LOVE OF FRIENDSHIP

Marriage and the Family (SCL 9)

Prepared by:
E.M. JAMILLA
UST-Institute of Religion
GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP

Everyone needs deep or intimate friendships with a few
persons. Human beings can do without genital
relationships, but they cannot fully develop as human
beings without some measure of human friendship.
Fr. John Harvey

One necessary requirement of marriage is
genuine friendship between husband
and wife. True friendship serves as the
foundation of a stable union inasmuch
as marriage requires true love. Marriage
which is a most intimate and unique
relationship cannot last unless the
parties are true friends.

Friendship in Marriage

Friendship is a non-sexual relationship friends are best chosen
from among non-lovers, because lovers have their judgement
obscured by passion and try to keep the beloved in an
inferior position. It is the souls of friends that become united
not their bodies.
Plato


QUALITIES OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP
3 essential qualities:

the friendship must be morally helpful to
both parties
there must be genuine basis of agreement
between two parties
friendship must be characterized by a spirit
of self sacrifice


other qualities of friendship:
The ability to listen being available to listen not only
to what the friend is saying but also what he is trying
to say.
Trustworthiness right to expect and an obligation
to give loyalty
Reverence A friend is not an object to be
possessed but a subject to be cherished. Friends are
not things to be labeled or catalogued. Friends are to
be loved and accepted.
Receptiveness - Being open to others. We have to
let down the bridge and open the gate.


FRIENDSHIP IN MARRIAGE

The permanent union between husband and
wife can remain strong and stable only if they
continue to grow and mature in their
friendships.

1. It is a trust - a conviction that you can let
yourself be important to another.


2.)Friendship evolves slowly it requires delicacy,
tact, prudence, urbanity and diplomacy.

3.)Friendship is patient - It is based on developing
commonality and complementarity, growing out
common interests, values and commitments and
mutually reinforcing contribution to the emerging
pattern of friendship.
4.)Friendship is not competitive There is no need
in the friendship for one to surpass the other or to be
afraid of being surpassed by the other.


5.)Friendship is open-ended - it is never perfect,
never fulfilled, never incapable of more growth.

6.)Friendship is outgoing - love is not two people
looking at each other, but two people looking
together in the same direction.

7.) Friendship is playful - play is one of mans
obligations and the ones we are most at ease with in
our play are, of course, our friends. Play bring us out
of ourselves, and enables us to bring out the child in
us.
HAPPINESS IS
BEING MARRIED
TO YOUR
BESTFRIEND.
Marks and Demand of
Conjugal Love
- Pope Paul VI (Humanae Vitae)
Prepared by:
E.M. JAMILLA
UST Institute of Religion
Love between husband and wife
expresses itself in many ways, among
which sexual intimacy has a particular
place. The pleasure of sex is good and
holy only if it is the achievement and
channel of conjugal love.

In marriage, sexual intimacy should always
be accompanied with feeling of mutual love,
respect and appreciation between partners.
The need for mutual love as the basis of
marriage demands that the partners
contract it with full liberty and consent.
Love is the achievement of freedom. No one
can be compelled to love.
1. Conjugal love is fully human
The Church holds the exchange of consent
between the spouses to be the indispensable
element that makes makes the marriage. If
consent is lacking there is no marriage.
The consent must be an act of the will of each
of the contracting parties, free of coercion or
grave external fear. No human power can
substitute for this consent. If this freedom is
lacking marriage is invalid.
2. Conjugal love is total
Conjugal love involves a totality , in which
all the elements of the person enter appeal
of the body and instinct, power of feeling and
affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and will. It
aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that,
beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming
one heart and one soul.
3. Conjugal love is exclusive and faithful until death.
The love of the spouses requires the unity and
indissolubility of the spouses community of
persons which embrace their entire life: so
they are no longer two, but one flesh. They
are called to grow continually in their
communion through day-to-day fidelity to their
marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.
4. Conjugal love is fecund
By its very nature the institution of
marriage and married love is ordered
to the procreation and education of the
offspring and it is in them that it finds
its crowning glory. (GS 48 1; 50)
True love is always life-
giving, always selfless,
never life-taking, never
selfish. True love always
tends to reproduce itself, to
make more of itself,
because it comes from the
Creator.
When we frustrate that covenant of
love and life, we turn the conjugal act
into an act of selfishness rather than an
act of total self-donation: "I give you all
of me except my reproductive self,
except my openness to life", which, in
turn, means that I've also closed off my
openness to love. For it's a covenant of
love and life, not love or life.

Our respect for the sanctity
of the human person, for
the sanctity of life, begins
with our respect for the
sanctity of the conjugal act,
the act that begets that life.


You can't have one
without the other.

Love and Life:
CHARACTERISTICS OF A
SUCCESSFUL AND LASTING
MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY (SCL 9)
E. M. JAMILLA
UST INSTITUTE OF RELIGION
CHARACTERISTICS OF A SUCCESSFUL AND
LASTING MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
Happy couples feel at home with each other from the start.
Happy couples dont hold grudge.
Happy couples share routines and dreams.
Happy couples look for the best.
Happy couples learn to change.
Happy couples understand the importance of sex.
Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand.
Happy couples describe their mate as their best friend.
Happy couples feel at home with each other
from the start.
The partner feels a sweeping
sense of connection, of shared
values. Sometimes their
sense of fit is sexual;
sometimes its emotional;
frequently both. This rapport
includes a delicate balance of
friendship which is based on
sameness, and passion which
is based on difference. The
tension creates and sustains a
vital marriage.
Happy couples dont hold grudge.
Couples like them have a
capacity for resolution. They try
to resolve their arguments in
various ways. Some set a
policy of never going to bed
angry; other couples instead go
to bed angry in order to sleep it
off. The important policy is that
the couple should find a way to
resolve their conflict and hold
no grudge against each other.
Happy couples share routines and dreams.
Routines do not only
produce happiness, but
they also instill
confidence and trust in
the natural and practical
existence of the marriage.
From this day to day
comfort, happy couples
can move to the deeper
realm of shared dreams
and work together for the
realization of their
dreams.
Happy couples look for the best.
Couples thrive
when spouses
focus on what is
good and true in
the other.
Marriage will be
strong in the face
of temperament if
the partner will not
focus on his or her
dark thoughts.
Married couples should learn to see the best, develop the best,
and expect the best in their spouses.
Happy couples learn to change.
Many couples experience a
great deal of change
through the course of their
marriage. It may not be a
good idea to go into
marriage hoping that the
partner will change, but the
fact is that the people do
change; for they cannot
help but change.
A good marriage
helps people change
for the better.
Happy couples understand the importance
of sex.
A good marriage rests
upon friendship,
respect, commitment
qualities that endure
when passion wanes.
Sex is not everything,
but it may be something
that gives zest and
vibrance to the
relationship.
Happy couples do not struggle for the
upper hand.
There is an equal
standing in a happy
marriage. Competition is
not the name of the game
but collaborative effort in
order to make the
relationship work.
Couples experience no
power struggle even in
financial matters. Couples
in marriage complete
each other rather than
compete with each other.
Happy couples describe their mate as their
best friend.
Happines is being
married to your best
friend. It means that
couple spends large
amount of time together,
talking, working, and
laughing. Whatever they
want to do with their lives,
they want to do it together;
they simply enjoy each
other above all others.
Aspects of Effective
Communication
among
Family Members
Prepared by:
E.M. JAMILLA
UST Institute of Religion
The main factor of conjugal
happiness and success is
communication. In fact through
communication disagreements are
minimized, expectations are
blended and common causes of
action are chosen.
Communication is not an easy
process. The main reason which
often prevents people from
practicing it is the lack of
knowledge of their own feelings
and reactions.
1. Listening
To listen actively is to involve ones whole
person: eyes, posture, attitude, facial expression.
.
Aspects of Effective Communication
2. Non-verbal signals
An important part of the listening is to discern not
only what is expressed orally but what is shown by
the eyes, facial expression. A good listener listens
not only to the sound of spoken words but also to
the sound of silence.
3. Directness
A good communicator does not resort to hazy
suggestions and innuendoes that contaminate the
message, which could prove disastrous in any
form of communication.
4. Clarity
Communication should be concise and
clear. Verbosity and decorative words
cause much distraction and confusion.
Dialogue Between Partners
Dialogue is a slow process
Dialogue lies in the
readiness of each partner
to listen fully to each other
Dialogue between partners
should be covered with the
veil of privacy
Dialogue requires time
Main Subjects for Dialogue
Meaning of life
Mutual Affection and Love
Sexual Achievements and Failures
Spiritual Experiences and Experience of the Divine

Dialogue is a very rewarding process,
which brings about a lot of peace and joy
especially when these topics become the
main subjects for dialogue.
Enhancing Husband Wife Relationship
communicating non-verbally
communicating as adults
communicating as children
communicating as husband and wife
communicating emotionally
communicating spiritually
communicating mutual and diverse
interest
communicating socially
communicating culturally
communicating mans /womans
condition

(John Hiltz)
The harmony
which the
partners are
able to achieve
in their mutual
relationship is
the only source
of happiness
which they have
at their disposal.
Nothing else but
their deep
understanding
and unity can
fill with joy all
the moments
they spend
together.
But this
harmony and
happiness are
not the result
of chance;
they can be
achieved only
through long
efforts,
supported by
love and
guided by
reflection and
dialogue.

Strengthening Family Relationships
Learn about yourself.


When you feel anxious or stressed about family time or
you feel that your buttons are being pushed by family
members, take a look within and ask yourself what youre
feeling. What can you learn about your own needs and
how they are or arent being met? Instead of reacting and
blaming, try to gather some information for your own
growth.

Strengthening Family Relationships
Look at each other in the eyes during
conversation.



Looking at each other with compassion,
understanding and love strengthens the
connection between you and sets a tone for
closeness.

Strengthening Family Relationships
Practice good communication &
negotiation skills.



There are bound to be differences of opinion. Its
okay to say what you want. Its helpful to
communicate your expectations early. Use the skills
that you have learned in your friendships or in your
work life in your family life. If you need some practice,
look for a workshop or class on communication skills.

Strengthening Family Relationships
Take a time-out.



A walk around the block, an afternoon by
yourself or some time alone reading a book
or doing something you enjoy can help you
reconnect with yourself during extended
family time.

Strengthening Family Relationships
Learn when to seek help.


If past conflicts or feelings from events in the
past keep cropping up, it may help to talk it over
with a helping professional. Similarly, if it doesnt
feel emotional or physically safe to be with family
members, its time to get some assistance.

Everything begins in the family love, life, values,
virtues, beliefs, traditional practices and customs,
attitudes including authentic communication.
Finally, the family, the community of love and life
cannot survive without effective and authentic
communication, the lifeblood of any relationship.