Sheogorath Invents Music

In the earliest of days, in a time when the world was still raw, Sheogorath decided to walk amongst the
mortals. He donned his guise of Gentleman With a Cane, and moved from place to place without eing
recogni!ed. "fter eleven days and eleven nights, Sheogorath decided that life among mortals was even
more oring than his otherworldly e#istence.
$What can I do to make their lives more interesting%$ he said to himself. "t that same moment, a young
woman neary commented wistfully to herself, $&he sounds of the irds are so eautiful.$
Sheogorath silently agreed with her. Mortals could not make the eautiful and inspired calls of irds.
&heir voices were wretched and mundane. He could not change the nature of mortals, for that was the
purview of other 'aedric (rinces. However, he could give them tools to make eautiful sounds.
Sheogorath took hold of the petulant woman and ripped her asunder. )rom her tendons he made lutes.
)rom her skull and arm ones he made a drum. )rom her ones he made flutes. He presented these
gifts to the mortals, and thus Music was orn.
Sheogorath and *ing +yandir,dit
*ing +yandir was known to e an e#ceedingly rational man. He lived in a palace that was a small,
simple structure, unadorned with art and ugly to look upon. $I do not need more than this,$ he would
say. $Why spend my gold on such lu#uries when I can spend it on my armies or on great pulic
works%$
His kingdom prospered under his sensile rule. However, the people did not always share the king-s
sense of practicality. &hey would uild houses that were eautiful to look upon, although not
necessarily very practical. &hey devoted time and energy to works of art. &hey would celerate events
with lavish festivals. In general, they were .uite happy.
*ing +yandir was disappointed that more of them did not follow his e#ample and lead frugal, sensile
lives. He rooded on this for many years. )inally, he decided that his su/ects simply didn-t understand
how much more they could accomplish if they didn-t waste time on those frivolous activities. (erhaps,
he reasoned, they /ust needed more e#amples.
&he king decreed that all new uildings must e simple, unadorned, and no larger than was necessary
for their function. &he people were not happy aout this, ut they liked their king and respected the
new law. In a few short years, there were more plain uildings than ornate ones. &he citi!ens used the
money saved to make and uy even more lavish art and hold even more e#cessive celerations.
0nce again, *ing +yandir decided to provide them a strict e#ample of how eneficial it would e to use
their time and resources for more practical purposes. He anned all works of art in the city. &he people
were .uite put out y this, ut they knew that their king was doing what he thought was est for them.
However, human nature is not so easily denied. In a few more years the city was filled with plain,
simple uildings, and devoid of any sort of art. However, the people now had even more money and
time to devote to their parties and festivals.
With a heavy heart, *ing +yandir decided that his people were to e treated like children. "nd like all
children, they needed rules and discipline laid down y great figures of authority to make them
understand what was truly important in life. He decreed that there should e no revelry in the city.
Singing, dancing, and music were all anned. ,ven food and drink were limited to water and simple
foodstuffs.
&he people had had enough. 1evolt was out of the .uestion, since *ing +yandir had a very well trained
and e.uipped army. &hey visited the shrines and temples in droves, praying to all the gods, and even to
some of the 'aedric (rinces, that *ing +yandir would revoke these new, oppressive laws.
Sheogorath heard their pleas and decided to visit *ing +yandir. He appeared to the king in his dreams
as a field of flowers, each with arms instead of petals and the face of the Madgod in the center. $I am
+ord of the Creative and +ord of the 'eranged. Since you have no use for my gifts of creativity, I have
decided to less you with an aundance of my other gift.$
)rom that day forward, every child orn in the city was orn into madness. Since infants do not reveal
illnesses of the mind, it was several years efore this was reali!ed. &he king-s own son was among the
victims, suffering from sei!ures and delusions. 2et, *ing +yandir refused to change his ways.
When his son, Glint, was 34 years old, he staed his father while +yandir was sleeping. With his dying
reath, *ing +yandir asked, $Why%$ His son replied, $It is the most practical thing I could do.$
&he new, young king ordered all the palace servants slaughtered. He ordered a grand festival to
celerate his new reign and the repeal of +yandir-s laws. He served the crowds a stew made from the
carcasses of the palace servants. He ordered the east facing walls of every uilding painted red, and the
west facing walls painted in stripes. He decreed that all citi!ens wear ornate masks on the acks of their
heads. He then urned down the palace and egan construction of a new one.
In the new palace, the young king ordered his personal chamers to not have any doors5 for fear that
small woodland creatures would attack him. He ordered that it have no windows for fear that the sun
and moon were /ealous of him and plotting his death.
"nd thus ended the line of *ing +yandir. &he people of the city returned to their grand works of art and
raucous celerations. &hey talked and acted as if they still had a living king, and even kept up the
palace, using it to house and care for their mad children. Sheogorath was mightily pleased with this
outcome. )rom that day forward the city was lessed with more than the normal numer of gifted
artists and deranged citi!ens.
&he Contest of Wills,dit
" mighty wi!ard named 1avate once walked the Winds of &ime to find +ord Sheogorath. His intent
was to win a favor from this most capricious of the 'aedric (rinces. 6pon finding Sheogorath, 1avate
spoke humly to him, $+ord Sheogorath, I eg a favor of you. I would gladly drive a thousand men
mad in your name if you would ut grant me the greater magical powers.$
)ortunately for 1avate, Sheogorath was in a playful mood. He proposed a game, $I will grant your
wish, if you are still sane in three days. 'uring that time, I will do my utmost to drive you mad. It shall
e great fun.$
1avate was not so certain that he liked this new deal. He had een really looking forward to driving a
thousand men mad. $+ord Sheogorath, I regret having distured you with my shallow, selfish re.uest. I
withdraw my unfortunate plea and will humly leave this place.$
Sheogorath /ust laughed, $&oo late, mighty 1avate. &he game is afoot, and you must play.$ 1avate fled,
only to find that all e#its from the 'aedric realm were now sealed. He wandered aimlessly, constantly
looking over his shoulder, /umping at every noise. ,ach moment rought new terror as he waited for
Sheogorath to egin.
"fter three days, 1avate was convinced that every plant and animal was a tool of Sheogorath. He hadn-t
eaten or drunk for fear that Sheogorath had poisoned the food or drink. He hadn-t slept for fear of
Sheogorath invading his dreams. 7Which was foolish, as dreams are the domain of 8aermina, may She
grant us 1estful Sleep.9
It was then that Sheogorath appeared to him. 1avate cried out, $2ou have set the whole world to
watching me: ,very creature and plant are doing your idding to drive me mad.$
Sheogorath replied, $"ctually, I have done nothing. 2ou have driven yourself mad with your fears.
2our delusions prove that you are truly deranged, and therefore I win. While you wanted to make a
thousand men mad, I only wanted to reak one man-s mind, yours.$
)rom that day forward 1avate served Sheogorath-s every whim. Whenever daring travelers try to
approach Sheogorath, 1avate warns them, $Sheogorath is already inside each of us. 2ou have already
lost.$