Students Name: Kevin Date: Evaluation System 1 = Emerging/Not present 2 = Developing/Beginning to show criteria 3 = Shows criteria with some

consistency 4 = Capable/usually consistent (Passing) 5 = Experienced/effective 6 = Experienced/effective/consistent 7 = Exceptional/thought-provoking/original Criteria a. Topic is clearly introduced and relevant and sufficient background information is provided I see so much energy and passion in your writing, Kevin. You obviously have strong feelings and good arguments about this topic. It would be good to provide a little background in the beginning about the topic and then introduce your thesis. b. Thesis statement is clear and expresses the complexity of the issue and makes a claim Your thesis statement is pretty good. c. Each body paragraph includes a clear topic sentence that supports thesis You include many different ideas in each paragraph. You want to try to keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. And, to do that, follow the structure of your thesis as a guide. Break the thesis up into separate ideas and then write one paragraph for each idea. d. Each body paragraph synthesizes ideas from two or more sources I do see you using two sources in almost every paragraph, Draft 1 Prof. Habib 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Draft 2 Prof. Miller 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

ENGH 122/ Synthesis Section: _AC3___________

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which is great. e. Relevant and sufficient evidence explicitly supports each point At times though, I feel like I dont understand the relationship between the evidence you include and the main idea of that paragraph. Thats probably because you have many different ideas in each paragraph. f. At least three different types of evidence are used (statistical, anecdotal, expert opinion, theory/philosophy) to advance argument Youre mostly just using expert opinion. Try to include two more types of evidence. g. Ideas flow logically and smoothly with appropriate and varied transitions Once you organize your paragraphs to have one idea per paragraph, youll be better able to build logical transitions that keep the reader focused on the h. Conclusion restates thesis in a different way and introduces a new direction Look at the strategies that I recommend for writing conclusions in the Synthesis Recipe handout. i. Word choice is appropriate, academic, and varied Try to use more accurate vocabulary rather than general words like stuff or people or things j. Reporting verbs make it clear where ideas come from and accurately reflect original authors tone, purpose, and meaning Try to use more accurate reporting verbs that capture the authors tone in the article youre citing. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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k. Clauses are correctly formed with correct/appropriate word forms, verb tenses, verb forms and word order. Im seeing so much improvement in your writing at the sentence level. You still have work to do, but youre making great progress. Sentences are correctly formed with no fragments or runons. Sentence structure is varied

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m. Spelling, punctuation and capitalization are correct n. In-text citations and reference list are complete, accurate, and correctly formatted o. Very clear evidence of revision and editing; writer put in significant effort to apply feedback OVERALL:

Im so impressed with your first draft, Kevin! Wonderful effort. Id like you to schedule a meeting with Laurie soon to go over my comments and work on your revision. Keep up the good effort!