Born in a Brahmin middle class Hindu family, I was brought up in an atmosphere of what Marxists would

call reaction. Extremely derogatory attitude towards domestic workers and the working masses in
general, a strong upper caste sentiment and general resentment towards people of other religions,
particularly Muslims, was the dominant trend inside the family. Being a small nuclear family of four, and
not being all that much in touch with other relatives, I was mostly exposed to the reaction at home,
apart from the mainstream brainwashing at school, through popular media etc.
I have an elder sister and my mother, the two women in the immediate family of four that lives
together. From my childhood to this day, my mother has treated my sister as if she was some inferior
being compared to me. Inevitably, the best food items would be reserved for me. When my sister used
to protest, mostly timidly and rarely angrily, she used to get anything from extremely nasty looks to
extremely hurtful comments like Bhaiyyer jono bhalo jinis ta rekhe dite hoi janis na, sarthopor meye?
[Dont you know you should leave the good things for your younger brother, you selfish girl?] I
remember I used to get all kinds of advantages over my sister.
For instance, my sisters education was not taken all that seriously and she was blamed in the most
harsh manner at times for her poor results in school, college etc. I used to get all the attention and so
much money was spent behind my education, from multiple tuitions to buying costly books etc. Yet,
despite this differential treatment, the attitude towards my sister was derogatory she used to be
compared to me and insulted often. I can remember that I was influenced by this attitude of my parents
towards my sister and often used to misbehave with her. She was often hurtfully abused by my parents
right in front of me.
I can see where mom got this behavior from. She has always suffered silently, with nobody listening to
her. I too have not shared her pains and never listened to what she has to say. On the other hand, she
kept on doing the household chores day in and day out without questioning she often used to and still
cries alone, in constant pain. She was condemned to lifelong household slavery, as she was not allowed
to further pursue her education, as her studies were cut short in order to allow her brother the same.
She fondly remembers her brother for whom she used to leave behind the curd which her mother used
to prepare for her. She speaks of the way she used to wake up early in the morning, before everyone
else, at 4am, to study and then do some household chores and then used to go to school. But she used
to keep the pocket money for her younger brother. Yet her education had to be sacrificed for her
brother and that too she accepted smilingly. Such is the level of sacrifice that is considered to be not
only normal but also something that is expected of a good girl. The sister, the mother, the wife is
expected of many sacrifices, but their pains, their dreams will never be heard nor given any importance
this is the norm of the traditional, patriarchal Indian family.
It is within this environmental context [and much more of course] that my masculine or male
consciousness has been created. It took me many years and a fortunate brush with progressive political
views to realize many of the stereotypical views that exist in society. Not only women but men too are
stereotyped, and there is a decent amount of pressure on them as well [not to mention the societal
caricature of those beyond this narrowly defined binary]. Of course men are generally in the exploiters
position and in general, gender oppression of most men will be found to be lesser than that faced by
most women. However, it is necessary to analyze and explore the different ways males are supposed to
act to fit the masculine profile. They must necessarily be physically strong; they are not meant to cry
like pussies or act like women under tough situations, as they are meant to be man enough to
bear pressure; they are not supposed to like girly songs; if they have softer voice like women, say for
instance Pratul Mukherjee, may be called a girlish because of this, if one is shy of changing clothes in
front of others and is a bit more interested in privacy, then also it is girlish etc. Unfortunately, even the
progressive or revolutionary camp is not above this practice.
The males are expected to do the physical activities which are more intense and require greater physical
strength. It is hard to come to a conclusion whether this is necessarily problematic. Perhaps it will
depend on whether the discrimination is being made based on some objective reality. On the other
hand, the leftist camp often seems to valorize labor unnecessarily. We must of course bear in mind that
this is a society that promotes masculinism on one hand, and on the other, it basically lives off sucking
the surplus out of the majority of the population that puts in hard, manual labor. In addition, the caste
factor cannot be ignored most upper caste men would generally prefer to take up the white collar
jobs, whereby they would be sitting in their offices or conducting researches or at most, supervising
work being done on factory floors. Rarely would they aspire to get down and dirty and carry out manual
labor. I think the egalitarian society that many of us envision would surely reduce the extent of such
qualitative division of labor in other words, physical labor will have to be distributed among one and
all, while also upholding the principle of from each according to their abilities. Striking the right
balance between the collective need and individual choice is obviously the challenge. But are we helping
that process when we end up valorizing manual labor unnecessarily, often to the point of gendering it?