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Larissa Thoin
Dr. DiSarro
ENG 101-05
2 April 2014
Longhand Love Letters?
With an abundance of technology at our fingertips, why would romantic relationships
begin anywhere but the internet, and flourish anywhere but the inbox of a smartphone? The 21
st
,
century has cultivated many short term relationships and even some long term relationships
through the convenience of texting, email, Facebook, and matchmaking cell phone apps. Gone
are the days of thoughtful longhand letters expressing ones infatuation for another. We no longer
muster up courage to dial a crushs home phone number, risking an awkward conversation with
his/her parents, wrapping the cord of the phone around various pieces of furniture, holding the
dock in the other hand while pacing to the sound of what seems like one endless ring after
another.
In a generation of emoticons and reading between the text, one couple refused to let their
high school flame fizzle out over the internet. Before he left for Plymouth State and her to
UMass Amherst, they watched Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook. When he promised to write her a
letter every day until summer, the way Noah wrote to Alli, needless to say she was openly
skeptical. Her second night at school she opened her mailbox to find a letter from Plymouth. At
first when he wrote to her, he struggled for words and ended up telling her about how stressful
the beginning of the semester had been. Eventually he became eager to settle down at his desk
and write her about his day. He wrote her daily, over 160 letters total. By winter break the pair
had transferred out of their respective schools and reunited at home. For the spring semester they
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would both be attending Plattsburgh. No one was more astonished that hed been able to keep his
word, but this grand romantic gesture is rare today because of the free, convenient, and often
anonymous means of communication available via the internet. This paper intends to argue that
while technology has not hindered the American desire to find love and romantic attention, it
does negatively influence the affection, mystery, and expression of feelings that so many
associate as the ideal romance.
Although it is obvious that life will never resemble the romantic movies that Hollywood
seems to mesmerize the public with every year, something deep within many women still holds
onto the hope that a man will come through with one grand gesture to prove his worth. The
reality is that relationships today are a power struggle, and the person who cares the least holds
the most power. This struggle for power and the avoidance of pain then take precedent over
expressions of love and affection in the style of The Notebook. Texting and email allow us to
hide behind our words, expressing feelings that we may not have even thought about having the
courage to address in person (Aalai 4). The worst part of this age of technology? Once the send
button has been pressed, the words that were so courageously thoughtful, loving, and sweet are
out in the world forever. If one should be so unlucky as to express feelings of this sort and they
are not reciprocated, those feelings may end up on social media sites for friends, friends of
friends, and even strangers to view eternally. Although these are daunting and quite plausible
outcomes, it can also be argued that technology has enabled us to communicate long distance
with a partner or loved ones much more easily and intimately. Skype dates, for example, allow a
couple to interact similarly to how they normally would during activities such as having dinner
together, watching a movie, or just relaxing and having a causal conversation. In some ways this
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can be better than letters or phone calls as there is an element of face-to-face interaction in real
time (Hare 23-29).
However, in addition to the dangers of public sharing when it comes to romantic
relationships, the expanding world of internet dating must be addressed. Roughly one in three
married couples meet online today, which can be both wonderful and sometimes heartbreaking
(Aalai 3). MTV has recently sponsored a documentary about a young man who fell in love with a
woman online. When he did some research he found some discrepancies with her profile and
decided to travel across the country to meet her face-to-face for the first time. The woman he met
online was tall, blond, and in her early twenties; when he arrived at her door she was short, stout,
brunet, and in her mid-forties. The woman hed met in person had created a fake profile and
reinvented herself online; not looking to cause trouble or hurt anyone, but that is exactly what
had happened. Fortunately, the two remain friends to this day, the documentary has become so
popular that there is now a series on MTV where the young man receives emails from people
who suspect they are being duped by a person they have met online. The film crew then goes
through the same steps of investigation that the original young man had, but for a new person
each episode. The film and the show, together are so popular that the title, Catfish or
Catfishing has been given the second meaning, a person who pretends to be someone that they
are not using social media to pursue deceptive online romances. Before Catfish and the
internet, meeting people was difficult but it was also more likely to get set up with someone by a
friend or family member. There would have been mystery and intrigue sure, but agreeing to the
date would mean spending a few hours with someone that was hand-picked by someone trusted.
The Catfish idea has become more prevalent since meeting a potential romantic
companion online has begun to lose its stigma. Oh, we met online, has become nearly as
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popular a phrase as, Yeah, we met at work, when explaining to friends how exactly a
relationship came to be. The sheer number of people subscribed to online dating websites makes
getting Catfished, a much more likely scenario than many hopeless romantic types would be
willing to admit (Rosen 20). Now there is the side to this argument that, there is simply no time
for dating and a career, to justify a subscription to such sites; however, the level of romance on
these sites often caps out at a winkie face to let the match know there is interest, just not enough
to strike up any conversation.
Theres good news, if one is not comfortable with emailing or really conversation in
general, there are now downloadable apps for smartphones that will take all of the intimacy out
of the search for a relationship. There are a variety of different types of matchmaking apps based
on general location to one another, but the most popular are apps like Hot or Not, and
Tinder, where pictures, number of shared interests, number of friends in common, and a brief
description of the person are displayed. From all of this the user can choose to swipe the
person to the right, meaning that the user is showing an interest, or left, meaning that the user is
not showing interest. If both parties have swiped right, a notification will appear on the screen
letting the user know that they have a match in the area. When this happens there are three
options presented on the screen; the user can message their match, Keep Playing, or share their
match with a friend. There is little to no personal connection with apps such as these which can
leave some of us wondering if chivalry and courtship have been pushed out by feminism and the
availability of a cheap date. If chivalry was such coveted conduct in its time, then whats to say
that it is unable to evolve and become modernized? Are we truly meant to believe that there is no
place for formality in romance, no wooing, and no excitement?
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In 2012, Jon Kasdan wrote and directed a movie called The First Time, which followed
modern teenagers over the course of a single weekend and the relationship that grew from
strangers to romantic interest, and finally into a relationship. The catch? Not once did the couple
resort to using social media for communication as the main character Aubrey established her
views early in the film, Exchange profiles, boil your personality down to some like,
compatibility equation, you know. Whats your favorite movie? Whos your favorite recording
artist? And then with one easy click we too can realize our dream of [being with] someone
exactly like us. Get married, give birth to two and a half babies. We can all post the pictures on
Facebook, or twitter. Nah thats, that is not for me. I wanna meet a man the old fashioned way
you know likein a bar. The old fashioned way, meaning living life and letting things happen
naturally and with a sense that there are no deadlines or expectations.
Love is a scary thing for many people. It takes courage to expose ones true self whether
on the internet or by physically going out. We are likely to get hurt, and often do. For some this
is easy to accept and for others it is very difficult to come to terms with. The internet is an
unnecessary platform for courage in relationships and negatively effects emotional expression as
tone can be misinterpreted or misconstrued. When it comes to mystery there is too much of it
associated with online relationships, as one can never be 100% sure that the person on the other
end is what they seem. Call it old fashioned, but in order to truly know someone having a
conversation face-to-face, physically in the same space, is vital to discover a person and establish
chemistry. Gestures as small as handholding and defining a relationship as such are what open a
person up to emotional intimacy, which is just no longer possible when a computer screen or
electronic device sit between us.

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Works Cited
Aalai, Azadeh. "Is Technology Ruining Romance?" Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness
+ Find a Therapist. Psychology Today, 26 Sept. 2011. Web. 25 Apr. 2014. Website
Hare, Breeanna. "How Technology Has Changed Romance." CNN. Cable News Network, 12
Feb. 2013. Web. 23 Apr. 2014. Website
"Romance in the Information Age." The New Atlantis. Ed. Christine Rosen. The Journal of
Technology & Society, 2004. Web. 25 Apr. 2014.