Happy New Anus!

or The Perils of Ignoring the Squiggle

by Phantomimic

ñ
The first thing the respectable reader has to know is that this article
is not about surgical procedures to correct incontinence or some
form of kinky porn. This article is about the faux pas that many
English speakers make when in spoken or written form they
enthusiastically try out their Spanish and forget about or
deliberately ignore the squiggle.

OK, what the heck am I talking about?

I am talking about the wavy line symbol (~) that goes on top of the
letter "n" turning it into the Spanish letter "ñ". This wavy line
symbol is called a "tilde" but here we will call it the "squiggle".
The letter "ñ" has a sound that can be best approximated by the
sound of the letters "ny" in the English word "canyon" and in
Spanish it is called the "eñe": here we will pronounce it as "enye".

Allow me a small digression. The "ñ" is quite a remarkable letter;

it is the only letter in the Spanish language that is not derived from
Latin. The "ñ" arose out of the custom of medieval scribes to
abbreviate double letters like "aa" or "nn" in words by writing a
single letter with a line over it (hence ã or ñ). As the years went by
the only letter that survived this custom was the "ñ". The "ñ" has
also become a symbol of the Spanish identity so much so that
when the European Community in the nineties enacted a regulation
mandating that the letter be dropped from computer keyboards sold
in Spain there was uproar. Both the Spanish Royal Academy of the
Language and Nobel Prize winners weighed in and the regulation
was repealed.

But let's get back to our main topic. The woes of English speakers
with the "ñ" are probably due to the fact that this is the only letter
that the English and Spanish alphabets do not share, thus many
English speakers just write it or pronounce it as an "n". This is a
bad idea as it generates nonsensical words or even worse, words
that mean something entirely different.
A monumental and historical example of this practice in action
involves the fourth largest state of the United States; Montana.
Have you ever wondered what a "montana" is? Join the club. The
actual word is meaningless and was generated when the squiggle
was dropped from the word "montaña which in Spanish means
"mountain".

Similarly dropping the squiggle from some common words like

jalapeño, piña colada and piñata yield the nonsense words
jalapeno, pina colada and pinata. If you are talking to a Spanish
speaker he or she may take a while to figure out what you are
saying.

But what about the words that change meaning when you drop the
squiggle? I have done some research. I took the 2,600 plus words
in the Spanish language that have "ñ" in them and used the
"replace all" function of my word program to replace their "ñ" with
an "n" and then I counted how many of the resulting words were
still recognized by the Spanish spell check program. It turns out
that 198 or 8.74% or the words still have a meaning when you
subject them to this "humiliation". Fortunately for English
speakers many of these words are archaic, or slang, or their
meaning is the same whether you write them with "ñ" or "n", or
their use is confined to some specific countries of Latin America or
regions of Spain. Because of this many of these words are not
featured in all Spanish dictionaries. However, enough of these
words exist out there to create a sizable linguistic minefield for the
imprudent English speaker. Let's take a look.

You may brag to someone that you are going out to "cañear",
which can mean that you are going out drinking, but if you drop
the squiggle and tell them you are going to "canear" that means
you are going to grow some gray hairs. Gray hairs are "canas".
Somewhat related if you tell someone you are going to do a
"cantiña" this means you are going to compose a brief poem with a
musical score, but if you drop the squiggle and tell them you are
going to do a "cantina" you are telling them you are going to do a
"tavern". Hey, happy drinking!

If you are going to teach something you are going to "enseñar", but
change this to "ensenar" and this can mean you are planning to
hide something next to your breast. Make sure the students are not
looking!

If you describe and extremely religious woman as "pechoña" this

means that you consider she exaggerates on her acts of devotion.
But if you describe her as "pechona" this means she has big
breasts. Praise the lord!

If you let someone know you need to change a "pañal" you are
saying you want to change a diaper. But if you tell them you want
to change a "panal" this means you want to change the honeycomb:
sweet.

A man who sells cloths is a "pañero" but if you describe this as a

"panero" you are saying he eats a lot of bread. "Pan" means bread
whereas "paño" means cloth..

You may refer to a woman as a "picaña" which means a scheming

person, but if you refer to her as a "picana" you are saying she is an
instrument of torture that releases electric discharges into body
parts: ouch!

If you say to someone you have a "tiña" you are saying you have a
disease produced by certain parasites in the skin of the cranium.
But if you change this to "tina" you are telling them you have a
bathtub. Imagine the look on their faces: "and your point is"?
If you tell militant environmental extremists that you like eating
"toñina" you are telling them you like to eat tuna. This at most may
get you into an argument. But change this to "tonina" and get ready
to run because you are telling them you like eating dolphin.

When you tell someone you are going to make a "comuña" you are
saying you are going to prepare some cattle feed. Change that to
"comuna" and they will smile and ask you if they can join you
because you have just told them you are going to found a
commune.

"Peña" is a common last name in Latin America and Spain and it

means "rock". So say you meet someone called "Alejandro Peña"
(literally Alexander Rock), if you write or say his name as
"Alejandro Pena" it changes to Alexander Sorrow". "Pena" means
sorrow and that is a depressing last name to have.

Related to the above the term "peñol" means a mountain with lots
of rocks and it can also used as a masculine name but "penol" is a
term that can be interpreted to mean the tip of the penis. It's not
nice to call someone a "dickhead".

If you notice that the hair of a woman who is wearing it in a bun

becomes undone you may tell her to fix her bun or "moño" but if
you ask her to fix her "mono" you are telling her to fix her
"monkey". Just pray that she doesn't think the worst.

A woman missing a finger may be described as "ñoca" but if you

say she is a "noca" you are saying she is a crustacean. That is one
heck of a compliment.

A man who is a dreamer can be described as a "soñador" but if you

call him a "sonador" you are saying he is a noise maker. Don't
think so loud!
If you are going to "mañosear" you are going to act with cunning
and vice whereas if you are going to "manosear" you are going to
touch something repeatedly with you hands until it may become
tarnished. No comments.

These are several of the pitfalls confronting English speakers that

choose to ignore the all important "ñ", but we still have one more
case to review. This case is in fact the most common and shocking
example of what happens when you ignore the squiggle. It happens
towards the end of each year as tens of thousands of English
speakers proudly try out their Spanish sending their friends and
acquaintances in the Spanish-speaking world their well wishes for
the New Year. What they intend to write is "Feliz Año Nuevo"
which means "Happy New Year" but what they end up writing
upon ignoring the squiggle is "Feliz Ano Nuevo" which means
"Happy New Anus". As you have probably figured out "ano"
means anus in Spanish.

To learn more about the "ñ" as well as how to type it using your
word processor see the references at the end.

So there you have it. Spanish is a beautiful and romantic language

but it has its nuances. There are many other issues we have not
touched upon that make communication difficult like accents, verb
tenses, the differences in the Spanish spoken in one country
compared with others or wacky translations like for example
saying "estoy embarazada" (I am pregnant) when you mean to say
"I am embarrassed". But the proximity of the Latin American
continent to the United States and out shared history makes it all
but necessary that we understand each other and master the tools
we will require to achieve this. So next time you try out your
Spanish please remember not to forget the squiggle!

Of course, as we approach this new year I hope all your hopes will
be fulfilled and on behalf of all Spanish-speakers I wish you a:
FELIZ AÑO NUEVO!

REFERENCES

1) Wikipedia article on the "ñ", go to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%91

2) Where did the Ñ come from? By Gerald Erichsen, About.com

http://spanish.about.com/cs/historyofspanish/f/tilde_origins.htm

3) List of words with "ñ", go to:

http://personal.telefonica.terra.es/web/flxcardona/palabras_con_let
ra_egne.htm