Professional Documents
Culture Documents
VALLEY HOPE
Edition 3 Fall 2013
Association News
It Is A Disease
By: Ken Gregoire, Ph.D. President/CEO Its a Monday morning and Im working on a plan for Valley Hopes participation in advocacy for the enforcement of the Parity Act. Im also opening my mail at the same time (either a weak attempt at multi-tasking or a remarkably successful attempt to avoid the complexities of parity implementation). In my mail Ken Gregoire was a letter from a person in treatment in one of our continuing care programs. The letter was cogent and heartfelt and full of observations about the value of random drug screening in chemical dependency treatment. Maybe its Monday morning and I have too much on my mind but in thinking about parity and random drug testing the one common thread that I cant shake is that people in our country have tremendous ambivalence about the idea that chemical dependency is a diseasewe say it is but we dont consistently act like it is. Well lets keep saying it: It is a disease. Seems like we cant say that enough. Our country passed legislation in 1996 that is commonly known as the Parity Act. The point of the legislation is to mandate that insurance plans treat behavioral health and chemical dependency on par with other illnesses. Those of you who have been in treatment and who have had part of your care paid by insurance know that in many ways insurance plans treat chemical dependency differently than other more respectable illnesses. Frequently, partial or residential care for CD, e.g., wont be covered unless a patient fails first at a lower level of care. Or some plans have a life time limit on the number of episodes of care that a CD patient can receive. Some plans have different co-payments for chemical dependency than for other illnesses. The list goes on. The aim of the Parity Act is to eliminate these differences. Solets once again get on the same page. It is a disease. It is a disease in the same way that heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. are diseases. People with the disease of chemical dependency generally have significant difficulty accepting the idea that they are ill, not bad. Reaching out for help and then discovering that their insurance plan treats them differently than if they had a more respectable illness tends to reinforce their belief that maybe they dont have a real disease. Lets say it againit is a disease, a real disease. Lets all insist that our country fully define and enforce the Parity Act. Even in our treatment we must continue to say the basic truthit is a disease. The very foundation of the treatment developed by Doc Leipold in Norton, KS in the late 60s was that alcoholism and drug addiction were diseases and those afflicted deserved to be treated with dignity, respect, compassion and, shockingly at that time, with love. As time has passed there has been much pressure on us to change the way we do basic treatment. One example of this is that drug testing of patients has become common practice in most treatment facilities in our country. We have always resisted doing across the board drug testing with our patients. We offer drug testing to patients as a part of their individual treatment plan if the patient feels that random drug screens will be helpful in their early recovery. Requiring patients to accept random drug screening as part of treatment has never quite seemed to me to square with our overall messageyou are ill, not bad; we trust you and will treat you like responsible adults coming to grips with a deadly illness. The person who sent me this mornings letter doesnt feel that it gives the right message either. Let me share some quotes from his letter: I have reservations about the efficacy of random urine testing for continuing care patients for the following reasons: Counselors: The people that make V alley Hope a business of excellence are your counselors. They are trained, and they make it their job to be skilled at detecting relapse both before and after it occurs. Initiating a random urine testing program undermines their place in this process. Y our policy essentially tells them that they are not good enough to do this job themselves so corporate V alley Hope will try a testing program to supplement their expertise. Cost: Someone must pay each time a urine sample is processed. I have health insurance and I am told that my insurance will be billed. But this is ultimately still my money. My insurance rates are based on costs. Although slight, there is a cost that will accrue to me if my insurance must pay for this. The uninsured, I am told, will be covered. Ultimately, if V alley Hope picks up the tab through their contract with the testing agency, this is a cost again, that I am bearing through increased costs on my V alley Hope program that will accrue. Nothing will be for free and if it costs you more, ultimately it costs me more. Patient Trust and Faith in your own program: After completing Initial outpatient or inpatient care, the notion of its your program comes into play. I heard a patient yesterday tell his story of how he had just finished his court ordered UA program and how anxious he was to be on his own. This is a big step forward for many and to then tell them that V alley Hope still doesnt believe in them is an insult. I have been a patient for 2 and yearsat what point will you trust me? It is also an indictment of the strength of your own program if you demonstrate the need to add random UAs. The program works well as it is and does not need additional safeguards for patients. Refusal: What if a patient refuses to take the test? Will this be treated like a DUI where guilt is assumed? If so, what happens next? Does the patient have to cooperate or risk being eliminated from the program? If patient does relapse, we dont currently throw them out so what is your recourse if they simply refuse the test. In summary, I do not see the upside from Valley Hopes perspective or the patients. If you catch one or two relapses, they would have eventually been found by other means. The downsides are that your counselors will feel undermined, costs will increase to a minor extent for all, patients will wonder why Valley Hope feels compelled to intrude on their trust, and the program may not be able to withstand non-cooperation. Sothe bottom line is that we treat people who are ill. We provide a warm, accepting environment to help people accept their illness and put together a life-long recovery plan. Our job is not to catch anyone falling short of their goals but to provide them encouragement and strength to be honest, to share their struggles and to grow every day in the joy and meaning of recovery. Drug testing has a role in treatment. For us across the board drug testing does not. In order to be effective in promoting recovery the patient must be involved in the decision to include drug testing in the treatment plan and must own its value. And the ultimate question for me when trying to decide whether an intervention is appropriate for treating the disease of addiction iswould we do this for patients who have heart disease? Cancer? Diabetes? After allit is a disease. And thank you to the person who sent me this mornings letter.
I would like to see a counselor and chaplain of the month segment. It would be nice to know some of the new programs thatare taking place. I do like the personal stories by location. I specifically cant wait until the next new issue comes out because I like to see what Scott Ehrlich (Boonville) has to say. He is probably most entertaining story teller Ive met. I had the pleasure of listening to many of his lectures. ~Tony B. I think that the Coffee Cup magazine is a wonderful newsletter that Valley Hope has created. The stories that patients have written are so amazing to read and to see how Valley Hope has changed their lives and also their families. I wish that when I was obtaining my sobriety that Valley Hope was around in Massachusetts. I am proud to say that I have 13 years of sobriety. I am thankful to be working for Valley Hope and I am excited to see what next issue will bring. ~Danielle R. Front Cover Photo: Sage Hill Trails, Wenatchee WA By: Dan OConnor
By: Scott E., M.Div., Chaplain Today, by the grace of God and because this program really does work, I am free from my cravings for alcohol, but my freedom has gone far beyond that. Maybe a story will help me explain: I hadnt been sober very long when I knew I was in trouble because when I came home from work my wife was reading a womans magazine, and, not only that, she was writing in it! Immediately my defenses went on high alert and I asked her what she was doing: Taking a test, she said. What kind of test, I rather sarcastically responded. How Healthy is Your Marriage? she replied. (At this point my defense mechanisms were all on mega-red-alert, def-con 4but it got worse because my wife started laughing!) Whats so funny, I yelled. Oh, she said sweetly, its just my answer to this question. (By now I could hardly breathe.) What question, I croaked.
Family Matters:
She smiled and said, Its, What about your husband turns you on? And? I screamed. Well, she said, it used to be the smell of beer on your breath. I tried to make a joke, which is my usual response to perceived danger: Well, I can run up to Caseys and grab a 6-pack if youd like. My wife did not think that was at all funny. As a matter of fact, she started crying and said through her tears: Dont you understand, your drinking wasnt the problem; it was your attitude. On my sobriety birthday, my Independence Day, I get to celebrate the fulfillment of the 12 Promises: I not only am free from drinking like an alcoholic, I am free from reacting to life like an alcoholic, I am free from my alcoholic attitude! This program works. I believe it will work for you. God has really done for me what I could not do for myself. I believe He will do that for you. Come, join me and so many other really free people as we trudge the road of happy destiny together. What a great trip! I wish you peace.
Month Six: The insurance company responds that my appeal will be reviewed with an Appeals Committee, where my husband and I will present our appeal verbally. We submit all written documentation to date, including medical records, my first appeal letter and a letter from my primary care physician supporting my need for inpatient treatment as a medical necessity. Month Seven: The Appeals Committee meeting is conducted via conference call. Within this same month, we receive our Second Appeal Denial. I am advised that I can appeal at the National level. I write my Third Appeal letter, in which I formulate another explicit rebuttal to the Denial, again refuting their reasoning with complete honesty regarding my alcoholism. Month Eight: Insurance company replies that we have exhausted their internal appeal process and our next recourse is through my husbands employer (under who I am insured). Months Nine and Ten: These months are spent providing all documentation to date to my husbands employer and following up as they go through their internal review process. Month Eleven: I receive notification that my husbands employer has determined the insurance company is required to follow through with my Third Appeal, which I again pursue with the insurance company. Month Twelve: I am informed by insurance company that, by law, I have the right to request an external review of my appeal by a third party arbitrator at no cost to me, which I exercise. I send all documentation to date to this third party. Month Thirteen: I receive notification that the third party arbitrator has overturned the denial for inpatient treatment. The arbitrator determined that my inpatient treatment was medically necessary. My claim is to be paid in full. This is a final, binding ruling and cannot be appealed by my insurance company. What did it cost me to go through this year-long process? From a monetary standpoint, a few dollars for paper, certified mail, return receipts for mailings. From a time standpoint, several hours for each of the Appeal letters, phone calls, documentation and the Appeal Committee meeting. From an emotional standpoint, I gained far more than I could ever have imagined. Writing my First Appeal letter, in which I chronicled every verifiable event of my alcoholism (i.e.: by medical records, unemployment histor y, credit card statements, etc.), was more factually thorough than my first 4th Step confession. Writing it, while still difficult, hammered home to me just how far I had come in my recovery, how much peace and self-forgiveness I had obtained through God and the Twelve Steps. And beyond the spiritual and emotional benefit I received from this exercise, my First Appeal letter became a primary source of documentation for the third party arbitrator. They referred to my account of my alcoholism repeatedly in their summary that overturned the insurance companys denial. Winning my appeal gave me such a sense of achieving something right. I consider it to be a gift and a blessing to pass my experience on to you. My prayer is that God will grant you the serenity to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I entered Norton Valley Hope in October 1979 at the age of 39 and after 18 years of hard drinking. Vodka was my drink of choice. I took my first drink on my 21 st birthday and quickly graduated from drinking a little to a lot. The worse thing was not what I did to myself but what I did to my family. I was married with two children by the time I was 26 years old. I missed the best part of life. With help from my Higher Power and what I learned at Valley Hope (a day at a time) Ive been sober 33 years. My family and children still love me. We have a wonderful relationship. Thanks Ken G, Doc L, and all of those people that opened a new door for me in 1979. It seems like yesterday. Love, Nancy H.
Heroin My Demons
I may be a scarred rag doll and bruise easily like a pear, With these track marks on my arms With dead eyes that drip despair, A wingless bird, a wounded dove Like a fish without its scales The war inside of me, this addiction Never fails. I feel rotted to the ground, trapped beneath my skin. My soul is screaming out That this war Ill never win. I think Im drained of hope And I know Im without friends, And dreams can be misleading On the fringes of the end. You feel your spirits bleeding But you ache for one last taste. And the only thing that numbs you Is the same that seals your fate. And anyone who asks me Is it worth it just to try? And I tell them all the same thing, And every reason why I wish someone had warned me That it will steal your soul. The warmness that it brings you, Is not worth the sinking hole. One day at a time, Is what the program says, But I need a time machine To repair the broken mends. Heroin, my demons, It bled me red and dry. And for those of you who dont know Do not touch it or you will die. ~Alisha A.
Grateful
From what I have learned and understand about addiction, as well as my experience, it seems to me that boundaries, the concept of who we are and where we stop, is at the very core of what this disease attacks. I see a lot of onsequences from not having boundaries for both the family and the addict. The problem seems to be the inability to identify proper boundaries and adhere to them in a healthy manner after the devastation of addiction has rendered us crippled. When alcoholism first appeared in my immediate family, I didnt understand what was happening. I started reacting, trying to protect my loved ones, including my qualifier, and made decisions without the necessary tools to maintain my boundaries. After years of this kind of fallout, the sickness had its grip and the hopelessness set into who I was and took over. I was no longer myself and I was at the full mercy of this disease. My family was suffering and not only did I have no idea what to do, but even the thought of Al-Anon being able to help me was at best laughable. My problems were so much more complicated than that, I thought, at the time. I talk with addicts from time to time and the thing that seems most in common with their recoveries was the inability for the families to receive the help they needed, or even to realize they were sick at all, discarding the addict for a lost cause. This is very sad to me since my life is not only back to where it once was, but is very much improved from where I started. I have learned things from this program that I did not even know before active addiction took place in my household. Understanding the things this program teaches, such as the ver y importance of healthy boundaries, has allowed me to not only make a recovery from the disease, but also allowed me to become a person who I am much more proud of even before the active disease showed its ugly head in my family. I can now say that by using the tools learned through this program has made me a better father, employee, and hopefully a more supportive person for my wife. I use this boundary stuff at work all the time. It has made my work environment so much happier, and the people around me
are benefiting from my boundaries as much as I am. And knowing who I am and accepting my differences has given me so much fulfillment over the past year I cant even describe how much better I feel about myself. I actually like myself and those that matter most to me actually like me better too. Specific to my qualifier, boundaries were a bit of a challenge at first. I did experience the backlash from first implementing boundaries with my wife. She still gets very angry with me and does everything in her power to get me to engage in unhealthy arguments and blaming. And I still fall down once in a while and react to her in unhealthy blaming and arguing. But now I can identify it and with lots of practice I can understand that its not my wife yelling at me, but rather the disease speaking through her. She is sick and working to get better. I have learned through repeated reminders from my old counselor what addiction is. See the What is Chemical Dependency section of this program. I was reminded to go back and read it again and again and again and again the first time I went through this program. Once I could understand what it meant and accept it, things started going in the right direction and I could say that it was really my first step in getting healthier. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me and my family. ~Jim S
ATTENTION!!!!!!!
Y ou can read the Coffee Cup on line at
www.valleyhope.org if you prefer to not receive a hard copy and view it online, we will remove your name from the Coffee Cup mailing list, or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 800-654-0486 or e-mail us at recovery@valleyhope.org.
Why Give?
Caritable gifts make a difference in the lives of our patients. Our sole mission is to help the chemically dependent and their families. We promise to be good stewards of your donation and support!
Possibilities
Choose the center you want to benefit and designate your gift for a specific purpose or leave as unrestricted
How to Give
Donate online www.valleyhope.org/donate or mail to: VHA Foundation, P.O. Box 59, Norton, KS, 67654 Contact Megan at megano@valleyhope.org or phone (785)877-4483 (GIVE) Recently, our beloved Tim passed away. Please accept this as a memorial so that the help you gave to Tim can be passed on to someone else. We can never repay you for all you did but we can do our best to pay it forward. God Bless you all. ~Terry and Dellane I recently lost my nephew Jered to an overdose. He was only 25. I would like to donate this check in the memory of him. I also hope that this donation will prevent another family from the experience that his family and friends ~Uncle John Enclosed is a check for $100 for the recovery garden at Valley Hope in Parker, CO. I hope this will get it going and show, like sobriety, it starts from nothing and blossoms into a beautiful garden if you care for it. I am stronger and better than ever before thanks to Parker Valley Hope.
~Phyllis K.
We saw the obituary in the Kansas City Star on June 16 and were very saddened. He worked for some months with us and was a very happy face to see every morning. We are hoping that he did not suffer a long-term addiction that overcame him. His demons are at peace if that is what claimed his life. He will be missed. I hope the enclosed check will help others who are lost in this way. Thank you for your help. ~K June 25, 2013 is the 5th anniversary of my brother Christians death. I miss him every day, his smile, laugh, whistle and big presence. Please use the enclosed funds to provide direct support for folks who want to get free of addiction, but dont have the financial resources to do so. Thank you. ~Ashley C.
Atchison
Unrestricted
Cushing
Patient Scholarship Assistance
Oklahoma Elks
Facility Improvement
Al & Susan Roberts Scholarship Fund Chesapeake Operating, Inc. Carl & Carolynn Renfro Scholarship Fund
Boonville
Unrestricted
Robert & Joan Taylor In Memory of Becky Sansom Ada Arford In Memory of Elizabeth Burns Patient Assistance Fund Eric Davis
ONeill
Unrestricted Sally Beardslee In Honor of William B. 30+ yrs. Patient Scholarship Assistance
Beth and Bob Sanders
Robert Bryant Carleton Recovery Centers The Petersens Oasis Animal Hospital Alpha Omega Counseling Healthnet Pucketts Floring Jacob Garcia Mark Dillon Charles (Chuck) Ory Al Rosen Louis Pena Jr Mike Pico Gonzalo Ardavin David Brown Gerald Bloom Daniel Miller Roths Friend Special Olympics Arizona Golf Tournament Raffle Billy Rubin Terry Murphy Dean Notaries of Arizona Dawn Amado Ken & Juanita Gregoire Michael Kelly Art Felix Pablo Kusak Jennifer Roberts In honor of Richard Finch
MEP Engineering, Inc. Front Range Duct Cleaning Jeffrey Wheeler Dale Hawkins Tim Simpson Brian Hudson Chris Nelson & Debbie Bird Mary Likes Allegra Hoopingarner Chris Perreault Gonzalo Ardavin MiTek USA, Inc. Amy Mitchell Connie Anderson John & Joanna Barry Jeff or Kati Wieck Aaron and Leah Smith Rose Transition Home Heidi Hammer Skinner Debra/Richard Hadley Rev. Olive Hinnant Erica & Lester Thompson Heather Crosby April Horace William Dougal
All Facilities
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Rickey Dawson April Rodewald Sharon P. Union Pacific Teresa Schmeck Linda & Geoff Green In Memory of Gary Martinez Stuart Olson Eugene Edwards Landscapes USA In Memory of Tim Burke Cheryl & Donald Buchanan Sara and William Davidson Barbara & Robert Jones Karen Shaw Terry & Dellane Burke Sheila & Thomas Strong Laura Weiss In Memory of Brian OConnor Mike, Mary & Andrea Mattas Steve Riedel & Sharon Batson Donna & Rachel Haskins Jim Hitchman Kerri Ray Rhonda Reusink Violet Kinderknecht Donald Schlatter Jon Thummel Ada Arford In Memory of Tim Gable Ada Arford In Memory of Barbara Gilhousen
Grapevine
Fred Gentry
Moundridge
Cheryl Elaine Fulsom Linda Likes & Grady Likes In Memory of Mandy Likes
Parker
Unrestricted
Darlene & Gilbert Eaton In Memory of Jered Rowe John Rowe In Memory of Jered Rowe Loretta Pederson In Memory of Jered Rowe Rebecca Russell In Memory of Jered Rowe
Chandler/Tempe
Unrestricted
Betty Schaefer Susan Echols United Way Valley of the Sun Sherry & Rob Kornheiser In memory of Aaron Goldsmith Valley of the Sun United Way Patient Scholarship Assistance
Anniversary Events
All Saturdays Boonville August 10 Norton - August 17 ONeill August 24 Moundridge September 28 Chandler/Tempe October 19 Grapevine October 19 Atchison November 2
Atchison, KS
Alumni group meets each month at Atchison Valley Hope on Renewal Day at 9 a.m. for a business meeting and 10 a.m. for Road to Recovery when we answer questions from the patient group. Upcoming dates: Aug 16, Sept 20, Oct 18, Nov 15
Parker, CO
Alumni and current patient group meet for an open discussion in the lecture hall. Patient group is encouraged to ask alumni questions about recovery, meetings, sponsorship, etc. When: 2nd and 4th Saturday of each month at 7 p.m. Contact: John W. - Phone: (303) 808-4861
Chandler, AZ
Alumni and friends meet in the dining hall of Chandler Valley Hope every Tuesday evening 7:15- 9 p.m. for speaker and group discussion. Also, join us for Renewal Day the 3rd Friday of each month starting at 9 a.m.
St. Louis, MO
NEW - Alumni group meeting every week on Tuesday nights at 6 p.m. Alumni also meet on the 4th Wednesday each month for Renewal Night; from 5:30 to 6:45 pm. Well have a speaker and refreshments. Upcoming dates, Aug 28, Sept 25, Oct 23 Where: St. Louis Valley Hope -12777 Olive Blvd. ph: (314) 514-9220 E-mail:bncleannsober.SLAAG2010@gmail.com
Dodge City, KS
Group meets 3rd Sunday each month for breakfast, fellowship and speaker at 9 a.m. Where: Caseys Cowtown, 503 E. Trail St. Dodge City Upcoming dates: Aug18, Sept 15, Oct 20, Nov 17 Contact: Damon P. - Phone: (620) 514-0421 E-mail: rightygirth@msn.com
Tempe, AZ
Group weekly meetings are held at Tempe Valley Hope, Rio Sureno Med Plaza, 2103-2115 E. Southern phone (480) 831-9533 Tuesdays - 8 p.m. Young Peoples Alumni Meeting with rotating schedule of discussion & book studies. Wednesdays 4:30 Alumni Big Book Study one hour meeting Thursdays 6 p.m. Speaker and open meeting format. Open to patients, alumni, family and friends. Note: 2nd Thursday of each month a POTLUCK at 5 p.m. Contact: Rick K. ph. (480) 232-7587
Grapevine, TX
Alumni meet every Saturday for 12-Step Big Book Study/Recovery Meetings @ 6:00 in the Lecture Hall at Grapevine Valley Hope. Alumni also meet on the last Friday of every month for Renewal Day starting at 9 a.m. with alumni meeting, 10 a.m. Brunch, 11a.m. alumni led lecture and 1 p.m. alumni group Contact: Suzanne W. Email: alumnihopeline@gmail.com
Hays, KS
Group meets once per month on Sunday morning at 9:30 a.m. for breakfast, fellowship and speaker Smoking Barrel BBQ, 1006 Cody Ave (just off Vine, north of 23rdt St) Upcoming breakfasts: Aug 18, Sept 22, Oct 20, Nov 17 Contact: Ron S - Phone: (785) 650-1064
Tulsa, OK
Every Thursday evening at 6:00 p.m. join us for a great one hour meeting. Where: at the Fellowship Church, 2900 S. Harvard Contact: Peter G. Phone: (918) 760-6011 or Lori G. Phone: (918) 510-1713
North Platte, NE
Group meets the third Saturday of every month for an evening potluck fellowship and speaker. Where: Bethel Church in the loft, 2700 W. Philip Ave Upcoming meetings: No August, Sept 21, Oct 19, Nov 16 Contact person: Ralph and Charlene O. Phone: (308) 537-3863
Wichita, KS
Join us for Renewal Night scheduled for the third Wednesday of every month starting at 6 p.m.
Norton, KS
Alumni group meets weekly every Thursday evening, 7p.m. for a meeting. Come early for coffee and cookies. Where: Norton Valley Hope Dining Hall. Also join us for Renewal Day 2nd Friday every month for alumni meetings at 9 a.m. and 1p.m.
ATTENTION!!
Y ou can read the Coffee Cup on line at
www.valleyhope.org if you prefer to not receive a hard copy and view it online, we will remove your name from the Coffee Cup mailing list, or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 800-654-0486 or e-mail us at recovery@valleyhope.org.
Ogallala NE
Saturday September 7th 6.m. - A pot luck followed by an Open 12-Step meeting. Location:Traditions Clubhouse 1008 West A, Street, Ogallala, NE Contact: Roxie 308-289-5509
Reflections:
Crazy is Relative
Amy Morrison, MS, CADC, Business Manager, Cushing Valley Hope There is a popular song right now that references how things change from generation to generation. Miranda Lambert sings about being taught to go and hide your crazy and start acting like a ladyShe cleverly references having been taught to squelch her feelings and save face, tongue planted firmly in check, maybe. The use of sarcasm to convey genuine feelings often clouds the validity of ones message; that could apply to the song. The reality is that there are times when this sentiment is very accurate, especially in families where addiction has ravaged its members. The addicted family often includes secrets and shame and the message that how one looks is far more important than how one feels. There are even times when loved ones might encourage denying ones truth in an effort to maintain the faade, ultimately enabling the cyclical sickness to evolve and be handed down from generation to generation. The vast majority of the time families mean no harm as they teach the new generation to keep secrets and deny reality. They are likely passing on their most powerful, albeit self-defeating, means of coping, the one they were taught and/or the one they developed in response to the addiction they have endured. At some point, though, what often occurs is a member of the family embraces a new way of living, communicating, and responding to the people and things around them. The reaction this prompts is unique to say the least. Suddenly, the family dynamic changes from what it has been for so long. Things are confronted, truths are spoken, and feelings are
expressed regardless of the situation. Recovery behaviors are displayed at first with hesitation, then with more ease, and eventually almost as second nature. Healthier selves grow intolerant of the chaos and deceit and masks, aware that reality is only unpleasant if one visits rather than exists among it. Recovery is meant to be a freeing experience for those who embrace it, and it is. But sometimes it ends up putting distance between those who find it and those who feel alienated by it. Those who are still hiding their crazy, so to speak, cannot fathom matching their outsides with their insides. They do not seem to recognize the importance of speaking their truths and embracing their realities, sharing them with the world as they do the next right thing. There are even times when those outside the recovery world feel persecuted by the family members who now live differently, almost insulted by their choice to change for their own sakes. They do not realize that those who changed did so not because they did not love those who gave them life, but rather because they found a newfound love for themselves. That is surely where the recovery family comes in to lift one another up and offer support and affirmation. Family is not just about blood, but rather about fellowship and spiritual connection. It is also about similarities and unique qualities, including the decision to no longer hide that crazy stuff that used to keep things so sick. Funny, once the secrets are exposed and feelings are processed, the healing begins as the bonds are solidified among familiesthe ones people are born into and the ones they embrace alike. The synchronicity and the love abound, even when things are not perfect. Before long, recovery permits not only newfound freedom and family, but also forgiveness and acceptance of what has always been and is not likely to ever change. And for this, we grow thankful.
became willing to make amends to them all. The list was long! Even now it grows. Sometimes as chaplain I hear a Fifth Step and think, Wait, I did that too, and had forgotten all about it! At first I wanted to paint in broad strokes, maybe just putting the very worst harms done to certain people. Now I think the more specific the better. So part of the work of Step 8 is asking God for willingness and for clarity. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I find it treacherously easy to find excuses and reasons not to make direct amends. Certainly there are people who may be hurt and I dont want to add insult to injury. At the same time, I do want to be as honest, direct, and honorable a man as I can be. Certainly its healing and good to those I have harmed, if I continue to walk a clean and sober path of recovery. Yet I dont think thats sufficient. Money I stole needs to be repaid. Insults thrown at someone need to be acknowledged and countered with affirmation. Lies I told need to be amended to the truth. For me, actually taking Steps 8 and 9 seriously became the clear and direct path to the Promises enumerated in the Big Book. Heres my suggestion: These Steps, not just Steps 6-9, but all of them, come from Higher wisdom and Greater love than any one of us could have imagined by ourselves. It makes sense to actually DO them.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND COME CELEBRATE WITH US! Atchison Valley Hope Anniversary DinneR Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
2:30 - 4:30: Open House at Valley Hope Dinner/Program at The Heritage Center
5 p.m
It was a great event and raised more than $3,400 for the Patient Assistance Fund, for sober living downpayments and books. Here are a couple of pictures from our 4th Annual Motorcycle ride held June 8th. Yes it was cold and rainy and yes we had diehard riders complete it anyway. We are proud of the riders who persevered through the rainy day, including our own biker Chaplain James. Our thanks to the couple who helped make the motorcycle ride possible, Mike and Gail H.
Sunday, August 25th, join us for a 4 Person 9/9 Hole Golf Scramble. Registration begins at 8 a.m, Tee Off at 9 a.m. Well have lunch and awards ceremony at noon. Prizes awarded for the 1st 9 holes only. The second 9 holes start at 1 p.m. Cost is $50 per person, $200 for team. Singles are welcome and we will form into teams. All funds raised goes toward the Patient Assistance Fund. Registration is online at www.valleyhope.org/special-events or at the treatment center.
Counselor Steve
Chaplain Jim
Omaha Renewal
1st Tuesday of each month. Starts at 6:30 p.m. We present Continuing Care Program completion letters and/or Cups to Alumni in attendance. We have an alumni speaker, share announcements about upcoming events, and close with Serenity Prayer. After the meeting we enjoy a great potluck dinner until around 8pm. Its AWESOME! Omaha Valley Hope 7703 Serum Ave, Ralston, NE 68127 Ph: (402)991-8824
Tami Anderson Community Relations Clinician I want to thank all of our alumni, families, and friends for making this years reunion wonderful! We were blessed again this year with three inspirational speakers. Ryan N, Sherry W., and Betty M. Congratulations to Sherry W, who also picked up her 20 year medallion this year! Our talented staff and patients performed at the reunion and we enjoyed beautiful music, songs, and skits. Thanks to each of you for your time and talent and helping make the reunion great. This was another year of fantastic recipients of the Golden Heart Award. Joe Pellow of Jim Riley Outreach was one of the recipients this year. Joe is one of those guys that works his program and gives back so much with such great gratitude. He has helped many and continues each and every day. Thanks for all you do and congratulations Joe. Two other recipients of the Golden Heart Award were Alisha Cherry and her son Zak Yokum. They continue their journey of raising awareness of the disease of alcoholism with Zaks show truck built in memory of his dad. We had a lot of fun, great fellowship and fantastic food this year. If you had to Ryan N., miss the reunion this year, we will hope to speaker at see you next year in June. We love our reunion alumni, patients, families and friends. Thanks for all you do!
On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who at the dawn of victory lay down to rest, and in resting died. The quotes been credited to Adlai E. Stevenson, but Richard Rogers, the most brilliant teacher Ive ever known, owned each and every word that day as he concluded our class. I was a first year seminary student with dreams of changing the world, and the phrases fell like hammers on my heart. To hear that defeat could be snatched from the jaws of victory just didnt jive with my inexperienced enthusiasm, and I remember feeling like Richard had soured something for me that day. I decided then that Id make him eat those words, that no bones would blacken on my watch, that my ministry would successfully see those countless millions through to victory. How miserably naive I was. But ministry has a way of humbling a man, and naivet eventually gives way to an acquiescing acceptance of the truth of things. Through the course of time, I decided that humanity much prefers the microwave to the crockpot and that any solutions I offered to those seeking my counsel had better be simple and short term or else theyd be summarily rejected. And then the God of my understanding led me to Valley Hope where I heard people say things like one day at a time and dont quit before the miracle happens, and my fatalistic cynicism was challenged by that same humanity whom I now witnessed rushing forward, on a daily basis, to lay claim to the prize and promise of recovery. There are still those who sit down to rest, and the finish line for some has been strung with black ribbon, but there are countless millions of others who greet each days dawn with a prayer of surrender, who seek through that prayer to improve their conscious contact with the Power greater than themselves, who pray only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. There are countless millions of addicts and alcoholics who are restoring my faith in humanity, one day at a time. How blessedly naive I was. ~Kyle Wright, Chaplain
Randall Lea, Head of Maintenance, celebrated 20 years of employment with Cushing Valley Hope. Congratulations Randall, we all appreciate you and all you do!
Oklahoma City Valley Hope. Karen Matthews is our administrative assistant. Karen retired from AT&T after 30 years of working with a large business of customers and corporations; she added Its quite the change, but that the change is good. I enjoy the small group of people that I work with and anxiously wait to meet the next patient that comes through the door. I was familiar with Valley Hope from when my family member went to Cushing in 1999. That is when I learned the terms codependent and enabler. Jon Penoi is a welcomed addition to our staff and team here at Oklahoma City Valley Hope as well. Jon is MPH and LADC and has been a Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselor for 15 years. He has experience with individual and group sessions for patients with addiction, legal, state and federal probation issues. Jon has also been a director of a half-way house in Lawton, Oklahoma for four years as well as working in a Community Mental Health Center in Lawton, Oklahoma. We want to encourage and invite you to stop by and meet our family of staff members as we look forward to helping people in their journey of recovery.
Arnold Smith
P A R K E R
By:Valarie Colgate, Secretary Parker Valley Hope celebrated the beginning of the summer season with our Second Annual Run for Recovery on June 22, 2013. It was a success with over 100 attendees, a happy mix of alumni, staff, and family, with golden yellow mugs awarded to all participants. We were able to fundraise over $4000 for our patient assistance fund! The party continued as Bill F. brought us live rock n roll music with his band as we transitioned into the afternoon Round Up activities. Our Golden Heart Award was awarded to John Walker of the Oxford House, who gives so much of his time working with community, patients, and alumni of Valley Hope. Thank you John! We love our Renewal Days here at Parker we are continually blessed by many alumni celebrating years and years of sobriety this last month we were happy to honor all those who celebrated one continuous year of staying clean and sober -Wes B., Krista G., Pete H., Emily J., Kristin R., Matt W. Ryan D., Kristy C., Kayla B., and Donald Y. Our beautiful landscaping continues to improve as Chaplain Olive can be seen from time to time planting colorful flowers around the facility. We now have two large entry planters outside our front door that add a welcoming touch for patients and visitors. Chaplain Olive has been coordinating with local nurseries for donations and we feel blessed to have her here at Parker for all she does.
Around Parker
Tino
G R A P E V I N E
Upcoming Events
Bake Sale Proceeds to help with Sober Living expenses for qualified alumni Alumni @ Texas Ranger Game- TBA date and time September- 2nd Beautification project OctSober Fest- Yearly Reunion - Oct. 19
The Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni group has been growing! In March we had our first beautification project. Several alumni and their families showed up to plant some new Cannas and give back to the place that gave them hope! This is the first phase of several beautification projects we are planning to do. All in preparation for our Serenity/Memorial Gardens. Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni All Stars vs. The Right Step We played in our first ever Softball Tournament this past April. We played against several other treatment and 12 Step organizations, and brought home the We have two Alumni Information boards. One is located in the 2nd place trophy! Everyone had a blast and we cant wait to do it again next year. Many thanks go out to Jim E. who helped get all of the softball equipment for the Tip M. and Suzanne W. group! Main Hallway next to the cafeteria and the 2nd is in the Intensive Outpatient hallway. We encourage all of our alumni to get connected and stay up to date with all the Grapevine Valley Hope Sober Fun events, fundraisers, etc. Getting connected is simple: Fill out the Alumni Registration Form so that we can send updates, mtg. reminders, sober fun events, etc. Email: alumnihope-line@gmail.com. Text: GVHALUMNI to 313131 Visit our local webpage: alumnihope-line.wordpress.com, which always has our latest calendar of events.
Suzanne W.
9:40 a.m. attend current patients cup hangings, welcome them to the alumni family 10:00 a.m. free brunch for all patients, alumni, friends, family and staff 11:00 a.m. Medallion Ceremony & Cup Retrievals 1:00 p.m. attend Alumni Small group facilitated by a counselor We also meet every Saturday at 6 p.m. in the Lecture hall for an Alumni Open Recovery Mtg. On the 2nd Saturday of the month we hold our Alumni Business Mtg/Group Conscience. We encourage you to attend so that you can get plugged into the groups events, speaking engagements, chairing a meeting and volunteer opportunities as they arise. Hope to see you around, until then, keep doing the next best thing!
Letters to God...
Dear God, as I begin this day. Let me turn my thoughts to you, And ask your help in guiding me in everything I say and do. Give me the patience that I need to keep my peace of mind, and with lifes cares, I hope, Dear God, some happiness to find. Let me live for today, not worrying whats ahead. For I have trust that you will see I get my Daily Bread. Give me the courage to face lifes trials and not from troubles run. Let me keep this thought in mind, Thy Will not mine, be done. And I wish if some wish I do not get, though I have prayed to Thee, help me to believe whats best for me. Ive failed you many times, I know, but when tonight I rest, I hope that I can kneel and say, Dear God, I tried my best.
12 Step Resources Alcoholics Anonymous www.aa.org Narcotics Anonymous www.na.org Al-Anon Family Groups www.al-anon.alateen.org
N O R T O N
By: Larry Black MS, LCAC Program Director Wow, are summers ever busy around here - but lots of fun. In June, we held our annual cookout. Burgers and the fixings for all our alumni and anyone in the community who wanted to come and enjoy. We served over 150 people. It was great to see so many familiar faces and Steve and Johnny and Tim served up some pretty great burgers. Thanks also to the dietary staff for everything! It was a great time. You know how all the TV shows have a big cliff hanger at the end of the season. Well, we will be having our own NVH Alkathon cliff hanger. Last year the North Platte alumni group issued a challenge that I foolishly accepted. If the North Platte group can raise $1000 for the patient fund, yours truly, Larry Black, Norton Valley Hope Program Director must spend the day of Alkathon wearing a BRIGHT RED Nebraska Cornhusker shirt. Now, my tastes tend to run more to purple for my Wildcats, so that could be a very traumatic day. You will want to be there to see if they can accomplish this feat which has never been done before and get me to wear a Nebraska Huskers shirt. News from around the facility! We have our new recovery rooms open. This has been a Godsend because now we can make sure we are able to admit as many people in need of help as possible. With some of our patients staying in the recovery room longer due to tapering off certain chemicals and medications, this
will make sure Annie and our staff keep admitting folks when they call. We have also added a new room to the facility which we call The Study. This is a room just off the living center with recliners and desks and a subdued atmosphere where our patients can go to work on AC/ESS online therapy, work on their fourth steps, read from their AA or NA books, or just to relax away from the crowd. The next time you are in town, stop by and check out The Study. Finally, we are really excited about our next big event after the Alkathon. Hope in Color. This is a 5K or 1 Mile run/walk which will be held in Elmwood Park in Norton on Saturday, September 14th. Individuals and families are invited to attend. We are planning to make this a fun event for everyone: And very colorful. During the run, participants will be blasted with color and by the end the whole throng they should look like a rainbow. We would really love to have as many alumni and friends as possible participate so we can all celebrate Hope in Color. See the Valley Hope web site for online registration and more information, or feel free to call us at Norton Valley Hope, 785-8775101. Entry fee is $30 in advance and $35, the day of the event. I guess thats enough for now. Until next time, best wishes from all of us at Jaylyn helping Norton Valley Hope.
Dan F.
46th Annual Alkathon Saturday Aug. 17 12:30 to 5 p.m. Speaker Food Fellowship
B O O N V I L L E
By Chaplain Steve Conrad One of the great things about summer at Moundridge Valley Hope is that the community swimming pool is open! Nothing beats the searing Kansas heat like a quick or leisurely dip. Oddly, The Space Place, where visiting NA and AA meetings happen, is almost a straight line in between our Moundridge Valley Hope building and the pool. We think nothing beats the heat of addiction like a quick or a leisurely dip in the cool waters of recovery. Which destination brings the most energy and anticipation from patients?
us for Renewal Day each month- youll find information about Renewal Days times and schedules on the Friends and Alumni link on www.valleyhope.org
Renewal Days It seems like the news is spreading. Come on home, alumni! Folks are showing up to celebrate with us. In April, Kenyon J., Timothy L., Jacob K., and Leon T. (2 years!) came by to collect cups and celebrate. May brought flowers, yes, and also Mark L., Carissa A., Terri P., and Dylan D.- each a year winner. Les A. and Brenda B. picked up a 2 year cup, and Tony M. celebrated 3 clean and sober years! June brought not only the Super Moon, huge and glowing, but also Bud S., Rita S., Pam M., Christine R.- all one year sober- and Thomas C., 2 years- to pick up cups. We even had a 6 year winner, Chris S.! Were so proud of each one of you- how heartening and wonderful to see you smiling, contented, and happy. Please join
Alicia Landrum, BA, LAC Outpatient Program Director, Change is a word we have all come to know and love in recovery, right? Maybe some of us arent so used to it yet, maybe some still fear it, but recovery teaches us that change happens. Fear of change is one of the biggest fears I hear most often from patients who are new to recovery. Change is the goal of stepping into recovery. We want a change to move away from the guilt, shame, and misery related to active addiction, which is why we chose treatment in the first place. Then we start to make the steps necessary and the fear of change can get in the way. Little do we know it, there isnt much to fear. If I knew today what I knew the first time I tried to stay clean and sober, I would have a few more days strung together. Change is synonymous with life for various reasons: the seasons change, the world changes, flowers bloom, winds blow and the sun and stars take turns lighting our sky. The Twelve Steps help us to change and grow while our sponsor and others in recovery guide us. One day at a time, change IS possible and with support of others in the program and a Higher Power, it can turn out to be pretty simple. We would like to see our Wichita Valley Hope alumni return and share with us how their lives have changed. We have a Renewal Night scheduled for the third Wednesday of every month starting at 6p.m. Its always a blessing to see our former patients. Wichita Valley Hope will be experiencing a pretty big change in the coming months, and it will be very noticeable. Harry Gard, who has been a part of the Valley Hope family for thirty years, and is a former alumnus, will be retiring in August. Many of you may remember him as the Program
Director, but he has been working hard as a counselor for many years. Whatever role he has been in, Harry has always been compassionate and caring to our patients. For all of the hard work and dedication Harry has done for Valley Hope, we are truly grateful. I also know that he will be missed by our staff, current patients, and former patients. The coffee caf is named after Harry so he will always be a part of our team and commemorated here at Wichita Valley Hope. We would like to have our former patients come and celebrate Harrys retirement by attending our Renewal Night or just stopping by when you can. Please help us show Harry Gard Harry how much he is appreciated!
Volume 45 Edition 3 Editorial Committee: Megan OConnor, Lydia Iacobucci, Kacie Boydston and Keri Vanover
Coffee Cup
If your address needs to be updated or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 1-800-654-0486 or e-mail
recovery@valleyhope.org The Valley Hope Coffee Cup newsletter is published quarterly by the Valley Hope Association Editorial Committee P .O. Box 510 Norton, KS 67654
By: Terry M. AZ Hope Builder Board Member Chandler and Tempe Valley Hope teamed up to host our 1st ever golf tournament. The scene was a beautiful course called Vistal at the base of South Mountain. 144 golfers, 18 hole sponsors, mulligans, best and worst golf outfit competition and tons of prizes. We raised $13,628 for patient scholarships! Absolutely amazing for our 1st try at a golf tourney! Special thanks go to our own Kandi Morris and Hope Builder Board/Alumni Gonzalo A. for spearheading the event. On nearly every hole there were 12 step meetings taking place. Some golf. ers got in 18 mini meetings along with 18 holes of fabulous golf. The Spirit of the golf tournament was truly amazing, from the opening prayer, the stirring speech given by our President/CEO Ken Gregoire to the last goodbye, it was obvious to all who attended that God was there. We invite you to join us again next Roth F., year for the 2nd Annual! best dressed
JanW.
One of our long time employees in the Business Office at Chandler Valley Hope is retiring. Her name is Jan Westphal and she has been a wonderful secretary. She has been with us since 1997.
You Asked...
Friends In Recovery Answered
Question: How did you explain your addiction to your young children?
My name is Alicia and I am 18 months sober. I have 2 boys, 6 and 7. I actually have been fortunate not to have to explain my alcoholism to my kids! I tell them I need to go to a meeting and they have asked why and I just say so I can be a better mommy. I am currently on my 8th steps and have learned that I dont have to make direct amends to them, I just continue to give them a life they deserve. We communicate better instead of screaming, we express our feelings and I am there mom, not their friend. I make more time for my boys, pray with them, and enjoy and cherish every minute. I know now that I have a lot more to lose if I go back out and they remind me of that every day! My name is Suzanne W. and I have 4 children. When I went into treatment my twin girls were 8 and my two boys were 10 and 11. In the beginning they thought mommy was at the hospital for an extended stay. Partly because thats where I was a lot of their life growing up due to lymphoma and other health reasons. When I transferred over to Intensive Outpatient, they knew mommy was getting better but they still did not understand fully what Valley Hope was. Time continued to go by, I was getting stronger on my new sea legs (as my counselor called them). I finally got to a comfortable point in my life that I realized my burden of addiction had indeed transformed into my blessing and my lifes testimony. So long story short...they are fully aware of everything now, my conscience is clear, God is able to work in and thru that and we visit Grapevine Valley Hope and give back as a family all the time! ~Suzanne W. Hello My Name is Tim and Im an addict. I got the e-mail from the Coffee Cup the same day my oldest granddaughter was coming to visit for a few days. This is the first time in 5 years Ive been faced with this. My Children were 21 and 17 years old when I got clean. My Sister is a drug and alcohol counselor, so my children went to her to learn about my disease. Nope, I didnt have to explain anything early in recovery to them. Maybe a few things, but they were really ac-
cepting of their NEW DAD. But when my granddaughter came to visit a fear came over me. I was in Fear of judgment from my granddaughter! Lucky me, God blessed me with a girlfriend who is in Recovery. She got to be the one to answer the questions, because I was at work when they went to the 1st meeting and that evening we all went to our group Birthday Night. The only question that she asked was: What does NA stand for? Narcotics Anonymous was the answer. That was the only question asked. My Home group is simply an extension of my family. NA feels like family, NA is my Family. Yet I still struggle with the fear of answering this question and being able to properly explain what the disease of addiction is! There was a child in my home group, and her mother told her it was just like being sick and having to go to the doctor to get healthy. The little girl said thats where my Mommy goes to get healthy. I still have NO clue how I will answer that question. But I do know this: Recovery has given me the tools, and has put the people in my life to help me deal with any situation or question that I might face. I think I should simply pray about it, and the answer will present itself! LIFE IS GOOD TODAY ~Tim P. The only time it has been brought up I told her I was going to a meeting. She said she didnt like me going to meetings because I couldnt spend that time with her. I asked her if she enjoyed our time together more now or before I stopped drinking beer? She said she liked it more now. I told her the meetings help me to quit drinking beer. She said, okay, I can go to the meeting but I have to play with her when I get home. My daughter is going to be 8 in September. I have joint custody of her so she is not here all the time. She has said many times that she likes me better now that I dont drink beer. I have been sober for 13 months. ~Joe F. I was fortunate enough to have my daughter stay with me at Valley Hope. We attended family meetings and played with the others who were in recovery. Children know when there is a problem. They just may not be able to identify the problem. Valley Hope counselors helped my daughter and I to open up to each other regarding sobriety. She enjoyed the meetings and that there were other children involved in the meetings with their families. I think this really helped my daughter understand she could be a big help in many ways. Thank you for reminding me what we went through, and how beneficial it all is! ~Sonja S.
Step Seven
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Norton, KS 67654-0510
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