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ABOUT BR. THUREIN WIN Thurein Win is a guest author at ProductiveMuslim.com and an invited expert at Productive Muslim Academy as a Productivity Instructor. He is the author of the articles in this e-Book, which was originally published on ProductiveMuslim.com. He holds a Bachelor of Commerce specialising in Accounting and is a personal leadership and success coach, an NLP Master practitioner and an accredited Consultant and Trainer of Extended DISC (Behaviour Proling). His vision is to empower Muslim organisations and professionals with cutting edge behaviour change technologies to serve the greater good of humanity. He is passionate about personal leadership, early childhood education and holistic health and healing. He is also working with communities in developing leadership programs for Muslim and non Muslim youths. He can be contacted via his!website!and!Facebook. His latest!endeavour!is an online support community for!productivity-focused Muslims who want to connect, share ideas and support one another on their journey of learning and growing. He can be contacted at Heart Core Success, via his Facebook page, or by email at info@heartcoresuccess.com.
However, if one doesnt start with being, the right way of thinking and operating from the right mindset, it doesnt matter what latest cutting-edge technologies and tools one has, he or she will not be able to effectively apply the tools to be productive.
If you want to change what is visible the fruits, you have to start with the invisible, which is the root.
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If we believe that we are not responsible for what happens in our life, we wont be able to do anything about the result that were experiencing.
Photo by Envios: http://www.ickr .com/ photos/envios/
And whatever strikes you of disaster it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much. ~Quran: Chapter 42, Verse 30 Productivity thinking is at-cause thinking: were either at the cause side of the equation or were at the effect side. Its our choice. People who are successful and productive in life are at-cause. They believe that they are responsible for everything that happens in their life. Whether that belief is true or not doesnt really matter. What they care about is whether their belief empowers them or not. Regardless of whether our beliefs are true or not, our beliefs act as possibility lters. They determine what we allow ourselves to experience in our lives and what we lter out as not possible. People who go through life on the cause side of the equation have results. Believing this gives them maximum power to create the life that they want. But if we believe that we are not responsible for what happens in our life, we wont be able to do anything about the result that were experiencing. Such thinking is called at-effect thinking. People who go through life on the effect side of the equation always have reasons or excuses. They have stories that they tell themselves of why things are the way they are. They put the responsibility on everything or everyone else around them but themselves and as a result, they feel like they have no control over whats going on in their life. Ask yourself: are you being at-cause or at-effect? Being at-cause is playing above the line. So, are you playing below or above the line?
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HOW TO START THINKING PRODUCTIVELY
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STEP 1: AWARENESS
Thinking productively starts with awareness. Remember that space of power, which many people dont even know exists, between stimulus and response. Always being in a state of remembrance of Allah SWT (gloried and exalted be He) allows us to be aware that weve been blessed with the gift of being able to think, decide and act.
! Am I taking 100% responsibility for both the results and non-results? ! If not, why not? The answer usually has to do with ego and fear: the fear of not being enough, fear of rejection and fear of what people might think. ! Who or what am I blaming as the cause of me not getting the result? ! What am I in denial of ? ! What sad stories about myself am I indulging in as to why I cant? ! If there was no such thing as failure, what would I do?
So weve touched upon why Productive Thinking is important, what it is and how you can apply it and make it a part of your reality: by rst being in the state of awareness, secondly, turning back to Allah SWT (gloried and exalted be He) and taking responsibility for everything that you did or didnt do and lastly, answering some questions that will put you back above the line. Next, we will explore a model called 3 Levels of Living to gauge the level of your productivity in your day-to-day living for maximum productivity.
Always being in a state of remembrance of Allah SWT allows us to be aware that weve been blessed with the gift of being able to think, decide and act.
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This section covers a!model called 3 Levels of Living!that can easily be used to gauge the level of your productivity and apply in your day-to-day living for maximum productivity going from no productivity to full productivity. Management guru Peter Drucker says that we cant manage what we cant measure. To be able to manage our productivity, we need a way of gauging where were at in terms of our pro-activity and productivity. Understanding and being able to see our life through this model of 3 Levels of Living will help us do that.
LEVEL 3 LIVING
People who live on this level have no productivity because they spend their time worrying about the things that they have no control over, focusing on the things that are not working and complaining, blaming, naming and shaming everything and everyone else around them for their problems. They are heavily invested in their stories instead of their future. A story is something that we tell ourselves to justify why we cant change and why we cant be productive. For instance, I cant be productive because I have to take care of my family. Or, my health is stopping me from doing what I want. They hope and wish for things to get better while giving reasons as to why they cant take action to move towards the way they want things to be. They blame their past, their parents, their boss and everyone else for why they are the way they are. They play the victim in every situation.
LEVEL 2 LIVING
People who live on this level have some productivity because they do take responsibility for their life, in most of the areas. They might have some areas of their life that they invest in stories reasons why its hard to change and be productive but they also have areas of their life that they take responsibility for, especially, the areas that theyre condent about and are good at. For example, Im on top of my work, but marriage, its just the way it is. They might do one or two personal development or productivity courses once in a while and try to implement and improve their life but then nd themselves going back to the same old, same old. Their actions are inconsistent and hence, lead to inconsistent results. PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/
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LEVEL 1 LIVING
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People at this level enjoy full productivity because they realise that theyre either part of the problem or part of the solution, so they spend their time and energy to be part of the solution. They focus on what they have control over and can inuence. They hold themselves 100% responsible for the results that they get, regardless of what the result might be. They realise that indulging in blame or justication equates to simply wasting the opportunity and power to affect change. They dont take things personally and they acknowledge that everyone is doing the best they can. They are very forgiving and always grateful for the situations that they nd themselves in because they know that these are opportunities to learn and grow from. They believe in Allah!s SWT promise that He doesnt test them with anything that they cant bear. Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned.!~ Quran, Chapter 2, Verse 286
They see problems as tests that they want to overcome to get to the next level of productivity and living.
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HOW TO STRIVE TO LIVE AT LEVEL 1
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STEP 6: FOCUS
Consistently focus on your goals and where you want to go. We cant move forward and get to where we want to go by constantly looking in the rear-view mirror.
Next, well learn about the critical mindset on learning and productivity that can be used to overcome any thinking problem that people have around learning and productivity.
Everyone - including YOU - is a leader and your rst job is to lead yourself to live a life that is productive and meaningful.
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People with the growth mindset know that everything can be changed and different intelligence and skills can be developed. They like stretching themselves to take on new challenges and view every misstep or mistake as something that is helping them grow.
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The rst stage is what is called unconscious incompetence. This stage is where ignorance is bliss, so to speak. You dont know what you dont know, and you are unconscious about what you are incompetent at. But the truth is that ignorance is never bliss there is always a price to pay for not knowing. The second stage is called conscious incompetence. Now, you become conscious about what your incompetent at; you know that you dont know and what you dont know. Now that you have taken a step to nding out more about that subject or skill that you want to learn and master, you realise that there are things that you dont know; the different steps or sub-skills that you need to master. This stage often!feels overwhelming and!leads to discouragement.
The third stage is called conscious competence. Now, you are starting to learn, think and do different steps consciously, practice, practice and practice some more. This stage is where people usually get stuck or give up because what they originally thought was going to be easy has proven otherwise not unusual with learning any new skill. You will make lots and lots of mistakes. This is the stage where you need to have a growth mindset. It takes patience, persistence, perseverance and prayer to go to the next level.
The last stage is called unconscious competence. This is where a skill becomes a habit or what is usually called second nature. You have practiced something so much that you do not have to consciously think about executing the steps. The correct process becomes ingrained in you. Now, it just works! It has become an unconscious program that you can run just like any other programs that you have learned, practiced and mastered, e.g., walking, brushing your teeth, tying your shoes, speaking in your mother tongue, riding a bicycle or driving a car. It is the same process with learning Arabic, memorising the Quran, learning and developing productive habits and techniques, and even overcoming your negative self-talk and emotions. Any negative habit that you want to break or positive habits that you want to build, you can PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | www. productivemuslim.com/academy consciously identify and apply yourself through these stages until the habit you want becomes instilled in you.
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5 STEPS TO EFFECTIVELY LEARN A NEW SKILL
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CHANGE IS POSSIBLE
A few of the main challenges when it comes to productivity are!procrastination, being overwhelmed and self-sabotage. Most people try to learn new systems, tools and techniques to overcome these challenges without fully understanding the challenges. Earlier, we talked about the four dimensions that we live in, namely spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. Tools and techniques are important, but if we dont understand the unconscious fears that are triggering these fear responses, then we will not be as effective as we could be in doing our best to be productive. So why are we talking about fear? It is because fear is the reason behind why we procrastinate and the underlying factor behind many things that we do to procrastinate. By understanding and having some awareness around what fear is and how fear gets to us, well be more aware and better equipped to deal with any challenges.! Awareness is the key. With awareness, change is possible.
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Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of Fear of
failure rejection loneliness criticism making a mistake making the wrong decision unworthiness success disappointment the unknown being uncomfortable
Tool & techniques are important, but if we dont understand the unconscious fears that trigger our fears, we will not be as effective in being productive.
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TAKING RISKS ON OPPORTUNITY
The fear of not being enough is also the fear behind thinking that we will not be able to handle anything that comes. So, we do not take enough risks and say yes to opportunities. Think back to your past about the many opportunities that knocked on your door. Think of the times that you said yes, opened the door and took them on. And then think of the times you did not answer the door and let the opportunities pass. It is all based on the fear of What if I cannot handle it?. The truth is that we have been promised that we will not be tested with anything that we will not be able to handle. Anything that comes our way, we have the ability to handle, overcome and excel at. On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear. ~ Qur'an, Chapter 2, Verse 286 The challenge, then, lies in our thinking. Henry Ford said Whether you think you can, or whether you think you cant, youre right. This sounds cliche but this concept has been spiritually, scientically and experimentally proven. Allah!SWT!says that: I am as My servant thinks I am. ~Hurairah You notice more of what you focus on.
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THE FEAR MONGER
Or are you going to listen to the empty promises of the fear monger? The one who is going to deceive you, double-cross you, dupe you, and cheat you out of your potential, your possibilities and the garden that Allah SWT!has promised you. And Satan will say when the matter has been concluded, Indeed, God had promised you the promise of truth. And I promised you, but I betrayed you. But I had no authority over you except that I invited you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; but blame yourselves. ~ Qur'an, Chapter 14, Verse 22
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Someone or something has to move rst before condence comes. That someone is YOU.
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PRACTICAL STRATEGIES TO OVERCOME FEAR
#1: GUIDANCE PRAYER
Pray the divine guidance prayer (Istikhara) before you take any important action. That prayer is a great gift for us. Then, there is no regret because you know that if what you decided to work towards is good for you, despite the fears you might have, Allah!SWT!made it happen for you. If not, move on to something else. Sometimes, what we think is good for us might not be so because we only see what is apparent while Allah!SWT!knows whats hidden. Like He!says, But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. ~Qur'an: Chapter 2, Verse 216 Trust in the wisdom of the Most Wise, the Best Disposer of all affairs. And be patient.
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#4: PLAY ABOVE THE LINE
Play above the line!and come from a place of love and trust. Doubt and fear is below-the-line thinking. Allahs SWT promise is clear. Will you decide to trust? Be positive and optimistic. Hope for the best.
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challenges that shaped them into the people who can serve the people that they were meant to serve. They can never be you and you can never be them. Be grateful for who you are. And do not ever want to be someone else. Be the best version of you you can be. Be loyal to who you were meant to be.
#6: BE YOU
Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide. ~Emerson When you compare yourself to others and feel that you are not good enough and want to give up, you are just being ignorant of the fact that you have a unique journey that has led you to where you are today. And you will have a unique journey that will lead you, through your own set of challenges and tests, to make the contribution that only you can make to the people that you are meant to serve. The person that you are comparing yourself to got there from his or her life experiences, their unique set of
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We live in a world of dichotomy and opposites. It is only through opposites that we know the true nature of things. As human beings, we are driven by pain and pleasure. We no doubt like to do things that are pleasing, easy, as well as make us feel good, regardless of their actual benet. However, as Allah!SWT!says in the Quran: And have [we not] shown him the two ways? But he has not broken through the difcult pass. And what can make you know what is [breaking through] the difcult pass? ~ Qur'an: Chapter 90, Verses 10-12
A!tafsir!(exegesis) of the above verses indicates that the easy way is easy at the start, but will be hard later on and there will be consequences. The hard way is hard initially, but the ultimate ending will be good and easy. The hard way involves working for what is benecial in this world and the next, and continuing to strive for goals and ambitions that may not always feel good or easy. One of my favorite quotes by a teacher of mine is:! You will have a hard life if you live it the easy way. You will have an easy life if you live it the hard way. The four levels can be illustrated by means of the following diagram on the next page.
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THE FOUR LEVELS OF BEHAVIOUR
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LEVEL 1
Level 1 activities or behaviours make you feel good (pleasure) and are good for you, good for others and good for the greater good (benet). A Level 1 behaviour is an activity or a skill that we have already mastered. As such, it is within our comfort zone, we feel good doing it and it benets us. For example, reciting a surah that you have already memorised is a Level 1 activity. Likewise, once exercising or running becomes a habit, we will enjoy doing it because we are aware of how it benets our body and health.
Examples of activities in this category are plenty. They include: ! Excess consumption: This can be with regards to eating or any other activity. ! Procrastination ! Watching useless, mind-numbing programmes on television ! Most forms of addiction: TV, YouTube, Facebook, video games, pornography, smoking and drugs
LEVEL 4
Level 4 behaviours or activities are those that do not make you feel good when you indulge in them. In addition, they are not good for you, not good for others and not good for the greater good. This begets the question: Why does one even indulge in Level 4 behaviours? The reason is what psychologists refer to as selfsabotage, or a conict between ones goals and self-image or beliefs (well cover it in our next article, In sha Allah). Examples of Level 4 activities include: Giving up on good deeds, habits or anything that is worthwhile: ! Breaking promises to yourself and others ! Lying, gossiping and backbiting ! Procrastination If you continue to engage in them, they will have serious negative consequences on your soul. This relates to the concept of comfort zone that we discussed in our!previously in the section on fears. Every moment is a moment of decision: To step up and do what is benecial but uncomfortable, or to step back and stay safe and comfortable. Alternatively, it may be a decision to step back and away from what is harmful.
LEVEL 2
Level 2 activities or behaviours are those that require extra effort and investment from you, but they are good for you, good for others and good for the greater good. Working toward memorising a new surah from the Quran is an example. Another level 2 activity is exercising. Most people do not like exercising or eating healthy because they do not want to endure the physical discomfort of exercise, or the trouble that one has to go through to prepare a healthy menu. But these activities are good for you: If you are healthy, you can dedicate more of your energy and activities for the sake of Allah!SWT!and serving His creation. If you enjoy healthy food, it benets your family and community too. Other Level 2 behaviours or actions include: ! Consistent extra worship ! Qiyam (voluntary, optional night prayer) ! Regular goal setting and assessment ! Learning and practicing any new benecial skill
LEVEL 3
Indulging in Level 3 behaviours or activities makes you feel good, but they do not really benet you or other people, and do not bring greater good.
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You can imagine Levels 1 and 2 to be above the line, literally, and Levels 3 and 4 to be below the line. Above the line means that you are proactively doing things that are benecial for you. Below-the-line activities are those that do not have real benet for you, your loved ones or your community. Indulging in distractions and procrastination are below-the-line behaviours that will keep you below the line and mediocre. A very important point to note here is: If you keep up with your Level 2 behaviours or practices, they will soon become Level 1. Likewise, if you keep up with your Level 3 behaviours, they will soon become Level 4. So, one is an upward spiral, while the other is a downward spiral. Looking at this model from the perspective of the four stages of learning described in the subsection: Going from a Disaster to a Master, we can say that: ! Level 1 correlates to the fourth stage (unconscious competence) involving mastery and becoming intuitive; ! Level 2 correlates to the third stage (conscious competence) that involves implementation via constant and consistent practice.
80/20 PRINCIPLE
The Pareto Principle!is known as the 80/20 principle. In almost anything, 80% of the result is produced by 20% of the effort. If you look inside your wardrobe, you wear 20% of the clothes 80% of the time. In a company, 20% of the employees do 80% of the work. If you are a student, 80% of your exam comes from 20% of your course content. Even some Islamic institutions offer their Arabic and Islamic study programmes based on the 80/20 principle. Similarly, it might be safe to assume that in any event or gathering, 20% of the people eat 80% of the food! So, what is the 20% in your life that will make 80% of the difference? What is the 20% that you should focus on to get a return of 80%? To be successful, you should be spending 80% of your time on the 20% of behaviours or activities that are in Level 2. The time from before dawn to after sunrise is the most blessed time of my day. To apply the 80/20 rule, 20% of 24 hours is almost 5 hours. I believe this is the time that our Prophet!SAW!was referring to: It was narrated from Ibn Umar that the Prophet!said: O Allah, bless my nation in their early mornings! ~Sunan Ibn Majah It is important that we take advantage of this time by doing what we deem as the most important for our growth and success in this world and the next. PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/
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NOBODY SAID IT WAS EASY, BUT ITS WORTH IT!
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People say that staying above the line is hard. Of course it is hard! That is the whole point. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Then what is the point of the test? [He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving ~Qur'an: Chapter 67, Verse 2 Do the people think that they will be left to say, We believe and they will not be tried?! ~Qur'an: Chapter 29, Verse 2 We have certainly created man into hardship.! ~Qur'an: Chapter 90, Verse 4
Anas ibn Malik reported that the Prophet!SAW!said:! Paradise is surrounded by hardships and the Hell-Fire is surrounded by temptations.! ~Muslim We will be asked about how we spent the time we had in this world. So, we need to be conscious about our actions and behaviours. We should always check our intentions and ask ourselves: Where is my current action taking me? Which level am I playing at? What kind of behavior is this? The key to making this work in the long term is to strive and be patient. Make incremental progress; nothing worth achieving comes overnight. The key is to keep stepping up and doing what is unpleasant but benecial, until it becomes pleasurable and habitual. That is why building good habits and rituals is important.
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3 STEPS TO LIVING AN EFFECTIVE & PRODUCTIVE LIFE
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STEP 3: READ, RESEARCH, REVIEW & REFINE YOUR RITUALS CONSISTENTLY
Print out a blank 30-day calendar and use it to track the habits or rituals that you are building. The best thing to do is work with a coach or join an accountability group programme where you will be held accountable for your daily commitments. The next best thing is to work with an accountability buddy.!StickK.com!is another great tool to help you stick to your commitments. Remember that it takes discipline, willpower and everything that you have got to make this work. Once you taste the fruits of these beautiful trees that you have planted, you will never go back to your previous lifestyle, In sha Allah.
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CONCLUSION
Remember that there is always a next level and it will not be opened to you unless you have shown Him!!that you are serious and proven to Him that with your consistent actions, biithnillah.
Photo by Zela: rgbstock[dot]com/gallery/Zela When you become consistent with your rituals and new productive habits, you will be amazed by the ways Allah!SWT!gives you new insights and realisations and helps you change and overcome your challenges as He!!promises in the Quran:
And whoever has taqwa (consciousness) of Allah He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect! ~Quran, Chapter 65, Verses 2-3 We need to remember and be conscious of Allah!SWT!and constantly check our intentions. We should also be conscious of our actions and be present in the moment because we need awareness and consciousness to change, and change can only happen in the present moment. The assessment of the Four Levels of Behaviours will now enable you, I hope, to gauge and maximise your productivity and effectiveness. You also now know that to live at Levels 1 and 2, you need to have goals and rituals for different aspects of your life. In sha Allah, next, we will learn about some common behaviour patterns that we can follow to prevent ourselves from living below the line and thereby achieve effectiveness and success. More specically, we will address self-sabotage: What it is, why we do it and how to subvert it.
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UNDERSTANDING SELF-SABOTAGE
WHAT IS SELF-SABOTAGE
Self-sabotage is any thought, feeling, action and/or behaviour that holds you back from achieving your goals. There is usually a conict between your conscious desires and your unconscious patterns of thinking, feeling and behaviour. Sometimes, it seems like there is something holding you back from reaching your goals and succeeding. Sometimes, people might even think they are being affected by magic or that someone is sabotaging their success. But no, it is you who keeps getting in your own way. It is you not saying no to the distractions. It is you not saying yes to opportunities and breakthroughs. It is you not making those decisions that need to be made. What comes to you of good is from Allah, but what comes to you of evil, [O man], is from yourself! ~Quran: Chapter 4, Verse 79 And whatever strikes you of disaster it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.! ~Quran: Chapter 42, Verse 30
Photo by Vic: ickr[dot]com/photos/59632563@N04/ You are not to blame and it is not your fault, but you are responsible.!Make sure you understand the distinction between Nobody can blaming yourself and taking responsibility. change things for Blame and guilt are not healthy, you; it has to responsibility is.
Nobody can change things for you; it has to come from your heart and from the inside. Once you make that commitment, take on that responsibility and decide that you are not willing to settle for mediocrity anymore, Allah!SWT!will help you change anything you want. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves! ~Quran: Chapter 13, Verse 11
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ARE YOU DISPLAYING SELF-SABOTAGE PATTERNS? # #
The following are just a few common patterns of self-sabotage: All the unconscious fear (See page 10) Indecision Procrastination Overwhelm Wanting to always be right Overeating Tolerating mediocrity and Level 3 Living (See page 4!) ! Not telling the absolute truth ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Focusing on secondary goals Doing things alone Reinventing the wheel Perfectionism* Not saying No to!distractions Not saying Yes to opportunities Controlling people Critical judgement of self and others Creating dramas and stories
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*Make sure you understand the difference between striving for perfection and striving for excellence (ihsan), which is what we have been told to strive for. Perfection is for our Creator alone, and only He!!is Perfect and His Book is perfect. We are not, and will never be perfect. But we can be excellent!!Our imperfection is perfection in itself because that is the way Allah!SWT!created us. If He wanted us to be different, He would have made us different. That, though, is a whole other discussion in itself. I used to be proud of being a perfectionist.That was my identity: I am a perfectionist. This changed when someone I admire said: Youre not a perfectionist, youre an imperfectionist because all you ever look for are imperfections, in things, in what you do, in people and in the world. Perfectionists do not have high standards, they have no standard. This is because their standards are so high that things are unachievable, so they might as well not have any standard. Moreover, perfection is subjective: Perfect according to whom? What is perfect for you might not be what others want and vice versa. There are many people who do not care about the small details over which you are obsessing.
There is no worse sickness for the soul, O you who are proud, than this pretense of perfection. ~!Rumi
WHY DO WE SELF-SABOTAGE?
Outlined below are some reasons why we self-sabotage, but this article will focus on the rst one: 1. Value conicts 2. Behaviour proles/styles 3. Unconscious fears 4.!Low self-esteem!or self-worth 5. Inability to!manage our emotions Before we continue, just note that some people might say that there is no such thing as self-sabotage, because behind every action or behaviour is a positive intention and that is a valid point. For example, procrastination is not selfsabotage because there is a good intention behind procrastination: to avoid disappointment and keep us safe from whatever fear lies behind the procrastination.! PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/
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Our unconscious is programmed to protect us and it always wants the best for us. We all have psychological needs that we want to fulll and we can fulll them in resourceful, sustainable above-the-line ways (Levels 1 and 2 !see Page 16) or we can get there by destructive below-the-line ways (Levels 3 and 4 !see Page 16).! Self-sabotage can therefore be seen as fullling our needs and experiencing our values in below-the-line ways.
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Examples: Peace, security, family or money. Each one of them is of varying importance to different people.
VALUE CONFLICTS
Our values guide our decisions and, hence, ultimately our destiny. If you are not getting the result that you want and not living the life that you want, then most certainly, your values are not aligned with your desired outcomes, goals and desired life. Therefore, your values need to be aligned with your life vision and goals. Value elicitation and alignment is an important process to go through. I recently worked with someone who used to procrastinate and play small (regarding her business). It turned out that she was unconsciously equating business success with no time for family because her dad was always absent from home when she was young, and making time for her family was a value at the top of her list. As a result, she was unconsciously sabotaging her business success to full her family values. The way to stop that is to elicit all her values, prioritise them, install them and align them with her goals. Being unclear about your own values is the main reason why it is so hard for many people to make simple decisions: They do not know what they stand for and what is important to them. When you know what is most important to you and know what you stand for and what you are about, decision-making becomes much faster, easier and effortless.
Self-sabotage can therefore be seen as fullling our needs and experiencing our values in belowthe-line ways
The same applies to money as a means value. Some people are after security through money; for some it is the ability to contribute and make a difference; for others it is power they want to experience as the end state. So, money is just a tool to allow you to reach your end. The same goes if your job or profession is what you value. For some, through their work, they achieve signicance and accomplishment. For others, it is satisfaction or for some, it might be connection with people, and so on. When we gain clarity about our values and determine what is important to us, and identify our end values, the means are not that important anymore.!We can then consciously design our vehicles or means to meet our end values. Problems arise when we confuse the means with the end.
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Moving towards values are what we want to experience, and moving away values are what we want to avoid feeling. It is important to be clear on your moving towards and away from values, so you know what you want to experience and not experience. This is important because human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will do to gain pleasure. For example, would you rather have one million dollars or lose an arm? I do not know about you, but I will keep my arm, thank you. And I think it will be the same for 99.9% of people. The pain of losing an arm is greater than the pleasure of gaining a million dollars (unless maybe one has a sick child that needs treatment worth a million dollars). So, if you do not consciously decide what you want to move towards, then your moving away from values could be the source of your self-sabotage. If you want to give dawah, but your fear of rejection is stronger than your values of contribution and compassion for people, then you will avoid talking to people. There are also rules for both your moving towards and moving away from values.!Rules are what must or must not happen for us to experience our values.
That is going to be quite challenging for you to achieve on a daily basis to get your spiritual connection with Allah!SWT! Keep it simple.towards, then your moving away from values could be the source of your self-sabotage. If you want to give dawah, but your fear of rejection is stronger than your values of contribution and compassion for people, then you will avoid talking to people.
The point here is to make it as easy as possible for you to experience moving towards values and make it nearly impossible to experience your moving away from values. PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/
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REAL VALUES VS. ASPIRING VALUES
Real values are what make you happy and congruent. Aspiring values are what you think you should be feeling, would look good, are what other people expect of you, and are usually set by your social environment.!We took on the latter values because we never really consciously thought about them and ended up being stuck with them. To identify your current real, operational values, rather than the ones you want to impress others with, look at your results. Think about the way you have been living your life for the past few weeks and months. What were the tangible results? If you said contribution is important to you, how many hours have you spent during the past two weeks doing things for people you care about, sharing, donating your time and money to charities, volunteering at different organisations or mentoring people? If the answer is a big fat zero, then it is your aspiring value, something that sounds nice but you do not really care about or have not consciously decided yet to incorporate it into your life. You are not living your value. The same goes for other values such as connection with your Creator, health, vitality, love, growth and gratefulness. How much time did you spend last week reading His book, talking to Him, exercising, eating healthy, spending time with family, learning something new or doing something that is outside your comfort zone, journalling or reecting on His blessings? At this stage, we are mainly concerned about awareness, because values exercises can take hours.!In the meantime, just be aware that if you are in pain and feeling guilty about not taking certain actions, then they
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might not be important to you and you need to be okay with that.!What are the values that are imposed on you? Often, society and friends dictate the things we should want or the career or profession we should pursue. Once you have established that awareness, you can start to consciously decide on what is important to you and consciously nd ways of living those values. To sum up, we have learned what self-sabotage is and saw how value conicts lead to selfsabotage.! Next, we will look at different behaviour styles, another main cause of self-sabotage,!and move on to practical strategies that will help you overcome selfsabotage, In sha Allah.
To identify your current real, operational values, rather than the ones you want to impress others with, look at your results. Think about the way you have been living your life for the past few weeks and months. What were the tangible results?
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maximise our strengths, mitigate our weaknesses and reach our full potential. By knowing the different behaviour proles, you will get insight into why some people have challenges seeing a vision or setting goals for themselves and why some people have challenges following through. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.! ~Quran: Chapter 30, Verse 22 It is from Allahs!SWT!wisdom that people are created to be different, everyone with his/her strengths and weaknesses, so we all learn from and complement one another and work together. It is about knowing where your strengths lie and maximising them, then!learning the strength of others and how they think and view the world, so that we can model
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different aspects of their behaviour to achieve our higher purpose.!The key is to be exible in our thinking and action. The rst step towards change is awareness, says Nathaniel Branden, author of!The Psychology of Self-Esteem. For the sake of simplicity and for the purpose of this article, I will be generalising quite a lot to make the behaviour prole and patterns simple to understand. There are so many levels to this and many nuances and combinations, which is not within the scope of this article.
DISC PROFILE
The DISC prole includes four main behaviour proles: Dominance [D]: The type who wants to win Inuence[I]: The type who wants to be liked Steadiness [S]: The type who wants to be comfortable Conscientiousness[C]: The type who wants to be right An individual has a behaviour prole that is a combination of at least two types and at most three, but he/she can usually be identied by one dominant type. Please keep in mind the following three thinking patterns (motivators) as we move forward: ! Moving away or moving towards (Pain/pleasure motivated) ! Detail or big picture thinker ! People-oriented or taskoriented
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DOMINANCE [D] - WANTS TO WIN
They are big-picture thinkers. They are competitive, decisive and results-oriented. They like to be in charge, like change and challenges. They are very much moving towards motivated, i.e. motivated by the possibilities of their goals and visions. They do not usually care about what others think of them. The reason they can be very impatient at times is because they process information visually, and as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. And that is also the reason they talk fast. They can sometimes come across as being rude because of their bluntness. They are prone to make snap decisions and can be perceived as very opinionated, self-centred, impatient and demanding. Their greatest fear is loss of control.
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Now that you know why you do these things that get in your own way, you have to stop doing them. But how do you stop? Well, the short answer is to just be aware of your style and how you get in your own way of success, and sometimes that is enough to create the change that you need.
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A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS: BE-DO-HAVE MODEL #
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This model helps you succeed by determining who you need to be (your values and beliefs) to do what you need to do (vehicle/job) to have what you want to have (your vision). You should start with the end in mind (what kind of life do you want to live?) and by asking yourself: What type of values will support you to take action or behave in ways that will get you there? ! If you want to be successful in business and your moving away value is rejection, then you will have a hard time achieving success because business involves talking to people with the risk of being rejected. ! If you want to be a!successful entrepreneur, then comfort and freedom will have to go for the rst few years, at least. ! If you value freedom, family and contribution, you might want to be entrepreneurial and start your own thing. ! If you value safety, signicance, contribution you might want to be a doctor or engineer, the traditional Muslim type careers. ! If you are spontaneous, fun-loving, talkative and bubbly, you might want something that gives you variety and the chance to talk to many people and brighten their day and life.
Ask yourself: What type of values will support you to take action or behave in ways that will get you to the life you want to live?
O My servants, were the rst of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more than a needle decreases the sea if put into it. ~Muslim
If you are reading this, it means you have access to the Internet.!Do not limit yourself to only serving your local community. Think big. Think global.
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PRACTICAL STRATEGIES TO SABOTAGE SELF-SABOTAGE
#1: START WITH ISTIKHARA
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Pray the divine guidance prayer (Istikhara) before you take any important action. That prayer is a great gift for us.
I would like to share my thoughts on what will help you be clear about! your own vision! and goals.The Quranic model is clear: Our vision has been set by our Creator! SWT. Our end is jannah, to see His Countenance! . The same applies to our life here. We have to start with an end in mind, a vision. Your vision (for yourself and how you want your life to be, to mean) is not something that will just be revealed to you. It is something you discover, decide and dene, and then recover and rene.! For some of us, or most of us, it is a recovering process from being put down, laughed at or made small by the environment that we grew up in for wanting something different. It is an ongoing process, but a decision has to be made. It is okay if your vision is not clear at the start. People talk about aiming high when it comes to vision and living this life and getting to the next. That sounds nice, but I want to make it practical. I want to share with you a model on AIMing high and reaching high. A: Attention (to people, things, environment), awareness (of self and others), action I: Intention, investment (time, money, energy), implementation, improvement M: Model, mentor (coaches), mind-set (psychology), methodology (strategy)
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ATTENTION:
Start paying attention to what interests you, what makes you happy and what excites you.!What are you passionate about? What were your childhood dreams?
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students. So, students have been conditioned to think that they are stupid just because they cant learn something at the rst try. Invest in reading courses and!speed-reading!courses. Read anyway!
IMPLEMENTATION AWARENESS:
Awareness is the rst step to change. Start becoming aware of your own behaviour patterns. Refer to Action above. Implementation is effective action: putting plan to action through perspiration, patience and prayer.
IMPROVEMENT: ACTION:
Start taking action on things that you normally sit around and watch; start participating in different activities or discussions. Without action, there is no result or feedback, hence no movement or improvement.!You cannot steer a car that is not moving. Movement creates clarity. Are you a pond that is muddy, rotten and stagnant or a fresh free-owing stream that is calm, clean and clear? Follow-up action should be constant.
MODEL:
Prophet Muhammad!SAW!is our best example. He is our perfect model. The same principle applies when it comes to productivity and potential. Once you have some idea of your vision and your vehicle, start looking for your models. Who is succeeding at what you want to do? Research and nd out about people who are successful in the areas that you want to be successful in. Get in touch with them, nd out if they can mentor you or coach you. Why reinvent the wheel? In the words of author Charles Jones, In ve years, your life will be the same except for the people you meet and the books you read.!Your models dont necessary have to be physical live persons in real life; they could be models through their books and lectures.
INTENTION:
Well, this one is obvious. Actions are by intention.!Our ultimate intention is to please Allah!SWT!and to serve His creation by becoming the best version of ourselves.
INVESTMENT:
The best investment you can make is in improving the space between your ears. Take your personal development seriously: ! Invest in personal or life coaching.!Get rid of all the unnecessary baggage that youve been carrying around all these years. ! Invest in online webinars and seminars. ! Invest in books and audiobooks. Leaders are!readers!and the rst Quranic revelation was Iqra (read). As believers, we have no excuse. If you do not like reading, nd out the reason behind that and work on it. Often,!people associate reading and the pain of reading with their childhood traumas and stress growing up and going through school systems that are usually unaware of and have no regard for the differences in information processing and learning styles of individual
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BEING ENOUGH
This is not a trust in ones self alone.!A major part of it is!trust in Allah!SWT. Indeed it is His promise that He will not test us with anything that we cannot handle or overcome. Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.! Qur'an: Chapter 2, Verse 286
BEING WORTHY
Having a sense of selfworth and gratitude with respect to the Blessings Allah!SWT!has bestowed upon us is a healthy state of mind.
When any one of you ghts with his brother he should avoid striking at the face.! ~Sahih Muslim
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Allah!SWT!gave us eyes and ears to see and hear with. He gave us the ability to communicate and express ourselves. He gave us intellect and free will so we can think, learn and decide for ourselves. He guided us to the straight path and made us a part of the ummah of Prophet Muhammad!SAW. What could be more honourable than that? It is Allah who created the heavens and the earth and sent down rain from the sky and produced thereby some fruits as provision for you and subjected for you the ships to sail through the sea by His command and subjected for you the rivers.! ~ Quran: Chapter 14, Verse 32 Every human being is signicant and needs to be honoured. And it starts with honouring and accepting ourselves. Allah!SWT!is the All-seeing, All-knowing One who Owns our hearts and Sustains us. He is the One who has Power over all things. He does not ask and does not need permission from anyone to put us here on earth. He is the One who knows our mistakes, our shortcomings, our plans, and our secret desires and ambitions. Every passing second is a second chance to turn back, to start over with a clean slate. We do not need anyone elses permission or approval to be here, to be great or to do great things. If we are being tested with the same tests repeatedly, then there is something we ought to learn from them.!That is a sign that He cares about us; a sign that He wants to raise our station. He guides us like a good teacher who loves and cares about his students, wishing for them to master important lessons before moving on to newer ones.
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EFFECTS OF NOT HAVING HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM
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It affects our relationship with Allah!SWT!if we are not happy with what He Blesses us with. It affects our health, as we tend not to care for our own well being. Not having a healthy self-esteem forces one to put the needs of others above ones own. It affects our family, relationships and marriage as we are unable to maintain a healthy boundary. We are often overly critical and generally judgmental. Our professional lives are affected too as we constantly feel stressed out. We do not go for promotions nor reach out and seize opportunities. And most important of all, we end up conditioning our children or inuencing those under our care to have the same selfesteemrelated problems that we face!
Self-condence comes when we are aware of our strengths and abilities; when we acknowledge our blessings and gifts and do our best to utilise them; and from knowing we can do anything with the guidance of Allah SWT
Focusing solely on improving the body image and being obsessed with it is dangerous because it is supercial. That was the arrogance of shaytan who judged Adam!(AS)!as being inferior to himself, since Allah!SWT!created shaytan from re and Adam!!from clay. [Iblis (shaytan)] said: I am better than he, You created me from re, and You created him from clay.! ~Quran: Chapter 38, Verse 76 On a psychological, emotional and spiritual level, there could be statements like, Im not good enough. Im not smart enough, I dont deserve to be happy because Im not perfect, I dont deserve the blessings. Im not pious enough. I dont deserve a great life, so on and so forth But the key is not to compare yourself with others.!Be your true self!!you are unique.!What you cannot change physically, accept and own it. Allah!SWT!Made you the way you are.!Focus on being productive, not on being perfect.!Focus on changing what warrants change and stop being judgemental about those that cannot be changed. Focus on being healthy. PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/
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CAUSES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM
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Subconscious, limiting beliefs act as possibility-lters and everything they do becomes a self-fullling prophecy
Most self-esteemrelated issues go back to the events that occurred during childhood and teenage years. The rst stage of childhood, ages between 0 7, is called the imprinting period. During this phase, children are very curious. They absorb and learn from everything around them.!They believe anything because their critical faculties have not developed yet. They take everything personally.!Based on what they are experiencing around them, they learn to believe how the world works.
Children want to be like their parents, so they look up to them. They want to please their parents and so they seek attention and validation from them. Being abandoned, put down, ridiculed or being made wrong at these early stages of a childs development causes signicant emotional impact. Those experiences and their memories tend to become lasting beliefs, albeit essentially awed. Children will tend to generalise every similar event that occurs in the future and store it as evidence to reafrm those beliefs. On the other hand,!unconditional love for children is very important.!If parents withdraw their love, using that as a tactic to discipline children, they learn that they are being loved only when they perform or behave in a certain way.!Separate the person from the behaviour! the person is loved and accepted no matter what, but not the behaviour. Make the distinction between YOU MADE a mistake and YOU ARE a mistake. Distinguish WHAT YOU DID was bad and unacceptable from YOU ARE bad and unacceptable.
CORE BELIEFS
Repeated use of harsh criticisms, domineering behaviour, name calling, degrading nicknames, negative comments and criticisms, and abuse from people who have signicant impact add to the emotional wounds inicted in early childhood.
Self-esteem is like a thermostat. We will only be as healthy, happy, productive and successful as our level of self-esteem allows us to be.
These derogatory nicknames, comments and bad treatment meted out to them become their identity and core beliefs in many cases. They begin to act according to their beliefs. These subconscious, limiting beliefs act as possibility-lters and everything they do becomes a self-fullling prophecy. They perpetuate the cycle conrming and reafrming the self-limiting beliefs. No wonder it is hard to change if we do not change at the core. Rigid self-limiting beliefs result in outcomes such as studying only to get just enough marks to conrm our limiting belief that we are not smart enough or looking for jobs that pay just enough conrming our limiting belief that we are not good enough. We will keep on nding the same people who will push the same emotional buttons conrming our limiting beliefs about how people are. Self-esteem is like a thermostat. We will only be as healthy, happy, productive and successful as our level of self-esteem allows us to be. That is our comfort zone. That is our self-imposed limit the limit of who we think we can be, of what we think we can do, of what we think we can have.
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TIPS TO BUILD & BOOST SELF-ESTEEM
TAWBAH: FIRST & ALWAYS
Know that once we make a sincere repentance, we have to believe that Allah!SWT!has already forgiven us. After that, it is about us forgiving and being gentle with ourselves.
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The Messenger of Allah!SAW!said: Allah!SWT!says:!O son of Adam, however much you call upon Me and place your hopes in Me, I will forgive you without any reservation. O son of Adam, if you have sins piling up to the clouds and then ask My forgiveness, I will forgive you without any reservation. O son of Adam, if you come to me with enough sins to ll the earth, and meet Me without associating anything as a partner with Me, I will come to you with enough forgiveness to ll the earth.! ~Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Hadith Qudsi 34
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TRUST IN ALLAHS SWT PROMISE
If we trust in Allahs!SWT!promise that He does not test us with more than what we can handle, then we can rest assured that we are enough to handle all our challenges. We can be certain we have enough resources within us to take action and achieve the goals that we are after.
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we have control over!!If one is overweight and unhappy about it, then one must educate oneself about exercise and!nutrition. Then!start taking action and start moving. If we do not move physically and ex our muscles, we do not lose weight!
Of all the things you may have gained from this article series, I would like you to!focus on forgiveness, love and mercy. Forgive yourself and forgive the people who have inicted injustices on you. They behaved the way they did because that is probably all they know from the way they were raised or conditioned. But you are the one with the awareness now and you will have to be the one to!break the cycle. Stop passing it forward onto the next generation.
MY ACTION GUIDE
Reect upon these questions and write down your answer in your journal of choice: 1. What are the verses of the Qur'an that inspire you? Choose from this ebook (write down in your journal or copy and paste) or bookmark in your mushaf so that you can always go back to read when you feel down or when you need a boost. 2. It's a promise from Allah SWT that He can give you anything you want. If He asked you to tell him that one thing in your life that you really want to have happened in 12 month's time, what would you ask for? Describe it here. And why is it important for you?
3. Make a list of 5 things that you're most grateful for in your life right now (it doesn't matter how big or small they are). 4. What were the gems that you got from this ebook? What are your 'Aha!' moments? List them here. 5. Choose one area in your life which is not working, or which you'd like to take to the next level. How can you apply the gems in that area of your life? 6. What are the top 3 emotions that you would like to feel consistently on a daily basis? (eg. hopeful, excited, angry, anxious, condent etc. ) 7. What's your number one fear that's holding you back from living the productive life that you want to live? 8. What's your number one limiting belief about yourself ? ! I am 9. What is your favourite way of sabotaging your own success? 10.Reread your answers from above, how are your answers related and connected? 11.With this new awareness, what are the rst steps that you need to take towards a positive change in your life? ! I will start doing / stop doing / research / read / nd a mentor or coach / sign up for .... program / talk to... / ! call... 12.For more actionable steps, follow the FREE Productive Thinking tutorials that will be held on Productive Muslim Academy on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014.
To get more support on developing your productive thinking, CLICK HERE TO JOIN PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY and be notied of our Productive Thinking Tutorials & Master Class, plus stay in the loop with other productivity training and classes from Productive Muslim Academy. Did you benet from this e-Book? SPREAD THE KHAIR! Share this e-book with your family & friends and encourage them to learn how to think productively for a benecial and rewarding life, In sha Allah.
PRODUCTIVE MUSLIM ACADEMY | http://pages.productivemuslim.com/academy/