EL000002 History and memory essay MARKED.

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HSC English Advanced
History and Memory




History and Memory



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History and Memory



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History and Memory



Memories are a collection of pages which build up to make a book of life experiences. Personal
histories are modeled reflections of how we view our world, where we hold on to the evidence that
arouse these memories, completing our series of pages to create our book of life, where senses or
objects act as the index to the collection of pages. The entanglement of clear facts of our past with
the pages of memories that these events and experiences educe and furthermore, in the presence of
whom we are, is what Denise Levertovs poems from The Freeing of the Dust, In Thai Binh
(Peace) Province and A time past primarily focus on.

I like this opening, you have developed a smooth flowing metaphor that works.
It is not a major concern, but I feel this sentence would flow better if that were removed, as it
seems to have an unnecessary presence in this instance.
The use of the word and twice in this sentence is a little concerning as it makes the sentence feel
a little clumsy. I think you could clean it up by instead saying something like, experiences induce
alongside the questioning of who we are
I feel the ending if this paragraph could also use come cleaning up, to make the message a little
clearer. In order to rid yourself of the vague implications of is what, instead try moving primarily
focus in context to the beginning of the statement.
whom we are, are the primary focuses of Denise Levertovs poems from The Freeing of the Dust,
In Thai Binh (Peace) Province and A time past.

In Thai Binh (Peace) Province, Levertov captures the history of Vietnam War and a quiet place
inside the war-zone which accounts for its ironic title. The first stanza is brought to life by the
repetition of bombed, which also has the resonance of onomatopoeia. Further more, Levertov
introduces colour in her imagery scattered lemon-yellow cocoons at an early stage of the poem
which makes it vividly pictorial. She also uses metaphor to emphasise the futility and the continual
destruction of the war in Ive used up all my filmall my tears too are all used up. The united
use of the techniques used just in the first stanza introduces us to the depersonalising effect of war
and how Levertov perceives the history of the war.

The use of further more and she also uses give the feeling of a list, in opposed to a paragraph
describing the different techniques being used in the text. I would recommend changing she also
uses into something more direct such as the use of these techniques, in cohesion with the
composers use of metaphor emphasises the futility


History and Memory



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Further more, it shows the devastation of war through the use of the striking contrast of yet another
child with its feet blown off, where the diction of yet suggests that this is a sight she has seen
many times, to the fragility of the small girl and her house. This demonstrates the effect of memory
on history where both images are entwined together, the uncomfortable visual of a childs limbs
blown off contrasted to the peaceful scene of a house of mud bricks among rice fields, where
Levertov primarily remembers the peacefulness because of the landscape and the attitudes of the
people apposed to the surrounding chaos.

A minor concern with the repeated use of further more when starting sentences, alongside the
vague use of it. Since you have started a new paragraph, you have indicated a break from the last
point, and the beginning of a new subject. Therefore, it is more effective to specify early in the
sentence what you are talking about.
The text further shows, for example.
You are able to remove the word together as entwined shares the same meaning.

Conversely, in A time Past, the wooden steps are used as a trigger to Levertovs personal
memories and history. The steps are used as an extended metaphor where it arouses memories of
the house, about and around it, where she recalls her golden day with an unspecified individual
who stimulated so much joy within it pulled me to my feet to tell you how much I love you. She
returns to the present in the second stanza, The wooden steps are gone now where the old steps
live only in me, demonstrating the power of memory to resurrect emotion, prompted by the steps.
The alliteration of granite, gone and grey, with its boring connotations, further emphasise the
time past and the absence of memories in the new steps.

This paragraph is great.

It was the steps and a specific occasion that reminded the speaker of the person she addresses. The
other memories she has are not discredited. Her son, husband and close friends were all
remembered, but when she focuses on the wooden steps, it is the isolated memory of mutual
expression of love which reoccurs, both the joy of it and the momentary stillness, giving it mystic
quality, timeless in time the quiet broken by no bird, no cricket, gold leaves spinning in silence
down without an breeze to blow them. This contrasts to the vagueness when discussing the death
of her friends son, or was it the one who lives and thrives? presenting the nature of memories
and its indefinites.

I am a little concerned about the repetition of time here. I would recommend changing timeless
different, though simular wording. everlasting, immortal and perpetual are just a few examples.


History and Memory



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In Thai Binh (Peace) Province, Levertov captures within her memory, the peace inside war. This
is seen where she extends her film metaphor in use my dry burning eyes to photograph within me.
Peace is emphasised through the sibilance of the letter s which give a whispering sound, slant,
small, swift, sings coalesced with the calm, peaceful imagery a boy and small bird both
perched, relaxed, on a quietly gazing buffalo, where this is then juxtaposed to the chaos
surrounding them. This is one of Levertovs lasting memories which is symbolic for the peace
within the long war.

This paragraph is good, though I would suggest a more direct approach to the sentence, This is
seen where she extends her film metaphor, I would suggest instead saying something like
Through the use of the extended metaphor

All the historical photographs that Levertov has captured Child, river, light; she must bring
home, where the experience has made her realise that here the future, fabled bird that has
migrated away from America, nests, and breeds, and sings. The imagery shows how the USA has
lost its quest for peace but symbolises the fabled bird as peace and freedom where peace can be
found everywhere, common as any sparrow. The contrast of imagery with the first stanza to the
final imagery of peacefulness demonstrates how our perceptions of historical events and be
remembered differently.

The changeover from the previous paragraph seems too sudden here, so I think it would be wise
to change the beginning of this paragraph before continuing with the sequence of quotes. When
changing sentences, be cautious of the language following the change, for example, she must
bring would be affected in this case.
Historical photographs captured by Levertov in this text, child, river light, must be brought
home

History is the past and memory is the past viewed in the present which is influenced by present
perceptions of the past. The pleasant memories are portrayed with in depth myopia imagery whilst
the negative memories are indistinguishable and bare. Written onto our collection of pages, are the
emotions felt with each experience, where each is triggered either psychologically, psychically, or
through an object or sense, associated with a particular past. The entwining and interchangeable of
the concept of history and memory is the spine which hold the pages in place.

A strong ending, to a very good essay, although you can delete or and of the as they are not
nessessary.

History and Memory



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Summary

You have written a strong essay which clearly demonstrates an understanding of the text and the
techniques the composer has used to create meaning for responders.

One of the things you need to work on however is giving a quick check over your sentences, to see
whether or not some of the wording is necessary, as I found in a few cases you have either
repeated yourself, or simply had an extra word or two that cluttered a otherwise perfect sentence.

An element you need to work on is making your thoughts and sentences flow in an organized and
logical structure. Whereas your current structure does demonstrate a strong understanding, I feel
by simply rearranging some sentences your meaning will become much clearer. This is mainly
caused by vague references at the beginning of new paragraphs, such as it or she which
overlapped a habit of beginning an argument prematurely. I feel that you must make sure to
introduce what you are talking about at the start of new paragraphs, before continuing to explain
techniques of using quotes. This was only a problem in some cases, and for the majority of the
essay, the paragraph introductions were great.

History and Memory



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History and Memory



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