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West Middleton Laurel Baseball Club Player Contract

Article IIntent and Purpose The intent and purpose of the Clubs and the Association in entering into this Agreement is to set fort their agreement on certain terms and conditions of employment of all Babe Ruth Senior League Baseball Players for the duration of this Agreement. Each of the Parties acknowledges the rights and responsibilities of the other Party and agrees to discharge its responsibilities under the Agreement. Article IINegotiation and Approval of Contracts A player, if he so desires, may designate an agent to conduct on his behalf, or to assist him in, the negotiation of an individual salary and/or Special Covenants to be included in his Uniform Players Contract with any Club, provided such agent has been certified to the Clubs by the Association as authorized to act as a Player Agent for such purposes. Article IIISalary There will be no monetary salary to be paid to players of the West Middleton Laurel Baseball Club. A player will instead be paid in hard knocks and lessons learned, both of which are far more valuable than money. Speaking of money, all West Middleton players, upon the signing of this contract, are indebted one-hundred dollars to the club. Further negotiations of this price will occur on a person-by-person basis between the President of Baseball Operations and the player and/or his representation. Article IVCode of Conduct The West Middleton Laurel player is not only expected to be passably mediocre in their play, but highly questionable in their integrity and conduct on and off the field. Loud swearing is inevitable and appropriate in many situations, especially those involving umpires. Punishments for untimely or inappropriate swearing may include, but are not limited to, a firm, Hey, cmon, or a strong, sarcastic eye roll. Spiking, tripping, doctoring the baseball, using Jordan Luecks bat and other forms of cheating are viewed as tangible and effective strategies to the extent that the player does not get caught. On the occasion that the cheating player does get caught, punishment will include feigning remorse to the umpire, and placing full responsibility upon Wes Nixon, who should have been the bigger man and done something about it. Pre, post, and in-game use of chewing tobacco is not only encouraged but required. I mean, its smokelessthat means its healthy, right? The West Middleton Laurel Baseball Club is not liable if anyone gets throat cancer. The wearing of EvoShields is not prohibited, but will be ridiculed mercilessly. Anyone who gets in the way of Alex Elliots inevitable, inexorable rise to the Majors will be flattened like a cat beneath a fucking steamroller. My mom died, and my dad killed her, is not a viable excuse to miss a game. Youre going, damn it. Also, subtle variations such as, My dad died, and my mom killed him, or, my parents died, and I killed them, are also not acceptable excuses. Anyone who shows up turnt to a game will inevitably find themselves batting leadoff, catching, and otherwise publicly humiliated.

West Middleton is no place for tolerance. We pride ourselves on fostering an environment accepting of elitism, misogyny, racism, homophobia, and any other form of prejudiced thought. Not knowing MVP Baseball 2005 is punishable by death. Wearing a matching, crisp, and well cleaned uniform is discouraged. A true Laurel player gives the appearance that he got his uniform together in the five minutes before he left. This gives the West Middleton Laurel team its trademark pick-up game look, with mismatching pants, socks, and, if youre lucky, some football cleats and Jordans thrown in the mix. Cal is a pedophile jokes arent funny, because its true. Cal actually does rape little children Nope, never mind, still funny.

Article VProhibited Substances In the face of absolutely zero regulation by the league, and in the spirit of Laurel Baseball, players are given absolute freedom to take whatever substance they wish. So roid it up, cuz we gotta beat CP. Article VIConditions and Stipulations Approval Signed this ____ day of ________________, A.D._____ Player Name (print): ____________________________ of West Middleton Laurel Baseball Club by

Signature: _____________________________________

Approved by Noah T. Stafford, President of West Middleton Laurel Baseball Club, Head of Baseball Operations, Manager and Player

Signature: _____________________________________

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