Contents

Social and emotional changes: what to expect

Supporting social and emotional development
Mental health and wellbeing
Children with special needs
Social and emotional changes: what to expect
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During adolescence, youll notice changes in the way your child interacts with fam
ily, friends and peers. Every childs social and emotional development is differen
t. Your childs development is shaped by your childs unique combination of genes, b
rain development, environment, experiences with family and friends, and communit
y and culture.
Social and emotional changes show that your child is forming an independent iden
tity and learning to be an adult.
People spend their childhood learning to be like their parents, and their adoles
cence learning who they are and how they are different from their parents.
Dr Miriam Kaufman, 2006
Social changes
You might notice that your child is:
* searching for identity. Young people are busy working out who they are and
where they fit in the world. This search can be influenced by gender, peer grou
p, cultural background and family expectations
* seeking more independence. This is likely to influence the decisions your
child makes and the relationships your child has with family and friends
* seeking more responsibility, both at home and at school
* looking for new experiences. The nature of teenage brain development means
that teenagers are likely to seek out new experiences and engage in more risk-t
aking behaviour. But they are still developing control over their impulses
* thinking more about right and wrong. Your teenager will start developing a str
onger individual set of values and morals. Teenagers also learn that theyre respo
nsible for their own actions, decisions and consequences. They question more thi
ngs. Your words and actions shape your childs sense of right and wrong
* influenced more by friends, especially when it comes to behaviour, sense o
f self and self-esteem
* starting to develop and explore a sexual identity. Your child might start
to have romantic relationships or go on dates. These are not necessarily intimate
relationships, though. For some young people, intimate or sexual relationships d
ont occur until later on in life
* communicating in different ways. The internet, mobile phones and social me
dia can significantly influence communication with peers and learning about the
world.
Emotional changes
You might notice that your child:
* shows strong feelings and intense emotions at different times. Moods might
seem unpredictable. These emotional ups and downs can lead to increased conflic
t. Your childs brain is still learning how to control and express emotions in a g
rown-up way
* is more sensitive to your emotions. Young people get better at reading and
processing other peoples emotions as they get older. While theyre developing thes
e skills, they can sometimes misread facial expressions or body language
* is more self-conscious, especially about physical appearance and changes.
Teenage self-esteem is often affected by appearance or by how teenagers think th
ey look. As they develop, children might compare their bodies with those of frie
nds and peers
* goes through a bulletproof stage of thinking and acting. Your childs decision
-making skills are still developing, and your child is still learning about the
consequences of actions.
Many people think that adolescence is always a difficult time, and that all teen
agers experience bad moods and exhibit challenging behaviour. In fact, some stud
ies show that only 5-15% of teenagers go through extreme emotional turmoil, beco
me rebellious or have major conflicts with their parents. Social and emotional c
hanges are part of your childs journey to adulthood. You have a big role to play
in helping your child develop grown-up emotions and social skills.
Changes in relationships
You might notice that your child:
* wants to spend less time with family and more time with friends and peers
* has more arguments with you. Some conflict between parents and children du
ring the teenage years is normal, as children seek more independence. It actuall
y shows that your child is maturing. Conflict tends to peak in early adolescence
. If you feel like youre arguing with your child all the time, it might help to k
now that this isnt likely to affect your relationship with your child in the long
er term
* sees things differently from you. This isnt because your child wants to ups
et you. Its because your child is beginning to think more abstractly and to quest
ion different points of view. At the same time, some teenagers find it difficult
to understand the effects of their behaviour and comments on other people. Thes
e skills will develop with time.
Your childs relationships with family and peers will undergo dramatic changes and
shifts. Strong relationships with both family and friends are vital for healthy
social and emotional development. Parents tend to influence a young persons long
-term decisions, such as career choices, values and morals. Their friends are mo
re likely to influence short-term choices, such as appearance and interests.
Supporting social and emotional development
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Here are some ideas to help you support your childs social and emotional developm
ent.
* Be a role model for forming and maintaining positive relationships with yo
ur friends, children, partner and colleagues. Your child will learn from observi
ng relationships where there is respect, empathy and positive ways of resolving
conflict.
* Get to know your childs friends, and make them welcome in your home. This w
ill help you keep in touch with your childs social relationships. It also shows t
hat you recognise how important your childs friends are to your childs sense of se
lf. If youre concerned about your childs choice of friends, provide gentle and con
sistent guidance.
* Listen to your childs feelings. If your child wants to talk, stop and give
your child your full attention. If youre in the middle of something, make a speci
fic time when you can listen. Respect your childs feelings and try to understand
your childs perspective, even if its not the same as yours. For example, It sounds
like youre feeling left out because youre not going to the party on Thursday night.
* Be explicit and open about your feelings . In particular, tell your child
how you feel when your child behaves in different ways. For example, I felt reall
y happy when you invited me to your school performance. This helps your child lea
rn to read and respond to emotions. It also models positive and constructive way
s of relating to other people.
* Be a role model for positive ways of dealing with difficult emotions and m
oods. For example, there will be times when youre feeling cranky, tired and not l
ike interacting with your teenager. Instead of giving your child the silent trea
tment, you could say, Im tired and cross. I feel like I cant talk now without getti
ng upset. Can we have this conversation after dinner?
* Talk with your child about relationships, sex and sexuality . Look for teac
hable moments those everyday times when you can easily bring up these issues. Thi
s is often better than having a big talk. Find out what your child already knows.
Correct any misinformation and give the real facts. Use the conversation as a ch
ance to discuss appropriate sexual behaviour and values. And always let your chi
ld know youre available to talk about questions or concerns.
* Focus on the non-physical . Teenagers are often self-conscious and anxious
about their bodies and appearance. So reinforce the positive aspects of your te
enagers social and emotional development. For example, you could praise your teen
ager for being a good friend, or for having a wide variety of interests, or for
trying hard at school and so on.
Its easy to get caught up in your childrens needs. Theres also the day-to-day busin
ess of getting children to the sporting and social activities that are important
for their development. Even with all this going on, looking after yourself and
making time for the things you enjoy can keep you feeling positive about parenti
ng your teenage child.
Staying connected with your teenage child can be an important part of supporting
your childs social and emotional development. You can check out our Talking to T
eens interactive guide to see how different approaches to staying connected can
get different results.
Mental health and wellbeing
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Research shows that teenagers are at increased risk of poor mental health, antis
ocial behaviour and risk-taking behaviour such as substance misuse.
This might be because of stronger emotional responses in adolescence, changes in
motivation, or difficulties balancing emotions and behaviour. These activities
and behaviour can affect your childs health later in life and can have long-term
effects.
If you feel that your childs behaviour is more than just teenage moodiness, speak t
o your child about your concerns. Also consider talking to a health professional
.
You know your child best. If youre concerned about your childs social skills, emot
ions or wellbeing, speak with your GP, your childs school counsellor, or another
health professional. If youre having trouble coping, call the parenting hotline i
n your state or territory.
Children with special needs
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Its normal for parents to worry that their child with a disability wont make frien
ds easily or be accepted into a peer group. It helps to remember that the rate o
f social and emotional development varies widely, both for typically developing
children and children with disabilities.
Children who miss a lot of school because of illness, or who have a visible phys
ical disability, might find it harder to make and keep friendships. This doesnt m
ean that friendships wont happen. There might be other ways for your child to for
m friendships, such as joining community groups and online networks. Give your c
hild lots of love and support at home. Boost confidence and self-esteem by focus
ing on your childs strengths and interests.
Teenagers with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) might have diffic
ulties monitoring and expressing emotions, or difficulties with peer and social
relationships. This can impact on child-parent as well as peer relationships. Yo
u can learn more about supporting your child in our article on managing attentio
n deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Some teenagers with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) might have difficulties makin
g and keeping friends, or have difficulties with social skills and emotions. You
can find out more in our article on autism spectrum disorder and family relatio
nships.