Fwd: Princess Quiapo Introduction

From: "princessquiapo_16@yahoo.com" <princessquiapo_16@yahoo.com> View Contact "chingquiapo@yahoo.com" <chingquiapo@yahoo.com>

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Sent from my iPhone Begin forwarded message: From: Paul Griseri <p.griseri@mdx.ac.uk> Date: 21 June 2011 10:44:26 AM GMT+01:00 To: Princess Quiapo <princessquiapo_16@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Princess Quiapo Introduction Dear Princess Quiapo I do apologise for the delay in responding to you but things have been a bit hectic here. I have read through your introduction. It is certainly on the right lines but there are a couple of things that need to be attended to. Firstly, the written English needs to be improved. There are some places where the sense is not too clear, and others where simply the wrong word has been used. I would strongly suggest you use the University's english language support services to help you express yourself more clearly. It is not that your writing is rally poor, it is rather that a small degree of improvement will greatly improve the impact of what you have to say. Secondly, I would suggest giving the background first, and expand it a little - bearing in mind that this dissertation is being examined in the UK, you might say a bit more about the education system in the Philippines, and the general national demographics that affect the country as well as your region. This will make the introduction read more easily for the UK reader. Lastly, you should bring the introduction to a conclusion by expressing the purpose of the dissertation in a single, short aim, supported by four to six more specific objectives. The aim is the overall general statement of what the dissertation is meant to achieve. The objectives state specific measureable targets that collectively will fulfill the ambitions of the aim. In both aim and objectives you should try to express the intention using active language. So avoid having an aim or objectives that say 'to discuss' or 'to examine' but rather formulate ones that say something like 'to produce an evaluation' or 'to establish how far...' I hope this makes sense. As soon as you have formulated an aim and objectives send them through to me. You do not need to send the whole introduction with them (unless you want to). Kind regards Paul Griseri ________________________________________ From: Princess Quiapo [princessquiapo_16@yahoo.com] Sent: 14 June 2011 03:59 To: Paul Griseri Subject: Fw: Princess Quiapo Introduction good day.. can i have a feedback for my draft in the introduction.. thanks.. ----- Forwarded Message ----From: Princess Quiapo <princessquiapo_16@yahoo.com> To: "p.griseri@mdx.ac.uk" <p.griseri@mdx.ac.uk> Sent: Thursday, June 9, 2011 6:35 AM Subject: Princess Quiapo Introduction