him go, he knew what had happened to his family, but he cared about the younger man too much to watch him let the beautiful woman slip through his grasp. 4hris walked into the heart of accident and emergency without noticing the way the staff slipped respectfully out of his path. He scanned down the white board until he saw her name, then he stepped behind the curtains and felt his chest tighten. Harry was lying very still, she was wearing the tattered remains of her favourite blouse, and a possessive part of his mind
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noted with relief that her lovely chest was covered. Her left hip was exposed, and he fought the urge to throw everyone else out and look after her himself. %hen he forced himself to take a deep breath, he knew this was the time to be gentle. !Hi,$ he said tenderly, and smiled when she opened her big dark eyes. !*ou came.$ She said 6uietly. !:f course I did.$ He nodded at +eff and touched +ulia)s arm. !Have we got any bloods yet#$ He couldn)t help asking. !%he system is really slow again.$ +eff told him, he leaned out of the curtains and asked one of the nurses to chase the bloods again. %he charge nurse nodded then counted to ten. She liked +eff, she really did, but sometimes she wondered if he had any idea how unreasonable he was. She had been phoning the I% every ten minutes for most her shift, and she would keep phoning them, she didn)t need any reminders. She managed to get through, and she spoke to the same man she always seemed to get. !It might interest you to know that it)s one of your own down here,$ she said bitingly. !%hat pretty girl who uses the wheelchair.$ %here was silence, then the line went dead. She put down the phone and went to answer one of the alarms. !%ry working in a real department.$ She said under her breath. Mike banged on 9elinda)s window .ust as she was finishing a particularly pleasing flow chart. !Harry has been in an accident.$ He told her, and ran out of the portacabin. 9elinda thought about following him, then realised that there was nobody left in her department. She sighed and sat down in Mike)s recently vacated seat and wondered why she was always the last to know to about anything.

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Mike was breathless by the time he reached accident and emergency. He tried to attract the attention of one of the fast moving figures, but they wove around him, slowing him down and adding to anxiety. He replayed the moment she had smiled at him and he had not smiled back until he spotted the signs to resus and pushed open the door. !4an I help you#$ asked a voice that he recognised. !My friend,$ he said unsteadily, !you told me she was hurt.$ !*ou)d be more use to her if you made the blood results appear faster.$ She said, but then she smiled at him and pointed to the cubicle in the middle of the row. !In there,$ she said, !.ust follow the smell of testosterone.$ !Hi,$ he said awkwardly, crowding in beside +ulia and 4hris. Harry opened her eyes and smiled at him. She was really pleased that he was talking to her again, but if she was honest, then she .ust wanted them to give her a decent painkiller and leave her in peace. !I)m really sorry,$ Mike said unsteadily, !I was an idiot, and when I heard that you had been hurt, I had to come down here and tell you how much I care about you.$ !,hat did you do#$ 4hris couldn)t help asking, !I didn)t talk to her all day.$ Harry closed her eyes again and +eff looked up sharply at the scruffy technician. !%his is not the coffee room.$ He said bitingly. !Shall we get some air#$ +ulia asked him, and he nodded forlornly and led the way out into the corridor. !4hris was talking too.$ He said finally. !I know, it)s unfair, people never yell at men like 4hris.$
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!She was right though,$ Mike said finally, !that nurse, I would be more use to Harry if I kept the blood results stabilised.$ !1robably.$ +ulia conceded gently. !,ould you come with me#$ he asked, and realised how lovely she looked when she smiled. !I)d like that very much.$ She said, and tucked her arm through his. !,hat)s happening#$ 9elinda asked him, as they walked arm in arm down the echoing stairs to the bay of computers. !She)s a trust employee,$ Mike said defensively, !and she)s a doctor, so she might have some useful insights.$ +ulia nodded, surprised at how pleased she felt to finally have a role in this crisis. !I was asking about Harry.$ +ulia felt the lump of pain settle down in her stomach again. !She)s not well, the cut on her arm is not too bad, but the cut on her leg is really deep. She)s lost a lot of blood and they)re trying to stabilise her.$ !I)m sorry.$ 9elinda said softly, and gestured to his screen, !it looks like there)s something really important that you can do.$ +ulia nodded at him and he took a deep breath, at last he was riding in to her rescue, but somebody else was holding her hand. +ulia put a cup of coffee down beside him and smiled at him. He smiled back at her, the knights must have had a supporting cast he decided, and maybe they didn)t have to sleep alone. 4hris looked at her beautiful face and wished more than ever that he had taken to her to bed the night before. !How are you doing#$ He asked her softly,

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!I)m okay,$ she said unconvincingly, biting her lip as +eff finished the careful work on her arm. !Harry I)ve got some good news for you at last,$ +eff told her, !the metal missed all the ma.or structures in your arm, you)ll have 6uite a scar, but there should be no permanent damage.$ !%hank you,$ she told him, !I can live with that,$ she moved her fingers tentatively and smiled at him. !%he wound on your hip is much deeper, when we)ve cross matched your bloods, we)re going to have to operate.$ Harry took a deep breath and forced herself to smile shakily at him, !:kay then,$ she closed her eyes, and tried to think her way back to the &ake 'istrict, but the memories of her childhood in hospital kept intruding. !8xcuse me,$ a very large policeman appeared in the cubicle and smiled at her. !I know that you)re still getting treatment, but I)m going to need to interview you and your friend.$ !0ot now.$ 4hris told him, glad to have someone to glower at. !4an)t you go and arrest the idiot that did this#$ !My boss is arresting him, it turns out he)s some kind of fancy &ord, you know how funny they are.$ Harry suppressed a smile and opened her eyes briefly, !I)ll be happy to speak to you tomorrow.$ she told him, and provided her details. !*ou didn)t tell him.$ +eff said 6uietly, when his heavy tread faded away. !I find that it usually complicates situations.$ she said ruefully.

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%he hospital was silent by the time +eff had finished the operation. %he long corridors echoing as their lonely party navigated the arrows on the polished floors back up to the surgical ward. 4hris took a deep breath, this was his space, usually he sat in the office and they brought him coffee and entertaining anecdotes. 9ut now he felt awkward and unsure. !So she/s the reason you/ve gotten all preoccupied.$ the charge nurse said with a grin. He nodded and sat down beside her bed. !She)s a lucky girl,$ the nurse said feelingly. 4hris smiled at her, remembering the last time he had been alone with Harry, he wondered if she would agree. !'o you think we can resite the drip in her arm# She/s paralysed and she can/t move her legs, I want to make things as easy as possible for her.$ %he nurse nodded, sympathy in her eyes, !why isn/t she on the spinal unit#$ !It/s an old in.ury, she copes really well with it. %hen some idiot hit the car she was she was travelling in earlier tonight. 0ow she/s got this great big wound on her left arm, and that/s the hand she uses for everything. I .ust thought if we freed up her right arm, then she could at least hold a cup of coffee.$ He closed his eyes and added unsteadily. !'o you mind if I make myself a drink# I/ll be back in ten minutes.$ She was still asleep when he came back, delicate and still, and he reluctantly borrowed a room in the doctor)s mess and slept fitfully until morning. He woke early and bought himself some toast in the mess. %hen he walked slowly up to the ward where she slept. He acknowledged that he was frightened that she would re.ect him, frightened that his thoughtless reaction to her tentative advances had damaged their interaction. He walked onto the surgical ward and nodded at the nurses, he realised that they were different, warmer and more attentive, and it made him really pleased to think that they supported his choice. He stepped into the nurse)s office and leant on the wall, !How is she doing#$
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!She)s doing okay, she)s tougher than she looks,$ the charge nurse told him approvingly. She was awake when he walked out onto the ward, her sister had pulled rank as a visiting dignitary and was breaking the iron visiting hours rule. She was sitting next to a bunch of flowers that would probably crush Harry if it fell on the bed, and she explained that her parents had to send their apologies as they were hosting an important party of guests. ,hen he came back at lunch time +ulia and Mike were sitting together, and Mike smiled up at him with the confidence of a man who hadn/t gotten much sleep for all the right reasons. 9y the end of the day there was a crowd around her bed. He stood in the doorway and watched a particularly good looking man in a suit that probably cost the same amount as his car make her laugh. !Hi.$ he said finally, looking only at her. !4hris,$ she said with a smile, her dark eyes unreadable, !meet %im and ;ichard and you know my sister.$ He nodded, and sat down awkwardly on the edge of the bed. 9oth of the men used wheelchairs, and they treated him to a series of .okes that he didn/t understand. ,hen visiting hours ended, the nurse threw them all out very firmly, and he followed her sister into the corridor. !(ny chance of a lift 4hris# I was going to ask +ulia, but she seems to have finally discovered boys.$ !:f course,$ he smiled down at her and led the way to his old car. !(re you ok#$ she asked, !*ou looked a bit miserable in there.$ !She/s gone all distant again, .ust when I thought I was getting to know her.$ !:f course she has, she/s back in bed with a whole lot of tubes that everyone can see when they walk in the room. *ou/ve got no chance of talking to her about anything that matters until she/s back in her .eans using her own chair.$
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!,hen you put it like that it/s perfectly reasonable.$ !She/s my sister, I love her, of course I think she/s reasonable.$ she paused then added more gently, !%he night nurse told me that you got them to move the drip out of her right arm. %hank you for that.$ !I really care about her.$ he said softly. !I/m glad to hear it.$ she told him. !'id she tell you about the night I stayed over#$ !:f course she did.$ He sighed and looked at the road. !,hat did she say#$ he asked tentatively. !,ell it didn/t make her feel good about herself.$ !0o I guess not. I .ust had this silly notion about making it really good for her.$ !It/s not silly 4hris. It/s .ust that you have to see things from her perspective.$ !1eople keep telling me that.$ !So listen to them, I know that her paralysis makes things much more complicated, but if you really care about her, then I)ll think you)ll agree that it)s worth it.$ !I really really care about her.$ !%hen start thinking about what her life is like.$ she said softly, he nodded, and pulled up outside her sister)s house. !%hanks for the lift.$ !My pleasure.$ he said, and drove in lonely silence back to his house.

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+eff and 0icola were sitting in the lounge. He stretched out tiredly on the sofa and looked at his oldest friends. !How)s she doing#$ +eff asked him. !:kay I think. She/s had loads of visitors and she doesn/t really give a lot away.$ He paused and smiled his thanks when 0icola poured him out a cup of tea. !How bad was the cut on her arm#$ he asked finally. !It/ll heal.$ +eff said gently. !I must say she/s got style, she let me suture her without a whimper.$ 4hris nodded. !She/s definitely got style.$ !(re you okay#$ +eff asked him. !I think so,$ he took a deep breath and said with a half embarrassed smile, !I)m missing her.$ !'oes she know that the story is all over the news#$ 0icola asked him. !I don)t know, she)s not very forthcoming on the sub.ect of her lineage.$ He ran across the streets of Manchester until it started to rain, then he lay in bed and regretted the only night in the past week when he had been able to sleep.

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Chapter ten 4hris went shopping before he went into work. He tried to think of something more original than chocolates, but failed miserably, so he bought the biggest box he could find and a card that was hopefully romantic and manly. He rehearsed the lines he was going to say, about how beautiful she was, and how happy he would make her, then stepped into the nurse)s office for an update and found one of his rugby team mates reading her notes. !Hey,$ ;ichard said, in his usual .ocular fashion, !don)t tell me you)re after this case as well.$ 4hris shook his head, !She)s open to +eff isn)t she#$ !She was, he contacted me in an oddly cryptic fashion, said something about a conflict of interest.$ He paused and looked at his old friend, !I hope you)re okay with that, I know this is normally your ward, it)s .ust that I did a post in a spinal in.uries unit and I could do with the update.$ 4hris took a deep breath in, he remembered her careful 6uestions about him being ashamed of her disability. He wasn)t ashamed, and if people had 6uestions and reactions, then he was going to face them. !It)s her that I)m interested in.$ he said softly. ;ichard stared at him for a moment, then smiled, !I)ll look after her mate$, he said heartily, and 4hris watched him leave the office. Harry was reading when ;ichard knocked on the door, she smiled at him and slowly pulled herself into a sitting position. !(re you part of the surgical team#$ she said 6ui ically in a voice that he wanted to hear more of. !(ctually I)m your new consultant, +eff said that he was a friend of yours, he thought it might be more comfortable if you saw me.$

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!:kay then,$ she said with another lovely smile. She put her book down and tugged her arm out of her sling, !I)ll grit my teeth while you do your usual poking.$ !%hank you.$ He said softly, he peeled back the bandages and watched her bite her lip. !&et me know if it gets too uncomfortable.$ (fterwards ;ichard sat in the nurse)s office and accepted a cup of coffee. !How is she doing#$ the charge nurse asked. !She)s doing well.$ He wrote up his notes, and looked up at the nurse with a smile. !I can see why 4hris is going a bit mad$. 4hris went back after his theatre list, he handed her the chocolates, and she smiled at him and gestured to her bedside table. !4an you put them down for me#$ she asked, and he put them down awkwardly on top of a much larger box of the same variety. He was about to ask her how she was when he heard a voice in the doorway, He turned around to see a man in a well cut suit with two cups of espresso. !Hi,$ he said, !I)m 1olice 4onstable (ndrews, they sent me to apologise for my colleague)s performance the other night and to see if this would be convenient time to talk to you.$ !:f course,$ she said, her smile widening as he held out one of the coffees. !I broke my leg a couple of years ago, and I spent a whole fortnight without a decent drink.$ !It)s driving me wild,$ she acknowledged, and took an appreciative mouthful. !,ell I)ll come back later,$ 4hris told her, and she smiled at him as unconvincingly as before. 14 (ndrews was still there when he went back at lunch time, he had procured sushi from somewhere, and Harry was talking to him more animatedly than he had seen her since before
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their disastrous night together. !I)ll come back later.$ He said again, annoyed to notice how comfortable the policeman looked. His afternoon clinic overran and he was starving, by the time he reached her room, there was already a crowd. He got paged on the way to the mess and he had to start his night on call on an empty stomach. He went to see her the next morning, although he knew it was probably a mistake. He was in a bad mood and he was missing her, he wanted to tell her that, but he didn)t know how to. She was reading a book when he went in, and she smiled at him, a smile that didn)t really reach her eyes. !I was half expecting to see your policeman friend here.$ He said casually. She arched an eyebrow at him and didn)t answer. !So he took all your facts down#$ !*es,$ she said coolly, and he felt his irritation mount. !I didn)t realise that flirting was part of their training.$ He knew he)d overstepped the mark, but he couldn)t stop, he had to make another remark about her flirting back. He watched the colour rise in her neck, and the silence grew long and tense. !4hris if I possibly could then I would leave this room, can I ask you to at least have the decency to go#$ He left in silence and went to eat breakfast in the comfortable chatter of the doctor)s mess. %he tomatoes and eggs were more overcooked than usual, and he replayed the interaction in his mind and wondered how it had gone so badly wrong. He wanted to tell her that she should be his. He would ride in on a white charger in any situation, and all he wanted was for her to be there waiting without another man already trying to rescue her. He replayed all the situations that she had needed rescuing from. He had embarrassed her horribly after the fund raiser, he had left her to explain to his best friend that she couldn)t walk, and he had turned her down when she had offered her lovely body to him. He stopped pushing his food around his plate and drove slowly home, he was an idiot and he didn)t deserve to be liked by her or anybody.
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Harry battled one handed with her breakfast and re-read her maga ines, she was too angry with 4hris to get upset, and she found herself missing the comfortable routine of the portacabin and her friends. Mike was missing her too, he slipped out of the I% suite carrying the latest copy of her favourite maga ine. He found his way up to the surgical wards and waved his badge hopefully at the nurse near the door, she pointed to a computer rather truculently displaying an error message and he nodded and smiled. Harry was talking to a medical student, he was presumably supposed to be practicing taking a history, but he seemed to be talking about himself. !Hi,$ he said firmly and sat down opposite the young man. It worked, and the student floated apologetically back to the nurses office. She smiled at him, and he felt the old tingle. !I really am sorry about Saturday.$ he said softly. !'oesn)t worry, we all find it unsettling when things change.$ !(re you okay with me and +ulia#$ !I)m really pleased about you and +ulia, you are two of my dearest friends.$ !She)s not as beautiful as you,$ he couldn)t help saying, !I don)t think anyone is.$ !Mike that)s not true, and don)t say that to +ulia.$ !I won)t,$ he touched her hand, the only part of her body aside from her face that wasn)t bandaged or sore. !9ut will we still be us#$ he asked softly, !,ill we still do things .ust you and I#$ !I hope so,$ She told him, affectionately, !otherwise I)d really miss you.$ Mike walked back to the I% suite feeling as though he was floating on air. He remembered the day Harry had arrived in their scruffy little portacabin. She had smiled at him when he had brought her a cup of coffee and he hadn)t really ever recovered. %he thing was that she

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had become his friend, he loved his place in her life, the parties and the music. It had opened up a world to him that he had really only seen on the television before. 0ow he had been offered a way to stay in her world, stay close to her, and also the chance to like someone who seemed astonishingly ready to like him back. He made coffee for the rest of the I% team and sympathetically helped a medical student navigate the process of resetting the password for her email account. 9elinda watched him through the window of her little office. She could tell by the change in his manner that he had finally made peace with Harry. It was a relief, the atmosphere was still subdued, but at least the tension had dissipated slightly. %he whole team had gone into mourning when she had informed them of the accident on Monday. %hey had raised enough money to buy her the latest handheld game playing device by midmorning, and the present was still sitting on her desk, making her feel guilty whenever she looked at it. She had been in charge of the I% department for eight years now. It had not been an easy .ourney for her= years working as a secretary to put herself through university, then more years as a secretary in this very hospital while she studied management courses and took extra classes. ,hen she finally got the post managing this team, the staff hadn)t made it easy for her. She knew that they went out drinking on a <riday, she heard the references to .okes and stories that didn)t include her, but she had held her tongue and slowly and grudgingly they had started to respect her. ,hen a young female applicant had finally appeared in her recruitment tray, she remembered the excitement she had felt= an ally at last and maybe a friend. She had been worried that the primarily male interview panel would give her the difficult time she remembered from many unsuccessful interviews. %hey hadn)t given her a difficult time at all. 9y the end of the half hour of 6uestions she found herself interrogating Harry about the finer points of
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programming in such a severe fashion that the woman from human resources had finally intervened. She had to admit that Harry had passed with flying colours. She knew her computing inside out. Harry had gotten the .ob straight out of university, she had arrived in the department with youthful enthusiasm and a constant supply of freshly baked cookies from the nearby supermarket. (ll she needed to do was lift her head up and someone made her a cup of coffee, and all of the sexist .okes had disappeared overnight. 9elinda remembered how badly she had reacted when Harry had asked her if she would be .oining them in the local wine bar on her first <riday in the .ob. She still felt ashamed of the way she had re.ected the younger woman)s friendliness, and she could still see the disapproval in the eyes of her team. She had spent the past four years 6uietly resenting Harry)s easy charm, but she had to admit that the office was horribly 6uiet without her. <inally, when her conscience was really pricking her she picked up the present and the card that absolutely everybody had signed and navigated to the right bit of the hospital. She waved her id badge and followed the sound of laughter, then she took a deep breath and opened the curtains. Her first thought was that it wasn)t fair. Harry was wearing a pair of blue striped py.amas that made her look effortlessly feminine and elegantly fragile, then she felt bad, Harry had lost a lot weight and from the way she was holding her arm it was clearly very painful. !I)m so glad you came,$ she said sincerely, making sure that she held the older woman)s eyes. She introduced the two nurses who picked up their sandwiches and nodded unenthusiastically at her before they disappeared back into the office. !%hey)ve taken to eating their lunch in here, it)s really nice.$ Harry explained. 9elinda nodded, she wanted to say that people weren)t usually really nice to her, but instead she held out the present and
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explained that everyone was missing her. !I)m really missing all of you, I keep wondering what is happening to the blood results, and if Simon got his new computer.$ !He didn)t and he)s driving me mad,$ 9elinda admitted conspiratorially. She opened the present and the card at Harry)s re6uest, reflecting for a moment on how restricted she must feel. !Sorry,$ she added awkwardly, !I guess a two handed console is not much use to you at the moment. !It)s okay, it)s a nice gesture,$ Harry shifted uncomfortably and rubbed the back of her neck. 9elinda looked around the little cubicle, and Harry followed her ga e and felt a flush of embarrassment colouring her throat. %he nurses had promised her that all the tubes and the bulkiest of the bandages would be removed by the end of the day, and she realised that the waiting was really starting to frustrate her. She closed her eyes for a moment, then she opened them again and treated 9elinda to her most convincing smile. !(re you alright#$ !:f course,$ Harry said ruefully, !now tell me, what am I missing#$ 9elinda started talking to fill the awkward silence, then she started en.oying herself, making Harry laugh with anecdotes about their eccentric team mates, and of course their ongoing feud with the training department. She stayed with her until the start of visiting time when &ibby arrived, then she felt self-conscious again and fled back to the safety of her flowcharts. 9y %hursday lunchtime Harry was really bored, she had watched more box sets and read more maga ines than she cared to remember. %he smell of coffee pulled her out of one of her favourite books, and she looked up into the warm eyes of the handsome policeman. !Hello again, have you got more 6uestions for me#$

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!0ot really,$ he said with a grin, !in fact I)m shamelessly abusing my position. I was passing the hospital and I thought you might need a cup of coffee.$ !I)d love a cup of coffee.$ !,ell that)s good to know. I wondered if you wanted me to leave my phone number, I)d be happy to drop off a cup whenever you needed it.$ !%hank you.$ She smiled at the big handsome man with the impeccable social skills, the man who navigated all the things that she felt vulnerable about with elegant ease. She smiled into his easy humour and drank her double espresso, wondering frustratedly why she couldn)t stop thinking about 4hris. 14 (ndrews touched her hand when he left, she didn)t feel a tingle and she didn)t feel short of breath. Her traitorous mind flooded with images of 4hris smiling, 4hris touching her face and of course 4hris kissing her. She had been hoping he would appear with his usual sexy scruffy style, but for once he seemed to have taken her at her word and she realised that she missed him and wished that she had something to distract her restless mind with. ,hen +ulia arrived, she greeted her with an enthusiasm that was almost desperate. !(re you okay#$ !*es I)m fine, today is the first day I haven)t felt really sore, but it)s made me realise how little there is to do in here.$ !"ood, I was hoping you)d say that. My consultant gave me the afternoon off because of my recent accident trauma, and my father has been kind enough to buy me a new car.$ !So he)s still feeling bad about forgetting your birthday#$

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!(wful,$ +ulia said with satisfaction, !so I thought we could start our holiday. I know we)re running a few days early, but I phoned them and rooms are both free.$ Harry had managed not to cry all week. (ll through the painful and humiliating procedures, and the horrible sense of helplessness she felt when she looked at the sling on her arm, but she started crying when +ulia mentioned the holiday. !'on)t you want to go#$ !:f course I want to go. %hat)s why I)m crying.$ !So shall I pack your bags#$ !+ulia how am I going to cope# I can)t transfer one handed, and there)s all sorts of practical things that you don)t need me to spell out for you.$ !Harry you are my oldest friend, going on holiday with you every year is one of the most important traditions at the end of my summer.$ She s6uee ed her friend)s hand and touched her face, !I thought I was going to lose you last weekend,$ she added unsteadily. Harry looked at her for a long moment, then she smiled, !(re you sure about this +ulia#$ !I)m very sure, and ;ichard has some contacts up in the &akes, there)s somebody he knows who can come and change your dressings. So not only am I very sure, I also know I can definitely look after you.$ !:kay then,$ Harry said softly, then she smiled at her friend, and felt the tears starting to slide down her face again. +ulia started to pack her bags, !the rest of your stuff is in the car.$ !,hat about Mike#$

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!I told him he could come up next weekend, I hope that)s okay.$ !:f course that is,$ she took a deep breath and smiled at her, !here goes.$ %he charge nurse stood in the office door and watched their transfer. She had grown fond of Harry, the 6uiet way she had faced her in.uries and her gracious acceptance of the procedures she had had to endure. So she breathed a sigh of relief when the overweight woman in the badly chosen green skirt had helped her back into her wheelchair, and she smiled at her and handed her the take home prescription that the .unior doctor had already prepared. !,hen I paged ;ichard this morning I asked him to organise your discharge.$ +ulia explained, and Harry nodded her thanks, thinking about the next transfer in the crowded parking bays. ,hen they stepped out into the rain and the smell of fumes, Harry found her anxiety alleviated by amusement, !*ou bought exactly the same car as before.$ !I like this kind of car.$ !(nd so do I.$ %he transfer went more smoothly the second time. 'espite her sling, Harry found to her relief that she could help the process a lot with her right arm. !*ou)ve lost a lot of weight,$ +ulia told her gently, !there)s hardly anything left of you.$ !%he food was horrible.$ !,ell I)m going to stand over you until you eat at least half of your dinner.$ !I)ll eat the whole lot if you let me have a glass of wine.$ !It)s a deal.$

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%hey took the busy road out to the north of the city, and passed the exuberantly competitive .ostle of 4aribbean takeaways and Indian clothes shops. %he city faded 6uickly behind them, and the soft ridges of the 1eaks started to appear. !%hank you for this.$ Harry said finally, !*ou)re a good friend.$ !I keep thinking about the moment when the car hit you.$ +ulia told her, !there was so much blood and you were so still. I .ust kept having the same thought in my head over and over.$ !,hat was that#$ !I kept thinking that I didn)t tell you how much I appreciated you.$ !%hank you.$ Harry said softly. %hey followed the signs for Hawkshead, to the rambling old building that now functioned as a hotel. %hey picked up the key from under the mat and followed the book lined corridor to the same big suite of rooms that they always shared. 4hris reached the ward at around the same time as Harry took her first mouthful of wine. Her bed had already been given to a woman who had fallen off her motorbike. %he ward sister was sympathetic but slightly distant, and he remembered his very public spat with the beautiful woman he couldn)t stop thinking about. ;eluctantly he drove home, cutting through the lights .ust as they changed. +eff was waiting for him in the lounge, he handed him a glass of wine and stood with his back to the fire. !I walked all the way up to the ward carrying an enormous bunch of flowers.$ 4hris said calmly, !and they told me that she had gone on holiday, destination unknown.$ !,hat did you do with the flowers#$

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!I gave them to my secretary, she was delighted.$ %here was silence, 4hris .oined his oldest friend as he stood beside the flames. !'o you think that I should forget about her, all I seem to do is upset her#$ !0o I don)t, but you need to do some thinking. She likes you 4hris, and she)s right to, you)re a good man, but you keep letting her see flashes of how decent you are, then behaving like an idiot, it)s as if you)re afraid to take what you want, afraid to care that much for someone.$ 4hris remembered the first week in the children)s home, the defences he had had to build, the way friendships had been formed then pulled apart when children and staff moved on. He wanted to grow old with her, and he realised that part of him couldn)t bear to take the risk. %here was a knock on the door, and he found ;ichard smiling at him, !4ome on man, we)ve actually got a chance of winning tonight.$ +eff lifted his glass in an affectionate salute and he picked up his gym bag and stepped out into the warm night. !So did they get there safely# Harry and +ulia I mean.$ !I didn)t realise they were going.$ 4hris said with a rueful smile. %wo of their team mates appeared exuberantly, and began discussing the pre-match strategies. 4hris took up his place in the centre of the pack, tonight nobody was getting past him. (fterwards he sat down in the club house and smiled at ;ichard, !,e had a bit of an argument yesterday,$ he explained, !it was completely my fault.$ He paused and accepted the pint that the older man gave him. !%hings were strained between us anyway. I)d .ust persuaded her that I could look after her and that we would have a good time together and told her how attractive I found her, when things kicked off with the riots. She tried to pick up where we)d left off the following night, and I fell asleep.$

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;ichard looked at him for a long time, then finally he smiled, !So I guess that means you won)t mind if I ask her out#$ !I know, I)m a complete idiot.$ !'id you not notice how gorgeous she was#$ !I did, I do, I .ust wanted it to be perfect.$ ;ichard leant forward, his red face suddenly serious, !4hris I worked for a year in the spinal in.uries unit, and it gave me an insight into what it)s like to be paralysed. 1eople stare at you all the time, and while they)re staring, they)re wondering what you can move and what you can feel. Imagine coming in here and looking up at everyone, looking into all those curious eyes and knowing that they)re looking at all the parts of your body that you feel selfconscious about.$ He paused and took a mouthful of his dark bitter, then he made sure 4hris was listening and held his ga e. !4hris I)ve seen men withdraw from life altogether because of the impact of a spinal cord in.ury on their sexuality. It doesn)t matter how good we are at our .obs, or how funny we are, stuff like that really matters.$ 4hris nodded, he knew that he allowed himself to be misled by her poise and her careful selfcontrol, but the more he thought about it, the more he knew that he needed to put things right. He didn)t want her lose faith in men altogether. !'o you know where she)s gone#$ He asked hopefully. !0o I don)t, but I do know somebody who is .oining them next weekend.$ !%hanks mate,$ 4hris said, and allowed himself a moment of self-pity, he was going to have to make peace with a man who wouldn)t have looked out of place at a comic convention.

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Chapter ele en It was raining in the &ake 'istrict, a fine mist that softened the edges of the hills and made the cottages look like images in a watercolour. Harry stretched out on the sofa and looked out at the gardens where fruit and vegetables were en.oying the last of their summer form. +ulia unpacked her hamper, she had bought almost everything that Harry liked, or sometimes liked, olives, apples, salt and vinegar crisps and obscure branches of the cheese family. She would have made a meal, but she had never mastered cooking and most of the good food she had eaten in the past decade had been prepared by the woman who now had her arm in a sling. She tried to position her offerings in the most appealing way possible. %hen she pulled a table over to the sofa and sat down beside her lovely friend. !0ow it)s time to uphold your part of the deal.$ Harry clumsily put together a combination of cheese and crackers, it was a struggle with one hand, but +ulia knew better that to offer her help. !'o you mind my limitations#$ she asked suddenly, !I worry that you could have an easier time with a friend who could walk.$ +ulia handed her the olive that she had dropped and smiled at her. !How many things have we discussed over the years#$ !1retty much everything.$ !How many diets have you watched me try#$ Harry smiled at her, tilting her head to one side in the way that +ulia had found herself remembering while she waited to hear about the outcome of the operation on her hip. !How many men have you watched me chase, before you pretty much set me up with the kindest man I)ve ever met.$ !:kay, we)ve looked after each other.$ !*es we have. I hate sport and I don)t even like walking very much, so I can honestly say you don)t limit me.$ +ulia pulled open the big red travel bag that she had dragged inside. !I bought you a present, well my mum did, she got all competitive when I told her about the car. It)s one of those tablet computer things, mum said they)re using throughout the air force now. (pparently it)s
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really tough, so it won)t matter if you drop it, and mum downloaded the package that tells you how to .oin the armed forces, so that)s something for you to en.oy too.$ (fter dinner they floated into the lounge area where an impromptu piano recital provided the sound track to a comfortable debate about the best time to plan root vegetables. %hey drank wine and argued about gardening until far later than they had intended. Harry had worried that it would be awkward when +ulia helped her, but she had underestimated her friend. ,hen she pulled up her duvet and closed her eyes she realised that the horrible suffocation of the hospital bed was lifting, and for the first time since the second really pointless accident that had punctuated her life, she slept really well. 4hris however, spent the night looking at his ceiling, he greeted the regrets that were never far from the front of his mind, and tried to decide how to move forward. In the end he decided to buy a mobile phone, and the relief of at least deciding on a course of action allowed him to escape into dreams of her until it was almost time to wake up. He waited for Mike in the dusty corridor at the end of the day= he knew how close Harry was to her workmates and he couldn)t bring himself to actually step into the department. ,hen Mike finally emerged the look on his face didn)t make him feel any better. !4an I buy you a coffee#$ !(ctually I)m in a bit of a hurry.$ !,hat for#$ Mike smiled at him, !%o be somewhere else,$ he said finally. !1lease Mike, I know we haven)t gotten off to a great start, but I)d really like to talk to you.$

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!*ou can buy me a pint,$ Mike said finally, deciding that he would definitely need to discuss things with +ulia before he said anything to the big assertive man. %hey arranged to meet in the rugby club, although the thought filled Mike with mild terror. He phoned her when he reached his house, delighting in the warmth in her voice, smiling at the thought of their shared secret intimacies and wondering why he hadn)t noticed her before. !4hris caught me today,$ he said finally, !I guess he wants to talk about Harry.$ !1oor man, I)ve been thinking about him, Harry didn)t even tell him we were leaving.$ !He really upset her, he keeps really upsetting her.$ !I know, but he likes her and she likes him, and not everyone can be as good this stuff as we are.$ !I guess so.$ !*ou want her to be happy don)t you#$ !*ou know I do +ulia.$ He heard the insecurity in her voice, and he reassured her in the subtle code they were developing. !,hat if he asks me if he can come with me next weekend#$ !:f course he)s going to ask you that. I)ve been counting on it. It)ll be awful for Harry, and for us if he doesn)t come with you.$ She expanded on some of the ways that she planned to greet him, and he felt his attitude softening. !*ou)re absolutely right.$ Mike thought of all the astonishing places that +ulia)s imagination had introduced him to. He started to think how he would feel if Harry was lying alone in the next room, and felt his usual protectiveness intensify.

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%o Mike)s relief 4hris was waiting for him in the rugby club. He sat down at the battered wooden table and Mike pushed the lager towards him in a predictably masculine tankard. !4heers mate.$ Mike took a deep mouthful and relaxed back against the chair, there was a group of men talking loudly at the bar, none of them looked any fitter than he did and he started to relax. !%hanks for meeting with me, I)m sure you know what I want to talk about.$ !Harry$ Mike said softly, wondering if the thought of the beautiful, complex, mysterious and vulnerable woman would ever not make him tingle. !Harry.$ 4hris echoed, then cleared his throat. !,e had a bit of a disagreement last week.$ !(gain#$ 4hris looked at him, he had known that Mike would not make this easy, but he reminded himself that he needed this man as an ally. !*ou know I envy you.$ !*ou envy me#$ Mike shifted on the uncomfortable chair and felt his stomach rubbing against the table. !,ell you know how to talk to women, you seem to say the things that they like.$ Mike grinned at him, !:f course I can talk to women, I spent all of high school being a best friend, and watching the girls I liked getting hurt by boys who didn)t need to understand them.$ !I don)t know how to talk to women, I mean I know how to talk to other surgeons and nurses, but not women that I like.$ !*ou)re in a rugby team, you must meet women all the time.$

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!I know how to take women to bed, but that)s not going to help me with Harry, I mean I want to take her to bedD$ he paused, !I guess that)s more information than you wanted.$ !,ay more information.$ !9ut you)re with +ulia now, you)re really lucky.$ !'o you mean that#$ !:f course I do. She)s funny and confident and interesting, I mean she scares me a bit, but you know how talk to girls, so you)ll be okay.$ !I am lucky,$ Mike said proudly, then realised that they were wandering off topic. He knew that Harry liked this man, but he cared far too much about her not to try to understand his motivation. !(re you really interested in Harry#$ !I turned thirty five last week, and do you know where I spent the evening#$ !Here#$ !(m I that predictable# (ctually don)t answer that. *es I was here, I was here when I celebrated getting into medical school, and getting out the other end with my degree, and when I got my professional exams and my consultant post. I love it here, I really do, but there must be more to life than medicine and friends.$ !I know what you mean.$ I wasn)t looking for someone, but when I saw her. ,ell I .ust couldn)t believe it, she)s so lovely, and with that delicious fire about her. I don)t think she)d ever back down if she believed in something.$

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!If you)re really sure about your feelings then you)re going to need to be a bit gentler about her wheelchair. She is all those things you described, and they)re wonderful, but she)s also paralysed 4hris, and even though she)d never admit it, she does need a bit more looking after because of that.$ !I want to look after her, I .ust keep getting it wrong.$ Mike realised that he had spent the past four years dreading the arrival of someone like 4hris, and found to his surprise that he was about to help him. !%ry to sit down when you)re talking to her, tell her you like her shoes, make it obvious that you)re interested in her legs and not .ust noticing her breasts.$ !How do you know this stuff#$ !"irls talk to me.$ !%hey don)t talk to me.$ !0o they laugh at your .okes even if they)re stupid and ask you about being a doctor.$ !1eople are interested in what it)s like to be a doctor.$ Mike looked at him in silence until he grinned apologetically. !,ell they are probably a bit interested.$ !1lease don)t hurt her,$ Mike said softly. !I/m not going to embarrass myself by threatening you, but I .ust can)t bear the idea. 9esides, +ulia would definitely kill you.$ !0ow that I believe. 0o you can trust me, I/ll make her happy.$ !,here are they staying#$ !( little vegetarian place on the edge of &ake ,indermere. %hey go there a couple of times a year.$ !,hy#$

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!0ow you see, that right there is the attitude that gets you into trouble. It)s wheelchair accessible, the staff are lovely and Harry feels that she can relax.$ !Have you been before#$ !:nce, Harry had a birthday up there. I went up with the band.$ !%hank you,$ 4hris said finally. !I will look after her.$ Mike smiled at him. !I know you will. I bet you/ve never had to work so hard for anything in your life.$ !*ou/d be surprised.$ 4hris said softly, but he knew this male script. Subtle sensitive women might be a mystery to him, but male bravado he could do. !So if I help you not say such silly things will you help me get some exercise.$ !It)s a deal,$ said 4hris and insisted on setting up a time for them to meet the following day. Mike left him discussing the exploits of the 8nglish team. He walked back to the safety of his little flat, and called the woman he was starting to really like. He told +ulia that they would travel up together and that 4hris now had a mobile phone. !I/m not telling Harry that. I can imagine that he/d be appalling on the phone. I/ll get her stronger if you knock some sensitivity into him.$ +ulia waited until she had her arm out of the sling, waited until she had transferred without help onto her favourite lounge chair. %hey drank a glass of wine and watched the sun go down, then she told her that 4hris wanted to .oin the end of their break. Harry looked at her in silence, but +ulia knew her well, so she waited and held her big dark eyes. !He turned me down when I offered myself to him. I)ve never offered myself to anyone before, I)ve never dared.$ She felt the tears sliding down her face again, !I forgot myself for a moment, people in wheelchairs don)t try to seduce people, at least not successfully.$ !Harry have you not noticed how men react around you#$
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!I can never tell whether it)s the wheelchair, you know a kind of sympathy thing.$ !It)s not sympathy Harry, you)re confident, you know your own mind, you)re a kind happy person, and if you don)t recognise that the face you look at every morning is beautiful face, then you)re silly.$ !9ut people stare at me all the time, and they)re not looking at my face.$ !I know honey, and I know that 4hris hasn)t always been very helpful, but he)s had to make peace with a man who doesn)t like him and he)s going to drive all the way up here .ust in case you)re still talking to him, so I)m pretty sure that he)s not feeling sorry for you.$ +ulia paused, then added thoughtfully !Harry how do you think I feel when I look in the mirror#$ !'epends how many shades of green you/ve put together.$ !"reen is very slimming, anyway don/t distract me, I)m making a serious point. Most women feel insecure about some aspect of their bodies. 0ow I know your legs are more complicated than that, but you/re so good at being a normal girl. 'on/t stop now.$ !Sex makes everything confusing.$ !Honey you/ve never said a truer thing.$ !I)ll kill him if he gets it wrong again.$ !:h don)t worry,$ +ulia said peacefully, !there)ll be a 6ueue.$ %he days melted into one another, la y vegetarian breakfasts, lunches in the big communal kitchen, and impromptu dinners with staff who tended the gardens. Harry worked on a song that she was writing, in spite of her best efforts it kept reminding her of 4hris. She travelled

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round the accessible parts of the garden, and wondered what the view would be like from the steep path beside the greenhouses. She realised that she was missing him, he had crashed into her life and demanded her attention, but he didn)t treat her like a fragile doll. He)d hurt her badly, but he)d also allowed her to taste an excitement that she had only glimpsed before. She had fled from the wealthy young men that her mother had introduced her to, she remembered the way they had spoken to her, never looking at her face. Cisibly valuing the anti6ues and the paintings that she loved, losing interest before she had even finished her first sentence when she spoke about the career that she was proud of. %he thought of a life on crutches, standing uncomfortably in a series of drawing rooms, producing heirs, if she could produce heirs, filled her with a sense of suffocation. &ibby loved ceremonies, and formal clothes and could recite the complex genealogy of the neighbouring nobility. Harry like wearing .eans and trainers and having impromptu barbecues, she knew that if her life had worked out differently she would spend her weekends camped under the stars and creating gardens. 4hris collected Mike exactly on time on <riday, he was amused to see that he lived in a rather elegant penthouse conversion in a former school house. !0ow remember,$ Mike told him, !tread carefully and be really gentle, she won)t always need you to be so careful, but the accident knocked her confidence.$ %he old hotel rose ma.estically from its perch on top of a rugged outcrop of granite and trees, they parked beside a collection of battered looking cars and Mike led the way to high arches of the entrance hall. %he .arring sound of a saxophone played by someone with more optimism than talent caused them both to .ump slightly. 4hris felt the tension settle in his stomach again, then he followed Mike into the lounge and saw the woman who had haunted his thoughts and his dreams. His first thought was that she always looked better than he remembered. She was wearing her
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favourite shade of pale .eans, and a dark polo neck, her elegant glasses highlighted the bones of her face, and when she smiled at him he wanted to .ump up and down and whoop with .oy. He realised that +ulia was talking to him, !,e)re going to unpack,$ she said with a lascivious grin, and he nodded absently at her and loomed over Harry for a moment, before the careful last minute instructions sank in, and he sat down opposite her and opened his mouth to start the speech he had rehearsed. !%hank you for coming 4hris.$ He closed his mouth and smiled at her feeling the adrenaline surging through his veins, and then he took a breath and listened to his own words pouring out before he had a chance to think, !I missed you Harry, and I)m sorry, I was out of order. I .ust felt cross with myself for not thinking of coffee, I know how much you like coffee.$ !It)s okay, I know you were up all night. ,hy didn)t you tell me it was your birthday#$ !0obody ever remembers my birthday, sorry did that sound forlorn#$ !0ot forlorn 4hris.$ She paused, then added with a smile, !I know this is a completely random 6uestion, but how often do you go down to that cave# I was wondering about the torch.$ !?uite a lot,$ he admitted, !can I take you back#$ !I)d like that.$ !How is you hand#$ !9ack to normal really, I can use my fountain pen again.$

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!I)m glad,$ he said tenderly, he wanted to ask about her hip, but Mike)s instructions had been detailed, and he knew he needed to go slow. ( man from the gardens interrupted their conversation, he showed them his latest crop of garlic, and he watched her smile and watched the man try to make her smile again. !Shall we go for a walk#$ she asked, when he disappeared into the kitchen, and they were briefly gloriously alone again. She showed him round the paths and pointed out the flowers and the trees and views that made her happy. %hen she stopped at the foot of the steep path to the greenhouses and pointed out all the things she could see. !Shall we sit up there#$ !%hank you,$ she said simply, and he effortlessly navigated the stone steps. %he view was better than she imagined, and she savoured the feel of the rough cold metal. She smiled up at him when he sat down beside her and she s6uee ed her hand, feeling free from her safe saniti ed trappings with a man who thus far had been deliciously unpredictable and treated her like an e6ual, even if that had been bruising on occasion. !How)s the hospital#$ !%he usual, the charge nurse in accident and emergency put in a formal complaint about 9elinda, she has accused him of bullying, one of the paediatricians punched a security guard who wouldn)t let him park in a disabled bay when he was running late to an emergency. It)s all the things I dreamt about at -niversity.$ !,hat did you dream about when you were a medical student#$ He took her hand and told her about the first time he had visited the hospital with his father. He had been a porter in the same surgical wing for many years, and the consultant had taken

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the time to show his son the operating theatres and the long Cictorian wards. He had learned about the decisions, the detective work and the intense charged camaraderie. (s a boy who had been an outsider in almost setting, he saw a chance to belong and to pit his brains and his body against the ultimate enemy. It took him a moment to notice the policeman climbing towards them. He had swapped his suit for a pair of pristine denims, and he sat down on the edge of the table and made sure he was at eye level with Harry. He asked her how she was, and exchanged pleasantries for .ust the right amount of time, then he gently explained that &ord 'arley)s barracuda of a lawyer was likely to force through his application for bail. 4hris felt the tension in her delicate torso, and he moved closer to her. !%hank you for telling me in person.$ She smiled her thanks at 14 (ndrews, and he smiled back at her. !I was going to offer my services as a bodyguard for the weekend, but it looks as though you)re doing .ust fine.$ !I)m not going anywhere.$ 4hris said pleasantly. !I can understand that.$ %he policeman rose to his feet and retraced his steps back to his sleek sports car. 4hris opened his mouth, then closed it again and thought hard. +ulia and Mike appeared in view and scrambled breathlessly up the muddy track. !'id he see you too#$ Harry asked her. !(ll of me,$ +ulia said unhappily. !%ricky situation for everyone I imagine.$ Harry told her, and couldn)t help sparing a moment of sympathy for the elegant policeman. !(nyway, Harry what did he want#$
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!&ord 'arley might get released on bail.$ !%hat)s horrible,$ she stepped closer to her friend and touched her face, !we)ll protect you.$ Mike nodded emphatically, he would have liked to touch her too, but he had no intention of being thrown out of +ulia)s inventive arms. %hey made food in the communal kitchen, and drank wine out of mismatched glasses. (fterwards they went back to the suite of rooms and +ulia launched into an awkward monologue about not minding at all where they all slept. !+ulia honey close the door and we)ll see you at breakfast.$ Harry closed the door that the divided the suite of rooms in two, and smiled slightly nervously at the big handsome surgeon. He sat down on the bed and looked at her. Mike had told him to put himself in her shoes, and when he looked into her big dark eyes he found to his relief that it was easy. !I)d like to be very close to you,$ he said protectively, !do you mind if I make up a bed for myself on the floor in here#$ !%hat would be lovely, thank you so much.$ She disappeared into the bathroom and tried to gather her thoughts, despite her intense attraction for him, she still felt far too raw to rekindle anything physical. (ll the same she felt slightly disconcerted that he hadn)t fought harder to climb into her bed. 1erhaps this was some honourable surgeon outreach thing, she wondered what he would do if she tried to kiss him goodnight, then she remembered the humiliation of her last attempt, and she pulled on her py.amas and brushed her teeth. 4hris was pouring out a particularly nice li6ueur when she emerged, and he stopped and smiled at her. !*ou look ama ing in py.amas, especially stripy ones.$

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!I)m glad to hear that, I do have rather a fondness for py.amas.$ She transferred into bed and he sat down beside her and handed her a glass. !%his is my favourite drink= I found it in Spain when +eff and I were still students.$ He edged closer to her, intoxicated by the suggestion of her curves beneath her top and the memory of her delicious nipples. It was an effort of will not to kiss her and gently peel off her clothes, reluctantly he climbed to his feet and stretched out on his makeshift bed. !"oodnight 4hris,$ Harry said softly, wondering why on earth a tired surgeon would drive all the way up the lakes on a <riday night, battle off the opposition with a sexy ease, then lie down so comfortably on the floor. She would have given the matter more thought, but she was still so tired and she closed her eyes and savoured the sound of his breathing. He woke her up with coffee in the morning, he was wearing battered .eans and yet another rugby top. She pulled herself into a sitting position and found herself at eye level with his ipper. It was very distracting indeed and she tried to look grateful when he smiled down at her with his blue eyes full of concern and protectiveness. She introduced him to the delights of the vegetarian buffet, and he ordered scrambled eggs and ate an astonishing amount of cereal. He had been hoping to spend a 6uiet morning with her, thinking that they could engineer a slice of privacy beside the nearby lake, but +ulia introduced the choice of outings with a firmness that s6uashed any protests. (fter a lengthy dialogue and a lot of coffee they chose the standing stones and 4hris took his place in the back of the car and felt like a schoolboy when he touched his leg against hers. He started to realise the practicalities of her existence, the careful way +ulia found a parking space on dry ground, and the subtle and sometimes obvious curiosity of the people around them. %hey stopped for lunch in a small village by the side of &ake ,indermere, it took

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several streets to find a restaurant that Harry could access. 4hris realised that the choice of food was secondary, and watched her becoming 6uieter until a pretty <rench restaurant presented itself and Harry followed her friends into the cosy interior with her dark eyes unreadable. Mike moved a chair away and she smiled her thanks, 4hris pulled his chair as close to her as he could, and fought the urge to hit the waiter when he spoke loudly and clearly to her. ( woman at the next table asked if she was okay, Harry thanked her with a graciousness that 4hris didn)t think she deserved, and watched in mild disbelief as the woman kept talking and kept asking 6uestions until Harry described the bicycle accident and smiled into the woman)s sympathy. +ulia rescued her in response to a cue that he almost didn)t recognise and Mike spoke rather determinedly about the history of the village. He started to understand her love of the 6uiet community in the old hotel, and he watched the pleasure in her eyes as they settled back in front of one of the many fireplaces in the gently shabby building. ( blonde woman with a labrador at her heels described the latest haul from the greenhouse, and he forced down a cup of nettle tea. Harry excused herself 6uickly after dinner, and 4hris followed her. He waited until the door was closed, then he sat down on the bed and watched her tired transfer. !Is it always like that Harry# 1eople being so obvious about their curiosity#$ She stretched out on the bed and smiled up at him. !4hris that was nothing, unless I)m rude, a trip to buy a pint of milk can take a good half an hour. I don)t mind really, I am different, and when I)m not tired or in a hurry, I remind myself that actually this is a really good way to educate people about disability.$

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He touched her hand with a complex mix of protectiveness and desire. !9ut does it bother you#$ She grinned ruefully at him, !I should have known better than to give a doctor free reign to ask me 6uestions.$ !Sorry, am I as bad as them#$ !0o of course not,$ she settled back against the pillows, and was surprised to find that she felt very relaxed in his company. !'oes it bother me# ,ell it depends how people go about things, and how careful they are about their choice of words. Sometimes people)s choice of words can sting a bit.$ !(re you always so polite#$ !I must admit I can be a bit terse sometimes.$ She rubbed the back of her neck and moved her shoulders uncomfortably. !(re you okay#$ !I)m .ust rather out of practice, I)ve spent the past two weeks sitting in one place, and we covered 6uite a lot of ground today. It)ll take a couple of weeks for the transfers and the exertion of pushing my chair to be a bit less tiring.$ !,ould you like a massage#$ He asked casually, and they looked at each other for a very long time. !%hank you 4hris, I would like that.$ He grinned at her and moved slightly closer. !,hy don)t you take off your shirt#$ His eyes sank hungrily onto her breasts, and he fought the urge to gently unfasten her buttons and delight in her sumptuous curves.
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!:kay then I will, could you get us some of that delicious li6ueur#$ !:f course,$ he walked slowly to the kitchen and realised that he would have to tread very carefully indeed in this sensitive process of courtship and lovemaking. He filled the glasses and waited until she called him back into the bedroom. He felt so grateful to have this second chance with the lovely woman he cared so much about and he wanted to tell her that they could move as slowly as she wanted, as long as she let him stay. She was lying on her stomach in a pair of stripy red py.ama trousers, she had a gentle sprinkling of freckles over her shoulder blades, and he stood for a moment pulled his pheromones under control. !%here)s a body lotion by the bed,$ she said, and he heard the slight tremor in her voice. He ran his hands over her back, finding the knots and savouring the warmth of her skin. He had always trusted his hands more than his words, and he tried to convey his care for her with every gentle stress of his powerful hands. He felt the tension draining out of her delicate form and heard her breathing starting to change. !%hank you,$ she said sleepily, !that was ama ing.$ !Shall I help you into your top#$ !%hat would be lovely,$ she said, too tired to maintain her boundaries. Her arms were shaking as he helped her button up her shirt and the man who carelessly seduced more women than he cared to remember, sat down beside her with a tenderness in his heart that he did not recognise and watched her fall asleep.

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Chapter twel e %he sound of his pager woke them up in the morning, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Mr 1atel. !%hey want me back,$ he said unhappily, there)s been further unrest in the city centre.$ He paused and touched her lovely face. !I don)t feel happy leaving you. %hey)ve probably released that violent idiot by now, perhaps I should phone him back and ask if he can find someone else.$ !1lease don)t do that 4hris, not on my account, if people have been hurt then they deserve the best.$ !,hat will you do#$ !+ulia will keep me safe,$ she said with a grin, !she)s pretty scary when she wants to be.$ %hey ate a final breakfast together and he tried to think of a way of asking her if he could come round after he finished at the hospital. He did ask her finally, and she smiled at him in a way that made his heart lift. !I)d like that very much,$ she said simply, and he held the memory of her smile close to his chest while he started his lonely .ourney back to the hospital where they needed him. +ulia arrived in the dining room with a spring in her step. !9elinda has asked the three of us to come back, apparently my insights into the problems with the results were incredibly helpful.$ !4ongratulations,$ Harry said drily. !,here)s tall dark and tactful#$ !'on)t be mean. I)m feeling rather fond of him.$ !I)m glad to hear it.$
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!(nyway, he)s already left for the hospital.$ !'o you think they called him before they called us#$ Harry didn)t answer her, she poured out another cup of coffee and realised with a secret smile that her shoulders felt much better. %hey packed 6uickly and said drawn out goodbyes. ( weak autumn sun lit their .ourney back to Manchester, and they filled their time with a debate about the best programming techni6ues to patch the latest problems. 9elinda was waiting for them when they got back, she greeted them with a ghost of a smile then stepped back into her office. Mike powered up his computer and carried on his debate with Harry. He pulled his keyboard into a comfortable position and tried out the strategy that Harry had suggested. %he screens started moving slightly faster and she grinned at him. He smiled back and reflected on his feelings for a moment. He had wondered if the warmth that he felt for her would fade, but if anything his affection seemed to have intensified. He realised that his deepening relationship with +ulia allowed him to understand that she would always be important to him, and that made him rather glad. (t lunch time +ulia and Mike rushed out to buy sandwiches, 9elinda watched them go and stepped tentatively out of the office. !,elcome back, we all missed you.$ !%hank you, I missed you lot too.$ !(re you okay# Has everything healed#$ !,ell it doesn)t look pretty,$ Harry held up her arm and showed 9elinda the red healing scar that ran from the back of her hand, almost to her elbow. !*ou)re still beautiful,$ 9elinda told her with a shy smile. !%hank you, it)s kind of you to say so.$
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!'id you get things sorted# ,ith 4hris I mean.$ !I)m not sure, he)s more complicated than he appears at first glance.$ !I think he might be worth the risk.$ 9elinda told her wistfully. !I think you might be right.$ %hey worked until the light started to fade, then 9elinda let them go and listened to their comfortable debate about a choice of takeaway. %hey based themselves in +ulia)s house, the spectre of Harry)s unwanted pursuer hung awkwardly in the air, and Mike realised that he didn)t even want to let her out of his sight. 4hris was on the post-operative ward when Mr 1atel found him. !Sorry to drag you back.$ !It)s okay,$ he smiled at the older man and finished his careful post-operative drawing. !%here)s at least two people that wouldn)t be walking out on their own legs if it wasn)t for your work today.$ 4hris grinned at him, !*ou)ve got your pep talk voice on.$ !Have you looked at the time#$ 4hris stopped smiling, !How did that happen#$ He walked down the I% suite in the desperate hope that she was still there, she wasn)t, but 14 (ndrews reached the portacabin at the same time as they did. %hings unfolded in 6uick succession after that, the horrible discovery that &ord 'arley had drunkenly hit another car, the fact that it was the same model that +ulia drove, the fact that it wasn)t +ulia)s car and the fact that &ord 'arley was no longer at the scene of the crime.

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4hris dashed to his car and battled as 6uickly as he could through the congested roads to South Manchester. He had planned to leave at five, he should have left at five, the usual snarl of traffic obscured the end of the road and he abandoned his car and broke into a run. Mike answered the door, and a big man with a red face tried to step into the room. !Her mother promised her to me,$ he said with a slur, and started to push past him. +ulia sat down very close to Harry, and tightly held her hand and :livia emerged from the kitchen with a pan, she was lifting it above her head when 4hris burst through the door. He waited for the man to turn around, then he knocked him to the floor. !'on)t ever touch her again,$ he said softly, then turned around at the sound of more running feet and nodded at 14 (ndrews. %he policeman nodded back at him, and said graciously, !I)ll take it from here.$ He smiled at 4hris, subtly conveying defeat and his blessing, and dragged the drunken man into the street. !Harry if you don)t kiss him after that then I)m going to.$ :livia said approvingly. 4hris looked at her for a moment, then very gently he gathered Harry into his arms carried her out of the house, purposefully he walked up to her front door and looked down at her. Harry hesitated briefly, then pulled out her keys and turned the lock. 4hris smiled at her, then he kicked the door open and placed her proprietally on the sofa. !%hat idiot &ord finally managed to get bail granted. %he first thing he did was get really drunk again and crash into a car like +ulia)s. %hey told me that the people in the car weren)t hurt, but I must admit I went a bit mad.$ His phone rang, and he smiled at her apologetically, he answered the call, and after a couple of moments he started laughing and ended the conversation. !It turns out that he crashed into two of the .ournalists that have been following your story. %hey)re writing it up as an exclusive as we speak.$

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He pushed his hands into his pockets and asked curiously, !Have you ever thought about getting your own car# I looked into it and you can get really decent hand controls.$ !4an I .ust say that if you carried me back here so that you can ask me if I)ve got a driving licence then I)m really disappointed.$ He sat down beside her on the sofa then, suddenly awkward as the adrenaline wore off. !Sorry about all that 0eanderthal stuff.$ He said softly. !It)s okay,$ she told him, trying to catch his eye. !,ell not really, I want you to think I)m a gentleman.$ Harry took his hand and waited until he was looking at her face, !&isten to me 4hris, this is important, I welcome your advances. +ust because I can/t walk doesn/t mean I don/t want to be swept off my feet.$ !,hat about the things he did to you# I don)t want to bring back those memories.$ !4hris I)m attracted to you, and I trust you.$ !%hank you,$ he said softly, and ran his hand over her delicate knee. ,ith her legs outstretched, her .eans almost covered her trainers, and she noticed his curiosity. !,hen I first came out of hospital I didn)t care what I wore,$ she explained, !but when I hit puberty I got really self-conscious about my legs. I couldn)t discuss it with mother, and I didn)t want to discuss it with daddy, but bless him he noticed.$ !,hat did he do#$ !He spoke to my favourite aunt, his older sister, she)s got four boys and she)s always spoilt me and &ib. It turned out that a friend of hers broke her spine playing polo, and she took me

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round to see her.$ Harry smiled and ran her hand along his face. !It was the first time in my life that I thought I could probably be okay, and that I could be independent. She was living by herself in this enormous warehouse conversion, she dressed fantastically and she had this younger lover that she met in the afternoon. She was kind to me, and blushingly honest about all sorts of things.$ !,hat kind of things#$ he couldn)t help asking. She grinned at him, !keep up your good behaviour and maybe I)ll tell you.$ He felt a tingle in the pit of his stomach, perhaps they were finally on course again and he could peel off her clothes. Harry watched his pupils darken, but she wanted to finish her story, wanted to share the insight into her existence. !She explained to me that if you)re sitting down most of the time with your knees bent, you should buy your trousers a si e too long.$ !4lever.$ !Cery clever, it made me feel confident again.$ !So can I take you to bed#$ !*es you can,$ she said softly, and he carried through to her room and closed the curtains. He felt a surge of adrenaline as he pulled off his shirt again, then he helped her into a sitting position and unbuttoned her blouse. He kissed her stomach, and her arms and her neck, then gently he removed her brassiere, grateful that it unfastened at the front. He explored the sensuous curves of flesh, until she almost thought she would have to push his head onto her dark nipples. %hen his gentle mouth moved higher, and she heard herself breathing in a way she didn)t recognise. She had been dreading the moment when he pulled off her .eans, but when it happened, she was so hot and so hungry that all she could do was watch his long fingers pull down her
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ipper. His powerful hands freed her effortlessly from her denim and the lace of her panties, and she looked down at the reality of her delicate helpless limbs and closed her eyes, suddenly self-conscious and wishing that she had discussed her limitations further. !Hey,$ he said softly, !are you okay# 'id I hurt your hip#$ Harry had forgotten about her hip, she didn)t even try to explain that at least a decade of pent up desire was currently raging between her legs, and she really didn)t care about the healing cuts. !I)m worried it)s not going to be exciting enough for you, when I talk to my friends, even the close ones they always describing these energetic, and acrobatic ideas, I)m not going to be able to do anything like that.$ !I don)t want to have acrobatic sex,$ he said softly, !I want to make love to you.$ He sank his mouth onto her nipple, his inventive tongue dragging across her sensitive flesh until he felt her breathing change, slowly gently his head moved lower. (fter a sexy grin that she felt in the pit of her stomach, he kissed the neat triangle at the .unction of her thighs and savoured the scent of her desire. 4arefully he shifted position, then he drew in a breath, he was kneeling between her legs, and a raw primal passionate part of his mind re.oiced in the thought of getting to know her taste. "ently his mouth found her clitoris, he remembered her 6uiet explanation of her sensation, and ran his tongue firmly across her intimate flesh. !How was that#$ he asked, delighting in looking at the arousal on her lovely face. !%hat was good,$ she said unsteadily, and found herself grabbing at her pillows as his tongue moved again between her legs. She wished that the sensations were slightly stronger, but the sight of his big handsome head kissing her so privately was intoxicating. %wo of his long fingers slid inside her, and curled into a place that she had read about. It was as good as :livia had told her it would be, and she heard herself making noises that she didn)t recognise.

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4hris felt her arousal intensify. He had been worried that he would not be able to satisfy her, or even please her properly, and he had been concerned that he would not be able to read her physical signals. He had thought a lot about the fact that she could not really move her hips, concerned that he would be unable to recognise her intimate cues and needs, and that he would move too fast or too slow as a result. %o his delight, his fears were unfounded, her expressive mouth and the movements of her hands were gloriously clear in their communication, and he gloried in every moan and every movement until he shared the pleasure of her climax. !%hat was fantastic,$ she said unsteadily, and he lay down beside her, and rested his possessive hand on her stomach. !%hank you,$ he said tenderly, wanting to start all over again. She smiled at him, feeling her confidence and her curiosity, increase, !1erhaps you could take off your trousers.$ !I)d like that very much,$ he said softly, !but before that, I wondered if you wanted me to give you a hand.$ !I)m not sure I understand what you mean,$ she told him, confusion in her dark eyes. 4hris felt anxious again, he had realised, even before he kissed her the first time that he was falling in love with her. (ll the same, he had made mistakes, and having tasted the delicious prospect of her intimacy, he wanted to stay in her bed. !,hen you were in hospital,$ he said awkwardly, !I saw...$ he paused and watched the colour rising on her lovely throat. She looked at him in silence, then she started laughing, !It)s lucky that you)ve showed me how good you can be with your tongue, because I can)t believe what you)ve .ust said to me.$

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!Help me out here honey,$ he said 6uietly, curiosity and anxiety warring in his blue eyes. !It was a complete surprise to me when I woke up from the operation and felt all the tubes.$ !So you don)t usually...$ !0o,$ she said emphatically, !I don)t usually.$ She paused, then added 6uietly, !8very time someone came into the room I felt so embarrassed, and so exposed. *ou have no idea how humiliating it is to have this tube leading from such a personal place into the view of everyone, and then to have make eye contact with people.$ !It wasn)t obvious that you were feeling like that.$ !:f course not,$ she said, with a stubborn tilt of her chin, !that was the only defence I had left.$ !%hank you.$ he said finally, !for your openness and your understanding.$ He felt so touched and so humbled to have an insight into her thoughts, and he lay for a moment looking at her lovely face, and thinking of the best way to frame his words. !I want to make sure that you feel e6ual,$ he said, !so I)m going to tell you my thoughts. I)m probably going to say the wrong thing sometimes, but it)s .ust because I want to learn how to look after you.$ !%hank you, 4hris,$ she said 6uietly, then grinned at him, !you)re so transparent you know that# (sk me your 6uestion before you explode.$ !,hat is your bladder control like#$ he asked stiffly. !It)s okay, not brilliant, certainly not as strong as a normal woman, but I manage okay.$ !*ou don)t usually use words like Enormal) Harry.$

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!I don)t normally have conversations like this,$ she said ruefully, !now kiss me again.$ So he did, delighting in the .olt of desire he felt when she opened her mouth, then he pulled off the rest of his clothes, and she caught her breath as she looked at his gloriously hard body. !*ou)re so much bigger than him.$ !Is that good or bad#$ !I don/t know.$ He sat down beside her, suddenly unsure of himself in the one domain he usually excelled. !Sorry, I guess that)s not very flattering, you look ama ing, I mean you)re really nicely proportioned and good to look at.$ !Harry.$ !*es#$ !Stop talking.$ He kissed her then, delighting in the taste of her lovely mouth and tenderly he explored her soft breasts, and felt her hands starting to move again. !I)m ready now,$ she said very 6uietly, and he moved between her legs and gently positioned himself at her entrance. Harry felt her anxiety disappear, replaced by a voracious need to be filled and stretched by the glorious weapon .ust inside her vagina. If she could have done, she would have moved her hips up along his length, but instead she looked into his eyes and said as calmly as she could !1lease fuck me 4hris.$ He did stretch her then, setting up a glorious di ying pace with friction that made her moan softly, she found herself grabbing at the pillows again, and realised for the first time that she could fly.

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!(re you okay#$ he asked, savouring her passion flushed cheeks. Harry forced her mind back to a rational place. She did want him to be thoughtful, but not at this moment. !I/m okay.$ she said finally, her voice husky with passion. !*ou sound ama ing.$ he said approvingly and kissed her deeply. !,hat I mean is, are you having a good time#$ Harry decided that strong and silent had a lot to recommend it. !*es,$ she said with a smile, !I was rather hoping we were going to carry on to an interesting place.$ !4ould you explain further#$ he asked, realising how much her words made him tingle, and how much he en.oyed talking to her while he impaled her deeply. !I/m sure they covered it at medical school.$ she said raising an elegant eyebrow then closing her eyes as he gently shifted position, pushing her delicate hips further apart. !I/m sure they didn/t.$ he said with a wicked smile, loving the intensity of their connection. !,ell luckily you/re a gentleman.$ !%ell me what you want.$ he added softly, !1lease Harry, tell me what you want.$ !I want to feel you deep inside me,$ she said unsteadily longing for the return of his delicious assault on her most intimate secret. He moved inside her again sinking between her legs. She moaned, and then cried out more loudly as she reached her crescendo and he felt her vibrations and watched her arch her back. He reached his own release and gently withdrew from her, conscious of her delicate frame and the healing scar on her leg. Slowly, he lay down beside her wanting to keep the connection, wanting her to feel safe. He thought about his feelings, he knew that some of his

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protectiveness stemmed from her paralysis, but realised with a liberating terrifying intensity that he was now 6uite utterly in love with her. !%hat was ama ing.$ he said softly. !%hank you,$ she paused and bit her lip, !I hope I wasn/t too limited.$ He kissed her again then, covering her with his possessive protectiveness. !It made me realise what it was all about.$ he told her. !(nd me,$ she smiled tentatively at him. !I could develop a taste for that.$ !:nly with me./ he said, more dramatically than he intended. She looked at him, her dark eyes unreadable, !It/s a huge step for me to be out of my chair like this.$ !(m I making you feel safe#$ !Cery safe and very looked after.$ !I/m glad.$ he said softly, !9ecause I want to make love to you so many times that you won/t be able to walk$ He closed his eyes and pulled away from her slightly. !I/m sorry I/m an idiot.$ !4hris you need to relax about this. %he whole language system is steeped in words around walking. 0ow come back please. I know you/re touching my legs, but I want to feel you.$ He smiled at her, running his hand over the gentle curve of her stomach. !I/ve been wanting to feel you ever since I met you.$ He sank his mouth onto her sensitive nipple and traced a trail of desire down between her legs. He fastened his mouth around her clitoris, and listened with satisfaction to the change in her breathing. "ently he pushed one of his long fingers into her vagina, and redoubled the pressure of his tongue when she murmured his name. !I might not last much longer.$ she told
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him, feeling slightly self-conscious talking about her impending orgasm to the big handsome man who was sliding a second finger inside her. !%hen I can start all over again.$ he said tenderly !0ow relax.$ So she did, while he explored her intimately until he heard the changes in her breathing that he was now starting to recognise. !Sorry to be boring,$ she said finally, !but if I don)t get ready for bed then I)m going to run out of energy.$ !Is your chair in the front room#$ !'on)t you remember all that strong possessive stuff next door#$ He grinned at her, !%his is a new variation on walking home in last night)s clothes.$ !,ell I)m glad that I)m broadening your hori ons.$ +ulia opened the door and pushed the wheelchair outside. !Is she okay#$ !I)m looking after her.$ She held his ga e, and the silence stretched for a moment, +ulia felt that she had encouraged Harry into his rather impressive arms, and the sense of responsibility had been weighing heavily on her since he carried her next door. !She)s very important to me.$ !I won)t hurt her.$ !%hank you, now go and have fun.$ He made them hot chocolate while she prepared for bed, and smiled at her as she transferred out of her chair and relaxed back against the pillows. !Is this okay#$ she asked awkwardly, !I)m worried that you were so,$ she cleared her throat, still on unfamiliar ground, !well so generous.$

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!%hat wasn)t generosity, I)ve been wanting to kiss you between your legs since that first training meeting.$ !:h.$ She smiled at him, feeling the flush rising on her neck. Slowly she shifted position slightly, and he saw the tremor of tiredness in her hands. He had spent rather a lot of time thinking about the logistics of her paralysis, and how tired her arms and shoulders must become. He wondered guiltily if he had pushed her too far with his devouring of her lovely body, and he kissed her mouth gently and lay down beside her. !Shall we get some sleep Harry#$ !%hat sounds really good.$ %entatively he reached out to hold her, and when he heard her gentle murmur of approval, he held her tighter. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, he wanted to get down on one knee and propose. She belonged with him, she made all sorts of aches and longings in his heart disappear, and he wanted to claim her very firmly as his own. Harry relaxed into sleep, and his mind wandered back to the moment when he had thought she had been hurt again. It made him feel sick, as did the thought of losing his tentative right to hold her so very close. He listened to the sound her breathing and decided that he would need to get some advice about how 6uickly he could tell her of his feelings. He thought briefly about talking to Mr 1atel, but he still hadn)t 6uite forgiven him for the disaster of his first night in her bed, and he thought of the computer technician next door and smiled. <or a man with such bad dress sense he understood women very well. In the morning he brought her coffee in bed, he had learned that she didn)t really like talking until the caffeine kicked in. So he savoured the time in her sleepy morning company right until the moment that his pager sounded. %hen he carried her into the shower and shared her
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space and her body wash and she found herself starting to feel excited that she might have met a man who could accommodate the practicalities of her disability. +ulia ate her untouched breakfast and shared a vivid account of their bedroom explorations, leaving Harry with mental images that alarmed her. !,hat about you#$ +ulia prompted her, !stop looking so dreamy and tell me what happened, I)ve been worried about you.$ !It was ama ing,$ she paused, even with her closest friend, the limitations of her paralysis were painful to verbalise, !let)s .ust say that he)s very good with his mouth and his hands, and I seem to have much more sensation than I thought.$ >I don/t mean the practicalities honey, I know I/ve been telling you stuff, but that/s .ust because I can/t believe it/s happening to me.> !He made me feel beautiful, and sexy.$ She smiled at her friend and explained the glorious and unexpected feeling of being able to look at her own hips and legs without feeling embarrassed, she had seen herself reflected through his desire, and for the first time she had tentatively imagined buying trousers that did more than obscure her delicate limbs. +ulia hugged her then, and they walked out to her little green car and argued comfortably about the best line to finish their latest song for the band. 4hris arrived with sushi after work, she was so pleased that he found himself filled with a level of performance anxiety that he had not previously envisaged. He woke up early to look through her cookery books and spent the rest of the week detouring to the deluxe supermarket on the edge of town. His first thought when he woke up on Saturday was relief, him and Mike were going .ogging then buying meat for a final autumn barbecue. He had loved the look on her face as she en.oyed his repertoire of food, but the thought of beer and sausages was fantastic, and he couldn)t help pulling her out of her py.amas and savouring the sound of her pleasure. He had
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rehearsed a hundred ways of telling her that he loved her, and he hoped that she realised that he said it better with his hands.

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Chapter thirteen Harry was surprised when her parents offered their house for the wedding. +ulia appeared to have learned less about the human body than even her closest friends had suspected, and the preparations had been both .oyous and very rushed. Mike appeared 6uietly terrified, particularly after an evening alone with +ulia)s father, an evening he never made reference to. 4hris was e6ually surprised to be the best man, Mike explained that he could not possibly choose between his loyal cohort of computer programmers, and 4hris organised an astonishingly successful weekend for him and found himself en.oying computer games far more than he had expected. 'istractedly, he packed the morning suit chosen for him by +ulia, and wondered if he would be able steal a moment with Harry. Since the weekend of +ulia)s announcement, their time alone had been far too limited for his liking, and he found that he did not sleep at all well without her in his arms. He collected Mike from his flat and followed the motorway out of town that Harry had suggested. She had been at her parent)s house for most of the past week, and their brief conversations had been filled with lengthy accounts of flowers and table settings. He realised that he had been looking forward to seeing her so much that his old anxieties were creeping back, and he wondered how he would ever manage to say the words he wanted to. ( fine layer of snow was settling on the trees and also the remote country road. %he atmosphere in the car was slightly tense, Mike was a terrible navigator and his vivid insight into his pre-wedding nerves was alarming. His slightly repetitive discussion of his shotgun nuptials and approaching fatherhood felt uncharacteristically insensitive, 4hris knew that if he was about to marry Harry, then he would be the happiest man alive. %he roads got smaller and the houses got bigger and finally disappeared altogether behind an enormous series of walls. %hey stopped at particularly imposing set of iron gates and Mike got out and spoke
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into the bu er. He recognised the house from the news footage= big expanses of ivy, chimneys and elegant wings. He pulled up beside +ulia)s little green car and they unpacked in silence. ( man his late thirties in a dark suit opened the door, he greeted them by name in a strong Scottish accent and lead them through to the lounge before disappearing to make drinks. Harry was wearing an elegant dress that swept almost to her feet, she greeted them warmly, but with an edge of formality and introduced them to her cousin Helen and +ulia)s aunt and uncle. 4hris sat down next to &ydia, and was pleased when she touched his arm in greeting. He watched the interplay of people in the room, the way Harry kept the conversation flowing, and the gentle and generous way she shared information about herself. He learned that her cousin was cataloguing the enormous library, and that she had a stutter and tended to communicate very succinctly. Harry drew the people around her into the conversation, but the spotlight was never far from her. %he butler appeared with more drinks, then announced Mike)s parents and his younger sister. Mike had been worried about how his family would react, and the reality was far worse than he had imagined. His mother had watched all of the recent coverage of the fundraiser and the accident and she relayed her knowledge in vivid detail. %hey followed Harry through to the dining room and into a bewildering array of cutlery and glasses, he watched her smile into an endless series of 6uestions, feeling the old protectiveness even on the eve of his wedding. He knew her well enough now to know the subtle signs of strain, she ate less than usual and her dark eyes were unreadable. 'rinks were served in yet another room and Mike stepped outside of his discomfort and looked at the excitement and the pleasure in his mother)s eyes. +ulia had told him repeatedly that this ceremony was for everyone and he felt angry with himself for being embarrassed by
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the people that loved him. %hey had ad.usted to a lot of changes in his life in the past couple of months and if he was lucky enough to have a friend who could add some magic then he knew he should simply be grateful. (ll the same he was relieved when the night ended and the 6uiet butler showed them all to their rooms. +ulia sat down close beside the man she loved and handed him a map. !I)ll be waiting for you,$ she said with a grin, and Mike floated after his family and thought about his astonishing good fortune. 4hris took a step closer to Harry, and looked pleadingly at her sister, !%wo minutes,$ &ibby said with a grin, and he smiled his thanks and looked down at the lovely woman. !*ou look exhausted.$ !%hanks 4hris, I)ve missed your flattering lines.$ !I .ust don)t have your calm way with words, you could talk your way out of a hurricane. Sometimes I wonder if anything affects you.$ Harry looked up at him then she took a mouthful of coffee, lifting up the cup with both hands. !I)m not made of stone,$ she said softly. He opened his mouth, wanting to explain how he felt, wanting to hold her in his arms, but his two minutes were up, and he followed the 6uiet Scotsman up the big sweeping staircase. !'o you know Harry well#$ 4hris asked him. %he big man stopped and looked at him. !*ou don)t really expect me to answer that do you#$ !I guess not, I .ust find it hard to follow her sometimes.$ !1erhaps you should talk to her rather than me.$

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!I keep trying, but whenever I)m around her I can barely think.$ %he butler smiled at him and opened the door to his bedroom, !I can)t say I blame you.$ He said softly. Harry had swapped her coffee for a glass of wine and the lounge for the big bed where she had spent so much of her adolescence. &ibby and Helen were sitting on the bed looking at her, and Harry remembered hours of card games and board games and book reading with the two women who had been such loyal childhood companions. !*our verdict#$ she asked. !,ell he)s gorgeous.$ &ibby told her, and Helen nodded. !His gorgeousness is not in 6uestion. In fact it)s the one thing that)s never been in 6uestion. I)d .ust like some idea of what was going on in that gorgeous head of his.$ !,hy#$ Helen asked. !*ou know what Harry is like, she spent her whole childhood reading everything in that library and now she)s looking for someone who looks like a "reek god and talks like the boy who did your homework.$ !%hat)s not fair, most of the time I)d be happy if he .ust said anything even slightly positive.$ !I don)t.$ !*es but you don)t say weirdly negative things either. He)s .ust a bit difficult to understand, he drives all the way up here, then behaves in an oddly cold fashion.$ !He)s probably feeling out of his depth honey, and you were doing a fantastic impression of mother.$ !*ou)re supposed to be on my side.$

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!I)m always on your side.$ !I know,$ she took another mouthful of wine, !it would .ust be so lovely if he could .ust give me a bit of reassurance.$ !*ou)ve always got us.$ &ibby said gently, while Helen found the pack of cards in the same place as it always was. %here was a knock on the door, and &ady 4aroline and her husband appeared in the room. !I)m sorry about the wheelchair,$ Harry said apologetically, !my arm is .ust not up to the crutches yet.$ !It)s okay Harriet.$ Her mother said, she took a step closer to the bed. !4an we throw you two out for a moment#$ she added. Harry watched their departure in silence, it had been a long time since she had been alone with her parents, the argument about her taking the .ob at the hospital had weighed heavily on their already strained relationship. &ady 4aroline took another step towards the bed, she looked for a moment as though she was going to touch her daughter)s face, then she stiffly crossed her arms. !'arley)s mother phoned us in tears, it seems he has decided to be honest about everything, why didn)t you tell us what he had done to you at university#$ Harry closed her eyes, since his re-arrest, she had been able to put the man out of her mind, !I thought you wanted me marry him.$ !My beautiful little Harry,$ her mother said softly, !I know I don)t say it very often, but you make me very proud.$ Harry hid her disbelief very convincingly, she didn)t think her mother

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had ever said that. !%ell us about your doctor darling.$ Her mother added, and .ust for a second Harry thought that she tears brimming in her eyes. !He)s a surgeon mother, he)s rather brilliant in the operating theatre, and he plays rugby. (lso, he doesn)t mind about my legs.$ !Is he going to marry you#$ !I don)t know mother.$ %he elegant woman stood over her for a moment longer then she swept back out of the room with her husband on her heels. Harry took another mouthful of wine and wondered how her mother could make her feel so wretched in such a small space of time. &ibby and Helen returned and she buried her head in her sister)s arms and cried until she fell asleep. %he sound of an animal call pulled Harry out of a dream where 4hris was finally telling her his feelings. %he lonely reality of her childhood bedroom stung further tears from her eyes. It unsettled her that she already missed him so intensely and she slid out of bed, deciding that a hot chocolate might make her feel better. She realised how long it had been since she had made her own drinks at night, and the memory of 4hris dressed only in his py.ama trousers, all definition and tender blue eyes slid under her defences. %he light was on in the lounge and she smiled to herself, imagining Mike pacing and panicking. She thought of supportive things to say, then felt a tingle when she saw 4hris/ long lean form stretched out on a sofa. She reached out and touched his face, and he opened his eyes and smiled at her. !I)ve missed waking up with you.$ he said softly, then his eyes filled with concern. !(re you okay honey#$.

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!It/s .ust a bit difficult to come back.$ She felt the tears sliding down her face again and moved closer to him. !Sorry,$ she added awkwardly, !I/m so glad you/ve come and I know you/re not having much fun.$ !I .ust want to be close to you,$ he said simply, !I came downstairs .ust in case I/d find you here, I was missing our hot chocolate tradition.$ She smiled at him, and for the first time since he arrived, he saw genuine pleasure in her eyes. !I/ve been missing it too.$ !How are the preparations going#$ !,ell it/s a challenge, the bride is expanding, the groom keeps rewriting the vows, and Helen/s horse ate most of the table decorations.$ !Sounds like fun.$ !I know,$ she paused then added with a shy smile, !I/m missing +ulia, usually we get to talk about everything, but she/s so preoccupied. (ll she can focus on is Mike and the baby.$ 4hris held her hand and looked at her expressive face, he could see the tentative trust in her eyes. He knew how private she was and he felt di y at the prospect of this gentle insight. !It sounds like you/ve got some worries,$ he said finally. She grinned at him, acknowledging his careful attempt, then she closed her eyes and trusted him. !I told +ulia I didn/t want to be her bridesmaid, :livia is desperate for the part, and every time I think about the logistics I cringe.$ !%he logistics#$

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!,ell +ulia wants me to carry her bridal train, so that means &ib is pushing my chair. ,hen I asked +ulia if she would reconsider her choice she cried for an entire day. So I/m going to do it, but I know I/ll look ridiculous.$ !0o you won/t,$ he said softly, !you/ll look beautiful and regal and elegant, and I/m going to kiss you in front of everyone because I/m incredibly proud to be here with you.$ !%hank you.$ She felt the tears starting to slide again and held his hand very tightly. !%ell me what you need.$ he said, !I would give you anything you wanted.$ She smiled at him, remembering when she had used those words, and hearing his careful apology. She wanted to ask him if he loved her, if he would commit himself to her and share his life and his heart and try for a baby with her. 9ut the prospect of her lonely public .ourney down the aisle had knocked her confidence, and she couldn/t bear any more bruises with the ghosts of her childhood crowding her. !( back massage,$ she said softly. !:f course beautiful.$ He followed her back up to her bedroom, carefully remembering the route. He had hated not knowing where she was in this intimidating mansion. Her bedroom was a book lined sanctuary, and the reality of her confined adolescence intensified the protectiveness in his heart. He sat down beside her on the bed and gently unbuttoned her shirt. He was acutely aware of what had been taken from her in this room, and he shut down his intense attraction for her, keeping his touch intimate, but without the searing shared sexuality that still took his breath away. "ently he helped to get comfortable, he could feel her self-consciousness undermining the physical closeness they were starting to share and it made him ache for her that the friend she loved so much was forcing her to face so many demons.
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Her shoulders were knotted and sore, and slowly, carefully he soothed away her pain and her tension and smiled when he heard her breathing change. He wanted to climb into bed and hold her tightly, but he was pretty sure the rules of this complex family would not support that. So he savoured the sight of her lovely profile and pulled up the covers around her throat. %hen he looked up at intimidating array of literature on her shelves and thought about the words he was trying to say to her. How could the man who had spent the best part of his life discussing rugby find the right way to tell an elegant educated woman that he loved her# He couldn)t think of an answer and he walked back down the corridors and didn)t look too closely at the shadowy suit of armour that he passed. Harry woke up feeling better than she had done all week. She felt a hand gently s6uee ing her arm, and she opened her eyes and smiled in surprise when she saw +ulia looking at her. !Hey,$ +ulia said softly, !sorry to wake you, I .ust wanted us to have a moment alone together.$ She s6uee ed her friends hand took a breath. !How are you feeling Harry#$ !How are you feeling# %his is your day.$ !I know, and I can)t 6uite believe it. I don/t want it to change everything for us. I mean know loads of things are changing and they)re going to keep changing, but I really couldn)t do it without you, and I/m really sorry I/ve been such an evil princess this week.$ She moved closer to Harry and touched her face. !%he thing is I/m so proud of you. So proud to be able to say you/re my best friend, and I .ust wish you could see yourself as I see you.$ She paused and added unsteadily. !%ell me that you want to be doing this with me# 8ven .ust a little bit.$ !:h honey of course I do, I .ust wish I was on my feet. !I love you the way you are Harry, I/ve never known you any other way. 0ow let/s get dressed so I can watch you drink champagne.$

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(t the other end of the old house 4hris pulled on his expensive suit. He didn)t stop to look at the way his shoulders filled his .acket or the mesmerising contours of his trousers, but he did straighten his tie before he slipped out into the daunting hallway and tried to remember the way to her bedroom. Harry was examining her appearance in her bridesmaids dress with rather more care. She still had mixed feelings about her highly visible role in the proceedings, but she replayed the words 4hris had told her, holding them close to her heart. If +ulia only wanted one person in this hurried version of the happiest day of her life, then she was going to be brave. 4hris knocked tentatively on the door, and felt short of breath. %he first thing he noticed was her face and then her dress, the pale colours accentuating her skin and her eyes. She made him think of wood nymphs and "reek legends, and he ached to take her in his arms. !Hi,$ he said softly, and watched her smile catch her eyes. !,ow 4hris, you look hotter than usual.$ :livia said appreciatively, and offered him a glass of champagne. He was holding the long stemmed translucent elegance when the penetrating voice of +ulia/s father echoed through the house. %he man with military bearing stepped loudly into the room, flanked by Harry)s parents. &ibby did all the introductions, and dispensed more champagne, she saw the anxiety settle like a vice over her sister when her mother appeared in the room, particularly when the elegant woman was introduced to 4hris. She held her breath when he spoke to her, but she had underestimated him and her mother actually smiled. !*ou look good in that dress,$ the old soldier told Harry approvingly. He turned to 4hris and looked up at the big handsome man, !fine looking woman, make sure you look after her.$ 4hris watched her smile again, and for a moment her dark eyes held his, he realised then that
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he .ust needed to be honest, and fought a rather 0eanderthal urge to carry her back to his room and kiss her until her head was spinning. !I)d like to speak to my girl for a moment,$ said +ulia)s father, and they disappeared into one of the warren of rooms beyond. !Harry can we grab you#$ asked her father, and she nodded and watched rather wistfully as &ibby led 4hris and :livia downstairs. &ady 4aroline sat down on the bed, and for once she spoke to her daughter at eye level !'o you want me to push your chair today#$ Her mother asked, and Harry blinked at her in surprise. !I think &ib is really looking forward to it,$ she said finally, and her mother smiled at her. !:f course, well remember how proud we are darling.$ Harry smiled back at her, and found herself caught in a rather awkward hug, then she watched her parents depart, and thought of all the times in her childhood when she had ached for her mother to hold her. !Hello,$ said the deep voice that made her tingle, he sat down beside her and took her hand. !*ou look astonishingly gorgeous, if I was good at romantic stuff I)d compare you to all sorts of lovely things.$ !I think you)re romantic.$ !%hank you Harry.$ !I don)t know if I can have children,$ she said suddenly, !I mean there)s no reason that it should be harder for me, but I)ve had such bad luck with physical stuff, and I want children

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so much.$ She felt the tears sliding down her face, and smiled ruefully at him. !Sorry to be so intense.$ !Intense is good.$ he said tenderly, and for the first time since the fire had torn his life apart he uttered the words she had been longing for, !I love you, I)ve been wanting to say that from the first time I kissed you.$ Harry felt the tingle in the base of her stomach, he loved her, he actually loved her. He had watched her awkward transfers a hundred times, he knew how tired she got and he still desired her. !,hat about children, and my scary mother andD$ she paused and said very softly !the fact that I can)t walk#$ !If it doesn)t happen naturally we can adopt, I wish someone had taken me in, and your mother smiled at me, so that seems like it might be okay, and even if it takes time we can work at it, we)ll both want to get it right for your sake.$ He pulled the box out of the subtly floral waistcoat that +ulia had forced him to buy and knelt down in front of her. !Harry if I could go back in time then I would change that moment when I was an insensitive idiot. %he fact that I was behaving like such a bully .ust hit home to me when I saw your chair. 9ut I want you to know that it doesn)t make you even the slightest bit less attractive. *ou make me smile, you turn me on, and when I/m with you I lose track of time, that/s so much more important than walking.$ He opened the box and held it out to her, !%he past two months have been the happiest time I)ve had since I lost my family. I chose this myself, I hope you like it, I hope you say yes. Marry me Harry and I promise I)ll look after you whenever you need me to, and hold my breath when you)re being stubborn and independent.$ %he day passed in a blur after that, Helen had overseen the transformation of the ballroom. <lowers hung from the dark fittings and the cold shades of winter were lit by candles and fairy lights. %he guests started to arrive and Harry sat in the dining room keeping up a string
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of encouraging remarks while her mother)s hairdresser transformed +ulia)s unruly style. In the big space next door she could &ibby and :livia keeping the psychiatry community and the retired soldiers from killing each other. %he drinks kept flowing and when Harry held her train and felt the familiar demons of self-consciousness making her want to curl up and hide, she looked at the ring on her finger. 4hris was waiting for her at the top of the aisle. She could feel his love and his pride and when she drew closer she lost herself in her tender blue eyes. She had found someone to hold her hand.

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