AMERICAN POLITICS MEDICAL JOURNAL Special Bulletin

SPECIAL ALERT ----- MEDICAL RESEARCHERS DISCOVERED A MAJOR POLITICAL DISEASE AFFECTING MEMBERS OF THE GOP.

A team of medical experts has found groundbreaking evidence that will change the political landscape for the next 8 years. At this time, this phenomenon is only affecting the GOP. They are naming it Obamanitis. Its a peculiar symptom that consumed the GOP right after they lost both elections. The symptoms have national and international consequences and may affect friendships and diplomacy ties if you catch it. They are easily detected: a. Nausea and stomach cramps caused by digesting sensitive messages that do not agree with your constitution b. Rectal bleeding closely associated with the symptom above and causing pain (knows as Culolitis) as the bowel movement try to rid itself of the fecal impaction. This is created from consuming unprepared messages that in turns clogs up the intestines. Thou shalt not pass should be the real title of th is segment. c. Stool and texture changes See above and it also varies on the impact of the message. d. Mouth sores caused by sucking down the wrong kind of message full of festering ideas that might contaminate words of commonsense and spread all over the crotch area like lobbyists feasting on corpses of naive congressmen. e. Bruising skins caused by taking a beating or a pounding probably in places that cannot be described in this book. In this case, the beating has and will be distributed in a period of four-year increments and is deemed perfectly legal in all state including Florida, which has a stand-your-ground law, which also includes a shoot-first and then ask who-is-it? later law.

f. Buttock pain See above g. Numbness of fingers and fingernail bleeding caused by holding on for dear life while election results are announced and also closely associated with taking a dump after eating spicy food. h. Leaping to your death occurs usually after the election is called. This emotional reaction is sparked by many outcomes not beneficial to your party, with the two core triggers being all the money wasted for naught and the election of an African-American, not once but twice and in a row. The diagnosis is dire and with no cure. You are DOA.

The diagnosis for Obamanitis is quite simple really. YOU LOST. While digesting this blatant and obvious diagnosis, there will be a lot of remorse, some which will take you to the brink of suicide. As you start to evaluate your political life, you will enjoy some of the highlights and applaud the lowlights as the GOP seems to thrive on them. You will wonder, Where did it all go wrong? Was there anything I could have done differently? Wait what the hell happened. Every negative show on FOX were reporting that our side was winning? Why is everyone on FOX always angry? Could I have eating better and drank less? Okay, not really about the drinking less as there is no such thing in this business. The realization of old school thinking will be challenged and the awakening will be an unwelcomed transformation. You must be on your guard if this does happen or suffer years of internal disgust bubbling to the surface. Always remember that once that shell is cracked, all the kings horses and all the kings men will not be able to put the GOPty together again.

The cure In this case, the cure is worse than the disease and is not guaranteed to work. You may as well put your entire wager on a witch doctor holding a convulsing headless chicken while listening to a Ted Nugent ballad. The cure is very painful as you first must accept the diagnosis before the cure can be administered. This is a huge pill before the cure that will be hard to swallow, but swallow you will. Again, YOU LOST. It might take some time for the diagnosis to sink in and take hold. A therapist will be called upon to help release all the years of political entitlement that was bestowed upon you. Removing that birthright will be close to impossible, as your complex immune system will battle for its right to exist. Your stubborn ideology will stand steadfast against common sense and will built a defensive armament that the NRA will be proud of. And you will be right to be fearful, as this transformation will cause chaos within the party mirroring the war between the Tea Party and the old guard. Make no mistake about it, the demise of the GOP is at your doorstep and its about to knock. The silver lining in all of this is that there is a cure. Well, somewhat of a cure. Lets start by administering a little bit of it with some modern medicine while applying some good old fashion method: a. The cure is worse than the symptom and in this case well, we need to take a page from the modeling industry and just stick that finger down your throat. Try to induce vomit to rid yourself of those virulent comments of helping the poor, of doing what is right for the sake of the whole. Drink some milk of negativity to offset all the positive messages that are trying to take hold of your guts (if you had any to began with). If we need to further induce some exit fluid then we will need to insert some suppositories up the anus and hope for some major exodus to clean out the pipes. Please be aware that those laxatives go up your anus and not down your esophagus, as we do understand that both body part ends in us. b. Before applying any cure such as ointments for the treatment of rectal bleeding, you need to remove all objects that were forcibly inserted in your

anus by the winning party. Such objects as the popular vote and electoral vote, all 47% comments in similarity, the chair that Clint Eastwood was speaking to and well just use your common sense and remove all foreign objects (Benghazi comes to mind) and dont put anything that doesnt belong in there. Make certain that when your caregiver is giving you a rectal exam, ask him to be gentle and watch him to make certain that its actually a gloved finger going in. c. You might need to undergo a series of monthly injections by administering Pricks of jelly substances to slowly rid your system of ailments caused by years of ignorance and platitudes towards the citizens you promised to represent. There might be a recommended cleansing to also rid your digestive system of all the leachy parasites known as lobbyists (they are easily recognizable, they are the logs trying to swim out of the bowl prior to flushing the toilet). Be forewarned that this action will also caused a side effect that will drain you of unethical cash flow that kept reason at bay.
* As a side note, we are legally bound to divulge that all treatment were tested on lab rats, as the mice wanted nothing to do with it. All the lab rats died.

Please remain tune to this frequency of insanity as medical researchers (not really) discovered a transmuting disease tearing through the rank and file of the Republican Party. The lead physician in the discovery is torn between naming it Boehneritis or Teapartiritis. It affects the Gluteus Maximus region by neutralizing the nerves associate closely with the anus rendering the brain cloudy and inactive thus causing some fissures to occur during heated debate in places you dont want to know about. The only good news is that this disease is so potent that it completely destroys any hemorrhoids caused by pressure within the party. Anything outside of the party however, needs surgery.