Running head: PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING

Theory of Helping Taylor Altizer Azusa Pacific University

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING Developing ones own personal theory of helping is a difficult task that is always evolving and progressing (Reynolds, 2009). It is through both research and personal experience that one is able to assess their current skills and competencies to formulate a language around how they approach helping others. The field of Student Affairs addresses the many facets of students needs and the professionals within the field carry out the means in which the students are best supported. It is vital that I, as a professional, recognize why I help, how I can best help, and the areas in which I need to grow in order to serve students to the best of my ability. Nature of personhood and wellness I believe that helping others is not an option, but rather my responsibility as a fellow human being. Each person has been gifted in different ways that are unique to their own self,

and I believe that these distinctive attributes are so that we are better equipped to help others that may be lacking in those specific areas. Just as each person has been given gifts, each person has shortcomings that make them dependent on the gifts of others for success. My Christian worldview has formed how I view the nature of human beings and how that nature has been my motivation for helping others. I believe that humans are naturally evil and because of that are in need of a great deal of forgiveness and help. I believe that God gives grace, and that if humans were actually good, grace and mercy would become superfluous. I, myself, am included in this human nature and therefore am in just as much need of help as everyone else. Therefore, I do not believe that there is such thing as a well person. My personal worldview many times comes in to conflict with my cultural definition of wellness and personhood. Where I would say that humans are innately evil, this contradicts the cultural belief that people are good, with the potential for evil. I believe that this is where my

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING culture gets the idea that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Needing help means that things are not good, and therefore, not in line with what this culture considers success.

Since I truly believe that there is no such thing as a well person, there are no criteria for what makes a person worth helping. It would be a shame to deny a person what they need because they are not worthy of the help, especially if you are the one that can give them the help that they need. This is an area that I feel my culture may understand better than my Christian worldview. From my perspective, Christians love doing missions trips to Third World countries, yet will not help their fellow brother when the issue is not monetary. Things like depression, divorce and abortion are looked at as ungodliness. Christians will be the first to offer prayer in those situations, but I feel that the American culture is much more supportive when people are dealing with more personal issues. Though there are some people that are hard to help, the difficulty of the situation should be a motivator to help, not the excuse to refuse them assistance. Nature of Change I believe that all human beings are capable of conscious change, but this particular change can only occur when the person experiencing the transformation desires the change and is willing to challenge what they had previously known as truth. Change is immobilized through doubt in ones ability to change and a fear of the unknown repercussions. Many times, the desire to change is present, but the fear of failure or life repercussions overshadows the anticipated benefits of changing. What it comes down to is that conscious change is hard, and it is not something that just happens, but rather takes work. Crisis and conflict play a big role in change. Earlier, I mentioned that conscious change is difficult, but there is also unconscious change, which can result from crisis and conflict and happen in a very short amount of time. For example, a person who experiences death of a loved

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one could experience a change in their personality, their attitudes or even the lens that they use to interpret their experiences. I believe that unconscious change occurs when ones foundation is either broken or in question through different experiences. Community adds a new dimension to change. Though inner change is personal, ones community can heavily influence the motivations and encouragement for change to occur. The negative side of this can be seen in the form of peer pressure, where a person conforms to a certain way of living for the soul purpose of fitting in or pleasing others. A positive aspect of this can be seen in people choosing to produce change in their lives in order to meet the quality standard of living that their community promotes. That is why I believe that in the helping profession, the helper should always be encouraging those they are assisting to seek out relationships that are beneficial, healthy, and uplifting. Nature of helping Helping another person means contributing to them the gifts you have that can help them in the areas of their lives where they are hurting or lacking. Helping can be seen as a puzzle, where each person is a piece. Some edges of the piece have an indent, where other sides have protruding sides. These different sides represent strengths and weaknesses. Luckily, those indents can be completed by other peoples protruding sides and vice versa. Sharon Daloz Parks explores the role of faith in the lives of young adults and how it impacts this stage of their lives. Parks (2011) uses a metaphor of shipwreck, gladness and amazement to illustrate the role of faith during this period of life (p. 39). Shipwreck can happen in many different forms during college, whether it be heartbreak, coping with failure or family issues, and as students are able to cope and heal, they get to a point of gladness and then to amazement of their ability to grow in that way. As shipwrecks present themselves, students are

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING able to look back on their past cycles through this process and understand their growth. Parks (2011) believes that this cycle produces a new form of knowing (p. 43). I believe that a person cannot complete this cycle without the help and support of others. In my own life, I would say that I am helpful to others because I am able to empathize with their struggles. I have found that even though I have not experienced a particular situation, I can still do my best to validate another persons feelings and allow them the space to express

themselves in whatever way they feel, without having to worry about being judged. I also like to find ways that I can tangibly help people in need, such as feeding the homeless, painting houses in Mexico, or even not charging a family for babysitting when they cannot afford to pay. From a Student Affairs perspective, ethics is of the upmost importance. Ethics are what keep people safe, especially the role of a mandated reporter. I want to create a safe space for students who need help, however, I feel that part of that safe space is being able to acknowledge when I, the helper, am in over my head and need to seek help of my own. Knowing my limits and knowing when I need to report a potential suicide or sexual abuse is what I hope to develop over time so that I can adequately help students. Theoretical Knowledge The field of psychology has contributed many methods for counseling that can be applied to the field of Student Affairs. Both of these occupational fields are in the business of helping and can use similar applications to meet the needs of their clients or students. Though I consider many theories to influence the way I address student concerns, the two theories that contribute to my personal theory of helping most effectively would be cognitive behavioral and personcentered.

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING Cognitive behavioral theory works towards taking irrational, self-deprecating thoughts and shifting them to positive and productive ideas and attitudes (Reynolds, 2009). Going to college can produce a lot of self-doubt, seeing as students are having to now balance new life experiences, which can leave them feeling inadequate if they are unable to do so. This theory, from a Student Affairs perspective, would be to help students develop coping mechanisms to

help them function in their environment (Reynolds, 2009). This is applicable to college students because most of them are transitioning into a new environment where their parents are no longer the authority, but they are making their own choices. This new freedom can be frightening for some and liberating for others, but each student has to discover their role in the new environment. Cognitive behavioral theory can be beneficial for this transitional period. With the added pressures of balancing grades, a social life, and many times a job, students can become frustrated when they are not able to handle college life perfectly. Bad grades, being alone on the weekends or an overwhelming job can manifest itself in negative selftalk or poor self-esteem (Reynolds, 2009). Cognitive behavioral therapy can also be used in Student Affairs as a way to help students combat these negative feelings and replace them with confidence and security. Person-centered therapy uses a concept called unconditional positive regard that I believe is imperative in the field of Student Affairs. Unconditional positive regard is the genuine acceptance of the [students] experiences, feelings, behaviors, and attitudesfor the [student] to develop positive self-regard (Reynolds, 2009, p. 101). Each college student enters the new environment with a unique experience shaped by past events, hardships, cultural influences and other outside forces, which should compel Student Affairs professionals to practice unconditional positive regard. Some students pasts can be harder to relate to than others, but for

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING a student to know that there is at least one person who accepts them regardless of any shortcomings they think they may have can give that student the hope they need to continue in college. Self-Knowledge

Amy Reynolds (2009) recognizes a need for a strong knowledge of self in order to create a personal theory as it applies to others (p. 105). What I have known without a doubt for my entire life is that a career in a helping profession has never been an option, but rather a necessity. I grew up in a home with my family and whomever my parents had extended an offer to live with us that month. I never felt like my house was my own because it was my familys tool for ministry. Throughout my ministry experience, I have found that my skills in organizing and planning have best equipped me to help others. I find joy in my ability to strategically plan events for others that allows people to be in community with one another, while doing something enjoyable. On a more personal level, I realize that my humor and ability to start conversations has made it easier for me to form relationships with others. I have recently been working on engaging in conversations on a deeper level than my typical interactions, and I have been able to know others and be known by them. Though I feel confident in my conversation abilities, I find that I hold back when giving people advice because I am scared I will lead them in the wrong direction, or the advice will not be well received. I find that I am best able to give my advice when I decide to listen to others fully, instead of planning what I am going to say to them while they are talking. I am learning that listening is more important to a conversation than I had previously thought. This course has

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not only taught me the importance of listening, but it has also equipped me with the right tools to practice and progress. I always had a hard time helping people when I would continually do things for them, and I got no appreciation for how I had helped. A couple of years ago, I worked for a youth group and there was a young girl who was extremely negative, and when I would reach out to her, she would be mean and unresponsive. I always felt that I needed to love her, despite how frustrating her attitude was. When I moved away and had to leave my job, this girl was sad to see me go, and even wrote me a letter to tell me how much I impacted her life. This was when I realized that even though it does not seem like a person is receiving your help, it is crucial to be persistent, because you never know what impact you are actually having on the person. Application I was provided with a case study that pertains to student affairs, specifically Residence Life. The premise of this situation is two international student roommates who are having issues with one another. On the surface, there are steps that can be taken to resolve this roommate issue, however, it is important to utilize the three-phase model of helping to uncover the underlying issues that each student is experiencing that is feeding into their roommate quarrels. The three-phase model seeks to become familiar with the situation, ask the right questions and clarify the details before actually putting a solution into action. Seeing as we are working with two very different students, I feel that it is best to apply the three-phase model to each student individually, rather than focusing on the living situation as they key issue. The first student, Estevan, is 19 years old and Argentinian. He is very outgoing and enjoys being involved in campus activities. His roommate, Jiao-long is Taiwanese, 22 years old, shy and reserved. This is the first indication of an area where their personalities clash with one

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING another. Already, it is apparent that we have two individuals who come from different cultural backgrounds, have different personalities and have a decent sized age gap. In addition to these differences, Estevan often falls asleep in class and has a hard time finishing his schoolwork, while Jiao-long is very hardworking in his class, yet still had a hard time with his English. Though Estevan is involved in campus events, he is also well connected with his friends back home. He stays up late at night talking with them on the computer, possibly due to a time difference, and this is impacting his sleep, as well as Jiao-longs sleep. It was recently

uncovered that Jiao-long had been smoking in the laundry area, and Estevan reported that though Jiao-long said he would not smoke on campus anymore, he has taken to smoking in their room. In order to clarify the feelings these students are experiencing, I would want to discuss with each student about their differences and how that impacts the dynamics of their living situation. Since they have such drastic personality types, as well as cultural identifications, it is crucial to understand how each person is feeling on an individual level. Jiao-long may feel over powered and inferior, since he is shyer than Estevan, whereas Estevan may feel as though Jiaolong does not like him, due to his shy temperament. In terms of school performance, it could be a possibility that though Estevan gets in trouble for not doing his work, he may still be getting the same, or better, grades than Jiao-long, even though he puts forth much more effort. This could cause Jiao-long to resent Estevans ability to be involved on campus and still be able to maintain passing grades. Speaking specifically to Estevan, I would want to clarify why he finds it necessary to talk to his friends at home as much as he does, since he seems to be doing an adequate job connecting with people on campus. Jiao-longs relationships on campus are not addressed, however, research shows that quality relationships correlate with a students ability to feel balanced (Misra & McKean, 2000).

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING As an RD, as well as an American, I need to be cautious about how I proceed with the application portion of the resolution, since I am dealing with students from cultures different

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from my own. First and foremost, I would need to look in to the cultural values on reconciliation from each of the students perspectives. For example, Taiwanese students, like Jiao-long, prefer to deal with conflict with a third party present (Huang, 2009). Students who are Argentinian, like Estevan, prefer to not avoid the situation, but rather prefer more of a mediation style (Cropanzano et al, 1999). This is great for this situation, because I would be able to act not only as a third party to accommodate Jiao-long, but also be able to contribute as a mediator, which would benefit Estevan. Where the two of their styles would clash with one another is that Taiwanese students tend to avoid, where Argentinian students typically would rather confront and deal with the issue upfront (Hodis, 2005). As I stated earlier, I feel that the roommate problems can be attributed to differences between the two individuals, and the plan should therefore address the students accordingly. Beginning with Estevan, I would first want to address the fact that he is staying up all night talking with his friends, because that seems to be a contributing factor to his decline in class attentiveness. Estevan is obviously missing that relationships he has developed at home, and I feel it would be important to help wean him off of his dependence on those friends, and encourage him to invest in the relationships with the students around him. A goal that Estevan could have is to limit the amount of days he talks to those friends each week, and replace that activity with quality time with the students he is around, maybe even his roommate. Jiao-long has some tangible issues that can be addressed right away by referring him to other offices. First, he obviously is struggling in school, especially with his language proficiency. Referring him to an office, such as a tutoring center or learning enrichment center,

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he can learn study skills to help him succeed in his studies. He also seems to have an addiction to smoking, which could be used as a stress relief or a way to cope, seeing as he was dependent enough on smoking that he broke the rules to smoke on campus. This, along with his shy, reserved nature, may be an indication that Jiao-long may not have an adequate outlet for his hardships. I would recommend that he see a counselor, so he can verbalize how he is feeling and acquire healthy ways of coping. Finding ways to help these students as individuals is a great starting point, however there is still the living arrangement issue that needs to be tackled. It seems like each of these students feels disrespected by the other in different ways. Estevan did not like that Jiao-long smoked in their common space, and Jiao-long resents Estevan for keeping him up late at night. Seeing as these students are involved in different things, I would first and foremost want to give them the space to express their concerns to one another, since it seems that they have not had the opportunity or the courage to do so prior. Both of these students may have come in to this living arrangement with expectations, and never expressed these expectations to their roommate. I feel that creating a contractual agreement with the two of them, which they would write up themselves, with common expectancies of each other. This can range from no loud music after 10:00pm, to something like no visitors before 8:00am. The great thing about a written document is that these things have been agreed upon and therefore should be upheld. This is especially good for Jiao-long who may be too shy to confront Estevan. Though there are steps that can be taken to mend this living situation, there needs to be follow up conversations after these interventions are put in to place. These practices may provide a temporary solution, but if left alone these problems may arise again. I believe that meeting

PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING with these students individually about there unique situations would be beneficial, as well as meeting with them together to talk about their roommate situation.

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PERSONAL THEORY OF HELPING References Cropanzano R., Aguinis, H., Schminke, M., & Denham, D.L. (1999). Disputant reactions to

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managerial resolution tactics: A comparison among Argentina, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, and the United States. Group and Organization Management. Vol. 24, Iss. 2. Hodis, G.M. (2005). Managing intercultural conflict. Unpublished MA thesis. Carbondale, USA: Southern Illinois University Huang, L. (2009). Solving conflict in academic contexts: A comparison of US and Taiwanese college students. Southern Illinois University at Carbondale). ProQuest Dissertations and Theses, , 97. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/304997552?accountid=8459. (304997552). Misra, R., & McKean, M. (2000). college students' academic stress and its relation to their anxiety, time management, and leisure satisfaction. American Journal of Health Studies, 16(1), 41-51. Parks, S.D. (2011) Big questions, worthy dreams. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Reynolds, A.L. (2009). Helping college students: Developing essential support skills for student affairs practice. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.