Praise be to Allaah.

Malaysia Ex Prime Minister: Dato Seri Dr. Mahathir Mohammad said:

"When a county develops, the irst casualty !ill be the amily institutions. We
have seen ho! this problem is no! playin" in the developed Western
countries and ho! their societies are riddled !ith crime. We can emulate their
successul development, but !e must hold ast to our o!n values and our
appreciation or our amilies."
http:##islamic$!orld.net#mnoc#mainindex.htm
%eore !e ind out about the role o &slam in or"ani'in" and protectin" the
amily, !e should irst ind out !hat the situation o the amily !as beore
&slam, and !hat it is in the !est in modern times.
%eore &slam, the amily !as based on mistreatment and oppression. All
aairs !ere controlled only by men or in other !ords, the males, and !omen
and "irls !ere oppressed and humiliated. An example o that is that i a man
died and let behind a !ie, his son by another !ie had the ri"ht to marry her
and control her lie, or to prevent her rom "ettin" married. Men !ere the only
ones !ho could inherit( !omen and children had no share. )hey vie!ed
!omen, !hether they !ere mothers, dau"hters or sisters, as a source o
shame, because they could be ta*en as prisoners, thus brin"in" shame upon
the amily. +ence a man !ould bury his inant dau"hter alive, as is reerred to
in the ,ur-aan, !here Allaah says .interpretation o the meanin"/:
0And !hen the ne!s o .the birth o/ a emale .child/ is brou"ht to any o them,
his ace becomes dar*, and he is illed !ith in!ard "rie1 +e hides himsel
rom the people because o the evil o that !hereo he has been inormed.
Shall he *eep her !ith dishonour or bury her in the earth2 3ertainly, evil is
their decision4 5al$6ahl 78:9:;
)he amily in the broader sense, i.e., the tribe, !as based on supportin" one
another in all thin"s,even in !ron"doin".
When &slam came, it did a!ay !ith all that and established <ustice, "ivin" each
person his or her ri"hts, even nursin" inants, and even the miscarried oetus
!ho !as to be respected and prayed or .i.e., "iven a proper uneral/.
When you examine the amily in the !est today you !ill ind that amilies are
disinte"ratin" and the parents cannot control their children, !hether
intellectually or morally. )he son has the ri"ht to "o !herever he !ants and do
!hatever he !ants( the dau"hter has the ri"ht to sit !ith !hoever she !ants
and sleep !ith !hoever she !ants, all in the name o reedom and ri"hts. And
!hat is the result2 %ro*en amilies, children born outside marria"e, .elderly/
mothers and athers !ho are not loo*ed ater. As some !ise men have said, i
you !ant to *no! the true nature o these people, "o to the prisons and the
hospitals and seniors- homes, or children do not remember their parents
except on holidays and special occasions.
)he point is that amon" non$Muslims the institution o amily is destroyed.
When &slam came it paid a "reat deal o attention to the establishment o
stron" amilies and protectin" them rom thin"s that could harm them, and
preservin" amily ties !hilst "ivin" each member o the amily an important
role in lie.
&slam honoured !omen, !hether as mothers, dau"hters or sisters. &t
honoured !omen as mothers. &t !as narrated that Abu +urayrah .may Allaah
be pleased !ith him/ said: A man came to the Messen"er o Allaah SAWS
.peace and blessin"s o Allaah be upon him/ and said, 0= Messen"er o
Allaah, !ho amon" people is most deservin" o my "ood company24 +e said,
0>our mother.4 +e as*ed, 0)hen !ho24 +e said, 0>our mother.4 +e as*ed,
0)hen !ho24 +e said, 0>our mother.4 +e as*ed, 0)hen !ho24 +e said, 0)hen
your ather.4 .6arrated by al$%u*haari, 98?8( Muslim, ?9@:/
&slam honours !omen as dau"hters. &t !as narrated rom Abu Sa-eed al$
Ahudri that the Messen"er o Allaah .peace and blessin"s o Allaah be upon
him/ said: 0Whoever has three dau"hters or three sisters, or t!o dau"hters or
t!o sisters, and ta*es "ood care o them and ears Allaah !ith re"ard to them,
!ill enter Paradise.4 .6arrated by &bn +ibbaan in his Saheeh, ?#7BC/
And &slam honours !omen as !ives. &t !as narrated that DAa-ishah said: the
Messen"er o Allaah .peace and blessin"s o Allaah be upon him/ said: 0)he
best o you are those !ho are best to their !ives, and & am the best o you to
my !ives.4 .6arrated and classed as hasan by al$)irmidhi, E:B9/.
&slam "ave !omen their ri"hts o inheritance and other ri"hts. &t "ave !omen
ri"hts li*e those o men in many spheres. )he Prophet .peace and blessin"s
o Allaah be upon him/ said: 0Women are the t!in halves o men.4 .6arrated
by Abu Da!ood in his Sunan, ?E8, rom the hadeeth o DAa-ishah( classed as
saheeh by al$Albaani in Saheeh Abi Da!ood, ?78/.
&slam encoura"es men to treat their !ives !ell, and "ives !omen the reedom
to choose their husbands( it "ives !omen much o the responsibility or raisin"
the children.
&slam "ives athers and mothers a "reat deal o responsibility or raisin" their
children. &t !as narrated that DAbd$Allaah ibn DFmar heard the Messen"er o
Allaah .peace and blessin"s o Allaah be upon him/ say, 0Each o you is a
shepherd and is responsible or his loc*. )he leader is a shepherd and is
responsible or his loc*. )he man is the shepherd o his amily and he is
responsible or his loc*. )he !oman is the shepherd o her husband-s
household and is responsible or her loc*. )he servant is a shepherd o his
master-s !ealth and is responsible or his loc*.4 +e said, & heard this rom the
Messen"er o Allaah .peace and blessin"s o Allaah be upon him/. .6arrated
by al$%u*haari, :9E( Muslim, 7:?B/
&slam paid a "reat deal attention to implantin" the principle o respect or
athers and mothers, ta*in" care o them and obeyin" their commands until
death. Allaah says .interpretation o the meanin"/:
0And your Gord has decreed that you !orship none but +im. And that you be
dutiul to your parents. & one o them or both o them attain old a"e in your
lie, say not to them a !ord o disrespect, nor shout at them but address them
in terms o honour4 5al$&sra- 7H:?E;
&slam protects the honour, chastity, purity and linea"e o the amily, so it
encoura"es marria"e and orbids ree mixin" o men and !omen.
&slam "ives each amily member an important role to play. So athers and
mothers ta*e care o the children and "ive them an &slamic upbrin"in"(
children are to listen and obey, and respect the ri"hts o athers and mothers,
on a basis o love and respect. Even our enemies have borne !itness to the
stren"th o amily ties amon" the Muslims.
And Allaah *no!s best.

+o! to Preserve the Muslim Iamily
Muslim amilies are at the crossroads today. )he Western model is not a
suitable pattern or the amily lie. &ts style o amily lie has resulted in
con<u"al inidelity, lar"e scale marria"e brea*do!n, hi"h rates o divorces,
separations, bro*en homes, alcoholism, dru" addiction, libertinism and the
li*e.
)hose !ho blindly mimic Western model, exploit their !omen to such an
extent that the latter are made mere sex ob<ectives. )he only solution to the
Muslim amily-s predicament is maintenance o &slamic amily values. &slam
builds the amily on solid "rounds, !hich are capable o providin" continuity,
security, mutual love and intimacy.
With a vie! to ma*in" the oundations o the amily stron" and natural, &slam
not only reco"ni'es but also lays emphasis on marria"e, !hich is a
!holesome pattern o la!ul intimacy harmoniously blended !ith decency,
morality and "ratiication.
Marria"e and the amily are the ocal point in the &slamic system. )here are
many verses in the ,ur-an and many statements o the Prophet .Pbuh/, !hich
declare marria"e to be a moral sae"uard and a reli"io$social commitment.
Ior example, in the Surah 6issa, Allah calls upon man*ind to be dutiul to
+im, !ho created them rom it, created its mate and rom the t!o o them
scattered abroad many men and !omen.
)he ,ur-an says that Allah has created or you rom amon" yourselves mates
to see* mutual love and mercy. )he 6oble Prophet .Pbuh/ is reported to have
said: 0Marria"e is my Sunnah( !ho so violates my Sunnah is not one amon"
us.4
)he aim o the Muslim amily must be !orship o Allah, as marria"e is
considered to be yet another orm o &badah. & the aim o the amily is carnal
satisaction or !orldly "ains, then the amily institution ails miserably.
)he responsibility o the amily does not revolve solely on the husband or the
!ie or on children or "rand$children. &t is a collective responsibility on all o
them to"ether and even beyond that to the previous "eneration o "rand$
parents.
A amily can be a Muslim amily, only i parents behave correctly and ollo!
the Sunnah. & they do not live in accordance !ith the Sunnah, they have no
ri"ht to hope or expect their children to be "ood Muslims. As you so!, so you
reap.
3ultivation o &slamic values is essential in a Muslim amily and they should
not only be cultivated but also nurtured. =ur li*es and disli*es, our conception
o nice and vul"ar, "ood and neat and chaotic, etc., must be in conormity !ith
the Sunnah, or the Prophet .Pbuh/ is reported to have said: 0)he one amon"
you does not believe unless his o!n desires and li*in"s are in conormity !ith
!hat & have brou"ht.4 Jemember this applies to personal habits, dress, ood
manners, etc.,
Ior the preservation and maintenance o the Muslim amily there must be
instilled in its members a stron" sense o belon"in" to the Muslim Fmmah.
)he amily is not an individual entity( it is a social aspect and so must be
stren"thened.
A Muslim amily must sociali'e !ith other Muslim amilies. Parents must, no
doubt, avoid corrupt people and rerain rom sociali'in" in sic* environment
and also see to it that their children avoid corrupt people and rerain rom
sociali'in" in sic* environments.
At the same time, they must provide better alternatives and there can be no
better alternative then beriendin" "ood Muslims, especially Flemas.
)hese are some !ays o promotin" and preservin" the Muslim amily. &n
conclusion, & ervently appeal to my ello!$reli"ionists to remain continuously
conscious and creative about the &slamic aspects. Educated Muslims must
apply the &slamic concepts( 0thin*4, contemplate4, 0loo*4, 0reali'e4, 0*no!4,
0become !ise4, 0reason4, etc., on the Muslim society, and help in
transormation o the ,ur-anic and Prophetic concepts o the amily into our
daily lie.
3ontent provided courtesy o &slam ,KA .!!!.islam$La.com/
)he amily is the oundation o &slamic society. )he peace and security oered
by a stable amily unit is "reatly valued and seen as essential or the spiritual
"ro!th o its members. &t is Luite common in the Muslim community to ind
lar"e, extended amilies livin" to"ether( providin" comort, security and
support to one another.
Parents are "reatly respected in the &slamic tradition. Mothers, in particular
are "reatly honored. Mod says in the ,urNan:
"And !e have en<oined upon man to be "ood to his parents. With diiculty
upon diicultly did his mother bear him, and !ean him or t!o years. Sho!
"ratitude to Me and to your parents( to Me is your inal "oal1" .,urNan E7:7@/
Marryin" and establishin" a amily is very stron"ly encoura"ed. "And amon"
+is si"ns is that +e created or you mates rom amon" yourselves( that you
may ind peace !ith them. And +e put bet!een you love and compassion.
Surely in this are si"ns or people !ho relect." .,urNan EC:?7/
A Muslim marria"e is both a sacred act and a le"al a"reement, in !hich either
the "room or the bride is ree to include le"itimate conditions. Marria"e
customs vary !idely rom country to country.
Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said: "When a servant o Mod
marries, he completes hal his aith." Marria"e is the institution upon !hich
amilies are based.
http:##!!!.discoverislam.com#poster.asp2posterOD&P?CC@P?HKpa"eO7
)he &nstitution o Iamily
Sheh'ad Saleem

& !e minutely observe our universe, it becomes evident that the Almi"hty has
created almost everythin" in pairs. %oth members o a pair complement one
another and there exists a tremendous amount o ainity bet!een the t!o.
)he poise and balance necessary to create harmony and concordance in this
relationship is very delicate, and a sli"ht diver"ence can dama"e it beyond
restoration. =ne o the members plays an active and dominant role and the
other a passive and acLuiescent one. &n case, a piece o paper does not
submit to the initiative ta*en by the pen, no !ritin" can come into existence. &
the pen smoothly slides across the sheet o paper, it can produce a
masterpiece, and i it harshly scrapes on it, it !ill only tear it apart.

Man and !oman, perhaps, are one o the perect examples o such Qpaired$
creationN. When they interact !ith one another, it is in their o!n !ell bein" that
harmony and concordance result. %ut then !hat should be the nature o this
interaction2 Should it be permanent in nature or only a temporary
association2 What should be the norms o brin"in" this association into
existence2 & the association be permanent in nature, ho! should a typical
amily set$up be or"ani'ed2

&n the ollo!in" para"raphs, !e shall attempt to ans!er these Luestions in the
li"ht o the ,urNan and Sunnah.
As ar as the irst Luestion is concerned, t!o aspects must al!ays remain in
consideration. Iirstly, a person throu"hout his lietime, has to remain
dependent on a number o relationships, and !ithout these he cannot embar*
on this tempestuous voya"e. &n the prime o his youth, he mi"ht consider
himsel to be the *in" o the !orld but durin" his childhood and old a"e he
needs the love and aection o the near ones !hich must not cease !ith time.
&n both these periods o lie, he must be loo*ed ater by those !ho have
!armth and compassion or him. &n other !ords, his lie demands
relationships !hich should be permanent in nature so that his parents,
children, brothers and sisters $$$ all can play their role in his lie.

Secondly, it is evident that in contrast !ith almost all the animal orms, the
relationship once ormed bet!een a man and !oman has a permanent
impression in human memory. &n all animals, the relationship bet!een a male
and emale species does not leave a lastin" imprint in their minds. )he male
species departs rom the emale soon ater matin", !hile the emale, once
she has brou"ht up her youn", resi"ns them to the !hole !orld to start the
cycle all over a"ain. )he aection it has or its youn" and the ondness or the
male !ho athers them is only temporary. With the passa"e o time, this
attachment is obliterated rom her mind. +o!ever, in case o human bein"s,
this attachment is so stron" that it is even elt at the level o "rand and "reat
"rand parents. 3ommon sense demands that <ust as there is a permanent
base in human memory re"ardin" these relationships, the actual relationships
also be permanent.

Aeepin" in vie! both these aspects, &slam lays its social structure on the
basis o a permanent relationship bet!een a man and a !oman. )his
relationship comes into existence in the orm o an everlastin" marria"e bond.
3onseLuently, to preserve this marital relationship, it orbids all orms o
temporary associations bet!een a man and a !oman.

&n &slamic terminolo"y, the union bet!een a man and a !oman is solemni'ed
by the marria"e ceremony o ni*ah. %eore dealin" !ith the norms o this
association, one important point needs to be emphasi'ed: Althou"h the
consent o a man and a !oman is enou"h or the union to ta*e place, yet
since this union is a not <ust a union bet!een a man and a !oman, it is, also,
a union bet!een the amilies o the t!o, the consent o their parents, in
"eneral circumstances, is hi"hly recommended by &slam. Similarly, it is hi"hly
advisable that the t!o amilies be similar in their social bac*"round and
settin". = 3ourse1 i the basis o this !edloc* is some hi"her ob<ective or
some noble cause, a man and a !oman have all the ri"ht to "o ahead.

Accordin" to the Shariah, there are t!o essential norms o this association.

Iirstly, a man is reLuired to pay a certain mutually a"reed sum to his bride
beore the ni*ah ceremony. &n le"al parlance, it is called Mehr .do!er/. )he
,urNan asserts that the amount o Mehr should be ixed *eepin" in vie! the
social customs and traditions o a society7. )he basic philosophy o Mehr
must be clearly understood since the payment o Mehr these days has
become a ridiculous aair. &slam has entrusted the husband !ith the
responsibility o supportin" his !ie and children as !ill be explained later. &t is
he !ho must earn to ulil the reLuirements o the amily. )he Mehr money, is
only a to*en o this responsibility. &n other !ords, !hen a man pays this sum,
he ma*es a symbolic expression o the act that he has ta*en the inancial
responsibility o the !oman he intends ta*in" as his !ie. 3onseLuently, it is
in the spirit o this commitment that he pay the a"reed sum beore he ta*es
home the bride.

Secondly, &slam reLuires that the association be publicly proclaimed, since
this association is a declaration o a lie lon" relationship o purity bet!een a
man and a !oman. &n other !ords, the ormal consent o the bride that she
has a"reed to accept someone as her husband must be openly announced so
that the society is a!are o this union.

)hese are the only t!o essential reLuirements !hich must be ulilled to
solemni'e a marria"e.

As ar as the Luestion o or"ani'ation o a typical amily set$up is concerned, it
is evident that <ust li*e a state needs a ruler, a amily needs someone to head
it. Accordin" to the ,urNan, a man, o!in" to t!o reasons is the appropriate
choice to head a amily:

"Men are the "uardians o !omen because Allah has "iven one superiority
over the other and because they 5$$$ men $$$; support them rom their means."
.@:E@/
)he irst reason or this choice is that men are naturally more suited or this
tas*?. )heir physical stren"th and mental disposition ma*e them more
appropriate o the t!o to carry out this responsibility. )he !ord La!!aam
combines in it the concepts o physical protection and moral responsibility.
)he verse, it should remain in consideration, very clearly states that menNs
superiority to !omen is not absolute( it is only relative and conined to certain
spheres. )here are other spheres in !hich !omen are superior to men and as
such must be ac*no!led"ed.

)he second reason or this choice is that on a man rest the responsibility o
earnin" or his !ie and childrenE. &t is but natural or one !ho inancially
maintains and loo*s ater the individuals entrusted to him to spearhead them.

)o promote harmony and !ell$bein" !ithin the set$up o a amily, the ,urNan
ur"es pious !omen to adopt t!o attitudes.

Iirstly, they should adopt an attitude o submissiveness and docility beore
their husbands. Rust as la! abidin" citi'ens obey the rules and re"ulations o
the state they are a part, !ives should ollo! the code o conduct o the amily
set$up they constitute. Menerally, all dierences o opinion should be resolved
in an atmosphere o mutual trust and conidence. )he husband and !ie
should try to !in over one another throu"h love and aection and convince
each other throu"h ar"uments and reasonin". A husband !ho tries to impose
his opinion on his !ie is a lon" !ay rom the art o "overnin" a house, and a
!ie !ho ma*es it a point to dier !ith her husband is a lon" !ay rom the art
o dealin" !ith him. +o!ever, !henever there arises a situation o anarchy
and disorder !hich threatens to disrupt the !hole amily set$up, the !ie,
accordin" to the ,urNan must adopt an attitude o submission and ad<ustment.

Secondly, !omen should be very aithul to their husbands as ar as *eepin"
secrets is concerned. )he shortcomin"s o a husbandNs personality need to be
concealed. Women !ho hide the la!s and mista*es o their husbands
promote an atmosphere o mutual trust in the amily and many a time are able
to reorm them. Men, o course, should reciprocate in this attitude. )he ,urNan
says:
"3onseLuently, pious !omen are obedient 5to their husbands; and *eep their
secrets or Allah also *eeps secrets." .@:E@/
&n case a !ie adopts a rebellious attitude !ith her husband and challen"es
his "uardianship, the ,urNan has laid do!n a complete procedure to deal !ith
this situation. &t must remain clear that this procedure must only be adopted in
the extreme situation !hen a !ie is "uilty o disruptin" the discipline o the
amily set$up. Any dierence o opinion or altercation is not be resolved by this
procedure. Disa"reements and disputes must be settled mutually. &t is only
!hen the !ie stands up a"ainst the authority o her husband should this
procedure be employed. )he ,urNan says:
"As or those rom !hom you ear rebellion, admonish them 5irst; and 5next;
reuse to share their beds and 5last; beat them. )hen i they obey you, ta*e no
urther action a"ainst them." .@:E@/
&t is clear that a "ood time should elapse in each o the sta"es mentioned in
the verse. )he husband should irst o all admonish his !ie and convince her
to "ive up her deiant behaviour. +e should exercise all the patience he can
muster to ur"e and beseech her to chan"e her stance. & ater repeated pleas
and continuous admonition in a considerable span o time, the !ie continues
to persist in her rebellious attitude, he has the authority to "o on to the second
sta"e by severin" marital contact !ith her. )his detachment, it is clear, is a
orm o reproval, and a very stron" appeal to the !ie to correct hersel. A"ain,
this attitude should continue or a substantial period o time so that the point is
driven home. &t is hi"hly unli*ely that most !omen !ould persist in their
arro"ance ater these t!o initial sta"es. Patience, orbearance, and
admonition !ould have conLuered their hearts. +o!ever, even ater this
sta"e, i a !ie reuses to accept the authority o her husband, the husband
has the ri"ht to inally resort to "entle physical aliction. )he Prophet .s!s/
has directed the husbands to be very careul in this re"ard and they must not
!ound or in<ure their !ives. )his physical chastisement is similar to the one a
teacher "ives to a student under trainin". Rust as an aectionate mother has
the authority o punishin" her child, a husband has the authority o punishin"
his !ie. )his authority, it is evident, has been invested in him to preserve the
amily set$up and to protect it rom anarchy and disorder.

)he 3ivilised Iamily System
%y Sayyid ,utb
& the amily is the basis o the society, and the basis o the amily is the
division o labour bet!een husband and !ie, and the upbrin"in" o children is
the most important unction o the amily, then such a society is indeed
civilised. &n the &slamic system o lie, this *ind o a amily provides the
environment under !hich human values and morals develop and "ro! in the
ne! "eneration( these values and morals cannot exist apart rom the amily
unit. &, on the other hand, ree sexual relationship and ille"itimate children
become the basis o a society, and i the relationship bet!een man and
!oman is based on lust, passion and impulse, and the division o !or* is not
based on amily responsibility and natural "its( i the role o !omen is merely
to be attractive, sexy and lirtatious, and i !omen are reed rom their basic
responsibility o brin"in" up children( and i, on her o!n or under social
demand, she preers to become a hostess or a ste!ardess in a hotel or ship
or air company, thus usin" her ability or material productivity rather than the
trainin" o human bein"s, because material production is considered to be
more important, more valuable and more honourable than the development o
human character, then such a civilisation is Nbac*!ardN rom the human point
o vie!, or N<ahiliN in &slamic terminolo"y.
)he amily system and the relationship bet!een the sexes determine the
!hole character o a society and !hether it is bac*!ard or civilised, <ahili or
&slamic. )hose societies !hich "ive ascendance to physical desires and
animalistic morals cannot be considered civilised, no matter ho! much
pro"ress they may ma*e in industry or science. )his is the only measure,
!hich does not err in "uardin" true human pro"ress.
&n all modern <ahili societies, the meanin" o NmoralityN is limited to such an
extent that all those aspects, !hich distin"uish man rom animal, are
considered beyond its sphere. &n these societies, ille"itimate sexual
relationships even homosexuality, are not considered immoral. )he meanin"
o ethics is limited to economic aairs or sometimes to political aairs, !hich
all into the cate"ory o N"overnment interestsN.
Amon" <ahili societies, !riters and <ournalists advise both married and
unmarried people that ree sexual relationships are not immoral. +o!ever, it is
immoral i a boy uses his partner, or a "irl uses her partner, or sex, !hile
eelin" no love in his or her heart. &t is bad i a !ie continues to "uard her
chastity !hile her love or her husband has vanished( it is admirable i she
inds another lover...
Irom the point o vie! o NhumanN pro"ress, all such societies are not civilised
but are bac*!ard.
)he line o human pro"ress "oes up!ard rom animal desires to!ard hi"her
values. )o control the animal desires, a pro"ressive society lays do!n the
oundation o a amily system in !hich human desires ind satisaction, as !ell
as providin" or the uture "eneration to be brou"ht up in such a manner that it
!ill continue the human civilisation, in !hich human characteristics lo!er to
their ull bloom.
=bviously a society !hich intends to control the animal characteristics, !hile
providin" ull opportunities or the development and perection o human
characteristics, reLuires stron" sae"uards or the peace and stability o the
amily, so that it may perorm its basic tas* ree rom the inluences o
impulsive passions. =n the other hand, i in a society immoral teachin"s and
poisonous su""estions are rampant, and sexual activity is considered outside
the sphere o morality, then in that society the humanity o man can hardly
ind a place to develop.
)hus, only &slamic values and morals, &slamic teachin"s and sae"uards, are
!orthy o man*ind, and orm this unchan"in" and true measure o human
pro"ress, &slam is the real civilisation and &slamic society is truly civilised.
http:##!!!.missionislam.com#amily#index.htm
&n Sura-tul Al 6ahl .Sura 78/ in the ,ur-an, Allah .SW)/ says, 0And Allah has
made or you in your homes an abode.4
What does the home represent to the Muslim amily2 &s it a place !here
amily members can relate to one another and !here they sincerely en<oy
bein" to"ether( !here they have a sense o shared belies and values, and
their behavior is based on &slamic principles2 &s it a place !here amily
members are protected, happy and *ind to one another2
)he home should not be <ust a place !here people eat, rest and sleep(
indeed, the home is the place !here !e spend most o our time, and !here
amilies spend most o their time to"ether. &t is the place !here husbands and
!ives can be alone to"ether. )hereore, the home is a place !here amilies
should !orship to"ether, and it should be based on Allah-s .SW)/ rules and
"uidance. &t has been reported by &bn Abi Aldunia and others .Sahih al$Raami/
that, 0When Allah loves the people o a household, he introduces *indness
amon" them.4
)he Luestion !e ace no! is: 0&n an a"e in !hich the !orld has chan"ed
prooundly, rom bein" a basically pro$amily to anti$amily society, ho! many
Muslim homes possess these beautiul Lualities2 &t is time to stop and re$
examine our amily situations to determine to !hat de"ree they have been
aected by our lar"er society.
Althou"h it is diicult to obtain statistical inormation pertainin" speciically to
the healthiness o Muslim homes, several dierent sources and the
occurrence o certain situations in our community indicate that Muslim amilies
are also experiencin" social and personal problems as !ell.
3onsider that there has been a mar*ed increase !ithin our community in the
ollo!in": 7/ separation and divorce rates( ?/ the percenta"e o amilies
headed by a sin"le parent( E/ teena"ers( @/ disa"reements, tension and
conlict amon" married couples( 9/ inter"enerational conlict( 8/ the rate o
depression, particularly amon" !ives( H/ domestic violence involvin" teens.
Jeasons %ehind )hese Problems. What are the real reasons behind the
chan"es that are occurrin" !ithin Muslim amilies2
&n the past, it !as ar easier to successully raise a amily because society
itsel supported our eorts. Parents and children !ere surrounded by positive
role models( the media reinorced amily values, and support systems existed
to help create stron" amilies. +o!ever, over the past thirty years, these
actors have chan"ed dramatically, and these chan"es have produced
po!erully ne"ative eects on our amilies.
)oday, almost everythin" around us tends to minimi'e positive amily values
and principles. As our amilies are a part o an increasin"ly immoral society,
they have been attac*ed and polluted as !ell S !hether !e li*e it or not. Even
thou"h our values and principles may have helped us to resist these chan"es,
li*e others in our society, !e are still vulnerable to the ne"ative inluences
around us. )hose that are !ea* in their &slamic practice and that lac* !isdom
and <ud"ment are particularly li*ely to succumb to the mental poisonin" that
ta*es place no!adays.
+o!ever, !e cannot completely blame the times and the !orld !e live in.
+usbands and !ives, mothers and athers, must accept responsibility or
see*in" to protect their amilies rom this anti$amily society. )he occurrence
o these problems !ithin Muslim amilies o all bac*"rounds and
circumstances indicates that the problems are 0outside$in.4
When marria"e is reduced to nothin" more than t!o married people !ho live
to"ether but act as i they are sin"le, the 0spirit o amily4 disappears rom the
home1 When these couples choose to have an 0&, me4 orientation o lie, rather
than a 0!e, us4 perspective, amily members !ill not !or* to"ether or the
sa*e o the amily, or en<oy bein" to"ether.
When both ather and mother are !or*in" outside o their homes or economic
reasons and the care and education o their children are shited to childcare
providers and teachers, the children are oten deprived o havin" their
emotional and intellectual needs adeLuately met. When both parents don-t
understand that their amily-s !ell bein" must be a ma<or priority and that they
must sacriice to build, protect, and reinorce their amily, the amily 0buildin"4
alls do!n1
When Muslim amilies or"et the importance in &slam o buildin" a stron"
oundation or amily lie( !hen spouses or"et the ri"hts that Allah .SW)/ has
"iven their mates over them, their love disappears. &nstead, an"er,
disa"reements, and conlict ta*e its place. When athers and husbands do not
set aside a special time or their amilies to tal*, lau"h, communicate( !hen
!ives and mothers spend most o their time carin" or youn" children and
inside o the *itchen, tranLuility and amily success 0"o !ith the !ind.4
When both or"et to exercise and utili'e the human "its that Allah .SW)/ has
besto!ed upon them S patience, *indness, and understandin" S the !hole
amily pays a hu"e price.
+o! to Solve )hese Problems. We can return to stron" amily values and
stren"then our homes by spreadin" the teachin"s o &slam in re"ards to amily
lie.
Iirst, !e need to *eep alive, in our hearts and minds, the sense o hope and
the belie that it is never too late to chan"e S even i !e have the eelin" that
our marria"e is dyin" and that nothin" seems to be improvin" .WA GA
>AA6A) M&6 JA+ME) AGGA+ EGA AGAAWM AG AAIEJEE6/. And at the
same time, !e must remember that the desire to build a stron" amily is not
enou"h S "ood intentions and ideas are not enou"h. We must develop a ne!
mindset based on &slamic principles and practices.
We must strive hard to develop and reco"ni'e the "its that Allah has "iven to
us that !ill enable us to become a"ents o chan"e !ithin our amilies.
Everyone *no!s his or her amily situation better than anyone else, and no
one can understand !hat needs to be done !ithin our personal amilies better
than !e can.
Marria"e reLuires collaboration, commitment and a sense o responsibility(
these thin"s eLuip us to choose and to !or* to"ether to!ards a 0!e, us4 or
0to"ether4 orientation. We must strive to develop a deeper *no!led"e o the
importance o the amily and amily values in &slam in order to deal !ith the
po!erul orces that surround us.
We must set aside a special time each !ee* or our amily members to en<oy
one another, communicate, plan, and study &slam to"ether. +usbands and
!ives need to spend time to"ether tal*in" and strivin" to have a sense o
humor. )hey need to exercise sel$control because !hen either o them "ets
an"ry and loses control, the eects can be !oundin". =ur tempers can "et us
into bi" problems.
Althou"h problems are expected in every marria"e, patience and or"iveness
are the best "its that !e can use to correct mista*es. We must strive to be
patient, *ind, calm, and above all, to understand our partner-s point o vie!.
)he only !ay !e can have rich amily relationships is throu"h listenin" and
understandin". =ne o the primary reasons that !e must see* to understand
one another is that most o our mista*es are a result o misunderstandin"s
and not bad intentions.
+usbands and !ives should avoid discussin" their personal problems and
private matters !ith others. )hey also need to encoura"e each other in their
obedience to Allah, and to raise their *ids accordin" to &slamic values,
because there is no doubt that a child !ho "ro!s up !ithout &slamic values
suers lon"$term.
3hildren "et much o their sense o security and tranLuility rom the !ay their
athers and mothers treat each other( hence, the "reatest thin" !e can "ive to
them is throu"h our lovin" and bein" *ind to one another. %y buildin" stron"
marria"es, &nsha-Allah, !e !ill create a po!erul eect on the entire &slamic
society.
Establishin" an &slamic Iamily
0And Allah has made or you rom your homes a place o rest4 5Soorah an$
6ahl .?@/: :C;
Allah mentions +is complete avor upon +is slaves rom !hat +e has created
or them in re"ards to their houses bein" places o tranLuility. )hey are places
o reu"e, screenin" and o beneit rom all aspects.
A house or us is a place o eatin", marria"e, sleepin" and rest. A place o
privacy, meetin" oneNs !ie and children, a place to sae"uard onesel. &t is a
place o security rom evil and protection rom the people.
Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0Saety or a man in times o
tribulations is to stay in his home.4 +asan $ Jelated by )abaree in al$As!at
rom )ha!baan .radhi allahu anhu/ and it is also in Saheeh ul$Raami .E:?@/
Most importantly, a home is an important means to!ards buildin" the Muslim
community. )he society is made up rom home and it is the ori"in. )he home
is lie and the lie is society. & the home is stron" then the community !ill be
stron" in implementin" the la!s o Allah, resistin" the aims o the enemies o
Allah, to spread "ood and to stop evil rom penetratin".
What is reLuired is callers !ho are "uides, students o *no!led"e, sincere
mu<aahideen, a ri"hteous !ie, mothers !ho can educate etc. to be born out
o our Muslim homes and then "o into the society in order to reorm it.
+ence, i this sub<ect is so important and our homes have evil and lar"e
deiciencies, ne"li"ence and carelessness thus comes the Luestion: NWhat are
the !ays in !hich !e can reorm our +=MES2N
So, = noble reader1 +ere, !e try to address the advice on establishin" an
&slamic +=ME, hopin" that Allah beneit us !ith it and vive us direction to
stren"then &slam by revivin" the Muslim +=ME. )he advice ta*es t!o orms:
7/ )o achieve reorm by en<oinin" the "ood and ?/ to bloc* the corruption by
removin" the evil.
3hoosin" the Ji"ht Partner
Ji"hteous husband and !ie share the primary and most important step
to!ards buildin" a Ji"hteous &slamic +=ME. )he ri"hteous man !ith the
ri"hteous !oman can both build a ri"hteous +=ME because the "ood abode
!ill bear its ruits !ith the permission o Allah. )hat !hich is bad !ill produce
nothin" except misery. Allah, says in the ,urNaan:
0And marry the unmarried amon" you !ho are sin"le .i.e. man !ho has no
!ie and a !oman !ho has no husband/ and .also marry/ the NSalihunN .pious,
it, capable ones/ o your .male/ slaves and maid$servants .emale slaves/. &
they are poor, Allah !ill enrich them out o +is %ounty.4 5Soorah An$6ahl .?@/:
E?;
Ior the Man
&t is very important to be very careul in choosin" a ri"hteous !ie as Prophet
Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0)he !hole !orld is a place o
en<oyment and the best en<oyment is a ri"hteous !ie.4 Muslim no. 7@8: and
An$6isaee rom &bn Amr and Saheeh al$Raame .E@CH/
0A ri"hteous !ie !ho !ill help you in reli"ious and !orldly aairs is better
than all the treasures the people have collected.4 Ahamd 9#?:? at$)irmidhee
and &bn Ma<ah rom )ha!baan. Saheeh ul$Raami 9E99
Rust as the ri"hteous !ie is rom the "ood thin"s, bad !oman is one o the
diicult thin"s, as is stated in the authentic hadeeth:
0Irom the <oys o a ri"hteous !oman is !hen you loo* at her she pleases you,
!hen you are a!ay rom her, she sae"uards hersel and your !ealth. Irom
the diiculties o a bad !oman is !hen you loo* at her she displeases you
and she ans!ers you bac*, !hen you are a!ay rom her she does not
sae"uard hersel and you !ealth.4 &bn Ma<ah 7:87 and others. See Silsilah
as$Saheehah ?:?
=ne should bear in minds the ollo!in" condition speciied by the Prophet o
Allah .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ in choosin" a !ie:
0A !oman is married or our reasons( her !ealth, her amily, her beauty and
her aith. So, marry the one !ho is reli"ious and you !ill prosper.4 Saheeh al$
%u*haree vol.B no. 7E?.
+e .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ also said: 0Marry !omen !ho are lovin" and
proliic in "ivin" birth, as & shall outnumber the other ProphetNs .nation/
throu"h you.4 Ahmad 9#?@9. Al$Albaane said it is authentic in &r!aa al$Mhaleel
8#7B9
Ior the Woman :
Gi*e!ise, a !oman must loo* at the condition o the proposer !ho comes or
her. +is suitability should be accordin" to the ollo!in" conditions:
)he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0& somebody comes to you and
you are pleased !ith his character and reli"ion then marry him. & you do not,
there !ill be discord on earth and !idespread corruption.4 &bn Ma<ah 7B8H.
See Slsilah as$Saheehah
)his "reat +adeeth demonstrate as to !hat should be the most important
character a !oman should loo* or !hen selectin" a husband: they bein"
"ood character and piety. Wealth and linea"e are secondary considerations.
Iurthermore, the person o reli"ion and "ood behavior may be a blessin" or
her and her children. She may learn manners and reli"ion rom him. & he
does not have these characters then she should stay a!ay rom him,
especially i he is one o those !ho is lax !ith respect to perormin" the
prayers.
=bli"ation o Givin" !ith oneNs !ie in Aindness
&t is bindin" upon the husband to live !ith his !ie in the best !ay possible
and to be lenient to her in everythin" that Allah has permitted. )here are
various ahadeeth concernin" this issue:
7/ Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0)he best o you is the one !ho is
best to his !ives, and & am the best o you to!ards them4 5Authentic At$
)aha!ee;
?/ )he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said in the are!ell +a<<: 0Gisten
and ta*e my counsel !ith re"ards to !omen. %e "ood to them or they are
captives !ith you. >ou possess nothin" to them other than this, unless they
commit some la"rant .deliberate/ obscenity. & they do then separate the beds
.do not have sexual relations !ith them/ and beat them but in a !ay that does
no in<ury. & they return to obedience, then see* no urther retribution. >ou
have ri"hts over your !ives and your !ives have ri"hts over you. As or your
ri"hts over your !ives, they are that no one disli*ed by you should sit on your
bed, and they admit no one into your home !ho you disli*e. >es, and their
ri"hts over you is that you are very "ood to them in providin" them dress and
their ood.4 5Authentic at$)irmidhee and &bn Ma<ah;
E/ +e .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0Get no male believer ever hate a
emale believer. )hou"h he may disli*e one o her attribute, he !ill be pleased
!ith another4 5Saheeh Muslim;
@/ +e .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0)he believer !ith most complete aith
is the one !ith the best character and the best o those are those !ho treat
their !ives in the best.4 5+asan $ )irmidhee;
Prophet Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/, one !ith best o morals and
character, not only advised the Muslim husbands to be "ood to their !ives but
he had indeed established an excellent behavior !ith his !ives as clear by the
ollo!in" narration:
7/ =n the authority o AaNishah .radhi allahu anhu/ !ho said: N=n the Eid, the
Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ called me !hile the Ethiopians !ere
playin" !ith their spears in the mas<id sayin": 0= little red one1 Would you li*e
to !atch them24 & replied N>es.N )hen, he had me stand behind him and
dropped his shoulders, so that & could see. & rested my chin on his shoulders
!ith my ace a"ainst his chee*, and & !atched over his shoulders. +e *ept
sayin": 0+avenNt you had enou"h24 & *ept sayin": N6o in order to test my
status !ith him, until inally & had enou"hTN 5Saheeh al$%u*hari, Saheeh
Muslim and others;
?/ =n the authority o AaNishah .radiyallahu anha/, !ho said: N)he Prophet
.sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ returned rom the battle o )aboo* or it !as
Ahaybar. )here !as a curtain over my room. )he !ind ble!, litin" the curtain
and exposin" a part o my room in !hich, Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/
sa! some dolls !ith !hich AaNishah .radhi allahu anhu/ used to play. +e said:
0What is this = AaNishah24 She replied Nmy dau"hters .Arabs used to call dolls,
dau"hters/. +e sa! amon" them a horse !ith t!o !in"s made out o a piece
o cloth. +e said: 0What is this24 She replied: NA horseN +e said: 0and !hat are
those on the horses24 She replied: N)!o !in"sN +e said: 0A horse !ith t!o
!in"s214 AaNishah said: N)he Prophet lau"hed until & could see his molar teeth.N
5Authentic $ Abo Da!ood An 6isaNee in Al$&shrah;
E/ Also on the authority o AaNishah .radhi allahu anhu/ !ho reported that she
!as once on a trip !ith the Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ !hile still a
youn" "irl. She said: D& had not acLuired excess body lesh, nor had my body
become lar"e. )he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said to his
3ompanions: Move on ahead. When they had "one on ahead o us, he said:
3ome, and & !ill race you. )hen & beat him in a oot race.-
DGater on, & !as on another trip !ith him, and he a"ain said to his
3ompanions: DMo on ahead.- )hen, he said to me:- & !ill race you.- & had
completely or"otten the previous incident. Moreover, & had become heavier.
She as*ed: +o! can & race you, !hen & am in this condition2 +e replied: >ou
!ill race me1 So, & raced him, and he !on the race. )hen he be"an lau"hin"
and said: )his is or that victory.N 5Authentic $ Al$+umaydee, an$6isaNee in al$
&shrah and Aboo Da!ood;
:/ Also on the authority o NAaNishah, .radhi allahu anhu/ !ho said: the Prophet
.sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ used to be brou"ht a "lass o mil* rom !hich &
!ould drin* irst, even thou"h & !as menstruatin". )hen he !ould ta*e the
"lass and drin*, puttin" his mouth on the same spot, !here my mouth had
been. At other times, & used to ta*e a piece o meat and eat rom it. )hen he
!ould ta*e it and eat, puttin" his mouth on the same area on !hich & had put
mine. 5Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad;
=n the authority o Raabir bin Abdullah .radhi allahu anhu/ and Raabir bin
Fmar, both reported that the Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said:
0All thin"s in !hich there is no mention o Allah are rivolity, absent$mindness
and idle play except or our thin"s: a man bein" playul !ith his !ie, trainin"
his horse, !al*in" bet!een t!o purposeul "oals and teachin" another man to
s!im.4 5An$6isaNee in al$&shrah and at$)abaree;
=bli"ation on Woman to =bey +er +usband
&t is important or the !oman to be obedient to her husband !ithin the ran"e
o her capacity, because Allah has avored men over !omen, as sho!n in the
previously mentioned verses, that they have a de"ree over them. Prophet
Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ shed li"ht on this important issue
sayin":
0%y the =ne in !hose +and is the soul o Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi
!asallam/, no !omen has ulilled her obli"ations to her Gord, until she has
ulilled her obli"ations to her husband, even i he !ere to as* her !hen she is
mounted on the saddle, she should not reuse his reLuest4 5Authentic &bn
Ma<ah and Ahmad;
+e .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ urther elaborated this issue ma*in" clear to us
the duties o a ri"hteous !ie to!ards her husband and the re!ards o her
obedience to him:
7/ 0& a !oman prays the ive prayer, "uards her private parts .rom anythin"
ille"al/, and obeys her husband, she !ill enter Paradise rom any door she
!ishes.4 5Authentic $ at$)abaree in al$As!at and ibn +ibban;
?/ =n the authority o +ussian bin Muhsan .radhi allahu anhu/ !ho said: NMy
aunt narrated .a hadeeth/ to me, sayin": N& came to the Prophet .sallallahu
alaihi !asallam/ or some need o mine. +e .radhi allahu anhu/ said: 0+o! are
you to!ards your husband24 She said: N& do not all short in anythin" except
!hich & am unable to do. Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0Well loo*
to your position in relation to him, or it is the *ey to Paradise and +ell.4N
5Authentic $ at$)abaree in al$As!at and ibn +ibban;
E/ )he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0&t is not allo!ed or a !oman
to ast in the presence o her husband except !ith his permission, except in
Jamadaan, and she may admit no$one in his house except !ith his
permission4 5Saheeh al$%u*hari and others;
@/ )he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0Whenever a man calls his
!ie to their bed, but she reuses to come, lettin" him spend the ni"ht an"ry
!ith her, she is cursed by An"els until the mornin".4
&n another narration: 0Fntil she "oes to him until he or"ives her4 5Saheeh al$
%u*hari and Saheeh Muslim;
Words o Advice to +usband and Wie
7. )o be compliant, co$operative and conciliatory to!ards one another, to
advise each other and ur"e each other to!ards obedience to Allah, the Most
+i"h and the Most %lessed, ollo!in" all o +is Julin"s, !hich have been
clearly established in the ,urNaan and the Sunnah. )hese must never be
superseded by blind ollo!in" o any custom or school o thou"ht, !hich has
predominated amon" the people. Allah, the Most +i"h says:
0&t is not ittin" or a believin", man and !oman, !hen a matter has been
decided by Allah and +is Messen"er, to have an opinion about their decision(
i anyone disobeys Allah and +is Messen"er, he is indeed on a clearly !ron"
path.4 5Soorah al$Ah'ab: E8;
?.Each o them should ully carry out the duties and responsibilities !ith !hich
Allah has obli"ed on them to!ards one another. )he ,urNaan deals !ith the
role o men and !omen in the ollo!in" verses:
0Men are protectors and maintainers o !omen, because Allah has made one
o them to excel the other, and because they spend .to support them/ rom
their means. )hereore, the ri"hteous !omen are devoutly obedient .to Allah
and to their husbands/ and "uard in their husbands absence !hat Allah
orders them to "uard .e.". chastity, their husbands property, etc./ As to those
!omen on !hose part you see ill$conduct, admonish them .irst/, .next/ reuse
to share their beds, and at last beat them .li"htly, i it is useul/ but i they
return to obedience, see* not a"ainst them means .o annoyance/. Surely,
Allah is Ever Most +i"h, Most Mreat.4 5Soorah An$6isa .@/: E@;
)he Divine in<unction describes man as ,a!!am .maintainer/ and the !omen
as ,anitah .obedient/ +ai'atun lil Mhaib .preserver o the secret/. )his verse
"ive t!o reasons as to !hy men are described as maintainer. Iirstly, because
DAllah has made one o them to excel the other- !hich means that +e has
excelled men to be physically stron"er and more inclined to have a career
outside the home.
)he second reason is that 0they spend rom their means4 it is the manNs duty
to provide inancially or his amily and it is also the man !ho is reLuired to
"ive a do!er to his !ie at the time o marria"e.
)he husbands, thus have been put in char"e o his home, but this is a
responsibility and not a privile"e. +is duty is to do <ustice, to consult the duties
o the amily and to rerain rom tyranny.
)he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ said: 0)hose !ho do <ustice !ill be on
thrones o li"ht at AllahNs ri"ht +and, and both o AllahNs +ands are ri"ht
+ands( those !ho !ere <ust in their rulin" !ith their amilies and in all !hich
they !ere "iven authority.4 5Saheeh Muslim;
)he dierent roles o sexes means that never is one burdened !ith all the
duties !hile the other en<oys all privile"es. &nstead they both have individual
duties and privile"es, and both ma*e sacriice in order to !in the pleasure o
Allah. )he ,urNaan says in this re"ard:
0And they .!omen/ have ri"hts .over their husbands as re"ards livin"
expenses, etc./ similar .to those o their husbands/ over them .as re"ards
obedience and respect, etc./ to !hat is reasonable, but men have a de"ree
.o responsibility/ over them. And Allah is All$Mi"hty and All$Wise.4 5Soorah Al$
%aLarah .?/: ??:;
MuNaa!iyah ibn +aidah .radhi allahu anhu/ said: 0= Messen"er o Allah
.sallallahu alaihe !a$sallam/, !hat ri"hts do our !ives have on us2 )he
Prophet o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !asallam/ replied:
0)hat you should eed them as you eed yourselves, never invo*e u"liness
upon them .this reers to the custom o the Arabs beore &slam o sayin" to
their !ives in an"er: May Allah ma*e your ace u"ly/ never stri*e them on
their ace, and in boycottin" the marital bed do not "o outside the house to
sleep. +o! .could you do any o these/ !hen you have entered into one
another, so do only that !hich is allo!ed !ith re"ards to her .or valid
reasons/4 5Authentic Jelated by Ahmad;
And !hen they both o them havin" aith, *no! and practice the ri"ht and
duties o each other, Allah the Most +i"h, authori'es or them a "ood lie as
lon" as they remain to"ether in the bliss o happiness. Allah says in the
,ur-aan: 0Whoever !or*s ri"hteous, man or !oman, and has aith to +im We
!ill "ive a ne! lie, a lie !hich is "ood and pure and We !ill besto! on them
their re!ards accordin" to the best o their actions.4 5Soorah An$6ahl: BH;
Abrid"ed rom Advice on Establishin" an &slamic +ome by Aboo Fbaidah Amr
bin %asheer
0Ma*in" the +ouse into a place o Jemembrance4
0& did not create Rinn and man*ind except or My !orship4 5Soorah adh$
Dhariyaat: 98;
Ater establishin" the most important actor to!ards buildin" a ri"hteous
&slamic +=ME: the body $ comprisin" the spouses, their collaboration !ith
each other and compliance to the la!s o Allah, the Exalted, comes the next
important step $ "ivin" lie to it, throu"h the remembrance o Allah and +is
!orship, since the body !ithout lie is utile and ineicient o yieldin" any
beneit, accordin" to the explanation o Prophet Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi
!a$sallam/, in describin" the t!o cate"ories o houses: 0)he example o the
home in !hich Allah is remembered and the home in !hich Allah is not
remembered, is li*e comparin" the livin" and the dead4 5Saheeh Muslim
.7#9EB/;
)his tas* can ta*e several orms remembrance by the means o the heart, the
ton"ue li*e recitin" +is %oo*, praisin" +im, prayers, recitin" speciic DuNaa
mentioned by +is Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ etc: Iollo!in", are
some !ays that assist in establishin" the &slamic environment in our +=MES:
Perormin" voluntary prayers in the house
Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: 0)he best prayer o the man is in
his home except the obli"atory prayer.4 5Abu Da!ood;
+e also said: 0)he voluntary .prayer/ in the home is better then the voluntary
.prayer/ !ith the people. &t is li*e the .obli"atory/ prayer o the man in
con"re"ation bein" better than prayin" .the obli"atory/ by himsel.4 5&bn Abee
Shaybah and Saheeh al$Ramee .?B9E/;
Prayer or Stoppin" or God"in" Some!here
0Audhu bi*alimatillahi tammati min sharri ma *halaL4
0& ta*e reu"e !ith AllahNs Perect Words rom the evils that +e has created4
5Saheeh Muslim .E#79BB/;
Prayer or enterin" the +=ME
0When a man enters his home and he remembers the 6ame o Allah, the
Most +i"h, !hile enterin" and also !hen he eats, Shaytaan says: N)here is no
place or you to spend the ni"ht here and there is no ood to eat hereN & he
enters his home and does not remember the name o Allah !hile enterin"(
Shaytaan says: N)here is a place or you to spend the ni"ht. & he does not
remember the name o Allah !hile eatin" he says: N)here is a place or you to
eat and spend the ni"ht4 5Saheeh Muslim E#79BB;
)he Si!aa*
Aaisha .radhi allahu anhu/ said that the Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/
used to start !ith the si!aa* !hen he entered the +ome. 5Saheeh Muslim;
Prayer or Geavin" the +=ME
0& a man leaves his +=ME and says: N&n the 6ame o Allah, & place my trust in
Allah and there is nor po!er except !ith Allah.
0%ismillah ta!a**altu ala Allah !a la +a!la !a la Au!!ata illa bi$Allah4
&t !ill be said to him: N>ou are "uided, deended and protectedN Shaytaan !ill
"o a!ay rom him and another Shaytaan !ill say to him: N)hin*1 +o! can you
deal !ith a man !ho has been "uided, deended and protected4 5Abu
Da!ood, )irmidhee and Saheeh al$Raami @BB;
%eore enterin" )oilet
0Allahumma inni audhubi*a minal Ahubthi !al$Ahabaaith4
0= Allah, & ta*e reu"e !ith >ou rom all evil and evil$doers4 5%u*haree and
Muslim;
Ater Geavin" the )oilet
0"urana*4 0& as* you Allah or or"iveness4 5Abu Da!ood;
Je"ular recitation o Soorah al$%aLarah
)he Prophet o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: 0Do not turn your
homes into "raves as the Shaytaan lees rom the homes !here Soorah al$
%aLarah is recited4 5Saheeh Muslim .7#9EB/;
And: 0Jecite Soorah al$%aLarah in your homes as Shaytaan does not enter a
home !here soorah al$%aLarah is recited4 5+aa*im in al$Mustadra* 7#987
Saheeh al$Raame .77HC/;
+e also mentioned the merits o recitin" the last t!o verses o Soorah al$
%aLarah, !hen he said: 0&ndeed, Allah, the Most +i"h, !rote a boo* beore
+e created the +eavens and the earth by t!o thousand years and it is by the
)hrone. +e sent do!n rom it t!o verses to inish Soorah al$%aLarah !ith
them. & they are recited in an abode or three ni"hts the Shaytaan !ill not
come near it4 5Ahmad in as$sunnah .@#?H@/ and Saheeh al$Raami;
)eachin" the Iamily
0= you !ho believe, protect yourselves and your amilies rom a Iire !hose
uel is people and stone4 5Soorah at$)ahreem: 8;
)eachin" and educatin" the amily is a duty o the head o the household. )he
above$mentioned verse teaches the main principle o education: it bein"
orderin" the "ood and orbiddin" the evil.
Ali .radhi allahu anhu/ said about this verse: 0)each them .amily/ and sho!
them "ood manners.4
Al$%u*hari .rahimahullah/ brin"s in his Saheeh under the title: NMen teachin"
their emale servants, and !ivesN
0)hree !ill have t!o re!ardsT and a man !ho had a emale servant and
tau"ht the best o the "ood manners and "ave her the best education, then
reed her and married her, he !ill have t!o re!ards4
&bn +a<r explains this +adeeth by sayin": 0)he chapter headin" corresponds
to the hadeeth in re"ards to the emale servants bein" mentioned. As or the
!ives it is throu"h analo"y .similarity, correspondence/, because it is more
important to teach the !ives duties prescribed by Allah and the Sunnah o
Allah-s Messen"er .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ than the emale servant.4 5Iath
al$%aaree .7#7BC/;
Men should spare a day or his amily rom his busy schedule and establish
re"ular sittin"s !ith his amily( i possible these sittin"s must also include
relatives. Encoura"in" them and bein" strict to their attendance one should
ma*e them stic* to it. Al$%u*haree .rahimahullah/ !rites in his saheeh relatin"
rom Aboo SaNeed al$Ahudree .radhi allahu anhu/: 0)he !omen said to the
Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/: N)he men have ta*en all your time, so
"ive us a day rom yoursel. So he promised them a day or a meetin" to
admonish and order them4
)hus, emale education is also very important.
)hese sittin"s must teach them basic &slamic la!s: li*e the Iundamentals o
)a!heed in &slam, 6e"atin" Shir*, shunnin" &nnovations etc. Also Ga!s o
Puriication, prayer, 'a*aat, astin" etc.. Alon" !ith these they must be
instructed !ith all &slaamic etiLuettes: etiLuettes o eatin" and drin*in",
clothin" and adornment, the actions o itrah, !ho is a mahram, rules
re"ardin" photo"raphy, sin"in"Tetc. )heir schedule must also include
&slamic "atherin"s.
)he Prophet .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: 0May Allah have mercy upon a
man !ho stood at ni"ht and prayed, then he !a*es up his !ie and she
prayed. & she reused he sprin*les !ater upon her ace.4 5Ahmad and Abu
Da!ood ;
&t is also related rom Aishah .radhi allahu anhu/ that Allah-s Messen"er
.sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ used to pray at ni"ht and !hen he prayed the !itr
he !ould say: 0Stand and pray the !itr. = ANishah4 5Saheeh Muslim .8#?E/;
Educatin" the 3hildren
Educatin" the 3hildren should be done rom the early a"e, startin" !ith the
,urNaanic memori'ation, supplications, etiLuettes and manners( li*e !hat to
say upon snee'in", eatin", sleepin", "oin" to the toilets etc.
)hey should be related stories o the Prophets o the past nations and
speciically our Prophet Muhammad .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/. )hey must
be sent to &slamic schools, !hich include ,urNaan classes, they must be
tau"ht the lan"ua"e o the ,urNaan. =ne may also re!ard them inancially or
the completion o each step in their pro"ram. =ne should be very careul
about !hom they mix !ith and !ho they be riend. As children pic* up bad
manners and bad lan"ua"e rom their surroundin".
)he Prophet o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: 0)he example o a
"ood companion in comparison !ith a bad one, is li*e that o the mus* seller
and the blac*smithNs bello!( rom the irst you !ould either buy mus* or en<oy
its "ood smell, !hile the bello!s !ould either burn your clothes or your house,
or you "et a bad nasty smell rom it.4 5Saheeh %u*haree; Also their toys must
be selective, so as to avoid the unla!ul.
Establishin" a Gibrary in >our +ome
An &slaamic library should be set$up in the +=ME, in order to aid the amily, to
!iden their scope in understandin" the reli"ion and help them to adhere to the
shariNah rules.
&t is not necessary to ma*e it li*e a public library, but enou"h resources to
beneit the children, the elders, both men and !omen, relatives and "uests. &t
is also important to locate it in a place !here it is easily accessible. &t is best
to have boo*s and cassettes o reliable scholars, on the issues o &slamic
3reed, ,urNaan and its Sciences, +adeeth and its Sciences. %oo*s re"ardin"
etiLuettes in &slam, 3haracter, %io"raphy o our 6oble Prophet Muhammad
.sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/, his 3ompanions .radhi allahu anhu/ and previous
Prophets .alaihi as$salaam/.
Some recommended boo*s
&slaamic 3reed $ Explanation o the creed by &maam al$%arbaharee U Aitaab
at$)a!heed by Shay*h ibn abu al$Wahhab U)he SalaNs Muide to the
Fnderstandin" o Iate in &slam by Dr. Saleh as$Saleh U )a!assul &ts )ypes
and Julin" by Shay*h 6aasir ad$Deen Al$Albanee.
,urNaan$ An &ntroduction to the ,urNaan Suhaib +asan U An introduction to the
Principles o )aseer by Shay*h al$&slaam ibn )aymiyyah U )he )aseer
Soorah an$6aba, Soorah 6a'iNaat U Soorah Iatihah, Ayyat al$Aursi and others
by Dr. Saleh as$Saleh.
+adeeth$ Summari'ed edition o Saheeh %u*hari U &ntroduction to the
sciences o +adeeth U An introduction to the Sunnah by Sohaib +asan U )he
+adeeth is a Proo in &tsel by Shay*h 6aasir ad$Deen Al$Albanee U Iorty
+adeeth by &maam An$6a!a!i
=thers $ )he ProphetNs Prayer by Shay*h 6aasir ad$Deen Al$albanee U
&nvitin" the Ji"hteous and the Students o Ano!led"e to Visit your +=ME
0My Gord, or"ive me and my parents and !hosoever enter my house, a
believer, believin" men and believin" !omen. And do not increase the !ron"$
doers in destruction.4 5Soorah an$6uh .?:/;
&t is essential to be very careul about those, !ho enter your +=MES, since it
has a "reat eect on your amily members, their behavior and character.
Prophet o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said re"ardin" the ri"ht
company:
0Souls are li*e troops collected to"ether and those !ho amiliari'ed !ith each
other .beore the be"innin" o the !orld/ !ould have ainity !ith one another
.in the !orld/ and those amon"st them !ho opposed each other .beore the
be"innin" o the !orld/ !ould also be diver"ent .in the !orld/.4 5Saheeh
Muslim .8EH8/;
%ad company may ruin ones lie in this !orld and the +ereater. )he Prophet
.sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said !hile passin" throu"h one o the "rave$
yards:
0)hese t!o persons are bein" tortured not or a ma<or sin .to avoid/.4 )he he
added: 0>es .they are bein" tortured or a ma<or sin/. &ndeed, one o them
never saved himsel rom bein" soiled !ith his urine !hile the other used to
"o about !ith calumnies .to ma*e enmity bet!een riends/.4 5Saheeh al$
%u*haree .7#?79/;
=ne should invite ri"hteous people and the students o *no!led"e as the
carrier o mus* !ill either lay do!n a "ood example, or you !ill be inluenced
by them and the children and the amily can also beneit by listenin" to them.
A si"n o the ri"hteous is recitation o the ,urNaan, the prophet o Allah
.sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: 0A believer !ho recites is li*e a citron !hose
ra"rance is s!eet and !hose taste is s!eet. A believer !ho does not recite
the ,urNaan is li*e a date, !hich has no ra"rance but has s!eet taste. A
proli"ate .inattentive/ !ho recites the ,urNaan is li*e basil !hose ra"rance is
s!eet but !hose taste is bitter and the proli"ate !ho does not recite the
,urNaan is li*e the colocynth, !hich has a bitter taste and has no ra"rance. A
"ood companion is li*e mus*( even i nothin" o it "oes to you, its ra"rance
!ill reach you. A bad companion is li*e a man !ho has bello!s( i its .blac*/
soot does not reach you, its smo*e !ill reach you.4 5Abu Da!ood .@:77/;
Ior those !ho Accept the &nvitation
&t is recommended or him !ho accepts the invitation to ma*e DuNaa or the
host, ater he has inished eatin", usin" one o the ollo!in" prayers:
0Allahumma %aari* lahum ima ra'a*tahum !a"ir lahum !ar$+amhum4
0= Allah, or"ive them, have mercy on them and bless them in that !hich >ou
have "ranted them.4 5Saheeh Muslim;
0Allahumma at-im man atamani !as*i man sa*ani4
0= Allah, eed the one !ho eeds me and "ive drin* to the one !ho "ives me.4
5Saheeh Muslim and Ahmad;
0Atara Dinda*um as$saaimoon !a$a*ala ta-aama*um abraar, !a$sallat
Dalay*um al$malaai*ah4
0May the ri"hteous eat your ood, may the An"els send their prayers upon
you, and may astin" ones brea* ast in your house.4 5.Authentic/ Ahmad,
%ayhaLee and others;
Spreadin" Mood manners and Mentleness in the +=ME
)he Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "& Allah, the Most
+i"h and the Most Ma<estic, intends "ood or the people, +e puts !ithin them
"entleness." 5Musnad Ahmad .8#H7/;
Mentleness is one o the means to peace and happiness in the +=ME.
Mentleness !ith the spouse and children is very beneicial and the Messen"er
o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ is reported to be very *ind and helpul to
his !ives and children. +e !as a man amon"st men !ho used to patch up his
clothes, he used to mil* his "oat and serve himsel. 5Sisilah al$Ahaadeeth
.8H7/;
%ein" playul !ith oneNs !ie and children is another reason o extendin"
happiness in the house.
)he Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "Everythin" !hich
does not contain the dhi*r o Allah is amusement and play, except our: A man
playin" !ith his !ie..." 5Sunan 6isaNee;
And AaNishah .radhi allahu anha/ said: "& and the Messen"er o Allah
.sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ used to bathe to"ether rom one pot in our house.
)he pot used to be bet!een me and him, he used to race !ith it and & used to
say: NGeave some, leave some." She said they both used to be in <anaba."
Many instances can be ound re"ardin" bein" *ind and playul !ith the
children. )he Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ used to be very
*ind to children. +e used to tal* to them in a "entle !ay, stro*e their heads,
carry them on his bac* and "ive them dates beore he ate one. +e .sallallahu
alaihi !a$sallam/ said: ")he one !ho is not merciul, !ill not have mercy
sho!n to him." 5Saheeh al$%u*haree;
6arrated &bn Abbas .radhi allahu anhu/, !hen the Prophet .sallallahu alaihi
!a$sallam/ arrived in Ma**ah, the small children o %anee NAbd al$Mutallib .a
tribe/ !elcomed him, he put one o them on his bac* and carried one o them
in his arms." 5Saheeh al$%u*haree;
6arrated Abdullah ibn RaNar .radhi allahu anhu/: "Whenever the Prophet
came bac* rom a <ourney he !ould meet us. =nce he met me, al$+asan, and
al$+usayn. +e carried one o us in his arms and the other on his bac* until !e
entered al$Madeenah." 5 Muslim, Abu Da!ood and &bn Ma<ah;
Discipline amon" the Iamily
Strict time *eepin" in the +ouse: A Strict timetable in the house should be
ormed, or example eatin" timin"s, all members o the amily should eat
to"ether, sleepin" timin"s, !a*e up early, no late$ni"hts etcT
)he +=ME should not resemble a hotel, !here people act accordin" to their
desires
Muardin" the Secrets o the +ouse
)he Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "Irom amon"st the
most evil o people !ith Allah on the Day o Rud"ement is a man !ho has
relationship !ith his !ie and she !ith him, then he spreads her secrets."
5Saheeh Muslim .@#79H/;
Also, the Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ once said: "Perhaps
a man !ill say !hat he does !ith his amily, and the !oman !ill inorm !hat
she did !ith her husband." )he people !ere silent, but a !oman Asmaa bint
>a'eed said: "%y Allah, = Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/1
)he !omen do this, and indeed the men also do that.
" +e replied: "Do not do that, or it is li*e a male Shaytaan meetin" a emale
Shaitaan in the road and they have relations !hile the people are !atchin"."
5Musnad Ahmad .8#@9H/;
)hus, one should not spread the marital matters outside the house, and act
upon the sayin" o Allah:
"And i you ear dissension bet!een the t!o, send an arbitrator .mediator/
rom his people and an arbitrator rom her people. & they both desire
reconciliation, Allah !ill cause it bet!een them. &ndeed, Allah is Ever Ano!in"
and AcLuainted." 5Soorah an$6isa .@/: E9;
See*in" Permission to Enter: Allah says: "= you !ho believe1 Do not enter
houses other than your o!n houses until you ascertain !elcome and "reet
their inhabitants. )hat is best or you( perhaps you !ill be reminded. & you do
not ind anyone therein, so not enter, until the permission has been "iven to
you. & it is said to you: Mo bac*, then "o bac*( it is purer or you. And Allah is
*no!in" o !hat you do." 5Soorah an$6oor .?@/: ?H$?:;
"And it is not ri"hteousness to enter houses rom the bac*, but ri"hteousness
is in one !ho ears Allah. And enter houses rom their doors. And ear Allah,
that you may succeed." 5Soorah al$%aLarah .?/: 7:B;
"Whenever the Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ as*ed
permission to enter, he *noc*ed the door thrice !ith a "reetin" and !henever
he spo*e a sentence .said a thin"/ he used to repeat it thrice." 5Saheeh al$
%u*haree;
When she reached his house, Waynab, the !ie o &bn MasNood, came and
as*ed permission to enter. &t !as said: "= Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu
alaihi !a$sallam/ it is Waynab" +e as*ed: "Which Waynab2" )he reply !as: Nthe
!ie o &bn MasNoodN. +e said: ">es, allo! her to enter." So she !as admitted."
5Saheeh al$%u*haree .?#9@7/;
=ne should not enter the house i permission is not "ranted: Abu SaNeed al$
Ahudree .radhi allahu anhu/ said: "Abu Moosa .radhi allahu anhu/ came as i
he !as scared, and said: N& as*ed permission to enter FmarNs house three
times, but & !as not "iven permission, so & returned.N .When Fmar *ne! about
this/ he said to Abu Moosa: "Why did you not enter2" Abu Moosa replied: "&
as*ed the permission three times and & !as not "iven it, so & returned or the
Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "& any one o you as*s
permission thrice to enter and permission is not "iven, then he should
return..." 5Saheeh al$%u*haree ;
=rder or the 3hildren and Servants not to enter the %edroom
)he children and servants are ordered not to enter the bedroom o the
husband and !ie !ithout permission, durin" the times o sleep and rest.
)hese are beore the da!n, ater the ishaa prayer and the time o the mid day
nap. )here is a threat that they may intrude on their privacy and Allah says:
"= you !ho believe1 Get those !hom your ri"ht hands possess and those !ho
have not yet reached puberty amon" you as* permission o you .beore
enterin"/ durin" three times( beore the da!n prayer, and !hen you put aside
your clothin" .or rest/ at noon, and ater the ni"ht prayer. .)hese are/ three
times o privacy or you. )here is no blame on you, nor upon them beyond
these .periods/, or they .habitually/ circulate amon" you and each other.
)hus does Allah ma*e clear to you the verses, and Allah is Ano!in" and
Wise." 5Soorah an$6oor .?@/: 9:;
&t is Iorbidden to Spy
&t is orbidden to loo* into other peopleNs houses !ithout their permission. )he
Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "T& someone peeps
into your house !ithout your permission, and you thro! a stone at him and
dama"e his eyes, there !ill be no blame on you." 5Saheeh al$%u*haree .B#?8/;
And: "& anyone peeps into the house o a people !ithout their permission and
he *noc*s out his eye, ,asas .punishment/ nor diya .blood$money/ is
incurred or his eye." 5Abo Da!ood .979E/;
=ne must come to the door see*in" permission and avoid loo*in" in i the
door is open. When SaNd ibn abee WaLLas .radhi allahu anhu/ came and
stood at the door, the Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said:
"Stand a!ay rom it, .stand/ this side or that side. As*in" permission is meant
to escape rom the loo*." 5Aboo Da!ood .9799/;
+an"in" the stic* !here it may be seen: =ne o the !ays to teach "ood
manners, is han"in" o a stic* in the house !here it !ill be a threat. )he
Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ said: "+an" the stic*s !here
they can be seen by the people o the house, because it is a !ay o teachin"
manners to them." 5)abaree and Silsilah as$Saheehah;
)he Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ also said: "=rder your
children to perorm the prayer !hen they are seven, and span* them !hen
they are ten." 5Aboo Da!ood;
=ne should not resort to hittin" !ithout a need o it, because han"in" the stic*
does not mean to hit them, it is merely to teach them manners and it is not the
only !ay o teachin" manners, Allah says: "Men are the protectors and
maintainers o !omen, because Allah has "iven the one more .stren"th/ than
the other and because they support them rom their means. )hereore, the
ri"hteous !omen are devotedly obedient, and "uard in .the husbandNs/
absence !hat Allah !ould have them "uard. As or those !omen on !hose
part you ear disloyalty and ill$conduct, admonish them .irst/, .next/ reuse to
share their beds, .and last/ beat them .li"htly/( but i they return to obedience,
see* not a"ainst them means .o annoyance/: or Allah is Most +i"h, Mreat
.above you all/." 5Soorah An$6isa .@/: E@;
=ne may also boycott anyone or a sin as AaNishah .radhi allahu anha/ said:
"Whenever the Messen"er o Allah .sallallahu alaihi !a$sallam/ heard anyone
rom his household tell a lie he !ould boycott them until he sa! that they had
repented." 5Ahmad .8#79?/, and in Saheeh al$Raami .@8H9/;