WHSG ENGLISH DEPARTMENT

The Year 9 English

Literature Exam
Things Fall Apart (but this booklet will help you
put them back together)

Hannah Lake
5/1/2014




Contents
Introduction ............................................................................................................................................ 2
W2 Writing an appropriate text .............................................................................................................. 3
Identify the problem ............................................................................................................................... 5
W3 Organising texts effectively ........................................................................................................... 6
The good introduction Hall of Fame ..................................................................................................... 7
W6 Punctuation and syntax ................................................................................................................. 8
W7 Using a range of vocabulary ........................................................................................................... 10
W8 Accurate spelling ......................................................................................................................... 11
R2 Making relevant points and supporting them with quotations .................................................... 12
R3 Inferring layers of meaning ........................................................................................................... 13
R4 Exploring the structure of the text................................................................................................ 14
R5 Use of language ............................................................................................................................. 15
Closing the gap ...................................................................................................................................... 16















Introduction

The extract used in the Year 9 Literature exam was taken from Things Fall Apart by the
Nigerian author, Chinua Achebe, who is pictured below. It was clear from your answers that
Achebes opening really captured your imagination, and the very best answers developed
thoughtful and analytical interpretations of those three first paragraphs.

Things Fall Apart was published in 1958 in the UK, and is often regarded as the most famous
African novel. It is a short read and follows the life of Okonkwo and the Igbo community in
the late nineteenth century, and their response to British colonialism and Christian
missionaries arriving in Nigeria. If you like Things Fall Apart then you might also be
interested in the sequels, No Longer at Ease and Arrow of God.
Anyway, enough about the book, you are probably more immediately concerned with what
mark you got for the exam! Heres some useful information on that subject: one person
marked your exam to ensure consistency. The maximum available score was 60 and the
highest-scoring candidate achieved 57; the lowest scoring candidate scored 31. I marked
your essays in one batch to make sure that the rank order was correct. This mark will be
combined with your Language mark and will be worked out into a percentage and then,
finally, a level. I kept notes of whether you had used your Personalised Proofreading
Strategy and the Planning Sheet in the exam, to see if this made a difference.
Rather than write a detailed comment at the end of each essay, I have ticked comments in
boxes and then recorded feedback in this booklet. I hope you wont mind working through
this booklet to find out what you need to do to improve.
Thank you very much for your sensitivity to Achebes writing and for crafting your essays so
carefullythey really were a pleasure to read.
W2 Writing an appropriate text
Your argument should focus on the question and be convincing and persuasive for the reader. Marks 6 and 7
are awarded for originality of argument and individuality of voice.
7 marks Well-judged argument and individual voice sustained throughout
6 marks Convincing argument and individual voice, mostly sustained
5 marks
Your purpose and argument are clear and consistently maintained
Appropriate style maintains the readers interest
4 marks
You are answering the question, but your purpose is not always maintained
Style generally appropriate, though awareness of reader not always sustained

Writing academic essays
1. When first referring to the author, you should use their full name. In this case, you would
write, Chinua Achebe. After that, always write, Achebe.
For example,
Achebes use of simile, like a fish, conveys the intelligence and cunning of his protagonist,
Okonkwo.

2. When referring to a short extract from the text, the noun to use is quotation and the verb
is to quote.
For example,
This is shown in the quotation, like a fish (here, quotation is a noun).
The simile quoted here demonstrates Okonkwos cunning: like a fish (here, quoted is a verbI had
trouble thinking of an example for this because I dont think you need to use quote as a verb much in essays).
NOT
This is shown in the quote, like a fish. (here, quote is an abbreviation of the noun; you should avoid
abbreviating in academic essays).
3. Avoid gush. Gush is when you enthuse (often, insincerely) about the skill of the writer or
the effectiveness of a certain turn of phrase. Comments of this kind are meaningless and
gain little credit. In the worst cases, they damage the tone, structure and quality of your
argument.
For example,
This has the effect of the reader wanting to read more to find out what happened.
It really helps me build up a picture in my mind.
4. If you follow a formulaic structure for your introduction, then it is unlikely that you can
achieve an individual voice nor gain the readers interest.
For example,
In this essay I will be writing about how Chinua Achebe uses language and structure to
create an effective opening in Things Fall Apart.
Individual voice? No.
Interesting? No.
Relevant to the task and text? In so much as you could say this about any
literary text, yes. Is it specifically relevant to this task and text?...No!
A good introduction should :
1) Define the terms of the question
2) Identify authorial purpose in this particular extract and specific methods
3) Indicate a structure for the essay
4) Make the reader want to read what you have to say (i.e. BE INTERESTING!)
It can :
1) Summarise plot
2) Raise interesting questions to be answered during the course of the essay.
If you cant manage this then forget the formulaic introduction and just get on with answering the
question. A bad impression at the start will prejudice your reader against the rest of your work.

5. If you enter the exam with a structure in your head before you even read the passage, then
you wont ever successfully engage with the passage itself. Those who responded to
Achebes writing were able to develop a convincing argument and individual voice.

6. You are not writing in praise or criticism of Achebes opening and when you explore the
effects created by his literary methods, it is not your job to give him a www or an ebi! If you
focus on how he creates meaning and different possibilities for interpretation then you will
score highly for this assessment focus.

7. If you scored 7 then well done!, that was very rare. If you scored 6 then that is almost as
impressive because I awarded very few of those. If you wrote a clear and purposeful essay
then you sat in the majority with 5 marks. Any sense that you hadnt got the gist of writing
an academic essay then you will have scored lower, unfortunately.

Identify the problem
1. Chinua layers them on to really help you build up the picture in your mind.
.
.
2. Achebes metaphors and similes of the characters were described in interesting ways and
could be interpreted vividly.
.
.
3. Achebe uses language features well to create an effective opening.
.
.
4. Chinua also mentions that Okonkwo is a young man.
.
.

5. Achebe has used many features of language and inferred meaning to make the reader want
to read more.
.
.

6. The main characters are introduced well.
.
.

7. Chinua Achebe uses a large variety of language devices, techniques and structure to create a
plausible opening for the book, Things Fall Apart.

.
.


W3 Organising texts effectively
Your essay should be structured with a brief introduction, three analytical paragraphs and a brief conclusion.
You should use connectives and complex sentences to sequence your argument and guide the reader through
your essay. You cannot get higher than 4 marks if you do not use paragraphs.
8 marks Use of paragraphing provides clearness and cohesion for purpose
7 marks A variety of devices guide and direct the reader
6 marks Material is clearly controlled and sequenced, considering the reader
5 marks
Material is structured clearly, with appropriate paragraphs
Clear links between paragraphs direct the text
4 marks
Ideas organised by grouping related points into paragraphs
Ideas are organised simply with a fitting introduction and conclusion
The text is in a logical sequence, but overall direction can be uncertain
4 marks
Students arrived in this band if they were grouping points together in a paragraph without a
common theme or argument. The easiest way to find yourself here was if you took the chronology of
the story itself and used it as a structure for your essay; this led to paragraphs made up of a mixture
of different points and, consequently, the overall direction was uncertain.
Another mistake which was likely to land students in this bracket was if they structured their essay
according to the categories of language, structure and plot. Again, this meant that points
grouped in paragraphs were unlikely to relate to one another and hindered any development of a
line of argument.
Some very good students made the frustrating mistake of zealously writing in margins, asterisking
mid-sentence and adding a sub-clause somewhere else on the page or drawing arrows to re-
sequence paragraphs. In these cases, I felt justified in saying that overall direction can be uncertain.
5 marks
Most fell into this category. Even if your essay was boring, if it had clear and evenly shaped
paragraphs then I probably gave it a 5.
6 marks
This one sits hand-in-hand with the W2 criterion for developing an argument. If your argument was
sequenced in a way which genuinely signposted its development then you got 6 marks.
7 marks
Sometimes, students command of a variety of sentence constructions, particularly when evaluating
their analysis, just blew me away and so I gave them 7 marks.
8 marks
Only two people got this; cohesion for purpose is when you get a sense of the essay operating as a
whole text.
The good introduction Hall of Fame

6 marks: Material is clearly controlled and sequenced, considering the reader
Example One
This introductory extract is from Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. It is about a man
named Okonkwo and his victory as a wrestler. Throughout this extract, Achebe uses literary
devices and descriptive language to portray to the reader the nature and fame of Okonkwo.
www.
Brief summary of the story in the extract
Engages with writers purpose (to portray to the reader the nature and fame of Okonkwo)
ebi.
This student could have been more specific about literary devices and descriptive language

Example Two
In the opening of Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe there are many intriguing
features of language and structure. In turn each of these features can be interpreted
in different ways. The opening I written in the past tense as a flashback, revealing
that the rest of the novel will be based upon the character describedOkonkwo.
Achebe uses many positive adjectives to describe Okonkowo, revealing that he was
seen as a hero around the village. From the first extract Achebe really wants us to
understand the fame Okonkwo has in society, by explain some of his solid personal
achievements. Achebe also presents Okonkwo as a young man; this could allow
people to have high hopes for when he gets older.
www.
Rooted in the extract this is not just a formulaic introduction!
Already engaging with authorial method
ebi
Could lose the first couple of sentences
Could be more concise


W6 Punctuation and syntax
When writing an essay, your basic concern is accuracy of sentence structures, commas for clauses and
punctuation of quotations and titles.
6 marks No mistakes with punctuation or syntax!
5 marks
Sentence structures are accurate
Full use of punctuation used accurately : ; . ,
4 marks
Sentence structures are mostly accurate
Quotations and titles are correctly punctuated
Commas are mostly used accurately

Most people who got 4 marks were given them for not introducing their quotations correctly. You
should introduce quotations with a comma or a colon, and if you dont want to do that then you
should embed them as part of a flowing sentence.
It was possible to get 5 marks if you seemed to have structured the sentences in your essay
accurately. You get also get in this bracket for using an accurate colon or semi colon.
6 marks were for people who made no mistakes and yet had attempted a range of challenging ways
of expressing their argument.
Here are some mistakes that students make most often:
Sentence structure Verb tense Punctuating
quotations and titles
Other grammar issues
Avoid comma splices Use the present tense
for academic writing
Introduce a quotation
with , or :
Articles: a, an, the
Subject-verb
agreement
The past perfect tense The apostrophe rule Of / off



Correct the mistakes
1. The whole extract is past tense.

2. There is a lot of juicy adjective.

3. In the first paragraph of the opening, Chinua Achebe had instantly described the situation of
the main character, Okonkwo.

4. Fishes are naturally slippery because of their scaly scales.

5. Furthermore, the writer had wrote simple sentences as the final two sentences.

6. Similes and metaphors has been used throughout the opening.



W7 Using a range of vocabulary
You werent marked on this assessment focus for this exam. However, some students made errors in
choosing the wrong word. Where this has happened, I have written w.w. in the margin. The
following is a list of useful vocabulary (based on examples from where students have made
mistakes).
impatient NOT patientless
quotation NOT quote
novel NOT book
literary NOT literacy
connote NOT connotate
for example NOT e.g.
villainous NOT villain-side
ironic NOT iconic
Tense NOT tensive







W8 Accurate spelling
Please make sure that proofreading for spelling is a key stage in your proofreading strategy.
7 marks Correct spelling throughout
6 marks
Generally correct spelling throughout, including ambitious and common words
Likely errors occasionally in complex words
5 marks
Correct spelling of most words
Likely errors, such as phonetically plausible misspellings
4 marks
Correct spelling of common words (including -ly adverbs, past and present tense verbs,
plurals)

Likely errors with occasional phonetically plausible misspellings

easily Okonkwo
honour similes
intriguing aggressive
immediately there / their
exaggeration throughout
metaphor particular
unsuccessful mystical
rumours unfamiliar
repetition stories
scarcely intriguing
highlights disappears
a bit ambiguous
doesnt emphasise
onomatopoeia


R2 Making relevant points and supporting them with quotations
This assessment focus checks how far you understand the text, and if you can make relevant points and back
them up with appropriate quotations. The deeper your understanding, and the more precise your supporting
evidence is, the higher your mark will be.
8 marks Quotations are always concise and precisely support argument
7 marks Uses increasingly precise references to support argument
6 marks
Relevant points are clearly identified
Supports points with references/quotations that are suitable (apt)
5 marks
The most relevant points are considered across the text
Comments are generally supported by reference/quotations from the text
4 marks
Some relevant points are made
Comments are mostly supported with relevant references/quotations

4 marks tended to be for people who didnt quote very much or didnt put them in quotation marks.
Most people fitted in to the 5 marks by quoting. When quotations seemed to exactly back up an
argument and precisely illustrate your points then I gave you 6 marks. 7 marks went for the kind of
sophisticated argument which was peppered with one word quotations which, as with your 6 marks
people, really nailed what you were trying to say. Two students got 8 marks because for doing this
consistently throughout their essays.


R3 Inferring layers of meaning
This assessment focus requires you to explore layers of meaning in the text.
8 marks
Coherent interpretation of text
Considers very imaginative insights
7 marks
Comments begin to develop an interpretation of the text
Teases out complex meanings
Makes connections between imaginative ideas (insights) and weighs up evidence
6 marks Reveals different layers of meaning, attempting to explore them
5 marks Uses the text to work out hidden meanings (inferences and deductions)
4 marks
Inferences are often correct
Comments are not always accurate; sometimes retelling the story

In my opinion, this was by far the most exciting assessment focus. 4 marks went to re-telling the
story or stating the obvious. 5 marks went to reading between the lines. 6 marks were awarded for
the first steps in to exploring layers of meaning and 7 marks went to people who saw things in the
text which were genuinely interesting. If they did this a lot then they got 8 marks. Here are some
things which I thought were quite interesting:
Student 1:
Using the words his back would never touch the Earth implies an act of defiance,
meaning that Amalinze is so strong it is impossible to defeat him.
Student 2:
You are made to feel like you are being spoken to by the author and are catching up
on events you have missed; in contrast, the second paragraph is written completely
in the past tense: an event is being recalled.
Student 3:
Lastly, the author provides an uneasy relationship between the characters. This is
displayed when the narrator says that Okonkwo had had no patience with his
father. This makes you wonder about a whole series of scenarios that could have
happened. It suggests that his father was an unsuccessful man and something, or
possibly Okonkwo, has caused his disappearance. This gives you a sense of worry,
that maybe Okonkwo is only interested in Fame and Fortune, and because they lack
that he grows a strong dislike towards them.
Student 4: Amalinze is described as a wily craftsman, a term not usually heard when
describing a wrestler. This description could have been used to illustrate the
challenge that faces Okonkwo, and the talent of the master whom he attempted to
fight at just eighteen years of age. Reference to his age adds to this sense of
difficulty.
R4 Exploring the structure of the text
This assessment particularly relates to the question of how the writer has created an effective opening and
asks you to consider how the author has used structural devices for effect.
8 marks Clear appreciation of how the writer has structured the text for theme / purpose and effect
7 marks Some evaluation of how the writer has structured the text for theme / purpose and effect
6 marks Explores in some detail how the writer has structured the text for theme / purpose and effect
5 marks Some explanation of how the writer has structured the text
4 marks Identifies some aspects of the texts structure
1. When students write that sentences are short and snappy, what do they mean?
Thats right.
They mean that the sentence is short. I wish that they would just say that.


2. Some students noticed a cyclic structure within the extract itself. This student achieved 6
marks (Explores in some detail how the writer has structured the text for theme / purpose and effect)
for the following:

The last paragraph compares Okonkwo to how he used to be. Chinua Achebe shows
that older people are grumpier as they get older and are nothing like they used to
be. The first and last paragraphs are the same because they talk about age and as
the extract carries on, Okonkwo changes just like as life goes on your age changes.
R5 Use of language
8 marks Evaluation of how the use of language supports the writers purpose
7 marks Comments begin to develop precise, perceptive analysis of how language is used
6 marks
Uses appropriate terminology when discussing language use
Some understanding of how language choices contribute to the overall effect
5 marks Some explanation of language features in the text
4 marks Simple comments on the writers choices of words (language)

1. The mark scheme above implies that using appropriate terminology is enough to get 6
marks. However, the use of terminology should be combined with when discussing
language use and this discussion still needs to be accurate; that is, the technique does still
need to create the effect that you say it does. The following paragraph is an example of
when spotting a feature contributes absolutely nothing to your argument:
Personification of sang gives the flute a human quality, emphasising how continuous and how
wonderful it was.
www.
Correct use of the term, personification.
Correct choice of quotation to illustrate personification.
ebi.
The positive connotations of the verb, sang, communicate how wonderful it was; Achebe
didnt need to personify the flute for this. Therefore, the discussion is inaccurate and the
student gets just 4 marks (Simple comments on the writers choices of words (language)).

2. Here is an example of when identifying features can serve to develop an interpretation
through analysis. This student was awarded 6 marks for this point.
The female characters are addressed in plural; for example, wives, which indicates that this
text was either written in an older time period or a different county. The use of religion is also
tied in here: (God made the world in ) seven days and seven nights; this shows that the act
of being thrown may be part of a spiritual or traditional ceremony.




Closing the gap

What would you like to improve in your essay?
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How are you going to do it?
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Have a go at upgrading part of your essay here:
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What has improved?
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Draw a face to show how confident you feel about meeting your target: