r 2 CATEGORIES of S/W engg rs ., OK. FIRST CATEGORY -- >> comes office at sharp 8 A.M..

, who then works like a PREETH I MIXIE { a famous mixie in south., which works at a brilliant speed, wen d swit ch(officials) is pressed(time starts) !! } who doesn t like TEA BREAKS., works until night ( bcoz dey hav STUFFS., they r fir st bencher s , , so they can )., after dat goes home start yelling their families, wife and children like a midnight FOX., bcoz they r pressurized pressure cooker s , shows their work pressure 2 dem . . and immediately goes to bed YAWNING like a BUFALLO and makes whole family awake until morning. , we can identify them by these appearance and characteristics : 1 . BALD HEAD 2 . SODA BOTTLE S 3 . WELL IRONED SHIRT, WITH FULL HAND, TIE, BLACK SHOES WITH KIWI POLISH. 4 . BAJAJ SCOOTER or HERO HONDA SPLENDOR PLUS WHICH GIVES A MILEAGE 90 KMPL or e quivalent. 5 . WHO MAINTAINS ACCOUNT IN INDIAN BANK. 6 . BRINGS TIFFIN BOX FULL OF CURD RICE . 7. WHO DON T HEAR OTHER S ADVICE. 8 . WHO HARDLY HAS MAXIMUM 5 FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD. But these people get s increment regularly, goes onsite, earn like a money machine , marries IT lecturers and will be well settled with an AMBASSADOR CAR and a 2 b edroom FLAT. SECOND CATEGORY -->> comes office at 8.23., 8.34., sometimes 10.10 A.M. ., who t hen works like a GOVERNMENT OFFICE FAN { these fan s make rotations such that we c an count the no. of blades in the fan even wen d regulator is switched on to 5 m aking a sound GRUN , GRUNN., GRUNN., } ., they doesn t like 2 work., just sits and blinks on the monitor., but they have been here due 2 various financial and fam ily circumstances., who loves the in b/w TEA BREAK like going 2 a picnic for SWI ZZ., how can we identify them ?? 1 . UNCOMBED HAIR ( but it suits them well ) 2 . BEER BOTTLE S 3 . WHO HATE FORMALS ., and doesn t TUCK IN for HELL A LOTT OF REASONS.

4 . THEY USE TOWN BUS es OR COMPANY VAN. 5 . WHO HAS ACCOUNT only In TEA SHOPS AND TIFFIN STALLs. 6. WHO LOVES CHICKEN BIRIYANI AND various FC S ( KFC, AFC., CFC to ZFC ) 7 . WHO DON t HEAR OTHER S ADVICE., BUT GIVES ADVICE 2 THEIR MATES AS IF HE S d CEO of

dat COMPANY. They doesn t get increments and if they get rarely ., they ll be having bootipul f riends and finishes off his increment. No onsite s nothing !! no marriage., no own house., they hate life like a food without salt and wen their relations ask u r working in PCS, CUNFOSYS., GTS., JCL., hw cum u feel like dis ?? and gets mocks by dem. Who daily meets manager for hearing you have 2 put some extra efforts m an these golden words like an ALL INDIA RADIO . so what iam trying to say is, FIRST CATEGORY GETS IMPROVED IN LIFE AUTOMATICALLY ., leave them., so 2nd category here r sum few 10 tips for you to improve : 1. THE FIRST AND FOREMOST THING. You have 2 go to d company b4 d arrival of d ma nager. And u shud leave d company 1ly aftr d manager s car turns the road. If u r done with dis perfectly, u don t need to work on time. 2. even wen u have a 2 mins work , u shud imagine d WORK like LAUNCHING A MISSIL E 2 MOON. U shud make it as big as a big show. For eg, if ur LEAD tells u 2 make some small changes in the FIELD In an EXCEL SHEET, do it in 2 mins, and inform them as prescribed in d below format. Hi LEAD NAME, As discussed with you yesterday evening over phone, I have successfully changed 3rd row, 4th column of the 'employee details' excel sheet. Please find the updated excel sheet in the following folder path, <<folder path/file name>> Please reply back for any clarifications Thank you, XXXXXXXXXXXXXX, Software Analyst, YYYY Consultancy Solutions, BENGALURU. U shud compose mail for 20 minutes for a 2 min work, and most important -> TEAM MEMBERS, MODULE LEAD, GROUP LEAD, PROJECT MANAGER,, keep them all in CC. 3 . The next most important-> u shud wish them at sharp 12 A.M. on their B.day s, and u hav 2 buy BLACK FOREST. But keep in mind 1ly d 1st piece shud be givn 2 de m and remaining shud be painted on their face. Take those photos in a DSLR and U shud show V symbol using ur forefinger and middlefinger behind their head. post a nd tag them.The same applies for TEAM OUTING. 4 . Never ever back answer or argue with manager. If manager says it and shake ur head. 1+1 = 3 accept

5 . Don t use don t know even if u don t know any. If the manager/ lead asks u abt som e tool / software/ technology on which u dunno even a shit, answer for it bravel y like Its a kind of,Its a sort of, In the sense, usability, modularity, quality, technically speaking , cost cutting, probably, actually, well frame sentences u sing these words. 6. When clients cum 2 visit u., interact with them as if he s ur old friend like,

*What do you think about Indian culture?, *Which one u like most, Dosa or Chappathi? *What will be the future of Indian Software Engineers? ( wen EUROZONE CRISIS com es there for clients and even he doesn t have work in future ) 7 . For team work-> Buy sweets regularly , send a mail Hi All, Sweets at my desk, Please help yoursel ves, 2 ur team mates and gather them at ur place. Then manager cums 2 know about your team work. 8. u shud teach something 2 some1 regularly. NOTE : u shud be loud enough so dat every1 in office cums 2 know dat ur teaching him. Shud advice ur juniors. 9. if ur TEAM goes for a movie , u shud buk them TICKET and CAB. 10 . U shud be in CLEAN SHAVE And in pucca FORMALS like a RAYMONDS MODEL. If u r done with all these , u can achieve gr8er heights in s/w field, can go fo r an onsite, earn like machine and buy a bungalow on outside of the city ECO-FRI ENDLY and paint it in GREEN COLOR and caption it as GO GREEN