2 Vol.
XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
news
You Must Be Trippin’
By Alex Berkman
Aer finding mushrooms growing
in their suite three weeks ago, the resi-
dents of room A36 on the third floor of
Whitman College in Roth Quad com-
plained to the university multiple times.
However, they still have fungal growths
in their walls.
Growing up to an inch a day, and
standing between two and six inches tall
overall, the mushrooms were first found
when the girls in the suite noticed the
scent of mildew. Aer searching, they
saw something sticking out of the plas-
tic floor molding. Upon peeling back
the molding, and finding mushrooms
growing out of their floor and wall, they
called the quad office.
“ey [the quad office] said ‘we’ll
send someone to do something about
it’,” Lily Li, 19, said. “e people sent to
take care of the mushrooms were the
janitorial staff who pulled [them up],
but took no long term actions [towards]
preventing them from growing back,”
Sarah Gilbert, 19, said. She added that
they have grown back multiple times.
e mushrooms were most likely
caused by a leak earlier this semester in
the room Li shares with Mira Isaac, 18.
“Two people came to fix the leak and,
aer fixing it [over] a couple of visits,
they did not return. Aer the leak
stopped and dried, the mushrooms ap-
peared,” Isaac and Li said.
On Resident Advisor Nick Malitsis’
door, room A31A, is a white board with
a message written on it. “Nick, some-
thing needs to be done about the mold
Trio of Crimes Shake SBU
By James Laudano
Over the past two weeks, three aggres-
sive crimes have been committed here
Stony Brook. ese three crimes, occurring
within a short period of time, have forced
the University Police to rethink the safety
measures taken to secure our campus.
e University Police held a press con-
ference for the various branches of student
media on October 31. Assistant Chief of
Police Doug Little told the assembled
media organizations, “We take this very se-
riously. We’re doing everything we can to
ensure safety.” He suggested that anyone
who senses something suspicious should
immediately contact the police.
On Monday, October 22, a female stu-
dent was grabbed and pulled by an as-
sailant while she was on a morning jog on
campus. She was able to fight off the as-
sailant, who quickly fled the scene. She im-
mediately contacted University Police.
News Section Preview
Mushrooms in Roth?!
Page 2
and mushrooms in Suite A36. It’s a
huge health hazard.”
Bradley Klusmen, 20, also living in
Until youʼve done them, you donʼt know what it feels like.
A31A with Malitsis, said he also has had
mold in his suite. Mold surrounds the
bottom of the toilet fixture in their bath-
room
On the second floor of Whitman
College, no one complained of leaks or
mold, but the carpet on the floor was
drenched. A hole was cut in the wall
that day, Oct. 25, leaving pipes exposed,
said residents on that floor.
“We noticed it a few days ago,” Klus-
men said, but they have not made any
complaints.
e next day, October 23, an intruder
broke into a female student’s dorm room.
When the resident returned, the suspect
was waiting for her. He surprised and
touched her against her will. In the ensu-
ing confusion, he fled the scene.
e third incident involved a mugging
on Tuesday, October 30. A male student
walking through the Roth Quad parking
lot was approached by two men. ey
asked him for a cigarette lighter and then
assaulted him, hitting him numerous
times. ey then displayed a knife, and
stole his cell phone and wallet. As of this
publication, it is not known whether the as-
sailants were students or individuals who
came from off campus.
Fortunately, none of the victims were
seriously injured or hospitalized. A joint in-
vestigation by the University Police and the
Suffolk County Police Department is cur-
rently underway. e University Police has
increased its amount of patrols on campus
throughout the day and has made an effort
Immigration Rocks SBU
Page 3
To date, four complaints have been
made, three to the quad and one to the
residence office, by room A36, one
Photo Credit: Sarah Gilbert
coming from Gilbert’s father. “My fa-
ther e-mailed the Residence office
telling them what was going on,” She
said in an e-mail, adding that she feels
something was done more quickly be-
cause her father is a lawyer.
e mushrooms were pulled up
again aer her father sent the e-mail.
“In the past they have come two other
times to pull up the mushrooms and
within less than a week they’ve always
grown back,” Gilbert said in the e-mail.
to communicate the need for caution and
safety to the rest of the campus community.
When asked whether or not there has
been any precedent of such a volume of
crimes in such a short period of time, Lit-
tle responded: “We’ve had these types of
situations [before]… but we’re concerned.
Our job is to get back on track…and catch
the bad guys.” Media Relations Officer
Patrick Calabria, who also fielded ques-
tions with Little added, “[We are] taken
aback. is is not something we are used
to.”
“If possible, walk in twos. Contact the
“Dusk to Dawn” program if you feel you
need an escort,” Little added. “With forty
thousand people on campus at any given
time, these [crimes] will happen from time
to time.”
NYPIRG Update
Page 7
News-In-Brief
CompiledbyJamesLaudanoand
AlexBerkman
•ParkingFinestoIncrease
In a move which will draw the ire
of commuter students throughout
the campus, the prices of parking
tickets was raised on ursday, No-
vember 1. All fines were doubled;
with a standard illegal parking
ticket being raised from $15 to $30,
a late fee being raised from $5 to
$10, and a handicapped parking
ticket being raised from $50 to
$100. Wow, they’ve almost made
buying a stadium parking pass
worth the price … almost.
•AörtïcWülfToRockSAC
Renowned Siberian Speed-Metal
ensemble Aörtïc Wülf is set to per-
form at the SAC on Friday, No-
vember 9. Bringing their
trademark style of hard biting
lyrics and break-neck speed instru-
mentation to Stony Brook, Aörtïc
Wülf promises to amaze and enter-
tain.
Led by guitarist Lance “Strat Cat”
Gradenko, who is believed to have
been baptized in the icy-cold wa-
ters of the Volga River, Aörtïc Wülf
is anxious to explode upon the
American rock scene. Vocalist
Kray C. Koleshnikova told e
Press, “You have no idea the sensa-
tion that is about to sweep your
school. We will bury you in the
chaos and unleash the rapture that
is speed metal upon you.”
•Happy Birthday Dolph!
Dolph Lundgren, acclaimed actor
and director, who appeared in such
academy favorites as Rocky IV and
Universal Soldier, turned 50 this
month.
Born Hans Lundgren on Nov. 3,
1957 in Stockholm, Sweden, Dolph
has worked alongside such acting
greats as Sylvester Stallone, Arnold
Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Nor-
ris.
Lundgren also has a master’s de-
gree in chemical engineering from
the University of Sydney and
coached the 1996 Olympic pen-
tathlon team in Atlanta. He has di-
rected such classics as Missionary
Man, Diamond Dogs, e
Mechanik and e Defender.
We encourage all our readers to
send Dolph Lundgren a congratu-
latory e-mail. His e-mail address
can be found on his web-site,
www.dolphlundgren.com.
The Stony Brook Press
“I don’t want your anime comics!”
Our Only Goal Will Be the Western Shore
By Najib Aminy
I sat at the Academic Hall fountain
glancing over to a prospective student
here at Stony Brook with her mom and
dad. She took a picture of her parents
posing in front of the fountain and I re-
alized she is of Latin American descent.
ey discussed their overall day while
I packed my things and headed for
class, until I recalled the demonstration
that took place at the very same foun-
tain on October 31. While most people
were dressing up, or down, for Hal-
loween, the Social Justice Alliance (SJA)
and Student Organization of Latin
American Caribbean Studies (SO-
LACS) held a demonstration for immi-
gration rights. A wall of students
holding vibrant colored posters joined
in unison shouting, “I-C-E, these raids
are racist” to spread awareness of Im-
migration rights.
e specific target of the protest was
the recent raids throughout Long Is-
land, where 186 “suspected gang mem-
bers” were arrested in a questionable
manner. It turns out that, of the 186, 28
were identified as gang members. Nas-
sau County Police Commissioner Lau-
rence W. Mulvey said his department
was misled with the process of the
raids, in which many arrests took place
without a single warrant. e Immigra-
tion and Customs Enforcement (ICE),
against which the protesters were
chanting, is in charge of identifying, in-
vestigating and resolving vulnerabilities
in the nation's border, economic, trans-
portation and infrastructure security.
In addition to these recent raids, the
rally was also protesting the defeat of
Roman Sheydvasser
the Dream Act. Recently, the Dream
Act was voted down on the US Senate
floor, ending its chances of becoming a
bill. e Dream Act, if passed, would
have allowed a passage for immigrants
that were brought to the US illegally. To
qualify, one must prove immigration as
Protestors at the Academic Mall fountain.
a child, five consecutive years of resi-
dence, innocence of any criminal of-
fenses and a high school equivalent
education. It is believed that, if passed,
this bill would help 65,000 students.
Senior Charlene Obernauer and
junior Matias Manzano, representing
SJA and SOLACS respectively, helped
coordinate the event, with the intention
of making the Stony Brook community
aware of the injustices going on in our
own surrounding neighborhood. Ober-
nauer said that the September raids are
“a human rights issue.”
Manzano said that the term “illegal”
should be replaced by “undocumented
individuals. No human is ‘illegal.’ ey
can not be labeled ‘illegal.’”
Manzano stressed the importance of
pushing immigration rights; the gov-
ernment can continue to deport thou-
sands of immigrants, only to have
thousands more come back in. Rather
than go through this unhelpful diffu-
sion, Manzano stated, “some type of re-
form is needed to help rather than hurt
the immigrants.” Manzano stated that a
major cause of immigration is the im-
migrants’ drive to better their lives.
Manzano suggested addressing this by
changing foreign policy on neighboring
Latin American countries. Manzano
did not see this immigration issue
going away in the next five years, ex-
pecting rather that it will affect the up-
coming 2008 election. When asked how
he felt about the right-winged conser-
vative view that strengthening immi-
gration rights only encourages more
people to cross over illegally, Manzano
replied that it is “no problem at all.” If
the rights defined by the Dream Act
Roman Sheydvasser
were to be passed, it would result in
benefits. If the many undocumented
immigrants become citizens, there
would be an increase in the amount of
taxes paid and a greater number of
workers, which would boost the econ-
omy, and lessen the amount of people
suffering from the current law. Rather
than make the process for immigration
difficult, long and hard, it would be bet-
ter for everyone if something could
smooth the process.
Chris Re, a junior and a member of
SJA, said that emphasis should not be
put on preventing undocumented im-
migrants from coming here, but on
working towards a solution to keep
them happy in their home country. Re
went into depth about economic poli-
cies such as the North America Free
Trade Agreement (NAFTA) and how
they hurt Mexico’s workers. One exam-
ple he gave was that the US mass pro-
duces its fruits and vegetables and ships
them off to various countries, including
Mexico. Here, the US plays the role of a
Walmart, and it sells products in mass
quantities for much lower prices, which
hurts Mexican farmers. e farmers
cannot compete with the low prices,
they lose their lands and are le with
nothing. However, they look to the
North for opportunities and they do
anything to provide a better life for
their family, even if that means doing it
News 3
illegally.
In terms of a possible solution, Re
referred to Penn and Teller’s immigra-
tion sketch, where both Penn and Teller
hired a few undocumented workers to
build a replica of the wall that is to be
built to separate Mexico and the United
States. What took eighteen hours to
build took only three minutes to get
through. e projected cost of this 700-
mile wall is about $60 billion, and, as
Penn put it, “what is it worth, to delay
three minutes?” When asked if an elec-
tric wall would do the job, Re re-
sponded, “it would only be a matter of
time before there is a way to cross.”
Jesse Sanchez, a senior representing Phi
Iota Alpha at the rally, said, “many peo-
ple fail to realize that America was a
country built by immigrants, for immi-
grants.”
Asked to articulate the opposing
viewpoint, Kevin McKeon, President of
the College Republicans of Stony
Brook, stated, “[the College Republi-
cans] are not against immigration, but
against illegal immigration.” McKeon
believes that is unfair to “the good peo-
ple that take the time and make the ef-
fort to come in to this country legally
to allow illegal immigration.” Whereas
Manzano argued that stronger immi-
gration rights will be beneficial, in-
creasing tax revenue and the workforce,
McKeon stated that “illegal immigra-
tion is a burden on education, health-
care and law enforcement; taxes pay for
these institutions and, for the most
part, illegal immigrants do not pay
taxes.” McKeon stated, “we must secure
our borders, better funding for border
patrol and physical barriers.” He went
on to mention that the federal govern-
ment should work hand in hand with
local authorities to help cut down ille-
gal employment and illegal housing.
Wall versus no wall, illegal versus
undocumented, rights versus no rights.
It seems that for every “progressive”
step taken by either side there is a set-
back for the opposing side. e termi-
nations of the Dream Act, as well as the
Long Island raids, have led to specula-
tion concerning how and when the
problems related to immigration will be
resolved. Whether something is done
or not, there are millions of undocu-
mented immigrants here, and they are
here for the same reason—to live a bet-
ter life. To boot them out seems inhu-
mane and to just grant them citizenship
seems irrational. And I think back to
the “prospective” student, and think of
what her family must have gone
through to get her here, what the fami-
lies of many have done to live the
American dream. Time is all that will
be le to tell of what happens.
 4 Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007

Editorial Board
Forbidden Clown
Bryan Hasho
editorials
Managing Editor
Rebecca Kleinhaut
Associate Editor
Alex H. Nagler
Fairness For Accused Students
Business Manager
Adina Silverbush Alexandra Borodkin, in an opinion Borodkin is right when she says that hope criticisms like hers reshape the
offering on page 28, writes about a crit- it is “a disgrace” that accused students process. However, we want experienced
Production Manager
Jesse Schoepfer ically important issue: the rights of stu- are denied the most fundamental professionals, people who can dedicate
dents accused of serious wrongdoing. rights—rights which most justice sys- themselves full-time, handling the cam-
Christopher Walken & Co. Borodkin is a long time participant, in tems would allow them. Students who pus’ judicial processes. Even if we could
James Laudano
Matt Willemain different roles, in the Undergraduate have been accused of wrongdoing guarantee that all the students ap-
Student Government (USG). This se- should be protected by, at the very least, pointed to Borodkin’s job in the future
Features Editor
Jonathan Singer mester, she is the Advocate General—a the basic rights outlined in the United would be qualified, a full time course
position created last year; it mimics the States Constitution. It is beyond offen- load could be prohibitively distracting.
Arts Editor job of a prosecutor. We appreciate sive that students facing serious charges So while replacing administrators with
Madeline Scheckter
Borodkin’s article; for the bulk of the cannot face the charges accompanied by student leadership may be the right so-
Photo Editors piece she is right-on, as she discusses a parent, let alone a lawyer. And there lution in most situations—a good ex-
John ‘Caboose’ O’Dell
Roman Sheydvasser the remarkable lack of fairness in the needs to be a measure of accountability ample would be Student Activities—we
university’s system for dealing with ac- for chronic false accusers among the don’t advocate it here.
Copy Editors cusations against students, of both aca- faculty—records, perhaps, of the ratio Last year’s USG Senate commission
Alex Berkman
Nick Eaton demic wrongs like plagiarism as well as of students sent to the judiciary who are which investigated this issue was the
Katie Knowlton more serious offenses such as assaults. vindicated. most constructivea student government
Editor of Sexy We feel, however, that she goes a little Placing undergraduates in charge of effort in a long time. We’d like to see the
Andrew Fraley too far in her conclusion, in which she the proceedings of the university’s aca- USG follow through on that effort, with
seems to suggest that she, in her student demic and nonacademic judiciary does- stronger actions than their futile appeals
Webmaster
Chris Williams government office, should oversee all n’t seem to be the best answer. to administrators who don’t care to lis-
accusations against students. Borodkin is certainly ambitious, and we ten.
Audiomaster
Vincent Michael Festa
Ombudsman
Sam Goldman
Minister of Archives
Alex Walsh
Distribution Manager
Gettin’ It Done
David K. Ginn Jonathan Hirst writes at length takes the time to get into several specific dents more of a say in the student gov-

Staff
Layout Design by
about the proposed new Undergraduate elements. You cannot gather support ernment. We suspect that some of the
Jowy Romano Student Government (USG) Constitu- for the multiple changes of a new con- people supporting this argument are
tion, which recently failed at the polls, stitution without getting into the unfamiliar with the history of recent
in his opinion piece on page 24. Hirst is trenches and dealing with the complex- USG elections. The combination of
currently the USG Vice President for ities. Hirst is right when he sees one of chronic under-involvement and the
Najib Aminy Antony Lin
Kotei Aoki Cindy Liu Student Life, and co-wrote the proposed the weaknesses of the proposal as being uniquely numerous executive has been
Ross Barkan Kat Lund constitution with President Joe An- inadequate public education, and we a problem. Student elections usually in-
Shaun Bennett Tia Mansouri
Alex Berkman Mariana Martins tonelli and Executive Vice President would add public involvement in influ- volve a lot of one-candidate and no-
Andrew Bernstein Leeza Menon
J............C James Messina Nathan Shapiro. When the constitution encing the writing of the constitution. candidate “races.” Nearly everyone who
Whiskers T. Clown Jamie Mignone was voted down by a wide margin last We trust our readers to consider the wants to join the USG Executive, and
Jessica Cordero Steve McLinden
Caroline D’Agati Dana Murray week—in order to pass, a new constitu- several different arguments Hirst jumps through the hoops of running,
Alisha D’Andrea Rob Pearsall tion would ultimately need the support makes. Without getting into all of them has taken office. This is not represen-
Joe Donato Andrew Pernick
Nick Eaton Jon Plaisted of fully two thirds of the students vot- here, we find some stronger than oth- tative—when you go to the polls and get
Michael Felder Jon Pu
Joe Filippazzo Matthew Rammelkamp ing in a USG election—we saw a ers. For example, Hirst makes a good to choose from among one candidate,
Amelia Fischer Nirmala Ramsaran demonstration of how important it is to case for shrinking the USG executive or among zero candidates, the “choice”
Andrew Fraley Kristine Renigen
Jamie Freiermuth Berta Rezik build widespread support before at- council, but we’re not ready to follow his does not give you a say in the govern-
Ilyssa Fuchs Dave Robin
Rob Gilheany Joe Safdia
tempting to make radical change. Be- argument for giving the Senate the ment. Reducing the number of execu-
Joanna Goodman Natalie Schultz fore they feel comfortable supporting an power to expel its own members, with- tives would mean that, if interest in
Stephanie Hayes Roman Sheydrasser
Marta Gyvel Scott Silsbe entirely new constitution, voting stu- out any restrictions as to what does and running for office was the same, there
Mo Ibrahim Rose Slupski dents need to weigh a very complicated doesn’t justify an expulsion. would be more competition for the po-
MC 900 Foot Jesus Amberly Timperio
Elizabeth Kaplan Lena Tumasyan consideration, as the switch would in- Hirst begins by explaining why the sitions remaining. Students would have
Alexander Kahn Ben Van Overmeire
Olga Kaplun Marcel Votlucka
volve many different specific changes at constitutional change would replace the more of a say because they would have
Jack Katsman Alex Walsh once. Our dissatisfaction with some of current USG’s bizarre eleven person ex- more of a real choice at the polls, and
Shirley Strum Kenny Brian Wasser
Larry Lamb Ed Zadorozny the parts of the constitution lead the ecutive with two or three elected lead- the greater competition would hope-
Press to oppose its passage in our edito- ers. The experience of the past few fully weed out less qualified and less en-
The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during rial last issue, even while we see other years backs up Hirst when he calls the ergetic candidates.
the academic year and twice during summer session parts as valuable and important. bloated executive, padded with offices Another important reason for a
by The Stony Brook Press, a student run non-profit
organization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The We appreciate Hirst’s article for two that have virtually no responsibility of smaller executive, conventional among
opinions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints
do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook reasons. First, it suggests the possibil- purpose, “do-nothing.” Hirst goes on to other schools’ student governments, is
Press as a whole. Advertising policy does not nec-
essarily reflect editorial policy. For more information ity that the USG constitutional reform- tackle the ill-informed criticism, di- that student leadership would be more
on advertising and deadlines call (631)632-6451.
Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First ers might get past the frustration and rected at the new constitutional pro- effective. In the debate last year over the
copy free. For additional copies contact the Business disappointment of last week’s loss posal by some members of the student proposed campus-wide smoking ban,
Manager.
The Stony Brook Press (which must have seemed like a lot of public, that reducing the count of exec- some of the non-student authors of the
Suites 060 & 061
Student Union work coming to nothing) to support a utives would make the government less current USG Constitution betrayed
SUNY at Stony Brook
Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 compromise that grows out of broader representative of students. It is overly
(631) 632-6451 Voice
(631) 632-4137 Fax involvement in the discussion. Second, simplistic to say that electing people to
Email: sbpress@gmail.com
DONE on next page
the article is heavy on the details; it more different offices will give the stu-
The Stony Brook Press
E-mail your letters to sbpress@gmail.com
Gettin’ It Done, Continued
DONE from previous page
their contempt for student involvement
in university decision making. This
may illuminate the curious choice of di-
luting the student leadership. Execu-
tives who run unopposed have a
disappointing tendency not to bother
even to show up at, or to prepare for,
meetings of the Executive Council, par-
alyzing the institution. Were the stu-
dents writing all university policy, it
might be important to check a strong
executive that could lean towards dicta-
torship. But the student government is,
ideally, more of an advocate fighting for
us in the larger context of the university
as a whole. For the students to be heard,
we need the strength of a single, unified
voice.
Hirst goes on to defend the change
in the process to remove problematic
student senators. Under the current
constitution, Senators can be im-
peached by three quarters of the Execu-
tive Council. Hirst and his co-writers
would like to change that to two thirds
of the Senate itself. They have resisted
any effort to limit this self expulsion to
specific kinds of violations, insisting
that they need to be free to kick anyone
out for whatever reason they want.
Hirst doesn’t mention it in his article,
but they also want to change the system
so that Senate election disputes, cur-
rently handled by the Judiciary, are also
in the power of the Senate. Taken to-
gether (making decisions determining
who is allowed in, and unlimited power
to throw anyone out) these seem like a
suspicious and sharp increase in power
for a Senate majority over Senators with
whom they might disagree. Hirst re-
peats an argument previously made to
the Press by Shapiro, that the Senators
need to “be able to police themselves.”
We’re not entirely sure what this means,
or why it should be obvious to us with-
out more clarification. Hirst goes on to
assume a malevolent executive, calcu-
lating the best way to avoid accounta-
bility to the Senate. Hirst’s
Machiavellian executives simultane-
5
letters
ously impeach and fail to impeach Sen-
ators in order to stay in office. Maybe
they only impeach the good ones? We
don’t find this argument convincing.
Hirst continues by tackling some of
the other facets of the proposal, such as
the protection of clubs unpopular
among student leaders and limitations
on the government’s ability to change
the Student Activity Fee—collected to
fund clubs, concerts and the student
government itself. The nature of the
complex debate compels him to write at
length, but it is worth reading, given the
importance of the USG constitution to
student interests on campus. We’re glad
he put the time in to engage with our
readers and we hope his efforts help
bring more people into the conversa-
tion—that’s the only way a new consti-
tution might pass.

To the Editor:
I wish to correct an erroneous statement in the October 10, 2007 issue on page 18 in the Kotei's Korner column. e
writer observed a fire drill on Saturday at 12:00 am in Toscannini College and observed that "many residents were drunk."
He goes on to state that they "surprisingly included those (sic) attended Shabbat Under the Stars or would attend Hillel
Sukkot Lunch later." I can state categorically that if the writer observed students who were drunk it was not due to them
attending either of these events. Alcohol is not served at Hillel events with the exception, which is legal, of approxi-
mately 1.5 oz. of sacramental wine that has a less than 6% alcohol content and only one per person is permitted; hardly
enough to make anyone drunk. We also provide a non-alcoholic grape juice alternative and nearly half the students who
attend these functions choose it instead.
Perhaps what the writer intended to say was that he observed drunk students whom he believes are Jewish, which
seems to be supported by his next statement that he "will never understand some of these kids, whether devoted faith
or cultic faith." I'm not sure what exactly he means, but he seems to think that students who claim to be religious in one
form or another should not be getting drunk. On this point, if that is what he means, he may in fact be right, but then
this would not be the first time that people professing a particular belief may engage in behaviors that are inconsistent
with its teachings. at is not a particularly Jewish problem, nor does it take place at any Jewish religious services or pro-
grams held on this campus. It sounds like the writer has some difficulty distinguishing between students who may hap-
pen to be Jewish and students who may participate in Hillel activities, which are certainly not one and the same. It's
somewhat stereotypic to label fellow students so broadly, and in this case it was certainly not warranted to connect what
the writer observed with the Hillel programs he mentioned.

Rabbi Joseph S. Topek

Director, Hillel Foundation for Jewish Life

Rabbi,
I was in attendance of the fire drill that Kotei witnessed and was there (inebriated) with the students who he saw and
claimed were from Hillel. While I agree with all of your points concerning Judaism, wine and differentiating Jewish stu-
dents from Jewish students who do not attend Hillel (I happen to fall in the latter), I have to raise one point: these kids
were drunk. ey had attended a Hillel event earlier that night, exited sober, returned to Toscanini sober but then pro-
ceeded to drink once they had returned. Yes, they had not gotten drunk at Shabbat Under e Stars, but they had in-
deed attended it and got drunk later.

Respectfully,
Alex H. Nagler
Associate Editor

Request an ad packet:
sbpress@gmail.com
6 News Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Food For Thought...
You know, originally these food for thought and quote headers were easy to fill out... But they’ve gotten to be such a chore.
Do you have any ideas for these? E-mail them to sbpress@gmail.com

Hello fellow students, To the Editor:

Regarding Kotei's "Magnum Opus of 8/29". I'm a transfer student and I'm
a commuter, so I'm sure I'll be told that it's none of my business. It wouldn’t
be [the first] time. Be that as it may, I stand up for my fellow student Kotei for
reporting potentially disruptive [behavior] to this environment of growth and
learning. I do this even though Kotei and I have never met before. Don't ever
be intimidated. e price is too high.
In the mere two months I've been here, I've seen enough SWAGGER,
PRIDE, AND PASSION to fill up every campus in the country. Let's all ratchet
up our COMMITTMENT to RESPECT each other more.
ank You Kotei,
Edward F.S. Keller
Transfer Student
History Major
I'd like to take the time to respond to Najib Aminy and Bryan Hasho's article, "Fa-
vortist Funding and Feline Freeloaders," and just say that you're right. e Cat Net-
work definitely did not get the funding they deserved. I know this because as a
former Senator last year, I read their application and I read their constitution. Arti-
cle II, Section 3G of the current USG Constitution guarantees to clubs an appropri-
ate level of funding to carry out their missions. To demonstrate an example of how
this organization did not get what they deserved, they asked for money for vacci-
nations for the cats, which is written explicitly into their Constitution as one of their
goals, and the budget committee last year did not allocate any funds whatsoever for
it. It's a club goal, the USG is constitutionally supposed to fund recognized clubs'
goals, but this part of the law was disregarded and the vaccinations were not funded.
In my opinion, this club's USG constitutional rights were violated. I wonder how
many other times this happened in the budget process last year to different organi-
zations?
Sincerely,
Robert J. Romano

hallo buddy sbpress

be a pimpin baller when you have a big dick
-- antony lkjdfalk
Dear Mr. (Dr.?) Lkjdfalk,
We greatly appreciate your interest in our newspaper and our penises. We
here at e Stony Brook Press strive to be “pimpin baller.” It is my hope, and
the hope of our paper as a whole, to fully realize this goal. God willing, this
gesture of initiative upon your part will steer us through the narrow straits of
penis size.
Mr. Romano,
We thank you for your interest in our newspaper. We strongly value
input from such organizations as yours regarding our sexual prowess.
However, at the current moment we are uninterested in “enlonging our sch-
long,” or “making our jimmy bigger.” We take ire in the assumption that we
“got a tiny cock.” However, we are far from shutting the door on future
prospective penis-enlargement investments.
ank you again,
e Editorial Board

Sincerely,
James Laudano
News Editor

sbpress,

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but also multi-national banks around globe could have deal, the Penguins
organization would be expected to pay
representatives have yet commented on the situation and e almost 4-
year-old Darfur conflict is being fought
all in good health Chief Justice Iikhar is well respected by his Russia:
Iran's Bushehr nuclear power plant to be under high security according to
government

-- Amparo R. Mayberry

Dear Mr. (Sec.?) Mayberry,

Please see the above response to Mr. lkjdfalk’s letter. Perhaps you
should get in contact with him. I smell a business merger!

Sincerely,
James Laudano
News Editor
The Stony Brook Press
By James Laudano, Josefina Felix,
Linda Brown, and Jacquie Lee
Hunger and Homeless Outreach
e NYPIRG Hunger and Homeless
Outreach Campaign held its event,
Trick-Or-Eat, last Saturday and Sunday,
encouraging the neighborhood to do-
nate canned goods to the food pantry
Island Harvest. e event was very suc-
cessful, and volunteers collected over
four hundred canned and boxed goods
from the Stony Brook community. e
next event the Hunger and Homeless
Outreach Campaign will be hosting is a
food drive in front of Walbaums, asking
residents to donate food in the spirit of
anksgiving. is event will be held on
November 17 and 18 from 9:30AM to
2:00PM. e food will be donated to a
local church and Island Harvest in
anksgiving baskets.
e “Jam If You Can” event will also
be held at the end of November. It is an
event that encourages students to get in-
Celebrity News-in-Brief: You Can’t Libel the Dead
By Alex Walsh
Gerald Ford
Recent research has shown that
beloved former President Gerald Ford
was, before his death, involved in a
drug smuggling ring operating out of
his home in Rancho Mirage, California.
Ford funneled the illicit narcotics from
his contacts in Columbia and
Afghanistan through his Presidential
Library, disguising the crates as ship-
ments of Philip Kunhardt, Jr.’s 1999
book Gerald R. Ford: “Healing the Na-
tion.” Aer transporting the product to
his palatial estate, Ford’s extensive labor
force of gay illegal Iranian immigrants
tested the drugs on children clandes-
tinely taken from minority orphanages
by Secret Service agents. Confidantes of
the former President say he was moti-
vated to initiate the operation to see if
he could be as evil as Nixon. His failure
was his greatest shame, and may have
been tied to the precipitous drop in
health that preceded his death.
Siddhartha Guatama
Although Mr. Guatama, commonly
known by his street alias “Buddha,” is
revered by many as an ethical role
model, new information has come to
light that casts doubt on this rose-tinted
view. In many images, Sid can be seen
openly displaying the swastika. It will
volved in homeless and hunger out-
reach, as well as educate them on the
severity of such issues. e admission
will be five non-perishable canned
goods; there will be two keynote speak-
ers, as well as music and games. If you
would like to get involved with some or
all of these events, come to the NYPIRG
Hunger and Homeless Outreach Cam-
paign meetings on Wednesdays at 1 pm
in the Stony Brook Union basement,
room 079.
Environmental Cleanup Campaign
e NYPIRG Enviornmental Cam-
paign is planning a community clean-
up on Long Beach in Smithtown on
November 10, from 11AM to 4PM. is
will be a great way to get Stony Brook
students involved in better our environ-
ment. We are also conducting a letter
drive aimed at making the Bigger Bet-
ter Bottle Bill a New York State law. e
drive will put pressure on Senator
Flanagan, encouraging him to support
the bill. e NYPIRG Environmental
Campaign is also working on generat-
surely come as a shock to the public
that this esteemed figure is a supporter
of the ird Reich. A little investigation
reveals his darker side: how many of his
followers, known as Buddhists, are Jew-
ish? Startlingly few, dear reader. And
that’s just how he likes it.
Edward R. Murrow
A startling deathbed confession
from celebrated entertainer Robert
Goulet has revealed information on a
certain episode in the life of journalist
Edward R. Murrow. According to
Goulet, Murrow seduced him while he
was a child in Lawrence, Massachusetts.
“It was 1946. Ed was doing a speaking
tour aer returning from his war cov-
erage in London,” Goulet explained. “I
caught his eye at one event, and he in-
vited me to come to his hotel that night.
I was thirteen at the time, he was 39. I
was so starstruck.” Although the Mur-
row-Goulet tryst was never made pub-
lic, it le an indelible mark on the
young man. “e first time we made
love, it could probably be called rape. I
certainly didn’t want it. But it became
familiar, and I can’t imagine where my
career would be without him.” Goulet
credits Murrow as the inspiration for
his albums Always You, Two of Us, Sin-
cerely Yours, and Both Sides Now.
Maximilian I
Perhaps because he is not as well
ing comments to be sent to the Depart-
ment of Environmental Conservation
(DEC), supporting the Clean Air Act’s
New Source Review program, which
regulates the amount of pollution re-
leased into the air by major industrial
facilities in New York. e Campaign
also opposes the DEC’s newly proposed
rule that threatens public health by
making it easier for the state’s oldest,
dirtiest industrial facilities to pollute
more without installing state-of-the-art
air pollution controls. NYPIRG Envi-
ronmental Campaign meetings are held
every Wednesday at 1PM in the Union
basement, room 079.
Voter Mobilization Campaig
e NYPIRG Voter Mobilization
Campaign is now involved in an event
hosted by the People’s Party, on October
31. Jonathan Green, the project coordi-
nator for NYPIRG here at Stony Brook,
stood as a panelist in a discussion of
voter’s rights, sexism, and racism within
the voting process. Because NYPIRG is
a non-partisan organization, Green
known as, say, Robert Goulet, Emperor
Maximilian I of Mexico has managed to
pull off a massive coverup of his youth-
ful misdeeds. In 1856, eight years be-
fore he was installed in Mexico by the
French, Maximilian was involved in the
death of dissident Mormon leader
James Strang. e future emperor, then
known as Ferdinand Maximilian
Joseph, Prince of Austria, Hungary, and
Bohemia, had long held a grudge
against Strang ever since the two had
Mr. Aggressive
met at a ball in London in 1850. Maxi-
milian had intended to make an an-
nouncement regarding his naval plans
for the summer, but was upstaged when
a drunken Strang began to loudly ex-
pound on his ideas concerning
polygamy. is led to his reversal on the
issue, a source of many defections from
News 7
only discussed voting in general, en-
couraging students to register to vote.
Green went into detail discussing ob-
stacles that are still in the way of voters
such as ID cards, registration deadlines,
and gerrymandering. e NYPIRG
Voter Mobilization Campaign is host-
ing its “Get out e Vote” projects up
until Election Day. On the Friday and
Monday before Election Day, NYPIRG
interns and volunteers will be contact-
ing over 4,000 students, urging them to
vote. e campaign’s “Rock the Vote”
event will be hosted at the University
Café, from 8PM to 10PM on November
5. is event will educate students on all
the voter’s rights, positions that are
being voted on, the three proposals
listed at the top of the ballot and pro-
vide resources in which students can
find out more information on candi-
dates that they are interested in. If you
have any questions about voters’ rights,
or the voting process, please come to
the NYPIRG office in the Stony Brook
Union basement, room 079.
his church. Maximilian never forgave
this social slight. When Strang’s decree
that female members of his community
must wear bloomers or be flogged
stirred up resistance to his rule, the
Austrian noble saw his chance for re-
venge. Maximilian and a servant
drugged disgruntled Strangite Mor-
mons Alexander Wentworth and
omas Bedford, dressed in their cloth-
ing, and shot Strang. ey then fled to
Canada, fearing reprisal from the
Strangite community, but Wentworth
and Bedford happily took credit for the
plot and were greeted as heroes.
Fred Green
“I totally saw Fred Green sucker-
punch a nun in the gut one time,” said
a source close to the deceased MLB
pitcher who asked to remain anony-
mous. “True story.” e family of
Green, who played for the Pittsburgh
Pirates and Washington Senators over
parts of five seasons, could not be
reached for comment. “He used to do it
to get pumped up before games. He
took out a whole convent before every
game of the World Series in 1960.” e
Pirates went on to defeat the New York
Yankees in seven games.
 8 Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
features
E=MC Kicking Covenant Ass
By Najib Aminy
e notorious gothic vocals and
blue screen mark the beginning of the
so-called end to the Halo trilogy: Mas-
ter Chief ’s last stand against the
Covenant and the Flood in the fight for
existence. Late last September, the
highly anticipated Halo 3 shattered
records in its debut, making $170 mil-
lion in 24 hours, and $300 million in a
week. In addition, more than one mil-
lion gamers logged onto Xbox live, a
network for gamers to play against each
other, making it the biggest gaming day
in the network’s history. ough it has
been over a month since its release, we
here at e Press want to put this sci-
ence fiction game to the real test.
Rather than asking any “ordinary” critic
to give their opinion, why not get a sci-
ence professor’s view of the game?
Welcome Professor Andreas Mayr.
Mayr has long been a professor here at
Stony Brook, teaching various chem-
istry courses from the basic Chemistry
131 to the advanced Inorganic Chem-
istry 376. In the spring, Mayr will be
teaching an advanced graduate course
in inorganic metallic chemistry. He also
researches molecular electronics, which
he hopes will lead to new computa-
tional technology. Mayr is also involved
in a project at Brookhaven National
Laboratory where he, along with a team
of scientists, is working to develop new
catalysts for solar energy conversion.
Mayr attended the University of Mu-
nich both as an undergraduate and
graduate student, and fell into the field
of chemistry due to his interest in biol-
We simply took no
prisoners, leaving an
army of alien life life-
less.
ogy and math—and he felt that “chem-
istry was the field where [he] could
make use of all his talents.” When asked
about what he thought the superior sci-
ence was, Mayr humbly responded, “bi-
ology, physics and chemistry are all
equally important at the practical level.”
Surprisingly, Mayr does have a
background in video gaming, thanks to
the upbringing of his children. Mayr re-
calls the days where he used to play
Super Mario World, Super Mario Kart
and F Zero X. F Zero X proved to be
Inside the Features Section-
Chem Prof. Kicks Master Chief’s Ass
Page 8
Mayr’s favorite game, because, as he put
it, “you could really get into it and de-
velop some skills and get faster and
faster.” He also noted, “the Super Mario
Kart was a great joy because I could
play against my sons.” He continued,
laughing, “And they would always beat
me.” Mayr had little knowledge of what
Halo was like or about, and like many
people, heard about it through the
grapevine of commercials and hype.
When asked about how his expertise in
chemistry will assist him in the game,
Mayr replied, “I cannot really answer,
because I do not know what the game
“Letʼs just go, Iʼm ready!”
is, but I am sure it will make no differ-
ence.” His only expectation of the game
was that it provide some “joy and ex-
citement.”
For those who are still unaware of
the background story to Halo, essen-
tially, the game is set during a war be-
tween three races of living creatures
(Humans versus the Covenant versus
the Flood) all over a series of Halo
rings, a weapon designed by ancient
forerunners as a final attempt to get rid
of the Flood. e Covenant consists of
aliens who range from pesky grunts to
enormous brutes; whereas the Flood
are parasitic creatures that leech off of
all other living creatures, especially
those of the Covenant. e activation
of a Halo ring would cause the destruc-
tion of all life forms in a given galaxy,
and the series of Halos are controlled at
the Ark, which is located somewhere in
the heart of Africa. However, there has
been a split of alliances in the Covenant
ranks, thus forcing the aliens to fight
their own civil war between the exiled
Elites and the rest of the Covenant. e
main characters to this epic story are
USG Madness!
Page 10
Master Chief, a cybernetically en-
hanced super-soldier, and the Arbiter,
a key leader of the Elites. ough foes at
first, they soon join forces and together
enthralled millions of adolescent teens
to middle aged adults on a journey that
will forever be remembered.
e level that Professor Mayr and I
embarked upon was entitled “e
Covenant” which was played on a nor-
mal difficulty setting. is level high-
lighted the many specialties of what
Halo 3 had to offer, featuring a wide
array both of weapons to choose from
and operable vehicle. As the prelude
James Laudano
video ended, Mayr was astonished,
merely by the graphics of the game. As
the level progressed, Mayr found diffi-
culty in the controls of the game, say-
ing that it was “much more
sophisticated than the games I used to
play. ough still a little disorientated,
judging from the numerous enemy
grunts and brutes le lying on the
ground, I could tell Mayr was getting a
little better as he continued to play.
From battle to battle, the duo of
Mayr and myself mirrored that of
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,
maybe even Wyatt Earp and Doc Holi-
day (if you could think of a better no-
torious duo reference, it would be
appreciated). We simply took no pris-
oners, leaving an army of alien life life-
less. Mayr’s first impressions were that
the “game is great; its amazing.” He
continued, laughing, “e landscape…I
just feel a little lost here…” Soon
enough, it was time for the 3.25 ton
killing machine. Yes, the Warthog; es-
sentially, the twenty-sixth century ver-
sion of a jeep, with a M41 anti-aircra
turret mounted on the back. Mayr was
Kotei’s Korner
Page 12
to be lost no more. And, for a second, I
just considered what was going on;
thinking “I am driving a Warthog, with
my chemistry professor firing away on
the turret.” Truly, it was an experience I
will forever cherish.
...they were no match
to the precise fire of
the Arbiter controlled
by Mayr.
e cannon of the turret hot, bullets
flying through the air and penetrating
plasma shields and savage Brutes, soon
it was but an eerie silence. e Warthog
was le with a few dents and scratches,
almost as if no battle had taken place.
As I continued to drive, and Mayr con-
tinued to fire at anything that dared
cross our path, we came upon enemy
Wraiths, an alien tank and ghosts—
which are alien rapid-assault vehicles,
with dual plasma cannons. However,
no matter the enemy, no matter the ve-
hicles they were in, they were no match
to the precise fire of the Arbiter con-
trolled by Mayr. One by one, they all fell
like flies—flies with bullets lodged in
their abdomens, of course. All had been
le quiet on the Western front.
Hopping off the vehicle, we were
just getting over our last encounter, to
the realization that there soon would be
another. e odds seemed against us;
one Spartan, one Elite, and a few
Human marines. Inevitably, we pre-
vailed, attacking the enemy with no
mercy. e time came when we were to
hop back on the Warthog. However,
this time Mayr was to be given the keys.
He was a bit hesitant respondin, saying,
“I am not yet ready for that. I am still
mostly disorientated.” Ultimately, he
was up for the challenge, and comman-
deered the Warthog. His first reaction:
“It’s not as easy as it looks.”
But as with any new driver, it was
only a matter of time until Mayr was
getting better, driving as if there was no
tomorrow. In the beginning he was hes-
itant to drive through the water saying,
“I am in the water; that’s not so good.”
But soon enough he became aware that
this Warthog was not your ordinary
Cadillac, rather it was built to take all
kinds of abuse. Water was a joke to the
Warthog, and Mayr drove through it
confidently. His joyride was to be halted
by a crash, “but these are rocks, this is
not so good.” And good they were not.
We winded up travelling down the a
CHEM HALO Continued on next page
The Stony Brook Press
Buzz, your girlfriend: Woof.
E=MC, Continued
CHEM HALO from previous page
steep hill where Mayr continued to
work on his driving skills.
As we came to the bottom of a hill,
there lied a number of Hornets, a fu-
turistic one-man cockpit helicopter.
Both Mayr and I soon took flight, ad-
justing to the controls of the vehicle.
Before calling it quits, or sparing the
lives of enemy combatants, Mayr man-
aged to get a feel for the Hornet until
accidentally leaving the vehicle while it
was in the air, ultimately leading to his
death.
In terms of the actual gameplay,
Mayr said “it is a lot more complicated
in terms of the hand-eye coordination,
but I am sure once you get used to it
there will be no problem.” When asked
about the chemistry in game, Mayr
The Further Adventures of Dr. Punt’n’stein
By Ross Barkan
An independent investigation into
the fortified mansion of President
Shirley Strum Kenny revealed numer-
ous legal violations, including a monkey
knife-fighting ring, weapons-grade Ura-
nium storage depot, android militia, So-
viet-era ballistic missile and an
underground circus. It is not known
why these items and activities were
present in the Kenny Fortress, but local
police are beginning to investigate the
nine acre, two-moated, thirty-spired re-
treat. e investigation team inde-
pendent of the police force and FBI
known as Alpha S.A.A.E.C.A.F was un-
available for comment.
e investigation was launched into
the Kenny Fortress aer nearby resi-
dents reported hearing muffled
screams, clown noises and electric
shocks emanating from the fortress
basement. ey could not reach the
fortress to request of Mrs. Kenny that
she stop the disturbance, because the
Kenny Fortress is protected with a five
mile long steel gate which, upon further
investigation, was revealed to be elec-
trified. Local farmer Clion Davis was
wandering near Kenny’s property six
weeks ago and was promptly vaporized
by a mysterious laser beam. While
Davis reportedly had not touched the
steel gates, his death caused nearby res-
idents to wonder if his death was con-
nected to Mrs. Kenny.
Investigative teams were able to nul-
lify the electric current running
through the gates with a secret device.
e first squad dodged a rapid succes-
sion of laser beams as they made their
way to the southern tip of the fortress.
replied, laughing, “I wouldn’t look at in
that perspective. It was pure fun. Once
you learn how to move I think it is
more enjoyable.” Mayr also said that the
game managed to be a very good piece
of science fiction, as he enjoys science
fiction “where possibilities are explored
that are a bit outlandish, but not out of
the realm of potential possibility.” Mayr
was then asked, if a biologist, a chemist
and a physicist were to play Halo 3
against each other, who did he think
would prevail. Mayr again humbly re-
sponded, “It has nothing to do with it,
just depends on the motor skills of the
individual.” He went on to say that, “at
a certain age you just can not become
that fast, that’s why my kids beat me in
Mario Kart.” Mayr thought the pros to
Halo 3 were that “you have all these
A monkey knife-fighting ring was dis-
covered in the southern bunker. Sixteen
monkeys, armed with machetes, nail-
guns and polka-dot military vests were
found locked in mortal combat.
Draped on the wall next to the small
ring was a large poster of Mrs. Kenny.
One member of the investigation squad
said that the slogan, “monkey knife-
fighting is RED HOT,” was written in
blood beneath the poster.
Another investigative squad fended
off a swarm of ninjas at the fortress’
front entrance. According to reports,
the front entrance to the Kenny Fortress
resembles a twelh century French cas-
tle. Despite this antique appearance,
advanced technology was found in the
inner lairs. Mrs. Kenny was believed to
be in possession of at least five fully
functional androids. e androids were
dressed in “twelh man” Stony Brook t-
shirts and were armed with rocket-pro-
pelled grenades. One android impaled
a member of the investigation team on
its retractable metallic rod. Despite the
carnage, the investigation continued
deeper into the Kenny Fortress. Ninjas
consistently harassed the investigation
team.
A sixteen-foot high missile was dis-
covered in the Kenny Fortress court-
yard. is came as a surprise because
Mrs. Kenny was never suspected by the
US government to be in possession of a
weapon of mass destruction. Further
inspection revealed that the missile was
a 13k Cosnaut D-grade, a special So-
viet-era intercontinental ballistic mis-
sile. Mrs. Kenny had been suspected of
possible Communistic activities aer
her recent initiative to repaint the Stony
Brook zebra path in honor of the Octo-
ber Revolution of 1917. A test launch of
unique controls, and if it has become
second nature, you can have a lot of fun
and adapt to all these situations. But I
have no way of doing that now.” e
only negative thing Mayr had to say
about Halo 3 is that, “like math,” it is
“only bad for somebody…that has little
practice.” Asked whether or not he
would buy the game, he replied, “Prob-
ably not, because I would feel that I
would have to spend too much time to
get good at it. In fact, I would know I
would never really become that good at
it.” However, he conceded that if he had
time he “absolutely” would.
I originally intended on getting a bi-
ology and a physics perspective, but
was unable to get in touch with profes-
sors who were both interested and
could find time to try the game. How-
the missile from the above ground silo
revealed that both to be, indeed, fully
functional. e citizens of Omaha, Ne-
braska will be dearly missed.
Mrs. Kenny was apprehended by the
third squad of the investigation team.
She was found in lavish quarters, sitting
upon a throne, holding a scepter. It was
reported that two Swedish militiamen
guarded her throne with muskets. Mrs.
Kenny immediately fled but tripped on
her long, velvet cape. She resisted,
briefly, but was quickly silenced by the
squad members. Radiation readings in
her quarter revealed high levels of Ura-
nium-235, enough to build an adequate
fission bomb. Mrs. Kenny denied
knowledge of the Uranium, missile silo,
androids and monkey knife-fighting
ring.
Perhaps the most disturbing discov-
ery in the Kenny fortress was the un-
Ooo-aaa-ooo-aaa-ooo-IIIAAAAA!
Features 9
E-mail The Press at
sbpress@gmail.com
ever, I would like to send my greatest
thanks to Professor Mayr, who willingly
took time out of his busy schedule and
partake in the interview. His reason for
participating was that “he likes to be in-
volved with students.” When he learned
that I was a student in his class, he
gladly agreed; he also mentioned that it
sounded like fun. Mayr’s final remark
about the game was very sentimental.
He referred to actually being in battle
and playing the game saying, “In the
heat of the battle, you can not think ‘oh
I have to go to A or B’—you just do it.”
It appeared that Professor Mayr really
enjoyed the game, so for those who
have yet to buy the game or are still un-
sure, be aware, Halo 3, is so easy a
Chemistry professor can play it.
derground circus, located just beneath
the atrium. All squads of the investiga-
tion team raided the small circus arena,
discovering a trapeze rope hanging over
a pit of flames, a hyena pool, a dozen
chained clowns and a group of nearly
100 Stony Brook students being chased
by an elephant. e elephant suc-
cumbed to sedation, but not before it
devouring several students and a mem-
ber of the investigation team. e
clowns were freed and promptly fled the
property. It is not known why such a
circus would exist beneath the Kenny
Fortress.
As of press time, a bail of $3 billion
has been posted for Mrs. Kenny. Mrs.
Kenny, as well as the androids, ninjas,
clowns, elephant, circus students,
Swedish militiamen and monkey com-
batants were unavailable for comment.
10 Features
Food For Thought
“WHY STONE COLD?! WHY?!? WHY STONE COLD?! WHY?!
By Rebecca Kleinhaut
USG Approves Larger Payroll
On November 1, the Senate of the
Undergraduate Student Government
(USG) approved the Payroll Adjust-
ment Act III, which sought to increase
the pay of student leaders for the third
time in as many semesters. The bill
provided a stipend to the Advocate
General and raised the current
stipends of the Executive Vice Presi-
dent and the President Pro Tempore.
The first part of the bill sup-
plied a stipend to the office of the
Advocate General, which was orig-
inally an unpaid position. The
Advocate General heads the De-
partment of Justice and is in
charge of any investigations
within USG and within any
USG-funded clubs and organizations.
The bill sought to give $60 a week to
the Advocate General, which is the
same amount that serving senators
make.
Alexsandra Borodkin, the current
Advocate General, stated that she cur-
rently spends approximately ten hours
a week in the USG suite. She also said
that she would not seek overtime pay-
ment if she had to oversee any pending
judiciary cases.
Senator John Kriscenski originally
spoke out against the passage of the
bill, stating that he was “concerned”
about the “lack of a job description” for
the Advocate General. He later de-
clined to amend the bill
to reflect his concerns.
The second part of
the Payroll Adjustment
Act included a raise for
the Executive Vice
President. Current
Vice President
Nathan Shapiro orig-
inally made $8.50 an hour, for a maxi-
mum of fifteen hours. With the
passage of the bill, the Executive Vice
President makes eleven dollars an
hour.
Shapiro was asked to explain his
duties as Executive Vice President. “I
know intimately everything the gov-
ernment is doing,” stated Shapiro. “I
really am the President-in-waiting.”
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
It’s $tipendous!
Senator Kyle Grogan concurred, tried to postpone the raise for the Advocate General and
claiming that the Executive Vice Pres- the bill condi- Executive Vice President. “I don’t think
ident is not “on par with Executive tionally, anyone here questions [Shapiro’s] work
Council members on the amount of so it ethic,” said Senator Kriscenski. How-
work he puts in.” wou l d ever, the reactions were decidedly
“The President can delegate the not be mixed over providing a raise for their
majority of the work to the Executive valid fellow senator. Many were concerned
Vice President,” said Grogan. that the legislation was introduced to
Shapiro also brought up the earlier honor Senator Elardo’s work ethic and
increased presidential stipend, which not the actual job description. Senator
was raised by two dollars. “I got left Chris Pitera spoke out against the Pres-
behind,” said Shapiro. unless USG’s ac- ident Pro Tempore’s raise, stating that
The last part of the bill outlined the countant approved the the position is “voluntary” and does
increase in the stipend of the Senate changes. Senator Chris not warrant more payment than other
President Pro Tempore, who is in Pitera, who serves on the senators’.
charge of chairing Senate meetings Budget Com- Senator Pitera believed
when the Executive Vice Presi- mittee, was that increasing the pay for
dent is absent. He or she also not aware of the position would drive
oversees the formation the act until less qualified candidates to
of any ad-hoc com- the day of the run with the hope of ob-
mittees. Senator Senate meet- taining more money.
Stephen ing. He was “Money should not be a
Elardo currently also unset- driving motivational
fills the posi- tled by the factor,” said Pitera.
tion. passage of the act through Senator Grogan defended the act,
Sena- the Legislative Committee. stating that the position warrants more
tor “[The Budget Committee] pay because it requires “more work
Elardo should have been notified,” than the average senator.”
st ate d said Pitera. “It’s what the job requires,” said
that Senator Grogan claimed Senator Grogan. “It’s not that Steve
h e that the accountant had al- [Elardo] is doing more work for the
has ready looked over the budget Senate.”
and approved of the changes, The voting took place in two sepa-
been working “hand in and Vice President Shapiro rate installments in order to prevent
hand” with Executive concurred. Shapiro also warned the presiding officer from participat-
Vice President Shapiro. that “[the] accountant is not a ing in the vote for their own raise, with
Although he is re- part of the process” of law- Senator Elardo, filling in for Shapiro,
quired to spend at making. Vice President of presiding over the vote for the Advo-
least two hours in Student Life Jonathon cate General and Executive Vice Pres-
his office a Hirst also agreed that no pro- ident. Four senators voted against the
week, he told cedures were sidestepped in stipend raise for the Advocate General
the Senate that he the passage of the bill to the and the Executive Vice President, in-
spends approximately ten Senate. “The Budget Com- cluding Senators John Kriscenski,
to twelve hours in the USG mittee...has to fit the Suhas Sreeharshan, Chris Pitera, and
suite. budget into the laws passed, Brian Bader. The vote for the President
Some senators were so overall, changes in payroll Pro Tempore’s stipend increase was
concerned about the would be legislated.” Although evenly split, with Vice President
budgetary feasibility of Vice President Hirst admitted that the Shapiro breaking the tie in favor of the
the act. With the for- bill could have been passed bill.
mation of Southamp- through either committee, Some, like Senator Chris Pitera,
ton’s student the other changes in payroll look forward to further investigating
government on the were previously passed into the payroll increases’ affect on the
horizon, some were con- through the Legislative budget.
cerned about the possi- Committee; therefore, it “We all put in a lot of time [in
bility that the money was brought through the USG],” said Pitera. “We should just be
would have to be pulled same committee “for con- grateful that we are getting paid from
from a separate grant fund. sistency purposes.” the Student Activity Fee.”
Senator Alexander Markow Overall, many senators approved of
The Stony Brook Press
Want your club/organization to trip over themselves?
Proposed Constitution Obliterated
Despite dismal voter turnout dur-
ing the mid-year elections during the
week of October 22, the results were
not without controversy. On October
29, the Supreme Court of the Under-
graduate Student Government (USG)
ruled unanimously to allow Advocate
General Alexsandra Borodkin and the
Department of Justice to investi-
gate a discrepancy concerning
the closing time of the polls on
SOLAR.
During the Senate meeting
on November 1, Borodkin ex-
plained that “an individual”
came into the office and com-
plained that the polls had closed at ap-
proximately 12:15 PM, almost three
hours before the allotted end time.
In a press release dated November
2, Jonathon Hirst, Vice President of
USG Trips on Constitution
By Alex Berkman and Nicholas Eaton
According to a source intestinally-
deep inside the USG, it is believed that
the new constitution may have been
constructed while on hallucinogens,
leaving many tears and swelling around
the organization. According to our
source, university employees were being
paid to scrape mushrooms from the
walls of rooms in Roth Quad and de-
liver them to the offices of USG mem-
bers.
Copies of the new constitution were
found in the offices of Steve Elardo,
Joseph Antonelli, Nathan Shapiro,
Jonathon Hirst and the Senator for-
merly known as Markow, with rem-
nants of mushroom and leover acid
tabs.
Supposedly, the majority of the new
constitution was written while on a
“tooth-grinding, sweat-pouring acid
trip,” our source said.
Our source, who said she could not
be named for fear of being kidnapped
and coerced into participating in the
widely popular USG prostitution ring,
said the constitution was written during
a convention in Las Vegas. While the
USG was to be learning further the ins
and outs of Robert’s Rules of Order, they
were in the desert tripping huge balls.
“I heard Antonelli had a race with a
coyote,” said David Trippenstein, 20.
Rumors on campus have begun to
spread that a yet unidentified senator
Student Life, commented, “many stu-
dents were told that the USG is seek-
ing to overturn the election in order to
put the failed constitution back on the
ballot.”
“The USG was not the peti-
tioner in this case,” said the release.
The proposed constitution was
voted down in the elections
with approximately seventy
percent of the votes. 1,075
total votes were cast con-
cerning its approval.
Vice President Hirst noted
that despite the failed effort to
pass the proposed USG consti-
tution, the members of the Ex-
ecutive Council have tried to reach
out to the opposition to try to find
their biggest concerns. Hirst says that
he believes the proposed constitution
will undergo a few minor changes, as
spent a night in jail for indecent expo-
sure, aer relieving himself on a police
officer’s car.
An ongoing investigation into the
Rendering of the apocalyptic gavel-shaped mushroom cloud that told Shapiro to propose constitution.
discovery of a secret pill compartment
in Senator Shapiro’s gavel has thrown
opposed to drafting an entirely new
constitution, before submitting it to
another vote. According to him, the
current constitution for the USG is not
a solid document, and it displays
many contradictions that make it
hard to run the USG efficiently.
When asked about student par-
ticipation in this previous elec-
tion, he stated that while he was
pleased that it was a relatively
large turnout, there could have
been more participation. Hirst
noted that there was an obvious lack of
communication between the USG and
the student body in getting the stu-
dents to come out and vote. Hirst also
recognized USG’s weakness concern-
ing the communication of details re-
garding their proposed constitution to
the student body, and he has been
looking for ways to remedy this. He be-
open the door to harsher background
checks in the future for eligible USG
candidates. “In addition to several acid
tabs and a small baggy of marijuana, we
were able to dislodge Shapiro’s integrity
and dignity from the very back of the
Features 11
E-mail The Press at
sbpress@gmail.com
lieves that this is the duty of the Vice
President of Communications, but he
stated that he is also helping out by ac-
tively attending meetings for both res-
idents and commuters.
As a result of the impending
investigations, newly elected officials
were not allowed to fill their posts. The
court also suspended President An-
tonelli’s power to appoint cabinet
members and senators in order to fill
the open positions.
New senators include Matthew
Cho, Demaurey Eldee, Priscilla Novas,
Sean Moore, and Matthew Anderson.
The new Freshman Representative is
Kadeem Hylton, who ran unopposed
and received 234 votes. Tae Kim took
the race for Vice President of Aca-
demic Affairs with 59 percent of the
vote.
compartment which was located in the
head of his prized possession. We as-
sume that they’ve been there for a very
long time,” stated Detective Kite of the
DEA. Sources state that Shapiro “clung
to the gavel like a security blanket,” cry-
ing out to Ronald Reagan and his
lawyer for help.
rough a Freedom of Information
Act request, the Stony Brook Press has
obtained Shapiro’s interrogation. In the
video, Shapiro cries and shakes vio-
lently, from what seems to be with-
drawal symptoms. “I’m President-to-be,
you can’t do this me,” yelled Shapiro as
he was taken into custody at the end of
the video.
When informed of the information
we had received from various sources,
Shapiro said, “I can quit anytime.” He
added, “I don’t have a problem, but you
will if you don’t get out of my office!”
Other members of USG began to
notice some changes in Shapiro aer his
return from Las Vegas. “He came back
a different person. He seemed to be
kind of shaky and dazed all the time,”
Chris Pitera, USG Senator, said.
e majority of students seem to
agree with the sentiment of Larry S. De-
monovic, a senior who began at Stony
Brook in 1984. “ey must have been
high if they thought we’d swallow this
shit,” he said.
12 Features
Kotei’s Two Pages
Tree Replanted
During the summer, I started think-
ing about this while staring at the over-
turned soil around Javits Center. e
concrete flooring outside of Javits Cen-
ter was weathered and was safety haz-
ard. So SUNY Stony Brook ripped off
all the concrete foundation. But their
annihilation of the parts of woods and
other trees was painful to imagine.
en the other day as I walk down
the hill from Life Science library, I saw
a few bare trees just lying on the
ground. My first assumption is that
they are to be planted in the dark soil
now surrounds the Javits Center. But
my first thought was about the hydrol-
ogy. First of all, the trees are valuable in
nature because they have vast network
of roots that binds the soil rigidly below
ground. Plantation the grown (or
young, relatively) trees is purely for aes-
thetic purpose because the roots are
nowhere near strong enough to hold on
to the soil. Moreover the soil around
the Javits Center is clearly so.
Trees were removed for the sake of
construction. Although it was neces-
sary to decide on replanting trees, I just
can't stand imagining how the modern
generations are less inflexible to adjust
to the nature. Because trees are re-
planted for aesthetic reason, the selfless
action such as returning trees to the
ground still seems selfish. e best
hope is that the trees will find the way
through the grains to spread the roots
soon.
Net ID
It was simpler time when we only
had to remember SOLAR login infor-
mation and Sparky account informa-
tion. For some, they also had to
remember campusdining.org though
they could just apply SOLAR login and
the site won't say a thing against it.
Now we have to remember Net ID
too. Net ID and Sparky account, if we
use SSH protocol, have to be updated
every so oen. Eventually I get tired of
their asking. So I just interchange pass-
word of Net ID in the simplest scram-
bling. Also Sparky will be complaisant
when I update the current password to
current password. Well, there is no
strict checking for the password up-
dates anyway. Why bother to re-mem-
orize the password every so oen? We
have other things to pack in our brain,
don't we?
SINC Computers
Here is the deal. School must have
invested a lot of money installing the
new system in computer labs. I think
the new system looks very cutting edge
management of computer usage on
campus. But I always question the ben-
efits of the new system.
One benefit must be that each stu-
dent can save files at any station. Like
WebDAV system, users' disk space is
partitioned in independent server.
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Every time someone logs in to com-
puter at SINC site, the computer con-
nects to the user's remote server and
assigns the address to the computer's
Documents folder. So the users do not
need to carry around thumb drives.
One wonder is if managing printing
quota or spying on Internet usage is
easier. So the other day I experimented
on the printing job. I logged in as SINC
guest and printed out. en I noticed
that managing printing job depends on
the printing station, not each comput-
ers. Also it should be noted that the Net
ID is sent to the printers every time
print job is requested. It is possible that
the Internet activities on SINC com-
puters are monitored.
Yo, that's mad OD!
Sparky Password
Here is the loophole. You should
abuse it, until system administrator
corrects the “hole.”
Every six months we are asked to
change the Sparky password. So almost
every semester we have to memorize
password. Some people are clever
enough to limit the choices of words to
help memorize. Some people write
down their password on a piece of
paper in their wallet (or purse, what-
ever). For others, the problem is trans-
parent because the new password is
asked only through SSH terminal. I just
avoid logging onto Sparky through SSH
so frequently. However, consequently
the web page is untouched for over a
year.
When I have to log in and check up
on someone, or tweak my account, I
just abuse the loophole. When I log in,
the machine tells me, “Your password
is expired.” Oh well; thank you for re-
minding me every time I log in, for
years. It threatens me to change or I
lose the access to my account. So I fol-
low their instruction to type my current
password. en aer lengthy notices, it
asks to input new password. But I just
type in the same password anyway. It
can at least tell, “at is your current
password.” en it just let me proceed
to the next and to the prompt. While I
risk of potentially being hacked (espe-
cially when I told everyone about it), I
can avoid the trouble of coming up with
clever password, or new password and
remembering it.
Hot Water on Campus
e other day, I seriously wanted
hot water. My throat was sore and I had
green tea leaves. Unfortunately I haven’t
excavated dumpsters on campus for the
pot. Since food courts have tea, I
thought how overpriced a cafeteria
could charge me. For a fair judgment, I
decided to hide a mug from Queens
College.
First try, at Union, I filled up 32oz
cup with hot water. At the cashier, I
asked, “How much do you charge for a
cup of hot water?” She told me, “We
never charged for hot water, so you are
on the go.” How sweet. I got away from
paying the heated facet water.
Second try, at SAC food court, I did
the same thing and took the same pre-
caution. e cashier charged me 40
cents. It must be so expensive to get
heating on Long Island. ink about
showering. If the mixing of cooler
water allows the control of shower tem-
perature, quite a lot of energy is wasted.
Huh. But of course, at SAC, the cashier
probably charged me for that paper
cup. I thought the plastic cup for foun-
tain soda was subject to charge. Guess
that’s not the only one.
“Have you been
working out?”
Slow Reply and Blame on Students
Recently I was so ticked off by the
IC Webmaster. It took me months
(means for a few semesters) of negotia-
tion and number of visitations to the
Union SINC site for the Sparky account
of my club. You know the ordeal. But
what ticked me off was this webmaster
blaming me through his or her col-
league that it was my fault that my re-
quest on behalf of my club was denied.
So aer reading the lame excuse, I no-
ticed there was another unfamiliar
message. OH! Here’s the message from
the webmaster. at weird, Sparky
screwed up again? Well no. e time
stamp on the message clearly showed
that the webmaster’s message was sent 2
hours 32 minutes before the webmas-
ter’s message. So why am I to be
blamed? So I was expected to reply to
the webmaster in 2 hours 32 minutes.
He or she had to tell me my request was
rejected because I did not reply in time?
Blackboard Cannot Func tion
Under “sunysb.edu” Domain
It’s fun to experiment with Google. I
usually don’t bother setting Instruc-
tional Computing as the home page of
my browsers. I always search “sinc sun-
ysb” for the page. Whenever I search
“blackboard sunysb” I get like two or
three top links from school domain.
Top link actually has the domain name
“sunysb.edu” So I guessed that’s the best
option. Nope. It’s not working; I can’t
reach the login page without verifying
the Secure HTTP. Windows failed the
verification. Mac got through it,
though.
Male Blood Donor
On the ordinary Friday, I was as al-
ways hungry. On campus at noon, I can
only think of Union Commons for the
hot plates. Yeah, Jasmine—but it’s so
“You got butt!”
--Kotei Aoki
isolated. Yeah, Wolfies—but I don’t al-
ways carry around crisp singles. SAC,
eh, it’s not at all “cooked” food. Union
Deli, eh. So on this fabulous Friday, I
entered the Student Union. Look who I
ran into. My friend was holding the
table for Blood Bank. Since she’s fun to
hang out with, I stuck around and held
the table with her.
Later that day I brought the stuff
back to University Hospital. I got ac-
quainted with the person who is in
charge or overseeing the blood drive on
campus. According to her story, donat-
ing blood is actually healthy for guys. I
actually never donated blood because
my parents are always concerned about
infections. I’m pretty obedient guy and
I keep most promises. Disregarding
what they say, I still can’t decide to do-
nate because I still have hard time keep-
ing the weight. If I stop eating, I will
easily lose weight. I’m healthy; I proba-
bly have high metabolism now. Al-
though I think I have plenty of iron in
my blood, I still can’t sign up for blood
donation. All while, I know that donat-
ing blood is healthy for guys.
Spooky Places on Campus
• Fih floor of Melville Library at
midnight
• Basement of Physics building
• Second level in Melville Library that
is closed up from outside except stairs
• Basement hallway in Staller Center
• Bathroom whose tiles are bunch of
small squares with various colors
Dancer, Athlete and Scholar
I am all three, but rest to assure that
I’m not best at anything. inking
about your behaviors is fun. Studying
macroscopic subjects, such as Geology,
Astronomy, Meteorology, are convinc-
ing. Walking through buildings like a
normal person is fun. It’s like shopping
for doors. Who would have thought
that Psychology department puts up a
notice that begs people to take home
their psychology textbooks?
I don’t belong to athletic depart-
ment. Varsity teams would not be ade-
quate for me. Being a manager is
inadequate for the varsity teams. But I
do enjoy intramural volleyball every
Sunday. e Open Recreation depart-
ment cancels on us without prior no-
tice. ey are like, “Oh, I don’t feel like
opening the lock for the net and poles.
So I don’t want to open the lock for the
screwed up kids.” Funny thing is that
they call student employee to decline
our confrontations to open the lock for
us. Seven confrontations are the
charms. If we weren’t stubborn enough
to annoy the student employee and
bring the manager into the ordeal, we
would have never played volleyball on
Sundays. Do they think we didn’t de-
serve prior notice about the cancella-
tion?
I never thought dancing was so ex-
hilarating until the International Lead-
The Stony Brook Press
Kotei’s Two Pages
ership Training Conference of Golden
Key International Honour Society in
summer 2006. I ended up dancing for
the whole night aer Gala dinner. Now
I’m pretty devoted to ballroom dance.
Surprisingly, I became pretty competi-
tive. It was indeed as surprising as my
noticing something about journalism.
Finding partner is always troublesome
because I need a partner as skilled and
tall as I am for the competition. Other-
wise I could have asked my friends;
they are more skilled than I. Same goes
for volleyball, because playing with the
ball with a partner is fun. Oh well.
You know what, it is by itself diffi-
cult to find a friend who is passionate
about volleyball, swimming, or dancing
as I am so that I can enjoy the sports to-
gether. Having someone along changes
the whole attitude for attending in the
sports (or gym, it makes sense to you?)
Your Dream
“What do you want to be when you
grow up?” at’s one common question
for every kid. But for adults, one of the
common answers is probably “child.” If
not too young, “child” perhaps defines
college or high school. Adults probably
know what they enjoyed or what they
wished they continued longer. ey
may be thinking that this girl or this
boy liked them, then that they should
have pursued them. People grow up
with regrets. I’m sure everybody regrets
some time. e difference is if you can
get over it. You need to let go of past if
that is holding you back. You must
move forward.
Even I started thinking that I wish I
were still freshman. Oh man, I wish I
started all the things I started too late
earlier, such as Wind Ensemble, Ball-
room Dance, Intramural Volleyball,
and even AMS classes and ECO classes.
But on the other hand, I can probably
transfer to another school and hope for
credits to not get transferred… Hmm
Hoochie Mama Festival
Even I feel bad for dressing in toga
for Halloween. Halloween costumes are
expected to have some tints of creeps,
if not scary. en the new generation of
Halloween got skinning.
Sure the exposing costumes are
arousing for the opposite sex. Sure
some people like to get compliments
like, "Have you been working out?" or
even "You got butt!" I'm one classy guy,
so I will probably understand the logic
behind the behavior. But I know that
the such costumes are arousing because
they are socially frowned upon or for-
bidden. Naughty nurses are cliche with
mini skirts, exposing chest, and flirty
attitude. e costumes of flight atten-
dants, maids, and school teachers are
also common. For the purpose of main-
taining the professionalism, the attires
for such occupation must not be any-
thing mini. e flirting with customers
are not allowed either. us another
thing to note is that guys get flattered
by fantasizing about taboo treatments
from care takers. I'm sure, for some
girls, that being taken care is also a
turn-on.
Personally I support the equality of
genders. I praise the fight against gen-
der discrimination. Some girls of recent
generations apparently do not embrace
that because they did not live in the
same era. Exposing and showing off
their skin are still their ways to express
their wild side. However, if they think
they deserve to be treated respectfully
now or in the future, they should re-
consider the ways of expressing them-
selves.
When Girls Lie
I'm nowhere near an expert in the
behavior of girls. ere is so much to
learn about girls before noticing their
signs. It seems, though, that it is uni-
versal for one to not understand his or
her opposite sex. eir common ex-
pressions are "I don't understand boys,"
and "I don't understand girls." I oen
argue about that with girls.
But I noticed that girls tend to look
away when they lie. Naturally their
speeches become clumsy while they feel
guilty of lying, cook up lies, or question
themselves if their lying is just. When
girls stumble on speech, you must ac-
knowledge that there must be a valid
reason for the lies. If the speeches are
not awkward, they will still look away.
at's the cue. Looking away is in fact
natural consequence of lying. But I sup-
pose that female have harder time over-
coming the consequence than male
because of the evolutionary develop-
ment.
Knowing Details About You and
Your Name
e foremost basic and the first in-
formation is your name. When you
meet new person, it is a common prac-
tice to say your name. e problem is
that the names does not tell much thing
about the person. e name starting
with “O” suggests the Irish roots.
Repetitive appearance of “y” and “k”
can suggest former Soviet origin. Par-
ticular pronunciation of “x” and “h”
suggest the French roots. Consonants
and vowel clusters may suggest Japan-
ese origin. And so forth. But that's it.
roughout the networking
through Golden Key International Ho-
nour Society members across the globe
and Facebook, I realized the signifi-
cance of knowing the details about a
person. Facebook's default search crite-
ria is the name, so the names can't be
insignificant. But gist of connecting
with your new acquaintance is to learn
about the person. How oen have your
parents insisted that you talk to your
cousins because they believe the family
should have strong bond?
I have hard time remembering the
people's names. I do my best in memo-
rizing the names, by association, by
spelling, by stereotype, by approxima-
tion or else. Instead, I will visualize the
details about each person. At the end,
my new friends are surprised because I
remember so much about them.
Cardozo Police Works and Noise
Recently the RA on my floor, who
happens to live in the same suite, got se-
ries of cooperations with University Po-
lice and all. It's a bit scary that "things
happen."
Just outside of Cardozo, a guy was
mugged and beaten up. He reported to
RA's office with a dent on his forehead.
RA on duty called for University Police
for the investigation. My RA was called
for help too and I overheard.
A month aer the school started,
fire marshal visited Cardozo College for
the inspection. e partially peeled off
floor was apparently fire hazard. en
by the following day, the floor was gone
while the floor was remained sticky
with glue. Aer students' "why"s and
complaints about their soles sticking
onto the floor, the floor was painted
white. My question was, why didn't the
fire marshal inspect before the semes-
ter started. e floor is abandoned for
now and there is no news for the new
flooring
Human adaptability is surprising
phenomenon. e noise of construc-
tion is probably not as annoying as it
used to be in the beginning of semes-
ter. But when I thought construction
was too noisy for us to snooze, there
was something more annoying than the
repetitive keen sound like hammering
or drilling. It was leaf blowers. e
workers just walk by the window and
roar their diesel engine. I know they
want to annoy students, show off their
leaf blowers, and wake us up while as-
suming that they want to clean leaves.
Features 13
“You got butt!”
--Kotei Aoki
So annoying it was, I shut the window
with my foot right by their ears.
What I didn't understand in
the beginning of this semester was how
construction workers of Roth café start
working 7AM to 8AM but then stops
from 10AM to 12PM.ey will give us
morning call disregarding that we stay
up late every night for number of as-
signments. Oh these fellas, you gotta
hate them!
Drinking Game Broke Halloween
Party
On the Halloween, a suite next to
where I live had a big party. Apparently
the girls reside in the suite invited all
the guys possible to their suite and got
wild. Anyhow when I walked out of my
suite for water, I saw the RHD and RAs
at the door. According to what I heard,
drinking game is illegal on campus.
Perhaps it applies only to a certain cir-
cumstance where at least one underage
person is present in the party. Why
can't those college students enjoy party
without alcohol, gambling, getting
wasted and hooking up?
Even I feel bad for
dressing in toga for
Halloween.
Bamboo Before Christmas
Oh Christmas is coming. I am hop-
ing to travel somewhere during
anksgiving. But for Christmas I al-
ready decided what I wanted to do. Be-
fore the semester ends, perhaps a few
weeks before the end of semester, I
want to carry around plantation with
me from class to class. My friend grows
mini bamboos in his room. So I will ask
him a favor so that I can bring the bam-
boos to classes. If I can't show off
Christmas spirit with Bonsai, I might as
well use Bamboo. Why not? I think it
will look as corky as wearing red/green
elf hat in classes.
is weekend was very stressful.
Golden Key just hosted one of the biggest
event. Class presentations are due on
early weekdays. Graduate school appli-
cations are pending. Not to mention the
essays. I need to study for GRE. Under
all the pressure, the class material is not
transparent at all. All the while I wish to
take time for ballroom dance and intra-
mural volleyball.
By the way, I hate to announce that I
may not be able to produce any article
for next issue because that I already
scheduled to attend a weekend event off
campus. I will try to write something but
if I fail to do so, my apology to my read-
ers in advance.
14 Features
Food For Thought
Steve Holt!
Hudgens Apologizes for Lack of 2nd Nude Photo
By Joey Safdia
Almost two months aer the con-
troversial nude photo of actress
Vanessa Anne Hudgens was released
on the Internet, the young star once
again sparked outrage, when she re-
vealed that there was no second nude
photo.
“I want to apologize to all my fans
and the horny Internet surfers out there
who have been patiently waiting and
Googling my name for the past two
months,” Hudgens, 18, said in a public
statement issued on Monday. “But
there has been too much negative pub-
licity over the first one and, for the time
being, I don’t feel it’s in my best interest
to pose for another picture.”
Hudgens, a Disney Channel actress
who stars in the wildly popular High
School Musical movies, was the subject
of much public outcry in September,
when racy pictures of herself, including
a full frontal nude photo, leaked onto
the Internet. Celebrities such as Britney
Spears and Paris Hilton snickered
lightly as Hudgens sincerely apologized
to her fans and explained that the
photo was taken in private and in-
tended only for the eyes of fellow Dis-
ney star, real life boyfriend and lucky
son of a bitch Zac Efron.
e public outcry was almost im-
mediate, coming from many diverse
groups and individuals for equally di-
verse reasons. Males between the ages
of 16-24 expressed anger that the first
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
photo, though described overwhelm-
ingly as “hot,” was simply not enough
to satisfy unspecified “urges.” In addi-
tion, the alleged “lesbian-themed” pho-
tos of Hudgens and her friends have
been considered by most to be a “let-
down,” and have been compared to or-
dinary Facebook or Myspace photos.
Furthermore, many of these males say
they were under
the impression
that there was al-
ready a second
nude picture that
was simply not
yet released.
Many par-
ents, however,
have voiced their
disappointment
over the fact that
there was no
longer anything
for them to
blame for their
children’s misbehavior.
“When Vanessa Hudgens posed for
that disgusting photo, I was able to
blame her for all my son’s misbehaving
and acting up,” said Carol Ventman, a
concerned mother of two and president
of Parents With Children (PWC) and
People For Stating e Obvious
(PFSO). “My seven-year-old son and
nine-year-old daughter are both such
fans of her, and High School Musical.
So naturally, any future sexual mis-
deeds could have been blamed on ex-
posure to Vanessa’s naked body. But
now that she publically apologized with
some degree of integrity, and dignity
and announced that she wouldn’t do it
again, I’ll have to start taking responsi-
bility for my failures as a parent.”
“en again, there are always vio-
lent video games I can blame,” added
Ventman.
Other parents, such as Mississippi
natives Jim and
Michelle Weimer,
have complained
that there is noth-
ing le to com-
plain about.
“It was great.
As concerned
parents, we al-
ways had some-
thing in society to
go on a moral
crusade against,”
said Jim Weimer,
a father of two
preteen girls. “If I
didn’t like a TV show, I could always
convince other people that it was a too
explicit for children and get it pulled off
the air. If high school and college kids
were enjoying a video game too much,
I could make them miserable by hiring
Jack ompson to tell the world that it
was eroding the morality of America’s
teens, or encouraging kids to commit
violent acts. But with Vanessa Hudgens,
there’s nothing to bitch, whine or com-
plain about. ere’s nothing to censor. I
actually have to mind my own damn
business. Would you believe that!?”
“Now that Vanessa Hudgens put her
clothes back on, we actually have to
find something that’s truly important,
such as terrorism or government scan-
dals, to go on a tirade against,” added
Michelle.
e White House issued a statement
earlier this morning, stating that the
Bush Administration has condemned
Hudgens’ decision to only take one
naked picture.
“e President has urged Miss Hud-
gens to reconsider and continue to leak
inappropriate images of herself to the
public,” Press Secretary Dana Perino
told reporters at a press conference.
“Otherwise, there is a chance that the
public will shi their focus, and their
outrage, on the President’s failed policy
toward Iran, the deteriorating condi-
tions in Iraq or America’s failure in ap-
prehending Osama Bin Laden and
winning the War on Terror.”
“erefore, Vanessa Hudgens must
put her career and her reputation at
risk and pose for a risqué photo once
again, or else the terrorists win,” added
Perino.
When asked their opinions on the
matter, the cast of High School Musical
broke into an elaborate three-minute
song and dance routine, with the ex-
ception of Zac Efron, who claimed that,
being Hudgens’ boyfriend, “Either way,
I win.”
The Stony Brook Press
Food For Thought
Matt Willemain likes to go to the bathroom. -Jon Singer
A Surreal Shower of Nuts
By Najib Aminy
Iraq. A country lost in the smoke of
war and the flames of strife. We hear,
read, and view it through the many
media outlets, and what we see is what
we believe. However, on October 24,
2007, many Stony Brook students lis-
tened to the personal experiences of
Time’s World Editor Bobby Ghosh. As a
series of lectures entitled “My Life
as….” held by Stony Brook’s School of
Journalism, Ghosh was the latest jour-
nalist to enlighten prospective journal-
ism students.
Bobby Ghosh, whose real first
name is Aparsim, began his career as a
journalist writing for the Deccan
Chronicle in his hometown of Visakha-
patnam, India. As his career progressed
he soon reported on notable conflict
zones including Iraq, Palestine, and
Kashmir. In 1988, Ghosh started work-
ing for Time in Hong Kong, London
and Baghdad. Until recently, Ghosh
was the Time Bureau Chief in Baghdad
and is now Time’s World Editor. He is
the first non-American to hold such a
position.
Aer a brief introduction by
Howard Schneider, Dean of Journal-
ism, Mr. Ghosh took the stage. He
began his hour-long presentation by
playing a video entitled “Life in the Red
Zone,” which allowed the audience to
envision what Iraq was really like. An
extensive question and answer section
followed the video. Ghosh began talk-
ing about his experience, beginning
with the “knot in his stomach.” is
knot refers to the feeling he gets right
before landing in Baghdad airport. He
described this landing as an ordeal of
fright, one that had gotten the best of a
retired American cop, whom he had to
slap in the face to calm down, and an
ex-Malaysian commando who had
gripped the life out of his hand. Aer
the landing, the tension released in his
stomach. Ghosh spoke about how this
relief was temporary, as the notorious
“Highway of Death,” an eerie road
known for hundreds of insurgent at-
tacks, needed to be traveled upon. Iron-
ically, it is this highway that leads to
Camp Freedom, the US’ largest base in
Iraq.
Appearance can be the sole differ-
ence between life and death. Ghosh had
to acclimate himself to walking, talk-
ing, and acting like an Iraqi. Any hint
of being a westerner would immedi-
ately leave him vulnerable to an insur-
gent attack. Taking the life of any
westerner was essentially “gaining
points” in a game of struggle and sur-
vival. To do such is with the hope of
making it aware that the American
Features 15
E-mail The Press at
sbpress@gmail.com
troops are unwanted. Ghosh went on to nity of either being a journalist by re- advancements in technology revolu-
state “there are more journalists killed porting on what he saw, or being a tionizing the world of mass media, the
in Iraq than in Vietnam or WWII.” He human being by helping out. He put field of journalism must adapt and then
explained that life in the red zone le journalism aside and began the search begin to engage the world concerning
one overly cautious: every spurt of fire for survivors. Aer getting a few peo- what really matters. “Iraq will come to
and every explosion le one to wonder ple out of the rubble, Ghosh’s attention your backyard, maybe not now but
if they would be next. Ghosh went on soon focused on a small hand. soon,” says Ghosh. He went on to em-
to say that there “was not a week that Ghosh claims that he had seen the phasize that the effects of the war will
goes by where I am thinking I should hand move, signaling for help. When be seen soon, whether it is through in-
be somewhere else.” the rubble was lied, all that was le crease of gas prices or an increase in
e red zone is the area located was the corpse of a toddler around six taxes.
outside of Baghdad, a current green years of age. Six. Ghosh carried the life- rough all of the bloodshed, vio-
zone heavily populated by US armed less body. He then continued to search lence and suffering, the biggest thing
forces. A majority of reporting in Iraq for more survivors. And here I am, Ghosh gets out of his experience in Iraq
occurs in this heavily fortified area; laughing at the “surreal shower of nuts.” is the human will to do good and evil.
however, Ghosh felt that in order Ghosh was then asked how he felt He defined this as “observing people in
to get the true story, it was about the United Stats’ apathy in extraordinary situations and observing
best to be close to the story Iraq from a citizen’s view. Ghosh the best and worst of people suffering.”
rather than away from it. simply replied, “It is depressing.” He went on to mention that there are
It was in the red zone Here stands a man that has been just as many incidents of kidnappings,
where Ghosh experi- through the very thick of Iraq, rapes, and murders as there are the
enced a day he will never trying to report on all that can same number of stories that promote
forget. be reported. Sadly, we as a na- the goodwill of the Iraqi people, but
Ghosh was in the holy tion tend to pay more attention nobody gets to hear about them.
city of Najaf, home to the to what Britney Spears is Aer attending all of the “My Life
burial site of Imam doing rather then what As…” lectures, I personally believe that
Ali, a prominent is going on with Mr. Ghosh was the most informative
figure in Shiite our troops and the lectureer out of the three. He not only
sect of Islam. It war that we “pay” gave journalistic insight, but also an
was sometime in for. Ghosh went on idea of what it was truly like in Iraq be-
the aernoon to say that as jour- yond the headlines. To read more about
that a sudden ex- nalists, “we have Ghosh’s experience, one can read his
plosion went off not done our jobs Time article, “Life in Hell.”
in a crowded right.” In the end, the fire is le burning in
marketplace. It was a suicide-bomb. Ghosh compared the war in Viet- Iraq as it awaits the water of aid, truth,
Ghosh had been standing by a kiosk nam and Iraq, and noted that the big and political reform to extinguish it.
that was selling all types of nuts. He difference lies in human interest; where However, if we continue to sit here and
noted that once the explosion went off, in Vietnam there was a dra, in Iraq do nothing, the fire will erupt into an
it was a “surreal shower of nuts.” My there is nothing. e world became en- inferno, and it will be too late to do
first reaction was laughter, being the thused with Vietnam because journal- anything at all.
immature person that I am. However, ists did their jobs right. But now, with
as he con-
tinued with
his story, I
realized
that there
was much
more depth
behind the
story.
Aer a
brief period
of shell
shock and a
constant
buzzing in
his ear,
Ghosh,
along with
a few Iraqis,
went
through the
rubble in
search of
survivors. It
was here
Ghosh
noted that
he had the
opportu-
16
arts&entertainment
Sufjan Stevens Takes the BQE
By Laura Cooper
Suan Stevens, a self-taught singer-
songwriter, is perhaps best known for
his “50 States Project.” Four years ago,
he announced that he wanted to write
and produce an album for every one of
the 50 states in the union. So far, he has
produced two—one on Michigan and
one on Illinois. is year may be New
York’s turn: e Brooklyn-Queens Ex-
pressway has sparked his creative inter-
est.
Stevens, who lives in Brooklyn, will
perform his ode to the 11.7-mile road-
way that runs through Brooklyn and
Queens at the Brooklyn Academy Arts
festival from November 1 through No-
vember 3.
Suan, who plays 20 different in-
struments, started his career in music
back home in Michigan with the folk-
rock ensemble Marzuki. He le the
band in 1999, aer completing two
records, to start his solo career in New
York City.
Saul Williams Finally Liberates Niggy Tardust
By Gustavo Rodrigues Jacovazzo
Poet/rapper/actor/author/artist/
everything-doer Saul Williams is a
master of words. I have been crediting
him as the best rapper on Earth for the
last two years or so, but even when I
say that, I feel as if I’m understating his
talent. He is an artist of many crafts,
and it seems that everything he does is
masterful. A talent like his has not
gone unnoticed by other true artists,
like Zach DeLaRocha and The Mars
Volta, with whom he has performed,
Nine Inch Nails, with whom he has
performed and collaborated, and Nas,
with whom he has become good
friends. Even with all these acknowl-
edgements from other peers, he doesn’t
seem to have found a large enough fan
base.
He has had an album in the making
for quite a long while, and I had given
up hope of hearing it anytime soon,
when out of nowhere he announces its
release. Trent Reznor of Nine Inch
Nails produced The Inevitable Rise and
Liberation of Niggy Tardust, and it is
the most important album released
this year. Reznor, who has lately back-
lashed against major record labels, ad-
vised Williams to take the In Rainbows
route and release the album on his own
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Once in New York, Stevens attended
the New School for Social Research and
dedicated his time to producing his first
album, A Sun Came. is album estab-
lished him as a gied instrumentalist;
he recorded all his own instrumentals,
solidifying his jangly sound and epic
storytelling. Steven’s complex tales are
the result of years of working towards a
degree in writing, first at Hope College
and later at the New School, where he
graduated.
Steven’s grounding in
religion is evident on
many of his albums...
2001 marked the release of Stevens’
sophomore album, Enjoy Your Rabbit.
Enjoy Your Rabbit focused on the Chi-
nese zodiac and featured a borderline-
electronic sound for each of the signs.
Unlike his first album, this one was all
instrumentals, with no vocals.
via the Internet for free or for a small
price.
Williams put the album up on the
Internet at NiggyTardust.com which is
where he gives the listener two options:
acquire the album for free or donate
five dollars to the artist and download
the album at a higher bit rate. Most
people do not notice the difference be-
tween bit rates, so Williams is not re-
ally short changing people if they
choose to download it for free. He has
faith that people who want to listen
will support the artist who has worked
for years on this music. So this is al-
ready a bit different from the In Rain-
bows release. Now, let us consider the
fact that Radiohead is arguably the
biggest band in the world and Saul
Williams is an unknown. Radiohead is
in a position to gain a lot of exposure
while Williams is not. This experiment
could fail horribly. This is why I am
writing you this article.
I was awake at 2:17AM on Novem-
ber first when the album came to my
mailbox. I was very excited about lis-
tening to this, and six tracks in, I ut-
tered the words, “album of the year.”
Little did I know that the second half
of the album was better than the first.
The album came with a full color
booklet in a PDF file.
The album opens with “Black His-
tory Month.” The track is a straightfor-
Arts Calendar
French Wine & Food Seminar
11/8, 6:30pm, Wang Center 301
In 2003, Stevens’ in-depth musical
journey through his home state of
Michigan, entitled Greetings from
Michigan: e Great Lakes State, re-
ceived critical acclaim and made many
critics’ end-of-year lists. Showcasing his
literary writing style and attention to
detail, this heartfelt concept album was
the first in the “50 States Project.”
Stevens’ next album, Seven Swans,
was released in March 2004 and was the
result of a Christian-folk side project.
Stevens’ grounding in religion is evident
on many of his albums, especially Seven
Swans, which, it could be argued, was
the least-well received in his mounting
discography.
Following Seven Swans, Stevens
went back to his states project, releasing
an album focusing on Illinois. His four
months in isolation researching the
state resulted in a flowing record that
pays homage to Illinois and its defining
characteristics: the farmers, steel facto-
ries, parades and rivers that make up its
landscape.
Illinois was enthusiastically received
in the indie rock community and be-
ward rap track with some slurred vocal
experimentation in the background for
the chorus. At this point, you cannot
really tell this record is going to be as
big as a departure as it is, but as soon as
“Convict Colony” starts, you can tell
the album just took a different turn.
The track showcases more of a rocker
than a hip-hopper, which is evident by
O fucking G
the live sounding drums. Saul is half-
rapping and half-singing this track.
Singing is a much bigger part of this
album than it is on his past efforts.
This adds a whole new dimension to
the music. The third track,
“Tr(n)igger,” reminds us all of some
early Public Enemy before Williams
makes it his own. “Tr(n)igger” is filled
with heavy lyrical themes. At one point
Saul raps, “Would Jesus Christ come
Aortic Wulf: Live
11/9, 7PM, SAC Ballroom A
yond. Stevens’ anthem “Chicago” got
radio play and widespread attention.
His record label, Asthmatic Kitty, which
he founded with his stepfather early in
his career, took up a Brooklyn office,
and Stevens became its sole staff mem-
ber.
Stevens’ two most recent albums are
e Avalanche- a collection of outtakes
from the Illinois record, and his own
Christmas record, complete with four
CDs of material he sent to friends and
family over the Christmas holiday in
addition to remakes of classic holiday
favorites.
e singer-songwriter’s latest ven-
ture, e BQE includes a short film shot
by Stevens about the famous roadway,
as well as a medley of songs written
about and inspired by New York gener-
ally, although mostly of the BQE. His
signature intricate melodies and inten-
sive story-like lyrics are definitely going
to be present in his latest work, which
adds to an extensive discography that
will hopefully include a record on New
York State in the near future.
back American? What if he’s Iraqi and
here again? You’d finally have to face
your fears my friend.” While tackling
racial discrimination throughout this
song, the beat fades, and Williams
questions those who will, unfortu-
nately, probably not be listening,
“What do you teach your little children
about me? Pimp? Thug? Bling? Drug
lord?”
In the next couple of tracks we see
Saul venture further into unfamiliar
waters by covering U2’s “Sunday
Bloody Sunday,” taking a possible pot
shot at 50 Cent (“Hear him speak so
properly ‘cause every word is measured
against meaning, probably scheming to
unlearn us. Don’t you call him by his
name, white people call him Curtis”),
and experimenting with his vocals in
“DNA.”
As he flirts between his old lyrical
based methods and his new more
melodic and structural approaches, he
realizes that he has found a middle
ground. Williams said that he has fi-
nally made an album he feels entirely.
This is hard to accept when listening
back to those amazing older tracks, but
we see how the mixture works. The
second half of the album sees him
using his vocals more creatively than
ever. He whispers, groans, and sings
WILLIAMS continued on next page
The Stony Brook Press
Now in Theatres
Arts & Entertainment 17
Dr. Zhivago The Brige on the River Kwai A Brief Encounter A Lean Night, Bitches!!!

A Review of Michael Moore’s Sicko

By Ben Van Overmeire
e message that Michael Moore
brings us in his new movie is easily out-
lined: US healthcare is quickly nearing
a state of total coma, consumed as it is
by greed and bad policy. Sicko, like
Fahrenheit 9/11 or Bowling for
Columbine, throws us right into this
mess: we meet people who are forced to
choose which finger they like better
(only one will be reattached), or desti-
tute fiy-year olds who move in with
their children’s families because they
simply cannot pay their health bills
anymore. One quickly gets an uneasy
feeling that these people are very close
to us (middle class, decent house, nice
TV, healthcare plan.) en cancer
strikes, and the wise men that comprise
medical personnel at pretty much all
big American health corporations
begin their weighty task of denying
money to patients. A tumor becomes
“not life-threatening;” a critical opera-
tion, “experimental.” And so, pretty
well-off people in one of the wealthiest
nations on the globe die without any-
thing being done. But America would-
n’t be America without its courage. I
write this without any sense of irony:
despite all the setbacks, some citizens of
the US keep up the good fight, as their
forbears did, so long ago. Moore shows
several of these people who, despite
being weighted with a brain tumour or
a black lung, do everything they can to
struggle back. One example is the
young schoolteacher who drives to
Canada to apply for the medical means
to kill her cancer. e way to do it is il-
legal, but that seems to matter little
when your lifespan has suddenly be-
come traceable on a calendar.
e movie—it’s impossible to call it
a documentary, since it presents a par-
tisan, one-sided view without any pre-
tence to objectivity—gradually moves
toward a more general analysis of the
problem. Why is health care in America
crap? In Moore’s view, the one respon-
sible is clearly that ol’ devil called capi-
talism. Also to blame are the
Republicans, more specifically Richard
Nixon, who, thirty years ago, seemed to
think it was a great idea to leave health
care in the trusted hands of private cor-
porations instead of bothering to or-
ganize a government-based, centralized
system. is loveable crook seems to
have been very much aware of the con-
sequences of what he was doing: costs
would go up; he did not care. us,
health care slowly became the uncaring
monster it is today. A brief, starry hope
in this darkening world was Hillary
Clinton, whom Bill put in charge of
health care reform in the nineties. But
money got in the way; over $100 mil-
lion was spent in blocking Clinton’s at-
tempt to save America’s future sick.
Whereas Moore clearly presents Hillary
as a lone warrior against Big Capital,
the opposite is to be said about his old
favorite, George Dubya. In a brilliant
sequence, he analyzes a new bill by the
Bush administration that, essentially,
makes medicine more expensive. Polit-
ical leaders appear onscreen and, legis-
lator by legislator, are characterized by
how much money it costs to buy each
one’s support. It would make me sick in
any other country, but here it’s obvi-
ously not worth the risk: I need my beer
money.
As Moore’s investigations continue,
he himself becomes more and more vis-
ible. Of course he’s there from the be-
ginning, represented by his vintage
annoying voice that shoots ironic com-
ments and rhetorical questions to his
audience. But later on the guy himself,
shaven but still with baseball cap, walks
across our screen as a lone heroic cru-
sader in a world gone really bad. is
begins when he takes his investigations
abroad and talks to numerous Euro-
peans. e most classy of these repre-
sents a long-gone era of glory and
propriety only still glimpsed in Great
Britain. When an exasperated Moore,
who has just concluded that medical at-
tention costs practically nothing in the temporary reality: people are afraid, ap-
UK, asks this unique character, a retired athetic and enslaved to what money
member of Parliament, why this is so, wills. It depends upon whether one ac-
the latter’s answer is simply, “It all cepts or rejects that situation.
began with democracy.” Looking over As for me, I’m a sucker for socialism
his heavy glasses and at home between (which is essentially what universal
gold-framed portraits of almost every health care, instituted in almost every
statesman of the twentieth century, the civilized first-world nation except
venerable man, a smile on his aristo- America, is akin to). I cried. Luckily, I
cratic lips, goes on to expound upon was able to hide my emotions from
how democracy works, and how it pro- people sitting next to me. One might
tects those who have little from those think the objectivity of this review en-
who have absurdly much. dangered. Regardless of what you
e filmmaker’s amazement does think, though, Michael Moore’s Sicko is
not subside once he reaches France and an overwhelming filmic argument for
finds a similar situation existing there. an essential cause. Go see it before you
Everything seems to be bon in Paris, vote. Please.
where the Frenchman chain-smokes,
drinks himself into a stupor and still Sicko played last Friday at Staller.
lives longer than the average American. e DVD is already available if you pre-
Moore here becomes a somewhat more fer beer, crisps and the smaller screen
rotund and less gay Socrates, posing of your laptop.
inane questions to people to get at the
truth of the matter. is role of the
comic idiot, while amusing for a while,
gets irritating in the long run—a dis-
ease affecting pretty much all of his
movies. Yet this movie is, in some re-
spects, superior to his earlier work: the
inclusion of fragments of film noir, Star
Wars and Stalinist propaganda movies
is not only funny, it is also pretty in-
ventive. at it accentuates the ironic
aspect of Sicko further cannot be
avoided. Although this irony makes the
movie a little less powerful than it
might have been, it may be hard to
avoid. e full weight of this dinosaur-
scale problem would be too much for a
two-hour movie, anyway.
e moral though, is inescapable:
something has to happen, and it needs
to happen fast, before more of Amer-
ica’s citizens—not models of health in
the first place—die broke, without any
reprieve. e solution is simple: the
government needs to be afraid of you. Sicko
And I mean you and me. Well, not me, Michael Moore
as I can’t vote here. But definitely you.
e opposite is an absurdity in a
democracy anyway, but Moore makes a
pretty strong case that this is our con-

Saul Williams, Continued

WILLIAMS continued from previous page
beautifully throughout. The trip-hop-
pish “Raw” is very reminiscent of
“Tricky.” A slow, low, almost eerie beat
leads our mind to sexual territories. In
“Skin of a Drum” and “No One Ever
Does,” we see him hit an emotional
high. In “Skin of a Drum,” he franti-
cally raps to the chorus, while in “No
One Ever Does” he sounds like he is
nearing tears while singing over a
piano loop very reminiscent to Fragile-
era Nine Inch Nails.
Saul closes the album out with “The
Ritual,” a song he has described in
track notes with, “I felt like I was con-
juring the devil. Then I remembered
that there was no devil and kept danc-
ing. Dancing through the mayhem is
Niggy's story in a nutshell. I almost
opted against putting this song on the
album, but, truly, it wouldn't be com-
plete with out it”.
This is a very powerful album and I
doubt that anything else this year is
going to come close to it. It is the evo-
lution of an artist. Product of two
great, completely different minds,
working together. Saul Williams and
Trent Reznor made an album that is a
force to be reckoned with. Now, if only
people hear about it! This is where I
implore the reader. Look into Saul
Williams. Youtube and Myspace
should give you a good idea as to what
he’s about and of how talented this
man is. Once you’re nice and ready,
head over to NiggyTardust.com and
get the album. If you choose to pay the
five dollars, know that you will be sup-
porting an amazing artist who needs
the support and who made this album
with his blood over the last couple of
months. Support the music if you can,
but if you cannot or do not, I’m sure
you will love it either way.
18 Arts & Entertainment
Billboard’s Top 4 Albums
1 Shit On A Whore
VMFX 2050
Moonlight: A Cheap, Insulting Knock-off
That Uses Cheap, Insulting Tools to Muddle
Its Lack of Originality
By David K. Ginn, Where the “K” Stands for
“Knock-offs Blow”
I’m going to describe the plot of a
TV series. See if you can guess which
one it is:
A handsome, dark-haired vampire,
deciding to help people instead of
harming them, becomes a private in-
vestigator in Los Angeles. There, he
deals with cases of predators who try to
work above human law, while at the
same time coping with his vampire ten-
dencies. Fortunately, he is aided by a
slim, street-smart friend with super-
natural secrets of his own. Also in the
mix is an ambitious girl with an enter-
tainment-style personality who wants
to make it big in the media world.
Adding to their problems, though, is
the lead character’s still-lingering at-
tachment to the woman who sired him-
and was also his long-time lover. Now
on opposite ends of the battlefield, he
must find a way to set his emotions
aside so he can combat her evil-doings.
Which show have I described?
a) Angel (1999-2004)
b) Moonlight (2007-)
If you said “a”, you are correct! But
wait! If you said “b”, you are also cor-
rect. If you’re really good at trivia, you
said both “a” and “b”, making you even
more correct.
So how can such an obvious cheap
knock-off get past this problem? We’ll
start by analyzing Angel, and seeing
how it got past a similar problem itself.
Joss Whedon had done Buffy for
three years, and was himself ready to do
a project that was incomparably darker,
more mature, and richer in themes and
character evolution. Eventually, Buffy
moved toward this as well, working ex-
cellently with its overall theme of
teenagers growing up and facing the
real world. Angel, however, started
there and explored a group of people
who aren’t growing up or coming to
terms with realities of adulthood; in-
stead, the show explored the dynamic
between people who have all achieved
that adulthood. The concept of a vam-
pire in Los Angeles who works as a pri-
vate investigator was the perfect set-up
for this plan.
Angel, however, had a predecessor.
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
2 Antique Dreams
Alex Walsh
Forever Knight, a Canadian series about
a vampire who becomes a homicide de-
tective in Toronto, was clearly an inspi-
ration. However, Joss Whedon
possesses creative talent that prevents
him from being able to do knock-offs.
It’s like a chip in his brain. Like most
contemporary authors, Whedon chose
inspiration over theft. He decided that
the concept of a vampire cop working
in a big city was a brilliant backdrop for
the kinds of stories and themes he ulti-
mately wanted to tell. What he created
was something completely new, using
elements passed down through gener-
ations.
Moonlight, however, is insulting. I
may have had a more open mind to the
show if it had at least taken place in an-
other city, or had anything about its
plot that differed from Angel. The cre-
ators could have easily had the show
take place anywhere. They could have
easily made him something that’s not a
private investigator. How about a vigi-
lante? A vampire who scans police
scanners and such, waiting to catch
predators? How about a vampire who
gets his orders from some “God”? That
would add a great level to the show.
What if he were a Detroit astronomer
vampire who also happened to be an
empath? He could feel pain through-
out the city, feel all the suffering, and he
would convince himself that its karmic,
punishing him for the wrong he’s
caused while helping him make
3 Syriously Syrian
Warria
amends for it. He works out physics
problems for universities and govern-
ment agencies, and they pay him for it.
Then, at some point in the show, a uni-
versity asks him to be a nighttime pro-
fessor, and he accepts, thus making him
lead a double life as a college instruc-
tor/vampire vigilante. Then, when the
government learns of his true nature,
they try to force him into working for
them. There. Right now, on the spot, I
drew inspiration from one amazing
show, one pretty damn good show, and
an entire history of text from which
they drew their inspiration, and I’ve still
managed to create something interest-
ing, fresh, and original.
Ultimately, that is what the creators
of Moonlight lack. Whereas Joss Whe-
don was able to very closely mimic an-
other series’ plot and still be
remarkably, ground-breakingly origi-
nal, Moonlight‘s creators are not. They
seem to lack the chip in their heads that
regulates the execution of something as
directly inspired as their project.
Still, I gave it a chance, and I will
not concede that my judgment was un-
justly biased. Biased it was, but unjustly
it was not. The show’s plotline, even
when going into specific details, mir-
rored another show’s exactly, without
offering any callback or acknowledg-
ment. There have been far more
loosely inspired texts that still do the
post-modern secret handshake of ad-
mitting that they’re inspired and plant-
4 Rhythms of My Dick
Nigga Nate
ing obscure references of their inspira-
tion within the text. Moonlight, not
doing any of this, becomes an insult be-
fore the first second of the pilot episode
even airs.
Now, here we are at the zero-point
of the timeline. The show’s starting.
Let’s watch.
…
Wow. You know, I allowed myself
to hope that maybe, even being such a
rip-off as it is, it would still be good. I
would only have to suspend my outrage
over the show’s theivery long enough to
become entangled in the plot. Then,
over time, I’d be able to accept both
Moonlight and Angel as fantastic shows.
After all, Angel showed me that I have
an ability to absolutely love vampire
private detectives.
Unfortunately, Moonlight‘s execu-
tion is as bad as its conception, but,
oddly enough, on a completely differ-
ent level. The plot of the pilot episode
is a typical, borrowed story, but in no
way stolen. It’s the kind of plot many
shows do, including Buffy, Angel, For-
ever Knight, The X-Files, Supernatural,
ect. It’s solid, safe ground to start from.
Plus, it has the potential to draw the-
matic parallels between the hunter and
the hunted. It could explore that they
are essentially the same person, thus
making every difference between them
a vital clue as to why they’re on oppos-
ing sides of good and evil.
Instead of doing anything interest-
ing and thematically thought-provok-
ing, the episode runs through the
motions. All thoughts on theft and in-
spiration aside, pretending I’ve never
heard of Angel or anything else like it, I
still can’t say this show is very good at
all. It’s cliché-ridden, predictable, and,
most frightening and offensive of all, it’s
painfully mainstream.
Lastly, in a cheap effort to cloud the
giant, glowing knock-off nature of the
series, several very tiny, pseudo-revolu-
tionary differences are condescend-
ingly explained to the audience within
the first two minutes. Half of these
tools are directly meant to do nothing
else but stir some mud into knock-off
lake. The other half, though, are lame,
overeaching and unearned attempts to
be hip and progressive. This, in other
cases, has strong potential. In Moon-
MOONLIGHT continued on next page
The Stony Brook Press
Now in Theatres
Arts & Entertainment 19
Jon Singer’s “The Occupation” Homie Spumoni Knockout and A-Fray Go To Wendy’s SS Bajwa: A Tribute Docudrama

Morrissey at the Frankenstein Ballroom

By Gustavo Rodrigues Jacovazzo
I was very excited about seeing
Morrissey, so I purchased a ticket that
cost me about $80 aer fees (one more
reason to hate Ticketmaster). I wasn’t
worried about the fact his date in June
got cancelled. In fact, I actually thought
about this show every single day from
the time I bought the ticket until Octo-
ber 27th (the fourth night of a five night
residency and only one which I had
planned on attending). Every other
show I attended between September
first and October 26th were all just “not
Morrissey.” I had fallen in love with this
man and his words, and I just could not
wait. Was it all worth it?
As Morrissey walked onto the stage
wearing a tuxedo, he introduced the set
with a plea: “Momma. I want to sing!”
e crowd roared back in acceptance.
He remembered that it was the birth-
day of his old band’s final record, the
Smiths album Strangeways, Here We
Come, and this reflected the set list a
great deal. “Stop Me If You ink
You’ve Heard is One Before” from
that same album proved to be the per-
fect set opener for what would turn into
a very memorable night. He followed
“Stop Me” with one of his own hits,
“e Last of the Famous International
Playboys.” For the sake of keeping po-
litical songs topical, a lyrical substitu-
tion was in order: “In our lifetime those
who kill, Fox News hands them star-
dom.” One of the many lyrical substitu-
tions of the night, was in the song “Irish
Blood, English Heart,” where the singer
crooned, “I’ve been dreaming of a time
when Americans are sick to death of
Republicans.” He tackled popular music
with an attack on Rolling Stone maga-
zine, and in a scathing performance of
“e World is Full of Crashing Bores,”
he attacked world governments for not
seeking peace more effectively with
“Death of a Disco Dancer.” Although
Morrissey ranted, most of the ranting
was reserved for his melodies.
Although the set had its fair share of
political moments, Morrissey is famous
for singing to the heart. e set had
Smiths songs, B-sides, and solo mate-
rial, yet the crowd knew all the words
to all of the songs. ey sung, mouthed,
cried, danced, and jumped around to
them. “Stretch Out and Wait” pleas-
antly surprised and stirred the crowd. I
have a theory that Morrissey can sing
about anything and make it beautiful.
is was never more evident than when
he sung “Jack e Ripper,” a song that
greatly humanized the serial killer and
proved to be a great crowd favorite.
Aer this night I myself had to add
Morrissey to the short list of acts that
stirred me to tears with a live perform-
Our protagonist...against a wall
ance. e Smiths ballad “Please, Please,
Please, Let Me Get What I Want” rang
through the speakers at the Hammer-
stein Ballroom (or, as Morrissey called
it, “the Frankenstein Ballroom”) in the
second half of the set. I remembered
that it had been a long time since any
band has made me feel this way. It re-
minded me of the power of words and
melody. It was a beautiful moment,
matched only by the next night, where
once again, the song was played. But
this time, the man cried with me.
At the second night, much as in the
first night, Morrissey closed the set
with perhaps one of the most famous
Smiths songs, “How Soon Is Now?,” his
voice crackling with emotion, and as he
walked out for his encore, the crowd
was preparing. As the man returned
with a fresh shirt and voice, the people
were ready for their moment with him.
As he lead his band into “First of the
Gang to Die,” droves of people shied
forward. ey crowd surfed, jumped,
and leapt over the barricades as secu-
rity tried to get them under control. He
shook the hands of those that didn’t
make it as security dragged them back
into the crowd, but some had made it.
As a man climbed upon stage, he
hugged our hero, and the hero hugged
him back. Security would clear the
stage, but more would come. e artist
had craed a relationship with his fan
base through honesty, loyalty, and de-
votion, and he returned it in humble
form. One who cras his words so well
deserves this much praise, to the level
where a handshake, hug, or touch will
be remembered forever by its recipient.
It is the highest form of flattery, and no
matter how many tickets are sold or
how many people attend, it is some-
thing almost impossible to replicate.
May true artists live forever.

Moonlight, Continued
MOONLIGHT from previous page
light, however, the creative team goes
out of their way to stand on the shoul-
ders of centuries of accumulated
mythology and storytelling, all so they
can light up a cigarette and claim it’s all
a bunch of bull. Talk about biting the
hand that feeds you! Being so overly
and shamelessly unoriginal and bur-
glarizing, you’d think the show would
at least pay some respect to its prede-
cessors when mentioning them. In-
stead, the first two minutes of
Moonlight give off the impression of an
arrogant teenager who sits in a room
full of college professors and tells them
he’s got a “new lesson plan” for them.
It’s not the nearly total departure from
collected mythology and folklore that
bothers me. Honestly, it’s not. It’s the
arrogance in its presentation that does.
The lead character, answering ques-
tions in a dreamscape interview, slyly
lays the rules down for everyone, smil-
ing like a smug prick as he discredits
nearly every pre-established piece of
folklore one by one, offering humorous
remarks at the end of each that push
him over the edge of Arro-
gance Falls.
I know that people will
love this show, but I also
don’t see it being very suc-
cessful. Most people who
love this show will likely ei-
ther not have any idea what’s
come before it, like main-
stream shows, especially
when plugged into cult-fran-
chise-ideas (an idea that is
usually reversed for an inter-
esting result, taking the cult
ideas and surprising both
the network and audiences
by slipping them into a
mainstream bracket), or,
simply, dumb people.
I must extend my
thanks to the creators of
this show for taking cult
TV and making it main-
stream, as non-cult-like as
possible, and forcing its ar-
rogance, both of its blatant
rape and theft of its prede-
cessors and its new-vam-
pire-on-the-block attitude,
down its audience’s throat.
Stay away from this uno-
riginal, self-glorifying piece
of television garbage, un-
less you want to see bits of
your life taken apart and
ruined.
Left: dark-haired entertainment personality who helps
the vampire succeed as a Los Angeles-based private de-
tective.
Above: street-smart half-human sidekick who also helps.
20 Arts & Entertainment
Nuovomondo: The Golden Door
By Jack Katsman
Nuovomondo (in English, The
Golden Door) is an Italian film di-
rected by Emanuele Crialese, taking
place in the early 1900’s, during one
of the major periods of immigration
to the US. At the beginning of the
film, the main character, an Italian
man named Salvatore Mancuso, de-
cides to travel the United States. Stuff
happens, and then he, his mother and
two sons get on a boat. On the boat,
he meets an Englishwoman, Lucy
Long Island Rocks Times Square
By David Robin
Long Island has been the home of
many popular bands which arose over the
past few years. Two newer bands from the
Long Island area that are just becoming
popular are e Sleeping, hailing from
Massapequa; and Bayside, hailing from
Central Islip and Bayside, Queens. What
happens when these two up and coming
Long Island bands play together in the
heart of New York City? Insanity. Com-
plete insanity. e last time I saw both of
these bands play together was back in
2005, when they played at Club Ritual in
Levittown (with Paramore, and local
bands NovemberKills and A Late De-
sign.) While that was an awesome con-
cert, it doesn’t compare to October 26 in
the Nokia eatre in Times Square. e
official name for the concert was the “Vic-
tory Records 2007 United States Tour,”
and it featured five bands that are signed
to Victory Records, with Bayside as the
headliner.
I arrived at 6:15 with my sister, and I
was worried. e ticket said that doors
open at 6:00 and, thinking about my ex-
periences at Roseland Ballroom and Irv-
ing Plaza, I thought that I was destined for
a long wait in the rain. However, aer a
five-minute wait, we were inside and, aer
having our coats and bags checked, we
walked in and hung out on the floor, real-
izing that it was only 6:25. Aer a boring
wait, the house lights went down at 7:00
and the first band, Driver Side Impact,
walked onto the stage. ey are listed on
Myspace as experimental, emo and ambi-
ent. If you think that this is a good mix
then you would like them, but they just
didn’t interest me. ey are one of the
newest bands signed to Victory Records,
they and played songs from their new
album, e Very Air We Breathe. ere
Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Reed, who is travelling from Italy to
Ellis Island.
The movie has strange, trippy mo-
ments. For example, whenever Salva-
tore thinks of the promises of the New
World, he dreams of large vegeta-
bles,or money growing on trees (be-
cause that’s what he thinks happens in
the United States.) After speaking to
another emigrant about ‘Calaformia’
where the river runs milk, this image
becomes the focus of his phantas-
magoria. An interesting story ensues
after Salvatore and his family arrive at
Ellis Island, and you see all five mem-
bers of the Mancuso troupe get
were a few fans that crowded together in
the front but most were just observing
from behind. Driver Side Impact tried
their best to put on a good show, espe-
cially considering that this was their sec-
ond time in New York City. eir first
time performing was apparently in front
of three people, so this was a big step for
the new band. Aer a twenty minute set,
they hyped up the other bands, and the
anticipation grew as A Day to Remember
prepared for their set.
A Day to Remember had a very inter-
esting sound that was distinctly melodic
hardcore but also included elements of
punk and is also listed on their Myspace
as pop-punk and hardcore. Many
fans were into them and,
while they have been
around a bit longer than
Driver Side Impact, their
popularity still surprised me. A
huge mosh pit opened up as many
people, including my sister and I,
were pushed hard to the side. ey
started off with “Fast Forward to
2012” which seemed to work as a
short introduction, and then they played
some other songs off of their newest
album, For ose Who Have Heart. ey
mixed this with a few songs off of their
older album, And eir Name Was Trea-
son which many people seemed to know
about. ey played a hardcore cover of
“Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson,
and the fans moshing to this song made
my night. ey ended their set with
their most popular song, “e Plot To
Bomb the Panhandle,” which is my
favorite song of theirs. ey really
seemed to connect with the fans,
and I think they are definitely worth
checking out if you are into the
screamo/post-hardcore genre.
e next band, June, added to the di-
versity of the show. June is listed as
Pop/Rock on Myspace, and their sound
was much more mellow than the previous
through the testing there. There are a
lot of moments of hilarious cultural
difference. For instance, when seeing
the skyscrapers of Manhattan, Salva-
tore genuinely asks if animals can also
ride up and down in the “wooden
boxes”—the elevators.
It is very good, judged either sim-
ply as a film or specifically as a foreign
film. It’s coming to DVD on January
8, and played at the Staller Center
Main Stage as the beginning of the
New Italian Film Festival on Novem-
ber 26.
bands. While I was not into their music
very much, they had an interesting set.
ey were introduced with a rap song that
I wasn’t familiar with. People who were
sitting in the seats behind the floor ran out
and started dancing to it. Later in the set,
June claimed that one song was about
smoking weed and having sex in the
backseat of your car, but I couldn’t make
the connection. At one point, on the com-
mand of the lead singer, the fans started a
dance circle like Soul Train. Aer a twenty
minute set, they thanked the fans and set
the stage for the headlining Long Island
bands.
At this point, the show
truly began, the fans were re-
ally into the homegrown
talent. e fans were
buzzing while e Sleeping
was setting up, and when
they ran out onto the stage,
the crowd exploded. Doug,
the lead singer, fed off of the
energy of the band’s fans
and proved his insanity.
During the set, he stage
dived three times and
frequently jumped
down to sing with the
fans. He also jumped
around throughout
the entire set. e
Sleeping have a
unique sound that
mixes alternative,
post-hardcore, and
screamo. e band
played many songs
off of their
newest album,
Questions and
Answers, including “Loud and Clear” and
“Don’t Hold Back”—which is a bonus
song on Guitar Hero 3. Doug set up the
acoustic guitar to play “King of Hearts,”
but the microphone didn’t cooperate, and
he ended up just tossing the guitar and
Nuovomondo
Emanuele Crialese
finishing the song without it. Like at all
Sleeping concerts, the fans chanted, “If
your heart was broken, you would be
dead.” is lead to the playing of the song
and an insane mosh pit. Aer a half hour
set, they departed to chants of “one more
song”—a request which unfortunately
was not granted. Excitement raced
through the crowd as the headliners, Bay-
side, were up next.
A member of the anti-suicide organi-
zation To Write Love on Her Arms, who
first spoke about that group, next intro-
duced Bayside. e fans were restless and
chanting for Bayside during his speech,
but he still tried to get his positive point
across. Bayside came out next to a huge
ovation, and they started off playing
music from their newest album, e
Walking Wounded. ey played “Duality,”
which is receiving airtime on Fuse, as well
as “ey’re Not Horses, ey’re Uni-
corns,” and the title song off of the album.
ey mixed in older music off of their first
two albums, Sirens and Condolences and
their self-titled album. ey also played
“Megan” off of their acoustic album,
which was a rare performance. Almost all
of the fans were singing to every song and
everyone seemed to be into the music. It
set up an amazing atmosphere and really
made the concert special. Bayside played
for almost an hour, and aer the same
“one more song” chants that were heard
for the Sleeping, Bayside played two more
songs. At the conclusion, nobody in the
theatre seemed disappointed. e show
ended at exactly 11:00 and the only obsta-
cle le to us was to get back to Stony
Brook. Other than the two-hour wait at
Penn Station, it was an amazing night.
The Stony Brook Press
Inside the Opinion section-
TV Writer’s Strike, Oh No!
It’s a T.V. Nightmare! Writers Go On Strike!
This Page!
Ho l l y w o o d’s
two decades of
labor peace shat-
tered ursday,
November 1, as
television and
movie writers con-
Andrew firmed they would
Bernstein embark on an in-
dustry-wide strike
for the first time since 1988. Hey, that’s
the year I was born! Before a standing-
room-only audience of 3,000 Writers
Guild members in the Los Angeles
Convention Center’s West Hall in
downtown L.A. ursday night, the
Writers Guild of America (WGA) Ne-
gotiating Committee, on behalf of the
WGA West and the WGA East, an-
nounced its unanimous recommenda-
tion to call a strike against the television
networks and film studios that make up
the Alliance of Motion Picture and Tel-
evision Producers. e two guilds rep-
resent more than 12,000 writers.
Writers are demanding that they be
paid higher residual fees for television
shows and films on DVD. ey are also
asking that pay schedules be set up for
other digital outlets, such as the Inter-
net and mobile phones. So far, the Al-
liance for Motion Picture and Television
Producers has been unwilling to listen
to these concerns. In the case of new
media, producers want to get a better
sense of how programming for the Web
and cell phones will be valued by the
marketplace.
How will this affect us as T.V. view-
ers? Well, the first shows that will be af-
fected by this strike will be the late night
talk shows with Jay Leno, David Letter-
man, and Conan O’Brian. ey rely
heavily on comedy writers for mono-
logues and skits. e next shows to go
off are the soaps. Well, those I don’t care
Two D’Twat
Just when you
thought that I’ve
said all that there is
to say about
Hillary Clinton,
our Demonatrix
strikes again. Po-
Nick sitioning herself
Eaton quite skillfully
upon the crotch of
the fork in the road, Clinton has devel-
oped a sure-fire defense against partisan
attacks. Just as slippery as her husband,
but only half as charming, Clinton has
successfully avoided labels by excelling
at the kind of doubletalk only Orwell
himself could have envisioned.
Anarchy In The USA
Page 26
about. But a lot of older adults who
watch these daily shows will really hate
that. However, the most important
shows are in the primetime schedule.
ey’re tied into advertising revenues.
ey won’t get hit right away, since a lot
of scripts have been written already;
they start production in the summer.
But the episodes comprising the second
Read a book, read a book, read a motherfucking book.
half of the season for dramas and come-
dies have not been written yet, so it
could affect February and May sweeps
if the strike lasts that long. Hopefully, it
will not.
is is going to be tough for me. But
I’m going to have to take one for the
cause. Yes, bite the bullet, because I be-
lieve in the writers getting their fair
shake. I will be one of the most affected
T.V. viewers, since I watch nineteen
Henri Queuille once stated, “Politics
is the art of postponing decisions until
they are no longer relevant.” If this
is true, Hillary Clinton is the
queen of politicking. Slither-
ing through the proverbial
cracks, she plays the
game of semantics
like a seasoned
pro. Deliberately
vague in her re-
sponses, Clin-
ton has indeed
mastered the
textbook defi-
nition of elec-
tability. How
The Constitution Should Have Passed
Page 28
scripted shows per week! If you believe
me, then you probably think I have no
other life. If you don’t believe me, then
I’ll name them all for you, in no partic-
ular order: Heroes, Prison Break, How I
Met Your Mother, Big Bang eory, e
Office, House, Family Guy, Bionic
Woman, Carpoolers, Smallville, Boston
Legal, Life, Samatha Who?, Journeyman,
Mr. Toad
Chuck, Saturday Night Live, Friday
Night Lights and Lost. I guess that’s only
eighteen shows. at was a waste of
time.
And this strike is not just affecting
T.V. It might also affect the movie in-
dustry. ere are a lot of scripts written
already for films and movies, so it’s pos-
sible movies really will not be too af-
fected, but who knows? All I can say for
sure is that filling in for all the prime-
has the Democratic Party devolved into
such a horridly baseless and ugly thing?
To herald a political hack de-
void of all conviction as
their champion is to
turn their backs
upon the very
platform of the
up c om i n g
e l e c t i on :
change.
We have
h a d
enough of
the wolf in
s h e e p’s
clothing; or at
21
opinion
time scripted shows, that won’t be writ-
ten, will be more and more reality
shows. Oh, and I predict that when
American Idol comes back in January,
the show’s producers are going to out do
even themselves, getting even more
viewers if there is no competition. So
instead of their typical 30 million view-
ers like last year they might get 50 mil-
lion viewers each week this year.
Despite everyone getting bad news
about the strike, American Idol seems
to be the victor again. Maybe this is a
conspiracy. ey probably set the
whole thing up just so they can further
dominate in the ratings, those bastards.
Well, I’ll be one of those 50 million
viewers tuning in to see Simon Cowell
make berating comments about people
who should only sing for terrorists to
try to extort their secrets.
I do think the writers have a legiti-
mate reason to strike, even though I’m
not happy about it. Writers never get
the respect they deserve. ey’re just
asking for a little more money. And I
think the television and movie industry
bigwigs can afford it. All anyone cares
about are the actors and the directors,
but there would be nothing to direct if
there were no scripts, and there would
be no acting if there were no scripts.
Aer all, who writes the script? at’s
right, the writers do. I’m not saying that
the actors and directors aren’t impor-
tant, because they’re a huge part of the
whole production. Just let it be known
that the writers should be treated as
equals and not inferior beings, like in all
those movies when the aliens come
down to earth and think that all the hu-
mans are inferior. Humans and aliens
should be considered equals, except for
Clark Kent.
least, I have.
As of late, there has been consider-
able bashing of the Democratic “candi-
date of hope” Barack Obama. Critics
follow the “one in the hand is worth two
in the bush” mantra, failing to take
Obama’s bait for an honest and open fu-
ture in the beltway. Others, however,
have fallen in line with the likes of the
“faithful.” If the alternative is perpetu-
ally static and deceitful politics, what
could potentially be worse? It’s a gam-
ble, but a gamble worth taking. At best,
John Lennon’s Imagine will become the
next national anthem. At worst, we’ll
end up with a black, male Hillary Clin-
ton. Bullocks.
22 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press.
I’m an Anarchist
and I Don’t Hate
The Troops By Marcel Votlucka
First, let it be known that I despise
the State and everything it stands for.
Let it also be known that, as long as peo-
ple like me exist, Judgment Day forever
reigns over this amoral, criminal insti-
tution. Let it further be known that I
am under no natural obligation to sup-
port its functions monetarily, morally,
or otherwise – the only reason I coop-
erate is because I will be arrested, de-
tained, and imprisoned if I fail to do so.
If I resist too boldly, I will be shot by the
cops. So it goes.
So if I hate the State so much, why
don’t I hate the cops or the troops?
After all, it’s a fairly common thing
among anti-authoritarian circles to
sneer at cops, soldiers, or any armed
agent of the ruling class. Look at the in-
famous riots during the G8 protests in
Seattle back in 1999, where anarchists
and others battled with the cops in the
streets as the corporate fascists looked
on from their suites. Counter-cultural
music and art is filled with motifs of re-
sentment and resistance against armed
authority figures.
To be quite honest, despite my con-
tempt for the State and its violent wars,
unjust extortion, and wanton abuses of
power, I find it rather hard to conjure
up a reddened face, a trembling fist, an
agitated mood, and a mouthful of spit
when I see a politician or soldier or cop.
Oh, well. Maybe I’m just a bleeding-
heart after all.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.” I’m
not a religious person but this phrase
keeps coming to mind when I think on
this topic. It’s the only concept that
comes close to describing my position.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
To be annoyingly precise, it’s hard
to hate and condemn everyone for be-
lieving in and supporting the State
whilst I pay my taxes and obey its edicts
like everyone else. After all, a small part
of my salary went to pay for the bomb
that killed a kid in Iraq today. I’m not a
collectivist, but considering that we all
are forced to pay into this system, we all
share a part of the collective blame for
its acts. We are a part of that horror,
whether we like it or not.
And yet…the mailman is at worst
an example of ineptitude, not a petty
tyrant. The crossing guard is not Darth
Vader. The clerks at the court where I
did my jury duty a couple months ago
were not agents of Satan. The cops I
pass in the train station doing random
searches are not genocidal maniacs.
And the military men who kill Iraqis
and Afghans – and soon maybe Irani-
ans, so that George W. Bush can fulfill
his marching orders from Tel Aviv –
even they started out as guileless babies
in the cradle.
But they were all taught to believe
in the State, to support it materially and
morally. They’re all part and parcel of
that system. So are you. So am I. If I
hate you and them because of that fact,
I might as well hate myself, too. And
I’m not very good at hating myself.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
Some say that the police and mili-
tary naturally attract an unsavory sort
of person – brutish, power-hungry, un-
principled bullies on power trips. But
as often as not, their ranks are staffed
with people who are neither sociopaths
nor eager little fascists at heart (indeed,
it’s the martial culture that makes them
that way). Many of them sincerely be-
lieve that they are protecting their
friends, families, the community, and,
in a larger sense, their country, their
people, and their way of life. They sin-
cerely believe that they are serving the
needs of others, that they are serving a
greater good in every act they do, big or
small, harmful or benign. Deep at
heart, they may have good intentions,
not evil ones, in joining the State appa-
ratus.
After all, we’re raised from birth to
believe in government – we’re bad little
creatures who need to be shepherded
lest chaos ensue, right? Of course, gov-
ernments are run by people, presumed
to be the best we have, yet they’re cut
from the same cloth as the rest of us
“low creatures.” It makes it easier to
deal with this fatal contradiction if you
hold the State to a different (note:
lower) moral standard than everybody
else, and then hide your head in the
sand: “Well, it’s a necessary evil…that’s
just the way things are!“ The result: if
one person kills, he is a murderer, but if
a General or President orders ten thou-
sand people killed in a war, by God, he’s
a hero!
It should go without saying that an
anarchist sees things more objectively;
he or she sees that right is right and
wrong is wrong – no matter who does
it, no matter the stated reason, no mat-
ter what flag they fly or anthem they
sing. We see the unintended conse-
quences of State actions that others
don’t acknowledge. We see that taxa-
tion is extortion; we see the draft is slav-
ery: we see that government welfare is
perverse bribery and turns people into
dependent children; we see that most
laws enshrine the State’s powers and not
your rights; and we see politics and elec-
tions are just a means of channeling
State force to get what certain people
want. We also see borders as lines on a
sheet of paper called a map. So it goes.
But sometimes our prized objectiv-
ity blinds us to what everyone else has
been taught to see. We don’t under-
stand that while we have overcome this
indoctrination, others see it as a source
of meaning and structure, and still oth-
ers live to defend that – the cops and the
soldiers who some hate for defending
this system.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
The average age of a soldier killed
in Iraq is 21 years. 21 years! At that age,
people feel invincible, they feel they can
take on the whole world, their hor-
mones are boiling, and they lack the
maturity and life experience to help
them think clearly. Kids just out of high
school, people from poor families, re-
cent immigrants trying to make it –
these people make up the main demo-
graphic of the military, in America at
least.
Now, add in a recruiter dangling a
carrot in front of their pimply faces: free
college tuition, job security, glory,
honor, medical, even American citizen-
ship.... Do I really have to do the math
for you?
Look at the Vietnam vets, who were
forced into service by their government
and thrown into the trash after the job
was done…look at the Walter Reed
scandal, where our beloved “troops”
languished in decrepit
conditions…look at those promised
bonuses vanish and watch the limbs fall
off in battle…and, dude, where’s my
body armor? The fact of the matter is
Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060
that these folks are duped, indoctri-
nated, exploited and used as pawns,
then thrown out like soiled Kleenex
when done.
The people who start the wars, the
people who profit from them – they are
the biggest, baddest villains of all.
They’re mostly educated men with Ivy
League diplomas; they’ve been bred for
leadership, and they know exactly what
they’re doing. They have the power to
do it, and they don’t care if they abuse
it, they don’t care how many lives must
be destroyed, how many people’s lives
have to be used, how many windows
must be broken, how much must be de-
stroyed, to get what they want!
So, how can I hate the troops when
they are victims of statist oppression
and callousness just as much as the peo-
ple they are ordered to boss around and
even kill?
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
Let me make something clear: “I
was only following orders” is not an ap-
propriate excuse for acts of legalized
crime, corruption, and murder. Twenty
million Russians murdered by Stalin
proved that viscerally. Any act of police
brutality, government corruption or leg-
islative boondoggling is wrong and
shows the naked immorality of the State
at its core. “Our troops” don’t get a free
pass; I certainly wouldn’t give one to the
Iraqi “troops” either. People who will-
ingly kill and bully for the glory of God,
Country, and Empire – never for my
freedom and security – are forever ac-
countable to themselves and to
whomever they hurt in the process.
That said, offering blind hatred and
contempt fixes nothing; it alienates peo-
ple who could otherwise be receptive to
anarchist or libertarian ideas, and, more
critically, it prevents an accurate under-
standing of the issues behind State op-
pression.
I think of this in the same vein as
understanding the social and economic
factors behind crime, and the life cir-
cumstances that make one turn to that
lifestyle. If we try to understand more
about these things, we can be in a better
position to act to prevent them and re-
habilitate people. Critics retort that we
should just lock people up and let that
be the end if it. They call this being
“tough on crime,” even though it fails to
address the root causes of crime. Simi-
larly, my critics will say that I shouldn’t
show “sympathy for the Devil.”
It’s easy to condemn the govern-
ment when it screws up, pursues a pol-
icy that hurts people, or prosecutes a
murderous war for oil or land or brag-
ging rights. It’s easy to damn the paper-
pushers and gun-fondlers who
represent this entity. Too easy, in fact.
That doesn’t strike the root of the prob-
lem within the State: the institution it-
self, and how it works on people’s
minds. That’s the larger picture on
which we need to focus.
And so I say, “Love the sinner, hate
the sin.”
The Stony Brook Press
Congrats to Alex Walsh for being the reigning “Gimmie Friction, Baby” office champion.
HIV Testing: Nothing to Joke About…or Is It?
About three
weeks ago, while
attending an
LGBTA meeting, I
brought up the
idea that we
should promote
Ilyssa HIV testing and
Fuchs that we should
have a “Go out and
get tested” cam-
paign to encourage Stony Brook stu-
dents to get tested. I thought the idea
would be received with support, but in-
stead it was met with a lot of opposition.
At first I couldn’t understand why any-
one would oppose encouraging people
to get tested; but as the night went on it
became clear that it wasn’t opposition to
telling people to get tested, it was the
fact that Stony Brook does not offer
HIV testing on a regular basis. I looked
up in disbelief when I heard this, “Stony
Brook doesn’t offer HIV testing?” I
asked. The response I got was almost
immediate, “No” my friend replied,
“Stony Brook has a few days a semester
that they offer free, anonymous testing,
but other than that they can only refer
you where to go. They don’t do testing
on campus and that’s why its not such a
good idea to promote HIV testing.” I
was in shock after hearing this. I turned
to one of my other friends and men-
tioned that if, God forbid, someone at
Stony Brook got HIV and didn’t know
and passed it to someone else it could
spread like wildfire and become an epi-
demic. Later that night when I returned
home, I was going over the day’s event
in my head, and I still couldn’t believe
that there was no HIV testing on cam-
pus. I had to find out for myself, so I
decided I would head over to Health
Services and attempt to get tested. I fig-
ured, what better way to find out about
Stony Brook’s testing policy (or lack
thereof) than to actually try and get
tested. I called the next day and made
an appointment at the women’s clinic,
which is part of Student Health Serv-
ices. When they asked me what the ap-
pointment was for I told them I wanted
to have an STD screening.
On the Monday of my appointment
I arrived at Health Service around 1PM.
When I arrived I told the receptionist
what I was there for and she was con-
fused at first. She told me to head to
some random room. When I got there
and didn’t see anyone, I went back
down to the first floor. The reception-
ist on the first floor then sent me to the
waiting room for the women’s clinic.
When I finally was called in they ex-
plained what STD’s they would test for;
HIV was not one of them. I asked the
doctor how I could obtain an HIV test
and she told me that she knew there
were a few times during the semester
that free, anonymous testing was of-
fered, but that Health Services did not
do daily testing. She referred me back
to the second floor to the Health Edu-
cation Center. She told me they would
be able to give me more information
about HIV testing, so I packed up my
things and went back upstairs to the
second floor to see what I could find
out. When I got to the Health Educa-
tion Center I was able to speak with one
of the health educators. I explained to
her that I was interested in obtaining an
HIV test, but the receptionist upstairs,
had sent me downstairs and the recep-
tionist downstairs had sent me back up-
stairs and the whole thing was just
getting me more and more aggravated.
I couldn’t help but think that it proba-
bly would have been easier to get on a
plane with a bomb or some sort of
weapon (and you know how tight air-
port security is these days) than to get
an HIV test here at Stony Brook; I was
really getting pissed off. The woman I
spoke to was finally able to explain to
me the problem. According to her,
Stony Brook used to offer free, anony-
mous testing (meaning it’s free and even
the person who administers the test
doesn’t know your name) and confi-
dential testing (meaning your insurance
pays for it, but it comes up on your
statement for your parents or whoever
to see). They had to stop because there
were too many mix ups between those
students who wanted anonymous test-
ing and those who wanted confidential
testing, and the concern was that some-
one who wanted an anonymous test
would end up with a confidential one or
vice versa. Of course the concern was-
n’t that if Stony Brook didn’t offer any
testing there would be an HIV epidemic
on campus (well, that seems pretty ass
backwards if you ask me). Due to the
problems with mixing up anonymous
and confidential testing, Health Serv-
ices decided that on a few select days
during the semester they would offer
anonymous testing only. It would be on
a first come, first serve basis, and if you
didn’t get to go on that day or you did-
n’t want to wait until that day, you
would be out of luck.
Realizing that I had exhausted all of
my options at Stony Brook, I asked the
health educator if it were possible for
me to go over to the hospital and get
tested there. She got on the phone,
made a few calls and determined that
the hospital would only give HIV test-
ing to a student who had been sexually
assaulted on campus. talkTalk about
giving students a good reason to make
false claims if they didn’t have a ride off
campus to get a free test. The woman
told me that the only way I could get a
test would be to call a New York State
health clinic and inquire about free test-
ing; this whole thing was already turn-
ing into a rat race. With that I called the
number and was transferred to the free
health clinic in Brentwood. I explained
to them that I was a Stony Brook stu-
dent and that Student Health Services
referred me to them. I told them that I
was interested in having an HIV test
done, and I was wondering if there were
any available appointments that after-
noon. They told me that the HIV test-
ing was done free and anonymously,
and that it was on a walk-in basis, and
that it wasn’t busy and I should come
now. I quickly left Health Sservices,
went to my car, and drove to the free
clinic in Brentwood.
When I arrived at the clinic I was
told that I didn’t have to give my name
and that the guysomeone would be out
in a few minutes to take me in for the
test. About five minutes later a techni-
cian in a white lab coat came out and
signaled for me to follow him. When
we got in the back he explained to me
Opinion 23
what free anonymous testing meant and
how it worked. and so on and so forth.
After that I had to copy an ID number
onto a sheet of paper as authorization to
do the test, finally. The actually test
took only 45 secondsseconds; compared
to the hours I had spendt trying to get it.
A simple finger prstick and a few ques-
tions about myyour past sexual history,
and in ten minutes I was told it was neg-
ative and I should have a great day. I left
the clinic knowing that I had finally
succeeded in my mission.
So, I’m sure you’re wondering what
you should make of this. and from my
experience I was able to draw some im-
portant conclusions. First, the school
(mainly Health Services) couldn’t keep
their paperwork in order in the first
place so they abandoned the testing
completely. Second, the few occasions
that the school does offer testing are too
few and far between, and are not really
publicized enough, so not enough stu-
dents do not go out and get tested when
they should. Third, unless you were
sexually assaulted you are not eligible to
get tested at the hospital, regardless of
whether you want an anonymous test or
a confidential one. Lastly, if you don’t
have a car (or a friend with a car) you
have to rely on public transportation to
get to the free clinic in Brentwood; there
is no direct shuttle bus, or you could just
forfeit going altogether and have to con-
stantly worry whether or not you have
HIV.
I find the whole situation totally
unfortunate. It concerns me that be-
cause we don’t offer testing (and it is not
fairly easy to get one on any given day
either) students are not inclined to go
out of theirre way to get an HIV test.
Overall, what I am trying to say is that I
find the whole thing scary. One would
think that the school was looking out
for the health and welfare of its popula-
tion, but instead it seems as thought no
one (with the exceptions of myself and
a few others) is really concerned about
this issue. Hopefully, you will read this
and become concerned yourself be-
cause the fact that we don’t offer testing
should concern you. On a final note, as
much as a pain in the ass as it may be,
go out and get tested; for God’s sake,s if
theiry’re (SBU) not going to do any-
thing about it, we (the students) need to
take the initiative to make sure we do it
for ourselves.
*This article is dedicated in loving
memory to my friend Mel who was
born with HIV, lived with it for all 23
years of her life, and was taken away
from us too soon. May she rest in
peace*
24 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007

Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press. Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060

Why the Constitution Should Have Passed

Unless you
have been living in
a hole or haven’t
been reading the
newspaper this
past week, you are
probably aware
Jonathan that the new Un-
Hirst dergraduate Stu-
dent Government
(USG) constitution has failed. Not only
did it fail, but it also failed miserably. By
this point in time, I think it’s a moot
point to place blame as to why it failed,
or on the flipside, why it didn’t pass. I
think it’s fair to say that the new consti-
tution was not as well advertised as it
could have been. It is also fair to say
that many students feared the worst
possible scenario was imminent if the
constitution passed. Again, I think it is
time to move on from the blame game,
and take a look at why it failed and what
it means for the future of students at
Stony Brook University.
e new constitution came about
with only the best intentions in the
minds of its authors. It was not de-
signed to take funding away from clubs,
take voting away from students, or be-
cause we are power hungry. ese were
lies perpetrated by individuals who
were either to ignorant to look up all of
the facts for themselves or by individu-
als who wanted to see the document fail
because they have a selfish vendetta
against us and do not care about the stu-
dents at Stony Brook. e new constitu-
tion was designed to make that final
transition from Polity, the former stu-
dent government, to the new USG. For
those of you who are unaware, Polity
was decertified in 2003 for many rea-
sons, and a new government was
formed. Many clauses in the new con-
stitution were built-in checks as an
over-reaction to many of the abuses that
happened under Polity. Now that Polity
is a memory, we must make that final
transition to a student government that
is focused on the students. Let me ex-
plain why.
e next argument...is
that students want to
elect their own represen-
tatives. Its a valid argu-
ment, although not the
right one.
e current government is a model
of inefficiency and bureaucracy. It is
composed of an eleven member execu-
tive board that has no clearly defined
roles, and worse, in the past, has been
filled with individuals simply interested
in a line on their resume and a pay-
check. If they actually cared about the
students they would work hard to fight
for students’ rights and stand up to ad-
ministrators. Instead, they collect the
necessary signatures and, if they’re run-
ning unopposed, simply logon to
SOLAR and vote for themselves. en,
they disappear for the rest of the year,
into the USG suite, only to reappear on
payday. It is these individuals that have
ruined our current system of electing
eleven executive members, and because
of them a change is necessary.
e new constitution seeks to
eliminate do-nothing positions. Instead
of electing these eleven members, the
president appoints his cabinet, they are
confirmed by the senate and become ac-
countable to the president. As such, the
president now has the power to instruct
his cabinet as to what their duties are, in
the best interests of the students. One
may say that the president may only ap-
point his friends. While this scenario is
plausible, one must remember that they
still require senate confirmation. In the
new constitution, the senate will be
much larger, and will therefore have
more voices. With our current system,
however, no such oversight is in place.
Currently, elected officials do not have
to report to the president. Although the
president is mentioned in the constitu-
tion as the chief executive officer re-
sponsible for the effective running of
the government, he does not possess the
authority to reprimand any of them -
elected representatives may only be dis-
ciplined by impeachment. Even though
last year the process did happen, it is
hardly an effective check on the power
of some of these individuals - let alone
eleven of them. Under our proposed
system, we would have direct oversight
by one elected official who is charged
with representing the students.
e next argument against a system
such as this is that students want the
right to elect their own representatives.
It’s a valid argument, although not the
right one. Students need look no fur-
ther than our federal government to see
who their elected officials are in this
new system. e federal government,
as with state governments, has senators
and representatives (assemblymen in
New York State) that are their voices in
government. e same would hold true
for student government. e new sen-
ate would be expanded to approxi-
mately 30 senators. ey would also
represent their respective constituency
where the clearest divide is: between
commuters and residents. I do not un-
derstand how electing representatives
from different colleges is an accurate
cross section of students interests. It is
obviously between residents and com-
muters, and history shows us that resi-
dents are able to enjoy their student ac-
tivity fee more than commuters. ey
are more involved in clubs and they at-
tend more activities. Is this fair? I think
not. Presently, I can only think of two
commuters even involved in student
government, and one of them is out-
lined in the constitution! Clearly, this is
the better way to represent students.
Not an inefficient executive council that
is unclear what their job is.
ere have also been arguments that
expelling senators by a two thirds vote is
a dangerous provision. I beg to differ.
First, the new senate will have approxi-
mately 30 members. Two thirds would
be 20 senators. Given the apportion-
ment of residents to commuters, this
would net 16 residents, and 14 com-
e current gov-
ernment is a model
of inefficiency and
bureaucracy.
muters given the 1 senator per 500 stu-
dent’s ratio. In an expulsion scenario,
you would need all of the residents to
vote for it, and four of the commuters.
Given the weight of expelling a mem-
ber, I am quite sure you wouldn’t get ex-
pelled for not combing your hair. e
constitution does not make clear what
the grounds for expulsion are because
they need to be able to police them-
selves. Adding language that could be
misconstrued could potentially tie the
senate’s hands and have them stuck with
dead weight. In our current system,
senators can only be impeached
through a three-fourths vote of the ex-
ecutive council. is begs the question,
why would the executive want to im-
peach a senator? It is in the best inter-
est of the executive council to have an
ineffective senate. e senate passes
laws that the executive must enforce.
Why would the executive make the sen-
ate more productive? Additionally, if
senators begin missing senate meetings,
this makes it harder for the senate to be
able to impeach executive council
members. ree fourths of the filled
seats of the senate are required to im-
peach an executive member. Having
senators not show up just makes im-
peachment less likely and far more
agreeable to the executive council. Ex-
pelled senators are still entitled to ap-
peal to the judiciary. is is outlined
with all students’ rights to due process.
Going back to the new composition of
senators, you can also see how this
would be a greater check on the presi-
dent’s powers.
While all of these items were sub-
stantial to opposition, they were noth-
ing in comparison to the belief that
clubs were losing their rights. No mat-
ter how much we tried to explain, it just
wasn’t enough to alleviate student’s
fears. is was perhaps our biggest
problem; we did not educate as well as
we should have. Students were scared
into frenzy when they thought we
wouldn’t fund them because we didn’t
like their club. at is completely un-
true: we are bound by state law, NYCRR
302.14, more commonly referred to as
the Chancellor’s guidelines. It says in
section C 1(i): “e student govern-
ment shall prepare and approve a
budget governing expenditures from
student activity fees in accordance with
the constitution and by-laws of the stu-
dent, government, and consistent with
the principles of equal opportunity and
viewpoint neutrality, prior to registra-
tion for each academic year. e consti-
tution and by-laws of such student
government shall specify the criteria
governing eligibility for funding of and
allocations to student organizations
from student activity fees. e student
government may provide for use of ad-
visory referenda of the student body
with respect to particular funding deci-
sions but may not agree to be bound by
such referenda. Allocations included in
the budget shall fall within programs
defined in paragraph (3) of this subdi-
vision. e approved budget shall there-
aer be presented to the chief
administrative officer prior to the regis-
tration for each academic year for the
view and certification that the alloca-
tions (from the fee and any proposed
sources of revenue are in compliance
with the provisions of paragraph (3) of
this subdivision upon determination by
the chief administrative officer, or de-
signee, that the approved budget is in
compliance with these regulations, he
or she shall so certify, and such certifi-
cation shall authorize the collection of
the fee at registration.” We may not dis-
criminate against any clubs, it’s against
the law. We also are bound by federal
law and the first amendment. Freedom
of speech guarantees that clubs may put
up or hand out whatever literature they
would like, regardless of the opinions of
USG. Proponents will also allege that
we do not specify criteria for funding in
the constitution. is is also false. ey
are laid out in Article I of the new con-
stitution, Declaration of rights. Section
2 states, “e Undergraduate Student
Government shall hold inviolate the
rights, privileges and immunities af-
CONSTITUTION continued on page 25
The Stony Brook Press
Polity want a cracker?
Constitution, Continued
CONSTITUTION continued from 24
forded by the Constitution of the
United States and the Constitution of
New York State and no law or policy
shall stand which abridge the same.”
Section 3 states, “e Undergraduate
Student Government shall not make or
enforce any law which shall abridge the
privileges and immunities of members
of the Undergraduate Student Govern-
ment; nor shall it deprive any person of
liberty or property without due process
of law; nor deny to any person within
its jurisdiction the equal protection of
the laws.” And finally Section 4 states,
“No member of the Undergraduate Stu-
dent Government shall be denied the
right to participate in any and all activ-
ities held by organizations funded by
the Undergraduate Student Govern-
ment; but organizations may charge fees
reasonable to defray their costs.” e
current constitution goes further. It
simply is redefining viewpoint neutral-
ity and equal opportunity. Our finan-
cial bylaw, the correct document that
enumerates funding criteria, already has
all of these provisions in it. If you don’t
believe me, I suggest you pick up a copy.
Clubs also believed they would lose
their right to appeal their budget. is
is also untrue. e Senate as they’ve al-
ways been, determines funding deci-
sions. e Senate, through the Budget
Committee, examines clubs who re-
quest money. ey then look at deter-
mining factors, such as missions and
goals, fiscal prudence, contribution to
the campus community and the num-
ber of students they reach out to. Other
factors are considered, but these are the
main ones. We also take into account
what a club needs to survive. Clubs are
asked to explain their expenditures in
their hearing process so we can under-
stand better how these funds are spent.
Now, there are two instances per year
when a club may request money. For
the following year, clubs request money
during the spring budget process. is
is when USG prepares their annual
budget. e Budget Committee looks
at over 150 clubs and makes funding de-
cisions based on the aforementioned
criteria. Putting a budget together is no
easy task. Believe me, I’ve done it. It re-
quires hours of work trying to fit a
square peg into a round hole. While not
all clubs receive the money they re-
quested, they are all treated fairly and
they all receive the money they need to
survive. If a club is unhappy with the
level of funding they receive during this
process, they may appeal it in the fall.
Every year, USG has rollover funds
from unspent club budgets from the
previous year and increased enrollment.
e exact amount of rollover is not
guaranteed, but it usually is a fair
amount of money. All clubs that did not
receive a budget may appeal to the Sen-
ate to get the money they need during
this process. Attempting to appeal
funding decisions to the court would be
counterproductive. e first reason is
that the courts exist to interpret exist-
ing laws and policies. Funding deci-
sions are inherently policy decisions
and belong in the legislative branch,
which is the Senate. Second, it would
be nearly impossible for a club to prove
that they cannot survive without a cer-
tain level of funding. I’m quite certain
that they could cut back on some events
or use other cost cutting measures.
ey would survive, albeit not at the
level they want. ird, and perhaps
I wonder why the Constitution gets to wear mittens.
most important, is public scrutiny. e
annual budget is debated on the floor of
the Senate. In last year’s case, it was on
the floor three times. Clubs who were
concerned over what funding they
would receive had ample opportunity to
review the budget on more than one oc-
casion. is budget also needs to be
passed by a two-thirds majority and
needs approval from the Dr. Peter
Baigent, the Vice President for Student
Affairs. Last year, aer winning the
election, President Joseph Antonelli
went nearly line-by-line to explain al-
most all of the funding decisions to Dr.
Baigent. Only aer Dr. Baigent signed
off on the budget only aer he was sat-
isfied that everybody was being treated
fairly. If a court were to determine fund-
ing, it would be by three individuals in
the Judicial Council in a locked room,
reviewing only one budget. What
would happen if the court ruled in favor
of the club -- then what? Do they freeze
the entire budget? Do they order the
Senate to appropriate money from the
balanced budget with no surplus, in-
variably taking money from another
club? Do they make them wait until
next year for rollover funds that may
not exist? e Budget Committee just
balanced USG’s $2.7 million budget and
three individuals in a locked room hear-
ing from one club could overturn the
whole thing? It is not a very good sce-
nario for all of the clubs that are keeping
count.
Another glaring item is that of the
amount of the Student Activity Fee.
Currently, students are required to fork
over $94.25 per semester. For those of
you who don’t know, the Activity is
capped at $100 per semester by state
law. A few years back, it was some $20
Nick Eaton
cheaper, but facing a budget crisis, the
Senate and the Executive Council, with
two-thirds vote each, raised the fee.
Even though the students voted the
raise down by referendum, it was advi-
sory referendum, and therefore the
USG could do what they wanted. Last
year, an amendment was passed to
make that impossible. e Student Ac-
tivity Fee was then set by a binding ref-
erendum. Binding referendum means
just that: it’s binding. e USG may not
substitute their will for the will of the
people. However, through various law-
suits, binding referendum is now illegal.
is means that all Student Activity Fee
questions will still be advisory and USG
may set the fee as they please. Now,
under the new constitution, restrictions
are placed on how much the fee can be
lowered or raised on a sliding scale.
is is a better system than what we
have now, where the Senate and the Ex-
ecutive Council can set the fee to what-
ever they want.
ose of you who are concerned
Opinion 25
that these items are not in the constitu-
tion anymore and who want them enu-
merated know very little about
constitutional law. A constitution is de-
signed to be a framework that other
laws hang off of. For those of you who
are a bit skeptical, I suggest you read the
U.S. Constitution as well as New York
State’s constitution. You can see that
they both utilize a basic framework and
that law aer law is added to round out
the government. By enumerating every-
thing in the constitution, we would cre-
ate a very rigid document, and in many
cases, it would handcuff the govern-
ment and not allow the flexibility we
need to act swily and in the best inter-
ests of the students. Additionally, it
enumerates the rights of our con-
stituents: the students. Again, for the
proponents, we are not here just for the
clubs; we are here for all of the under-
graduate students at Stony Brook.
ese rights also filter down to the
clubs, so rest assured, your rights are
still very much intact. In fact, I would
even say that they are stronger.
e new constitution, had it passed,
would have provided us with the frame-
work to move forward as an organiza-
tion designed to work for students.
Instead, it was struck down by individ-
uals who were operating under false in-
formation. While I would not rule out
another attempt for a new constitution
with many of the suggestions, I think
that we are now severely weakened. I
would like to remind you what you are
le with. You are le with a govern-
ment that has no separation of powers,
and given the right circumstances an in-
dividual or individuals could exploit
every facet of government. You are le
with an ineffective Executive Council
who will most likely not vote to have
their jobs removed again. You are le
with an organization, which by its very
existence is set up for only one reason:
to give out money. You are le with an
organization that is not built to fight for
student’s rights and have their members
accountable. And lastly, you are le
with an organization designed for fail-
ure. My only regret is that I did not
write this sooner. If anybody has any
questions, by all means, please contact
me (with an email to jhirts@stony-
brookusg.org or in the USG suite on the
second floor of the SAC) and I will be
happy to speak with you.
Jonathan Hirst is the Vice President
for Student Life, Programming and Ac-
tivities.
26 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press.
Do You Feel Like You’ve Been Shafted?
Dear Students, growth affects food service and hous-
ing, but how about academics?
Do you feel like e expansion in enrollment is tak-
you’ve been ing a toll on the quality of our educa-
shaed? tion. We should all be able to get the
I have always classes we need to graduate (ever notice
been an advocate how hard it is to enroll in a DEC D
Joe for Stony Brook, class?) and when we are enrolled in a
Antonelli saying how great class, have a place to sit and learn.
of a school it is and Ever notice that graduate students
how much I enjoy it. But as this year has and adjunct professors are teaching
gone on I cannot help but think our more and more classes? Having enough
generation of students is getting shaed. full time faculty is a necessity for a qual-
When speaking with any university ity education.
administrator, you find that they can Anybody out there enrolled in BIO
whip out some lavish plans for how the 201? Isn’t it ridiculous that there is a
current infrastructure issues will be “simulcast” room because if you’re not
fixed over the next few years. I have to early for class you won’t have a seat for
say, I am impressed and I truly believe the live lecture in Javits 100.
that when these various projects are en there is the animal of
over, the students will be comfortable. Southampton. While I can appreciate
e question is, what about now? the good intent of expanding to another
Oen the main focus is on how campus, it is taking a toll on the main
Preserve Open Space On Long Island
You probably Why should you take time away
know that Election from your studies to support Proposal
Day is on Novem- 3? ere are many reasons. First, cre-
ber 6. But because ating a fund to permanently protect
this is an “off year,” open space is the only way to stop the
you may think that destruction of wildlife and its habitat for
there isn’t anything yet another mall, parking lot or condo
Sarah worth going to the complex. If we don’t do something now,
Newkirk voting booth for. Brookhaven will be “built out” in less
If that is the case, than five years. Second, we get our
you couldn’t be more wrong. is No- drinking water from a sole source
vember 6, voters in the Town of aquifer, which means that what we put
Brookhaven (the town in which USB on the ground literally ends up in what
sits) will have their last and best oppor- we drink. Protecting open space also
tunity to stop overdevelopment and protects our drinking water from con-
protect open space – parks, natural tamination associated with develop-
areas, and farms. e Stony Brook En- ment. ird, a Brookhaven CPF would
vironmental Club encourages all stu- allow the town to get matching money
dents and faculty who are registered to from state and county sources to stretch
vote locally to go to the polls and vote our dollars and protect even more land.
yes on Proposal 3 to create the Here’s how it would work: money is
Brookhaven Community Preservation raised through a one-time two percent
Fund. real estate transfer tax paid by the buyer
The race...
James never made it to first base with Matt
campus and is just not right. President
Shirley Strum Kenny has assured us
(e University Senate Executive Com-
mittee) that none of the money or re-
sources from the main campus are
going to Southampton, but that’s just
impossible. A sub-committee of the
University Senate has been established
to look into this. I have been placed
onto the committee because this affects
the limited resources of our quickly ex-
panding main campus.
I can go on and on about other is-
sues connected to this, but my personal
bickering won’t do much.
As we have seen in every aspect of
this campus, communication has been
a disaster. is holds true between stu-
dents and administration. For the most
part, administrators are willing to listen.
I have opened the door for communi-
cation; now it is our time to let them
know how we feel. What I need from
at closing. Qualified first-time home
buyers are exempt and for any pur-
chaser of a house, the first $250,000 of
the purchase price is exempt. Most
Brookhaven residents will never pay
this tax, and students, many of whom
are not in the market for real estate any-
way, will never pay this tax. e people
who will be paying the tax are making
an investment in the community they
are moving into – an investment that
current residents have already made
through their property taxes.
e five Long Island towns to the
east of Brookhaven have all had CPFs
since 1999. ese funds have success-
fully raised nearly $500 million, and
have protected over 6,000 acres of open
space.
is Election Day, voters in
Brookhaven will have an extraordinary
opportunity to save Brookhaven’s
drinking water, local harbors and bays,
Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060
you are personal accounts, continued
press coverage, and a rallied effort to
apply the necessary pressure to fix the
situation. I sit on the committees that
make the assessments on these issues,
but without your input, they’re just my
personal complaints. Please send all
comments and concerns to jan-
tonelli@stonybrookusg.org or stop by
my office in SAC 202.
All of these plans for expansion are
great and will lead to the bettering of
the university in the long run, but as a
current student sitting through this ex-
pansion, I oen wonder what the plans
are for temporary relief. e answer is
none.
Sincerely,
Joseph Antonelli
President, Undergraduate Student
Government
open spaces and farmland before they
are lost forever to development. e
Brookhaven CPF will help us protect
the special places that we love and keep
them from being developed into roads
and strip malls. Increasing traffic,
sprawling malls, acres of parking lots,
and miles of roads are rapidly replacing
our open spaces and eroding our qual-
ity of life. In addition, increased devel-
opment brings increased demand for
services, such as water, schools and
roads, and increased taxes to pay for
them. Open space preservation pro-
tects not only natural habitats, but also
human habitats.
Please stop by the Stony Brook En-
vironmental Club’s tables at the SAC
and learn more. Would you rather walk
through a parking lot or the woodlands
and waterfront?
Sarah Newkirk is a member of the
Environmental Club.
to fill up space!
The Stony Brook Press
Gun Control & Middle America
On October 16,
1991, in Killeen,
TX, Doctor
Suzanne Brasha
went to a coffee
shop with her par-
ents. She oen car-
Mathew ried a gun for
Rammelkamp self-defense but
today she had le
it in the car in the parking lot. It is ille-
gal to keep a concealed firearm in a
purse, and she was afraid of losing her
medical license if she was caught with
it. All of a sudden, a man in a truck
drove into the store, jumped out of the
car, and started shooting customers.
Suzanne fell on the ground, reached for
her purse, but remembered that her
only means of self-defense was 100 feet
away in her car. e police couldn’t
come for endless minutes. She watched
as her father and mother were gunned
down as she scrambled out a window
towards her car. Fiy-three people died.
The Problem with Modern Governance
My aim is not to
convince you not to
vote, nor is it to con-
vince you to vote
your conscience,
rather than strategi-
cally, and support a
Darryl fringe party or can-
McAdams didate. No, my pur-
pose is to convince
you that our government is defective by de-
sign, and will remain so indefinitely, re-
gardless of how you vote. I aim to convince
you that the only way to change govern-
ment and bring about a better society is to
replace it, entirely, with something differ-
ent and new.
In 2000 and 2004, Americans were
given the opportunity to vote for the pres-
ident in perhaps the most important form
of citizen participation which they can en-
gage in. Both times, George W. Bush was
elected president, much to the dismay of
half the country. e first time, people were
shocked that a majority popular vote was
overruled by the electors and Supreme
Court, as if this was wholly unexpected, de-
spite being built into the Constitution itself.
e second time he was elected, people
were shocked that so many voters still sup-
ported Bush, despite his obvious failure as
President. Both elections demonstrated
fundamental problems with the design of
American government; problems which
are,, by nature, self perpetuating and im-
possible to resolve from within the frame-
work we currently have.
e 2000 election was hotly contested
One early morning, on August 23rd,
2000, the children of John and Tiffany
Carpenter were at home sleeping. All
five kids knew how to fire a gun, but
California law (CA Penal Code 12035)
requires that guns be locked away from
children. Jessica, 14, entered the kitchen
with her family and sisters in bed,
where a half-naked stranger awaited her
with a pitchfork. He barricaded the
doors and windows. He had cut the
phone line. Stalking down the hallway,
he began stabbing 13-year-old Anna in
her bed. Ashley, 9, leapt and screamed
down the hallway, drawing the madman
away. e girls all thought of the gun,
but couldn’t use it to save their sisters or
brother. e three oldest girls escaped,
rushing to a neighbor and pleading for
his rifle. e neighbor feared the gov-
ernment would take his gun away and
said no. By the time the police arrived,
Ashley was dead with 138 pitchfork
wounds to her face, neck, and chest.
Seven-year-old John William was dead
because of how close the tally was, and be-
cause of the controversial, albeit completely
legal, way in which the end result was de-
cided. But beneath the controversy of the
Electoral College and the Supreme Court’s
decision making power lies a more funda-
mental problem: the way in which we cast
ballots. I don't mean paper vs. electronic. I
mean the use of the plurality vote.
We've all heard that the far le, in vot-
ing for Ralph Nader, as their conscience de-
manded they must, threw away their vote,
and contributed to Bush's victory in 2000.
is is entirely true. Yes, voting for a third
party candidate really is throwing away
your vote, but only because of the design of
our voting method. Plurality voting, also
known as first past the post, is only one of
many voting methods, and is the only
method to have been mathematically
proven to lead to a two party system. Plu-
rality voting results in strategic voting,
which ultimately makes third party votes
worthless. e very design of our voting
method is why third party candidates can't
possibly hope to become president.
Another (less well known) problem
was demonstrated in 2004 when Demo-
cratic members of the Texas state govern-
ment fled the state to prevent Republican
members from redistricting Texas. Why,
you ask, were the Democrats so worried
about districts? It comes down to how peo-
ple are placed into these districts. Because
each district is represented by only one per-
son, clever manipulation of districts can
turn a popular majority of one party into a
legislative majority of another party. e
with 46 wounds.
During the devastating aermath of
Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans,
Martial Law was declared and people’s
guns were confiscated. Looting, crime
sprees, murder, and rape occurred from
citizens-turned-criminals against thou-
sands of innocent people. Sometimes
the government just can’t protect you.
Even with proper infrastructure on a
normal day-to-day basis, it takes twenty
minutes or more for police to show up.
In fact, they only have a legal duty to
show up aer the crime and to report it.
ey are under no legal obligation to in-
terfere with or try to stop a crime. By
the time they show up, the criminal may
already be gone, your child kidnapped,
your house robbed or your little sister
or mother raped or killed. Good job
being a parent. If you love your kids and
your family, I hope you won’t rely on the
government to protect you.
e supposed hijackers of the ter-
rorist attacks of September 11 used box
use of districts is inherently prone to ma-
nipulation and non-representational gov-
ernance.
Both of these issues cannot be resolved
from within the system. While it's theoret-
ically possible for our government to
change the system, it would require sup-
port from at least one of the two dominant
parties. But the reforms would reduce the
power that Democrats and Republicans
have, and neither party is willing to give up
their power. Furthermore, neither party ac-
tually hates these odd side-effects of our
system. e door swings both ways, so to
speak: what enables Republicans to un-
fairly gain control of government also en-
ables Democrats to do the same. When
they do it, it's evil scheming to disenfran-
chise the masses, but when we do it, it's
necessary because we're helping people!
e second problem, highlighted by
the second victory of George W. Bush in
2004, is an inherent problem of all democ-
racies: Sometimes the majority of people
are stupid. When 99% of your country feels
something to be a good idea, it's not im-
mediately clear what injustice is done to the
remaining 1%, but when the majority is so
small that it verges on mere fractions of a
percent larger, the injustice screams out at
the top of its lungs. e simple truth is that
democracies are little more than the dicta-
torship of the majority. When the majority
is smart, kind, and just, so too is the gov-
ernment, and so we're willing to pretend
that our system is works fine. However,
when the majority is stupid, prejudiced,
and spiteful, the government reflects this
Opinion 27
cutters to overtake the cockpits, crashed
into three buildings, and killed 3,000
people, starting a war we can’t get our-
selves out of. A few months before Sep-
tember 11, a gun control law was passed
banning pilots on commercial airliners
from having guns, which could have
been used to protect passengers and to
stop hijackings.
Once people accept being disarmed,
they become surprisingly easy to con-
trol or kill. ey surrender their
weapons, but also their independence.
When innocents are rendered so de-
fenseless, the guilty can slaughter them
with the most ordinary weapons-
knives, clubs, pitchforks, or box cutters.
All the above stories are true and there
are many more like it. Be independent
and protect yourself; “gun control” has
not been proven to stop criminals, only
to disarm the victims.
and we are no longer able to maintain the
illusion that majority rule is always a good
idea.
As a republic, the United States theo-
retically has safeguards against mob rule.
Representational, rather than direct,
democracy is supposed to let the enlight-
ened among us balance out the wishes of
the majority with the rights of the minor-
ity. Unfortunately this can't be realized in
any real representational system. All po-
tential representatives who disagree with
constituents on certain religious or social
matters will never be elected, regardless of
whatever other policy ideas they have. Ex-
isting representatives, if they want to retain
their positions of power long enough to
pass as much good legislation as possible,
have to vote against their better judgment
on key issues, or risk not getting re-elected.
A representational democracy, by its na-
ture, leads to mob rule, because represen-
tatives must pander to their constituents.
is is precisely why de jure racism held on
for so long in the south, and why de jure
homophobia and anti-atheism are so
prevalent today. You can't get elected, or
stay in office, if you hold controversial
views, even if you're right.
With all of this in mind, what course of
action do we need to take? I can't offer any
all-encompassing solutions. Working
within the system will only achieve so
much. e only other option is to abandon
the current system of governance and start
anew. omas Jefferson said that every
generation needs its own revolution. If
that's so, we're a few overdue.
28 Opinion Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007

Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press. Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060

The Lack of an American Legal System in SBU

A just legal
system is the mark
of any civilized so-
ciety. Not only
does it provide a
check upon the
power of the gov-
Alexsandra ernment but also a
Borodkin check upon the
passions of men
and the rule of the mob. Any govern-
ment that does not allow its citizens to
petition for grievances—with petition
rights allotted to them under their re-
spected constitutions—is a dictatorship
and not a legitimate form of govern-
ment. e right to govern comes from
the people themselves. In addition, with
the surrender of certain rights comes an
understanding that the people still re-
tain some form of oversight over their
political institutions. Any legal system
that cannot curb the rule of the mob has
no practical use, for it fails to fulfill one
of its basic functions: to protect the mi-
nority from the prejudices of the ma-
jority and to maintain order within
society.
One of the best examples of a just
legal system is the one that stems from
the United States Constitution—a sys-
tem which prohibits double jeopardy
and self-incrimination and forbids dep-
rivation of life and liberty without the
due process of the law. e US Consti-
tution then proceeds to further outline
basic legal protections, such as the right
to a trial by jury and the right to retain
a council for one’s defense.
It is therefore a disgrace that Stony
Brook University, which the last time I
checked was within the United States,
does not allow its students to exercise
the rights allotted to them under our
Federal constitution. Such a prohibition
is not only detrimental to the student
body, but opens up the school to a law-
suit liability.
e university’s legal system consists
of the academic and non-academic ju-
diciary. e academic judiciary deals
with issues of plagiarism and academic
dishonesty, while the non-academic ju-
diciary deals with disciplinary of-
fenses—some as violent as rape. Both of
these legal systems have the potential of
dealing with possible felony violations
(in some cases, plagiarism can amount
to copyright infringement). Yet the
basic liberties that would be allotted to
the defendant under the United States
legal system are not provided for in
Stony Brook.
I have served as the undergraduate
representative on the academic judici-
ary and have witnessed the lack of civil
rights within that system. ere is no
“jury of one’s peers,” there are just four
or five representatives, two-thirds of
them professors from other depart-
ments. ere is no right to a council,
nor can a student’s parents remain
within the room during the trial. (I have
witnessed a request made by a student
to have her parents present, only to hear
it denied due to university policy.)
ere is no right to a “public and speedy
trial” nor a proper procedure for the
presentation of evidence. Just a room
with a circular desk filled with profes-
sors and, at most, two representatives
from the undergraduate community.
e student must act as his own coun-
cil; the student must present his own ev-
idence; the student must be able to
convince members of the faculty to take
his word over that of his professor —an
unjust, un-American system.
e jurisdiction of the non-acade-
mic judiciary is far more serious, there-
fore its failure to institute federal
provisions into its legal process creates a
greater liability for the university. As
mentioned earlier, the non-academic
judiciary deals with disciplinary actions
such as sexual assaults, rapes and bat-
teries. A student found guilty can be ex-
pelled from the university—and yet
those accused are not allowed to retain
council, nor permitted to have their
parents present during hearings. Once
again, the student must act in his own
defense. And if the student is found
guilty and expelled, only to be later ac-
quitted in federal courts, the university
can face a civil lawsuit of severe magni-
tude. And if there is anything that the
administration of Duke University has
taught us—it is that one must never
convict without the due process of the
law.
Lately, there has been a change
within the legal system in the Under-
graduate Student Government which, if
utilized properly, can help the adminis-
tration remedy the academic and non-
academic judiciaries. (e Insurance of
Justice and Rights Act, created within
the student government the Depart-
ment of Justice and the Department of
Rights, which provide legal representa-
tion to both the government as well as
clubs and organizations. If the jurisdic-
tion of these departments can be al-
lowed to encompass all matters
concerning the academic and the non-
academic judiciary, then Stony Brook
University would be one step closer to
providing its students with a constitu-
tional legal system.
Author’s Note: If you wish to be part
of the Department of Justice, which rep-
resents the undergraduate government
in the student courts, or the Student Bu-
reau of Investigations please e-mail the
author at: midnightwalk@hotmail.com
If you wish to join the Department
of Rights and represent the interests of
clubs and organizations before the stu-
dent courts, please seek an appointment
with the President of the Undergradu-
ate Student Government in the second
floor of the SAC.
Alex Borodkin is the current Advocate
General of the USG.

Thou shall not praise any other country but me

Poems 7-Thou shall not dress differently from me
And the ‘perfect’ day bright stratus cloud above, 8-In thy hair, thou shall not have any waves, curls or
implicitly said unto me kinks mine eyes can see
9-Thou shall not sound or speak anything that does not
1-Thou shall not be Black, have anything genetically of sound after me
that color, or be colored in any form shape or way 10-On thy body, thou shall not have even an inch of fat
2-Thou shall not be bi or gay And if thou art perfect according to me, according to
3-Thou shall not be a woman these, and it can mostly- visually be seen, thou shall not
4-Thou shall not be physically or mentally disabled be smart in the presence of ‘us,’ of me
5-Thou shall not be old —Madgestic
6-Thou shall not practice gender inappropriately
 Wai Lam to Get Distinguished Alumni Award
O
n November 15th, SBU alum-
nus Wai Lam, Class of 1982,
will be the first Chinese Ameri-
can to receive a Distinguished Alumni
Award. This honor is
extremely fitting for
Stony Brook's 50th
anniversary. We have
grown from a small
teacher's college to a
global university, with
affiliate campus' in
China. Wai Lam, an
immigrant student in
the days when such a
concept was never
imagined, graduated
and became one of
the founders of what
is a successful global
company. What a per-
fect match!
Wai received his B. Eng. in 1982
and went on to have an exceptionally
rewarding career. He is one of the
founders of FalconStor, an award win-
ning software company that in just
seven years has not only grown to rank
among Long Island’s top 75 compa-
nies, it is financially profitable and its
software is now the market leader and
the industry standard!
As a student, Wai was a member
of CASB, the Chinese Association at
SB, and performed in China Night,
SBU’s oldest student cultural show. He
was the keynote speaker in 2003 at the
Alumni Association’s Planet Stony
Brook and helped to launch the Asian
American Alumni Network, which later
Study Abroad in the Land Down Under Part One
I
by Luis Salazar, Columnist
’ve always been bored on this cam-
pus. I just can’t find anything to do
sometimes and I’m sure there are a
lot of other people on campus who feel
the same. Last semester after seeing a
few of my friends go away on student
exchange programs and hearing them
talk about their experiences, I decided
to do something about my boredom and
sign up for a program.
I started attending the study
abroad fairs and going to the study
abroad office to get an idea of where I
wanted to go. It came down to a choice
between England and Australia. Since I
heard that the weather in England can
be pretty gloomy at times and Australia
has a large Filipino population, I de-
cided to go to Australia. Besides, I had
always wanted to meet Filipino girls
with Australian accents.
After filling out all the paperwork, I
was still a little hesitant about going.
Most of my college experience was an
hour away from home, so the prospect
of being thousands of miles away from
my family and friends seemed a bit
daunting. Jennifer DeLong of the Study
www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine excerpts in SB Press Vol 18 N 3 Nov. 2007
became [AA]2, the non-profit that
brings this AA E-Zine to you. Wai not
only continues to mentor students, Fal-
conStor’s staff is its own SBU alumni
network with so many of
our graduates working
there!
His first words when
he got up on the Student
Union stage upon his re-
turn was that he could
not believe he was
standing in the same
place he had more than
twenty years earlier!
Wai funded the first
freshmen orientation
BBQ in the Wang Center
for over a 1000 students.
Unfortunately BBQ's at
Wang, or any student run
BBQ's, are no longer allowed anywhere
on campus.
Dean Yacov Shamash will be present-
ing Wai with the Distinguished Alumni
Award at the ceremony and is thrilled
by their success because they have not
forgotten SB. FalconStor is a major
contributor to the College of Engineer-
ing. Below
are the details on Wai's career, but
more important than that for the Distin-
guished Alumni Award is what he is as
a role model. When John Cordero,
[AA]2's former Co-Chair, nominated
Wai for the Distinguished Alumni
Award, he talked about how valuable
Wai was as a successful immigrant role
model. Half of Stony Brook's interna-
tional students are Asian. Almost 30%
Abroad office convinced me otherwise.
I remember her telling me something
like, “The last thing you’d want to be
doing is spending your
entire 4 years at Stony
Brook.” That’s damn
right. So I stuck with it,
packed my bags, said
bye to my family and
friends, and hopped on
the plane to Brisbane,
Australia.
After being picked
up at the airport by a
driver hired by the Uni-
versity of Queensland,
I remember the drive
on the way to my apart-
ment in the city. This
was the first time I had
seen people drive on
the left-hand side of the
road and the first time I
had seen people drive
below the speed limit.
Almost instantly, I felt
the easygoingness of
the city. This was definitely not New
York.
of our undergrads are Asian American,
many of whom are immigrants. At
Planet Stony Brook, almost every Asian
comp sci grad student was there and
they all said the same thing in amaze-
ment - "He is not American born!" Many
immigrant students see their accents as
liabilities, and as they struggle to pass
exams not in their native language,
Wai's success is a powerful image of
what they can accomplish.
And the advice he gave them was
so simple and direct but so important.
He told of having stacks of resumes on
his desk and as he went through them
- just one single typo and he read no
further. Into the garbage can it went.
His attitude - if someone cannot even
bother to make sure their resume is
right - will they make sure the software
designs they work on are right - and
there are enough good IT people who
want positions that he did not have to
take the chance. Students could not be-
lieve a single typo could mean com-
plete rejection.
After SB, Wai received his MA
from UCLA in 1984. He came to Fal-
conStor from Computer Associates
where, as VP and Architect, he was re-
My apartment was right in the
heart of Brisbane city. 108 Margaret St.,
I still remember the address. After
checking into my apart-
ment I realized I had no
food and since I would
not be living off a school-
provided meal plan, I had
to buy my own kitchen
stuff. It gave me a
chance to explore the city
for the first time.
Right off the bat, walk-
ing through the streets I
noticed one thing:
There’s a hell of a lot of
Asian people in this city. I
guess I wasn’t expecting
the diversity, but it only
helped to make me feel
more comfortable in
where I was. Another
thing I noticed was that
nobody seemed to be in
a rush to be going any-
where.
Everybody always
seemed to be walking at a moderate
pace. Even at stoplights, everybody
Weekly meetings Wednesdays 5:00PM at our office in Student Union 071.
sponsible for the eTrust internet secu-
rity product strategy and design. He
joined CA in 1996 with its acquisition of
Cheyenne Software where he was Di-
rector and Architect of the HMS product
line. He joined Cheyenne in 1993 with
its acquisition of Applied Programming
Technologies, Inc., where he was a
partner and developer of network stor-
age systems using the newly available
optical libraries. Seems to be a con-
stant refrain for everyone in FalconStor
- successful entrepreneurs get bought
out but they always go back to testing
out new waters as entrepreneurs again!
More about Wai Lam
is at
www.aaezine.org/articles/vol18/18N3W
aiLamDAA.shtml.
SBU Faculty and Alumni
Wai Lam DAA Dinner Committee
Alumni, faculty, and staff can join
the campus community in celebration
with Wai as he gets his award. Check
out the invite from the SBU Faculty and
Alumni Dinner Committee. Advance
registration required!
www.aaezine.org/articles/vol18/18N3D
AADinnerInvite.shtml
waited for the walk-lights to turn green
before they walked across the street. I
was usually the only person to jaywalk
through crosswalks, and when I would
do it, people would look at me as if it
were something groundbreaking, that
they themselves were not courageous
and brave enough to do. About a month
after arriving in Brisbane, I made a
Canadian friend who told me he had
been given a $40 ticket for jaywalking.
Walking into random stores in the
city, I noticed that everybody working in
these stores was very hospitable. Peo-
ple in Brisbane (in general) are very
nice. From the lady who worked at the
front desk of my apartment building to
the cashier guy working at the grocery
store, they were all really nice and will-
ing to start up a conversation. I was be-
ginning to get an idea of what to expect
from Australia. Getting used to the
slower pace and friendlier atmosphere
would be no problem at all. I was glad
with the choice I had made and looked
forward to all the adventures to come.
More to come in the next issue!
www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine
30 Sports etc. Vol. XXIX, Issue 4 | Wednesday November 7, 2007
Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press.
Women’s Soccer Extends Shutout Streak
By Antony Lin
e Stony Brook Seawolves ex-
tended their unbeaten streak to eight
games, by defeating the New Hamp-
shire Wildcats 1-0. A crowd of just over
100 attended the match on a rainy
evening at LaValle Stadium.
“is was a big game for us,” said
Seawolves defensive midfielder Kristin
Mishrell. “We came out with a win and
that was important. So that is good. We
came out and scored, and got a
shutout.”
e Wildcats threatened first in the
11th minute. A cross from Marianne
Rivard from the le wing found an un-
marked Caitlin Serafine. Serafine’s one-
timer hit off the far right post and out
of play.
Stony Brook’s first chance of the
match came in the 24th minute of play
from Brooke Barbuto. Her shot from 27
yards out was stopped by a diving Ally
Yost to the right.
Eight minutes later, the home side
scored the game-winning goal. Morgan
Sims laid the ball off to Aria Tanzi. Cut-
His real name is Wolfie McWolfersonsteinbach, actually.
ting to her le, Tanzi curled the ball into
the top le corner to make it 1-0.
“It is a great thing to score early,”
Seawolves Head Coach Sue Ryan said.
Nick Eaton
“But it puts you in a position to defend
and keep going forward. Aria came and
scored a great goal with her le foot
which was a big goal.”
Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060
e Stony Brook backline remained
solid in the second half as the Wildcats
did not register a threatening shot until
the 84th minute. Cait Whelan’s light
shot from the right side ended up trick-
ling through just wide of the far post.
New Hampshire threatened one last
time in the 88th minute. Marisa Viola
made a perfect diving stop on Serafine’s
low shot from 25 yards out.
“New Hampshire is always a tough
team to play,” stated Ryan. “ey came
here in first place. Now we are in first
place, so that is always good.”
Stony Brook improves to 3-0-1 in
the America East and 6-2-4 overall,
while New Hampshire falls to 3-1-0 and
7-5-1. Viola and the Stony Brook de-
fense have not allowed a goal in the last
seven games, totaling 724:38 minutes.
“We are excited to post another
shutout,”said Ryan. “We now have a
streak going. at’s very positive. Our
defenders are doing a phenomenal job.
ings are going well. We just have to
keep our focus and maintain that and
keep the ball rolling.”
The Stony Brook Press 31

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