Single Parenting Challenges - Suhaib Webb

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Suhaib Webb Single parents

Single Parenting
Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine | October 17, 2011 5:00 am

Parenting is a tough job, but single parenting is an even tougher challenge, as one parent tries to
fulfill the roles of both a mother and a father to their child. Single parenting is highly demanding
physically, emotionally and financially. There can be numerous reasons and circumstances for
single parenting, such as divorce, a spouse working abroad, a child born out of wedlock, or even
the illness or death of a parent. Sadly, the Muslim community often alienates and ostracizes
single parents and is often selective regarding which single parent deserves compassion, based
on the reasons they are single. A judgmental attitude does not help encourage single parents to
be the best parents possible to their child(ren). Compassion and support from the community is
necessary to help single parents on their challenging journey. This article seeks to offer
constructive support to single parents as they seek to raise their children, inshaAllah.
Numerous examples exist in the Islamic tradition of single parents who successfully raised
children to become strong individuals. These individuals then left a legacy for humanity which
shines more brightly, specifically because of being raised by single parents. Hajar, the mother of
Prophet Ismail (pbuh), Maryam, the mother of Prophet Isa (pbuh), and Amina, the mother of
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), all raised their sons alone due to different circumstances. They all
put their trust in Allah and worked hard to be the best parents they could be to their children.
Also, the mothers of Imam al-Shafi, Imam Ahmed and Imam Bukhari raised their sons alone, all
of whom later became renowned figures that left a major impact on the world. The reality is that
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single Muslim parents do exist today. They need support as they strive to raise resilient Muslim
children for the future.
Children raised by single parents thrive in homes where there is stability, safety, love, and
consistency. A single parent that is committed to providing loving discipline will create an
environment for the child to truly flourish. Raising secure and successful children requires
single parents to confidently implement the following parenting skills.
Discipline
Sometimes single parents may feel guilty or overwhelmed by their parenting duties, so they
resort to weak enforcement or bending of rules in order to make their child happy and reduce
potential conflict. Some parents may compensate for the absence of the other parent by being
permissive in their parenting style. Single parents must be careful to not allow children to
dismiss rules set by the parent or to become their friends. Setting boundaries for children
creates much needed structure in all households (single and dual) because children want to know
that their parent has rules and has set limits and expectations. Boundaries also create a sense of
safety for a child because the roles of the parent and child have been clearly established. Parental
limits teach the child to respect the parent and solidify their role in the family.
Consistency
Children dealing with a divorce or a death will crave stability as they adjust to their new life with
one parent. Establishing routines, schedules and traditions are important for children when
adjusting to a new family dynamic. A child wants to know what to expect and look forward to on
a daily basis. Consistency in everyday routines gives the child(ren) a feeling of security and
stability. Focusing on creating morning routines, weekly schedules and dinners together are
small ways that single parents can create constancy for their child. Availability by the parent in
terms of attention and physical presence will assure the child(ren) a sense of belonging. Also,
creating new traditions and memories during holidays and special occasions reaffirms the new
family identity.
Emotional Support
Single parents and their children may struggle with various feelings and emotions surrounding
their new family structure. The parent and child may struggle with changes and upheavals in
their life, and may share with one another the challenges of the new family structure. Parents
need to listen and truly hear their child(ren) when they share their thoughts and feelings. Parents
must not make disparaging comments about the other parent as a means to gain the sympathy of
the child(ren). Despite common stress, parents must not turn to their child for emotional support
nor burden them with the personal struggles they encounter. Parents must turn to their social
circles and confide in other adults and friends only. Confiding worries or complaining to a child
is inappropriate, regardless of the level of maturity of the child. It is extremely detrimental to
children to absorb the thoughts and feelings of their parents. Children need to remain children
and should not become a friend or therapist to the parent. Parents who feel stressed,
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depressed, anxious or lonely, should seek professional guidance or support from other adults as
they adjust to single parenthood.
It takes a Village
Single parents will need help and support with the endless tasks and responsibilities of raising
the child(ren) . This requires being comfortable asking for help from family and friends. Seeking
support with childcare, such as carpooling, help in case of emergencies, or schedule conflicts at
work, will benefit single parents when they are stretched in multiple directions. Creating a
teamwork environment at home where the child(ren) have chores and responsibilities is also
important so that the child(ren) understand their role in the family and feel like capable
contributors.
Take Care of Yourself
Single parents work hard to care and provide for their children; many times, they neglect
themselves or may feel guilty taking time away from their children. However, it is necessary for
parents to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. Giving without
replenishing will limit a parents ability to be their best. Scheduling time for hobbies and
enjoyable activities like reading, watching a movie, having coffee with a friend, etc. are ways
parents can find personal fulfillment. Creating time to exercise, eat properly and focusing on
prayer and reconnection to Allah will help with managing stress and living a more balanced life.
Developing a social network of close friends or other single parents will also empower parents so
they do not feel alone in their journey. Strong support systems can enable single parents to share
and feel accepted by other adults who understand their context. Ultimately the child(ren)s
emotional well-being hinges on the parents healthy and balanced lifestyle.
Single Muslim parents who have a positive attitude and express resiliency will model strong
character to their children. Single parents must be kind to themselves and focus on doing their
best. They will not be perfect nor will they be able to fill the shoes of the second parent.
Being the best parent is being present and connected with your child(ren) in a manner that is
loving and encouraging every day. These are the most important things you can do as a parent,
single or otherwise.
Tags: Children, Islam, Muslims, Parent, Single parenting
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61 Comments
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1. hazim says:
October 17, 2011 at 6:54 am
assalamualaikum , just wanna ask , why we cant make our child as our friend ? do they
later will unrespect us or by doing that have any explaination for that ?
Reply
o Kirana says:
January 14, 2013 at 1:07 am
I guess because the child needs a parent first.
Reply
2. Jamila says:
October 17, 2011 at 10:08 am
Salaams, I am a single parent mother of two children and I am Muslim. The reason for
being a single parent is due to my divorce. I have basically withdrawn myself from the
Muslim community because there is no support for me there as a single parent. And it
seems as though the women I try to befriend are all afraid their husbands are going to
want to add me as a second wife. I just dont get it. I truly love and admire the religion of
Islam but its followers are another thing. I have found that solitude is my only desirable
place within any Islamic community at this point. Thank you for this article. I agree
100%.
MA
Reply
o abdullah hakeem says:
October 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm
asa, the social circles are really bad in the muslim community. it seems that
everyone is agoraphobic at the moment. its sad to hear of your plight sister but i
do think that the ummah has become really unsociable and the boring mosques
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dont cater to anyone except those who fund it and the oldies in the committies.
may Allah make you his freind ameen
Reply
o Mike says:
Try making friends in the Arab Muslim community; especially Egyptian
community. They have no problems with it; they might even add you as a second
wife. South Asians do have problem with single parents whether due to divorce,
out of wedlock, or even widow who doesnt get married again within a year or
two if she under 50. I cant tell you why but it is. Arabs are much free in that
regard. I read about a two Arab best friends and when his friend Dad died; hes
says dont worry Ill marry your Mom. Thats little too much for me But
whatever is halal I make no judgements.
Reply
o Taimur Ijlal says:
Dear Sister,
May Allah (SWT) reward you for your patience and grant you good
companionship from the muslim community.
Reply
o umm alif says:
March 15, 2013 at 10:31 pm
I could only find the emotional support through qiyamul lail or nafl salah. The
more the better. I prefer to contribute more in the Islamic community, but not
seeking advice. I normally find a clue to opening the door of my misery by
participating in their activities. May Allah swt always guide you sister.
Reply
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o MN says:
July 23, 2013 at 12:01 pm
You dont want to be a second wife. You need someone who is there for you as a
full husband, not half a husband. First you want to focus on your child and you.
Friends can be of all backgrounds, they dont have to be Muslim. And if you are
seeing a gap in something, fill it somehow. Maybe you should be the one starting
a new halaqa or a group and invite people to it. Ive been to the same mosque for
two Ramadans now and only was able to have a 5 min conversation with a sister,
otherwise everyone keeps to themselves. There must be at all Muslim
communities, a welcoming committee that welcomes new people and introduces
them to others. What a shame. Keep the faith. Were all fighting the lonely battle.
Its no fun. Take it day by day. Workout, visit a new park, start a blog, pray, keep
going to the mosque as often as you can. It will hopefully become familiar and
comfortable to you. Inshallah. Love, MN.
Reply
o naqeebulla says:
hi i am naqeeb from bangalore single i am doing aadhar card buisness i am project
manger i am searching for friends and if she intrested i will date with him if you
intrested mail naqeebulla@gmail.com or add me in yahoo
naqeeb_jaan@ymail.com or mesage me 9036871416 if u intrested another wise u
can share if u any contacts in bangalore who want date with me thanks
Reply
o Salar says:
May 4, 2014 at 6:53 am
Assalaam Jamilaji,. Can I have your contact??.. Im looking for a single mother
to marry..
Reply
3. Rashaan Muhammad says:
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October 17, 2011 at 10:18 am
An excellent article, Sister Munira.
I happen to be from a poor, single parent household and the very things you mentioned
were employed by my mother, and, sadly, her mother before her as well.
Im afraid I dont understand the stigma and the prejudice of many Muslims concerning
single parent households or people from single parent households, especially since some
of the pillars within our tradition, including some of the Prophets themselves (peace be
upon them), come from less than ideal family situations. What is the source of this
prejudice? Im a convert from an area where unfortunately most people hail from single
parent households (or even worse) and growing up I thought these family scenarios were
rather normal. (Given the divorce rate, I wasnt too far off, among other things). At the
very least, I didnt judge anyone for not being from a good family, whatever that
means. As someone who comes from this background, I find it difficult to interact with
Muslims who hold these negative perceptions of this unfortunate reality. Any tips on how
to shed some light about this situation?
JazakAllah Kheir!
Reply
4. Safura says:
October 17, 2011 at 10:52 am
We need more articles like this especially since increasingly mothers are finding
themselves as single parents for some period of time. It seems our communities expect us
to either remain in bad marriages, marry lesser desirable men because we already have
children or become nuns!!! May Allah strengthen all of he single moms out there, and
grant u ur knight in shining armor one day too! Ameen.
Reply
o alisha says:
well said.allah gave us a choice and choosing to leave a bad marriage is
something that benefits both parent and child(ren)..
Reply
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5. Yasmin says:
October 17, 2011 at 11:14 am
Jazakallah khair for this very important and insightful post! I also feel that the Muslim
community is not doing enough to address the issue of single parenting.
Reply
6. Yunus says:
JazakAllah. This was a helpful article. As a Muslim single father, I feel exceptionally
isolated. Allah chose to have me convert after having a child and the best response is
alhamdulillah. I assume when most people conceptualize single parents, they often think
of single mothers. I dont know how many others like me (single dads) exist, but its at
least good to know that us single parents are being thought about. May Allah reward you
for your time and thoughtfulness.
Reply
o Yusuf says:
October 20, 2011 at 10:51 am
Im certainly glad this topic has actually addressed. I am a single Muslim father
and Im struggling so much right now. Ive turned almost entirely to my Muslim
community and theyve helped me deal with a lot of my stress, but Im waiting
for the light at the end of the tunnel. Finding other single Muslim fathers is tough
since its so rare.
Reply
Muhiba says:
August 27, 2013 at 12:43 am
Salam to all
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I too have experienced the great hardship of being a single muslim mother
due to divorce, and have found very little support within my muslim
community.
As an educated and working mother, I have little time to take on thinking
of how to find a kind and suitable practicing muslim man. Since Allah swt
created men and women to be together, to me it feels more as a obligation
to find the right, pious muslim to satisfy Allahs requirement. Sadly these
days, people have hard time recomending people to others. So, what is
there left to do? I would love to see a group of pious single muslim parents
(men and women) get together in a local mosque (perhaps a conference
room or like) and engage into islamic activities like reading Kuran and
other islamic topics, as well as discuss the joy or challenges of single
parenting. That way we may all find a right partner and I do not think that
that would be anything wrong as long as there are multiple men and
women at all meetings. We could bring our children with us, share a
simple potluck and everyone may have something good to share to help
each other on this not-so-easy journey. May Allah swt grant us all
patience, good judgment and trust in Him. Amin
Reply
7. Uzzma says:
thankx alot for letting us know with these important issues in religion. i like da part
Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming.. i appreciate the way u
answer, very motivating nd convincing.excellent article. good work.
Reply
8. M.B says:
I love how you addressed the issue of how people are selective with which single parent
deserves compassion. Whatever the reason is for their single parenthood, they deserve
compassion as human beings striving to do the right thing and raise their family.
jazakallah khair for writing this article!
Reply
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9. alisha says:
ameen
well said. may ALLAH give us single parents the guidance we need and the sabr to
grow our children in the most Islamic way possible..
Reply
10. N. says:
October 18, 2011 at 12:34 pm
very good read and topic. Jazakum Allahu khairan. Im divorced and mostly raising my
children on my own.
Big however I have some issues with the term single parent, especially as it applies
to me. Because 1) I was not single when I became a mom, and certainly did not become a
mom on my own, and 2) even if their parents divorced, my kids still have a dad. The term
single parent seems to negate that.
Alhamdulillah, despite a very ugly divorce process at the time I give him credit where
due: he pays child support, he spends time with them on the weekends, and is still a
caring presence in their lives. No matter what, he is their father.
Even in the case of those dead-beat dads or a deceased father in terms of our kids
sense of dignity and belonging, ties of kinship, etc. they need to feel from us that yes,
they have a lineage through their father as much as kinship through their mom.
Finally, I feel the term kind of puts me in an identity ghetto of being alone.
So while the term is apt because how it describes the situation of parenting on its own
it has some negative connotations for me.
By the way this is not a criticism of the article and obviously single parent is the
popular term used to describe this situation and the author is justified in using it. I hope
there is no need to defend the author, because again I am not criticizing the use of the
term.
Merely sharing some of the negative meanings that term has for me. Hopefully this adds
another dimension to the discussion.
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Reply
11. Kareema says:
Great article. I definitely relate to this situation, as I am a single mother to my 4 yr old
daughter. I have a few challenges. One is being a fairly recent convert to Islam, and
working to transition my daughter from celebrating the pagan holidays the rest of my
family still observes, into our Muslim holidays. Its been really important to me to try to
create a support system for ourselves, with other Muslims who can be there for us and
offer advice.
But I had my daughter outside of marriage, years before I converted to Islam, and I feel
like I am judged for it. I find myself having to explain my daughter, which I resent
having to do. The way I put it is that she is the best part of my old life =). But I do not
feel as welcomed by my new community as I would have hoped. InshaAllah, we will get
all the strength and guidance we need.
Reply
o seema says:
Sr. Kareema
You are only answerable to Allah; I know it is hard, when one has to survive in
the community, to answer their unreasonable and intrusive questions, but part of
being a muslim is NOT to ask personal questions. I have now started staying
away from them and only dealing with people who do not judge me (I am
divorced, no kids, but am still kept away by other south Asian wives who see me
as a threat to their marriages when I would not want their husbands even if they
were offerred to me!). So trust me, kids or no kids, women treat women poorly
because of their cultural baggages, and not bec of Islam. try to find your own
comfort zone with/out them
Reply
Kareema says:
Sr. Seema, thank you for your encouraging words and support. =)
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Reply
12. Muslim says:
October 18, 2011 at 10:33 pm
As-salaam Alaikum,
Thanks for raising an important issue in our society.
Single Parenting could be really challenging sometimes. May Allah guide the single
parents to raise their child in Islamic way. Also in Islam, it is encouraged to get married if
possible as in save a person from indulging in sin.
As an Ummah we should show compassion towards single parents. However the only
point which as a Ummah that we should discourage is supporting a culture where a child
born out of wedlock becomes normal. The only way to prevent and discourage this sin,
is to have fear of Allah. May Allah SWT make us follow His path, and keep us from
compromising our religion.
Reply
o Mike says:
Ur lucky ur not a woman Its stupid really, that Muslim women dont help other
Muslim women; worried about spouse stealing etc. As a Muslim man I cant
really help a Muslim women because she or society will think I have some
ulterior motive and generally its advisable to maintain distance from unmarried
women.
Reply
13. abdullah hakeem carter says:
salaam, this all shows the great need for communities to rediscover themselves and re-
learn what the term ummah means. the stories about the early migrants to medina would
and should be enough for people to open their doors and forget the crude manner by
which this cynical world looks at situations. Im irish, and the only way is open that
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bloody door and leave it open (this is the time to act out our islam and without doing so
our time in this world has truly been wasted) peace
Reply
14. Fatimah says:
October 28, 2011 at 11:20 am
Being a converted muslim single mom and raising my daughter in Islam alone, I would
appreciate the single moms group at MCA meeting at the mosque. Currently the group
meets at a private home, but this makes me feel that Im hidden. I am single due to
divorce and this life transition has been so difficult that Im surprised the mosque has so
few accessible resources to address this all-too-common pain.
I have found ummah tends to be rather harsh and judgmental so its best to be persistent
(have a thick skin) and find those true sisters who will support and encourage you in the
truth & straight path, inshallah. As several brothers & sisters have said, we always have
Allah and the teachings of the Prophet, peace & blessing be upon him. Recently a
Turkish friend told me, Why go to the mosque? Your home is a mosque!
Our family & muslim friends in our home are our congregation!
Thanks be to Allah for Sister Muniras work. I hope I get to meet the very single parents
who have responded so warmly to this Sisters article. Why not get creative and arrange a
singles event just for single parents (or would the 100 women outnumber the 2 menha
ha)? Marriage is a fulfillment of our deen, and why should we not have a second chance?
Allah SWT forgives us daily for our sins. Arrahmanir Rahim. ameen
Reply
o Muhiba says:
August 27, 2013 at 12:57 am
I too posted similar article before I saw yours.
I do agree; since Allah swt advises man and a woman be united, why cant we
have a group meeting in a local mosque(s) where single muslim mothers and
fathers can get together through prayers, Kuran study, tips and recomendations
on education, parenting, education, job search etc. while our kids too can be in
the same room with us and everyone can bring a dish to share. Its not like a
one man and one woman are left in a room on their own (whether be muslim or
any other religion).
Any single muslim women and men in Seattle area We can find a way to meet,
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even if that be a library (they do offer free conference/rooms for community
needs). Whats wrong with that?
Reply
15. Soraiya says:
November 19, 2011 at 2:46 pm
AA
I came across this article by chance and it makes me happy to know that I am not alone. I
am in a difficult situation and would greatly appreciate some advice. My marriage broke
down while I was pregnant. My ex husband is pakistani and we lived alone for the
majority of the marriage. He was very nice during the engagement but he changed when
we married. His family were very good to me while we were married. My ex husband
was very forceful and I left while I was pregnant. When I left I was three months
pregnant. I rang his family a couple of times but they didnt really want to speak to me.
My exhusband contacted me once when i was 6 months pregnant but I was very
distressed and would not speak with him. Neither him or his family ever contacted me
again. My son is now nearly three years old. I have sent many emails to my exhusband
with photos of his son and asking that he meet him but he never ever replied. I made a csa
claim but he never paid at all and there are huge arrears. I spoke with his father a while
ago and he just said that I was like his daughter but he didnt mention his grandson or ask
to see us.
I feel so lost and for some reason I just cant let go of the fact that he wont ever meet his
son. He and his family are practising muslims. I still email him asking him to see his son
but he never replied.
Should I ring his parents again? Its so hurtful that they and he act as though we dont exist
and even if they would just tell me to get lost I would at least know. Should I ring him?
My dad says I need to let go and forget it but for some reason I cant. My son is so
beautiful and I am so happy to be a mother but I dont know what to do about this
situation.
Reply
16. Soraiya says:
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In relation to the article- I live alone with my son and am working and studying to
support us. I live in an area where there are many muslims. I see my muslim neighbours
everyday and they tend to keep their distance, my immediate neighbours dont speak to
me at all. Although I feel very alone I also think that the keep their distance because a
single parent is something that is feared. I represent what the women who live around me
would never want to be and to some extent I can understand that they do not want to
speak to me much because my situation is so controversial to them. Although it would be
very nice to have some friends around here I think we are all guilty of shying away from
things that we dont understand and I dont begrudge them for not talking to me. Although
saying that a Good Morning wouldnt hurt!! Additionally, I do not know any other
muslim single mothers and wish I could have a friend or two in a similar situation to me.
I have searched around on the internet for forums but havent found anything.
Reply
o haleema says:
December 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Asalaamu Alaikum Soraiya,
Where do you live? Please email me. I am a single muslim mother looking for
other sisters in a similar situation.
Reply
Soraiya says:
ws Halima
Thank you for your reply!!
How would I get your email adress?
I am in London.
Regards
Reply
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Jumana says:
March 9, 2012 at 2:04 am
ASA,
I am also a single mother searching for some contact or ladies who
are in a similar situation.
Wa salam
Farah says:
June 19, 2013 at 4:13 pm
I know its been sometime since this post but I would also love to
have some Muslim single parent friends as Im in the same boat!
My email add is farahcat45@hotmail.com
o summaya says:
February 3, 2013 at 4:38 am
asalaamualykum sister,
its been one and a half years since my divorce now and i still havent found any
other single muslims (mum)friends.i can relate to how difficult it is ,and its a
mystry as to why. im studying and working too and it can be hard to find time to
socialise.I think a reason maybe due to not telling people im a single parent ,im
not ashamed or anything of that sort but i dont like the numerous questions that
follow.
A lot of sisters on here have spoken about creating a group at mosque for lone
parents to talk etc,i think that would be great if there were any but here in
birmingham there arent any.I might consider starting one.see what happens.
Reply
o aiesha says:
October 11, 2013 at 12:28 pm
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salaam, I am a new convert thinking about my future in Islam and the future of
my children. I came from a very abusive household and bullied at school also so it
was a constant stream of violence and bullying till I was 18 so by the time I
started dating anyone saying I love you well you can guess, I have now got three
children by three fathers who obviously dont want to know except one who is
non Muslim and a drinker who I dont see he lives quite far away but keeps in
touch by phone. I love my kids and instead of crumbling I remain strong. and now
I have Allah I feel invincible even though I still get days of loneliness and I know
what you mean about people and society cutting you of. even though I am a single
parent I am a woman and one day I would actually like to be asked to marry one
day not just for me but to have a real male pious role model. now I know that this
may well most likely wont happen but I sometimes feel like on the day of
judgement I will be standing there not as a Muslim but a failure even though my
kids are amazing wonderful a tad spoiled human beings who while I was writing
this were washing up for me because they could see I was tired after a very long
week. even though I am a single mom I dont fall into what you would call the
stereotypes I love Allah with all my heart and so now try to live according to what
he wants even though thats easier said than done and even before I converted I
didnt drink I did smoke cigarettes (outside of the house) because of the stress but
now I have Allah I stopped and I turn to him instead. will any Muslim brother
ever think of me as there future wife lol im laughing because its so unlikely its
actually funny.
Reply
17. sabina says:
December 18, 2011 at 8:23 am
Assalamualaikum to all my brothers & sisters.I am humbled to see all of you so strong &
resilient.Myself being a single parent with 2 daughters and a son,its maddening at
times.When i am able to balance the financial part I lag behind in some other area.And
then those huge shining tears in my childrens eyes when they hungrily look at other
fathers hugging their kidsthere are good days too when my kids sense my sadness &
say that they dont miss their dad what with such a wonderful mother!They r aware that
he has married and moved on.Still they miss him.May ALMIGHTY ALLAH give us all
the strenght and patience to be strong in our deen & to be good parents.Ameen.
Reply
o Muhiba says:
August 27, 2013 at 12:59 am
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Love to you Sabina from a muslim sister in Seattle I hear you
Reply
18. F says:
January 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Assalam o Alaikum, reading all these comments just make me want to express how I feel.
I am living alone with my two kids for almost 2 yrs. My husband due to his job and his
family decided to move back home. I was left here with two kids to take care of.
I live in a community full of very practising Muslims but everyone seems to be so busy
that they have no idea what goes on next door. I work full time and have to struggle
between my job, kids, chores, grocery etc. There are times when I dont have the time to
cook at all and my kids are waiting at home alone for me to come back to feed them. I
always wonder none of these nice muslim friends ever extend any help. Instead I had a
Hindu neighbor who sent me food on few different occasions. I have always tried to help
in the community in any way I can and Alhamdolilah it was only to please Allah. I have
learned to live all alone without anyones help or support. I get everything I need from
Almihty Allah. I just ask Allah for all the help and his mercy and I have been very lucky
with that. I have no social life at all but I feel I dont need such friends that are only
friends when there is a party at my place and the rest of the year I never hear from them.
Some of them pass by my house but never stopped to ask my kids if they needed
anything at all. Alhamdililah, Alhamdoliah Allah has put me in a position where I dont
beg anyone for anything at all. I have been trying to manage everything myself by the
blessings of Allah. To all my sisters who are single parent please find your strength in
Allah and Allah only. He is the only one who can provide. No one else can.
Wassaalam
sister F in North America
Reply
19. muslimah says:
I am a single mother, I have two boys, and they are my miracle from God, a gift from
Allah. I want to say to all the single mothers in our muslim community not to worry or
stress out being a single mother, just all you have to do is to be a good parent and seek
Allahs help to guide u and your children for sure Allah is the best provider. say
Alxamdulilah for having children because only Allah can give children and dont forget
only Allah can help u raise your children no one else, I am proud to be a mother to my
sons and belief that Allah made me single mother to be safe and live harmonny with my
19

boys. so be thankfull to Allah and seek his help to be a good parents insha Allah
everything will workout
Reply
20. Sister M in Indonesia says:
February 4, 2012 at 10:37 am
I only want to say thank you for this article. I read all the comments and some of them
really make me sad. I also a single parent for more than 10 years. I have 3 children. I also
experienced all the things that a single mother has to face (especially in muslim
communities)so I can understand completely the issues mentioned in the article and
comments. Im still young now, but my oldest son is already in college and he is my best
friend in the world. My doughter, and my youngest son, they are also my best friends (the
youngest son is already 13). They are bright, kind-hearted and always been helpful to me.
With all the troubles I have to face, I enjoy my life with them. For all single parents here,
I believe Allah will give you your rewards, in this dunyaa and in the akhirah, InsyaAllah.
Reply
21. Jumana says:
March 8, 2012 at 5:00 am
ASA,
it made me almost crying to read all the stories here. And they are all so similar to mine. I
am a single mother of a two years old kid. We should support each other although
living in different countries, we could at least do it by email or so. I would love to be in
contact with somebody of you guys. The feeling of being guilty and the loneliness
sometimes make me mad.
Reply
o hammour says:
August 27, 2012 at 10:40 am
asalamu alaykum sister amsigle father ihave one boy 10 yers old dessable
amloken after hem because he lost his mums 3yers gow und am loockeng for
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singles mother whit one kids und ichalaah am happy togo haad inchallah wa
salaamu alaykum
Reply
22. Yasmeen A says:
May 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Thank you for this article, the stigma has to stop! I have been a single parent for under a
year and already the stress is beginning to wear on me and the friends who were quick to
support in the beginning are pulling away with their own busy lives and it gets quite
lonely at times. I wish there were support groups through the masjid, or at least online. It
was refreshing to even just read the comments and realize there are others out there!
Reply
23. Scara Dommallo says:
May 8, 2012 at 11:59 am
Thank you for this lovely article it was very splendid
Reply
24. MN says:
July 5, 2012 at 9:15 pm
To parent and raise a child alone well it sucks. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Their dad
is involved but i do most of the work. Grocery, errands, entertainment, stopping fights a
24 hr job. My patience runs thin and i feel i am so behind in teaching them things esp abt
the faith. I dont like ppl seeing me as a bird with a broken wing. They see me as
incomplete and more of a burden to get to know when infact, in the U.S its not a big
deal. I dont like that i am a statistic.
I dont mind being on my own even though it was not my choice. I was in it for life!
What really really sucks? The income downgrade. I was a professional then a stay home
parent. I was destroyed financially. I couldnt even get a credit card. Im poor, i work part-
time and cant have any savings. A vacation is a fantasy. What else? Its very very lonely.
Thats the hardest part. Not having another grown up around to support you. I would love
21

to have a regular gathering, but even that has been hard. I dont get invited to places bc
well, i dont have a husband that their husbands can get to know. I dont think anyone
thinks i would steal their spouse bc trust me Ive seen the guys, not interested. I would
love to meet a normal moderate muslim who knows islam but can also go see a movie.
That is the challenge.
I know other women have it worse. Or they r dealing with the death of a spouse. My kids
still see their dad and love him to death. I made sure of that.
No matter where you are as a Muslim parent, from U.S. to Indonesia to England, i hope
you know you are strong and certainly not alone. Ive given ip on the community for most
part and do things alone. I had to realize that . Its ok. Its hard but it is what it is. Maybe a
diff community would be bettet. I dont have all the resources but IM STILL
STANDING! God bless you all
Reply
25. maida says:
July 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Assalaamu Alaikum
Its really hard being a single mom. I have been throught a divorce and I have two girls. I
presently live with my mom in one room with my kids. there is no breathing space. I do
have a job but cannot afford a rent with my salary. I got an offer after my divorce ,
thinking that this person would assist me financially, but this was not so. He want me
only to satisfy his carnal desires and often got angry when I spend time with my kids. So
he ask for divorce. Most men in my country are like this to us single moms, they just
want to use us, even the muslim brothers. I dont know where and how else to turn. I
desperately need a home for me and my kids, I cannot get a loan because my salary is too
low for the amount that would be required for a home Im so depressed.why do we
muslim women have to give our bodies in exchange for basic necessities. this may also
mean neglecting your kids to fulfil the mans desires.
I make dua everyday, so too does my kids.but we are losing hope
need some guidance .
khuda hafiz.
Reply
o deja says:
July 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Salaam maida,
22

Your story brought me to tears. Being a single mother myself for five year, with
also 2 girls, i really understand your situation. Dont lose hope. Never stop
making dua to Allah every single day. Have faith in Allah always.Always be
positive. The time will come when you & your kids will live in your own home.
May Allah grant us patience and strength.
Reply
o mn says:
March 17, 2013 at 9:07 am
One has to take it day by day sometimes Maida. Sometimes, it is hard for me to
breathe also. Its claustrophobic. But realize you are still a full individual and find
what you have to do to get yourself through the moments of depression. Locally,
find a gym and go workout, exercise is great for the mental health. Your mental
health is imp. Sign up for something, they also do membership based on income
so ask around. Watch movies, pray, whatever it takes to get over that hump. Go to
your local library and spend time there. Just dont give up hope. And personally,
dont wait for a man. You are strong and you can do it. I hope this helps you and
not offends you.
Reply
26. jasmine says:
September 13, 2012 at 4:49 am
welcome to the secret world of todays modern muslim muslimahs. why am i single? i am
single because i was promised marriage and a last name but once the baby happened he
ran away with his tail between his legs. i was not born into islam, i am a convert. his
family knows about him and yet has never met him. we will not marry due to his violent
behavior. i know i was wrong but at least im facing the concequences rather than running
away. my only thought is that i wish the babys father wasnt so violent, then we could be
together. the islamic community wants nothing to do with me, and hope to find a good
musim brother is dwindling. inshaAllah all will work out fine.. i just feel so alone. right
now i am working at mcdonalds sleeping on my moms couch trying to find an
apartment and get a car. life sucks.
Reply
27. annusha says:
23

Hey Everyone,
I am a 31 year old widow with a 4-year old daughter. My husband, an angel, expired just
two months ago. I am gathering all courage to raise my child as single parent. People are
discouraging me and undermining my will by showing me scenarios of single parent.
But, remarrying anyone means doing injustice for my child. It is not my will to find a
person and impose a father on my little girl. I want to be her sole friend and share her
happiness and sorrows with me. Do you think it is more advisable to live single or is it
difficult.
Reply
o Binaahmad says:
January 15, 2013 at 11:55 am
Hold firm my love people are horrible but be strong and contact me if you would
like a friend or just someone to listen. If you feel like you can alone and protect
your self from sin and provide for her then why not ?
But know there is no sin in marrying again
Reply
28. UmmuMuhammad says:
January 12, 2013 at 11:22 pm
well said through & through (in regards to the article & comments),Parents can be
parents and friends at the same time with their children, i am living proof as my mother is
my bestest friend!
Reply
29. Misbah says:
March 15, 2013 at 7:24 am
Asalaamualaikum, wonderful article mashallah. To any single mums out there, we have
an amazing support group on Facebook called single Muslim mums, there is both a page
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and group. Inshaallah we aim to create a charity too for single Muslim mums. Please
check us out and spread the word.
Reply
30. Noha says:
July 22, 2013 at 2:20 pm
Asa, Im a single mum. I work full time and I do not receive any child support. My dad
and my sister have moved 9n with me 2 yrs ago. Im the only one working in the home. I
have a special needs child, and Im considering moving out by myself simply because I
can no longer afford supporting my father and sister. Im not sure if by doing this Ill be
committing a sin. My sister has not been able to find a job and my father has put me in a
situation where I cant tell him to go back home (he has a pension there and an
apartment). Im really not sure what to do. The burden is huge and I can no longer afford
it anymore. Any advise would be appreciated
Reply
31. aiesha says:
October 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm
salaam ask them for help there is always a solution Allah made it so, cherish your family
who love you and show it by being there with you and your child, keep them close as
close as you can because if they were not there you would soon know believe me. your
situation now is well it needs tweaking a bit but your situation is somebodys dream I
mean having family around them dont worry sister Allah will show you the way.:)
Reply
32. Mn says:
Its Friday night. Im not going anywhere just hanging out with my kids and just want
you all to know you are not alone. Im thinking of you guys!
Reply
25

33. francoise says:
April 21, 2014 at 4:22 pm
I really enjoyed this article. Im a convert that is a single mom of an autistic child ( and
Im single due to divorce). I feel the same way pretty much alone, because in the muslim
community there is not much support and it gets worst when you have a special needs
child. May Allah grant us all peace.
Reply
34. Sharifa says:
May 14, 2014 at 6:36 am
I love this article and all the comments made me weep Im a new mother and have just
separated from my husband I dont see him coming to take me back we are both very
stubborn but still wants to see my child which is really hard for me as I really dont want
my child to come from a broken family it will be hard for them going from parent to
parent im scared it will mess my child up mentally im currently living with my parents
who are great support to me but i pray allah guides me and my husband to make our
marriage work for my childs sake
Reply
35. Suhaib says:
May 14, 2014 at 7:29 am
I am a brother who is from a broken family myself my dad left my mum and married
again i have 7brothers and sisters whi my mum raised on her own some went on wrong
path including myself commiting zina taking drugs etc I changed when i met my wife and
i knew she would be perfect to come into my family and take care of my mum for my
mothers sake i married my wife after less than 2years of marriage and with a newborn
baby me and my wife have separated as she didnt get along with my mother a big
argument caused me to lash out on her my wife has moved in with her sister now with
our baby i still love her but plan to divorce her so i can marry again to someone who my
mum has chosen i feel guilty leaving my child without a father but the girl i plan to marry
wants me to cut all ties with my wife i dont want to hurt my mother who has already been
through a lot in her life but i dont want my child to be fatherless

26

Thoughts on Parenting
Guest Authors | October 4, 2011 6:00 am

by AbdelRahman Mussa
This article is a culmination of some of my thoughts about parenting, prompted by recent
conversations. It is intended for both parents and grown adults. If youre not a parent, you might
find that some of what you will read gives you insightinsight that will allow you to change
your perceptions of your parents for the better, insha Allah (God willing).

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Community Leader Syndrome
Many parents today want to bring their kids up to be leaders. This is a noble endeavor, but Id
like to suggest the following:
I think that it would be wiser to bring your children up to have the capacity to be leaders, but not
necessarily for them to be leaders. So dont tell them, I want you to be a community leader,
27

nor Youll make a good community leader. This can lead to power-loving individuals. It can
lead to control freaks. It leads to arrogance.
And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you
will never reach the mountains in height, (Quran 17:37).
This was the advice of Luqman (radi allahu ànhu, may God be pleased with him) to his son.
We need to remember that as Muslims, we are not to seek leadership. We are to seek betterment:
I only intend reform as much as I am able, (Quran 11:88).
And so, you bring your child up to be strong and therefore courageous. To know what is right
and what is wrong and therefore trustworthy. To be charismaticthere is nothing wrong with
that. To be inspirational even!
Then as they grow, opportunities will present themselves. Allah subhanahu wa taàla (exalted is
He) will protect them. Allah (swt) will place them were they are best suited.
In a hadeeth of the Prophet , (narrated in the sahih of Al-Hakim) he states that it is a
betrayal to Allah (swt), His Messenger and the Ummah at large to place someone in a seat
of power that they are not best suited for. It is narrated that Umar ibn Alkhatab (ra) rejected any
suggestions that his son, Abdullah, be the next khalifah (caliph), saying that it was enough for
one of them to stand in front of Allah (ra), and be tried for that position on the day of Judgment!
You must also be aware that the child seeks your approval. Therefore, do not make him/her
stretch for something that he/she might not be best suited for. Let him strive for taqwa (God
consciousness) instead. Otherwise, your child might grow up feeling that they have let you down
by not becoming the community leader you had wished for whilst they also avoid arrogance
its not a nice place to be, stuck between a rock and a hard place.
We know the story of both prophets Musa (àlayhi assalaam, peace be upon him) and Yusuf
(as). Musa (as) was given a prophets daughter because he was strong and trustworthy. Yusuf
(as) asked for the position of power (chancellor) because he was best qualified for ithe was
trustworthy and knowledgeable (a form of strength).
So, neither of these prophets acquired these characters with the intention to attain; rather, these
characters brought for them opportunities that they couldnt have conceived of before.
What to Concentrate on
There is also the question of how to bring up kids: do you bring them up in a bubble (usually
associated with Islamic schooling) or do you risk letting them experience life as it is, in the hope
that they do not grow to be naive?
I believe that if you bring your children up with the following two characteristics, things will
work themselves out regardless of what you choose, insha Allah:
28

Courage
Knowing what is right and what is wrong.
It takes courage to implement what is right and to avoid what is wrong. But without knowledge,
courage is only a shell, and it can be quite detrimental. Both are critical.
The Prophet once described to a companion that if the whole world was to unite to harm
him, they would not be able tounless Allah (swt) had willed it so. And that if the whole world
were to unite to help him, they would not be able tounless Allah (swt) had willed it so.
You would think this advice was given to Khalid ibn Alwaleed (ra) or to Umar ibn AlKhatab
(ra)no! It was given to ibn Abas. He was between the ages of 9 and 13!
Details and More Details
I also think that parents love to over simplify things for their kidsthey dont want to mention
too much because of all the but why questions, forgetting that the reply could always be: I
dont know, or Why dont you find out when you grow up? or Why dont we ask someone?
These are opportunities to give your child self-reliance and curiosity. Instill within them the love
of learningits a form of worship. And its an amazing opportunity for you to see things with a
new light, to re-acquire that beautiful wonder that children bring to the world.
Engineer Failure
I believe that parents need to engineer the childs failure. They need to have their children
experience falling, betrayal by friends and failure in general. This will happen anyway, but
hardly any parent teaches the child how to deal with the situation, how to stand again.
Give your child the first taste of business at the age of 11. Give him/her some money and tell
him/her to invest it. Let him/her fail. Its ok. Its more than ok its good. Tell them to try again
until they succeed.
Let him/her learn the true meaning of trustbefore you ever speak about it. Let him/her know
what a bad friend can do and how harmful they can bewell before you teach them the hadeeth
about the friend of a perfume seller as compared to the friend of a blacksmith.
Engineer it so that they fail, but in a safe manner. (Thats why its called engineering and not
neglect!)
Failure and betrayal are viewed as a bug in the software and not as an integral part of the system
(life). Failure is integral to successto life itself. Teach your children how to deal with it. It will
make them more courageous and less susceptible to bribes and emotional blackmail.
Reward them when they realize that theyve made a mistake. Dont ever tell them, I told you
so.
29

By the way, the story of Yusufif you teach your children that, how can they be naive? The
same holds for all the prophets and the seerah of the Beloved .
So if youre honest about things as you instill courageousness and you teach them right from
wrongthis is good.
Donts
I was recently shocked during taraweeh prayer (late night prayer performed in Ramadan) when a
parent rewarded his son by saying: Because youre praying in the mosque, Im going to take
you shopping. This shocked me because the parent was associating akhira (the next life) with
dunya (this life) and not the other way around. We work in dunya in order to attain the hereafter.
We dont pray such that we attain this life, although Allah (swt) rewards us with that as a
positive byproduct.
Its much better to tell your child: If you dont eat your vegetables, youre going to pray by
yourself, not in jamaah (congregational prayer, which is more beneficial) or Eat your
vegetables so you can pray jamaah with the adults. You thereby associate dunya with the
akhirah. The sequence is vital.
Never Ever
Dont ever tell your child off by remarking, Youre just like you mother/father, and heres
why:
No one likes those that mock their parents. They will hate you (though you are a parent)
for mocking their (other) parent.
They will also hate the other parent because you (a parent) told them to.
They will hate themselves because they now hate you. Why? Because no one likes
someone that hates their parentseven if its themselves.
They will feel worthless because they have come from a worthless source (culmination of
the above).
The Prophet says that Allah (swt) will have Mercy on those that teach their children to be
good to them. This is the opposite, so expect the opposite of Mercy from Allah (swt) if you
partake in this.
Tips on Being a Good Parent
NOTHING ever beats action and being a good role model.
So be courageous, teach yourself courage, and learn your deen, your religion. Knowledge brings
with it flexibility and youll need lots of that!
Those of you that are aware of my work will know that I break all desires into three wants:
wanting control, wanting approval, and wanting security. Youll also know what a want is by
30

defining your lack. (You dont want what you have, you only want what you lack. Wanting is not
acquiring.)
To engineer failure, to teach your kids courage, you must let go of lacking security for your
children. You must at your very fabric and core know that Allah (swt) is The Sustainer. I know
of some parents that get up in the middle of the night to make sure their baby is still breathing. If
youre getting up anyway, thats fine. But if youre getting up every half an hour to check, thats
not so fine (except if advised by a medical practitioner).
You need to trust Allah (swt).
The Three Stages
The fourth Khalifah, Ali (ra) advised us to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline
and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+.
I want to really focus on this.
You see, before the age of 14, you are ultimately their decision maker. You tell them: All
strangers are bad, and they believe that, and thats a good belief to instill in someone younger
than 14. But after the age of 14, you need to teach them to dismantle some of what youve taught
them.
All strangers are bad from the age of 14 onwards leads to a timid coward. Someone that fails
interviews. Someone that cant do da`wah (outreach). And this is just an example.
You need to teach them that you are not perfect. Dont let them figure it out for themselves!
Teach them that you have a point of view, an opinion and that others have a different opinion.
Teach them that your advice is important and that they should follow it, but that following your
advice is THEIR decision. Its a subtle but critical difference.
This creates the CAPACITY to lead. But you will still have the following desire: the want/lack
of approval.
At a deep level, after 14 years of your child mostly obeying you, it seems that they are
disrespecting you when they make their own decisionsEVEN if that decision is the same
decision as your advice. And this could potentially be problematic; it leads to your child
distancing themselves from you.
Teach them to value your opinion through experience, not just because you said so. THEYLL
COME TO YOU as a result.
Its hard enough with the way society is engineered. Children are encouraged to disrespect
authority (as opposed to respect it out of freedom), and then there are the teenage years. What
are those years about?
31

It is a time when your child defines him/herself. So give them the space to do so. Let them define
themselves. If youve brought them up to know whats right and whats wrong, and if youve
taught them courage, then you neednt be afraid of social pressures. (Remember that you will
have begun engineering little experiences by now to accelerate their realizations.)
But if you cave in on them, theyll want freedom from you, not with you.
So befriend your children at the age of 14. Really befriend them. How do you talk to your
friends? Not with a parental tone, thats for sure!
Change
Around the age of 14, they start a period of lacking approval for themselves. They are trying to
figure out if they are a good person or not. If people like them, they figure that they must be
good. If you befriend them, they dont need the attention from others as much.
Remember also that you must bring them up for their time, not yours. Ali (ra) is narrated to have
also advised this.
May Allah (swt) bless and guide both the children and the adults of this ummah (community).
Ameen!
AbdelRahman Mussa is the founder of iPersonalEnrichment.com
Tags: Allah, Children, God, Islam, koran, Love, Moslems, Muslims, Parenting, parents, Qur'an,
Tips, Wisdom
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24 Comments
1. Yousuf Tafhim says:
This is one of the insightful post that I have seen regarding parenting. Thank you for such
an article
Reply
32

o AbdelRahman Mussa says:
Yousuf, may Allah reward you for your kind words.
Reply
2. Yasmin says:
Jazakallah khair for this very insightful post. I love how the respected author made some
very imoportant points and pointed out some areas where some people will go wrong!
Inshallah, all the readers will find this post to be very beneficial to them!
Reply
3. Umm 'Azzam says:
Salaam Bro Abdel Rahman, masya Allah a very good piece on parenting. I hope you
would share the source of these beautiful sayings from Sayyidina Ali r.a. i.e. from which
books or authors (if available). Sayyidina Ali was known for his wisdoms and I am sure
many would like to learn more from him. Shukran jazilan.
Reply
o AR says:
Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullah Umm Azzam,
I read/heard this many times previously I shall insha Allah endeavour to re-find
the sources again for you
Reply
33

4. S says:
Assalaamu alaikum
Can you give references to the statements of Ali on the 3 stages & bring them up for
their time, not yours. Ali (ra) is narrated to have also advised this
Reply
o AR says:
Wa Alaykom Assalam,
Yes insha Allah, I will dig them up and get back to you.
Reply
AR says:
November 15, 2011 at 7:26 am
Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullah
please see reply to sister Wafa below.
Reply
5. Dalia abd. says:
Asalam alakium,
Mashallah as usual Abdul Rahman Musa does a a clear thorough simple and
comprehensive insight on how we attack or address issues. As a student of knowledge
learning how my words affects my family especially my sibling.
Jazallahkhairan- May Allah SWT bless ur work to continue further Salams
34

Reply
6. Sabeen says:
Jazakallah Khair!
Reply
7. Jennifer says:
Thank you for this post with new insights I havent read before. But I have trouble with
the 3 stages. It seems some parents take this too literally and dont correct their
childrens behavior at all when they are young. Ive seen this kind of parenting allow
children to firmly establish some very bad habits, that are quite difficult to break once the
discipline and teach stage arrives. Can you offer some guidance regarding this?
jazakAllah khair
Reply
o AR says:
Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullah,
Firstly, think back to the cases that youve seen where those children under 7 ?
Secondly, you are right in that children should be corrected. The three stages are
more a measure of the overall attitude that a parent should have towards their
children.
Im thinking of the strict parent who maims their child by focusing on discipline
at the age of 3 that would be a flagrant error in my opinion. Having said that, if
a child swears or if they are violent then the parent should take measures to
discipline them.
By discipline, I mean that they take a course of action to correct the behaviour.
The course of action will differ from circumstance to circumstance.
35

If the parent has set up values for the child by associating dunya to akhira and if
they have instilled within them the adoration and longing for the Prophet (pbuh)
and the companions then a simple statement such as: the prophet (pbuh) would
never have done that youre name is Ubaida, he was so xyz, wouldnt you like
to be like that too ?
would be more than sufficient insha Allah.
I hope this helps
Reply
8. The Shardul of Allah says:
At a deep level, after 14 years of your child mostly obeying you, it seems that they are
disrespecting you when they make their own decisionsEVEN if that decision is the
same decision as your advice. And this could potentially be problematic; it leads to your
child distancing themselves from you.
Superb article-full of wisdom! Jazakhallah!
Reply
o AR says:
Alhamdu lilah and may Allah reward you for your kind words
Reply
9. Naz says:
JazakAllah khair for the article! Definitely a lot of gems in it, it got me thinking and Im
not even close to being a parent yet. I did have one question though: How do you suppose
one should reward their child for deen-oriented accomplishments (such as the example
you gave of the child praying taraweeh)? Do you think a reward is necessary at all? How
does one approach such a situation?
36

Reply
o AR says:
BarakAllah feeki,
Let me share a story with you:
I know a man who brought his child up in a peculiar way he would say to him
before they ate anything: If you dont finish your ice-cream, youre not going to
have any salad !
This same kid now well into his thirties if you ask him whether or not he
wants ice-cream, his reply is: no Id rather a salad, thanks
(this is just an example its the point that Im making that is the point of focus
not the ice cream !)
So the point Im trying to make is: youre the parent, you have huge moulding
power.
Or to put it another way: how would the father in the example above have
rewarded his son for going shopping ?
You would answer: shopping was his reward !
but how did the kid realise that it was a reward ?
Because the parent framed it as such
Hope this helps !
AbdelRahman
Reply
10. Sarah says:
Beautiful article, MashaAllah! You touch on many of the most fundamentally important
parenting techniques that most parents brutally neglect. Ive noticed many view their
roles is to just say no to their children to keep them out of trouble (often the easiest
way out); however, as the core of your argument underscores, parenting is not about
policing, rather its about preparing your children to take on this world independently, in
37

a way that it can maximize their success in the akhirah. JazakAllah Khayr, this was
wonderful, mA!!
Reply
o AR says:
BarakAllahu feeki you highlighted the most important points Jazakillah
Reply
11. Icthyo says:
Yes, I do agree with your statements. From my own experiences with my children I can
tell you that parenting entails doing all of the above. One thing I have to say is how
important it is to talk with them rather than only talking to them. This is important even
before the age of 14. Children are often a lot smarter than some adults make them out to
be just remember the things we would have thought of as we experienced life when we
were their age.
Although they are growing up in a different era I believe the principles of parenting
remain the same, only the way in which we impart the values to our children may change.
Reply
12. Wafa says:
Assalamu Alaikum,
Can you please share your sources for the three stages. You reference the following:
The fourth Khalifah, Ali (ra) advised us to play with our children till the age of 7, to
discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of
14+. but my husband says he has read that Omar (ra) said it.
Jazak Allahu Khairan
38

Reply
o AR says:
November 15, 2011 at 7:25 am
wa Alaykom Assalam sister Wafa,
After some research, It seems that there are three opinions about this:
1- Ali (RAA) said it
2- Omar (RAA) said it
3- One of the salaf said it but we dont quite know who
The statement is found in different books, but without reference and more than
one of my Shuyukh had mentioned it while I was studying so I didnt think to
reference it for myself.
My apologies for not verifying exactly where it was from.
Insha Allah it is still useful. From experience, children do need to be treated
differently in those three stages, wallahu alam.
Reply
13. Hijabish says:
Mashallah. Brother, your tips are so simple and easy. May Allah give barakat in ur
dawat work for deen . Ameen
Reply
14. Toufik says:
January 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm
SubhanAllah Abdel Rahman, did not know you wrote articles too. May Allah reward you
for your efforts inshAllah. See you on friday hopefully
Reply
39

15. Umm Sulaiman says:
April 21, 2012 at 11:03 am
As salamualykum JazakAllahukhairn for a beneficial reminder. I think people kind of go
off track because they seem to misunderstand certain things like discipline, being firm,
being gentle, letting children do whatever whenever and however.
Or perhaps i have misunderstood those terms.
For example some people never seem to correct or advise their children. i have noticed
even litte kids will pay attention or listen to something, but if the adults around them
never correct themselves then the child wont either, the first lesson is correcting oneself.
when you have kids you suddenly reaslise, gosh i must do that/ or say that because my
kids have been around me all the time and have picked it up from me!
you cant tell kids not to do something and then do it yourself, or vice versa. children
imitate what they see and hear not what people tell them to do this or do that
discipline does not mean hitting or shouting.
theres a nice blog called disciplinewithoutdisrespecting by grandma jeddah for anyone
interested you can google it.
wasalam

40

5 Ways to Navigate Your Parents Rocky
Marriage
Guest Authors | January 16, 2014 5:00 am

By Aisha Shahnaz
Rocky marriages can be strewn with boulders and trenches for the husband and wife involved,
but they can be especially trying for their children. My parents, may Allah bless and have mercy
upon them both, had a marriage that involved a series of disputes that I was too young to
understand. Despite a number of counseling sessions with our local imam and interventions with
family and friends, the weight of many years of emotional wounds took their toll and their
marriage gradually dissolved, ending in divorce. There is no denying that divorce is a
disagreeable ordeal and there is a sensible reason why in Islam it is accepted as only a final
choice, after all other avenues of reconciliation and counseling between a couple have been
41

exhausted. This serves to protect the family unit as a whole, and initiate the rippling effects of a
permanent separation only if it is absolutely necessary.
Navigating your parents long rough marriage, temporary separation, or divorce can be
troublesome and confusing, but you can train yourself to rise above all the turmoil and find
tranquility. Looking back as an adult, I can say with assurance that the five points below really
helped me and can do the same for you, whether you are a young individual who is currently
experiencing your parents rocky marriage, living with divorced parents, or even parents who
have remarried.
1. Trust in Allahs Will
Surrender everything to Allahs will, increase your tawakkul (reliance on Him) and you will
never be discontent. We must put our trust in what has been written for us. Make duà
(supplication) to Allah to grant you and your parents only what is best in this life and the next
and help you to overcome your difficulties.
2. Always Treat Both Your Parents with Immense Love and Respect
There are times that you may find yourself swayed towards siding with one of them, especially if
you feel one of them has been wronged. Remember though that your relationship with your
parents was ordained by Allah subhanahu wa taàla (Exalted is He) and that you have to try your
best to treat them both with respect and love. In the long run, instilling this will benefit your
relationship with each parent and give you a sense of great inner peace. Allah (swt) says in the
Quran in surah Al Isra,
And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, My Lord, have mercy upon them
as they brought me up [when I was] small (Quran 17:24)
3. Seek Support & Be Yourself
Speaking about your situation to a third party can be beneficial, and a meaningful talk with a
trusted friend can go a long way. If you feel your situation is especially difficult, seek
professional help. Along with this, try to keep your own personal goals in sight so that you are
not bogged down by your parents situation exclusively. Strive to pursue goals in life that will
bring both you and your parents great happiness.
4. Be Grateful
Take time to thank Allah (swt) for all the good things in your life frequently. Thank Him (swt)
for placing your parents in your life if you have both (so many people do not have this blessing
and would do anything for a little more time with their parents), for a home, for food and water,
and a comfortable way of life.
5. Change Your Perspective
42

Strive to change your perspective when it comes to your parents marriage. If they are separated
or divorced and you have two different homes then tell yourself that Two homes only means
twice the love, etc. A positive outlook can paint everything with a fresh coat of brilliance. One
things for sure: there are a number of diverse family types and so many different challenges that
one may face. Do not feel burdened, overwhelmed, or helpless regardless of the situation and
know that Allah (swt) can guide you out of rocky terrain to smooth rolling pastures.
Tags: 5 ways to navigate your parents' rocky marriage, aisha shahnaz, Allah, God, Islam, koran,
marriage, mohammad, Moslem, Muhammad, Muslim, parents, Qur'an, rocky marriage,
Tawakkul
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2 Comments
1. 3d models says:
Howdy! I could have sworn Ive been to this blog before but after
browsing through some of the post I realized its new to
me. Anyways, Im definitely happy I found it and Ill be bookmarking and checking back
often!
Reply
2. Tanveer says:
As Salaam Aly Kum
JazzakAllah Sister for sharing this very positive and encouraging postonly those who
go thru this situation can understand the wisdom and beauty of your words.

43

Unplug and Re-connect: How to Keep
Families Connected During Technology
Time-Outs
Lobna Mulla | September 4, 2012 5:00 am

(c) Rehan Shaikh
At the risk of aging myself, in the 90s, the term unplugged referred to a show where artists
musically entertained a small audience without the aid of electric instruments. These days
however, when families are encouraged to go unplugged they are persuaded to spend time
together free of electronic distractions or as my older brother, an electrical engineer, says, e-
distractions, for short. Such distractions include the myriad of miniature instant gratification
devices otherwise known as Nintendo DSs, iPods, tablets, phones, not to mention larger
distractions, like television, gaming consoles such as Wii, Xbox, etc., and the classic home
computer. We all know the merits of quality family time on a real-time basis, but the question is:
how?
First, it is important to understand the ramifications of the entire familys increased relationship
with electronics. Studies show that family bonds are weakening since members are spending
more screen time and less face time. Children and adults alike are losing the ability to engage in
small talk and are gaining an increased apathy towards others. An increased desire for visual
44

stimulation and a decreased attention span are also compelling reasons to push for familial
electronic time-outs. Feelings of detachment of family members from one another leads to an
increased reliance on comfort in superficial e-relationships and fleeting moments of
gratification from Facebook posts, game console victories, and endless text conversations.
To console those who enjoy the above-mentioned activities, this article is not intended to
condemn them. Instead, it is meant to point out the importance of giving our technological toys
a time-out and to tune-in to the family on a consistent basis. The beauty of this concept is that
every family, regardless of its size, can custom make a reconnect plan of their own.
For example, consider setting guidelines for the family, which include times where technology
use is not allowed. Such times can include family meals, a specific hour in the evening, or better
yet, an entire day of the week. For some of you, the mere thought of spending more than a few
minutes away from your tablet or phone causes increased anxiety. Sadly enough, this is now
documented as a new disorder called cell phone separation anxiety disorder, where sufferers
experience increased anxiety if they are away from their phones. Yes, separation from instant
gratification devices can be painful, but like lower primates, we can be trained to return to our
natural e-distraction free state. We have to re-learn basic skills like getting over boredom,
engaging with others in a meaningful conversation, touching dirt and looking for bugs, and even
having to talk to our parents out-of-town guests or long lost relatives.
Now, you may ask, how can we accomplish such a feat when toddlers, teens, and adults have
become inseparable from their various screens? First, give before you take away. A classic
concept in discipline is to replace an undesirable habit with a desirable one. Simply said, provide
fun alternatives for your family. I have heard parents complain that their children only want to
play on their electronic devices all day long. Yet these same parents do not spend the time to
take their children to the park, play a board game with them, let alone purchase such games, or
even make the effort to engage their family members in an interesting discussion.
Below are some easy, family re-connect ideas. But be forewarned, you will receive resistance
from at least some of your family members. Even the adults! One key to the success of
Operation Unplug and Re-Connect is to first discuss with your family guidelines to be followed.
Come up with a Re-connect plan that outlines how often you wish to have family time, e-
distraction free. For example, smaller or younger families may wish to have such times once a
day. Busier families, on the other hand may be content with a once-a-week schedule. Next,
have your family discuss activities that at least most members can agree upon.
Re-Connect Ideas
Plan a family camping trip (a Mulla absolute favorite!).
Go for a picnic at the beach or park and pack everyones favorite treat.
Go outdoors and discover your surroundings. See who can find the most living things in 5
minutes.
Engage your family in a discussion (if you could live anywhere, where would it be and
why?).
45

Go for a walk (some family members need more of a temptation like walking to an ice-
cream or coffee shop).
Play a board game.
Look at family photos and reminisce.
Divide and conquer if necessary: Play ball with some and play building blocks with
others.
The bottom line is adding meaningful family quality time to our life, minus the electronic
devices. We would see healthier home lives and more well-rounded members of the
community. Changing familial habits is not easy, but well-worth it. Unplug, re-connect, be
patient, and enjoy.
Tags: Allah, e-distractions, electronic distractions, family time, God, Islam, koran, lobna, lobna
mulla, mohammad, Moslem, Muhammad, mulla, Muslim, Qur'an, technology, unplug and re-
connect
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5 Comments
1. Yasmin says:
Jazakallah khair for this very important and much needed post!
Reply
2. abdullah says:
September 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Aooooousum reminder I need it more then any body else because I feel i have nothing to
do if i dont sit on laptop or do my Uni Assignments. May ALLAH shower me with the
art of Balance.Amin
Reply
46

3. zahid hameed says:
jazakkallah khair ,lovely topic to reunite the our family mebers ,near and dears etc
Reply
4. Dreamlife says:
JazakAllah for the excellent article. Its kind of a disease thats infected so many of us
nowadays, and what I love about your piece is that you give practical alternatives. May
this article be spread far and wide, and help us all to find more balance in our lives and
families.
Reply
5. felicity says:
September 7, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Awesome! MashaaAllaah!
47

48

Why?
Guest Authors | May 27, 2011 5:00 am

By Sabeen Mansoori
We have often heard from our parents stories from their childhood that seem completely fantastic
to us. The endless number of miles that they had to walk to get to school or the fact that they
were given one pencil to use for the entire year and the unbelievable trouble that they would get
into if they lost that one pencil! More fantastic than those stories of struggle and frugality were
the times that we were informed about the degree of respect that they had for their parents. How
they were not allowed to speak in the presence of most elders and the thought of talking back to
a mother, or father, or grandparent never crossed their minds. Disobeying an adult, even a
neighbor, was a punishable offence at home and completely unacceptable socially.
The stories seem so fantastic because the
majority of parents now days seem to spend their time negotiating with their children and are
plagued by the why? questions. On every little thing the kids seem to roll their eyes and ask:
Why do I have to do my school work? Why do I have to do the dishes? Why do I have to make
my bed? Why cant I play on the Xbox for 20 hours straight? Why do I have to listen to you? But
why? A question that got someone into eternal trouble when he asked, Bow down! But why? I
am better than him.
Parents seem to be sweating under the blaze of these interrogating questions even as their homes
and their hearts shake to the sound of slamming doors. This attitude of disrespect becomes truly
49

dangerous when it is brought to compliance on religious matters. Then the question becomes
why do I have to pray? Why do I have to fast? Why cant I wear the super tight skinny jeans?
The questions are sometimes driven by a sincere desire to understand and sometimes they are
used as tools to chip away at the patience of the worn out parents. Some parents repeatedly
buckle under the pressure of society that their child seems to have on his/her side.
Apart from teaching the ritual aspects of the religion, it is our responsibility to inculcate in our
youth the love of Allah and His Messenger. The ability to obey Allah and carry out His
commands comes only if this love is foremost in the heart. It cannot be created by bombarding
them with lists of haram (forbidden) and halal (permissible) that they disregard because in the
greater society almost everything is permissible.
. . . But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else) . . . (Quran 2:165)
Say, [O Muhammad], If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and
forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (Quran 3:31)
It is difficult to convey this emotion of love and reverence to a generation that is essentially
being taught that respect to any authority figure is un-cool. In order to reach across this
generation gap we need to couch these terms in language and place them in contexts that they
can relate to. For example in most well known commentaries of Surah Al-Asr a quote from
Imam Razi is mentioned. Imam Razi has cited a scholar as saying, I understood the meaning of
Surah AI-Àsr from an ice-seller, who was calling aloud for the attention of the people repeatedly
in the bazar: Have mercy on the one whose wealth is melting away! Hearing what he was
crying I said to myself: this then is the meaning of Wal- asr-i innal-insana la-fi khusr-in. In order
to contextualize this in modern terms you could take the name of the person who sells snow
cones at the masjid (mosque) every time there is an event and ask your child how would Uncle
so and so get his money if no one bought the snow cones and all his ice melted away. Our time is
running out just like his ice is melting so we should also do good and tell others to do good or we
will also be in loss. Br. Noumans Tafseer of Surah Al-Asr is outstanding, especially the analogy
of the drowning man which he presents at the end of Part 1.
Abdullaah ibn Hishaam said: We were with the Prophet (May the peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him), and he was holding the hand of Umar ibn al-Khattaab. Umar said to him:
O Messenger of Allah, you are dearer to me than everything except my own self. The Prophet
said: No (that is not right), by the One in Whose hand is my soul, until I am dearer to you
than your own self. Umar said to him, Now, by Allah, you are dearer to me than my own self.
The Prophet said: Now (you are right), O Umar. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, no. 6632)
This ideal of a profound love where Rasulallah is more beloved than even ones own self
was something that Hazrat Umar radi Allahu anhu (May Allah be pleased with him) initially
found difficult to grasp. But at the Prophets gentle reminder he agreed that indeed he loved
Rasulallah more than he loved himself. Contrast this with the attitude of the Muslims today.
There are those who take their reverence too far so as to almost deify him and then there are
others who are completely apathetic towards his personality. There are those of our youth
mashaAllah (God has willed it) whose hearts are imbued with the love of Allah subhanahu wa
50

taala (Glorified is He) and his Messenger and, inshaAllah (God willing), we pray that
Allah (swt) keeps them on guidance and they can lead us in the future. But there are others who
flippantly pass judgment on his character or relegate him to a time 1400 years ago even though
Allah (swt) called him a Mercy to all of Mankind. They make snide, disrespectful remarks about
his family life as if they have the right to do so even though Allah (swt) warned the believers that
were with him that the slightest hint of disrespect to the Messenger could destroy their
deeds:
O you who have believed, do not raise your voices above the voice of the Prophet or be loud to
him in speech like the loudness of some of you to others, lest your deeds become worthless while
you perceive not. (Quran 49:2)
Imagine that you are walking with a friend and someone holds the door open for you. You might
smile at the person and say a polite thank you and move on. If it is your habit to pass comments
on other peoples clothing you might say, Did you see what he was wearing?
Now imagine that you are hiking in a mountainous region with a group of people. The air
becomes crisp as the altitude increases. You are enjoying the magnificent scenery when suddenly
you lose your footing and begin to slide down the steep precipice. The person behind you lunges
and grabs your hand and without a care for his own safety he hangs on to you, literally for dear
life. (Yes, I know it sounds like a cheap movie but bear with me.) When they finally haul you up
to safety you thank your savior profusely and say that you are indebted to them forever. No one
would be so low as to pass comments about the appearance of the person who had just rescued
them from near certain death. You would probably do something special to express you
gratitude, possibly try to repay the favor by sacrificing something for their sake and developing a
close relationship in the process.
We are also on the treacherous path of life and we are constantly losing our footing. The danger
is not that we will fall to a certain death in some valley but the fear is that we will fall in the
eternally blazing pit of hellfire. The Prophet is the person who reaches out to save us. He
has no selfish motives, no greed for recompense and no desire for gratitude. His only concern
was to convey the message that Allah (swt) had entrusted him with so that he could save us from
the hellfire. This was his one consuming concern even as he suffered persecution at the hands of
his own people and was driven out of his beloved city. Allah (swt) comforts him with the words:
Perhaps, [O Muhammad], you would kill yourself with grief that they will not be believers.
(Quran 26:3)
I used the word us because he spoke of you and me to his companions:
Anas bin Malik (ra) narrates that the Messenger of Allah said: I wish that I could meet my
brothers. The Sahabah (companions of the Prophet ) asked: Arent we your brothers?
He replied: You are my Companions, but my brothers are those who will believe in me without
having seen me.
(This version is found in Musnad Ahmad and Al-Albani graded it saheeh in al-Silsilah al-
Saheehah#2888)
51

He worried about us when he was on this earth and he will worry about us on the Day of
Judgment when the people will plead with the Prophets to intercede so that the accounting can
begin. Every other Prophet will cry nafsi, nafsi (myself, myself), only Muhammad al-Mustafa
will say ummati, ummati (my people, my people).
Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet said, All of my Ummah will enter Paradise except
those that refuse.
Those who were with him (the Sahabah) said, And who will refuse?
He said, Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will have
refused. (Bukhari)
The Messenger of Allah is still reaching for us as we travel through the slippery slopes of
our existence. His words, deeds and his character, which were the embodiment of the teachings
of the Quran, beckon to us through the ages. Maybe the why question that we should be asking
ourselves is, Why do I not love the Messenger of Allah more than I love myself? He cared
so deeply for my well-being why am I not willing to sacrifice anything in his obedience? Why do
I brush aside his example and clutch at the straws of culture and fashion as if they are going to
save me from the fire? The truly fantastic thing is that salvation is within our reach and we are
saying, Its ok, I dont wish to be saved.
May Allah (swt) fill our hearts with the love of Allah and his Messenger and make us
worthy of his company in Paradise.
Tags: loving the prophet, Prophet Muhammad, relationship with Allah, releationshpi with
prophet, Sabeen Mansoori, surah Asr, why?
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1. UmmSarah says:
May 27, 2011 at 7:35 am
52

Deeply inspiring. Love of Rasulallah SWS, in its true sense, is so very profound that it is
bound to change you from deep within. In this day and age, very few can truly understand
it. This article has done a good job on it.
Reply
o Sabeen Mansoori says:
May 29, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Jazakallah Khairun. Inshallah, we are of those that are able to experience this love
and pass it on to our children.
Reply
2. SHussain says:
May 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
Wow That was so amazing MashaAllah. Thank you for that. May Allah (swt) bless
you immensly and fill your heart with the love of His Beloved (saw).
Reply
May 29, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Ameen!
Reply
3. Muslima. says:
May 27, 2011 at 11:53 am
May Allah raise us all and our families with the beloved prophet(pbuh) in the day of
judgement.And may Allah make the path of deen easier upon us in this life. Ameen
JazakAllah Khair.
Reply
53

4. papanok says:
May 28, 2011 at 1:19 am
MashaAllaah that was a tear jerker. Very powerful as it hits the heart. JazakaAllaah kul
khair!
Reply
5. The Shardul of Allah says:
May 28, 2011 at 12:37 pm
A very poignant article. Our debt to the Messenger of Allah ()is simply unpayable.
Reply
May 29, 2011 at 10:03 pm
In this time when so much is taken for granted, the mere realization that we are
indebted to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is truly a gift from
Allah().
Jazakallah khayrun
Reply
6. Kagome23 says:
May 31, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Much of this disrepsectful attitude on the childrens part is due to intial initial neglect
coming from the parents during the early stages. Many parents display offensive behavior
in front of children, and then act surprised when those same children begin to question
the parents integrity. If the parents are consistent in their deen, then the so called
questioning and disrespect should not be tolerated. If however, the parents were relaxed
and promoted middle eastern or desi values above all else and then pull the card about
following Islam when it comes to westernized behavior, then the children have every
right to question this hypocritical behavior. In this instance the parents get exactly what
54

they deserve. Human beings are fallable and just because previous generations did not
question authority does not mean they were perfect.
Reply
June 1, 2011 at 5:04 am
The parents should be role models for their kids but in certain families it is the
other way around with the younger generation being more religiously observant
than their parents. Parents (imperfect ones also)deserve respect and not
rudeness. There is an unprecedented trend to question and flaunt authority; not
just of parents, but adults in general including teachers and other superiors. This
creates a general attitude of arrogance which is contrary to the spirit of
submission to Allah and obedience and love for His Messenger.
Reply
7. Akbar Ahmed says:
June 3, 2011 at 8:40 am
Jazakallah very inspiring article But I would like to get some more guidance about how
to improve or tackle this behavior of kids discussed in the article set of steps or strategy
to improve parents and the children and to fill our hearts with love of Allah (swt) and
prophet(pbuh).
Reply
June 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Jazakallah khayrun. All guidance is from Allah and through the example of His
Messenger (peace be upon him).
1.Parenting begins with the parent. First, we have to continuously work on our
love of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him.) It is important to be on the
path of learning together. Our daily life experiences can be contextualized in the
light of the Quran and the Sunnah so the relationship with the Book of Allah has
to be nurtured. Children should be familiar with the lives of all of the Prophets
and the Sahabah and sahabiyaat from a young age.
55

O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do?
Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do. (61:2-3)
2. Patience, patience, patience
Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without
reckoning. (39:10)
3. They are our children, not our clones. Give them the parameters of the deen and
then let them develop and grow as they please.
4. Treat them as you would like them to treat you in your old age when you are
going to be dependent on them.
And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, My Lord, have
mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small. (17:24)
5. Keep good company and make sure your children have good friends
And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the
morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass
beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose
heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire
and whose affair is ever [in] neglect. (18:28)
6. Learn to forgive and forget because you will be severely tested:
O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are
enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive
then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great
reward. (64:14-15)
May Allah (swt) make our children a sadaqah jariyah (continuous charity) for us.
Reply
8. Kendriana says:
March 21, 2012 at 10:23 pm
Its been difficult for me to grasp the appreciation required of Muslims for the Prophet
(saws), but while reading this post I developed a greater understanding and ambition to
study the life of RasulAllah (saws).
Reply
9. Kirana says:
For many years, I never understood this emphasis on love for the Prophet. I mean, in this
day and age, someone telling you If you want to be in this religion, you must love this
man more than yourself my first instinct is scepticism. For those in Islamicised
56

cultures, the Prophet is often idealised, out of reach, and unrelatable, or even tribalised.
Even many of the seerah books do not delve into his human feelings and tribulations even
as he learned and was guided to carry the heavy Message, as though it might detract from
the pedestal we should put him on.
It was only when I could see that he wouldve understood many of the trials and griefs I
go through, only when I learned of his character in the sense of, this is applicable to me
and an example expected of me, instead of the sense of, wow our religious leader is so
amazing that hes beyond me and everyone, and the depth of his concern for me without
having met or known me, simply because I am human, then I understood that this man
could not possibly have told us to love him or give him salawat etc. because of his self-
concern, or simply just because it must be because doing so will save *me*, so that I
am saved from the love of myself, and on the Day that matters, perhaps that love will
compel me to find him successfully in the tumult and be counted among his flock. So it is
now and only now, can I begin to love my Prophet.
Yes, all of the above required many years, because I am a child of this age, this age full
of false prophets and impostors, and so needed to ask why.
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Single Parenting Challenges - Suhaib Webb

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Suhaib Webb Single parents

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