1

The Simple Truth of Happiness

Realizing It, Living It, Sharing It



Jim Dreaver



Jim Dreaver, 2012
www.jimdreaver.com




2









In memory of my late father, James A. Dreaver,
who would have enjoyed reading this book.
I love you, Dad

And his mother, Mary Manson Dreaver,
who was, in 1941, the third woman elected to the
New Zealand Parliament, a spiritualist minister,
founder of the Happiness Club on New Zealand radio,
and, I realize more and more, an inspiration to me













3









When you truly commit to awakening, doors open and you are
led to what you need for the next step on your journey.

You have been led to this book. Read it, do the practice and
absorb the teaching, awaken to the happiness that is your true
nature, and then share the good news with others

In this way, we will all eventually wake up to the truth of the
beautiful, loving, creative people we really are













4




Contents

Introduction 6
The Practice and the Teaching 9
1. The Power of Thought 11
2. The Cause of Suffering 14
3. Your Thoughts Are Not Real 16
4. The Unconscious Material That Runs You 19
5. Realizing It 22
The Practice and the TeachingChoosing Thoughts 26
6. The Unchecked Ego Judges, Criticizes, and Condemns 27
7. Self-Discipline and Vigilance 30
8. A Story of Sexual Abuse 32
9. A Story of Financial Loss 34
10. Living It 37
The Practice and the TeachingKnowing Yourself as the Changeless 38
11. The Seduction of Story 40
12. Dealing with Depression 43
13. How Addictions Keep Us Stuck 45
14. Identifying With a Victim Story 47
15. Learning to Welcome Suffering 49

The Practice and the TeachingRevisiting Past Traumas 51

16. Stories About God 53
17. The Need To Feel Safe 55
18. Self-Esteem 57
19. Its Not About The Bliss 59
20. Forgiveness 62

5

The Practice and the TeachingExploring Deeper Levels of Resistance 65
21. A Story About Forgiveness 66
22. A Man Who Needs to Forgive 69
23. A Woman with Judgments 71
24. When Silence is Used as An Escape 74
25. Being Overweight 77

The Practice and the Teaching--Forgiveness 79

26. Releasing Expectations 81
27. Dealing With Illness and Other Challenges 83
28. The Insanity of War 86
29. River-Rafting the Flow of Life 90
30. When A Child Dies Before You 93

The Practice and the TeachingThe Experience of Oneness 95

31. Facing Death 97
32. Living in Openness 100
33. The Proof That Youre Happy 102
34. The Oneness of Life 104
35. Sharing Your Unique Purpose 105











6




Introduction

Imagine a life free of mental conflict and emotional suffering, so that you can express
your wisdom, love, and creative power without fear or limitation. This book teaches two
simple tools to realize this, and eventually to make your realization permanent. They go
hand-in-hand.
First is the practice, a simple meditative technique which connects you with your true,
spiritual nature. You will have an opportunity to do the practice after this brief
introduction.
Let me say this now, however: even a few minutes of the practice renews you in body,
mind, and spirit. Doing the practice allows you to see everything with new eyes. Your
intuition opens up, and youre guided as to what to do next. It is quite amazing in its
simplicity and power to connect you with the deep freedom and happiness inside you.
Why does it work so well? The essence of the practice is to imagine empty space
between your eyes, or between your ears, or inside your head. When you do this, your
brain is flooded with alpha waves, the healing energy of the meditative state.
1
Do this
practice often, and youll find that even many physical problems can heal themselves, in
addition to the mental and emotional clarity youll experience.
But to really become one with the source of freedom and happiness inside you, you
need more than this practice. You need to understand and eventually embody, or live, the
teaching, which is the second tool.
The teaching, fortunately, is also simple, though a little bit harder to live in daily life.
This is because the conditioning to believe you are a somebodya person with a

1
The practice of visualizing empty space as a meditation has its roots in ancient Buddhist, yoga, and other spiritual
teachings, and Thich Nhat Hanh has such a meditation. Then a friend told me about a Western scientist, Les Fehmi,
Ph.D. who researched many methods of stimulating healing, synchronous alpha waves in the brain, and found that
the simple practice of imagining empty space was the best. See The Open-Focus Brain, pp 36 - 40, by Les Fehmi
and Jim Robbins.

7

psychological and emotional historyis deep-rooted. We get very identified, in other
words, with the story of who we believe we are.
But dont worry. The more you do the practice, the more you naturally and inevitably
begin to realize the truth of the teaching
The teaching is simply this: you are not your thoughts, because your thoughts come
and go. Even your I and me thoughts, along with the emotional conflict and suffering
they produce, come and go, but you are what is always here. You, as an aware, conscious
being, this alive presencethe empty space you experience when you do the practice
are still very much here. You are real, in other words.
The more you realize this, the lighter, freer, and happier you feel. Conflict and
suffering, which result from this self that doesnt like whats happening, and that takes
everything so personally, dissolve. Gradually, or suddenly, it dawns on you that while
your thoughts are very powerfulthey have, after all, created everything we humans
have madethey are not, in a sense, real, because they come and go, and what is real is
always here, always exists.
The more you see this, the more self-centered, or ego-based thinking falls away; you
realize that this self youve taken yourself for most of your life is illusory. It doesnt
exist either! Yet you, as this alive, dynamic, vibrant being are still very much here!
This realization frees you up to use thought, your mind, for the powerful, creative tool
it is, and right action tends to flow naturally. As your freedom deepens, your heart opens
and life becomes rich in beauty, love, and meaning, or purpose. When you share your
loveyour caring presencewith others, miracles happen.
The practice and the teaching combine in an approach to awakening that is elegant,
clear, and do-able by anyone. Practice imagining empty space inside your head, and grasp
the teaching that you have thoughts, but you are not your thoughtsnot even your I or
me thoughtsand the simple truth of happiness will eventually be yours.
Youll still have an ego, an I and a me thought, but now youll know you are not
them, and youll be free of the single, most destructive element in all human existence
the ego, the I, run amuck.

8

Moreover, youll now be equipped to show others how to be free, to share the simple
truth of happiness with them




























9




The Practice and the Teaching

Read the next paragraph first, then do the practice and play with the teaching
Close your eyes, take a few deep, slow breaths, relax into yourself, and then imagine,
or visualize empty space between your eyes between your ears and then inside your
head Allow yourself to just be empty space, relaxing into your true nature for a few
minutes or even five or ten minutes, however long you need to get a real feel for it
Then notice how the emptiness is at the same time filled with creative energy, rich in
intuitive insights, ideas, and deeper realizations of truth This creative fullness is there
for you to use, whenever you want
Now open your eyes, and observe how relaxed and at ease you feel, one with life and
the unfolding of this moment And again, read the next two paragraphs through, then
close your eyes once more, and experiment with the teaching
First, contemplate the realization that you are not your thoughts, but rather the ever-
present awareness in which thoughts come and go Then think a thought, any thought,
and notice how it rises in your awareness, and then goes away, disappears, only to be
replaced by another thought You can even think specific I and me thoughts, but
they too come and go
Now, youve really got to see this, actually look within and watch how the thoughts
and stories, even the "I" thought, come and go, pass in and out of your inner visual field,
yet you, the seer, the experiencer of your ever-changing thoughts and stories, are always
here, always present The more you see this, and that youthe unchanging awareness
or consciousness behind your thoughtsare still here, the freer and more at ease you
are
Then you can consciously use the power of thought to create something new in your
life, to manifest some cherished intention or idea into reality, or simply communicate

10

what you are feeing or intuiting to a friend or loved one You literally begin to harness
the power of thought to create good in your world




























11




1. The Power of Thought

Let me restate the truth of the teaching: your I or me thoughts are not real
precisely because they come and go, they arise and disappear. The big issue today may
not exist tomorrow.
Besides, you cannot find a thought anywhere in your mind. They have no inherent
existence. They appear as brief, ephemeral flashes, except when they are strung together
to tell a story of some kindbut even then, they dont stay around long!
However, the power of thought is undeniable. People who make a practice of using
positive thinking, or repeating positive affirmations to themselves understand the power
of thought, and how it helps them succeed in a very competitive world.
But just to think positively is not true freedom, and is not the way to the happiness
that doesnt depend on others approval, or on outer success. Until you awaken to
freedom from the I and me thoughts, youll always have the potential for suffering
for example, when you experience loss or unwanted change in your circumstances. There
is still a me present who takes things personally.
At the personal level, thoughts have the power to cause joy and delight, like looking
forward to a much-anticipated event. Conversely, they also have the power to trigger
conflict and suffering, like dread at the thought of telling a friend some unpleasant news,
or guilt at the realization you may have done something wrong.
Above all, thoughts have a very practical power. Everything human-made began as a
thought, an idea, in someones mind. Everything, from the invention of the wheel over
6,000 years ago, to the microchip and nanotechnology today, had its origins in the human
mind. The clothes we wear, and the houses we live in; our furniture, kitchens, cookbooks;
the vehicles we drive, the books we read and the electronic devices we use; the aircraft
flying overheadeverything began as an idea in someones mind.

12

What is the effect of realizing this? It is simple. The more you see that your thoughts
are not real, precisely because they come and go, the more power you have to consciously
choose them and shape them in ways that serve your ownand ultimately humanitys
good. And, who knows, you may invent, come up with something new and wonderful
yourself! But, at the very least, your thinking will be wise, creative, and will, most of the
time, result in harmonious action.
So what is real, in this ever-changing, impermanent world of thoughts, sensations,
feelings, emotions, events, and circumstances?
The awareness, or consciousness that you exist, here and now, is real. It is always real.
Youve been aware of yourself as existing pretty much from the time you were very
young. And, if you look back, youll realize that this awarenessWow! I exist here,
nowhas not changed. It is the one thing that has always been true, constant. It is the
one thing that is true right now, even as everything else in your life has changedyour
body, your beliefs, your friendships and relationships, your circumstances.
That you exist, as an aware, conscious beinga human beingis undeniable.
This realization of yourself existing right here, right now is the real secret of happiness
and inner peace. It is what has been called, in various spiritual traditions, enlightenment,
awakening, or self-realization.
To feel yourself existing here nowin this very unfolding momentis to experience
an underlying, unchanging current of ease, harmony, and flow. Its to know and to feel a
happiness and inner peace that doesnt depend on any circumstance, on any thing. It
just shines on its own, flows out of your very being.
Then, from this place of being very present you use the power of thought consciously
to manifest what you want in your life, to create more of what you love. Its brilliant,
really. So, so simple, when you see it!
Moreover, when you realize that happiness and inner peace is your true nature, it
results, over time, in a deep wisdom or knowing, and an ever-flowing feeling of love in
your heart. You recognize that this is the natural state of all humanity, of every single
person, and you want to share the good news with those who are open to it, ready for it.

13

And thats when the real joy comes to you, the delight you experience when sharing
with others




























14



2. The Cause of Suffering

The more you realize the simple teaching that you have thoughts but you are not your
thoughts, the more you understand the cause of suffering: it comes from being identified
with your thoughtsspecifically the I, me, and my thoughts, or ego thoughts.
Many people think that the mind is the problem when it comes to human suffering,
but the mindleft to itselfis just a very powerful tool. Indeed, as we have seen, it is the
most powerful tool, or instrument, that we human beings have. It is what has brought you
to this book, and is what allows you to read and understand it.
Your egospecifically, the I and me thoughtis the real culprit, the real cause
of your suffering. And when its a powerful, strong, dominating ego, as happens with
some people, then that creates conflict and havoc for all who are affected by that
particular ego. Witness the influence of dictators and tyrants, or at a lesser level, corrupt
politicians, law-makers, or businessmen.
At a more immediate level, arrogant, controlling egos create suffering in the lives of
the people they touchassuming those people also have not realized their true nature,
have not found the source of happiness within them. (If you have realized the truth, then
you move through life relatively unaffected by other egos, no matter how tyrannical they
may try to be). When people relate to each other through their egos, the seeds of upset,
conflict, and suffering are already well and truly sown.
So, freedom from suffering comes when you realize you are not your ego. It comes
when you realize that your ego thoughts, your I, me, and my thoughts are no more
real than any other thought. They, too, come and go while we, as the aware, conscious
human beings we are, are always here. But so long as you believe you are your ego, this
me, myself, and my story that you tell yourself you are, then your ego thoughts, your
story will continue to create your emotional reality.

15

Yes, your emotions are created by your thoughts. Whether its a positive emotion like
joy, delight, or inspiration, or a negative one, like anger, shame, or fear, it all essentially
arises from a thought, a story, you tell yourself.
It may be a conscious story, as when you experience a sense of happiness at the
memory of a pleasurable occasion, or anxiety over the realization you are not going to
have enough money to pay your bills. Or it may be (and often is) an unconscious memory
of a long-ago event, typically in childhood, that triggers a feeling of pleasure whenever
something good happens, or guilt or shame when something bad occurs.
Whatever the story we tell ourselves, whether conscious or unconscious, the resulting
feeling or emotion we experience is, for the time it lasts, very real. Because it feels so
real, we naturallybut mistakenlyassume that that is our reality. In fact some people
build a whole belief system around the idea that only feelings and emotions are real, and
they discount the power of thoughts and beliefs.
But the more you do the practice of closing your eyes, breathing deeply and slowly,
and imagining yourself as empty space, the more at ease you feel in this moment now.
Then you are freed up to realize: Oh, I am not this thought that I believed I was all these
years and I am not this one, either
As you see that you are not the story you have believed about yourself all these
yearsthat you were telling yourselfyou experience even more freedom. After all, no
matter how true the story once might have been, its now just a collection of ever-shifting
and changing thoughts and concepts between your ears.
That freedom translates into a feeling of being more at peace, happier without any
apparent cause. You are less troubled, less inward-looking. You find yourself living with
the experience of being empty spaceyour true naturemore and more of the time. In
that emptiness, a lot of creative energy is released. Your heart opens, and you tend to
look outwards, and focus your attention on the suffering of others.
You are moved to want to help ease that sufferingwhich, as all spiritual traditions
teach, is one of our true purposes for being here.


16




3. Your Thoughts Are Not Real

So, your thoughts, and the stories they produce, are not real, simply because they
come and go, and what is realyou, existing here nowis always present.
You thoughts may, however, be true.
You have a storya collection of thoughtsto describe what you were doing in the
hour before you picked up this book. If your story is accurate, then its a true story. But
no matter how true a story isabout what happened to you or someone else, or what you
did yesterday or two weeks agoit is still not real. It is just a story, a memory, and
maybe even a fabrication, something you imagined to be true.
Many people make up stories. They let their imaginations run wild, and come up with
some pretty amazing stories of what theyve been up to, or what has happened to them or
people they know. Some people, the most imaginative among us, actually write these
stories down, in the form of short stories, or poems, novels, or plays for the stage or
screen. Of course, any good story, even a total fantasy, conveys elements of truth.
But what is real is what is actually here, right now. It exists right now. It can be
perceived by the senses right nowfor example an event that is happening now, such as
the sun shining through your window, or the rain pouring down outside, or an emotion or
a sensation that you are feeling in this moment.
This level of reality, what is happening now, I call the relative reality, or the small
r (as in lower case) reality. It is marked by the distinction that while it can be perceived
by the sensesi.e. it can be seen, felt, touched, tasted, or smelledit too, like thoughts
and concepts themselves, changes, comes and goes.
In fact, when you really contemplate it, literally everything is governed by the law of
change. Everything. Your body has changed. Youre older, youre physically different;
maybe you even have more lines and wrinkles on your face. You thoughts, sensations,

17

feelings, and emotions are always changing. Even your beliefs change, unless you are
inclined to fundamentalism, and adhere to a particular belief to the extent you take it as
the gospel truth. Certainly your relationships and friendships have changed over the
years. And circumstances and events are changing all the time
So, is there anything that doesnt change? Yes, there is one thing that doesnt
change, that is constant, timeless, and ever-presentin a word, changeless. And what is
that? You. Who and what you most essentially are does not change. Or, more correctly,
the awareness that you are, the awareness that you exist, does not change.
Think about it. Look back at your life, all the changes that have taken place, all the
changes, major and minor, that you have gone through. Hasnt there been something deep
within you that has been aware of all these changes, that has witnessed or watched them,
that hasnt changed? Something deep within you that is silent, constant, and changeless
that is reading these words right now?
I call this the big R Reality to differentiate it from the relative reality, which is
everything we experience in our daily lives, everything that changes. People who have
discovered the simple truth of happiness have found their identity in this, the big R
Reality. They have realized their true nature and now they know themselves as aware,
conscious beings. They are identified with the changeless, and not what is always
changing. While they have a name, an ego, and a story, they dont draw their identity
from their name, their ego, their thoughts and stories, or what they do in life.
And yet they participate and engage fully in the small r or relative reality of the
world. They live normal lives, but they no longer suffer, they are no longer caught in
conflict. They are always, basically, at peace within and in the flow of life, responding
creativelywith an open and loving heartto the needs of the moment.
You can be one of these people, too. In fact, every human being on earth can be free
of suffering, and live harmoniously with their neighbors. It is just a matter of looking
within, visualizing yourself as being empty space, and then discovering that your
thoughts are not real.

18

However, youas the space, the watcher or witness of your thoughts and
experienceare still very much here.
Thats it!



























19




4. The Unconscious Material That Runs You

The more you examine your conscious thoughts and see that you are not them, the
more they fall away, and the unconscious material is then free to surface. In psychology,
these unconscious beliefs and driving impulses and motivations are called the disowned
self, or the shadow.
The basic limitation of psychology and traditional psychotherapy is, of course, that
the self, the ego, is assumed to be real, so any effective psychotherapy is designed to
help you achieve a better-functioning self-image, a happier ego.
But there can be no deep, true happiness so long as we continue to be identified with
the ego. This is because the ego, the I or methe story that lives between our ears,
that we tell ourselves and believe we areis governed by one simple and abiding fact. It
lives always with an undercurrent of fear, a lurking feeling of separation from others,
from other egos, other stories, other belief systems.
The underling motives of the ego are legion: Am I good enough? Am I worthy? Can I
still compete? What if something unexpected happensor worse, something goes wrong?
Will others judge me? Will I ever find happiness? This shouldnt be happening. What
happens when I die?
But the more you do the simple practice of closing your eyes, taking a deep, slow
breath, and imaging yourself as empty space, the more you realize that you are not your
thoughts, but that you are still here. Then these deeper, unconscious thoughts will have
room to surface in you. They will likely trigger old feelings of anxiety, fear, shame, guilt,
anger, resentment, sadness, or some other form of unease, of suffering.
Then you have to be really present with these feelings, this deeper suffering. You
have to be very alert, watchful, almost like a scientist in your curiosity to discover what is

20

true in you. Past memories, usually of something traumatic that happened long ago in
childhood, may arise.
When they do, you must learn to welcome them because they are showing you where
you are not free, where you are not abiding in the happiness that is your true nature. So,
the secret is to learn to welcome them, accept them, embrace themand then see that
they are not real either!
They may certainly have once been trueafter all, the traumatic event, whether it was
getting separated from your mother in the store, or being molested by a relative, did
happenbut the memory or story is not true now. It is only a thought, a story, which has
surfaced from the past into your conscious mind.
The more aware you are of that thought, the more deeply and slowly you breathe, and
consciously be present with itand actually see it arising within your inner visual field
the more it dissolves, and you find yourself experiencing a deeper level of release, of
letting go. The old emotion triggered by the memory unwinds, releases, and you find
yourself relaxing more into the present. You experience more ease, more inner harmony.
You can see and think more clearly.
You realize: Wow, I was really caught up in a past event just then, a prior traumatic
experience that I believed was true, but now I see was just an unconscious memory that
was running me, and preventing me from realizing an even deeper level of freedom.
And then youll probably breathe even more deeply, relax, and let goand look
around you, and smile, and just enjoy your new-found sense of freedom. Maybe youll
even congratulate yourself: you have just discovered your own way to inner freedom, to
exorcising these demons from the past
A word about recurring thoughts, thoughts that you tend to come back to, even after
your have realized the truth of happiness within If you are single and really want to be
in a relationship, then that will be a recurring thought until you actually find a
relationship. Or, if you have a health issue, or financial problem, or something you want
to create, a goal you have your eyes and heart set on, then that will be the recurring
thought

21

This is perfectly normal, a characteristic of the mind, and the creative way it works.





























22




5. Realizing It

I was on a spiritual journey for twenty years. I was a seeker of truth. I wanted to find
inner peace, the source of happiness within me. Even as I lived a normal life in northern
California, working as a chiropractor, getting married, eventually having a son, I was on
this inner quest. I really wanted to find the truth.
My journey began, as such journeys usually do, with a bout of intense suffering
during my last year in chiropractic school in Davenport, Iowa. To deal with my suffering,
I began reading books on yoga, Zen, and psychology. I took a course in Transcendental
Meditation, and began meditating twice a day.
Then I discovered J. Krishnamurti and his books. The essence of his teaching was that
the prison of beliefs and concepts keeps us caught in our minds, and prevents us from
experiencing the true beauty and meaning of life.
From Krishnamurti, I learned to focus my inner attention and wipe thoughts
awayand effectively, stop my mind. I would then open to the experience he described,
and would feel myself at peace, one with everything. But I always came to believing I
was my thoughts, and therefore back to conflict and suffering.
Then there were other teachers, and many workshops. Finally, in 1984, I met Jean
Klein, a European master of the nondual lineage, which says the spiritual and material are
not different, that reality is here now, and that the person you think you are does not
exist, except as a fabrication in your mind. You are not your thoughts, not even your I
or me thoughts, in other words, but rather the aware, conscious being behind them. To
realize this is to be free.
I studied and absorbed his teaching, through his books, his audios, and occasionally in
meetings, dialogues, and workshops with him over the next eleven years, and gradually
became freer and freer of the person I had always thought I was. The following

23

excerpt, from my book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life, describes how I finally woke up
to the happiness that is myand yourtrue nature:

In the spring of my forty-ninth year, I woke up one morning feeling mildly depressed.
I didnt like what I was feeling. As I lay in bed, I noticed a frustration about still being
subject to negative states like depression, even after all these years of spiritual practice.
Normally, I would have gotten out of bed and meditated, for I knew how to clear negative
energy that way.
But this morning was different. I became very present, looked within, and faced the
depression. I was curious. How come such a negative state could still visit me? How
come I wasnt completely free yet? Then I remembered Jeans teaching that we are not
the psychological/emotional person. I went deeply into the interior of my being with
the question:
Okay, Jim, you say you are depressed. So, who is depressed?
This wasnt just a mental exercise. This wasnt just some spiritual technique I was
toying with. There was a definite urgency to my question. I really wanted to know. It was
as if my entire life was on the line.
Yet as hard as I looked, I couldnt find the person who claimed he was depressed.
The more I shone the clear light of awareness inside myself, the more all thought forms,
including the thought I feel depressed, just dissolved. The energy of depression
cleared, I felt fine, and went about my day.
But the same thing happened to me the next morning, and the following morning. I
awoke and noticed a slightly depressed feeling. Each time I went deeply into myself with
the same inquirySo, who is depressed?and after the third morning, something
shifted, permanently. Whatever sense of self remained in my consciousness dissolved,
and I now knew myself as the Whole, as the awareness, or consciousness, behind all
thoughts, forms, experiencesindeed, behind all manifest reality.
In the succeeding months, whenever I looked inside myself I couldnt find a solid
sense of a me anymore. I no longer believed my own story, whether it dealt with

24

self-doubt, suffering, still not being free, or a story about my accomplishments, successes,
and things in which I took pride. Instead, there was just clarity, openness, and a feeling
of emptiness which was simultaneously vibrant, full, and alive.
As the months passed, it dawned on me that I had finally found what I had been
seeking for twenty years. What Jean told me, was guiding me towards, was now a bright,
integrated reality. I saw once and for all that the psychological/emotional entity called
I does not exist. My true nature is pure consciousness, expressing through this body,
mind, and personality known as Jim Dreaver.
The difference was, before I awakened to the truth of my being, I was still identified
with my ego and thoughts, with my story about who I thought I was, with being
somebody. Now I lived inwardly in luminous clarity, in openness, essentially free of
any self-image or self-concept of any kind. I realized that my true nature was, and is,
consciousness itself, which never changes.

It took me twenty years to wake up, but I know now it doesnt have to take that long.
For much of my journey, I was stumbling around in the dark. Your journey can be much,
much shorter. You just have to do the practice, which is to close your eyes, breathe
deeply and slowly, and imagine empty space inside your head
And then look within, and notice that whenever your I thought and the story you
tell yourself is active, see that you are neither this I nor the story, but rather the aware,
relaxed, spacious being who is always here. You have a story, you have thoughts,
including the I and me thoughts, but your true nature is the pure, silent, aware
spaciousness you connect with when you do the practice.
Yes, you are still human. You will still have the normal human desires for food,
shelter, sleep, sex, and creative expression, but the nature of desire changes as you
become freer and more present. You realize that desire is an inherent part of your life
force and you honor it as such, but youre no longer attached to your desires.
If a particular desire cannot be fulfilled right now, youre okay with that. You just
allow it to fall away. After all, the energy of desire is always there, waiting to arise again,

25

and maybe it will be satisfied the next time. Again, you, as this conscious, aware being
you are, are always bigger than, senior to, anything you experience.
It is the same with what I call residues of old ego patterns and behaviors. Even after
realizing the truth within, you still have an ego; you still have a personality, so you can
still be subject to the egos neuroses. If you tended to be an angry person before
realization or impatient, or afraid of confrontation, or insensitive to the needs of
otherseighty or eighty-five percent of that neurosis will fall away after you wake up.
But you will still have tendencies to get caught up in your old patterns even after you
are now awake and free, and have found the source of happiness within.
The difference now is that you see it much more quickly, and in the seeing, it falls
away. Yes, you may need to apologize for your behavior, or even make amends to
someone affected by it, but you do that relatively easily, maybe with the words: Im
sorry, I got caught up in an old ego residue there
Then you will just smile, and come back to where you always live: right here, now,
alert and completely open to life in the present moment















26




The Practice and the TeachingChoosing Thoughts

Put the book down and take a minute or so to breathe slowly and deeply and just be
Be supremely alert, present Be aware of everything within you and around you.
Shrug your shoulders up and down a few times Now read the next paragraph, and then
do the practice
Close your eyes, take another deep and slow breath, and again, imagine yourself,
your whole being, as vast, empty, aware space And realize that this space, filled with
creative potential, is your true, spiritual nature It is who and what you most essentially
are Hang out in that emptiness for as long as you want, until you feel really one with
it
Then open your eyes, and just abide in the feeling of being empty space, the plenum-
void as Buddhists call it the full-emptiness, because it is literally vibrating with energy
and potential
Contemplate the mantra: My thoughts come and go yet I, as an aware being, am
always here Allow yourself to continue to dwell, for a few minutes, in the emptiness...
Breathe consciously, and feel yourself as this alive, creative, loving presence that is here,
now
Enjoy the feeling of ease, harmony, and flow you are experiencing As you begin to
notice, to actually look within and watch how thoughts, even the I and me thoughts,
constantly arise and disappear in your inner visual field The empty, spacious
awareness that is your true nature An insight may occur You can think about
anything and yet your thoughts do not create upset You are literally senior to your
thoughts
You realize that you can consciously choose your thoughts, and choose actions that
will create good in your world

27




6. The Unchecked Ego Judges, Criticizes, and Condemns

Freedom is realizing you will always have an ego, an I, a me, just as you always
have thoughts to contemplate, and stories to tell and share with others, but it is, at the
same time, knowing that you are not your ego, your thoughts, or your stories.
Your true nature, in other words, is always expressing as the clear, luminous, ever-
present awareness or consciousness that you are. The practice of visualizing yourself as
empty space helps connect you with your true nature. The more of us that realize this
most essential of truths, the more our world will be a happy and peaceful place to live.
To arrive at this awareness of our true nature, it helps to look more closely at this ego,
this self youve taken yourself to be. The first thing to know about the ego is that it
underpins your self-image, your self-identity, your self-concept and, as such, is tied in
with your self-worth or self-esteem, how you think about and judge this self that you
imagine yourself to be.
And, in order to survive as a separate identity/belief, it needs to always feel in control
of its domainof you, in other words. It needs to know it is right. It needs to be right.
And in order to be right, it needs to make other egos wrong, or at least judge them in
some waybetter than, less than, or superior or inferior toin order to maintain its
comfortable status quo.
It does this, in the most extreme cases, through comparing, criticizing, blaming,
castigating, condemning, denouncing, disparaging, reprimanding, and generally finding
fault with anything or anyone that does not measure up to its standards. On the other
hand, when it finds an ego that it is in agreement with, or wants to be like, to emulate, it
causes you to act in a way that seeks approval orin more extreme casesbecome
flattering, fawning, sweet-talking, and doing whatever it takes to curry favor.

28

So, whenever you find yourself caught in one of the above behaviorsin a word,
comparing yourself as better than or less than another human being in some wayyou
are caught in your ego. Becoming aware of being caught is the key to shifting your
behavior, and moving into a place of greater freedom and presence.
And you become aware by realizing that your ego is essentially just a thought, the I
or me thought, and its importance in your life has been that you have built your whole
identity around ityour entire personalitysince about age two. And this is why it takes
time to undo, to get free of, your ego.
This identity of me, myself, and my story that you think and believewith all your
heart and soul, you arerarely falls away overnight. For most people it is a gradual
undoing, a progressive letting go as you see that what youve been holding onto,
identifying with, isnt even real.
It is just a thought, and as you are learning, thoughts come and go, and are therefore
not realalthough they create very powerful emotional reactions which feel very real
when they occur. Resentment, anger, envy, jealousy, blame, shame, depression, and
loneliness are all emotions that arise from unhappy egos.
Now, as this letting go of the ego thought and its negative emotions begins to happen
and you become more alive in the present moment, a fear often comes up: who will I be
without my old, familiar story? This is the egos greatest fear, its arch-nemesis: the fear
of not-being.
But you can relax. Your ego is not going to go away. Everyone always has an I
thought, an ego. It comes with the territory of being human. Besides, held in check, it is a
great tool in life. It is your personal boundary-setter, and helps you get clear about and
define what you want and dont want in your personal space.
It allows you to say a very clear Yes to what you want, and an equally clear and
definite No to what you dont want. Your ego helps you make good judgments, in other
wordshelps you discern what is good and useful, what works and doesnt work, in your
life.

29

So, while you need a strong ego to be successful in life, you need, at the same time, to
see that you have not your ego, your I and a me thoughts.
The more you recognize this truth, the more grounded you become in your true
nature, the wisdom, love, and creative power within youand, paradoxically, the
stronger and clearer your ego is, when you need call on it, when it needs to assert itself.

























30




7. Self-Discipline and Vigilance

Discovering the truth of happiness within you requires a measure of self-discipline
and vigilance. You dont have to be extreme in these behaviors; extreme anything is
usually a sign that your ego is involved, and thus is self-defeating. All that is required is a
modicum of self-discipline and vigilance.
You need enough discipline such that when you get caught up in your story and
find yourself in conflict, suffering in some way, you can bring yourself back to the
present, to what is here, nowthe feelings and sensations in your body, and your current
circumstances in this moment.
If it helps, you can welcome the suffering, welcome it because it is showing you
where you are not yet free. You can remind yourself of the mantra: I am not my
thoughts I am a wise, loving, powerful being.
Then breathe deeply and slowly, let the mantra fall away, and come back to the alert,
thought-free space. Close your eyes for a few moments and imagine yourself as being
empty space. Experience what it is like to be this clear, spacious awareness, this
conscious, aware presence you are.
When you do thisand you are literally, in a sense, doing beingnessand so long as
you dont get distracted by some thought or story again, you will have the experience of
freedom. You will realize that you are, indeed, not your thoughts, but rather the ever-
present, changeless awareness in which everything, including your thoughts, comes and
goes.
Self-discipline and vigilance, then, really go hand-in-hand. You need the self-
discipline to be vigilant, to catch yourself when you find yourself believing, identifying,
with a thought or story arising between your ears.

31

There is a Cherokee proverb that speaks to this: If you can listen to the whispers, you
dont have to hear the screams.
Self-discipline and vigilance trains you to notice when youre caught in a thought, or
story, while it is still a whisper. Then you can see more easily that you are not that
thought or story, precisely because it comes and goes, and you, as an aware being, are
always here.
Being aware of this saying also helps you realize other truths in your lifeearly
warning signs about your health, for example, or your relationships, work, finances, or
some other area you care about.
If you listen to the whispers, you dont have to hear the screams




















32




8. A Story of Sexual Abuse

A woman who attended a workshop of mine at the well-known Esalen Institute,
situated on Californias rugged Big Sur coast, inspired this story.

Stephanie, a woman bordering on middle age, had come to the workshop with a friend
who had encouraged her to break out of her shell. Im sure youll learn something new
that will help you heal, her friend said, as they were driving down the coast to Esalen.
As the workshop began, Stephanie was contracted and very sad, and revealedwhen
everybody shared a little about their particular storythat she was a victim of long-ago
traumatic experience of sexual abuse at the hands of her father. As a result, she hadnt
spoken to her father in years.
She is overweight, having used food for self-protection, and lives with a lot of fear
and paranoia, which has affected her sleeping patterns and everything else in her life. She
has difficulty with getting close to men, not trusting them, above all not trusting herself.
She seems to trust her husband, however, the only man she feels relatively safe with.
A few days into the workshop, Stephanie plucked up the courage to ask me a
question. How can you say that what my father did to me is not real? I think of him
touching me when I was a child, and my whole being recoils. It was horrible!
The event was definitely real when it happened, and that needs to be honored, I said
gently, but telling yourself the story over and over again, reliving the memories, keeps
the painful experience alive. When you see that you are not your story, nor your
memories, but rather the beautiful, aware person who is here right now, everything will
begin to change for you.
She took in what I said, nodding silently. Over the next few days, her energy shifted
noticeably. She became much more present. She relaxed and smiled more, and confessed

33

to the group that she was finally getting of tired of the victim story she had believed all
these years. She was even feeling more forgiving toward her father, realizing that she
needed to forgive him for her own inner peace.
At the end of the workshop, we gave each other a warm hug.
Thank you, she said. Something has changed in me. A burden has been lifted, and
I feel lighter, freer I am going to call my father when I get home. I realize now that he
was acting out of his own troubled history when he molested me, and I want him to know
that.





















34




9. A Story of Financial Loss

I met a woman accountant who told me about the grown men, some of them in their
sixties and seventies, who had come into her office in tears, having lost everything in the
financial crash of 2008. Previously well-off, they were now looking for any way in which
she could help them reduce the large tax bill they owed on investments and properties
which had dropped so much in value that they were now a burden.

Warren, a man in his late sixties, has worked hard all his life, has been disciplined and
conservative and, as a result, enjoys great financial success. He owns a large home in the
San Fernando Valley, drives a late- model car, and has many investments, all of which
provide him with an affluent lifestyle. He plays golf several times a week with his other
well-off friends, dines at upscale restaurants, and enjoys a life-style which includes
vacationing at exotic resorts several times a year.
The story he tells is one of success through hard work. Look at me, is his message
to people he meets. This is what you can have if you work diligently for it and invest
wisely.
But then the world financial markets crash and the value of his house and all his
investments plummet. Suddenly, he finds himself struggling for financial survival. His
sense of self-worthhis self-esteemhas been based upon what he owns, and now that
his world is falling apart, he is desperate, to the extent of even contemplating thoughts of
suicide.
The root of Warrens problem is that he does not know himself at a being level. His
sense of identityand thus his happinesshas come from what he had, or thought he
had. And yet the cure for what ails Warren is also within him. But to discover it will
require a deep, radical shift in perception, in the way he sees and perceives reality. It

35

doesnt call for him to do anything. He doesnt have to claw his way back to an even
financial footing, or work to find some new means of incomealthough he may well do
that.
What is that shift? If he is to find the happiness that does not depend on having a
certain amount of money in the bank, and on others approval of him, he must turn his
gaze within. He must find out who he really is, beyond his story about who he is,
because that storyI am a guy who is successful because Ive worked hard and invested
wiselyis not true anymore.
The good news is that real happiness is everyones true nature, and is experienced
when were simply relaxed and at ease in this moment now, not caught up in our mind,
our thoughts, or our story. Warren, in other words, must discover and experience himself
without any defining story about who or what he is. Doing the practice of relaxing,
breathing slowly, and imagining himself as empty space would be perfect for him.
Then he would begin to have the experience of his true nature. As he becomes more
truly present, he will realize that he is enough as he is. Just to be, and to feel the energy,
aliveness, and vibrancy that arises when he is one with the moment, will be a liberating
experience. Then he will see everything with new eyes, from a fresh perspective. Then
new, creative action can happenand, probably because he has been blessed with
financial smarts, he will find a way to restore at least some of his previous wealth.
And what if you, reading this, are in a situation similar to Warrens, or at the very
least, having difficulty meeting your financial obligations? If such is the case with you,
there are two things you need to do, one of them outer, the other inner.
Outwardly, you need to do all the vital things accountants and financial planners
recommend: find serious ways of reducing debt, including not going into further debt by
using credit cards, or taking out loans, and you need, perhaps, to seek new forms of
income, by getting a new, or second job, or find some other creative way of manifesting
more money.
For those of you in the absolute worst situation, bankruptcy may be an option. What is
the good news about that, if any? I, myself, had gotten way behind on my taxes a few

36

years before my realization of the truth of my being, and both my attorney and accountant
advised me to declare bankruptcy, and work out a payment plan with the I.R.S.
I resisted their advice for two years because I was still identified with this me who
was afraid that people would judge me for being a financial failure, someone who
couldnt manage his money. When I finally saw thatand that it was only my ego, my
self identity, which was the one thing of course that I wanted to be free ofit was easy
for me to file.
Not only was it easy, but it was a great relief, both practically and inwardly,
spiritually. In filing for bankruptcy, I freed myself from a burdensome debt and from the
last vestige of my self-image. This paved the way for the freedom and inner happiness
Id been seeking for twenty years.
And this, of course, brings me back to the inner action I spoke of above, the inner
work which has brought you to this book. Our financial circumstances are not different
from who and what we are. They are an expression of who were are, and the clearer,
more at ease, and more harmonious in our being we are, the more our financial life
whether rich, or very modestwill express that.
We learn, in other words, to live within our means













37



10. Living It

How do you shift from intellectually understanding that My thoughts are not real
because they come and go, to actually living the understanding, to embodying it?
By having many experiences of it, of being one with the flow of life. And you have
many experiences by doing a lot of practicethe practice youve been doing, of
visualizing yourself as empty space, and then actually watching how thoughts constantly
arise and disappear in your inner visual field, yet youthe watcherare always here,
always present.
Practice makes perfect, in other words. With a lot of practice in abiding in your true
naturethis very present, empty, relatively thought-free stateit gradually becomes
second nature.
Then the truth and liberating power of the teaching increasingly dawns on you: My
God, I am not my mind or my thoughts, not even the I or me thoughts, yet I, as this
aware, conscious being, am still very much here! Seeing is freeing, in other words.
With this new awarenessand it is always new, always self-regeneratingyou see
everything with new eyes, with a wholly fresh and vibrant outlook, and you take
whatever action may be needed. Whether it is something you have to do, are called to do,
or just want to do, you do itin a clear, flowing, harmonious way.
Moreover, the more you see everything with this new clarity, the more your heart
opens, and your actions are guided by a growing wisdom, love, and a creative
spontaneity. This is when real miracles begin to occur in your life






38




The Practice and the TeachingKnowing Yourself as the Changeless

Take a deep, slow breath, and just relax as much as you can. Now, pay attention to
the sounds in your environment: the sound of your own breathing, the sounds in your
room, perhaps of an appliance, or your computer humming. Listen to the sounds outside,
maybe of children playing, or the song of birds, the noise of traffic, construction going
on, a plane passing overhead, the sound of the wind blowing
Notice how all these sounds come and go in your awareness, arise and disappear, yet
youthe aware, conscious human being who is hearing the soundsare simply here.
This is a fundamental truth of life: that all sound comes and goes, but you are always
here.
Now pay attention to the sensations and feelings in your body. Maybe there is a
tension in your jaw or your shoulders, a tightness in your low back, or a feeling in the pit
of your stomach. You may have to move, stretch a little, to be more comfortable. Then
notice how your movements themselves, along with the sensations and feelings you
experience, also come and go, shift and change. However you, the one who is aware of
everything, are just here.
You are always present, the unchanging watcher, observer, experiencer of what is
happening in within and around you
Finally, look within, into your own mind. Notice the thoughts, beliefs, image
including the I and me thoughtsthat pass through your mind. Look at them,
actually watch how they come and go, arise and disappear, within your inner visual field.
Maybe you have a very busy mind, or maybe your mind is relatively quiet. It doesnt
matter. What matters is that you realize that the activity, the constant mind chatter, is not
you, but rather an expression of you Thoughts and images flow out of and disappear
into the awareness that you are

39

Then, read this paragraph, and do the last part of this practice Simply close your
eyes and take another deep, slow, conscious breath Again, imagine empty space
between your eyes, and inside your head Be the vast, empty, yet aware space you
are. Allow the feeling of emptiness to pervade your whole being Take as long as you
need a few minutes, or ten or more minutes to abide there and become one with the
emptiness Then, when you are ready, open your eyes
Just notice how you are always this changeless, timeless, spacious awareness in
which sounds, sensations, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences continually arise
and fall away When you know yourself as the changeless, that which is always here,
amidst the ever-changing events and circumstances of your life, you are free
In this freedom lies the true beauty and meaning of life. This freedom is the ground of
all wisdom and love, of all true happiness and fulfillment


















40




11. The Seduction of Story

We are a story-telling people, and our stories are important. They matter. We
communicate through sharing and telling stories. Journalists make their living by
reporting stories. Novelists tell made-up stories. Historians tell stories about the past,
what has happened in human history. And ordinary human beings, in their relationships
with each other, share stories about what they or others are doing, have done, or hope or
plan to do.
But we are not our stories, because our stories, and the very thoughts and words that
make them up, come and go, and we are what is always here. Reality, remember
Reality with a capital Ris what is always present.
Freedom, and the deep happiness and inner peace that do not depend on anything,
comes when we realize this. It arises when we discover that we, as aware, conscious
beings, are always here, amidst the ever-changing world of thoughts, stories, sensations,
feelings, emotions, events, and circumstances.
However, until this freedom is experienced firsthand, we tend to believe the stories
that define us, and this belief is the basis of both our joy and our despair.
For example, a young man, Dirk, falls in love with a woman, Miriam, and begins
dreaming about a future with her. He starts making all kinds of plans (fabricating
stories) in his mind about what their future will be like, and calls her frequently to
share his plans. But then Miriam decides, for whatever reason, he is not the one for her,
stops calling him back, and moves on with her life.
Dirk is heart-broken, utterly bereft. None of what he hoped for with Miriam will ever
become true, and he suffers mightily, for several months at least, and maybeif he is
really caught up in his storyfor years. All he has is his painful memories of her, the
stories, the expectations and hopes he had. His emotional state fluctuates between hurt

41

and rejection, and blame, resentment, and angerand, occasionally, even self-righteous
fury, as in: How dare she do this to me!
This example illustrate how powerfully seductive stories can be in our lives. Dirk
does not realize that while his emotional painmainly hurt and angeris very real for
the time it lasts, it is being fueled by the thoughts and stories he tells himself and
believes. And his story of rejection by Miriam probably goes back to childhood, when he
felt rejected by a parent, or someone else close to him.
To the extent we are seduced by our past, we are not free. Freedom lies in seeing that
we have stories, including memories of prior events that may well have been traumatic,
or expectations that were not fulfilled (as in the case of Dirk), but life is lived here, now,
in the present. The more we awaken to the power of the present, the more freedom and
happiness we experience.
We learn not to define ourselves by any thought, or any story. If asked the question:
But who are you without your story? we answer, always spontaneously, with
something like: Why, Im just me, of course, this beautiful human being standing in
front of you, just as you are a beautiful human being standing before me. And, in our
essence, we are one The same awareness that is in me is in you
And although we may see that others are caught up in, seduced by, the stories they
tell, their addiction to their stories no longer has power over us. Our happiness comes
from the feeling, the knowing, that we are alive here, nowone with the fullness,
vibrancy, and creative potential of this moment.
At the same time, we honor our stories of the past. We may even have expectations of
someone, but we learn not to be attached to them. And we definitely keep an eye on the
future, including setting goals and making whatever plans may be necessary. But we
always live right here, now. This is the way to happiness
When we live in the present, we create only good karma, because our actions are
always conscious, guided by wisdom and love. Karma, in its simplest definition, is the
cycle of cause and effect, so when we act consciously, our actions usually have only
positive effects. Of course, because were human, there are always exceptions!

42

Unconscious actions are what create negative effects, or negative karma. Inattention
to your environment, for example, results in accidents. On a busy freeway, that can
produce a collision which can have, depending on the severity of the impact, huge karmic
consequences. Inattention to your health over a short time or many decades can result in
the sameor inattention or neglect, for that matter, in any other area of your life:
relationships, work, finances, or your own creativity.
The Sufis say that problems are simply situations that need our attention. This is as
good a definition as any. Live in the present, and take care of the business you need to
take care of, and your life will mostly be a smooth, harmonious flow, free of any negative
karmic consequences




















43




12. Dealing With Depression

Annabelle, who is in her late twenties, lives with a chronic, on-and-off again
depression. The apparent cause is that she doesnt have a place to call home, and relies
upon the goodwill of friends, of which she has many, for a place to stay. But the real
cause is that she doesnt know herself: she has not yet awakened to her true nature.
Annabelle is an avid yogi, and belongs to a large community of fellow yogis. She
goes to yoga classes sometimes twice a day, and kirtanssessions with music and
chantingseveral times a week. She can afford the yoga classes because she usually
works out some kind of trade, and sometimes she gets a scholarship.
She finds her daily yoga classes, and especially the kirtans, particularly uplifting.
They always snap her out of her depression, but she knows that she wont feel truly at
peace with herself until she finds work that she likewhich is difficult in the current
economyand a place that she can call home.
Annabelle has yet to discover the true purpose, the deeper dimension of yoga, which
is self-realization. Maybe there is an over-emphasis in her community on the physical,
feel-good aspects of the yoga and kirtans, the achievement of perfect yoga poses and the
resonance of voices chanting in sweet harmony.
But any peace that depends upon outer conditionssuch as being able to practice
yoga well or engaging in a beautiful kirtanis not true peace. True inner peace shines on
its own, independent of any condition or circumstance.
Patanjali himself, who wrote the Yoga Sutras almost 2,000 years ago, stated that the
purpose of yoga was to still the thought waves of the mind, so that one could realize
union with ones true Selfin other words, self-realization.
When Annabelle looks deep inside herself, deeper than she has ever looked before, to
the very source of who and what she believes she is, then freedom will become more real

44

for her. Doing the practice of imagining herself as empty space will help ground her in
her true nature. Then, what she will discover, as she looks within at the thoughts she has,
is that this self, this person she has believed herself to be all these years, is not
actually real.
She will discover, as everyone who looks deep within discovers, that this I, this
me she has taken herself to be, cannot be found anywhere. It is just like my experience
when I was depressed, and had my final awakening.
She will discover too that the I or me thought is just a concepta self
conceptthat flits in and out of her awareness, and yet she has mistakenly identified
herself it with basically her whole life. Yet she, the one who notices it, the one who is
aware of it, is always here!
When she sees this, that she is the changeless awareness behind the ever-shifting and
changing contents of her mind, and circumstances of her life, she will be free. She will be
liberated from the illusion of being a psychological/emotional person who goes in and
out of very real, but still relative and therefore passing, periods of worry, anxiety, fear,
and depression.
And her commitment to yoga can help bring her to this awareness, if she goes deep
enough with her practice Then Annabelle will be able to see her life situation with
more clarity, with calmness and equanimity, and will be able to make wise choices in
terms of work opportunities and finding a place she can call home.










45




13. How Addictions Keep Us Stuck

The effects of addiction to alcohol, smoking, and over-eating are well-known. Here, I
want to address a specific addiction: to marijuana.
People with this problem are generally stuck in their lives, unable to move forward, to
launch themselves into the world in a way that produces success in their chosen work,
their relationships, and in life in general. If they are young, it keeps them stuck
emotionally, such that so long as they are prey to their addiction, they never really grow
up, they never mature.
The problem is not marijuana, per se. Marijuana, used wisely, can be a useful
medicine for many chronic health problems. It can also be an excellent tool for
creativitythe term pot is an acronym for perception opened totally. And it
definitely altersand for many, enhanceskinesthetic experiences, such as music,
movement, dance, and love-making.
But when it becomes an addiction and is used too much, too indiscriminately, your
life goes to pot. You forget things, make mistakes in judgment, and it can destroy the
motivation to do, to accomplish resultsthe stoner just enjoys being stoned.
Moreover, it can be a way of escaping from feeling anything deeply. Whenever
emotional pain or anxiety arises from within, the user takes another toke, rather than
facing and dealing with the problem directly. This pattern of avoidance translates into
other areas of life, such that the stoner is often only comfortable socializing with other
stoners.
What is the cure for this addiction? For some, it means going into a rehabilitation
facility if the family can afford it. For others, the withdrawal of financial support from
parents or friends may be enough to force the individual concerned to realize he or she
has to fend for themselves now. It may be enough of a wake-up call, in other words.

46

Whatever the approach us to deal with the addiction, it usually requires a clean break.
The addict must stop using marijuana altogether for a period of time, invariably a long
period, if they are to make headway in their lives. Once they have a foothold in their new
way of life, they can begin to lookif they are genuinely interestedfor the source of
happiness within themselves, the happiness that doesnt depend on being stoned, or on
anything else.
And they will find that happiness, of course, the same way you, reading these pages,
are finding it: through realizing it is your very nature. It is what is there when you see that
the world between your ears, the world of me, myself, and my story is not real, yet
youthe watcher or experiencer of it allare always here.
You, as this aware, conscious person you are, are always present behind and
throughout the ever-changing events, circumstances, and experiences of your life.
Knowing yourself as the changeless amidst the ever-changing reality of your life is the
very essence of freedom. Doing the practice of visualizing yourself as empty space helps
with the realization of your true, changeless nature.
In that freedom, your heart opens wide, and you discover your true purpose for being
here













47




14. Identifying With a Victim Story

People who still think they are their thoughts, their stories, and therefore who are not
free, can tend to get stuck in and identified with a victim story.
So long as you take yourself to be a psychological/emotional person, feeling like
you are in control of your life and on top of things, then being a victim of circumstances
when things suddenly go wrong or turn out badly, are two side of the same coin.
Where the one situation is asserted or proclaimed, the other is not very far away.
Witness the millions who lost their jobs and their homes in the financial crash of 2008,
and transitioned quicklyif they took their loss personallyfrom the one to the other.
We have already looked at some examples of such people.
A victim, in the most dramatic case, is someone who tells their story of loss and
suffering over and over again to anyone who will listen. Not coincidentally, there is
usually a lot of drama in their story. They may be a victim of some recent
circumstance, or of a long-ago situation, such as something that happened in their
childhood.
But drama is something that is best left to the pages of a novel, or a cinema or
television screen, or a stage play, or a sporting event. If your aim in life is to realize the
truth of happiness within, then you have to see that any drama that may exist in your
life is because of your perception of thingsthe thoughts and stories you tell yourself.
The more you realize you are not your thoughts or stories, but rather the ever-present,
conscious individual in which the thoughts and stories arise and disappear, the freer you
will be of any personal drama. Then youll live, basically every moment, in the ease,
harmony, and flow of your true nature.
You will certainly experience many intense moments of pleasure and emotion,
especially if you are younger, but it will be all part of the natural flow of life. (The

48

intensity of feeling tends to smooth out with age, as those of us who are in midlife or
older can attest.) But there wont be any particular feeling of drama in your life, and if
something dramatic does occur, youll handle it with ease, intelligence, and
appropriateness.
And if you happen to meet someone who is identified with a victim story, you will
listen patiently and kindly. That is, after all, what they need from you, and probably
havent been getting from their friends, most of whom will have been long since tired of
listening to them.
But you will only listen once, maybe twice, and the second time, youll encourage
them to step back, so to speak, and listen to themselves as they tell their story. In this
way, you will gradually invite them to see that while their story of loss, trauma, or
disappointment was certainly true once, it is not true now.
Youll bring them into the present, in other wordsthe place of power, where
everything is seen afresh and new beginnings, new opportunities, are realized. This is one
way of beginning to share the good news of the truth of happiness within















49




15. Learning To Welcome Suffering

Whenever you find yourself caught in emotional reaction, suffering, or upset, whether
caused by someone or something else, or your own thoughts, your own inner process,
you must learn to be present with it if ever you want to be free of it. If ever you want to
be able to release it, and arrive at the place where youre completely free of it, such that
you no longer suffer again.
In fact, if you really want to awaken to the truth within you, to find the source of
happiness within, you must eventually learn to welcome your suffering, precisely because
it is showing you where you are not yet free.
Pain is a fact of life. Physical pain, arising from an accident, illness, or injury, comes
with the territory of being human. Then there is the emotional pain, a normal, human
reaction which comes from a loss or an unwanted event in our lives.
But suffering, which is the I, the me not liking the painand then, usually,
creating a whole woe is me story around itis not necessary.
In End Your Story, Begin Your Life I write about the practice of freedom, which is
really the heart of the book.
The first step in the practice is learn to be present with your conflict, upset, or
suffering, and eventually to welcome it because it is showing you where youre not yet
free. Usually people want to resist, avoid, reject, rationalize, or deny the fact the fact of
suffering but in order to be free of it, you must face it.
The second step is to notice the thought or story youre telling yourself, because
theres always a thought or story, whether conscious or unconscious, behind suffering.
Maybe the story is, This shouldnt be happening, or I feel guilty about what Ive done, or
This is unfair, or I cant trust anyone.

50

The third step is to see the truth, and the truth is that the thought or story comes and
goes, just like the suffering or upset comes and goes, but youas this aware, conscious
being you areare always here.
You can actually prove this to yourself, by turning your attention within and watching
the thoughts arise and disappear within your inner visual field Yet you, as the observer
or watcher of your thoughts, are always here Then notice how the freer you are of
thoughts and stories, the freer you also are of the sufferingthe emotional reaction
created by that thought or story
The more you do this practice, the more present you becomeand the more the
unconscious material, the motivations and impulses which drive your behavior, tend to
surface. You recognize them when they appear, and you deal with them in the same way,
with the practice above.
There is a fourth step to the practice. As you become freer, you tend naturally to ask:
Well, who is this me who suffers, anyway? Who is the story-teller? When you
genuinely want to know the answer to that question, you are on the verge of breaking
through into true freedom, or self-realization.
Now, in this book, I have simplified the practice and teaching even further, and
distilled it down to its crystalline essence.
Closing your eyes, breathing slowly and deeply, and then imagining or visualizing
yourself as empty space gives you the direct experience of your true, spiritual nature.
This is the practice.
And then seeing that you have thoughts but you are not your thoughtsbecause they
come and go, and you are always hereis the teaching. You are the seer, the watcher or
witness of your thoughts, including the I and me thoughts.
The more you realize your true spiritual nature, the freer you become of self-centered
thinking, and all the suffering that accompanies it. Then you can consciously use thought
for the powerful, creative instrument that it is.
But if you still find yourself getting mired down in emotional suffering, then learn to
welcome it. After all, its showing you where you are not yet free

51




The Practice and the TeachingRevisiting Past Traumas

Read the next paragraph first, and then do the practice
Put the book down, close your eyes, and shrug your shoulders a few times. Take a few
deep, slow, conscious breaths, and then imagine, or visualize, empty space between your
ears Let the feeling of empty space expand so that it envelops, permeates, your whole
being Spend whatever time is necessary a few minutes, five or ten minutes or more to
allow yourself to experience what its like to be established in the pure, aware, vibrant
energy that is your true nature Then open your eyes
Notice how refreshed and alive you feel Then, again, read the next two paragraphs
through, and once more, do the practice
Close your eyes again, visualize yourself being empty space And now go back into
your past, way back, and pull up a traumatic event from your childhood Really
experience this event, the memory or story of it and the feeling and emotion, the pain
of it, in your body, as deeply as you can
You probably felt like a victim yourself at the time this happened to you Thats
okay, everyone has felt like a victim, has been a victim, as some point in their life Just
breathe deeply and consciously as you do this, because breathing in this way helps you
get through anything, even the most difficult of times
With your eyes opened or closed, allow the memory and feeling of this past event to
linger awhile Invite the memory into your inner visual field where you can actually see
it Welcome the emotional pain that it evokes After all, you want to experience it
fully To see how it has maybe run you and controlled your behavior unconsciously for
most of your life And now you are bringing it into consciousness where you can really
see it, and ultimately be free of it

52

Then, gradually, allow the feeling to subside, and come back to the experience of
being empty space Your true nature, this clear, loving person you are, right here, right
now Notice how you dont need any belief, any story to sustain this feeling.
From this place of being very present, you can use the power of thought, of story, of
clear, conscious intention to guide you in the next step in your life

























53




16. Stories About God

People, throughout history, have invented many stories about God, from ancient tribal
beliefs and myths, all the way up to the beliefs we have today.
Every religion has its own story about the mysterious power behind all manifest
creation, whether it is Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, or any one of
the countless other religions that exist. What they all have in common is their storyand
that they depend on the story, on believing in it and adhering to it, to attract and keep
their followers.
And yet for anyone who reads this book, who is interested in realizing the truth of
happiness within, a simple fact has to be acknowledged: a story, even the most noble,
beautiful, and sacred of stories, is still just a story! It is not the truth! The truth is what
exists in the wordless, timeless space of here, now
What exists here, now? You, reading this book, exist here, now. I, writing it, exist
here, now. We are these aware, conscious beingsthese human beingsexisting here
now. Yes, we have a past, a personal history, which we can think about and remember,
and our past needs to be valued. We can also use the power of our mind to imagine,
speculate, dream, and envision what we may do in the futureand we all do this, and we
need to do it consciously in order to ensure our survival and well-being.
But reality is lived here, now. The more awake and free we are, the less need we have
to believe in anything, and that includes the religion we may have been raised in. We
see more and more clearly the unreality of all religious beliefs, and we simply have no
need for them. We understand more clearly how religions began in the first place: to give
meaning and purpose to lives that were otherwise bereft of true meaning, and to give
people a sense of community, of belonging.

54

As we awaken to the timeless truth within usthe happiness that is our inherent
natureliving becomes naturally rich in all those qualities that religion, with varying
degrees of success, provided. Beauty, truth, love, meaning, and purpose are all ours as we
live and act from the depths, the plenum-void of our true nature. Then we use the power
of story to create, communicate, and collaborate, but we are no longer limited by it, and
no longer afraid of anything.
Yes, most religions use a very subtle, though not necessarily intentional, form of fear
to hold sway over their followers. They rely on the fear of Gods judgment, and the
story about the hell that awaits those who incur His wrath. It is what keeps believers in
check, and prevents them from straying too far from the fold. It requires, usually,
tremendous courage to break free from the hold of religion and march to the beat of your
own drum.
But when you do break freeand, say, pick up a book like thisyou begin to realize
that what youve been searching for all along exists within you, and always has.
Freedom, beauty, and love are your very nature, your true nature. And it is right here,
right now.
Then you look around you, and even as you honor the truth and beauty that exists in
all religious traditions, youre just open to life, open to the endless creative possibilities
and opportunities awaiting you











55




17. The Need To Feel Safe

One of the main concerns, when we are still identified with our ego, when we think
this I or me we take ourselves to be is real, is that we need to feel safe.
We need to feel protected; we need to know, be assured, that no harm can befall us.
We may tell ourselves: I cant trust this person, or Its dangerous for me to be with
this person.
A woman, Astrid, has been committed to the journey of awakening for many years.
As a result, she is freer now and is certainly more present in her life and work. But she
still has a lingering issuenot feeling safethe roots of which can be traced back
through her lineage, her ancestry. Her Jewish parents fled Nazi Germany in the mid-
1930s and they lived in various countries before settling in America.
She works as a psychotherapist, coincidentally, helping others to find freedom and
safety within themselves. But she feels she is not completely free, and yearns for that
stepping through the final door to self-realizationmore than anything. What is she to
do?
When we met, I reminded her of something the East Indian sage, Ramana Maharshi
said long ago: The only barrier of realization is the belief that we are not realized.
I urged her to do the practice of imagining herself as empty space for a few minutes,
and relax into her true nature. Then I encouraged her to contemplate Ramanas teaching,
and ponder it deeply. And then to let the teaching go, and come back to being empty
space, to being the pure awareness, the conscious being she isand always has been.
Then, from the place of empty awareness, to dig, probe deep within her consciousness for
any remnants of the I, this me who doesnt feel safe.
She must come back to this practice of visualizing herself as empty space, and then do
the technique of self-inquiryWho is this me that doesnt feel safe? She must do it

56

especially at those times when the feeling of not being safe is triggered by some person,
or some event.
She must dive deep within herself and confront this I who feels threatenednot as
an intellectual exercise, but as if her very life is on the line, which, in a sense, it is. She
must actually see the I thought she has given such power to as it arises and disappears
with her inner visual field
If she does this, she will see the truth: that this self she takes herself to be is just a
thought/feeling, albeit an ancient, deep-rooted one, which comes and goes, and that she,
as an aware, conscious being, is always present and always safe.
Ramana was right. The only barrier to self-realization is the belief that we are not
realized. Awakening, freedom, liberationfinding the truth of happiness withinis
totally a matter of shifting perception. It is seeing that this I or me we take ourselves
to be is not real, precisely because it comes and goes, arises and disappears, yet we, the
watcher or experiencer of our mind, our thoughts, are always here.
With these deep issues of self-identity, usually childhood-based, we have to probe to
the core of our psyche and consciously allow them to surface, where we can see them
and in seeing them, realize we are not them. They, in other words, are objects in the
consciousness that we are. The objects arise and disappear, but the consciousness we are,
our true nature, is always here. This must be explored, looked at, and seen over and over
again until we finally abide, rest in the truth of our being.
Or, as an old Irish saying succinctly puts it: if you run away from a ghost, itll chase
you and haunt you for the rest of your life, but if you stop and turn and face it, it will
disappear, because ghosts arent real.
So it is with our personal demons. The physical feelings of anxiety and fear they
evoke are very real when they occur, but the thoughts and beliefs behind them are not
real. The more we see this, the freer we are




57




18. Self-Esteem

The majority of people who have not realized their true nature have problems with
self-esteem, simply because they still take themselves to be a self, a person with
issues of self-worth, self-judgment, and self-condemnation. A story from my book, End
Your Story, Begin Your Life, addresses this issue perfectly:

Once, at a public dialogue with Jean Klein, a man raised his hand to speak. When
Jean acknowledged him, the man said: Every time I come to hear you, I notice you seem
so clear and relaxed. You radiate a peaceful, loving warmth. You seem happy. Yet I am
always discontented and often stressed out. There are times when I feel quite miserable.
What is the difference between us?
Jean looked at the man for a while, and then said, with a smile: You still take
yourself to be somebody. I dont take myself to be anybody.
Until we have done it enough times, letting go of the need to be somebody can cause
anxiety. We get used to relying on our thoughts, beliefs, and story to give our life
meaning. It becomes our sense of identity, our sense of knowing who and what we are.
Yet, this very limited way of knowing keeps us in conflict. It keeps us divided from other
human beings whose identities are based on different psychological, philosophical, or
religious beliefs.
Early in my journey, I did not like hearing the American spiritual teacher, Ram Dass,
say in order to be enlightened you had to be nobody. Since childhood, I wanted to be
somebody, to make my mark in life. I was always ambitious, probably due to my need for
recognition and attention.
Eventually, though, I discovered Ram Dass was correct. The freest people dont take
themselves to be anybody. Their ambition is less personal and more focused on just doing

58

something worthwhile, something serving the greater good. They are not attached to any
concept or image of self, because they see all such concepts and images as unreal,
figments of our own creation. Non-attachment is the result of clearly seeing the true
nature of reality. It frees us from worry and suffering.
Jeans strength as a teacher was in not giving any credence to the personal. People
came to him with their personal problems, but he would seldom give direct answers or
advice.
Instead, he guided them back to the clarity, freedom, and the vastness which was their
true impersonal nature. From his perspective, once we are established in the impersonal
and awake, knowing we really are nobody, then there is room for the personalour
personalityto emerge in an authentic, spontaneous way. The beauty of this approach is
it allows us to be somebody without being attached to the idea of being somebody.
This is what it means to be free.

Issues around self-esteem are inevitable when were attached to, identified, with an
image of selfwhen we take ourselves to be somebody. But when we dont take
ourselves to be anybody, then we are free to be, to live and to act as the beautiful, happy,
creative, and loving people we really are.
We are free to share our happiness











59




19. Its Not About the Bliss

A fundamental error many seekers of truth make is that they get attached to
experiencesto states of bliss, peace, silence, stillness, or whatever. But enlightenment,
freedom, or awakening is not about being attached to any state.
After all, a state is, by definition, a condition, something that has a beginning and
an end. It come and goes, in other words, and we are seeking the happiness that is always
here, the happiness that is our true nature.
A man, Peter, in his late fifties, who is married with a teen-aged daughter, has finally
learned how to connect with the peace and bliss inside him, after many years of suffering
from anxiety and depression.
He cultivates this state of bliss through an intense yoga practice, and attends events
with a spiritual teacher who emphasizes the attainment of bliss as a goal to be realized.
This teacher often goes into a state of deep samadhi, or realization, where he becomes
oblivious to everything else.
But then Peters wife, who is more practical and does not share his enthusiasm for the
bliss-state, grows increasingly unhappy with what she perceives as his lack of attention
to her, as well as their daughter.
Youre just like your teacher, she says, accusingly. Youre absorbed in your own
inner bliss, your own inner journey, and theres no room for me, and precious little for
your daughter.
Peter instinctively dismisses his wifes complaints, rationalizing it as nagging, or that
she just is not as committed to the truth as he is. In terms of his daughter, he compares the
way he is raising her with his own childhood, and is satisfied with knowing that he is
doing a much better job of parenting than his own father did with him.

60

So he goes about his merry way, convinced that if he continues doing his yoga and
following his teachers example, he will one day become fully enlightenedalthough he
would admit to himself, if asked, that he didnt quite know what that would look or feel
like. He just assumed he would someday be like his teacher, and be able to go into bliss at
will, and seemingly not be bothered by anythingleast of all, he thought, by a
complaining wife.
But then one day, his wife asks for a divorce and Peter, who had not seen this event
coming, begins to spiral down into a deep depression, the old, chronic depression hed
managed to avoid when he started doing yoga and following his teacher.
When he finally is asked to move out of the family home, he encounters a new
experience: deep loneliness. Suddenly he misses his wife, and especially his daughter,
who only comes to visit him every other weekend.
It takes many, many months, but gradually Peter begins to see the truth of what he has
been doing: that in making his spiritual journey, and the pursuit of inner bliss in
particular, the central focus of his life, real lifein the form of his family, and the life, in
all its conflict, joys, and messiness, that he hadhas passed him by.
It comes as a wake-up call to him. One morning he literally wakes up, and doesnt
want to get out of bed. He pulls the covers over his head and lies there, sobbing at what
he has lost. He thinks about the bliss that he used to experience and realizes, with a
startling clarity, that it was just that: an experience, something that comes and goes.
He thinks about his spiritual teacher, and sees him in a wholly new light, promoting a
teaching that is, in a way, false, a teaching that depends upon gaining and retaining
followers, people like himSuckers like me, he thinks to himself, somewhat angrily .
He realizes, in a flash of insight, that the attachment to a state of bliss is not true
freedom, because if it was true freedom it would depend on nothing at all, least of all a
feeling or emotional state. This realization comes as a bolt out of the blue.
Slowly, he turns onto his back, and pulls the covers off his head. He looks around, and
feels strangely at peace, one with life. When he looks within, he notices that bliss is there,

61

and it dawns on him, for the first time, that bliss is always here, that it is an expression of
his true, inner nature
He smiles to himself when he sees this, and slowly, then more quickly, gets out of
bed. Suddenly a wave of compassion for the wife and daughter he has never stopped
loving comes over him, and he goes to the phone to call them

























62




20. Forgiveness

Until you have forgiven everyone who may have hurt or wronged you, you cannot be
free or happy. And the essence of forgiveness is letting go of your story of blame. The
good news is that other person doesnt even have to be in your life any longer.
Why is it that until you forgive, you cant be happy? Because so long as youre
holding onto a grudge or resentment against someone, youre in your ego, your small
self. Your ego is still the master in your world, still has control of you, and as weve
seen, the egos gamein its worst manifestationis one of judgment and condemnation,
of Im right and youre wrong.
There can be no real freedom or personal happiness so long as the ego has dominance
in your life. It is just a fact that has to be acknowledged. Yet your ego is still there, still
an expression of you, but now it is more the servant of your true being.
As Ramakrishna, the Indian saint said: The ego makes a very poor master, but a very
good servant. Your egothe I, the meserves you by setting good personal
boundaries, organizing your personal wants and needs, and establishing goals and making
plans.
A young man, Eric, was for many years angry at his father. He felt his father had
never really been there for him, had never provided the tough love that, looking back
on his life, he knew he needed in order to make it in world. Sure, his father loved him and
had been there as a reasonably caring parent when he was young, but he had, Eric thought
to himself, been too lax during his teen-age years.
Now, as a young man of twenty-five, he was struggling with earning a living and
finding his place in the world, and he found himself blaming his father. Its largely my
Dads fault that Im not doing well in life, he would tell himself in his darkest, most
depressed moments. That asshole just basically abandoned me

63

But then a young woman, Michaela, came into his life. He was a handsome enough
young man, emotionally sensitive, and where women were concerned, a good listener. It
was this that had attracted her to him, and they began a romantic relationship.
Things began to slowly turn around for him because Michaela wasnt at all a victim.
In fact, she was a very conscious young woman. She did yoga, meditated regularly, and
was all about being present in her life, committed to being free of her past so she could be
present.
Michaela helped Eric see where he was not yet free, and it began with his story of
resentment toward his father. One day, when they were lying in bed together, having just
made love, she asked him about his relationship with his father. Eric began to launch into
all the ways that his Dad had failed him, but then saw the growing look of both horror
and amusement on Michaelas face.
Eric sat up, confused. I dont understand your reaction
Michaela stroked his arm in a tender gesture, letting him know that she loved him.
Thats quite a story you have about your father, she said softly. Id almost believe it, if
were true
But it is true! Eric insisted.
Maybe it was true maybe she said quietly, soothingly, but its certainly not
true now.
She sat up, put her arms around him, and gave him a long, sweet kiss.
Whats true now is that you and I are here together in bed, with the sun shining
through the curtains, and we have just made the most amazing love She smiled.
Thats what is true now
Eric sighed and relaxed, and lay down next to her. The truth of the victim story hed
been telling himself began to dawn on him.
Youre right, he said, staring at the ceiling. Ive been caught up in my story of
blaming him for everything thats not working in my life Thanks to you, Im really
beginning to see that now.

64

Then he closed his eyes and began to weep, and Michaela move close to him, and
held him in her arms.
Thanks for helping me see that, sweetie, he said, drying his tears.
Youre welcome, she said, giving him another kiss. I read somewhere that seeing
is freeing, and it is so true We just have to see the truth, and the very seeing frees us,
frees us to be more present, more awake, more aware
Eric sat up on his elbows, feeling a new surge of creative energy. The seeing
empowers us, thats what it does Empowers me, anyway
Empowerment is a good word, yes, Michaela said, snuggling up to him.





















65




The Practice and the TeachingExploring Deeper Levels of Resistance

Take a walk outside, in nature, for this exercise Notice the trees around you, the
birds, the sky and clouds overhead, and cars or people passing by Just take it all in
Then allow yourself a few deep, slow, conscious breaths, and relax into being fully
aware and present in this moment. Do the practice of imagining or visualizing empty
space between your eyes, and then inside your head, even as youre walking with your
eyes open, taking everything in
Again, realize that this empty space is your true, spiritual nature, the ground of who
and what you most fundamentally are This empty space is filled with vast, untapped
creative potential Your potential, filled with new, innovative ideas, just waiting to be
mined Let yourself indulge in, and enjoy, the delicious feeling of pure emptiness, and
the creative fullness, for a while as you walk
Then ask yourself: Are there any deeper levels of resistance in me, a contraction of
my I thought, my ego? Is there anyone I still need to forgive? Is there any trace of
resentment still inside me?
Probe deep inside your consciousness to see if there is any resistance still there And
just notice it if there is Actually observe the story or memory that triggers the
contraction, see it arising in your inner visual field Feel the emotional reaction in your
body Allow whatever you are feelingresentment, anger, sadness, shamejust to be
there And know that the more you allow it, and not resist it, the sooner it will pass
Then, when youre ready, come back to being the seer, the awareness behind the
shifting and changing thoughts, stories, and emotions within you Take another deep,
slow breathe, and again just relax into being here now, into enjoying the beauty and
immediacy of your surroundings


66




21. A Story about Forgiveness

Forgiveness is never easy, even for someone on the spiritual path. It can be especially
difficult when the impact of the hurt or trauma is caused by someone who is close and
would normally be expected to be loving and trustworthy like a parent or friend.
A woman I worked with, Ellen, is now in her mid-forties. She grew up in a
dysfunctional family with an abusive alcoholic father. Her father would attempt to
maintain emotional control and co-dependency in the home with a continuous pattern of
irrational rage and violent outbursts.
The insecurity and constant fear growing up in this kind of environment was made
worse with Ellen having to witness her mother being hit by her father when ever her
father felt he was not getter her mothers full attention. Despite the insanity, Ellen had a
close and supportive bond with her mother who tried to shield her from her fathers rage
and abuse.
Ellen excelled in school and was able to go to an out-of-state university at age
seventeen. For the first time her life, she was able to grow emotionally and spiritually,
away from the dysfunctional home front. She found her spiritual path and became firmly
devoted to spiritual awakening. During her four years at university she underwent a
complete metamorphosis of spiritual growth. She became more self-confident and
developed a firmer sense of her life path and purpose.
Throughout her college years, Ellen had often enrolled in summer programs and
rarely returned home for any extended period of time, knowing what could be expected
there. In her last visit home before graduating, she was surprised to realize how much she
had grown and risen above the influence of her fathers negative control, despite all his
attempts to draw her back in.

67

Ellen was looking forward to spending time with her mother to catch up when she
graduated because they had seen so little of each other in the years she had been away.
Their ability to have a normal relationship had always been overshadowed by her fathers
abusive pattern at home. Now, Ellen encouraged her mother to seek counseling or some
other form of help. Seeing Ellens strength inspired her mother to take a stand and ask her
father to get help for his drinking problem.
Feeling that he was losing control, her father went into a rage and demanded that
Ellen leave and not return home when she graduated. Two weeks before graduating from
college, Ellen learned that her mother had been killed in car accident with her father
driving drunk at the wheel. He escaped with only minor injuries.
Ellen realized that she would never have a chance to reconnect with her mother or to
have her emotional and spiritual support in her life ever again. Her fathers life-long
abuse, sudden abandonment, and now the loss of her mother at his hands was too much
for her and Ellen went into shock and depression for many years.
When her father died nearly twenty years later, Ellen realized she had still not
forgiven him for the loss of her mother or for his abuse and betrayal. She had rarely had
seen him in those ensuing years. When she did, it was clear that he never took
responsibility for the lives that he had impacted.
Ellen felt the constant shadow of her loss and trauma throughout her life and realized
she still blamed her father even many years after he passed away. She had mentioned she
had not visited the grave site of her father since his funeral and asked me if that could be
a way to find forgiveness. I told her it was certainly worth a try.
During our next visit, Ellen reported she realized during her visit to his grave site that
her father was no longer around and no longer had any influence on her.
When I sat by his grave, I did the empty-space meditation you taught me, she said.
I closed my eyes, and after I felt a sense of oneness with everything, I brought my father
into my meditation I looked deeply into his eyes
And? I asked.

68

Ellens eyes began to tear up. I was able, for the first time, to connect with his pain,
his suffering How he must have been suffering ever since he was a young child And
I realized that his drinking, his abuse of us, was all because of that
She paused to dry her tears.
It was a really healing moment for me, she said. I sat there for a while longer, then
got up and left Theres more work to be done on healing and forgiving the past with
him, Im sure, but at least the process has started.
It has, I said, as we hugged each other.





















69




22. A Man Who Needs to Forgive

A man I knew, Dean, was in his late forties, and confessed openly that he hated his
brother, who had somehow managed to divert most of the family fortune in his direction,
which had left Dean in a precarious financial position.
He worked as a handyman, and his income was very much tied to the economy and
opportunity. It was an on-again, off-again thingFeast or famine, as he told me. In his
spare time, he liked to watch movies, and had a number of friends who were actors.
I asked him if his hatred of his brother was due to the fact that he now had to struggle
financially, and he admitted that it was.
If my brother hadnt connived with his attorney friend, the family money would have
been shared evenly, and Id be been sitting pretty right now. He almost glared at me.
Yes, thats why I hate him.
He told me, almost proudly, that when hed attended his mothers funeral a few years
back, his brother, who was also there, had hired a big bodyguard to stand next to him and
protect him from Dean. The two brothers hadnt spoken since the episode with their
fathers will, and Dean had long ago communicated his anger and fury toward his
brother.
I wont be free until my brother dies, Dean told me, with conviction. And that day
cannot come soon enough for me.
I just looked at him, and silently shook my head. Dean was in the grip of his ego,
firmly entrenched in it, with its story of how he had been wronged by his brother, and
how his hatred of him was perfectly justified. Its a very human story, and forms the basis
of most of the movies that Dean watchedstories of conflict and betrayal, of broken trust
and revenge.

70

I thought about what is going on in the world today, as I write this. There is the
violence and conflict of a war of liberation in Syria, where people feel betrayed by their
government and the dictator who heads it.
In Afghanistan, where a U.S. base accidentally burned copies of the Koran, the
Muslim holy book, there has been a furious reaction from Islamic zealots which quickly
spread like wildfire, throughout the country, and which has resulted in many deaths, some
of them Americans.
And in every country in the world, there are individuals right now seething with
hatred at some wrong, at some injury someone has done to them, and thus are seeking
revenge on those whom they hate.
But Confucius said it best: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two
graves.
So long as we remain identified with our ego, we will not be free, and we cannot tap
into the deep peace and happiness of our true nature. Yet, our true nature is always
therealways here, nowever awaiting our attention.
Will we look within, and discover it through the simple act of doing the practice of
visualizing ourselves as empty space, and then realizing we are not our thoughts, which
come and go, but the ever-present consciousness which is always here?
Or will we continue to take ourselves to be this psychological/emotional person,
this person with a history, a story, and a self-image formed by our story, and act out,
react, in the so often messed-up ways we do?
The choice is always ours. Either we look within, and awaken and transform, and be
the beautiful, conscious human beings we really are, working cooperatively to solve the
many challenges and problems facing us Or we continue to look outside ourselves, and
engage unconsciously, reactively, in the struggle and strife of this seemingly competitive,
dog-eat-dog world
Yes, the choice is always ours



71




23. A Woman with Judgments

A woman I know, Yasmine, says she wants spiritual freedom more than anything else,
but she realizes certain judgments she has are holding her back.
Judgments, she tells me, is the opposite of love, but they are so ingrained in us,
and it takes so long to get free of them.
In her late thirties, she was born and raised in France, educated as a Catholic, and
went to the Sorbonne to study international finance. She now lives in Los Angeles and
works as an investment adviser.
We happened to meet for the first time on the day that the Academy Awards were
happening. Because I didnt own a television set, she invited me back to her place to
watch them. As we proceeded to enjoy the ultimate Hollywood spectacle, her judgments
started to surface, and it became obvious pretty quickly whom she disliked.
The host of the show, Billy Crystal, made a self-deprecating reference to his being
Jewish and living in Beverly Hills. I chuckled, along with the rest of the audience, but
Yasmine just turned up her nose and shook her head
Then, when the camera panned to a famous Jewish producer in the audience, she said,
I met him once at a party. Hes not a nice man Hes very aggressive, controlling
Later, the camera showed a director, also Jewish, and his wife, sitting there enjoying
the show. I heard that he sleeps around and that he is cheap Really cheap
During a break for commercials, she told me about a friend of hers, a non-Jew shed
known for fifteen years whod had a business partnership with a Jewish event producer
for twenty years.
But then the guy ripped him off in some deal that was worth four million dollars,
she said. They should have split it but my friend ended up with nothing.
She shook her head ruefully.

72

Those people are just all about money, how they can get it and keep it for
themselves, and then they think of themselves as Chosen Hah!
She made an expression of disgust, and then went on to say things like the number of
Jews killed in the Holocaust was much smaller than what was always quoted, and why
didnt people talk about the fifty million other, non-Jews who had died? Why was
everything about the Jews, she said bitterly?
Well, well, I said, with eyebrows raised. So thats where your judgments lie,
against the Jews Thats where youre not yet free
Yasmine looked at me with surprise, somewhat taken aback by my directness. Then
she looked down.
My God, I see it she said, shaking her head. I do have strong judgments against
Jews, dont I?
Then she fell silent, contemplating what she had just realized.
Huh... She gave a sheepish grin.
In every culture, in every race, I said, there are people who are driven by ego, their
personal sense of self, and thus embody the worst aspects of that culture or race. The
Jews happen to be very worldly, practical people, skilled and accomplished in the ways
of the world. Generally, they are very successful in education, the arts, and business
And making money
I paused. But you focus on the worst traits of the Jews, although it could be any race
or culture Americans, Armenians, Arabs, or AfricansIf you really want the freedom
you seek, you need to start seeing the best in people, in humanity. There are many Jews
who are free of limiting, separative elements their Jewish story, who are awake,
conscious, and doing good work in the world Start focusing on that and not on the few
who may seem, in your eyes, to dominate a particular industry
Yasmine nodded. Thank you for helping me see that, she said. In just seeing my
own judgments around them, I feel a little bit freer.
Seeing is freeing, I said. When these judgments arise within you, you have to
actually see them, watch how they spring forth into your inner visual field as a reaction to

73

something you see or hear, and reinforce their hold on this I, this ego in you that
believes them And then they disappear, only to reappear when the next triggering
happens
She looked at me wide-eyed, nodding silently.
The more you see them actually arising within you, the more you realize youre not
them You are the beautiful, loving woman who is always present You are the
changeless, amidst your ever-changing perceptions
I smiled at her reassuringly, and gave her a warm hug.
Thank you, she whispered.





















74




24. When Silence is Used as An Escape

A man in his sixties, Eduardo, attended several workshops in Los Angeles with me
over the course of a year. He had retired from a long career in business, and since then
had become really interested in meditation and freedom.
But there was a problem in his life: his wifes sister. She didnt live with them,
thankfully, but she lived nearby and was always ill with some disease or having some
other problem, usually to do with not having enough money. His wife loved her sister,
understandably, and was always bugging him about doing something to help her.
But Eduardo had grown tired of listening to his wife, and very definitely tired of
helping his sister-in-law. As a result, he used his meditation and alone time as an excuse
to stay by himself, and to explore, as he told his wife, the solitude of the self, the secret
of awakening. In truth though, he grew increasingly more resentful of his wifes
importuning vis--vis her sister.
During our most recent workshop together, he sat in silence for most of it, and didnt
share anything. Toward the end, I asked him what was going on with him.
Im just sitting, resting in the silence of being, like you advise, he said, with no
emotion or passion in his voice.
Another man, Bernie, who was in his early seventies, had also been attending my
workshops and had just had a profound breakthrough at this one. I had always thought
that Bernie, who had previously been so quiet, unexpressive, and tired-looking, was at
least twenty years older than me, I was surprised to find out that the age difference was
less than seven years.
Anyway, the breakthrough came after Id led the group in the empty-space
meditation, and when Bernie shared, he was on firethere was light and energy, a new
vitality in his eyes and his expression.

75

I touched the Void, he said, with passion in his voice. I touched the Void for the
very first time in my life, and I realize I am that I am that Void which is filled, as you
say, with creative energy.
He stood up, smiling hugely, and gave me a big hug. Thank you, he exclaimed.
Thank you He looked around at the group. And thank you all The resonance of
your energy helped me to taste my true nature
After Bernie sat down, I looked at Eduardo. And what about your wife, and your
sister-in-law, the two main people in your life right now How is your relationship with
them?
Fine If I dont think about it, he said, quietly.
I allowed a long silence, so that everyone could feel what was happening.
But eventually you do have to think about, dont you, Eduardo? I remarked, gently.
I guess I do The situation doesnt seem to go away.
No, it doesnt go away, I said. With all your meditation on beingness, with all your
solitude, it doesnt do away
Eduardo shifted in his chair. What do you suggest I do, then?
You have to do what youre refusing to do, I said. You have to deal with it. You
have to start having a relationship with your wife again You have to start talking to
her, communicating with her, inviting her to share this journey of healing and awakening
you are on.
Hmmm, he mused. But shes not into this meditation stuff She doesnt share
my interest in it.
She doesnt need to, I said. This may be your particular thing, coming to these
workshops, exploring the art of freedom and happiness, but the proof that its working for
you is that it allows you to more present in your life and relationships, to show up more
for the people in your life
I spoke to the group as a whole. If this work just results in your being more isolated,
more sequestered away in your so-called meditation, then youre missing the whole
point

76

Then I turned back to Eduardo. You need to start engaging your wife again, talking
with her from this place of equanimity, from the clarity you have realized in your times
alone. Then, together, you can face and deal with the problems before you, such as that of
your sister-in-law
Huh Eduardo grunted, and I could tell something had shifted in him, and that the
glimmer of something new had come into his awareness.
























77




25. Being Overweight

I go to a gym in West Los Angeles, where I live, usually three times a week. My
routine is that I practice twenty minutes of yoga before I go, put on my gym clothes, and
then drive the ten minutes or so it takes me to get here. My workout lasts about half an
hour, and then I come home to shower, unless I have errands to do.
They gym is very busy, crowded mostly with handsome young men, most of them
very buffed, very muscular, and pretty young women, sleek and gorgeous in their tight
leotards and workout clothes. They are professionals, many of them working in the film
industry, actors, models, or self-employed people. There is a smattering of men and
women who are much older, my age, and then just a few who are badly out of shape,
grossly overweightmorbidly obese, as a physician might say.
As I watch the few overweight ones struggle with the exercise machines and free
weights, invariably under the guidance of a personal trainer, I silently cheer them on.
They are doing it, bravely working out in a gym full of beautiful, toned, young bodies.
They have obviously appraised themselves in the mirror, have not liked what they see
staring back at them, and are doing something about it.
I assume they are also engaging a healthier diet, and I trust that they are looking
inwards, and examining this fat person that they take themselves to be. Very rarely,
when theres an opportunity, I may engage one of them in conversation and, if I feel its
appropriate, give them my business card and tell them of my workgive them my
pitch, in Hollywood-speak.
I work with people to help change their self-image, and therefore dramatically
improve their lives and well-being, I say, adding, And Im thankful that I seem to have
a very high success rate.
Really? they usually respond. How do you do that?

78

By guiding them to discovery of who they really arethe beautiful and creatively
powerful people theyve always beenunderneath the veneer of their acquired, usually
negative, self-image.
Wow, thats really interesting, they say, maybe stroking their chin, thinking about
the fact that they do, indeed, have a negative self-image.
I will then usually suggest they visit my website for more information, or maybe
invite them in for a private session if Im not too busy. Either way, I have encouraged
them to explore the inner journey, the journey which leads, if they follow it all its way to
the end, to self-realization, to awakening to the truth of their being.
It is a journey on which, they will eventually discover, that their thoughts, including
the I and me thoughts, which form the basis of their self image, are not real,
precisely because they come and go, they shift and change.
However, they will discover, in time, that theyas the aware beings they areare
very real. They, looking out through their eyes, sensing with their bodies, feeling with
their hearts, and breathing with their lungs, are always present, always aware, watching
and experiencing the ever-changing phenomena in their minds and their life situation.
As they become more established in the realization that they are the changeless,
amidst the ever-shifting outer reality, they will naturally experience a greater sense of
ease, harmony, and flow within and around them.
Then the excess weight will drop off even faster










79




The Practice and the Teaching--Forgiveness

Read the paragraphs below through and then do the practice
Close your eyes, take several deep, slow, conscious breaths, relax your shoulders, and
again, imagine or visualize empty space inside your head Imagine yourself as being
this vast, clear, empty space which is filled with creative energy and potential Breathe
into the empty space you are Relax into it, and bask in the feeling of your true,
spacious, nature
Now go back into your past and see if there is anyonea parent or relative, a friend,
a co-workeryou need to forgive Is there anyone you resent or hold a grudge against?
Anyone you seek to avoid running into? Anyone whose eyes youd have difficulty looking
into without fear or judgment?
Now, bring that person into your meditation, into your inner visual field Welcome
them After all, they are in your life to show you where youre still not free Bring
them into your meditation, and look into their eyes Be with whatever emotions or
feelings that are triggered within you Realize, tell yourself, that this is the fastest way
to freedom To confront your demons in the form of this person who has been such a
problem for you
Just be present with him or her for as long as you can Tell yourself, remind
yourself, that when they hurt or wronged you, they were acting out of their own
unconscious behavior patterns Remember to breathe deeply and slowly as you gaze
into their eyes
Again, let the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that arise just be there Allow
whatever wants to happen, happen Even tears, resentment, anger Just allow the
feelings to be there, to even overtake you, even overwhelm you, if need be Youre
learning to ride the waves of your own emotional energy You are practicing being with

80

the flow of what is Ultimately, you are practicing being the clear, empty, changeless
presence behind the ever-changing thoughts, feelings, and emotions in your life
The goal of this meditationand you may need to do it many timesis to be able to
finally look into this persons eyes without fear or judgment, in a kind, warm, open way
A forgiving way
Now open your eyes, and take another deep, relaxing breath, and just be here And
know that this is your true work, to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you Because
only when there is true forgiveness, can there be true freedom
And true forgiveness is finally found when you see that your story of blame is just
that A story arising and disappearing within your inner visual field And you are not
your story Rather, you are always, always the beautiful being, the changeless
awareness behind the stories that come and go


















81




26. Releasing Expectations

One of the main causes of disappointment and suffering is unmet or frustrated
expectationsanother ego trap. Unmet expectations create resentment, blame, and
perpetuate the cycle of suffering.
A man I worked with, Darren, is Japanese, and grew up in America in a close-knit
family in Detroit with parents who had been born in Japan and had traditional Japanese
values. During all his growing up years, he had had certain expectations of his parents
mainly to be more American, and less rigidly Japanesein their values and mannerisms.
And throughout all those years, he had been mostly frustrated by his parents refusal to
shift their behavior.
But, working with me, he had begun to see how having expectations around his
parents was an ego-based behavior of his, and it was keeping him from enjoying the
freedom he insisted he wanted.
Then he made a trip back to Detroit to see his family for Christmas and had a
breakthrough. He saw how his expectations were getting in the way of experiencing a
deeper harmony with his parents. In a moment of real frustration toward his father at
something he was not doing, that he thought he should be doing, a light bulb flashed on
inside his head, and he got it.
My whole life Id been expecting my parents to be who they were not, he told me.
When I saw how my Dad was just being his typical old self, and there was nothing
personal about it, I relaxed, and let go of my wanting him to be different.
He sighed, and shook his head, still somewhat amazed by his realization. Thereafter,
I stopped expecting anything of my parents, and we had the best Christmas wed had
since I can remember.

82

When I saw Darren me the next time, about a month later, he came in complaining
about his boss. He worked for a film producer, and was quite well paid. One of the perks
of his job was that he could take time off to go to school; Darren was studying to become
a nurse. Nevertheless, in spite of the pluses to his work, he complained about his boss a
lot.
I know I should be more grateful that I have a good day job, especially in this
economy, Darren said, but the guy is a jerk. He yells and screams whenever I make a
small mistake, which I dont do very often, and he is constantly fussing about things that
are not even his responsibilityabout things that are in my area of operations, and that I
can and do handle very efficiently.
So, your boss is showing you where youre not yet free, I smiled. You need to be
more welcoming of him in your life.
Oh, God, Darren grimaced, and put his head in his hands.
So, in what way does your boss remind you of your father?
Huh Darren looked up, then squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Jeez, Ive
actually thought about that. Hes a lot like my father, at least in certain ways My God,
Im just realizing that I have a lot of the same expectations around him, too...
He shook his head, waking himself up. Then he sat more upright, and was more
present. He took a deep, slow breath.
Huh I need to let go of my expectations around my boss, dont I?
If you want to be truly free, you do. If you want to be happy, you do.
Darren was silent for a few minutes.
Wow, he said. Im really seeing it, seeing the movement of my own ego, this little
me and all the expectations its had of the people in my life, and how they dont
measure up in some way which has just caused me endless frustration and
unhappiness.
Good, Im glad youre seeing it, I said.
Darren smiled. Seeing is freeing, huh?


83




27. Dealing with Illness and Other Challenges

The freer and more awake we are, the more we deal with illness, if it happens, in a
conscious, intelligent, calm way. This of course is true of any challenging situation,
whether it be something as simple as a creative block or obstacle, or something more
difficult, such as relationship crisis, a financial problem, or a natural disaster.
Yes, there may be an initial emotional reaction, but we fairly quickly come back the
place where we have learned to liveright here, right now. (How can there not be a
reaction, when the doctor tells you that you have, maybe, a terminal disease, or you lose
your house in a fire?) The present is place of power, after all, the place from which we
can deal with any situation in the most creative and healing way possible.
Let me tell you what happened to me. Eight years after awakening to the truth of the
happiness within me, I had three strokes over a period of five months. They came out of
the blue because I was healthy at the time: I jogged a few days a week, had a regular yoga
practice, worked out at the gym, maintained a good weight, and had a reasonably healthy
diet.
I did, however, have rheumatoid arthritis in my hands, which was problematic
because it interfered with my work as a chiropractor. I was taking a drug, Vioxx, for my
condition just two weeks before the first stroke, and maybe that triggered it. Around that
time, Vioxx was pulled off the market because it was found to double the risk of heart
attacks and strokes.
The third stroke landed me in the University of California at San Francisco hospital
for six days, four of them in intensive care in the neurological ward. Interestingly, a few
people who didnt know me well said things like, Gosh, you must have been terrified by
what was happening to you.

84

But the truth was I had no fear. I was awake, I knew myself as consciousness, that
which is not born and does not die. True, I was now relatively incapacitated, but I just
flowed with what was happening
After I came out of the hospital, I couldnt move the right side of my face, my right
arm was badly impaired, I walked with a pronounced limp, I couldnt think clearly, and
my speech was affected.
But lying in bed soon after, a single discrete thought formed itself: Thank God Im
free. I was grateful for the fact that my deeper equanimity wasnt disturbed. Yes, Id
suffered these strokes, but I was still here, still alive and breathing, even though the veil
between life and death was very thin, fragile at that point.
Then another thought formed itself: Im grateful that I have no fear of death, but do I
want to live? I realized, at some level, that if I wanted to live, I had to form a conscious
intention to do so.
When I took stock of my lifeI was only fifty-seven; my book, End Your Story,
Begin Your Life, was not yet complete; and I wanted to continue to teach, to share the
good news of awakening with othersthe answer was obvious. Yes, I wanted to live.
So immediately I began visualizing the blood vessels of my brain opening and
expanding, carrying the blood and its healing nutrients through to my injured brain and
every part of my body that needed it. I took long walks every day, and began a program
of rehabilitation, of speech, occupational, and physical therapy. Six months later, Id
recovered enough to go back to the gym.
The strokes had definite benefits. I could no longer work as a chiropractor which had
never been my passion anyway, although I was certainly at peace with it after I realized
the truth of my being. I received disability benefits, enough to live on, and now I could do
the work I was in love withwriting about and guiding others on the journey of freedom.
They also taught me a much-needed lesson in patience, which had never been my
strong suit. When you are stricken by a stroke, you cannot do much, and you either learn
to be patient, or you struggle inwardly with a constant frustration at your inability to do
the simplest of tasks, like tying your shoes, buttoning a shirt, or opening a jar.

85

Above all, I am just grateful, supremely grateful for the fact that I am still here, still
alive, still breathing, still functioning as a normal, relatively healthy human being. I have
recovered about eighty-five percent of my abilities. My speech is normal, but my right
hand is still somewhat disabled, and I still have a slight limpand these symptoms are
always made worse by cold weather, which is partly why I live in Los Angeles.
Jean Klein, the man who guided me back to the truth of the happiness within, always
said that gratitude is the predominant emotion of an awakened persongratitude for the
fact that you are simply here.
He was right





















86




28. The Insanity of War

When I was eighteen years old and living in New Zealand, the country where I was
born and raised, I decided to join the army. Id been a cadet in ROTC in high school and
had enjoyed the experience. So I sent away for a brochure describing life at the Officer
Cadet School in Portsea, Australia, which was one of the places where New Zealand
army officers were trained.
A photograph on the front of the brochure showed a Landrover stuck in creek, and
half-a-dozen Australian diggers, or infantrymen, using their shoulders to push it out. A
young officer was standing a few feet away, directing the operation. I thought to myself,
looking at the officer: Thats the kind of job I want.
So I applied, and was eventually accepted for officer training. I went to Portsea,
which was a year-long course. I was extremely gung-ho and excelled as an officer cadet.
I had my first romantic and sexual relationship there, with the daughter of the former
commandant of the school, a gorgeous, dark-haired young woman who looked like Ava
Gardner, and who was five years older than me.
The Vietnam War was raging at the time, and I knew that I would go to Vietnam
when I was sufficiently trained. I wanted to go. I was seduced by the romance of war,
and had vague ideas about becoming a writer, a novelist. I had read my Hemingway, and
other British novelists of the First and Second World Wars, like Siegfried Sassoon and
Robert Graves, and I, too, wanted my baptism by fire.
I embarked on a C130 for Vietnam in June, 1967, to join 161 Battery, Royal New
Zealand Artillery. I was a green but very eager second lieutenant, and was assigned as a
gun section commander, responsible for three of the batterys six 105 mm howitzers,
each with a crew of ten men. I remember the first day I arrived at my unit, a part of the 1
st

Australian Task Force. Everything was dry and dusty, but what struck me was the reality

87

of war that was so much in evidence: the guns, ammunition, and hand grenades that were
everywhere.
I thought to myself: This would be the easiest place to commit murder and get away
with it. And, of course, murders were committedby disgruntled soldiers killing, or
fragging, their own superiors.
2

As the war dragged on and our battery went out, by road or helicopter airlift, on
various operations, I became less and less enamored of the war. By the time of the Tet
offensive in 1968, I was a Forward Observer, trudging through rice paddies and jungles,
hunting for Viet Cong, blocking their escape routes from the attacks on Saigon, with the
Australian infantry. We had firefights with small groups of the enemy on a number of
occasions, and I experienced the taste of real, mouth-drying, throat-constricting,
paralyzing fear.
Then two young Australian officers I knew personally were killed, murdered, by their
own men. The first case I heard about, an officer Id known at officer cadet school, but
the second man Id met just the day before he died. He was an infantryman, and had
stopped his own troops from buying beer from the friendly Vietnamese villagers who
would come up to the perimeter wire and offer it for sale.
Later that evening he was squatting down by his hooch, brushing his teeth before
turning in, and a soldierfurious with rage at being denied the opportunity to buy beer
rolled a grenade between his legs. When it detonated, it tore his loins to shreds, and he
died as he was being airlifted by helicopter to the field hospital. They caught the man
who did it, and he was later court-martialed.
A month or two later, I had my own experience with what could have been a
potentially lethal episode. One of the gun section commanders, a Bombardier Roberts,
didnt like me. He would show his displeasure by bumping and elbowing me on our
batterys rough basketball court where, when we played games, there was no rank. I just
grinned and bore it, put up with it.

2
Fragging referred to fragmentation grenades which were used in these types of crimes because they left no clues.

88

Then, one night when it was almost midnight, I was duty officer and making my
rounds. I heard noise, a commotion coming from the area of Roberts tent. I went to
investigate. Roberts and half-a-dozen others were playing cards around a table, and were
drinking beer. Beer was only supposed to be consumed at dinner time, and then only two
cans per man. Not only that, but they should all have been in bed by that hour, unless
they were on sentry duty.
I told them to break it up, but a very drunk Roberts swore at me. Fuck you, he said,
belligerently.
Ignoring the insult, I again told them to break it up. The men one-by-one stood up,
and turned as if to go to bed.
Im going to report this, Bombardier Roberts, I said. He mumbled something else
under his breath, and staggered to his feet as I turned and wheeled away.
Then next morning, the Battery Commander called me into his tent to question me
about the incident. So, he said, looking me in the eyes, What do you want me to do
about Bombardier Roberts?
Id had the night to think about it, and my resolve was clear. I didnt want to take the
risk of being fragged by a scheming, vengeful Bombardier Roberts.
Either he gets on a chopper to Saigon by the end of the day, and then a plane back to
New Zealand, sir Or I do.
Yes, thats what I thought youd say, the Major nodded. He thought for a moment.
Hell be gone by this afternoon.
Something in me died that day, any last illusions I had about the romance of war.
After that, I couldnt wait to leave Vietnam and lived daily with the prayer that I would
survive the war unscathed and be able to leave on my own two feet.
When I did get back home, I stayed in the army for two more years, because I actually
quite liked the army life, the brass bands and parades, being an officer, the social events,
and so on. But then the army wanted me to go back to Vietnam, and I said no, and had to
leave the army as a consequence.

89

Now, from the perspective of forty years hindsight, I see that war is the ultimate
expression of our collective human insanity, of egos run amuck. War happens because
older men, in political positions of authority and power, seek an outer solution to the
conflicts festering or raging inside them. Then they send younger menand, these days,
womento fight their battles for them.
Yes, they justify the war in all manner of waysin defense of country and honor, or
to help out a weaker ally, in the case of the United States of America. But as Lao Tzu,
the ancient Chinese philosopher said, those who justify do not convince. After all,
justifications are just one more strategy the ego utilizes to exert its hold over the human
mind, and anything can be justified.
I predict a time when enough of humanity will have awakened to the freedom, love,
and happiness within them such that war will be a distant memory. Maybe there will still
be brief skirmishes, among the few who are not awake, and still operating from the us
versus them paradigm, or when a countrys military or police forces pursues a hostile
person or group bent on harming the general good. But otherwise, peace within and
between nations will be the prevailing reality.
For those of us already awake, that day cannot come soon enough













90




29. River-Rafting the Flow of Life

In 1983 my then girlfriend and I made a long, nine-month journey through Asia,
visiting China, Bali, Thailand, Nepal, and India, before heading down to Australia, where
my brother lived south of Perth, and then back home, to Auckland, New Zealand, to visit
family.
For me, it was a spiritual journey. I had tasted enlightenment, real inner peace and
happiness, a few years before, in 1977, and the experience had been so profound that it
had affected my whole life.
3
As part of my commitment to myself, to waking up and
becoming free, I knew I had to make that journey.
I had a very successful chiropractic practice at the time, but had long since come to
the conclusion that money, of which I had an abundance, would never fulfill me; only
enlightenment, the realization of my true nature, would.
So I sold my practice, rented out the large house I owned, and sold my BMW. I had
somewhat the starry-eyed look of the true seeker who utterly believed he would find what
he was looking for.
I kept a meditation journal during those months as I was preparing to travel, recording
my various states of consciousness which fluctuated between moments of supreme ease,
flow, and confidence, and periods of extreme uncertainty and anxiety as I thought about
practical things, like what was I doing to do after the trip?
(Recently, almost thirty years later, I input my journal into a new book, with
comments on what I see now. The book is titled, Before and After Awakening: An Old
Meditation Journal and My Experience Now. It is really a book for seekers who still think
that meditation alone will bring them what they seek.)

3
I write about this experience in End Your Story, Begin Your Life, p 63 64.

91

In many ways, Nepal was the highlight of our journey, and especially the three weeks
we spent trekking, with an organized, small group of Westerners, into the Annapurna
Sanctuary. I had money so we were able to do it in style: four Sherpa guides, twenty
porters who carried our food, tents, and portable beds for sleeping. They freed us up to
just enjoy the experience of the trek, and taking in the immense panorama of the
Himalayas.
Before we went on the trek, however, we took a three day river-rafting trip down the
Trisuli River, Nepals most popular river for white-water rafting, with its stunning
gorges, adventurous rapids, and magnificent mountain views. There were ten Westerners
in each of two rafts, and we had experienced Western guides.
There was one moment in particular that always comes to mind whenever I think
about Nepal. We had just come out of a set of wild rapids, where the noise of the rough
waters was very loud in our ears, and we were tossed about in the rafts, and had to hang
on to avoid being thrown out of the raft.
Then, finally, we shot out into a calm, placid expanse of water, and after the initial
cries of joy and relief at having made it, everyone in our raft fell silent as we just floated.
My girlfriend and I caught each others eye, and we exchanged a knowing look.
We both knew about the silence, the silence that was and is our true nature.
Everything, the whole of creation, flows out of silence, and dissolves back into it. Neither
of us was fully established in that silence, of course, but we recognized it, we knew about
it, and I, at least, realized that that inner silencethe silence of being, of being present,
awake, and freewas what I was ultimately seeking.
Within a few minutes, however, the others in the raft broke the silence and began
chattering about how exciting the rapids had been, and how gorgeous the scenery was.
Our attention was drawn to a funeral pyre on the dirt embankment, and the body of a
young person, shrouded in white, that lay atop the stack of wood.
I guess theyll be getting ready for the actual burning soon, one of our guides said.
The Brahmin priest will come down to the river, with the parents and all the family, and
theyll begin the ceremony.

92

Maybe, one day, I will make another river-rafting trip, if not in Nepal, then perhaps
here, in America. But I will make it now with the realization of my true nature, and I will
consciously invite my companions, whoever they may be, to recognize their true nature
We will all fall into silence when we float out into calmer waters, and look at each
other and nod knowingly, and realize that this vast quiet is indeed who and what we most
essentially are A silence that is rich in creative potential, pregnant with meaning, and
which contains the solutions to all our human problems
This silence is truly the ground of our being, and is the source of all genuine, ever-
lastingbecause it is ever-renewinghappiness. Moreover, the more comfortable you
are with the energy of silence, the more able you are to ride the energy of life, to raft it
successfully, when the going gets rough or treacherous



















93




30. When A Child Dies Before You

I was moved to write the following after a woman friend I was going to meet called
me in a state of upset. Her best-friends twenty-three year old daughter had been killed in
an automobile accident that day, and she needed to be with her to provide emotional
support.

Perhaps the greatest tragedy that can befall any parent is the death of a child that they
have raised and loved. Children, whether young or adult, are not supposed to pre-decease
their parents, and yet it happens, whether through illness, accident, violence, or suicide.
When it happens, it is devastating.
If it happens to you, a person who is committed to realizing the truth of happiness
within, what else is there to do but feel the shock and pain of losing this child you so
loved? The loss needs to be grieved in its intensity, in all its deep sorrow, in whatever
private or public way feels right to you.
But as time passes, you will notice that the grieflike any other authentic emotion
comes in waves. In between the times of grief, you may experience emptiness, a hollow
feeling in your soul, or the simple realization that your heart has been utterly broken.
Maybe the memory of this child, of a time when they were young and you were happy
together, will flood into your mind and the sorrow, the tears, will start all over again.
Whatever your process is, it is yours. There is no right way to grieve. But be careful
of building a new story around the death of your child. Acknowledge the memories and
the feelings that spontaneously emerge, but resist the temptation to get lost in a story,
such as: I have lost the only thing I loved My life is meaningless now, or My child
was everything to me I have no reason to live now.

94

Embrace the memories and emotions that arise, but stay in the raw feeling of what is
happening. Dont try and think you way out of it. Keep your mind open to the new, the
unexpected. Dont clutter it with ego-derived ideas, concepts, and beliefs about what this
child meant to you. Just stay with the pure memory of him or her.
Stay open, stay present, and I promise you, your grief will have its natural course. The
waves of sadness and sorrow will, over time, become less and less intense, and you will
find yourself more and more present If you do the practice of imagining yourself as
empty space, then youll feel more connected to the underlying sense of ease, harmony,
and flow that is your true nature.
Then you will be able to think of this child you so dearly loved in a new way, with a
new perspective. Maybe you will be inspired to honor their memory by doing something
in their name, like starting a foundation, or creating a movement to address whatever
caused their death.
But even if you take no outer action, you know that you will always hold a very
special place in your heart for them. Their legacy, cut short from their briefly-lived life, is
that their spirit and energy lives on in you.
You are the keeper of their flame, and the fire of their energy, their youthful
enthusiasm will, in its own unique way, infuse everyone and everything you touch












95




The Practice and the TeachingThe Experience of Oneness

Again, read the next three paragraphs first, and then do the practice
With your eyes closed, do the now familiar practice of taking a few deep, slow,
conscious breaths and then imagining empty space inside your head Or, if it works
better for you, imagine empty space between your eyes, or between your ears
Allow yourself to enjoy the relaxed feeling this visualization gives you for a few
minutes, or longer if you like Notice how thoughts, including the I and me
thoughts, the ego thoughts, arise and disappear, come and go within your inner visual
field
Realize, see again, that you are not your thoughts, but rather the ever present,
changeless awareness that watches, witnesses their coming and going Notice how one
with life, with everything, you are in this moment How one you are with your true,
spiritual nature How open your heart is, and how clear your mind
Now open your eyes, and let that feeling of oneness inside you merge with the space
around you, so that you and the world, the universe, become one Feel your oneness
with life Feel yourself as the ocean of consciousness, of beingness, manifesting in this
unique wave form that is your body, mind, and personality
You are truly ready for anything, ready to meet the next challenge in your life,
whatever it may be A relationship situation; something to do with your kids, if you have
them; a problem at your place of work; a health crisis perhaps; a financial issue; or
something to do with your creative or social life
Whatever the challenge is, you meet it from this place of being established in your
true, spacious nature, one with life You meet it with wisdom and love You know now
you are not your I thought, your ego, but you have them as a wonderful ally, the
servant of your being

96

And you use the power of thought, of story, in conscious way to solve the problems
and challenges that arise in the course of existence Thought is always available to you
as a powerful creative tool, a tool for communication, brain-storming, planning, and for
clarifying intentions and setting goals
More and more, however, you are realizing the truth of your being, and that you are
not your thoughts, or your personal history, but rather the ever-present, changeless
awareness, or consciousness that is always here
Eventually, you will need neither the practice nor the teaching, because now they are
fully embodied, integrated, within you. You and the realization of the truth of your being
have become one, in other words
You know now that to be human is to face and deal with the problems and challenges
of living in a conscious, creative, and harmonious way Thats the joy in life, and you
welcome it, you welcome whats in front of you

















97




31. Facing Death

I was inspired to write the following after witnessing the transition of a ninety-three
year old woman friend. Her final days were not easy, as she had great difficulty
breathing, and was constantly shifting and turning in bed as she sought to get
comfortable. But when she saw me, she smiled and her eyes lit up; shed had a life-long
interest in spiritual matters, and had long ago realized the happiness that was her true
nature.
I see light all around me, she said, weakly, before I said farewell to her, and left
her to be with her family. And I feel only grace, and deep gratitude for the life Ive been
so fortunate to live

How will you face death when your time comes?
If you are young, you will probably not even think about it. But if you are young and
interested in finding the source of happiness within, then you will consider the matter.
After all, you cannot really live fullybe fully aliveuntil you have faced the question
of death.
Everything that is born dies; this is a fact. But what dies? The body, mind, and
personality dies. But does who we truly areconsciousnessdie? When we awaken to
our true nature as consciousness, the changeless awareness that we are, we realize we
have been present as consciousness throughout every age, every stage, and every
experience we have lived through.
We are always this, in other words. We are always aware of ourselves as existing
here, now, in this very moment. This is the only thing we can be sure of: that we exist,
here, now

98

We may be fairly sure of what is going to happen next, but we cannot be absolutely,
one hundred percent certain. We may be married, we may have children, we may live in a
house that we have occupied for the past two decades, but if we have lived long enough,
we know that things are always changing, or have at least the potential to change.
Yes, most of us seek out and love a measure of certainty in our lives. We love people
and relationships we can count on. Were attracted to jobs that offer a degree of security,
and financial investments that provide the sameminimal risk, with some guarantee of a
return. We invest in our health through regular exercise, good nutrition, and a balanced
lifestyle.
But the fact remains that anything can shift or change at anytime, and if you are wise,
you plan and prepare in whatever way you can for the worst-case scenario. And the
ultimate planning and preparation is, of course, to look within and realize your true
nature.
When you discover who and what you are, beneath all your ideas, beliefs, and
stories about who you are, you free yourself from inner conflict, fear, and emotional
suffering. The practice of visualizing yourself as empty space helps free you from the
image, the belief in an I, a me, an ego who suffers. You know yourself as simply
pure awareness, consciousness, existing here, now.
Then you can look out on your world and address whatever challenge or need lies
before you with a clear mind, an open heart, and a creative energy that is literally
boundless
Except when it comes time for you to die
If its a natural death, because youve come to the end of a long life, or if you have a
terminal illness, then youll realize youve run out of creative options, run out of time,
and theres nothing to do except be with what is in the easiest way possible. If there is
pain, or difficulty breathing, you do whatever is needed to be as comfortable as possible.
So you just relax as much as you can, enjoy the presence of your loved ones, say your
goodbyes in whatever way feels right to you, and just continue doing what youve
learned to dosimply be present in this moment, welcoming whatever comes next.

99

Yes, youve heard all the stories about what happens when we diestories about
disappearing into a void, about heaven and hell, about a beautiful light and family
members whove already passed on waiting to greet us, and the many reincarnation
stories.
But you are now more interested in what actually happens, here and now, so you
simply remain as present as you can be. You are going to die the same way you have
learned to live.
Maybe you even have the thought: Hmm Death, the next great adventure Well,
I am ready
And then you surrender, into the great unknown




















100




32. Living in Openness

The freer you are of an agenda, the personal story between your ears, the more you
live in openness. You are just open to life, open to everything.
In this openness, you listen. You listen to what others are saying to you, you listen to
sounds and noises around you. Theres no resistance to what you hear, either, because
youre not identified with an I, a me who doesnt like certain people, or certain
sounds.
Everything is heard, yet it all passes right through you, because there is nothing in
youno idea, no image, no concept of selfyoure holding onto to get in the way.
You are just open. This leaves you to respond to any event or situation that calls for a
response in the most intelligent and appropriate way possible.
Contrast this way of being with people who dont listen, who are so caught up in their
agenda, always thinking about what they want to say. Or maybe they are simply
distracted by their technology devices, their smartphones, for example, and are walking
or sitting with their heads down, talking on the phone, texting, checking email, or surfing
the web.
Whatever the distraction or excuse, they are not present. You dont judge them for
that, because now that youre awake and conscious, you dont live anymore in judgment
of others. You just patiently wait to get their attention, if their attention is neededor,
maybe you have to nudge them a little
Conversation, story-telling, is an essential part of human interaction, and you have to
be really present, attentive, to create a compelling conversation. In fact, as youre seeing,
you have to be really present to live fully, to be fully alive.

101

As Ive said before, the present moment is the place of power. Everything in life that
happens, arises, takes place in this moment now. The more present you are, the more
embodied you are in the beingness that is your true nature.
From here, now, you take action. The action may involve thinking or not, but you do
what needs to be done, or what you are called to do, or what you love to do. And then
you have the results or fruits of your actions, but you dont depend on the results in your
life for your well-being, because youre already established in the peace and well-being
of your true nature.
You live in the present free of the I and me thoughts, so youre always at ease
within yourself, one with the flow of life. Great results or accomplishments are certainly
to be acknowledged and enjoyed, but you dont depend on them.
Contrast this with how people live who are not yet awake and free. They are always
doing what they think they need to be doing in order to achieve the results that will then
allow them to be happy, to be a successwhether in their own eyes, or the eyes of
others.
Maybe they make a practice of thinking positively, or of doing affirmations, but when
their gains or successes are threatened, and turn to loss or disappointment, they are
inevitably plunged into conflict and suffering again. This, unfortunately, is how most of
the world still operates.
Do you see, now, why understanding the simple truth of happiness is so important
both for your own deep well-being, as well as humanitys well-being?









102




33. The Proof That Youre Happy

How do you know when youve realized the truth of happiness within?
When you look inside yourself and you can no longer find a personal sense of self
anymore, your old, former self that suffered, that felt emotional pain and anguish, that
had wild hopes and ambitious longings, you are free. When you look inside and no longer
find a self that derived joy and pleasureand, often, disappointment and frustration
from the events and circumstances in your life, you have come Home to your true nature.
Youre free of that self now, and free of all issues of self-worth, self-esteem,
and self-image. When you look inside yourself, you find what you see when you look
outside: the universe, expressing itself in its unique, ever-interesting, and timelessly
creative, harmonious way.
Oh, you will still enjoy the pleasure of good things happening; that wont change. But
you will no longer depend on your circumstances to feel good, because once you have
discovered the happiness that shines on its own, you basically feel good, inside, all the
time.
When you feel good inside all the timeat peace, happy, living in the flow of the
presentyou tend to attract good things into your life. Health, relationships (both
romantic and social), finances, and creative endeavors all tend to be much more favorable
when you live in integrity, in a joyous and genuinely loving harmony, with all that is.
And the proof that you are happy will show in your gaze, the light and openness in
your eyes when you look at another human being, or even a bird or animal. Your gaze
will be warm and welcoming, fearless and non-judgmental, kind and inviting. People will
trust it, will feel safe with it

103

It is a look that will say, to others: Hey, I see you, I see you as the beautiful, loving
expression of divine creation that you are The same expression that I am We truly
are, in our essence, One
It is a look that is totally comfortable with silence, with absolutely nothing happening,
because it knows that something is, always, actually happeninglife, in all creative and
dynamic fullness, and above all, life in the energy and spirit of the person looking back at
you.























104




34. The Oneness of Life

As we awaken to the freedom and happiness that is out true nature, an undeniable
truth becomes clearer and clearer: we, as the consciousness that we most fundamentally
are, are part of an indivisible whole.
I, in my essence, am exactly the same as you in your essence, in other words. This is
the unifying spiritual truth underlying all the great religions. We are one. It is like the
ocean and the wave analogy. It the depths of our being, we are all part of the one ocean of
consciousness, yet in our individuality, our uniqueness, we are like the waves, appearing
separate and different, yet still a part of, an expression of, the one ocean that we are.
In fact, in the truest sense, when we awaken to the consciousness that we are, we
realize our oneness, our interconnection with all life, and with all living things. Even the
tiniest bug or beetle is an expression, in bug or beetle form, of the same consciousness
that is in you and me.
This realization of oneness leads to a greater sensitivity to all of life, and to everything
in our environment. It is the ground of unconditional love. The freer we are, the less
self or ego there is in us, and the fewer conditions we place on our love.
We realize that love, as the flowering and expression of the human heart, is an
inherent part of our true nature. We enjoy sharing our wisdom and love with people,
animals, all of nature and we share it generously, with kindness, patience, and gratitude.
Those who have who realized the oneness of life live in harmony with it, and act
consciously out of it. Most of the world still, unfortunately, has not awakened to this
truth, and thus they live in separation, conflict and suffering.
But the good news is that this situation is gradually changing, as more and more
people read books like this and, especially, encounter individuals who have awakened to
the simple truth of happiness

105




35. Sharing Your Unique Purpose

Now that you are more awake and free, freer of the illusory self, the person you
had always believed you were, what do you do? How do you live?
I dont have to tell you that.
As you awaken to the freedom that is your true nature, you truly are running onto
use a quaint, very old termyour own steam. You will know what to do, and how to
conduct yourself in your life and relationships. As you find the happiness within, you
simultaneously discoverif you havent known it alreadyyour unique purpose for
being here.
And whatever form or direction that takes, it will involve some way of serving the
greater good, of contributing to humanitywhether it is just in your neighborhood, your
community, or on a larger scale. You may still need to earn a living for yourself or your
family, and that is perfectly okay. Most of us need to earn a living, and some of us even
earn a very good living. But once you awaken, money is never your primary object; it is
always secondary to the service you render to others.
Maybe you will become a teacher, a guide, a way-shower for others on their journey
to freedom, as I am. This is definitely my purpose, my passion. It is what I love to do. Or
maybe you will find your home in the conscious pursuit of a profession, a business, social
networking or in a web-based enterprise, politics, working the land, or as a home-maker
or householder.
Whatever you do, it will flow out of the realization that is now yours, the truth of
being that you now embody. And you will have the results you get, the fruits of your
actions, but you wont be attached to your results for your well-being. If things dont
work out as plannedas sometimes happens in lifeyou wont get upset, other than

106

momentarily. You will simply come back to the awareness you know yourself to be, and
look anew at the situation, and maybe choose a different direction or strategy.
But mostly, things will work out smoothly and harmoniously, because thats what
happens when you are awake and conscious. Things always, generally, work out
favorably. And when you have a whole team of conscious people working together, well
then, amazing things can happen
Above all, when you have realized your true nature, your heart opens, and you
express, share, more and more of the love and happiness thats inside you. Sometimes
you feel your heart literally bursting with love, and at other times it is more of a quiet,
background feeling.
But love is always there, and it is truly unconditional, because it depends on no
concept, no story, no expectation, and no belief. It just shines on its own, the true
expression of your essential human nature.
As more and more of us realize that love, the love that comes from awakening to the
truth within us, then as Teilhard de Chardin so beautifully expressed it:

For the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.













107







If, as a result of reading this book, you would like to explore becoming a teacher of
this work, and even earn money as a guide showing others how to apply the two simple
tools presented here, visit www.simpletruthofhappiness.com.