Sex and The City - The Astrological Version - Lindaland

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Author Topic: Sex and the City - The Astrological Version
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
posted February 13, 2006 02:49 AM
Just something i came up with...dabbling away in thoughts
SCENE: COFFEE SHOP, ALL FOUR GIRLS ARE SITTING DOWN
AND DISCUSSING THE SIGN OF ARIES.
CARRIE:
Did you all know that according to this book, Aries is considered to be
the sign of the Alpha male of the Zodiac?
SAMANTHA:
(with a naughty undertone)
Well, its no wonder its symbol is a Ram, if you know what I mean.
MIRANDA:
(sarcastically)
Ram indeed, more like a butt-head if you ask me. Remember that angry
guy I was dating? He was an Aries. All I got was insults and Chlamydia.
CHARLOTTE:
But I heard they are supposed to be the prince charming every girl
dreams of marrying?
SAMANTHA:
No honey, thats Cancer, although they come along with nagging
mothers who they worship, so I wouldnt call them the ultimate prince
charming. But about the Alpha male bit, they do have fast acting dicks.
They can get hard in seconds.
MIRANDA:
Fast acting dicks indeed, but you gotta fake it with them. Theyre all
about pleasuring themselves. Selfish pricks.
CARRIE:
(laughing)
Well, the book did mention something about them lacking skills at
foreplaying
MIRANDA:
Lacking skills? Oh please, they dont even know what foreplaying is. I
bet the guy who invented the term Wham Bham Thank you Maam was
probably an Aries cowboy at some wh*re house in the old west.
CHARLOTTE:
(in a soft shy embarrassed manner)
Sometimes they dont even say thank you.
[ALL GIRLS LOOK AT HER]
SAMANTHA:
(trying to take the attention away from charlotte who isnt really ready to
tell about her encounter)
Well, the best thing about f*cking with an Aries is that they are ever
ready. Granted, they are the kings of the Five Minute f*ck they also
recover in five minutes, so you can guarantee multiple sessions of hot
steamy guilt free sex. They also love the thrill of public s*x, grabbing a
quickie in a traffic jam or in the bushes during your morning jog
CARRIE:
Or in your office right after you fire them. Wasnt your former assistant
an Aries?
SAMANTHA:
Well, I did say it was guilt free sex. But I did fire him for being a rude
prick.
CHARLOTTE:
I always thought Aries men were passionate, idealistic, and sentimental,
and friendly like a puppy. Along with being downright fearless, and like
one of those downright romantics that love to swoon after you. And as
long as he loves you, he would be faithful, sexy, and attentiveA regular
knight in shining armor?
MIRANDA:
Yeah, a regular Sir Lancelot. The guy may have been bold and all that,
but his ego ruined a kingdom when, in his eagerness to run his hand up
Guineveres dress, he conveniently forgot his wow to King Arthur.
CARRIE:
Although, in Lancelots point of view, he was a hero, and to an Aries
man, his point of view is all the counts.
MIRANDA:
An Aries man would rather be the biggest jerk in town, than just another
anonymous working slob. I knew this lawyer once, who took pride in
being more self centered than a Scorpio and more obtuse than a
Taurus. He was damn sure he was right, especially when he was wrong.
Good thing I won the case, you should have seen his face.
CARRIE:
Well, not all Aries men are the same. According to this book, they come
in 2 types. The Ram variety that are bold, brash, and ready for action
and the Sheep varietythat come all aw shucks like Dennis Quaid
shuffling his toes.
CHARLOTTE:
Did you know Hugh Heffner is an Aries? On the door of the original
Playboy Mansion in Chicago, I believe there was a brass plate with the
inscription Si non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare
SAMANTHA:
That means If you dont swing, dont ring
(the girls end up laughing.. Samantha continues)
In a way Hugh is a typical aries, still alive and well, and still a bad boy at
76. I wonder how his dick would be?
CARRIE:
Probably still hung and ready. Hes living every single guys dream, with
an array of bunnies for his own fancy. Maybe thats why he never got
married again.
MIRANDA:
Well, from what I hear, marrying an Aries guy isnt a peach. A client of
mine was divorcing her extreme sports junkie Aries husband, the
marriage didnt last three weeks. According to her, he expected the
house to be sparkling clean, the grass mowed, car washed, all before
he got home from his latest adventure. He would then leave a trail of
dirty clothes from the front door to the shower, while shouting his dinner
order over his shoulder.
CHARLOTTE:
(gasps in horror)
Are you serious? He was that bad?
MIRANDA:
Oh it gets better. When he got to the table, he expected her to have a
gourmets delight in one hand, with Dr. Pepper in the other, and she had
to look like she just stepped out of Vogue
SAMANTHA:
Well, they are idealistic. From what I hear, they want a woman to
possess the adoration of a mommy, the ethereal qualities of a fairy
princess, all wrapped up in the figure of a Playboy Centerfold.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, Im glad I have Harry.Can a normal person find happiness loving a
naval-gazing troublemaker with an erogenous zone attattched?
CARRIE:
Well, why not? Remember, Aries is the baby of the zodiac, and babies
love to be cuddles and coddled. Babies also throw tantrums. So, if one
should intend to stick around longer than a quickie or two, they should
understand that, to a Ram, fighting and screwing are equally arousing.
MIRANDA:
Ill drink to that! The Chlamydia guy was good in the sack.
CARRIE:
Plus, their lust factor is that of 10. hence, they prefer hot steamy sex over
love sensual foreplay. So it doesnt really mean that he thinks youre
boring or hes selfish. In fact, if you really just enjoy him for what hes
good at, youll make all the women jealous with your smile on your
flushed out face. Although you might have trouble walking a week into
the relationship if you know what I mean.
SAMANTHA:
Plus they are never shy. You can feel free to talk dirty and suggest
anything kinky. And honey, speaking from experience, only Gemini can
get kinkier. The best way to get an Aries man is giving him a good scalp
massageor better yet stroke him with your fingertips, lips, nipples, as
well as the other lips on his face and hell give you a Facial of his
own (grinning naughtily)
CARRIE:
Even though they thrive on undivided attention, they adore all the
trappings of romance. Moonlight and roses, candlelight and wine, or a
quiet dinner, just the two of you, will thrill him.
SAMANTHA:
Not to mention thrill you afterwards.
MIRANDA:
Surprisingly, they love to cry at sad movies as much as a Cancer, and a
handwritten card or poem will send him into a fit of adoring
declaration Although you better be a good listen.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, they are ambitious, and are determined to succeed. Some of the
greatest career men are Aries. Always succeeding at any different path
they choose
SAMANTHA:
And becoming surprisingly good at everything they try.
SCENE: CARRIES APPARTMENT AT NIGHT, TYPING ON HER
LAPTOP
Aries was the type of child that flung open the closet door and dared any
monster living there to get out of your space. He was also had to get
burned before he believed that the stove was really hot... he still does...
and therein lies his strength... having no shame, and more nerve than a
one-legged-wire walker
Nevertheless, among us all, its only an Aries that can win us over with
their sheer innocence and naivet. Only he can lead us to an impossible
goal, for he is an eternal optimist, with a heart as warm and pure as the
fires that burn within him. His metal is iron, which can produce the
strongest weapons and armors to defend and protect him as well as the
ones he loves. His stone is diamond, the hardest stone on earth, like his
determination and strength. This endearing Don Quixote of the zodiac
can run through fields of daisies and slay all the dragons (or windmills)
just to win your heart, not just once but even nine times over. Hell forever
shield you from the harsh prickly pines, yet spice up your life with
cayenne and cinnamon. Sweep you off your feet and take you to
wherever you desire, be it England, Germany or even Canada to see
the Niagara Falls. If you want someone who can give you unlimited
excitement and a fun filled action packed life, a rollercoaster ride
through the highs, lows and loopholes of life. Look no further, the infant
of Mars is for you.
Lemme know what you guys think... i've written about other signs as well
------------------
Superstition is to religion what astronomy is to astrology: the mad
daughter of a wise mother
IP: Logged
shop22much
Newfl ake
Posts: 0
From:
Regi stered: Dec 2010
wow that was pretty good......
IP: Logged
pixelpixie
Knowfl ake
Posts: 40
From: ON Canada
Regi stered: Apr 2009
*claps*(not the Chlamydia kind)Emphatically!!!
Take a bow!
That was great!
IP: Logged
Betelgeuse
Knowfl ake
Posts: 33
From: Engl and
That was excellent Divine
I've written a few scripts/screenplays myself, and you really capture the
spirit of the characters, great stuff!
p.s. I havent seen many 'Sex in the City' programs, but the ones I have
seen... FRUSTRATE THE HELL out of me!!! Can a woman analyse a
man so deeply??!! Arghhhh!!!! It makes the male logic seem shallow
and insignificant by comparison - behold the new anylytical master:-
Woman.
My girl likes sex in the city, which worries me a little lol You say you have
done scenes for other signs, have you done one about Gemini? I'd love
to see it, because I'd send it to my girl.
Anyway, brilliantly done, I really appreciate well-written script, and you
certainly have a talent
IP: Logged
freebird
unregi stered
Excellent !!! I would like to read all 12 signs....they are really great....
IP: Logged
Iqhunk
unregi stered
Brilliant!
Since I am a Cancer with an Aries "Ascendant", I really appreciated this
piece.
------------------
Sun-Cancer, Moon-Libra, Asc-ARIES, Mars-Taurus, Venus-Taurus,
NorthNode-Libra.
IP: Logged
MoonDuchess88
unregi stered
Well done girl friend!
IP: Logged
GemStar
unregi stered
Love your creativity and ability to 'capture' each personality to the 'T'!!
Super Work!
GemStar
PS-Would love to see the remainder!! Bring it on!
IP: Logged
Luvly
unregi stered
Divine--You rock!!!! Awesome!!
I'd love for you to share the rest
IP: Logged
WaterNymph
unregi stered
Very cool
quote:
Can a woman analyse a man so deeply??!!
Interesting BetelgeuseIm not sure. I mean I analyse through emotion -
but I do that with everybody.
It could depend on her chart, dont know
Writers are usually very analytical anyway. Doesnt mean the actresses
are too
IP: Logged
Stargazer
Knowfl ake
Posts: 46
From: j ust l eft of center
Regi stered: May 2009
Divine...Wow!!!! that was very well done! Bravo!
As a fan of the series, who was quite upset when they ended the show...
I have to say that you made my pulse quicken.. thought i was reading an
actual scene..one i haven't heard...
I would love to read all of them....
IP: Logged
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
posted February 13, 2006 04:45 PM
Hey you guys
THanks for the nice response... And here's Taurus:
SCENE: THE GIRLS ARE BRUNCHING AT A NEW TRENDY BISTRO
ON PARK AVENUE
CARRIE:
(VOICE OVER)
The word zodiac originates from the Greek Zodiakos, meaning circle
of animals. The Greeks had another word, Zoon (Zoh-on) that, loosely
translated, meand zoo, a perfect description of the celestial soap
opera upon which the practice of astrology is based. The real force
behind our collective romantic fantasies was a not-so-charming bunch of
eternal beings that amused themselves by getting down and dirty up in
the celestial firmament. Three thousand years, before whats her name
shot JR in Dallas, the heavens were ruled by a cast of characters whose
traits of jealousy, deception, sexual license, and revenge made the
Ewings look like the Waltons.
SAMANTHA:
You know, according to this website poll, and personal experience.
Taurus is considered to have the biggest dicks in the zodiac Scorpio
being a close second of course.
CARRIE:
Maybe thats why theres that term, Hung like a Bull!
MIRANDA:
Well that figures, most of the famous male porn stars are Taurus.
CHARLOTTE:
Really?
SAMANTHA:
Well, theres Peter North, Rocco Sifredi to name a few, along with Dean
Phoenix.
CARRIE:
Isnt Dean Phoenix a gay porn star?
SAMANTHA:
Yeah, and hot as hell. According to one source, Taurus was traditionally
known as the sign of Beauty.
MIRANDA:
(Sarcastically)
Yeah, a beauty that keeps increasing its waist line every year of the
relationship
CHARLOTTE:
Miranda! You shouldnt say that.
SAMANTHA:
Honey, in a way she is right, Taurus loves excess of anything, from food
to sex. Sometimes they mix the two. And the best part is you dont need
to make a huge effort.
CHARLOTTE:
Do explain
SAMANTHA:
Well, when you wanna get them in the sack, you dont need to waste any
time or money, buying all sorts of sexy underwear or lingerie
CARRIE:
Or Manolos. Aidan was a Taurus
SAMANTHA:
As I was saying, you just need to invite the Bull over for a home-
cooked meal, or in my case delivery from a gourmet restaurant. Spread
the feast on a blanket between throw pillows on the floor, and get naked.
CHARLOTTE:
Just get naked during a meal?
SAMANTHA:
Honey, naked turns Taurus on. Naked with chocolate will drive one to
multiple orgasm nirvana. Naked with chocolate infront of the food
channel could damn well kill an older Bull.
CHARLOTTE:
Yuck, I cant believe anyone would find that turning on! I always thought
Taurus was the sensualist of the zodiac.
CARRIE:
Along with the stamina of a long-haul trucker.
MIRANDA:
Unfortunately, they have the same amount of finesse. A Bulls idea of a
romantic evening is pizza, chocolate, and sex.
SAMANTHA:
Or sex with chocolate followed by a pizza, all eaten and performed in or
near the bed.
CARRIE:
Bingo on that one. When I was with Aidan, he would be snoring away to
sleep, and Id be spending the rest of the night, trying to sleep on bits of
pepperoni and picking melted M&Ms outta my hair and elsewhere
ALL THE GIRLS IN UNISION:
Eeeww!
CHARLOTTE:
I always thought a Taurus man to be patient, prudent, and persevering, a
tower of strength on whom you can lean. With simple needs like a home
and hearth, a good partner, and a nest egg for the rainy day.
MIRANDA:
Easy Charlotte, Taurus may offer old-shoe comfort, but what youre likely
to get is an army-boot mentality.
CHARLOTTE:
A what?
MIRANDA:
Well, when you hook up with a Bull, and its either do things his way, or
do your own thing alone.
CARRIE:
Like when I used to go out in town with you girls while Aidan stayed in at
my place passing out on the couch with a pizza slice on his shirt and an
empty 6 pack of buds lying around the carpet.
CHARLOTTE:
But Aidan was so sweet, (turning to Miranda) remember how he helped
you when you were lying on the floor naked and unable to move!
MIRANDA:
Dont remind me.
CARRIE:
Still, Aidan was still insecure. I mean despite I apologized profusely for
cheating on him earlier, and went deeper and deeper into the
relationship, he still kept reminding me of my one mistake. Sure it wasnt
a small one, but cant the man give it a rest?
MIRANDA:
What do you expect honey. Bulls have the shortest memories of their
own imperfections, and the quickest finger to point out yours. They are
all possessive about everything and anything.
SAMANTHA:
Yeah, but they are also a great f*ck
CARRIE:
Ill drink to that!
SAMANTHA:
Smooth, slow sensual ones. They are all the classic romantics that love
to give you long sensual massages, with followed by warm luxuriant
baths and lets not forget those bear hugs.
CARRIE:
(smiling fondly)
Aidan was hands-down the best hugger. Its also the best way to make
up after a fight. Bulls rarely turn down a full body hug.
SAMANTHA:
Followed by slow sensual sex.
CHARLOTTE
Valentino was a Taurus you
SAMANTHA:
So is George Clooney! Id let him lick chocolate off my body!
SCENE: CARRIE IS TYPING ON HER LAPTON IN THE
APPARTMENT LATER THAT NIGHT
CARRIE:
(Voice over)
Are there any tangible benefits to sticking by this stubborn, sometimes
exasperating hardhead? Yes, Wonderful ones. That is if you want a
partner who prefers an evening with you along to making rounds of the
lastest hot spots. And one whose taste runs to understated elegance
and definite comfort
Bulls refuse to hurry, and this includes under the covers. Forget the
nooner or a quickie before your dinner company arrives. Bulls prefer
leisurely sex, and the foreplay starts in his or her mind hours before the
deed. A Bull will love a teasing phone call at work or an early-morning
hint of what to expect if her is on time for dinner. Subtlety is the keyword.
Bulls arent the least bit prudish. However, they are selective about with
whom and where they exhibit their earthy nature. He may think its great
to tell off-color jokes and let his chauvinistic side shine at his weekly
outing with your friends. But, when in public, he will observe the
proprieties at all times, and rarely be anything but charming and
reerved. Taurus is one sign that, without exception, totally separates his
or her private life from public persona.
Although Taurean ideas are always sensible, they can also sparkle with
the clarity and depth of fifteen precious sapphires that add up to six
kinds of good fortune, as he doubles his money under the benign smile
of the gods. There's nothing small about Taurus, including his capacity
for lasting love and his potential for wealth. Copper, the Taurean metal,
is an excellent conductor of electricity and heat, and it glows with
burnished beauty through years of use and wear. Let the excitable ones
scurry and squabble for first place. The bull's fixed nature needs no
flaming torches to light the way to the security he seeks. Eventually
success will come to him, and he will be ready. Because the far-off
Venus showers him with the love of luxury, he pays dearly for his
possessions and treasures them for a lifetime; yet he's the sworn enemy
of waste and extravagance. His home is his castle-and let no man
disturb the peace of the bull. Taurus is as patient as time itself, as deep
as the forest, with a dependable strength that can move mountains. But
he's stubborn.
Lemme know what you think
------------------
IP: Logged
Betelgeuse
Knowfl ake
Posts: 33
From: Engl and
DG, you have a talent!
Wouldnt this make a great idea for a book? The astrological book of
sex and the city!
IP: Logged
pixelpixie
Knowfl ake
Posts: 40
From: ON Canada
Yes!
You did capture the essence of the characters beautifully! Dialogue is
hard, and you did it well!
Also, I like your summation and intros...
You know what I think would be a good idea?
Cosmopolitan magazine is always doing Astrology features, and is
closely related with sex and the city, and all us women love both with a
fervour..
Submit a teaser to Cosmo... make it a feature! Get this published!!!!
Seriously~!
A fun, easy to relate to intro to the zodiac.. we all want to know about the
sexual/romantic proclivaties of the signs we love and love to hate...
IP: Logged
Azalaksh
Knowfl ake
Posts: 985
From: New Bri ghton, MN,
USA
DG ~
You're a gifted astro-writer -- and I liked the final paragraph on Taureans
from Linda's Sun Signs!
'Zala
IP: Logged
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
Hey You Guys
Thanks for your lovely responses. I'm really flattered with all the amazing
things you've said.
Although to be honest. I am basically inspired by the two books by Hazel
Dixon Cooper, "Born on a Rotten Day" and "Love on a Rotten Day". I
just felt that the writings of both books really fit the style of the Sex and
the City Characters. So calling it an original work would certainly be a
big injustice on my part. For I am just like a middleman, combining both
aspects and creating it into something funny, witty, yet educational in
certain ways.
I hope you still like what i have to offer
Here's Gemini (Dedicated to Betelgeuse's Daughter)
*~*~*~*~*
SCENE: THE GIRLS ARE AT A NEW TRENDY FUSION
RESTAURANT IN THE ULTRA TRENDY SOHO DISTRICT,
DISCUSSING THE SIGN OF GEMINI.
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
I cant help wonder, if Bob Dylan was mentioning the standard Gemini
mantra when he said, Just because you like my stuff, doesnt mean I
owe you anything? For you see, Geminis are rarely guilty and never
owe anyone anything. Should the emotion flicker across their souls, he
would just quickly shrug it off.
According to astrologer, Hazel Dixon Cooper, Twins are the kings of the
one-night stand, and even marriage wont necessarily slow them down.
Amoral versus Immoral, Twins think its perfectly acceptable (for them of
course) to say he loves you madly, then dash off to their next rendezvous
and repeat the whole scenario with someone else. The difference
between this and a Leo whos carving notches on the headboard, or any
Water Sign (a.k.a. Cancer {the mamas boy}, Scorpio {the obsessive
cess-pool of Jealousy}, and Pisces {the addicition-holic}), is that a
Gemini says the words of love because he thinks you need to hear
them. Not because he means them.
CHARLOTTE:
What I cant understand, why are Geminis called two-faced? Isnt that
like saying they have multiple personality disorders.
MIRANDA:
(Sarcastically)
Thats because they have multiple personalities. Only difference is that
they have twenty faces, not just two.
CHARLOTTE:
Really?
MIRANDA:
Yes really! Trust me, sometimes while spending a day with one, or even
a night for that matter, it feels like youre talking to an entire crowd,
speaking in the same voice. Geminis are also considered sexually
ambiguous because of their multiple personalities.
SAMANTHA:
I guess thats why Boy George, who is also a Gemini, aptly said that in
his view were all made up of equal parts of Rambo and Lucille Ball!
(All girls laugh hysterically)
CARRIE:
That reminds me of something I heard of another famous Gemini, Paul
Gauguin.
MIRANDA:
Who the f*ck is he?
CHARLOTTE:
Oh I know him, he was an artist who was rumored to be the bisexual
lover of Vincent Van Gogh.
CARRIE:
Yeah, thats not all. Before that he had a wife and five kids, whom he left
to pursue art. And after he used and abused Vinny Van Gogh, he drifted
off to Tahiti, where he is rumored to have taken a thirteen year old lover.
CHARLOTTE:
(Eyes wide with shock)
Well! Its no wonder Nancy Matthews, a historian who researched about
him said that he was a bully and abusive husband. And how she began
to see how unpopular he was during his lifetime, and how his habits
were so in-your-face in a sexual way. Apparently its also rumored Van
Gogh cut his ear off because of Gaughin.
SAMANTHA:
Oh honey, all Geminis love being a bad boy. Just look at Errol Flynn. He
was married 3 times and cheated on all of his wives.
MIRANDA:
Yeah! I believe it was his first wife, French actress Lilly Damita, who
said about him, You never know when hed telling the truth. He lied for
the fun of it.
CARRIE:
But in a way its unfair to call them liars. Their definition of the truth
differs greatly from the rest of the world. Well, thats what they feel. They
are ruled by Mercury, who according to mythology, was the god of
thieves, lies, tricksters, and fast talking hustlers among many other
things.
CHARLOTTE:
But it cant be true that all Geminis lie and cheat?
SAMANTHA:
Well, there are a few totally faithful Geminis, but those are rarer than a
shy Sagittarius. All Gemini men have a gypsy moths fatal attraction to a
pretty face. And the word Faithful has a totally different meaning to
them.
CHARLOTTE:
How can anyone have a different meaning of the word Faithful?
MIRANDA:
Well, look at Gemini Brigham Young, the Mormon founder of Salt Lake.
The dude had twenty-seven wives. To him, Im sure, he considered
himself a devoted and faithful husband.
CARRIE:
In my mind, he was in Gemini Paradise.
SAMANTHA:
Thats why Geminis are best to have as a holiday fling or a *beep*
buddy. Even as a rebound guy.
CHARLOTTE:
Whys that?
CARRIE:
Well, firstly, they have an amazing sense of humor. They can make you
laugh everyday.
MIRANDA:
(Sarcastically)
And then laugh with his friends at you when he tears you to pieces with
his merciless, acerbic tongue.
SAMANTHA:
He can whip up an exotic gourmet meal, and make you all gushy eyed
with flattery and fine wine. And then dance with you till youre finally weak
in your knees. Capturing your heart and imagination with their version of
their myths.
MIRANDA:
(Sarcastically)
Only to then excuse himself to the kitchen, to call up 3 other girlfriends
and book himself on his free nights, while adding your phone number,
breast size, and birth control preference to his oversized lil black-book.
CARRIE:
Its not Sex that they like. They are just excitement junkies, who love to
talk. They are famous for talking women into bed. Thats how Berger got
me. He charmed me with his wit.
MIRANDA:
Only then you found out he sucked in the sack.
CARRIE:
True, but he made me laugh.
SAMANTHA:
In the world of marketing and PR we have a phrase for that Great
advertising, lousy product.
CHARLOTTE:
Oh my god! Youre all making it sound like Geminis are all shallow
players.
MIRANDA:
What do you expect honey? Colin Farrell is a shinny example.
SAMANTHA:
So is Johnny Depp, and frankly honey, anything is worth the effort to be
with those two. Remember, Gemini is the guilty pleasure of the zodiac.
CARRIE:
See the thing with a Gemini is, you gotta be prepared for the
unexpected. They are like curious lil children who forever wanna know
whats the latest hot thing. Thats why so many of them are in the media
biz, especially as gossip columnist and entertainment reporters. Joan
Rivers is a Gemini too you know.
SAMANTHA:
Plus, even though they dont get all passionate like Aries and Scorpio,
or all sensual like Taurus. These guys are heavily into kink. Handcuffs
and roleplaying are just the tip of their kinky ice-berg. Plus, even if they
werent blessed with the biggest dicks, they were blessed with hands
and fingers that can even make a Capricorn butch-dyke cream her
panties. And sometimes, thats almost as good.
CARRIE:
Plus, lets face it honey. These men are simply irresistible. Be it JFK, or
even Prince, these guys can charm even a Cancer out of their crab shell.
They maybe domestically challenged and commitment phobic, but you
just gotta know how to keep em.
CHARLOTTE:
And how does one manage to do that?
CARRIE:
Simple, excite him. Its not that hard.
MIRANDA:
Just read allot, keep up with current events, but only the hot juicy stuff,
like Michael Jacksons latest no-no, or Brangelinas pregnancy, learn to
talk before, during and after sex
SAMANTHA:
And surprise him with lil gifts to show youve noticed his ever changing
style, and surprise him by juggling dildos in one hand, while unbuttoning
his shirt with the other, while unbuckling his belt with your toes. Throw in
some threesomes and have a list of people you can *beep* when in the
relationship, hes as good as yours.
CHARLOTTE:
So in other words...?
CARRIE:
Love from a Gemini is 50 % friendship.
MIRANDA:
20% spiritual, can be anything from kaballah to Catholicism to
Pantheism
SAMANTHA:
With 20% physical, and that leaves 10% for.
CHARLOTTE:
Emotional.
SAMANTHA:
Youll never make him a joined-at-the-hip lover, but if you want pizzazz,
variety, and a life outside your daily rut, with tons of kink, and guilt free
anonymous sex, hes your man.
SCENE: CARRIES APPARTMENT, CARRIE IS TYPING ON HER
LAPTOP.
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
Even though Geminis are all about excitement and checking out the
latest trends, atleast you cant blame them for being boring. One Gemini I
knew quite well used to love inviting people over for drinks. Only thing
was, each guest detested the other, and hes sit back and watch the
mayhem, grinning his mischievous 3-pointed Gemini grin. Which can be
found of the Problem Child kid, and even Chucky.
Their philosophy is, Do something, even if its wrong. They may run into
a brick wall and get the wind knocked out of them. But their energy
scatters around the obstacle to gather again, whole, on the other side.
While the rest of humanity lumber along like elephants on parade,
Geminis dart through life adding color and imagination.
Gemini can charm a bird right out of its tree and give it five new songs to
sing. But the restless Mercurial mind can too easily overlook the
bluebird of happiness waiting wistfully year after year in his own
backyard. He wears clear yellows, greens and blues, silver and gray-
and his moods reflect his glittering aquamarine jewel. He has the light
touch, echoed in the delicate fragrance of the lily-of-the-valley, and he
has breathed the fresh promise of the greenest ferns in the deepest part
of the forest. But the cold metal of Mercury divides Gemini with twin
desires, until he stops-and waits-and listens-to his own heartbeat
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lemme know what you all think
------------------
IP: Logged
Betelgeuse
Knowfl ake
Posts: 33
From: Engl and
DG! Hilarious!! hahah
Hey... I have a DAUGHTER??!! When?! Where?! How?! Who got me
drunk and erased me memory?!
This is fantastic, had me laughing in stitches! Oh and I liked this;
"They may run into a brick wall and get the wind knocked out of them.
But their energy scatters around the obstacle to gather again, whole, on
the other side"
Great analogy Keep up the good work DG, its brilliant!
IP: Logged
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
Hey Betelguese
OOPS...made a big mistake...I kinda misinterpreted from your first post
that you had a gemini daughter...now i feel silly :P
But I'm glad you enjoyed the post
------------------
IP: Logged
lizkin33
Newfl ake
Posts: 0
From: New York
Regi stered: Oct 2010
it WAS GREAT, ARIES! oh MY GOD SO TRUE
CAN YOU WRITE ABOUT LIBRA? THANKS
IP: Logged
MoonPixie
Knowfl ake
Posts: 131
From:
whoohoo! i can't want until cancer!
IP: Logged
MoonDuchess88
unregi stered
whoohoo! Cancer is next.....keep it up!
IP: Logged
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
Here's Cancer
(WARNING: IF you are (or in love with) a cancer and feel highly offended
or negatively stirred by this post...please understand that it was in the
sheer humor of it all... dont be like fellow crab, Tom Cruise and sue me
for "emotional damages"... so skip this post and read the other signs... If
you can stomach it all you are more than welcome to read...but
remember..you have been warned)
(Plus i recently broke up with a crab... so it kinda affected my scenario)
SCENE: THE GIRLS ARE HAVING LUNCH AT THE FOUR
SEASONS. DISCUSSING THE SIGN OF CANCER
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
The Moon pulls on our inner, or unconscious, desires like she pulls the
tides. Feminine and manipulative, she maneuvers behind the scenes,
ruling our basic instincts. The sign of Cancer is ruled by the moon, so it
really makes you understand how men like Tom Cruise can turn from
such talented actors, into fanatical cult freaks. Sugar coated astrology
says that Cancer is private, nurturing, and deeply committed to family
and friends. The rotten truth however is that these crabs are oblique,
manipulating, and should be committed by their families and friends.
And to top it off, they come with a Mother.
SAMANTHA:
You know what really irks me at times? The way a Crab moves. Its no
wonder their human counterparts are such shifty ********
MIRANDA:
(Looking through the menu)
Speaking of which, Ill go with the lobster.
SAMANTHA:
Im not joking. I was watching this thing on the discovery channel the
other day, and it truly made me understand why Cancer men are such
emotional manipulators. They can never think straight. Unlike Aries men
who charge ahead, these guys actually plot and probe every step they
take. Just notice a crab walking down a beach. Itll move to the left, then
move to the right, take a few paces back, circle its prey of desire. Then
out of no where, make a wild dash towards your unsuspecting big toe
and latch onto it with its icky sharp claw.
CARRIE:
I can imagine, plus the fact that you have to constantly shake them off,
but the little suckers wont budge. Holding onto your toe for dear life.
CHARLOTTE:
Thats not fair. Cancer men are sweet, chivalrous, and have a wonderful
offbeat sense of humor. Sentimental, sensual and truly affectionate.
MIRANDA:
Sure they are Charlotte, but thats only seeing one side of the coin. And
trust me, you dont wanna flip it. You may see an ideal mate, but what
you get is an ideal stalker!
CHARLOTTE:
(wide-eyed, startled)
A What?
SAMANTHA:
Well, what can I say? A Crabs idea of devotion is bonding at the hip.
Not the crotch, the hip. His devotion may be legendary. However, dont
say I do until you understand that those words extends to every friend
and relative hes ever had, especially his Mother.
MIRANDA:
And it aint above him to wait until the honeymoon to tell you the old bats
gonna come to live with you as soon as you return home.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, Trey did have issues with Bunny. I guess since he was a Cancer,
he still let Bunny sit at the side of his tub during his baths at his family
home.
ALL THE GIRLS IN UNISION:
Gross
CARRIE:
But you see sweetie. The mans sign is ruled by the Moon, the Big
Momma of the planets. That makes him hypersensitive, along with a
shadowy nature that they label as being shy or reserved. And moods
that change along with the lunar cycle.
MIRANDA:
Oh Jesus f-ing Christ dont remind me of a Cancer mood swing. The
men make menopausal women seem like a slice of heaven.
CARRIE:
I guess thats why they say even Cancer men are forever born with PMS
syndrome.
SAMANTHA:
That means, Pardon-My-Sobbing syndrome. And hes a subjective mo-
fo. His favorite game is Guess how Im feeling?
CHARLOTTE:
Oh that was Treys game alright. I was expected to read his mind, sense
his moods, and mend his fragile ego. Considering the guy couldnt get it
up, it was alotta work. Unless it was for some JUGGS!
SAMANTHA:
Ah, Cancer men and their boobies.
MIRANDA:
Its a known fact that Cancer babies take the longest time to wean from
breast to bottle feed. Thats why these men are obsessed with **** .
Silicone implants were probably his wet dream come true. Along with
titty f*cking
SAMANTHA:
Speaking of which, ever look at the guys dick. They are full of potential
no doubt, but they have these large bulbous heads, that kinda have a
reddish or pinkish glow. The weirdest part was, that mans name was
Rudolph.
CARRIE:
Rudolph?
SAMANTHA:
You know Rudolph the red dickhead cancer. Had a very shiny head.
(THE GIRLS LET OUT A CACKLE OF LAUGHTER)
CARRIE:
You know, its pretty easy to spot a crab. Just look at their painful
expressions with furrowed brows. Its as if hes about to cry or just
stopped. And they even have this permanently perplexed expression,
which also resembles as if theyve sniffed a foul odor. Just look at
President Bush at the next press conference for a prime example.
SAMANTHA:
Dont forget their mommy.
MIRANDA:
Ah yes, their mommy. You may be able to f*ck the crab without that
broad rearing her ugly head, but you will never, and I repeat, never be
able to marry one unless you accept the fact that first and foremost, all
Cancers are tied to their Mother forever.
CARRIE:
Just look at J.M Whistler, that crab immortalized his mother in oil.
CHARLOTTE:
Or Trey for that matter.
SAMANTHA:
Whether yours adores the woman or harbors disappointments, even
hatred for the old bat, you are gonna have to worship, suffer, or, at the
bare-bones least, pretend to like their Mommy.
CARRIE:
Cancers remain tied to the apron strings long after most of us have run
screaming from the suburbs.
CHARLOTTE:
I always used to wonder whether, Cancer author, Bryan Forbes, wrote
the Stepford Wives as a tribute to his vision of the perfect mother.
MIRANDA:
Although the endurance of this sign is legendary. Cancers emotional
pincers are just as tough as their crustacean counterparts. They have
been known to hang onto food, jobs, bad relationships, and marriages
way past the pull date. They are miserable. You are miserable. Both of
your families and all of your friends are miserable. But those crabs just
smile wanly and put on their brave-face.
CHARLOTTE:
Brave-Face?
SAMANTHA:
Ah the brave-face! One of their favorites. This consists of a slightly
pursed mouth, extremely serious countenance, purposeful demeanor,
and brimming eyes clenched hands and/or teeth are optional.
CARRIE:
Walk in suspiciously late from work and youll see the brave-face. Or,
you could find the disappointed-mom-face staring at you from across
the kitchen table. This look is basically a small sigh, slight shake of the
head, averted eyes, knitted brows.
SAMANTHA:
Other looks include the helpless-victim, exasperated-adult, and cold-
survivor.
MIRANDA:
Beware the cold-survivor face. Whenever a crab goes into cold-survivor
mode, you can be sure youre gonna be in for anywhere from one day, to
weeks or even months of punishments.
CARRIE:
Like Bree Van De Kamp of Desperate Housewives went when she
found out about her husband sleeping with the town ***** . Mind you, she
stuck to him, nurtured him, gave him his pills. But she never forgave him.
She went out with George, the psycho pharmacist, just to tick Rex off,
and then when he was suffering a heart attack, didnt rush him to the
hospital, until she made the bed to her perfection.
SAMANTHA:
Whether Geezer, Boomer, Gen-X or Gen-Y, all crabs thrive on tortured
romances and hypochondria. Along with tons of paranoia. They can
whip themselves into a fit of emotional turmoil over absolute trivia. You
can cause one to sulk by movinf the furniture without permission, and
drive one to the therapist (if they dont have one already) if you suggest
a weekend away alone.
MIRANDA:
In addition to being sick of their mother, or the old bats memory, youll
have little privacy, less independence, and will have to fight for every
night out without them. You also will be held accountable for everything
that goes wrong within your relationship, whether it was your fault or not.
SAMANTHA:
So if you arent a lying, dirty cheater before you fell for a crab, youll soon
turn into the biggest one from the sheer exhaustion of being spied upon,
grilled like an FBI suspect, and subjected to never-ending emotional
manipulation.
CHARLOTTE:
Really? Then all those cancers must be so heartbroken when so many
people walk out on them? Arent they?
CARRIE:
Oh they do, but you see, whether they dump you, or you dump them,
splitting up with a Crab will always be your fault. Theres rarely a
question of whether you can survive without them, but he will try his level
best to make you believe they cant survive without you only to keep you.
Even when they know its over, they are capable of faking heart attacks
or fatal diseases to guilt you into staying on.
SAMANTHA:
Thats why the best way to dump them is to wean them as you would
wean a baby. However, this could take years. So if you arent prepared
to get late-night phone calls to rush over and help them through an
anxiety attack, or early Sunday morning calls to baby-sit the dog for the
next five to six years, my advise is to end it as quickly and kindly as
possible. Otherwise you have little chance of finding a new guy.
CARRIE:
Just quietly state that you are leaving, then be prepared for yours to, in
no particular order, faint, try to kill you, smash the dishes, or become
catatonic. If you end up getting hurt, so much the better for them,
because crabby will totally feel guilty later.
CHARLOTTE:
Thats just awful.
MIRANDA:
Thats not it. While youre hobbling out of the door, he will be on the
phone with mommy, then every friend and family member, then even
your mom, and inform her what a rotten ***** you are to break up this
happy home. The secret to survive them is just keep your head up and
walk firmly, cause these claw clackers will keep reveling in their
martyrdom long after you, like Cher, hook up with a younger bagel boy
and sing on top of your voice, I found someone!
SAMANTHA:
Or if you arent the dramatic type and wont hesitate a lil white lie. Tell
him that you are considering becoming a foreign missionary, that you
want him to move with you and become a green peace or red cross
assistant. Make sure you list out the worst diseases known to man which
you wanna cure, while reassuring your now green-faced crab that you
think there are vaccines for some of them.
CARRIE:
Or simply demand they limit their visits to mother to once a month,
instead of every other day. Either one of them can get the ball rolling.
CHARLOTTE:
But you guys, not all crabs are that bad. I mean, I know they are all clingy.
But its only out of insecurity of being alone.
CARRIE:
True.
CHARLOTTE:
Plus, Cancer men are the most nurturing men ever. They are so
tenderhearted that they are willing to take care of you through all tough
times. Even though they do make the brave-face or whatever, they really
do support you through your worst times.
SAMANTHA:
Thats right. Look at Smith. He stuck by my side through my entire
ordeal with breast cancer. Plus I guess since hes a crab, he understood
my early menopausal phase with the hot flashes and loss of libido. Glad
I regained the libido.
MIRANDA:
Plus unlike most men. They love foreplay, as well as after play. If Taurus
gave the best hugs, these crabs are the best cuddlers and spooners.
And they always stock up on after sex ice-cream.
CARRIE:
Their hypochondria is only because they are the worrywats of the
zodiac. But then again, isnt worrying, a way to show that you care?
SCENE: CARRIES AT HER APPARTMENT, TYPING ON HER
LAPTOP.
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
All water signs are fundamentally insecure, and Cancer leads the group.
Crabs dont do independence very well. Relationships make them feel
safe. Home makes them feel safe. Crabs need the familiar around
them, even when they travel they pack their favorite pillow, or a photo of
you, and/or a scented candle to remind him of home. They also fear
ending up alone. This is why he may question your every move, and
dream up a hundred reasons why you shouldnt go anywhere without
him. Its not because they cant trust you; its because they cant stop
worrying (caring).
There's a strong maternal instinct in both sexes. They're always trying to
stuff hot food into you, or bundle you up against the damp, night air.
Cancerians baby their friends and loved ones and hover over them
protectively. It's hard to tell which stirs the lunar emotions more deeply-
children, food or money.
The crab's sensitive nature is covered with a hard shell, and he's wise
enough to avoid the stormy seas. Half the time he lives on dry land, the
other half in deep waters. He wears the luminous, pale gold and
shimmering colors of moonlight, and hides his powerful emotions
behind the pale green, mauve and lavender tints of modesty.
There's a touch of Moon madness in every Cancerian. He knows a wild
and secret place where two lilies and seven white roses grow among
the iris. Sometimes the memory of this faraway garden causes him to
explode with laughter. Now and then it causes him to weep with
sadness. Cancer patiently gathers the emeralds, pearls and moon-
stones carelessly dropped in the sand by others, as he waits for the
tides to wash his silver dreams ashore.
~*~*~*~
Lemme Know what you guys think
------------------
IP: Logged
LeylaLeFay
unregi stered
Divine Goddess-
I am impressed and amazed. It's like you took all my posts from the past
year and made them into sex in the city episodes.
You should make a book out of these.
IP: Logged
Divine Goddess
unregi stered
Hey LeylaLeFay
Thanks for your kind words. For a moment there i thought people didnt
like my cancer post and hence didnt respond.
Anyway, Here's my take on Leo... Hope you all enjoy it.
SCENE: THE GIRLS ARE AT A NEW LOUNGE BAR IN SOHO,
DISCUSSING THE SIGN OF LEO
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
Mae West once said in true leonine nature, I have never loved another
person the way I love myself. That should truly sum up any Leo up, be it
male or female. When dealing with the sign of the Lion, one must
remember Leos planetary ruler, The Sun! Just like good ol sol, has all
the planets revolving around it, the male lion expects the entire world to
revolve around them. And just like the sun, Leo expects to be the center
of your own universe. Astrology says that Leo is a Fixed sign, that
means they do have a stubborn streak and are always right. At least
they think so. The only area they really do seem fixed is either in their
extremely high opinion of themselves. Or on top of your panting,
sweating, worn-out body.
Leos are theatrical, not practical. Their constant need for attention often
negates their playful, happy nature. And when they lose contact with that
part of themselves, they become selfish tyrants roaring through life
creating misery. Being born with the instant-gratification gene
overshadowing any ability to understand the value of nurturing an idea or
relationship. Argue with one, and theyll roar with indignant fury. Win your
argument, and the lion will silently stare at you, then retreat into the
shadows to plan its next attack.
Cancer maybe the drama queen. But Leos definitely the Diva!
CHARLOTTE:
You know, I was reading this astrology book the other night. It said that
Leo rules the astrological house of creativity and sex, and are proud,
self-assured, exuberant, fun lovers who are loyal, generous and elegant.
MIRANDA:
I can bet you a million bucks that a Leo astrologer wrote that book. Truth
is, Lions are attention grabbing, over-bearing maniacs whose childish,
self-centered behavior is exceeded only by their obnoxious attempts to
boss around everyone else.
CHARLOTTE:
Thats not true. Leo men can be either pushy, loud, and brash, or just
quiet and dignified.
CARRIE:
Youre mistaking the word quiet for shy. There aint no such thing as a
shy lion.
SAMANTHA:
Except in Speedos. Lets face it. They may have the well rounded pecs
and firm abs of a Greek God, but there is a very Freudian reason as to
why Leo is known for his ego.
CHARLOTTE:
But I always thought a Leo male was a warm hearted, generous, and
dignified, genuine romantic, whom you wont have to tempt twice to go
for a moonlit stroll or to your favorite hideaway for the weekend?
MIRANDA:
He is, as long as he gets to be center of attention. Leos are always the
center of the universe. They thrive upon, demand, and need your
undivided attention at all times.
CARRIE:
They dont walk into a room. They make an entrance.
MIRANDA:
In other words, flouncing into the kitchen for dinner and slamming the
door when he gets back from work in order to make you notice them.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, maybe they are a bit dramatic.
SAMANTHA:
A bit? Surely you cant be that nave.
MIRANDA:
They live for high drama. A lions sense of self importance is inflated to
the point of idiocy. A Leo will snap off orders with the crispness of a
general ordering his troops and expect you to move at double time to
wait on him hand and foot. He demands your respect, whether he
deserves it or not. Should he remember your birthday, nothing but a
blatant display of fawning will satisfy his ego
SAMANTHA:
In other words, they expect you to thank them profusely for allowing you
the pleasure of giving them head. Theyll however, rarely ever go down
on you, and will not like the fact that you didnt swallow. Flattery and a
nipple ring will get you everywhere with this Jungle Cat.
CARRIE:
They consider themselves too important for such menial labors as
taking out the garbage, or cleaning the toilet.
SAMANTHA:
Or even putting the seat down for that matter.
MIRANDA:
And they are Lazy. Unless of course he is trying to impress you with how
humble and helpful they are. Ego does lead to being delusional at times.
CARRIE:
Although, they can be generous to a fault. In fact, they have a tendency to
be the check grabbers, big spenders, and over-tippers of the zodiac.
MIRANDA:
Wonderful news, unless its every penny of your hard earned money that
he happily spends to impress the second cousin of his bosss nephews
new squeeze.
SAMANTHA:
However, these guys love to party. They cannot stay home on a
Saturday night. Why else do you think the business of PR was invented.
CHARLOTTE:
But they seem so charming and laid back?
MIRANDA:
Laid back means lazy. Like all fire signs, this one comes with a temper.
Although he rarely loses his temper as long as you call him master
while bowing in respect.
SAMANTHA:
The leather S&M outfit is optional in that case.
MIRANDA:
Challenge his authority, and he will roar, kick the sofa, and issue a
couple of ultimatums designed to strike fear in your heart. As soon as
the scene is over, everything is forgotten. And hell forgive and forget
every thing you did or said he found undignified. Even though he did all
the bad talking.
CARRIE:
But one thing he can never forgive you for is shattering his ego.
SAMANTHA:
Be stupid enough to deliberately wound a Lions pride or, worse, attack
his dignity, and youll soon feel like a pound of ground round being sized
up for dinner.
CHARLOTTE:
Thats awful. He sounds like a dictatorial bully!
CARRIE:
Well, if hes a quiet (not shy) lion, hell be a benevolent dictator who
wants you to hover over him constantly.
SAMANTHA:
Hell want you to rub his aching shoulders and tell him how fit, strong,
and well hung he is, no matter what his age or his Viagra dosage is.
MIRANDA:
And while you do that, he wont waste a minute to tell you that your hair is
a mess, your ass is too big, and that you have the intelligence of a gnat.
When you burst into tears, hell be genuinely shocked because, in his
mind, he was only trying to give you the benefit of his wise counsel.
CARRIE:
Look at Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady. In typical leonine fashion, after
berating, humiliating, and lecturing Eliza Doolittle, he refuses to praise
her efforts and, instead, takes credit for her success.
SAMANTHA:
In typical leonine befuddlement, Higgins runs, shouting for his mother
when the girl finally tells him to get lost.
MIRANDA:
Eliza must be a Capricorn. Thats the only sign brave enough along with
Scorpio to give a lion a much deserved kick in the ass.
SAMANTHA:
Hes also a sucker for a pretty face. However, even if you are not the
hottest gal in the room, you can still bag him if you are expensively
dressed and wearing real gold jewelry.
CARRIE:
Expensive not to be confused with tastefully. They dont care if your
leopard skin leotard matches your elephant hide boots, as long as they
look genuine.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, fellow Leo Andy Warhol did say, I am a deeply superficial person.
At least it shows they are honest about themselves.
MIRANDA:
Only because they even love their flaws. Although a Leo has none, to
him even his flaws are his strengths.
SAMANTHA:
Hes so vain, hell even consider a compliment about his hair to be
genuine. The fact that hes as bald as Woody Harrelson wont occur in
his ego bursting head.
CARRIE:
He is cocky. At his worst hes like a combination of Felix the Cat and
Napoleon on steroids.
MIRANDA:
Hell wear dark glasses at night and make passes at anything that
walks, crawls, or slithers, and is female (or pretends to be). Hell spend
money faster than you can earn it. And by the time hes forty, hell
painfully resemble an ageing teenage hoodlum with an oversized beer
gut spilling allover his extra tight Levis.
SAMANTHA:
Havent you noticed that Leo men always look taller than they really are?
CARRIE:
This is because they all either wear shoes with lifts or cowboy boots with
four inch heels.
CHARLOTTE:
Well, it was rumored that Napoleon invented high-heeled shoes for
himself, not Josephine.
SAMANTHA:
I remember my old Leo boyfriend back in high school. He would drive a
monster pickup that I had to use a ladder to climb into. When he skid
into my driveway after knocking over the mailbox, hed lean on the horn
until I appeared. Hed then kick open the passenger door with one of his
four hundred dollar steel toed boots. Ever the gallant, when he noticed
he couldnt see my eyes over the running board, hed jump out to assist
me in, gleefully chanting, Gropin n hopin, while standing behind me.
CHARLOTTE:
Then why did you, or why would anyone wanna date or even put up with
a leo?
SAMANTHA:
Cause the sex is real good. He may not have the drive of a Capricorn,
the sensuality and dick of a Taurus, or the sheer prowess of a Scorpio.
But this Jungle Cat knows how to make you roar.
MIRANDA:
Ill drink to that.
SAMANTHA:
Once in the sack, continuously spouting an adoring string of adjectives
to keep your lion happy will always work. Sure it may seem shallow, but
to the human jungle cat, this is tantamount to purring. The first session
will always be primal, noisy, and athletic. But being the lover of strength,
he wouldnt mind you taking control. And in session number two, hell
happily roll over and itll be slower, tender, and last longer.
CARRIE:
Just like Steve Carrell in the 40 year old Virgin. Round one lasted 2
minutes. Round two lasted two hours, including a fantasy dream
sequence to a song and dance routine to The Age of Aquarius. Although
Leos rarely remain virgins for that long.
MIRANDA:
Plus, the term Sunny Disposition fits this guy perfectly. They are
trusting, idealistic, humane, and very intelligent. His nature includes a
generosity of spirit and fair play as well as the monetary. A Leo will be
the first to loan you money, or let you crash at his house when you lost
your job.
SAMANTHA:
Although Leos are huge flirts and not really chastity personified. Once in
love for real, they rarely stray. Look at me after Smith!
SCENE: CARRIES APPARTMENT CARRIE IS TYPING ON HER
LAPTOP
CARRIE:
(Voiceover)
Out of bed, a little TLC ands regular nights out on the town will keep a
Lion purring. Leo appreciates a clean, well-appointed home. Although
they love luxury, this doesnt mean you have to hire a decorator. They
love comfort. Lions are basically lazy and like to come home and fall on
an over stuffed couch or favorite chair and put up their feet. For you,
keep thinking luxury for food, clothing, etc. Leos love flair. So even if
yours is on a diet, pay attention to the way you serve his or her salad
and low fat dressing. Presentation is everything. And packaging as well.
This includes food, decorating, and you.
No matter what your age, think young. Even Leos well past retirement
usually look younger than their age. More importantly, they act young all
their lives. The Sun, like Madonna, is ageless, so is your Leo. What
better way to spend your life with someone who loves to laugh, refuses
to submit to a rocking chair, and has a zest for living?
Leo is a fiercely loyal friend, a just but powerful enemy, creative and
original, strong and vital-whether he's a quiet or a flamboyant lion, for
there are both kinds. He dresses in glorious raiment, appropriate to his
colorful personality. We overlook his arrogance, his sometimes
insufferable ego, his rather ridiculous spells of vanity and laziness,
because his heart, like his metal, is pure gold.
Brimming over with fun and generosity, affectionate lion prances in a
field of poppies when his Sun is high in the sky-and the dice he throws
with confidence bear the numbers one and four. Leo proudly wears a
topaz for luck, then pushes it too far, but he has a true inner dignity and
grace that lets him carry his misfortunes with courage. The warm, yellow
rays of his cheerful hope deepen to orange in the sunset's glow, and his
nights are bright with a thousand stars.
~*~*~*~*~
Lemme know what you guys think
------------------
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Divine.... i have loved them all!! Can't wait to read the rest of them...
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Sex and The City - The Astrological Version - Lindaland

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Sex and The City - The Astrological Version - Lindaland

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