Wordy Sentences Appropriate Language Exact Words

Watch the video clip

How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

 Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist. Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered physical therapist. Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin. Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin.

 Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient. Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill. The best teachers help each student become a better student both academically and emotionally. The best teachers help each student grow both academically and emotionally.

Cut empty or inflated phrases Along the lines of...like As a matter of fact...in fact At all times...always At the present time...now, currently Because of the fact that...because Due to the fact that...because For the reason that...because In order to...to In the final analysis...finally

 Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be

verbs and there is, are, was, were Investigators were involved in studying the effect of classical music on unborn babies. Investigators studied the effect of classical music on unborn babies. All too often, athletes with marginal academic skills have been recruited by our coaches. All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes with marginal academic skills.

 Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single

words We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas Jefferson. We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.

 Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because we didnt have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house. We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few employees to do the work. The CEO should dialogue with investors about partnering with clients to purchase land in economically deprived zones. The CEO should talk with investors about working with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.

 Avoid pretentious language

Taylors employment of multihued means of expression draws back the curtains and lets slip the nostalgic vantage point from which she observes American society as well as her lack of comprehension of economic realities. Taylors use of colorful language reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understand economic realities.

 Avoid most euphemisms

Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words

thought to sound harsh or ugly

Adult entertainment
Preowned automobile

Economically deprived
Negative savings

Strategic withdrawal
Correctional facility

Revenue enhancers
Chemical dependency

Avoid doublespeak
Deliberately evasive or deceptive language Downsizing = firing employees

Avoid sexist language

Chairman

Fireman
Mailman

Mankind
weatherman

When a student writes a paper, he must proofread carefully. When a student writes a paper, he/she must proofread carefully. Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural When students write their papers, they must proofread carefully. Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely

 Revise language that may offend groups of people

North Dakota takes its name from the Indian word meaning friend or ally. North Dakota takes its name from the Lakota word meaning friend or ally.

 Select words with appropriate connotations

When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women abandoned their jobs in favor of marriage. When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women left their jobs in favor of marriage.

 Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: the environment and world peace. The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.

 Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbent. These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbing.

 Use Standard Idioms

Speech forms that follow no easily specified rules
NEVER Angry at (a person) Agree to (an idea) ALWAYS Angry with (a person) Agree with (an idea)

Different than
Off of Plan on doing think on Try and; sure and

Different from
Off Plan to do Think of; think about Try to; sure to

 Do not rely heavily on clichs

Cool as a Beat around

Blind as a
Crystal

Dead as a
Light as a Like a bull Nutty as a Playing with

Use figures of speech with care

Similes & metaphors

 How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

The writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.
-Dr. Seuss

Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences, appropriate language, and finding exact words by rewriting the lyrics to a song.

I wasn't born for diggin deep holes I'm not made for pavin long roads I aint cut out to climb high line poles But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer I'm not the type to work in a bank I'm no good at slappin on paint Don't have a knack for makin motors crank, no But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer So hand me one more That's what I'm here for I'm built for having a ball I love the nightlife I love my budlight I like 'em cold and tall I aint much for mowin thick grass I'm too slow for workin' too fast I don't do windows so honey don't ask But I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

A go getter maybe I'm not I'm not known for doin' a lot But I do my best work when the weather's hot I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer So hand me one more That's what I'm here for I'm built for having a ball I love the nightlife I love my budlight I like 'em cold and tall

I wasn't born for diggin deep holes I'm not made for pavin long roads I aint cut out to climb high line poles But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

I'm not a fan for caring for highly concentrated landscapes, I have a bad case of chronic fatigue The intention of my conception wasnt syndrome, Im not a contractor so honey dont ask. However, I'm a professional fermented yeast for the purpose of agricultural or beverage consumer. luminescent engineering. However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.
A go getter maybe I'm not Ive been known using excuses But I do my best work when the sun is aligned with my location. I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.

I wouldn'tt be categorized for being a finical officer or adding gratuitous cosmetic pigment. Dont have a future with internal combustion blocks. However, I'm a professional fermented Ill accept an encore, thats why I'm in attendance, physiologically built for have ball. yeast beverage consumer. With the indirect connection with a G-type main-sequence star, Id enjoy my low calorie Ill accept an encore, thats why I'm in Budweiser, I prefer them altitudinous and brisk. attendance, physiologically built for have ball. With the indirect connection with a G-type mainsequence star, Id enjoy my low calorie Budweiser, I prefer them altitudinous and brisk.

The intention of my conception wasnt for the purpose of agricultural advancement or to have a career with PENDOT, and not a fan of high altitude atmospherically conditions. However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer. I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.

Original I wasn't born for diggin deep holes I'm not made for pavin long roads I aint cut out to climb high line poles But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
Rewrite The intention of my conception wasnt for the purpose of agricultural or luminescent engineering. However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.

Fragments & Run-ons Summary due Monday

9AM Grammar Portfolio due Friday 2/28

11AM Grammar Portfolio due 3/10