http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/dissociative-resources.htm Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.

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Christian Index of Help for Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) Free Resources for Hosts, Alters (Insiders or Parts), Counselors and Friends of People with Multiple Personalities

Confused, lonely and scared are the most common feelings among people coming to terms with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you have D.I.D., the following free resources provide the comfort, answers and support you need. Even if you do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder, many of these webpages will bless you, especially those quoting alters. For a very short, simple explanation of D.I.D. see Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained Ministering to alters has been one of the most beautiful spiritual experiences I have ever been privileged to have. People with Dissociative Identity Disorder have known trauma and heartache like few people have, and yet it is typical of God that these are the very people he grants spiritual revelation and such an exceptionally deep, highly personal relationship with him that leave most other Christians in awe. Jesus relationship with alters (also known as insiders or parts) highlights his humility, gentleness, tenderness and patience to the most astounding degree. Christ is divinely anointed to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release prisoners from darkness (Isaiah 61:1), for The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. . . . He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalms 34:18; 147:3).

Invaluable Help: 1

The Nature & Treatment of D.I.D. The Most In-Depth yet Easy to Understand Guide: A wealth of tips in understanding & living with D.I.D. How to Find Every Alter & Get Each Alter to Talk Needed by those who are not sure they have spoken to any alter, right through to those convinced they know their every alter How to Speed Healing A useful follow-on from the previous link Living With Alters: I Seem to be Getting Worse! Angry, Bad, Mean, Nasty Alters (Insiders) Resolving Conflict Between Insiders Dissociative Identity Disorder Self-Help: I Hate My Alters Healing Testimony: Why I Love My Insiders (Alters) Dissociative Identity Disorder: The Pain, Frustration & Cure Gods Love for Alters: A Sign Dolls or Stuffed Toys for Healing Dissociative Identity Disorder Coping With Baby Alters, and More Why I Adore My Friends Alters (Insiders) Caution in Relating to People if you have D.I.D. Helping Introject Alters Find Their True Identity Pages by Alters: An Alter Meets Jesus Touching Insights into How to Help Alters Alters Meet Father God A Quite Different and Insightful Testimony of Alters discoving Gods Love for Them Is Jesus Safe? Sexual Issues in Relating to Jesus Gently Addresses a Common Fear of Many Alters Formed by Sexual Abuse What Alters (Insiders) Wish their Hosts Knew 2

An Alters Plea to all Hosts I Thought I Was the Opposite Sex! Help With All the Confusion of Being an Alter Learning How to Feel, & Enjoy Health An Alter Learns How to Enjoy Life Gods Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters When Inner Pain Returns Help with Emotional Pain To Protector Alters from a Protector Alter Understanding Alters who Feel the Need to Protect Other Alters Dreams, Nightmares & Dissociative Identity Disorder Short but Helpful Free Therapy: Free Therapy / Counseling for Dissociative Identity Disorder Afraid of God: Fear of God or Fearing Jesus & Healing Sex Abuse or Dissociative Identity Disorder Stories for Young Alters Heartwarming & Healing Stories for Child Alters Helping You Comfort, Heal, Lead to Christ and Empower Child Alters Gods Extreme Patience With Alters: I Kept Trying to Force God to Reject Me Encouraging Testimony of a Man with D.I.D. (Alters not specifically mentioned but feature strongly) Satanic Ritual Abuse / Sadistic Ritual Abuse: S.R.A. Explained Gender Issues: Wish You Were the Opposite Sex? The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities: 3

Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? How to Identify a Good Counselor: Choosing a Counselor / Finding a Christian Therapist for Dissociative Identity Disorder Demons & D.I.D.: Multiple Personalities are NOT Demons! Imaginary Friends (The person who battled demons in this testimony has D.I.D.) See also the Second Link Below You Can Be the Therapist! (Easy and Highly practical): Model your approach on real examples of counseling Leading an Alter to Christ Real-Life Counseling of a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter Invaluable but lengthy and triggering Therapy / Help for Abusive Introject Alters / Insiders: How to Cure / Stop Bad Alters Invaluable but lengthy and triggering Diagnosing D.I.D.: Psychological Tests to Diagnose Dissociative Identity Disorder

Other Valuable Resources Self-Injury, Self-Inflicted Pain A Cure for Self-Harm Free help for male and female survivors of all forms of sexual interference: Comfort, Understanding & Healing for Abuse Survivors Valuable Links on Many Topics Hurting? Help, Answers, Support, Hope Facing the Truth vs Suppression 4

Positive Confession or Living in Denial? Depression When Things get Tough Keep following the main link at the end of each page An End to Guilt Cure for Guilt Deepening Your Awareness of Gods Love for You How Much Does God Love Me? Your Personal Revelation Toilet Difficulties Toilet Fear Survivors of abusive potty training and those with baby alters often have difficulties using the bathroom Can God be Trusted? Why Does God Allow Suffering? Porn Filters: A List of Porn Blocking Software Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: A Brief Explanation General Help: How to Comfort the Hurting Pages in Other Languages: Swahili Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

Change of pace 5

Exciting webpages by Grantley Morris on many other subjects: Stimulating, compassionate, often humorous, webpages http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/DID-explained.htm Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained

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When people suffer something so horrible that their mind recoils from the very thought of it, we can understand their mind trying to suppress all memory of the event. A simple blocking of the past would not work, however, if a person were continually reminded of the trauma by, for example, the trauma being repeated every few days. When the trauma is on-going, the mind has to employ a more sophisticated approach to maintaining sanity by giving itself as big a reprieve as possible whenever the trauma is not occurring. The mind divides itself so that part of it is kept unaware of the bad times. That way, whenever the bad times are not occurring, part of the mind can function without being oppressed by an awareness of the horrors that occurred yesterday nor by the paralyzing fear that the horrors might be repeated tomorrow. Additional sources of trauma can cause further fragmenting of the mind. The advantage of fragmentation is that the Net-Burst.Net mind-crippling task of trying to cope with an awareness of everything at once is broken down into smaller, though still highly challenging, pieces. It is not only memories that are divided up, but with them go other intellectual abilities as well. Some abilities can be replicated in another part of the brain, just like right-handed people can further develop the side of their brain that controls their left hand so that they can write with their left hand almost as well as with their right. Not all abilities are replicated, however. Some parts of the person end up with skills that other parts do not have. As a result, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are usually more skilled than they realize until they become fully aware of all their other parts. Previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder, the newer term sounds like gobbledygook but it is actually more 6

meaningful than it first seems. If you were suffering, you might make it more tolerable by seeking to lessen your awareness of your current situation and imagining you were somewhere nice. This is called dissociation and although it would not stop all pain, it is likely to genuinely help. Instead of thinking of yourself as being somewhere else, an alternative is to think of yourself as being someone else someone who is never subjected to this distress. That is called taking on a dissociative identity. This would become an obvious choice if, for example, you were a little child singled out for severe beatings simply because of who you are the child of an abusive parent. This coping mechanism becomes a disorder a Net-Burst.Net disadvantage rather than an advantage if part of you got trapped in that dissociative state and could not return to normality even when external circumstances become normal. Becoming permanently disconnected from part of yourself would not be because of an inadequacy in you but because of the severity and prolonged nature of the trauma you suffered and because it began in your formative years. On-going disconnection could occur if, for example, you remained too scared to let yourself remember what happened when you were in that dissociated state. Being unable to access unpleasant memories might superficially seem desirable but it is likely to keep you from ever healing from those memories. How could anyone resolve a problem that he refuses to think about? To live in denial is to let a problem grow. Moreover, you would probably lose not only access to certain memories but to skills you had developed while you were in that state and to certain intellectual potential that this part of you has. So remaining disconnected would prevent you from being as consistently skilled as you have the potential to be and keep you from accessing the full extent of your intellectual capacity. If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, healing involves reconnecting with those parts of you that had become disconnected from you. False healing occurs if a person is still disconnected but mistakenly supposes nothing is missing, simply because the person has lost all awareness of disconnected parts. As a childs brain grows it becomes increasingly rigid and the ability to compartmentalize itself through Dissociative Identity Disorder is lost if the process is not initiated by around about seven years of age. If someone learns the technique when young, however, the person can continue 7

further compartmentalizing his/her brain later in life. Far from being freaks, people with D.I.D. have, from an early age, stumbled upon an ingenious mental strategy for coping with situations that are almost beyond human endurance. It is an emergency response to an extreme situation, however. There are significant disadvantages to remaining fragmented, such as the inability to simultaneously draw upon ones full intellectual resources to solve problems and heal from trauma. For further explanations, see The Inner Child. For much more help in understanding and healing from D.I.D., see Christian Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder. http://www.net-burst.net/sex_abuse/alters.htm Powerful Answers & Surprising Help For People Traumatized as Children

Healing your Inner Child / Inner Pain Help for Alters (Insiders) and Sufferers of Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) If you suffered trauma as a child, the traumatized part of you could have separated from the rest of you and need special attention. Understanding this can be crucial for healing.

This Page in Swahili Is anyone too macho or mature to have ever been a child? No matter how much you might hate it, you are human. We all long to push a distressing experience out of our mind and just get on with life without mentally coming to terms with it, but this is not nearly as heroic nor as helpful as we would like to think. Denying the reality of an inner wound does not prevent a suppressed part of us from acutely suffering, nor does it stop the pain from spilling over to the rest of our lives in ways that can make the cause frustratingly hard to identify. Unlike the power of resolving inner pain, the burden of trying to suppress pain is a dead weight keeping too many of us from the joyous freedom that would otherwise be ours. I challenge you to embrace reality, embarking on a terrifyingly exciting adventure of self-discovery that could lead to more peace and fulfillment than you have ever dared believe possible. You can end inner pain. Nevertheless, desperate times call for desperate measures. If, for example, an emergency were sufficiently serious, you might be brave enough to sacrifice a limb, cutting it off to save the rest of you. Pain avoidance is not nearly as simple, however, as trying to cut unpleasant memories out of our lives. Consider someone with a seriously wounded leg. Pain in the injured leg might push him to opt for amputation but after surgery he could be devastated to find himself hounded by phantom limb pain in which he suffers pain as if the amputated limb were still there and as wounded as ever. Likewise, cutting ourselves off from painful memories is more drastic than we realize and rarely as effective in ending our distress as we suppose. Such are the mysteries of inner (emotional) pain that to deepen our insight it will help to continue to look briefly at something slightly easier to understand: physical pain. If a gang of thugs kept beating you, it would hurt, of course, but by releasing such chemicals as adrenalin, your brain would temporarily shut down some of your consciousness of pain, thus helping you to flee from your attackers. Running when seriously injured brings great risk of inflaming the injuries perhaps raising the risk to life-threatening levels but the temporary necessity of escape overrides other vital concerns. So during the emergency, your minds partial suppression of your awareness of pain is a precious gift of God. Despite your understandable longing never to feel pain, however, once you are safe, continuing to have little consciousness of pain 9

could be counter-productive. Without pain signaling the extent of your injuries and hence alerting you to the urgency of seeking medical treatment your well-being could be seriously impaired. This natural response to physical trauma parallels our natural response to severe inner pain. In the short term, the suppression of your inner pain can be a blessing by helping you cope with the necessities of life. For as long as this suppression continues, however, it will keep you from healing. Being human means we have an inbuilt need not merely to store facts but to process events both mentally and emotionally. That does not necessarily mean crying, but accessing the full range of human emotions and analyzing the experience until we fully come to terms with it, before finally offloading the pain in an emotionally healthy way. When we suffer something highly unpleasant we long to disconnect from the entire event and live as if it had never happened. But the memory and the need to respond to it in a fully human manner remains a part of us. So to emotionally disconnect from the event is to disconnect from an essential part of who we are a part of us that continues to exist and feel and attempts to grapple with the experience in an authentically human way no matter how much we wish that part of us would die. We either help that part of our humanity find peace or we keep our lives in needless turmoil. When people have something so horrible in their past that their mind recoils from the very thought of it, we can understand the mind trying to suppress all memory of the event. A simple blocking of the past would not work, however, if a person is continually reminded of it by, for example, having to endure similar trauma every few days. If the trauma is on-going, though less than twenty-four hours every day of every week, the mind has to employ a more sophisticated approach to maintaining sanity by giving itself a big a reprieve as possible whenever the trauma is not occurring. The mind has to divide itself so that part of it has the capacity to function whenever the person is being retraumatized and another part is kept from awareness of what is happening so that it is able to function at times that are less traumatic without being hampered by conscious awareness of the horrors that occurred yesterday and the paralyzing fear that they might recur tomorrow. Additional types of trauma or trauma multiplying beyond the capacity of one part of the mind to cope can cause further fragmenting of the mind. That way, no part has to cope with every horrific memory and the consciousness that more such horrors are likely. The mind-crippling task of trying to deal with everything at once is broken down into smaller, though still horrific, pieces. 10

It is not only memories that are compartmentalized because the person has to be able to function often at quite a sophisticated level while being traumatized. So intellectual abilities have to be divided up as well. Some abilities can be replicated in another part of the brain, just like a right-handed people can develop the side of their brain that controls their left hand so that they can get better at writing with their left hand. Not all abilities are replicated, however, with the result these people are usually more skilled than they realize until they learn about all their other parts. Far from being a freak, these people have, from an early age, stumbled upon an ingenious mental strategy for coping with situations that are almost beyond human endurance. As a childs brain grows it becomes increasingly rigid and the ability to compartmentalize itself this way is lost if the process is not initiated by around about seven years of age. If someone learns the technique when young, however, the person can continue further compartmentalizing his/her brain later in life. So traumatized children especially those who are artistically and/or intellectually gifted have a remarkable ability. They can suppress inner pain by splitting into a functioning part of them that is fully aware of their suffering, and a part of them that is much less aware. It has been theorized that the split might come about through them trying to cope by intensely imagining that the horrific experience is happening to someone else, but even babies can split. Because each part of the person grapples alone with a different set of events, each part has a unique awareness of certain emotional pain, and hence a distinct consciousness. Many people call these disconnected parts of a person alters. Sometimes they are referred to as insiders. Some people simply use the term parts. I very much like this last term, even though I dont use it much in my pages because the word is so common that it would not help search engine users find the webpage. Alter sounds too alien and even insider sounds a little spooky. Part helps reinforce that each alter is a part of the one person. Each time a new alter is discovered, it is finding a vital part of oneself that you were not even aware was missing. Alters act like persons within a person. They are part of the full person (although they might not realize it) and they make their own decisions and have feelings, intelligence, and an individual personality. Writes one of Alices alters to one of Jakes alters (two of my friends who have let me share this with you names changed to protect anonymity): 11

I want you to know that I respect and admire you for your courage to split off and keep this secret from Jake so that he could survive. What a sacrifice you have made. It is like agreeing to live with a knife in your heart for the sake of the others. The benefit of splitting is that the part of the person not conscious of the worst aspects of the trauma is better able to soldier on with lifes daily demands. As we have seen also applies to a wounded person fleeing an attacker, a lowered consciousness of the severity of the trauma can, in the short term, prove a clever coping mechanism, but there is a serious downside. A part of you could have been so desperate to protect the rest of you by keeping unpleasant feelings and information from you that it severs lines of communication with you. The unintended consequence, however, is that the restricted flow of information operates in both directions. The price of making painful information inaccessible to you is that vital information you discover later in life cannot get back to the hurting part of you. That part of you left to cope alone with the full force of the trauma not only continues to reel in pain, it never gets to move on or grow up. The isolated, hurting part of you remains trapped at approximately the same mental age and limited knowledge, year after year. Usually it cannot benefit from new insights you gain later in life insights that would otherwise have enabled the hurting part of you to heal. For example, the inner child in a sex abuse survivor remains unable to see through the abusers former lies that the adult part of the person can see through. So the damaging power of those haunting lies continues, and the person fails to heal. Similarly, the suppressed, hurting part cannot access the spiritual understanding that the person gained later in life. Thankfully, the disconnected part can be taught these liberating, healing truths but usually this can happen only if that part of the person is acknowledged and dialog takes place in which these truths are taught as one would teach anyone else of similar age and experiences. Unless this happens, the deeply hurting, unhealed part will remain with the person for life, and make its presence felt in mysteriously vague, unpleasant ways. Sadly, fear of the unknown and false shame make it exceedingly difficult for most people to face the possibility that they have alters. In actual fact, if I discovered I had multiple personalities, Id be excited about it, but I have the advantage of understanding all the benefits flowing from such a diagnosis. No matter how much you suppress alters and live in denial, if you 12

have alters, they are an inseparable part of you. Keeping them suppressed would sentence you to remaining only a shadow of the wonderful person you could be. Yes, when alters first surface they have pain and problems, but the key is not to try to rid yourself of these essential parts of you but to help them heal and this is fairly easy. Anyone trying to suppress alters is like someone with injured fingers and toes who, instead of tending the wounds, wants to hack off all his arms and legs! Each alter has unique gifts or abilities, such as creativity or a special skill or valuable character trait or a key to healing that will empower you to soar beyond what you could otherwise achieve.

If You Dont Have Alters You dont need multiple personalities to have a wounded inner child. A woman, who as far I know does not have alters, has given me permission to share the following: Just over a year ago I purchased a Christian CD of baby lullabies and sent it to my new grandson. I kept thinking about that CD. The next time I was in town I purchased one for myself. I would have never thought of it on my own. Ive never known anyone to suggest such a thing. It was a revelation from the Holy Spirit. For weeks that turned into months I had this music playing softly while I read my Bible and prayed. I was absolutely amazed at the nurturing and healing that came to me from such music in the background. It was an inexpensive investment that paid big dividends for me. You just might want to give some thought to purchasing a childrens Christian CD to see if it doesnt help heal the inner child in you that was neglected (or at least not supported very well) in childhood. Sometimes we need to become that little child again before we can move on.

How Can You Know if You Have an Alter? 13

Should you have alters, becoming aware of this fact is unlikely to be easy. After all, they formed to keep things from you. Moreover, needless fears and misconceptions about the implications of having alters cause most peoples minds to recoil from the thought of having alters. The result is high psychological pressure for people with alters to remain unaware of their alters. So despite all the healing advantages of finding that you have alters, things are stacked against you discovering them. Winning the trust of a terrified jackrabbit might be less of a challenge, but the only sure way to discover an alters is to so win their confidence that they decide to talk to you regularly. Until alters feels safe to do this, you can only look for vague clues. Should you have alters, do not expect to have any awareness of, at best, more than a few of the symptoms mentioned below. Although some people with alters have obvious gaps in their memory of the distant past, there are some who, even before healing begins, have a more detailed and complete memory of their childhood than average people who have never had alters. This is because alters do not necessarily retain sole memory of certain events. What they keep to themselves (until they begin to heal) is the deepest emotional reaction to certain traumatic events. Rather than mere facts, it is particularly emotional ownership of these events that they keep from the rest of the person. So people with undetected alters might not necessarily have missing years. They might, however, have the occasional missing moment in everyday life that cannot be attributed to alcohol or drugs. They might, for instance, lose keys or other personal items and find them in places where they cannot recall putting them. Other possibilities include goods appearing that they cannot recall purchasing, inexplicable bank account withdrawals, finding themselves somewhere with no recollection of how they got there, or having no memory of doing things in the recent past that other people claim to have witnessed them doing. Sometimes people with alters discover that they can protect themselves from self-harm or other unwanted behavior by hiding from themselves knives, credit cards or whatever. They know where they placed the objects, and yet putting them in an unusual place works when an alter does not observe the hiding. If you have sole access to your computer, check History on your Internet Browser to see if you have visited websites you cannot recall having seen. If you retain electronic copies of sent emails, check them to see if you recognize them all. An itemized phone bill, credit card account, or anything else tracking your actions might also be revealing. 14

Of course, we all have memory lapses but with alters, lapses are usually more pronounced than for most people. Some people have even feared Alzheimers, when their lapses were simply due to a suppressed part of the person taking over for a while and doing and thinking things that it keeps hidden from the rest of the person. It is tragically common for people with alters to be called liars when their denials are simply because they genuinely don't remember certain things. Until healing progresses, alters are particularly active when the rest of the person is asleep. You could wake up to find things moved. It might just be sleepwalking but it could be more. I provide e-mail support for abuse survivors. With several different survivors I have suddenly received an e-mail that seems out of character for that person. Besides the subject matter seeming unusual, the grammar and spelling is often more childlike than their usual standard. Sometimes I initially thought that maybe the person wrote the e-mail while under the influence of drugs or alcohol but often it turns out that it is the child part of them temporarily taking over. When I send a copy of the e-mail to the person, he or she is often shocked, having no recollection of having ever written it. Had the correspondence been handwritten, most likely there would be a noticeable change in handwriting. So another clue to the presence of alters is changes in handwriting in, for example, ones journal. In fact, keeping a journal is a good idea, especially doing so at different times of the day (different times and situations are more likely to reveal different alters). You might be surprised what you find later when re-reading your journal. Some adult survivors sometimes find themselves acting in a childlike way. They might, for example, have a collection of childrens toys. Again, to some extent, we all have times when we act a little childlike, but when it is more pronounced, it could be the inner child temporarily making its presence felt. Another possible indicator of an alter is sometimes having certain abilities and sometimes not. You might, for example, have created artwork or poems of a standard far beyond what you think yourself capable of. Or you might be mystified as to why you are occasionally unable to do something perhaps to spell or read music or some other skill that at other times you can easily do. Since she was seven, a friend of mine was hopeless at mathematics and yet she kept getting high marks in the subject. She could ace a test, go home and find herself quite unable to solve simple math problems. At college she elected to complete the same algebra course with the same teacher not once, not twice but 15

three times because, despite continually getting high grades, she didnt have a clue about the subject. Determined not to let it beat her, she even tried to do the course a fourth time, but her teacher forbade her on the grounds that she was too good at the subject to keep repeating it. It was not until she was in her late thirties that she discovered an alter of hers, formed at age seven, who not only specialized in mathematics but who, out of fear of being pushed aside by other parts of the person, deliberately kept the rest of the person mathematically ignorant. Another possible clue is having extended times in which one feels unreal, as if in a dream or not really there. Some describe it as like observing everything from behind a glass wall. It is known as coconsciousness. Another possibility, is sometimes thinking of oneself as we or us, or feeling as if there is another person inside of you. Hearing voices that seem to come from inside you is yet another possibility. What these voices say could seem a little strange as might be expected from someone who has suffered bizarre and terrifying abuse but, in contrast to people with certain other conditions, the voices are relatively rational and sane. Another clue is occasionally having two conflicting emotions; perhaps, for example, feeling happy and yet deep inside feeling sad and trapped. All of the above are common symptoms of what therapists call Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.). Not everyone has every symptom and any supposed symptoms should only be regarded as clues, not diagnostic proof. For example, an embarrassed woman confided to a friend of mine that she kept losing her keys. What is emotionally upsetting you? asked my discerning friend. The problem turned out not to be D.I.D., nor Alzheimers, but simply a reaction to stress. There are questionnaire-type psychological tests designed to diagnose D.I.D. They can only be administered by professionals and are expensive. See Psychological Tests to Diagnose Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Not as Weird as You Think An older term for Dissociative Identity Disorder is Multiple 16

Personality Disorder (MPD). Regardless of name, its existence has been recognized by researchers at least as early as the 1800s. In a sense, we all have multiple personalities and switch between them according to our circumstances. We would act differently, for instance, in each of the following circumstances: * * * * * In the presence of a head of state When alone with our spouse On a night out with the girls/guys When playing with children When depressed

In other ways, too, everyone has multiple personalities. For example, we might say, My heart says one thing, but my head says another. The ability to see things from such different perspectives can be a significant asset. When indecisive, we speak of being in two minds. When dieting we are not sure which part of us will win the part wanting to be thin or part wanting to keep eating. In Romans 7, Paul devoted almost an entire chapter detailing the battle within myself between the part of him wanting to obey God and the part wanting to indulge himself. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do (Romans 7:15). So having multiple personalities is not nearly as abnormal as it first seems. Moreover, dissociation is normal. In order to focus on the task at hand, all of us sometimes temporarily put unpleasant memories out of our minds, or tune out to such distractions as background noises. It is just that for some people this natural tendency is done to a greater extent. For them, shutting off awareness of certain distressing things is done so effectively that a separate consciousness forms within the person, with part of the person knowing, feeling and thinking some things that the other part does not. Therapists sometimes call each distinct identity an alternate personality or, to use a term already introduced, alter for short. As mentioned, the term insider is also sometimes used, and some feel more comfortable with the term part. The personality that controls the person most often is usually referred to as the host. The distinction between host and other parts is seldom set in concrete. A part that has been host for years might suddenly feel overwhelmed or experience new trauma that causes it to go into deep hiding. Another alter is then forced to take over, or a new one is formed for the purpose. The new host might later on split and form new alters who see themselves as having split off from the new host, and feel more connected to the new host than to the former host. Over a lifetime, someone might end up having had 17

several hosts. Sometimes more than one alter might simultaneously share the role of host. Since the host is the part most seen in public, other alters often sacrifice themselves to protect the host from distressing feelings and/or memories, thus enabling the host the public face of the system of alters to better maintain the appearance of normality. They also do this to free the host from oppressive distractions that would hinder the hosts ability to perform important functions such as succeeding in school or employment. A part might become host due to having the best selection of natural abilities for the role but, if for no reason other than having the most relevant experience, the host usually ends up with the best social skills and other abilities, such as work skills, needed for everyday living. So a change of host is not only usually precipitated by a trauma, it is itself traumatic because the host takes into hiding with him or her vital information needed for everyday living. The new host is left to flounder, having to try to pick up knowledge on the fly. The host might have had the most opportunities to develop, but every part of a person is important. While they remain separated, each part has exclusive access to part of the persons intellectual capacity. To be whole, a person needs every part. Moreover, given half a chance, other parts can develop astonishingly and in ways that the host could never achieve. People (hosts) who are just becoming aware that have D.I.D. are often tempted to feel superior to their alters and regard them as little more than nuisances. A friend of mine, who is himself a host, beautifully corrects this mistaken notion: In my system, Im the host. By that I mean Im the one my alters laid their lives on the line to protect. Im the one for whom my alters gave up so much in order to keep safe. Im the one they held above the water, while they drowned, as it were. They gave up living in this life and held on to agonizingly painful experiences and situations so that I could survive and move on, while for years they were locked away in the dark haunted by those experiences without contact with the outside world. I owe them everything, and each time I communicate with any of them I do my best to treat them with the same respect that I would treat someone who lost their legs diving under a truck to save the life of one of my children. Yes, they can be very angry. Yes, they can be annoying, controlling, distracting, painful to live with, but so might someone dealing with the consequences of having lost their legs 18

saving my child. Regardless of that anger, I would happily immerse myself in it to give them one ounce of relief, especially after what they went through for me. Its the least I could do. The exciting thing is that Ive found that as I treat them with respect and let them know that their needs are important to me by working with them on getting those needs met and allowing them time to just be themselves in a safe environment where they arent judged, they heal. They start to realize that those situations they held deep inside themselves have now past, and that they are now safe. As they are cared for, they start to use their skills to contribute meaningfully to our family the whole person of whom I am a part. For example, I have an alter called Do, who is very fast at getting things done. He now helps when we have limited time to get things done really quickly. This morning he came out to help me get my kids ready for swimming lessons. He managed to get them completely dressed, bags packed, everything in under eight minutes. Normally that would take me around an hour. As mentioned, if you suspect you have an alters, conversing directly with them is the only sure way to confirm their existence, but that can be as challenging as trying to entice undercover agents to admit they have been spying on you and freely tell you everything. Moreover, getting to this point with an alter is a lifechanging step not to be taken lightly. Once one alter begins spilling the beans and finding acceptance, others are likely to become emboldened to likewise make themselves known, and your life will probably never be the same again. Even if as I expect will happen by the journeys end it proves highly beneficial, there will almost certainly be times when you regret ever starting this journey to peace and wholeness. I warn you not to start this process without being sure you are led of God in every step of the way, including your choice of counselor. On the other hand, doing nothing (and so keeping alters feeling rejected and in more or less enforced solitary confinement) is also strewn with dangers. In fact, doing nothing could be the worst mistake of your life. Alters typically carry so much pain that ignoring them might be all it takes to make them suicidal. I wish I didnt have to give this chilling warning, but to end up with a suicidal alter could be more than just unpleasant for you, it is at least theoretically possible for that alter to succeed in killing you despite you wanting to live. The most knowledgeable people say you should never act solely on the basis of written information about Dissociative Identity 19

Disorder but should seek an appropriately qualified and experienced professional, and that even such experts, like other health professions, need liability insurance. Certainly, this webpage is no do-it-yourself manual and despite my considerable experience helping people with alters I should not call myself an expert. On the other hand, I know of only one infallible expert the Lord Jesus Christ and I plead with you to earnestly seek his guidance before doing anything, and likewise before deciding for the exceedingly risky option of doing nothing. It is not uncommon for abuse survivors to go through life unaware that there are suppressed parts of them (alters) until one of the alters finally makes his/her presence felt when the person is beginning to heal. Alters have two pressing, but conflicting, needs. One is to burst out of the agony of solitary confinement by communicating with someone. The other need is to avoid further rejection and ridicule by remaining in isolated silence. When their host begins to seem more accepting of them or they find someone such as a trustworthy, understanding counselor or friend who they think might accept them, the balance between these conflicting needs could tip in favor of the alters believing it seems safe enough to risk revealing themselves. So they might suddenly start communicating for the first time. If they think they can trust someone more than their host, they might briefly switch off their hosts awareness so that the host knows nothing of the conversation. So despite alters longing to end their isolation, it is rare for them to reveal themselves if they think they are likely to be rejected or thought lowly of. If you have alters, they will probably be able to hear your thoughts and words on some occasions but not on others. So an alter could perhaps be enticed to converse with you if you were, on several different occasions, to say to yourself something along these lines: If anyone can hear me, I want to apologize for any way I have offended you. I didnt want to believe you were real but I now understand that I was wrong. I want to love and accept you and would value you sharing with me. Please speak to me. Dont try this right now, however. There are dangers to avoid that are explained in the rest of this webpage and the two webpages it leads to. It usually helps if you speak out loud (or at least in an audible whisper) to your alters. If you suspect you might know the alters name or something about the alter, use this information as you speak. This, too, might increase the chance of a reply. 20

Understanding Alters Even though having alters is a common, well-documented reaction to childhood trauma, it is usual for people, upon first discovering that they have alters, to find it deeply disturbing and seek repeated assurance that they are not going insane. In reality, for any of us who have alters, the discovery is a very healthy sign and a significant step towards far more peace, joy and fulfillment than we have ever known. As explained in a link at the end of this series of pages, I believe that Dissociative Identity Disorder develops the brain beyond what it otherwise would have, such that when a person begins to heal from the disorder, having had multiple personalities actually turns out to be an intellectual advantage. Of course, until healing commences, having Dissociative Identity Disorder is primarily a disadvantage because and each alter (and the host) has access to only a portion of the persons brain. Feelings of confusion as well as strange symptoms are normal for people recovering from D.I.D. From time to time, a friend of mine would ask the Lord what was wrong with him. Each time God would simply but very tenderly reply: You have alters. Im healing you. It is most unfortunate that in old, ill-informed circles, schizophrenia was mislabeled split personality. This grossly inappropriate name might cause someone unfamiliar with psychology to wrongly imagine there could be a link between schizophrenia and what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. There is not even a superficial similarity. Unlike schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder does not cause bouts of insanity, nor is it helped by medication (although someone with D.I.D. might have additional conditions like depression that might be helped by medication). The differences go on and on. The term bi-polar is even less likely to be confused with Multiple Personality Disorder but just to be sure, let me assure you that this condition is also very different to what we are discussing. A friend of mine was seeking a prayer partner that he could be transparent with. The man he had in mind was a psychologist who attended his home fellowship. My friend prayed fervently before approaching the man and wisely tested the waters by asking his 21

view of Dissociative Identity Disorder. His response being favorable, my friend confided that he had alters. The psychologists response was, Wow! Thats usually only reserved for the highly intelligent or artistically gifted! In telling me about the incident, my friend said he was obviously an exception to this trend. Thats the response I expected from him and from you, if you have D.I.D.. People with D.I.D. tend to be so tragically hit by low self esteem that they do not presently realize how gifted they are. Though the significance of his abilities seems not to register with my friend, he is both artistic and of well above average intelligence. In fact, his childhood abuse and putdowns had squashed his artistic leanings, and befriending one of his young alters is releasing his beautiful artistic gift within him. In addition to the huge handicap of battling emotional pain and other unhealed effects of his past, his poor spelling contributed to him feeling intellectually inferior. He is actually so intelligent that in a college course he took there was a firm rule that no one with poor spelling could graduate. Those in charge were embarrassed into breaking their own rule. How could they fail their top student? He was so exceptional that he was tutoring his fellow students. Yet still he thought he was stupid. And if you have D.I.D., youll agree that he was smart but are likely to still be convinced that you are not. Heres an interesting sidenote: This man emailed me frequently for about a year before I discovered that he had alters. I had come to recognize his intelligence and assumed the atrocious spelling in his e-mails was due to dyslexia. A while after I encouraged him to recognize and be kind to his alters (he had previously mistaken them for demons) he began to send near-perfect e-mails. Alters that were good at spelling had surfaced. It is not without reason that D.I.D. has been called sophisticated and one of the most functional responses a child can make to a very traumatic childhood. That is not to suggest, however, that it is desirable for people facing new crises to yield to the temptation to split yet again. Just how counterproductive splitting can be was rammed home to me when a friend of mine was learning a very stressful new job. She needed every bit of previous experience and more. Despite us not wanting it to happen, in an unconscious attempt to cope with the stress, a new alter formed. This poor alter was formed with all of the hosts years of extensive work experience wiped from her memory. Trying to cope under these circumstances greatly magnified the stress. Thankfully, little damage was done because I was able to immediately support the new alter and my friend changed jobs. Very many years before, my friends trauma had caused an alter to form that did not even know how to read or write. Trying to cope proved exceedingly challenging. This alter eventually relearned and developed such 22

courage and skills that she ended up a significant help to her host. It was a very tough journey, however. An alter e-mailed a man with Dissociative Identity Disorder who in despair had called himself a freak: We are not freaks; we are people forced to carry burdens beyond human endurance. We were smart enough not to go insane but to split. It was the best we could do. That isnt a freak; its someone being denied the help they desperately needed and resorting to extreme measures to save themselves. Would you call a shipwreck survivor who got an infection and had to chop of his own arm to save the rest of him a freak? No, youd say, Wow, that was brave Well, that is what you are: brave. You hid the pain to protect yourself and did what you had to stay alive. That is brave, not freaky. It has been estimated that between one to three percent of the general population in western countries suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder. I expect it would be far higher in, for example, war-ravished countries.

The Amazing Healing Power of Dealing with Alters A man would not only sometimes wet his bed, he found himself peculiarly reluctant to clean up afterwards. He preferred to lie in the mess. You might find this bizarre, but it was equally inexplicable to him until he discovered he had alters. After gaining the trust of one of his child alters, the alter confided that he had learnt that a wet bed was the only way to keep a family sex abuser out of his bed. Not only was the man relieved to know for the first time that there was a rational explanation for his disturbing behavior, he now had a strategy for finding a cure. He began prayerfully focusing on finding ways to convince his alter that he was now safe. He could experiment, for example, with assuring the alter than the abuser had left and that never again was he in danger of being molested in bed. A woman decided to conquer her fear of driving by becoming a professional truck driver. After years of driving experience she had abundantly convinced herself that she was a safe and highly capable driver, and yet she still felt uncomfortable about driving. Finally, rather than remaining only vaguely aware that she had alters, she began befriending them. She discovered a child alter who, not surprisingly, had no consciousness of driving expertise 23

gained later in life, and was scared of riding in vehicles. Empowered by this awareness of the alters fears, the woman was able to work towards curing the discomfort the alter felt when driving. She was able to try such things as informing the alter of her driving expertise (this proved a significant source of relief), and encouraging the alter to enter into faith-filled prayer, trusting in divine protection when traveling on the road. A Christian woman knew the Scriptures affirming that her sins were forgiven but still she was plagued with strong guilt feelings. It turned out that her child alter had a lesser understanding of the gospel than the adult part of her. Once the child alter had the good news of Gods forgiveness more fully explained to her, the relief was remarkable. An abuser said he would chop off a little boys penis. The threat was so convincing and terrifying that at that very instant an alter formed. Since, as previously explained, alters have access to only a fraction of the information that is known to the person as a whole, it is not surprising that this alter was left unaware that the threat was never carried out. The alter spent decades of needless torment until finally it was specifically explained to the alter that he had not been maimed. From then on the host enjoyed relief and no longer awoke fearing that he had been maimed. A woman often used to walk in her sleep. She got little sleep as it was, without having a disturbed sleep. Sometimes her son would find her wandering the house. Sometimes she would wake in the morning to find things rearranged and most frustrating of all she would have to hunt everywhere for her keys that were not where she had left them. One day as I was chatting with her child alter, the alter mentioned in passing that last night she had slept all night. That immediately got my attention. What do you usually do? I asked. It turned out that the alter only felt safe to play without ridicule when everyone else was asleep. She particularly liked playing with keys and her host had moved her other toys away from the bed, so she had to get up to access them. I try not to wake Mommy (her host), she said. Please dont tell her. I gently persuaded her that her host would not be angry and obtained her permission to let the host know. It turned out that the host had overheard part of the conversation anyhow. The host and alter were able to work out some amicable and effective solutions. An obvious start was to keep the toys by the 24

edge of the bed, so that the alter could play with them in bed. Better still, the host explained to the alter how they would both feel more refreshed if they slept at the same time, and the host began slotting into her waking hours a time when her alter could play in privacy. She also purchased a pocket doll for her alter to play with when she was at work. Both alter and host benefited from this new level of mutual understanding and cooperation and enjoyed better quality sleep. One woman was tormented by horrific flashbacks of the abuse she had suffered as a child. Then her child alter was taught that because she was a child of the King of kings, she was a princess, and since princesses must be obeyed, she had the God-given authority to command abusers, demons, and so on, to leave. Soon after, the woman was having one of her terrifying flashbacks. Suddenly the child alter rose up and told the abuser in the flashback that he must leave her because she was a princess. In her minds eye the abuser left and the flashback abruptly ended. Similar things happened during nightmares and demonic appearances. Not surprisingly, the woman found peace like she had never before known. A woman used to find clothes shopping and even dressing so distressingly confusing and frustrating that she would often end up in tears over it. When she learnt about her alters, she discovered that the source of the confusion was that each alter had completely different tastes in clothes. Since they had a beautifully close relationship with God, they agreed to let God select their clothes each time they dressed or shopped. It worked. It is not impossible for alters to believe they are the opposite sex to their host. Such alters form because of the need to feel safe, not because of homosexual tendencies. One can well understand abused children supposing that being the opposite sex would lower their chances of further abuse and so wish they were that gender. Both boys and girls have thought this and, in the case of their particular abuser, they are often right. Moreover, if children are sexually abused by a member of the same sex, it can be expected to affect their sexual identity and they might even be labeled by their abuser as being the opposite sex. It is not surprising that some alters suffering this fully take on this false identity and genuinely believe they are the oppose sex. They can have so little body awareness that they believe their actual body is fully the opposite sex to what it really is. Not surprisingly, sexual confusion results, but this can be resolved by helping them realize that there is no need for them to be of their imaginary gender in order to be safe or loved. Only after ensuring they realize that their safety and acceptance is not at stake should the actual gender of their bodies be pointed out to them. This delay is necessary because knowing their real gender is likely to be a significant shock to them, and one 25

that would be most disturbing without the preparation just mentioned. Great care must be taken in dealing with this sensitive issue. Imagine your reaction if you were to discover that you are not the gender you had always thought you were. With many of his alters thinking themselves to be little children far too young for marital relations and a few of his alters thinking they were the opposite sex, it is no wonder that a man I know often had great difficulty making love to his wife. Identifying alters, helping them to discover their true gender and helping them to mature was the key to healing his sexuality. The above are just eight of many examples I could cite from people I know that demonstrates what a powerful key to healing it is to listen to alters and tenderly address their needs and fears. Unknown to you, a traumatized part of you could be sabotaging your eating habits, your determination to resist temptation, your will to live, your Christian walk all sorts of things. No matter how devout and determined you are, trying to do the right thing is an oppressively hard, discouraging slog when part of you is surreptitiously sabotaging your efforts, or is unaware of key spiritual truths. Life fills with joy, peace and victory when alters are helped and every part of you knows God and is drawing upon the power of Christ. I have found that if you treat alters as real, the breakthroughs in a persons long term problems is phenomenal, provided you minister to each alter in the power of Christ as you would to a normal person who had suffered that way. In fact, I have never seen anything so powerful in bringing about speedy transformations in hurting people. Christians commonly suffer the frustration of what they might call being unable to turn head knowledge into heart knowledge. Some might think of it in terms of knowing intellectually what should be a life-changing spiritual truth and yet the knowledge does not set them free because their subconscious has not grasped it. Speaking to alters enables one to minister directly to that subconscious, normally unreachable part of the person; achieving in minutes what might otherwise take years. Its nothing like hypnosis. It is simply enabling people to liberate a suppressed part of them that, through being kept ignorant of certain truths, had been surreptitiously undermining their well-being. Humans can concoct a hundred theories as to the best way to treat anything, but any scientist will tell you that going by ones personal experience with treating people is a very unreliable way of proving which treatment is the most effective. Like any Christian, I try to be led of God in the way I minister to 26

people. Unlike some, however, I seem unable to hear God speaking directly to me. Im embarrassed to admit that I usually seem able to do little better than just pray and hope for the best. As I have continued ministering to alters, however, I have been staggered to note how exactly the way God ministers to alters coincides with the way I have felt led to do it. (For an example of how God relates to alters, see the first link at the end of this series of webpages under the heading, Related Pages.) No matter how many human theories there are, I want to imitate Gods approach, since he knows infinitely more than any of us as to what is truly best. The apostle Paul displayed this attitude of seeking to imitate God: 1 Corinthians 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. And Christ himself had this same attitude: John 5:19 . . . I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. As is the case with belief in demons, or opinions about the most appropriate treatment for a specific disease, or almost anything else in the world, there is a wide range of theories about Dissociative Identity Disorder and whether it even exists. One reason for the confusion is that alters, having suffered devastating levels of rejection in the past, are highly sensitive and will go into hiding in the presence of anyone they fear could reject them (including a counselor, researcher or even the host person). If anyone were to convince a host that alters are not real and that the host should reject as an illusion any manifestation of an alter, alters would panic and quickly go into hiding, rather than risk rejection. At the apparent disappearance of alters, the host will temporarily feel relief, rather like the cruel relief felt by a cancer patient wrongly declared to be cancer-free. It will seem like a magical cure, but the persons underlying problems will remain and his/her true relief will be greatly hampered. Someone might possibly reach the point where he or she is enabling continued dissociation. For example, child alters can be so cute that it is tempting to hold on to them by hindering them from maturing. At least in early counseling or relating to alters, however, it seems to me best to ensure one has thoroughly ministered to each alter, rather than frantically rush into trying to get the alters fused into one person. Like being opened up by a surgeon, treating alters as individuals makes wounded parts accessible for treatment. It would be foolish for a surgeon to sew up a person while there are still inner parts that need attention. 27

Moreover, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have been cruelly robbed of the childhood they deserve. Having childlike alters who are relieved of their pain provides these deserving people the privilege of re-living childhood for a while as it was meant to have been enjoyed. Yes, there is a time to move on, but there is also a time to enjoy. In fact, one host who was continually frustrated over what to him seemed the slow rate of healing, actually felt guilty about enjoying legitimate pleasures. This false guilt, quite typical of people suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder, was the product of his abusive upbringing in which he was usually punished for acting like a normal fun-loving child. He found it wonderfully liberating to discover that God delighted in him catching up on missed childhood pleasures by enjoying them now, even though he was an adult. Ironically, his frustration at not integrating sooner was actually slowing his healing because he would keep suppressing (and so hurting) alters who wanted to play. Another reason for not trying to force the pace is that the very thought of being united can initially be traumatic for alters because it could be misinterpreted as an attempt to annihilate them. When the matter is treated gently, however, alters can be encouraged to see union as a maturing and as a marriage in which two (or more) truly are better than one and no one loses his or her identity but each contributes his or her own strengths and retains his or her own memories and benefits from the others strengths. Like marriage, it should be a union in which partners are so self-assured that they feel no need to keep asserting their independence. One alter described it as becoming more alive than ever. It is very fulfilling. The decision is up to each individual alter, however. Moreover, what is often the first stage towards merging alters learning to value each other and work together as a team is far more important than merging.

Discerning Between Demons & Multiple Personalities In an attempt to keep secret their crime, abusers with occult knowledge sometimes deliberately transfer a demon to their victims to keep alters too terrorized reveal themselves and the abuse they suffered. Even when this occurs, it might not apply to all the alters a person has. For example, once a person learns how to split, further splits could occur in response to new traumas after the original abuser has left. Of course, if any alters are suppressed by demons, those alters are free to reveal themselves once the demons are ejected. 28

Even though the above was not the specific reason, I know several people who discovered they have alters only after being delivered from demons. Not only are alters not demons, however, confusing them with demons could prove disastrous. Nevertheless, we are about to see that, especially with some alters, many things make them disturbingly easy to mistake for demons. The three main reasons are that before alters begin to heal: 1. Some can seem evil 2. They can give themselves bizarre names 3. They themselves can be confused about their identity. Lets explore this. Why Alters Can Seem Evil Early contact with an alter is likely to be unpleasant because this is when an alter is most raw and hurting. Some alters even choose to test whether they will be rejected by deliberately acting offensive in their initial contact. Others can do nasty things in a frantic attempt simply to break out of their isolation and get their host to listen to them. An alter once seemed to try to seduce me. She later admitted that she had observed my moral standards with her host before she revealed herself and she was actually trying to offend me by her apparent seduction because she expected that Id reject her and she thought she might as well get the rejection over with. On the other hand, great integrity is needed when relating to alters because they can be so desperate for love and approval as to be tempted to do almost anything to obtain it. We have noted that when alters first make their presence felt they are likely to have been cut off from many years of developments in their hosts life. Alters that formed before a person became a Christian or when the person was backslidden are therefore likely to have been cut off from exposure to the Gospel and know nothing of a living relationship with Christ. So we can expect them to act like non-Christians. Moreover, alters have suffered almost beyond the realms of human endurance. So it should not surprise if, in their attempt to cope with severe suffering, they gained an undesirable addiction, or are filled with hate or rage because they misinterpreted their misfortune as abandonment by God, or they use strong language to forcefully express their pain or pent up anger and frustration. Bizarre Names Any of the factors so far mentioned are enough for alters to act in a manner that is out of character for the host person, as he/she is 29

today, and for such alters to superficially seem demonic. Even more confusing is that alters can give themselves names that anyone not experienced with alters might assume would be the exclusive domain of demons. In the webpages you are reading, almost all the Spirit-inspired quotes from an alter are from one who originally called herself Reject. A sister alter called herself Pain, another, Failure, and another, who felt so rejected by God that she wanted to set herself up as her own god called herself Divinity. I have yet to come across alters that that assume the name Evil or Devil, but such names seem quite likely, given the strong tendency of abusers to keep authoritatively telling their young, impressionable victims that they are evil. Alters Confused About Their Own Identity In the battle not to mistake an alter for a demon, it is confusing enough finding alters who hate God, act in nasty ways that for the host person is out of character, and give themselves bizarre names, but it is made even worse by many alters doubting or denying their humanity. It is common for alters to yearn to be human but to have doubts about whether they really are. Part of this is because they were formed as a result of abuse in which they were treated as objects, rather than as humans who had feelings and a will of their own. Also, to dull their pain, many alters have blocked off almost all feeling and this can make them feel less than human. On the other hand, some alters do not want to be human. One alter who kept telling me she was not human revealed that she did not want to be human because humans feel (and are thus exposed to feeling pain) and humans must cope with their sexuality (she feared she was gay and in any case, to her, sex meant abuse). She added that if she were human she would have to relate to other humans and so be exposed to the possibility of rejection. Ironically, this alter was highly offended by the thought of anyone mistaking her for a demon, and unlike demons, who like living in human bodies, she wanted to leave earth completely and live in her imaginary spaceship. We must remember that fantasy can be a powerful way of escaping an intolerable reality and that children are both highly imaginative and impressionable. It would be easy to mistake for a demon an alter who kept insisting he was a dog. I have spoken to such an alter. The man with this alter was traumatized as a child by being sexually molested by a dog. The alter hated what had happened and concluded that only a dog could be treated that way. 30

On a more positive side, when we consider childrens love of animals and the peaceful lives that animals often seem to have, it should not surprise us that in a desperate attempt to feel safe and escape the reality of their suffering, some alters might choose to convince themselves that they are animals. And given the alienation that abused children often feel, or their longing to escape human suffering, some might choose to convince themselves that they are aliens, fairies, monsters or some other mythical being. Recently, an alter told me of a brother alter who believed he was a bear. As is common for recently surfaced alters, Bear, as he called himself, was too shy to speak, but was listening. So I began gently speaking to him. I had assumed he had chosen to believe he was a bear to help himself feel safe, since few people would dare mess with a grizzly bear. After I spoke to him along those lines for a few moments he interrupted, saying that he was not an animal but was a tattered teddy bear, because, he said, stuffed toys cant feel. (It is common for hurting alters to feel disconnected from their feelings and, of course, anyone who is hurting would prefer to feel unable to feel pain.) Although in seeking comfort, certain alters might assume a false identity, their suffering and memories are real. In the light of what we have so far discovered, it is not hard to conceive of some alters mistakenly supposing they are demons. A common reason is the low self-esteem of alters coupled with the fact that abusers often do their utmost to brainwash their victims into thinking that these innocents are evil, or of the devil. I have also heard of one alter formed in exceptional circumstances who thought he was a demon. In this case, abusers were trying to plant a real demon in the person, and having an alter capable of giving a convincing impression of a demon having been successfully planted was a clever way of foiling the abusers evil intention. These exceptions aside, however, alters usually appear as human, whereas demons only sometimes pretend to be human. Demons are external beings that might enter a person and mess with ones mind but they are no more part of the person than a leech is. Despite it being easy to mistake some alters for demons, alters could no more be cast out than anyones past experiences and memories could be cast out. And because every alter has deep feelings and sensitivities and is as much a person as the host is, how an alter is treated is critical. You cannot drive alters out, but you can drive alters in; forcing them deeper into a person, where they hide, reeling in the pain of being grossly misunderstood, and unwilling to risk further contact with people even with people 31

who have great potential to help. Usually within just a few days of contact with a loving, accepting person, an alter will begin to heal and feel more peace and so become increasingly delightful to converse with. Even alters that initially seem obnoxious can quickly become devoted, Spirit-filled Christians, deeply in love with Jesus, and highly moral. Tragically, however, some counselors or hosts can be so hasty in misjudging alters as demons that alters withdraw in terror before these selfproclaimed experts or hosts have a chance to truly interact with them and discover how loving, spiritually enlightened and authentically Christian, alters can become. It would be upsetting enough for someone to believe you have a demon, but consider how offended would you feel were someone to believe you are a demon! To further understand why alters panic and go into deep hiding if labeled supernaturally evil (demonic), it is critical to keep in mind it will become even clearer as you keep reading that alters are usually already hurting immensely and highly sensitive to perceived rejection, and fear that their former abusers slanderous insults that they are evil and worthless might be true. Even worse, counselors who fail to distinguish between demons and alters slip into the delusion that an alter falling into gut-wrenching silence means they have cast out a demon, thus inspiring these well-meaning but tragically mistaken helpers to continue their reign of terror on other innocent victims. Counselors who dont even believe in demons but refuse to accept the reality of alters can have a similar, dangerously negative effect.

Caution If alters began to make their presence felt in you, fears, feelings and battles with temptation would probably resurface that you had thought you were over, but had actually been plaguing you for years in less obvious ways and for reasons you couldnt identify. To the untrained person, this reactivation of unpleasant feelings and ungodly desires might seem undesirable but in reality it is the best thing that could ever happen. It is like a person finally discovering the cause of the poor health he has endured for years, and learning that through surgery he can enjoy health like he has never before known. Ignorance might seem like bliss because it delays the pain of surgery but it is actually a curse because it keeps the person below full health. 32

An inner voice was making all sorts of false accusations against Alice. By this time, Alice and I had had considerable experience with alters. Not only was this voice not one of her twenty-five alters that we had identified, it seemed quite different to any alter we had ever encountered. In fact, no new alters had surfaced in Alice for quite some time and we expected that there were no more. Along with some of Alices discerning alters, I was fairly sure that the source of this hate and false accusations was a demon. Nevertheless, I decided to be cautious. Rather than aggressively rebuke it as a demon, I compromised by gently affirming that Alice belonged to Jesus, and that because she had his righteousness, no accusations applied to her. Although I affirmed the truth, I wondered if I were being a wimp for not getting more aggressive. The voice, however, soon turned out to be an alter who said she hated both God and Alice and sometimes wanted to kill people. (This was just because she was deeply hurting.) She called herself Accused because she had taken on board all the false accusations that had been hurled at her. In fact, she was so sensitive that she sometimes took even innocent remarks as accusations. Even though I had been unaware of this alter, she had become aware of me and thought warmly towards me. Imagine the damage I would have caused had I added to this alters nearsuicidal state by falsely accusing her of being demonic. Because I didnt make that mistake, the alter quickly healed. She discovered that God loved her and all her hate and bitterness left. It should be becoming progressively clearer to the reader why in the early stages of dealing with an alter when it has had little chance to heal it is tempting to despise the alter. Rather than joyfully embrace the healing opportunity, we can react like a sick person who thinks he would prefer the illness he is familiar with, over the unknown pain and dangers of surgery. Naturally, while a person is recovering from surgery he may temporarily feel worse than ever, but now, for the first time, full healing is on its way. People with alters have the same assurance that, despite initial discomfort, things will get better when they let Jesus minister to their alters. If ever a little knowledge were dangerous, it is on this important subject. There is so much more you need to know, so please proceed to the NEXT PAGE

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What You Need to Know About Alters http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/find-speak-alter.htm Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) How to Find Every Alter & How Get Each Alter to Talk Help When You Have Little Or No Contact With Certain Alters

NetBurst.Net

This webpage is important to everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder: from those who are certain they thoroughly know their every alter, right through to those in the frustrating position of being unable to contact any of their alters. This page was originally crafted specifically for those in the latter extreme, so if you currently know none of your alters, this webpage will help change that. My goal, however, is not just to get you started but to help you keep the momentum going. You will spend most of your healing journey knowing some of your alters and needing to know still more. So please do not despise those parts of the webpage especially the early sections that assume you know more than you currently do. Later in the webpage will help you with the basics. From the moment you contact your first alter, however, these sections that currently seem advanced will begin to be relevant. I seek not just to give you some methods and then expect you to mindlessly follow them. I want to empower you with a deep understanding of what makes alters reluctant to reveal themselves so that you will be able to apply your own intelligence and skills to this challenge. Dont Presume to have Discovered All Your Alters It is much harder to find if you dont seek. If you have been on the healing journey for quite some time, a very common reason for not seeking is thinking that you have already

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discovered your every alter. Once alters start revealing themselves, it is typical for them to appear one after another in fairly quick succession, and then for no more new ones to appear for weeks or months. This pattern is likely to lull you into the presumption that there simply are no more alters. You are quite likely to reach this mistaken conclusion dozens of times before your every alter has revealed himself/herself. Other than divine revelation, I have no idea how anyone can be sure if every alter has surfaced. Understand How Critical it is to Find Your Every Alter Since one of the biggest hindrances to finding new alters is simply having little desire to find them, lets briefly examine from three different angles what makes finding every alter so vital. Finding Your Insiders / Alters 1. The Positive Benefits of Befriending Every Alter If you let them heal, all of your alters, without exception, will end up being amazing friends and confidantes and helpers. They are the key to you finding peace and fulfillment and achievement. Only through helping them will you find the true end to guilt feelings, fear and inner pain. You might long to keep suppressed within you horrific memories and/or awareness of your current emotional reaction (such as fear, pain or shame) associated with those unhealed memories. For as long as a part of you has memories and/or emotional reactions that you have no access to, however, you will be unable to find true peace and healing. Unpleasant feelings will be nagging away at you just below the surface of your consciousness. And, alarmingly, you will be are unable to access significant parts of your brain that store this information. Moreover, if you have an alter you have little interaction with, those parts of your brain that you have lost access to almost certainly hold not just memories and emotions you would rather ignore but invaluable skills and intellectual abilities that will make life easier and more fulfilling than you dare hope. Of course, not everyone has every ability, but people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are likely to feel 35

certain they do not have certain abilities and yet have those very abilities locked away in a part of their brain that is currently controlled by another alter. These abilities could already be quite developed but if not, they can be developed at remarkable speed. I am not sure that you can grasp how passionately I wish I had a fraction of the potential for intellectual development found in people who are beginning to discover their alters. For me to not have Dissociative Identity Disorder but to know so many people who do, is like a starving person who cannot eat, acting as waiter at a feast. I would be out of my skin with excitement if I discovered I had alters. Getting Alters to Speak with You The possibilities are almost limitless and will vary from person to person but the following are some examples that someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder might discover. By connecting with his or her alters, a person might end up with remarkably improved: * Eyesight (Example) * Manual dexterity * Ability to use the non-dominant hand * Surefootedness, such as ability to climb rugged terrain * Athletic ability * Short-term or long-term memory * Musical ability * Speed reading skills * Creative cooking * Mathematical ability * Direction finding and navigational skills * Ability to thoroughly enjoy marital relations * Grammar and spelling

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* Creative writing * A flair for public speaking * Sense of humor * Linguistic ability * Artistic ability * Dress sense * Parenting skills * Ability to handle stress * People skills * Freedom from certain phobias * Spiritual abilities such as spiritual warfare * Intimate experiences with God I have no idea which of the above list will apply to you but there are sure to be at least several. 2. Ending Your Alters Needless Torment For as long as you have one alter who remains hidden from you, part of you is in needless agony, even if you remain unaware of it or have grown so used to it that you cannot imagine the relief of it being over. Continual solitary confinement is a psychologically damaging form of torture and this is just the beginning of what an alter walled up inside you suffers. Alters cut off from your help are needlessly tormented by hopelessness, devastatingly low self-esteem, terror, horrific guilt, inner pain as well as torturously starved of love and approval. Here is not the place to expand on this but an example is an alter terrified that the abuse could recommence at any moment, unaware that so many years have passed that the abuser has not only stopped the abuse, he is dead. Another example is an alter who fled into hiding when it seemed an abuser was about to chop off a vital

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part of his body. Thereafter, the alter was sure he was shamefully maimed; unaware that the abuser never carried out his threat. Just one more of countless other examples: it is common for alters to blame themselves and be riddled with horrific guilt, knowing nothing of the fact that Christ has totally cleansed her, making her spotlessly pure. Even if in some cases you lack the skills to bring an alter to full healing, you can at least introduce the alter to God (and perhaps a counselor) who can. 3. The Scary Possible Consequences of Not Finding Alters Before mentioning some scary things that might not even apply to you, it is vital that you view them from the reality that if you really have D.I.D., you are already a master survivor who has kept winning against the odds without even the greatly increased resources that will be yours through putting this webpage into practice. People have put you down for most of your life, leaving you with such battered self-esteem that this alone is enough to cause you to woefully underrate how intelligent and capable you really are. This appalling underrating of your capabilities, however, is made many times worse if you are not aware of all the survival stories and abilities of other parts of you. You have managed to survive devastating crises for years and years with parts of you having to cope, not merely alone, but cut off from even the help, maturity, wisdom, knowledge, abilities and encouragement of the rest of you. You do not have to fear the full truth because it will empower you to pour additional help and resources into parts of you that have already survived. With your help these parts of you will not merely survive but will begin to thrive. No matter what you face in the future, the worst is already behind you because never before have you had such maturity, spiritual resources and the ability to draw upon the skills, knowledge and understanding that have been locked up in other 38

parts of you. No one, no matter how capable, can be sure of making smart and safe decisions without knowing all the relevant facts. Whether you realize it or not, there are facts that will remain hidden from you unless you connect with every alter that is currently hidden inside you. No one knows how vital these facts are to your welfare until all your alters reveal themselves and fully share all they know. I have met many people who have ended up exceedingly sorry they had not tried harder and much earlier to get to know their every alter. They could have been spared much heartache. It is with great reluctance that I alert you to the magnitude of the very real dangers of not connecting with all your alters. You have more than enough stress without me adding to it, but it would be irresponsible of me not to warn you of what could be at stake. Picture several infants and young children who have access to guns they do not know are loaded. You are unable to physically touch the children or the guns. So you cannot prevent them from pointing the guns at family members and strangers and playing with the trigger. All you can do is coax and train them to leave the guns alone. It is no exaggeration to say it is equally as dangerous not to do everything you can to discover and interact with every one of your alters. It is not at all that your alters are evil; they simply lack your understanding. Now that you know this, however, to remain willfully ignorant and not seek out every last one of your alters is irresponsible and would render you accountable for any disasters that result. Alters are ordinary people (frequently little children) cut off from vital information and subjected to mindnumbingly horrific situations. Think of normal little children who have been fed lies and are beside themselves with pain, terror, confusion and hopelessness. These darlings have not only been cut off from almost all that you know about life and God but have been tricked, groomed, manipulated and even brainwashed by someone terrifyingly evil. Despite having surprisingly good intentions, such confused and traumatized alters could unwittingly cause you enormous distress. A huge range of alarming things 39

could be happening without your knowledge. Here are a few real life examples: * You would never let yourself be driven around town by a five year old and yet an alter with no more ability could end up driving your car in dangerous traffic with your loved ones in it. * You would never let an eight-year-old child have access to your credit card and yet you could have an alter who sees the world as an eight-year-old does and has worked out how to use your credit card. * You could be confidently allowing someone access to you or your children, unaware that another part of you knows for sure that he is a dangerous predator. * It is very common for people with D.I.D. to end up with a reputation for lying because in their ignorance of their alters actions they adamantly deny doing something that other people witnessed them doing. * You might be desperate to break an addiction and have no idea that a part of you has no understanding of the value of quitting and is sabotaging your efforts. Or you could have eating disorders you are unaware of, causing you to whack on weight through binging or to dangerously deplete your body through bulimia. * I have not encountered it in counseling but it seems quite likely that one could end up arrested for shoplifting because of the forgetfulness, ignorance or desperation of an alter. * I have given mild examples. If you are still only moderately motivated to endure whatever it takes to know your alters every secret, see More Serious Consequences of Not Knowing Your Alters. How Easily Despicable Alters Can Change You will lack the motivation to find alters if you fail to understand how easy it is for alters who are currently 40

acting despicably to be transformed into beautiful friends and helpers who make you proud. Alters respond amazingly to unconditional love and approval. They will do almost anything to please you, once they sense that they can find in you the unconditional love they crave. On the other hand, it is virtually impossible to win over any alter that you continue to hate. Love transforms. Hate and suspicion breeds hate and suspicion. Scripture reminds us that we love only because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). As God transformed us by taking the initiative in loving us while we were sinners, so we must follow his lead in loving alters before they become Christlike. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love believes all things or, as some versions put it, love thinks the best of a person. Once we get to know and understand alters it becomes easy to see them as misguided and by no means irredeemably evil. You will most likely discover an alter for whom this initially seems impossible to believe, so I should provide you with a few examples of what motivates alters. * An alter might cruelly enforce a former abusers rules, such as harshly punishing any alter who reveals details about past abuse. Usually, this is because the alter mistakenly believes the abuser still has full access to you. This misunderstanding leaves the alter terrified that if any part of you breaches the abusers rules, the abuser will do to you worse things than the alter did when he tried to get you to avoid the abusers wrath. * An alter might be filled with hate and anger solely because he or she believes that maintaining this front is the only way to scare off potential abusers and so keep you safe. * It is not uncommon for alters to convince themselves that they are the opposite sex. If you have such alters, it is not because they are homosexual but because they have a desperate need to feel safe and their experience has led them to presume that being the opposite sex will lessen their likelihood of being abused. Once they 41

understand that they can be their real gender and be safe because they are no longer helpless children whom authorities would not believe but are in the strong body of an adult, it becomes easier for them to accept their gender and they will eventually begin to enjoy it. * Without your love and an awareness of Gods love for them, some alters might feel so useless and unwanted that they grow so desperate as to be willing to trade sexual favors for someones shallow pretense of love and approval. Abusers frequently convince their victims that they have no other value and no other chance of love except through sex. Having been repeatedly forced to have sex against their will, it is also not uncommon for alters to try to cope with this almost intolerable situation by doing their utmost to convince themselves that like the sex that they actually despise. This webpage is not the place to keep piling on more examples but the above should suffice to help you understand why it turns out that alters are not only capable of totally changing, but they are usually eager to do so once they realize that they have been acting under a false presumption. The Story So Far Little children naturally believe whatever older children and especially significant adults in their lives insist is true. Have only highly moral and trustworthy people had access to you during your most vulnerable, impressionable years? Unless you had such a protected life, it is very possible that there are parts of you that you have not yet met who accept as unshakable truth put-downs and dangerous or even perverted lies maliciously fed to you at a time when you lacked the maturity to see through the lies. Through befriending and understanding your alters, even the most confused and brainwashed of them can find peace and change so profoundly as to make you proud. There is no such guarantee, however, for any who are left to flounder without any input from your maturity and insight. No matter how awful facing suppressed memories is,

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there is always something worse: not facing them. D.I.D. is like curable cancer. Get it treated and you will be fine. Ignore it and you might get away with it for a long while but eventually the consequences of procrastinating will be bitter indeed. An ignored alter, reeling in pain and confusion, could end up causing you to lose your job, sabotage valued relationships, commit adultery, accidentally or deliberately kill you or even murder someone. As I have stressed, certain alters have the potential to act this way, not because they are evil, but simply because, without your help, they are alarmingly confused. Such alters have my full sympathy and understanding. Whether the law or your loved ones would be so understanding, however, is a very different matter. You need to intervene as quickly as possible. Within the same person, and from person to person, alters differ significantly. Not all alters be will so potentially dangerous if kept cut off from you, but until discovering each one, you will never know how suicidal and misguided a lost part of you is. Like cancer, problems do not disappear by pretending or hoping they do not exist. All they do is get more serious and prolong your distress. When ignored, some alters are not only your most valuable neglected assets, they are a ticking time bomb that could blow your world apart. By connecting with them you will end up rendering them not only safe but a beautiful source of comfort and support to you and an astounding intellectual, spiritual, social and emotional boost. God is eager to restore every part of you to sweetness and innocence. Nevertheless, the Almighty, being the extreme opposite of an abuser, will not force himself on any part of you. Out of the infinite integrity of his heart, he will keep restraining his yearning to intervene until that part of you willingly gives him permission. Helping an alter reach that point of trusting God is likely to require your cooperation. Dont Leave it to a Counselor Some counselors refuse to converse with alters and focus exclusively on the host. Having spoken to many alters who feel deeply hurt by this approach, I dont recommend it. This approach to counseling usually leaves alters feeling ignored, rejected, unimportant, 43

and sometimes even less than human. Abuse typically creates these same feelings, so the last thing you need is for a counselor to unwittingly add to this deep wounding. On the other hand, if you or your partner were undergoing marriage counseling, it would be total failure if your partner fell in love with the counselor or ended up ignoring you and sharing exclusively with the counselor. Likewise, you do not want your alters to prefer speaking to a counselor rather than with you. Lets put it another way: alters are a vital part of you. They hold the key to your past and to you achieving your full intellectual, emotional, vocational and spiritual potential. If a spinal cord injury caused a part of you your legs to no longer respond to messages from your brain, healing is not about a therapist learning how to get that part of you to respond to messages from his brain. They are your legs and healing hinges on you learning how to walk with them. So it is with your alters. Sometimes a counselor might initiate contact with an alter but you need to strive to catch up and become your alters best friend and confidante. Whether you connect with your alters is largely up to you, not your counselor. You can, however, ask your counselor to help you by encouraging your alters to feel positively about you and by keeping you informed about your alters, as much as your alters will allow. Why Alters Hide from You To learn how to help your alters feel secure in revealing themselves and their secrets to you, it is vital to understand the many valid reasons for their reluctance to do so. We will later uncover things that could hinder alters from speaking to anyone but first we will examine how you might have unknowingly scared, traumatized or hurt some of your alters, causing them to fear or despise you or be infuriated with you, even more than with a kind stranger. Regardless of whether they have Dissociative Identity Disorder, it is normal for people to engage in self-talk, and for anyone with low self-esteem or low tolerance of 44

imperfection, self-talk can get quite ugly. Often we would not speak to anyone else as abusively as we speak to ourselves when frustrated. For example, if we make a mistake we might get angry and blast ourselves with the words, You idiot! Or if we get emotional or feel insecure or feel the urge to do something that is more common for little children, we might angrily tell ourselves, Stop being a baby! An alter is likely to assume you are speaking directly to him/her when you say such things, especially as it could well be that alter who made the mistake or felt scared or had a deep need for the comfort of a teddy bear or even a pacifier or something else that adults denigrate as babyish. Here are some additional common examples of reasons why, without you realizing it, an alter might feel scared of you or resent you: * An alter might have bravely and very tentatively shared a memory or deep secret with you and you rejected it as stupid or false or blabbed it to someone the alter fears is untrustworthy. (Abusers typically terrify alters with horrific threats as to what would happen if ever they told anyone about the abuse. Adults might see through the threats, but not little children.) * You might feel you are being godly by getting angry with yourself for having the urge to engage in a habit you regard as wrong. Quite likely, however, what is sabotaging your efforts and so feels the force of your anger could be an alter who lacks your understanding that it is wrong or who lacks your spiritual resources to resist temptation. * An alter might feel terrified of something because it is linked, in your alters memory, with an horrific event. Being unaware of the full extent of this, you might make yourself and your alter do it. Forcing this upon your alter can feel as abusive to the alter as forcing someones head under the water until he nearly drowns. Sometimes an alters fear was not just valid in the past but is based on genuine danger even today. For example, you could be letting someone have access to you or your children without 45

realizing that one of the things suppressed from your memory is that he has already proved himself to be highly dangerous. * You might have unknowingly made decisions that have endangered, physically hurt or traumatized alters. I will provide just three of many possibilities. 1. Many abuse survivors occasionally view or deliberately fantasize about pornographic material, hoping it will help desensitize them and mistakenly thinking it might contribute to healing; not realizing that it is traumatizing certain alters who, more than is realized, are carrying the pain of past abuse. 2. Your alters might have protected you from knowing that a relative you like has molested you at every opportunity he/she has had. Dismissing your inner qualms are ridiculous, you decide to visit your relatives or let them visit you, spending a couple of nights in the same house as this offender. You lose consciousness as soon as the offender approaches you and another alter perhaps several alters during the course of the assault is forced to take over and endure the agony. 3. You might have initiated a friendship with someone, not understanding the horrors that would follow, nor even now knowing the extent of what happened. Heres one of countless scenarios. You might have been seduced as a little child and come to enjoy it because it was never violent and, though by no means love, it was the closest imitation you were able to get. This abuser moves on and in your continued craving for love you eagerly approach another abuser, expecting gentleness but it turns out he is violent. You quickly escape by forming another alter who is forced to endure it while you remain oblivious to the torment that followed.

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* At times you might even get so frustrated and hateful towards yourself that you engage in selfharm inflicting pain and wounding the body you share with your alters. * Sometime in the past you might have sunk even to the ultimate insult of mistaking the already highly traumatized alter for a demon. How would you feel about someone who claims to be morally superior and concludes you are not only eternally dammed and unredeemably evil but considers you to be so disgusting that he genuinely believes you are not even human but some form of hideous lowlife? So there is a vast range of possible reasons for an alter regarding you as untrustworthy or even as an abuser. It is normal for all of us not just for alters to shrink from anyone who gets angry or harsh towards us. Unlike most people, however, alters have already been deeply traumatized, which puts them on hyper-alert for anyone else who might possibly hurt them. When treated as a useless annoyance or as an enemy, alters can be expected to feel deeply hurt and rejected and want nothing to do with you. Before some alters would even consider sharing their hearts with you, you would have to do much to convince them you have changed and to overcome the resentment they feel towards you. Perhaps even now you fear, despise or even hate certain alters. I have several webpages to help you sympathetically understand and be a catalyst in the transformation of alters who are initially angry, hateful, dangerous, lustful, perverted and/or anti-God. Some of these pages are listed at the end of this webpage The Other Factor Yet another reason for alters clamming up is that many alters can feel that it is their life-long duty to care for you by keeping information from you. They will need to know that you are now strong enough to face the truth and that you are eager to do so. The truth will set us free, and ignorance can have terrifying implications, but many of us still fear the 47

truth. Yes, the truth might initially hurt but, like going to a dentist, the alternative will end up being far more painful. To quote what I wrote elsewhere: Living in denial can never change reality. Not even embracing the truth can change the past, but it empowers us to change our future reality and find true healing. Here is some encouragement: a part of you already knows the truth and has coped it with it ever since the event happened, without even having the maturity, spiritual resources and human support that you have. How to Win Alters Over We will soon discuss how to detect hints as to when an alter could be more likely to be able to hear you. Having just mentioned some of the fears and resentments that alters might have towards you, however, makes this the appropriate place to mention how these barriers might be overcome. Thankfully, although it can be challenging, you have something huge in your favor: underneath all the hurt and suspicion, your alters are still desperate for your genuine love and approval. Here are some suggestions as to what to tell alters, even if you are not sure they are able to hear you: * You are more important to me than I ever realized. I should have valued you, listened to you and been a good friend to you. If I have ignored you or done anything to hurt you or annoy you, I was wrong and I want to do everything I can to put it right. Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you. * I am grateful to you and forever indebted to you for all the times you spared me pain and distress by bearing it for me. From now on, I want to do all I can to help you bear this pain and find full healing from it. * What can I do to help you feel safer and more cared for? * If you would like me to hug you or listen to you, 48

I would love to do so. [To hug an alter, regard your alter as a full person with a body, and vividly image yourself hugging him/her. Try to both see and feel this in your mind.] * Is there something affordable I can buy you? Alters desperately need unconditional love and tenderness, patience, kindness and encouragement. They need to feel valued and believed and liked. You cannot expect them to share with you if they feel unable to trust you to respect their confidentiality or cannot trust you to handle upsetting information without you either freaking out or thinking they are liars or stupid. The Power of Being Kind to Every Alter You Discover It can be hard to get the ball rolling but once you start befriending one alter, it will get easier and easier for others to connect with you. When other alters who have remained hidden see you believing, encouraging and building up an alter, it will help them believe it is now safe to reveal themselves to you. As they slowly become aware that you have warmly accepted, befriended, believed and supported another of your alters they will gradually begin to think that it could be safe and/or advantageous for them to likewise reveal themselves to you. So once there is a breakthrough with one alter, it will be a little easier for a second alter to follow, easier still for a third, and so on. Moreover, alters you have befriended might not only put in a good word for you but might even introduce you to some other alters. For each alter you discover, find out his/her favorite food, music, color, clothes, activities, books and so on. Providing these things, plus daily talking with each alter and building up each ones self-esteem can be most helpful in enticing alters to stay out or come out again after going back into hiding. The more often alters are out, the stronger and more healed they will get, the bigger help they will become to you and the more likely it is that other alters will be encouraged to reveal themselves to you. In the early stages it will feel as if you could not cope with more alters but as you build up those alters you know, they can be inspired to greatly 49

ease your workload by comforting, supporting and training other alters. Just as babies start off being a huge drain to parents but can grow up to be an invaluable support, so it is with alters, only the transformation can be much quicker. Far more than you currently realize, you need for your alters to reach their amazing potential. This cannot happen if they spend most of their time suppressed or in hiding. Your alters healing and remaining out is critical to your wellbeing, so keep encouraging them and assuring them that you want and need them. One of my friends who is healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder writes: We try to make sure every alter is able to get the time to do what he/she would like to do, both in processing things [mentally coming to terms with new information] and in fun. This often means making schedules and arrangements. When two of us like the same activity we can share it, which leaves more time for one who needs a more solitary activity. We are not always good at this but we try. It being counterproductive for an alter to go back into long-term hiding is one of several reasons why it is beneficial to create in your powerful imagination several large, beautiful areas, each of which is securely sealed off, preventing everyone else from entering. The only entrance to each sealed off area is an impenetrable door that can be solidly bolted from the inside. On the outside of the door is a Vacant sign that immediately changes to say Occupied when it is bolted and at the same time the name of the occupant appears on the door. Anyone inside is to be left alone. Next to the door, however, is an intercom that is heard throughout the sealed-off area and cannot be switched off. If it is deemed important, a person can speak on the intercom or leave a message for the alter inside but it must be very short. The message may be longer only if the alter in hiding is happy for the conversation to continue. Even God agrees never to enter without first using the intercom and being allowed in by the alter, and he will leave again whenever the alter tells him to.

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There are various unpredictable events where the intercom could prove quite important. One is a need to tell the alter if outside circumstances have changed so much that he/she can now feel safe to come out. Another is to give reassurance and encouragement to the alter. Yet another is if alters left to carry on without this alter desperately need certain information known only to the alter who is hiding. Merely knowing where an alter is hiding can help calm alters who are left to cope. Believe What Alters Reveal Often a key factor in the formation of alters is that the person received no support because no one would believe the very real danger he/she was in. So not being believed is most likely already a sore point with many of your alters. Please dont add to it by not believing them. Also, them telling you probably took a lot of courage on their behalf. You need to make them feel it was well worth them taking the risk in sharing with you. Alters were formed to keep from you and even each other upsetting information. Especially if you are the host, you are likely to have been deliberately kept in the dark to allow you to function in everyday life without having to cope with awareness of devastating events. For example, it is very common for some alters to be kept unaware of cruel things done by a loved one. It is quite likely that alters have been so good at keeping information from you all these years that when they eventually begin to spill the beans, what they share will seem unbelievable to you. Believe your alters, but be aware that, especially in traumatic circumstances, a person can switch rapidly from one alter to another and then another, thus preventing any single alter from knowing everything about that event unless all alters involved were to share all that they know. So even for events that an alter knows a lot about, both you and the alter might lack certain critical details and be almost unknowingly relying on guesswork or presumptions to fill in the gaps. Each alter is a vital part of the jigsaw but none, including yourself, has all the pieces until every alter has shared everything.

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This makes it is important not to jump to conclusions. For example, you might see in a flashback part of a person but not enough for certain identification, Avoid presumptions as to the persons identity, even though it might look rather like someone you know or as far as you know only one person had access to you at that time. Another important thing to be mindful of is that abusers often deliberately feed their victims false information and some use horrific tricks to traumatize them into submission. For instance, they might make a victim eat animal parts, claiming them to be human. Some abusers are skilled at using conjuring tricks (it is especially easy to convince a young, highly traumatized child). They might, for example, get a sadistic accomplice to pretend to be Jesus or fool a child into believing the child killed someone. Name Your Alters as Soon as You Can Nowadays, whenever a new species of plant or animal is found, it is usually not something that has never been seen before, but it looks so much like another species that it had never previously been distinguished from that species. Likewise, you need to know each of your alters well, or you could miss the fact that you are talking to an alter you have never previously met. As much as they will allow, learn the name of each alter, or name them yourself. Regularly asking which alter is talking will give the alter the opportunity to indicate that he/she is not an alter you have previously met. Take a roll call, suggests a friend who has so far discovered several alters, and ask if anyone else is there. More than this, however, when you have found more than one alter, continually checking the identity of the alter you are speaking with (if there is the slightest doubt) will help you keep building as clear and detailed a picture as possible of each alters character. This detailed understanding of each alter will help you avoid confusing an alter that is new to you with one you already know. What makes this important is that sometimes, out of shyness, newly surfaced alters pretend to be another alter. So be on the alert for alters

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who seem to be acting out of character. You are likely to be surprised at how you come to expect different levels of maturity, knowledge and so on from different alters. If you mistake one alter for another you could hurt that alters feelings by expecting too much from him or her. Ideally, keep a record of every alter and jot down details about each of them. Even if you are sure you will remember all of this, something unforeseen could happen that causes you to go into hiding and another alter who lacks this information would, at least temporarily be forced to replace you. Practical Communication Issues You might be asleep or lose awareness of everything whenever a certain alter takes over. Likewise, the alter might usually be unconscious when you are conscious. In such circumstances, speaking directly with the alter is not an option but you can leave each other written notes. You might, for example, leave notes around saying something like this: You have multiple personalities. This is nothing to be afraid of. It is just how we survive at present. I am a part of you and I would like to speak with you. If you leave a note on this page I will reply. If you do this, maintain the habit of checking the notes every day, or the alter could reply and give up looking for your response. An alternative is to leave verbal messages using a recording devise. You might need to leave simple instructions as to how to operate the devise. If real time, non-written communication is possible, speaking in your mind or even vividly picturing something (such as imagining yourself hugging an alter) might work. When convenient, however, it is often clearer and more effective to speak out loud to your alters. If, for example, people who might not understand D.I.D. are in the next room, use an audible whisper. How do I know when an alter is speaking? Is there a 53

difference between when an alter is speaking and my own thoughts? asked someone desperate to learn. I replied, Especially in the early stages it is likely to seem very vague. If you think there is a slight chance that you could be hearing from an alter, proceed as if you really are. If it truly is an alter, it might take days or even weeks and you are likely to often be tempted to doubt, but you will gradually receive more and more confirmation as to whether what you think might be an alter really is one. I feel silly. It seems as if I am just talking with myself, she said. I wont always know whether they are hearing you or not, I replied. Whether certain alters are likely to be active or not depends not only on the time of day but on circumstances. For example, certain alters might help you when you are at work, others when you are parenting, others might be more likely to be present when you are relaxing and still others when you are feeling scared or upset. And sometimes alters who are usually out can get freaked by something and go into hiding.

Ways of Discovering New Alters Tune in to Your Feelings If you are feeling anything that seems peculiar because it does not line up with your current circumstances or thoughts, it could be because an alter is active. It might be fear, sadness, hopelessness, anger, self-hate, isolation, loneliness, bitterness, frustration, excitement, wonder, or whatever but if, under the circumstances, it seems at odds with what you would expect, the feeling could be washing over you from an alter. I can only provide a few examples from a vast range of other possible clues to the unannounced presence of an alter. You are unlikely to experience more than one or two of them. Just remain alert for such things. You

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might suddenly feel out of place. You might feel small, or everything around you might seem unfamiliar. You might even get lost for no obvious reason. You might feel disconnected from yourself or even hardly recognize yourself in the mirror. You might even find yourself unable to walk, or unable to control bodily functions, or crave a pacifier or a toy or something else inappropriate for adults, or simply desire something that you usually have little or no desire for. Or you might feel ill at ease about something that would not normally bother you. It is important not to get impatient with yourself or to tell yourself you are stupid for having such a feeling. Instead, if anything like this happens, it is an ideal time to try to make contact with an alter. Proceed on the assumption that what you are feeling is emanating from an alter who is currently close to the surface and able to hear you. If you happen to be writing at the time, then write to the alter. Otherwise, tenderly and reassuringly speak to the alter out loud if circumstances permit using the feeling as a guide to what the alter most needs to hear. For example, if you are safe but feel timid or fearful, say such things as, Its okay, dear one, you are safe now. The scary things have come to an end. How can I help you feel safe? Can you tell me a little about why you are afraid? Using words that little children can understand could be helpful in case the alter only has a childs vocabulary. If the feeling you are picking up is one of confusion or of being small, it could be because the alter has been inside for years longer than he/she realizes and present-day reality is very different to what the alter expects. Say such things as, Its okay, you have just been asleep for years but you are safe. Things are different because life is much better than it used to be. Would you let me be your friend? Even if you receive no reply, continue to softly chat for a while. If you receive no response and the feeling that made you wonder if an alter were present suddenly goes, it could be that the alter has fled back into hiding and will come out again a little later. Note Your Inner Talk A friend who has Dissociative Identity Disorder gives 55

this suggestion for becoming aware of alters: Pay special, sensitive attention to things you might have thought were just ordinary. When I sensed a baby crying in the back of my mind, for example, I thought I was just tired. Or when I heard a little song repeating itself in my thoughts, like something a child would sing, I again thought at first that it was just normal background noise. You might occasionally hear a sentence or two spoken in your mind that seems out of place. For example, you might be feeling content and suddenly hear in your mind, I wish I were dead. You might not be surprised by such events. After all, if you have D.I.D. you have lived with alters for most of your life, even if you have dismissed them. From now on, however, be on the alert for any such times and treat them as opportunities to attempt contact with alters. The Surprising Power of Journaling Journaling is an excellent way to make contact with alters and to come to grips with deep issues in ones life. This journal is private and God loves honesty. He is not afraid of truth or surprised about your deepest doubts and concerns. So let go of inhibitions and pour out your heart your feelings, your fears, frustrations, childhood memories, how you feel about family members, and so on. Dont evaluate its accuracy or in any way analyze it you can do that another time. For now, just let it flow. As already mentioned, different alters are likely to be active at different times of the day and can be triggered by different events into hiding or becoming active. To make the most of this, try to journal at various times of the day and night and maintain this practice over a long period, preferably indefinitely. Every now and then, read back through all you have written. Some entries might be in a different handwriting style or use different (often more childlike) spelling and grammar to what you would normally use, or the content might surprise you. It might take months for anything significant to appear.

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Try to make a copy of what you journal and store the copy elsewhere because it is quite possible that at some point an alter might destroy it in a cleaning spree or a moment of panic. Possibilities for creating a copy include photocopying, scanning or typing it into a computer and putting a copy on a USB (thumb) drive. Retain copies of such things as emails that you send and treat them as additional sources of information. If you already have writings from the past even if it is just such things as old e-mails to friends or counselors treasure them. They can end up being valuable sources of information. Even if you get no response, try discussing their content with alters. Another friend of mine with Dissociative Identity Disorder shares this thought: We offer a drawing pad/journal/notebook to alters that they can keep private from the rest of us if they wish. We have a basket of our journals. Sometimes we share but we never read without permission. Often the alters who had been asleep for years journal a lot privately for the first bit before they start really sharing with us in other ways. Its kind of like learning you can trust the others by making sure they keep their promises in not reading what you write. Dont Waste Dreams and Flashbacks Dreams and flashbacks can be exceedingly unpleasant, so dont waste them. They contain valuable information, so record them. The obvious place for this is in your journal. Writing them out and thinking about them when relaxed and fully conscious can help remove some of their terror (which might possibly be beneficial, should the dream recur). The practice also provides a good opportunity to ask alters about the dream or flashback what does it mean to them, how do they feel about it, and so on. Dreams can sometimes be like flashbacks accurate memories of past events that you may or may not be aware happened. Alternatively, some dreams are the mind trying to come to terms with things that have been bothering you. Sometimes you were not even conscious that these matters were bothering you. Both 57

of these types of dreams can be valuable in giving you insight into what some of your alters might be coping with. However, some dreams can actually be alters seeking to communicate with you, either by symbolically revealing how they feel or by sharing accurate memories. Additionally, some dreams are alters trying to come to terms with things by imaging themselves in various scenarios. Dont Underestimate Art Although you might not feel artistic or even like art, most children like expressing themselves through art and so it could be a way of enticing quite young parts of you to express themselves (and so begin to communicate), especially as deep feelings can be impossible to put into words. Dont forget that art can include collage, montage, using such mediums as Playdough (Play-Doh). Be cautious about using paint, however. Some alters find the fluidity of pain frustrating or even triggering. Try visually expressing feelings, as well as portraits, selfportraits, and anything else that you feel the urge to portray. I encourage you to sometimes try art as therapy and a means to contact your alters. This will probably involve a different approach to art than you usually do. In this case, say out loud at the beginning and several times during the session, something along the lines of, This is your turn to paint [or draw or whatever], and to have fun or express deep feelings and I promise to try hard not criticize or interfere. Then keep letting the artistic expression flow. Dont worry if you think it looks hideous, childish, weird, dark or whatever. Dont judge it negatively, or try to correct or improve it. Just let it flow, saying out loud encouraging things about the art like, Good! Even if it seems you are just talking to yourself, towards the end of an art session or at the end (but before that part of you leaves), speak to the part out loud, saying such things as, What feelings are you expressing through this art? Is there an event in your past that moved you to express yourself this way? What does this artwork mean? And so on. Even if it is vague, take great note of what response comes to you (it might be good to write it down or audio record it for future reference) and dialog with the part of you that is revealing these things, coaxing that part to tell you more. Dont 58

comment negatively or say such things as, That cant be true. Instead, listen carefully and express empathy and offer comfort and encouragement. It has been suggested that talking when being artistic should be minimized as it can interfere with the creative process. Nevertheless, it is quite possible that by striving for perfection or getting impatient with yourself in earlier attempts at art, you unknowingly pushed aside an alter, hurting his or her feelings and making the alter reluctant to try again. This makes it necessary to reassure alters that nothing like that will happen this time. How much approval and convincing is needed will vary from alter to alter. Try Poetry, Even if You Hate It You might hate poetry or be convinced you cannot write it but that might not apply to another part of you. In fact, the very attempt might encourage that part to take over during the writing session. Buy Toys Etc. If you feel yourself drawn to an affordable toy or game or something else that would normally be out of character for you, buy it and, when you feel the desire, play with it or use it. Use Reminders from Your Past Seek out things that remind you of various stages of your past photos, school year books, mementos, music, old movies or television series (including those for children), Facebook pages of people you have lost contact with, and so on. Other possibilities include following an old family tradition, seeking out old familiar smells (perhaps pine, bacon, cinnamon, aftershave, and so on) or cooking with a family recipe. Such things could elicit a response from alters. If you are really desperate for a reaction you might actually visit areas where you once lived, make contact with people you knew at those times, and so on. I dont recommend it, however. It could provoke extreme reactions from alters. You have Dissociative Identity Disorder only because you have suffered horrific things. You might expose yourself to predators you have 59

always mistakenly thought were safe, and a highly vulnerable part of you might take over to protect you an alter who feels too little to resist the predators advances. Use Your Non-Dominant Hand From time to time, try such things as writing, art work, playing sport or manual work, using the hand you do not normally use for that task. This might possibly entice out another alter, as some alters might be better at using that hand than you are or, even if they are not, your attempts at using that hand might be no better than that of a young alter. After using that hand for a while, talk out loud to yourself in the hope that an alter might hear and respond. Make Full Use of Inside Information If you have reached the point where you are friends with some alters, make full use of this advantage by asking them to search for more alters and, with the new alters permission, to tell you about him or her. If they discover any alters, ask them to put in a good word for you

Reasons for Alters Being Silent We previously mentioned why alters might have personal issues with you. That is obviously important because you can adjust your behavior, but now we will discuss why various alters might not want to speak with anyone. Alters Threatened into Silence Neither I, nor my friend, had the slightest idea that one of her young alters had been tricked into being utterly convinced by her abuser that he had placed a demon inside her who would kill her the instant she revealed herself to anyone. Thankfully, quite out of the blue, this alter suddenly spoke to me. It turned out that she had heard me speaking kindly to other alters and she grew

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to like me so much and became so desperate to break her own isolation that she decided to speak to me even though she was certain that the very act would kill her. Naturally, that touched me deeply. There can be cases where real demons can be involved and, of course, they need to be cast out before certain alters feel able to communicate, while being extremely careful not to confuse a very angry, misguided alter for a demon. There might be no hint that alters terrified into silence exist and they might never think it worth getting a few words out before what they believe will be certain death (or torture, or the death or torture of a loved one). It would therefore seem wise to occasionally speak to any alters who might be listening (even though you are totally unaware of any), reassuring them that it is safe for them to speak with you and that any threats they might have been told about the dire consequences of speaking with you are nothing but cruel deceit. Since one never knows at what time of day or on what occasion such an alter might be listening, this would best be done on a number of random times and occasions. Baby Alters Too Young to Speak Mothers speak to their babies because this is how babies eventually learn how to speak, and because babies and people learning a new language are able to understand more than they can speak. Mothers also communicate through touch, body language and through guessing the babies needs and meeting them. Do likewise with any baby alters who are too young to speak. Like many alters who for various reasons do not speak, baby alters are likely to communicate through giving you feelings or flashes of their visual memory. The baby might cry a lot but eventually it will respond to your soothing attention and will begin to speak. The process of learning to speak might be much quicker than for a normal baby because this ability is stored in your brain that the baby shares. All that is required is for the baby to learn how to access this part of your brain. Other Alters Unable to Speak

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Some alters, even though formed at an age when other parts could speak, might have never spoken in their lives. They could take a while before they learn how to speak or gain the confidence to do so. Communicate with them as you would baby alters. Try to guess their fears and concerns and give them much reassurance and keep chatting to them about yourself, even if they dont reply. Sometimes such alters communicate by thought to another alter who then acts as the alters spokesperson until the alter is ready to speak for himself/herself. Alters Who Cannot Understand Your Language If you only learned at the age of five the language you now use and prior to that you knew another language, an alter formed before that age is likely to not understand you or be able to communicate in your current language. It is not impossible for an alter to know only one language and for you to know only another language. Protector Alters It is not uncommon to have a key alter who not only believes it is dangerous for alters to reveal themselves but actually stops them from doing so. Such an alter might use threats or force or simply convince alters who respect his/her judgment that speaking with anyone is too dangerous. Winning the confidence of this alter and persuading him/her that it is safe for other alters to communicate with you or a counselor will therefore be a significant breakthrough in your quest to communicate with other alters. For a webpage devoted to further help with protector alters, see Protector Alters. Sleeper Alters You could easily have one or more sleeper alters, whose role is to remain inactive (and thus undetectable) unless triggered by certain rare events. An example is an alter created for the purpose of committing suicide (i.e. killing all of you) if the alter concludes on the basis of his/her limited perception of events that there is no acceptable alternative. A significant factor in keeping oneself from suicide can be compassion for loved ones 62

(including other alters) hurt by ones death. So this alter could feel duty-bound to have no contact with anyone in order to avoid risking any emotional bond that could hinder his or her resolve to kill the body if circumstances deteriorate. I have not come across it but it is theoretically possible for a sleeper alter to be formed whose mission is to commit murder if ever the alter decides that his or her safety is sufficiently threatened. It is obviously very important to persuade any such alter that there are always better options or at least options more pleasing to God than suicide or murder. The problem, of course, is that if you have such an alter you are likely to be completely unaware of it. It is therefore important to regularly explain to yourself why killing oneself or anyone else is never acceptable. Hopefully, this message will eventually get through to, and begin to convince, any sleeper alters. Here is a suggested plan of action if suicidal thoughts come: 1. Take the matter seriously. Assess how great and immediate the threat is. For example, is it just a feeling or is there a definite plan to commit suicide? 2. Quickly check all the alters to ascertain from which alter the plan is coming. Analyzing what triggered the suicidal feeling can be a clue as to which alter it could be. Speak to the alters until the alter is identified. Then give that alter whatever comfort, support, encouragement, prayer etc. is needed. 3. If your attempts to help the alter are insufficient or the alter cannot be identified you might need to activate the anti-suicide plan. This has four levels, depending on the seriousness of the situation: (1) Break the isolation. Dont be alone, even if it is only going to a store so that you are around people.

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(2) Call a friend and speak to him/her without mentioning the suicidal thoughts. (3) Tell the friend you are feeling suicidal. (4) Urgently call a counselor or a suicide help line. Undetected Abusers? Some people do not realize they have alters who are still being controlled by an abuser. Sometimes they have no idea the person is even an abuser. Dont be surprised if alters stay silent while the abuser still has access to them by phone, Internet or in person. Alters who disappear Alters you have known will sometimes disappear. Occasionally, such alters are feared to be dead. In fact, even the alters who disappear can sometimes believe they are dead, and sometimes alters go to be with God to be comforted. However, alters cannot die while the rest of the body is still alive. They are simply out of contact, and you are likely to see them again when they feel that outside circumstances have changed enough for them to feel safe about returning. When an alter is not around for a while it is common for people to mistakenly assume they have merged or integrated with another alter. If this really has happened, then the alter or alters with whom this alter has integrated will be very aware of it. They will feel more empowered because they will have this alters strengths and abilities in addition to their own. What usually happens when an alter disappears, however, is that something the alter found scary or disturbing has caused him/her to panic and flee from contact with the outside world, and sometimes from contact with other alters as well. Alters who are just getting used to being out of hiding are particularly jittery and confused. The slightest thing is likely to send them scurrying into hiding so that they can work though the implications of what they have just learned. Usually they will be back out again fairly soon.

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For alters who have been out much more, it usually takes something more significant to spook them. It could still be quite harmless but it is something that deeply upsets them, such as something that vividly reminds them of some past terrifying experience. When the alter who vanishes is one who has been out a lot, the loss is likely to be severely felt because that alter could have exclusive access to knowledge and skills that are vital to employment or everyday life. (This is one reason why other alters should ideally be trained up to cover such a loss.) How long the alter will be in hiding is anyones guess. We mentioned earlier the value of creating in ones imagination a safe and private place for alters to retreat to and how this place should be fitted with intercom. We have also mentioned the importance of continually communicating with, nurturing and encouraging alters so that they are less inclined to return to hiding. Prayer I urge you to pray that God reveal every alter to you in the sequential order and timing that would be best for you. He knows far more about this than you or any counselor.

The Bottom Line Dissociative Identity Disorder begins as an extreme response to an extreme situation, but it ends up a nightmarish addiction to not facing issues that desperately need facing. It starts off as a child having no choice and ends up a way of life with the potential to ruin your adulthood because even though you now have a choice, acting like the helpless child you once were has become a crippling habit. Put in monetary terms, it is like going into unavoidable debt, hurtling towards financial ruin, and then you finally begin to earn an income and have the potential to end the nightmare but you find yourself continually overwhelmed by devastatingly powerful temptations to block from your consciousness your economic crisis and plummet

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headlong into disaster by reckless spending. This addiction to living in denial is as cruel as forcibly injecting a child with heroin until living without the drug seems intolerable. Being healed from Dissociative Identity Disorder is so much better that it is worth any cost, but it involves facing memories and issues that will take an iron will to face. No matter how weak and useless your battered self-esteem tricks you into thinking yourself to be, however, with God you can become one of the heroes who heal. Discovering alters is an exciting adventure, with significant challenges but immense rewards. I do not claim to have addressed every possibility but I believe I have provided you with enough to further your healing journey. Moreover, I believe you are now empowered with the understanding of what keeps alters silent so that you can develop your own techniques for furthering your healing. Related Pages The next page I recommend is How to Speed Healing of Dissociative Identity Disorder Help If You Fear, Despise or Even Hate Certain Alters Angry, Bad, Mean, Nasty Alters (Insiders) Self-Help: I Hate My Alters Real-Life Counseling of a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter How to Cure / Stop Bad Alters I Thought I Was the Opposite Sex! Leading an Alter to Christ For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder

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Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2012 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/fast-healing.htm How to Speed Healing How fast is too fast? With Vicki Morris

Counselors and others will benefit from this webpage, but the primary focus is the people my wife and I especially admire: everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D., formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). These are people who, simply to survive, have already overcome astounding obstacles and afflictions. They will become great achievers when they heal. NetBurst.Net I vividly recall the first friend I helped heal from the negative aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a hard, exhausting slog to assist the first few parts (also known as alters or insiders) who revealed themselves. We would have felt particularly daunted had we known back then that we would end up discovering over sixty parts and some people have very many hundreds of parts.

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Thankfully, the process gradually got easier and easier, and faster and faster as we found out what to tell each part whenever we first discover one we have never met before. The following is a detailed suggested outline of what to tell your parts as soon as you can after first meeting each one. I encourage you to always use this outline so as not to miss critical points. Nevertheless, you will need to tailor it to your situation and to the specific alter you are talking with, such as simplifying the language if the alter is young. It is particularly important to introduce the following information at whatever pace this part of you is able to go. With some alters you are likely to be able to say very little at first and will instead need to spend much time winning their confidence and proving by your actions that you truly understand and care for them. For an explanation as to why alters can fear or despise you and how to overcome these serious obstacles to healing, see How to Find Every Alter & Get Each Alter to Talk. Especially when parts have not been around for years, they often find almost any information overwhelming because what you share is likely to clash alarmingly with their expectations. They might suddenly retreat into hiding after you say a few words. Thats fine. They are just taking needed time-out to think through the new information and come to terms with it. When they are ready, they will pop out again and then, after gently reassuring and comforting them, they can be told a little more until they again feel the need for a break. They will recover from the initial shock and adjust (often in a matter of just a few days) and get stronger and stronger. Fast Healing of D.I.D. Obviously, any of your parts who are capable of reading could read the following without your help. If possible, however, it is highly preferable for you to go through it with each part, sensitively expanding on anything you think would be helpful, responding to any questions, and modifying anything, as you see fit. A significant advantage of your contribution is that it will immediately help the part feel less alone and more a valued member of a close-knit group of friends that truly care about each other, help each other and are working towards a common goal. The following is what a part who fully understands D.I.D. might tell a part who has been kept out of the loop for a long 68

while and so knows very little. Text in square brackets like [this] are notes to the more experienced alter. Why We Need Each Other Hi, my name is [the alter who understands D.I.D. inserts his/her name]. You are important to me and if you let me, I would love to be your friend. I have information that can help you and you have knowledge and abilities that can help me, too. If you know me and I didnt treat you right, I am deeply sorry and I long to make it up to you. I should have listened to you and supported you. I never understood how important you are and how much respect and kindness you deserve. How can I put things right? How can I be the friend to you that you deserve? I would like to explain what I have discovered about who you and I are and why you are so important. Through no fault of our own we suffered awful experiences. As a result, we found ourselves faced with this daunting challenge: how can anyone survive when faced with multiple problems, just one of which is so overwhelming as to be almost beyond human ability to endure? How could anyone put aside all the pressures and distractions of one mind-numbing problem long enough to focus on other vitally important, highly demanding matters? Consider, for example, a child whose home-life fills her with terror. She is safer at school but when she is there she needs to somehow block from her mind awareness of her home-life in order to function at school without being incapacitated by anguish over what she suffered yesterday and paralyzed with fear about what might happen tonight. Heres another type of problem: children have a deep need to believe they have a kind mother who can be trusted to keep them safe. As much as possible, a child needs to be able to enjoy times when her mother is nice, without those times being ruined by the knowledge that occasionally her mother acts toward her more like a terrifying monster than a mother. Out of absolute necessity, a person having to cope with any such traumatic, conflicting situations, is forced to become very skilled at blocking out awareness of some parts of her life in order to sufficiently focus on other necessary aspects of her life that must be attended to. Such a persons mind becomes rigidly divided into various parts, each of which is freed up to focus on certain tasks by being kept unaware of 69

Christian Help with Multiple Personalities

highly distracting and upsetting matters that other parts of her mind must deal with. You and I are parts of one clever mind that was forced by the immensity of what we have had to cope with to be divided and kept unaware of the distressing concerns of other parts. Circumstances are now improving, however, and we no longer need to be so divided and unaware of each others problems. From now on, the more aware of each other we become, and the more we do things together, the more we can achieve and the better we will feel and the safer we will be. Things are Better Than You Realize Reality was once so horrible for us that to give ourselves a necessary break from it and help us feel safer, we partly withdrew into a fantasy world. We were so good at it that our fantasy world began to seem completely real. As a result, the truth can be staggeringly different to what we expect it to be. Once we get used to it, however, we will discover that reality is actually a pleasant surprise. Life is now better than it ever used to be and it is now safe and good to come out of our fantasy world and re-enter the real world. [Explain to the new alter why things are now safer than when that part was formed. You might have moved location so that your former abusers no longer have ready access to you. Perhaps your former abusers are even dead or infirmed. Your body is more mature, which means you are no longer dependent upon abusers. Perhaps you are also stronger and less easily overpowered physically. Being older means you are more likely to be believed if you report abuse to authorities, thus making abusers more frightened of you. You are likely to now have greater resources and maturity to cope, and greater ability to see through the scary and condemning lies abusers told you. Also share with the part lots of good things you have experienced since that part was formed. It might take an effort to think of good things, but they are there.] You used to be surrounded by people who, despite claiming to be right, told you horrific but convincing lies to trick you into making you feel bad about yourself and scared. You did not deserve to be lied to and put down. You might have been treated as if you were less than human, or you might have 70

wished you were less than human. Or you might have longed to be the opposite sex because it seemed that if you were you might have been treated better. But now it is safe to be fully human and to be the gender that your body is, and now you have the support of the rest of us who live in this body. We believe in you and respect you and long to be your warm, safe friends, if you want us. For a long while we did not understand that being treated badly had split us into different parts, all of whom are good and important, share the same body and belong to each other. This, and other misconceptions, caused some of us to ignore each other and accidentally and sometimes even deliberately hurt each other. We are very sorry about this. Thankfully, those days are over and we all want to be best friends with every part. We are now kind to each other, respect each other, listen carefully to each other, are truthful with each other, believe each other, comfort and encourage each other, and try hard to help each other feel good about himself/herself. For some of us, the bad things that happened to us are so strong in our memories that they seem only like yesterday when they actually happened a surprisingly long time ago and many good things have happened since. We will not have to suffer from the bad memories and distress for all of our lives. These things will slowly fade in our memories and life will get better and better. Finding the Best Friend Our lives are far more valuable than we had thought and we are headed for good things. We had bad people in our lives who claimed to be right but were cruel and nasty. There were some others who genuinely tried to help us but they still ended up letting us down. Not everyone is like that, however. There are some good people in this world, even though they can sometimes be hard to find. Nevertheless, humans are not perfect. We need a friend who will never, ever hurt or disappoint us or make a mistake or not fully understand us or not always like us or not always be available when we need a friend. The only person like that is not human. He is God. Because he is God and not human, he is not sexual and he is utterly selfless. Many people lie about God, saying awful things about him 71

that are totally false. Sometimes evil spirits pretend to be God or his Son Jesus. The real God, however, is good and kind and thinks highly of you and of the rest of us. He is gentle and patient and forgiving. He never tricks us nor forces us to do things. He never touches us in a bad way. Anyone claiming to be God or Jesus who is not like that is bluffing. Such a being is a fake and we can totally ignore him. Moreover, because the real God is on our side, we can order any such deceiver to leave. People have blamed us for things, and we have blamed ourselves for things, but despite what people might say, God does not blame us at all. And the exciting thing is that God is the Judge of all the world. What he says is right and his opinion of us will stand for all eternity. Anyone who disagrees with him will be proved wrong. Rather than let us be blamed, the Son of God cares for us so deeply that he came to earth so that he could take upon himself all of our blame and shame and suffer all the punishment and disgrace that we and others think we deserve. The punishment was so torturous and he absorbed it so fully that it killed him. Nevertheless, he suffered it willingly so that we could be made totally innocent and blameless in Gods eyes. It seems far too good to be true but we have discovered that Jesus is so amazingly good that it is absolutely true. So although we do not always realize it, all our shame and blame has totally gone because of Jesus. And because he himself was totally innocent, he was able to come back to life again after fully extinguishing all our blame and punishment. He considers all his suffering worth it when we no longer blame ourselves and no longer believe that we are guilty or think that we still deserve to be punished. He likes us so much that when we are happy, it makes him really happy and when we feel sad, it makes him feel sad. He is the best friend anyone could ever have and he would love to be your friend, just as he is my friend. It will be a slow process but all of us will end up finding life enjoyable and fulfilling and we will be a blessing to God. Many people will spend eternity thanking us for the great help we have been to them. It might not seem that way at present, but it will happen. Sharing the Same Body

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We all share the same body. So if any of us killed himself/herself, it would kill us all, and if anyone hurt the body, it would hurt us all. It will take a while, but you will end up feeling better, and those of us who are already beginning to feel better do not want to die or have our body hurt. So we beg you, for their sake, dont hurt yourself, even when the urge to do so is strong. There are much better ways of ending your distress than hurting yourself. These ways might take a while to work but you will end up really happy that you chose them rather than hurting yourself. Even baby parts who cannot even talk can learn in a matter of weeks not only how to talk but to read and write, but even if they still play with childrens toys, they can develop skills that not even adult parts can equal. So you are now part of a team of highly capable parts and some of them are quickly becoming even more capable. You are no longer in the scary situation where everything depends solely on you. So you can at last relax. You are surrounded by parts who are keen to support you and ensure your safety. Even more amazing and reassuring is that God, who never needs to rest, is forever looking after us, every moment day and night and if there is anything we need to be aware of when we are sleeping or distracted, he will alert us the instant we need to know. Keeping Safe It is of extreme importance that all of us you and all the other parts of you always make good decisions that end up being in your best interest and keep you safe. The danger, however, is that no one, no matter how intelligent, caring and capable, can be sure of making safe decisions without knowing all the relevant facts. You are of extreme importance in deciding what should be done because you know things that no one else knows. Your other parts need you. Each of your other parts, however, are equally important because they know things that you dont. This is because you and each of your other parts have had times when you were asleep or in hiding, when other parts of you were actively observing or learning or doing things of great significance in deciding the best course of action. There are a million of possibilities, but heres one example. An alter who is active most of the time might have been protected by another part from unpleasant information about her parents. She believes her parents are safe but 73

another part of her knows that her father regularly attacked her. Without her knowing this about her father, it could be highly dangerous for her to make the decision to visit her parents, spending several nights in their home. [Vicki and Grantley, the authors of this webpage, have had friends who have ended up suffering horribly because of such a decision.] On the other hand, another part might be horrified about her making this decision and doesnt know how to gently persuade her. So in utter desperation this part does something harmful to the body in order to try to prevent the trip to the parents. This could cause needless suffering if the alter taking this desperate action did not realize that it is safe to go home because the father has died. Such a situation is common, as parts are often totally unaware that for them time has flown because they had been unconscious for many years while one or more other parts were getting on with life. To keep oneself safe, every part of you needs to meet each other and share what each of you knows. Only then will you be able to piece together all the facts that will empower you to choose the safest and wisest course of action in each situation you face. Any sharing of information will be invaluable, but it is almost impossible to be certain that there are no other parts of you with critical information who have so far remained in hiding. Even when every part has fully shared, however, there is still someone who knows even more. No, it is not a counselor. The one who knows absolutely everything in the entire universe is God. And he alone has infinite intelligence. Anyone who has him as a friend has an enormous advantage. If you are afraid of him or dont have him as a friend, we will not force you in any way, but there is no need for that situation to continue. Have you had people say bad things about you that are not true? Well people treat God that way all the time. He is actually the best and safest friend anyone could ever have and, despite what you might imagine, he thinks the world of you. Even if you struggle with that at present, you have some parts who have made this discovery and are friends with God. So if those parts have heard from God on a matter, that is immense wisdom that you can benefit from. Meetings We have meetings, where all parts get together and discuss 74

important decisions, and so on. You, along with all parts get to fully explain your views and wishes and when everyone has shared their insight into the matter, you and the rest of us get to vote on it. We all agree to follow whatever decision wins the majority vote. Agreement is important because we all live in the same body. United we stand; divided we stumble. [Note to the more experienced part: if what is described in the following paragraph has not yet occurred, I strongly suggest that you let it happen because God deeply wants it and you will all greatly benefit from it.] One day, God offered us the incredible privilege of letting him be a part of us. Some of us saw immediately what an astounding opportunity it was. We would have access to all his unlimited kindness, knowledge and help. Others of us were worried about what it might mean. We discussed it in depth with each other, voicing hopes and fears about this momentous decision. Finally we decided to put it to a vote, agreeing as always that we would all abide by the decision of the majority. God won the vote. Even those who originally voted against having God as one of our parts now agree that it was the smartest decision we have ever made. God never forces us. He simply discusses things with us and votes on them just like any other part. He encourages us, laughs at our jokes, answers our questions and makes us feel so much better. If we disagree with each other on anything, we go to him to sort it out. We can trust his decision because he likes each of us equally. He is totally fair and he is the smartest person in the universe. Making Life Easier and Better When parts of a person know much about each other, they become warm, wonderful friends who help and support each other and have lots of safe fun together. When they know very little, however, a few parts that some people have, can seem nasty. They have a good, kind heart but having been cut off from important information sometimes forces them to take drastic action in a desperate attempt to protect themselves and others. We mentioned an example of this with someones part who believed they were about to be exposed to immense danger by returning to the parents house. This part sincerely believed there was no other way to stay safe other than take drastic action. When a part learns more of the facts and learns how to more gently and more persuasively help other parts not make dangerous 75

decisions, everything calms right down. It is far easier to ask a friend to do something for you than to try to convince an enemy or someone you have been nasty to. People trust and believe friends, not someone who threatens them. So becoming friends with your parts not only makes life much more enjoyable and safer, it actually helps you get your own way. All of us agree to be nice to each other. If a part mistakenly thinks that hurting us will keep us safe or some such thing, we discuss it with the part, helping him or her to understand. [When convenient, it would be helpful provide to this part of you with a timeline of significant events in your life, both good and bad, such as abuse, education, marriage, family, and so on, along with photos and mementoes and a map showing where you have lived and how far away you now live in relation to everything that has happened in the past.] That ends my suggestion of what to explain to alters who have been out of the loop to help them to come up to speed as quickly as possible. I would now like to move on to other things that can help fast-track healing. We all want healing as fast as possible but, sadly, many attempts to speed healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder sabotage the entire healing process.

Thanks for the Memories? A woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder approached me with this prayer request: I want to heal without recalling all of the memories. I understand exactly where this dear woman is coming from. Bad memories can terrify us. The problem, however, is that it is our refusal to face those memories that causes Dissociative Identity Disorder. Remaining unaware of what part of us is doing (or has done) is at the very heart of D.I.D. So her prayer request makes as much sense as praying, Lord, I dont want to be separated from my husband but I want nothing more to do with him. Some

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things are logical impossibilities insane absurdities that not even God can do. All guilt, fear and torment associated with memories need to end but this is not the same as losing those memories. What this woman has not yet grasped is that her continued inability to remember unpleasant events would be a tragedy, not a blessing. There are several aspects to this, so it will take a few paragraphs to explain. To run from memories would be to cave into false feelings of shame, fear or inability to cope. It would be to languish in needless defeat. Thats not Gods plan for you. Christ took all your shame, blame and pain, bearing it all in his own naked, tortured body so that you can lift your head high. Through Christ, you are a winner; not one who runs away, but a hero clothed with divine majesty in Gods royal family. Our walk with Christ is about love, adventure and glory. Its not about escapism, wasting ones life and trashing opportunities for greatness. It has no partnership with cowardice and the eternal regret it brings. We might be born failures but through Christ we are transformed; born anew for achievement, heroism and honor. God has astounding faith in what you can do empowered by him. You are called to jettison shame, defeatism and self-indulgence to enter into holy union with the all-powerful Conqueror and, thus endowed, to reign with him in regal splendor: 2 Timothy 2:12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him . . . (KJV). Romans 8:17 . . . we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Revelation 3:2 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. Dont dare dishonor the Lord of glory by thinking this is beyond you. For Christ, who has invested the last drop of his blood into ensuring your success, impossibilities are playthings. You are one with the Almighty Lord. You are in him and he is in you; melded together in the most thrilling of unions. Furthermore, even if full healing without recovery of 77

memories were neither irrational, nor a needless defeat, it would render much of your past agony a useless waste. You are passionately loved of God; the darling of his heart. He is far too devoted to you to want you to undergo such a tragic loss. Instead, his plan is to transform your past suffering into something that exalts you to eternal heights of glory like nothing else could ever achieve. His goal is not to destroy your memories but to heal your memories so that they no longer distress you and so that your past suffering becomes something uniquely valuable. Remembering your past will not only enable you to better comprehend the love of God but will equip you with the ability to minister with unique experience and conviction to other hurting people. This is the path to eternal glory. Astoundingly, not even the Eternal Son of God, the Infinite Lord of Glory, could be granted the authority to fulfill the exalted role of Ultimate High Priest without his familiarity with, and memory of, his own suffering (for a short explanation, see The Unexpected Value of Bad Memories). Someone who finds study highly taxing devotes year after arduous year to medical studies. Finally he qualifies as a doctor. Now all the hard work is behind him and at last he can truly help people, save lives and reap all the benefits of his study. Can you imagine him rendering all his efforts a useless waste by praying to forget everything he has learnt? We dont need more self-proclaimed experts who trample on other peoples feelings; arrogant theorizers exposing themselves to the wrath of God by ignorantly thinking they are helping when they are devastating people who are already writhing in inner agony. The world is filled with in fact has had its fill of such people. What are as rare as diamonds, however, are people who truly understand; people whose advice does not come from a book or vain imagination but from genuine experience; leaders who, like Jesus, can say, Ive been there follow me. Youve endured what it takes to qualify as one of those rare and valued people who truly know. Now, with almost all the sweat and tears behind you, will you throw it all away by praying to forget it all? The great apostle Paul seems to have suffered no loss of memory when reeling off the precise number and ways in which he was tortured: 2 Corinthians 11:24-25 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was 78

beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea . . . In fact, he seems to have seen his suffering as something to boast about: 2 Corinthians 11:23, 12:1 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. . . . I must go on boasting. . . . You might long to keep suppressed within you horrific memories and/or awareness of your current emotional reaction (such as fear, pain or shame) associated with those memories. Disturbingly, however, for as long as a part of you has memories and/or emotional reactions that you have no access to, you are unable to access that part of your brain in which those memories and emotions are stored. Of particular concern is that for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (often called alters or insiders) have not just memories and emotions but other intellectual abilities. So if you have an alter you have little interaction with, those parts of your brain that you have lost access to almost certainly hold not only memories and emotions but valuable skills and intellectual abilities. I have already detailed this in another webpage so you can skip this if you wish but it is worth repeating here, just in case you missed that page. Of course, not everyone has every ability, but people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are likely to feel certain they do not have certain abilities and yet have those very abilities locked away in a part of the brain they are currently too scared to access. These abilities could already be in a quite developed form or able to be developed far quicker than most people are capable of. The possibilities are almost limitless and will vary from person to person but in a previous webpage I provided a few examples of improved abilities that people who, in an attempt to protect themselves from unwanted memories or feelings, could be cutting themselves off from. In case you missed that list, I will repeat it here. By connecting with his or her alters, a person might end up with remarkably improved: * Eyesight (Example)

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* Manual dexterity * Ability to use the non-dominant hand * Surefootedness, such as ability to climb rugged terrain * Athletic ability * Short-term or long-term memory * Musical ability * Speed reading skills * Creative cooking * Mathematical ability * Direction finding and navigational skills * Ability to thoroughly enjoy marital relations * Grammar and spelling * Creative writing * A flair for public speaking * Sense of humor * Linguistic ability * Artistic ability * Dress sense * Parenting skills * Ability to handle stress * People skills * Freedom from certain phobias * Spiritual abilities such as spiritual warfare

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* Intimate experiences with God The above tiny overview should suffice to give a little insight into the tragic implications of an intellectual loss, so lets move on and gain a little insight into the seriousness of an emotional loss. We will start with an analogy: if you were desperate enough to avoid seeing anything evil, you could blind yourself. The problem, of course, is that no matter how much this way of rendering yourself unable to see evil things might feel like protecting yourself, it would mean that you could never see beauty and things you desperately need to see. You would be severely handicapped, thus reducing the amount of good you could achieve. Likewise, totally cutting yourself off from unpleasant feelings cannot be done without cutting yourself off from certain good feelings. You would lose your zest for life and various enjoyments that God longs to bless you with. Moreover, it would emotionally handicap you, thus lowering the amount of good you could do. To suppress an alter will do more than diminish your intellectual and emotional capacity, however. It will directly diminish you spiritually. Christians sometimes talk of head knowledge versus heart knowledge. Head knowledge lets you know a spiritual truth intellectually but it does little or nothing for you. This is because, even though you might be unconscious of what is happening within you, the lifechanging power of that truth is being sabotaged by inner doubts or fears or lack of conviction or tightly held presumptions that are contrary to that spiritual truth. If you remain cut off from awareness of what is going on within you, or have little or no interaction with an alter, that part of you is cut off from your spiritual experience and insight, thus condemning yourself to having a part of you that will continually undermine the strength of your spiritual convictions and relationship with God. There are also moral implications. You might, for example, be desperate to break a sinful habit but a part of you has no idea that the habit should be broken and/or that part has no conception of how to draw upon the power of Christ to exercise self-control. So, unknown to you, part of you could be sabotaging your good intentions, not because any part is incurably evil with God nothing is incurable but simply because you have not sufficiently interacted with a part of you for that part to know and benefit from your understanding of Christ. So to suppress an alter, or to avoid befriending that part of 81

you, is to diminish your intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity. The only way to honor the God who gave you all this amazing potential is to get to know that alter, courageously embrace the unpleasant memories and feelings the alter has, and to increase your abilities by allowing the alter to develop spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. Ironically, facilitating this can only occur by empowering that alter, even if that alter is currently anti-God. This can seem a terrifying thing to do. It might seem that the alter is evil, and you could wrongly imagine that to empower him or her is to increase evil in your life. The reality, however, is that if you have found Christ and been empowered by the good Lord, then so can this part of you. And the only way this alter can be transformed into someone kind, loving, gentle and devoted to God is to be allowed to surface and to interact with you, or with others, who can help that part discover that Jesus is safe, kind, gentle, patient, wise and the best friend that anyone could ever have. No matter how strange they might initially seem, no alter is a non-human invader; a demon squatting in your brain to be fought, rebuked or resisted. On the contrary, even the most obnoxious alter is a long-lost but indispensable part of a person for whom Jesus gave his life to redeem. Each alter is a lost sheep that the Good Shepherd never forgets or neglects. Rather, our Lord focuses all his attention on it. He cares so deeply that he lovingly leaves the ninety-nine to devote all his effort to search for the lost one so that he can rejoice over lovingly restoring it to the fold. We are called to be like Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who lays down his life for the lost. Even if you mistakenly see an alter as an enemy, remember that the One you are called to emulate loves his enemies more than his own life and is continually working on wooing them so that they will eventually discover that he is their best friend. We are called to turn the other cheek, rejoice when we are persecuted and win to Christ those who do not know him. Learning to do this begins with doing it with ones alters. Each of your alters is a vital, irreplaceable part of you. So for any alter to develop in any way means that you are developing. Empowering your alters to develop transforms you into the faithful servant in Jesus parable, rather than the one who buried his talent. Loving your alters and giving them the freedom to develop is Christlike behavior that

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glorifies God.

The Story So Far & Beyond Anyone not totally healed from D.I.D. is in the exciting position of being blessed with abilities that have yet to be fully discovered. If you have D.I.D, then both intellectually and in terms of spiritual development, emotional wholeness and fulfillment, alters are your most valuable asset. Wanting brain damage would make as much sense as wanting to be rid of your alters. Yes, without your alters you might temporarily be rid of some inner pain, conflict, sabotaging of your good intentions and shaming yourself but the way to permanently be rid of this is not through suppressing or oppressing your alters but by giving them every opportunity to heal and develop so that they can do you immense and continual good. Like a troubled marriage resulting in separation, an alter going into hiding is a defeat, even if it might seem more peaceful than the alter regularly interacting with you. For as long as the alter is in hiding, that alters unique help, insights, abilities and emotional support is lost, as is the opportunity for that alter to heal and for the alters abilities to continue to develop. The result might in the short term seem deceptively easier but it intellectually cripples and emotionally handicaps the person and it chokes healing, even though the person is typically unaware of the extent of the tragedy. It is like a child imagining it would be a gain if a baby brother died. Yes, both rivalry and the babys annoying crying would cease. The older child, however, has little conception of how the baby would have changed if allowed to grow and how he would have become a much-needed companion, playmate and support. It often turns out that the alter who seems the most annoying and useless ends up developing into one of the most needed, in regard to the invaluable abilities and the emotional support and the deepening of your relationship with God that the alter ends up providing.

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Contrary to what might seem intuitively right, your spiritual, intellectual and emotional development hinges on you continually empowering your alters. Both you and they should see integration as merely a further step in this long process. Integration is not getting rid of alters; it is joining forces with them. And the more alters that a particular alter merges with, the more empowered this alter will be. Any merging, however, is usually a long way down the healing/empowering process and any attempt to force the pace is likely to prove counterproductive. It is tempting to romanticize the strategies the minds of highly distraught children develop just to survive. In order to increase motivation to heal, however, let us be brutally honest. Sometimes called Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.), Dissociative Identity Disorder occurs when a persons mind, instead of remaining one harmonious whole, gets broken up into fragments. In this reaction to emotional trauma, a part of the persons awareness is cut off from other parts of the person. The result is like a committee in which no one knows what anyone else is planning. The attractive side to this chaos is that it allows a form of escapism, giving part of the person a vacation from dealing with consequences of the trauma. Like cutting off a limb to temporarily reduce pain, however, the cost of this escapism is enormous. It both significantly reduces mental function and prevents the person from healing from the devastating effects of past hurts. For as long as there is inadequate communication between parts of a persons mind, the person will not only fail to reach his or her full intellectual potential but will remain in emotional torment. This has spiritual and relationship ramifications and keeps its victims far from peace, happiness and fulfillment that would otherwise be theirs. If someone in this situation never makes sufficient effort to understand and cooperate closely with other parts of his or her mind, this needless tragedy will grind on for an entire lifetime. Such people will have an awareness of how hard their life is but will have little comprehension of how wonderful their life would have been if only they had courageously persisted in reconnecting with their other parts. On the other hand, those who persist on the healing journey are repeatedly amazed to discover talents and abilities they never knew they had and keep finding deeper peace, fulfillment and achievement.

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What makes reconnecting so complex is that it is not reassembling a machine, but reconnecting parts of the human mind, each of which has gained full and independent access to human intelligence, emotions, will, memories, and so on. Each part has become so adept at functioning individually that each has become like an individual with distinct desires, agenda, and all the complexities of a full human being.

The Seldom-Understood Goal of Healing Sometimes a host (the alter who is most often in control) sees it as a failure to let other alters ever take control and interact with the real world. For a host to retreat from the real world out of fear and leave other alters floundering might indeed be a failure on the hosts part but it is entirely different to let other alters take over for a little while in a safe environment so that they can break their mentally crippling isolation by expressing themselves and learn about the real world. If it can be achieved, the ideal safe environment is where a more experienced alter remains aware of what is happening and is able to guide the alter should the need arise and even, in an emergency, regain control. If this skill has not yet been learnt, however, letting the alter take over is still safe and desirable if a trustworthy counselor or friend who understands D.I.D. is present. Some hosts (or even counselors) might mistakenly regard it as dissociation to let other alters come out and relate to the real world, but it is actually the opposite. Whereas to dissociate is to be in denial of an aspect of reality, freeing ones alters to relate to the real world is both acknowledging the reality of having alters and is helping alters discover current reality. If for years you kept a baby locked in a room 24/7 with nothing but four walls to see, no one to communicate with and nothing such a book or television to learn from, the baby might grow physically but mentally he would never grow. Likewise, not letting alters interact with the real world is an act of cruelty that stops little alters from ever growing up and prevents older alters from learning new things and seeing through the lies that have kept them reeling in the

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inner pain of fear or guilt or with shattered self-esteem or unaware of Gods eagerness to befriend and help them. The goal of healing is not to gain control of your alters nor to end switching from alter to alter. Rather, the goal is to gain control of your full intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity, and switching is a vital stage in achieving that goal. Not every counselor realizes this. Some mistakenly presume that if switching has ended, the person has become normal and so must be healed. In reality, however, if parts of the person are still suppressed, that person is functioning far below his or her full capacity. If all alters are sufficiently allowed access to the real world they will each gradually mature and grow more and more alike, thus making switching increasingly less dramatic for the person and less detectable by other people. Eventually, the alters will become so alike that they will see no point in remaining separated from each other and they will gradually merge until there is no switching, simply because they are all empowered and truly one. To stop switching while there are still separate alters, however, would be to short-circuit the entire process and prevent healing. Alters who have been kept in isolation might initially be so angry about what they have suffered or have had no opportunity to mature or know so little about the adult world that they temporarily embarrass the host. Anyone who understands D.I.D., however, regards this as perfectly normal and knows that it is only temporary while the alter is at last being given the opportunity to normalize. The brutal truth is that if you have alters who are just in the early stages of healing, you might find some of them not just an embarrassment but a huge source of emotional pain and confusion. They might even try to kill you in which case you have an urgent need to win them over; turning them into friends who trust you. Nevertheless, as you continue your healing journey you will discover that not only are alters not your enemies, they are, next to God himself, your greatest asset. It is smarter to hack off your arm and leg than to keep your alters suppressed or deny them the sometimes inconvenient and embarrassing things they need. To disregard them is to perpetuate your inner pain and the fragmenting of your intellect and keep you from the heights of fulfillment and achievement that you would otherwise reach.

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For Christians, the real goal of healing is not the ending of discomfort, but every part of you falling so in love with Christ as to eagerly yield to him, thus empowering you not only to reach your full intellectual, emotional, social and vocational potential, but your full spiritual potential; maximizing your ability to know and glorify the God whose love and devotion to you defies comprehension. That alone is the path to true fulfillment, and achievement that will last for all eternity.

The Challenge Anyone who forces his/her will on someone or puts someone down, silences him/her, suppresses him/her or despises the weak and the hurting, is an abuser. To be like Christ is to have a heart that continually seeks to encourage, uplift, buildup, liberate and empower people. It is to love the unlovely, to do good to those who are nasty. Who have you made your hero, the one you model your life on? Christ or an abuser? Who are you currently most like? What does the way your treat those closest to you who share your body tell you? If at present you act more like an abuser to certain parts of you that Christ loves more than his own life and let himself be tortured to death to redeem, you can end your shame. You can look to Christ and let him transform you into someone who loves as he does. A common but serious mistake is for people with D.I.D. to make decisions against their alters will. Whether this happens simply because they are unaware of their alters wishes or because they assume they know better than their alters, the results can be equally damaging. There are three reasons why disregarding an alters wishes can stop healing. 1. It is a law of nature that anything that grows must go through stages that cannot be skipped and there is a point beyond which these stages cannot be sped up. Alters must be allowed to develop at their own pace. 2. Forcing change upon alters triggers panic that

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paralyses them, preventing further growth. 3. Disregarding the wishes of ones alters breaks down trust and cooperation with ones alters, thus perpetuating fragmentation. As already touched on, two other essentials for ending fragmentation and becoming whole are the courage to let oneself remember and the courage to let oneself feel. Healing from trauma and reconnecting with alters requires more love and wisdom and trust between alters than humans are likely to ever muster. With such vast reserves of love, wisdom and trust required, anyone would be a fool to rob himself or herself of full healing by remaining distant from the only Source of infinite love and wisdom and from the only Person who is fully trustworthy God himself. Now lets move beyond this overview to the nitty gritty.

Why Forcing Change Upon an Alter Makes Things Worse For Yourself God has worked into the very fabric of creation this law of nature: Mark 4:26-28 . . . This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head This applies to almost every living thing. If, for example, you want an acorn to grow into a mighty oak that everyone admires, you have no option but to let it slowly progress through every stage from tender shoot to spindly sapling, all the way through to full maturity. Refuse to let it go through the sapling stage and you will never get the oak you long for. Refuse to treat a shoot with greater tenderness than you would a tree and you will never get a tree. In the same way, if you want a little alter to grow up, you must let the alter go through childish stages. Should you not let an alter have its

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fill of childish things, that part of you will remain emotionally trapped as a stunted, hurting alter and, without you realizing it, this will in turn stunt your own intellect and your emotional maturity. Moreover, no matter how much you pretend it is not happening, the alters unhealed inner agony will flood over to you. So if you feel embarrassed about little alters, let that embarrassment drive you to facilitate their growth by meeting their current needs for childish things. Only when those needs are fully met are they able to grow up and leave childish things behind. To understand why forcing your will upon alters or making decisions without their consent can stop healing, we need to remember that alters were formed by trauma they had no control over. When new decisions are made without consulting ones alters, it triggers panic by reminding them of the most horrific time in their existence a time that corresponded with them having no control over what happened to them. What complicates things still further is that panic freezes ones mental processes. So even if the initial panic is an over-reaction, it hinders sane evaluation of the implications of the new event. In order to think clearly, the panic needs to subside. So alters need time to ponder the implications of a change, not so much because they need an unusually long time to think but because they need long enough to calm down in order to think clearly. To disregard an alters needs and fears is to act like an abuser. This will almost certainly throw them into panic and perhaps even trigger flashbacks and other horrific reactions. How could this not destroy trust between the alter and the part of the person that acted like an abuser by disregarding the alters need? And how could fragmentation and all its associated ills end, without all the fragmented parts of a person trusting each other so much that they work together as one harmonious whole? So trust is critical.

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The Surprising Importance of Childish Things One of the most common causes of lost trust between parts of a person revolves around failing to understand the importance of childish things in the healing of an alter. Lets start with what for brevity we will call dolls, but they could be stuffed toys or figurines or other objects, such as a favorite blanket or article of clothing. It can just as easily apply to pets but since most adults can better understand an attachment to pets, they usually cause less bewilderment and embarrassment to adults. Safety is of paramount importance to anyone who feels seriously threatened, and most alters were not only once in grave danger but until they are healed they are petrified of a return to that danger. So if they find anything no matter how pathetic that helps them feel a little more secure, it will assume enormous importance to them, even though certain other alters (especially older ones) might not understand this. Many alters are terrified that anyone else might end up judging them or turning on them, but they know a doll will not. This is why for many young alters, a doll could be the only thing in the universe that helps them feel safe. Furthermore, trapped within alters can be such horrifically intense and painful feelings that it is not unusual for them to worry that their feelings could kill them or drive them insane or make them dangerously ill. They are petrified about getting in touch with their feelings or expressing them and yet those feelings are so horrendous that they scream for attention. Whether it be through hugs or actually talking to the doll, a doll can be the one thing that they feel able to bond with, and express their feelings to, thus making their almost unbearable life a little more tolerable. With nothing else able to fill this desperately needed role, a strong dependence upon the doll is inevitable. More than some concession to childishness, our experience with alters has convinced us that dolls are a therapeutic tool. Moreover, we are convinced that using them has divine approval. At the end of this page is a link describing how an alter received a doll in a manner that was so obviously of God that we are left certain that God considers the use of 90

dolls important. Dolls can be so important, and yet adults can be so embarrassed about allowing their alters to benefit from them that if you require further persuading to let your young alters have the dolls they need, besides the above-mentioned link we have prepared additional information, including scientific evidence. See More About Dolls.

Way Beyond Dolls We have devoted so many words to dolls solely because they are one example of a vast range of possible things that alters might crave that anyone with little understanding of alters could be tempted to dismiss as stupid or trivial. If you disregard anything that an alter indicates as being important to him/her, you could end up making the serious mistake of denying them what they and hence you need to heal. Other than God himself, the greatest expert in knowing what a specific alter needs in order to heal is that very alter. Like all people, alters are individuals. They have unique past experiences that create unique needs. To highlight how critical it is to listen to each alter and not presume we know best, we will now seem to undo all our previous arguments about the benefits of dolls by stating that for a particular alter, a doll might not have the positive effect it has for other alters, and could actually hinder growth. If you would like to know what sort of experiences could cause an alter to react so differently to dolls, see Alters Differ. So our point is not that you should always give young alters dolls but that you should always take very seriously whatever they indicate is important to them, no matter how much it clashes with your own priorities and presumptions. If you have alters, there are many things critical to their emotional well-being that you are likely to find even more bizarre than needing a doll. Heres one example: even something as seemingly insignificant as washing an old sweater can traumatize an alter. As was the case with dolls, well give a brief explanation to help you understand the

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reason for it, but nothing an alter says should need to make sense to you before you take it seriously. If an alter tells you it is important to him/her, that should suffice. If it isnt sinful or harmful you should very strongly consider doing whatever the alter wants. That washing an old sweater could be upsetting will seem bizarre until you consider that quite average young children can become deeply attached to, for example, a blanket (fans of the Peanuts cartoon strip will recall Linuss security blanket). Moreover, some women can feel ugly and hence insecure about wearing almost everything except for one piece of clothing that they feel covers them better, or fits better. Furthermore, an alter could in the past have had a bad experience akin to having a sweater washed, such as something treasured being destroyed by washing. This does not mean you could never wash the article but that you need to proceed slowly and cautiously, patiently explaining and carefully listening to the alters concerns until all concerns are allayed. Alters need age-appropriate means of comfort and to deny themselves that comfort is a double-whammy. Not only does denial mean they are missing out on comfort that since they are deeply hurting they desperately need, but to deny them is to act like an abuser and so trigger fears and painful memories associated with past abusive disregard for their needs. It could also drive them to try to seek destructive forms of comfort, such as self-harm or over-eating or chemical highs. For alters formed as babies, age-appropriate means of comfort could include such things as lullabies, pacifiers or drinking formula milk from a bottle. Again, it is not for you to decide what they need. Your role is to get to know them and give them whatever they indicate they want. The only usual exceptions should be if what they request would expose yourself and the alter to ridicule, or is unhealthy: * physically such as candy if you are diabetic * psychologically such as illicit drugs or porn * spiritually such as occult practices or hurting people. If there are serious obstacles to granting your alters what they want, lovingly explain the reasons and seek to find 92

acceptable alternatives. Strive diligently to find workarounds, such as buying candy suitable for diabetics, finding times and places where it would not result in ridicule, reading them uplifting stories instead of porn, getting pocket dolls so you can take them with you inconspicuously, and so on. For babies not yet potty trained, diapers can be comforting, rather than exposing them to the possibility of soiling clothes or bed. Moreover, you may find diapers necessary when baby alters make their presence felt. Yes, by suppressing baby alters you might reduce, or perhaps even eliminate, the need for diapers but suppressed alters never heal.

Building Trust Since D.I.D. handicaps people by fragmenting intellectual abilities, healing involves reconnecting all the fragments (alters). Put another way: in order to regain full mental capacity, alters must cooperate; working together as a team. Such teamwork (and associated healing) is impossible without all of a persons alters valuing and trusting each other. Since disregarding an alters feelings and wishes undermines any such trust, it sabotages teamwork, bringing healing screeching to a halt. Simple things can help build the trust that is so critical to healing. For example, tell an alter worried about the washing of a sweater, How about we consider washing it in two days time, so you have time to think about it. Then, when the time arrives, ask if it is okay to proceed. When the clean sweater is returned, the alter can see that you kept your word and trust begins to grow. It is frightfully easy to dismiss alters as embarrassing nuisances and treat them as rivals or even enemies when they are actually your greatest assets. And rather than want to hurt or embarrass you, they crave your love and approval. They respond powerfully to praise and compliments. Unconditional love will win their desire to please you, whereas criticism, disapproval, rejection or punishment will have the opposite effect. Until they heal, alters are in inner agony and, despite ones

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best intentions, people who are hurting are very vulnerable to further hurt. As Grantley wrote in a webpage about how to comfort people who are: If you were treating the open wounds of accident victims you would realize that the most gentle, wellmeaning touch could send patients reeling. You would not be offended if someone you were seeking to help lashed out in pain with almost involuntary action. You would half expect it. But imagine the confusion if the wounds were invisible and the person looked uninjured. Consider the further complication if in that persons experience everyone who had tried to help (and how does he know you will be any different?) had in their ignorance done little but inflict pain. Thats the norm for someone who is hurting inside. Emotionally wounded people cannot help but be highly sensitive. Words hit them like whips. It is vital that they be treated verbally with the careful tenderness you would use if you were dressing gaping physical wounds. Once we understand the seriousness of emotional wounds, its surprisingly easy to employ the Christlike graces of turning the other cheek and using the soft answer that turns away wrath. When we realize an outburst is just the pain talking, we no longer take it to heart. Only a fool takes personally the actions of someone drunk with pain. It could be helpful to preface ones remarks to a sensitive alter with, I approve of you. I believe in you and think the world of you. So nothing I say should ever be interpreted as a put down or rejection. Such wording helps keep alters from jumping to wrong conclusions, and frees them up to understand what you are really saying. Simple things like tucking young alters into bed at night, reading them age-appropriate books that they like, giving them special time to be alone with their toys, putting their favorite sweater under the pillow, or letting them hold it while they sleep, can go a long way to provide the security from which healing flows. Another important thing is to defend your alters if they are ever threatened or criticized. If they publicly say or write something you approve, try to publicly honor their statement. If they receive criticism, be diplomatic but stand by your alters. Never betray their trust by revealing their secrets or even their existence until 94

they are ready to do this themselves. Be aware that alters might overhear you at a time when you have assumed they have not tuned in to what is occurring. Next to encouraging each alter to interact with God, these things are powerful in bringing healing. A friend of mine with Dissociative Identity Disorder went to considerable effort to obtain a bracelet displaying the words Stronger Together. Those two words form a truth that should be impressed upon the heart of everyone wanting to heal. If you have alters, they have a deep need to be heard and you have a deep need to listen to them. Until they start communicating, alters have been kept in psychologically crippling solitary confinement, and you have been kept cut off from a significant part of your mental capacity, your emotions and your memories. In addition to merely being heard, alters need to be believed. Most likely, they suffered horrifically and no one believed it. You need to begin to undo the damage by believing them. They could well have been formed precisely to protect you from the truth because at the time you were not psychologically strong enough to take it, but this situation must end. You must muster the courage to face the truth so that you can regain your full mind, and if what they reveal seems unbelievable it could well be because you are still preferring to live in denial; preferring perhaps to believe the lie that your abuser really was the respectable person he or she pretended to be. Nevertheless, just as sincere children can sometimes get things mixed up, so can little alters. For example, we know a dear alter who was sexually abused in a carnival haunted house. She was too young to understand that the haunted house was make-believe. The fear was real, however, and so was the abuse. Additionally, any alter who is trying to piece together just fragments of surfaced memories could make a sincere mistake. For example, we know someone who mistakenly concluded that it must have been her father who abused her because she could not recall her father allowing her to go anywhere without his supervision and because she could only remember the face of only one of what seemed to be two abusers. After prayer her memory became clearer and it turned out that what had seemed like 95

a second abuser was an image that had somehow formed in her mind representing the abusers demon.

The Courage to Let Oneself Remember It is impossible to have a mind that is whole if part of you knows things of extreme significance that another part of you knows nothing about. It is impossible to heal from all the damaging effects of a fractured mind without having the courage to remember. Whatever happened in your past, it happened when you were younger and so had less mental and spiritual maturity/resources than you currently have plus the situation has most likely changed such that your tormentor now has less power over you. When they are kept in the dark, things seem scarier than when brought into the light. Likewise the truth ends up being much easier to cope with than the unknown. It is far easier on yourself to face things and get them resolved than be haunted by fears of the unknown for the rest of your life. Encourage your alters to share their secrets with you. It will relieve them of isolation and horrific burdens that they have far less resources than you have to cope with. For example, they are probably riddled with guilt over something they will never know was not their fault unless they open up to you so that you can give them the benefit of your adult understanding. If you are tempted to keep yourself ignorant (with all the intellectual handicaps and emotional agony that entails) because you worry there might possibly be some skeleton in your past that you could not forgive yourself for doing; your fears are groundless. Once the full, liberating truth of the Gospel is understood and tragically vast numbers of Christians do not understand it you can live peaceably with yourself no matter what atrocious sins filled your past. The Bible strips away all human pride by revealing that the wages of sin just one little sin is death. You cannot get deader than dead. Since everyone has sinned, no one can be more lost or more depraved than anyone else. Just as an athlete and an invalid are equally unable to reach the moon

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by jumping, so the most saintly person on this planet and the most sadistic serial killer and rapist are equally unable to reach Gods minimum standards. Outside of Christ, the most godly person on this planet is just as much a moral failure and has just as much reason for abject shame as the most obviously wicked person. Each need Christ equally and if either of them can find cleansing and forgiveness and total acceptance in God, the other can receive it just as easily and as fully. No matter what your past, you can be cleansed and granted virgin-innocence and honored by all of heaven for your crystal purity. The same applies if you worry that a loved one might have committed some grievous offense.

The Courage to Let Oneself Feel To be mentally whole while cutting oneself off from feelings is just as impossible as it is to be mentally whole and cut oneself off from memories. Healing requires you to get in touch with all your feelings. This seems scary at first because of the strong, unpleasant feelings buried within, but by connecting with those feelings they are able to be released so that they no longer haunt you, and then you are free to connect with wonderful feelings and come fully alive.

Play It is highly beneficial for alters to regularly play games with each other and have fun together. It is not only enjoyable, it builds trust and teamwork. And it not only promotes healing, it helps them develop valuable skills. What alters enjoy doing together will differ from person to person. It might be reading or telling stories, or working on an art project or playing computer games or dancing or chasing each other.

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The possibilities are almost endless, but you will discover which activities appeal most to you and your alters.

The Most Effective Way to Heal Fast All alters desperately need Jesus. They are usually tormented by guilt and shame and feel so worthless that it is not uncommon for some to even be convinced that they are evil. Jesus whole reason for coming to earth was to resolve these stupendous needs in a way far beyond what anyone in the universe and most certainly more than any counselor could ever achieve. He, alone, as the utterly Innocent One took upon himself all our guilt; suffering our full punishment and then cleansing us utterly and granting us his moral perfection, purity, goodness and exalted status with God, the Holy Judge of heaven and earth. Obviously these truths should be explained more simply and in more detail, but it is imperative that alters be made aware of them. Alters also usually need someone to mother and father them, but because they are now in an adult body this is rarely possible, nor is it usually safe to seek it from anyone other than Jesus for this role as it could expose both alter and host to ridicule or abuse, or to devastation if the mother/father figure needed to leave at some later stage. Only Jesus is utterly safe in giving hugs, tucking alters into bed and so on, and fully understands the best way to help at every stage of healing, and offers the total security of never getting sick or burnt out, changing, moving away, or dying. And no one understands any of us like Jesus does, nor has his wisdom. Moreover, Jesus fervently loves alters with total selflessness without any sexual overtones and longs to comfort and heal them. There is a critical blockage to receiving Jesus help, however. Because Jesus is not an abuser, he will not force himself upon alters, no matter how much he yearns to help and knows they need him. A further hindrance is that alters often have such distorted ideas about Jesus (confusing him with abusers, for example, or believing lies people have said about him) that they can be terrified of him. So the greatest of all things that anyone can do for alters is to reassure them of how gentle, kind, caring, patient,

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understanding and comforting Jesus is and how much he wants to take their pain upon himself bearing their guilt, fear and inner pain as the alters Alter and be their devoted friend and have lots of safe fun with them. (Yes, because play is important to every young alter he longs to play with them in a way that builds them up intellectually and in selfesteem and shows them great respect.) Encourage alters to dialog with Jesus. Assure them that he will respect whatever boundaries they put up and that he will wait for as long as it takes for them to be sure that they are safe with him. Jesus is the perfect counselor and the ultimate healer. Once they commence talking with Jesus, the door to wondrous things has opened.

Conclusion We might have imagined that doing away with childish things speeds an alterss growth but it can actually bring to a grinding halt not just the growth of one alter, but all healing. In fact, almost any decision made without an alters consent has the potential to be highly triggering and often cause pain, resentment, and withdrawal, which will in turn keep a persons mind divided against itself. Youre a leader, not a loner. It might be frustrating to have to go slow for the sake of the others, but a general who charges off at his own pace is in for a rude shock when he encounters the enemy and looks behind to find himself alone because his army was unable to keep up with him. Together you are strong. Healing requires almost superhuman reserves of courage, love, patience, insight, and so on, but thats okay because through Jesus you have access to all that you need.

Related Pages

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How to Turn Nasty Alters into Nice Alters And links Resolving Conflict With Insiders Coping with Baby Alters Dolls or Stuffed Toys for Healing D. I. D. Includes a divine miracle For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net 2010, 2012 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/worse.htm I seem to be getting worse!

Help For Multiple Personality Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D. also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is primarily about hiding from yourself emotional pain and sometimes facts that, at least in the past, you would much rather forget. The dilemma, however, is that whatever is hidden can never heal. Moreover, discovering all your alters is essential not just to emotional wholeness but to intellectual wholeness. Until you win their confidence and coax them to share everything with you, each alter has exclusive access to part of your brain. This exclusive access includes far more than bad memories but good memories, valuable information you have learnt and abilities you wish you had. Since everyone is different, I

NetBurst.Net

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cannot specify what exciting abilities you will discover, but by befriending alters you are likely to become better than you dreamt possible at some of the following: * Courage * Eyesight * Singing in tune * Rock climbing * Short-term memory * Long-term memory * Creative cooking * Humor * Public speaking * Artistic ability * Poetry/creative writing * One or more foreign languages * Mechanical ability * Spelling * Mathematics * Enjoyment of marital relations * Intimacy with God, hearing from God, spiritual warfare, etc * And the possibilities keep going There are also less easily quantified benefits of discovering new alters. One woman, a mother of two who has quite a few alters, told me the following today: It is no exaggeration to say that some of the most precious moments in my life have come by having interaction with my alters. Last night, for example, I worked in a soup kitchen to feed the homeless. The supervisor of the kitchen asked me to stir a huge pot of soup. My arm got tired. Im right handed by my alter, Princess is left handed, so I told her, Princess, I need your help. Can you stir this for me? She replied, Id love to, Mommy! With a grin she took the spoon and stirred and I could see her put her four year old arm around me and I heard a soft I love you, Mommy. Ive had many a moment like this in my journey of healing from D.I.D. If I all my alters had instantly integrated with me, I might have gained the skill of using my left hand, but I might lose the precious 101

Dissociative Identity Disorder

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moments of seeing my four year old embrace me and speak of her love for me. That moment carried me through a wonderful evening and helped me be more present to enjoy the evening than I would have ordinarily been able to. The territory I feel Im gaining in wholeness is make all the sweeter through interaction with my alters. I am taking back ground that is rightfully mine. I have worked long and hard for this and I feel that I deserve it. I will let no one take it from me. If you are devoted to Christ, however, you have an even more powerful motivation than so far mentioned for persisting in the discovery process: glorifying God. It is hard to know for sure when your every alter has fully revealed to you every secret, but until then there are probably parts of you that do not know God, are terrified of him, hate him, or are even sold-out to Satan. These parts of you are not in love with God, nor in submission to him, nor able to glorify him by reaching anything like their full emotional, intellectual and spiritual potential. Burying your pain can turns out as spiritually serious as burying your talent (Matthew 25:25-30). So discovering what has been buried is essential for healing and emotional, intellectual and spiritual wholeness. This necessitates courageously facing the unknown and the unpleasant. It is as if you live in a cramped corner of a squalid house that has the potential to be a magnificent mansion. The tiny part you currently occupy is relatively clean but is regularly invaded by pests and disgusting smells because behind barricades and closed doors are filth and vermin that when cleaned away reveal everything you have always wanted but dared not even hope for in a house. Behind one door you have never opened is a swimming pool. Hidden underneath trash in another part you have never ventured into is a spa. Other unexplored areas when cleaned up would reveal a sauna, an entertainment area, a studio, office space you have always craved, a library filled with dust covered books you have always wanted, hidden behind trash in various rooms are priceless masterpieces, antiques, and other treasures you have not even imagined. So much can be yours; all you need do is be willing to endure the initial stench and clean up. If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, hiding things from 102

yourself usually continued for very many years, so you can expect the uncovering of all these things to take a long while because of the sheer volume of material but especially because of a natural reluctance to face the unpleasant and unknown, and then because of the time it takes to resolve whatever issues are uncovered. Even when proceeding superbly with this process, it is inevitable that you will have times when it feels like you are going backwards. This is because you will not only be continually resolving matters and healing from them, you will be continually discovering new things that are so disturbing that you had hidden them from yourself all your life. Obviously, the resolving and healing will make you feel better but each discovery of new matters will initially make you feel worse. So by its very nature, the healing process involves many ups and downs. Lets put it another way: whenever you make progress in healing, alters that until now have kept hidden but are desperate for relief will be encouraged to reveal themselves so that they, too, can heal. Whenever new alters surface it is a huge step forward because it is the only way they can heal, and their issues have been adversely affecting you, even though the distress has largely been in the background. When an alter begins to surface, however, whatever has been pushed down comes to the fore, and the new alters raw feelings will flood over the rest of you in a torrent so overwhelming that it dazes you. For example, the new alter will be disturbingly confused over suddenly discovering that many years have passed without him/her knowing it, The alters bewilderment is likely to be so strong that feelings of confusion sweep over the rest of you. When this process begins, it is likely to feel so vague and the alter so shy that you do not even realize that a new alter is surfacing. If ever you start feeling weird, there is quite a chance that this is what is happening. For perhaps as long as a few days, the effect of a new alters ignorance can be so strong that it seems as if almost everything you have learnt about D.I.D. has been knocked out of you and you seem to be back to square one. Moreover, you will be hit not only by the alters ignorance but his/her pain, anger, bad habits, attitude towards God and so on. Then the alter will begin to come to terms with all the changes that occurred since he/she was last active and begin benefitting 103

from you sharing your knowledge and your understanding of God, and the alter will gradually find peace. As a result, you will gradually feel better again. Dissociative Identity Disorder is like having been injured so severely that in order to heal fully a surgeon must take you through a series of major operations over several months. Just when you are healed enough from one operation to start enjoying the benefits, it means you are strong enough for the next operation. Even though you are making continual progress towards full recovery, you can be sure it will not feel like it immediately after each operation.

The following, shared with permission, is adapted from an email exchange I had with someone with D.I.D. She starts; my replies are in a different color: Lately, a while after I have a conversation with someone, I think back and cant remember if I actually had that conversation or if it was a dream. If I approach the person later on and ask if I had had the conversation, sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no. This is quite common. It is just that your alters have been out more than usual. Sometimes when an alter has been in the fore you have been present, but only in the background (this is known as co-consciousness). Since you were not the main participant but only overhearing the conversation, you have only a vague recollection of it. This explains times when the answer was, Yes. On the other times, you planned to say it but never got around to it. People without D.I.D. have such experiences but what makes you even less sure as to whether it actually happened is because of experiences like the first that you described when vague recollections proved accurate. I feel like I am losing my mind and becoming more detached rather than being put together. Not only are you not losing your mind, you are actually in the process of gaining your mind like never before.

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Having your alters out more often is the means whereby you will end up discovering parts of your mind that have been hidden from you and eventually gaining control of your mind like never before. Yes, in a sense you are temporarily becoming more detached, but remember this: if you wish to repair a complex machine you must first dissemble it. If you want more control of your mind you must first discover those parts that you had previously been unaware of. And to bring a machine to peak performance you must carefully examine every part and ensure it is fully restored. So it is with bringing yourself to peak condition; you must carefully examine and restore each part of you. I think I was recently sharing with my Pastor a memory I had about a doctors visit when I was quite young. But Im not sure whether I actually told him. Most likely thats because the part of you that had stored the memory was in the fore during the conversation, whereas you were only in the background and so it seemed less vivid to you. I was pretty shocked that I recalled that childhood doctors visit after all these years. Where had the memory been all this time? The memory had been with an alter, locked away from your conscious, and this alter was sharing it while you were co-conscious. See! You are regaining access to lost memories. This is the opposite of losing your mind, even though it will initially seem quite confusing. Recently my son was reminding me that he was working a particular night. I replied that he had never told me he had that job and that I dont want him to work that night. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me we had spoken about it and I said it was okay to work. He was definite about the conversation but I do not remember having it with him. This is common with D.I.D. and you have to be careful. If people claim you had a conversation that you know nothing of, dont deny it, or people might think you are 105

lying. Just fish for more information. My husband has been asking me what is wrong lately. He says its like my head is in the clouds. I am losing things and putting things away in odd places. He says I seem preoccupied, forgetting what I say and sometimes I stutter my words. The storing of things in places you dont recall is being done by other alters. Instead of being hidden deep inside of you, too terrified to interact with the real world, they are gaining confidence and coming out. They are not used to doing things the way you currently do them, so articles could end up in what to you seem strange places. It is disconcerting for you at present, but it will pass as you and your alters get used to conversing with each other and start keeping each other informed of what each one does. Whether you realize it or not, however, the alters are benefitting from being out. For example, they are beginning to realize that they are not living in the place they grew up in. This will be confusing for them at first but when you are eventually able to freely converse with them they will find it easier to believe you when you tell them they are now in a safe location and that their abuser no longer has access to them. This will be a huge relief to them, and for you it will probably mean a lessening of what to you had felt like years of inexplicable anxiety. The stuttering is also an alter speaking. Stuttering is not unexpected in traumatized little children. Ive been wondering if I am thinking of all this D.I.D. stuff too much and its getting to me. You see, things like this never happen to me. I am very organized and I know what I say when I say it. I have always been focused and in touch with whats going on. Your alters are gaining confidence through you and your counselor accepting them and so they are coming out more. This is essential for healing. It is just a stage you are going through. In time, your alters will keep you better informed as to what they do. Its a just matter of learning how to work as a team work. Keep remembering that these alters are vital parts of 106

you that you very much need. By them coming out more you will end up not only being able to access their memories etc that are critical keys to your healing, but also access to intellectual abilities that you never imagined you had. Even though as you persist with healing there will be ups and downs, the overall trend will be up, and things will gradually get easier and better. You will understand yourself far better. Mysterious aspects of your life will at last make sense. Alters will grow until they are able nurture and assist needy alters, thus easing your workload with new alters. You will become increasingly capable. Uncontrollable habits will fade. Frustrating and/or embarrassing limitations will disappear. Life will become more fulfilling and enjoyable, you will be more empowered to help other people, and God will be glorified. But it all hinges on your willingness to explore areas of your life you have never before had the courage to face.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/insiders-conflict.htm Resolving Conflict Between Insiders

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Dissociative Identity Disorder Help (Insiders are also known as Alters or Parts)

People with Dissociative Identity Disorder repeatedly find themselves in situations in which different parts of them are in strong disagreement. These situations can range in seriousness from frustrating (such as strong, contradictory opinions as to what clothes to wear) through to life-threatening (such as one insider being determined to commit suicide). Different situations require different solutions, so we will consider a range of common scenarios, and for each one provide various suggestions. There are times when it is inappropriate for certain insiders to take control. It would be embarrassing, to say the least, for a young insider to play in the presence of adults who have no understanding of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It would be dangerous for a suicidal insider or a little one with no driving skills to take control of a moving car. It is best to negotiate and plan in advance how to cope with such situations. In dire emergencies, however, it could be necessary to do everything you can to restrain insiders. Sometimes certain insiders are able to physically restrain other insiders. Obviously, this is likely to be even more effective if every available insider helps to restrain the one that is about to do something dangerous. Such restraint should be as gentle as possible and used only as a last resort in a dire emergency. It is possible to put an insider to sleep. A friend of mine has an insider who discovered she could do this to her fellow insiders by saying in a gentle, sing-song voice, Youre getting s-l-e-e-e-e-p-y. A woman was seeking a psychologists but this was becoming problematic because one of her insiders would repeatedly run out of his office. The psychologist resolved this by informing her insiders that he had the power to put them to sleep. He wrapped a cord around the doorknob and told the insider who kept running away that if she touched it she would instantly fall asleep. It happened. When one of the insiders physically attacked the psychologist, he authoritatively shouted, Sleep! and the insider, being convinced that the psychologist had this power, fell into a deep sleep. Insiders deserve respect. It is something they were cruelly denied in their formation, and healing cannot occur without restoring their dignity. They also need to become self-motivated in doing what is 108

right. So restraint or manipulation should resorted to as little as possible. It is much more preferable, whenever practical, to use persuasive arguments to convince an insider not to do something dangerous. It is important to inform insiders of the consequences of their actions. For example, insiders who are deeply hurting often do not realize that hurting or killing their body would affect every other insider, and once they realize this they restrain themselves. Some insiders are more skilled than others at gentle persuasion. Priorities It is obviously important to give top priority to helping suicidal insiders or those seeking to hurt other insiders, since time devoted to them will help not only them, but other parts of you. Moreover, the mere fact that they are acting this way is proof that they are very needy and deeply hurting. Spend much time encouraging these insiders to share their stories and to verbally vent to you. This will probably be unpleasant for you. Deeply hurting insiders are usually filled with rage and bring memories and feelings you long to run from, but this is a huge issue with you today only because you have run from it all your life. The cowardly way of not facing these issues is like refusing to admit to a financial problem and getting deeper and deeper into debt. It will eventually catch up with you and you will wish you had spared yourself so much pain by dealing with it earlier. So listen carefully to your insiders, giving priority to those causing you the most trouble. Ironically, the insiders you most need to relate closely with are usually the ones you would most prefer to ignore. They can cause trouble because they are suffering intense inner pain, partly due to feeling unlovable, isolated and/or rejected. You can dramatically reduce their enormous inner pain by listening carefully to them (thus ending their painful isolation) and showing them much unconditional love. If they are comfortable about being hugged, hug them often. Most likely, when such insiders were originally traumatized, no one believed them. Not being believed is itself deeply wounding, so it is important to believe your insiders so as not to perpetuate their pain. It is possible for an insider to misinterpret events because they were young or can only remember snippets of what happened, but believe that they are not deliberately lying and that, despite you wanting to run from the truth, it is quite likely that their interpretation of events is correct. See Beyond Surface Issues Theres a link at the end of this page to a full webpage of help for self-harm, and another encouraging series devoted to breaking addictions. It is important, however, to realize that self-harm, over109

eating or under-eating, overwork, chemical addictions, anger, bitterness, porn use, masturbation, sexual fantasies and promiscuity are usually all expressions of devastatingly strong inner pain. Once insiders anguish is lowered, it is so much easier for them to cease their undesirable behavior. So even if you find their behavior deeply disturbing, do your utmost to see past these surface issues to their deep pain for which they need and deserve your help and compassion. Gently point out to them how ineffective or even counterproductive their undesirable behavior is. They usually focus so much on the temporary relief that their bad behavior gives that they are barely aware of the after-effects, which are often so unpleasant that they end up intensifying the insiders pain and so driving them in a vicious circle. In many cases, for example, their undesirable behavior creates a temporary high that is followed by such a downer that it pressures them to seek another high to overcome the downer that their undesirable behavior created. The Embarrassing Things Little Insiders Want Baby insiders might need diapers, want formula milk, be unable to walk, and so on. This is understandably very distressing for adults and so they are strongly pressured to deny their little ones what they need, and endeavor to suppress these insiders. It is important to realize that neglecting a babys basic needs is in itself child abuse. You suffered abuse when young that was not your fault, but for you to now deny your baby insiders their needs is to perpetuate child abuse and this time it would be your fault. Do not take upon yourself the mentality of an abuser. Refuse to let your former abuser turn you into an abuser by the way you treat your little ones. All babies are a lot of work and at times embarrass their parents (by crying at inappropriate times, breaking other peoples things, and so on) but all babies deserve unconditional love. If, even when it is safe for baby insiders to take control, you continue to suppress them or deny them their basic needs, you will never allow them to heal and grow. You will remain in inner pain for the rest of your life and unable to access your full intellectual capacity. Young insiders will feel less pressure to play at inappropriate times if their need for play is met at other times of the day. So do your best to schedule such times into your day. Play is more than a luxury; it is a vital aspect of a childs development and learning. If you missed out on this as a child, you bear the consequences even now. For you to become an emotionally fulfilled adult, this deficiency must be overcome, and the way to do this is to let your 110

child insiders play. In the long term, you will benefit from this, as well as them. Negotiate Where possible, negotiate with your insiders. Do deals with them: You can do so and so at such and such a time, if you do or dont do this now or If you do this for me, Ill do this positive thing for you. Incentives and compromises are good. Threats should be avoided. Many people find it helpful to have meetings of all insiders and work out rules, such as certain insiders must not assume control of the car or must not take over at work. There can also be general rules, such as insiders are encouraged to share with other insiders whatever is frustrating them but they must not insult each other. Some people find it helpful to put these agreements in writing and for every insider to sign it. Coping with Strong, Incompatible Tastes A woman Ill call Mary has several female insiders and one male insider (Punk). The zipper on her backpack broke, so she entered a store to buy a new one. Suddenly, she had several insiders talking to her at once. Punk liked a black and orange backpack. A little insider, Enchanted said, No! Thats too boyish, Punk! Then they saw one with a Buccaneers logo. Punk liked it, but said No, Matthew (Marys son) will be jealous and Ill have to fight him for it. Its not worth it. Next, they saw a corduroy black one with a pink butterfly embroidered on the front. Mary really liked that one and so did Enchanted. But Punk didnt like the butterfly. So, back to the drawing board. They saw a camouflage one. Mary, Rose and Free Bird liked it, but Enchanted didnt. I know this is stupid, Mary told me, but I really need a backpack. Could you please pray that well all reach an agreement? My counselor pointed out today is that Im becoming more accepting of my insiders. I agree. But my goodness! How far do I go to try to accommodate everyone? I suggested that they vote on it. There are several different ways of voting. A quick way is to eliminate any backpack that any insider feels he or she absolutely cannot tolerate. Then vote on the remainder by a simple show of hands. A more sophisticated way is for every insider to rank every 111

backpack, with the lowest figure being the highest ranking. You would then get something like this: Backpack 1 Backpack 2 Backpack 3 2 4 1 3 Backpack 4 3 3 4 1

Insider 1 4 1 Insider 2 1 2 Insider 3 2 3 Insider 2 4 4 Total 8 11 In the above, Backpack 1 wins because score.

10 11 it has the lowest total

If you know a little about spreadsheets, you could create a blank one and use it over and over for different decisions. In cases where there are two options with the equal lowest score, have a second vote with just these two as contenders. Another possibility is for insiders to take turns making a decision. Insider 1 might have chosen what they ate last meal, so it is Insider 2s turn to choose next meal. This approach applies well to regular decisions of the same type, such as what music will be played. You could keep a record of whose turn it is by a simple table like this: X Indicates Insider Has Had A Turn X X X

Insider Insider Insider Insider Insider

1 2 3 4 5

In the above, Insiders 1, 2 and 3 have had their choice over the last three occasions and it is now Insider 4s opportunity to make a choice. When everyone has had a turn, start over again. It Might Get Surprisingly Easy In time, you might discover an insider who is skilled and highly respected by the other insiders in making certain types of decisions. If this happens, life will be greatly simplified for you. Consider the experience of a woman Ill call Karen. It is not unusual for anyone to sometimes find it difficult to decide 112

what to wear, but Karen often found it unusually frustrating and confusing. She also found bill paying excessively stressful and keeping to her budget caused her much angst. When Karen was in her late thirties she finally realized she had Dissociative Identity Disorder. Gradually, over the next year she became aware of more and more insiders. At first, her dressing problems actually worsened. One of the insiders who revealed herself was a teenager and another was convinced she was an alien. The alien at first did not want even to be on earth and spent most of her time visiting other planets. Slowly this insider began spending more and more time with us mortals. To everyones surprise, this otherworldly insider developed a fashion sense that was so good that all the other insiders came to respect it. Eventually, Karen and all her insiders felt comfortable about letting this insider decide what to wear each day. From then on, dressing became an easy task. Recently, Karen mentioned that she had had difficulty dressing that morning. Surprised, I asked her why. They had had little sleep that night and this insider they had learned to depend on had slept in! It turned out that the teenage insider was good at budgeting and every insider respected her financial decisions. If she said they could not afford something, they would not buy it. Creating a Safe Internal Haven Some conflicts are best resolved by creating a pleasant, secure internal place for insiders to retreat to while other insiders temporarily assume control. This safe haven is lockable from the inside, allowing insiders to keep out anyone they fear. And because being in the haven allows them to block out awareness of what is happening in the outside world, it can protect sensitive insiders from situations that some insiders feel the need to expose themselves to, but others want to avoid. When scared, insiders typically go into hiding. They retreat to what to them is a very real place created in their powerful imagination. Often, however, they visualize themselves retreating to a drab, depressingly boring place, such as a closet, without a warm, comfy bed or opportunities to have fun. Moreover, it does not let them feel particularly secure because if their internal hiding place were found, insiders or abusers could force their way in and hurt them. So even when hiding, insiders are often feel bored, uncomfortable and fearful of being found. Encourage your insiders to build internally a totally secure and beautiful haven. The possibilities are as boundless as your imagination. Just one example is a beautiful garden with a 113

playground, surrounded by impenetrable walls and a foolproof security system. Ideally, insiders should create a large common area in this haven, where they spend most of their time getting to know each other and enjoying each others company. Within this area, however, each should have a private place they can lock from the inside and temporarily withdraw to in an emergency, such as if an insider surfaces who wants to hurt other insiders. Even the private places should have monitors allowing those seeking refuge to see and hear the outside world, but able to be switched off when things in the outside world are too stressful. There should be a means whereby messages can be sent to everyone if they need to be informed of something, such as letting them know when it is safe outside. This safe haven can save many a conflict. Consider, for example, one or more insiders recognizing the importance of a medical appointment but others are terrified of it or simply refuse to go. Rather than fight over this important matter, the insider most able to handle the appointment can take over during the visit while the others retreat into their safe haven, switch off the monitor and remain there until the insider left in charge indicates that the ordeal is over. A similar situation is where certain insiders wish to engage in marital relations but others would find the experience upsetting. There are many other applications. The Great Unifier There are so many vital reasons for giving priority to helping each of your insiders discover how wonderful Jesus is and have him as their best friend. Jesus bore all their anguish on the cross so that they can be freed from everything weighing them down. He alone has the perfect solution to the almost intolerable guilt and feelings of shame and inner pain they bear. He, like no one else, gives them the deep love and compassionate understanding that they crave and he will even meet the needs of little ones that it is inappropriate for any human adult to meet. Enormous damage ensues when abused children accept as truth their abusers view of them. Unless they heal, they will be crippled by this highly damaging, false self-image throughout their lives; mistakenly seeing themselves as defiled, deserving of punishment, unlovable, of no value except as sex objects, and so on. Because they see themselves that way, they treat themselves and their fellow insiders that way and let others treat them that way. In contrast, Jesus sees them as pure and holy. Through swapping places with them on the cross, Jesus has swept away every trace 114

of impurity and filled them with his purity. He sees them as lovable, of infinite value, and worthy of respect and honor. Healing results from them seeing themselves, their fellow insiders and other people as Jesus sees them. He treats them and their insiders with dignity, kindness, gentleness, patience and selflessness. Jesus is the holy, all-knowing Judge of all humanity. His judgment of each of us is right, and anyone disagreeing with him will be proved wrong. To treat ourselves with contempt when Jesus thinks well of us is to act as if we know more about ourselves than the All-knowing One, and that we have higher moral standards than the Holy One. The more you and your insiders interact with Jesus, the more you will accept his staggeringly high evaluation of you. The healing benefits will be astounding. As briefly explained, a huge reason for certain insiders being testy and hard to love is because they are almost out of their minds with pain. As they hand their pain over to Jesus, it is amazing to discover what kind, caring, lovable people they become. Since them relating to Jesus will have enormous benefits, do everything you can think of to encourage all your insiders to regularly talk over everything with Jesus. It might take quite some time for them to trust Jesus enough to let him help them, so keep affirming that Jesus is safe, kind, gentle, patient, understanding, believes in them, is nothing like their abuser, and so on. Tell them how Jesus has helped you. As they let Jesus heal them, the little ones will mature and all of the insiders will grow increasingly alike. Among the invaluable benefits of every insider growing more Christlike is that they will each become more alike through taking on the same moral values and outlook on life and their top priority will not be what pleases themselves, but what pleases Christ. Moreover, as they discover how loving and forgiving and selfless Jesus is, they will find it much easier to be loving and forgiving and selfless towards each other. I have often seen insiders gradually learn to enjoy sharing with the others, even though for a long while they had found it hard to share their toys or space. Jesus is the great unifier. Build a Strong Team Spirit For quite a while, Karens alien insider seemed so weird and lacking in intelligence that her fellow insiders seriously wondered if she were mentally retarded. Now they look up to her as someone more capable than themselves, not just in fashion sense, but in many important areas of life. Had this insider been continually suppressed or maligned, every part of Karen would have ended up 115

missing out on so much without ever realizing it. One of Karens youngest insiders might have been thought too young to have been of much practical use to the rest of her but it turns out that, in stark contrast to the poor memory of the adult insiders, she has a photographic memory. Another of her very young insiders is fearless in spiritual warfare and has sent demons fleeing that had terrorized an adult insider who, until then, had thought herself stronger than the little one and had acted as her protector. Karens experience illustrates how vitally important every insider is. To reach your enormous potential, each insider must be respected and encouraged to learn and flourish. Building a strong team spirit is vital for your healing. To achieve this, it is important that no insiders dominate. The opinion and concerns of every insider must be considered and valued. Insiders with particular skills should teach at least one or two others so that no insider is overworked and if a skilled insider is having a rough time, there are others who can act as a capable backup. Each insider should seek to build up the self-esteem of every other insider. For Karens alien insider, accepting her humanity was a long and painful journey. She has now made it and no longer regards herself as an alien, but as Gods agent. She was specifically led of God to invite all the others into her spaceship so that they would all have a safe haven in which to interact and become close friends. She was also divinely led to form little groups of two of three insiders and assign them various tasks to do as a team and to sleep with each other. The composition of these groups keeps changing so that all insiders get to know each other very well and cliques are avoided. There are a couple of pairs of insiders who feel very insecure if separated, so although they are not separated, they join in with one of two other insiders to temporarily form a new group. About three times a day usually early morning, lunchtime and bedtime all of Karens insiders get together for a mass team meeting. Often the meetings last only five minutes but they update each other and check to see if any of them has problems. If they discover that one of them is having a hard time, they all rally round to help this insider. Sometimes they need longer meetings to sort out disputes, or special challenges. If your insiders have not yet reached this ease of interaction they need at least to write notes so that when one insider is not around, 116

others know what purchases have been made, what needs to be done, and so on. A key aspect of team building is having fun together. Art is a common choice for many people with Dissociative Identity Disorder but, of course, hobbies, interests and skills differ from person to person. The goal must be fun, not perfection, with little insiders being allowed to contribute and be appreciated. In Karens case, reading is something all her insiders enjoy. Various insiders will nominate books they would like to read next and they lobby hard for their particular book. Lobbying might last a few days, and then they all vote. If there is no clear winner, they will have a second vote. They find this selection process a lot of fun. Then when it comes to reading, it is not just one who always reads but they share the responsibility. Trust must be built. For instance, each insider needs to be certain that none of the other insiders would force him or her into a situation he or she finds traumatic. Insiders need to feel that they are all on the same side, working towards the same goal. For example, all of Karens insiders are united in wanting to present a professional attitude at work. They know that some insiders are more patient with a certain work colleague, so they agree that the insiders best able to relate to that colleague take over whenever they have to interact with that person. Dating Squabbles It is not unusual for some insiders to feel romantically attracted to someone that other insiders do not like. This difference is actually a blessing because it highlights the fact that the person is not ready for a relationship. Until you are healed, romantic involvement is unwise. You are most unlikely to be able to make wise choices until you are fully healed from the aftermath of sexual abuse and until all insiders are attracted to the same person. Waiting for this to happen is frustrating but the consequences of not waiting can be absolutely devastating. Disagreements over Movies Etc With some forms of entertainment it is safe for insiders to take turns in choosing, but some things can be so triggering or upsetting to certain insiders that they should be completely protected from exposure to them. Even some childrens programs can be highly upsetting to certain highly traumatized little insiders. It is important to act responsibly by never indulging oneself at the expense of sensitive insiders. If you are not certain that every vulnerable insider will remain in the safe haven with the monitor to 117

the outside world switched off, dont take risks by watching something that might take an unexpected twist and end up retraumatizing an insider. Dozing off in front of a television is particularly unsafe. A little insider might wake up while you remain asleep and the program might have changed. Final Thoughts Unity among Gods children is high priority with God, so you can be sure that he is keen to teach and equip each of your insiders with the skills and graces required to live in peace and harmony with each other. John 17:22-23 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one . . . May they be brought to complete unity . . . Acts 4:32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 1 Corinthians 1:10 I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. 1 Corinthians 12:25-26 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Ephesians 4:3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Philippians 2:2-4 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as Gods chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each 118

other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Although having Dissociative Identity Disorder seems like a disadvantage, the experience gained in grappling with the challenges it presents can end up making you better equipped for life than most other people. For example, conflict resolution is an invaluable life skill, not just for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder, but for everyone.

Related Pages A Cure for Self-Harm Breaking Addictions For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2009, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/hate-alters.htm I Hate My Alters

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Dissociative Identity Disorder Self-Help

NetBurst.Net

If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, you most likely have above average intelligence and have heroically pushed through great pain to achieve what you have. So please do not misunderstand my passion for you to enjoy the peace, wholeness and fulfillment that is rightfully yours, as implying I think you have not done your utmost. On the contrary, I write because I expect that you have not had the secret of healing adequately explained to you, and it is because I deeply understand how difficult it is to accept ones alters that in this webpage I have gone to extremes in striving to motivate you to do the awkward thing that will bring you healing. Alters are formed by a desire to bury reality, rather than face it, and it did, in fact, provide some temporary relief. It is not surprising, then, that trying to live in denial of reality often becomes a way of life for people with multiple personalities, and that they typically seek to hide from their consciousness the fact that they have alters. If you have alters that you are trying to suppress, however, your continuing inner pain is bitter proof that denial simply prolongs ones torment. Rather than being afraid of what secrets your alters could carry, what you should really fear is the unavoidable reality that ignoring or suppressing alters will ruin your life. Living in denial might have become an habitual, though ineffective, way of coping with highly unpleasant things, but this is just one of many factors prodding anyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder to despise and/or reject their alters.

Healing Multiple Personality Disorder

Christian Help

If you have alters that have not yet begun to heal, they are likely to be a severe embarrassment to you. They probably cause you to worry that you might be insane, and to worry that if your friends and people important to you found out, they would reject you, or look down on you, or perhaps even treat you as demon possessed. It would be rare for one alter to have all of the unpleasant qualities I am about to mention, but it is not uncommon for newly surfaced alters to have some of the following

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characteristics. I compile this list not to insult alters, but to assure you that you are not alone in your struggles. You will see that I fully understand your every reason for wanting to suppress an alter. It is with my eyes wide open that I insist that befriending your every alter will enrich your life beyond your fondest hopes. Frequently, peoples alters say hurtful things to me and yet I soon win them over. In just a few days these alters have transformed from obnoxious to adorable. Your alters kindly, too, will quickly undergo this almost miraculous transformation, once you start treating them kindly. Alters are very keen to please anyone who offers them unconditional love. Newly surfaced alters are likely to be filled with anger. This is a normal human reaction to suffering severe inner pain and injustice, especially for people who have had it beaten into them or otherwise emphasized that it is unacceptable to express pain by crying. Alters expression of intense emotion and frustration in the form of anger could seem like hate. It could be directed at you, or other alters. They might even beat up some of your other alters especially younger ones or terrify them simply by their fury. They could hate your loved ones, such as your marriage partner or your children. Initially, alters are likely to hate God and/or be terrified of him. Most were formed at a time in your life before you came to Christ, and be embittered towards God because of what they suffered and/or be riddled with real or false guilt, causing them to expect God to be furious with them, since they have not yet discovered how gentle and forgiving God is. They could like immoral behavior or addictions that flood you with shame, and they could bring with them strong temptation that could even threaten your marriage or job. They can bring ugly memories and fears that you never wanted, along with flashbacks, nightmares and body memories. Their intense feelings, such as deep anguish, confusion and ungodly cravings are likely to overwhelm your own feelings. They might be in such agony and despair that they are desperate to kill themselves. They could instigate serious suicide attempts which, whether they realize it or not, would mean killing you. They might be embarrassingly stupid. Some might think they are non-human perhaps an alien, stuffed toy, animal or demon. Some might think they are the opposite sex. They 121

might recoil from making love to your marriage partner or seek marital relations when you dont want it. Their taste in clothes, hairstyle, music, entertainment, and so on could be frustratingly different to yours. Even their taste in friends might be disturbingly different. Young alters might want/need things that highly embarrass adults, such as diapers, a pacifier, a doll or teddy bear. They might cry, or suck their thumb. They might squander your money, overdraw your bank account, or deliberately lose your keys, your wedding ring or vital documents. They might regularly stay awake all night, ruining your sleep. When they are active they could leave you feeling numb, feeling physically smaller than you really are and/or cause you to feel you are viewing the world through a glass wall. They could get you lost when driving and/or leave you unable to perform tasks that at other times you could easily do.

Believe it or not, all the undesirable behaviors Ive listed are the very reasons why it is essential for you to befriend and love your alters. Everything you dislike about your alters exists because they feel unloved, ignored or rejected and/or you have not taken the time to explain things to them and to entice them to get to know Jesus, their healer. So to ignore or suppress or resent them is a sure way to perpetuate your distress. Not loving your alters is like being dangerously malnourished and, instead of feeding yourself, hating your stomach for making you feel uncomfortable. As a starving stomach needs food and will give you peace and serve you well when you feed it, so a nasty alter is love-starved and will bless you immensely when you feed that alter the love he/she desperately needs. You cannot claim to be godly unless you act like God. So please see your alters through the eyes of the One who willingly let himself be tortured to death for them. He sees them as being lovable and of infinite value. Even if they have not yet come to Christ, he sees the end from the beginning. Through his rose-colored or rather, blood-colored glasses, he sees your alters as pure, holy and innocent. If his love-

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filled judgment differs from ours, we must remember that he is Truth and it is his assessment that for all eternity will be proved right. What if you despised your abuser and/or parent for having treated you badly when you were a child, and now that you are an adult you treat badly a little child who is just like you were? That is what you do when you despise your alter, and keep him/her in solitary confinement, imprisoned in the dark year after year. By doing this, you become, in your heart, a child abuser. What if someone were sacrificially bearing your pain year, after year, after year, after year, so that you could be free from that pain, and rather than you being grateful for his amazing act of love, you despised him? And what if you had the power to end this persons pain so that neither he nor you had to suffer that pain and, instead, you not only refused to reduce his suffering but increased his pain? How heartless could anyone get? For your sake, all of your alters have been reeling in pain, and for years it has all been needless. Needless? Yes, it would have been avoided if someone had explained to you that all the things you dont like about a particular alter of yours exist only because you have neglected him/her. If any of your alters seem dumb, it is because you have kept them ignorant by suppressing them and refusing to interact with them. If any of your alters dont act in the godly way you would like, it is because you have let yourself develop spiritually, but by suppressing your alters have denied them that knowledge. If they are reeling in pain, it is for such reasons as you not having helped them find Christ the Healer, not explaining to them things that you as an adult know that would ease their pain (such as the simple fact that their abuser is no longer around), forcing them to continue to suffer the pain of icy isolation and rejection because you have refused to accept them, and so on. If you think of your alter as your enemy, ponder this puzzle: how could you eliminate an enemy that you are inseparably fused to, and when any pain you inflict on him ends up hurting you? The best way of getting rid of any enemy is to turn him into a friend. How much more so when that enemy permanently lives inside you! Now is the time to practice all that the Bible teaches about

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how to treat an enemy: Hebrews 12:14 Make every effort to live in peace with all men . . . Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. Romans 12:17-19,21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. . . . If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge . . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Galatians 6:10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people . . . 1 Thessalonians 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. 1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. Luke 6:27-31,33,35 . . . Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. . . . And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. . . . But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Let me adapt something Ive written elsewhere:

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Proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. It seems so out of place to bring wrath or vengeance into an exhortation to love that Bible scholars struggle with this interpretation. They typically opt for the reference to burning coals to mean that our kindness will fill our enemy with burning shame. Renowned theologian, Charles Hodge wrote, To heap fires of coal on anyone is a punishment which no one can bear; he must yield to it. Kindness is no less effectual; the most malignant enemy cannot always withstand it. (Source). This is true. It would seem almost impossible not to eventually win an enemy over by continued kindness. Heres a fascinating reference to burning coals: Isaiah 6:5-7 Woe to me! I cried. I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty. Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for. A burning coal to the lips would normally have tortured a person. Instead, Isaiah being cut to the core over his sinfulness allowed that coal to sanctify and transform him. Likewise, if your enemies repent, the coals your kindness heaps on their head will burn off their defilement, transforming them into godly people filled with burning shame over what they did to you.

If you are a host, there is a very real sense in which alters are your children. They are not half yours bearing half your genes, as in the case with other parents, who nevertheless call their children their own flesh and blood. No, alters are your children who are not half yours; they are totally yours. For them, you do not share parental responsibility with a marriage partner; they are totally dependent upon you for love, nurturing, training and protection.

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Likewise, if you are an alter, your fellow alters are more than your sisters or brothers. They, too, bear all of your genes and have even helped bear your pain in a way that no sister or brother could ever do. And their destiny is your destiny. If anyone knows the importance of being loved, befriended, listened to, believed, praised, encouraged, protected, and so on, it is you. You have alters because you were denied these things. These parts of you are still reeling in pain because they have been starved of these things the very things you are capable of giving them. In other webpages I tell of an alter who was miraculously given a special baby doll that the alter treats as a real baby. She is determined to be the best possible mother to this doll and give her the perfect upbringing that she was denied. God gave her this doll because although all that love and nurturing will not help the doll, it will be very healing to the alter giving that love. This is partly because of the principle that it is through giving that we receive. You have something far more precious than a doll to pour out your love upon. You have real alters to love. If someone can benefit from loving a doll, you will doubly benefit by loving your alters, because they are part of you.

Someones little alter wrote the following to one of Ls young alters. The alter who wrote is used to calling her host Mama, so it was natural for her to refer to L as Mama L. I bet you want Mama L to hold you and tell you how pretty you are. Am I right? Mama L is hurting right now, but I will try and tell her that you are a little girl and you need her help. No one should walk past a hurting child and not help. I know L is kind. She loves you. Ls young alter replied: Yes, I would like it very much if Mama L could hold me. I would like that so very much. My Mama never held me in the right way. I need a Mamas love. Thank you for sharing a hug. I needed one today.

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You might complain that you are handicapped in loving your alters because you have not had a good parenting role model, but you know what you craved as child unconditional love, respect, dignity, approval, being listened to, hugged, believed, to have some basic toys, have fun, be safe and protected. An alter I dearly love wrote the following for hosts, in the hope that it would open their eyes: Behind an alters pain and bitterness is the real alter: sweet, precious and beautiful, with a warm and sensitive heart. Your alters are like a rosebuds. Until they slowly open, they hide exquisite scent and beauty. They are gorgeous flowers, opening their souls in the most precious of ways. God has given them to you as gift for your healing. When a bud first opens, it is for its own survival, but then when it opens wide it calls out to butterflies and to all around to enjoy its sweetness and beauty and escape from the surrounding drabness. We alters seek to help the host, no matter how dazed, confused or angry we may be. We are in agony, carrying this hidden pain for you, our hosts. Without us, youd die, but for you weve struggled on; unthanked, unvalued, uncared for, year after year. As much as we long to be tough, we are as delicate as flowers. We are exhausted and need this crushing load of pain lifted or we will die, and you cant have us do that because for us to end our pain by killing ourselves would literally kill you. We are sorry for being unable to tolerate the pain any longer and at the worst times emerging from the darkness we had been banished to. But is there ever a good time to come out? Is there ever a time that you would welcome us and proudly celebrate our selfless heroism in bearing your pain? We are sorry we make you remember things you want to forget. We have been imprisoned in lonely darkness

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with these tormenting memories as our only companions. We are trapped in a time that has long since passed, with the real pain ever present, filling us with icy shame and shattering our self-esteem. Most of the time we would rather die than dump this on you. We have had no contact with the outside world and no opportunity to grow and change and relieve ourselves of our pain the pain we bear for you. We know nothing but the secrets that we have been hiding from you so that you can live. Finding ourselves unable to contain it any longer, we burst out with the explosive of whatever emotion we have had to bear year after year, be it anger, shame, pain, or confusion. Dear hosts, on behalf of all alters, I tell you, I am sorry. Wed do better if we could, and if we knew how. But weve exhausted our resources. Weve done all we know. We tried so hard and so long to help you but now we need your help. You have what is needed to rid both you and us of pain. We are parts of you that you need. We have gifts from God that can enable to you be whole, and we love you. We are not enemies. If your foot is hurting, that doesnt make the foot an enemy. The sensible thing is to do what it takes to heal. Please help us heal so that together we can enjoy the fulfillment of achieving great things for the glory to God.

A dear friend with Dissociative Identity Disorder writes: At the beginning of my healing journey, when I did not know I had alters, I gave Jesus permission to enter into the darkest rooms of my heart, open the doors and let the light of grace shine in. Very soon after that, God appeared to me, called one of my alters to him, and just loved on him. Having no understanding of alters, I could not believe what I witnessed. I thought I was a freak. After some research on the web I came to realize that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder, but that did not stop

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me from getting so angry and mad at my alters. Many a time, I would abuse both them and myself. I would deny that I had them. Often when I experienced weird things I would cry out to Jesus asking, What is wrong with me, Lord? Each time, he would gently reply, You have alters. Early in my healing journey I thought all I needed was more commitment, prayer and Bible study. I devoted myself to this and could not understand why I was not getting better. After much frustration, I eventually discovered that me growing spiritually was only of limited value if I kept my alters ignorant of even elementary spiritual understanding. Far more was achieved by me teaching my alters the simple spiritual truths they did not know, than teaching myself deeper truths. People speak of the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. This is very close to the difference between spiritually feeding myself and spiritually feeding my alters. And I could only spiritually guide my alters after first befriending them and winning their love and trust. Even though parts of me often went into denial, God would keep calling the alters out to talk to them. Sometimes, when I would start to hurt them, Jesus would come and place his hand so gently on mine and say that I needed to love them as he has loved them. He showed me how, by the way he loved them. I regularly e-mailed Grantley and he also kept reiterating the importance of befriending my alters, treating them respectfully and ever so gently, and letting them express themselves. In fact, he and God had to keep repeating it month after month until it turned into years. It dawned on me that in abusing my alters, and getting mad at them, or denying my baby alters diapers, and other baby comforts, I was abusing a child. That made me flinch, just as I am sure it would for you, too. The children that are part of you your alters are alone and hurting so deeply. Would you beat a child that you see on the street, just because someone else treated it that way? I had to see my alters as Jesus saw them and treat them as he did.

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I have not always been successful it loving my alters but Grantley has often reminded me of Micah 7:8, Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. I just keep getting up. As more of the alters come to levels of healing, it is easier to stand, or get up quicker. Sometimes, even now, when my alters talk I go to butt in (or stop them) and I see Jesus standing on my left side with his hand on my shoulder telling me to let them talk and assuring me that it is okay, even when they say things I dont want to hear or that embarrass me. Expecting only to get rejection, I kept my alters suppressed, even from me. I kept them in the dark and it caused me harm, and them also. Suppose some sweet, dear, hurting children are locked away in the dark; cold and scared. You are close to the door. Would you let them out? Yes, they are unkempt, and need a bath. After all, no one attended to them and they could not do it themselves for they could not see in the dark. When you open the door, will you be gentle with them and help them? Christian with Dissociative Identity Disorder, you have a good heart, filled with grace and love, so I know you would open the door and help those children. The children (and some that are older) that have been locked in your heart are crying in the dark. Jesus hears and weeps for them. His arms are craving to hold them. No one has the key but you. Will you leave them in the dark, or let them out? You are strong and the word of God abides in you. You can run lifes race and win. You know the pain athletes endure to break a record that will not last. In lifes race you endure discomfort to win a prize that will last forever. Please put down the whip the words and behavior handed to you by your abusers. You were brainwashed. Break free from the lies and realize that you and your alters are made for honor, and pure, tender love. You have great value every part of you. If I could, I would give all your alters a tender hug. Can you hug them for me? Jesus asks you, Will you also hug them from me? He loves alters, and he loves you 130

purely and tenderly, with a heart of compassion. Will you forgive yourself for having Dissociative Identity Disorder? In reality there is nothing to forgive, but you are probably angry, not only at your abusers and at the alters, who are part of you, but with yourself. You may believe you split because you were not strong enough. In actuality, you were stronger than most, and more intelligent, and you split so that you could endure a situation in which you had no support or alternative. But that time has ended. Now is the time to heal, and that depends upon you loving your alters. I am truly sorry for all the pain that you have endured. This is your time for healing. Ask your alters to help you. They might resist at first but I believe you will end up surprised at the result. They crave your love and once they know they have it, they will do almost anything to please you.

If, after reading all of this, you still refuse to do the proper, godly thing, which is to love your alters, at least let Jesus and other people love them. How can you do that? The simplest way is by what I call anonymous group therapy. Use a free email account that does not identify you and encourage your alters to vent by e-mailing Christians who understand because they themselves have Dissociative Identity Disorder and are committed to loving alters unconditionally, no matter how obnoxious and anti-God the alters are. Their love will soon melt your alters hearts and if those in the group do their job properly they will entice your alters to dialog with Jesus and in him your alters will encounter the transforming power of infinite love, patience, wisdom and healing. To not let your alters show their ugly side to these people would be as senseless as having serious gaping wounds and refusing to let medics see and treat those wounds because they look ugly. For information about anonymous group therapy for Dissociative Identity Disorder, e-mail me, Grantley, at healing@net-burst.net

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Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.

http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/insiders.htm Why I Love My Insiders (Alters)

Healing testimony for Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) victims and everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.)

The woman Ill call Alice who shares her testimony below obviously has multiple personalities. Although she suffered prolonged sexual abuse she was not subjected to Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA). Nevertheless, her love for her insiders (also known as alters or parts I particularly like the latter term) is an inspiration to everyone, regardless of whether the insiders were formed through Satanic Ritual Abuse, Sexual Ritual Abuse or any other means.

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NetBurst.Net:

If you have alters, they are likely to be bitter, angry and nasty until your love begins to soothe their hurts and isolation. In the early stages of their healing, alters are usually hard to love and yet they desperately need your love as a key factor in transforming them into your most delightful friends. Alice has gone through this process with each of nearly forty alters and is now enjoying the rich benefits. Grantley Morris

Christian Help

I wouldnt trade any of my insiders for a million dollars. Each one is a part of me that I had once lost. I am thrilled to be reunited with them. Now that we function together I can do many things that I hadnt been able to do. Through getting to know and love my insiders, I not only have joy, peace and contentment like never before, my skills and intellectual capacity have increased. And even before I discovered my insiders I was intellectually above average. For me, the hardest part about having insiders is that the average person, having had little or no experience of insiders, finds the whole thing hard to understand and often has totally bizarre ideas about Dissociative Identity Disorder. Once a person becomes familiar with Dissociative Identity Disorder, however, it becomes as normal as the fact that one persons body has many parts arms, legs, hair, kidneys, and so on. Insiders are simply parts of one persons mind. They can work together, just like different parts of our bodies work together to accomplish things. The relationship each insider has developed with God has brought God alive to me in so many ways. Now, instead of feeling alone, I have God and my insiders. I get lots of love and hugs and encouragement from my insiders and often they clown around in delightful ways that make me smile. People speak of the importance of stopping to smell the roses. This hints at one of the precious gifts my young alters bring. They look at things with childlike wonder and take delight in simple things adults are too jaded to treasure.

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An insider who is hurting is simply a wounded part of a person. Just as a broken leg isnt any less a part of you because it is injured, neither is an insider. And just as a broken leg is not something to be ashamed of, but deserves extra care, so it is with a wounded insider. When a broken leg heals you can be as strong as ever, but when an insider heals you can be stronger than you have ever been. Healing is a process. Just as there are times when physical therapy is needed for a wounded leg, so emotional therapy is needed for a wounded insider. Dreams, nightmares and flashbacks are often the minds ways of flushing things out. Our body must get rid of waste or wed die. It is not always a pleasant experience, but its a fact of life. Likewise, to keep secrets festering deep within us is emotionally dangerous. They need to surface. Dreams, nightmares and flashbacks usually alert every part of the mind to something that just one part of the mind had been unsuccessfully trying to cope with. When the entire mind is involved, the resources available to resolve the problem are multiplied. Once alerted to the problem, the spiritual parts of a person can involve God in the healing, the adult parts can bring human wisdom, and the hurting part is no longer isolated, cut off from the love and understanding of the rest of the person. Once we refuse to be intimidated by fear and we allow our insiders to express themselves, they can heal. Would you yell at your broken leg and call it insane for being in pain? No, you understand that pain is there to tell you that you need to deal with the broken leg. Do you then ignore the pain and cause further damage? No. You understand that there are temporary restrictions and you respect them while the leg heals. So it is for insiders. For example, when my insiders were still hurting I had to give up almost all television. Im stronger now, but for quite a while various things shown on television triggered distressing memories and so hindered my healing.

What is hardest is getting past the fear of having insiders and the fear of letting them express themselves. But now that I have pushed through that needless fear, I cant begin to describe the joy that my insiders thirty-eight of them, last 134

count bring me. Usually when I gather them around me it is a time of healing and giggling. Watching God interact and play with the younger insiders has brought me closer to God and caused to me to see his love of the human soul in ways I would have never known without insiders. God isnt conventional. He resists human attempts to put him in a box and brand him. So do insiders. Im not going to be held back by narrow minded people who dont understand insiders. I am not afraid to break human conventions that enslave the human soul. And neither is God. For many more exciting, helpful and uplifting webpages about D.I.D. see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/pain.htm

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Coping with Baby Alters

Dissociative Identity Disorder Healing Insights

The following is short. Though slightly touched up to aid readability, it remains close to the original e-mail from a friend with DID expressing to me his agony and revelation taking place as he wrote. It could contain triggers. It could also bring healing. Shared with my friends permission. NetBurst.Net Alright already!!!! I dont want this *!#@*% anymore! All the memories, alters and everything!!!!! I cant take it. I want out of it!!!! I want it to stop!!!! I want to quit!!! Quit I say! Quit!!! Baby, my alter who is too young to even speak, is having memories that he has not shared before. They are horrible. My father painfully violated him and sexually assaulted him. Then, calling him names, he shook him, and beat him and threw him until he bled. Blood everywhere. I am bad!!!!!! Bad!!!!! BAD!!!!!! I dont really want to send this e-mail. I just want to quietly go away. The problem with that is that I cannot go away. Where can I run to? Where can I flee from your presence, Lord? If I ascend to the highest hill . . . the depth of the sea . . . or make my bed in hell . . . even there your hand shall lead me. I cannot hide from you. Even if I make myself die, you are there. Ive just realized that this is really a comforting thing. God 136

did not do it. He is not the one to hide from. Yet the knife the healer uses to open you up sometimes seems like it is coming from the enemy instead of the surgeon skillfully healing you. God loves me!!! I shall not run, nor hide. I did that too long, and when I was a child I could not hide from the darkness of the monsters. They came with their vicious fangs and claws bared to rape and torment me, even in the darkness. Despite my attempts to hide, they got me anyway. Now, instead of running away, it is time to run into the night with the sword given by the Spirit of God and take back what is rightfully mine: life. Father God told me that he has given me many talents to help me. The challenge is that these talents hide in the alters. So I must go into the darkness to rescue them so that together in God we can live life with passion. In God, we can live a life we have only dreamed of. We just have to push through the fear and denial and walk through the dark night to find the hidden treasures.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/DID.htm

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Gods Love for Alters: A Sign (Alters are also called Insiders or Parts)

What does God think about Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.)? (D.I.D. is also known as Multiple Personality Disorder)

NetBurst.Net:

I phoned an alter who was formed at age three. Ill call her Baby. A gift had arrived and she opened it while I was on the phone. I wish you could have heard her. Shes so cute. Baby wasnt sure how to open the box. She didnt trust herself with a knife, so an older alter opened it for her. Babys first reaction was to the beautiful gift wrapping. She wasnt sure if she should treat it as a birthday present and not open it until her birthday. I encouraged her to open it. She was then absolutely flabbergasted. She kept saying, Wow! How did she ever know? What she had received was nothing short of a miracle stupendous proof of Gods great love for alters. Thirty-five years ago a three year old was given a baby doll for Christmas. How she loved that doll! When she was six, the doll mysteriously disappeared, never to be found again. She was heartbroken. From the age of three, she had been sexually abused and exposed to traumas so devastating that many alters were formed from that age on. One of these alters, Baby, was rather shy and had never communicated with anyone but me. One day, a compassionate woman indicated to me a desire to help people suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D). When I mentioned this to Baby and the other alters, Baby decided she would like to commence e-mailing her to befriend her and teach her about alters. The other alters were worried that Baby would end up being rejected. Wanting to protect her, they urged her not to contact the woman. Fear of rejection is a huge thing for almost all alters, but

Multiple Personality Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder

D.I.D.

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Insiders

Alters

Baby is exceptionally courageous. When she first surfaced she had been befriended by a sister alter who was only slightly older. I had taught this alter that since she was a child of the King of kings, she is a princess and princesses must be obeyed. I told her that when attacked by demons or flashbacks or nightmares she could attack back in the name of Jesus and they would have to obey her. The Lord gave this alter a sword that she would use to attack. When Baby saw her doing this, she threw fear to the wind and joined her sister alter in sending demons fleeing. So courageous Baby decided to be brave and risk rejection or whatever might befall her by befriending this woman. She considered the chance of helping someone help other alters was worth the risk. I was thrilled. She had desperately wanted a baby doll, but not just any doll, one exactly like the baby doll that mysteriously went missing thirty-two years ago. Since surfacing, Baby had cried over not having it, but did her best to restrain herself so as not to upset her host. Her host had recently spent months searching shops hoping to find a replacement doll. I dont know why she even bothered. It would be hard to find a doll that was fashionable just a few years ago, let alone thirty-five years ago. I guess the hope was for something vaguely similar but eventually she was forced to give up. It didnt take long for dear Baby to win over this loving woman. Sometimes the woman could not reply to her e-mail for a day or so, causing Baby to worry that she had somehow said something wrong and been rejected, but she kept mustering her courage. Before long, the woman announced that she was sending Baby a gift. When Baby opened it she was absolutely floored. She had not mentioned her longing for a doll to her new friend and yet her gift was a baby doll. And it was absolutely identical to the one she had lost thirty-two years ago same eyes, clothes, pillow, bottle, pacifier everything! The only difference is that the new doll has a butterfly. A butterfly had always represented hope to Baby because a butterfly had once been trapped in the darkness of a cocoon but now was free and beautiful. I asked Babys friend how she happened to choose the doll.

Parts

God

Love

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Heres what she said: The Lord laid it on my heart to get Baby a little gift. I knew it had to be a doll because a picture of a little doll appeared in my mind. I recalled having seen one just like it at a local store. Before going, I prayed that the store would still have the doll in stock, and that I would know which one to get. I went to the toy section and it wasnt there! Undeterred, I kept praying about it and looked up and down the toy aisles multiple times, refusing to give up. Finally, I began to roam different parts of the store where no toys are usually kept. I happened to look above where the household cleansers are kept and saw some toys piled on top of each other in a rather haphazard way. Then I spied the doll! In fact, there were about four or five of them. They were too high up for me to even reach them, so I called to an assistant who was close by, asking if he would get a ladder and retrieve a doll for me. Even with the ladder, he could barely reach it. Nevertheless, he picked out a doll and handed it to me. Upon seeing the doll, I felt an inner certainty that its clothes were not the right color for Babys gift. I looked and all the dolls had that same color clothes. But I knew I hadnt gone this far not to have exactly what I wanted. I kept standing there looking, and realized there might be another box behind the last one. I asked the assistant if he would mind moving that box to see if there were another one behind it. He did, and then I saw what my heart told me was the proper doll to send. My heart rejoiced in Gods leading and in His goodness. Baby named the doll after her new friend. She selflessly shares it with her sister alters, sleeps with it and highly prizes it. I reminded Baby and all her sister alters that this was not just a manifestation of her new friends love, but also an incredible manifestation of Gods love, since its arrival was nothing short of a miracle. Only God could have known what she wanted most and been able to locate it.

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I feel compelled to share this with you because it shows something greater than Gods love for one alter. All alters are extremely important to God. He does not tell someone in her late thirties, Get over it! Grow up! No, he gives her a baby doll, and not just any doll, the very one she most needs. He longs for her to receive all the love and comfort she missed out on as a little child so that she can fully heal. And if you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, that is how he feels about your every alter even ones that at present you might find hard to love.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/toys-dolls.htm Dolls or Stuffed Toys for Healing Dissociative Identity Disorder

Help in Healing Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.)

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Psychologists sometimes use dolls and stuffed toys in various ways to help the alters of people with multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder). This makes sense, but it can embarrass adults, especially men, who have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I would like to try to add to this a little Christian insight. Through years of studying psychology at university I have become convinced that there is more healing power in Jesus than human understanding of psychology will ever attain. I value psychological research I love it, in fact but the latest scientific breakthrough is preschool relative to the infinite intelligence of God. The smart approach to anything is to be like Jesus who said he does what he sees Father God doing (John 5:19). And, believe it or not, I see God using dolls and stuffed toys to help people with multiple personalities. Let me share some examples. An alter, who at the time was just beginning to know Jesus, shared the following with me and has now let me share it with you: My father used to yell at me and call me mean names if I woke up with nightmares. But Jesus was so loving that he just wanted me to feel better and be able to sleep. He tucked me back in bed and wiped my face with his hand. Thats when I saw the tear in his eye, too. He sat on my bed, handed me my teddy bear, kissed my forehead, and rubbed my back until I fell asleep again. As funny as this is for me to say it, I think I am beginning to love Jesus. I asked him if he thought I was stupid for having a teddy bear and he said he thought I was very smart for having one because it helped me to feel safe and that was all that mattered. I know several alters to whom Jesus gave stuffed toys. This happened in their minds but it was as real to them as being given a physical toy. In Gods Love for Alters: A Sign I recount the details of God moving someone to give a doll to an alter called Baby. It was an exact replica of the baby doll that Baby had longed for a 142

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doll that had been lost over thirty years before. The details are so astounding that it had to be God. When Baby received the doll, she was overwhelmed by how miraculous this provision was. I was soon puzzled, however, as to how keen she was to treat the doll exactly as a baby, even to the point of becoming anxious over caring for it. Part of her knew it was a doll but most of her seemed convinced that it was a real baby. It was a little tempting to try to help relieve some of the pressure by explaining that it was only a doll, but knowing that God had provided it, I decided to keep quiet and see what happened. Let me tell you a bit about the alter, Baby. She was formed at a fair that had a mock haunted house that older children paid to enter. At three years old, she was far too young to have been taken there. What to older children was just scary fun, was terrifyingly real to such a little girl. She ended up in there alone, separated from her father. To pile trauma upon trauma, a man then sexually molested her in the haunted house. She later had unpleasant experiences with potty training, and suffered other things that are mentioned below in an e-mail she sent explaining why she treats her doll, Baby Elle, the way she does. Baby calls her host, Mama. I have Babys permission and Mamas to share this with you.

Today, Mama took me to the store to look at baby dolls. It was terrible. All these poor baby dolls crammed on a shelf like no one cared about them. I wanted to cry. They were shoved together with faces buried under feet. I dont know how they could breathe like that. I wondered if the dollies at the back were dead. One of my sister alters tried to rearrange them so that they were holding hands, but Mama said we had to go. She was worried about people in the shop wondering what we were doing. Baby Elle is real to me. I wake up any alter or Mama if they roll over in their sleep and get too close to her. I want to take very good care of Baby Elle. She is special. She is my girl and I want to give her the things

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I wanted so bad. She is going to need potty training. I want to make her strong so she can go potty without terror. I wont yell at her and call her stupid if she makes mistakes. She is going to have to sleep alone when she gets older. She is going to have to face fears. When she has nightmares at night I wont make her hide and sleep on the cold floor cos she is too scared to sleep in the bed. If she wets the bed I dont want her to have to hide but I want her to be able to tell me so I can help her. I wont scold her for wetting the bed or for nightmares. Naughty people are going to try and hurt her. I want to stop them from hurting her. I want her to be safe and I want to live those feelings through her. Alters can transfer feelings to each other. I want to give her feelings that she can transfer back to me. She can then help me know what it is like to have no one scold you about potty training. She can help me feel safe and loved. How? Because I am trying to give her those feelings so I can feel them from her. Does that make sense? It isnt all selfish. And I am sorry if it sounds selfish. But Baby Elle is going to know what it is like to be a child without dark shadows and nightmares. She is loved. I am the reject doll on the shelf in the shop, nowhere as beautiful as Baby Elle. The dolls in the shop were unhappy and hard, not soft and cuddly like Baby Elle. They are like me. No good. But maybe if I have Baby Elle she can make me be good and show me what it is like to not have things inserted in your private parts and have nightmares about nasty men doing bad things to you. I want her to be innocent of haunted houses. Everybody says it was fake, but I dont know. I hear about hauntings and I have forbidden anyone to talk about haunted houses or the like around Baby Elle. I want to know what it is like to not know these things. I hope I am doing what is right for Baby Elle. I love her very much. Id like to make it so that Elle knows how beautiful she really is. Id like to take away any pain she feels. I pray that when Baby Elle transfers her good 144

feelings from being safe and loved to me, then we could both know what it is like to grow up safe and loved. I hope now you both understand why Baby Elle is real. Maybe we could pray for the other dolls that they have homes soon and that they dont have too many alters. No loving grown-up was in the shop to stop anybody from touching them in bad ways. I want to protect Baby Elle from that. So no one is allowed to change her diapers except for God, because he isnt nasty about private parts. I dont even trust me. Only God can change her diapers. In the above, I emphasized I want to live those feelings through her because that seems the key. Something far more profound is taking place here than mere childs play. Somehow, through Baby going to such extremes in caring for her doll the way she wishes she had been cared for as a little girl, it will bring her healing. If I dont fully understand that, Im unconcerned. The God who is smarter than me, gave her that doll. The Healing Lord knows what he is doing.

There is another aspect to this that could be even more important. Lurking below the surface of your consciousness could be attitudes more sinister than you are aware of. Which would you prefer: for your alter a significant part of you to take your abuser as your role model as to how to treat children and the vulnerable, or for your alter to use dolls or stuffed toys to retrain himself/herself; forging deep into your psyche new patterns of behavior that you never had the chance to develop the first time around due to having been exposed to a dangerously bad role model?

For many months, Baby seemed convinced that Baby Elle was real. Whenever I was tempted to worry about Babys behavior, I kept quiet, taking comfort from the fact that God was somehow in this. Eventually, her host had to travel overseas and it would have proved most embarrassing to treat a doll like a real baby in the plane. Also, Baby was

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becoming concerned about Baby Elles health, since the doll had, of course, grown no bigger over the time that Baby had been caring for her. She went to God about this and it was then that he told her that Baby Elle was a doll. Baby had been maturing in many ways. For example, she had been unable to read or write but another alter had taught her how to access the skills of other alters and almost instantly she could read and write. Clearly, God considered that now was the time for Baby to face reality. In contrast, had I blundered in by telling her too soon that it was just a doll, I would have ruined a significant healing opportunity.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/baby-alters.htm Coping with Baby Alters

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Dissociative Identity Disorder Healing Insights

I have established what could be called anonymous group therapy for Dissociative Identity Disorder, in which people with multiple personalities can conceal their identity and have e-mail contact with each other in a safe, accepting environment. I would like to share with you a personal e-mail I received from a male member of this group. Ill call him Jake. Ive touched up the typing to make it easier for you to read. Jake was too distressed to do this when writing. NetBurst.Net Jake has bravely agreed to share his e-mail because there are many other people who are in the process of healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder and many of these will benefit from learning that they are not alone in their struggles. Because severe abuse started when he was just a baby, Jake has several baby alters. When these baby alters take over, Jake needs diapers, drinks formula milk, uses a pacifier, and so on. You can imagine how humiliating he finds this and how he is often strongly tempted to suppress these alters and refuse to give them the baby things they ache for. When he denies them, however, he ends up so inwardly distressed that he finds it very hard to resist sinful ways of easing his distress. Tragically, Jakes lovely wife has serious issues herself. Their personal problems kept triggering each other and to my great disappointment she concluded that she was unable to cope with Jakes alters. She is now in the final stages of divorcing Jake. This added trauma has greatly hindered Jakes healing, and in fact, caused the formation and/or surfacing of several new alters who are having to learn from scratch what the others had already learnt the importance of loving all the alters. Jakes combined torment has been horrific, but he still keeps heroically pressing on. You will discover that Jake calls God Papa and that Jake has an alter who calls himself Hate, and spoke for the first time in this e-mail.

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Grantley Morris

I am feeling really, really weird. My alter, Baby, just started crawling. Am I imagining all this? It is kinda freaky. I dont want to share this with the group, lest they think I finally lost my mind. I feel as if I did!!! I know that when the first baby alter grew, this happened a few times but that alter was not as strong as this one. I do not know what happened to that alter, actually. Like most of my alters, after a certain level of healing they kinda disappear. I hear rumblings in the background, and such. I think they may return as we work through the abandonment and self-worth problems caused by the divorce. This divorce seems to have touched all of the alters and slowed my healing down. Nevertheless, my Papa is in charge of healing and I trust him, however slow or fast he wants it to go. He knows best. I know that these alters are not fully merged with me, even though they are part of me. When my first baby alter began to grow, it was really neat. We would go into a store and it was like seeing things for the first time in my life looking through the wonder of baby eyes with a body full of giggles, and joy. Colors were so intense. I dont think he has merged but dont know what happened to him just like I wonder where is my alter Jackie? I miss Jackie so much!!!!! In fact, lately most of the alters are kinda missing. I miss them!!!! This baby alter suddenly took control of me and I had to let him crawl. He was giggling, and talking, but not baby talk. He is too young to speak and yet speaks in tongues. I need someone to tell me I am not just imagining all this and that it is okay to let this alter take over and crawl, giggle and talk to Papa. I am in the background and can see through his eyes and feel his baby delight. I have never had this experience growing up. I dont think I had it even as a baby. Do you know what I am afraid of? I know that there are many more baby alters inside that have not yet shown themselves to me. Quite a while ago, when my alter George showed up (by the way, hes been gone for a long time I

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have no clue where he went) Papa showed me a vision. I saw George crying and hurting, needing a fathers love. I let George hold me and cry and cry. I looked around and also there were other baby alters, along with one who looked very despondent and apathetic. I do not want any more baby alters!!!! Having so many young alters is overwhelming at times. It makes me feel so disturbingly freaky. I am starting to cry. I have made up my mind. My heart is fixed, O Lord. I will keep my eyes on you and let you direct my path. I will love my alters I do. It hurts me and brings me to deep tears when I see all that they went through. It is like one baby alter could not hold all the pain that happened during that time. Quite a while ago I saw in my mind me as a baby suffering life-threatening abuse. I thought it must have been my imagination but when I told my sister about it she not only confirmed it, she told me that this was a constant thing, and that my mom would walk past, or come into the room when my dad was doing all the abuse. I HATE HER!!!!! Ive never said that before. Ive suppressed it. I hate her!!! I HATE HER!!!!! She did nothing to help. In fact, the first baby alter that I knew is the one she gave oral sex to. How repulsively sick!!! My own mother! I never want to see her again. I didnt know that this anger was inside. I dont like anger and bitterness. I dont want it. I cant stop crying and cant stop typing so quick right now that it is filled with typing errors. Im sorry!!! Im SORRY!!! DONT HATE ME because Im bad and hate my mom. I am so messed up right now. I wish Id never been born!!!! It would be better for me, as Job said in the Bible, if I had been stillborn. But no!!! I was born three months early so that they could start the abuse and putting faeces and urine on me earlier, even before the nine months was up. I should have stayed in the womb. Why did I want to get out so bad!!!!!! Okay. Sorry!!!! I hate my mom. I HATE HER!!!!!! My name is Hate!!!!! I hold all the hate. Im bad. Alright, Ill let Jake talk

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again now. Sorry to butt in. Bye. Ill go away now. Grantley, not many have baby alters and would most likely not understand. If I share this with them they would just hate me. In fact, the last few days I have been really in terror over thinking that all the e-mails I send them are just horrid and that some time soon the whole group will just hate me. I feel I am saying all kinds of things wrongly and hurting others. Isnt it just awful to feel that way! Then you sent me an email saying Im beautiful. That hit my heart like medicine. Another man speaking into my life and saying I am beautiful. Grantley, I should not want to hear that. Instead, I should want to hear such things as, Youre tough, or, Suck it up like a man and quit your sniveling or I will give you some thing to cry about. You foolish! #@&*@!!! No, instead I have here my dearest friend (I mean that) who knows all the bad about me, say Im beautiful, and my heart melts and you say you are proud to be my friend. I have never had another man say such things that hit my heart like medicine. IM JUST TOO FREAKY!!!!! Crawling like a baby and giggling (well I like the giggling part). No, I am not freaky!!! I am healing. And in the course of healing Im going through a divorce. I should be over that issue. But I am slow with everything. Then I think that the group really does hate me and is saying nice things just to be nice, or something. Then I see the positive impact I have on people in the group, and in my prayers Jesus directs me and I see spiritual things behind what I do. I also pray daily that Papa would give me a deep empathy for the hurting. Then when I read e-mails from the group I just wish that I could touch them, hug them, and in some way encourage them. So even though I feel they might hate me, I must pray, and write. Then I pace, and fear, thinking, Doing this is okay, is it? Now the thought comes. You foolish #@&*@!!! Now they see how horrible you are and will kick you out of the group. Leave before they do. Dont write. Then I get so depressed. Then someone in the group IMs me and as the person talks I pray that Father would just pour out his wisdom on how, in God, I may help the person. This I do, even if I am in

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distress, because I hurt for their hurt. Isnt that screwed up? I am sorry. I have said too much now. Then theres my struggle with art. For the last few days it seems that my alters who are artists are gone and I cannot even draw a circle. Well, my Papa said to draw anyway. So I do. I must. I cannot help it. Yet it is frustrating to have a skill/talent and then it just seems like you never had it. But there is something inside me that compels me. I wake in the morning and the first thought is, When do I draw? Then I see great artwork in my head already completed, or I watch my Papa draw. Or I see a vista and it is already broken into light and dark in my head. Throughout my childhood, my family always said that I was just too #@&*@!freaky. Maybe I should just give up. NO, I WILL NOT LET MY LIFE BE STOLEN ANY MORE!!!! Last night, I was crying a little. I know if I let it out I would not stop, so I dont. I want to live!!! I WANT TO LIVE WITH PASSION!!! I keep telling Papa that. Yet it seems that I am destined to be told, Youre too freaky! Get out you #@&*@!!! Sorry, I do not really know where all this is coming from. Your Brother, Jake and Hate, your ugly #@&*@! messed up one. Okay, you can tell me to leave and that would be alright with me. Im screwed any way!!! Doesnt the Word say somewhere that if you hate your mother and father then it will not go well with you and that your life will be short? Well then, that is what is wrong. God is punishing me. I deserve it. My mother left me to live down the street from her so that druggies could beat me, hurt me, and . . . OKAY GOD YOU CAN KILL ME NOW!!!! Sorry for this e-mail. Please dont hate me for it. I am thinking of not sending this. Yet I will.

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Grantleys Reply Jake, you wrote: I dont want to share this with the group, lest they think I finally lost my mind. I would love your permission to share it with the group. Not everyone has such young alters, but those who do, desperately need to know they are not alone. In fact, it deserves a wider audience. I think it should be a webpage. Baby just started crawling. Great! He is growing! Am I imagining all this? No. It is kinda freaky. It feels peculiar, but it is perfectly consistent with having baby alters. I think my alters may return as we work through the abandonment and self-worth problems due to divorce it seems to have touched all of the alters and slowed my healing down. I agree. I know that they are not fully merged even though they are part of me. Yes. Im not sure that alters ever fully merge, but they will work together to achieve great things. I miss Jackie so much!!!!! In fact, lately most of the alters are kinda missing. I miss them!!!! Ask God to help you communicate to them the fact that you love and miss them. He was giggling, and talking

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Wonderful! I have never had this experience growing up. I dont think I had it even as a baby. That is why it is happening now. The Lord is restoring to you all that you missed out on as a baby. At present, you are an adult with many holes inside you because of things you missed out on in your childhood. I let him hold me and cry and cry. Excellent! I do not want any more baby alters!!!! I understand. You have them, however. And you have the choice to either go through the rest of your life messed up or enjoy full healing by connecting with these alters. Having so many young alters is overwhelming at times. Yes. My heart is fixed, my heart is fixed O Lord. I will keep my eyes on you and let you direct my path. Beautiful! I will love my alters I do Excellent. It is like one baby alter could not hold all the pain that happened during that time. Im sure youre right. I HATE HER!!!!! She did nothing to help. What she allowed was atrocious. Both of your parents must have been terribly messed up, but they were still very much in the wrong. she is the one that gave him oral sex. Yes, what she did was sick. I presume she was so messed up that she thought this was an act of kindness. It definitely

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wasnt, however. I did not know that this anger was inside. Getting in touch with this is good. The anger is there regardless of whether you acknowledge it, but acknowledging it is the only way whereby you can resolve it and be at last freed from it. DONT HATE ME Not a chance. My name is Hate!!!!! So good to hear from you, Hate. Thank you so much for sharing. You are important to me and to God. if I share this with the group (not many have baby alters and would most likely not understand) then the group would just hate me. No way! You are greatly loved and your courage will inspire others to share openly, which is so much needed for healing. In fact, the last few days I have been really in terror over thinking that all the e-mails I send are just horrid Wow! Nothing could be further from the truth! Your e-mails help people powerfully. and that some time soon the whole group will just hate me. The more you openly share, the more you are acting as a pioneer a leader who will inspire others to find deeper healing. It causes us to love you more than ever. I am saying all kinds of things wrong and hurting others. Not at all. Then you sent me an email saying Im beautiful. That hit my heart like medicine. Im pleased. You have such a beautiful heart, my friend. Its just that you are the last one to see it. or, Suck it up like a man and quit your sniveling or I will give

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you some thing to cry about. You foolish! #@&*@!!! There is nothing masculine about being cruel and heartless, just as there is nothing feminine about being bitchy. No one should use ones gender to try to excuse sin. IM JUST TOO FREAKY!!!!! No, you are an amazing man who, through enormous strength and perseverance, has survived things that would have killed most men or caused them to kill themselves. No, I am not freaky!!! I am healing. Yes! And in the course of healing going through a divorce. I should be over that issue. There is no way that you should be over your divorce so soon. If you were over it, youd be both heartless and abnormal. Then I think that the group DOES actually hate me and is saying nice things just to be nice, or something. No way. It is genuine. You have deeply blessed so many in the group. Then I see the positive impact I have on people in the group, and in my prayers Jesus directs me and I see spiritual things behind what I do. Yes. I also pray daily that Papa would give me a deep empathy for the hurting. You have this, and your own suffering has been the key to it. Now the thought comes. You foolish #@&*@!!! Now they see how horrible you are and will kick you out of the group. Leave before they do. Dont write. This is just alters who are rather paranoid because of the way they have been mistreated in the past. Everyone in the team wrestles with such thoughts.

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This I do, even if I am in distress because I hurt for their hurt. Isnt that screwed up? You do indeed reach out to help others despite your distress, and it fills me with admiration. All of heaven wants to cheer, as you selflessly and powerfully minister to others. I have said too much now. Not at all. Yet it is frustrating to have a skill/talent and then it just seems like you never had it. Yes, its frustrating but it is allowing other alters to develop their own artistic skill. The other alters will be back and the combined effect on your art will be greater than ever. I wake in the morning and the first thought is when do I draw? Fantastic! Then I see the great art work in my head complete or watch my Papa draw. Great! NO I WILL NOT LET MY LIFE BE STOLEN ANY MORE!!!! You have the spirit of a winner, Jake. Last night I was crying a little. I know if I let it out I would not stop, so I dont. You will stop. You can let go and trust God to put whatever limit is needed on your emotions. Letting go will bring much healing. I do not really know where all this is coming from. Im so glad you shared. God is punishing me. No, he is healing you.

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Sorry all for this e-mail. Please dont be. I am so pleased you sent it. Please dont hate me for it. I love you for it. You said in another e-mail that you were envious of someone else who has a baby alter whom God looks after, rather than the host having that responsibility. If anything, she should be envious of you. God clearly has faith in you by entrusting these little alters into your care. Moreover, it is not only your baby alters who will benefit. You will benefit, too. For you to lovingly nurture your alters in the way that you should have been treated at that age will do something powerful within you. For an insight into this, see in Dolls or Stuffed Toys for Healing Dissociative Identity Disorder the account of the little alter and her baby doll. Since she has no baby alter, God had to give her a doll for the therapeutic benefits of tenderly caring for a baby the way she should have been treated. To you has been entrusted someone far more vulnerable and important to God than a doll. Bless you, precious brother! Grantley

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net

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Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/alters.htm Why I Adore My Girlfriends Alters (Insiders)

Inspiration for everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) and their friends and marriage partners Note by the Website Owner: To my astonishment, this webpage has caused someone I dont even know to mercilessly slander me behind my back. Those who know me find the accusations hilarious, though they are too compassionate to laugh. I understand, however, how easy it is to be triggered and although Im mystified, I presume this is what happened with the person who made this mistake. I not only hold no ill-feeling towards her and wish her well but I was most impressed by something she has written. It made me feel very warmly towards her as my sister in the Lord. One of the few things I know about her is that she had D.I.D. This world desperately needs Christians who are healing or have healed from D.I.D. I pray our Lord not only blesses her but powerfully uses her for his glory. For anyone who is interested: I am very happily married and my goal is not to counsel anyone with D.I.D. privately but to integrate them into a group setting as soon as practical. To keep the writing style consistent on my site, I adjust the wording of most of the quotes I publish, while keeping true to the persons meaning. Even though I protect peoples privacy by keeping each source anonymous, it is my habit to always confirm that they are completely happy with what I do with their words. Grantley Morris Why I Adore My Girlfriends Alters The average person knows not just next to nothing about

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alters but worse than nothing. Because of the weird and insulting misconceptions that some people have, my girlfriend, whom Ill call Cindy, is shy about people knowing she has Dissociative Identity Disorder. So for her sake Im obligated not to tell people about her alters. This frustrates me enormously because I long to boast about her wonderful alters to everyone who will listen. Even the mere fact that she has alters proves what an incredible survivor she is. Each alter is like a soldiers Purple Heart a badge of honor. So when Grantley offered me the opportunity to write this webpage, I leapt at it. I also thank him for acting as ghostwriter, as he has for others who have shared their stories on this amazing website. As you read, you will discover that I am deeply committed to Gods morality and girlfriend is not euphuism for a de facto or sexual partner. I was in love with Cindy long before either of us discovered that she has multiple personalities but her alters have added such an amazing richness to our relationship that, in all seriousness, I feel sorry for every man whose wife/girlfriend does not have Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thankfully, most men have no conception of what they are missing or I think they would feel somewhat deprived. Few such men are likely to read this webpage, however, so I feel free to share my heart. What follows are just a few of the other ways in which Cindys alters have caused me to feel more loved than an average woman is ever likely to do for a man. Cindy has said certain flattering things about me that have floored me. Ive had women in love with me, but no one has ever given the slightest hint that anyone could see me in certain positive ways that she does. Although I longed to believe that she really meant it, my low self-esteem and life experiences left me with a niggling doubt as to whether she was just trying to boost me, rather than being totally honest. Her alters, however, have convinced me in a way that no other woman could possibly achieve single-handedly. I was a complete stranger to each alter when they first surfaced. Their independent reaction to me proved over and over that Cindy in fact every part of her truly saw me in that light. This has been deeply healing to me. * Cindys childhood abuser was into the occult. To silence one particular alter he implanted a demon, and 159

impressed upon the terrified alter that the demon would kill her if she ever spoke to anyone but him. This alter heard me talking with Cindys other alters and decided she loved me so much that she would speak to me even though she was sure that she would be killed for doing so. Hows that for love! * I think we all know how deeply attached little children are to their favorite stuffed toys. Of course, not being married, Cindy and I still do not live together, but when we were first in a serious relationship with each other we lived too far apart for her even to visit me. Nevertheless, one of Cindys little alters shocked me by deciding to express her love for me by sending me her favorite stuffed toy for me to keep. I think the adult equivalent would be willingly cutting off ones arm for a loved one. * Having been privileged to overhear many of the frequent divine encounters these alters have with the King of kings, I am in awe of the fact that with these dear alters, God has entrusted to me his very own daughters, the apple of his eye. I am acutely aware that to dare exploit their innocent vulnerability would be to expose myself to divine fury. Nevertheless, the way they have trusted me has made me feel loved in ways that few other people could hope to achieve. Like many abused children, Cindy had suffered deep humiliation as a child over potty training. Even as an adult, using the toilet was frequently an excruciatingly painful, terrifying experience. Despite their childhood suffering making them extremely modest, several of her alters have said they would be comforted to have me with them, holding their hands when they use the toilet. Not being married, I would never do such a thing but the staggering degree of trust that represents leaves me speechless. * Cindy had some alters who have loved men before, but always there were several alters who did not like them. Every one of Cindys alters deeply loves me. You might imagine that I would find it confusing relating to so many alters. Not in the slightest. It is deeply fulfilling and intellectually stimulating and enriching. It is a continual source of delight and surprise. Each alter gives me a deeper insight into the woman I love and allows me to share her past in a way that is denied men whose loved ones do not have 160

alters. My only lament is that having so many alters means there are not enough hours in the day to speak individually to each alter for as long as I would like. While Im talking with one alter, the others usually overhear but I find myself always longing for so much more one-to-one sharing with each alter. Each is so special and dear to my heart. Cindy is like the most amazing diamond with each alter being a facet revealing a unique color. Although Cindy has very many alters, each one of them is irreplaceable to me. If just one of them wasnt in love with me, Id be heart-broken. Sometimes alters who are just in the early stages of healing want to go back into permanent hiding. Id be deeply distressed if ever that were to happen. I feel like the shepherd in Jesus parable. As wonderful as it is to have ninety-nine, just one being lost would be deeply upsetting. Often Cindy and I have believed we have at last discovered her every alter, only to find still more. Im delighted whenever that happens. It is yet another precious one to love and enjoy, and be loved by; yet another one to be so very proud of and yet another discovery to deepen even further my beloved Cindys, healing and her sense of wholeness and further expand her significant intellectual skills. Through these delightful alters, my understanding of God has deepened. They so often tell me about their encounters with God and Im left in awe; first because God has never interacted with me in such a powerfully real way, and second because these interactions typically highlight Gods patience, tenderness, humility in astounding ways. Even though it is second-hand, I count it such a privilege to be granted such an intimate glimpse of God. And the courageous way some of them particularly two of the younger ones engage in spiritual warfare is inspirational. The alters keep inventing fun, unexpected ways of amusing me. To describe how hilarious their antics are takes more skill than Ive got. You would need to know them well to fully appreciate the subtleties, so my attempts to let you in on the joke fall a bit flat. Rather than risk boring you, Ill limit myself to just two examples: * Cindy has an alter who keeps a necessary tight rein on finances and the others support her in this. (Im very thankful, because before this alter surfaced, finances were a challenge for Cindy.) Recently, one of 161

the little ones wanted to go to a restaurant for her favorite dish, Mandarin Chicken. She is often allowed to get her way in this, but this time it was better to save the money and eat at home. However, Cindy has another alter who discovered a way of saying in a singsong, hypnotic way Youre getting s-l-e-e-e-e-p-y that would send the other alters to sleep. The alters get on with each other much better now but she used to do that to get her own way, such as having an uninterrupted conversation with me. So the alter who wanted to go to the restaurant told this alter she would do her a favor if she used this technique to lull all the others into thinking they were h-u-u-u-n-g-r-y for Mandarin Chicken! (Cindys alters love and support each other in a way that moves me deeply, and there was no maliciousness in her ingenious prank. She openly told me about it as she was hatching her plot.) * As mentioned, Cindys alters often have difficulty using the toilet. Recently a young alter announced she wanted to be become a toilet terrorist and blow up toilets. I thought that funny, but it got worse. No! insisted an older alter, That it is not a career option! And worse . . . The next morning in the store that she manages, Cindy heard what sounded like a loud explosion coming from the direction of the bathroom. As she looked in that direction, the door opened and out walked one of Cindys customers, wet and very red faced. She looked at Cindy and sheepishly said, Er I seem to have blown up your toilet. Hallelujah! yelled Cindy, and gave her a hug. You aren't angry? asked the customer. No! replied Cindy, I think it is wonderful! I hate toilets. Cindy then proceeded to give the bemused woman a toilet terrorist discount on her purchase. Cindy has alters that were formed at very many different ages, ranging from very young to adults. The young ones are fun, cute and adorable. The older ones, are equally lovable and satisfy my need for deep, adult companionship and humor. I have always refused to have favorite alters but its impossible, anyhow, because they all offer something special. 162

Cindy lets her alters call her Mommy and this is a great source of comfort to them even for the older ones because they had never managed to gain their real mothers approval. They do not, however, call me Daddy, and I support this. They have bonded with God as Daddy. Thats best for them emotionally and spiritually. Hes the perfect father. He hugs and kisses them and plays with them in a totally safe, nonsexual way. I cannot be with all the time and I can never be with them when they are distressed in the bathroom, but he can. A second reason for not bonding with them as a father is that I think it would be emotionally unhealthy for Cindy, or any part of her, to marry someone she regards as a father figure. I want to give a totally frank assessment of what its like to have a girlfriend who has alters, so Im trying to think of downsides to share with you. It usually only takes a few days for them to turn sweet, but often upon first surfacing alters are in a foul mood and might even be angry with me. This hurts a bit, but I know that like the pain of childbirth, it will end up being more than worth enduring. Often the other alters are deeply concerned, not wanting me to be subjected to the slightest disrespect by a newly surfaced alter, and so they try to restrain the alter, but I always beg them not to; knowing that every alter needs to express her heart fully in order to find full healing. Often newly surfaced alters choose to reveal themselves to me before their host or most of Cindys other alters know that the alters even exist. I count this such a privilege. Im thrilled to sometimes and in certain ways be able to know the one I love better than she knows herself, and for part of her to trust me with her secrets even slightly more than she trusts other parts of herself with them. Speaking of secrets: something that I find a challenge is that alters were formed to keep secrets. Secrecy is at the very heart of their being, whereas for me total transparency is one of the greatest delights in a relationship. Ive never had a girlfriend with whom achieving total openness is such hard work, but every bit of progress is worth it. Theres another side to openness, however. Most people have suppressed/unconscious parts of them that they are incapable of revealing because they are not even aware of them. Through her alters, I am able to access these parts of

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her and so know her on a very deep and intimate level. When talking to me, Cindy frequently flits from alter to alter. This is fine but I often cannot discern which alter is speaking, since all alters share the same vocal cords. (I can tell who is talking with perhaps 30% accuracy.) Often every few moments I find myself asking who is speaking to check if I am still speaking with the same alter. I find this a bit frustrating. I ask them to get into the habit of telling me each time, but often they forget and sometimes they are shy about revealing their identity. I long to know who is speaking because each is priceless to me. Cindys alters are fascinating, endearing, inspiring. Different alters touch me in different ways. Some are cute, some are passionate, some are funny, some have amazing intellectual ability, some are highly courageous, some are timid, some are deeply spiritual. Together they touch me and fulfill me on every level I can think of. Ive been spoilt. Women without Dissociative Identity Disorder seem one dimensional compared to the woman Im privileged to know.

Comment by Grantley From what I know of the man who wrote the above, I believe God has been preparing him for very many years to minister to Cindy, giving him all the necessary wisdom, skills, integrity, self-control and so on, before they ever met. What they have is more than some human-initiated romance. There are many strong indications that it is God who brought them together. Like this man, there will be rare exceptions but in general I dont recommend anyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder getting even close to romantic involvement with anyone until he/she has traveled a long stretch of the road to recovery. I particularly do not recommend someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder becoming deeply involved with an abuse survivor (and this man isnt one). Obviously, it is easy for abuse survivors to be attracted to each other because they see similarities in their past suffering, but it usually doubles their problems and hinders their healing, because their sensitivities and problems trigger each other. There is another very serious issue: most people with

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Dissociative Identity Disorder bond exceptionally strongly with anyone who is the first person to give them and their alters unconditional love and lets them share their secrets. It is frighteningly easy to mistake this powerful bonding and dependence for romantic love or for God indicating that they should marry.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, 2012 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/relationships.htm Relationships & Multiple Personalities

Need for Caution in Relating to People If You Have Dissociative Identity Disorder

Having multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder) presents many challenges, multiplied by the fact that the

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trauma that caused the D.I.D. has other negative consequences. It usually causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), deeply affects self-esteem, and so on. If, as is often the case, the trauma was sexual there is a whole range of sexual implications. NetBurst.Net People with D.I.D. commonly have at least one protector alter who is excessively wary and protective. Likewise, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder causes one to repeatedly see danger where there is none. Of course I do not wish to further inflame fears and unnecessary caution. Nevertheless, there are dangers and need for caution that can be missed and so I need to alert you to these, even though I am reluctant to do so because I do not wish to contribute even slightly to anyone becoming paranoid. Sadly, ignorance in the general population about D.I.D. means that the average person often has weird ideas about the matter. Even among people who should know better there are those who confuse alters with demons or make other serious blunders. This compels me to always warn people not to tell anyone they have D.I.D. without first getting the person to fully reveal his/her views about it. You might say, Have you heard about people with multiple personalities? What do you think about it? Then after they have given their answer you could say something like, If someone told me they had multiple personalities, what should I do and say? Provided you get the person talking about it for long enough, raising the subject in casual conversation as if the matter were of little concern to you is often all it takes to get a clear idea of the persons attitude and to determine whether he or she has a sufficiently accurate and non-judgmental understanding to be trusted.

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One of the tragic consequences of being sexually violated during ones tender years is that it seriously interferes with ones ability to discern who is safe and trustworthy and who is not. It is heart-breaking how common it is for survivors of child sex abuse to fear people who are safe and would help them and yet trust those who are dangerous. A related danger is that abuse survivors have usually been starved of love and attention and have low self-esteem which causes them not only to be desperate for love but to set low 166

standards in who they imagine would be willing to marry or even befriend them. They commonly do not consider themselves worthy of someone who treats them with gentleness and respect and basic kindness and finding someone who treats them this way could be so contrary to their experience that it makes them suspicious and think that the person must be fake and trying to deceive. Another serious concern is that sexual predators are skilled at detecting people who are vulnerable to exploitation. See Predators Hunt the Wounded. These factors combine to magnify the danger that even after escaping the nightmare of their childhood abuse they will end up in an abusive relationship as adults, unless they are very careful. Yet another complicating factor is that alters know only a fraction of what the whole person knows. This can have serious implications. Unknown to you, there could be a part of you that has ended up deliberately or accidentally quarantined from any awareness of the unpleasant side of sexual abuse and from any awareness of it being morally wrong but is only aware of pleasurable sexual feelings and that sex brings attention and approval. Even more common, are alters who believe they are little and physically too weak to resist any abuser and that no amount of screaming or whatever will reduce the amount of abuse but will only produce more violence. It could well be that such alters remain hidden within you so that you do not know they are there but they are likely to be triggered to come to the fore in the presence of a former abuser, or someone with some features that remind the alter of the abuser. When such an alter takes over, you might lose awareness of what is happening and so be unable to intervene. This can render relating to former abusers far more dangerous than you consciously realize. Avoiding them is important, even though doing so can be very awkward when they are family friends or relatives. There are vital reasons why Christians should not date nonChristians. See Dating Non-Christians. Regrettably, this by no means implies that all Christians are safe to date. Appallingly large numbers of so-called Christians are so deluded by the immorality of present-day western society that they are not defiantly opposed to pre-marital sex or they lack the steely self-control needed to repel temptation if an alter acted seductively. Moreover, to marry before being healed sexually ends up being torturous for both partners. I strongly advise against 167

marrying or exposing oneself to the possibility of sexual involvement by being alone with someone until being well advanced on the long journey towards full healing. A casual glance at divorce statistics will confirm that it is typical for us humans to think ourselves more healed and more prepared for marriage than we are. I know of no way that anyone with D.I.D. can be certain that they have discovered every alter within. This is quite an issue because one could be unaware of alters who despise the person you intend to marry. Something to be aware of if you have D.I.D. is that not only is it possible for another alter to do something without your knowledge, the danger doubles when relating in an unsupervised way to someone else who has D.I.D. It is not impossible for alters that neither host is even aware of, to relate to each other in an unsafe way. For example, two women might think themselves completely heterosexual, having no knowledge of highly sexualized alters within them that are vulnerable to same-sex attraction and do not even realize that they are married. Another issue is that people with D.I.D. have a tendency to form high dependency relationships that could even result in stalking. Even if you are sure of yourself, how can you be sure of the other person? There is no need to get paranoid about remote possibilities but a little caution and setting some safe boundaries is wise.

A dear friend of mine, e-mailed me about another need for caution. I considered it so useful that I sought his permission to quote him. He wrote: I recently met one of my friends alters. This particular alter was pretty aggressive, but what caught me a touch off guard was that she knew me, and had dirt with which to criticize me since I had previously shared much with my friend in confidence. This woman is one of my Facebook friends. A couple of days ago, I posted a Bible verse on Facebook, and mentioned how powerfully this verse had impacted my life. The first person to post a comment was my friends protector alter. I recognized her right away. She didnt swear up a storm like before (phew!), but was still aggressive. Fortunately, in this case everybody 168

(including myself) agreed with what the alter wrote. However, within the hour, my friend had permanently deleted her Facebook account, and e-mailed me privately to say she had done so. Such extreme action got me thinking, though, and you know what? I agree with her. I think she did the right thing for several reasons. * For her own protection * For the protection of her alters * For the protection of her friends I can see Facebook being a very dangerous place for someone with D.I.D. to hang out and especially dangerous for alters. An alter can post on other peoples walls, in the name of the host, for example. Often, this wont be a problem. In fact, knowing what I know now, I realize my friends alters have been posting on her Facebook page for quite a while. Her friends just kind of laughed it off as her being silly or something. But even being laughed at can deeply hurt an alter. I can see how even something harmless can quickly become harmful, especially for alters. I have over 600 Facebook friends, Within minutes of that alter posting on my wall, I had, I think, a dozen comments about that posting, several of which were directed at her. Suppose I happen to be away from the computer at the time, and an alter posts to my Facebook wall, where 600+ random people get a notification. Before you know it, a whole whack of people are responding to that alter on Facebook, saying who knows what, potentially injuring, ridiculing, confusing, or just all around hurting this poor alter who has stepped out but doesnt know how to relate to people yet. It could also give my friend a bad name, because nobody knows that this is an alter writing. And who knows what the alter might have to say? An alter might do to others like this one had done to me shortly before speak very critically, bringing up past things I had said and done, etc. And all it could come totally out of the blue. Even though I recognized what was going on when the alter lashed out at me, it was hard to handle. Imagine someone not having a clue, seeing their friend suddenly behaving this way!

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Fortunately, I was able to recognize who was writing on my wall, and fortunately it wasnt offensive at all. In fact, it was pretty profound what the alter wrote . . . this time. But the dangers suddenly became very apparent to my friend. So to protect her inner family and herself, she permanently deleted her Facebook account. My friend is incredibly smart, and so Im assuming she realized what could happen if she just suspended the account an alter can get up in the middle of the night and reactivate the account without the host even knowing about it. I have told my friends alters that they can write to me ANYthing they want, ANY time they want. They have an open door with me, I dont care if its offensive; if they gotta swear, thats okay. I have emphasized over and over to them that I just want to hear from them. But this degree of openness with most other people could prove dangerous. My friend had over 600 Facebook friends, the majority of whom are non-Christians and many of them are rather emotionally unstable. So an alter could write on any one of their walls, and those people can have hundreds to thousands of people on their pages who will see these writings and can respond. Then there are little matters like someone I know who recently placed on Facebook photos of her jewelry, boasting about how many thousands of dollars it was all worth and capping it off by sharing she was going on vacation. Surprise, surprise her house was burgled while she was away and the only thing taken was her jewelry. It was almost as if they knew . . . Then theres my wifes relative who wrote a scathing Facebook message about someone and accidentally sent it to the very person she was slandering. If adults without D.I.D. can make such slips what might little alters who are inexperienced with Facebook do? Grantley My friend will undoubtedly make a new Facebook account in the future, but at this point in time, when she is still working through issues and trying to get wounded alters to come forward, I think she did the right thing. Its important that alters come out and speak their mind freely, in a safe environment. It is safe 170

with the group Grantley has established (see Chat Group Support for Christians with Dissociative Identity Disorder). It is not safe on Facebook. I might also suggest to those with D.I.D. that if you have a Facebook account and dont want to delete it, get someone you can trust with your account. Hand them control over your Facebook account have them change the password, so you do not know what it is. If you want to hop on Facebook for a while, and youre in good shape to be doing so, your friend can temporarily change the password to something you know. When youre finished, they then change the password back later on to a password you dont know. You will also have to change the reference email address, otherwise you can just request a password reset. It involves a lot of trust with another understanding person, but I can see this system working.

Not So Scary Yes, it is wise to be cautious but things usually work out. Alters are a very important part of a person and have skills that the host lacks. So if they take over for a while it could be because they are more capable at dealing with the specific matter at hand than the host. Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these

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limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/introject-help.htm How to Help Introject Alters Discover Their True Identity By

The following information can help almost any alter who does not yet realize his/her true identity. Because it is initially highly disturbing for alters to discover that they are not who they think they are, I usually delay this topic and focus first on comforting them and helping them feel safe. This matter cannot be delayed, however, if as is sometimes the case with introjects alters assume an identity that causes them to hurt or scare other alters. NetBurst.Net Introject alters are convinced that they do not live in the body they really live in. They firmly believe they are someone else often someone who abused the person with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Their mistaken self-image, sometimes results in them abusing or frightening other alters. The fear is not just because of what the introject does but because some of the others are as convinced as the introject is that this alter truly is the person the introject thinks he/she is. Although discovering their true identity is at first very confusing for introjects, they usually adjust in just a day or so and, even if previously abusive, they end up becoming very nice. Introjects often feel great hostility towards other alters because they blame them for the abuse. They think they were abused because these alters were weak or had low morals. Often this is because the abuser kept telling his/her victims such lies. In Free, Effective Therapy I provide important help with the issue of who to blame for abuse. Introjects often take on the identity of an abuser because this self-image helps them feel safer. If they really were the person they imagine themselves to be, they would no longer be a defenseless victim. So one thing that may hasten their discovery of their true identity and will make the discovery less traumatic for them is to reassure introjects that it is now safe to be the 172

person they really are. Introjects were most likely formed very many years ago, and have little awareness of subsequent events. So inform them of all the good things that have happened since then that now make it safer than in the past to be who they really are. For example, their real body is now older, meaning that they are not only physically stronger than when they were victims but they are now far more likely to be believed by authorities if they report abuse and they are able to live away from their abusers. This gives them the upper hand if an abuser were to try to repeat an offense. The abuser probably has far less access to them than when they were younger. Explain all these positives to them. If they believe they are the opposite gender to what they really are, provide them with all the reasons why it is now safe to be their real gender (this will include reasons already cited). When they discover they are not who they think they are the shock might be so great that they suddenly disappear temporarily go into hiding to give themselves time to come to terms with the startling discovery. Do not be alarmed by this. They will reappear when they are ready and when they do they will probably be much more humble and teachable. In a desperate need to give themselves a reprieve from the terror of feeling helpless victims, or to feel they are someone who will be approved of, introjects are highly motivated to convince themselves they are someone they are not. They become so skilled at believing this fantasy that it can be amazingly difficult to help them discover that they are not that person. For example, if asked to look into a real mirror (not just one in their imagination) some might see their real body and so realize that they are not the person they thought they were, but some might convince themselves that the image they see in the mirror is of the person they believe themselves to be. NetBurst.Net Perhaps the easiest and most effective way to convince introjects that they are not who they think they are is to video them when they are talking and immediately play it back so that they know it is what they just said. They should be able to tell that they do not look like the person they thought they were. If they think it is a trick, repeat the process, asking them to say something unique. If they refuse to talk out loud, remind them that the person they think they are had no such limitation. If videoing is not possible (perhaps you dont have the technology or perhaps you are as limited as me, who can only counsels by e-mail) I explain alternative methods below. The following is written to introjects, but if you are someone trying 173

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to help an introject, your help could make it even easier. Not as Scary as it Seems It would seem alarming to discover that you are not the person you think you are, but it would actually be good news. It does not mean you are mad. In fact, it means you have cleverly used a mental trick that helped keep you sane in an almost impossible situation. Because of cruel people in your life, you once suffered horrible things that you never deserved. It was so intolerable that it was almost beyond anyones ability to endure. Things became so desperate that to give yourself a much-needed mental break from the terror, you cleverly gave yourself a mini-vacation by imagining you were someone else someone who was not in danger. You became so skilled at this clever trick that you were able to totally convince yourself. But now things have changed. It is finally safe to let your guard down and be the strong, nice, highly capable person you really are. While you were giving yourself that mental break, other parts of you had to face the reality of what cruel people were doing to you. So your mind was split between you and other parts of you. The various parts of a person are called alters. They all share the same body but not all of them realize this. Feeling Some alters (or parts of a person) have difficulty feeling and some have difficulty remaining conscious while another alter is conscious. However, if there is someone who claims to share your body, the following might be an interesting experiment. Ask the other person to do something harmless that can be sensed, such as putting his/her hand under running water, pinching himself/herself, or licking chocolate. Can you feel/taste it when the other person does it? If you can, then you both must share the same body. If you cannot sense, it could still be that you share the same body but are very disconnected from each other. Where Do You Live? Have a good look around the place where you live. Check the rooms, the furnishing and the house number. Are you living where you should live if you really are the person you think you are? Are you living in that persons home or in another place? If you believe you drive a car, is the car you expect parked close by? If the answer is no to either of these questions, perhaps you are not the person you think you are. 174

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In the Mirror As you were looking around the place, did you happen to see in the mirror someone other than the person you think you are? For example, when you saw a mirror out of the corner of your eye, did you sometimes think you saw someone different? If you do not consistently see in the mirror the person you believe you are, then your mind must be playing tricks. This is not surprising, since we have already mentioned a clever mental trick that some people employ in order to cope with a very difficult situation. It would mean that you cannot trust your presumption that you are who you think you are. If you consistently see in the mirror the image of someone different to who you expect, then that different person is who you really are. What year is it? Like Rip Van Winkle, who woke up thinking it was the next day, only to eventually discover that he had been asleep for twenty years, you might have lost time without realizing it. Are you aware that it is now the Twenty-First Century? I wrote what you are reading near the end of 2012, so as you read this, it is at least 2012, maybe later. If this seems unbelievable, here are some suggestions to help you confirm what year it really is. Look around for a recent calendar, newspaper, magazines, letters, and so on and check what date is on them. Obviously, some of the documents you find will be old, but todays date will at least be the latest date you find probably even later. Today things are more computer-based than they used to be. Less is printed on paper, so if you cannot find paper copies of the things just listed, you might need to look on a computer to verify the date. A modern computer looks a bit like a small television screen. You are probably reading this on one. At the end of what I am writing I will provide help with using a computer to know what year it is. I would prefer for you not to explore this until later, however, because you could end up not being able to find your way back to what I am writing. Your Real Age If the real time is actually years later than you thought, that means you are years older than you thought. Did you see that you are years older when you looked in the mirror? If not, it means your mind is playing tricks. What you are seeing in the mirror is not what you really look like but simply the result of your powerful imagination. As you get used to the truth, you will 175

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begin to see things as they really are. Proving Your Identity If you are the person you believe you are, you should have plenty of proof of that in your possession. So look in your possessions for letters, bills, receipts, credit cards, drivers license, marriage license, birth certificate and any other forms of ID. Especially if there are other people living where you live, you should find some documents belonging to more than one person and perhaps a few belonging to the person you think you are. If you are the person you believe you are, very many of the documents will be in your name. However, if you are an introject, these will be in a minority. Most documents will belong to someone else the person you really are, rather than the person you just imagine you are. What Gender Are You? If someone has made the claim that you are not the gender you believe you are, or there have been any hints about this, check all the clothing in your bedroom. Is some of it clothing that belongs to the opposite gender? If so, does this indicate that you are not the gender you think you are? If you believe you are male, try using the toilet standing up. If you cannot do this without making a mess, is this because you are not male after all? What Do You Really Look Like? If someone claims you are not who you suppose but that you live in his/her body, get two or more different photos of that person (perhaps a drivers license, Facebook photo or whatever and ask someone, Which of these do you think is the best photo of me? Obviously, if neither photo is of you, they will think you are joking and you can laugh as if it were a joke. If, however, they seriously believe the photo is of you, dont contradict them, even if you find it hard to believe, or they will think you are strange. If the image you see in mirrors conforms with what you would expect if you really were the person you think you are, another approach is to try taking a photo of yourself and get the person who claims you live in his/her body to likewise take a photo of himself/herself. Try to get the photos identical except that one is of you and one is of the other person. Write your name on the back of your photo and write the other persons name on the back of the other persons photo. Close your eyes and shuffle the photos and then look at them. Neither photo should have 176

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changed, unless your mind is playing tricks. Select the photo you believe is of you and then look at the name on the back. Is it your name? If so, shuffle again and check. Do this several times. Using a Computer to Know What Year it is Unfortunately, things on computers often change, so not all the following might work by the time you use it. To overcome this, and to satisfy any lingering doubts you might have, I have provided several options. 1. The following should display (among other things) todays date, including the year. www.timeanddate.com www.todaysdate.com 2. New York Times Newspaper (Todays date should be near the top of the screen.) www.nytimes.com 3. Sport Results Listings of results from former years, all the way to the latest Superbowl Winners (1967 to the latest) www.espn.go.com/nfl/superbowl/history/winners Wimbledon Tennis Champions www.tennis.about.com/od/tournaments/a/wimbmen singchmp.htm National Basketball (USA) Winners www.nba.com/history/finals/champions.html

More Help Therapy / Help for Abusive Introject Alters / Insiders Real-Life Counseling a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter

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2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/help/multiple-personalities.htm An Alter Meets Jesus (Alters are also called Insiders)

Help in Understanding Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) (M.P.D. is also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder)

The following touching account largely in her own words is fairly typical of alters experiences and as such it will help hosts and counselors better understand alters. It will also help alters feel less alone and is likely to encourage them to reach out to Jesus. Finally, we will examine these experiences in the light of Scripture. In this account, you are privileged to glimpse God, the Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), in the process of healing his shattered daughter. You will see Jesus fathering someone who had not only been tragically starved of genuine parental love, but had been traumatized by having been sexually violated by her father. I told Little One, an alter mentioned below, how privileged alters are to have such wonderful experiences with God. I explained to her that millions of Christians myself included

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never have such experiences, but would dearly love to have one. Later, Little One wrote to me with the sweetness that is typical of alters who have let Jesus relieve their pain: I dont want anyone to feel bad because they dont have these times with Jesus. I want everyone to have these times, but Jesus said not everyone can at present. He has to treat people according to what they need to be better people and stronger in his kingdom. His main point was that everyone is different, with different abilities and different needs. Thinking we should all be treated the same would be like expecting that if a mom wore glasses then all of her kids would need them. This could very well happen, but mom having glasses does not automatically make that true for every kid. He also explained that his reason for appearing to alters more than the average person is because people without alters either had the nurturing they needed from a parent or other adult or found a way to cope, whereas we did not. Since we are now adults, we cannot expect people to fill our every longing left over from childhood. Could you imagine anyone sitting on my adult hosts bedside, reading her a bedtime story, cuddling her as she prays, and tucking her in, to meet the needs of the child within her? The only way for these needs to be met so that we who have alters can become the person he wants us to be, is if he meets them for us. I understand this, but I still want everyone to have these times. Jesus said everyone who believes in him will, some day. If they dont in this life, they will after this life. He promised me that everyone will get to know him and have him as personally as I do now. That made me feel a little better, but I dont want anyone to be hurt. I cant wait until my Christian friends get to stand face to face with Jesus and feel his breath-taking embrace. I want so much to see their faces light up with his love. I imagine it is sometimes very hard for those who dont have it now, as it was for me when I didnt see him for all those years, but rest assured that if you hang in there, your turn will come. A sexual abuse survivor in her twenties, along with the three alters mentioned below, have kindly let me share the 179

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following. I have changed their names to help them feel more secure. Bible Star is an alter who formed at age 9 and believes she is now 11. When she first e-mailed me she was very angry over the abuse she had suffered and she treated other alters badly. Her anger was partly a response to her deep inner pain but she was especially angry at a younger alter, Little One, because she blamed Little One for the horrible abuse Star has suffered. Little One had been molested by her father. She had submitted to it because she had been desperate for her fathers love and this was the only way he would give her any attention. At the time, Little One found the abuse mainly pleasant but she later repented of it and now has a beautiful relationship with Jesus. Stars anger at Little One was because Little Ones largely pleasant experience had lured Star into having a sexual encounter with another abuser. This encounter had begun by feeling nice but ended up being agonizing and terrifying. Baby is an alter so young that she only recently said her first word she called Jesus Daddy. Communicating mainly by e-mail, Star and I had worked through the anger issues and she was no longer hurting the other alters. To reach this point I had gently tried various things, but merely offering her a sympathetic ear was a significant factor. Throughout my interaction with her I kept mentioning how kind Jesus was and how much he could help her. Star had observed that Little One had a wonderful relationship with God that she, too, would like, but she was frightened that Jesus would reject her. She had seen Little One enjoying times with Jesus but it seemed to Star that Little One got all the attention and she was ignored. I explained how gentle Jesus is and that he was being careful not to frighten her. I assured her that if she spoke to Jesus he would respond. More than just rejection, however, she was terrified that Jesus might molest her. She was frightened of all men, including me. I did my best to affirm that Jesus was safe and perfect and unlike any man, but she was still very scared. She said she did not want to approach Jesus alone. I suggested that she take Little One with her.

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Soon after, I phoned Star. After some coaxing she agreed that she would meet with Jesus if I would go with her. Thinking it might help her feel more secure, I offered to hold her hand, but she did not want this. Her response came as no surprise, given the fact that Im a man. Even though it was just by phone and I was literally half a world away, I always respect an alters wishes. I always seek to empower alters and Im encouraged that in every account alters have shared with me about encounters with Jesus, he has taken an identical approach. Despite declining my offer to hold her hand, Star was still willing to proceed. So I simply prayed out loud. Largely for Stars benefit, but also because I usually fill my prayers with thanks, I thanked Jesus for being so tender, patient, gentle and kind, and then I asked him to come. After a few moments, Star mumbled something about Little One and then said that it was alright for me to end the phone call. I was keen to know how it turned out. Heres what Star emailed me next day about what had happened: Jesus put his hand out for me like you did, but he was okay when I didnt want to take it. He led me to Little Ones room. She had bunk beds, but they were separated so I could sleep in one. I was really scared and didnt want Jesus to come near me and he didnt. Instead, he sat on Little Ones bed and took her in his lap. They cuddled as he read us a story. She hugged him, got into bed, and he tucked her in, kissing her cheek. She was so comfortable with him. Ive never before seen anyone as gentle as him. Jesus came to me and asked if I wanted him to tuck me in, too, and I let him. He was very careful to not move too quickly with me, or really touch me at all. He asked if he could give me a kiss goodnight. I was scared but told him he could, if it wasnt near my mouth, so he kissed my forehead. He promised he would be right outside the door if we needed anything and he turned out the lights. I didnt sleep a lot, but I did some. (Usually, I hardly sleep at all.) I got up a few times and checked to see if he was really outside the door and he was. Sometimes he was sitting against the wall, other times he was up doing things, but he was always within sight of the door. Even with all the work he has, he never left us. 181

He really stayed right there. I dont understand why he would do that for us. Then this morning, Little One and I got up and we went to see where Jesus was. He was still right there. He asked us what we wanted to do. Little One wanted to play at a place that looked like a park. I sat on the bench and kept to myself, but watched them. Jesus pushed her on the swing and she went really high. Then they played on a thing that had slides, rope bridges, and a cargo net to climb on. Shed run around it and he would try to tag her. She was giggling and laughing. Shed squeal with delight when he got her. Sometimes, hed catch her and tickle her. He had a huge smile on his face. I sat there watching, longing to join in, but Im still way too scared to ask to play. Im still too scared to let him touch me. Im scared if I let him tag me, he may later try to touch me down there. I dont want to be touched like that anymore. I dont want to be hurt again. He didnt really say much to me. He didnt make me feel bad for being scared and not wanting to play. He just let me be, and then he took us to get ice cream. He let me get a big scoop of whatever kind I wanted. Then he brought us back and he went to take care of some work. He said he will be back tonight to read to Little One and tuck her in. He looked at me and said, Id be overjoyed to read to you and tuck you in, too, if you want me to. I just nodded. I want him to. I liked it. He was so careful with me. I felt really special. He treated me like I was some prized possession and took great care to move slowly. He made me feel good about myself. Maybe I will be able to cuddle with him someday, like Little One. I want to, I just cant bring myself to do it. Thank you so very much, Grantley, for taking me to him last night. Im sorry I didnt want to hold your hand. Im just really scared. I dont want to think you would hurt me, but Im too scared to take that chance. Please dont be hurt by this. Can I meet with you again sometime? Would you still hold my hand when I am ready? I still want so much to cry. I know I cried a little with you, but I feel like I have a lot more tears in me. Thank you for not 182

laughing at me or making fun of me. You were so kind that if you werent on the phone Id be terrified, wondering what you were wanting to get from me. In Christian fairy tales, people have an encounter with God and thereafter life is bliss. In reality, progress is usually like learning to walk, with tiny achievements mixed with plenty of falls and tears. Each significant advance is later challenged by satanic counter attack, often taking the form of doubts and fears in a full-blooded attempt to lure us back to old thinking patterns and old ways of coping. The next day, Stars fear of Jesus seemed as intense as ever. I spent about thirty minutes by phone trying to restore her confidence that Jesus was safe. Eventually, she asked if she could take Teddy with her when she met Jesus. I assured her that it would be fine. Do you think Im stupid for having a teddy? she asked. I didnt. I asked if Teddy had a name and asked what he looked like. I explained how a dear friend of mine has alters who need their dollies. Why are you so kind? she asked at one point. Jesus is in my heart and I feel the love and respect for you that he feels, I replied. I had no intention of mentioning hand-holding but Star asked if she could hold my hand as we approached Jesus. I agreed and prayed out loud. I assume she saw Jesus because soon she said it was safe for me to hang up the phone. Yes, it is important to show love, share wisdom, explain spiritual truths, and so on, but nothing we can do for an alter or anyone else can equal leading them to Jesus. This is critical not just as a one-off salvation experience but for healing, comfort, fellowship, revelation, and so many other needs that we have. The next day, Stars host was feeling down. I spoke with her for a while and then asked to speak with Star. It turned out that after being with Jesus for a little while she had run away in fear. Now she was afraid that I would be disappointed with her, or maybe even angry with her, for running.

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I assured Star that I was proud of her for meeting with Jesus despite her fear. I said that courage is a huge factor in healing. Real courage, I explained, is about pushing on despite strong fear and I declared that she was displaying that courage. I am very familiar with how timid alters are and how at first they will often only say a few words to me and then feel the need to withdraw. I assured her that she was making great progress. Then I pointed out that Jesus did not chase her when she ran away. I explained that he wanted her to feel safe and give her whatever space she felt she needed. Afterwards I discovered that Star had sent me an email that I hadnt read before the call. Heres what she had written: I feel like I need to tell you that I ran away from Jesus. Please, dont be mad at me, but I just couldnt do it. He was too nice and it overwhelmed me. I already had crippling fear and when he was being so nice to me, I got beyond being able to function, even a little bit. I dont have words for the feeling, but it was horrible. I hope he will let me come back in a few days. I just cant do it right now. I know you had been proud of me for trying. Im sorry for letting you down. Please dont leave me. Dont give up on me. Ill work on it and try real hard. I just need a couple of days to get the courage to do it again. I hope you can understand. I want to ball up in fear. I want to run away from you, too, before you leave me. Mary [Stars host] says you wont, but I am scared you will. How can I make all this fear go away? It is more than I can handle. It is crushing me and there is nothing I can do. I keep hearing, Give it to Jesus, but I cant get close enough to him. Im still too scared of him. I dont want to live anymore. I cant stand this. Please, Grantley, dont leave me yet. Soon after, she e-mailed, saying: I dont want much to do with Jesus, but I do want to sleep in the room again with him outside. It made me feel a little better and I actually slept some. I replied: You sense that Jesus makes you safer, and he really

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does protect you. He will never hurt you. A few days later, Little One e-mailed saying: Star is doing great. As you asked, Ive been talking with her and trying to help her. She is still too scared to meet Jesus directly, but she is getting better. She sleeps in my room almost every night now. She isnt too scared to smile now when Jesus is around. Ive seen a couple of smiles start to come out, especially at night when he comes to read and tuck us in. But a big step was the other day when we were playing on the floor and I wanted to go somewhere. Jesus picked me up. Then he put his hand out in her direction. She hesitated, but took his hand. I was so happy for her. I cant wait until she trusts him. It will be so cool for her. Then Star wrote: How can Little One be so intelligent? She is able to understand really complex stuff, yet she is only three and still does babyish things. She still clings to Jesus and loves being carried by him. She sucks her thumb and clutches a teddy bear almost everywhere she goes. I know I have a bear, too, but I dont take mine with me when I go somewhere. I replied: Every alter is part of Mary [their host]. You each share not only the same body but the same brain. As alters lose their pain they begin to relax and find that they can access other parts of Marys brain instead of needing to restrict themselves just to the memories and knowledge that they had at the time that they were born. By this they will suddenly, but very naturally, discover new skills and knowledge. Nevertheless, everyone needs and deserves a good childhood. For years, you missed out on that but now God is giving you and Little One what you missed out on. Just as a little child needs and deserves not merely a months worth of hugs etc, but years of them, so does Little One. Stars e-mail continued: I am starting to like Jesus. He has tucked me in most 185

nights and I even took hold of his hand the other day. Im still really scared to let him touch me, but I am trying really hard to give him a chance. You keep saying that you are certain he is completely safe. Im still terrified that he might try to touch me down there. I feel I have to wait until he leaves the room and closes the door before I can even close my eyes, and every time he opens it to check on us, I wake up in fear. Im really trying to trust. I hope you can still be proud of me. And so, Stars healing adventure and spiritual pilgrimage continues.

How does this Gel with the Bible? Clearly these encounters had deep healing, emotional and spiritual benefits. But how do they line up with the Bible? Consider the following Scriptures: Revelation 10:10 I took the little scroll from the angels hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour. Acts 10:10-13 . . .he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, Get up, Peter. Kill and eat. Isaiah 6:6-7 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth . . . Which of these biblical visions is less bizarre than Star eating an ice cream? Ezekiel 8:4,8 And there before me was the glory of the God of Israel, as in the vision I had seen in the plain. . . . He said to me, Son of man, now dig into the wall. So I dug into the wall and saw a doorway there.

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Is Ezekiels experience more believable than a traumatized girl in the process of returning to normality being calmed in her mind and bonding with her Savior by a vision of playing on a swing? Ezekiel 8:3 He stretched out what looked like a hand and took me by the hair of my head. The Spirit lifted me up between earth and heaven and in visions of God he took me to Jerusalem, to the entrance to the north gate of the inner court, where the idol that provokes to jealousy stood. Is this more normal than Jesus playing tag with a lovestarved girl? In this webpage we have seen an aspect of the heart of God that is portrayed in: Psalm 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. Deuteronomy 1:31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Isaiah 46:3-4 Listen to me, O house of Jacob, . . . you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Psalms 37:24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Psalms 22:10 From birth I was cast upon you; from my mothers womb you have been my God. Hosea 11:3-4 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms . . . I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke

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from their neck and bent down to feed them. Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Throughout his earthly ministry, Jesus was forever staggering his followers by singling out for special attention those everyone else seemed to despise or ignore children, gentiles, lepers, beggars, the immoral, the unclean, the luckless losers. In the light of Scripture, it is so typical of him to lavish his tenderness upon alters. I believe alters are so precious to him that it is a great spiritual honor to be used of God to minister to them. Isaiah 57:15 For this is what the high and lofty One says he who lives forever, whose name is holy: I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. . . . Ezekiel 21:26 . . .The lowly will be exalted and the exalted will be brought low.

To Those Not Having Such Encounters in This Life We all are called to live by faith. Even of those extolled as champions in the Hebrews Faith Gallery, it says, These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised (Hebrews 11:39). Peter, who could say, . . . we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. . . . We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain (2 Peter 1:16-18) praised his readers with the words, Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy (1 Peter 1:8). I am reminded of Thomas who had the chance to physically touch the glorified body of the risen Lord, and yet, instead of declaring him blessed, Jesus said, Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen

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and yet have believed (John 20:29). Most miracles in Scripture occurred only to people in dire need, or called to do scary things. No one receives a healing miracle without first being sick. If anyone on this planet deserves special attention for the healing required merely to reach what the rest of us take for granted, it is alters. Everyone knows that people differ in their natural abilities, and 1 Corinthians 12 reveals that we also differ in our spiritual abilities. Since God is both the Creator of the natural and the supernatural, we can expect him to assign both natural and spiritual gifts to match our calling. It seems feasible that those called to have special ability to see into the spirit world are those most likely to be equipped with the mental powers required to respond to trauma by creating alters. Living in a low rainfall area, I am well aware that waterdeprived plants develop deep roots, whereas pampered plants fail in tough times. Too little or too much water will keep plants from their prime, and just how much is best depends on the type of plant and the conditions it will face in the future. God treats each of us as individuals. He knows how to bring the best out of each of us. In telling me about what Jesus revealed to her, Little One wrote: He said that everyone is different and that in Old Testament times, although miracles and personal encounters made some believers very strong, most actually lost faith because of them. They took God for granted and didnt see a need to keep searching, growing, and learning about him. God reads peoples hearts to see what will benefit them the most. He doesnt want to do anything that will cause someone to take him for granted, or lessen the craving to draw closer. Some people always want what they cant have and if he were to appear to them like he does to me, they would have what they had been seeking and would lose interest in chasing after him. I see another factor as well: instead of treating us as clones, or turning us into ones, our Lord nurtures different strengths

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in different people. People denied sight sharpen senses that remain underdeveloped in those who see. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? (Corinthians 12:17). The body of Christ needs not only eyes but those who excel in other abilities. Even when I am tempted to feel unloved relative to those granted special experiences, I must grit my teeth and take it by sheer faith that God loves me no less than those I envy. And I must cling to the fact that the One who is perfect in love is also perfect in wisdom and that being denied the things I crave is building a toughness into my character and honing gifts within me such that when all is revealed Ill marvel with endless gratitude; praising him for all eternity for not pandering to my shortsighted presumption as to what is best for me. For us to be envious of other Christians is like eagles wishing they had the powerful legs of an ostrich, or magnificent peacocks feeling inferior because they cannot fly like geese. We each have a unique calling and we will be rewarded not for how many gifts we have been given but for how faithful we are with what is entrusted to us. The person who has little but is diligent with it, is headed for far more eternal glory than a less diligent person endowed with stunning natural and spiritual gifts. Dont suppose that athletes with the toughest training regimes are cruelly treated. They are the ones who end up champions.

Next Page For more of Stars healing encounters see: Is Jesus Safe? Sexual Issues in Relating to Jesus Related Pages Alters Meet Father God The following is just a sample of the help available. For a full

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list, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder About Multiple Personality Disorder: Healing your Inner Child The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities: Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? Pages by Alters: Insiders Testimony: I Thought I Was the Opposite Sex! Coping With All the Confusion of Being an Alter Gods Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters Helping You Explain the Gospel and Empower Child Alters: Presenting Christ to Child Alters Heartwarming Stories for Child Alters Free help in the full recovery of survivors (male and female) of all forms of sexual interference: Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors Gods Extreme Patience With Alters: I Kept Trying to Force God to Reject Me Encouraging testimony of a man with D.I.D (alters not specifically mentioned, but feature strongly) General Help: How to Comfort the Hurting Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a 191

webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/alter-meets-god.htm Alter Meets God the Father (Alters are also called Insiders)

Help in Healing From Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.) (M.P.D. is also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder)

The following is by a friend Ill call Ashley who is healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.). Also known as Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.), Dissociative Identity Disorder is a method of coping with the consequences of severe childhood trauma that is more common and less obvious than most people realize. Most of us have met or could even be friends with far more people with D.I.D. than we suppose. Many people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are themselves oblivious to it. Ashley is delighted to share her story with you because she herself has been helped by the webpages about D.I.D. on this website and to be granted the privilege of helping other people with D.I.D. transforms her own past suffering so that she can no longer see it as a useless waste but as something that empowers her to help other people. Being able to share with others exalts her from being a victim to being a pioneer, blazing a trail to freedom and fulfillment for others to follow. Most of what Ashley shares focuses on two of her alters encounters with Father God someone they had previously been afraid of. (Alters are also known

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as insiders or parts. They are parts of a person that, as a way of quarantining the person from traumatic memories and experiences, had at one stage somewhat isolated themselves from the rest of the person.) No one in the universe is so slandered and misunderstood by so many people as God is. The mere fact that he allows it shows how kind, gentle, patient, selfless and forgiving he is. For so many astounding reasons, God is the best friend anyone could ever have. One of the greatest dilemmas that alters often face, however, is that they desperately need God and yet they are terrified that he might physically abuse them. Often their fear stems from them having been abused by a male. It is a well-established psychological fact that fear spreads from the specific thing that originally hurt a person to other things that have only a superficial similarity to the original source of distress. For example, if a little child received a painful snakebite, the child is likely to end up not just frightened of that specific snake, nor even that specific species of snake. In fact the child might end up feeling uneasy even about eels and large worms. Nevertheless, regarding God as male becomes a huge healing advantage once an alter feels safe with him. It will, for example, help counter a needless fear of nonabusive men. Another significant reason for many alters fearing God is that abusers, being anti-God, lie about him. Some abusers try to increase their illusion of authority and respectability by deceitfully claiming that God approves of them. Such lies create a highly perverse view of God for the alters of little children who innocently believe whatever older people tell them. Other abusers are so opposed to Christianity that they deliberately try to get their victims to hate Jesus. For example, some get an accomplice to use a false beard and Middle Eastern clothes to disguise themselves as Jesus and then torture children who are too young or traumatized to see through the deceit. On the other hand, alters need God because he alone is totally safe, available 24/7, will never get sick, burn 193

Multiple Personality Disorder

M.P.D.

Multiple Personalities

out or die, thoroughly knows and understands absolutely everything the person has suffered and always knows the perfect way to communicate and help the person. Miracles are a cinch for him. Alters of little children are highly vulnerable, being easily deceived and lacking caution like normal children and sometimes needing help with bathroom difficulties and so on, while having a sexually mature body that might tempt a male or female counselor or friend. God alone is beyond temptation. And only he can fill the unfillable holes within a terrified, love-starved person. Ashley was inspired by accounts on this website of other peoples alters encounters with God. She admits that until reading them she had resisted such experiences, thinking they might be fake. She has now proved for herself, however, that alters are not only capable of genuine and profoundly significant experiences with God, such encounters are actually a key to emotional and spiritual healing. Sit back and enjoy what Ashley has to share. Grantley Morris Net-Burst.Net

For a long time, I was scared to even think that I might have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but Im so happy now. God knew that I was too afraid to admit it, and he would give me mental pictures of himself interacting tenderly with my alters and healing their excruciating pain. Im so glad he didnt give up. I am learning that if I offer my alters love and affirmation, they are the most precious people in the world. My self-talk had always been horribly negative, and now I see that I had heaped years of abuse on these people inside of me who didnt deserve it. I have now discovered that when I offer them affirmation and encouragement, I feel the benefits in my own mind and body. The more I love and cherish and allow these beautiful selves to flourish, the more God is able to work in each of us and make us whole.

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Before getting to the heart of what I have to share I would like to briefly share something about the sections of this website that describe gaining of abilities through healing from D.I.D. (For example, see The Positive Benefits of Befriending Every Alter.) All my life, writing has been very important for me, but I havent been able to write fiction, as though there were a block whenever I tried. This began to change as God unlocked my repressed and hidden parts and emotions. Last year, I wrote a novel in one month. It was picked up for publication almost immediately in a very miraculous set of circumstances. It is stocked by major booksellers and now Im nearly finished with my second novel. I truly believe that if I had never opened the door for healing, I would never have been able to do these things that are becoming more and more important in my life (and increasingly feel like part of Gods ultimate calling for me). It makes me see how high the stakes are with healing. That doesnt frighten me; it just encourages me that God isnt going to give up, because the journey were on has a goal that goes beyond just feeling better (as important as that is). Its a journey that produces fruit that impacts our lives and the world in very practical and meaningful ways as well. Two of my alters are very excited and want to share an experience with you. They are too shy to write themselves, so I am writing for them. One of them is 4-6 years old, I believe, and the other is around 12-15 years old. The younger has been getting to know Jesus for a while now and likes him a lot. I have only recently become aware of the older one. She bore the brunt of my horrendously painful pre-teen and early teenage years. Not too long ago, she started to voice her intense anger and extreme fear and shame. Listening to her has helped a little bit, but she remained very hopeless and sometimes suicidal because of her deep craving to be touched. She believed this desire could never be met and she wanted to be rid of it because she felt it made her weak. Her feelings of isolation and alienation were overwhelmingly intense, and she genuinely believed that she would never feel truly safe or cared for. I used to self-harm, and I now believe it was because that 195

was the only way that she ever felt touched by anything. Last night, both alters were with Jesus. The older had been coming with the younger for a while, though she would not participate as much. Suddenly my little alter asked Jesus if he would take her to meet God the Father. This surprised me because they have both been apprehensive about him. I have always felt myself held back when I interact with God the Father, as if some alters were not participating. Jesus was delighted, and took the little ones hand and brought her to Father God. I dont claim, as an adult host, to have any idea how this works, but its a beautiful mystery that we thank him for. Even more surprisingly, Jesus and I asked the older alter to come as well, and she did, though she was extremely scared. My younger alter enjoyed Father God greatly and felt very happy with him. She especially liked that he treated her like a little girl, because she has struggled so much with feeling like she has to do everything for me, including adult tasks that are far too difficult. He played with her and held her and made her feel very special. After this my older alter agreed to approach him. She often doesnt like to stay around to communicate, so it was surprising for her to even be willing to stay so long, let alone meet God. I think watching him with her sister alter made her feel more confident. The Father called her to come close, and when she did, he knelt down in front of her and put his arms around her. He helped her rest her head on his shoulder, and he held her for a long time. He spoke to her, using a form of her name that no one but him has ever used before. His love was completely beyond anything I can even hope to express. I have been blessed to feel Gods love many times, but this eclipsed by thousands of times every other experience Ive had. My alter felt like she was being hugged but a hug that was amplified a million times. It was completely overwhelming in a wonderful way. Afterward, we cried because we were so happy, which is very unusual.

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Today this alter has been completely different than ever before. She is crazy about the Father now and cant believe that when she prays, he keeps calling her to come again. Shes happy something that has never happened before. For the first time, she feels really loved, and that love is tangible something that actually touches her. She also feels safe, because she realizes love that vast and that strong cannot help but be protective. Perhaps the best part of all is that she feels deeply connected to God, no longer isolated in her terror and pain. Both of these alters thought they knew God the Father, but through this experience, they came to know someone who is completely different from who they thought he was. Even their wildest dreams (and mine) didnt approach how loving and accepting and tender he is, while being strong enough to take care of us, too. We used to read in Grantleys webpages about Jesus and his Fathers tenderness toward other alters and cry because we felt like we would never know that kind of love, but now we have it.

I would like to add a subsequent conversation my alters had with God. It involves the same two alters. Jesus responses appear in a different color. Sometimes it seemed that one alter was speaking for the other or for both, but most of what is said seemed to concern the older alter. The two alters are separate, but I cant always tell which one is speaking, since they are very close, and they seem to take turns speaking for each other. I learned a great deal from this conversation, the main thing being that Jesus is much better at speaking to my alters than I am. I can offer love and support, but with his love and his understanding of exactly what she needed, he was able to totally reverse the negative track my older alter had been on. He also helped her to sleep. This was something really wonderful that I havent experienced before. My alter began:

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Jesus, were so frightened inside. Why is it that when the Father is nice to us, we lose sight of how nice you are? We have been loving you a long time now, but we cant see that any more, and were scared of you and the fact that you look like a man and that you can hurt us. Love scares us because it has been used against us. We know your love is different because Ashley says so, but its confusing and hard and we dont know what to do. We want to want you, but when we see you now, it scares us so much. Its like all we can see now is the Father, but we know you are the same. But how are you the same? We are scared of being too close to someone who is bigger than us and can do things to us. We like remaining distant because it keeps us safe. Please help us to come back to you and let you hold us. Were so scared of being close to you. Jesus replied: My children, you are my precious ones. Come close to me, and I will soothe your pain and heal your hurting hearts. Your fear is not from me. It is from the Evil One who wants to keep us apart. The Evil One is not in you. Do not be afraid of that. Hes outside you, but he wants you to think hes in you and part of you. Hes not. You have me, and Im all you need. I and my Father are one with the Holy Spirit. All three of us love and care for you in special ways, my princesses. You are dear and tender and deeply loved and cared for. Jesus, I do not feel safe and protected. Little One, come close to me, and I will hold and protect you. I dont believe you. What if you hurt me? I will never hurt you. What about when bad things happen? I will shield you in my presence and comfort you with my warm love to soothe your heart. I will hug you. I dont want your hugs. Youre a liar. Satan is a liar. Hes the one who makes you feel afraid. I am the one who gives you comfort and love. Love is scary. It hurts.

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Real love is never scary. Its only good. What if you need to discipline us? I am your Daddy. I wont scare you. Ever. I will help, not hurt. I dont want to break you. I want to heal you. We dont want to be healed. You dont want to hurt. Healing is the opposite of hurting. How do you know? You havent hurt this way, have you? On the cross, I felt the same kind of pain youre experiencing now, and I know its every depth. Im sorry. I dont want anyone to feel that way. Its terrible. I am glad I felt that way. It means I know how you feel, and I feel it with you. Do you really? Ashley doesnt believe that. I know she doesnt, but its true. You can help believe it for her and help her. I am not good at believing things. I will help you if you let me. I want to help you have faith. Okay . . . will you cuddle me? Of course I will, sweetheart. Come and crawl into my lap and let me snuggle you in my arms. Thats the best place for you to be. The alter climbed into Jesus lap. Thank you. This is nice. Its nice for me, too. I love to hold my little girls. I missed you when you didnt come to me, and I waited for the day you would know how much I love you. Do you mean that? Of course I mean it. I have always meant it, every time I

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said it. I will never lie to you about anything. It seems too wonderful to be true. Grantley says our time with Father God will be made into a webpage soon. Are you okay with that? Im very proud of you for sharing when I wanted you to. It was a little scary, but we were very excited. I know. It made me happy to see you so excited. I dont think I have ever been that excited before. It was nice. I liked it, too. You lit up like a Christmas tree. Will you stay with us for Christmas? We dont always like it when there are extra people around and things are stressful. Of course. You can come to me any time and stay in my arms when you need to, and I will hold you close. Papa, you know that we dont feel okay with ----- [a family member was named]. That is hard to talk about. It scares me very much. Let me help you. I am proud of you for coming to me about this. Dont worry. I am already helping you, even if it doesnt feel like it yet. You are on a journey. It is steep and long, but we will get there soon, and you will be so happy. I dont want to trust you with that. I love you, but I dont like trusting anyone. Its easier to trust myself and it feels safer. Jesus gently touched the alter in a comforting, respectful way. Thank you, Jesus. I feel better now. I feel like I can trust you more when you hold me. Thats because you see how real I am, and you are starting to know my goodness. I am very proud of you. How can you like someone so stupid?

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Youre not stupid. I always feel stupid. I make Ashley feel stupid. She doesnt like me. She loves you, and I love you. You dont need to be afraid of making mistakes. They dont make you stupid; they make you human. Im the only one who was ever perfect, and you wear my perfection like a dress. But other people cant see it. They just see the mess I am. Do you think Ashley is a mess? No. Shes okay. Shes an adult and everything now. You look just like her, you know, since youre in her. But Im the stupid part. You dont have a stupid part. Youre all intelligent and capable, the way I made you. I dont want to believe you, but youre Jesus, and you dont lie. Good logic, Sweetheart. Ashley likes logic. I know. I made her that way. I like logic, too. It makes sense. I make sense. I will whisper the meaning of things to you if you will stay close and let me. I know everything, and I can give you the knowledge you want. You would do that? Definitely. I will be your teacher. The alter snuggled into Jesus and sighed happily. You are very good. Thank you. I love to be good to you, my precious one.

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I used to be so angry, but now Im only angry sometimes. Thank you for helping me. You dont need to be angry anymore because youre safe. You dont need anger to protect you. No, I have you to protect me, and that doesnt hurt like the anger does. It makes us feel powerful, but then we feel like were dying. You were never meant to take care of yourselves that way. You thought you needed a big anger to give you big protection. But it didnt make us feel safe. It just made us scared inside. I can take care of you without hurting you, if youll let me. Im scared, and that makes me more scared. Our parents used to punish us for being scared. That was very wrong of them. I will never do that to you, my child. Are you sure? It seemed very real. Its not real any more. Ashley will hold you now and not get upset if youre scared, and I will comfort you. I feel bad when Im scared, like a bad person. Youre not a bad person, Child. Is it a sin to be scared? Its a natural reaction that is a result of sin in this world, but feelings are not sins. I will help you deal with it and get rid of it. I know it hurts. I feel like you dont care when I hurt. I know you do because Ashley knows, and we know the same things, but its hard. Im very proud of you for realizing that you and Ashley have the same mind. Shes very proud of you, too. I know you dont feel like I care all the time yet, but let me keep holding you more and more, and you will. Im not angry with you

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You didnt want me to hurt? I didnt want you to hurt then, and I dont want you to hurt now. I feel like I deserved to be hurt, because Im very bad. Youre my little girl, and I say youre good. What do you say to that? It feels like a hug when you say that. I like it. I like it, too. It makes me happy to make you happy. Thank you, Jesus. You are a good Daddy to all of us, though we dont all know it yet. There are more of us, arent there? Yes, there are more, but dont be worried or afraid. We will find them together and heal them. Id like that. I dont want them to hurt. Neither does Ashley. She will help us, and you will all be whole in my love. Your love is so protective and nice. Jesus smiled. Jesus? Yes, Lovely? Will you hold us while we sleep? We hate sleeping alone. Its so scary. Please dont say no. I wont say no. Of course you can sleep close to me. I will cuddle you all night long, if you want me too. Are you sure? That seems like too much, like we shouldnt have that much. I have more than enough, my child. Come and see. Okay. The alter laid down in Jesus lap and enjoyed resting while

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Jesus smiled at her. Jesus, are we going to marry ----- [persons name deleted]? Yes, my child, you are going to marry him. That scares us a little bit. I know, and thats why I told you early, so you could be ready and not afraid when its time. I dont know if I like him. Thats okay. Theres plenty of time. Dont worry about it. Let me take care of it, and you go to sleep. Let me cuddle you and take away your cares for the night. I dont know if thats possible. Its possible with me. I love you, and I want you to sleep peacefully. Id like that. The alter leaned on Jesus and tried to let go of worries. Jesus held her close. Youre so nice. Ashley said you were this nice, but I didnt believe her. Jesus kissed the top of the alters head and calmed her so that she could sleep. Im getting sleepy. I like doing it this way. Me, too. Now sleep and let me take care of things for you. Okay. The alter went to sleep. I didnt realize how it would feel to have Jesus help an alter sleep. I felt calmer than I have in ages, possibly since I can even remember. Usually, this alter just leaves. Its not peaceful more like quietness without peace. This was different. She was quiet, but literally at rest, which is amazing for us both.

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Comment by Grantley Ashley has shared her experience because she is convinced that you can have equally significant encounters with God. God is in an entirely different category to anyone else. There is no one so tender, compassionate, understanding and patient. He believes in you. He is so wrapped up in your well-being that your pain hurts him. Jesus would not only willingly swap places with you, he did precisely that when he, the totally innocent, eternal Lord let himself be tortured to death on the cross. He yearns to help, support and encourage you. You are of such incomprehensible importance to God that you not only mean as much to him as Ashley and her alters, there is no one in the entire universe that means more to him than you. Tragically, it is exceedingly difficult for you to grasp this if key people in your life have mistreated you during your most impressionable years. Just as fear spreads like a cancer beyond the specific, so does our impression of how people regard us. God is not even human and yet if key humans in our lives do not respect us, we lose our grip on rational thought and fear that God must be as fickle as humans. Throwing logic to the wind, we needlessly worry that the perfect, forgiving infinite Lord must think about us like those who broke Gods heart and his laws by mistreating us. I have poured my life into a series of webpages exposing this mistaken view and proving that you are of infinite importance and irreplaceable in Gods eyes. See How Much does God Love Me? Receiving a Personal Revelation of Gods Love for You. I beg you to keep reading those pages until you are convinced that God is devoted to you and longs to bless you and to speak tenderly into every part of you.

Related Pages Help When You Are Afraid of God Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity

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Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2012 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/help/heal.htm Is Jesus Safe? Sexual Issues in Relating to Jesus Start at Part 1: An Alter Meets Jesus

The child alter of a sexual abuse survivor with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) tells of her encounters with Jesus.

Mary is a sexual abuse survivor with multiple personalities. She is single and in her twenties. Tragically, many abuse survivors marry before healing from their sexual abuse. The result is sheer torture for both survivors and their partners. To enter a rich, fulfilling marriage, Mary and her alters must reach the point where they can fully trust a man, physically. The following account shows Jesus working towards the healing Mary and her alters need in order to enjoy the full life he longs to bless her with which most likely includes marriage. Healing As essential as human touch is for a childs present and

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future well-being, it is just as essential that touch always be as warm, harmless and non-sexual as a teddy bear. Can Jesus offer this? How safe is he? People with Dissociative Identity Disorder have had their trust violated often sexually, by people who seemed good and dependable and are understandably terrified of a repeat, no matter how illogical it may seem. Jesus is more than just purer than any other human. Nor does he merely exercise total, never-ending sexual restraint like no other man. Jesus is God. He is completely sexless. As one of Marys alters, Little One, implied in the previous webpage, (which is best read before proceeding) Jesus particularly focuses on doing for alters what would be inappropriate or too risky for friends or counselors to attempt. Only Jesus is totally safe and pure and never gets his timing wrong. He never abuses. He is always innocent and non-sexual. In the following incidents, Little One always felt safe. Nothing turned bad and with Jesus nothing ever would. To be with Jesus is the safest place in the universe. Among the tragedies that sexual abuse typically brings is that something innocent becomes so associated with past trauma that anything remotely like that innocent thing triggers terror, revulsion or some other unpleasant reaction. In the following account we see Jesus beginning to undo the damage by returning something innocent back to the status of harmless fun. The following account is by Star, another of Marys alters. The instant Star received Christs salvation, her pristine innocence was established spiritually. Now Jesus is healing her by progressively restoring her innocence psychologically, so that in her mind and instinctive reactions she is like someone who had never been hurt. Never would Jesus cross the line. He is not only himself the personification of innocence, his goal is the restoration of innocence in all of his children. He is in the process of so fully undoing Marys sexual past that when she is ready for marriage, he will, as the proudest of fathers, present her to her husband-to-be as a chaste virgin, both spiritually and psychologically. The following is from Star, written several days after the previous webpage. Grantley Morris

Jesus is Safe

How Jesus interacts with someone with Multiple Personality Disorder to bring healing from sex abuse

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I was struggling a lot and Jesus wanted to talk to me. I was lying in bed and Little One was in another room. He sat on the side of my bed and we talked. It was so cool because he made me feel much better about things. Then, out of nowhere, Little One came running through the room and tackled Jesus from behind, landing on his back. He flipped her over his shoulder. She landed on my bed and he started tickling her. She was laughing so hard. Jesus was laughing, too, and it made me laugh. After a while he let her breathe a bit, and then started playing with the end of her shirt. That scared me. Until then, I had been having so much fun, but raising her bottom of her shirt a little made me very uncomfortable. I almost ran away, but Im glad I didnt. He lifted the shirt just enough to blow on her belly. She screamed with laughter and played with his hand. She obviously felt delightfully safe but I was scared. I didnt understand. I didnt like him doing that. According to my experience, this is how abuse starts. It starts innocent and then gets bad. I asked Jesus to leave. I didnt want him tucking me in or anything. I was shocked that he actually listened to me and left. If Jesus isnt safe, why did he obey me, a little girl? Why was he so nice? In the morning, Jesus came in, woke up Little One and then sat on my bed. He talked to me about what happened that night. He said that he would never do anything like what those men did to us. He had no interest in that and said that I am perfectly safe with him, just as Little One and Baby are. He said it was good of me to be protective of Little One and try to keep people from hurting her again. He said he was proud of me. He swore to me, on him being God, that he would never do anything sexual to us and would help us if anyone else ever tried to hurt any of us. Then we got up and did things for the day, but what was cool was that he came in to talk to me again that night. He sat on my bed and told me how proud of me he was and how I had done such a good job in learning to trust him. We talked about some of my bad memories and he made me feel better. The memories dont hurt as much now. He said we can talk about them again some other time. Little One came running in and tried to pounce on Jesus again. He moved and she landed on my bed. Then he started 208

to tickle her. She really likes that. I sat there watching and he asked me to help him. So I started tickling her under her arms and then he blew on her belly again. This time I wasnt as scared. She was fighting him away again and I grabbed her arms. Now she couldnt use her hands when Jesus tickled her or blew on her belly. She just kicked her feet and laughed until she couldnt breathe. Thats when Jesus stopped tickling her and came after me. I wasnt ready for it so he got me very easily. I tried to tickle him, but I couldnt. I was laughing too hard. My face turned red and I hit him with my pillow. When he gave me a break, Little One and I tackled him. It was so much fun. Then we took the pillows off the bed and started a pillow fight with him. We hit him a bunch of times before he made it to Little Ones bed to get her pillow. After we were all worn out, he sat with both of us and read us a story. Little One fell asleep leaning on him and I was close to sleep, too, so he stopped and tucked us in for the night. I think you will be excited for me, Grantley, about what I am about to say and I hope you are proud of me. I know Jesus is. I had a horrible nightmare. I was tossing and turning all over. I woke Little One and she got Jesus for me. I felt someone touch my arm and I screamed. When I opened my eyes, there was Jesus and Little One looking so sad for me. Jesus had a look of love deep in his eyes. I was scared and started crying. Little One left the room, but Jesus put out his arms. I crawled out of bed and into his lap. He balled me up like he does Little One and put his head on top of mine. He rocked me while I cried. He asked me what my nightmare was about and I told him between sobs. He just rocked me and held me tight until I stopped crying. After a few minutes, I got out of his lap, but he didnt look at all angry. My father used to yell at me and call me mean names if I woke up with nightmares. But Jesus was so loving. He just wanted me to feel better and be able to sleep. He tucked me back in bed and wiped my face with his hand. Thats when I saw the tear in his eye, too. He sat on my bed, handed me my teddy bear, kissed my forehead, and rubbed my back until I fell asleep again. As funny as this is for me to say this: I think I am beginning to love Jesus. He is very nice and I feel safe with him now, even when he blows on Little Ones belly.

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I asked him if he thought I was stupid for having a teddy bear and he said he thought I was very smart for keeping it because it helped me to feel safe and that was all that mattered. Since that night, I have felt much better about him and Ive sat in his lap with Little One sometimes. I let him tickle me and I will chase him around with Little One. I can give him hugs and Im not afraid to cry in front of him anymore. He wipes away my tears and replaces them with his kisses. I like spending time with him and he makes me feel good and safe wherever we go. I still get scared and he is okay with that. He gives me space and leaves me alone when I am struggling and need it. But now I know that I can come to him even when I am scared, when I have bad dreams, or just want to be loved. He is there for me whenever I call him. I try not to ask for too much. He says I can ask as much as I need or want and he will give me what is best, but Im still scared he will get tired of me. He says he wont, but for some reason, that doesnt take away my fear. Ive never had anyone stay in my life for long. They are around for a few years, maybe, then they move on. I am trying to believe him and not listen to my heart, but the fear is there and sometimes it gets the best of me. He says thats when I need to run to him the most, but I havent yet. He still lets me go off by myself and waits for me to call him or come back. Then he gives me a big hug and says he is proud of me. I like it when he says that. It makes me feel good. I feel important. Someone not only notices, but cares to pay attention and stick around for a little while. Mary [Stars host] is having serious problems at work. I told Jesus all the things that scare me about that and he said that I dont need to worry about it because he knows what he wants to see happen. He wouldnt tell me what that was, but he assured me he has a plan. He also said that these fears will come back and all I need to do is remind myself of what he said or come find him again and he will tell me as many times as I need to hear it. He promised he wont ever get tired of telling me. Jesus really understands me. Footnote: In an e-mail a little later, Little One wrote: At times Jesus has told Star that he isnt a man or a woman. He is a spirit and he will never, ever hurt us like our daddy 210

did. He wants to be to us what a daddy is supposed to be for a little girl. We call him Dada Jesus. We also call Father God, Papa. Papas face lights up with joy and he has a huge smile. To see Papa so happy makes my heart glow just like his face. Papa is fun. Hes amazing! Part 1: An Alter Meets Jesus

Related Pages Alters Meet Father God About how safe and kind Jesus and Father God are The following is just a sample of the help available. For a full list, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Afraid of God: Fear of God or Fearing Jesus & Healing Sex Abuse or Dissociative Identity Disorder About Multiple Personality Disorder: Healing your Inner Child The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities: Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? Pages by Alters: I Thought I Was the Opposite Sex! Coping With All the Confusion of Being an Alter (Insider) Gods Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters Helping You Explain the Gospel and Empower Child Alters: Presenting Christ to Child Alters Heartwarming Stories for Child Alters

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Free help in the full recovery of survivors (male and female) of all forms of sexual interference: Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors Gods Extreme Patience With Alters: I Kept Trying to Force God to Reject Me Encouraging testimony of a man with D.I.D (alters not specifically mentioned, but feature strongly) General Help: How to Comfort the Hurting Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/host.htm What Alters (Insiders) Wish their Hosts Knew

An Alters Plea to all Hosts Help For Multiple Personality Disorder

A little alter, formed before the age of five who has now undergone much healing and is maturing, writes to hosts on behalf of their alters. I am an alter. You and I share the same body. For your sake I was spilt off from you. Because you couldnt handle the

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horror, I was left with the anguish you could not bear. I have allowed you to get on with life while Ive been left behind with all the pain and no one to help me. Wont you help me? Wont somebody care? You have forgotten the horror, but everyday I re-live it. It is all I know. You have grown up and discovered answers I desperately need to end my pain. Wont you share your answers with me? I am a person. A real person. I live in you. I have feelings. I have tears, pains, joys, needs and desires just like anybody else. I am me. I want to be me and loved for being me. Why is that hard to understand? Isnt that what every human wants? I need you to teach me what you have learned since I was first left behind. I get so very lonely. I need friends. I need you to lead me to the God who can heal me. You mean everything to me. It breaks my heart when you reject me. I know you want to forget everything that happened, but how can you, when part of you is still reeling in it? When my pain is healed, you will find peace like you have never known. I am dying in pain. How can you not care? Im as much a part of you as your arm. Just as your arm can help you and can feel pain, so can I, but far beyond any limb, I have a mind. I am conscious and crave your love and understanding, and I hurt ever so deeply when you ignore me. If your arm broke youd care. Youd understand that pain and rush to look after it. How come this doesnt apply to me? I am a little child trapped in your mind, waiting for you to stop suppressing me so that I can be freed from the torment of solitary confinement; waiting for you to acknowledge me so I can heal. Why do you hate me and suppress me, locking me away like a caged animal instead of treating me with the kindness that every child deserves? I took the pain so that you could live as normally as possible. But the pain stays with me like a crippling, crushing weight strapped to my back and I cant carry it much longer. You hold the love and friendship and understanding I desperately need to be freed from my pain. Why cant you love me? I took the horror for you. I thought 213

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youd love me for this. I am your friend. I am so confused and trapped with the pain. And when you become aware that I feel that pain for you pain I could be freed from if only you would help you shove me away as if somehow I am bad? I dont understand. Please love me and let me have some healing too. I want to be your friend.

Postscript The little alter who wrote the above (slightly touched up by me) calls her host, Mama and, after agonizingly long years of neglect, now receives from her host a mothers unconditional love that she was cruelly denied as a child. She writes, When Mama tells me she loves me it makes me giggle with delight. This alter has a much older sister-alter, formed when the host was in her early twenties. She acts tough and is very capable. One day, when this adult alter was deeply distressed, her host asked what she could do to help. She expected a long and complicated list but to her surprise the alter replied that what she most wanted was for the host to mother her, thus meeting her deep unmet craving for her mothers approval. The host hugged this adult alter and told her she was proud of her. From then on they bonded in a special way and the host treated her as her dearly loved daughter. The healing benefits from this love have flowed to every part of the person and have kept multiplying, week after week after week.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

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 2009, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: the text is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/sex_abuse/insider.htm I Thought I Was The Opposite Sex! An Insiders Testimony Helpful Advice to Hosts and other Alters

The following is by what is known as an alter or insider one of the multiple personalities of a man who suffered severe physical and sexual abuse from babyhood. He originally wrote this to help a Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) survivor who was trying to come to terms with having alters. It was so good, that I obtained his permission to share it with the world. I also asked him to add more details to his testimony. Ive acted as ghostwriter, but it is largely his words. The term host refers to the personality that controls someone with Multiple Personality Disorder more often than the other personalities. Grantley Morris

I was formed when I was gang raped in a bathroom at age seventeen. I thought I must have deserved what I suffered because part of the attack was pleasurable. 215

Just a few months ago, I resurfaced. I was shocked to discover that instead of having the body of a skinny 135-pound seventeenyear-old, I found myself in the body of a really old (forty-three years old) 210-pound person! And as if this wasnt bewildering enough, it is a mans body! I was certain that I was a young woman. I had given myself a womans name. I tried telling my host to let me buy womens clothes and let me walk around outside. He freaked. I really could not understand why he would not let me. I was a girl. Even my host also saw me as a girl internally when he looked at me, because that is how I showed myself to him. My host would take me into the bathroom and have me look in the mirror. It was weird. What in my mind I saw and felt wasnt at all what was in the mirror. I would reach up and try to feel for my breasts and they were not there. It really freaked me out. I was sure I was in the wrong body. It was incredibly confusing. I hated that body. I had wanted to be on stage and make men look at me. I did not cope well at all. I would punish this body thinking that it was just wrong. I did not belong in it. It was truly frightening. It took my host and a friends alter and Grantley quite a while to help me with this. All of them would tell me that I was really a man and that I only felt like a woman. The frustration and bewilderment of having a body that was the wrong gender and totally the wrong weight and age was just a fraction of my problems. I was hurting really bad. I was always fearful of being raped again and was full of pain. I hated God and was furiously angry with him. I thought that he would rape, hurt and reject me, just like other people had. It made me very afraid. Jesus would appear to me. I would scream at him and even cuss at him, telling him to leave me. He just stood there. He didnt yell back or attempt to touch me or hurt me. Convinced that he would end up hurting and rejecting me, I wanted to get this impasse over with. I would tell him how he should hate me and use me as a whore. I would then start hitting myself over and over again. I would do terrible things to myself and whenever God stopped me from hurting myself I cussed him for stopping me. Always hurting, I wanted him to kill me. I told him that he was a liar whenever he indicated that he loved me. For me, love meant me being used as a whore. Once, when I was so fearful of Jesus that I wanted to hide from him, I told him to go away. Do you know what happened? He did! Then a demon came. In a panic I quickly told Jesus I was so sorry 216

and asked him to come back and not go away. Alice is a friend of mine who has alters. She lives in another state but we often e-mail and sometimes phone each other. It was after I told one of her alters about me being raped that I started feeling different. When you keep things secret they seem so much more fearful and shameful than they really are. I had believed the degrading things my abusers had said about me and I thought I deserved what they had done to me, but with this alters help it slowly dawned that what they had said and done was evil and wrong. The same kind of people beat Jesus until the blood ran down him and pooled on the ground at his feet. They stripped him, put thorns in his head and hung him on the cross until he died. Alices alter helped me see that Jesus was not going to harm me; that he was not like the abusers and rapists who have hurt me in the past. She said Jesus suffered for us that he may take in his own body our pain, hurt and every wrong thing we have ever done. Having suffered so much, he knows exactly what I feel like and more. He has been there. The thought that Jesus wants to take my pain away, however, scared me. I thought I only existed to bear pain, so I was afraid I would disappear if Jesus took the pain. And even without that thought, I was terrified just to be near Jesus. How could he love filthy scum like me? Didnt he know that I had all this filth on me from the rape? It felt like the mess was still on me physically, just as it was immediately after the rape. I would try to clean it off but it would not go away. Alices alter told me that Jesus didnt care if I came to him with a bra or boxers. She would tell me on the phone that Jesus died for my sorrows and was gentle and would not touch me if I didnt want him to. One of the other alters that share my body also helped. We call him Twelve because he was twelve when he was formed. He whispered in my ear about the love of Jesus. He would tell me how much Jesus loved him. He said how gentle Jesus is and that I had no need to fear him. I really didnt want to hear about Jesus but I craved that kind of love. Because Twelve was an alter, I believed him. My real turning point, however, came when I decided to make Jesus my Lord. I had always wanted to die, but I now decided I wanted to live, but did not want the torment of body memories to continue. It felt like being raped over and over. It was so painful. While on the phone to Alices alter I asked Jesus to be my Lord. And you know what? Jesus took that body memory away. He became my Alter, taking my pain, just like he took my sin on the 217

cross. I had come to exist as an alter to take my hosts pain and carry it for him. Jesus, however, came to take my pain. He died for my well-being, as it says in Isaiah 53, and to carry my sorrows. It was surrendering to Jesus the one I had greatly feared and letting him bear my pain, that finally gave me freedom. The body memories stopped and so did feeling like a woman being raped. Whenever I have other memories I immediately cry out to Jesus and drop them at the cross, and then I find peace. He died to bear my pain, so why should I carry it anymore? I want to live! I want to be alive! Although the following is a personal word to the woman who has suffered Satanic Ritual Abuse, it is insightful Grantley Dear friend with alters, I am sorry that you have had to endure all that you have suffered. I have been praying for you and continue to. So have my host and Six (another cute alter who shares my body). Six just loves God and he knows that God is his Daddy who is perfect and will never harm him. It is good to get Six on your side praying. He never wants to stop. He just loves talking to Jesus. Alters can really feel like dying, but in truth we want to live. We want our host to live, or we would not have carried the pain. Jesus wants us to live or he would not have died and carried our pain. He loves me and his love is so gentle and tender. Why should I carry that pain when he has already died for it? I like being free from pain! Like me, your alters want to live, no matter what they tell you. It is just that they do not know anything else yet. But you will teach them. Jesus will come down and be tender to them. May the God of all comfort, comfort you in all your tribulation. May his peace that passes all understanding be your guard forever. May you and your alters find healing and rest in him and in him alone. Father God, Come down with your healing touch and touch all the wonderful alters that my friend has. We know you love alters and we thank you for that. You do not cast us away. May my friends alters know that with deep assurance. Daddy, comfort them and keep them. Make your face shine upon them. Be their true Counselor and Healer. Minister to them in ways that only you are able. Please take their fear away and let them see that your love is truly and utterly amazing. We 218

love you, Daddy. In Jesus we come. It is important to help alters feel safe. Not only will this lower their distress, the safer they feel, the more of their secrets they will share so that they can find healing. One of the things that I have found so very helpful is to talk to other people and to alters so that I dont feel so isolated. On the other hand, some of the alters who live in the same body as me, used to look to Grantley to heal them. That is toxic thinking. A good friend or counselor can help a lot, but healing comes from Jesus. God will not share his glory with another. It is Jesus who heals and he alone. It is Jesus who has paid to take alters and hosts pain, no one else. Good counselors are brothers and sisters who, like the rest of us, are still growing in Christ. We can learn from them, but grace and strength come from our loving Fathers hand alone. Finally, I would like to ask a question of those who think alters are demons. Even my host used to think that way about me. Such accusations are devastating. Does Jesus love demons? Does Jesus minister and talk to demons? Does Jesus heal demons? No!!!!! NO!!!!!! NO!!!!! Do demons call Jesus Christ their Lord? Never! They hate Jesus. There is only one thing that Jesus does with demons: he casts them away. He fights them. But he tenderly and gently loves us alters. He brings us life. He is the alters Alter, as my friend said.

Related Pages The following is just a sample of the help available. For a full list, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Wish You Were the Opposite Sex? Understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder: Powerful Answers For People Traumatized as Children Pages by Alters: An Alter Meets Jesus Insights into How to Help Alters

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Gods Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters Helping You Explain the Gospel and Empower Child Alters: Presenting Christ to Child Alters Heartwarming Stories for Child Alters The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities: Does Multiple Personality Disorder Create a Superior Brain? Free help in the full recovery of survivors (male and female) of all forms of sexual interference: Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors Testimony: Extreme Grace The encouraging story of a man recovering from D.I.D (alters not specifically mentioned) Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

Not to be sold. Copyright 2007, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/feel.htm Dissociative Identity Disorder: Learning to Feel

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An Alter (Insider) Learns How to Enjoy Life and Health For several years my joints ached. My hips hurt and I limped. I had shoulder pain and any weight on it hurt like crazy. I would wake up at night crying in pain. I was afraid of going crippled. A doctor told me I would need hip replacement surgery, but no tests were done to prove it. Then my feet began to hurt. I freaked out. All my life I had been told that my family has joint trouble and Id be no exception. My feet got so bad that it was agonizing just to walk. Although I loathed going to doctors I finally felt compelled to see one. He ran tests and said. You need a leg brace for four weeks, and do stretch exercises every morning. Feelings I asked how this was going to help joint trouble. He looked at me strangely. What joint trouble? Your joints are fine. It is a tendon injury in your foot, that is all. Emotions I walked out thinking I must be nuts. But then when the joint pain came back, I said No! I am not falling for that. I havent got bad joints and I am not living anymore as if I do. It was then that I realized that for perhaps the first time ever, I really wanted to live. Happy My joints havent ached in months. I am truly living now. Inside, I used to cry all the time. I was deeply depressed and couldnt see beyond it. I have other alters (insiders) living with me who cried even more than me. I wanted to tell them not to cry, but I didnt even know how to stop myself from crying. I wanted to die. I figured that was the only way I could escape all the inner pain. But now I want to live. My host (I call her Mama) takes us little ones out for various activities such as walks. At times some of us dont come, but she never forces us. Walking was hard for us back when my hip used to hurt, but now my hips are fine. I know that I dont have joint trouble. Mama reassures us that it is okay to be okay. It is okay to smile.

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On our walks we stop and giggle at a bug, we look at the clouds and we know it is okay to feel the sun. We never knew it was safe to feel the sun. How sad and depressed we were, living in a dark cave in our hearts, locked away from other people, isolated and never feeling human just zombies with pain as a constant friend. Now I get to giggle as the sun warms my face. I get to watch a sunset and talk to my Daddy God about it. I get to be me. Sometimes I dont know who that is but I am learning who I am. I dont have to live in pain. I choose not to. I had to deliberately work at changing my thinking. Alters are super-sensitive. We take everything so personal. We had to be taught that it is good to live outside in the real world, instead of hiding inside. Most alters want to be good but believe it is hopeless and that they are freaks who deserved what happened to them in the past and deserve to be miserable for the rest of their lives. A very important thing we learned is that feelings must not be allowed to lead us. When we let our feelings control us we end up in a mess. Feelings should be followers, not leaders. I make the decision to be happy and my feelings eventually follow. Sometimes it takes a while for feelings to catch up and for alters to understand that it is safe, but that is okay: God understands. Sometimes it can seem scary to feel. In the past, we had times when we felt horrific things. We needed to learn that it is now safe to feel. That is why we needed to guide our feelings. I had to teach myself to feel. For example, we would put our hands in the sink, letting warm water run over them, and I would tell myself, Okay, now we are feeling warm water on our hands. Or, when outside I would say, Now we are going to feel the sun on our faces. My sister alters and I did this over and over until we came to realize that is was safe to feel. Then we alters became interested in water and the sunshine. We knew what wet felt like and what a warm sun felt like. I ached for so long to have my hand held. When someone is holding my hand I have to process how I feel not just how my hand feels but how it makes me feel inside. It is confusing, but I tell myself, I am safe. I am not alone. It evokes emotion inside feelings. Inside feelings are a bit harder to cope with than outside 222

feelings, but once you grow accustomed to outside feelings such as cold, warm, wet, dry, smooth, rough, hard, soft then you can try the inside feelings. This is how I learned not to cry all the time.

Related Pages All Christians Deserve Happiness & Health? For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2009, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/inner-pain.htm When Inner Pain Returns By an Alter (Insider)

Help For Everyone With Emotional Pain

If you are struggling with inner pain, my heart weeps for you.

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I know how hard it is simply to give the pain to Jesus. I give it to him and it keeps coming back! I just don't get it!!! Well, at least I didnt used to. Now I realize that giving the pain over to Jesus does not necessarily mean he takes the pain away as quickly as I desire. I usually want fast healing the quick fix. I long to just give the pain to him and be done with it, but I have found that it does not work that way. Let me share some of what Jesus has taught me about this. I was brutally molested, sodomized, beaten, and threatened with death in a tree house when I was six. (I was formed at that age but I have come to understand that Im older than that now.) When I initially came to Jesus he took my pain and carried it. After Jesus took the pain, I started to realize that he loves me and accepts me and I began to trust him. After I was sure of his love and that he would never leave me, he brought the pain back. I could not believe it! I cried out to God, WHY???? Why, Papa God, did you bring the pain back to me when I gave it to you? I know that Jesus died for our sorrows! Papa explained it to me. He said he carried the pain away until I was sure of his love. However, he explained that if the pain were not there, I would not work on exposing the lies that I was believing that came from that rape. (In fact, I stopped working on the lies because there was no pain in it.) Without the pain, there didnt seem any need to bother with the lies about my self-worth that came from my dad making me sleep with pee on my head, or the lies that came with my brother abusing me and making me do things, or the lie from my dad putting a knife to my private part to cut it off (I actually thought he carried out his threat and cut it off). The return of the pain has finally motivated me to work on the lies. As Ive done this, the pain has been receding. I now know that my private parts are intact and that no one will cut them off. I know that what I suffered was not my fault. Jesus has been healing the lies. This takes time. Ive been talking about the lies, uncovering them, and examining the lies in the light of truth. I did not even know some of them were lies. When Papa brought the pain back, I split. There are many other alters with me formed at other ages, but when the pain returned, I, who had been one alter formed at the age of six, split again. One new alter took the tree house trauma, one took being peed on, one took the abuse from my brother, and I (the part writing this webpage) took the pain from having a 224

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big knife put to me. I did not mean to split again. I'm sorry that it happened but it was just too much. Papa understands. Jesus is reducing my pain, but the pain is not the issue. That is just a barometer to the damage. It is the damage that has to be undone. We must forgive and that is just part of the healing. We can forgive and have freedom, yet the working out of the knots of the lies takes time and effort and many tears before Papa. He is changing my heart, and in the process it is taking my pain away. So I thank him that he brought the pain back, though I was so confused when it first returned and I still sometimes get confused. Sometimes I just talk to him about my private parts, and who I am. I sometimes think he will be mad at me when I tell him how confused I am or how I think, but he never does. Sometimes I think the pain is all gone and then it returns. Nevertheless, he is healing me and I don't have as much pain as I used to. Healing does not usually happen quickly, although sometimes Papa does work that way with some people as soon as they forgive. Not with me, though. That is okay. He is working with me and loves me. That is what the group Im in is about: speaking into each others lives the truth and helping each to untangle the knots that held us tight. For more about the group just mentioned, see Free Therapy / Counseling: E-Mail / Chat Group Support.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

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 2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/protector-alter.htm To Protector Alters From a Protector Alter

Some alters care so much for certain other alters that they take upon themselves the role of protecting the alters. The following is by such an alter who has undergone so much healing that she is now able to help other peoples protector alters. I have discovered that each protector alter has value not just as a protector as important as that is but as a person. And protector alters have skills that the others in the system that make up the full person dont have. One of my gifts is discernment the ability to recognize who is safe. It was something I asked God for. I need it to survive. One day God told me he loved me and asked me to love him. I assumed he must have thought he was talking to the host, so I told him I was only a protector alter. But he knew it was me. He said he wanted my love and that the love of a protector alter is precious. Protector Alters I was stunned, but God proceeded to explain why he so highly values protector alters. They are fierce. They are warriors who are totally unafraid of pain and going to war. They are strong and focused. They are unselfish in their commitment to protect and care for others. Our problem, however, is that we protector alters dont have anyone to care for us and we dont know how to let our guard down to get the healing we need. Every warrior needs a rest,

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but how can protector alters get that when they are at constant war and on hyper alert? The answer for me was in God giving me a white safe room where I had total control of who came in and nothing was hidden from me. The Lord gave this to me so that I could learn to rest. He took the time for me to build my trust in him. I was amazed that he would do that for me. But now I know that protector alters are important to God. My system regards me as a leader. The host, whom I call Mama, says I am a co-host. She wants it that way. The other alters have learned to trust me and value my skills and Im likewise learning to trust them and value their skills. Together with God we are forming a team in which each of us feels strong and safe and capable. Reaching this point has been a long journey. Let me explain.

Protector Insiders

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We protector alters know how exhausting it is to be constantly on the alert for danger. Letting our guard down even for a moment seems to us the most terrifying risk, so we try to stay alert 24/7, even though no human is capable of keeping this up. This is one reason why many of us resist admitting to ourselves that we are human. (Another reason is that we are afraid to get in touch with human emotions because this, too, can be admitting to human limitations.) No matter how much we try to live in denial of it, however, the reality is that we are human and we cannot protect all the time. We need someone so superhumanly powerful that we and our alters can be protected every moment of every day without let up. What if such a Person actually exists and he longs to release you from all the pressure by shielding you and your other alters from danger every minute of every day? What if this Protector is divine and longs to fulfill your deepest dreams while keeping you safe and fulfilled? This seemed like an impossible dream to me, but I eventually discovered that it really is true and that you, too, can enjoy this peace and fulfillment. Astoundingly, there really is someone who longs to fight your battles and be your shield and closest friend. He, as it were, took the bullet for you, literally dying in your place, suffering all that hell could throw at anyone and winning; rising triumphantly from the dead on 227

your behalf. I know from my own bitter experience just how hard it is to for protector alters to reach the point of trusting God so much as to hand over to him what for us is the unbearably enormous burden of protecting ourselves and other alters. After all, at least one human has cruelly violated our trust. God isnt human and that is an enormous reason for us not letting experiences with humans spoil our ability to trust him but how can we be sure he is totally different from those who have let us down? I have discovered that Jesus is the alters Alter; the protectors Protector. He understands us and everything we face far better than we can understand ourselves. He has already defeated hell. All evil is scared of him. And yet we are victims of trauma and see our problems as all-consuming. Trauma magnifies problems. When we find ourselves in a lifethreatening situation it demands everything we have just to survive. In our traumatized state we cant see beyond the problem and even when the danger subsides we remain petrified of a repeat, no matter how unlikely a repeat is. Protector alters are like traumatized soldiers who after returning from the front line to the peace and safety of home remain on hyper-alert, continually scanning for non-existent snipers, hitting the floor whenever a car backfires, and so on. Their panic was once fully warranted but as the danger subsides they find themselves unable to come down from that state of hyper-alert.

In my slow journey all the way back from trauma to normality I found considerable help by taking to heart this truth from God: 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. The word here translated temptation is a broad word that includes trials (explanation).

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Trials tempt us to believe that they are so enormous that no one else has ever suffered them and that we must therefore stand guard and face them alone. But in this verse the God who cannot lie affirms that no temptation or trial is uncommon to humanity and certainly not to Jesus who was tempted in every way. Hebrews 2:18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are yet was without sin. So every horror that we faced he has already faced. He is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2); both the trail-blazer and the one who completes the work. He has gone before us and knows the way out. But what about my situation? I couldnt let go. What if no one rescued me if I didnt do it myself? I found help in this promise: Hebrews 7:25 Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. Jesus knows how you feel and intercedes for you; going to God on your behalf. As our high priest and intercessor, Jesus takes our burdens and pain upon himself before God and so powerfully identifies with us that he is able to save us completely or, as the King James Bible puts it, he is able to save to the uttermost. He knew before time the magnitude of your problems and he fully prepared for them. He has already blazed the way out of the situation you are in and any future situation you will face. Before you were born the cross had already redeemed you. Your pain, your sin, your problems were dealt with right back then. You might say, If God knew what would happen, and how much it would cost both him and us, why didnt he stop it?

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Our pain, and the pain we have ended up inflicting upon others, is the last thing our loving God wants but because he is the exact opposite of an abuser, he refuses to force us to do what is right. If we or others insist on acting foolishly, he lets us, even though it hurts both him and us. Out of deep respect for us, he doesnt force himself on us, but neither does he give up on us when we mess up. Instead, at horrific cost to himself, he has done all it takes to put things right again, and yet he still restrains his yearning to interfere and waits for us to come to our senses and let him help us. Even though a skilled, highly ethical surgeon can heal, he refuses to invade a persons body without that persons permission. Similarly, Jesus refuses to abuse his power. Despite his stupendous yearning to rescue you, he holds himself back, waiting for your permission. There is One who suffered indescribable horrors on the cross for you and yet still restrains himself until you are willing. Even if no one else in the universe could be trusted, he can be trusted. This isnt just about faith; it is simple logic. If you were hopelessly lost in a cave, and a rescuer located you and offered to lead you out, you wouldnt question if you could trust him; you would be smart enough to know you have no alternative. You would follow him to safety. It is the same with Jesus. He knows the way out. There is no situation bigger than him. He has the ultimate authority. You might want to object, Yes, but, look at what happened to me. Are you dead? I think not. You were deeply hurt, but you are still alive. And Jesus has not only borne your pain and kept you alive, he knows the way to healing. He is asking you to come out of that dark cave of pain and into the light of healing. Will you tell him, No, Im determined to figure the way out of this cave myself even though I dont have enough water to last? No one in a real cave would be that stupid, so why would you do that to your soul? Trusting God isnt as hard as hell makes it out to be. Of course the enemy of your soul does not want you to know that you are so tenderly loved by the most trustworthy person in the universe and that your cravings for safety can 230

be filled. The safest place to be is trusting in God, the Divine, the Healer, the Champion of your faith and victory.

When alters begin to heal it is hard for protector alters to release their iron grip of control and yet this is essential to facilitate the healing of the alters they care for. Although I was doing my best, I discovered that I was not only protecting the other alters, but I was also unknowingly oppressing them. My way of protecting was to lock the alters away where I believed it was safe. But as good as my intentions were, it wasnt real safety. I was just keeping them in hiding, which ended up keeping them from flourishing. Protector alters have suffered such severe trauma that it has damaged their ability to know when risks are sufficiently low to be worth taking. Known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, remaining excessively vigilant can end up not only needlessly stressing oneself but hurting those we long to help. When the Nazis were murdering Jews, Irena Sendler heroically smuggled to safety, a few at a time, over two thousand children in a tool box or sack. In that crisis her actions were highly justified but had she become so paranoid that she kept the children hidden in a confined space for years after the war, it would have been needlessly detrimental to their wellbeing, no matter how good the intentions. This is the tragic mistake that highly traumatized protector alters unknowingly make. For example, Freedom was one of the alters I sought to protect. She lived in her spaceship and had dreams that she left dormant because I told her it was unsafe to act out those dreams. One such dream was gourmet cooking. I feared she would be crushed if someone did not like her attempts and I knew I did not have sufficient cooking ability to protect her if she got into any difficulties in preparing a dish. So I kept her suppressing her dreams. But now I am releasing her into Gods care and letting her have her dreams because I have discovered that, unlike me, God protects without holding alters back from reaching their full potential. God knows every danger and how to win without oppression. He knows what is safe and what risks are worth taking. When I let God have his way with Freedom she began creating beautiful dishes for my husband that the rest of us also enjoy. I love her and wanted so much to protect her from 231

hurt but it turned out that while I was doing my utmost to do this, I was actually keeping her from being herself and robbing her of fulfillment. God really is better than I am at helping alters. God loves me deeply and I am still a vital part of the system of alters but now all the pressure is off me to try to act like God. I am free to relax and heal and see my sister alters heal. I love the way Freedom is now feeling safer and having fun. God looks after her and she is learning from him how to cook creatively. She is joining cooking groups online and having a ball exploring who she is. She is no longer hidden away on a spaceship, but truly living. I can rest now that God is control and I can heal; something protector alters cannot do when they are expending all their energy by being in charge. I am learning that one of the tragic consequences of trauma is that for years afterwards one can be left with an exaggerated sense of danger. Severe trauma can be thought of as damaging ones internal alarm system so that it cannot be reset. The alarm keeps blaring long after the original disturbance has ceased. As hard as it is, we need to stop believing our faulty alarm and start trusting God to keep us safe. I know from experience how scary it seems to trust anyone, but with his infinite love, patience and wisdom, God truly is trustworthy and, although challenging, the adjustment of letting God be God is more than worth it. Protector alters arent cowards! You have what it takes to courageously release your iron grip of control and truly heal. Protector alters arent oppressors, either. They truly want what is best for the others. I just want you fellow protector alters to realize that because God truly cares we dont have to be on guard all the time and that by being on guard we are unintentionally holding back the ones we are trying to protect. Freedom, I am so sorry for restricting you in the past. I never wanted to ever hurt you. I thought you were too dumb to protect yourself and that I was doing you a favor. You have always been a good friend and let me have my way, but as I let God take over I have seen how I oppressed you because I was afraid you would get hurt otherwise. God is healing both of us and bring us into his glory, where

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both of us are safe and healing.

As described in Free Therapy there is a group in which people with D.I.D. can safely and anonymously e-mail each other. The protector alter who wrote most of the above belongs to the group but the following involves two other members. One protector alter e-mailed saying how everything seemed to be crashing around her. Another members protector alter replied: I am very encouraged that you are failing as a protector. That is excellent progress. While in trauma, your role was to be emotionless, to be hard, to be cold, to not feel, to override and control others. Your role was to not be human. Now, my friend, you are feeling your humanity and your pain. No longer is your job to protect. Your job is to get healthy. You are precious and important, my friend. I know you see your responsibility to your inner family as paramount but your needs are important. There comes a time when it is your turn to fall apart and be carried. You have done so much to aid the healing of the other alters; now it is your turn. If someone breaks a leg, there is a critical period when a crutch aids healing but the time arrives when continued use of the crutch hinders the final stages of healing. You have been that crutch that has contributed greatly to healing your alters and now you have reached that thrilling point when your role needs to change. There are still many responsibilities, but your sacrifices for your alters have brought them to the point where they can now help. And you need to let them do this, both for their sake and for yours. Trust your alters. It will release them into their final stage of healing and will do the same for you. I have a feeling that alters are fighting with you and the

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tug-o-war is getting you nowhere. Let go of the rope. Just let what is happening happen. You cannot disappear. Neither can you go insane. Your D.I.D. will ensure that your mind has the flexibility to adapt, and God is with you. You are on the brink of something you have always yearned for but never dared hope could be yours. Let go, my friend, and ride to fulfillment, resting in the safe arms of God. What is happening to you is exceptionally healthy. Your mind is birthing something new and wonderful. Be at peace.

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2010, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/nightmare.htm Dreams, Nightmares & Dissociative Identity Disorder By Christine

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Multiple Personalities I have vivid and graphic dreams almost every night. They used to be hellish. I have learned that alters express themselves with nightmares, dreams and daymares (another subject altogether). While you sleep, alters feel safe to move around and feel. One of the ways they feel is by dreams. I have done my share of sleep walking and re-arranging things in my sleep, but if you are not sleeping alone, your alters might not feel safe enough to physically move, but they will still express their feelings in dreams. Sometimes the dreams are graphic images of exactly what happened in the alters past quite possibly events that you knew nothing about because they shielded you from them and now you have both reached the stage where this secret should be kept from you no longer. In other dreams, the actual events featured have never occurred in the alters life but the dreams express dilemmas and emotions that are of great significance to the alters. The biggest point about either sort of dream is that they communicate things that are deeply distressing the alter, and trying to bear them alone has become too great for the alter and is no longer necessary. The alter needs your support, and probably the support of other parts of you as well, and you have much to offer in terms of a listening ear, empathy and wisdom. Often in my dreams, I am in a no-win situation. If I do one thing, I will suffer; if I do another I will suffer. That is exactly how I feel with a certain relative. I have noticed a real spike in these dreams right after I talk with that person. Of the few books I have read on dreams, I have seen that dreams very often reflect emotions that we cannot seem to express or that need continued expression. Dreams play a huge role in the Bible and in many other cultures. Genghis Khan started his whole world conquest based on a dream! I have found that sometimes my dreams are not my alters dreaming but them deliberately expressing themselves through telling stories. On some other occasions, they will intervene in real dreams and change the ending so that it ends up victorious rather than disastrous.

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When it comes to discerning between demons and alters, I find it pretty simple. Demons are outside voices. They have stood at the end of my bed and ran my blood cold. When I see them they look like a ghostly image, rather like the shades in the story/movie Lord of the Rings. There is a strong presence of death and terror. The cold icy presence from demons is not usually related to a dream. A cold icy presence immediately after a dream is often simply an emotional response to the dream. I think discerning between inside and outside voices/presences is important. Praying in the Spirit or asserting ones authority in Christ will drive demons away, but God will not drive your feelings away. Feelings are yours to come to term with. God will never force himself on you but he longs to help and will do so, if you let him. Related Pages Sleep & Dissociative Identity Disorder How to Cope with Nightmares & Unwanted Dreams For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/free-therapy.htm Free Therapy / Counseling

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Email / Chat Group Support for Christians Dissociative Identity Disorder

People with Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) typically feel painfully isolated; weighed down by secrets they desperately need to share and yet feel too embarrassed and misunderstood to tell anyone. Of all possible options, they find it easiest to unburden themselves anonymously by e-mail with equals, who truly understand and are experiencing the same things. NetBurst.Net What Is Invisible Group Therapy? It is my name for groups Ive established, with the goal of providing a safe, comfortable, accepting, Christian environment for hosts and alters to connect with other hosts and alters to share ideas and to support each other anonymously by email. Each group is kept fairly small. No one is pressured to contribute. Anyone wishing to silently learn from the experience of others is welcome to do so, but an initial brief outline of your experience is required so that existing members feel relaxed about allowing someone new to read what they share. You could call it a chat group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder, but it is far more therapeutic, life-changing and uplifting than such a term could ever imply. Why a Group, Rather Than One-On-One? * Unlike traditional therapy in which you approach a paid professional who assumes a higher status, you will be among friends and equals, who truly care for you and are encouraged when you share your experience. * Since this is a group of people who have suffered repeated childhood traumas (plus ramifications extending into adulthood), the experience of someone in the group is likely to be surprisingly similar to that of one of your alters. Consequently, even without you sharing, when someone reveals his/her experience and receives support and helpful ideas from others in the group, the information is likely to directly help one of your own alters, as well as encouraging 237

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your alter to open up. NetBurst.Net * The moment you begin to share, others in the group are likely to be comforted because no matter what you have experienced, some members will probably have suffered something very similar. Because of you, they will feel less like a freak and less isolated. You will quickly find that not only can you be helped by others, you can bring comfort and relief and encouragement to them. Suddenly, you will discover that your past suffering, as regrettable as it was, is not a useless waste but has significance in that it enables you to identify with, and bring help to, other people. Seeing your experience help others will empower you, giving you a sense of meaning and hope and dignity that you very much deserve. * It is very common for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder to become powerfully bonded to, and dependent upon, the first person they share their deep secrets with. This strong attachment and dependence is emotionally very unhealthy. For example, the one becoming attached is usually beset with continual fears that the other person might leave him/her, and if that person has to move on for personal reasons, it can seem devastating and become a serious setback even to the extent of creating new alters. It is possible to become so deeply dependent upon someone as to almost suck the life out of him/her. Another serious complication is that these strong feelings might become confused with romantic feelings. Relating to a group, rather than to a solitary individual, reduces these dangers. * A group of people is able to reply quicker and more often than an individual can achieve. * You will have the opportunity to help more people and benefit from a wider range of experiences than is possible with just one person. This is a group of especially gifted people. Even though in their early stage of healing they typically feel too crushed to realize it, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder usually have above average intelligence and abilities. This, combined with their deep experience of trials and inner pain, makes them naturals at tenderly and wisely uplifting other people who are hurting. It also makes them superb at offering valuable solutions to practical problems that anyone with D.I.D. might have. This works to make the group an astounding resource. Through the group, not only will you find compassion beyond your fondest hopes from people who truly understand how you feel, it is like being able to draw upon the combined tender skills, wisdom and 238

The Help You Deserve

Safe, Christian, Convenient, Online

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E-mail Therapy

experience of an entire group of counselors and therapists without the result being the slightest threatening or overpowering. Convenient and Flexible Because this group is Internet-based, you can enjoy all the benefits from the privacy and convenience of your own home. There is no travel, no appointment, no waiting room. Being available 24/7, it fits your time schedule perfectly. You might not necessarily get an instant response, but you can send messages and read available ones at whatever time suits you. Like everyone else in the group, you may email the group as often or as little as you wish, sharing your challenges and progress and asking for ideas for particular issues you face, or sharing solutions that have worked for you. If you are seeing a counselor or therapist, you are encouraged to continue doing so, but through the group you can receive far more frequent support and encouragement than counselors or therapists are normally able to provide. Anonymity I believe you are quite safe in this group without anonymity, but alters tend to be very fearful, and their feelings are important. Even if you feel secure, we want you to remain anonymous, because it is important for your healing that every part of you feels as secure as possible, and it is likely that later on you will discover you have an alter who does not feel as secure as you do, and needs complete anonymity in order to feel able to share his/her needs with us. The easiest way to establish anonymity is to get a free Yahoo email address specifically for this purpose, but in this group we go beyond this and suppress all addresses except for those of moderators. We also want you to go even further in establishing total anonymity by not using the names of key people in your life. For example, there might be a huge number of Marys in the world, but fewer whose husband is called Arthur, and daughter is called Sharon, and therapist is called Bob. By all means, mention these people, but we prefer for you to refer 239

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to them as my husband, my therapist, Daughter #1, or use their middle name, or some other convention. Other measures to secure your privacy are discussed in Additional Security below. Venting and Sharing Ones Secrets No matter what your alters share, it will not cause people in the group to look down on you. We all understand that what is shared is just the feelings of a tender, suppressed part of you that has found himself/herself trapped in a time warp and, through no fault of his/hers, has not been allowed to heal and discover the things about God that you know. Christ has cleansed and forgiven you of the past; there is just a wounded part of you that has yet to realize the full implications of this glorious truth. Typical sources of torment for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are flashbacks, body memories (where ones body experiences feelings as if past trauma were being repeated), a need for objects associated with babyhood (including diapers, pacifier, formula milk, engaging in thumb sucking), addiction to porn, masturbation, degrading sexual fantasy, self-harm, eating disorders, (groundless) fears that one is going insane, disturbingly strong feelings of shame, guilt, rage, hate, blaming God, being terrified of God especially that he might molest them a past involving sex acts with mother, father, sister, brother and/or animals, sadism, anal penetration, finding aspects of sexual molestation pleasurable, and having treated other children inappropriately. It is normal for alters who have only just begun their healing journey to be reeling with inner pain and explode with raw emotion. They are too distressed to be diplomatic, and the fact that they are still in pain is testimony to the devastating consequences of them not being allowed to fully vent in a safe, accepting environment. So in this group, alters are allowed to vent against God or anything else, and as they do, they will receive warm, unconditional acceptance. Distressed alters are even allowed to use crude words, although if this could be replaced by the host by such symbols as @#*! It would be appreciated. No matter what, your alters will be respected. They will not be told they are stupid, bad, or in any other way put down. On the contrary, they will be commended for having the courage 240

to share. It is vital for your healing that you let your alters speak freely, no matter how contrary to your own beliefs and convictions what they share might be. I welcome alters expressing hate and insults directly towards me. I understand the depth of pain and frustration behind such episodes and I do not take it to heart. Other members, however, are likely to have sensitive alters and deserve full protection from such unpleasantness. Hate and insults towards any group member except me is prohibited. Here is a Net-Burst.Net policy statement for our website: In our service to our local church we may strongly defend its unique heritage and views, but in our service with Net-burst.Net we strive to avoid issues on which genuine Christians differ. We honor those called to address such issues, but our commission is to a wider ministry, enabling us to reach vast numbers of Christians who are hurting, regardless of their denominational allegiance or doctrinal stance. Nevertheless, it is so vital for healing that alters be allowed to fully express themselves that in this group, this policy is suspended to the extent that alters who are hurting are encouraged to vent and express their raw emotions, no matter how doctrinally or politically offensive we might personally find their views on potentially divisive issues, such as a particular church, or mode of baptism, creation versus evolution, second coming doctrine, divorce, spiritual gifts, politics, and so on. Except for matters critical to salvation, it is not our role to try either to correct or endorse these beliefs, but solely to minister to the hurt that is revealed. It is important that the views of people expressing their raw emotions not be taken as reflecting the views of the rest of the person, let alone rest of the group or of Net-Burst.Net. On the other hand, those of us for whom a potentially divisive issue is not a cause of inner pain, are asked to restrain ourselves and be diplomatic. Of course, once you sense that a particular email might be upsetting, you can stop reading immediately. No one who feels uncomfortable with anything should feel the slightest obligation to keep reading. It might be that you are just feeling delicate at that time and can safely return to it later, 241

or you might prefer to give it a permanent miss. To describe a secret or flashback that is tormenting them, alters will sometimes need to be sexually explicit or describe violence. None of us enjoys reading this, and it is usually extremely difficult for the person sharing it. Nevertheless, these details are essential because withholding such information will keep alters isolated and unable to heal. It is unfortunate that some readers could find this triggering, but it should end up furthering the healing of both the person sharing and the person triggered. If the content of an email is explicit and might be triggering to sensitive people, we would like this mentioned in the subject line. We understand that what could be triggering is largely guesswork, however; so dont be overly concerned about this. There is one restriction on what we can share that saddens me. My understanding is that the law regards a person as an accessory to a crime if that person hears of a crime and does not report it to the police. If you know of any illegal activity that you are legally required to report to the police and you are unwilling to involve the police, please do not expose the rest of us to this legal dilemma. Please, however, impress upon your little alters that this restriction does not apply if you are the victim of a crime, and that the law is on the side of any minor who has sex with an adult. Young alters often do not realize that the law regards the minor as innocent and the adult as guilty. How Effective is This Group? It is amazing how quickly people feel at home in our Dissociative Identity Disorder Chat Group. This is demonstrated by the fact that the following testimonies were written not long after each person joined. Although many of the testimonies read similarly, when combined with the link they are from eight different people. If, after reading the following, you feel sure that the group would reject you, then you are perfect for the group. When they first joined, everyone expected to be rejected! In an unsolicited email to the group, one member wrote: Since I joined about six months ago, this Internet Group, along the Net-burst webpages, has stabilized 242

me and allowed me to progress and heal more than I have in all the 24-25 years since I first learned I had D.I.D.. In all my healing journey of 24-25 years, never have I been given the insight that Grantley has shared with all of us in his webpages and affirmed through the group. I share my story in case you dont realize what a precious gift this group is, and how much suffering it will spare you from. Something in me has never given up on being healed, happy and okay, even though reckless counseling, good intentions and ignorance only served to make things worse. I have been totally sold out to the Lord and singing to him since I was 16. I have always written love songs to him in private and have an incredible, overwhelming passion to acknowledge his righteousness and greatness. Until I first learned I had D.I.D., however, I knew little about myself except that I was guarded, emotionless, and had few memories prior to age 19. Since then, Ive twice been involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital and on another two occasions was a voluntary in-patient of an acclaimed institution that treats people with D.I.D. In addition, Ive had endless Christian and professional counseling, and spent the first ten years missing out of my daughters life because I was over medicated by doctors. None of these treatments ever allowed me to connect to the real me. Almost all it did was try to numb me, fix me, change me, drive me more insane, or make some of me to go away. Never did I know until discovering this group that I should love and embrace my parts; never did I understand the link between body memories and my little ones trying to communicate; never did I know that I wasnt a detestable outcast, even to most of the Christian world. This Net-burst Group is a mirror for all of us that reflects Gods true heart to us. It has been a key to releasing my healing. I presume each of us with D.I.D. live a lie, not letting the outside world know about our 243

inside world. Net-burst for me was the first step to know that my inside world and all its parts are accepted. Now I see I could not have begun to love myself if I did not know I was lovable and worthy. How could I even begin to know how to treat my little parts right if I never even saw it mirrored to me? This group showed me for the first time in my life that my parts (alters) have value a value to me, a value to my healing, and a value to my future. This released me to move to the next level in my healing. Regardless of whether God is using this Net-burst Group as your source of encouragement, primary counseling, reinforcement, a resource, or just a safe place to know you are not alone, everyone in this group has an advantage. All the prayer techniques or knowledge or books or therapies in the world mean nothing if we do not know we are safe, and have a safe place to be real in this world. This is what this group offers. I hope this encourages all of you to know that your healing curve is greatly shortened because of this group. To have such compassion and understanding reflected back to the real me (rather than the mask I showed other people) has been and continues to be life changing. Its important for all of us to know that healing is a process. God seems to lay foundations of healing and they all build on each other. I want to give everyone hope, and celebrate each layer of foundation even if it does not seem like the end result. At last I understand what the Scripture means when it says God gives us hope. Now, for the first time in my life, I actually have hope for my future.

The next is from an alter who was receiving excellent daily support from a skilled person for over a year and yet, to my surprise, she still greatly benefited from the group. When I first heard of this group, I felt very unsafe about joining, but here I am safe and sound and

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thanking God that I took the risk and joined. This group is my voice, my family, my lifeline, my safe place. It is where I am understood. It has become my outlet where I am no longer isolated or dependent on just one person. When I began reading the group emails, I found I could respond. I connected. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I felt truly human and no longer alone. This may sound trivial but for me it was huge. I figured that since the group is Christian, once they learned I am divorced Id be shoved aside. Nevertheless, I decided to take the risk and tell them. Boy, was I shocked when I was embraced and understood! I have always craved to be accepted, and now I am. Healing takes great courage and if the risks we take are of God, they really arent risks at all, but golden opportunities. I just needed to grasp this and now that I have, it is liberating. It has been so healing, and I have experienced a freedom with God I have never known. I had sought God for the sake of another part of me, but I never dreamed hed call me and love me. But he does, and he has shown that through this group. Whenever anyone from the group contacts me I get so excited. I can connect with the really neat people in the group and, strange as it is to me, I feel very safe. For most of my life I have craved feeling this safe. I used to be terrified of being alone. I figured Id kill myself if I wasnt frantically involved in all sorts of activities to keep my mind off the things inside me that were haunting and tormenting me. Wanting to keep busy and hoping for friends, I joined a group. The people in it hate God and are cruel but I felt I needed them and stayed with them for years despite all the pain they caused me. Now Im free to leave them. I dont need to waste my time on false relationships. I have real friends. More Chat Group Testimonies

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The Disadvantages/Limitations of the Group Years of experience have sadly proved to me that there are downsides to any form of therapy. Some people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have such a huge tendency to form deep attachments to anyone who accepts them that even though a group setting can makes this less of a problem than in one-on-one counseling, it does not entirely eliminate it. For example, it is common for members to have times when they feel particularly sensitive and feel the need to take a break from the group and yet some find even one members temporary break disturbing. One consequence of the forming of attachments is the scuttling of my hopes that a group could be divided into two when it has so grown in size that most members cannot even read all the emails per day. With members feeling too bonded to each other to allow dividing the group, the only workaround I have found is to start a second group from scratch. That is awkward and does not reduce the size of the large group. The biggest dilemma is that members need to be protected from hurtful outbursts and yet alters need to express themselves. In order to heal, alters need the freedom to express the deep feelings they have locked away. Often these feelings have been suppressed because they are anti-social, such as anger, hate, lust or anti-Christian beliefs. It is only when the existence of these feelings is acknowledged that the issues can be worked through and resolved. Good counselors are so secure that alters can freely vent their bitter feelings without the counselors taking it personally. Such counselors are free from inner wounds that would be hurt by alters lashing out. A group of people healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder, however, is filled with highly sensitive people. Their wounds are so raw that even a gentle touch might send them reeling. I have tried to manage this dilemma by insisting that when sharing material that might be upsetting, this fact is indicated in the subject line. Additionally, although it is permitted to express anger at abusers and the like, it is not permitted to take it out on other members, other than on me. These rules generally work but there are further complications. For example, abusers usually falsely accuse their young victims until those afflicted reach the point of expecting almost everyone to accuse them. So even when a complaint is raised 246

that has nothing to do with a particular group member, that member might feel hurt by mistakenly assuming it was aimed at him/her. Ideally, every email sent to the group should be checked by a moderator before it is released to the group. That way, anything potentially hurtful (often only because it could be open to an interpretation not intended by the writer) could be rephrased or discussed one-on-one offline. Unfortunately, there are not enough helpers to do this. (To avoid delays, time zone issues are enough to require many helpers.) No one in the group makes any claim to having professional expertise in treating Dissociative Identity Disorder. Individuals merely share what has worked for them. Whether it will work for you or whether you even have Dissociative Identity Disorder, is for you to decide through prayer. At times, group members will feel overwhelmed by their personal struggles and might not feel able to reply to as many emails as they would like. If ever you feel the group has not adequately responded to a concern, please repeat the concern and if it is still not addressed, feel free to email me personally about it. If ever you have any concerns you do not feel comfortable about mentioning to the group then, again, I am available. Hopefully, however, you will soon learn to trust the group. Additional Security Although the anonymity provides significant security, as a further measure, it is a strict condition of membership that no one reveals anything shared by someone in the group, unless that persons express permission is sought and received. Furthermore, this is a small, exclusive group, not listed with any search engine. Even the existence of the web address of the group is suppressed. The Yahoo website is unable to be accessed without a password. No one is permitted to join the group without first sharing with me by email and convincing me that he/she is genuine. The group will be informed and consulted before anyone new is allowed to read group emails. Note this Limitation to Privacy

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I find this restriction heartbreaking but for legal reasons, unless you are willing to confess directly to authorities, you should not share anything that could get you arrested if authorities heard of it. This group is international, and in many parts of the world, almost anyone in some countries certain professions are exempted who hears of a crime is required by law to report it to authorities. Penalties for breaking that law can sometimes be severe. The average person cannot trace e-mails, but authorities have that power if something illegal is drawn to their attention. Practical Help With Getting An Anonymous Email Account Our group is a private one (invitation only) that operates through Yahoo. Although emails can still be funneled through to your usual email address, Yahoo requires each of us to have an email account with them. Choose a name you feel comfortable with. Dont include your last name, but unless your first name is quite rare, (and so you think it could identify you) you might benefit from using your real first name. This can help you feel more connected and feel that it is really you and not some fantasy figure who is being loved and accepted by the group. To establish a Yahoo email account, Yahoo asks you to provide your date of birth. This is kept secret. Neither I nor anyone else in the group can access that information. If you wish, however, you can provide a fake date, although it is best to use a date that you can recall, in case you ever forget your password. How to Join the Group Ensure you agree with our approach to healing by reading Help Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) and the pages it leads to, then email me, Grantley Morris, at healing@netburst.net

Related Pages For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity

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Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, 2009, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author. http://www.net-burst.net/christian-help/fear-god.htm Afraid of God

Fear of God or Fearing Jesus Stops Healing Of Physical, Mental, or Sexual Abuse and/or Dissociative Identity Disorder

This webpage is for everyone, even though it is of particular relevance to all abuse survivors, whether child abuse, sexual abuse or domestic abuse. If you have suffered abuse and do not have multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder), part of you probably fears that God is like your abuser, without you being very conscious of that fear. Having alters (different personalities) merely reveals more directly the hidden, hurting part of you. It is appallingly common for people to use the word love when they really mean the exact opposite. They mean lust a selfish longing to exploit a person. For them, love is getting what they want. In contrast, true love is generously giving what the other person wants. It is respecting people and wanting their happiness above ones own. Genuine love is so beautiful and so rare that it seems almost unbelievable,

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especially when so many of us have only ever seen the fake. NetBurst.Net Some child abusers even claim it is an act of love to beat their children senseless, but heres the truth: Love is patient, love is kind . . . it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. . . . It always protects, always trusts . . . (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Having God in ones life produces . . . patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, . . . gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Arrogant self-righteousness deeply grieves the God who made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant (Philippians 2:7) and would not so much as break what everyone else regards as a good-for-nothing bruised reed, or snuff out a smelly, smoldering wick (Matthew 12:20). We tend to think that since God is holy and all-powerful he must be cold, harsh, intolerant and scary, but God is not only holy; he is pure, selfless love, like we have never seen in a human. This means he longs to respect you, honor you, believe in you, and exalt you. That can seem too good to be true, but God is so good that he is in a totally different category to anyone else. No one is good except God alone, said Jesus (Mark 10:18). God wants to be on your side as your defender and to shower you with blessings. He so passionately yearns to be your best friend that he has gone to the greatest imaginable extreme to make it possible. This is why the eternal Son of God left heavens throne to be abused, humiliated and tortured to death. By swapping places with you, the Lords holy requirements can be met, freeing him to treat you as he would treat his favorite his one and only holy child, the Lord Jesus. Yes, God will treat you as his favorite! The Perfect One is the exact opposite to an abuser. Despite all his power, he chooses to be ever so gentle and treat you with dignity. So, regardless of his intense ache to lavish you with his blessings and be your best friend and confidant and defender, he restrains himself, waiting for you to let him. Even though the exalted Son of God suffered beyond words for you, he will allow all that agony to go to waste, rather than force his goodness and total cleansing upon you against your will. Once you allow Jesus into your life, however, the one thing hindering the Holy One from getting close to you unforgiven sin disappears. He who knows your worst secrets, the Judge of all humanity, joyfully declares you innocent and would defend your innocence to the death. In

Christian Help

Healing From Sexual Abuse or D.I.D. (M.P.D.)

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fact, Jesus has literally done just that. Once you accept Jesus forgiveness, the most powerful person in the universe is free to be to you what he yearns to be as warm, safe and comforting as a teddy bear. As proved by Jesus sacrifice, he would take the bullet for you. He is on your side and fights your battles. He feels your pain. He weeps for you. He is an oasis in the desert; a soft, cuddly blanket to snuggle into on a chilly night; the best and most exciting friend anyone could ever have.

God and his angels are not the only spiritual beings. There are also evil spiritual beings Satan and his angels. These evil beings not only inspired your abuser(s), they are intent on hindering every Christians relationship with God. Being evil, they play dirty and specialize in deception and in exploiting any hurt or wound within us. They delight not only in initiating evil, but in trying to fool us into blaming God for their dirty work. The enemy of our souls is the master deceiver because that is all he can do. The devil cannot change reality. He cannot change the fact that God is selflessly devoted to you with all of his unlimited love and that Christ suffered for the sins of the entire world, which has to include every sin that ever touched you. The filthiest sinner who puts his/her faith in the power of Christs forgiveness is instantly made as pure as crystal, as holy as God himself, in Gods eyes (2 Corinthians 5:21). So all the devil can do is to blast you with deceptively strong fear or guilt feelings, hoping that you will start to believe them rather than believe in the power of Christs forgiveness and the tender love of God. It is of critical importance that you focus on Gods selfless love for you and not let deceptive spirits trick you into thinking that God frowns on you when you fall into sin. Yes, God is disappointed, but when a little child with good parents falls, whats the first thing the child does? He runs to mommy or daddy for comfort. You, too, can run to Daddy. God is on your side. He cares deeply for you. Your spiritual enemies, however, want to make you feel uneasy about running to God. So they swamp you with feelings of condemnation, hoping you will believe those feelings rather than believe the truth about God that he is 251

tenderly forgiving towards all who put their faith in Christ. This is a major strategy of these deceivers because they know we instinctively recoil from anyone we fear might be angry or displeased with us. We cant help but inwardly keep a person at arms length, if we suspect he is displeased with us. So your enemies flood you with guilt feelings, hoping to fool you into being standoffish from the only One who can truly deliver you from every problem and defeat their every attempt to bring you down. Rather than see you rejoice in Gods forgiveness they want you to feel miserable and isolated from the warmth of Gods compassion. Sex abusers rarely stop at sexual abuse, and men, women or children engaging in domestic violence rarely stop at physical abuse. They commonly inflict serious psychological abuse in the form of repeated putdowns and slander that so shatters their victims self-esteem that, until they find healing, victims stagger through life with, to say the least, a low opinion of themselves. As Ive noted elsewhere, a diamond is just a hunk of rock. For centuries many cultures considered them as worthless as dirt. A diamonds value is measured not by what it does, but solely by how much some people are willing to pay to have one. Likewise, your worth is not based on what you do. You are of infinite value because the King of kings, the Lord of the universe, paid a far higher price than all the wealth of a million earths the willing sacrificial death of his holy Son to have you as his best friend. And if he has invested so much in you, he will treasure you and cherish you for all eternity. But because so few of us grasp this, it is common for not-yethealed abuse survivors to hate or blame themselves and/or feel they deserve to be punished. As if this were not distressing enough, they usually assume that God must feel the same way about them. Mistakenly suspecting that God feels negatively towards them has one inevitable but tragic consequence. Without necessarily even realizing it, they instinctively shrink from the One who is truly their best friend, putting at least a little distance between themselves and the One who longs to comfort and heal them.

Your mind might be so certain that Jesus is good, perfect and sinless that it seems incomprehensible to you that deep down 252

could be part of you that feels very differently. Because you know that such a fear is utterly irrational, you might have convinced yourself that there could be no fear lurking in the back of your mind of Jesus acting like an abuser. We need to realize, however, that fear is something we inherit from past trauma; it is not an emotion that submits to rational thought. We must address the subject of fear because no matter how strong we pretend to be, the undeniable fact is that anyone suffering abuse has suffered something so unpleasant that it is only human to be terrified of a repeat. So to avoid being unnecessarily hard on ourselves or living in blind denial of what is going on deep within us, we need to understand the nature of fear. If you suffer from headaches and have a brain scan that proves the headaches are not due to a brain tumor, your headaches will not magically disappear. At most, pain responds only slightly to knowledge. So it is with fear. If someone were terrified of spiders, you might convince the person that a particular spider is harmless but not even that will allow his terror to magically vanish. He will still find it enormously difficult to push through his crippling fear and touch the spider. This is not because he is crazy or is distrusting of whoever says the spider is harmless. It is simply the nature of fear. Becoming intellectually convinced that a certain spider is harmless can help, but theory is not enough. Refusing to cave in to the fear, he must draw close to the spider. Only then will the fear slowly dissipate. Even so, he must keep this up for days or even weeks before every trace of fear leaves. There is no point waiting until all fear disappears before approaching a spider. Overcoming fear simply does not work that way. Likewise, in our relationship with God, theology is not enough to remove all fear. Knowing that God is safe can reduce fear but we must still courageously push through the remaining fear and draw close to God and experience him. Only then will the remaining fear gradually fade. Faith is like Peter courageously getting out of the boat and stepping on the water; not sitting around waiting until the water evaporates! Just as fear barely responds to rational thought, the same is true of the passing of years. The mere fact that the original cause of the fear occurred decades ago will not cause fear to 253

fade. Neither does fear magically disappear if you happen to be male or mature. Fear is not an indication of a man being unmanly, or a person being immature or lacking in courage. Fear, like pain, affects us regardless of gender or maturity or courage. Some people feel pressured to act as if fear is not there, but it is just an act. Pretending not to fear will not make the fear vanish in a puff of smoke, although as we noted with a fear of spiders, continual exposure to whatever is feared should eventually cause the fear to gradually diminish. I will endeavor to pamper you with intellectual assurance that God is safe and that his warm compassion for you is pure, selfless and utterly non-sexual. I wish that this were all it takes to make the tormenting fear within you completely vanish but, like convincing someone that a spider is harmless, I realize there is only so much that addressing the intellect can achieve.

You will find significant links at the end of this page addressing all the issues of guilt, self-hate, self-blame and low self-esteem causing us to shrink a little from God because we mistakenly presume that he feels coldly towards us. For now, however, we will focus on what might initially seems ridiculous and yet at a barely conscious level it haunts many survivors of sex abuse fear that God could be sexually abusive. We have already seen that fear is an almost inevitable consequence of abuse and that any sort of fear barely responds to rational thought or the mere passing of time and it is no respecter of age or gender. We should now examine yet another significant characteristic of fear. Fear spreads beyond whatever originally caused it. Years ago, experimental psychologists proved this by first startling babies with a loud noise as soon as a white rat appeared. Thereafter, the babies would cry whenever they saw a white rat. No surprises there. You might also expect the babies to react the same way when they see other white rats that look similar to the original one. What the psychologists found, however, is that the babies would now cry if they saw a cute white bunny. This is why intense fear generated by one man can spread 254

not only to a fear of being alone with any man but to feeling uneasy about getting close to God, especially if he is regarded as being male. Besides gender, another superficial point of similarly between God and an abuser is that, should he choose to do so, God has the ability to overpower us. Lets begin by examining the gender issue. Despite the use of the male pronoun and the word father and son, God the Father and God the Son are sexless. You will find a link at the end of this page to a biblical exploration of this fact and that God is not just like a father but also like mother. But what about the risen Lord? Isnt he male? The Bible teaches that in the next life we will have glorified bodies. It also declares that, spiritually, there is no male or female. It is logical to expect that our heavenly bodies will reflect this fact by being sexless. In fact, there will be no sex (marital relations) in heaven. Our future bodies will be like the resurrected body that Jesus now has. It is therefore logical to presume that even if our resurrected Lord looks superficially male, he does not have a male body but is genderless, like God the Father and angels and like we, ourselves, will one day be. (For supporting Scriptures for these statements, see The Biblical Evidence.)

Regardless of whether we have multiple personalities (alters), we all have parts of us that influence us even though we are, at most, only vaguely aware of how they affect us. Increasing our awareness of those parts can greatly speed our healing and help us identify and resolve things within us that hold us back from running into Gods arms, gleefully yielding to him and falling in love with him. Even though in the remainder of this webpage I will refer to alters, what I have learned from ministering to people with distinct parts is relevant to us all. The most powerful thing anyone can do for alters (or anyone else) is to help them learn to trust Jesus so that they open up to him and discover how wonderful he is. Tragically, alters are often terrified of their Healer and Best Friend and the safest Person in the universe Jesus. They fear he will act like their abuser did. No matter how groundless or irrational the fear is, the feeling is often devastatingly intense. So when ministering to people with multiple personalities, I devote much time seeking to reassure their alters that Jesus 255

is safe and not the terrifying potential abuser that they fear. I do my utmost to coax and entice them to interact with Jesus and let him minister to them. Of course, I am acutely aware that no matter how important my efforts are, I cannot eliminate their fears. The best I can do is merely to lower their fears. Ultimately, they need to find out for themselves how safe and wonderful Jesus is by taking the risk and pushing through their fears to come to Jesus. Jesus understands this so deeply that he is mind-bogglingly gentle, tender, compassionate and patient with alters. (You will find an example of an alters experience in a link at the end of this page and that page links to further beautiful examples.) Sometimes we get so carried away with abstract theories about God that he is holy, all-powerful, exalted, and so on that we lose touch with biblical revelation. The Jesus of the Gospels was stern with the hard-hearted self-righteous who looked down on others, but he was always so tenderly compassionate towards everyone who was hurting or crushed with guilt. He came to heal the brokenhearted. He will not break even an apparently useless bruised reed, nor snuff out a stinking smoldering wick (Matthew 12:20). Throughout Scripture we see over and over that God continually delights not merely in bringing down those who lord it over others, but in lifting high the oppressed and those weighed down with despair. This is emphatic biblical revelation but it has only been through relating to alters that I have glimpsed the full glory of this facet of our Lords beauty. For example, as a result of humiliating potty training as a little girl, a mature woman with D.I.D. often suffered horrific pain, fear, false guilt and enormous embarrassment when using the toilet. More than once, at her alters invitation, the exalted King of kings entered the toilet, knelt on the floor and held her hand to comfort her. When Jesus allowed himself to be humiliated for us on the cross, we see not just the past but the eternal heart of our loving, selfless God. He was not just humble and gentle on earth; he is eternally humble and gentle. Over and over, I have known alters to rail against Jesus, grossly insulting the Holy Son of God, and they report that to their amazement the Lord of Lords just stood there with pain in his heart, tenderly absorbing all the verbal abuse (just like 256

he did on the cross). Innumerable times, alters have told me how the all-powerful Lord has let them order him around when, out of fear, they have demanded that he keep his distance, or leave, or whatever. The resurrected Lord not only rules the universe, he is still the humblest, most selfless Person you will ever find. He lives by the highest conceivable moral standards. No one is as trustworthy as him. Abuse survivors have had their trust violated in a most appalling manner. Suffering such devastation makes trusting anyone exceedingly difficult. Of all people, however, Jesus is utterly trustworthy. He truly understands. He is patiently waiting, aching for you to draw close to you so that he can take your pain upon himself and heal you.

Significant Links Because the following pages lead to more pages it is easy to lose this list of links. So save the web address of this page before exploring the links. Is Jesus Safe? Sexual Issues in Relating to Jesus An alters experience Alters Meet Father God About how safe and kind Jesus and Father God are God as Tender as a Mother? Deepening Your Awareness of Gods Safe Love for You Much More Help With Multiple Personality Disorder Healing From Sexual Abuse Gods Extreme Patience Help and Inspiration When Gripped by Fear Other Things that Can Make You Hesitate to Draw Close to God Guilt Issues

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For Child Alters: Innocent in Gods Eyes Self-hate How to Change Your Self-Image & Boost Self-Esteem Blaming Yourself, Blaming Others, Blaming God Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.

http://www.net-burst.net/children/index.htm Evangelistic Webpages And Christian Teaching For Children and Child Alters Powerful Presentations of the Gospel For Children and Child Alters of Dissociative Identity Disorder Sufferers

Net-Burst.Net

Net-Burst.Net

These pages are excellent for children. They are especially written, however, for adults who were traumatized as children and find that they still have a frightened or hurting child inside of them, who knows less about the liberating truths of the gospel than the adult part of them. Although this can be a startling concept to those unfamiliar with it, it is a normal and quite clever way of the mind 258

coping with a severe trauma to quarantine a hurting part of it from the rest of the person. It enables a person to function without being utterly crippled by the worst memories of past hurts, but that hurting part is not able to intellectually or spiritually grow unless specifically addressed. It is suggested that after selecting a page you read it to yourself and make any changes or additions you think best. Such changes can be important because different children who have suffered trauma can have different trigger words. For example, although all crave love and frequent use of that word can be very helpful for some some children have heard the word repeatedly used in the context of sexual abuse or cruelty and so the word has gained all the wrong connotations. In this case, substitute like or some other word that makes the child feel warm, safe and respected. After modifying the page to your satisfaction, read it to the child. People who were traumatized as children could have a part of them trapped in a time warp that is so cut off from the older part of the person that even though the people could be strong Christians, that part of them might have not even heard the basic gospel, much less have yielded to it and be living in the full implications of it. If you are not familiar with this concept, please see Healing Your Inner Child: Surprising Help for People Traumatized as Children A persons hurting, inner child desperately needs not just love and understanding but to be taught the gospel. If you are a natural teacher of children and have a firm, practical grasp of how the cross of Christ sets us free from all guilt and empowers us against demonic forces, you could possibly do the teaching unaided. Even so, please check these pages. You might find them surprisingly helpful. Susan has a Secret A powerful presentation of the gospel message and the authority we have in Christ Kidnapped! The salvation message plus the importance of forgiving other people The Big, Bad Secret: How I Stopped Feeling Yucky and Afraid A true story about healing from child sexual abuse: For children and the inner child of adults

The above is just a sample of the help available. For a full list, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder

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