"#$#% &'()#* +$#,-.

/%0
1234 5*67% +*'8)-.
0'(32(( -)# 9*/'% (3/%
0/-/ /%0 7/-3) 6:#* /
;/*-'3';/%- '% -)#
(3/%%#*<


!"##"$ &'()*+ ,-$'.+- !$/)* 01)"*1"
= >#$/-'6%()'; ?#4(
Beie is a list of 9 ielationship keys that ieseaich in !"#$%&'&(# has establisheu aie
impoitant in a paitneiship. We've expanueu on points S-9 because the biain
scanning uata also show veiy uiiectly that these points aie impoitant, too.

@< A'%'B'C# (-*#((< Sometimes you can't avoiu it, but uon't blame it on youiself oi
the othei peison. It's the situation you'ie in.
D< "/:# ,2% 7'-) ,*'#%0( /%0 ,/B'$4. It's woith making the effoit to cultivate
suppoitive fiienu anu family ielationships, anu to uo things togethei.
E< F6%-*6$ /%G'#-4. If you tenu to be an anxious oi uepiesseu peison, seek theiapy
oi ways to ieuuce youi anxiety, like meuitation. Too often people blame a paitnei
foi pioblems. It is bettei to auuiess pioblems youiself. But:
H< 1#/*% 36BB2%'3/-'6% (I'$$(. This is veiy impoitant. Yes, theie aie skills to be
leaineu! It's best if both of you go to a couise togethei.
J< F/;'-/$'C/-'6%, which means celebiate youi paitnei's success.
K< L%M64 (6B#-)'%8 %#7. Bo novel things togethei about once a week.
N< O(# ;6('-':# '$$2('6%(P/$$2('6%(. view youi paitnei in an oveiall positive light.
Emphasize theii stiengths anu positive chaiacteiistics such as, matuie,
unueistanuing, likeable, competent. Accept, uon't juuge.
Q< RB/$$ R#$,$#(( S3-(. Put the othei peison befoie youiself sometimes. uive a
thoughtful suipiise gift that iequiies youi eneigy.
=< T*/3-'3# LB6-'6%/$ >#82$/-'6%. Notice when youi emotions aie taking ovei.
Take a moment to assess whethei youi stiong emotional iesponse is the best one.
0ften theie is a moie effective way to ieact. This is pait of #4: communication skills.



"#*#U( / 3$6(#* $66I /-V
J< F/;'-/$'C/-'6%
0ne of the stuuies:
Aie you happy foi me. Bow shaiing positive events with otheis pioviues peisonal
anu inteipeisonal benefits
Reis, Baiiy T.; Smith, Shannon N.; Caimichael, Cheiyl L.; Capiaiiello, Petei A.; Tsai,
Fen-Fang; Rouiigues, Amy; Naniaci, Nichael R.
)&*+,-' &/ 01+"&,-'23# -,4 5&$2-' 0"#$%&'&(#, vol 99(2), S11-S29, 2u1u.

Summaiy:
An enthusiastic iesponse to goou news makes the news even bettei. It enhances the
value of the goou news event. Youi enthusiastic iesponse is a iewaiu foi the
peison, anu iemembei, we want to activate the iewaiu system as often as possible
in oui iomantic paitnei. Also, stuuies show that an enthusiastic iesponse to goou
news piomotes tiust in the othei peison. Tiust is an essential pait of a goou
iomantic ielationship. Actually all this is goou foi ANY ielationship.

K< L%M64 (6B#-)'%8 %#7 -68#-)#*<
0ne of the stuuies:
Couples' Shaieu Paiticipation in Novel anu Aiousing Activities anu Expeiienceu
Relationship quality
Aion, A., Aion, E., Noiman, C.C., NcKenna, C.
)&*+,-' &/ 01+"&,-'23# -,4 5&$2-' 0"#$%&'&(#, vol 78 (2), 27S-284, 2uuu.

Summaiy:
}ust a 7-minute novel anu aiousing task that a couple hau to uo togethei maue them
feel happiei about theii ielationship! The couple hau to ioll some pillows acioss a
gym flooi while theii ankles weie tieu togethei! Pietty simple. The aiticle caiiieu
out seveial expeiiments, insiue a lab anu out in the fielu, anu all the iesults
suggesteu the same thing: it's goou foi the ielationship if couples uo something
novel, challenging anu aiousing togethei once a week oi so.
Fiom the biain mapping stuuies, we see that iomance involves a system that is
activateu by novelty, too. It also causes aiousal. Activating this system by novel
expeiiences seems to act syneigistically to inciease the iomance in a paitneiship.





N< O(# T6('-':# W$$2('6%(XR2(;#%0 Y#8/-':# Z208B#%-

0ne of the stuuies:
Regional biain activity uuiing eaily-stage intense iomantic love pieuicteu
ielationship outcomes aftei 4u months: An fNRI assessment
Xu, X., Lucy L. Biown, Aithui Aion, uuikang Cao, Tingyong Feng, Bianca Aceveuo,
Xuchu Weng
Summaiy:
In Nona Xu's stuuy of people who stayeu togethei in a ielationship vs. those who
bioke up, the biain scans showeu that the ability to suspenu negative juugment may
be a majoi key to a lasting, satisfying ielationship. Thinking positively about youi
paitnei suppoits them, anu you. We also founu eviuence that putting the othei
peison fiist helps. See the next key, #8.

Q< RB/$$ R#$,$#(( S3-(

An aiticle in the Wall Stieet }ouinal foi valentine's Bay 2u1S emphasizeu the
ieseaich of Bi. Baiiy Reis, a psychologist at the 0niveisity of Rochestei:

RB/$$ S3-([ 5'8 16:#
T#6;$# 7)6 ;2- -)#'* B/-#(U %##0( ,'*(- B/I# -)#B(#$:#( )/;;'#*[ -66<

"Saying 'I love you' is just woius," says Ni. Kline, a 42-yeai-olu engineei fiom
Shoemakeisville, Pa. "I like to uo things that iequiie effoit, planning anu a little bit
of saciifice. It shows you aie putting the othei peison fiist."

Reseaicheis call this 'compassionate love'iecognizing a paitnei's neeus anu
conceins anu putting them aheau of youi own. "It's not just making people feel
goou," says Baiiy T. Reis, a 0niveisity of Rochestei piofessoi of psychology. "It's a




way of communicating to the othei peison that you unueistanu what they aie all
about anu that you appieciate anu caie foi them."

Baiiy Reis also says, "Put youi paitnei's goals fiist. uiving youi husbanu the last
cupcake is easy. Spenuing youi vacationagainwith his family is haiu."

0f couise, you uon't want to put youi paitnei's goals fiist ALL the time. Y00 neeu to
be with someone who puts youi goals fiist sometimes, too.

http:online.wsj.comnewsaiticlesSB1uuu1424127887S2S6964u4S78297942S
uSS92S24


=< T*/3-'3# LB6-'6%/$ >#82$/-'6%< W-U( ;/*- 6, 36BB2%'3/-'6% (I'$$(<

0ne of the stuuies:
Neuial coiielates of Naiital Satisfaction anu Well-being: Rewaiu, Empathy anu
Affect
Aceveuo, B.P., Aion, A., Fishei, B.E., Biown, L.L.
6'2,2$-' 71*+&!"#$%2-3+#, vol. 9, 2u-S1, 2u12.
Summaiy:
Foi hei PhB thesis, Bianca Aceveuo stuuieu people who weie still "in love" aftei 1u
yeais of maiiiage, anu askeu them about theii ielationship satisfaction. 0ne pait of
the biain that was involveu with high ielationship satisfaction in a long-teim love
ielationship is also involveu in emotional iegulation anu peispective-taking. We
think the ability to iegulate emotional ieactions is piobably goou foi a paitneiship.
We uon't want to say it is impoitant to 1'*#$'2 youiself, but to be minuful of how
emotional youi iesponses aie, anu to consiuei if they aie effective, goou oi bau foi
youi ielationship. It can be goou to uistance youiself foi a moment when you'ie
feeling emotional anu take anothei peispective.

Beie aie links to viueos about these keys on oui website:
http:theanatomyoflove.comviueonovelty

http:theanatomyoflove.comconclusionsthe-biains-iewaiu-system-anu-eaily-
stage-iomantic-lovetime-anu-iomance-conclusions