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18 COMMUNITY WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 21, 2009

Expat Living is a section dedicated to the daily


living of expatriates.
It is printed on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.
To share stories about your life abroad, send stories
or story ideas to Matthew Lamers at
mattlamers@heraldm.com
Submissions may be edited for length or clarity.

Husband fell in love


with another woman
EXPATWOMEN.COM that you will always be more in
control of your finances. For exam-
CONFESSION ple, from now on, make sure you
understand how bills are paid,
Dear ExpatWomen have all the various passwords for
I am in a complete state of shock phone and internet banking and
and have no idea where to turn. access to all the accounts. Keep
My husband of 22 years came abreast of your monthly income
home last night and told me he and especially your expenditure.
wants a divorce because he is in To respond to your concern
love with somebody else. We have about how to support yourself in
been expatriates for 17 years, have the future, the answer is two-fold:
lived in seven countries and have How is your husband going to as-
three dependent children. I have sist you, given the many years you
been financially dependent on my invested in your relationship and
husband for all of our expatriate raising your/his children?; and
years and I have no idea how I am How might you earn your own
going to survive and make a living money in the future?
for myself from now on. Gosh, if I Many expat spouses, both male
could have seen this coming, and female, who have experienced
maybe I could have planned for it significant periods of time out of
in some way. Instead, my head is the workforce, do very rightly feel
spinning with a million and one concerned about resuming work
questions: Where I am going to (at home or abroad) and presenting
live? Where are my children going a conventional resume. Self-confi-
to live? How will they see their fa- dence and self-esteem may also be
ther if he continues to stay here in running low and anxiety at a high,
Russia? How am I going to support compounding the issue. Sometimes
myself financially? How can I pick it may be difficult to believe you
up the pieces and survive this have anything worthwhile to put Imam Zia ul Haq leads a prayer. Dustin Griffin A man prays at the Daegu Islamic Center. Dustin Griffin
nightmare? — PB on a resume at all. However, think
of it this way: everything you do

In Daegu, a meeting of the faiths


Dear PB and everything you experience can
I can only imagine all the be translated into skills and honed
thoughts and questions that are for a certain job. You just need to
running through your head at this think creatively about how to de-
time. Divorce can be a mind- scribe the attributes and skills you
numbing and life-altering experi- have nurtured and acquired on
ence in itself, but there are added your travels. By Rosanne Dourado and Dustin Griffin contribution from the Muslim side to Taliban live, it was an excruciatingly tred, and love has been limited and con-
complications for divorce in the For example, have you served on assist Daegu in becoming a multi-cul- difficult period of four years for me to trolled. Therefore, with all of our expe-
expatriate community. Expatriate the board of a club? If so, in what DAEGU — People of diverse faiths tural society. convince the authorities that I don’t rience, modern education, resources
relationships do go through a capacity and what were your tasks? recently took to Gukje-Bosang Park in have any contact, visit them or finance and technology, we have no hope for a
myriad of unconventional stresses Would you say that you are skilled downtown Daegu to celebrate the city’s RD: Please give our readers them. shining, peaceful and powerful world.
and strains, which can sometimes at networking across cultures, with multi-ethnic character. The park was some idea of your experiences in Even though Korea is much more de- For the speedy and collective
forge a deeper relationship, some- a broad spectrum of people and job full of different nationalities and per- Korea during the last six years. veloped than my country, humans de- progress and development of the world,
times cause a distinct rift between roles? Do you now have an under- formances — a multi-cultural atmos- IZ: As a member of the Pashtune na- pend on love and peace more than fa- we have to spread love beyond coun-
the couple, and sometimes, unfor- standing and appreciation that peo- phere resonated throughout. In atten- tion (located in the northwest frontier cilities, therefore for the last two years tries’ borders, and to all human beings.
tunately lead one of the partners ple operate differently according to dance was the imam of the Daegu province of Pakistan and in I have ignored the continuous harass- This is my goal.
to be seduced by the excitement of cultural boundaries and are flexible Islamic Center, Zia ul Haq, who had or- Afghanistan), I have had many posi- ment from the authorities and focused
a new person and want to end the to work with those differences? All ganized this secular multi-cultural tive and challenging experiences in on my relations with the ordinary RD: Do many people support you?
relationship. of these are valuable attributes event. Korea. A peaceful environment for liv- Korean people, and my family and I IZ: Many support me in my efforts;
In addition to the overwhelming that employers may be interested Rosanne Dourado: Imam Zia, ing in, for giving my children an edu- have found love and acceptance with however many also oppose me, and
emotional and psychological in and you should make them where do you come from and what’s cation, interacting with people from ordinary Korean people. threaten me when I organize humani-
strain that divorce causes, there known. your purpose in Daegu? around the world, which has opened tarian secular activities.
are numerous practical and logis- Consider using a professional CV Imam Zia: I came from northwest- my mind and given me many opportu- RD: What are your aspirations
tical concerns that present them- writer in the location that you are ern Pakistan in 2003, and I am a reli- nities to research humanity and its and goals for the future? RD: Do you have any message for
selves in the face of divorce over- seeking to work to increase your gious leader for the Muslim community problems. IZ: According to a general point of our readers?
seas. I would suggest your first chances of getting your foot in the in Daegu. One of the painful challenges I experi- view, I am responsible for leading the IZ: When you have extra time, spend
port of call is to obtain a reputable door. It is much easier to convince enced was the control and discipline of religious activities; however, I believe it on study and research with an open
divorce lawyer who specializes in an employer of your experience and RD: How many mosques are in the different Muslim groups. In Islamic that as a religious teacher I also have mind. Have compassion for people, be-
family law. It is very important skills when you are sitting in front Daegu? countries there are different mosques one more identity as a human being cause this world is your home and its
not to take any action that can af- of them. So getting a great CV or- IZ: There is only one mosque but for different denominations, but here and I have some other responsibilities, people are your family. Heaven and hell
fect your divorce rights before ganized is really your first and most there are six sub-mosques in different they had to perform their prayer in one too. belong to the next life, but in this world
seeking credible legal advice. You important step. areas which are rented places. mosque and anytime such gathering can Our world is under the leadership of your judgment and love must be for the
need to determine what your It might also be worth exploring turn into the violence, as is the case in those who have distributed it among one’s moral welfare and service.
rights are, what you are entitled the idea of creating your own busi- RD: Why did you organize the Western countries, but there are no cas- them in different business zones and
to and the legal situation or re- ness. Being an entrepreneur usu- event to commemorate the inde- es of fighting among the different those who have divided its people into
quirements in your particular ally allows you much more flexi- pendence day anniversaries of Muslim groups in Daegu. However, I two groups, “the people of heaven and A portion of this interview was pub-
country. This can be somewhat bility in terms of your work hours, three nations? have sacrificed much for this. hell.” These people are filled with the lished in The Daegu Pockets
complicated as an expatriate and especially if you become the pri- IZ: I realized that I have to make a As I come from the area in which the desire to fight, with hypocrisy and ha- (daegupockets.com) — Ed.
can depend on factors such as mary caretaker of your three de-
your nationality, where you were pendent children. You could either
married, where you are currently start a business based on your
living, your residency status and
where you are filing for divorce. It
is also advisable to employ a dif-
ferent lawyer to your husband.
new skills in the cross-cultural/
global relocation field, or perhaps
use this opportunity to build a
business based on one of your hob-
In Focus: To flash, or not to flash?
You may also want to meet with bies or passions. When you are up The Photo Challenge is sponsored by up the entire room, from front to back?
a professional counselor to help you to it, seek out advice, talk to other Hyosung Camera (English: 010-7203- Put two strobes on light stands and
sort through the questions you entrepreneurs and see if there is 9599) and Babo Shirts (www.ba- place them in opposite corners of the
have and help you to mentally something you would love to work boshirts.com). Winners of the weekly room, trigger them remotely
process your circumstances and op- on each day that could also trans- competition receive a 50,000 won store (Flashwaves and Rembrandt triggers
tions. It can be difficult at times to late into a satisfactory income. credit at Hyosung Camera and a Babo are affordable Korean makes) and de-
believe that you have options. It Remember to call in favors from Shirt. To take part in the competition, light at the studio-level quality of your
may take some thought, question- your friends and network — both simply upload your photo at light. You’ll be doing celebrity weddings
ing and external guidance to help locally and abroad. They most like- www.flickr.com/groups/seoulphoto- in no time.
see that you do and to help you sort ly will only be too happy to help club — Ed. It’s a myth that flash is best served in
through your emotions and options. you out in your time of need either the dark. The next time you’re out
If nothing else, a counseling session with emotional support, a tempo- By Shawn Parker shooting under the sun and you find
usually proves to be a priceless rary place to stay, a possible job the shadows and the contrast too much
sanctuary for you to voice your side contact or even a financial loan. It In recent years, flash photography to deal with, don’t ask your model to
of the story, without the worry of is amazing what you get, if you has gained an undeserved reputation rush into the shade so you can fire
what others think in your (usually swallow your pride and just ask. as a last resort, a tool exclusive to the away in the even light. Your on-board
tight-knit) expat community. Finally, whilst incredibly snap-shooter. Something we use to flash unit is plenty strong enough to cut
In terms of finances, if you have painful right now, be assured that blind our friends in dimly lit nightclubs through the hard shadows and you’ll
been actively involved in the the end of your marriage does not with the resul- come to realize a facet of photography
household finances and invest- signify the end of your life — it tant unflattering often ignored by the casual shooter: the
ments, you will understand exactly just means the end of one chapter photos blanket- PHOTO CHALLENGE — weekly winner — A jumping spiders in Anseong City, beauty of the fill flash. Try it out for
how much money you and your and the beginning of a new one. ing Facebook. Gyeonggi Province Ian Cuison yourself. Underexpose a little and hit
husband have access to and you The most important thing for you They are often your foreground subject with fill flash.
will know how to access some of it, to do right now is to allow yourself characterized by the moon or the hot fluorescent stage club, a church or a Buddhist temple you The result will showcase an evenly lit
in the short term at least. If you time to breathe, to grieve, to talk blown-out all white facial features and lighting at a Wonder Girls concert. simply don’t have enough power to subject and dramatic, textured back-
have never actively managed the about your emotions and to deep, shadowed backgrounds. Not cool. What you most often want to achieve bring the whole scene up to proper ex- ground — perfect when snapping
household finances and invest- process this major shock. But it doesn’t have to be this way. with flash is good balance within the posure levels. This is where one or friends at a temple or on a mountain.
ments, you are not alone. Many ex- Eventually, things will work The flash, even the built-in version scene — blasting one element of the more dedicated flash units become in- Without even realizing it, you’ll have
patriate spouses come unstuck themselves out. It may just take a that comes with most consumer cam- frame with flash and leaving the rest in valuable. become a strobist yourself.
when they need to know what they little time for them to gain clarity. eras, can be a very useful tool and can darkness isn’t cool, but avoiding this is Using a dedicated unit — often called (raisey@hanmail.net)
have money-wise, where it is and All our best wishes. indeed help you capture moving im- simpler than you might think. a strobe — you can bounce light into
how to access it. Talk to your ages. The trick is understating your Understand that there’s nothing the ceiling or off of a wall so it cascades
lawyer about how you can best de- light. That’s the light that’s coming out you’re going to be able to do to a dark down over your scene evenly, dropping Guest contributor Shawn Parker is a
termine your assets and liabilities, This article was reprinted with of your little flash and the light that’s background with a single, on-board soft, even light on your subject and member of the Seoul Photo Club and
and then from this day forward, permission from www.expat- already present in a scene (a.k.a. ambi- flash. You can control the light you send carving out shadows that will give resident authority on strobism — the
make a commitment to yourself women.com — Ed. ent light) — be it sunshine, the light of out to your subject, but in a cavernous everything a 3-D look. You want to light use of off-camera flash units. — Ed.

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