OFFICIAL NEWSPAPER OF THE STUDENTS OF MELBOURNE LAW SCHOOL

DE MINIMIS
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2012 Established 1948; Revived 2012 VOLUME 2, ISSUE 8

Rumours of LSS-GLSA Merger Dispelled

2012 has been an interesting year for the Australia legal community. One tide-turning trend has been the introduction of runners into the office by female lawyers in mid-tier firms. I used to only wear runners on the train to work, one tax solicitor tells us, but then I thought, why not wear them in the office as well? Having to change into more uncomfortable shoes upon arrival at work is not only a hassle, but totally inefficient. Every minute not spent on work could detract from the firms reputation. But comfortable footwear has not been the only noticeable change of aesthetics in the legal landscape. 2012 has seen several mergers between Australian law firms and international law firms. Mergers are the future, explains one super attractive HR girl, especially now that we are facing the Asian Century. But it is important to understand the difference between a merger and a merger. While the firm I work for may have engaged in a full merger, some of the other firms have adopted an approach that looks substantially similar to a merger without doing the real thing. I guess you could liken it to the recent Apple v. Samsung debacle. I mean, Samsung products are fully functional but everybody knows that Apple is better. It is unclear whether this leggy HR staff member was making a jab at rival firms with these comments. Regardless, it is of note that firms across the globe are teaming up with each other with the aim of Asia-Pacific dominance. And what does the Asian Century actually mean? Global domination, obviously, explains an international student studying finance at the University of Melbourne. This shouldnt be a surprise. We started off taking over the libraries at elite universities across the globe and have now moved into the realm of economics to unfurl our flags. Asias prominent sneaker culture and growing capacity for mass-production may in fact explain the runners craze which is z being so keenly adopted by corporate women in Australia. Given Melbourne Law Schools status as the frontrunner of law schools in Australia, it is no wonder that rumours have come about of a merger between the Law Students Society (LSS) and the Global Law Students Association (GLSA). The law school is known for emulating the activities of top law firms to maximise the employability chances of its students. But in a press release yesterday, the possible future president of the GLSA dispelled rumours of a merger, saying that the GLSA intends to keep its global reach to itself. This decision is not just about me wanting to be sole president of the GLSA, but its also about the major difficulties of coming up with a name that embodies the visions of both organisations. And if a merger were to go ahead at Monash? Look, all Im saying is that there are more original ways of responding to globalisation than by taking the cookie-cutter approach of merging for strength. We at Melbourne care about original ideas. Tessa Sidnam

More Headlines*
Non-Alpha Law Student Confesses to Feeling Inferior Melbourne Law Schools Disappointing IPO Law School to Back Romney LSS Election Voting Forms Found in Bin New High Court Justice Reacted with lol Monash JD Program Held to be Substantially Similar to Melbourne JD Program Law Library Adopts New 24/7 Opening Hour Regime Melbourne Law Review Merges with MJIL

Local Area Man Brings Case to Overthrow Common Law System, Wins
Warren Hooten, a Darebin kebab shop owner and greyhound enthusiast, was given special leave to the High Court in a bid to overthrow the Australian legal system. Hooten, a constitutional law hobbyist, said outside the court that the proof in his conviction was missing his favourite dog, Stubbie, compete in the regional Division Two track meet. Before Hooten had a chance to begin his submissions; which mostly involved comparing the common law system to that of the Starship Enterprise, the full bench delivered a unanimous decision that he was correct. Whooping and throwing off their robes, the judges stormed the courtroom. While they declined to comment on their judgement, and indeed to write one at all, reports allege that the judges drove by ANU Law School and shouted from the windows 'You should have take an apprenticeship in a trade!' Claire Is

Monday, September 10, 2012

[VOLUME 2, ISSUE 7]

The Naked Body of Law

The media hype over Prince Harrys naked romp could leave anyone with the impression that by stripping off he had broken the law. Of course, its perfectly legal to be clothes-free away from the public gaze, and, in some jurisdictions, even within it. Harry isnt the only Englishman who likes to get his kit off. Stephen Gough, aka The Naked Rambler, was arrested in Scotland in July and charged with a breach of the peace after people saw him walking the streets and complained to the police. He had been released from prison just three days earlier, after serving time for breach of the peace and contempt of court. The breach was leaving a Scottish jail naked after finishing a previous sentence. He was taken to a sheriff court, where he represented himself naked. That was the contempt. Since May 2006 he has been in a series of short sentences broken by the even briefer spells of freedom. Yet earlier in the decade he also managed to walk clad only in hat, socks and boots from Lands End to John OGroats. What explains the laws inconsistent attitude? Gough found the Scots police less tolerant than the English, who seemed more befuddled by him than anything else. Under Scots law, public indecency is covered by Crimes of Indecency and breach of the peace is partly defined as conduct which does, or could, cause the lieges [public] to be placed in a state of fear, alarm or annoyance. The prosecution has very rarely managed to round up any witnesses to claim Gough's nakedness has had any of these effects on them. What is keeping him in prison is simply the theoretical idea that it could. By contrast, in England and Wales, the offence of indecent exposure and other sexual offences were replaced by the more specific and explicit Sexual Offences Act 2003. The Act does not mention nudity as such and is worded so as not to apply to skinny dipping, nude sunbathing, and similar activities. Laws apply only to exposing genitals with intent to shock those who want not to see them. The maximum penalty is two years imprisonment, but this is extremely rare and most cases are dealt with by a fine. In Australia, each jurisdiction has its own laws and prohibitions. S 19 of Victorias Summary Offences Act penalises wilful and obscene exposure with two years behind bars, the toughest sentence in the country, while South Australia seems the most lenient. In the US, laws also vary from state of state. In Oregon, a cyclist participating in the 2008 World Naked Bike Ride was charged with indecent exposure, but the judge dropped the charges, saying his behaviour was protected by the Oregon Constitution under freedom of expression. Oregon has greater protections of free speech and expression even than the US First Amendment, and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) will take legal action to ensure that the right to be publicly naked is protected. Conversely, in Canada earlier this year, an Ontario court upheld the constitutional validity of Canada s public nudity law, ruling that it did not infringe on freedom of expression. Inconsistencies in common law jurisdictions might persuade those inclined to bare all to try their luck in Europe. Each German state permits public nudity to some extent, and it is especially practiced in designated areas of Munich. However, residents of the former East Germany, once known for embracing nudity as one of the few freedoms they were allowed, are increasingly inclined to cover up now that 20 years of the Western lifestyle, including fast food, have led to high levels of obesity.
Bronwen Ewens

Electives for 2013

Students are to be advised that the following subjects will be offered as electives in 2013:

Semester 1 Harry Potter and the Common Law. The Pirate Code and the Law on the High Seas. Suits: A Critical Analysis of the Modern Marvel. Divination Billable Hours and How to Charge More For Them.

Semester 2 Kirby. Discuss. 12 Angry Men and the Fallacy of Reasonable Doubt. Acquisition Mergers and Market Capitals. Celebrities and Crown Immunity Supervillains and Jurisdiction

Intensives High Court Judgments and Interpretive Dance (Feb) The Art of Being Alpha (Summer)

Drinking Games in Legislation (Winter) Judging Judge Judy (Summer) From Baa Baa Black Sheep to the Ugly Duckling: Racial Discrimination in Childrens Literature (Feb) Karate: Practical Tactics for Self Help Remedies (Winter)

Beginners Pottery Outer Mongolian Constitutional Law.

Sesame Street Law Wig Knitting 101

De Minimis disclaimer: some of these things arent true

Monday, September 10, 2012

[VOLUME 2, ISSUE 7]

Law School turned into Love Shack

L IS FOR...
Losers. Losers make me physically ill. The first time I made physical contact with a loser was when I was four (before then my winner parents didnt let me associate with infants that couldnt win at intermediate sudokus, which we were playing in the early 90s because we were winners). I was in the playground at prep (yep, when I was four), and one of the other kids said that I was it when he hadnt touched me and therefore wasnt it, so I punched him in the face.

With the arrival of spring, the Melbourne Law School has decided to implement some new policies. As has been evidenced over the past week, hormones are raging. Spring fever is affecting law students at unparalleled rates. Everywhere you look, the nook, the level one couches, and every potential corner, theres at least one couple trying to get it on. Instead of forcing students to repress these pent up desires, and in line with the policy to promote better mental health, the law school has decided to encourage these love-sharing activities. As the policy has not yet been published, we can only speculate on its exact content. Rumour has it that any public displays of affection will not be frowned up, but rather encouraged. The meaning of public is unclear though. Does it mean that if a couple decide to make use of a classroom for their purpose, distracting the rest of the class, maybe even encouraging more displays of affection that all students (and lecturers) will be forced to delay academic instruction until such displays have ceased? And what about nudity laws? Maybe theres an exception for private property. But is the Law School actually private property? Plus, I dont really think its warm enough in some of the rooms in the law school to go without attire, regardless of the physical activities one might be engaged in. And what happens when the person I really want to show my affection to is showing his or her affection to someone else?!?!?! Clearly this whole policy is detracting from my mental health. But I hope that for the majority of you it helps.
Emma Shortt

Its funny how a broken nose never quite heals.

My life since then has been de voted to winning: Ive never eaten less than nine weet-bix in one sitting, Ive never boarded public transport, and during the London Olympics I temporarily revoked my Australian citizenship. My personal heroes include Jay-Z, Cathy Freeman and Jack Donaghy. This is why my life plan (which stretches 180 years thats right death wont take winning Gen Yers before 2140) includes winning at their pursuits: Im currently recording my first single CH to the Chizzo, Im growing clones of Usain Bolts legs in a vat to later surgically swap for my own, and Im developing a new microwave oven that blows more hot air than ever. Im a winner at hot air. This is why I joined the Melbourne Law School; its full of winners. Everyone here is an established winner to have been admitted, and everyone who remains here proves that they are on the path of continued winning; well, except the students who study international law, because something that is forever subordinated can only be designed for losers. This means that the annual LSS elections throw me its a time when winners lose. Its hard to know who to talk to (winners) and who to pretend to not recognise (the opposite/scumbags). In a race of all winners, is there truly a loser?

Obviously when Melbourne Law School kids lose to another university in an inter-university competition, I delete them on Facebook and black ball them at the Melbourne Club; but when Melbourne Law School kids lose to other Melbourne Law School kids, my amoral compass acts like Im flying over Bermuda in my private jet shaped like a giant penis.
In less than 24 hours after this goes to print, Im going to have to converse with friends, or as I usually refer to them, other winners who may someday assist me win something, who have just lost! This is what I have resolved: if they lose, like a winner, then I shall continue to be mutual winners with them. If not, I will frame them for minor tax fraud and have them expelled from this institution of Ballers. Charles Hopkins is really good at thick sarcasm.

De Minimis disclaimer: some of these things arent true

Monday, September 10, 2012

[VOLUME 2, ISSUE 7]

THIS WEEK IN LEGAL HISTORY

September 10, 2008 Bitten apples lose appeal to Apple On this day four years ago, the US Apple Association lost an appeal brought on behalf of half-eaten American apples against Apple Inc. in the US Patents and Trademarks Office. The class action petitioned by the apples argued against the registration of the computer companys now-iconic logo of an apple with a bite taken out of it, arguing that the grant of exclusivity over such an image would confuse or mislead ordinary citizens as to the nature of an apples function and purpose, which was contrary to the public interest. They also argued that Apple Inc had been negligent in its marketing campaigns, evidenced by the fact that newly formed, unripened apples had suffered irreparable damage at the hands of consumers who were confused about Apple Incs marketing slogan, Byte into an Apple. Counsel for the apples submitted evidence from focus group testing that many people thought they were required to partially consume an apple and bring it as a receipt before being able to purchase an Apple computer. The apples were also concerned that people were throwing away their apples after the first bite because they no longer thought it was cool to finish them, leaving the half-chewed apples exposed to slow, painful decay. However, the Patents and Trademarks Office dismissed the appeal. It held that Apple Inc. was not responsible for the public perception of apples and that it was in the public interest for people to have shiny computers. It also held that the company logo could be distinguished from real, bitten apples on the basis that no consumer could produce the perfectly shaped bite shown in the logo. As for the negligence claim, no duty of care was established between the company and the apples Following the verdict, many halfeaten apples were despondent about the future of their industry. One apple lamented: The decision is disappointing to say the least. We worked hard to fight against this, and this ruling definitely has really taken a chunk out of me. Others expressed similar views, feeling that their efforts against a big corporation had been fruitless. Annie Zheng

ASK AGONY AUNT

Dear Agony Aunts, I have been offered an interview for every one of the 9 firms that I applied to for clerkships. Im just finding it difficult to find motivation to go through the rigmarole of the whole interview/cocktail evening process because I just won the lotto last week, so I dont need a job anymore. What should I do? Loaded Dear Loaded, Kick back, relax, take a trip somewhere tropical, swing on a hammock drinking something that comes in a hollowed out fruit of some kind with little umbrellas and curly straws. Meanwhile, do your good deed for the year, and dole out your interviews to those less unfortunate souls who may not have as many interviews as you. They can gain some valuable interview experience. Just make sure you are certain that you will never get bored of doing nothing at all worthwhile. Auntie Ethel
De Minimis thinks that if you know who this person is, you should punch them.

Kanye Gets Deep & Meaningful on Twitter Leading to Speculation over what the Lyrics of his New Beatz will be
On September 3, @kanyewest went ham on twitter.

De Minimis disclaimer: some of these things arent true