Spotting a Bully: Patterns of Behavior When someone snaps at you or ignores you because they are under Pressure

or in a bad mood, that is not bullying. Bullying involves persistent, abusive, and frightening behavior designed to make the target feel upset, humiliated, and threatened. The following profile fits most bullies: Blames others for errors. !akes unreasonable demands "ritici#es the work ability of others in front of others $nconsistent enforcement of arbitrary rules. Threats of %ob loss, insults and put downs. &ownplays or denies accomplishments. Social e'clusion. (ells and screams at target, often in front of others. Takes credit for another person)s work. Women are targets of men *+, of the time. Women are targets of women eight to one times more often than men are. - Bully .ften Seeks to dominate and/or manipulate others. 0n%oys feeling powerful and in control 1whether real or not2. $s both a poor winner 1boastful and arrogant2 and a poor loser. Seems to derive satisfaction from other3s fears, discomfort or pain. $s good at hiding behaviors or doing them where those in authority can)t notice $s e'cited by conflicts between others. Blames others for his/her problems. &isplays uncontrolled anger 1rage2. !ay have a history of discipline problems. &isplays a pattern of impulsive and aggressive behaviors. &isplays intolerance !ay use drugs, alcohol or be recovering from the consumption/withdrawal 4acks empathy towards others Bullying is &ifferent from 5arassment 5arassment is one type of illegal discrimination and is defined as offensive and unwelcome conduct6 serious enough to adversely affect the terms and conditions of a person3s employment, which occurs because of the person3s protected class, and can be imputed to the employer. Protected classes in employment are race/color, creed 1religion2, national origin, se', marital status, disability, 5$7/-$&S or

5epatitis " status, se'ual orientation/gender identity, and honorably discharged veteran and military status. -n e'ample of harassment could be when an employee tells racist %okes and refers to a particular co8worker or group of co8workers by using racial slurs, and after a complaint, the employer does nothing to stop the behavior. -nother e'ample of harassment could be a male manager who makes unwelcome se'ual suggestions to a female employee and touches her inappropriately. Bullying, on the other hand, is often directed at someone a bully feels threatened by. The target often doesn3t even reali#e when they are being bullied because the behavior is covert, through trivial criticisms and isolating actions that occur behind closed doors. While harassment is illegal6 bullying in the workplace is not.

Someone Being Bullied .ften Withdraws socially6 has few or no friends. 9eels isolated, alone and sad. 9eels picked on or persecuted. 9eels re%ected and not liked. 9re:uently complains of illness. &oesn)t want to go to work or school &isplays mood swings and talks about hopelessness. Talks about leaving6 talks of suicide. Threatens violence to self and others. "hanges in eating or sleeping patterns. !ay takes, or attempt to take, ;protection< to work or school &isplays ;victim< body language=hangs head, What "an - Person &o> 4eave your emotions at the door. State your position respectfully, factually. &o not take a bully)s behavior personally. Try to clarify what the other is really saying by using mirroring. !ake no assumptions. -sk :uestions and stay calm until you understand. Build trust by agreeing with the other. -lert the other to any problem you foresee. &o your homework and be well prepared before you talk. $f the other has lost self control, politely e'cuse yourself to go to the bathroom so he/she can calm down. -gree to do what the person is asking if not illegal or unethical.

Who can help with this problem> The .mbuds .ffice 1!ary "hilders2 The .ffice .f $nstitutional &iversity .ffice 10./--2 5uman ?esources 1(our 5? "onsultant2 The 9aculty/0mployee -ssistance Program 1@im Platt/Sharon !orisi2 Sources used in the creation of this article: A.S. Substance -buse B !ental 5ealth Services -dministration A.S. &epartment of 4abor 1.S5-2 Washington State &epartment of 4abor B $ndustries We would be glad to help with this issue or any issue of concernC To schedule an appointment with an 0-P counselor, please contact the 9aculty B 0mployee -ssistance Program. By Blit#: 90-PD&artmouth.0du By Phone: *E*8FF*G